Beautiful Stories From Anonymous People #314 April 11, 2022
An autopsy technician explains the origins of his dark sense of humor and why he wants a career change. He also opens up to Geth about the importance of emotionally detaching during an autopsy, the hardest he’s laughed a work, and how playing guitar helps him unwind. This episode includes graphic talk about autopsy work and mentions of sexual assault. So please keep that in mind before you listen and if you find these topics distressing, you might want to join us next episode instead.
Hear the Episode
Chris Gethard [00:00:04] Hello to everybody who freaks out when a fly lands on your food. It's Beautiful/ Anonymous. One hour. One phone call. No names. No holds barred.
Theme Song [00:00:30] (THEME SONG)
Chris Gethard [00:00:30] Hi everybody, Chris Gethard here. Welcome to another episode of Beautiful/ Anonymous. Thanks to everybody who listens to the show. Thanks to everybody who supports the show. Thanks to everybody who comes out to the live shows, they're coming up in May. I'm back on the road finally. May 5th, 6th and 7th, I'm in Tallahassee, Tampa and Orlando tdoing standup. And our first live tapings of Beautiful/ Anonymous will be in North Carolina, May 13th in Durham at the Motor Co. Music Hall, one of my all time favorite venues I've ever played. And then Asheville, I keep hearing that Asheville, North Carolina is my kind of town. I finally get over to the Gray Eagle May 14th. Live Beautiful/ Anonymous tapings for the early shows. Live stand up for the late shows. I'm going to be real good time. Hope you come out. I hope you'll come out. ChrisGeth.com for tickets. And yeah, Michigan, Ann Arbor and Grand Rapids in May as well. I can't wait to get back out on the road. Gotta stop delaying all these tours. OK. This week's episode. It's a tough one in some ways. Some things that we should say first, we got some graphic talk. There's autopsy work discussed. I know that that might be something that people need to hear about. There's mentions of sexual assault. Please keep that in mind before you listen. If you find these topics distressing, you might want to be really careful with this one. Maybe think about joining us next episode instead. As you might have figured out, our call today is with an autopsy technician, which is such a specific thing to work in such a specific field, such as specific lifestyle. As you can imagine, our caller is talking about wanting to change careers, and I'm sure there's a lot of autopsy technicians out there who are thrilled with their jobs and their lives. Our caller talks about the opposite, about needing to switch it up. Talks about the origin of a very dark sense of humor. Talks about how this job has actually made him laugh very hard. Talks about how you unwind when you work in this field. It's a really fascinating episode about a fascinating profession, and it's one that I wish did not have so much to think about. I mean we've been so surrounded by the idea of death the past few years that I'm sure, I'm sure, you know, you get into autopsy technician-ing, you never imagine you're going to have this much death around you. Again. A very dark joke. Inappropriate? I don't know. We got to laugh. Me and the caller talk about that. Enjoy the call.
Voicemail Robot [00:03:07] Thank you for calling Beautiful/ Anonymous. A beeping noise will indicate when you are on the show with the host.
Chris Gethard [00:03:15] Hello.
Caller [00:03:16] Yeah, hello.
Chris Gethard [00:03:17] Hi.
Caller [00:03:17] Hi, there. How are you?
Chris Gethard [00:03:19] I'm OK. I tell you, I've got a cold and it's kind of rocking me. But I took a COVID test. My wife took a COVID test. Everybody's negative, so I'm kind of uh kind of out of it, a little under the weather, but just in that way that colds are annoying. How are you?
Caller [00:03:39] Yeah, yeah, I'm I'm OK. I actually had COVID not too long ago and it wasn't- I don't I hate saying that it wasn't so bad because I feel kind of guilty that it wasn't so bad. But it only kept me down for a few days. The long term effects? Who knows? But I'll try to stay healthy until then.
Chris Gethard [00:03:59] I'm glad it took it easy on you, and I'm with you. Like I don't ever want to discount the disease that's killed millions of people around the globe. But I will say, like my friends and family in my life who have gotten it recently, I feel like my cold is worse. I feel like this cold is rocking me, and I feel like my friends who had COVID, I'm like, ugh, this is not good. But what can you do?
Caller [00:04:24] Yeah, that's that's how I kind of thought. I'm like, man, I've had a cold worse than that. And again, I appreciate that it was mild. I really do. I'm fortunate. So I'm sorry you're feeling kind of shitty.
Chris Gethard [00:04:38] It happens. I'm glad I- I'm glad that my gig entails just like chilling out and talking to you because it's not. It's not like I have to get out here, and it's not the most physically exerting job to sit here and speak into a microphone. So this is actually a super pleasant distraction from thinking about it.
Caller [00:05:00] Well, good. Then I won't bring it up again so you don't think about it again.
Chris Gethard [00:05:04] I would just apologize if I sneeze or I have to blow my nose at any point.
Caller [00:05:08] Oh, that's OK. We're far enough apart to where that won't make me side eye you.
Chris Gethard [00:05:13] Yeah, that stuff can't travel through wires, so we're good.
Caller [00:05:17] If they could, man, you would oof, you would be very well off.
Chris Gethard [00:05:23] Oh, I would be. I would. Yeah. Bad news. Bad news, anyway. Anyway, what's up? What's your deal?
Caller [00:05:32] Yeah, man. I'm you know, I'm in a I'll get right to it. Cut to the chase. I'm in a career change.
Chris Gethard [00:05:39] Nice.
Caller [00:05:40] A lot going on. Changing careers. I'm a nontraditional student. In an undergraduate program right now, hoping to move on to a Ph.D..
Chris Gethard [00:05:52] Oh cool.
Caller [00:05:53] Well not hoping, I will. Uh yeah. So a lot of lot of stuff going on. All exciting, a little overwhelming, but oh, all worth- all worth it.
Chris Gethard [00:06:08] Now let me ask you this because a lot of times people get in a career change and they'll go, I think it's time to evolve and move on. And it's sort of chill. But I've noticed lately in history you're seeing a lot of articles and a lot of postings from people who are like, I'm not going to spend my life doing this dumb job I hate. I'm out. I'm finding something new. Where do you land on that spectrum of like this is natural evolution versus I've hit a breaking point with the old horrible job, so I'm going to burn it down?
Caller [00:06:41] It's honestly a little bit of both. Honestly, a little bit of both. So the job I'm at now, I, I eviscerate people for a living.
Chris Gethard [00:06:51] What?
Caller [00:06:52] And yeah, you know, take organs out, draw blood and take brains out, all that kind of stuff.
Chris Gethard [00:07:01] Hold on.
Caller [00:07:01] And there's only so much you can do.
Chris Gethard [00:07:04] Wait, no, no, no, no, hold on. You don't get to-
Caller [00:07:07] Legally. Let me say that- legally, it is. Yeah. All right. It is a job.
Chris Gethard [00:07:13] You can't just say you rip people's organs out. What do you do? What's your job?
Caller [00:07:18] I'm an autopsy technician.
Chris Gethard [00:07:21] Oh, wow.
Caller [00:07:22] So I work at I work at a medical examiner's office, so I see all kinds of interesting cases come through.
Chris Gethard [00:07:31] Damn, that's wild.
Caller [00:07:35] Yeah, there's you know, there's only so much in my position you can do. You're- the next step up from where I am is a forensic pathologist, which is a, you know, M.D. So that's a huge gap to jump. And some people are OK with staying at, you know, doing eviscerations, which I'm I'm not trying to diminish or be condescending, but for me, I need more than that. And I know this probably sounds like super baffling. The people that are like, but you cut organs out of people that die in weird fucking ways. But I am someone who has to use brain. And by that, I mean, discuss ideas. So my job shift is me moving from something that's almost tedious and repetitive, to something where I'm going to be looking at different scenarios more regularly than what I'm doing now.
Chris Gethard [00:08:45] So it sounds like you've decided the future career path. Doesn't sound like you're floating. It seems like you got something in sight here.
Caller [00:08:52] Oh, yeah, absolutely. Sorry. I didn't mean to be so vague, but yes, yes, I head in one direction and this new position, I'll be doing cognitive research, is moving towards the direction that I want to go in. And it will help when I, you know, when I apply to grad schools for a Ph.D. program because I'm doing undergrad research in my program now. So enough of this brain bullshit.
Chris Gethard [00:09:23] Yeah. I mean, how does one how does one become an autopsy technician?
Caller [00:09:30] So there are- some offices require a college degree. Most all require at least a high school diploma. So at least that minimum and a really strong stomach. And by virtue of what you do, you're going to have to have a really dark sense of humor.
Chris Gethard [00:09:50] Wow.
Caller [00:09:52] There's stuff that is said in the morgue where you're like, if that were said in a fucking movie theater, it wouldn't be as funny. But because of the setting it's in, and- that's comedy gold. I have a whole sitcom I would love to write about working in a morgue where wouldn't be gory. It would be more of the underlying darkness and the humor, rather than just outright here's blood and gore. Because it's more than that, the job is more than that.
Chris Gethard [00:10:18] Yeah, I bet. I bet. But that's I mean, yeah, I mean, you have to be making dark jokes when you're working in the morgue, pulling organs out of people. If you're not making dark jokes at people- yeah, that that's got to be a job that there's people who get the gig and last half a shift. There have to be people who flee when they realize they can't do that, right?
Caller [00:10:40] Oh yeah, we have people who will come in for an interview and want to- so they'll come in for an interview, talk, whatever, bullshit. And then they'll come back a few days later where that's when they are like, OK, well, now you're going to come in in the morgue and let's see if you can really handle this. And... 80 percent of the time people come back there and you just see them leave the morgue and then you never see them again. It's usually whenever you get into the gastric. That that smell really gets to people. Or when you're cutting the chest plate off-
Chris Gethard [00:11:16] So it's not the visuals, it's the smells?
Caller [00:11:18] with like lopping shears. Yeah, it's mainly smells and sounds that get people the most.
Chris Gethard [00:11:25] Smells and sounds.
Caller [00:11:26] Like the autopsy saw going through the skull. The lopping shears going through the ribs on the, you know, the sternum. Both sounds get people.
Chris Gethard [00:11:38] So what exactly are so to get through the Sturman- the sternum- you got a special set of shears and what kind of like crack it?
Caller [00:11:45] Well, it's not a special special set. You can go get the fisker's from like Home Depot. That's what we use. And yeah, you just cut through the ribs all the way up to, you know, the collar bone. And then you cut through that and you can take that chest plate off and there's there's the heart, you know, all the pulmonary organs and yeah.
Chris Gethard [00:12:06] How long you been doing this?
Caller [00:12:09] I've been doing this job for a few years, but before that I worked in a funeral home, so I did embalming. I would go to places of death and remove bodies from houses and hospitals or wherever they happen to die.
Chris Gethard [00:12:27] Let's pause there. We got to take a break at some point, and by the standards of this call, I would go to places and pick up bodies from where they died. That's a quote where I'm like, Okay, that's kind of a lighter moment for us to go to ads on. Who knows with this one anyway? We'll be right back. Thank you to our advertisers. Now let's get back to the phone call.
Caller [00:12:57] I've been doing this job for a few years, but before that I worked in funeral home, so I did embalming. I would go to places of death and remove bodies from houses and hospitals or wherever they happen to die. It's really kind of annoying when they're kind of bigger and die in a small bathroom like beside the toilet. Pain in the ass to get people out of those situations.
Chris Gethard [00:13:22] Yeah, I bet. I bet.
Caller [00:13:25] So many jobs, so many job difficulties that you would never think.
Chris Gethard [00:13:29] Yeah. Yeah. Wow. This is some track. I can see why you were planning an exit strategy.
Caller [00:13:39] It's more it's more of the culture, not necessarily the culture- well, yeah, fuck it, it is the culture and the people I work with- than the job itself. The job itself is cool. You know, you'll get a homicide that'll come in and they'll have like these totally interesting wounds. Or, you know, maybe a knife still stuck through their face. Or suicides where they'll blow their entire face off. You may want to put trigger warning before this episode.
Chris Gethard [00:14:10] Trigger warning for everything. Trigger warning. Everything in life. Every gruesome thing you can imagine.
Caller [00:14:15] Every everything you're about to hear... brace your fucking self, cause here it comes. But it's not it's not the images, and because there's a clinical detachment. Of course, these are still people, but I don't necessarily know them. I don't know if that makes any sense.
Chris Gethard [00:14:37] No, it does. I feel, I mean, you have to you have to disconnect yourself from the idea that this is like a human who lived a life who had friends and family. Like you have to disconnect yourself from that, right?
Caller [00:14:48] Oh yeah, because if you if you catch yourself in that loop, it'll fuck you up.
Chris Gethard [00:14:53] Now and now, not-.
Caller [00:14:53] I've had times where I've been-
Chris Gethard [00:14:56] Oh, where you've been what?
Caller [00:14:58] Oh, I've been like, you know, in an autopsy and it'll hit me, I'm like, Oh, fuck, this is like somebody's dad, you know? And I'm like, No, nope, focus. You know, like, gotta not necessarily turn it off, just get the job done.
Chris Gethard [00:15:15] Yeah, yeah. And not not everyone who dies gets an autopsy, right? So you're seeing cases where they're trying to figure out what happened or where something pretty unusual happened. Is that correct?
Caller [00:15:26] Yes. Yes, that is correct. And no, we don't autopsy everybody who dies. So if someone- say someone's an older or individual, they have a medical history, long, extensive medical history. They die at home or whatnot. If their if their primary care physician is willing to sign the death certificate, they don't come in for an autopsy. Or say they're they've overdosed, which is, holy shit, like a large majority of our caseload- and then they go to the hospital. But the hospital has already drawn blood and run tox toxicology on their blood, so they already know it's, you know, acute hemorrhage due to whatever. Then we may get them, but then we just draw draw tox for ourselves, and then we order the admit blood from the hospital for toxicology, and we won't autopsy them. There's a lot of variables, you know, because as you can probably imagine, not many people die the same way or in the same scenario or they're not found in the same amount of time, you know? Decomp bodies, people's skeleton- skeletal remains. Whole bunch of stuff, but no, to answer your question, not everybody gets an autopsy.
Chris Gethard [00:16:59] This is really- oh the few and the lucky get to have their chest plate cut off with Home Depot brand shears by you. Damn. This is fascinating. So I got a lot of questions. Here's one that comes to mind. You mentioned, you mentioned that you see a lot of overdoses. That's so sad. So like, you're kind of in this position where a lot of societal trends or when things pass through in waves, your profession becomes aware of that in this really macabre way.
Caller [00:17:32] Medical examiners offices are great for public health.
Chris Gethard [00:17:39] Right.
Caller [00:17:40] Because you- as you're alluding to, you know, when there's a trend of opioids or fentanyl coming through, we unfortunately get the people who didn't make it through.
Chris Gethard [00:17:51] So you're among the first people to try to raise the red flag and send send word up through the chain of like, Hey, there's something really bad happening here.
Caller [00:17:59] Yes, yes.
Chris Gethard [00:18:02] Wow. And I'm wondering, as a companion question, are there things you know about that happened to a body physically that I would never know because I've never opened the body up? Meaning like, are there any things where you go, Oh, well, you know, somebody's been using opioids, it makes their intestines turn gray. Like, I know that sounds silly... But are there things where when you see it, you go-.
Caller [00:18:22] No, no, it's not silly. I mean, you don't know unless you ask, you know?
Chris Gethard [00:18:26] Yeah. I'm wondering if there's things you see where you go, this person probably died of this because this is going on with their liver or their kidney or their heart that like proves true because there's physical things.
Caller [00:18:35] Oh yeah, absolutely.
Chris Gethard [00:18:37] What are some of those?
Caller [00:18:38] Oh yeah, the lungs. If their lungs are heavy, they're very- if there is fluid- soaked in fluid or their bladder is incredibly distended, those are usually good indicators of an opioid overdose. And, you know, keep in mind that, you know, the mechanisms of how that happens, I won't be able to answer. I'm, you know, I'm not a doctor. These are just things that when I through just repetition, you know, I've done probably like fifteen hundred autopsies or so. So just seeing things regularly, I can see a trend. But once again, you know, the mechanisms are- if I- I want to be challenged if I say anything wrong. You know, if anybody out there hears and they're like, Well, that's not true, like, yeah, I'm not a doctor, so we'll go ahead and just say that now.
Chris Gethard [00:19:30] I'm glad you're making that clear. But your perspective is so fascinating of like, well, you get enough, you know, in the past few years, there's been enough people that have died from fentanyl, and I'm not going to claim that I know all the science behind it, but I can see an effect on bladders and lungs, and you can kind of sometimes accurately guess. What a really fascinating thing.
Caller [00:19:52] Yeah. Same with like um, you know, heart attacks. Whenever you know me- I don't know if it's called this everywhere, but you know the all-American star, the chest scar, you know, like heart surgery.
Chris Gethard [00:20:06] OK.
[00:20:08] I know that's pretty dark. But you- you can generally tell, you know, sometimes those people don't get autopsied, sometimes they will. But you can tell like, Oh, when I open that heart, it's going to be giant or it's going to... We have some other sort of issue. But yeah, opening like, let's say there are no scars, you open it up, they're like maybe a heavier person, you can go, that person's heart is probably going to be pretty big. Like 800 grams, which is a big heart. Four to five I would say is normal. Quote unquote normal. Again, not a doctor.
Chris Gethard [00:20:55] Sure, sure. And have you- because ultimately, an autopsy serves to determine the cause of death, right? That's why an autopsy exists?
Caller [00:21:05] Yes. Yes, absolutely.
Chris Gethard [00:21:08] Have you ever participated in any where where at the end of the process, people just look at each other and go, I don't know what the fuck's going on here? Or is that- I have to imagine that's rare.
Caller [00:21:19] Sometimes.
Chris Gethard [00:21:20] OK, OK.
Caller [00:21:22] Oh, yeah, yeah. But it does happen, yeah, sometimes it does happen. That's what we send tox for. Sometimes maybe there are no telltale signs of an overdose. Most, most of the time you can't tell when you open (UNCLEAR). Most of the time. But you have to wait for tox reports to come back and then and or, you know, the pathologists' save tissues in jars so they can go back and look, send it off for histology, which is to take tissue, make it into slides. You can look at it under a microscope. Cuz maybe oh, OK, maybe there is something going on with their pancreas or their liver or whatever they look for.
Chris Gethard [00:22:08] Yeah. Yeah, now I was going to ask a really hard question because you said you said right out of the gate like you have to kind of turn off the part of you... You have to do the job, right? You have to prioritize the job. And there's people who can't. There's people we realize very quickly they can't. On your personal level, how much of that is you finding like I have a character and a countenance where I can get this job done, because specifically right now I'm sitting here and going, if I had this job, even if it turned out that I was able to do it, I imagine there has to be these benchmarks of like eventually you're going to see a suicide. Eventually you're going to see a child. Eventually, you might see someone covered in bruises from domestic abuse. You're going to see a lot of things where you're going to eventually see them for the first time. But in your line of work, you're going to see them and it's part of why the job is there. How much of that is learning how to have a thick skin and how much of it is, you just kind of have to be- in this profession, there's certain types of people that can do it and you figure out pretty quickly?
Caller [00:23:23] Oh, gosh. OK. So from my personal point of view, it is almost like for me, it was like building a callous. The first time, so the first time I saw an embalming, passed out. Fell backwards, hit a mop bucket, got bleach down my favorite, you know, sweater vest. I can't believe I fucking wore sweater vests, but bleached that. And then that was my first experience with that. So and then over time, you know, my first removal, which is where you go to the house to make the, you know, pick up the body. It was my first removal. The person I went with, they were- just kind of threw me in. Like, okay. Go talk to the husband. Keep in mind, never talked- I've never spoken with a grieving widow before. And I just stood there silent. Because what what do you say? How do you say it? Where do you start? Or, you know, because I'm sure as everybody knows, everybody grieves differently. So how do I know like is this someone to joke with? Is this someone you just shut the fuck up and let them process? Is this someone where you ask them questions? Is this someone where you let them ask you questions? I stood there frozen before he went, kinda looked at me and then he started talking and I'm like, You fucking asshole, why couldn't you have just done that. So there is there- for me, there was some building up to. You know, the first time I autopsied a baby, I was like, Oof. Of course,
Chris Gethard [00:25:14] I can't even imagine.
Caller [00:25:16] Yeah, it's I guess what makes it tough is when, like, it's hard to say stuff without sounding like a sociopath. But let's say like- I won't use a baby. A person comes in, right? They don't have any anything on them, let's say, no keepsakes. I'm sure they have pants and stuff on. Let's say someone- that's fine. Let's say someone sends them with, like, their favorite stuffed animal. You're like, Oh shit, man. They like personalized, you know, they personalized them. That's what makes it hard. Seeing like, Oh... There is something to- I will now remember that person. And everybody else remembers that person there, by this item right here. That's when it gets tough.
Chris Gethard [00:26:06] Yeah, man. I couldn't do it. I'm going to go on record and say, I couldn't do it.
Caller [00:26:13] You wouldn't want to come watch an autopsy?
Chris Gethard [00:26:15] I can't imagine I hold up too well. I feel like I'd be, I feel-.
Caller [00:26:21] You'd ruin your sweater vest?
Chris Gethard [00:26:22] Yeah, well, I feel like I- see, I don't know if I'd pass out. I might pass out. I'm not going to pretend I wouldn't. I might pass out, but I think I would be more of the inclination of sitting there going like, Man, this is somebody's sister, somebody's daughter like this and that and and that the actual, you know, the actual brass tacks of what you do, I'm sure there's a high level of professionalism, but you I just can't imagine that you can sit there and go, Well, it's my job to cut this person's sternum in half and then crack their collarbone so I can remove their chest plate while also be going, This is someone's sister. I have to imagine you have to be able to turn that part of yourself off.
Caller [00:26:59] Yes, they do not occur-.
Chris Gethard [00:26:59] Yeah, that's very hard for me to turn that off.
Caller [00:27:03] Yeah, they don't occur to me simultaneously.
Chris Gethard [00:27:06] Yeah, yeah.
Caller [00:27:08] As you mentioned before, where I'm like, No, you can't. Not right now. And I'll be honest, though, I feel like... Not, not to compare, but I feel like I have it easier than, say, a first responder who shows up on scene with someone like writhing and screaming in pain. To me that's- I couldn't do that.
Chris Gethard [00:27:38] Yeah. I'm actually in the pro-.
Caller [00:27:39] I witnessed an accident where- sorry, go ahead?
Chris Gethard [00:27:44] No, where what? This one needs to get a little darker. This episode's been too fluffy and light so far. What's this accident you witnessed?
Caller [00:27:51] Well, you know, this was not- I wasn't working in medical examiner's office. This was years ago. I witnessed the motorcycle accident and I was on the phone with 9-1-1 and I watched the husband die, and then I watched the wife like, you know, agonal breathing face down on the concrete. Like, m'am, you know, I'm not touching her or anything. I'm on the phone with 9-1-1. Like, m'am can you talk to me? And I just hear that exhale and that's it. I was like, Oh shit, man. That's rough. I mean, I I can I could paint an accurate picture of that night.
Chris Gethard [00:28:36] Yeah.
Caller [00:28:39] But I feel like because I had dealt with death before, I was a little more capable of handling that.
Chris Gethard [00:28:49] So that that happened at which stage of your career that you witnessed that accident?
Caller [00:28:54] This was a decade ago, over a decade ago, maybe a decade and a half, not- what am I talking about? 15 years.
Chris Gethard [00:29:05] Okay, the trauma of having witnessed that-.
Caller [00:29:07] I'm like a philosopher, "a decade and a half ago."
Chris Gethard [00:29:12] I wonder if the trauma of witnessing something like that helps begin the callous building process that allows you to do what you do now.
Caller [00:29:19] I never thought about that. Look at you. You should be using a decade and a half.
Chris Gethard [00:29:25] In terms of?
Caller [00:29:29] I'm just saying, the terminology.
Chris Gethard [00:29:31] Oh yeah, I'll get there someday.
Caller [00:29:32] Never mind.
Chris Gethard [00:29:33] I'll get there someday. What's your what's your personal life like? Married? Kids?
Caller [00:29:40] I have. I have a kid. He's...almost 18. Got a girlfriend I've been in a relationship with for a while. It's been off and on. I was not a great boyfriend and how she somehow still sees me in a way that's positive... I don't understand it.
Chris Gethard [00:30:14] Okay, so you've made some mistakes along the way.
Caller [00:30:17] Oh, yeah, yeah, I definitely was unfaithful multiple multiple times.
Chris Gethard [00:30:25] And she took you back.
Caller [00:30:28] Yeah. I I don't know how or why, but I know that I'm fucking lucky.
Chris Gethard [00:30:44] Let's pause there. It's a good note, I'm lucky. Take a second to think about all the things you're lucky for in life. Here's some commercials. That's how the show exists, because we got the ads. Let's get them over with. We'll be right back. Thanks again to our advertisers. Now we're going to finish off the phone call.
Caller [00:31:09] Again, I'm I'm lucky, I'm incredibly grateful and yeah. Because I love her. I love the hell out of her.
Chris Gethard [00:31:22] I'm gonna play armchair psychologist, which I usually avoid, but I have to ask, does the job have an effect on... Your personal life like this? Like is it hard to connect with other people? Is it hard to want to develop strong emotional bonds when you see death professionally? Like when you get home from a day where you know you've just seen someone who was a murder victim or who was in an accident that was brutal and then you sit here and go, can I truly emotionally connect with anyone else after dealing with that? I have to wonder, but I'm not trying to make excuses for you either.
Caller [00:32:06] Yeah, yeah, of course. No, that came much earlier in life. That was.. Forming relationships was something that happened- or having issues is something that got effective when I was very, very young, like elementary school age. Well, I was sexually assaulted so, you know, for years, I never had this whole, oh, it doesn't affect me, I don't have PTSD. You know, I don't have these flashbacks. I don't have these images. You know, none of that. So I always thought, Oh, this, it doesn't bother me. It was just, it happened. No big deal. I'm good. Until I started realizing later in life that, oh, I'm not building relationships, I'm not trusting people, I'm not trusting the woman that I love. Because I can't seem to trust anybody.
Chris Gethard [00:33:09] Wow. You said that happened in elementary school?
Caller [00:33:12] All that job did was make me go, Oh, death is fucking everywhere. In your waffle. It's in your car. It's in your...
Chris Gethard [00:33:23] Death is it your waffles.
Caller [00:33:25] Chew that shit up!
Chris Gethard [00:33:26] Wow, wow. I'm really sorry, I'm so sorry to hear that happened to you when you were young. And it is- I mean, I think it's actually probably something- I bet there's a lot of listeners right now who can probably take some solace in the fact of, even if you move on and go, I'm not going to let that affect me. That was what it was. That long term, the effects might show back up again. That especially when you're a young person, you start maybe setting some parameters or building some defense mechanisms that might have long term effects down the line. So I'm really- that's awful that that happened to you, and I'm sorry that it's affected your adult relationships.
Caller [00:34:04] Yeah, it's something I haven't told- I've only told like a few people about. Now, like a few, however many people about. That's why it was kind of weird to say, and I guess, you know, I can say I was raped. You know, it's hard for me to say that even though I just did. And that was even kind of like, Oh, fuck I said that out loud. Ughh. I still feel like it's kind of my fault? I know it's not, like, I know it's not. But there's still that feeling, like-
Chris Gethard [00:34:36] No. But you said you were in elementary school, right?
Caller [00:34:38] Yeah.
Chris Gethard [00:34:39] Yeah, then absolutely. I can. I mean, in no world am I a professional. There are many professional people, but I can just say categorically, it was not- if you were an elementary school age student, that's not your fault. It's never your fault. Especially when you're a kid, man. Not your fault. No way, no way.
Caller [00:35:02] That's probably where a lot of that dark sense of humor comes from. So you're maybe seeing some parallels.
Chris Gethard [00:35:07] Yeah.
Caller [00:35:08] And we're we're kind of uncovering this together right now. So I'm I'm in the back seat with you, man. Let's enjoy this ride.
Chris Gethard [00:35:17] Well, I'm glad you're enjoying it. I mean, many people, this is super dark, painful stuff. But I'm I'm someone who's also learned to laugh at the dark stuff and uh I'm really I'm really... I feel really awful that that happened, that it's messed with your head, that you blame yourself and that it's shown up as an adult. I mean, I did not expect that. We were already we were already discussing stuff that feels so dark.
Caller [00:35:49] Yeah.
Chris Gethard [00:35:50] Yeah. Have you talked with have you have you talked about that with a professional? Like do you- have you ever seen a shrink? I say as someone who's had a session with my shrink earlier today.
Caller [00:36:00] You did?
Chris Gethard [00:36:01] Yeah, I did. 10 a.m. to 11 a.m. Eastern Time every Tuesday. That's where you can find me. Tell us-
Caller [00:36:08] That's amazing.
Chris Gethard [00:36:09] Telemedicine shrinking with my doctor, with good old Barb.
Caller [00:36:14] Now, it being every day, does that help you stay consistent?
Chris Gethard [00:36:19] Every Tuesday.
Caller [00:36:19] Well, that's what I meant- every Tuesday, having a consistent schedule.
Chris Gethard [00:36:24] Yeah, I tell you what, I had actually gone down to twice a month and then even once a month after a certain point and then I had a bit of a breakdown, uh 2020. So many people did. And we've been back on a weekly schedule ever since. We're talking about maybe slowing it down, but we have a real good long term relationship where we can have those conversations. But I think especially in the moments when the duress is there, consistency is key, right? Like knowing it's every Tuesday at 10 just helps me so much in committing to it and not missing it and not making excuses to find my way around it. It's just that part of the schedule is-
Caller [00:37:02] And setting time aside for it.
Chris Gethard [00:37:03] Exactly, exactly.
Caller [00:37:05] So there is no excuse like, Oh, I don't have time for it. No, you do. 10 to 11 every Tuesday. There's time for it.
Chris Gethard [00:37:09] Exactly. Everything else builds around that. And then I can't play that game too of like, Oh, well, you know, it's not I- we were on Thursday this week and we were Wednesday last week, so I messed up and I scheduled something else. So can we do this-? Like, I can't start playing those games to weasel my way out of appointments. It's just no, that's set. Long term.
Caller [00:37:27] That's a slippery slope-.
Chris Gethard [00:37:28] Everything else builds around that. Yeah, yeah, because people like me find our way out of anything if we can find enough logic to do so.
Caller [00:37:38] Yeah, I can definitely squeeze out of uncomfortable situations.
Chris Gethard [00:37:42] Yeah I bet.
Caller [00:37:42] I can Irish goodbye right out of them. I'm like the best at 'em.
Chris Gethard [00:37:44] Ooh, I'm the best. I'm great at Irish goodbyes. Really great at it.
Caller [00:37:50] Let's have an Irish goodbye off. We'll- let's see who's the least detectable on the way out.
Chris Gethard [00:37:56] Yeah, I bet- I mean, I feel like you might take the cake on that. Who knows? Who knows? What do you do, like so I had I had asked about your personal life and, you know, it led to this revelation that you've had some dark stuff in your past that it's maybe affected your boyfriending abilities now. The reason I initially brought it up I still want to know about, though, which is when you're working a gig like you work, how do you let it go? How do you blow off steam? Are you listening to music while you do it? Do you have hobbies outside of it that are just built in press release- pressure relievers?
Caller [00:38:34] No. Yeah, definitely. As far as the latter part of that, I I have a creative endeavors. You know, I play guitar, I write music, I record music. I mean I'm- when I'm- because I work full time and I'm in school full time, school is my how I blow steam off. But when I'm not in school and I actually have time to record music and whatever, draw, read, whatever it is, that's that's what I do. The school is kind of my escape. And not my escape to where I go, oh this is something to distract me, but it's a different place to focus that energy on. Instead of letting it consume me, I'm going to I'm going to consume that, not let it consume me.
Chris Gethard [00:39:21] Yeah. And do the do the dark jokes generally stay in the morgue among your other coworkers who get it? Or do they ever show up at home? Like, are you known for a dark sense of humor in general with your with your family?
Caller [00:39:35] Yes. Yeah, absolutely. But I'm, you know, I'm kind of careful. No, that's not totally true. I was gonna say I'm careful with it, but I'm not. I'm pretty flippant. But it's yeah, you can say that. It's definitely with everybody. And it's hard, especially, you know, nowadays, because you don't know who it's going to offend.
Chris Gethard [00:39:59] Yeah.
Caller [00:40:01] Because let's be honest, dark, dark humor is kind of offensive.
Chris Gethard [00:40:07] Certainly can be.
Caller [00:40:09] Because you're taking something that shouldn't be funny and making it funny.
Chris Gethard [00:40:14] Right, right. Since we're on this topic, do you remember the hardest you've ever laughed on the job?
Caller [00:40:23] Yeah, I do. I do.
Chris Gethard [00:40:27] I got to ask.
Caller [00:40:28] It was uh... Yeah. Okay, so. Sometimes whe you're cutting the intestines out, you know, they're full of shit, that's what's in them. So one day one of the- a coworker- and some of the some of the techs have trays or little trays on wheels that they wheel around as their personal station. So one of the techs took like a- he had cut into the- cut the intestine out and all this shit poured out, so he took it, took a pile of it, and blammed it on another co-worker's tray. I know that's not funny to anybody else, but I laughed super hard.
Chris Gethard [00:41:18] Damn.
Caller [00:41:18] We'll go around and like slap each other's aprons with like bloody handprints and then there's like a handprint on the apron, you know?
Chris Gethard [00:41:26] Jesus, that is, I mean, that is dark. I mean, you got to find ways to laugh to get through these shifts, but that is dark. Sneak a bloody handprint onto a coworker's apron when when they're not looking. Throw some human feces on their tray so they got to clean it up. That is dark.
Caller [00:41:45] But you also have to realize, like I guarantee you, if you were to ask a doctor about their sense of humor-.
Chris Gethard [00:41:53] Oh I'm sure-.
Caller [00:41:54] I'm pretty sure they've got some pretty fucked up humor, too. You know, I feel like anybody that works in that line usually most definitely does. Cuz, you know, as I say this, I'm like, Man, that sounds like really insensitive. And is it? Probably. But I'm kind of breaking a rule of what happens in the morgue, stays in the morgue.
Chris Gethard [00:42:20] Well, I'll also say this-.
Caller [00:42:21] And it's not that like weird stuff happens in there, but stuff like that, you know, like slapping a blood print on someone's apron.
Chris Gethard [00:42:30] I'll also say this like, that's dark. And there might be people sitting there going, Whoa, is that real? I hope that doesn't happen. But if that's how you get through the shifts, there's also a part of me going like... If anybody is mad about it, do you want to sign up to do the autopsies? I bet you don't. And for the people that do... It's like... There's so many steps in different processes in life and especially in death cuz we don't love talking about death. And you and the people in your position are like a link in a chain that we don't necessarily like to think about or talk about. Like you hear about, you read about in the paper oh the body was autopsied, someone did that. That person might be you. Someone like you. So if you guys need to fuck around and do some jackass stunts and leave a bloody handprint on your buddy's back at the end of the day so that you can stay sane... Me personally? I'm okay with that. Cuz I'm not one to do an autoph Yeah,
Caller [00:43:31] but I'm
Chris Gethard [00:43:32] OK with that because I'm not equipped to do an autopsy.
Caller [00:43:34] Yeah, OK.
Chris Gethard [00:43:35] I'm not built for it. You are.
Caller [00:43:38] And it's not everybody. It's not like we all walk around slapping each other with a bloody handprint. That's just the way some individuals do. And that happens. I guarantee you that happens at every single medical examiner's facility in one way or another. Some people make dark jokes.
Chris Gethard [00:43:56] I am sure people have to be making jokes because you're seeing you're also seeing and dealing with some truly sad aspects of the human experience. You are very you are seeing people exclusively at the end of a life and very often at the tragic end of a life or the unexplained end of a life. And I have to imagine there's going to be times where you got to- you got to make a joke fast or you're going to lose it.
Caller [00:44:20] Yes, all those are coping mechanisms for sure.
Chris Gethard [00:44:24] Yeah. Yeah. Wow. You must- there's must be times where you know what the last thing a person ate was?
Caller [00:44:32] Absolutely. I've gotten really good at identifying what that partially digested up food items look like.
Chris Gethard [00:44:37] So you might be like, I think they might have gone to the movies recently. There's popcorn and sour patch kids in there.
Caller [00:44:43] Yeah, oh there's like a little piece of a hot dog there. So this person didn't chew well, because that's like a whole fucking McDonald's French fry right there. And. Yes, you can you can tell, oh, that's an onion, that looks like rice. Maybe. It's not a maggot, even though it sometimes looks similar. Definitely rice.
Chris Gethard [00:45:08] Ughhh ha ha ha ha ha ha. Oh, it's if it's between rice and magnets, you're an expert after all these years.
Caller [00:45:16] Yeah. Or some move. You know, rice doesn't move. So, but it's a good indicator. That's your first indicator.
Chris Gethard [00:45:25] Oh the race is crawling. The rice is crawling.
Caller [00:45:29] There's a trail behind it. Blech. Oh.
Chris Gethard [00:45:31] Wow. Oh wow.
Caller [00:45:37] So now whenever I see a fly land on my food I think, did that motherfucker come from a morgue and now it's on my food?
Chris Gethard [00:45:43] Oh wow.
Caller [00:45:46] Yeah. Out of everything I've seen, that's what I think of. A fly, man. Gross.
Chris Gethard [00:45:52] Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's so simple. So you've seen a fly land on a person's exposed liver and you've had to shoo it away. That means you'll never want to fly to land on your food ever again. Like, that's a simple-.
Caller [00:46:08] Never again-.
Chris Gethard [00:46:09] Lifelong thing that will probably trail you forever. And now me. And everyone hearing this.
Caller [00:46:14] I'm sorry.
Chris Gethard [00:46:16] No, I love it. I love talking about it. I love talking about it.
Caller [00:46:20] Right now, people are. People are going to listen to this at a cookout and be like, We're moving this inside.
Chris Gethard [00:46:27] Fly lands on the table, you're like, come on, we need to be on the other side of screens. No, no, no. These things land everywhere. You guys would be shocked. I'm going to ask you another juvenile question, that I bet people have asked.
Caller [00:46:39] Please.
Chris Gethard [00:46:40] Is your relationship to nudity different? Because I imagine you're seeing most of these bodies are not clothed. Whether you get them clothed or by the end, you have to disrobe all these people.
Caller [00:46:51] Right. No, no, because I know I don't associate that nudity with, like seeing my girlfriend naked. Two different- it's two different nakeds. Very- two very, very different nakeds. I can't put into words how that is different. But you know, it feels different, which I feel like is pretty good. Something in my brain is working correctly, like, dead naked people? Not the same as live naked people.
Chris Gethard [00:47:20] That is a well-functioning aspect of your psyche, my friend. Congratulations. Congratulations.
Caller [00:47:26] Yes, those synapses are firmly, firmly talking to each other.
Chris Gethard [00:47:33] Yeah, it's just such a such a strange juncture to think, you know, you never realize there's somebody there- and it's not just, like you said, there's there's people work at funeral homes, there's embalmers, there's there's a handful of people whose jobs necessitate like, there's so many people who you've quote unquote met, but you've only met them after they're gone when they're in this extraordinarily vulnerable state of being deceased and being exposed. And there is such a responsibility to that and such a-.
Caller [00:48:10] Oh, absolutely.
Chris Gethard [00:48:11] Yeah. And I think a lot about this show, like I've had all these anonymous conversations and sometimes like when I make it back to New York City, still, I walk around the streets and there are crowded, I'll go, I wonder if I've talked to any of these people, you know? And you must I don't know if you must, but I wouldn't be surprised if you must walk around and go... Like I wonder if any of these people are related to a person who I've seen or I wonder if these people are going to wind up on my table someday. You know?
Caller [00:48:38] I'll do you one better, I had an instance of right when I first started, maybe a couple of weeks after I first started, I was at a red light and I looked over at the car next to me and my- I go, what the fuck, I thought I just autopsied that dude like two days ago. It looked just like someone. And that kind of recognition is an out-of-body experience because that really just shapes permanence and the thought of permanence to the core when you're like, that person was dead but now they're driving. Never mind. I'm living in an alternate reality, but that was just like a hiccup. They're not alive, but doppelganger, for sure.
Chris Gethard [00:49:24] Yeah. Yeah, I had a friend who passed and then after he passed, I realized he just had I don't know how to explain it except to say he just had a very common face. If that makes sense. Like I'd walk around and kept thinking I saw him places and I'd go, Oh no, he just he was just like an every man. And a lot of people remind me of him. But it's jarring, and I can't imagine having to do that professionally.
Caller [00:49:56] Yeah, yeah, it's it's something else. To be honest, when I leave, I will, I will miss it. But at the same time, it's time for me to move in the direction I need to go in.
Chris Gethard [00:50:09] Yes. Yes, you deserve it. You've done your part. And you mentioned before that you were getting your Ph.D. and I know you indicated what you were doing. Can you remind me what you're moving on to?
Caller [00:50:21] Yes. It's going to be in clinical neuroscience.
Chris Gethard [00:50:26] Clinical neuroscience. So pretty different. Pretty different than what you're doing now.
Caller [00:50:30] Well, yeah, if it was a spectrum, that would be on the other end, for sure.
Chris Gethard [00:50:35] Yeah. No, I mean, I feel like children's party entertainer might be on the other end or like like a person who paints kids' faces at the zoo for money might be at the other end. You know, it's first of I'm trying to think what are like the jobs where you're surrounded by the most joy. Wow.
Caller [00:50:57] Yeah, I guess I was looking at it more like a triangle, you know? So from autopsy to clinical neuroscience and from neuroscience to face paint person. From there to back to the autopsy.
Chris Gethard [00:51:11] But you still are entering a profession where you- it still reflects a desire, and I'm not saying this facetiously, I actually find it interesting as I think about it. You still kind of want to know how people tick. They have that in common.
Caller [00:51:26] Yes. Yeah. The brain is something I've always been interested in since I can remember. How do we pay attention? Why do we pay attention? Why do we remember? Why do we remember what we remember? How? You know, all of these questions that, you know, neuroscience is answering at a fairly rapid rate these days. It's all very interesting, it always has been. So yeah, that's true. Seeing how the person works.
Chris Gethard [00:51:57] I wonder if you're going to have any advantages in those classes or any different perspectives being that you have actually removed a human brain from a skull?
Caller [00:52:10] Yeah, I think it's already helped me in my academic ventures now.
Chris Gethard [00:52:16] How so?
Caller [00:52:20] Just whenever, you know, going over, you know, neuroanatomy or neurobiology or, you know, neuroscience just going, Oh yeah, I know... I've seen I've seen that. You've seen it, you know, in the book, but I've fucking seeing it.
Chris Gethard [00:52:39] Yeah.
Caller [00:52:41] It's been warm when I've seen it.
Chris Gethard [00:52:43] You've pulled a warm human brain out of a skull?
Caller [00:52:46] Mm hmm.
Chris Gethard [00:52:48] So that means the person has not been deceased all that long.
Caller [00:52:51] Correct.
Chris Gethard [00:52:52] Wow. Wow. Yeah. You deserve you deserve a long career in something else. I feel like you've spent some time in trenches on behalf of the rest of us, doing some work that is often not talked about.
Caller [00:53:07] It's important.
[00:53:08] It's it is very important for the benefit of society. It helps questions get answered and helps families understand what happened to deceased loved ones. It helps crimes get solved. Very important. But you can't do that forever. I bet there's people who've been doing it forever, and you must look at them and go, god bless you, but also, that can't be me. That- you have to have that right?
Caller [00:53:31] Yeah, yeah. The forensic pathologist they all have been doing it for 40 years. I'm like, man. I don't know. Don't know how you do it. But what with all the morgue joking aside and all of that... What we are doing never- the big picture of what we're doing never leaves us. Like, we're trying to get answers for this, this family. Regardless of the manner of death or cause of death, you know, suicide, whatever, it doesn't matter. The family's still alive, whether this person quote unquote had it coming, I don't think anybody obviously deserves anything bad to happen to them. But you know, there are those people who are like, Oh, well, they had that coming because they were doing drugs. Kind of shitty way to look at it, but the family's still behind. The family's still there dealing with this loss. And that's always present. Maybe not this person who they were as a person, but the importance of holding integrity for that family is kinda is definitely the standard. That's a steady trait throughout every day in the morgue..
Chris Gethard [00:54:55] What I have picked up on in life, and I'm not I'm I'm not the most comfortable around death... It's not something I have, I don't I've I've seen, you know, I've been to open casket funerals, I've never seen like a- I'm happy to tell you, I've never seen a deceased human body outside of that. But I do get the sense over and over again that for people who are grieving, having really difficult answers to difficult questions serves them much, much better than having no answers. And effectively you and your your coworkers and the other people in your field, you answer questions is what you do, surrounding the most difficult thing. The difficult stretch for a family, you know? And grieving people being told, OK, so yeah, let's say someone, you know, looks like maybe they did relapse and there was drugs in the system. This is that that's going to be a very, very difficult answer to give to them and they're going to have some really difficult questions. But ultimately, you are giving them a service that, by having that question answered, I imagine creates a quicker path to peace.
Caller [00:56:10] Definitely.
Chris Gethard [00:56:10] And to being able to reconcile what happened. So it's it's a massive service.
Caller [00:56:20] Yeah, I've never spoken to the families, but as you can imagine, some families when they're told the news, they don't accept it. They weren't suicidal. No, that can't be. But even though there is that resistance of accepting, what it does is, as you're stating, it gets them there faster. I know you're going to have a tough time with this answer, but at least now you can begin that journey. You're gonna begin that path of healing in whatever way you heal. Instead of waiting around and being upset about not knowing the answer, wondering or deciding or just filling in the blanks, you know, building your own model of what happened. So definitely helps.
Chris Gethard [00:57:10] What kind of music do you play when you make music?
Caller [00:57:13] Oh, I play a little bit of, I mean, I like everything, but I've been writing like a lot of rock music. Lot of just kind of 90s inspired music as of late. I have one I'm working on, but I've been on pause because, you know, way too damn busy. But I play, you know, I play everything. I program drums, but everything else I play myself. I write it, I arrange it, I mix it, record it.
Chris Gethard [00:57:46] Nice.
Caller [00:57:47] I have a little home studio here.
Chris Gethard [00:57:50] I was hoping you were going to be like, I write pop songs like T Swift, like dance, like Pitbull type stuff, stuff that like you can really dance to and lose yourself. And then I was scared you're going to be like, you know, mostly like Scandinavian black metal grindcore type stuff. Like, I was scared you were just going to live in that darkness. But it sounds like you live in a middle ground where it's just music, you're just making music. That's good.
[00:58:10] Yeah. It's for me. I'll put, you know, obviously I put it out because there's something about even if you're doing something for fun, especially like, let's say, music to me, putting it out there is this finalizing it. Okay, it's not mine anymore. That's it. I can't touch it anymore. It's different now. So once I put it out there, that's what it is. I can stop tweaking it. I can stop adjusting it. I can stop working on the tone of the snare or what ever. Done.
Chris Gethard [00:58:41] Finality. Once again, finality and its massive impact on your life.
Caller [00:58:49] We found a theme.
Chris Gethard [00:58:51] Indeed, indeed, and we got a minute and a half to spare.
Caller [00:58:56] Man, wow, that went by fast. I'm sure you hear that all the time.
Chris Gethard [00:59:00] No, I mean, this one flew. You got a lot of interesting things to talk about. I feel really lucky that that you filled me in on this, on this gig.
Caller [00:59:09] I hope people can find some sort of solace in this, you know, hearing this and if they can get through the dark humor shit, if they can find something where, oh, I can, I can relate to that or that that- I hope someone can. Truly.
Chris Gethard [00:59:27] Yeah, I feel- honestly, I feel like at the end of the day, a lot of callers are going to go, this one was dark and macabre, but also feel good knowing that there's like what appears to be just like a reasonable human being with good intentions who's at the end of that process for me and my loved ones. It's- a lot of people don't like to think about any of this, so to hear that someone's there and you're like, No, it's it's competent individuals who maybe have dark senses of humor more often than not, but it's like competent people who want to work hard and get all the answers to these these situations. I think people will feel good to know you're out there. And I think people are going to be rooting for you as you approach your new life as well. I think - I think a lot of our listeners are going to go, and I hope that he can hope he cannot repeat his mistakes with his girlfriend. And I think a lot of people are going to go, and I hope that he can find a lot of healing from the abuse of the past. I think a lot of people are going to walk away with a lot from this call.
Caller [01:00:22] Good. Yeah. I just my main takeaway regarding my girlfriend is, if you really love someone, don't fuck that up. Truly. Don't fuck it up.
Chris Gethard [01:00:36] Our time together is up, I got to thank you. This was mind blowing. Much left to you, to your girlfriend, to your son. So much luck in school and in this transition from one job to the other. And thanks for helping people figure out how bodies tick and good luck figuring out how brains tick.
Caller [01:00:55] I appreciate it, Chris. Thanks for having me on. Thanks for letting me be on. Not having me on, allowing me.
Chris Gethard [01:01:07] Caller, thank you again. You ended by saying thank you to me for allowing you. No, thank you for opening up and sharing so much. It's really beautiful. Good luck to you with everything. Show's produced by Anita Flores and engineered by Marcus Hahm. Our theme song is by Shelshag. Go to ChrisGeth.com if you want to know more about me. And hey, wherever you're listening, there's a button that says subscribe or favorite or follow. Really helps us if you hit that button, so please do so. And you can find our merchants at podswag.com. There's mugs, shirts, posters, all kinds of stuff. If you want ad free episodes of Beautiful/ Anonymous and tons of other shows, go to Stitcher Premium. Use the promo code stories for a one month trial at Stitcher.com/premium.