196 — Beautiful Resolutions for 2020
[00:00:05] CHRIS: Hello to- Hello? Hello! Hello? Hello! Am I on? Is this Chris? Hello! It’s Beautiful Anonymous. One hour. One phone call. No names. No holds barred.
[00:01:06] THEME MUSIC: I’d rather go one-on-one. I think it’ll be more fun and I’ll get to know you and you’ll get to know me.
[00:00:29] CHRIS: Hey everybody, Chris Gethard here, wishing you a Happy New Year. This episode, if you’re listening to it the day it comes out, it is New Year’s Eve. Happy New Year. What a crazy, amazing year it’s been. Got word that Beautiful Anonymous had over 7.6 million listens this year. That’s incredible. I thank everybody who’s been tuning in, everybody who listens to them. I know some people come and go, cherry-pick the episodes they like. Many of you are out there, die-hards listening every week- it means the world to me. The idea that we had 7.6 million listens, when I know so many of the people out there are just good of heart people looking for a way to connect to the world. Oh, it makes me feel happy, especially entering 2020, which at least here in the states is going to be a year that is just overwhelmed with a lot of people being divided and anxiety ridden. It gives me great strength to know you’re all out there. And now, we like to do this every year. We fit as many one minute calls as we can into an hour, and you’re gonna want to listen to all of them because it’s really- it’s a hard hitting pastiche of everything our callers and our listeners and everybody has to offer. And you’re not going to want to miss the ending. It’s a real trip. Happy New Year, everybody.
[00:01:47] PHONE ROBOT: Thank you for calling Beautiful Anonymous. A beeping noise will indicate when you are on the show with the host. [Beep]
[00:01:54] CHRIS: Hello.
[00:01:57] CALLER: Hey Geth! I’m calling- my New Year’s resolution is that I want to start a food truck that is focused on hiring LGBT at-risk people, and also gives a portion of the proceeds away to LGBT causes and everything because I’m gay and I’m a trans male and want to help out our community.
[00:02:16] CHRIS: That’s- what an amazing and well thought out idea. Do you know what kind of food the food truck’s going to serve?
[00:02:22] CALLER: Breakfast, I want to do breakfast food.
[00:02:25] CHRIS: Oooh breakfast. And is the truck going to be out at night? Because people love breakfast at night.
[00:02:29] CALLER: Yes, I want to take it down to kind of like the gay strip, and there’s a little spot for it and everything. I think it would be perfect there to get everybody to come and help the community there and be visible.
[00:02:39] CHRIS: You’re going to make so much money. It’s a great idea. Also, to help out segments of the world that are the most at-risk youth. What an incredible thing.
[00:02:50] CALLER: Thank you very much. I appreciate it.
[00:02:51] CHRIS: All right, st-
[00:02:53] CALLER: Thank you-
[00:02:54] CHRIS: [Stuttering] We don’t have time for the “thank you’s” today. Jared’s cutting everybody off mercilessly. All right. What a great way to start. Let’s go to call number two. Here in our- Jared, are you keeping track of the overall hour as well? Okay, yeah. Jared just gave it a shrug. Okay, hello, welcome to the show.
[00:03:09] CALLER: Hi, hi. So, thank you. My resolution for this next year is to overcome my really serious introversion and get out there and do some door polling during the political season, during the campaigns this year. And also, in a lovely solstice ritual we had last night, my overall wish for the year was to become a more open-hearted person and just wish for more open-heartedness for all people.
[00:03:39] CHRIS: That’s beautiful. I’m with you, open-heartedness goes a long way. Now, is it nerve wracking to you to be an introvert and to overcome it by knocking on doors to talk about stuff that people sometimes find divisive?
[00:03:53] CALLER: [Laughs] Absolutely, absolutely. But some of my friends did this over in kind of a conservative part of the state in the last congressional campaign.
[00:04:07] CHRIS: I’m so sorry, but your minute’s up. It sounds beautiful and wonderful what you’re doing [nervous laughter] Oh god, I always have the anxiety when we have to cut people off. Okay, next call. Jared, let’s patch it through. Hello, how are ya?
[00:04:18] CALLER: Hi, I’m doing okay. My resolution is basically just to take better care of myself and to like actually stop being mean to myself. Over the summer, I went to the hospital, a psychiatric ward for a week, and that was sort of a wake up call. But even so, I feel like I’m still kind of- I kind of dropped the ball. I’ve ghosted my therapist, and I want to try to reconnect with her for next year.
[00:04:49] CHRIS: I think that’s a really, really smart thing to do. I’m sorry you’ve been having some tough times, but I’m really glad to hear that you’re recommitting to yourself because that is- who else is gonna until you do, right?
[00:05:02] CALLER: That’s true. Yeah. Also now, because I went to the hospital- now everyone in my life knows basically. So they’re all trying to hold me accountable, which is really helpful because before basically no one knew, so that’s been really helpful. But hopefully I’ll be able to, I don’t know, figure this out and try to like believe in myself. [Laughs] We’ll see how it goes.
[00:05:24] CHRIS: All right. Well, I believe in you even just knowing you for a minute. I’m glad the people in your life are looking out for you.
[00:05:30] CALLER: Thank you. Thank you, Chris.
[00:05:32] CHRIS: Happy New Year. All right, who is next? Let’s keep patching them through.
[00:05:35] CALLER: Hey Chris! Happy New Year, man. I’ve wanted to quit things for personal and professional. Eat cleaner, walking a little bit more, continue to focus on mental health. I also literally have the best therapist. Every single time you’ve mentioned Barb, I think of mine. Work-wise, I want to keep the House blue, flip the Senate and the Oval, and not take work home with me. But that’s hard when politics is literally work and daily life. But it’s for the future democracy, and yeah-
[00:06:03] CHRIS: That was an amazing 30 seconds you came out of the gate with. How do we fill the rest of this time?
[00:06:08] CALLER: I don’t know, man. I just want to say thank you. I met you in L.A. I stayed after the Beautiful Anonymous taping, and I told you that we both had the same haircut because we both have the same hairline.
[00:06:19] CHRIS: [Laughing] Well, God bless you on that one. You work in politics. I think you mentioned-
[00:06:24] CALLER: I appreciate the hairline- [muffled]
[00:06:26] CHRIS: And good luck this year. I know it’s about to be a tough fight this year, so I hope you hang in there and take care of yourself throughout it.
[00:06:30] CALLER: Thanks bud and Happy New Year, and I wish the best to you and your family.
[00:06:34] CHRIS: You as well. All right, next call. Let’s patch it through.
[00:06:39] CALLER: Hello. Okay, so my resolution this year is to get up before 9 AM, every day.
[00:06:44] CHRIS: Nice!
[00:06:46] CALLER: So, yeah. I never- I’m in college right now. I never get up early. I always get up like past 12 or something. And I started getting up early just this week, and it’s already made a difference.
[00:06:55] CHRIS: [Laughs]
[00:06:56] CALLER: And I feel great. So yeah, focusing on that, mental health, and getting up early and starting my day. I heard people have mentioned politics too, and I’m a politics major, so that’s definitely going to be part of my resolution, getting the Democrats elected and all that. So yeah-
[00:07:12] CHRIS: All right. It’s really fascinating to wake up early and realize, oh you get so much more done when you give yourself a few more hours.
[00:07:21] CALLER: Yeah. It is crazy how much more I can get done and how much better I feel about myself when I’m productive.
[00:07:27] CHRIS: Well, I’m glad you’re feeling better about yourself. I wish you well. Happy New Year.
[00:07:32] CALLER: Thanks. Glad to talk to you, Chris. Bye.
[00:07:35] CHRIS: All right. We’re going to keep these bad boys cranking, and bad girls cranking. Okay, I’m not exclusionary here. And bad people who identify not as bad boys or bad girls. Hello. Welcome to the show.
[00:07:49] CALLER: Hello?
[00:07:50] CHRIS: Yeah. What’s up?
[00:07:51] CALLER: Oh hey, it’s my turn!
[00:07:53] CHRIS: Uh huh.
[00:07:55] CALLER: [Laughs] I don’t know what my New Year’s resolution is really, because I hadn’t thought about until I saw your tweet. And so my most immediate one is to put a barbecue together that my girlfriend’s dad bought for me and her.
[00:08:08] CHRIS: [Laughs]
[00:08:10] CALLER: We were literally walking up the door to go do that, and then I saw the tweet, so we’ve been sitting here together for the last few minutes waiting to get through, so-
[00:08:19] CHRIS: I love it. People say, “I’m going to take care of my mental health. I’m going to go out there and try to change the world through political action.” Not everybody, some people just want to get that grill out the box.
[00:08:30] CALLER: [Laughs] You’re goddamn right.
[00:08:32] CHRIS: Get the charcoals burning.
[00:08:34] CALLER: Yeah, for Canada we-
[00:08:36] CALLER 2: National pastime.
[00:08:37] CALLER: Exactly.
[00:08:38] CHRIS: Oh, up in Canada you’re- in America everybody’s like we’ve got to fight for the politics. In Canada, they’re like eh- might cook a burger, maybe we’ll cook something else. All right. Hello, welcome to the show.
[00:08:49] CALLER: Is it my turn?
[00:08:51] CHRIS: It is your turn.
[00:08:52] CALLER: Hello?
[00:08:53] CHRIS: Yes.
[00:08:54] CALLER: Cool, I’m not just talking to the recording, hi. So my resolution, this year- I got two. One, I’m marrying my best friend for 30 years in two months, so that’s going to count. But then after that’s over, I’m going to have so much free time, and I’m going to be the best possible teacher I could be. And we’re neighbors, by the way. Not really, but we both live in Queens.
[00:09:11] CHRIS: What neighborhood in Queens are you in?
[00:09:13] CALLER: I’m in- well I lied to everybody, but it’s really Briarwood.
[00:09:18] CHRIS: Briarwood! One of my best friends lives in Briarwood. Nobody even really knows Briarwood exists, right?
[00:09:23] CALLER: Nobody knows it exists! Yeah, we’re like a little blip on the map. It’s not real, but it is.
[00:09:27] CHRIS: Yeah. One of the cast members of my TV show lives out there.
[00:09:31] CALLER: Woah. See, I’m not the only one.
[00:09:35] CHRIS: Congrats-
[00:09:36] CALLER: Usually people are like, where do you live in Queens? And I’m like, you know-
[00:09:38] CHRIS: Absolutely.
[00:09:39] CALLER: But yeah-
[00:09:40] CHRIS: Now, congrats on the nuptials. And thank you for being a teacher. That’s an amazing thing. All right.
[00:09:46] CALLER: Yeah, it’s chill.
[00:09:49] CHRIS: [Laughs] It’s chill? Most people don’t think teaching is chill. Okay. Hello, welcome to the show.
[00:09:54] CALLER: Hey.
[00:09:55] CHRIS: What’s up?
[00:09:56] CALLER: Hello?
[00:09:56] CHRIS: Yeah.
[00:09:57] CALLER: Hey, my resolution this year is to teach myself to be more empathetic and to try to see other people’s lives before I just assume that they’re a dumb ass.
[00:10:06] CHRIS: Uh huh. [Laughs] I love that, I’ve had to learn that over the years as well.
[00:10:11] CALLER: Yeah, it’s hard because I just assume- yeah.
[00:10:17] CHRIS: The world makes you cynical. The world makes you cynical-
[00:10:21] CALLER: Yeah!
[00:10:22] CHRIS: And you have to take a deep breath and push past that. And then life gets a lot better.
[00:10:26] CALLER: Yeah, I’m trying to teach myself to remember that everyone’s got their own shit. And like, I’ve got my own shit. I don’t want people to look at me and go, “Oh, she’s just a dumb ass,” you know?
[00:10:33] CHRIS: Yeah. How old are you? Can I ask?
[00:10:37] CALLER: I’m 20.
[00:10:38] CHRIS: Yeah, see. I wish- I didn’t figure this out until I was like 28, to just give people the benefit of the doubt a little bit more.
[00:10:44] CALLER: Mhmm.
[00:10:46] CHRIS: I’m glad you’re learning that now. Happy New Year. Thank you so much.
[00:10:50] CALLER: You too.
[00:10:51] CHRIS: And hey, if you’re out there, if you’re on the YouTube stream and you’re hearing a busy signal, just keep calling. You’ll get through eventually. We got 15 people sitting on the line at a time, so as soon as one person is done, another person can jump in. Thank you all for being in the YouTube stream right now. Now I got 56- 56 solid people watching right now and someone expressing concern for Jared. Jared, are you going to be okay? All the people have been hitting the buttons with their face. Okay, Jared is giving it a thumbs up. We’re all in it together. Thomas also says he’s watching on the live stream and the studio is nicer than he thought- he thought it would be very ragtag. Okay. Welcome to the show.
[00:11:30] CALLER: Hello?
[00:11:31] CHRIS: Hi.
[00:11:32] CALLER: Chris?
[00:11:32] CHRIS: Yes.
[00:11:33] CALLER: Hi, Chris. Hey, I just want- my resolution this year is to- I have been suffering with an eating disorder for many years, and I just want to get the openness of mental disease out there, cause I try every day and just to be more empathetic because it’s a disease. And you do a great job letting everyone know. But just to make sure it’s a process, it’s not a one and done. So that’s why I try all the time and just keep trying and don’t give up on myself.
[00:12:09] CHRIS: Yes. I hope that you know that there’s a lot of support out there for you- people from afar who hear that, even just that, and are immediately rooting for you and are with you. Myself included.
[00:12:22] CALLER: Thank you so much, Chris. And Happy New Year and give a good ole hug to your little boy. He’s cute as can be.
[00:12:30] CHRIS: Ha- he is a cute one. Thank you for calling. Good luck with everything. I believe in you and your strength. Hello. Welcome to the show.
[00:12:37] CALLER: Hey, Chris. What’s up? We’re going to try to fit all this in a minute as I can. I didn’t even think about my New Year’s resolution until I saw your tweet. So, my New Year’s resolution is to try to find a better work-life balance because being in the human service field is frickin’ stressful. And to convert as many people from pork roll to Taylor Ham as possible.
[00:13:00] CHRIS: Yes! Thank you. You’re clearly a Jersey person. North Jersey has it right. It’s called Taylor Ham.
[00:13:05] CALLER: Of course
[00:13:06] CHRIS: It’s not called pork roll.
[00:13:07] CALLER: North Jersey.
[00:13:08] CHRIS: Yes!
[00:13:09] CALLER: If you put something called pork roll into your body, you are- I’m sorry, I’m sorry. That’s disgusting. Taylor Ham all the way.
[00:13:16] CHRIS: Now, even though it’s the same substance, you’re saying that with a different name, it is in fact okay.
[00:13:22] CALLER: Yeah. Yeah. But just think the pork roll just sounds so much more disgusting. Taylor Ham is so much more friendly and inviting. So that is my New Year’s resolution.
[00:13:31] CHRIS: Well done. North Jersey forever. Welcome to the show. Who’s next?
[00:13:37] CALLER: Hey, can you hear me?
[00:13:39] CHRIS: I can. How are ya?
[00:13:40] CALLER: Great. My New Year’s resolution is to revamp my motivational speaking.
[00:13:46] CHRIS: Ooh, that’s cool.
[00:13:49] CALLER: Yeah. Yeah, a few years back I was diagnosed with cancer and that led me to hiking the Appalachian Trail by myself.
[00:13:57] CHRIS: Wow.
[00:13:58] CALLER: And got really into motivational- yeah, it was such an amazing thing. But it led me to get really into motivational speaking. Then after dealing with some depression this past year, I kind of let it fall by the wayside. But I want to put it more in the forefront.
[00:14:10] CHRIS: I hope you call back again someday because talking to someone to hiked the Appalachian Trail by themselves- that’s like a spiritual experience, I would imagine.
[00:14:19] CALLER: Absolutely. It was the best and worst and scariest thing I’ve ever done.
[00:14:23] CHRIS: Yeah. I feel like you gotta watch out for creeps along them trails. But that’s the cynical part of me. I also imagine it’s quite beautiful and rewarding.
[00:14:30] CALLER: The best people I’ve ever met out there.
[00:14:32] CHRIS: Look at that.
[00:14:33] CALLER: Only one creepy person.
[00:14:35] CHRIS: [Laughs] Okay, so I wasn’t totally wrong. One creep, one- I’m not that close-minded. But mostly the best people, that’s not surprising either. Hello. Welcome to the show.
[00:14:45] CALLER: Hello. Hi.
[00:14:47] CHRIS: Hi.
[00:14:48] CALLER: Hi. So my New Year’s resolution this year is that I want to convince my parents to write a will. We had kind of a rough 2019. We lost the last of my grandparents’ generation, and he didn’t have a will. And that was a whole thing to like clear out his stuff. My dad had a surgery that had kind of a botched situation, lots of complications, so what I would consider a near-death experience. And then I also have three little brothers that are adopted that are a lot younger than me. So I’m 30, my youngest brother is 10.
[00:15:23] CHRIS: Wow.
[00:15:24] CALLER: So I really want them to, like, do better than their parents and write a will. [Laughs]
[00:15:27] CHRIS: That’s a really beautiful thing. I know my parents wrote a will and told me where all their documents and stuff are for after they pass, and I thought that would be scary, but I actually found it very thoughtful of them. And I hope they live a long time. But the fact that they got all their ducks in a row, let me know- went a long way. I think that’s a good goal. Happy New Year. Hello. Welcome to the show.
[00:15:53] CALLER: Chris!
[00:15:54] CHRIS: Hi!
[00:15:55] CALLER: How are you?
[00:15:56] CHRIS: Hey!
[00:15:59] CALLER: Hi! I’ve always wanted to get on the show. So my New Year’s resolution is to love myself more. I lost three best friends and my mom this year.
[00:16:10] CHRIS: Oh no.
[00:16:11] CALLER: Yeah. Yeah, I mean, my mom was my best friend. So it’s been a rough year. So I’m actually planning on having a marriage ceremony to myself. You know, it sounds weird, but just to kind of- I don’t know, like make a commitment to myself, to love myself more and take care of myself because, you know, I’m the only one I got.
[00:16:36] CHRIS: Well, I’m sorry you’ve had such a rough year. And the idea of having a marriage ceremony to yourself, I’m quite fascinated by.
[00:16:44] CALLER: Yeah. Yeah. There’s like a whole thing. I actually bought myself an engagement ring.
[00:16:49] CHRIS: Wow.
[00:16:51] CALLER: [Laughs] It’s gorgeous, yeah.
[00:16:52] CHRIS: So cool.
[00:16:53] CALLER: Oh my best friend’s with me, she loves you too.
[00:16:55] CHRIS: Oh, well, I love you both. Congrats on the upcoming wedding. I’m sorry for your loss as I hope next year treats ya a little easier. All right. Welcome to the show. How are you? Happy New Year.
[00:17:08] CALLER: Hi.
[00:17:09] CHRIS: Hi.
[00:17:10] CALLER: Happy New Year. Is this- hi. My New Year’s resolution is to play in at least three different states with my band.
[00:17:20] CHRIS: That’s awesome.
[00:17:23] CALLER: I hope so, I hope we’re able to do it. We’ve just kind of been starting to play around and it’s a good time.
[00:17:30] CHRIS: What instrument do you play?
[00:17:33] CALLER: Sorry, I’m- I’m the lead, I’m the singer, person, in the-
[00:17:39] CHRIS: I’m jealous. I always thought I’d be a good front person for a band and it’s never happened. And now I’m turning 40. It feels like that time has passed.
[00:17:47] CALLER: I- you know, I just smear a lot of lipstick all over myself and people seem to enjoy it.
[00:17:51] CHRIS: Oh that sounds cool. So it’s got a little bit of like- is it like a glam vibe or more just getting in people’s faces?
[00:17:59] CALLER: It’s getting in people’s faces, it’s punk for sure.
[00:18:01] CHRIS: Love it. Good luck with it. I hope you play in my state. Maybe I’ll come see the show if you let me know about it. But I have a small son, so honestly, probably not.
[00:18:13] CHRIS: And we’re just going to go ahead and pause there because we got a pause somewhere, so we’ll pause here because we got some ads. We’ll be right back.
[00:18:36] CHRIS: Thanks to all our advertisers. Now let’s have like 94 more calls.
[00:18:42] CHRIS: Hello. Welcome to the show.
[00:18:46] CALLER: Hi, Chris. How’s it going?
[00:18:46] CHRIS: Pretty good. Getting a little tired, but I’ll hang in there.
[00:18:49] CALLER: Yeah, yeah. I resolve to be more open and honest with people, and I definitely want to appreciate my wife more. She’s an awesome mom. We got another little baby on the way. That’s going to consume a lot of our lives so I want to make sure that the world knows how much I appreciate and love her for doing it.
[00:19:11] CHRIS: That’s incredible. And congrats on the little one. Is it your first?
[00:19:15] CALLER: It’s my third. So we’ve got one. He’ll be 15 month when the second one is born.
[00:19:21] CHRIS: Wow.
[00:19:22] CALLER: I’m just a little bit older than you are.
[00:19:23] CHRIS: Oooh!
[00:19:24] CALLER: And I got another one coming.
[00:19:25] CHRIS: I cannot imagine! 15 months and you’re already back in the game.
[00:19:32] CALLER: [Laughs] Yeah. It’ll be fun.
[00:19:33] CHRIS: Good luck. I hope everything goes happy and healthy for you and your family. Happy New Year.
[00:19:38] CALLER: Yeah.
[00:19:39] CHRIS: I tell you, I thought we were about two thirds of the way done. Jared has informed me we are only 16 minutes into this hour. Okay, hello. Welcome to the show. How are ya?
[00:19:51] CALLER: Hey, is this Chris?
[00:19:53] CHRIS: Mhm, this is Chris.
[00:19:55] CALLER: Oh my goodness. Okay, two best girlfriends sitting here talking to you. So two quick resolutions. I want to be a more kind person, more kind and loving to others, to myself. There’s definitely some people in my life I need to forgive. And I also have high hopes of buying my first home this year, and hopefully making a baby with my husband. And here’s my best friend.
[00:20:23] CALLER 2: Hi. My resolution is to save money and move out of my parents house, and maybe go on a couple dates. So that would be good. [Laughs]
[00:20:31] CHRIS: [Laughs] I get that.
[00:20:32] CALLER 2: But we absolutely love you and your show, and we’re all about what you do, and just spreading joy in this world and sharing people’s stories. So thank you, Chris.
[00:20:40] CHRIS: Well, that’s so nice. I love that one of you is buying a home and having a baby. And the other one is like, I just want to get out of a home or go on a date. It seems like it’s really analogous.
[00:20:49] BOTH CALLERS: Yeah! [Laughs]
[00:20:52] CHRIS: Well Happy New Year to you both. I love you too. Hello, welcome to the show. [pause] Hello?
[00:20:59] CALLER: Hi
[00:21:00] CHRIS: Hi. How are you?
[00:21:02] CALLER: Hi. I’m good. How are you?
[00:21:04] CHRIS: Starting to lose my mind. But it’s okay. Hi, okay, hi.
[00:21:09] CALLER: Okay, go catch your mind. And I have two resolutions. It’s to recover from my eating disorder and to learn that I can’t save everybody.
[00:21:24] CHRIS: Yeah. Those are two good ones. Those are two good ones, especially- I would say too, it’s also- I had to learn that too. It’s not my job to save everybody. Good advice I got from someone, but especially if you need to take care of yourself first. I feel like when you give so much to others, sometimes you give away a little bit of yourself. So those go hand-in-hand, it sounds like.
[00:21:45] CALLER: Yeah. They were both self destructive in different ways.
[00:21:49] CHRIS: Yeah. Well I hope you push through it and get on the other side of it. I believe in you, and I hope it goes really well.
[00:21:57] CALLER: Thank you.
[00:21:59] CHRIS: Happy New Year. Okay. We’re cranking through, probably about 30 more calls it sounds like. Hello, welcome to the show.
[00:22:08] CALLER: Hi Chris. How are you holding up?
[00:22:09] CHRIS: I’m doing okay. I forgot how head spinning this is. Thank you for checking in on me. How are you?
[00:22:16] CALLER: [Laughs] Sure. I’m good, thank you. My New Year’s resolution is to get back to my craft, my actual career I think. I’m an artist in a pretty small community with like a niche kind of work. And I tried this last year to make it like, you know, I was going to be like, successful so I went a little bit more corporate with it and it was a little bit soul sapping. So I’m excited to just get back to being like an artist and do my thing for fun this year
[00:22:44] CHRIS: Yeah, we’re on the same page. I went and sold out, and I don’t regret it, but I’m happy to get back to just making albums about New Jersey and talking to people on the phone. Sounds like we’re right on the same wavelength.
[00:22:57] CALLER: Right. Yeah, and I think we all appreciate that. So thanks for that.
[00:23:00] CHRIS: Oh please, thank you. I hope that I cross paths with your art one day.
[00:23:05] CALLER: Yeah, well fingers crossed. Happy New Year to you.
[00:23:07] CHRIS: All right. We’re on our New Year’s episode here. I’m taking a deep breath. So many people, so many stories. I’m so happy to talk to all of them. And let’s see who’s next. [pause] Hello?
[00:23:20] CALLER: Is that me?
[00:23:21] CHRIS: Yeah, that’s you.
[00:23:22] CALLER: Hello.
[00:23:23] CHRIS: Hi.
[00:23:24] CALLER: Wow, cool. Hi Chris. This is definitely a different hold than I’ve ever heard before so I knew I was going to get on the air with you.
[00:23:35] CHRIS: Uh huh, welcome.
[00:23:36] CALLER: So I- yes, thank you. My resolutions- I have two- one is to succeed in growing at least 30 pounds lighter this year.
[00:23:50] CHRIS: Okay.
[00:23:51] CALLER: And the other is to finally publish my novel that I’ve been working on for about 30 years.
[00:24:00] CHRIS: 30 years?
[00:24:01] CALLER: And i’m gonna get it out in front of as many people as possible. Yes.
[00:24:05] CHRIS: So you’ve been doing it- like have you been shopping around or have you just been sort of obsessively tinkering for decades?
[00:24:12] CALLER: I have been writing it and editing it and trying to find a publisher for it for all that time.
[00:24:20] CHRIS: Oh! This is the year. I can’t wait to read your novel. And I don’t even like fiction. I like reading nonfiction better. That’s awesome. It’s going to happen. I can feel it in my bones. Congrats already on the publication of your novel. Sure to be a number one bestseller, New York Times. Okay. Hello. Welcome. What’s your New Year’s resolution?
[00:24:43] CALLER: Hi, Chris. Hang in there. I think the show is going to be great.
[00:24:47] CHRIS: Thank you so much.
[00:24:48] CALLER: My resolution- I’m thrilled to talk to you by the way-
[00:24:53] CHRIS: Likewise.
[00:24:54] CALLER: My resolution is to get my financial shit together. I’ve been- I’m 50. I’ve been divorced for two years. This is my first time living on my own. And I just have been floundering paycheck to paycheck. So spent the last two years getting over the divorce and all the mental abuse that came from that. And now it’s time to get the finances together.
[00:25:17] CHRIS: That’s an amazing goal.
[00:25:19] CALLER: It’s hard.
[00:25:20] CHRIS: Yeah, it is. But I hope it’s greener pastures. And I hope that as you get the momentum going in the direction you want, that you can build this life on your own in a way that’s exciting and surprising.
[00:25:31] CALLER: Thank you. Thank you. And by the way, thank you for helping being part of the emotional healing of the whole divorce aspect. To listen to your show has helped me a lot. So I appreciate it.
[00:25:44] CHRIS: Very, very happy to hear that. I feel like that’s the exact type of thing that makes me want to make stuff is to help out people who are hurting a little bit. Okay Jared, I got to take off this sweatshirt. Hold on one second, everybody. The headphones have to come off. All right. Everybody on the live stream, I don’t want you seeing too much skin. Okay. All right. Okay, we’re going to keep this one going. All right. Headphones are coming back on. Hello. Welcome to the show. Oh god, I was overheating.
[00:26:10] CALLER: Hello.
[00:26:11] CHRIS: [Sigh] Hi. Hi. What’s up?
[00:26:14] CALLER: Nothing. Thank you so much for doing this.
[00:26:17] CHRIS: Oh, it’s joyous.
[00:26:19] CALLER: [Laughs] I bet. My resolution is to take more tangible steps towards creative goals and quit my trash job.
[00:26:29] CHRIS: Quit your trash job. I love the phrasing on that by the way. I love it. What makes your job a trash job?
[00:26:37] CALLER: You know, minimum wage and not a lot of respect.
[00:26:42] CHRIS: Not a lot of respect. That’s the big one. That’s the big one.
[00:26:46] CALLER: Yeah.
[00:26:47] CHRIS: That’s what I don’t understand. When people are gutting it out for minimum wage, you’d think that employers would at least fill in the gaps on that with a hell of a lot of respect. And I’m sorry that wasn’t your experience.
[00:26:59] CALLER: Thank you. I appreciate it.
[00:27:01] CHRIS: Well, good luck. What if you had- what if you were like, no, it’s literal, actually i’m a sanitation worker.
[00:27:10] CALLER: [Laughs] Ah- I mean like, you know some people would probably find it enjoyable. But that would be a literal trash job.
[00:27:16] CHRIS: It would be, it would be. Happy New Year to ya. On the YouTube stream, we are live streaming this on YouTube for anyone listening in the future. I took off my sweatshirt. Yellow G informs me “I saw your belly Chris Gethard.” Also, Nick Bonaduce who I went to high school with says “What up, white boy?” What up, Bonaduce. Let’s keep these calls going. I wanna hear all your New Year’s resolutions. Hello. Welcome to the show.
[00:27:40] CALLER: Hi, Chris. How are you?
[00:27:41] CHRIS: I’m great. Never been better. How are you?
[00:27:44] CALLER: I’m okay. I am a past caller. I’ll let everybody guess who I was. And here’s my resolution. I finally started a job after being a stay at home mom, and my resolution is to make new friends. Adult ones.
[00:28:01] CHRIS: That’s amazing. And now I’m trying to place your voice. Now it’s gonna be a mystery. Everybody’s gonna guess.
[00:28:08] CALLER: Well, I got on your last resolution show and people guessed who I was too. So technically, this is the third time I got through with you.
[00:28:15] CHRIS: Wow. Well done. I look forward to your adult friends coming to fruition. I can imagine that that’s a nice thing. Do you have any tips for people on-
[00:28:25] CALLER: Oh, I’m so bad, I’m grilling all my new coworkers like “Okay, what’s he do, what’s your husband like? What do you do for fun? What do you like to eat?”
[00:28:32] CHRIS: [Laughs]
[00:28:33] CALLER: I need the adult companionship, so I’m looking forward to developing new relationships.
[00:28:38] CHRIS: Well, I wish you nothing but luck in the course of that. I was gonna ask if you had tips on how to get through. But I guess everybody else has to keep sowing their own road on this one. Okay, hello. Welcome. What’s your New Year’s resolution? So happy to talk to you.
[00:28:51] CALLER: Hi. Hi, Chris.
[00:28:53] CHRIS: Hi, how are you?
[00:28:54] CALLER: Oh good. How are you? Okay, I want to get this out really quickly. You said something on a show once that made me wish I could say this to you guys and others to deal with the same thing. So I spent a lot of my life wondering why I was depressed even though I had things to be happy for and why I was suicidal, even though my life was so good. But minds are not as logical as we think, and sometimes we can have a thought and it just won’t make sense. And some days, all we can do is be easy on ourselves, eat, sleep, take our meds, and hope tomorrow will be better. And if not tomorrow, have faith that a better day will soon come along. So I wanted to say that to you for a while. And my New Year’s resolution is to slow down and live in the moment. Treat people kinder, give energy to good things, and wake up earlier so I can walk more dogs in a day.
[00:29:44] CHRIS: That, I love it. I love everything you just said. I think your message is on target and the fact that it ended with walking more dogs- I love thinking of you out there, happy, walking dogs, enjoying life. Thank you for encouraging everyone who might find this to keep it rolling. Hello. Welcome. What’s your resolution?
[00:30:03] CALLER: Hi Chris.
[00:30:04] CHRIS: Hi.
[00:30:04] CALLER: So my resolution is to just sort of make more time for myself next year. I think 2019’s been a very good year for me. I’ve done a lot with work and it was all very exciting. But all the work, I just don’t have any time for myself in the morning or in the evening or anything like that. And it’s all sort of draining at me and stressing me out.
[00:30:23] CHRIS: I hate work stress. I hate hearing how often this is. We put so much of our self-worth in work. I don’t love it.
[00:30:32] CALLER: Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I really enjoy what I do, but it’s just got to the point where it’s like I almost can’t cope anymore with everything that I’m doing at work.
[00:30:40] CHRIS: Yeah.
[00:30:41] CALLER: I just want more time to me and less time at work.
[00:30:43] CHRIS: Hey can I ask, have you been on the show before?
[00:30:46] CALLER: I haven’t.
[00:30:47] CHRIS: You haven’t?
[00:30:48] CALLER: But I am English, so you’re probably confusing me with someone else.
[00:30:50] CHRIS: Well, you sound a lot like that guy I once sat on a bench with in that park in London. But maybe that’s just me being ignorant to accents. You have a similar, like calming vibe.
[00:31:01] CALLER: [Laughs] I appreciate that, I guess.
[00:31:03] CHRIS: Yes. And I hope we all got- can we all just start admitting, can we all just start recognizing that money isn’t everything and that accomplishments at work are not the sole stake of self-worth? That’s a big thing I want to keep pushing to myself in this next year. Thank you for the call. Let’s go ahead. Let’s get the next one poppin’ off. We’re going to get poppin’ off. What are you poppin’ off with in the new year? Hello.
[00:31:29] CALLER: Hello?
[00:31:30] CHRIS: Hi.
[00:31:32] CALLER: Am I on?
[00:31:33] CHRIS: Yeah, you’re on.
[00:31:35] CALLER: Oh, my New Year’s resolution is to stop giving a shit about what people think.
[00:31:41] CHRIS: [Laughs] Hell yeah.
[00:31:42] CALLER: I just moved to a big- I just moved to a city to do art. And ’tis the season to judge people’s life choices. But I’m just trying to do what I want to do.
[00:31:52] CHRIS: You gotta! Do what I want to do. Stop giving a shit. All these people, you’re worried about their opinions. Who cares? You gotta go- you go and you tell them, you don’t ask them what their opinion is. You say, here’s what I’m bringing to the world. Deal with it.
[00:32:07] CALLER: Yes, that’s what I’m trying to do.
[00:32:08] CHRIS: I think you’re going to crush it and I hope you enjoy life in the big city because big cities can be exciting places. 3..2..1. Okay, next call. Let’s get it going. Thank you so much for calling. Hello and welcome. Yes, hi.
[00:32:29] CALLER: Hey, Geth. So in the new year, I resolve to finally make an eye appointment. I’ve been wearing glasses that have been glued or taped for well over a year now.
[00:32:39] CHRIS: [Laughs] Nice simple one.
[00:32:43] CALLER: [Laughs] Yeah, yeah, yeah. I also resolve to hopefully talk to you for an hour.
[00:32:47] CHRIS: I’d love that.
[00:32:48] CALLER: And if there is one, I really would love to go to sandwich night next year.
[00:32:52] CHRIS: Oh, I hope there’s one. We’ll see. I would love if your full hour was you just in-depth describing to me the ways in which your glasses are broken and need to be fixed.
[00:33:02] CALLER: Oh, I can describe probably the multiple ways in which I have repaired them over the last year.
[00:33:07] CHRIS: Okay, we’ve got 20 seconds.
[00:33:10] CALLER: Okay, have a Happy New Year, Get. Love to you and your wife and your baby.
[00:33:14] CHRIS: Okay, do you want to just give us 10 seconds worth of ways you fix them?
[00:33:18] CALLER: Hot glue. Dental floss. Different colors of duct tape. One time on a roller coaster, I had to break them because I had to put them in my shirt.
[00:33:29] CHRIS: Okay, I will wonder forever what that means and how you used dental floss to fix them. And thank you for the well wishes to my family. That’s awful kind of you. Hello, welcome to the show. Hello? [faint noise] Oh, there’s someone on, I just heard the most faint “Can you hear me?” that I’ve ever heard.
[00:33:52] CALLER: Can you hear me?
[00:33:52] CHRIS: Now I can. Hello!
[00:33:56] CALLER: Hello. My New Year’s resolutions were-I don’t know- I’m trying to become a better clown. So I want to do acrobatic stuff this year.
[00:34:09] CHRIS: What?
[00:34:10] CALLER: And basically, yeah.
[00:34:12] CHRIS: That’s awesome. You’re a clown?
[00:34:14] CALLER: Yes, I’m Opal the clown.
[00:34:17] CHRIS: That’s incredible. I mean, you’re not supposed to say your name, but I guess that’s a clown name. So that’s fine.
[00:34:22] CALLER: Yeah, it’s my clown name. So I’m all good.
[00:34:25] CHRIS: Where do you do clowning?
[00:34:28] CALLER: Basically just everywhere I am all the time.
[00:34:31] CHRIS: You got to call back sometime cause I want to ask if clowning has a dark side.
[00:34:35] CALLER: There is always a dark side to comedy. I’m sure you know that.
[00:34:38] CHRIS: I’ve always wondered what the clowning version of that is. Alright, Brianne Manuels Pet Services is watching live on YouTube. You got to check it off your bucket list. Thank you so much for calling. Lucas Rogers says everyone on hold probably just says “hello” every time you say “hello.” I think that might be true. That being said hello, welcome to the show.
[00:34:58] CALLER: Hello?
[00:34:59] CHRIS: Hi.
[00:35:01] CALLER: Can you- am I on?
[00:35:03] CHRIS: Yeah, you’re on.
[00:35:05] CALLER: Oh, thank you so much for doing this.
[00:35:07] CHRIS: It’s a pleasure
[00:35:08] CALLER: And thank you for everything. The show got me through my marathon training, so it was really fun to be just running around all these lakes and laughing to myself while listening to you. I really appreciate it.
[00:35:20] CHRIS: That’s so cool.
[00:35:21] CALLER: My New Year’s resolutions- yeah, it was a lot of- I got a lot of weird looks, cackling.
[00:35:25] CHRIS: Good. That’s good. That’s why I exist. Okay. Your resolution?
[00:35:30] CALLER: Yes. Yeah. I want to be kinder to both myself and others. I think if I’m kinder to myself, it’ll allow me to be kinder to others. So maintain some better boundaries, like emotionally. I just started my grad school and fiction writing. I know you said you’re not a fiction reader, but hopefully one day you’ll read my book. My goal is to finish my manuscript by the end of the year. I have eight stories done- well mostly done. For like a collection, I want to do 12 maybe. I also want to get better at-
[00:36:05] CHRIS: Okay, Jared, I had to signal Jared, I mean. Again, God bless- I want to read all your stories and I want to read the novel. I’m so sorry the way it cut you off. We have so many calls to get through in the hour. The whole deal is you get one minute. I’m so sorry. I feel so bad. But also, I think that may have been a funny moment. Who knows? Hello. Welcome to the show.
[00:36:22] CHRIS: And we’re going to pause. Grab yourself a nice cold glass of water. Kick back, listen to some ads. Calm, slowly paced ads.
[00:36:41] CHRIS: Let’s get back in the trenches, get some more phone calls cooking.
[00:36:49] CALLER: Hello?
[00:36:50] CHRIS: Hi.
[00:36:51] CALLER: Hi. How are you?
[00:36:53] CHRIS: Oh, pretty good.
[00:36:55] CALLER: Yes. My New Year’s resolution is to start being more comfortable going to places on my own and just like making friends and stuff. And being nicer to myself. I think that’s an important one too.
[00:37:11] CHRIS: I think those are two great ones. I like going pl- I like going to movies on my own. I kind of like going to concerts on my own.
[00:37:18] CALLER: I went to a concert last night on my own to try it out.
[00:37:21] CHRIS: How’d you like it? I like being able to just stand in the back and not worry that I’m holdin’ anybody else back from having fun.
[00:37:28] CALLER: Totally, I’m kind of tall, so I try to stay away from the front because I know the shorter people are going to hate me for standing in the front of the concert.
[00:37:39] CHRIS: [Laughs] Well as a shorter person, I thank you for that.
[00:37:43] CALLER: [Laughs] Thank you, I appreciate it.
[00:37:45] CHRIS: All right. Someone in the chat is saying so many aspiring authors. I think that’s true. I think that’s so cool. We got so many listeners of the show writing books. Someone else in the YouTube chat saying I am not very funny. That’s fine by me. Have your opinions, that’s 100% okay. [Laughs] All right. Let’s go ahead and see who’s next. Welcome to this show.
[00:38:12] CALLER: Hey, is it me?
[00:38:13] CHRIS: Yeah. It’s you.
[00:38:16] CALLER: Oh, great. My resolution is to get healthy enough this year to be able to run a half marathon and to fit into a wedding dress because I just got engaged.
[00:38:26] CHRIS: Hey, congrats.
[00:38:28] CALLER: And there’s also this game that’s about, I want to say, maybe 15 years old, called Ico on the PlayStation 2 that I have never beaten because I refuse to use cheats and look up strategies, so I would like to somehow figure out this darn game.
[00:38:43] CHRIS: [Laughs] That’s amazing. So get married, run a half marathon, and also beat a game that sounds like it may be decades old.
[00:38:53] CALLER: Yes, it’s an impossible to play puzzle game. I can’t figure it out, but maybe after all these years I can figure it out.
[00:39:01] CHRIS: [Laughs] I hope you spear that great white whale. Happy New Year. Welcome to the show.
[00:39:07] CALLER: Yeah, Happy-
[00:39:10] CHRIS: Who’s next? Sorry had to cut you off there. Hello.
[00:39:11] CALLER: Hello. How’s it going?
[00:39:13] CHRIS: It’s good.
[00:39:15] CALLER: Yeah. I know everyone’s asking that, it just wastes time. Hey, so my son turns 1 next May. He shares a birthday with my wife, and I want to show them a good time, make them have a happy birthday. I’ve never sort of aspired to be an author, but I kind of on a whim, wrote a novel in three weeks this September, and it turned out to be moderately successful, so I’m working on a follow up to that. And yeah- so I’m gonna I guess write my second book this year and have another successful year of managing bipolar disorder, finding balance between that, work, life. You know, all that.
[00:40:04] CHRIS: Now, how do you think the lady who’s been working on a book for 30 years feels that you farted out a successful one in three weeks?
[00:40:12] CALLER: [Laughs] Yeah. Yeah. So it’s like- it’s a novel. So it’s like 15,000 words. It’s-
[00:40:18] CHRIS: Okay- [stuttering] 15,000 words. Yep, Jared had to cut you off. Lot of authors calling, a lot of books coming out this year from our listeners. That’s super cool. Hello. Who do we have on the show? It’s good to talk to you. [pause] Hello?
[00:40:32] CALLER: Hi.
[00:30:33] CHRIS: Hi.
[00:40:35] CALLER: Hi. I’m from all the way down under in New Zealand, so it’s nice and early in the morning for us here.
[00:40:43] CHRIS: That’s cool. I want to go to New Zealand someday.
[00:40:46] CALLER: I hope you do, we’d love to see you. So 2019 was a bit of a year for us. My nine year old son was diagnosed with anxiety, and I have to say a huge thank you to your show. The number of times that I was driving to work in the car and just the right thing was said by a caller to make me think that I had to keep fighting for him. So it’s been a huge thing for us and we ended up having to have him out of school for the last term because of course, our school year ends in December. But we found a fantastic school for his 2020. We were sent an amazing therapist. So 2020 for us is all about pulling out all the stops to make sure that he can be happy and healthy and looking forward.
[00:41:28] CHRIS: Incredible. I wish you nothing but luck. And I’m so impressed by you as a parent because I tell you, I didn’t seek any help until I was about 22, 23. And the fact that you’re on top of it and helping this guy when he’s 9. Incredible. So incredible.
[00:41:43] CALLER: Yes. It’s a funny flip side, because on the one hand, you think he’s so young. He’s so young. Couldn’t we have waited? But on the other hand, I think where we’re getting everything in place so that when he’s in his teens and when he’s in his 20’s, he already knows how to seek help and we can help him with that.
[00:41:58] CHRIS: Absolutely. Incredible. Good luck. I wish you nothing but a great 2020. Hello, we got time for a handful more, I think. Who’s on the phone?
[00:42:10] CALLER: Hi Chris, it’s Melanie.
[00:42:11] CHRIS: Well, you’re- it’s Anonymous. You’re not-
[00:42:14] CALLER: I’m sorry. Okay.
[00:42:16] CHRIS: That’s fine.
[00:42:17] CALLER: I’m Anonymous then.
[00:42:18] CHRIS: [Laughs]
[00:42:19] CALLER: My friend called earlier. We were like yelling over you.
[00:42:21] CHRIS: That’s fine. So you got back through?
[00:42:24] CALLER: No my- yeah. We were lucky enough.
[00:42:27] CHRIS: [Laughs]
[00:42:28] CALLER: My resolution is to just like actually care about myself for the first time because I came out of a very emotionally abusing marriage. So just loving myself, so somebody else can love me the way I should be. So that’s all.
[00:42:43] CHRIS: That’s an incredible one. To get out of an abusive situation and to be able to have the rest of your life ahead of you, I’d imagine must feel daunting, but also very, very exciting.
[00:42:53] CALLER: Yeah, I’m totally excited so just looking forward to what 2020 brings because 2019 was awful. Also, my mom died, just been one of those years.
[00:43:01] CHRIS: That is rough and not cool and horrible, and I hope that 2020 gives you nothing but success and happiness. All right. On the YouTube, people watching the stream live on YouTube, someone named “Crypto collectables” pointing out that my arms are crossed and this is a sign of negativeness. I’m just chilly now. I took out my sweatshirt because I was hot and now I’m chilly. Okay anyway, let’s keep the calls rolling. Hello. Welcome to the show. [Wind sounds] Hello?
[00:43:32] CALLER: Hello?
[00:43:33] CHRIS: Hi.
[00:43:34] CALLER: Hello, is this Chris?
[00:43:35] CHRIS: Yeah.
[00:43:36] CALLER: Hey! It’s so great to hear from ya.
[00:43:40] CHRIS: So great to hear from you too even though you are currently inside a wind turbine.
[00:43:44] CALLER: Oh no, I’m in the car. Hands free, I promise. I’ll make it quick. I’m a potter, and I’m growing my small business in Minneapolis, Minnesota. We’re looking- I’m really looking forward to 2020. My wife and I are going to Harry Potter world in Orlando in February, so we’re stoked about that.
[00:44:04] CHRIS: That’s awesome. What’s being a potter like? That’s- potter is one of those professions like blacksmith, where I think people forget that it’s still a thing.
[00:44:13] CALLER: Yeah, it’s really hard. I mean, we’re just trying to make beautiful things that will enhance people’s lives every day. It’s a lot easier- you know, if you’ve got a handmade mug and you’re drinking tea out of it, it just means a lot more than something you get out of Walmart, you know? So-
[00:44:30] CHRIS: Beautiful
[00:44:30] CALLER: It lasts. It’s really hard, but you gotta keep on going, you know.
[00:44:34] CHRIS: Keep doing it up and enjoy Harry Potter world.
[00:44:37] CALLER: Yes.
[00:44:38] CHRIS: Let’s go ahead.
[00:44:39] CALLER: Hell yeah, man.
[00:44:40] CHRIS: [Laughs] Hell yeah, my potter friend. Who else do we have on the phone here today?
[00:44:45] CALLER: Hi, Chris. How are you?
[00:44:46] CHRIS: I’m doing great. How are you?
[00:44:50] CALLER: I’m doing good. And my resolution is to give myself a little more grace in the coming year. I am a mom of two, under two and my husband is a long haul truck driver. So he was just gone for three weeks and now he’s gone again over the weekend. And it’s easy to get down on yourself and think like, I’m not doing enough. I’m not, you know, doing everything that the girls need, but I’m kind of rocking it and I need to remind myself of that in the coming year.
[00:45:21] CHRIS: Hey, I only have one and I get to be home a lot, and it’s so hard. So for you to be raising two and your husband’s working a job where he’s out on the road all the time. I don’t know how you do it. You’re a superhero.
[00:45:38] CALLER: I don’t know how I’m doing it either, but we’re doing it. And the other thing too, is you know, give myself a little more grace, but also make sure that I’m, you know, praising my husband for being out there and supporting us. And I know that he’s got a lot of lonely nights too, but it’s all for one common cause and for our girls. And I’ve got to make sure I remind him how important that is to us too, so-
[00:46:02] CHRIS: Amazing.
[00:46:03] CALLER: Those are my two things.
[00:46:04] CHRIS: Sounds like you’re a great mom and a great partner. We’re gonna get a few more in, we have time for a handful more. I want to let everybody know we’re prioritizing the people who’ve been sitting on hold the longest. So if you’re just getting on hold now, we might not get you. I’m going to try my hardest. Let’s keep it going. Hello. Welcome to the show.
[00:46:24] CALLER: [Indistinguishable noise]
[00:46:27] CHRIS: Hi, hello?
[00:46:29] CALLER: [Child’s voice says hi] How’s it going?
[00:46:30] CHRIS: Hi. It’s good. How are you?
[00:46:32] CALLER: Good. This is weird.
[00:46:34] CHRIS: Yeah, I agree. My whole life is weird.
[00:46:38] CALLER: Well, it’s fun. So my goal is I want to figure out what I want to do in life. I want to figure out what I want to do with my job because I’ve been sitting in limbo for the past four years. It’s no fun.
[00:46:50] CHRIS: Yeah. That’s not fun at all. I hope that you nail it down and get some momentum going. Something you’re really excited about.
[00:46:57] CALLER: And I want you to check out the band, July Talk. Not me, not my band, but they’re from my city. You should check them out.
[00:47:03] CHRIS: July Talk. That sounds good. Now, I do want to be clear. A small child did say hello directly off the phone at one point right, I’m not hallucinating?
[00:47:12] CALLER: No, that was my daughter.
[00:47:13] CHRIS: Amazing. So i’ll check out July Talk. You’ll get your career headed in the direction you want. Much love to you and your daughter. Happy New Year. Let’s go ahead. [Child in the background] See who else we got. [Laughs] Hello. Welcome to the show. [Pause] Hello?
[00:47:30] CALLER: [Crashing noise] Hi.
[00:47:32] CHRIS: Hi. How are you? Did you just drop something?
[00:47:34] CALLER: Hi Chris. [Laughs] I’m sorry, I was moving something.
[00:47:38] CHRIS: It’s okay.
[00:47:39] CALLER: Hi Chris, it’s grandma. How are you?
[00:47:41] CHRIS: You have through again!
[00:47:43] CALLER: [Laughs] I got through again.
[00:47:44] CHRIS: The 39 year old grandma! You must be like, what, 40 by now?
[00:47:49] CALLER: I am 40. Wait, wait, wait. No, I just turned 41 like three days ago.
[00:47:54] CHRIS: Wow. Getting up there, grandma.
[00:47:58] CALLER: I know, right? How are you?
[00:48:00] CHRIS: I’m good.
[00:48:02] CALLER: Making it through this hour.
[00:48:03] CHRIS: Every time we’ve talked and every time we’ve met in person, you fill me with an endless amount of joy.
[00:48:10] CALLER: Oh, yay! I’m so happy. I wanted to tell you that I just talked to my husband, and he said we can go see you in January in San Francisco for the live taping, so super excited.
[00:48:20] CHRIS: Amazing.
[00:48:22] CALLER: So we’re gonna go to that. And my resolution is to get myself in shape and get myself ready for the convention in May.
[00:48:31] CHRIS: [Laughs]
[00:48:31] CALLER: So we’ll see you there.
[00:48:32] CHRIS: I can’t wait to see you in San Francisco and in New York City in May at the Beautiful/CONonymous. You are the best. I’m so happy you got through again. That makes me- people on the YouTube chatter are going you’re a legend, a Beautiful Anonymous legend. I agree.
[00:48:45] CALLER: [Laughs]
[00:48:46] CHRIS: Happy New Year to you. [Laughs] Let’s go ahead, get a- we can get a couple more in. Good talking to you, 39 year old grandma, 41 year old grandma. Happy birthday. Okay, hello.
[00:48:58] CALLER: Hello.
[00:48:59] CHRIS: Hi.
[00:49:02] CALLER: Hi. Am I on?
[00:49:04] CHRIS: Yeah, yeah. You’re currently on.
[00:49:06] CALLER: Oh my gosh. Okay. This is just like the best thing ever. So I’m sitting in my car, and I’m just listening and I’m waiting and I’m listening to everyone’s super cool years resolutions. And I realized like I didn’t really have one, and I had to sit in my car because my kids are home from college playing the guitar really, really loud. So I was wondering if you wanted to hear it.
[00:49:32] CHRIS: I do. I wanna hear your college aged children play guitar. Yes.
[00:49:36] CALLER: Okay. I’m outside. I gotta run inside. And the reception’s kind of bad at my house.
[00:49:42] CHRIS: That’s okay.
[00:49:44] CALLER: I’m in the [indistinguishable] You’re going to be excited.
[00:49:49] CHRIS: You have five seconds left.
[00:49:50] CALLER: You guys, it’s Chris Gethard on the phone from Beautiful Anonymous, can you play a jam? [other voice] I’m not joking. One’s blowing her nose. I know that we only have one minute, but- [noise in background] That’s the panic disorder.
[00:50:09] CHRIS: Okay, now you’re minute’s up, but I want to hear some licks.
[00:50:13] CALLER: He wants to hear some- come on, girl. Oh my god, I’m so sorry that- Holland, just jam.
[00:50:20] CHRIS: [Laughs]
[00:50:21] CALLER: I know, I know. She’s hyperventilating. She’s hyperventilating.
[00:50:25] CHRIS: It’s okay. I’ve been there.
[00:50:28] CALLER: Okay. [Guitar music] Yeah!
[00:50:44] CHRIS: All right. That was amazing. Glad we got to hear those hot licks. All right. Couple more, let’s keep it going. Hello. Welcome to the show.
[00:50:51] CALLER: Hello.
[00:50:52] CHRIS: Hi.
[00:50:53] CALLER: Oh, I must be on.
[00:50:54] CHRIS: You are on.
[00:50:56] CALLER: How about that? I want to stop having my life being led by fear. I’ve gotten too good at being alone. And I’m, you know, I’m really good at being self-sufficient and taking care of myself. But man, it’s really hard for me to like, connect with other people sometimes. And I just gotta get better at that and stop the insane scare of everything. And it’s frustrating.
[00:51:20] CHRIS: I love that. I love that. I’ve been through- I’ve been through those feelings. It feels good to get on the other side of it.
[00:51:29] CALLER: Yeah. You conquer a lot, but then you look at some places where you’re at in your life, it’s like, man, I just got- I’m so close, I’m right there. I’m right there. And that’s kind of where I’m at. I can see the horizon lines. And it’s just, oh, couple more steps I think.
[00:51:44] CHRIS: This is your year. You’re gonna get over the finish line. Thank you for calling. Who do we got? Who do we got?
[00:51:50] CALLER: Thank you.
[00:51:51] CHRIS: All right. Thank you. How many? We got time for a couple more. Jared, I’m catching my second wind. Catching my second wind.
[00:51:57] CALLER: Hello?
[00:51:58] CHRIS: Hi, how are ya?
[00:51:59] CALLER: Good. How are you?
[00:52:01] CHRIS: I’m doing amazing.
[00:52:04] CALLER: Oh, great. I’m happy to hear that. So my New Year’s resolution- I live in Westchester, so we’re New York neighbors, somewhat. I only have about 75k saved up, but I would really want to get my own apartment this year. And I’m a teacher, so that’s gonna be hard, but I really want to go for it.
[00:52:27] CHRIS: Did you say-
[00:52:28] CALLER: So that’s my New Year’s resolution.
[00:52:29] CHRIS: You said you have $75,000 saved?
[00:52:32] CALLER: Yeah, but I live in Westchester County, so that’s like a penny.
[00:52:35] CHRIS: It is expensive. It is expensive. But it sounds like you’re- I bet there’s a lot of people going, wow, you are right there. I think you can get there.
[00:52:43] CALLER: I’m just scared. And I just need, I need motivation to go for it. But yeah, and I’m 28 this year, so I’ll be 29 in August and I hope to get there before I’m 29.
[00:52:55] CHRIS: Super cool goal. I think you can get there. I believe in you. Feels good. Feels good to turn that corner. Thank you for being a teacher. Westchester’s beautiful. That’s where my wife grew up. Anyway, hello. Welcome to the show.
[00:53:08] CALLER: Am I on?
[00:53:09] CHRIS: You are on.
[00:53:10] CALLER: God damn it. I thought I was going to miss it for that jam session.
[00:53:15] CHRIS: Don’t be a hater.
[00:53:16] CALLER: How are you, Chris?
[00:53:17] CHRIS: Don’t be a hater. You don’t have to be a hater.
[00:53:19] CALLER: No, no, no. I’m a musician. I just, I get it. I just, I’m selfish I guess.
[00:53:24] CHRIS: All good. What’s your resolution?
[00:53:27] CALLER: My resolution is to survive, just to stay alive.
[00:53:32] CHRIS: Yeah.
[00:53:33] CALLER: Sounds morbid, but I seem to always be having these near-death experiences. And now I’m married, so there’s a reason to stay alive, you know?
[00:53:46] CHRIS: Yeah. Yeah. I think- you gotta. You gotta keep making music. And every time I’ve felt like there wasn’t a reason, invariably something happens that makes me really thank God that I didn’t-
[00:54:09] CALLER: Oh there’s a reason. Yeah there’s a reason, that’s my wife. She’s amazing. But I mean like I’ve been chased by bears and I like- I chose to walk across the country and I almost died a bunch there. And more recently, a skydiver almost landed on my head. But my wife was with me, so I dragged her into my experiences now.
[00:54:31] CHRIS: So you’re not suicidal, you just live a cartoon life of terror?
[00:54:38] CALLER: Yes. Yes.
[00:54:40] CHRIS: [Laughs] Incredible. All right, watch out for bears and skydivers in the New Year. Hello, welcome to the show.
[00:54:47] CALLER: What’s up, man? How’s it going?
[00:54:49] CHRIS: It’s good, dude. How are you?
[00:54:52] CALLER: Life is good, living the dream. My New Year’s resolution you actually kind of already know about. I’m going to be filming a documentary on fake martial arts, and hopefully save a lot of people and help a lot of people in this world not fall prey to cults and people who might take advantage of them in that industry.
[00:55:09] CHRIS: Yes, I love this. For anybody listening, I will say we have never met in person, I’ve talked to this person. He goes around the world exposing sham, snake oil martial arts. And it’s amazing and hilarious and a good public service.
[00:55:24] CALLER: Yeah. Thank you, man. I appreciate that. You know, I also, I just want to say that I think that what you’re doing here with the Beautiful Anonymous thing, it’s great hearing people’s stories. It’s really inspiring stuff. And so I wanted to call in at least one time and support you because you support me, man.
[00:55:39] CHRIS: Thank you so much. And I feel like it’s going to keep rolling. I’ll tell you, I’m such a fan of this guy’s project that I’ve actually reached out and said, is there any way I can help? And I hope that I can find a way to help in the new year because it’s so funny what they’re doing. Okay, got time for a couple more.
[00:55:55] CALLER: Hey, how’s it going?
[00:55:56] CHRIS: It’s good. How are you?
[00:55:57] CALLER: Good. I’m really stoked to be on.
[00:56:00] CHRIS: I’m stoked to have you on.
[00:56:03] CALLER: Yeah. So my New Year’s resolution is really just to kick off. This has been a rough year for me. I spent a lot of it battling a pretty serious eating disorder. I was in an inpatient hospital for six weeks and then I went back to school to finish my last semester of college, despite everyone telling me I couldn’t do it. And I’m glad to say the first half of the semester I was in 35 hours a week of therapy and taking classes. And last Monday, I turned in my last paper for my undergraduate degree.
[00:56:33] CHRIS: Wow. Congrats. That’s huge.
[00:56:36] CALLER: Thank you so much. Thank you.
[00:56:37] CHRIS: All these people said you couldn’t do it. I’m glad you said a very polite “No, fuck that, I’m gonna go do it.” That’s great.
[00:56:44] CALLER: Yeah, and I’ve got my- graduated with my dream job. I’m moving to New York to do the thing I’ve always wanted to do that my degree was in. Things are just really turning around for me, and I’m so excited to see what 2020 has.
[00:56:58] CHRIS: I can’t wait to see what you pull off. Stay healthy and congratulations. What an accomplishment. Okay, hello. Welcome to the show.
[00:57:04] CALLER: Chris!
[00:57:08] CHRIS: Hi.
[00:57:10] CALLER: Hello?
[00:57:11] CHRIS: Hi.
[00:57:12] CALLER: Am I on?
[00:57:13] CHRIS: Yeah.
[00:57:14] CALLER: Hi Chris!
[00:57:14] CHRIS: Hi.
[00:57:15] CALLER: Happy New Year. Happy holidays. Happy New Year.
[00:57:18] CHRIS: Yeah, you too.
[00:57:19] CALLER: My son says hi.
[00:57:20] CHRIS: Hi!
[00:57:21] CALLER: So excited to get on. I know I’m at the tail end, I’m glad I got on.
[00:57:25] CHRIS: Excited to have you on.
[00:57:27] CALLER: I showed my son persistence paid off. I must have made 500 dials. Anyways, I’m on.
[00:57:33] CHRIS: Yes.
[00:57:34] CALLER: My New Year’s resolution is to get back to my best self. It’s been a bad few years. We’ve had financial problems and a lot of it is affecting my son’s ability to, you know, concentrate in school and stuff. We just need to get back to a good place. Need to get out of the gig economy, get a real job and being an old person in a gig economy sucks.
[00:58:02] CHRIS: Yeah. Yeah. It’s a new world we live in, and we’ve got to figure out a way to make it more fair to the people putting in the work and the time.
[00:58:09] CALLER: I know. My other resolution is to get to see you in San Francisco, so we’re going to try to do that.
[00:58:16] CHRIS: Hey, you know what? Reach out, reach out to me on one of the various platforms, we’ll see what we can do. Okay, let me know you’re the person who called.
[00:58:28] CALLER: Awesome.
[00:58:29] CHRIS: Cool. All right. How much time we got, Jared? Five minutes left? Four minutes left, okay, we’re gonna get a couple more in. Hello. Welcome to the show. How are you?
[00:58:39] CALLER: Sup Gethard.
[00:58:40] CHRIS: Same, well shit. How about you?
[00:58:42] CALLER: Oh, you know, just hanging out. I was thinking about my New Year’s resolutions for this year, which is one, to make more art and two, to get everyone to watch CGP because it’s awesome.
[00:58:54] CHRIS: Thanks. Nobody’s watching. Literally, I can’t get anyone to watch it. It sucks because I think it’s great.
[00:58:59] CALLER: The discord is amazing. It’s full of amazing, beautiful, wonderful people. And I just don’t understand why more people aren’t getting involved and watching.
[00:59:08] CHRIS: Yeah, me too. Monroe Martin’s episode needs more views. It’s the best. Is this Emily Pineapple?
[00:59:18] CALLER: No, it’s Thrill House.
[00:59:19] CHRIS: Thrill House. How are ya, Thrill House in the discord. I don’t know- to my knowledge I don’t know Thrill House in real life so it still counts as anonymous. Thrill House, five seconds left, where we at?
[00:59:31] CALLER: Watch CGP, eat more buns.
[00:59:37] CHRIS: [Laughs] Thank you for that. All right, welcome to the show.
[00:59:41] CALLER: Is this me?
[00:59:42] CHRIS: It’s you, right at the tail end.
[00:59:46] CALLER: Hey. Oh my gosh, okay. I’m going to say that the person before that said they didn’t want to live their life out of fear, I related to a lot. That’s kind of the same for me, to connect to more people. And I was having a really hard mental health day today. And it’s actually a beautiful day outside where I am, and listening to this and now talking to you makes me want to get outside and change how my day was going.
[01:00:10] CHRIS: That’s great.
[01:00:14] CALLER: Yeah, that’s generally what I want to do in 2020 is to kick more ass and eat more ass, I suppose.
[01:00:22] CHRIS: [Laughs] Kick more ass and eat more ass? Two calls in a row that have brought up ass eating. Well, God bless you. I hope you keep taking pleasant walks around the block. I hope you kick ass and I hope you munch on as much butt as you desire.
[01:00:38] CALLER: Oh god.
[01:00:40] CHRIS: All right, thank you. [Laughs] Welcome to the show. We’re right at the tail end. How are ya?
[01:00:44] CALLER: Hey, am I on?
[01:00:46] CHRIS: Yes, you are. One of the final ones.
[01:00:50] CALLER: Okay, awesome. Well my New Year’s resolution is really to just go out and take more beautiful pictures. I’ve been so unhappy with myself and just so upset. But I do photography and it really makes me happy. And I just wish the best to be able to take photos and share that with people. And I also wish everyone who’s listening and you a wonderful and happy New Year.
[01:01:09] CHRIS: I wish you a happy new year as well, and I think taking photos of all the beautiful things in life. What a nice way to put yourself in a better head space.
[01:01:19] CALLER: I sure hope so. I wish you all the very, very best.
[01:01:22] CHRIS: I wish you the best as well. Thank you for calling. I now believe we’re gonna do-
[01:01:28] CALLER: Thank you for doing what you do.
[01:01:30] CHRIS: Oh, I am so lucky that I get to do this. Sorry that I burped. I’m so sorry that I burped at the end. I mean, it’s shocking that in this length of time with this much talking, I only burped once. One more, one more call is what I’m being told and then I think we’re gonna do something special with everybody in the line, so don’t hang up yet. Hello. Welcome to the show. You’re a final full length call. Hello?
[01:01:52] CALLER: Geth, is this me?
[01:01:55] CHRIS: Yeah, what up?
[01:01:56] CALLER: Hello? Holy shit. I just like, I want to stop smoking. My wife hates it and I got sober about a year and a half ago, and that’s my last vice. So it’s like, it’s time to cut it, time to kill the shit.
[01:02:10] CHRIS: That’s a great one. Happier, healthier, longer life.
[01:02:15] CALLER: Hey, man. Hey, man, I’m tired of waking up with a cough every morning. I just want to thank you Geth for the encouragement you’ve been in all of our lives. And I know you got my wife through the time when I was in rehab and absent. And in so many ways, your voice has been the encouragement to me through the last two years. So thank you for that.
[01:02:34] CHRIS: Well, I tell you, thanks for going in there, getting everything straightened out, fighting. I know how hard that is. Love to you and your wife and I’ll tell you, same thing, people say, oh you do a lot for me, but I’m telling you, you guys do so much more for me. I get to sit here in the studio, get all these phone calls from people who remind me that the world is not the harsh and brutal place that it often seems. And it has filled my life with so much perspective. Now, my understanding is, Jared, we have 15 people still waiting on the line. The hour is up. You’re now going to put all 15 people through at once. So for everybody who’s sitting on hold, these 15 people- Jared- you’re going to all be talking over each other.
[01:03:16] CALLER: Hello?
[01:03:17] CHRIS: Yeah. Yeah. Everybody- fight for focus
[01:03:18] CALLERS: Hello. Happy New Year. Hello? Hope you guys have a great year. [Everyone talking at once] Have a great 2020 everyone. Hello?
[01:04:03] CHRIS: And that’s it. I got to go sleep for hours. That was a lot. But it was awesome. It’s awesome to talk to all of you, and I hope everybody out there accomplishes their goals, takes care of their health, takes care of their loved ones, takes care of themselves, everything. It’s just so nice to talk to all y’all, all jokes about it being exhausting aside. What a joy to connect with everybody. And I’m sure the ayahuasca caller from a few months back is gonna love that and just put that on a loop. Take some ayahuasca. [Laughs] No, I’m not encouraging. Whatever you want to do, whatever you guys want to do. Anyway, it’s been a fantastic year. Thank you everybody for calling and listening and being a part of it. Thank you to Jared O’Connell. Thank you to Shellshag. ChrisGeth.com if you want to know more about me and my dates. Like the show, Apple Podcasts- rate, review, subscribe. I’ll see you next year.
[OUTRO MUSIC] Kiss me, face to face.
[PREVIEW FOR NEXT EPISODE]