EP. 342 — Library Boy (Live from Cudahy)

Speaker 1 [00:00:06] Hello, X-ray Arcade. It’s Beautiful/ Anonymous. One hour. One phone call. No names. No holds barred. Hi, everybody. Chris Gethard here. And we’re many years into this show. Hundreds of episodes in. And yet it still surprises me all the time. I just had the honor of going to Wisconsin for the first time. It’s kind of become a running gag on the show. You’ve heard me say how I’ve never been to Wisconsin. If you’ve followed over the years, that’s not new information to you. Well, guess what? Finally went and I did a show at the X-ray Arcade, which is just outside of Milwaukee. And it is a show that surprised me. It blew my mind. It blew the live crowd’s mind. And I think it’s going to blow your mind. This is one of the most epic journeys you’ll ever hear when it comes to the emotion of love. Am I going to say that it’s a love story? I don’t know. Because love stories go in different directions than this. But what I’m going to say is this is a consistent head spinner of a tale. I mean, I can’t even stress to you how quickly this one has shot to the top of the list of my favorite episodes of all time, favorite conversations I’ve ever had. It left my jaw on the floor. Sometimes I get so happy. I get so happy knowing, Oh, now the rest of the world gets to hear this thing too. He gave me a series of emotions that I’m still reconciling. Enjoy it, everybody. I can’t wait to see the feedback on this one.

Voicemail Robot [00:01:59] Thank you for calling Beautiful/ Anonymous. A beeping noise will indicate when you are on the show with the host.

Caller [00:02:07] Hi.

Chris [00:02:08] Hi. How you doing?

Caller [00:02:10] I’m great. I am more nervous than I thought I would be.

Chris [00:02:15] There’s no need to be nervous. I’m just some idiot from New Jersey.

Caller [00:02:19] Well, I mean, New Jersey isn’t that bad. But like, I, you know, I’m amazed out of potentially 20,000 people, that makes me feel pretty proud that I got through.

Chris [00:02:32] Yeah. I mean, I doubt there were 20,000 tonight. That only happened once. But I’m I’m sure there were definitely like a couple thousand.

Caller [00:02:39] Downplay it. Don’t downplay it. There were 20,000 people.

Chris [00:02:42] Yeah, it was you versus 19,999 other people. And we picked you because you’re the best one. That’s what really happened.

Caller [00:02:49] I mean, I did call like five times, so we don’t need to mention that.

Chris [00:02:52] You had to call in, like, five times. Okay. Okay. Well, I’m psyched you got through. It’s clearly meant to be.

Caller [00:02:58] Yeah, but your producer is lovely. She’s great.

Chris [00:03:02] Yeah. Andrea is the best. A huge round of applause for Andrea Quinn, the most stressful job. Okay, caller. I’ve got the clock running.

Caller [00:03:15] Okay. So I shared that I accidentally orchestrated a real life You’ve Got Mail-esque love story situation.

Chris [00:03:26] How did you do that?

Caller [00:03:28] When I was in college, I spent a lot of time at the library and I would get really bored. I figured if I was at the library, I would automatically be more productive. But I let my mind wander. And I loved writing letters. I loved writing notes. I miss I miss those days of letter writing. And one day I sat down and I pulled out a piece of paper and I wrote a note that said, Dear stranger, how are you today? I’m listening to Simon and Garfunkel and looking at the rain outside. I don’t remember what else I said, but I signed it, Erin, which is not my real name, and I really did sign it Erin though. And at the bottom I said, P.S., if you want to write me back, leave me a note in this particular book with the following call number. And I left it on a table and I put “read me” on it. And the next day I went back to the book that I had referred to and I found a note inside.

Chris [00:04:29] You did? So… So what prompted you to try to execute this scheme with a fake name?

Caller [00:04:39] My name is a little bit my real name is a little bit unique and um I- this was in 2010. So, you know, Facebook existed and the whole college network, it would have been very easy for them to find me. And I really wanted to be anonymous. I did not want the person to know who I was and be able to track me down.

Chris [00:05:02] And just so I’m clear in case I miss the info up top. Were you aiming this at a specific person or?

Caller [00:05:07] No. Nope.

Chris [00:05:09] So you just wanted to take a random shot in the dark, create effectively like an alias or a character of Erin, and see if you could start an anonymous note love affair with someone and it worked instantly?

Caller [00:05:21] I mean to be to be clear, I was I was like, Oh, this could be a fun story. Like, I wasn’t looking for love. It was more like friendship. Just someone, whether, you know, a guy found it or a girl I, like, I didn’t care. You know, it could just be fun.

Chris [00:05:40] So what’s that note say the next day?

Caller [00:05:44] Well, it was from a guy and he was happened to be single and we wrote back and forth. I think he must have said, Oh, I’m listening to this song on my iPad or iPod, but thanks for reminding me about Simon and Garfunkel. And then we wrote back and forth about 3 to 4 times a week for eight months.

Chris [00:06:09] What?!

Caller [00:06:10] We used different books as our mailboxes. So I got to explore- my university had a very large library. It was five stories and there were like three levels of basements. And so we would send each other to the most random places.

Chris [00:06:30] So you’d like, you’d say in a note, you’d be like the next note, how how how would the logistics of how- in the note you’d go, so my next note will be or place your reply in this?

Caller [00:06:43] Yes. So we did not use the same book every time. So I would send a note in one book and so he would put, I would know to where, where he would put his note. And then in his note he would tell me where to put my note. So we would need to remember where we had told the other person to put our next note.

Chris [00:07:00] And it.

Caller [00:07:01] Which is kind of our downfall because after eight months he stopped writing and I had a feeling that it was.

Chris [00:07:06] You skipped right to the end!

Caller [00:07:08] Well. That’s not the end of the story. That’s the end of the note writing.

Chris [00:07:12] Okay. Okay.

Caller [00:07:15] Yes. Sorry.

Chris [00:07:16] No, please. I feel like I got weirdly aggressive. That’s my bad. That’s my bad. That’s my bad. Well, here’s the I mean, the first thing that comes to mind is, you know, you’re, like sending each other to sub basements in a library, as you say. And there’s a part of me that immediately goes, How faithful are you to the anonymity of this? Meaning, there must be a part of you that’s very tempted to go, I’m going to send him to some remote corner and then I’ll wait down the hall or I’ll wait across that room and see if I can see who he is.

Caller [00:07:47] I am not going to deny that I tried that. I never it never worked out, though.

Chris [00:07:54] But you also must understand that if you’re trying that, there’s also a part of you that must be going, Am I also just inviting some guy to watch me?

Caller [00:08:02] Okay. Except that I was so sneaky because I would like do laps around the area. I would pick up random books. I would sit down and work for a while before going over to the book and opening it. And so I created my own little spy story in this story to make sure that no one was watching me.

Chris [00:08:24] So he’s single and you’re single at this time? Or.

Caller [00:08:26] Yes.

Chris [00:08:27] And you’re writing as Erin this whole time. And he knows you’re single?

Caller [00:08:30] Yes.

Chris [00:08:30] This is a- and do the notes stay wholesome or do they ever start to get a little dirty along the way? I got to ask.

Caller [00:08:38] No. 100% wholesome. Very wholesome. But we definitely it was like we would talk about dating. Oh, I went on a crappy date with this guy and, you know, whatever. And he’s like, Oh, I went out on a date with this girl. It didn’t work out. So we made- it was very wholesome, but also we kind of made it clear that…

Chris [00:08:57] There’s a door. There’s a door that could be- it’s not locked. The door is shut, but not locked.

Caller [00:09:02] Yes.

Chris [00:09:03] I got to say, and pardon me, I don’t usually go here on the show, but even without these notes getting dirty, there’s something about this setup that you’re describing that’s kind of the horniest thing we’ve ever talked about on this show. There’s an element of this that’s horny as hell. True or false?

Caller [00:09:21] For me. I mean, this was 12 years ago, but I… You’re not 100% wrong.

Chris [00:09:33] No. I mean, you’re a young college kid. Hey, I’m single and this and that and I’m sneaking around in the book stacks and, like, there is an element to which that is horny as hell. Good on you Erin. Good on you. Well, I mean, whatever your real unique name is, I get to call you Erin. Okay, so this goes on for eight months.

Caller [00:09:51] Yes. Well, and it was I think I even burned him a CD of some of my favorite music at the time. Which, you know, right now sounds so lame. But back then, it was really cute.

Chris [00:10:03] No, it doesn’t. That sounds awesome. If I was some single guy and there is a person flirting with me via books.

Caller [00:10:13] Mmhmm. Mmhmm.

Chris [00:10:14] And then they slip in the mix CD. Do you remember any of the tracks that you put on it? What were you listening to back then? And don’t you think- it’s anonymous, so you don’t need to worry about coming off lame.

Caller [00:10:23] Oh, a lot of Sufjan Stevens and The Smiths.

Chris [00:10:26] Sufjan Stevens. Oh, my goodness. It’s all Sufjan Stevens and The Smiths? I would have been unhealthily in love with the idea of you. If I was receiving these notes. If I was the one getting these notes, it would have consumed me and probably broken me as a college student. I was so mentally unstable in that stretch of life. If I got a CD and it was just nothing but Sufjan and The Smiths, I would have gone home and probably just fucking… I don’t. Yeah. This. You drove this young man to the brink of madness would be my guess. I got. So you said. You said this goes on for eight months and it keeps building. Do you remember any of the books that you picked along the way? Do you remember the names of any of the books?

Caller [00:11:08] No. I, I at one point, I was like, wouldn’t it be cool if I could introduce him to some of my favorite books or just show him how smart I am? But none of those books were in the like cool parts of the library. They were way too accessible. So I used the most obscure random books that, you know… No. So much potential, so much lost potential.

Chris [00:11:33] So you had to go to weird sections of the library and like start constructing it to be like, Ah, shit, okay, this is just Atlas’s. What do I stick in an atlas to get him to walk down this corridor? And then you’d have to kind of reverse engineer the meaning of the book to the note.

Caller [00:11:52] I mean, it was pretty easy to just say, this is the title of the book.

Chris [00:11:56] Right. But I mean, content. So. So it was more you weren’t worried about, because there’s a part of me that’s going like, if you’re slipping a mix CD in there full of The Smiths and Sufjan Stevens, there’s a part of me that’s going like, you know, do you are you are you busting out like the romance classics? Are you like specifically putting it in a page to try to, like, show off how intellectual you are? Like some romantic poem.

Caller [00:12:19] Again, missed opportunity. But we were exchanging 3 to 4 letters a week, sometimes multiple a day. So that would have taken way too much brainpower to put thought into every single exchange.

Chris [00:12:31] Multiple a day. So was there ever a time where you dropped a note, found the return note, and, like, found the return note before you left the library and realized, Holy shit, he’s here?

Caller [00:12:43] I don’t remember. Maybe. Yeah. But here’s here’s the best part. I mean, at least it was the best part for me because I, so I have a goal of going to all 50 states. Ironically, I have been to 40. And one of them I haven’t been to is Wisconsin, but I feel like this should count.

Chris [00:13:02] They’re so mad. This state is full of, I got to say, here’s my impression two days in. The kindest, nicest people I’ve ever been around. I also get the impression that they will get drunk and fight you at a moment’s notice.

Caller [00:13:20] They still sound nice.

Chris [00:13:20] And not much middle ground between those two states of mind. That’s the sense I get.

Caller [00:13:27] I, you know, I do hope to go someday. Ironically, I’ve been to Alaska and the Dakotas, which you said you haven’t been to.

Chris [00:13:35] You ever been to New Jersey?

Caller [00:13:37] Yes.

Chris [00:13:37] It’s the best, right?

Caller [00:13:39] Yes. I am a history teacher, so I do like his- New Jersey because there is a lot of history here.

Chris [00:13:46] Tons of American Revolution history in particular. And people forget about that because they like to think that the whole state looks like Newark Airport, but it doesn’t. There’s a lot of other stuff.

Caller [00:13:54] Don’t understand why there’s so much hate on New Jersey.

Chris [00:13:56] There’s too much hate on New Jersey. And, you know, there’s a part of me that as soon as I got here, I was starting to feel I was like, there is that- and listen, this is a tangent. It doesn’t relate to your call. We’ll get back to that. But there is I immediately was like, oh, I fit in in Wisconsin. There’s- I don’t know if it’s because of like Chicago’s a little too close and you guys are all like, alright, whatever, Chicago. If there’s some elements of that. I’m going to get to the bottom of it. But I immediately was like, Oh, Wisconsin people equally, they have a similar chip on their shoulder and I’m going to find out why. Anyway, we’ll get there. We’ll get there by the end of the night. Who knows? What I know, caller, is this. You’re exchanging notes. Sometimes multiple a day. You’re putting in hot little mix CDs. This is a horny tale. This is a unabashedly horny tale. Before before, listen, the momentum’s a little broken. So before we hear about turns it’s taken and what happened- because you said after eight months, he stopped writing, but that was only the end of the notes. I’m going to go ahead, if it’s okay with you, get our first round of audience feedback, because I’m sure there’s other people who are intrigued and have questions. Is that okay with you?

Caller [00:15:03] Yes.

Chris [00:15:04] Okay. So the people of Cudahy. Cudahy. The people of Cudahy, they want to know… There were. Oh, yeah. See, Moria just said, turn to page 69. Let’s all grow up, everybody. Let’s everybody get our hands. Can we get our minds out of the gutter, please? And come on, let’s pause, everybody. We’ve got this epic tale of love going and somebody’s making 69 jokes. I mean, I’ll allow it. It’s all good by me. Anyway, let’s do some ads. We’ll be right back. Thanks to our advertisers. Now, let’s go ahead. Let’s get back to this epic phone call. See, Moria just said, turn to page 69. Let’s all grow up, everybody. Let’s everybody get our hands- can we get our minds out of the gutter, please? Rebecca wants to know, Did anyone ever have the book checked out when you went for it?

Caller [00:16:17] No, because we definitely intentionally picked up very dusty books.

Chris [00:16:22] I love that. A nice dusty book. Okay. Jex Thomas says, If it wasn’t horny before the mix CD, it’s definitely horny afterwards. Alex Dote says, Caller, the librarian probably put you on some sort of watch list after the first week.

Caller [00:16:41] Probably.

Chris [00:16:42] Jake Root Beer says, This feels like a mix of a spy thriller, plus a 200’s romcom. I loved that. And oh Stay Alive with a very important question. Do you still have the notes?

Caller [00:16:56] Tragically, I don’t. I kept them all in a folder, and in one of my moves, they all disappeared.

Chris [00:17:06] That is a bummer.

Caller [00:17:09] It is one of the saddest things in my life.

Chris [00:17:11] Jake Root Beer wants to know, When you smell a dusty book, does your heart flutter even now?

Caller [00:17:18] No comment.

Chris [00:17:20] No comment. So someone’s here says Taiwan- Taiwan Tea Man says, I can’t believe the guy never tried to shoot his shot. But we don’t actually know that. Because you indicated something. You said he stopped writing. And then I said, you jumped to the end. And you said, Well, that was the end of the notes. So that suggests that there’s something more to this story. So I’m wondering if you want to go there. If that’s the next turn we should take. You tell me.

Caller [00:17:45] So I, I did leave out a part a brief part of the story, because I’ve been trying to get to all 50 states, I collect postcards from around the country. And I let him know that I had this massive postcard collection. And so sometimes instead of writing on like the back page of a blue book or, you know, graph paper, he would write me a note on a postcard which would definitely make my heart flutter, and I would tell my friends about it. And we all dubbed him Library Boy. He did use his real name in the notes, but we called him Library Boy.

Chris [00:18:22] So you and you knew just his first name or he had?

Caller [00:18:24] I knew just his first name and and his major, which we were in the same… Same area. We were both in education, but we were going to be different kinds of teachers.

Chris [00:18:37] Wow.

Caller [00:18:38] So he knew a lot. He knew pretty much everything about me except my real name. And then I pretty much knew everything about him. Obviously, we didn’t know what each other looked like either.

Chris [00:18:47] Right. So you had everything but his last name?

Caller [00:18:50] Yes.

Chris [00:18:51] And this was a person who- and eight months. That’s pretty much a full school year, right?

Caller [00:18:55] Yes. Yes. So when things ended, when when I didn’t get another note back, I was devastated. I was so sad. I mean, it was a little bit of a trauma because I talked about him so much with my college roommates, with my friends. Everyone in my apartment complex knew about the situation, um, because I had no other drama going on in my life. And so this was the only entertainment.

Chris [00:19:24] And let me ask you, was the was the assumption of yours and amongst your friend group, is the assumption, well, someday you guys are going to go on a date? Like this can’t go on for this many months without at least meeting and figuring it out. Is that the assumption?

Caller [00:19:40] That was the hope, but it also terrified me because I wanted to remain anonymous. I was so desperate to remain anonymous, but also know him in real life.

Chris [00:19:49] Sure.

Caller [00:19:51] So I stayed that summer. Oh, I will say that my university was very large. It had about 30,000 students on campus, so the odds of me running into him were pretty slim.

Chris [00:20:10] Right.

Caller [00:20:10] Even though we were both in the Education Department.

Chris [00:20:15] Sure. Rutgers was like that, too. Like that was a big state school. And you could have, I mean, 40,000 people on campus and you could have a, you could have a class with 300 people in it.

Caller [00:20:23] Right. Right. Yeah. So it was the summer and I decided that I was going to take a political science class. And I go in and I sit down in the back left of this big room that probably fit like 100 people in it. And the professor gets up. And again, this is probably three or four months after the the message the the note exchanges stopped. And we were supposed to stand up, say our name, where we’re from, what our major was, and something interesting about ourselves. And my go to was always, I collect postcards.

Chris [00:21:02] Okay.

Caller [00:21:03] And so the the professor.

Chris [00:21:06] My heart just broke. I’m connecting some dots and my heart is breaking, caller. Don’t tell me Okay, continue.

Caller [00:21:16] A tall, dark and handsome young man stands up and says, Hi, my name is Library Boy’s Name and I am from this tiny town in Arizona and I am studying this particular subject in to be a teacher. And then he said something about himself. And I just thought, Oh, crap.

Chris [00:21:38] It was him?

Caller [00:21:39] It was him.

Chris [00:21:40] Good times.

Caller [00:21:41] So then it. So we went around the room.

Chris [00:21:44] You do the talking, I’ll do the soundtrack. (SINGS) Please, please, please. Let me, let me, let me -keep talking-

Caller [00:21:59] You’re not going to get- You’re not going to get what you want. I’m so sorry. It comes to me and I introduce myself, obviously saying my real name. And I do not say the town I’m from, I just say the state I’m from. And I do not say that I collect postcards. I think I said I like to cook or something. I don’t know. And I sit down, I’m like, oh my gosh, he’s going to know. He no, he would no one would have known that. And then I thought to myself, I have to avoid him from now until forever.

Chris [00:22:25] Why!?

Caller [00:22:25] I don’t know. I don’t know why this panic happened.

Chris [00:22:28] Caller, let’s pause. I have to ask what was was- you described him. I think you said tall, dark and handsome.

Caller [00:22:36] Yes. Oh, yes.

Chris [00:22:37] So he’s an attractive guy?

Caller [00:22:38] Oh, yeah.

Chris [00:22:39] And there’s no way, like he put out three or four details where you said he’s now every detail that comes out, you must go, holy shit. And then the next one, Holy shit. And after three or four of those, you must go… It’s official that I’m looking at Library Boy in the flesh for the first time.

Caller [00:22:55] Yes, I am.

Chris [00:22:56] And he’s a hottie.

Caller [00:22:57] Oh, yeah. Also, I’m tall and he was taller. That’s just a plus.

Chris [00:23:03] And that must never happen. I mean, as a guy who’s only five foot seven, I think it’s fucked up that we even have to discuss. But I get it, I guess it is a thing. I get it.

Caller [00:23:12] Yeah, it was just a nice plus, you know, I would have liked him regardless. But…

Chris [00:23:16] But he was a tall hottie. You looked at him and you went, Oh shit.

Caller [00:23:20] And, and he was lovely and kind and I thought, oh crap. I have to avoid him from now until forever.

Chris [00:23:25] Why?

Caller [00:23:25] I don’t, I don’t know.

Chris [00:23:26] Why!?

Caller [00:23:27] I don’t know. I was intimidated. I suddenly felt self-conscious. I was nervous. I know.

Chris [00:23:36] Caller!

Caller [00:23:38] So. So I happened to have a two hour gap before this class. And so I started. I was like, oh, I will just show up to this class early and get my work done in this empty classroom. He had the same idea.

Chris [00:23:57] Yeah, because you’re meant- you’re soul mates!

Caller [00:23:59] So for an hour each day before class, we were in this classroom together, and I probably came off as the biggest bitch in the whole world, turning my back to him like, don’t talk to me. And he was like, Hi, my name is Library Boy.

Chris [00:24:15] And and did you ever get the sense that he was, like, maybe trying to give you eyes or feel you out or anything? Because there’s a part of-

Caller [00:24:23] He was very friendly.

Chris [00:24:24] There’s a part of me that goes, if I’m showing up early and there’s a girl showing up early, maybe the reason I keep showing up early is to see if that girl is also showing- that could be a reason he’s coming back.

Caller [00:24:36] Well, damn it, Chris. I never thought about it like that. Anyway, we end up working in a group together for a project.

Chris [00:24:49] Caller!

Caller [00:24:52] I realized that I had to change my handwriting because he knew it too well. And I was always very vague about my major and where I was from. And then we became friends and it just was terrible. And I hated it. And I recognize that that is stupid.

Chris [00:25:18] I’m going to cry. Caller. There’s a story. You ever hear this? It’s like a half joke, half story of like, there’s there’s a flood, and this person climbs up on top of their roof. And the water’s rising. Somebody comes by in a boat and they go, Hey, we got to get you out of here. The person goes, No, no, no, God’s going to save me. And the water raises a little more. The boat goes away. Water gets higher. Somebody flies up on a helicopter, goes, Hey. I can get you out of here on the helicopter. They go, No, no, no, no, no. God’s going to save me. And then the water raises a little more. And then somebody flies by on a jetpack and they go, We invented jetpacks because we knew you were still out here. Do you want us to fly you out? Here they go, No, no, no. God’s going to save me. And then the next time the water raises, they drown. And then they get to heaven. And they go to God and they go, Why didn’t you save me, God? I believed in you. And God goes, I sent you a boat, a helicopter, and a fucking jetpack. And that’s what you did with Library Boy.

Caller [00:26:18] Except there’s going to be like five more boats that I turned down. Chris, I’m not sure if you’re prepared for the rest of my story.

Chris [00:26:29] I think that the people of Cudahy can vouch for me. They’re watching me. Like they’re watching my heart break over and over. Round of applause if your heart’s already broken at least twice. You’re breaking all of our hearts. So caller, tell me how this happens. Tell me what happens.

Caller [00:26:46] So it’s the last day of class, and I’m so excited that I don’t have to feel awkward anymore and lie. And we’re talking about the next semester, the next semester of classes.

Chris [00:26:57] And can I ask you a clarification question before you continue?

Caller [00:27:00] Yes.

Chris [00:27:00] Are the notes still continuing as you’re in the- like, are you reading notes of his while in the class with him?

Caller [00:27:06] No.

Chris [00:27:07] So the notes have stopped.

Caller [00:27:09] The notes had stopped three months before this class.

Chris [00:27:14] Okay.

Caller [00:27:15] Yeah. So. Last day of class, very thrilled about it because I just feel awkward and uncomfortable and self-conscious all the time. And I think it’s because in my mind, I thought that he had built me up to be something, even though I was always honest in my letters. I still like I knew what I had thought of him and imagined of him. And not saying that anything that I got to know about him in real life was a letdown at all. But I didn’t want to do that to him, and I was so worried about that. I might have self-esteem issues. Let’s move on. But last day of class and he’s telling me the courses that he’s taking and-.

Chris [00:28:00] Cuz he wants you to sign up for them.

Caller [00:28:02] Oh, we had already signed up ages ago. And we there is a particular class that he and I both have to take, and there are two sections of it. One of them had 40 students. One of them had seven. We were both enrolled in the seven person class.

Chris [00:28:22] Yeah. It’s like Final Destination where fate wanted you to be in love instead of die.

Caller [00:28:30] Yeah. Well, good thing neither of us are dead. Yet. So the class was not student teaching, but it was like pre student teaching. It was a teaching practicum where we just learn more skills to be a teacher. And he wanted to be a high school teacher. I wanted to be a middle school teacher, but in related subjects. So then I got to see him three more times a week for two and a half hours each time. And we were always doing projects together. Midway through this class, we got assigned to our practice student teaching locations. Now the town that my university was in had many, many, many schools and I did not have a car.

Chris [00:29:22] I’m about to start breaking shit. I’m about to start breaking shit. This is the most frustrating thing I’ve ever had.

Caller [00:29:27] I am. I am so sorry, Chris. Please forgive me.

Chris [00:29:30] Honestly, I’m like, the crowd is watching me look like, what’s something I can destroy where no one will get mad at me?

Caller [00:29:37] Well, I wrote I sent an email to the professor saying, I don’t have a car, but I have a bike. I can bike anywhere. You know, please send me somewhere close by. She assigns me to a high school that is 45 minutes away.

Chris [00:29:56] So you need a ride.

Caller [00:29:57] So I went up to her and I said, Professor, I don’t have a car. I can’t get to this high school.

Chris [00:30:03] Do not even tell me this.

Caller [00:30:03] She says. She says, Well, Library Boy is assigned to that same school and he says he has a car. So now three times a week I am in the car 45 minutes with him, and then in the classroom, and then 45 minutes back.

Chris [00:30:19] You should have made out with this guy, even if you never wrote a note! If the notes were never involved! If there’d never been a goddamn note, you should’ve hooked up with this guy! And then there’s the notes!

Caller [00:30:34] Yeah. In fact, one of the days when we were driving back, we got into a car accident, so that prolonged the day.

Chris [00:30:39] And everybody knows because we’ve all seen Speed, that traumatic incidents can bond you into a relationship. He’s your Keanu and you’re his Sandra Bullock! This is not rocket science! I’m horrible at hooking up with people and relationships, and even I would have made a move! You’re killing me! I want to believe in a god damn world with things like this can happen!

Caller [00:31:06] So I wish that I was that bold. As I got older, I definitely felt more comfortable asking guys out. But I was 22 and I did not. I didn’t feel comfortable asking a guy out. And I regret that. I regret it.

Chris [00:31:24] Now, caller. I’ve been giving you the business and I am frustrated. And I’m sure there’s other people in your life who have been frustrated when you’ve broken down this truly incredible story. But I’m going to tell you something about me real quick. Just so you don’t feel alone in this. And I’ve never shared this publicly. And maybe I shouldn’t.

Caller [00:31:44] Did you leave notes in a library?

Chris [00:31:46] No.

Caller [00:31:51] Missed opportunity.

Chris [00:31:54] No. But I will tell you this story. I have my little mini version of it. When I was in college, I fell pretty hard for one girl. And we’re still friends today, but I bet both of us would tell you that it was not healthy. And we had this game of cat and mouse going for a long time. And it was it was it was it was just very unhealthy. And I was I was I was not well. And I also have self-esteem issues and it played into it. Now. In the course of that, I went from being like a state school guy from a working class family, and I started realizing, like, I’m good at getting on stage. And that started really transforming my life. And I met this girl named Shelly. And I was doing comedy and improv stuff and she was like an actor in some of the student acting groups. And I think she came from a similar feeling of like, I don’t know that I’m supposed to be doing this. And for some reason, there was a lot of- I start- there’s weird- the bullet points basically being a lot of the other comedy people on campus came to resent me. I started getting successful while I was still in college. Little, little things started happening. I booked a part on Conan O’Brien, and that was amazing, but there were also people who- there were haters. And then she had some haters. And she’s very talented. She was very beautiful. And there were some there’s a night we sat at a bar and we kind of leaned on each other and I told her. She was like, I think I’m- I don’t think I should be doing this. I was like, I think you have to be doing this. And she really took that. And then there was a night, one night we were at a party together and I tried. We were both we walked past- my house was closer, and we were walking home and I said, Hey, it’s late. Do you need you need somebody to walk you home? And she looked at me and went, No, I’m good. And that put me in my head. And then there was one day where I got a call. And she said, I’m in a sad mood and you always make me laugh. Can we take a walk? And we went on this walk and, and in New Brunswick, New Jersey, if you walk out to the edge of town, there’s this canal that runs along the river and you can walk up the side of the canal. And we went and we sat on this field next to each other. And I thought to myself, I should kiss Shelly. And I didn’t do it. And then years later, we graduated and went in different directions. And I used to try to- she was just one of those people. You ever have one of those people in your life where like, how do you vanish from the Internet? How do these people manage to do it? There’s just people who figure out how to just be untrackable. And then I was teaching an improv class and she walked in the door. And I was like, What? And this is I mean, six, seven years after we graduated, and I’d asked friends, do you know what happened to her? This and that. And she took the class from me. I taught her in her level one improv class, and then I’d see her around town some time. And. And I had a girlfriend at the time, and I… And I tell you what, years after that, we were in a bar and she tells me, I’m moving to India. And we were talking and I said to her, I go, Look, I don’t know if this is inappropriate to say, but I feel like just in case it ever messed with your head, I did have a crush on you in college, and I don’t know why I didn’t pull the trigger. And she goes, Well, I had a crush on you, too, and I don’t know why I didn’t let you walk me home. And then she moved to India the next day. She said, I took your improv class because I tracked you down and I was bummed to see you had a girlfriend. And then she moved to India the next day. So I have my version of this story where I had my ships that passed in the night, and I wonder if I would have been a happier guy if I had figured out how to like get out of the toxic situation and into that one that felt like it was healthy and had potential. So I don’t I want you to know I’m making a lot of jokes, but I’m not judging you. Because I got my version of it, too. And I bet a lot of us do.

Caller [00:35:51] I love that. And it’s one of if that was a movie that I was watching, I would have shouted at the screen. So I understand you shouting at me.

Chris [00:36:01] It’s. Well, we got some questions from the crowd. Are you ready for them?

Caller [00:36:04] Yes.

Chris [00:36:05] So Taiwan Tea Man- and caller, we gotta time this- we got 26 minutes left and everyone in this room wants to know how this shit ends. Okay. Taiwan Tea Man has some great questions. A, did he ever mention the notes during your drives? Or I guess at any point in your.

Caller [00:36:19] No.

Chris [00:36:20] No. Never. B, Is Library Boy still single? I am so into him. O-M-G. Don’t tell us that because I don’t want to know if you’re still in touch in any way. Okay, let’s see. Jex says, In the movie adaptation, Chris definitely was Library Boy. Oh, Michael wants to know- and I guess a question hard for you to answer- why didn’t he ask you out? Did you ever get a sense that he was thinking about it? I mean, that’s the question on all of our minds, right? It was on my mind. It was on the mind of everybody at the X-ray Arcade. It’s on your mind, right? You have to find out. Okay. We’ll get through the commercials. We’ll find that out and a lot more. Okay. We’ll be right back. Thanks again to all the advertisers who helped bring conversations as frustrating and fascinating and enjoyable as this one to the world. Now, let’s finish off the phone call. Oh, Michael wants to know- and I guess a question hard for you to answer, why didn’t he ask you out? Did you ever get a sense that he was thinking about it?

Caller [00:37:23] I don’t know. Probably because I was awkward as hell. I, I don’t know. We were we were very much friends. Very good friends. As you know, as we drove spent so much time in the car each day, I definitely would have considered what would consider him a friend at the time, but I don’t know what he was thinking.

Chris [00:37:44] Let’s see, Alex says, I think this is the most my heart has dropped during a call, and I’ve listened to all of them. Jex says, Anxiety is an absolute motherfucker. Oh, Stay Alive wants to know who wrote the last note? Like, did you write it and not get a reply? Or did he write a goodbye note to end the notes?

Caller [00:38:01] I wrote the last note. And then he never responded.

Chris [00:38:07] He didn’t. And it’s funny because I sit here and I go, I wonder if he got exasperated. There also must be a part of him that was starting to wonder if he was getting like catfished or messed with. I wouldn’t be surprised if after a certain point his friends are going, Hey, you don’t know who this is, and maybe you need to protect yourself a little bit. Who knows? We can’t.

Caller [00:38:26] Very true.

Chris [00:38:27] You know who knows. So. So you’re on these drives. Going to the same school. Teaching. In the car. So many missed opportunities. Let’s pick back up. Let’s hear where this goes.

Caller [00:38:39] So. At this point, I now have new anxiety that from from my friends and roommates. I lived in in an apartment with five other girls. And so there was a lot of talking and talking things out and thinking. And I would explain everything and go over every little detail that we had talked about in the car. And my friend said, He knows. He knows it’s you, he knows it’s you. And I’m like, I don’t I don’t think he knows it’s me. And after a while, he started saying little things that made me think that he did know. And and then I thought, oh, my gosh, I’m so stupid. Maybe he thinks I’m stupid because he’s known this whole time. And again, just a whole other level of anxiety. So I believe it was the day that we got into the car accident. After taking care of all of that and we went on our way because his car was still drivable… I let him know, I tried to steer the conversation to seeing if we knew each other. And so I somehow I said, Did you know that we’ve known each other for a while? And he goes… what?

Chris [00:39:53] You did?

Caller [00:39:55] Yeah.

Chris [00:39:56] That was bold. That was bold, caller.

Caller [00:39:57] I did say that. Mhm. And, and he’s like, Well, we, we took that political science class together. I said, Well we met before that. We’ve known each other since before that. And he says, Like from what? I said, we’ve known each other about a year now. And and he said, I don’t understand. And I thought, oh crap, he has no idea. But I can’t go back on this.

Chris [00:40:22] And part of you that goes, maybe he’s not Library Boy?

Caller [00:40:26] Oh, he was library boy. He had his handwriting, his, I mean 100%.

Chris [00:40:33] And that didn’t, that didn’t tip him off?

Caller [00:40:36] No, no. And so he’s like, well, where did we meet? And I said, The library. And he gives me the weirdest look. But we’re also at the free on the freeway. So he couldn’t stare at me that long in confusion. And I, in my head, I’m like, oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. He- it’s not him. Or he he he doesn’t know. He really doesn’t know. And if I had- if I could go back in time and I knew for sure that he did not know, I never would have said any of this. To be clear, I only brought this up because I thought he had figured it out. He hadn’t. And so I look at him-.

Chris [00:41:16] Seven years of phone calls and there’s never- this is like this broke the horny chart. If there was a thermometer that measured horniness, the mercury would be blasting through the top like a cumshot.

Caller [00:41:29] What a beautiful picture.

Chris [00:41:30] Thank you so much.

Caller [00:41:33] You’re an artist with words.

Chris [00:41:34] Thank you so much.

Caller [00:41:38] I looked at him and I said, I collect postcards. And he has both hands on the wheel. And he looks at me and we’re going 80 miles an hour and he yells, What?! And I just I was like, I’m sorry! And and he goes, No, it’s fine. That’s you? And I, for some reason, I thought he was mad. He obviously wasn’t. Everything was fine. And we went on like nothing had happened. But that’s not the end of the story either.

Chris [00:42:12] Wait, what do you mean you went on like nothing happened? Hold on. Talk to me.

Caller [00:42:13] Like we didn’t bring it up again.

Chris [00:42:16] You just stopped talking? He just said “it’s you” and then you yelled, I’m sorry, and no, there were no follow up questions?

Caller [00:42:22] Correct.

Chris [00:42:24] Caller. Talk to us all. Talk to us all here.

Caller [00:42:27] So but keep in mind that by that time, we had established a real friendship outside of that, so we could still talk. And so we just kind of went on as things were before. And I think we realized it was kind of an awkward situation. Could we have made it not awkward by just talking about it? Sure. But we were both morons. So even better is we ended up on graduation happening to be seated next to each other at graduation. We and we were in- the college in my university, the one that we were in was the biggest. So we don’t- my university doesn’t have one graduation; there is like 12 different ones for what college you’re in. So ours had thousands and thousands and thousands. And we got put next to each other. And our- it’s not alphabetical. It had nothing to do with names. So I got a picture with him. So I sat next to him.

Chris [00:43:32] What?! God sent you a jetpack.

Caller [00:43:34] Oh, twelve jetpacks. So then we say goodbye, and I run off, and I literally apply for a job in China. Like, I’ve got to get out. I’ve got to get out. I’ve got to get out.

Chris [00:43:51] And you land in China and guess who’s waiting in the terminal?

Caller [00:43:55] That summer, he called me about something, because we had each other’s numbers, because, you know, he always, he gave me rides up to that school.

Chris [00:44:03] Yeah. As you were legitimately good friends who are meant to at lea- anyway, you continue. You continue. Yes.

Caller [00:44:10] He called me and I don’t remember what we were talking about, but he- because we were both trying to get jobs in the education field, and I decided I wanted to work abroad for a year. And he told me that he had just accepted a job in China. And before you get your hopes up, it was not the same job because I knew that I was going to be working with another American from, I mean, America is huge right? There, of course. But for my in my mind, I was like, it’s him! It’s him. Based on everything else that’s happened in my life. Like, this is him. We both have jobs in the same school in this city in China. It was not him. It was a different I ended up having a different coworker. And he ended up turning down that job and he stayed in the United States. But that still gave me a heart attack. After I came back from China, I got a job about an hour away from our university. And I was working there and I was I got stuck teaching an English class. I did not go to school to become an English teacher. So this was a fluke. I was teaching a lesson about fate and kismet, and a student didn’t really understand. And so I said, Let me tell you the story of Library Boy. So I told my students this whole story, and they were yelling at me, just like you’re yelling at me, Chris. And this was ninth grade, so they were mean about it. And so I tell them this whole story and I tell my students his real name, because they’re not going to find him. Okay?

Chris [00:45:58] Because lord knows, ninth graders, the last thing they’re going to do is get curious and cause trouble on the Internet.

Caller [00:46:06] Well. I’m stupid, Chris. So two things happened. Number one. He called me that night and he said, Hey, I have a job interview at your school tomorrow. Do you- can I come by and you give me a tour? And… That happened, and I kind of convinced him to not take the job because I didn’t want the students to tell him what I had told them.

Chris [00:46:38] Now, wait, let me pause because caller, is there a part of you that’s still here going, how did that not work out? And why didn’t I ever go on like, is he your Shelly? Like, is he- are you going, how did I not get that date? And then this other thing comes up again and you dodge it again?

Caller [00:46:55] Part of me hates myself. But also kind of a spoiler, I am very happily married now to someone that is not Library Boy.

Chris [00:47:07] The crowd just got so- I mean, God bless your husband. I’m sure he’s a great guy. I’m sure your husband’s great. I’m sure your husband’s great. What was that? Yeah. Your husband’s never read a book in his life. Keep talking, though. Okay. So you convince him not to take the job?

Caller [00:47:27] I do. Granted, it was a really shitty school, so I was doing him a favor. But there were a lot of little things that happened over the next three years. He was a counselor at a summer camp, and my friend happened to be a counselor at a similar summer camp. And she was talking about this person and it described him enough. And I said, Oh, was it? And I said um I said his name and she goes, Oh, yeah, yeah, that was him. And I just it got to the point where anyone else would be like, Oh, my gosh, how crazy is this?! And I was like, Of course it’s him. Like, I’m not even surprised. And so for the for the next few years, he literally kept popping up in my life random ways every few months. And even to the point where my brother in law, so my sister’s husband, worked with him at a school. And it was just bizarre and nothing ever happened. Although to whoever’s in the audience, he is still single. He is, I would say, 34?

Chris [00:48:34] Library Boy.

Caller [00:48:37] Yeah, Library Boy is available. I looked I just looked him up on Facebook.

Chris [00:48:42] When you say you just looked him up, how recently?

Caller [00:48:45] I mean, like during this call. We are Facebook friends. I just hadn’t thought about him in a while.

Chris [00:48:53] Well. So that seems to be the end of the tale as you’re telling it, which opens me up for some questions. Correct?

Caller [00:49:01] It is the end of my tale. And I’m so sorry that it is the most pathetic ending ever.

Chris [00:49:07] No, it’s not. Don’t be. Don’t be. Because here’s the thing. You mentioned you’re happily married. Does your hus- does your husband know the epic tale of Library Boy?

Caller [00:49:14] Not as well and as you all.

Chris [00:49:23] You hold those ones close to your vest, right? You do. You hold that close to your- hold that one close to your chest a little bit. You give yourself a little something. Like, I think I’ve told my wife about Shelly, but I don’t know if I’ve told her, like, all those details.

Caller [00:49:39] Well, I’ll have my husband listen to this episode, and you have your wife listen to it as well.

Chris [00:49:43] Now, I have another question for you, Caller. I have another question for you. Weird question. Have you and I spoken before?

Caller [00:49:53] No.

Chris [00:49:54] Oh, you sound a lot like someone I know. Okay. No. Not Shelly, sir, but thank you. Okay, so…

Caller [00:50:07] My real name is Shelly.

Chris [00:50:09] That can’t be true.

Caller [00:50:10] No.

Chris [00:50:11] Good. Well played. Well played. I’m gonna say a couple of things. First of all, thank you for taking us on this epic journey. We got 13 minutes left for for follow up questions from me and the crowd. That is one of the most epic tales I’ve ever heard. And I don’t know if people here would agree with it. That is an epic tale. A well deserved applause break for sharing your story here on the show. I feel like the answer to this is no. But you get married. And how many years have you been married?

Caller [00:50:45] Only six months.

Chris [00:50:46] Only six months. Do you feel like there’s ever a chance, because… There’s a part of me that wonders what would happen if you ever ran into this to Library Boy. Like if you two were in a situation where you grabbed a drink and you went, This is crazy but like, I had this crazy, you know, the notes made me sort of weirdly fall for you. And then we had all these things, and I always wondered if it’s going to happen. And I’m the one, my anxiety fucked it up, but I don’t know. Have you ever thought about putting it all on the table and letting Library Boy know? Or six months into a marriage that might feel inappropriate, I bet.

Caller [00:51:19] I would say that had this had I, I mean, it’s funny because he only lives like a half hour away from where I currently live, and I am so sorry, audience. I’m so sorry.

Chris [00:51:36] No, you don’t have to say, I’m so sorry, audience. I’m just so sorry. Library Boy, if you ever hear this, I’m so sorry. And it’s not the caller didn’t do anything. You didn’t do anything, but Library Boy, you deserve love, too.

Caller [00:51:48] That’s true. That’s true. Had I run into him and had an opportunity to more to say more than just a quick like, hey, how’s it going? Nice to see you. Bye. If I had an opportunity to sit down and talk with him, you know, before I met my husband and dated him, I think I would have said something. Knowing myself now, I think I’m a lot more confident, and I kind of just like, screw what people think, I don’t care. I’ll just what, like, my feelings are valid. And they’re not bad. And so why not share them? And I wish I was like that when I was younger.

Chris [00:52:27] Yeah, yeah. I mean, right? It’s that old saying, if I knew then what I knew now. Do you look back on it? Are you able to take a step back emotionally? Do you think it fucked with his head? Like, do you look back and go, Man, that guy must have been wondering what the hell was going on that whole time. Do you think it fucked with his head?

Caller [00:52:49] I don’t know. I could see it either way. So if he if he said that it did, I would believe him. And if he said it didn’t, I would believe him. Oh. I do. I do have something. I was able, because I revealed myself, I was able to say, Hey, why did you stop writing? And he said that it was because he had forgotten what book he had told me to put a note in. So he didn’t get bored. He didn’t want to stop. But he forgot. Which is so sad.

Chris [00:53:25] Caller. This means… This means that this boy had a day where he sat there going, what was the book? What was the book? Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. What was the book? What was the book? What was the book? What was the book? And he couldn’t remember. And then all those years later, you came back. And then just fucking pretended that nothing was going on.

Caller [00:53:55] I could have been his helicopter, his jetpack. But no. I didn’t I didn’t have the courage. I didn’t have anything. And I regret it.

Chris [00:54:08] Caller, I’m going to ask you a knowingly unfair question that’s probably fucked up to ask you. And you have every right to just go, Chris, let’s not even. Is that cool?

Caller [00:54:21] Yes.

Chris [00:54:23] Let’s say that you run into him again or you get a call one night or a message, whatever it is, and he goes, Hey, I’m sorting a bunch of stuff out… I’ve been, and, you know, he’s doing it for the right reasons. He knows you’re married, but he’s doing it for the right reasons. Let’s say he turns around and goes, You know, like I’ve been seeing a shrink about my self-esteem issues and, you know, is there anything I did wrong? Because I was head over heels for you in college and it felt like you kept dodging me. How do you respond if he goes, I was in love with you that whole time. What? What did I do wrong? That’s about the most fair way I can ask that question.

Caller [00:55:05] I think that’s a very good question. I would have said, you know, truly nothing. It it was it was me. I didn’t have the confidence or to, to reveal myself because I didn’t want- because I cared about your feelings so much, I didn’t want to let you down.

Chris [00:55:31] That’s the most real shit I’ve ever heard from a not confident young person to put it out there. Finish your thought you were saying. And…?

Caller [00:55:39] Just I would I would sincerely apologize if I ever hurt him or made him question himself, because that would be very unfair.

Chris [00:55:52] Now, both for our listening audience at home and for the people here of Cudahy? I get the sense no one ever pronounces this town’s name correctly. So you’re happy anytime I do. I need to just take a little pause here and just tell us… Off the top of your head, three, four or five things about your husband that blow your fucking mind that you love, because this is entertainment at the end of the day. And what I don’t want is all of us walking away going, man, she was supposed to be with Library Boy. So tell us about your husband and how happy you are now, because I’m sure this guy fuckin- here’s the thing. No, here’s the thing. What should have happened is you should have had a young romance when you were 19 or 20 with Library Boy. That’s what should have happened, right? More often than not, in the modern day, you go through that relationship and it runs its course and you would have gone through that relationship and you would have wound up with your husband anyway. Let’s all just agree to that. Right? That what should have happened is it doesn’t mean that you would be married to Library Boy, but you had a missed opportunity. That being said, I want to fall in love with your husband a little bit, too, because I don’t want him getting the short end of the stick as part of this story.

Caller [00:57:04] Let me tell you about my husband. And I hope he’s listening from the other room.

Chris [00:57:09] That’s the most romantic thing I’ve ever heard.

Caller [00:57:14] He is the most patient person that I know.

Chris [00:57:18] Well, certainly it’s clear you need that.

Caller [00:57:22] You guys understand me. He, I think it was after actually after a few dates, he just said, hey, I’m really bad at reading girls, and I just want to let you know that I’m interested in you. And and there you go. And I told him later, I’m like, that was the best thing you ever could have done for me. Thank you for communicating that. And so he’s not only patient with me as I kind of figure out what I think and how I feel about things, but he also communicates so well and so clearly, and I do not have to wonder what he thinks.

Chris [00:58:05] You know what’s amazing about that? Is that everything that Library Boy taught you about yourself and illuminated about yourself, when your husband sliced through that, if you hadn’t have the whole Library Boy saga, I wonder if you’re in touch enough to know, Oh, this guy is sensing that I’m not going to go there. And I got to grab on to the people who do because I’ve messed this up before. Like, I wonder if Library Boy didn’t help teach you how to grab on to your husband when he when he sent up that signal flare of, hey, I’m going to go for it. You want to grab on?

Caller [00:58:38] You’ve just blown my mind.

Chris [00:58:41] Hey, that’s what I do. I also took my shirt off like 15 minutes ago because this story was getting so hot and heavy. I literally am just standing here in my in my undershirt now.

Caller [00:58:55] I’m really glad that you’ve included me in that. I feel like I’m in the room with you all.

Chris [00:59:02] Tell us more about your husband. Patient. Went for it. Grabbed on to it.

Caller [00:59:07] His, he is so different from me. He is. His interests are 100% different from me. But he’s interesting and he’s interested in things. I think interesting people love to learn and figure things out, and that’s what he does. His job and schooling has been completely different from mine. And he loves what he does. And he he’s so excited when he learns new things. And that is what I love about people. I love people who love learning things and love sharing what they’ve learned. And and he’s all of that.

Chris [00:59:50] And you know what’s fascinating to me about that? Is you always felt awkward about the Library Boy thing because you were right on top of each other. You wound up in all the same classes, on the same car ride, in the same schools, heading to the same country. And it always felt to you like, how do I express it? Make a move if we’re going to be right on top of each other, because it could mess up so much else. So then you meet your husband, who’s this guy who has vastly different interests but knows how to express them. And you go, Oh, there’s all this breathing room here where we’re not right on top of each other. And that feels like refreshing. Like maybe Library Boy helped to shine a spotlight on that being a need and what you’re looking for there.

Caller [01:00:24] You know, not right away. It didn’t. I mean, I didn’t realize a lot of these things until I started dating my husband. And I had to talk it out with with my mother and with friends. And and and I realized that I had a lot of my own biases that I needed to get over. And and it’s and it’s wonderful that I was that I was able to kind of open my mind. He still says I have the most closed minded out of anyone he knows, but I have improved. He has helped me.

Chris [01:01:01] It’s one of these stories that makes you realize, like, you can spend your whole life living with regrets or you can learn. And once you start to learn, then the regrets don’t become regrets. They become kind of the fertilizer and shit that helps the next thing grow.

Caller [01:01:20] I like it.

Chris [01:01:21] I like you calling my man. Let’s see what the people of Cudahy have to say. Got 2 minutes left. Let’s see. Franco says- Franco, who’s opening the second show, says, Her husband rules. And I think that’s true. Stephanie says, Caller didn’t get what we wanted, but she got what she needed. And I think that’s a beautiful thought. Taiwan Tea Man says, Caller you’re making Chris strip, maniacally check his fly every 5 minutes, and rip his glasses off. You are killing Geth. Oh, Sissy K with the question of the night. Does that mean there’s still a note in a book somewhere in that library?

Caller [01:02:09] Maybe. That would be a bummer.

Chris [01:02:15] That would be so beautiful, actually. Well, all these people in their crowd are going, maybe somebody else found it. Maybe somebody else, maybe somebody else. Maybe here’s what happened. Maybe somebody went and found that book and opened that book. Maybe some, let’s say it was a boy who was studying with a girl that night, and he went and opened the book and this note falls out. And they go, What the hell is this? And they see that they’re going, Man, like, this is kind of romantic. And I can read between the lines. And Oh my God, it feels like there’s this whole relationship. And it just ended. And then they looked at each other and went, We can’t let that happen to us. I’m into you. Are you into me?

Caller [01:02:53] I can only hope.

Chris [01:02:55] Probably it’s still just sitting there.

Caller [01:02:58] Probably.

Chris [01:03:05] Caller, I can’t thank you enough for sharing your story, for letting us know. God bless you and your husband and Library Boy, wherever he wound up. Oof. Oof, I need to go lay down after that one. All right. That’s a phone call right there. Thank you, as always, to Andrea Quinn who comes down the road, does the sound engineering on these all these different venues all over the country. It’s not an easy gig. Andrea’s crushing it. Thanks to Anita Flores, who produces the show. Our theme song is by Shellshag, and you can go to ChrisGeth.com if you want to know more about me. If you’re going, Hey, that was a great live episode. I wonder when he’s doing more live dates. You check ChrisGeth.com from time to time. You can also sign up for my mailing list there, that’s how you find out. And wherever you’re listening you can hit subscribe, favorite, follow. It really helps when you do. Find our latest merch at podswag.com. There’s mugs, shirts, posters, all that stuff, plus ad free episodes of Beautiful/ Anonymous. You interested? You’ll want to check out Stitcher Premium. Use the promo code “stories” for a one month free trial at Stitcher.com/premium.