EP. 203 — Phone Call Hole In One

[00:00:05] CHRIS: Hello to everybody who is banned from the driving range. It’s Beautiful Anonymous. One hour. One phone call. No names. No holds barred.

[00:00:15] THEME MUSIC: I’d rather go one-on-one. I think it’ll be more fun and I’ll get to know you and you’ll get to know me. 

[00:00:29] CHRIS: Hi everybody, Chris Gethard here, welcome to Beautiful Anonymous. It’s Tuesday, so excited to be able to bring you another conversation one hour at a time. We are exploring this world of ours, getting our stories on record in our own words. No media filter, no editing, no micromanaging. Just you out there. Phrasing your stories the way you want to phrase them. I’m lucky I get to do this show. I will be plugging this a lot. Just remember beautifulcononymous.com, May 14th, 17th. Tickets on sale. This week’s episode, it bounces around from topic to topic. We got three major things I’m going to put out there. One, we talk a lot about golf, which I have to say is something that until now, in my life, I have not been very interested in, I will cop to that. But I found it quite fascinating to hear how this caller loves golf and is pursuing golf in a very competitive way and how it taps into a very secret, ultra intense side of them. We also hear a lot about what it’s like to be a twin, all the twin stories you expect, all the, how life does proceed and you find some major differences with your twin. And then I will say we talk pretty heavily about politics. I know that sometimes listeners on the show don’t love the political talk. I will let you know that it is 2020. It’s on people’s minds. It’s obviously going to be happening more and more. And I’ll just remind you that we bounce between those three. This is a real three ring circus. And if any of those topics, golf, twin stuff or politics interests you, we keep looping them all back around. So enjoy this call with this very interesting golfing twin.

[00:02:16] PHONE ROBOT: Thank you for calling Beautiful Anonymous. A beeping noise will indicate when you are on the show with the host.

[00:02:25] CHRIS: Hello. 

[00:02:26] CALLER: [cough]

[00:02:27] CHRIS: Oh, I heard, I heard you clear with throat. 

[00:02:31] CALLER: Oh, hello? 

[00:02:32] CHRIS: Yeah, hey, what’s up? 

[00:02:24] CALLER: Oh hey, I didn’t hear you say anything. What’s up?

[00:02:37] CHRIS: What’s up with me? Not much. Enjoying life. Feeling pretty good lately. Feeling pretty good.

[00:02:45] CALLER: Oh, that’s good.

[00:02:46] CHRIS: Yeah. Some stress, some stress with real life. 

[00:02:48] CALLER [over Chris]: Same here. I’m glad I got through, finally. 

[00:02:50] CHRIS: Yeah I’m psyched to have you. Yeah I have a little bit of stress with some big picture life stuff, but it’s all towards positive ends. I’ll say that. How are you?  

[00:03:00] CALLER: Well that’s a good way to look at it. I’m doing good. I’m getting over a cold.

[00:03:05] CHRIS: Ah, that sucks.

[00:03:07] CALLER: I can’t really let that stop me. I have a big golf match today. I’m on the golf team at my college. I’ve got to beat some girl today.

[00:03:21] CHRIS: [Laughs] I love that.

[00:03:23] CALLER: Yeah, yeah, I don’t think we’ve ever had, I mean, I don’t think I’ve heard a golfer on the show yet.

[00:03:29] CHRIS: So you’ve got a big golf match. It sounds like you’re quite competitive. You said, I got to beat some girls today. Sounds like you have like a real warrior mentality.

[00:03:38] CALLER: Yeah, yeah. I love being competitive and right now there’s some drama on our team about who’s going to travel to our tournament because our tournament is like a five hour plane ride away, so it’s far, and only five girls get to go. And usually I’m one of those five girls. But we have some new players that want to take our spots. So I have to defend my spot so that I can travel.

[00:04:10] CHRIS: So not only do you need to take down your foes at the tournament, but you need to swat away the interlopers. These underclassmen, I assume, have shown up more recently?

[00:04:21] CALLER: Yes, yes, exactly. Which I think is kind of bad for team chemistry to, you know, make us go against each other.

[00:04:30] CHRIS: Yeah, but look.

[00:04:33] CALLER: It’s what it has to be.

[00:04:34] CHRIS: Look, whoever can drive the ball the furthest, whoever can stay calm under pressure, whoever is going to avoid those sand traps. Your coach wants to put the best out there on the green. And I do understand that as well. 

[00:04:46] CALLER: Exactly. That’s exactly right. Yes.

[00:04:50] CHRIS: And so when do you find out if you get on the plane?

[00:04:54] CALLER: Well, so probably today after, we’re going to play today. And then after that, our coach will tell us who’s going and then we leave. I think we go next Wednesday. On Wednesday, yeah, we go.

[00:05:07] CHRIS: So today is not the tournament. Today is the culling of the herd. 

[00:05:11] CALLER: Today is the qualifying round.

[00:05:15] CHRIS: And this is effectively, I would imagine, like seeing who gets to be a starter on the varsity team.

[00:05:19] CALLER: Yes. Basically, the travel team is what we call it.

[00:05:26] CHRIS: Can I ask, are you at a Division 1 school?

[00:05:29] CALLER: No. So I’m at a Division 3 almost. We’re trying to get to be Division 2. So we’re at Division 3, so no one really cares that much. It’s kind of like we’re all just here to play free golf, which makes it so much more fun. [Chris laughing] And, you know, there’s not so much on the line. But we also are pretty good.

[00:05:54] CHRIS: I got to say, there’s a little bit of a dissonance there. No offense, but for you to say like, oh, yeah, it’s Division 3, no one really cares. But then to also be like, I got to step up and stomp some girls. It seems like that’s…

[00:06:09] CALLER: Yeah.

[00:06:09] CHRIS: You’re taking it awfully serious for Division 3.

[00:06:12] CALLER: See, I look at it more like this is just for fun, like being competitive for fun. I don’t know if that makes sense.

[00:06:21] CHRIS: Competitive person.

[00:06:21] CALLER: Like it doesn’t really matter. What was that? 

[00:06:25] CHRIS: You’re a competitive person.

[00:06:26] CALLER: Yes, I am. I’m a competitive person. That probably stems from the fact that I have an identical twin sister and I always have to be better than her. [Chris laughs] But I would say I just like to be competitive [laugh] and it’s fun even though it doesn’t matter. And sometimes that actually hurts me. Sometimes it kind of gets in my way.

[00:06:51] CHRIS: Now, does your twin sister golf?

[00:06:54] CALLER: No, she does not.

[00:06:56] CHRIS: Do you hold that over her head?

[00:06:58] CALLER: Yes, I do. I do hold it over her head a little bit. So I play college sports, but it’s just golf so it’s not really that big of a deal.

[00:07:07] CHRIS: Are you guys at the same college?

[00:07:10] CALLER: No. We’re about an hour and a half away from each other. We went to school together all our lives and then we decided we need to be our own people, and we went to different colleges.

[00:07:23] CHRIS: Now does she have anything in her life that’s her equivalent of golf that she holds over your head? Like, is she an amazing guitar player or something? And that you always have to hear about that.

[00:07:37] CALLER: We’re very different. So she’s like really talkative. We’re also the same major. We’re both politics majors.

[00:07:44] CHRIS: Uh huh.

[00:07:45] CALLER: And she’s super outgoing and talkative and she’s always in, like, activist groups. And she’s leading protests at her school. And she, like, uses her voice a lot and she’s able to, like, gain a lot of support. And I can’t really say where she lives, but it’s a big city. And she kind of has that going for her. She’s been doing that since high school, too. She’s like activism. And even though I’m a politics major, I just can’t really, I’m not very outgoing. And I don’t think I’ve ever been to any protest and stuff, so that’s usually what like, you know, at Thanksgiving dinners, it’s all about that. And her, what she’s doing with politics. And then what I’m doing with golf or something, yeah.

[00:08:40] CHRIS: So it sounds to me like your interest in politics, if I had to guess, you’re more interested in like, let’s get in the back room, let’s make a deal. I’m going to get my amendments added to a bill and we’re going to push this thing through.

[00:08:54] CALLER: Yes, that’s exactly it. I’m like, I want to go into politics behind the scenes, the one who actually gets the things done. And then she’s like, you know, the people have the power. Which is true. We have the same exact political beliefs. Like, obviously, I don’t know, we came from a somewhat conservative family and me and my sister both popped out to be as liberal as you could be. So we’re both like going at it like different ways to try to make change. We’re coming at it from different sides but with the same goal.

[00:09:30] CHRIS: Yeah. I love that. So your twin sister is like, let’s get the grassroots going. Let’s get the people rising up. Let’s put the power back in the hands of the common folk. And you’re like, get me in the room where it happens so I can win at this too.

[00:09:46] CALLER: Yes. Yes. Yeah. That’s kind of what it’s like.

[00:09:49] CHRIS: [Laughing] So you’re competitive with your own sister. You’re competitive with your own teammates. You’re competitive with your foes out on the green. Do you define yourself by your competitive nature? Is that the number one way you would describe yourself?

[00:10:06] CALLER: It’s funny because I, like, do not come across that way at all. A lot of people would describe me as just super chill and doesn’t really care and just kind of goes with the flow. But that’s why I’m saying this now. This is completely anonymous. I, deep down and like I don’t express it at all, I am very competitive. I know I’m super competitive.

[00:10:34] CHRIS: Wow. So everybody thinks you’re chill. And then right behind your eyes, you’re putting everybody on blast. Everybody’s in your crosshairs. You’re taking people out in your mind.

[00:10:46] CALLER: Well, kind of, yeah. I guess, I don’t know. I honestly just try to have fun. I just try to make the most of my experience here. I don’t know.

[00:11:03] CHRIS: Now I’ve always heard, there’s a phrase something along the lines of the golf course is where the deals really happen. Do you feel like this is part of your interest in golf and politics?

[00:11:11] CALLER: Yes. What I always say is you don’t do business on a golf course. You decide if you want to do business with that person on the golf course.

[00:11:22] CHRIS: That’s bad ass. You’re bad ass! 

[00:11:27] CALLER: [Laughs}I mean, I just kind of, I don’t know, the person you are on the golf course is like who you really are. In my experience. In my opinion. So I think golf is like the greatest metaphor for life. Even though I’m super biased because I love golf either way. But like, everything that I learn in golf, I’m able to apply it some way to life, just like the predicaments you get yourself into. And the people you have to deal with, especially in, you know, when you’re not doing well, how to make the best of it still. And when you’re doing good, how to still stay level. Not get too ahead of yourself.

[00:12:11] CHRIS: Now I’m going to want you to explain this to me because I’ve never, I think I’ve played golf. I think some friends of mine in L.A. used to play and they brought me on like a nine hole course one time in my life and I didn’t get it. And to my knowledge, I may still be banned at a driving range on Route 46 in Wayne, New Jersey, because of some shenanigans.

[00:12:35] CALLER: Why, what did you do?

[00:12:38] CHRIS: Well, I’ll tell you what, because I’ve been to the driving range a bunch of times and I’ve never really told anybody this. But it turns out, like, I’m not trained, but I can really smack the shit out of the ball. Sorry Sally. 

[00:12.48] CALLER: Yeah, you’ve got a natural swing?

[00:12:50] CHRIS: Not enough, I’ll say it, but you know, most of the time it’s like going off to one of the sides or the other. Is that a slice when it goes in the direction you don’t want it to?

[00:13:01] CALLER: When it goes to the right, you call that a slice. Yes.

[00:13:04] CHRIS: What about when it goes to the left?

[00:13:07] CALLER: That would be a hook.

[00:13:08] CHRIS: I’m out here slicing and hooking a lot of the time, so I’m not going to pretend I’m not, but when I get under this thing, I’ll smash it into the net every once in a while because, you know what I just instinctively learned and you tell me if I’m right or wrong. But I instinctively sensed this. Like many physical activities, really, it’s all in the hips.

[00:13:31] CALLER: Yeah, you are exactly right.

[00:13:33] CHRIS: I could feel it! You’re not hitting that ball with your biceps, your shoulders or anything. You’re hitting this ball with your hips, baby. And I picked up on it.

[00:13:42] CALLER: It’s the hip movement. I mean, my arms are so skinny, there’s absolutely no muscle in them. But I can still hit the ball just as far as someone who has muscles in their arms, ’cause it’s just your hip movement.

[00:13:52] CHRIS: That’s got to feel good. You ever get out there at the tee and you’re there with some guy who hits the gym all the time and he thinks, he thinks he’s gonna smack it further. But he’s sitting here trying to muscle it out. And then you smash it 50 yards further than he does. And in your mind, you’re like, I just took you out, you son of a…

[00:14:15] CALLER: Yeah. It’s a great feeling when I hit it just as far or farther than middle aged men who play golf all the time.

[00:14:23] CHRIS: I love that. Take it out. I mean, you play me someday. If you’re 39, are you middle aged? Is 39 middle aged? Getting up there. Someday, maybe we’ll play golf together and you’ll beat the hell out of me, you’ll feel great about yourself. So I used to go to this driving range in Wayne, New Jersey, with couple of friends of mine in high school. It was a fun thing we used to do. And a couple of my friends from my neighborhood were troublemakers. My neighborhood generally a nice enough neighborhood, but it was, I think, one of the main sources of the troublemakers in my town. And it will not be surprising to you that we A) actively aimed for the guy in the cart that scoops up the balls, actively went after that thing, every time I was out there I’m trying to put the fear of God in this guy. And then we also realized that there were a bunch of, if you go on the nets on the outside, that a lot of the golf balls get caught on the outside and we’re going out there trying to steal a bunch for no real reason outside of just stealing a thing, because we were teenagers. And we got yelled at for that. And then I went in and it had like, I think a lot of driving ranges have like a little set of mini greens, right? Or mini, what? 

[00:15:39] CALLER: Yeah. Little practice greens?

[00:15:39] CHRIS: Yeah so you can practice your putting. And yeah I went to sign up for the putting green and they already had yelled at me and my friends twice and instead of letting the guy just hand me a putter I kind of like, showing off for my friends, waltzed back behind the desk to just grab a putter on my own, obviously, I’m 16 or 17 years old and there must have been, what, I mean you’ve seen these racks, probably 100 putters all hanging from the thing. 

[00:16:06] CALLER: Mm hmm. 

[00:16:07] CHRIS: I knocked every single one of them down. When I say every single one of them hit the floor. I was a klutz and I wasn’t trying to do that. But they thought I was. And me and my friends were told, never come back here again.

[00:16:18] CALLER: That is really funny because at golf courses, it’s mostly people who are just trying to be super quiet and elegant and like, ah let’s go putt or whatever. And then all of a sudden a bunch of putters crash, that would make me laugh really hard. I would be really entertained if I was there. 

[00:16:38] CHRIS: You and I both know that if you’re, you know, you’re at a driving range on a Friday night, because it was a weekend, it was a Friday or Saturday. You’re probably, like you said, the largest demographic, middle aged guys. They’ve probably been working hard, 9 to 5, all week long. They just want to go smash some balls for the weekend so they can get their rage out, hang out with their families rage free. The last thing they want to see is me and my two goony 16 year old friends – as soon as we walk in the door, they’re probably like, oh, here we go.

[00:17:10] CALLER: Yeah. Yeah. But it sounds like you guys had more fun.

[00:17:15] CHRIS: We did that night. We, you know, you hate to say, but when you’re a teenage boy, ruining other people’s fun is one of the most fun activities when you’re a 16 year old boy.

[00:17:25] CALLER: Yeah, that would make sense. That checks out.

[00:17:29] CHRIS: Now, I’ve heard rumor, and you tell me if this is true or not. I’ve heard that there’s like a big upswing in parents encouraging their daughters to take up golf at a young age because due to Title 9 laws in place in college athletics and because traditionally golf is, I think, more of a thing that fathers pass on to their sons, historically, that there’s a lot of room to get scholarships in golf for young ladies. Is this true?

[00:18:01] CALLER: Yeah, that’s definitely true. I didn’t start until I was 15 and it was also, yeah, my dad got me into it. My dad had played my whole life and he kind of got us, me and my two sisters, he got me and my other sisters both into it when we were younger, but none of us really stuck with it. But a lot of the girls that I encounter in NCAA tournaments are like, they’ve been playing since they were three or four. And, you know, their dad is at every single tournament. And it doesn’t even seem like they like golf. It’s just their dad pushed them since they were young and in golf, for women, golf is a good sport to get a scholarship. That’s definitely true, because they need to give out the same number of scholarships to girls as to boys. And, you know, if a college has a football team, that’s a lot of boys getting a scholarship and there’s no girls football team, so they disperse it and give it to golfers. People definitely… 

[00:19:10]CHRIS: You got a scholarship? 

19.11 CALLER: No, I don’t have a scholarship. In Division 3, we don’t do that.

19.17 CHRIS: Ah, that’s a bummer.

[00:19:18] CALLER: They just recruited us.

[00:19:19] CHRIS: They did, so you got actively recruited?

[00:19:22] CALLER: Yeah. They just recruit us and be like, come to this school. It’s great, we can’t give you any money, but it’s a good school. And that was enough for me.

[00:19:34] CHRIS: [Laughs] I like that.

[00:19:38] CALLER: I’m going to the school I wanted to go to anyways. And yeah, so the fact that I could play on the golf team just was like an added bonus.

[00:19:47] CHRIS: And now tell me as a competitive person. So you’ve been playing, you said you’re an upperclassman, so you’ve been playing for a few years. When you go on, you’re flying all over the country to do these tournaments, very competitive person. Are we talking you’re coming in first place? Where are you coming in on a regular basis?

[00:20:06] CALLER: Oh, no, no. I’m like in the middle. I’m a very average player. [Chris laughs] I’m like, I’m fine with how I play because I’ve only been playing for five years. Yeah, five years. And you could say I progressed very quickly. And I’m at the point now where I can beat my dad and that’s all I really care about. [both laugh] I can beat my dad and most of the girls on my team, like out of the top five players that travel, I’m number three. So I’m right in the middle. And then in the tournaments, I end up right in the middle.

[00:20:49] CHRIS: So you’re the third. So when you are fiercely competitive and profoundly average, that might be, I would imagine that can be a frustrating combination.

[00:21:01] CALLER: It’s like frustrating, yes. But the girls who are better than me are so much better it’s like I can’t really be competitive with them. You know, it’s like, it’s the girls who have been playing since they were three or four because their dad has been pushing them to. And they usually see golf differently. Like golf is just for fun. For me, it’s just a competitive outlet. But for them it’s like this is all they have. 

[00:21:31] CHRIS: Yeah. 

[00:21:32] CALLER: And it’s definitely not all that I have. It’s just for fun.

[00:21:36] CHRIS: So when you’ve got these freshmen and sophomores looking to take your spot, if you’re third in the pecking order, this is actually a thing that could happen.

[00:21:45] CALLER: Yes, I’m nervous that next year new freshmen are gonna come in and take my spot.

[00:21:53] CHRIS: [Laughs] Sorry to laugh, but the reveal when you’ve spent – we’re 20 minutes into this call and so much of it has been like, golf is my thing. I’m really competitive. I’ll take people’s heads off out there. And then to find out I am the third best on my team. And there is a high probability that a freshman could come in with a lot more experience. Yeah, that is a hilarious reveal.

[00:22:18] [AD BREAK]

[00:23:01] CALLER: OK. I’m glad I can make you laugh. But here’s the thing. The fact that, like, I’m nervous that these freshmen are going to take my spot, I will spend all summer at the golf course making sure that they don’t take my spot and getting better. Because I started out as number five and then I’ve worked my way up.

[00:23:22] CHRIS: Ooh so you took somebody out and now you’ve been taking people out one at a time ahead of you.

[00:23:27] CALLER: Yeah, I’ve been taking people out. So now I’ve just gotta make sure that the new guys don’t take me out somehow.

[00:23:34] CHRIS: And what are the strengths and weaknesses in your game?

[00:23:40] CALLER: Hmm, strengths? I don’t know, I’m just able to, I guess they call it scramble, where you don’t hit every shot good, but you somehow end up with a par still because it’s basically short game. It all comes down to short game, which is like chipping and putting. My long shots, they can go anywhere and as long as I get it around the greens, I can get it in the hole pretty easily. That’s probably my strength.

[00:24:16] CHRIS: The short game.

[00:24:17] CALLER: Weaknesses… weaknesses is that I get tired easily [Chris laughs] and it’s mental game, actually, mental game is my weakness because I mean, most of the listeners on this podcast struggle with mental illness. I’m definitely one of them. Like anxiety is, it has stopped me from competing before just because I get so nervous. 

[00:24:46] CHRIS: Again, another dichotomy that doesn’t match up with what I believed.

[00:24:51] CALLER: Yeah, I’ve actually thought a lot about this, like the fact that I’m so competitive. But then I struggle so heavily with anxiety. It’s like the competitiveness is who I’m really supposed to be. I’m supposed to go out and try to win. But then this anxiety is kind of like this, you know, I call it like an auto immune disorder. I’m like attacking myself for no reason. Because I shouldn’t really be nervous. I shouldn’t have this anxiety. But then because, like, I know I can compete and do well, which is like, the fact that I am number three and that I can beat other girls is like, the reason why that’s good enough for me is because anxiety is so hard to get over, especially in golf. And so I would say, yeah, that’s kind of where that dichotomy comes from. Just trying to get over anxiety.

[00:25:47] CHRIS: I feel like you just summed up what it’s like to be a young person in 2020. Like I know I’m supposed to be able to go out there and win and dominate, but the anxiety is messing with my guts. I feel like that demonstrates everything that’s changing about sort of the American myth as we speak.

[00:26:05] CALLER: Yeah, yeah. I have a lot of like just questions about why. Why is that how young people are now? Like was it not ever, was it not like that for you when you were my age?

[00:26:18] CHRIS: Oh I mean if you know anything about, if you ever watch my HBO special, I talk a lot about my early 20s. And I was a lot, I was a lot like you, except I wasn’t third place at anything. I was the fifth place person in most areas of my life and had five times the amount of anxiety anybody else around me had, 10 times the amount of anxiety everybody else around me had, spent days curled up in the dark on the floor of my bedroom in college, just wondering why I existed. So I was an early adopter. I think my generation still clung to a sense of toughness that I think your generation is maybe happily trading in as a less of a priority. I was an early adopter of being an anxiety wracked twenty-something who couldn’t sort out why life was the way it was.

[00:27:09] CALLER: Yeah that’s, that’s kind of where I’m at too. But I’m understanding the way the world works now and I don’t really like it all that much. 

[00:27:19] CHRIS: Yeah.

[00:27:20] CALLER: It kind of frustrates me and especially being a politics major. And I mean, all of the stuff happening in politics right now, it just really disappoints me.

[00:27:31] CHRIS: What aspects disappoint you the most? As someone who’s learning about it currently.

[00:27:37] CALLER: I think that the Constitution is not even being upheld at all anymore. I mean, Trump is our president and the way that our, I mean, the Iowa caucus just, I like went to sleep just so sad that our party couldn’t put that together. Couldn’t do that. And the impeachment, the whole thing that they acquitted him without even having any witnesses. They didn’t listen to the subpoenas, which is like, you know, our government is supposed to work that way for a reason. Like it’s supposed to give other people power. It can’t just be this one guy with all his power. And then the Democratic Party, you know, the DNC is like, has these weird issues going on with the caucuses that it all comes down to power. And even though I’m a competitive person going back to that individually, I think that my competitiveness is actually a downfall for me because I strongly believe in democratic socialism and basically equality and that no individual, basically that strong individuals come from strong communities, not strong individuals make strong communities. And that’s like really where I struggle the most with being disappointed in the way our system works. Basically, capitalism, I don’t know. I just went off, that rant right there. Yeah.

[00:29:19] CHRIS: I like hearing it. I will say the caucuses, as someone who, as someone who has voted Democrat my whole life, it was like, well, we just handed them the very easy and somewhat true talking point of, you know, this super elaborate healthcare system that these people want the government to take over. They can’t even get this caucus sorted out. 

[00:29:43] CALLER: Right? Yes.

[00:29:44] CHRIS: Remotely, it’s like… And you can’t really argue with that. Like, hey, you want these people running your health care? When this caucus went the way it did?

[00:29:53] CALLER: Yeah, seriously.

[00:29:54] CHRIS: It’s hard to not nod in agreement begrudgingly at that. What a mess. 

[00:29:59] CALLER: Yeah. It’s so disappointing. I mean, I’m literally right now wearing a shirt that says Medicare for all. But like, I was not even gonna wear it when the Democrats can’t even count votes from a caucus.

[00:30:11] CHRIS: The image of you going out onto the green later to try to swat away the people coming for your spot on the team and then you got to smash this ball and you got to get to that short game and then you’re going to turn around and look them in the eye to intimidate them and they’re going to just take a deep breath and say, Medicare for all, you’re really trying to… For somebody who believes in socialized medicine, you’re really trying to crush me right now.

[00:30:37] CALLER: Oh, it is fun wearing my Bernie shirts on the golf course.

[00:30:41] CHRIS: [Laughs] Yeah, it seems like a lot of his values of community and connecting everybody doesn’t totally match up with, I am very into an individual sport defined by the idea that people make capitalist deals out there on the golf course and crush each other. A weird conflict of values there.

[00:31:03] CALLER: Yeah, another little contradiction that I struggle with in my life, playing an individual, such an individual sport. But like I love Bernie so much. It’s interesting. Sometimes I feel guilty about it.

[00:31:18] CHRIS: I don’t think you should feel guilty about it. Have you ever hit a hole in one?

[00:31:22] CALLER: No, I have not. I’ve come close. 

[00:31:25] CHRIS: That must feel so good.

[00:31:27] CALLER: Yeah, I’ve also never seen anyone in real life, in person hit a hole in one. 

[00:31:32] CHRIS: Really?

[00:31:33] CALLER: So the day I see that is going to be really cool, or the day that I do it myself.

[00:31:38] CHRIS: To me, it’s dunking a basketball, it’s hitting a home run, it’s getting a hole in one. Those are the three things that it’s like, those must feel so good. And I’ve never done any of them. And I never will. I never will. You might get a hole in one. You got to keep playing golf for me.

[00:31:55] CALLER: Don’t think that way. 

[00:31:57] CHRIS: No, listen. You think I’m going to dunk a basketball at the age of 39? You think I’m going to go out onto a baseball field? When I played baseball as a kid, I literally used to cry because I was so bad. I would cry and it filled me with so much stress. And then after, I think after like seventh grade, I said to my parents, I really don’t like baseball. And they were like, well then why don’t you stop playing? And I was like, I’m allowed? I’m allowed to just make that choice? They were like, yeah, no it seems like you like basketball a lot better anyway. And I was like, yeah, I can keep playing basketball and never have to play baseball again? I don’t think I’ve touched a baseball bat since the day I quit. What an embarrassment that was. You think I’m going to grab a bat now and smash one 450 feet?

[00:32:44] CALLER: Well, I guess it’s not for everyone. I’ve never hit a baseball.

[00:32:51] CHRIS: Yeah, baseball’s for the birds. Baseball, math and dogs, these are the things. Now people are gonna get mad at me, too. 

[00:32:58] CALLER: Oh yeah, you don’t like dogs. 

[00:32:59] CHRIS: I don’t dislike dogs. Dogs are fine. I guess I’m going to get a dog. Everybody lately wants me to get a dog on the show. I don’t know. You might be a listener to the show. Are you aware of what I look like?

[00:33:10] CALLER: Yeah. Yeah, I follow you on social media. I’m a big fan.

[00:33:14] CHRIS: Well, thank you so much. But you have to agree. The idea that I’m going to develop athletic prowess now, come on. Let’s both be honest about this.

[00:33:25] CALLER: Yeah, well, you found your little area, though, in comedy and podcasts and whatnot. So you found a different area that you excel in.

[00:33:34] CHRIS: Yeah, whatever the phone call equivalent of dunking a basketball is, I figured that out.

[00:33:40] CALLER: Yeah, you definitely dunked the basketball with Beautiful Anonymous. 

[00:33:44] CHRIS: Yes, I dunked the basketball with a progressively more outdated and obsolete form of communication. I’ve nailed that. Now who’s your favorite golfer and who’s your favorite politician? Sounds like Bernie is at the front of the pack.

[00:33:58] CALLER: Yeah. Okay. Favorite golfers. Probably Lydia Ko or Lexi Thompson for women and Dustin Johnson for the guys. I don’t know if you know who that is.

[00:34:15] CHRIS: I know who none of these people are.

[00:34:18] CALLER: Okay. Yeah. I didn’t expect you to, but they just have very good swings. I don’t know what type of people they are, they just have good swings. And then politics. I really like Bernie, obviously, and Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. You know her?

[00:34:36] CHRIS: She’s my representative, I’m in her district. How jealous are you right now?

[00:34:42] CALLER: I’m so jealous. That’s so cool.

[00:34:44] CHRIS: I met her. I think I told this story on the show once but when she was running, I walked out of my house, I was going to the beach wearing a pink bathing suit. And she was standing on my corner with Susan Sarandon. And someone in her staff who was standing there recognized me. And I’ve never felt more humiliated in my life.

[00:35:02] CALLER: Oh, what? That’s so cool, though.

[00:35:06] CHRIS: I was wearing a straw hat and a pink bathing suit. I never dress for the beach. I always wear my bathing suit under my jeans and I walk onto the beach in my jeans. The rare times I even go to the beach. Now I got to meet AOC and Susan Sarandon. But yes, she was just somebody out there pounding the pavement, shaking hands.

[00:35:25] CALLER: She’s a cool person. She’s so normal.

[00:35:29] CHRIS: Yeah, I…

[00:35:30] CALLER: A lot of people do not like her. 

[00:35:35] CHRIS: She’s very divisive.

[00:35:36] CALLER: She’s very divisive, yeah. But I love her. She’s definitely inspired me more, actually. I’m double majoring in politics and economics because of her. Because that’s what her degree is in, politics and economics.

[00:35:48] CHRIS: Wow, role model. Role model for the youth.

[00:35:51] CALLER: Yeah, she’s a role model. 

[00:35:54] CHRIS: Hey, that’s cool. I think that’s cool.

[00:35:59] CALLER: Yeah, definitely.

[00:36:00] CHRIS: Now, who’s your favorite politician that’s also known for playing golf? Because I will point out, you have said you don’t like Donald Trump, but he plays a lot of golf.

[00:36:11] CALLER: He does play a lot of golf. And he’s actually good at golf, which is annoying.

[00:36:17] CHRIS: [Laughs]

[00:36:20] CALLER: I really dislike that.

[00:36:22] CHRIS: Have you fantasized about getting out on the green with him and trying to take him out?

[00:36:27] CALLER: Yeah, I’ve joked about it with my teammates. If we were to ever play with Donald Trump, what we would say to him on the golf course.

[00:35:34] CHRIS: What are we thinking here?

[00:36:37] CALLER: I mean, you don’t do business on the golf course. You decide if you want to do business on the golf course. But I already know, I don’t really want to do business with Trump. So I would just, I would just say a bunch of shit, to, I don’t know. There’s not much you can say to him. Oh, sorry Sally.

[00:36:56] CHRIS: That’s okay. But would you, would you wait till he’s like winding up? Is it winding up on a swing? What is the terminology here?

[00:37:02] CALLER: Yes. On his backswing, during his backswing I would just say, Good luck.

[00:37:06] CHRIS: Really? 

[00:37:09] CALLER: That’s what I like to say to my dad, right on his back swing, I just say good luck. And then it trips him out.

[00:37:15] CHRIS: I feel like you should just be like, wait till he’s in his back swing and be like, You cheated on your wife with porn stars and paid the National Enquirer to cover it up, how did you get away with that and still have the support of the Family Values Party? And see how that goes during his backswing.

[00:37:29] CALLER: Yeah, yeah, that’s a good one to say. I’ll have to keep that in mind for when I, if I ever see him on the golf course.

[00:37:36] CHRIS: You’d like, wait until he’s just about to go for a chip shot and he’s super concentrating. And you’re like, Why did you mock that disabled reporter? And like, just say stuff like that right before he swings.

[00:37:45] CALLER: Yeah. Say stuff to really get in his head, you know?

[00:37:48] CHRIS: Yeah. Kids in cages, right as he’s trying to swing.

[00:37:53] CALLER: It’s very interesting that he, I mean, I bet, I wonder if he’s like strong minded in that way because on the golf course you can crumble apart so easily. So I do wonder if he can get intimidated or like if someone can say something to him that gets in his head ever.

[00:38:13] CHRIS: It seems like nothing can get in the guy’s head. I don’t get it. I don’t know. I don’t want to rant too much. But once someone says, You can grab them by the pussy, it just feels like right there you don’t get to be president. But that was four years ago and I guess you do, OK. Anyway, anyhow.

[00:38:29] CALLER: Yes. There’s so many. Yeah. There’s so much stuff we could talk about. About Trump, about him not, yeah, but I think we’re in agreement on that.

[00:38:41] CHRIS: Now, how do you feel about the fact, I feel like if any politicians are listening right now and they’re going, We’ve got this super motivated political science and economics major, who’s extraordinarily competitive and wants to take people out. I want this person on my team.

[00:38:56] CALLER: Well, I hope so. I mean, while I was just telling you about all the politics stuff, I was thinking, wow, a lot of listeners are probably thinking this is just some young college student who’s been fueled by the liberal, you know, college mind. Because that’s what most of my family members say. 

[00:39;23] CHRIS: Yeah. 

[00:39:24] CALLER: So I don’t know. I never know if, you know, my beliefs and, you know, how I act is, like, actually meaningful or just because I’m a college student who’s growing up in this time right now. I don’t know.

[00:39:36] CHRIS: I think it’s, well, here’s the thing. Why has it become so in vogue to dismiss, like once you turn 18, you have a vote and therefore your opinion matters. Why is it so in vogue to dismiss that? I don’t quite get it. I don’t quite get it.

[00:39:51] CALLER: You’re right. I have a vote as equal to anybody else.

[00:39:54] CHRIS: And I’ve heard people of the generation that gave birth to me go, you hear people go, Oh, these young college kids trying to change everything, and it’s like, oh, really? Cause you’re my parents’ generation and you guys were the anti-Vietnam movement. You were the feminist movement. You were the civil rights movement. So you guys were out there in the streets doing it. Why do you roll your eyes at people who are trying to do it now? I don’t get it.

[00:40:19] CALLER: Yeah. They’re not trying to make change. Somebody else has to. It’s going to be us.

[00:40:24] CHRIS: When did we got to come so cynical? I need you. I need the people like you. I need the people like you are still fresh faced and not cynical yet. Who still have the fire in your guts. I don’t want to make you guys feel like you’re not allowed to speak up. I want you guys to feel like you gotta speak up because people like me need to listen.

[00:40:42] CALLER: You’re right. You’re right. That’s part of the reason why I love Bernie so much, is because he says, you know, this is the young people’s fight, right now. And I agree with that 100 percent. Because I mean, I’m going to have student debt, but if Bernie’s president doesn’t look like I’m going to have student debt.

[00:41:02] CHRIS: No, but let’s [laughs]. OK. Now people are going to start getting mad. 

[00:41:07] CALLER: So let’s think about the real issues. That’s just kind of something that I just thought of, but like the real, you know, social issues like Medicare and stuff like.

[00:41:15] CHRIS: OK, now people are going to get mad. And some people, and I get it, and some people also listen to podcasts for escapism. And they’re going to turn it off during political talk. And you know, and that’s fine and that’s fine. I’ll see you next week if that’s what you need. But can I ask you a question? Because you’re a political science and economics major and a Bernie supporter. And here’s my big question. And I don’t know who I’m supporting. I’m supporting whoever is against Trump. Everybody who listens to the podcast knows that. But you just said, If Bernie gets in, I won’t have no student debt anymore. My big question is, it’s not like one person gets in and snaps their fingers and changes stuff that quickly.

[00:41:57] CALLER: Oh, yeah. Yeah, no.

[00:41:59] CHRIS: So how is that really going to work? And I guess that’s my question is, he’s describing the world I want to live in, but it’s not the world I live in now. And one question, here’s a question I have for you that I think is very valid to a young progressive, is how come people who identify as progressives are so put off by incremental progress. You know what I mean by that?

[00:42:31] [AD BREAK]

[00:43:21] CALLER: Yeah. Yeah. You know how how things take time. You can’t just go in there and yeah, like you said, snap your fingers and things change.

[00:43:28] CHRIS: I feel like I see on my social media feeds, amongst people who I really like and people who I really respect, people who share values with me. They get pissed off at the idea that that might happen over time instead of tomorrow.

[00:43:41] CALLER: Yeah. And that’s kind of just like the whole immediate happiness thing that people want these days. Like, I understand things don’t really get done. I’ve been following politics for like, since I was like fifteen now. Not a lot really gets done. Ever. So. 

[00:44:03] CHRIS: Yeah, it’s a bummer. 

[00:44:06] CALLER: Yeah. Yeah. I don’t know. But you’re right. A lot of people tuning into this show might not want to hear my whole political rant because I get it. I get real tired of politics too even, even though I’m a politics major. I have to turn off the news a lot just because I’m so sick of it.

[00:44:27] CHRIS: I mean, I barely even regard myself as a heavily political person and I still read about it obsessively today. But yeah, yeah. It’s tough to not get burnt out, not feel hopeless right now. But who knows, maybe someone, maybe someone on some side, even if it’s, even if someday a Republican president can make us feel a sense of hope and a sense that things can move forward, I feel like that would be such a nice change of pace.

[00:44:56] CALLER: Yeah. Just a sense of hope that we can move forward.

[00:45:00] CHRIS: Now, did you ever, did you ever switch with your identical twin sister and take tests on each other’s behalf in subjects that you’re stronger at? You can be honest. It’s anonymous.

[00:45:09] CALLER: Yeah we actually, we did. 

[00:45:12] CHRIS: What! 

[00:45:13] CALLER: We did do that in high school. 

[00:45:15] CHRIS: What?

[00:45:16] CALLER: Okay, we looked like a lot, we looked very similar.

[00:45:21] CHRIS: Are you identical twins?

[00:45:23] CALLER: We’re identical, yeah.

[00:45:25] CHRIS: Yes. So you do look similar, yes.

[00:45:27] CALLER: We look very similar, yeah. And I don’t think we’ve ever had a teacher that could tell us apart because we always had the same teachers. 

[00:45:34] CHRIS: Yeah.

[00:45:35] CALLER: And so I used to take her history tests. She used to take my math tests.

[00:45:40] CHRIS: Yes. Ooh! If I had an identical twin who could have taken my math tests, my life would have been so much better. That’s amazing. And you never got caught. 

[00:45:51] CALLER: No we never got caught up. And then one, but then one time, I remember I got her a better grade on one of the history tests than myself. And so I stopped doing it, I said, I’m done. I’m not doing this anymore. You got a better grade than me.

[00:46:06] CHRIS: The competitive side of you couldn’t handle that you got a higher score than yourself? 

[00:46:10] CALLER: Yeah. Yeah. Because it was in her name.

[00:46:14] CHRIS: So you went in and beat yourself at a test and then got mad that you had been bested even though you were bested by you? 

[00:46:24] CALLER: Yeah. Yeah. That’s a, that’s a good way to put it.

[00:46:30] CHRIS: And what would you guys have to wear? Did any of your teachers ever go like, Hey, how come every time there’s a big test you to show up wearing the same outfit? You ever have one of those?

[00:46:39] CALLER: No. The thing, they were, like, scared because they, all the teachers were always scared of getting us mixed up. They were scared they were going to say the wrong name. So they just didn’t talk to us, they didn’t say anything to us. So like, we were, like, invincible basically when we switched places.

[00:46:59] CHRIS: Invincible? 

[00:47:00] CALLER: Yeah. No one, no one would say anything to us. And then if they ever did, which they never did, I would just say, Why do you always get me mixed up with my twin, like we’re not even that similar. And then they would feel bad.

[00:47:12] CHRIS: And is this like something you would tell friends to brag or was it a closely guarded secret?

[00:47:18] CALLER: Yeah, I think we told our friends. I think I remember telling actually our math teacher. I told my math teacher at the end of the year. I was like, you know we used to switch places. And there was, like, nothing she can do about it. She was a chill teacher. She didn’t really mind.

[00:47:35] CHRIS: So when you’d already graduated or when it was already like everything’s locked in, this teacher’s not going to want to go through the pain in the ass of reporting you at the end of the goddamn year.

[00:47:47] CALLER: Yeah. 

[00:47:48] CHRIS: [Laughs] Ooh, I like that. Living the dream.

[00:47:53] CALLER: Yeah, that was, that was really fun to switch places. And also we used to play on a basketball team together and people would get, the other team would get mixed up. 

[00:48:01] CHRIS: Really? 

[00:48:03] CALLER: Yeah. I remember a couple of instances where we would have like two people guarding, like two people would be guarding me.

[00:48:09] CHRIS: Oh nice. 

[00:48:12] CALLER: Because they thought I was the other one. And then they’d realise, wait, there’s two of them.

[00:48:16] CHRIS: And like you’d wear number 17 and your sister would wear 71 and you’d like…

[00:48:22] CALLER: Oh, I didn’t think about that. We could have done that. 

[00:48:24] CHRIS: Next time. Next time you’re on a competitive basketball team together. And now what? Let’s talk about some of the other twin, some of the other big stereotypical twin questions. Did you ever date another set of twins or was there ever any drama with a love interest mixing you up with one another?

[00:48:43] CALLER: No. No, I do remember some like throughout, like, middle school guys would be like, Oh, I like both of you, like I would want to date both of you and we’d just be like, Screw off. You’re weird. Other than that, like, we never dated any twins. We never had like the person we were dating never mixed us up or anything.

[00:49:10] CHRIS: And you never had a crush on the same person.

[00:49:14] CALLER: No. Well, that’s interesting because actually she identifies as straight and I identify as gay. So we would never really like the same person.

[00:49:23] CHRIS: Yeah, that that helps draw a line in the sand. That makes it a little easier. 

[00:49:28] CALLER: Yes. That differentiates us. Definitely.

[00:49:32] CHRIS: Yeah. Yeah, that’ll do it. That’ll do it. Problem solved.

[00:49:38] CALLER: Yeah. Our, like, fashion identity maybe I guess you could say is really different.

[00:49:45] CHRIS: So when you would switch up the tests, would you have to dress up in each other’s clothes?

[00:49:50] CALLER: We would just wear like similar things. Like I was supposed to wear a black sweatshirt and jeans.

[00:49:57] CHRIS: Right. Right. You’d just meet in an ambiguous middle ground. Fashion wise. Oh I love that.

[00:50:08] CALLER: Yeah, yeah. Being a twin is pretty cool.

[00:50:10] CHRIS: What are the other advantages of being a twin that I don’t know about?

[00:50:15] CALLER: I mean, the best thing for me is it’s like a built in best friend, like we’ve been best friends since we were born. And I don’t remember, like, becoming best friends with her. But, you know, now we talk on the phone every single day and we’re so similar, like in our ways. Like we’re just super, I don’t even know how to explain it. But like whenever I have an issue, I call her and she’s like, I’m having that issue also.

[00:50:46] CHRIS: Yeah, that’s nice. 

[00:50:47] CALLER: Like our minds work really similarly, so it’s cool to be able to go through life and know that she is kind of having similar thoughts as me.

[00:50:59] CHRIS: That must be nice. Me and my brother, I have one brother, and me and him used to punch each other in the face. Probably three times a week growing up. Solid, legit, I’m not exaggerating. Physical strikes. 

[00:51:08] CALLER: Oh yes, we still punch each other.

[00:51:11] CHRIS: Really?

[00:51:11] CALLER: Oh yes. 

[00:51:12] CHRIS: Even though your best friends connected on your mind waves.

[00:51:16] CALLER: Yes, we are connected on our mind waves, but we physically will hurt each other.

[00:51:21] CHRIS: And how bad do you want to win in all those fights?

[00:51:25] CALLER: Pretty bad. You think I’m competitive? Oh, man. I am so competitive with my twin sister. Like physically, we used to play, every night we used to wrestle when we were growing up. I used to be like, well, we were always super skinny. We’re the same weight because we’re twins. So it was like the most equal fight ever. Both of us would just want to win. But yeah.

[00:51:57] CHRIS: That must be a very, a very jarring image, I would imagine, for anyone who comes upon it. Like if you got into a fight in public, like let’s say you’re in a park and someone comes around the corner and they’re like, there’s two identical humans wrestling each other right now with bloodthirsty rage.

[00:52:13] CALLER: Yeah. Yeah. We used to fight. I remember we used to get into arguments at school, like in the hallways, and people would like stare at us like, kind of laughing like, that’s weird.

[00:52:26] CHRIS: Now, can I ask you a sensitive question and maybe there’s nothing here.

[00:52:30] CALLER: Yeah, sure. 

[00:52:32] CHRIS: But when you, when you realize that you identify – you said gay or queer, I want to be very respectful.

[00:52:40] CALLER: Gay. I don’t care, though. I identify as anything really.

[00:52:43] CHRIS: Now, when you, when you are coming to terms with that, as you grow into an adult, is your sister the first person you speak with about that?

[00:52:53] CALLER: She, no actually, she was the first person in my family that I told. Yes. But that happened with one of my other good friends. I didn’t really come out until like a year and a half ago. And that was one of my, one of my roommates that I kind of was best friends with. I told her first because she was also gay. And there’s six of us where I live in the apartment and so I basically figured that out with all my roommates and then told, well I told them. And then I told my sister. And she was like, Yeah, I know. She knew.

[00:53:39] CHRIS: Well, yeah, I mean, you two, as you said, you have a mind meld where you feel the same thing. So if anyone’s going to sense where your rhythms are at, I’d imagine it’s your sister.

[00:53:50] CALLER: Yeah. Yeah. And like the way that we would behave like literally since we were three years old, like, I would go, I would be wearing like a boy’s shirt or something and she’d be wearing a dress. And like it was just kind of obvious to her. Like, she’s, she’s not really like me like in that sense. That’s the one thing like we’re not really similar on. So yeah, she definitely picked up on that, but I didn’t really…

[00:54:18] CHRIS: And you said you come from… oh go for it. You didn’t really what?

[00:54:22] CALLER: Oh, I was going to say, I didn’t ever identify as gay until I left home. So, yeah.

[00:54:29] CHRIS: And you said you came from a conservative family. Do you feel like you kind of needed to get out and spread your own wings before you fully embraced that?

[00:54:36] CALLER: Yeah, definitely. Like where I came from was kind of like, we didn’t know any gay people in my family. And my parents would always say, like, I don’t really care, you can do whatever you want. Then when I actually, when I went away to college, because now I live in a very liberal place and my school is super liberal. It’s totally different. It’s like, I thought my parents were accepting until I came here and realized they weren’t really accepting, they’re just kind of tolerant. And so it was a lot easier to come out here and, and then come back home and be like, this is actually who I am.

[00:55:23] CHRIS: Yeah. Do you think, I’m going ask a question. It is, like I said, a topic I always want to be respectful of, I’m so happy to hear that you found an environment where it felt accepting and safe. Do you think your parents had to wrap their heads more around you being gay or you being a Bernie Sanders supporter? Which one do you think as a conservative family was, was harder for them to wrap their heads around? 

[00:55:49] CALLER: That’s a good question. For my mom, it was probably, it’s definitely the fact that I’m gay. She took a long time to process that, but she loves me, I know. And then for my dad, I think it was the fact that I was a Bernie supporter. My dad, he’s a Republican and he doesn’t, we don’t talk about the fact that I’m gay really, it just, it’s not really on his radar for issues that he cares about for my life. It’s more like, am I going to be set, like, financially? Am I going to have a good life, career and stuff? So the fact that I am a Bernie supporter, we get into some heavy debate.

[00:56:35] CHRIS: Out on the golf course. Because you play golf with him, you said.

[00:56: 40] CALLER: Oh, yeah, I do. Yeah, on the golf course we talk about it, too.

[00:56:41] CHRIS: Do you have any sort of rule that’s like, we can’t talk about politics for the first seven holes? We have to just not have this fight for all 18 holes.

[00:56:51] CALLER: We do try to. We don’t have any rules, but like we can tell when we’re getting a little bit too much too into politics. We’re like alright, we’re here on the golf course. Let’s enjoy the golf course.

[00:57:03] CHRIS: Uh huh, uh huh. 

[00:57:06] CALLER: We do have rules though, like at Thanksgiving dinner, I was with my dad’s family and we had, before we sat down, everyone said, OK, no politics tonight because we all, there’s like half, it’s so divided. Half the room is Republican. Half the room is Bernie supporters. So it gets, it gets bloody. That’s, definitely, we have to draw the line with the politics in our family.

[00:57:36] CHRIS: So everybody’s like trying to just quietly eat cranberry sauce and stuffing. And there’s this quiet tension. And then all the sudden, your dad is just like, He wants to tax 70 percent of my money, and then everybody starts screaming.

[00:57:51] CALLER: Yeah, exactly.

[00:57:54] CHRIS: I remember once I was on the road with another comic and you know, when you’re a comic and you can get to a level, certain level where you can bring openers on the road and it’s nice because you have someone to travel with. But also you’re kind of letting someone who’s coming up kind of cut their teeth and kind of learn about the next step that they’ll be out in a few years. And a friend of mine who is kind of more, I think, probably like more libertarian than conservative, but he like getting a rise out of people. I was not at a point where I had a lot of money, we were in an area that was kind of expensive. So we shared a hotel room and we had the TV on. There was an episode of Cops. And, you know, it’s one of these things where they’re exploiting people in hard times. So they’re like chasing some meth addict who’s trying to hop a fence and they get him and he’s like screaming crazy stuff because he’s all high. And like, my buddy from the other bed just says, Chris, Bernie Sanders wants to take all your money and give it to that guy. And it made me laugh so hard.

[00:58:58] CALLER: Yeah. People don’t like that.

[00:59:02] CHRIS: People don’t like that. I like that you’re not saying, nah, that’s not really what he’s about. You’re just saying people, that’s not a part.

[00:59:09] CALLER: Oh, yeah. That’s really not what he’s about. He never really said that. He just said it, if it comes to that he would. But that kind of annoys me too. Some people don’t understand our tax system, like we have a progressive tax. So like if you make $200000 only your two thousandth dollar will be taxed that 70 percent. The rest of it will be, you know, make the first fifty thousand will only be taxed whatever the small amount. That’s not 70 percent of the two hundred thousand you make is going to be taxed.

[00:59:45] CHRIS: Yeah, people need to read more. People need to read more instead of just reacting to Facebook headlines. On all sides.

[00:59:52] CALLER: We always listen to just headlines. 

[00:59:54] CHRIS: But you know what else is fair to say? I think people on mine and your end of the spectrum also need to research the things that make us mad too. I think that’s only fair.

[01:00:04] CALLER: Yes. That, you’re completely right. They need to, everyone just needs to know before they say stuff. They need to know everything, including myself.

[01:00:15] CHRIS: Now, did you and your sister ever pull a switcheroo on your parents or would they know you well enough to not fall for it?

[01:00:21] CALLER: No. My parents are like, they could tell us apart, the second we were born, they have this weird sense. Well, my mom does. My dad, I don’t know. He would always just look to my mom like, which, which one? And she would know.

[01:00:36] CHRIS: So you were never tempted if you were getting in trouble for something, to try to like, How could you yell at me [my sister’s name] about this?

[01:00:48] CALLER: Yeah. Yeah. I mean, kind of. It was like… Well, that just makes me think of one instance when we were, we used to share a car when we were in high school and it was really dirty one day when my dad went into it. And he came back and he said, Why is the car so dirty, to me. And I said, Oh, it was the twin. Not me. And then he goes to my twin and goes, Why is the car so dirty? And she goes, Oh, it was it was her and not me, it was the twin. So we would always just blame things on the other one.

[01:01:29] CHRIS: But that’s not a twin thing. I would pull shit like that on my brother too. That’s not, I’m talking more about like you get caught red handed doing something and then you go into a bedroom and change all your clothes and come back and be like, I can’t believe Cynthia did that, or whatever your sister’s name is, because my brother, I could easily, I remember once my mom was, me and my mom when I was in high school, we were cleaning up together, doing some chores, chit chatting. And she picked up a thing. And, you know, we had like a basement room where it was like kind of where we would hang out, me and my brother. And she picked something up and a bunch of empty beer cans fell out of it. She was like, What is this? And I was like, Ah man, my brother is really bad. Meanwhile my brother already was in college. He lived in Philadelphia at the time. Like, Oh he must have just stored these here three years ago. Oh, that’s weird. And it worked. My mom believed me because I was the youngest one. And her baby.

[01:02:26] CALLER: Ah, yeah. Yeah. Not much ever happened, because we could never really do that, where I would say, you know, that was my twin because my parents, at least, they always tell us apart.

[01:02:38] CHRIS: Now, listen, we have less than a minute left. How many hours until you’ve got to go out here and defend your honor on the golf course?

[01:02:46] CALLER: About two and a half hours I have to go out there because I’m on Pacific Time, so. 

[01:02:52] CHRIS: Yeah, yeah. 

[01:02:53] CALLER: Two and a half hours. And right before that, I’m at a, in about 45 minutes, I have to go take a mid-term first.

[01:02:59] CHRIS: What are you doing not studying, you’re sitting here talking to me about Bernie Sanders and AOC. It’s not a math test, is it? I know you’re bad at math.

[01:03:07] CALLER: It’s okay. I have waited, I’ve waited a long time to talk to you, Chris. So it’s worth it. Don’t worry.

[01:03:12] CHRIS: I’m glad it went down, but I hope you don’t tank your midterm and then lose focus with these freshmen headhunters because of me.

[01:03:21] CALLER: I know. I know. Well. Well, I’m really glad I got to talk to you. And don’t worry, I studied last night. It’ll all be okay. 

[01:03:32] CHRIS: Well that’s good. Good luck in the test. Good luck on the field of battle. I hope these freshmen don’t take your spot. 

[01:03:39] CALLER: Thanks. Me too. I’ll try my hardest. [ring]

[01:03:51] CHRIS: Thank you so much. I hope you don’t tank a midterm because you wanted to talk to me about golf. I really hope that that, I don’t, I mean, I’ll live with the guilt forever, just with the potential that that happened. Thank you so much for calling, it was lovely to talk to you. Thanks to Jared O’Connell, thanks to Anita Flores. Thanks to Jordan Allyn. Thanks to Shellshag. Want to know more about me, when I’m on the road, chrisgeth.com. Go get your tickets for Beautiful Cononymous if you haven’t done so already. And if you like the show, one thing you can do to help, you can go to Apple Podcasts, rate, review subscribe. Thanks so much. Talk to you next time.

[NEXT EPISODE PREVIEW]

[01:04:46] CHRIS: Next time on Beautiful Anonymous.

[01:04:52] CALLER: A couple of years ago, I was hit by a semi.

[01:04:56] CHRIS: Woah. 

[01:04:57] CALLER: And in the testing for spinal cord damage, they found lesions in my spinal cord and in my brain. So not only did I not get killed by a semi that hit me at 50 miles an hour, I got diagnosed with M.S. a month after I got hit. So.

[01:05:17] CHRIS: Well we got lot to talk about, you know? 

[01:05:21] CALLER: Yeah. 

[01:05:23] CHRIS: Next time on Beautiful Anonymous.