EP. 118 — I Cry On The Toilet

[00:01:29] CHRIS: [music transition] Hello to all of my Tower of Terror enthusiasts. It’s Beautiful Anonymous. One hour. One phone call. No names. No holds barred.

[00:01:47] THEME MUSIC: I’d rather go one on one. I think it’ll be more fun. And I’ll get to know you and you’ll get to know me.

 [00:01:59] CHRIS: Hello! It’s Chris. Gethard. Your host. Welcome to Beautiful Anonymous. I’m really so excited to be here, as always. I’m thrilled I get to this. Thrilled I get to record these one on one phone calls that tell the world what’s on people’s minds. 2018 baby. Creating this weird living archive of the issues that we all are thinking about. The lives we’re all leading in people’s own words. What a lucky thing to stumble into. And the fact that it’s one on one phone calls that have built a community is beautiful. There’s, of course, the Beautiful Anonymous Facebook community that’s out there. If you want to join that, discuss with fellow fans, check it out. That’s always fun. But I tell you, I’ve been gone on the road lately doing stand-up. If you’ve been listening lately, you hear this. I keep plugging my dates. And I meet this community face to face. And it’s cool, man. I always know. I know when the fans of the Chris Gethard show come in because they all got like piercings and tattoos and stuff. But then the Beautiful Anonymous Fans – I know you guys are coming too ’cause it’s heartfelt. I was in Tempe, Arizona this weekend. So many people who listen to the show came and said hi. It means the world to me. Many people who asked for hugs. “Can I hug you?” That was nice. So cool. And I’m going to be in Syracuse, New York this weekend at The Funny Bone. Chrisgeth.com if you want to come out and say hi. Sorry for all the plugs lately but I think you can hear in my voice, selling tickets is one thing. That’s the job when you’re stand-up. But even more so, there’s just such genuine excitement for me. I met a few callers. I met a few callers in my recent travels. I won’t say who. But I also met a ton of listeners. People in “Sorry Sally” t-shirts at every show. It’s just been so cool to meet you guys. Thanks for coming out. Maybe I’ll see some of you in Syracuse. Last week’s episode was, of course, The “Smoking Weed in Christiana” episode. And it’s funny, some people are like, “I don’t like these ones that’s just somebody walking around a city or walking around a Wal-Mart.” And I get that, you know, “styles make fights,” as they say, in the boxing world. I think it’s cool. I don’t know. I like it. I like just hearing people doing the mundane things to. Someone on a train. We do everyone of them. But I get it. I get that those are different. Some people want the hardcore stories, but a lot of people liked it. Also, in the Facebook group, was shocked to find, who knew that there was a Danish contingent to our fans. Hello to all the Danes out there. I didn’t know that. They came out of the woodwork. A lot of people representin’ and saying “That’s not the only Denmark listener. We’re here.” They were talking in Danish. They might have been saying this was a big pile of bullshit. I don’t know. I don’t know Danish. And I didn’t go and translate all of it. Who knows? One person did, Adrian, left a very funny comment about her experiences going to Copenhagen and all this and left it. It was a five-point comment. Five different points. I do want to say point five was just “Chris, just go to Denmark for the open-face sandwiches and clean subways.” I like that. I didn’t know they were known for open-faced sandwiches, clean subways. And then Erica, who is someone who’s supported my work for years, who actually I met in London, Erica, who I believe once went as me for Halloween, meant a lot. Erica added an asterisk to the clean subways and said “Clean subways that drive themselves.” So who knew? Who knew that in Denmark, the subways drive themselves. But yet another reason to go. I might want to check it out. This week’s episode was a very impactful one on me. It got to us. Man, I think all of us listening. You’re gonna listen to somebody who works a tough gig. And somebody who has seen a lot. And somebody who is trying to do a lot, a lot of good in this world. And, you know, I’m someone who tries to be a positive person, who brings positive things to the world. This person smokes me. They protect kids. They protect kids. It’s gonna be tough for some of you to hear because they protect the kids who are under duress, in troubled situations. I will say that the caller is remarkable in her positivity. You’re gonna hear it, man. On the front lines, in the trenches of a lot of stuff. But also someone who really, I will say, is just doing it. Is just doing it. It kind of blew my mind. I think that’s one of the things I’ve learned in a couple of years of doing this show is that one of the most incredible things about humanity that I have learned is that, very often, the people who are slogging through the most mud are also some of the most regular people. Some of the people who do extraordinary things at the end of the day are still, you know, average people who just have to go to the grocery store like the rest of us. They’re just living their lives. That balance blew me away. The contributions this person is trying to make. Blew me away. So excited to see what you guys think. Caller, thank you for calling. Enjoy the listen, everybody.

[00:07:01] PHONE ROBOT: Thank you for calling Beautiful Anonymous. A beeping noise will indicate when you are on the show with the host. [beep]

[00:07:09] CHRIS: Hello?

[00:07:10] CALLER: Hello?

[00:07:12] CHRIS: Hi, how’s it going?

[00:07:14] CALLER: Hey, it’s going good. How are you?

[00:07:17] CHRIS: How am I? Let’s see. I tell ya, I’m doing really good. Doing really good. I was on the road this weekend, got back yesterday. I was in St. Louis, Missouri, doing stand-up comedy. And a lot of the people came out.

[00:07:31] CALLER:  I don’t think I’ve ever been to Missouri.

[00:07:32] CHRIS: What was that?

[00:07:34] CALLER: I said I don’t think I’ve ever been to Missouri.

[00:07:37] CHRIS: Oh, it’s a great place. It’s a great, weird state and I like it. And I like the people there and a lot of the people who came out listen to the podcast. And they were so nice. They’re like the nicest people. All of you guys who listen to this podcast are just like nice people. It’s awesome to meet you.

[00:07:53] CALLER: Well, thank you.

[00:07:54] CHRIS: Mhm.

[00:07:55] CALLER: I guess it’s the kind of content that attracts the nice people.

[00:07:58] CHRIS: That makes me feel real good. Makes me feel real good. Now how about you? How are you doing?

[00:08:04] CALLER: I’m doing okay. I’m actually at work. So I’m taking my break really early today to do this.

[00:08:11] CHRIS: Oh, wow. Well, thank you for that.

[00:08:13] CALLER: It’s gonna be real cool.

[00:08:14] CHRIS: I hope you don’t get in trouble with work.

[00:08:17] CALLER: No, no, I’m fine. It’s pretty flexible. So, I’m actually a social worker and I’m out doing home visits. So, I am taking my break now and I will get back to them whenever I’m done.

[00:08:30] CHRIS: Oh, wow. I’m not certain what that entails, but my impression of home visits is it that that is an intense line of work. Whatever it’s in regards to.

[00:08:43] CALLER: Yes. Yes, it does. So basically, without giving too much away, I work with children and basically children who are at risk. So if there’s any kind of risk factor in the child’s life, then I’m put in place and I do home visits with the parents and with the children, trying to see if we can put any interventions in place to kind of put them on a good path.

[00:09:13] CHRIS: Wow. Thank you. On behalf of society, thank you for doing that. Because that’s hard. That’s hard and heartbreaking. So your job is to go into homes, see if kids are suffering, and try to stop that suffering. And I would also imagine maybe entering situations where people are actively trying to hide some stuff from you and you have to be almost like a detective.

[00:09:47] CALLER: Oh, yeah.

[00:09:48] CHRIS: And boogie man. And a boogie man in some people’s lives, too, I would imagine.

[00:09:51] CALLER: Yeah. I mean, it’s kind of crazy. My particular program is voluntary. So a lot of the time we’ll get people who are interested in basically just getting stuff that we can help get for them. Like we’re able to help them get stuff for their babies or beds. That kind of stuff. And some people are just in it for that. But then at the same time, there’s also people who will meet with us because they know that they need help and they know that they can benefit from it. So, I mean, it’s a two edged sword, though.

[00:10:26] CHRIS: Just so I’m clear, when you say it’s voluntary, are you a government employee still? Or is this a separate, independent organization?

[00:10:38] CALLER: So it’s a little bit weird because it’s a state funded program, but we are sponsored by a nonprofit organization.

[00:10:46] CHRIS: Okay, okay. So there’s some separation there. So you’re not the person where if someone… If someone… If someone winds up in… Okay, wow. Yeah. I’m being… You can hear me stammering because the questions are so sensitive, right? So if there’s a family that’s in court and maybe there’s some abuse in the household and they’re being given a second chance. You’re not the government worker that shows up to monitor that?

[00:11:16] CALLER: No. No, I’m not. But I do work with those people. And we work together.

[00:11:24] CHRIS: Right. So you’re you’re maybe a little bit of a less intense rung on that same ladder. But I would also have to imagine there’s times where you see stuff and your job is to get those people involved right away.

[00:11:35] CALLER: Oh, absolutely. Like, if I’m working with a family and I see something that I feel like is not appropriate or not safe then I do make that call. And we do report to those agencies. And that’s kind of where I’m at today. I’ve had a lot of, just in the past year, I’ve had a lot of really intense ones where I end up reporting and then the children end up being removed. So my entire goal is to help parents be better and get to the point where they don’t need that intervention. But unfortunately, it’s been a little bit on the line where I’m having to make those calls.

[00:12:18] CHRIS: Wow. I mean…

[00:12:21] CALLER: So that’s kind of like what I’ve been dealing with lately is whether, like I’m doing the right thing. Like, am I doing enough to make them better, like my entire job is to be, like, preventative. But why am I getting the ones now where… you know what I mean?

[00:12:39] CHRIS: Yeah. Yeah. Because that’s… What an incredibly hard judgment call to have to make, you know. And I would imagine in one sense there’s situations where you’re like “This kid can’t be in this environment. Let it go.” And then in another sense, it’s, “Am I breaking up a family?” And that judgment call is… I can’t imagine that that ever gets easier. That doesn’t seem like a thing that the more you do it, the more blunt you become to it.

[00:13:14] CALLER: Yeah. And I guess I’ve been doing it long enough now to be able to kind of like be desensitized to it. Like all of my friends and my family, they’re like “I don’t know how you do it. I don’t know how you are able to do this job every single day.” I’m like, “Well, you know, if if I don’t do it, who else is going to do it? And the babies. They need someone.”

[00:13:34] CHRIS: Yeah. Yeah. And what are the things… Okay. Because I don’t want to just live on the extreme. I want to hear about like the fully rounded nonprofits out of this, too. But just because I’m sure anyone listening is also concerned and has these questions, I would imagine if you’re seeing evidence of violence or drug use or alcoholism, that’s when it’s… Are those the real red flags that you’re like, “Yeah, we gotta have en exit strategy for these kids.”

[00:14:00] CALLER: Oh, yeah. Yeah. And then there’s also like, different kinds of things. Like if the children… Like if the parents seem to be doing totally fine, but if the kids aren’t showing signs of improvement. So I’ve had a couple where the parents are totally fine. They have nice things. Like they’re not what you would think of whenever you think they would need intervention. She was just a mom that needed a little extra help and the babies weren’t eating enough, so they weren’t thriving.

[00:14:35] CHRIS: Right. Right. Oh, and those must be the even harder ones, I would imagine.

[00:14:43] CALLER: Right. It was it was definitely an eye opener. It was almost to the point where if I hadn’t seen the babies, they might not have been able to wake up in the next few days.

[00:14:53] CHRIS: Wow. Wow. And so you were saying sometimes people just need stuff and they involve your organization and sounding like… This one sounds like you people can’t provide. So are a lot of the people reaching out to you? Is poverty the driving factor in the families you get involved in?

[00:15:10] CALLER: I would say that it is. A lot of our families, they’re low income families, or they’re single moms, or they’re teenagers. And a lot of them haven’t been able to finish high school. They’re not able to get high paying jobs. So that puts them in a position where they’re having to live on low income housing. They’re having to accept this help to be able to just provide.

[00:15:44] CHRIS: Wow. Now, I don’t want to… You might not be comfortable with this. If that’s the case, please just express it. Because I would also imagine there’s some confidentiality stuff, but are there any you know… And I don’t want to be sensationalistic either. But are there any representative stories of the type of thing that you have seen that’s an illustration of not just the theoretical description of your job, but like here’s a thing I dealt with that lets you know who I am and what I’m doing.

[00:16:15] CALLER: Well, I guess just vaguely, I’ve had, just recently, a set of twins that was… The parents were staying in a motel room and they had a bunch of kids. They had four kids under three years old, including the two young twins. And one of the twins had received an injury from the other one. From one of the older children. And so I got into the house and then… I say into the home… into the motel room, essentially, with these really young infant babies. And I ended up having to get the intervention agencies involved and then the babies ended up being removed.

[00:17:07] CHRIS: Wow. Does your agency then continue to work with the parents to maybe get things shaped up to a point where the family can be reunited?

[00:17:19] CALLER: Yes. So I am still working with them and I’m trying to help them with getting older children into daycare, with getting jobs, with getting transportation set up so they’re able to meet these goals to be working towards. Because the goal is always going to be reunification except for in different extreme cases. But, yeah they’re working towards their goals. So I’m seeing improvement. One of the things that plays a big part into it is the postpartum depression. So we do a lot of screening for depression. We are able to link them with counseling services. We have programs that we work for that we work with them on to help deal with their depression. And a lot of them do take advantage of their counseling services. So that’s one of the plus sides that we like to see whenever the moms who really need counseling who might not have been able to get to it before. We have counselors that are able to go and meet her at her home.

[00:18:22] CHRIS: Yeah. I mean, that’s… You’re doing…. Okay, there’s so much to say. But first of all, just again, thank you. Thank you. Because you’re doing work that is so much harder than what most of us would sign up to do. I asked you, you know, and you mentioning the counseling, providing transportation, things like this. I had asked you for like, are there any representative stories of like a heartbreaking situation? But what is… Tell me about a success story, too.

[00:18:50] CALLER: I’ve had my fair share of success stories. Like, those are the ones that you can be like, I helped her do that. You know, like, I had a mom who was in a pretty violent situation. She wasn’t able to get away from this man and she’d had a hard time of it before, too. Before she had come to this town where I met. So she was able to get away from this man. She was able to find a job, get her baby into daycare. And she was doing much better. She was able to provide for her baby. Whereas before she wasn’t able to even get off the couch. So we put her into counseling. We were able to help her get on medications that she needed. I was able to help her with transportation the first few times in order to get to her job interviews, to get to her day care, to get to apply for all of those benefits that she needed. And now she’s in a place where she’s able to take herself to drop her baby off at daycare. And she’s thriving. She has her counseling and she’s doing really great. So I have a few like that that are able to like, “Well, I helped her do that.” Maybe it could have been somebody else. I’m sure that anyone else working with her could have done the same thing. But looking at her whenever she tells you, like, I couldn’t have done this without you, you know, I don’t know where I’d be without you. And you’re like, okay, well, that’s why I’m doing it. If I can help one person then I’ve succeeded.

[00:20:31] CHRIS: Yeah, I would imagine that there’s times where you’re seeing some stuff and you have to take a deep breath and think of a story like that in order to keep going.

[00:20:41] CALLER: Yes, I actually have a few of those traits, you know, to kind of keep it back. I have a pair of sunglasses that I wear when I’m driving and I’ll bring them into the house with me and a lot of the times if I’m getting to where, “Okay, this is a little bit too much.” Then I kind of take them out and put them back on my head and I’m like, “Okay, okay.” You know, you do that Elsa maneuver. Conceal. Don’t feel.

[00:21:08] CHRIS: Conceal. Don’t feel. I love that phrase. I’m someone who… I’ve spent the last few years of my work where I’m just publicly like, “You got to feel your feelings, man. You got to embrace your feelings. Don’t be ashamed of them. Don’t hide them. Wear them on your sleeve. Don’t apologize for how you feel.” But you are someone in a world where, yeah, every once in a while let’s conceal, not feel. Let’s do it. I mean, it sounds like on a basic level the beautiful thing that you’re doing that…That again, I’m so blown away by. You can hear it. You can hear it in my voice. I am blown away by what you do. Sounds like you go into situations where people, for one reason or another, just do not have a foundation and you help them build a foundation in the name of, hey, there’s kids involved here and they deserve that foundation.

[00:21:53] CALLER: Yes.

[00:21:54] CHRIS: Wow. Good on you. How do you decide to do that? This is a pool that you don’t… You got to dove right in. How do you… How do you decide… Because you can come out… You can get a degree in social work and go in a whole bunch of different directions. This seems like it’s got to be one of the more overwhelming ones. How do you decide this is what you’re gonna do?

[00:22:15] CALLER: I know, right? I guess I kind of didn’t decide to do it. I kind of just fell into doing this. I really don’t even remember deciding to go into social work. It kind of just snuck up on me and I’m like, oh, yeah. Okay. So originally I was doing elementary education. I did an internship in a school. And it was terrible. It was absolutely terrible. Like, just the regulations that teachers are under and the extreme pressure from the standardized testing. And I’ll never forget, like I got into one of my classrooms one morning and the teacher, she just looked drained and she handed me a letter from a parent and a sticky note. And on the sticky note she had written, “Are you sure you want to do this?” And it was a letter from a parent who was just ripping into the teacher for God knows what. And I was just like, oh, man. You’re right. I don’t want to do this.

[00:23:19] CHRIS: Yeah, I mean. I had a friend, one of my very good friends from college, she wound up so smart and so sweet and she studied science and was on track to get like… She had any number of picks of jobs maybe in like… We’re in Jersey where pharmaceuticals are big. Like, she was getting poached by that industry. She decided to become a public school teacher instead in the name of selflessness, Wound up getting a job at one of the best public school districts in the country. And then I just watched her life become hell for year as parents… She just said, I mean, if someone gets an A-minus instead of an A-plus, you’re having a sit down meeting. And if a test score slips by a percentage point, you’re having a sit down meeting where you’re getting yelled at by a parent. And that seems insane to me.

[00:24:10] CALLER: It does. Exactly. And so I was like, you know what, I don’t want to be in that situation where all I’m trying to do is help these kids, but I’m just getting ripped in to all the time. So that kind of led to the next situation, like, well, what can I do to help kids where I’m going to be the one telling the parents what they need to do instead of them telling me what I need to do. So that’s what led me in to social work.

[00:24:38] CHRIS: So we are effectively saying that you voluntarily entered a situation where you will head into a situation where you have described it as, you know, you just described a situation where you saw baby twins who live in a hotel room with two older siblings and their parents and that there’s violence involved and you had to get them out of there. And the reason you do that is because it’s less fucked up than being a teacher in a classroom.

[00:25:04] CALLER: Exactly.

[00:25:05] CHRIS: Hah, ohhh, sorry Sally. But man that is tough. What a tough condemnation of our education system in 2018.

[00:25:14] CALLER: Oh man. If that doesn’t sum up everything about what’s wrong with the world then I don’t know what else can.

[00:25:22] CHRIS: Yeah. Yeah. I want to ask you something that might be out of your depth. You might go, “Hey, I’m not going to answer that.” But since I have you on the phone and since you do what you do. For anybody listening in the future, we are recording this on June 18th, 2018. And I’ll tell ya, I’ve been, personally, reading all this stuff about the separation of immigrant families, and it’s killing me. It’s killing me. It seems evil and I try to be fair. Anyone who listens to the podcast knows I try to look at every side of an issue. I just don’t see this one. You’re someone who has seen families separated. What are you… I would have to manage… Are you keeping an eye on this stuff? Like, do you see what happens when a family gets separated? That’s not an easy choice to make. Do you have opinions on this stuff?

[00:26:21] [AD BREAK]

[00:30:07] CALLER: Yeah. It’s heartbreaking. And I see like where you can kind of draw the similarities and everything. So first I want to talk about the immigrant children so that… It’s outrageous. It’s like… imagine being a family that that’s coming to try… They know that they’re risking everything. And then all of a sudden they get here and their children are being ripped away, like as young as… As young as the infants that I’m working with and they don’t have any idea where they’re going. But it’s outrageous to me. So I don’t even know how to describe my feelings on that. But then being able to see where on, kind of the other side of the spectrum, my families… Whenever their children are being removed from them, it’s for the care of the children. In the case of the immigrants, it’s for no purpose except for to serve a political agenda. Like these children are not benefiting from being removed.

[00:31:20] CHRIS: So on just like a basic… You’re on the ground, in the trenches, someone who has seen families. You’ve already stated that the goal when you’re removing kids, the goal from the start is reunite the family. There’s damage. I would have to imagine, even in a, pardon my French. I’m getting worked up, though. Even in the most fucked up situations you see. Tearing a family apart. Not easy. Not an easy choice to make. It’s a last resort.

[00:31:50] CALLER: Yes.

[00:31:52] CHRIS: Why is that? What are the effects on families that you see? What are the effects on kids?

[00:31:57] CALLER: It creates this trauma. You might think that PTSD… A lot of people think that when you first hear it’s “Oh, Vietnam veterans.” Or, you know, war veterans or whoever. But PTSD is very common in children who have been removed. That very traumatic separation of the only caregivers they’ve ever known. And then being put into foster situations where sometimes it’s not the best situation, but it was better than how they had it before. And these children are so traumatized by this act that they themselves have to go through these very traumatic events. It’s really hard to make that call.

[00:32:46] CHRIS: Yeah, yeah. I’m not trying to get on a soapbox. But I encourage anybody… And we we have a decent number of conservative listeners. This is one where we got to draw… For anybody who doesn’t know this thing… There’s a bridge in the area where this happening where it’s perfectly legal from my understanding… There is a bridge where it’s perfectly legal for people to walk over and seek asylum. They’ve closed the bridge. So people are sleeping on a bridge for sometimes 10 days at a time and eventually get so desperate that they sneak across a river and then they get scooped up. They’re trying to do this in a legal way. It’s not illegal to seek asylum if you’re in an unstable place. And you see an image of a kid… I would have to imagine for you, you see an image of a kid who gets a number slapped on his chest and stuck in a pen. I would imagine for you that’s not what you do if a family needs to be broken up. It’s not like that.

[00:33:51] CALLER: Oh, no, no. Like it’s haunting. It’s extremely haunting. And a lot of the times, whenever a removal has to be done, we always look for a family placement first. Whether it’s like a grandparent, or aunts, or uncles, or whoever can take the child to family placement. If they can do it first, then they go there first.

[00:34:14] CHRIS: Right, right. Right. So you keep a line of communication and connection open so that it’s stable. I would imagine… There’s the thing. That’s more stable for the kids. That also has to be reassuring to the parents as well. You’re not someone showing up with a clipboard from the government going, “You’re never gonna see this kid again.” And from the start it’s hey, there’s a pipeline of info here. You have access to it. You’re going to know everything’s okay.

[00:34:42] CALLER: Exactly.

[00:34:43] CHRIS: Yeah.

[00:34:44] CALLER: And then, you know, you know where they are. You know that they’re safe. You know, you get a visitation opportunity. Like, you get that. You get that reassurance. But with with these families, it’s just, they know nothing. And they’re just ripped apart with no consideration. Just nothing.

[00:35:04] CHRIS: It’s evil, it’s evil. There’s no way around it. Okay.

[00:35:11] CALLER: It is. It makes me mad, too. So I’m… I’m like… Argh… Thinking now.

[00:35:16] CHRIS: Yeah, I’m… I’ve been like… I’m… I mean, you hear it. I’m like, I’m choking up on that thing. I think just this morning my wife got mad at me, ’cause I was in the bathroom for too long. I don’t know why I said that. Oh, why do I forget that people listen to this sometimes. But I came out of the bathroom. She was like, “You were in there forever. Other people need the bathroom.” I’m like, “Well, I got caught up in an article about this stuff and I’m sitting there crying in the bathroom. That’s who you married. A guy who wakes up in the morning and cries on the toilet.” Cries on the toilet! Anyway. Okay. I cry on the toilet. That’ll be the next BA… That’s the next Beautiful Anonymous T-shirt that’s coming out. I cry on the toilet and I’m not ashamed. Let’s write that one down.

[00:36:02] CALLER: See! Get that out! Let that all out.

[00:36:07] CHRIS: Your legacy is you help families rebuild and you try to save children in bad situations. My legacy is I cry on the toilet. That’s my legacy in this world. Okay. To get away from the political and the soapbox stuff, I need to know more about you. You got a hobby? I hope you have a hobby. You got a hobby? You got something you’re doing when you’re not not driving around, going to hotel rooms where where people who are in bad circumstances need your help?

[00:36:34] CALLER: Yeah, I like doing a whole lot of different things. I like to run. That’s my favorite.

[00:36:42] CHRIS: Yeah, that makes sense.

[00:36:43] CALLER: And it helps with getting all of this crazy out. So.

[00:36:48] CHRIS: You just go. You sweat. You get solitary. You process the thoughts and you actually physically represent running away from the rest of your life through actual running. Yes, I get it.

[00:36:58] CALLER: Yes. Perfect. I sweat it all out, I let it go. Do the Elsa thing.

[00:37:05] CHRIS: You do like ultramarathons? What do you do? How far do you have to run before you feel better in this job?

[00:37:11] CALLER: See, I’m not like a professional runner where, like, I don’t compete. I’m not competitive. So I don’t do like races or anything. I just run around my apartment complex and then I go around in circles a few times and then I’m done.

[00:37:26] CHRIS: You run. What else? I need to hear about the happy parts of your life because you’re a saint and you’re doing work that anyone in their right mind would appreciate. What else are you doing? Cause I need to know that you have a good life. I need to know that it’s not just just the pressure.

[00:37:45] CALLER: My life is pretty great. Like, I really do love my life.

[00:37:49] CHRIS: Good. Good. Good.

[00:37:50] CALLER: I love Disney World. I live in the happiest state on earth and where Disney World is. So I go to the beach a lot. I go to Disney whenever I can. It’s perfect.

[00:38:02] CHRIS: You got one of those annual passes? Don’t residents get cheaper passes? Annual passes?

[00:38:06] CALLER: Yeah, I did for like two years. But they’ve changed the prices a little bit. They hyped it up. So I’m like ehh. I go whenever I can. I can get like a four day pass and it’s not that bad.

[00:38:19] CHRIS: That’s good. What’s your favorite ride at Disney World? I need to imagine you on a ride. I need to imagine you having just the time of your life. Do you like Splash Mountain? Is it Splash Mount? I bet it’s Splash Mountain.

[00:38:29] CALLER: Splash Mountain is good. I think it depends on which park that you’re in. But my favorite ride is closed now, so that was devastating.

[00:38:39] CHRIS: What is it?

[00:38:41] CALLER: They closed the great movie Ride in Hollywood Studios.

[00:38:44] CHRIS: Yeah! That’s a bummer. I’m going to tell you you something.

[00:38:47] CALLER: I know!

[00:38:48] CHRIS: I’m going to reveal something about me. My parents spend part of the year in Florida, as retirees do. And Sally, who’s become a cult icon… People, when I curse in my stand-up shows, there are people who yell, “Sorry Sally!” You got to cut that out, guys. I’m trying to work up here. Sally loved the Great Movie Ride and she was heartbroken they closed it. But I wasn’t bummed because they’re replacing it with Star Wars bullshit.

[00:39:15] CALLER: No!

[00:39:17] CHRIS: I love Star Wars. I want to go live in that Star Wars world in 2019 when they open that one.

[00:39:22] CALLER: I do, too. Don’t get me wrong. And this Star Wars stuff they’ve got going on is pretty legit.

[00:39:27] CHRIS: Yeah. Sounds like you’re gonna be able to get lost in an immersive world. But yeah, that’s a bummer. The Great Movie Ride. Classic. Classic. Hollywood Studios.

[00:39:35] CALLER: It really was.

[00:39:37] CHRIS: It was

[00:39:38] CALLER: So, I mean, but other than that, there’s… I mean…

[00:39:41] CHRIS: Can I… Can I just point out, social worker, my social worker friend. I said, “What is your favorite ride?” And you brought up one that is closed and heartbreaking. Did not accomplish my goal of bringing a happy moment to this episode. The closed your favorite ride! No! Social work. She needs it! Stop Disney World! Bring it back from my friend here!

[00:40:05] CALLER: Let’s go with the Tower of Terror.

[00:40:07] CHRIS: Of course you like the Tower of Terror. Hey, what’s a happy thing in your life? The Tower of Terror.

[00:40:15] CALLER: And the Twilight Zone.

[00:40:16] CHRIS: Yeah. You know what’s really good? Here’s a question I’ve always had about Disney World. Because the kids who work that ride… The people, not just kids, but the people worth that ride, they put them in those bellhop uniforms and they all roll their eyes back in their head and they try to freak you out. But if you’re like interviewing at Disney World and you’re showing up and you’re trying to be one of the princesses. And they’re like, actually, no, you’re going to work Tower of Terror. That must tell you a lot about how your personality and your appearance come off to someone. Like, you’re Tower of Terror. You’ve got bags under your eyes and a pale, hulking quality. You seem like you could creep people out. Tower of Terror for you. You don’t get to run the Jungle Cruise. You’re Tower of Terror material.

[00:41:04] CALLER: Or going in for like one of those princesses and then you get put in one of the costumes instead. Like, what? What does that say about you?

[00:41:11] CHRIS: Yeah. Yeah. I gotta say too, is there an element of Disney World and your love for it… And I’m playing armed armchair shrink right now. My shrink’s not gonna like this. Is there a part of you that likes being around families that are in happy times and happy places? Is there a part of it that you also get to see families that maybe aren’t in the throes of some dark times?

[00:41:35] CALLER: Oh, yeah. I mean, I love Disney World. And it’s just like me, I’m a kid at heart. So I just love the Disney. But then at the same time, you get to see the ones who are wearing the “My First Visit” buttons. And then you see the ones who are wearing “Happy Birthday” buttons. Or “It’s my Parents’ 50th Anniversary.” And so you kind of see, like everybody who has spent so much time and effort and money to get to this place that I go to all the time. So that’s pretty interesting. And then whenever we see kids who are like, screaming, or crying, or whatever. Instead of like, kind of giving their parents the side-eye, you’d be like, “You know what? They’ve just had too much fun. It’s okay, too much fun.”

[00:42:17] CHRIS: I’m gonna go ahead and use my platform right now in an effort for good. If there’s anyone listening to this who has connections at the Disney Corporation. I mean, I highly encourage that you reach out to us. Jared’s gonna keep track of your phone number, if that’s okay. Disney Corporation people. This is a human being who deserves a free lifetime pass to Disney World. It’s a person who needs a free lifetime pass. Okay? Talking about it’s too expensive. You listen to the first half of this episode, this person drives around all day saving kids from bad situations. Disney World, you’re all about putting kids in good situations. Let’s help my friend on the phone out. I want a lifetime pass here. And I got no pull and it probably won’t work. But you deserve a lifetime pass. When I heard you say they jacked up the prices so I can’t get an annual pass. No, they should let you live in Cinderella’s castle for a month. They should close down Tom Sawyer’s island and just let you have Tom Sawyer’s Island. Nobody likes Tom Sawyer’s Island anyway. Except it’s fun to take that log raft. You get over there and you walk on the barrel bridge. But let’s close it down for a month and let you just live on Tom Sawyer’s Island. You have your own private island in the middle of the Magic Kingdom.

[00:43:26] CALLER: That would be great.

[00:43:28] CHRIS: Free annual pass. Disney. Someone from the Disney Corporation, let’s reach out. Because this person should be able to go blow off some steam in the world of tomorrow. That’s good.

[00:43:41] CALLER: Right? I love going into the Monsters Inc. Like in the Laugh Floor and they always pick on people in the crowd. And it’s just so funny to watch their reactions.

[00:43:52] CHRIS: Wait is that the… Is that the comedy club? The Monsters Inc one? Or, no. That’s… which is the one with Lilo and Stitch where you can… Do you know what I’m talking about? Is it Lilo and Stitch or Monsters Inc? The comedy club.

[00:44:05] CALLER: It’s Monsters Inc. It’s whenever you’re on your way to Space Mountain, it’s there on the right.

[00:44:11] CHRIS: Yes! We’re talking about the same thing. Yes.

[00:44:14] CALLER: Yeah, the Monsters Inc Laugh Floor.

[00:44:16] CHRIS: And the audience can submit jokes that they might say during the show. That one.

[00:44:21] CALLER: Yes. Yes.Yes.

[00:44:22] CHRIS: Yo, I’m not trying to cause trouble, Social worker. And I’m offending you, but I got a bone to pick with you right now. That thing is bullshit and I hate it! It’s bullshit! Because I’m a professional comedian! For 18 years I go to that thing! I submitted about five jokes, they didn’t use one of my jokes! And I’m not going to lie, the jokes they did use were wack ass jokes! I was so mad! I was embarrassed! My wife is like, “Oh, you couldn’t even get one joke on at The Monsters Inc thing.” I submitted quality material and they didn’t use any of my jokes. And for anybody listening who’s never been, this is a thing where you go and they have characters performing a comedy show. But then clearly they also have some people, who I think are pretty talented because they work fast, man. And they put in jokes that are of the moment. And also the audience can submit jokes and then the characters will use them and say them. But they all have to be kind of puns on a monster’s theme. Right?

[00:45:23] CALLER: Yeah.

[00:45:23] CHRIS: I put… I put the best joke they ever saw. And these people didn’t use the solid gold that I gave them. That I handed them for free. I’m a professional.

[00:45:36] CALLER: I mean, I guess it makes you feel better, I’ve never gotten one of my jokes picked either. But my brother-in-law was the churro guy. No, like they pan to the audience during every show and they’ll put like, “This guy’s treating everyone to churros!” And then everybody’s like, “Yeah, churro guy!” So he was churro guy one time. That was pretty cool.

[00:45:56] CHRIS: Churro guy. He’s getting roasted out there. You wanna hear what my best joke was that they didn’t use?

[00:46:01] CALLER: Yeah. Let’s hear it.

[00:46:02] CHRIS: It’s on a monster theme. It’s kid friendly – What do zombies use to make pickles?

[00:46:12] CALLER: What?

[00:46:13] CHRIS: Briiiiiiiiines!

[00:46:16] CALLER: Oh no!

[00:46:18] CHRIS: That’s a perfect joke for that. I’m not saying I’d say that on stage. I’d be filled with nothing but shame. But for a kid’s show. All kids love pickles and everybody knows brains. Everybody knows braiiiiiins.

[00:46:34] CALLER: But the zombies. Maybe it was too scary for them.

[00:46:37] CHRIS: Hey, all I know is… This is what I do. And they discounted it. Anyway! I got a couple questions for you. What was your family life growing up? Was it good?

[00:46:52] CALLER: It was pretty good. I had a pretty good life. Like, I have two sisters. I have an older and younger sister. My mom and dad. We lived kind of like in a country-ish area. And so we would play outside all the time and we’d go swimming. We’d ride our bikes everywhere. It was pretty great. So, can’t complain too much. I got to be around 14 and my dad was diagnosed with cancer.

[00:47:23] CHRIS: Ah, I’m so sorry.

[00:47:25] CALLER: So he ended up passing away from that at 16. When I was 16. So after that, you know, we moved out of that house. We went to a different house. Me and my mom and my little sister, because my older sister was at college at the time. So. But we’ve been good. We’re growing from that. Me and my mom and my sisters, we’re all best friends. So like, nothing was ever kept secret from us. We were always involved in everything. And my mom is always super supportive of everything that we do. So.

[00:48:05] CHRIS: So your current choice of work is not driven by some origin story of your own family being fractured. Although I am so sorry about the loss of your dad.

[00:48:15] CALLER: Well, thank you. But no, I think that I was going to kind of go down this path regardless of what happened. Just because, from the very start, I’ve always loved kids and I’ve always wanted to be a teacher. And then when that didn’t work out, I kind of scooted over into the next thing. Just helping kids.

[00:48:34] CHRIS: Do you have kids of your own? I know this is a question that’s not fair to ask. I’m actually very touchy about people asking. But just because of what you do it because it ties into you. Do you have kids?

[00:48:43] CALLER: No, I don’t. And I mean, I’m not married. But I go back and forth on this all the time. Like I would love to have a kid. But then at the same time, is it really fair? Like, is it fair to bring a kid into the world like this when there’s kids being ripped from their parents and kids living in motel rooms? Like, I go back and forth on it all the time. So I am undecided about children.

[00:49:09] CHRIS: Wow. That makes me wonder. You had mentioned that, you know, you remove a kid from their family and it can lead to some PTSD. Do you ever worry about that with yourself?

[00:49:20] CALLER: Worry about what in particular?

[00:49:22] CHRIS: About maybe some PTSD stuff. Or some long lasting effects. Like, hearing someone as kind as you and giving as you say you might not have kids. Whereas in my mind I’m like, “Oh, you…” I mean I’ve been talking to you for 40 minutes and I’m like, “Oh, you’d be the ultimate good mom, it sounds like.” Makes me wonder if this is not leaving some scars on you that you have to consider.

[00:49:44] CALLER: Right. So, I mean, maybe. But I don’t know. I mean, maybe if I were in a relationship to where it was serious enough to where we were thinking about having kids, my opinion would be different. But as it is right now, I’m not. So, I just don’t see… I don’t know. It’s not really on my mind as much as maybe it would be if I were married. And at that stage in my life. But I’m not. So. it’s okay. I have some dogs. Dogs are good.

[00:50:16] CHRIS: “I have dogs. Dogs are good.” What kind of dogs you got? I’ve never been a dog guy. People get mad at me. I don’t like dogs.

[00:50:25] [AD BREAK]

[00:52:20] CALLER: I mean, dogs are great. So I have I have two pugs.They’re great.

[00:52:27] CHRIS: Pugs are cute.

[00:52:28] CALLER: They’re lazy little pugs.

[00:52:30] CHRIS: I must admit that pugs are cute. I was at a friend’s party and it was at a small New York apartment. Two people brought dogs to the party in a small apartment. Dogs just like a railroad apartment. Leave the dog at home. It’s a human party.

[00:52:53] CALLER: Did they make the party better?

[00:52:55] CHRIS: No. They kept jumping on a couch that I was sitting on and I was eating food on a paper plate. And one of the dogs was wagging its tail next to me. And the tail touched my food. And the owner didn’t move the dog. I kind of nudged it, didn’t push the dog. I wasn’t cruel to an animal, but I kind of physically just inched the dog away from my plate because its tail was touching my food and the owner gave me the side eye. Like I was being a jerk. Second, I’m trying to eat a bagel and lox. We’re here at lunch. Having a weekend brunch. I don’t need an animal’s tail. I like animals. I don’t need them touching my food with their tails. And then at one point I was holding my friend’s baby. My friends, Keith and Bethany, had a little baby. It’s my buddy. I’m holding the little baby. And the dogs. These two dogs jump on the couch and they get in a fight and nobody comes and pulls the dogs away. They let them duke it out. I’m like, “I’m holding a baby here!” Gotta protect this child. In which I should not make light of in any way because you protect children in a much bigger and realer way. And that was me putting my foot in my mouth. But it was concerning. I had to, like, jump off the couch and be like… Gotta get the baby outta here. Anyway. Who cares?

[00:54:07] CALLER: Yeah, I mean, yeah. Leave your dogs at home. I mean especially if it’s not your house.

[00:54:13] CHRIS: Yeah. Or ask first. Whatever. They probably did ask first and then my friends who are good people were like, “Yeah the more the merrier. Bring dogs. People love dogs.” They probably did ask. They’re probably fine.Anyway. Eighteen minutes left.

[00:54:26] CALLER: How was your weekend then?

[00:54:28] CHRIS: It was great. St. Louis was really fun. Yeah, I did five shows out there. I wish I sold more tickets to them. But the people who did come out were so nice. And, you know, it’s funny. You look at the line afterwards. I like to meet the people. It gives me great joy. It’s as fun as the shows for me. And you look down the line and I’m like, oh, all the people with pink hair and facial piercings. They like the Chris Gethard show. And then you see the people who are like sensibly dressed and seem to have their act together a little bit more. I’m like, those are the Beautiful Anonymous fans right there. I’m learning my demographics. And then you see the people who are cross-overs, where I’m like they probably like both. Yep. It’s fun to kind of guess. It’s fun to guess who likes what.

[00:55:17] CALLER: Right. Kind of make a game out of it.

[00:55:19] CHRIS: A little bit. Yeah, a little bit. But I like it. I like it. How was your weekend?

[00:55:26] CALLER: It was good. We rented a boat and we went out and we were on the water all day on Sunday. Yesterday.

[00:55:33] CHRIS: When you say we, who’s we?

[00:55:36] CALLER: My mom and my sister. And then a group of our mixed coworkers. So there’s about eight of us.

[00:55:44] CHRIS: Wow. You had a crew.

[00:55:47] CALLER: We kind of just went out to an island and they hung out. We drank. Listened to some music. It was great!

[00:55:54] CHRIS: You partied on a boat on an island.

[00:55:56] CALLER: Yeah. Yeah. Island time.

[00:55:58] CHRIS: That’s pretty sweet.

[00:56:06] CALLER: Okay, I was with one of my best friends. And we actually are going to New York for New Year’s Eve. So neither of us have ever been. So we’re super excited about that.

[00:56:20] CHRIS: Wow, that’s cool. You’re going to do the ball? Are you gonna do Time Square?

[00:56:23] CALLER: I don’t know yet. We’re kind of in the midst of planning it. You know, we’re gonna see how it ends up going.

[00:56:31] CHRIS: You want a New Yorker’s opinion on hanging out in Times Square on New Year’s Eve, or should I let you just have your fun?

[00:56:37] CALLER: Oh, no, please. Please give us advice.

[00:56:39] CHRIS: Harry, Jared, you tell me if you agree. Seems like a fate worse than death. I would avoid Times Square on New Year’s Eve. The sense I get is that everybody goes. I mean, Times Square in general, New Yorkers are not hanging out in. We try to avoid walking through it. The Earwolf studio is like five or six blocks away from Times Square. And that’s uncomfortably close for me. The sense I get, New Year’s Eve is you go out there, you stand shoulder to shoulder. It’s freezing cold. And then everybody gets so drunk that everybody’s just like vomiting and peeing and you’ve got nowhere to run away from it. It seems like a nightmare. I think New Yorkers head in the opposite direction. And God bless you. Come hang out. Enjoy my city. I hope it welcomes you warmly with open arms. But, man, all those suckers I see on TV. And at Times Square on New Year’s Eve. I’m like, wow, man, you guys are suckers.

[00:57:34] CALLER: So in your opinion, where would be the cooler place, the better place to go?

[00:57:39] CHRIS: You can find any number of bars. I would imagine right now they will mostly be in Brooklyn. That will be like very cool, chill vibes. That would be my guess.

[00:57:49] CALLER: Okay, I could hang out in a in a chill bar. Like I’d be totally fine just hanging out in a bar or like a crowded Olive Garden or something. Just like, in warm. Like nowhere where I’m having to stand for hours on end accomplishing nothing.

[00:58:05] CHRIS: Well, if you’re coming to New York City, I will say, there is a middle ground between Times Square and Olive Garden, and I would highly recommend you try to land it

[00:58:14] CALLER: I know. I was being dramatic.

[00:58:16] CHRIS: I know. And also, I’ll say this, too. For someone who doesn’t live in New York, I think Times Square, there are some very special elements to it. I once had a friend from California who’d never been here. He was like, “I just have to see Times Square.” First thing he wanted to do, bring me to Times Square. And I did. And he was like, “I’ve seen this in so many movies.” So there’s also a part of me that’s like I’m a jaded New Yorker. And if you get here and you’re like, screw it, I want to go. Why? It’s a once in a lifetime experience going to hang out in TImes Square? Do it as well. But also just brace yourself, because it’s crazy. It’s crazy.

[00:58:48] CALLER: I know. I’m kind of nervous just because, you know, I’m from Florida. So I’m not used to the cold like what so ever.

[00:58:57] CHRIS: Yeah. Yeah. Hey, you tell me, because right now this is clearly the stretch of the podcast where I feel like you have such an intense life that I would just want to chitchat about Disney World and trips and stuff. And help maybe you not think about your job on your lunch break. There’s probably people listening who are like, why aren’t you talking more about the dark stuff in the job? You tell me what you want the next twelve and a half minutes to be.

[00:59:23] CALLER: Let’s see. I guess I don’t really have any big opinion. It’s whatever.

[00:59:30] CHRIS: Do you feel like there’s any… I guess… Well, the big one would be, do you feel like in your life experience there’s things you’ve seen or absorbed that maybe the rest of us don’t know that should be aired out on a public platform? And again, answer that more generally. The other question I would say that ties in are their choices you see people make? Are there mistakes people fall into? Are there habits that lead down to maybe people tumbling into circumstances beyond their control that you might have advice on?

[01:00:09] CALLER: Yeah.  So, one of the things that I see a lot is that they’re not finishing high school and it sounds so cliche to just be like, “Oh, stay in school kids, you know, get your degree.” But it’s so relevant. Like any any of them, they have to finish school. And especially with a lot of the teenagers who get pregnant at 16 and they need to work to support the baby. And all of a sudden it’s just like, no finish school.  Like, please, please finish school. And then the next one is, gosh, what is it? Don’t smoke. Like, smoking. That’s next thing. It’s so expensive and everyone does it. And it’s like, it’s not helping you. It’s not helping your baby. It’s expensive. Like just stop smoking.

[01:01:03] CHRIS: And not even health-wise. I mean, healthwise, it sounds like there’s concerns. You don’t want a kid around a bunch of smoke. But even just economically, you get addicted to a thing that’s expensive. And then if a social worker shows up and your kid hasn’t eaten, but you’re smoking a pack of cigarettes a day. I would imagine you get right away, strike one. Less sympathy, right there.

[01:01:22] CALLER: Right. Like it’s a little bit frustrating. Like, “Hey, can you bring me a pack of diapers?” But then they’ve got a pack of cigarettes on their table like…

[01:01:30] CHRIS: Right.

[01:01:31] CALLER How many of those could you have… Like how much money could you have saved if you would just put that money towards diapers instead of towards cigarettes? And I’m not the kind of person to like, begrudge people, like the small things. You know what I mean? Like, if you have an iPhone, that’s fine. Like, I don’t know how you got that. Maybe you bought it secondhand from somebody for like 20 bucks. I don’t know.  But you bought that pack of cigarettes.

[01:01:59] CHRIS: That’s one that’s hard to be sympathetic for.

[01:02:03] CALLER: Yeah. Like, if you want to get your nails done, girl, go get your nails done. Like, that’s for you. You deserve that. Whatever. Get your nails done, girl. But don’t buy a pack of cigarettes.

[01:02:13] CHRIS: Right. I mean, I remember mentioning this on a very, very early episode of Beautiful Anonymous. I once read a book called The Working Poor and it blew my mind. It was about the cycle of poverty and how when you fall into it, it’s so hard to get out. And they said some similar things there, like you were talking about, nails done. They were talking about how sometimes people are in poverty, and they have expensive cable packages. And it’s such an easy expense to cut. But the authors sort of argued there’s a certain level of dignity in people wanting to stay connected to pop culture. Not feeling that just because they’re poor they have to live in isolation from the rest of the world. And kind of argued that that’s why people maintain, you know, subscriptions to things that are entertainment based and was like, you need to let people still be humans who feel like human beings. Get your nails done like you said.

[01:03:07] CALLER: Yeah, exactly. And I completely agree with that. So I’m just like, you know what? If you want to go to the movies or take your kids like to play mini golf or whatever you want to do, like, I’m all for that. And I will definitely bring you diapers. So, you can go do that. But if you’re just sitting at home and you’re chain smoking like two packs a day, then you could have put your time and energy towards something productive.

[01:03:36] CHRIS: Right. Right.

[01:03:37] CALLER: That would have been more beneficial for everyone. So it’s just things like that where… I’m trying not to judge them. Like, I get that it’s an addiction and everything. But at the same time, like, how much are we willing to sacrifice here?

[01:03:52] CHRIS: Yeah. So finish high school. I would have to imagine that’s both for a young lady who might fall into a teen pregnancy. Also their family. There might be, I would imagine, an instinct for a family to be like, “Well, you got yourself in this situation and now you need to focus up and be a mom or build a family.” Nope. Maybe families, too, should say, “We’re gonna get you through school and then we’re gonna start that process.” What else? What else?

[01:04:17] CALLER: Yeah. What else can we do? Just for everyone in general, donating, like donate your time. Like volunteering, whether it’s like Big Brothers, Big Sisters, or mentoring. Like, we did a mentor program in the elementary schools this year. So our organization, we split up and we went to one particular elementary school that was really suffering and we went into the classrooms once a week and we spent an hour with the kids. And by the end of the school year, they were reading better. They were eager to go to school to be able to see their mentors. So that was really eye opening too. Like, we see the older kids who are in school who need that push and that drive to be able to even stay in school as young as elementary school. And so like, donating your time or just your things. Like, instead of giving it like to a Goodwill, like find a nonprofit. If you’ve got a bag of clothes in your car that you’ve been carrying around for six months, like find a nonprofit agency or like a homeless shelter or somewhere that doesn’t have the funds to buy or sell things. Someone that’s going to give it away instead of selling it for a profit.

[01:05:38] CHRIS: Right. And do you think… Are there any particular organizations that you see doing a lot of good that you might encourage people to support?

[01:05:49] CALLER: Really anywhere that’s local.

[01:05:53] CHRIS: Local and grass-roots is more important.

[01:05:56] CALLER: Yes. Like, I know that the big stores, they do good with trainings and work opportunities and stuff. But as far as like items, if you just take a little bit of time and find a couple of nonprofit agencies in your community that are giving away stuff to moms or to children or someone like that, then that would be majorly helpful.

[01:06:22] CHRIS: One thing you’ve mentioned a couple of times that I remember being blown away from that book I read. Talk to me about transportation. This is the thing people don’t think about but is a major…

[01:06:34] CALLER: It’s so hard.

[01:06:36] CHRIS: Yeah. And the book I read pointed to it as the major… The book I read said once that you had a point of poverty… when you can’t escape is when your car craps out. They basically said at that point, when your car dies and you’re someone who can’t afford a new car or to fix your car, everything stops in your life. Can’t get to work. Lose your job. And it’s downhill from there.

[01:06:59] CALLER: And it’s so hard, especially in communities that are maybe a little bit more rural or they don’t have as good of a public transportation system. A lot of our families don’t have their own cars. They don’t have transportation. And so they’re unable to get jobs or they have to walk to jobs and that limits what they’re able to get to. If it’s within walking distance. Or their kids have to go to daycares that they can walk to. And maybe they’re not going to the best daycare just because it’s not within their area where they can access it.

[01:07:41] CHRIS: Right.

[01:07:42] CALLER: And then getting to doctor’s appointments, to WIC appointments… That’s the Women Infants and Children program. It’s all a struggle for transportation.

[01:07:59] CHRIS: We live in a world that can often be very harsh and that can be very unfair and very brutal to people. And you’re doing personal work to try to help people through that. And I just want to make sure, you know, that it’s noble and it’s beautiful. And I thank you on behalf of all of us who are more selfish than you are.

[01:08:22] CALLER: Thank you. I appreciate it. It really helps to hear somebody say that too.

[01:08:30] CHRIS: I hope you hear it pretty often because you’re doing stuff that most people just wouldn’t have the, you know, wouldn’t have the interest or the emotional capacity to do. I’d love to help the world more. But I also know that if I worked your job, I’d spend every day shaking and crying.

[01:08:48] CALLER: Right. If you cry on the toilet, then what would you do here?

[01:08:54] CHRIS: Touche. Touche, my friend.

[01:08:59] CALLER: Not to focus on that but…

[01:09:00] CHRIS: Thank you for bringing back the dumbest thing I’ve said in the past hour. Thank you for me… Undercutting what I am to be a sentimental and genuine moment by reminding me that I’ve recently revealed to the world that this very morning, roughly three hours and 15 minutes ago, I was crying on my own toilet.

[01:09:23] CALLER: Classic Chris.

[01:09:26] CHRIS: Ouch.

[01:09:33] CALLER: Hey, how many more jokes do you have left from the Monsters Laugh Floor? Can you give me one more?

[01:09:38] CHRIS: The brines one I remember well. I do remember one that was along the lines of, and I phrased it more eloquently than this because I had time to sit down with a pen and paper like a good comedian. It was… This one I kind of understood why they couldn’t use it. Because the language is maybe just a little too risque for Monsters Inc. But why are vampires always stealing your blood?

[01:10:07] CALLER: Why?

[01:10:08] CHRIS: Because they suck. Pretty good. That’s pretty good.

[01:10:14] CALLER: It’s pretty good. I agree, it’s pretty good.

[01:10:17] CHRIS: It’s a little bit of a… ‘Cause I talk about the physical method by which they do it. You don’t see it coming. This Monsters Inc thing! I was so mad! I was so mad! I was like, humiliated.

[01:10:32] CALLER: You know what? They suck!

[01:10:35] CHRIS: No, they’re fine. Maybe I didn’t bring it. But I’m going to be honest too. Some of the jokes they did use were jokes I had heard before. I’m like your encouraging joke thieves. You’re encouraging joke theft. In my world, in my culture, that is a scarlet letter. You can’t… Gotta go with the original baby. But I was so embarrassed. My family was busting on me because I’d been on TV at that point. I’d had a half hour special on Comedy Central. I couldn’t get a joke through on Monsters Inc.

[01:11:09] CALLER: Well, hey, if and when I get that Disney pass for life, I will sit in Monsters Inc Floor and submit that joke. Like, courtesy of Chris Gethard.

[01:11:18] CHRIS: Thank you so much.

[01:11:19] CALLER: Over and over until it’s submitted.

[01:11:20] CHRIS: And tell me, because it’s gonna get a laugh. Those kids gonna flip out. And again, I want to say, if there is anyone with connections at Disney World who hears this, this is a good person. Does the hard work for the rest of us. Pointed to Disney World as the release by which she can stay sane. Disney World employees, do it. You can help this person out. We can help put you in touch if you’re okay with that caller.

[01:11:46] CALLER: I am definitely okay with that. I appreciate your effort.

[01:11:49] CHRIS: Let’s make note. Caller, you do wonderful, beautiful work. Thank you for it.

[01:11:54] CALLER: Thank you. I appreciate it. [ring]

[01:12:03] CHRIS: Caller, again, I know I said it a number of times, but I just can’t underline enough how much I appreciate what you do. It’s mind blowing to me and I think you’re amazing. Simple as that. Thank you. Thank you for calling. Thank you for doing what you do. Thank you to Jared O’Connell. Thank you to Harry Nelson in the booth. No thanks to Monsters Inc. Throw that in there at the end. Humiliated me. Thanks to the Reverend John Delore, Gretta Cohn, helped build this show. Thanks to Shellshag for the intro music. I get out on the road a lot. I might be coming to your city this year. Chrisgeth.com. That’s where you can get tickets. Check it out. You want to help the show? Go to Apple Podcasts. Rate, review, subscribe. Really does help. Thanks so much for listening.

[NEXT EPISODE PREVIEW]

[01:13:14] CHRIS: So she’s 43? She’s 43?

[01:13:17] CALLER: Yes. Let’s go back to that topic.

[01:13:19] CHRIS: What’s that conversation like? When your son is like, “I want you to meet my girlfriend. She graduated college while you were in high school.” What’s that like?

[01:13:31] CALLER: It was the most awkward meeting of a person that I have ever had. And I feel like I’m a real people person, you know? Oh, my gosh, what do I do? She’s going to come over. What do I say?

[01:13:49] CHRIS:That’s next time on Beautiful Anonymous.