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Professor Blastoff Afterthoughts: Time Travel

According to the butterfly effect, if I wanted to stop myself from writing this blog all I would have to do is build a time machine, go back to 1997 when I was 14 years old and buy myself a Super Nintendo. That simple act would have triggered a series of events that would have changed the course of human history forever. Having that Super Nintendo would have  given me something entertaining to do after school and would have stopped me from trying out for the school play. I would have never played the part of Ebeneezer Scrooge and gotten addicted to attention. And by not being an attention whore I would have never made a crowd of hundreds laugh at me during the Mr. Kearns pageant as I pretended to have muscles during the swimsuit contest. The comedy bug therefore would have never metabolized within my blood and I would have never stepped on stage at an open mic night. I therefore would have never met Tig, David, and Kyle…or even my wife, Carah, who I met at a comedy club! We would have never moved to the big city, into a one bedroom apartment next to two car dealerships that constantly blast their flood lights through our bedroom window all night. I would have never become an insomniac from those lights, and ultimately, I would have never had the time to kill while being up all hours of the night to write this blog. A blog which, in some butterfly-ish way, may lead to curing all diseases and end world hunger…and also all wars.

So, is time travel even possible? Yes, according to this picture on the left. Here we see a young R.L. Blastoff preparing to send his associate into the wobbly time vortex. According to a TV show I once watched, Stephan Hawking believes it may one day be possible to enlarge tiny sub atomic wormholes enough for a man to pass through. I guess what happened was, a guy did just that. He traveled back in time through a wormhole to the black and white TV era and tried to make a documentary about it, but nobody took him seriously because he forgot to bring along his wormhole enlarger! Rookie mistake.

In that same TV show, called Steven Hawking’s Universe, Hawking described another means of time travel we discussed on the podcast. The speed of light kind. Oh – by the way – in the TV show Steven Hawking replaces his robot voice with a classy British one. Perhaps he listened to our guest, Shane Mauss’s advice. The TV show did come out before we recorded the podcast which means he would need to time travel backwards to tell himself to use a classy British narrator instead of the American robot one which is also the voice of Professor Blastoff. This is not a conspiracy. They are both just old school like that. Now that I think of it, maybe he went back in time and stole the idea of time travel from our podcast. I am not mad if he did, I just want to know the truth.

Now, the theory of time traveling by going the speed of light would take a lot of energy to test on a human. But apparently, as Shane was alluding to on the podcast, at CERN they have been clocking fast traveling particles in that large tunnel thing of theirs. Apparently they have been able to tell that some particles that usually fall apart within a short amount of time can last longer when they are shooting through this super high speed tunnel. That’s pretty cool, but to get us to travel 99% of the speed of light, it wold take 6 years to accelerate to that speed without killing us. The other option would be to orbit a massive black hole and let the gravity bend time. Either way, all I know is I get sick at Disneyland on the tea cup ride, so I’m out.

One topic we didn’t get to dive into was how we use current technology to project future technology. For example, the Back To The Future movies of the 80′s had a lot more to go off of than H.G. Wells did in 1895. H.G. Wells probably never could have predicted the ability to use silicon chips to store data as ones and zeros, and yet he was able to help father the very genre that gave us Star Trek and Star Wars, which inspired amazing advancements in modern technology such as the automatic sliding door! This begs the question: do some men…or women have the ability to glance into future Consumer Electronic Shows? If not, where does their enlightenment come from?

Well, we’ll leave that for another podcast, but it is fun to think about what could come in the next 100 years. Maybe in the future we will have a fruit tree that produces every variety of fruit that ever grew on Earth. Who knows what could be coming down the pipe? That’s for the New Thoughter Kids to decide. Oh, and if any of you do end up inventing that super tree I want 10%.

Just to wet your appetite, here is a cut clip on cool future inventions including invisibility and shape shifting!

With the ability to be invisible and to shape shift I’m seeing a future filled with horrific mind altering games of peek-a-boo with add campaigns that include fire breathing clowns appearing out of nowhere with a classy British narrator who screams, “Peek-a-Boo, this game ain’t just for babies anymore!” or “Don’t just scare your friends, scar ‘em!”

Well, my Super Nintendo has finally arrived, so I’ll catch y’all later.

Check out professorblastoff.com and  aaronburrellcomedy.com  follow me on twitter @airburple.

Listen to episode #40 Time Travel

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