EP. 249 — I Was In A Harem

CHRIS [00:00:06] Hello to everybody who’s jumping out the garbage can. It’s Beautiful Anonymous one hour, one phone call. No names, no holds barred.

THEME MUSIC [00:00:14] I’d rather go one-on-one. I think it’ll be more fun and I’ll get to know you, and you’ll get to know me.

CHRIS [00:00:29] Hello, everybody, it’s Chris Gethard, and I want to welcome you to another episode of Beautiful Anonymous and first things first, got to say it. Um, what a hard week. What a hard week we all are sitting here going, man, wait till 2020’s done. I can’t wait. And then first week, The United States Capitol is overrun. It’s insanity, it’s hard, it’s stressful, and I’m sorry to anybody who’s been out there just unable to get out of bed during it.

CHRIS [00:00:58] I get it. And I just pray that this show provides you some escape and some comfort. It’s in my opinion, I’ve learned entertainment is not about my ego or getting patted on the back.

CHRIS [00:01:11] It’s about you guys and it’s about trying to give you something. And I hope it gives you escape right now. Sorry if that’s pretentious, but it’s from the heart. Got to thank everybody who reacted to last week’s episode. This was, of course, our caller who helped her father through the euthanasia process. And I saw so much feedback on all the platforms and especially in the Facebook group.

CHRIS [00:01:38] Really thoughtful discussion. Some people talking about how they’ve had experiences with this, some people talking about how they’d never considered it from that perspective. A lot of people saying that they’ve never considered mental health as something that could be a justification for this. What a discussion and all respectful in that Facebook group. And some people who also, I think rightfully said to me, hey, there probably should have been some-some warnings on this one about all the talk of suicide. And you’re right, me, of all people. I forgot that. Sorry about that. OK, this week’s episode, you want to talk about escapism. You want to talk about being able to forget for a while. This is one of my-I think we got an all-time classic on our hands. Our caller was part of a harem. Our caller was with a guy who was married and she was also one of four other girlfriends that they had. And man, she is able to talk about it. We talk about some of the dangers of that. I expressed some wariness about it. I expressed some you know, I always try to avoid judgment on the show. We also I’m not going to lie. We get pretty steamy at times. There’s some steamy talk in there. And most of all, we talk about how to live your life, be comfortable with who you are. And I think that’s at the root of all of it. Enjoy the call.

PHONE ROBOT [00:02:56] Thank you for calling Beautiful Anonymous, a beeping noise will indicate when you are on the show with the host.

CHRIS [00:03:04] Hello?

CALLER [00:03:06] Hi! 

CHRIS [00:03:08] How are ya?

CALLER [00:03:09] Doing good, how are you?

CHRIS [00:03:11] I’m you know, I’m-I’m good.

CHRIS [00:03:14] I’m-I have a good life with my family. I always, you know, people try-are probably tired of me here saying, oh, hear me say, oh, I always try to be honest, but we are recording this on-on the morning of Thursday, January 7th, 2021, which I feel like we actually just lived through one of the most insane days of American history that my-my lifetime’s ever witnessed. So, I’m processing that, but that being said, overall, I’m-I’m-I’m good on a personal level. That’s my answer.

CALLER [00:03:46] Yeah. I think I’m getting kind of sick of living through a major historical event all within, like, a couple of years of each other.

CHRIS [00:03:54] Yeah. I mean, I’m-I’m honestly sitting here going if you consider this year as like one combined organism.

CHRIS [00:04:03] I’m sitting here going… It’s probably the worst thing I’ve lived through since watching the government respond to Hurricane Katrina in 2005, probably. Probably? I wonder-I wonder if it’s-it’s getting to a point where it actually might go back to 9/11, like-not that I’m trying to sit here and rank tragedies.

CHRIS [00:04:26] But if you’re asking me how I’m doing, like that’s where it’s at., I’m actually going, ‘what was worse? This-this or when the government didn’t save a major American city after a natural disaster? Which was worse? This goddamn year or-.

CALLER [00:04:39] Yeah, I have to-Oh, sorry.

CHRIS [00:04:42] No, go for it.

CALLER [00:04:46] Uh, I-I have to admit, I’m only twenty-four so I’ve kind of, like, I-the first major historical event I remember is a little bit from 9/11, but also in kindergarten, so like I’ve kind of grown up with America always being tragedy after tragedy, and it’s a little frustrating. My parents are Trumpers and I’ve been talking to them about like, what happened yesterday. And like, I was like, all these patriot Americans but I don’t want to get too political. I’m sure they’re, uh, I don’t want to talk about that today too much, but um-.

CHRIS [00:05:12] Yeah.

CALLER [00:05:12] Yeah, it’s just frustrating uh, trying to deal with all of that.

CHRIS [00:05:20] It’s just endless and the game is kind of rigged because we’re set up in a way where you can just choose. You can just choose to cherry pick things and call them facts, and this goes for every direction. We can all just go, I’m gonna just build a boutique set of facts for myself, and just let that be my world view and it’s just getting insane. It’s just getting it’s-I mean, it’s been insane-not getting insane, it’s passing a tipping point of insane. Anyway.

CHRIS [00:05:55] You don’t want to talk about that too much. I would love to focus on something else as well. But, every-you know, if we’re gonna-if we’re gonna ask each other how we’re doing on Thursday, January 7th, then, yeah, we’ll take a minute. We’ll be honest. And then I will hear more about the reason you called.

CALLER [00:06:14] Yeah. Alright. So I have to admit, I’m super nervous and I am uh, well-known for having done little ice-breaker questions so I was wondering if I could ask two of those really quick to get past my nerves.

CHRIS [00:06:26] Yeah, I’m into it.

CHRIS [00:06:28] I feel like that’ll help chill me out, too.

CALLER [00:06:31] Alright. Right on. Alright, so the first one’s very important. But you have to give like, your just gut reaction, like don’t think about it too hard. You ready?

CHRIS [00:06:37] Yeah.

CALLER [00:06:38] All right. What’s your favorite color?

CHRIS [00:06:40] Yellow.

CALLER [00:06:41] Right on. Wait, like what kind of yellow though? Like bright yellow, dark yellow? Like, sunflower-y?

CHRIS [00:06:48] Uh, more on the bright end of the spectrum. Like a lemonhead, you know, lemonhead candies?

CALLER [00:06:54] Oh, right on.

CHRIS [00:06:55] That yellow.

CALLER [00:06:56] Definitely that.

CHRIS [00:06:57] Yeah, that’s a good candy. Ferrara Pan. Those old school candies. You got that, you got your Boston-baked beans from the Ferrara Pan company. You got a lot of good candies. Anyways. Shout out to the Ferrara Pan candy company.

CALLER [00:07:18] And the second one, what’s your favorite bridge?

CHRIS [00:07:22] The Verrazzano Bridge. I got engaged on the Verrazzano Bridge.

CALLER [00:07:26] Oh, that’s righteous. Just like that.

CHRIS [00:07:28] Yeah, it’s my wife’s favorite bridge, and it’s a really beautiful bridge. And she’s a nerd about bridges and engineering in general and-and transportation infrastructure in general. And every time we go over that bridge, she said, I think this is the most beautiful view in the world. So we were halfway over that bridge one night and I said, you know how much I love you, right? And I had a whole speech planned, but I just said, you know how much I love you right? And she looked at me and went, yeah, why? And then I pulled out a ring. And I couldn’t remember another word of what I was planning on saying, and it was halfway over the Verrazzano.

CALLER [00:08:03] That’s so cute.

CHRIS [00:08:05] These questions are really right up my alley.

CALLER [00:08:08] That’s really sweet.

CHRIS [00:08:08] I can talk about candy and love.

CALLER [00:08:12] I’m glad that I uh-glad that I could come out uh, guns a-blazing. Ooh. That could have been phrased better. Anyway.

CALLER [00:08:21] Um, onto the task at hand. Um, I, uh, I was in a harem from the ages of 18 to 21, and it was probably the best experience of my life.

CHRIS [00:08:32] You were in a what?

CALLER [00:08:32] Um, like a harem. Um, I mean, I don’t know if that’s the best phrasing for it. But um-.

CHRIS [00:08:37] A harem? Like-

CALLER [00:08:42] Myself and-.

CHRIS [00:08:42] Yourself and who?

CALLER [00:08:43] Yeah! Like, myself and four other women were all dating backslash married to the same man and it was awesome. I mean, kind of like a sister wives situation.

CHRIS [00:08:53] OK. Um,

CHRIS [00:08:55] Before we get to that, I don’t want to be rude, what’s your favorite color?

CALLER [00:09:01] Oh, um, sorry I was drinking coffee. Um, like a greenish blue? Kind of like more green than teal.

CHRIS [00:09:06] Yeah. Also, what’s your favorite bridge?

CALLER [00:09:11] I don’t know the name of it, but I live in Southern California. So when you’re driving from like Pasadena towards North Hollywood, just after Pasadena on the left, there’s this really awesome bridge with all of these lights and stuff and they decorate it for Christmas. And when I was in college, that was the halfway point between home and college. So every time I saw it I knew I was halfway there.

CHRIS [00:09:31] Cool. So what’s it like being in a harem?

CALLER [00:09:36] Wonderful. I’m not sure everybody’s experience is the same, and I don’t want to say that my experience speaks for everybody, but it was really wonderful. When I was 18, I had just gotten out of a really awful relationship and was kind of floundering for any sort-like, sense of stability. And it was not something that I could really talk to my parents or family about. And I ended up talking to an online friend who is a part of the same very close knit community that I was in. And it turned out to be the wife of the man that I ended up dating. And within the next couple of months, Kim and I started talking a bit and she was super comfortable with it and after tons and tons of talking and conversation. I ended up dating him also. And it was really wonderful. It was a very awesome community. All of us girls were super close friends and, um, obviously pulled a lot of pranks on that poor man, but he was wonderful and sweet and so supportive and it was kind of exactly what I needed at that moment.

CHRIS [00:10:41] Now, so does that mean out of the four women in this sisterhood, as you called it. Were you-so you were the second?

CALLER [00:10:50] Yes, I was the second. And then we ended up kind of sometimes kind of hooking up with somebody who knew somebody was into that sort of situation and was very comfortable with what was happening.

CALLER [00:11:05] It  was, like I said, tons and tons of communication, kind of more on the polyamorous side of things, of everything has to be talked about with everybody constantly, like, not constantly. But if we wanted to bring somebody else into the fold, it was making sure that him and his wife were okay with it, that I was okay with it. Whoever else was a part of this relationship was okay with it.

CALLER [00:11:25] But also it was just, whoever the heck he loved and was really sweet to and such and vice versa. We were always very protective of him. And like, if one of the girls was being kind of rude or mean or something like really hurting his feelings, we would always talk to them and be like, hey, what’s up? How can we help the situation or should we just stay out of this? Like it was all very sweet and supportive.

CHRIS [00:11:48] Mm hmm. Mm hmm. OK, I mean, there’s so many questions. Um, I think one of the first ones-.

CALLER [00:11:55] Lay em on. Let’s go.

CHRIS [00:11:56] Well, one of the first questions that comes to mind is, uh, let’s start with a light one. Did you all sleep in the same bed?

CALLER [00:12:07] Not always. Some of us went to schools in different places. So, if we were all in the same place at the same time, we would do our best but it didn’t really work. It’s too many people for a small bed.

CHRIS [00:12:18] And you said you were all in different schools-.

CALLER [00:12:20] It usually turned into like a cuddle puddle.

CHRIS [00:12:21] So was everyone around that same-.

CALLER [00:12:24] Sorry, yeah.

CHRIS [00:12:24] You said 18 to 20. Believe me, I heard you say the phrase cuddle puddle. I’m not glossing over that. There’s just so many questions to get to. I heard cuddle puddle. I understand the imagery of cuddle puddle. I’m not trying to gloss over that. So it sounds like everyone was in that same age range of-of your traditional college age, if they-everybody was in different schools?

CALLER [00:12:45] More or less, yeah. Him and his wife were probably like, three years older than I was. But that’s not too big of an age gap in my mind, at least.

CHRIS [00:12:58] And… OK.

CHRIS [00:13:02] I’m just trying to break down all the facts first. Another question I have is, it sounds like him and his wife married pretty young. I think the two times that you hear about this idea, right? So you used the word harem and now the stereotype-and I’m not one to trifle in stereotypes-I think a lot of times when-when Americans hear the word harem, we have this, you know, you think Middle Eastern cultures. Who knows how true that is? I’m ignorant. I’m just saying what the popular cliche is and then when you hear about sisters slash wives, I feel like that’s a phrase we often hear attached to um, the-the sort of portions of the Mormon community that have-have broken off to maintain this lifestyle. Was this driven by anybody’s culture or religion?

CALLER [00:13:51] No. Just, uh more of like a polyamorous side. But he was all of our primary.

CHRIS [00:14:01] Now-.

CALLER [00:14:02] If you’re familiar with that terminology, sorry.

CHRIS [00:14:04] No, I mean, I’m not, but I would imagine it just means that like he’s kind of I guess, is it fair to almost say, like he’s the sun in this galaxy, like his gravity is-everyone’s orbiting around that?

CALLER [00:14:25] Yeah. Yeah. That’s really well-phrased. Yeah.

CHRIS [00:14:27] When you think about that. And then I also remember when you said, you know. If any of-if any of us got kind of mean towards him, we’d step in and protect him. You had said something along those lines. A lot of people are instantly going to wonder if this doesn’t sound like something that’s a little… I don’t want to say misogynistic, but very focused on the-the comfort and pleasure of-of this man.

CALLER [00:15:03] Yeah, we actually had a fight about a year into me dating him about it of just trying to make sure that it was also even for all of the ladies. I think it happens when one of the girls started dating another guy and he kind of became her primary and we all had to kind of shift our focus of, like, okay, yeah. We need to realize we also need to keep ourselves a priority for ourselves and like, in our relationship, we will all always care about you, but also we have our own life outside of you. So we were able to kind of shift our focus from that. But also it was more of like when those fights became something that would affect all of us, it kind of turned into more of a group discussion.

CHRIS [00:15:48] Mm hmm.

CALLER [00:15:49] If that makes sense.

CHRIS [00:15:51] No, it does, it sounds, sounds really tense, um, in that moment.

CALLER [00:15:59] Yeah, sometimes, and other times very, very wonderful.

CHRIS [00:16:01] Yeah.

CALLER [00:16:00] A lot of those discussions turned into really heartfelt moments of like, realizing different things about ourselves and like,  we were all very young. Um, I mean, I still am, but still. And we were still kind of learning things about ourselves and how we react in relationships, especially one that’s more complicated like that. And I think it was well handled, some circumstances, and sometimes it wasn’t. And it was a learning process for all of us.

CHRIS [00:16:35] Yeah. And I want to-I want to just say this-out of the gate-is I have a very steadfast policy on this show where I don’t judge and I feel like a lot of the questions I’m asking are probably similar to the ones that people ask when-when you do feel like they’re judging these choices. And I just want to let you know, I’m just trying to sort out kind of the logistics of how all this worked, and I’m not-.

CALLER [00:17:03] Yeah, yeah, of course.

CHRIS [00:17:03] I’m not asking this with judgment, and-and you keep saying, oh, it was actually really positive overall. And I want you to know I believe you and I hear that. It just sounds like something I think a lot of people would assume that there’s many pitfalls to. I guess that’s a-that’s another question is at some point this ended. It sounds like it ended about three years ago.

CHRIS [00:17:25] I bet a lot of people are going, oh, I bet that ended in some like, blowout fight. Is that true?

CALLER [00:17:33] No, I had fallen really hard for another man that was monogamous and I had kind of gotten to the point where I needed to be in a less complicated relationship as far as that, because I was starting my professional career and all of that stuff and kind of felt like I’d gained everything I could from that relationship.

CALLER [00:17:59] And over the course of us dating all of us, we had several discussions of for ladies who aren’t married to you, like where is this going to lead in our future? 10, 12 years down the line, we’re not going to be able to marry you, most likely. And what-where does that leave us? And I think they do still practice-I’ve kind of not been keeping up to date with them. But it was just something that I was ready to be done with. That sounds negative. Like, not in a bad way. I was ready to move on and date another dude that was cute.

CHRIS [00:18:38] Yeah. I mean, it sounds like at the end of the day, you were young. You experimenting overall. You enjoyed the experiment, but at a certain point, you outgrew the experiment.

CALLER [00:18:48] Yeah, and that’s not to say I’ll never be in a polyamorous relationship again. In fact the guy that I ended up dating that was monogamous after a lot of talk of my last relationship and kind of the wonderful things that happened through polyamory, we started practicing polyamory and that was wonderful as well. But I was just done with that relationship as a whole.

CHRIS [00:19:10] Yeah, yeah. OK, so you got back into the game, as they say. I shouldn’t say the game. It’s a lifestyle choice. It’s not a game. Talk to me about polyamory.

CALLER [00:19:23] Right on, yeah. What do you want to know?

CHRIS [00:19:24] Well, the first question is how much of it is about sexual excitement? And I have to imagine that in three years it’s not just, oh, cool, we get to have fivesomes. It’s a three year long thing. I’m not sure-I’m not sure if you wound up living together, but I guess I’m wondering about first of all, I mean, I do want to know about the fivesomes. Can’t lie. Sounds int-I dont’ know if that happened. But I also want to hear about like what are the aspects of this lifestyle that you keep pointing to as the really positive ones that aren’t just based around, you know, the first thing that comes into all of our minds, I’m sure, is the sexual side of it. So talk to me about that balance.

CALLER [00:20:10] Yeah, well, I do have to admit, I did meet them through a kink-based thing, the original relationship. We were all into a very close-knit community kink and um, I had been kind of watching this guy’s interactions on Tumblr, of all places, which is embarrassing to admit, but he was somebody that was really well-spoken and talking about his experiences with that particular kink and how he got put in a box and how he worked around that and the things that he learned not to do again and the things that he learned really worked out. And I kind of reached out to him asking some questions of like, hey, so I ran into this roadblock. What do you think? How would you work through this? And that’s actually when I found out that the blog was mostly run by his wife, and her and I ended up talking a bunch.

CALLER [00:21:12] And later it was like, hey, we’re going to be doing this thing if you want to come and join and we can do the kink thing together. And that’s where I ended up meeting him and we talked a bunch as well. But so that one had a basis in kink but as the relationship grew, probably a couple of months into it, it stopped being about that sort of thing and really turned into the emotional aspect of it. And like you said, some of the positive things that really came out of that were the emotional support. Like I said earlier, I had come out of a really gnarly relationship before I got into this one. And I was still dealing with a lot of stuff. And I would come out of therapy afterwards and be like guys, I’m so shooken up I had to talk about this thing. And they were just there for me instantly.

CALLER [00:21:57] And if it was just sitting there and having tea with me while we scrolled through memes or kind of talking about what I talked to my therapist about, it was really wonderful to have people that were there for me that I knew always had my back, which I guess friends could do also, but in a more intimate way as well.

CALLER [00:22:16] I don’t know if I answered your question.

CHRIS [00:22:18] Well, it sounds nice. I mean, you know, I think a lot of people-a lot of people would say that one of the best aspects of a relationship is that you have someone to lean on. You have someone to be vulnerable around and you have somebody to, you know, who the-the initial expectation is I’m going to have your back first no matter what, and then we’ll figure everything out and I got to imagine having-having four of those people to lean on instead of one might be a nice thing if it works out that way.

CALLER [00:22:51] It was pretty radical. If somebody was at work, it was like, oh, I was gonna talk to them. Oh, but you’re out, let’s talk! Let’s hang out! It was really nice.

CHRIS [00:23:01] Right where it’s like-did you consider the other women-how did you consider, like, where they you said they were sisters, but were they kind of your wives? How did you view them? What’s that-what’s that-what’s that relationship?

CALLER [00:23:16] We weren’t necessarily in relationships with each other as women, but it was more just like a best friendship of like, aw man, we’re all dating the same dude like this is awesome. Like, especially when it came to like, oh, my gosh, I was trying to talk to him about X, Y and Z and like, oh, my God, I know I tried to talk to him about that, too, and like being able to talk about our relationships on very specific levels of knowing exactly how that partner would react in such. But yeah, more of a best friendship I would explain it as.

CHRIS [00:23:49] Did you-I’m gonna ask something so stupid, which-would there ever be situations where you’d be like, oh, you you slept with him on Wednesday? Right. And then one of your best friends is like, yeah, you’re like, I slept with him on Thursday. Do you think we need to tell him that he needs to, like, get a better deodorant? Like, there is a weird-like did you have conversations like that?

CHRIS [00:24:17] And let’s pause right there, everybody, because, look, I feel like I’m-I’m good at this job and these are the types of hard hitting questions you’ve come to expect from me Chris Gethard over the years. Does he need to change his deodorant? We’ll be right back.

CHRIS [00:24:37] Thank you to our advertisers for bringing the show to the world. Now let’s go ahead, get back to the phone call. Would there ever be situations where you’d be like, oh you slept with him on Wednesday, right? And then one of your best friends is like, yeah, and you’re like, I slept with him on Thursday. Do you think we need to tell him that he needs to, like, get a better deodorant? Like, there was a weird-like did you have conversations like that?

CALLER [00:25:04] Yeah, there was a lot of that stuff. Or it was like, oh my God, like, did he change his toothpaste cause his breath is not like, working out dude. There was a lot of dumb stuff like that. It was really wonderful.

CHRIS [00:25:15] And then when you would sit him down to tell him that-

CALLER [00:25:16] And then we’d usually make the wife be the person to tell him.

CHRIS [00:25:16] Oh, so you would go to the wife,.

CALLER [00:25:20] Oh no we’d make the wife do it.

CHRIS [00:25:21] So there was kind of a hierarchy there.

CALLER [00:25:24] No we just didn’t, we liked to make her be the main one cause she’s more direct with her comments. And we would be oh well like, you know, maybe just like this isn’t the best choice for you. She’s like, dude, you just need to change your deoderant. We’re like, oh my god thank you! You’re the best. She was just the most direct out of all of us.

CHRIS [00:25:45] How frankly-how frankly would you speak with each other about the intimate side of things?

CALLER [00:25:50] Oh, like I mean, I feel like it’s like any relationship. At the beginning, we were all very tip-toey around certain things. Like, oh, yeah, like maybe this thing sort of happened an by the end we were just super straightforward with each other and it was really nice.

CALLER [00:26:06] It’s-I guess probably the part of, like, getting to know any person’s friend, partner, however. But yeah, by the end, we were extremely frank.

CHRIS [00:26:15] You see, that brings up some interesting stuff, too, because I feel like when you have somebody who’s a best friend and you said you regarded these people as your best friends, I feel like one thing and-and I think a lot of people in their relationships aim to make this a respectful thing and aim to make this a thing that maintains that sort of contract of trust with their partner. But you might turn to a best friend and say, I gotta spice up my sex life.

CHRIS [00:26:42] It’s kind of hit the skids. You ever been in that situation? And you might turn to one of these people and go, I feel like it’s getting a little stale between us. I want to spice it up. That’s a conversation some people are comfortable having with their best friend. And you might say that’s one of these other women and they might turn and go, oh, really? Because shit’s really been popping off for us.

CALLER [00:27:09] Yeah, that’s definitely happened. Like especially when I’m like, when we try and do it, like, aw man, I don’t know, he just wasn’t feeling it and they’re like, oh, we kind of did it and it was awesome.

CALLER [00:27:21] And we’d kind of break it down of like, okay, like, was it the headspace? Was it what we were doing in, like, what’s going on here? And sometimes it was just like they were practicing different kinks together and like, oh well, let me see if I can integrate some of that into what we’re doing. And it was really nice actually. Not all of us had the same kinks, and so we wouldn’t really consider that. But um, by the time it came to like, really getting into it was like, oh, shoot, like, let me grab some of that from your kink and some of that. And it was always really fun.

CHRIS [00:27:57] So he was really open to most kinks, it sounds like, or a large number of kinks.

CALLER [00:28:03] Uh yeah, I’d say so. Either that or he was just very willing to make his partners happy.

CHRIS [00:28:08] So. So okay, for anybody who-for anybody who’s going hey frank sexual talk is not my thing, I’m going to ask you to hit that 30 second forward button real quick. So, so you might turn to one of your best friends and go, it’s getting a little-it’s starting to feel a little too stale or vanilla with us.

CHRIS [00:28:29] And then she might turn around and go, oh, well, have you have you thought about putting his balls in one of those little cages? Because I’ve been doing that. I’ve been doing some of that stuff of deprivation stuff and he’s really getting into it. Maybe you want to get really into edging or some other version of of pleasure deprivation like. Those conversations would happen.

CALLER [00:28:52] Yeah, literally. Yeah.

CHRIS [00:28:54] Literally-literally? The balls in the cage thing, literally?

CALLER [00:28:57] Oh, not the literal balls in the cage, but stuff like that, yeah. Or um, oh man, I’m so sorry, Sally. She’s not gonna even listen to this one. Aunt Karen too. But uh, yeah, that-it was stuff like, uh-

CHRIS [00:29:10] Oh, Aunt Karen turned this one off a long time ago. Aunt Karen turned this one off awhile ago. OK, you were saying.

CALLER [00:29:18] Oh yeah, well it would be like, dude I feel like my blowjobs or not up to par and like, we would literally just bust out some dildos and practice blowjobs together. And it’d be like, oh, you do that? Yeah.

CHRIS [00:29:28] You practice on dildos? Would-okay. Since we’re getting since now we’re just getting steamy, now things are just getting steamy, would there ever be situations where it would be like I just kind of don’t get it. And the other, the other women just go well just come in the bedroom and I’ll show you on him. Would that happen?

CALLER [00:29:48] Oh yeah. Yeah. I don’t think he was too upset about it either.

CHRIS [00:29:54] I would imagine not. I would imagine not. Now, speaking of that. I’m having this instinct and I try to turn off the judgment, as I said, but I can say it’s-it’s brewing in me at least a little bit. There’s definitely people listening to this going-when they hear that they’re going, is this guy just some sort of smug guy who feels like he’s getting away with this? You know?

CALLER [00:30:24] Oh. I mean.

[00:30:25] When you go, oh yeah he-he didn’t mind that.

[00:30:25] It wasn’t always-I mean, kink wasn’t always the driving factor nor was sex. It was definitely a real relationship. He was a big support for a lot of us going through different things. Yeah, like it wasn’t like we were just having sex 24/7, as fun as that would have been. But it was maybe we would have sex once a week, maybe once every other week. And then other times it was just normal life stuff of like, oh, my gosh, I have this big test coming up and I’m freaking out and oh my goodness. And just like, alright here, you totally studied this. And all the emotional support that comes with that and dating people and college and all that fun stuff.

CHRIS [00:31:05] So you feel like for all-I mean, this call is so bonkers I’m forgetting-it was four total or was it four other people besides you? That’s where this call is at.

CALLER [00:31:14] Four other people besides me. So there’s five of us total.

CHRIS [00:31:17] So there-I said fivesome before, but it could conceivably be a sixsome.

CALLER [00:31:20] Yeah.

CHRIS [00:31:23] Was it ever a sixsome?

CALLER [00:31:26] Uh, once or twice.

CHRIS [00:31:27] God.

CALLER [00:31:27] Not always. It’s kind of uh, difficult to maneuver six people in that situation.

CHRIS [00:31:33] I was just gonna-I was just gonna say, how do you even find the room? How do you even find the space, let alone it’s like-

CALLER [00:31:43] Yeah and like the time and schedules and all that.

CHRIS [00:31:46] It’s like playing golf or playing basketball.

CALLER [00:31:47] Scheduling is really what it comes down to.

CHRIS [00:31:47] It comes down to scheduling. It comes down-Did you have a shared Google calendar that would mark things off?

CALLER [00:31:56] Oh, yeah.

CHRIS [00:31:58] What? Really?

CALLER [00:31:58] Absolutely.

CHRIS [00:31:58] Really? I was kidding!

CALLER [00:32:04]  It’s so hard with all the classes! Yeah, no, I mean, it wasn’t just for like sex stuff. It was just like yeah no, it was just for like normal stuff. Like we had our work and class schedules and stuff on there. So like, if we were making dinner, we knew how many people we were feeding and stuff like that.

CHRIS [00:32:20] So it would be like, this person is cooking dinner tonight, who’s in? And they’d be like, oh, I’m preparing dinner for four tonight.

CALLER [00:32:36] Yeah!

CHRIS [00:32:36] And then it might be like,

CALLER [00:32:36] Yeah, exactly.

CHRIS [00:32:36] Hey, if anybody has laundry to be done, these two people are teaming up on that this week, so let’s do that. And then the next night, it might be like so we’re going to be exploring the electroplay kink tonight, so if anybody wants to see if they get off on- on the purple wand, get in on that. Which, by the way, is a thing I know about, because for my TV show, we were once researching a bit in which I could be electrocuted safely. And we found out that there is a thing called the purple wand that is an electric sexual device.

CALLER [00:33:06] Yeah, they’re super fun.

CHRIS [00:33:08] Oh, you’ve used the purple wand. I’ve never met anybody who’s actually used the purple wand.

CALLER [00:33:13] Yeah, a lot of stuff like that. I mean, when you have six very sexual and kinky people in the same space, sometimes, even if none of us are into it, it’s like oh shoot, like we gotta least try it right? And out comes the purple wand.

CHRIS [00:33:28] How does the purple wand-I hear it’s very expensive because even with our TV show, that was when we were in public access, we had no budget. I’m like, oh, I can’t spend my 400 bucks on a sex device to electrocute myself once. How does it work exactly?

CALLER [00:33:42] I don’t know cause I kind of didn’t want to be the person doing it, but it’s like little shocks. I don’t know. It wasn’t my thing. It was fun to play with myself and watch though. We actually borrowed ours from another kinky friend, because it was like look, we’re not going to, like, invest in this unless we really want it.

CHRIS [00:34:00] When you’re borrowing-.

CALLER [00:34:01] But, it was fun.

CHRIS [00:34:02] When you’re borrowing a sex toy from someone else, do you wipe that down with rubbing alcohol first?

CALLER [00:34:07] Oh, yes. Super disinfect. Chris? Oh no.

CHRIS [00:34:14] And let’s pause everybody, because as you can tell, I am not there. Turns out during the taping, my beautiful young son managed to unplug our router. Since there’s a break in the episode anyway, we’re going to take a break. We’ll be right back.

CHRIS [00:34:37] OK, everybody. Cal plugged the router back in. Let’s get back to the phone call.

CALLER [00:34:43] OK, so I think the sex stuff was a little bit too much for you guys. We can talk about other stuff. 

CHRIS [00:34:49] OK, OK. I like you. I just restarted because people just heard a gap and you very craftily said, oh, it was the sex stuff and I stopped it. No what it was, was that my kid Cal just managed to unplug the router in the other room. That’s what happened. But nice try. Listen, listen. Well, listen, you’re saying I couldn’t handle it.

CHRIS [00:35:17] I might be a mild mannered and nerdy guy, but I can handle discussion of a purple wand and sanitizing it, sanitizing sex toys that you borrow from other kinksters. Is that the proper phrase, by the way? Kinksters. I think I’ve heard that.

CALLER [00:35:30] That’s what we’ve used at least.

CHRIS [00:35:34] OK. OK, good to know. Good to know.

CALLER [00:35:40] Are there any other questions I can help you with? Oh, sorry, that was from like, customer service-y side.

CHRIS [00:35:41] Well, it sounds like you were saying before that-it sounds like you were saying that this man who had a wife and four girlfriends did step up,.

CALLER [00:35:57] Basically yeah.

CHRIS [00:35:58] Did step up and serve successfully as a boyfriend and husband to all of these people to fulfill their needs. That sounds miraculous.

CALLER [00:36:07] Yeah, he was really wonderful at it. I don’t know he did it. He’s very good at communication though. Um, I learned a lot of uh, how I communicate now with my partners from him, which was really wonderful. And like, even when drama cropped up among the girls, as is wont to do, when there’s six people all trying to navigate something together, he was always very good at not picking sides and letting us work through stuff. And like, if it was like, oh my God, I just can’t stand her, like, she sneezes like six times in a row and it’s so annoying, like okay like, what’s actually going on here. Like, I’m sure the sneezes aren’t actually the thing that’s bothering you, like, let’s work through this. And it was really wonderful.

CHRIS [00:36:49] Were there any-I feel bad, I keep asking different versions of the same question and it’s not fair. It’s not fair because you’re giving me the answer. And I guess there’s just a part of me that needs to trust it more. But were there any guruesque qualities to this guy, did you feel? Did you feel like there was any, like, guruism or manipulation in any way?

CALLER [00:37:14] No, not really. I’m trying to think if there was really anything that could have been a red flag, but, no like, he was wonderful all around. I talked to my therapist a lot about it too because she had that same concern. Yeah, at the end of the day, he was just a really sweet guy that had a lot of time on his hands to handle a bunch of ladies that really cared for him.

CHRIS [00:37:42] Huh.

CALLER [00:37:43] And she would kill me if I didn’t tell you this also. My therapist loves you and says hello.

CHRIS [00:37:48] Your therapist-What’s that?

CALLER [00:37:50] My therapist loves you and she wanted me to let you know that she says hello.

CHRIS [00:37:54] Come on. What is this? Your therapist says, how does your therapist know that we’re on the phone? Oh, yeah. Because this. OK, full disclosure, this was a voicemail. So you reach out to your shrink, you go, hey, I’m going to talk to Gethard. She goes, oh I love that guy. Tell him hi!

CALLER [00:38:10] Yeah, I got her into your show, and we actually talk about all of the episodes when they come out and sometimes like how it pertains to something I’m going through and this and that. It’s really fun. She’s fucking rad.

CHRIS [00:38:22] That’s actually super meaningful. That’s really meaningful and huge thanks to your therapist. I’m flattered to be involved and helpful in any way and to any therapist out there who’s working hard to help other people keep their head straight. God bless you. Thank you for your service.

CHRIS [00:38:43] I’ll say this because I’ve asked the question about 10 times, only because I feel like other people probably are. And I’m going to say this if you are, if you are someone in a relationship with five other people and it’s emotionally fulfilling and it feels healthier than the relationship you were previously in, and you feel like you’re not being manipulated by this guy and that he genuinely has the emotional capacity to help fulfill the needs of five, five people at the same time. I got no problem with that.

CHRIS [00:39:12] Live your life, enjoy it. And then you get to also explore some kinkiness together that might be taboo amongst other people, but you create a safe bubble where that’s all Ok. Go for it. I’m into it. Have fun while you’re young. I’ve always said it’s always been one of my main mottos in life. Have fun while you’re young.

CALLER [00:39:33] I absolutely agree.

CHRIS [00:39:36] You’re getting a little older than you were. You’ve mentioned that you-are you in a current relationship, that you opened it up to polyamory, or was that just a subsequent relationship?

CALLER [00:39:47] Oh, that’s-yes and no. So the guy that I ended up dating afterwards, we dated for three years and it was really wonderful but we both kind of realized at the beginning of last year that we were better as friends and as partners and kind of broke things off at the end of February and then everything happened. And both of us have a very close friend who is immunocompromised. So we’re very careful about opening up our circle to anybody and kind of realize like, oh, shoot, like I’m not going to date anybody or I don’t think I’m going to find anybody that I trust enough to bring into the circle. So we’re like, not dating dating now? I don’t know. It’s complicated.

CHRIS [00:40:37] So, like, uh,.

CALLER [00:40:38] He’s a wonderful man.

CHRIS [00:40:40] So like platonic dating in a-in a strange sense. Not strange. Certain sense.

CALLER [00:40:45] Yeah, he just bought a house so I’m helping him fix stuff up and he’s just my best bud.

CHRIS [00:40:53] Where do you anticipate, do you anticipate-having experienced a number of times, is this something you anticipate being a factor in your life, like one of your preferences forever? Do you see yourself someday settling down into something more traditional, quote unquote?

CALLER [00:41:12] Maybe at some point? I know as I get older and eventually have kids and such, I’m going to probably need something that’s a little bit more traditional, perhaps, but um, as long as it works and all of my partners are comfortable and feel fulfilled in it, I would probably continue this lifestyle, yeah.

CHRIS [00:41:36] That’s awesome. And do you-do you feel like your partners in your in your not just the initial one we talked so much about, do you feel like you’ve ever seen a situation where you’ve been in a relationship where someone else proves unable to handle it? Like they get involved go, oh I’m in, I think this might be for me. And then they go, actually, this isn’t for me and it’s stressing me out. Have you have you seen that?

CALLER [00:42:00] Yeah. And I think that happens a lot, especially when younger people are getting into it for the first time. I’ve kind of stopped, uh, oh this sounds so mean. But uh, I try not uh, get newbies into the lifestyle anymore just because it is really stressful and weird. And I don’t want to be that person that is shaping their experience and the lifestyle.

CHRIS [00:42:24] Yeah.

CALLER [00:42:24] I think that that’s very important to learn on your own and since I’ve had a handful of years of experience now, I forget what it’s like to be new at it.

CHRIS [00:42:33] I can imagine. I can imagine. You just go-Right, cause that’s a different role. The-the person who shepherd someone new in or accepts someone less experienced in and takes responsibility for that. That’s the word that-that’s a responsibility.

CALLER [00:42:50] Yeah, it’s a lot.

CHRIS [00:42:52] Right, because if you’re not taking the responsibility to look out for that person, that is when it starts to become manipulative I would imagine. That is when someone starts to feel a little used.

CALLER [00:43:03] Oh, yeah. And especially when it is such a complicated relationship, like, I don’t know, I don’t want to be somebody that leaves a bad taste in somebody else’s mouth, you know, like, I don’t want to be that bad experience with somebody.

CHRIS [00:43:20] Yeah, I get that. I think that applies to every-every relationship that develops into, you know, a romantic relationship or sexual relationship. I remember having that feeling just-I remember feeling like, you know, when I was single. I’m not gonna lie about it, and again, hey, if you’re somebody who’s turned off by frank sexual talk, let’s get it going.

CHRIS [00:43:43] But, you know, I was a comedian in Brooklyn and I was on a hot streak. I was pretty well known in Brooklyn. You’ll like-I think you in particular might like this. I once met someone who worked at OKCupid who told me that for a few years there, if you listed yourself as a fan of Chris Gethard, it made you more likely to get laid in Brooklyn, New York. That is a thing I was told.

CALLER [00:44:05] Hey!

CHRIS [00:44:06] How about that?

CALLER [00:44:07] All right. Awesome.

CHRIS [00:44:09] How about that? Turns out that me, a person who on the surface is very not sexual, emboldens sexuality amongst others. And I’m proud of that. But I also want to say that’s just the thing that’s true for everybody, because I remember, you know, I was a comedian in Brooklyn. Brooklyn is a place where young people go and they go out on the weekends and people look to hook up. And there were some stretches where I was single and I was-I was a single person in Brooklyn who had some confidence and had some you know, people would see me on stage, go, oh, what’s your deal? And I remember that we go and you wind up you know, you go out for a meal with somebody, you’re clicking. It’s clear that you want to go down that path and then it’s not good sex. And then you go, I hate that. I hate that I was this person for that person. I hate that we just had this, like, not good substandard sex.

CHRIS [00:45:01] And we’re both just sitting here going, ugh, you want to sleep in a bed together tonight now?

CALLER [00:45:08] Yeah.

CHRIS [00:45:09] And you can feel that-you could feel that this other person’s feeling that and you’re going ah, I’ve brought-I’ve brought the heat once. I promise. I swear-You feel insecure. And I can’t imagine doing that in a room with four people instead of just one.

CALLER [00:45:26] Yeah. I am also very much an over thinker so that certainly doesn’t help the situation.

CHRIS [00:45:34] Oh, I can’t-being someone who thinks a little too hard-at-being someone who thinks-well, another thing that you might have unique insight into, because you’re clearly someone who’s very open. You’re clearly someone who is very in touch with your sexuality. You’re clearly someone who is not driven by shame. And I am envious of all those things. I am. I just started getting insecure.

CALLER [00:45:59] I do want to say I am super shameful.

CHRIS [00:46:03] You are?

CALLER [00:46:03] I am not this open in general.

CHRIS [00:46:05] Got it. So the-the anonymity’s helping?

CALLER [00:46:05] Oh yeah, no. I don’t just talk about this stuff with anybody. Oh, yeah.

CHRIS [00:46:11] I wonder if you would agree with this. You know, you said you have seen people who wind up not being into it. You have gotten through experience, you go ah, I can’t with newbies. There’s some-there’s some red flags there that I don’t want to feel responsible for. How would I put it? I’m going to sound like an old crank right here. When I was young. Well, when I-listen, I am of a specific generation. I’ve read so much about it. And it applies to me totally called Xennial, where I totally straddle the line between Generation X and millennials. And because of specifically a lot of technology, those generations grew up in markedly different ways. So, when I grew up up up until middle school, it was legit, oh, you go wander through the woods till you find a playboy. That was the thing. You’ve heard people make jokes about this. Oh, back in my day, it was pornography you found in the woods. It really was. You’d hear, oh, some guys had built a-there’s a fire pit out in the woods and then there’s a bunch of playboys under a rock and you’d got the tune. You’d be looking at a playboy and you’d go, this is-this is like the most titillating thing in my young life. And then by the time I was in 9th, 10th grade, the internet is here. And the Internet-one of the most fascinating things that I’ve ever lived through is the internet was this thing that young people figured out before the people older than us. So it was the Wild West if you wanted it to be and you’re downloading pornography, that’s let’s-let’s just say is way beyond the Playboy. Way beyond a playboy. At an age where prior generations, unless you were really seeking it out, you probably weren’t seeing stuff like this until you are much older, blah, blah, blah. And I’m wondering if you would agree that sometimes people have these fantasies. And they get really into these fantasies and then you live the fantasy and you go, oh, you know what I might actually just be into is uh, your good old cowgirl? I think maybe that’s, maybe that’s actually very exciting in its own right. Have you seen this in the kink lifestyle?

CALLER [00:48:21] Yeah. So like you’re saying you’re an Xennial. I am on the opposite side of millennials. I’m right where the millennial hit. Sometimes I’m Generation Z, sometimes I’m Millennial depending on whose deciding. So yeah, I had kind of the opposite experience growing up where like as soon as I was on Tumblr-this is back when Tumblr porn was a thing. And that’s really where I kind of found out like, oh, this stuff exists. Like these things that like, I thought were just like weird little things, like other people are into it. And so from a young age, I was able to have access to kinky stuff. And a lot of my experience has been with younger people, and I’ve definitely had some kinky talk with older people, but I have tried not to breach too many lines. But when it came to like kinky stuff, especially with my friends when I was younger and we were all kind of exploring the things, we would talk about, like, oh my gosh, did you try X, Y, and Z kinks? And they were like, yeah, no, that was too much. Not about that life, but yeah. OK, cool.

CHRIS [00:49:26] And this is-.

CALLER [00:49:26] Cause, you do see it-

CHRIS [00:49:28] And how old, like how-how old is Gen Z? Is this high school? Is this college? Because you were-you were in college when you were living polyamorously, so when you say you’re growing up with exposure to kink, and that’s-that’s just a part. And again, God bless Gen Z. Young people. I’ve always said this. Young people tend to be right. Long term. When have you ever looked at a social movement driven by young people where you get a few ye-you get a decade out from it and go, oh, they were right. That was progress. So I’m just wondering, like from your opinion, you can’t speak for your entire generation. Gen Z.

CHRIS [00:50:14] Is this just as you sort of grow into your sexuality, it’s just accepted that there’s going to be some exploration of kink involved now? Or is that more specific to you?

CALLER [00:50:24] That’s a great question. At least with my friends that I’ve spoken openly with this about outside of people that I already know are kinky, and from the kink community, I say maybe not necessarily kinky like. Like, it depends on people’s definitions of kinky, also. For some people, like a little bit of like choking is super kinky and taboo, and then for other people it’s like, no I want to be tied up and paddled or whatever. So I think it’s also a spectrum like most things of how kinky people really want to be and I’m sure, like, I don’t know, like for older generations, maybe a little bit of light choking is considered ultra kinky. So I think it really depends on everybody’s personal preference and comfortability in that sector, if that makes sense.

CHRIS [00:51:13] Now, how-how do you balance being so-you’ve described yourself as someone who’s driven by shame and gets in your own head. How do you walk between these two worlds? How do you do it? Is it part of the excitement?

CALLER [00:51:28] It’s Catholic guily, baby.

CHRIS [00:51:28] Oh, yeah, what are we talking Irish-Catholic, Italian-Catholic?

CALLER [00:51:30] Uh, non-denominational.

CHRIS [00:51:34] Non-denominational.

CALLER [00:51:35] I grew up uh, this is kinky stuff you’ll love. I grew up super, super non-denominational Christian, was part of the worship team growing up, was at church six days out of seven. All of that fun stuff.

CHRIS [00:51:51] Yes! Yes. Oh, that’s the best. I shouldn’t be just outright cheering that as much but it did-right, that fits like a glove-well I guess it is-you-it sounds like you might fit a trope of… not for everybody. I’m not looking to make blanket statements, but in certain cases, if you grow up in a culture that aims to demonize sexuality. Not only is that going to stunt people’s emotional growth, but it might mean they go, you know what, actually I feel a desire to dive in deeply to this and see everything that’s there. And that’s-I feel like you’re not the only person who’s probably like-you it sounds like you probably look at FetLife and go, man, that’s vanilla. And I bet-I bet there are other people you’ve come across in that world who go, oh, guess what, I-I grew up super religious. I bet it’s not uncommon.

CALLER [00:52:47] I hate to admit it, but it’s more common than not in the people that I’ve encountered.

CHRIS [00:52:51] You would say more than 51 percent of the people you’ve met who are deep in the kink world, more than 51 percent went to church 6 days a week.

CALLER [00:53:03] Yeah, if?

CHRIS [00:53:05] Wow.

CALLER [00:53:06] Yeah. Not if, just yeah. 

CHRIS [00:53:08] Well, look, so much better, so much better to embrace it, live it, explore it, see if it’s for you, than to-

CALLER [00:53:23] Yeah. Well, actually, I have a quick story to tell you, a little timeline thing. But how much time do we have left?

CHRIS [00:53:29] We have eight and a half minutes. I gotta hear this story.

CALLER [00:53:33] OK, so I’m going to make this as fast as possible. So I discovered kinky stuff when I was like, ten-ish. Um, again access to internet maybe wasn’t the most helpful thing in that situation, but really kind of got on to some sites I shouldn’t have and then realized I can’t do this. I’m too young. And then took a break for a little while. I got back into it later on in my teens when I was starting to figure out my sexuality, realizing that I was bisexual. And at the time I was trans-questioning, but I’ve come to realize that I’m just kind of butch, but that’s a whole different story. But I came out to my parents and they’re super Christian. So I did the whole pray the gay away camp and all that fun stuff for my entirety of my senior year. And I was like working three jobs and doing all of that fun stuff. And then I went to college and I was still 17 when I hit college, but in September I turned 18 and I was like, all right, fuck that shit-sorry Sally. She’s probably not listening so it’s chill. So I went to college and was like, alright, I’m going to get all the sexy stuff. And I went into the first relationship that I could get myself into, and I got myself in that kind of trouble there with this guy that was really not the best and took advantage of every situation and like, was dosing me with LSD, all this crazy stuff. Really led to some awful PTSD and all that fun stuff, went to a shrink for a long time, and then I met these wonderful people that showed me like, hey, kink isn’t awful! And it was wonderful. And things have gotten a lot better since then. And I have a really wonderful supporting community around me with just the people I know in person and people that I’ve met on Discord that have become a huge part of the people that have helped me come into a more healthy sexuality. That story was really long.

CHRIS [00:55:04] You broke that-that was one of the most amazing quick break downs of all time. And to be with someone who manipulates you and doses you with LSD, which is unforgivable. There’s no world in which,.

CALLER [00:55:17] That was messed up.

CHRIS [00:55:18] Well, and I feel like anybody out there. I feel like I don’t care what your values are when you hear that, you got to go, I’d rather be with five other people in something that feels safe, then go monogamy is the way it’s supposed to be. And therefore, I will tolerate being drugged by a man. There’s just no world in which.

CALLER [00:55:42] Oh, yes.

CHRIS [00:55:43] Which I can judge a lifestyle where you feel safer when in-when in a like I say, I always say quote unquote traditional lifestyle- I don’t want to ever use the word normal. Nothing’s normal. You felt unsafe. You feel safer in a kink lifestyle? Great. I want you to feel safe. I want you to feel like you can accept yourself in this world and that you don’t have to live in fear over who you are and who you’re with. Never want that.

CALLER [00:56:12] Yes.

CHRIS [00:56:13] Now, I’m glad you flew through that because we have five and a half minutes left. And, you know, I got to hear about these pranks you mentioned.

CALLER [00:56:23] I forgot I mentioned those. Yeah. Oh, man. Well, there was one time-one of the girls-God bless her, she’s so tiny. I think she’s four eleven and a half because it’s important when you’re that tiny, and maybe like 90 pounds soaking wet. And we had cleaned out one of the trash bins, like scrubbed and washed it cause it was just super nasty. And she got the brilliant idea to put on one of our, like, Halloween masks and hide in the trash can and make him take out the trash. And so all of us were like making sure we were busy so that he absolutely had to be the one to take out the trash. And so he walked around and went to the trash bin and she jumped out and he almost punched her cause he was so scared. She was like wait, no, no, no! It’s me! It’s me!

CALLER [00:57:02] And um, I’ve never seen him so frightened in such a wonderful way. That sounds a little mean, but it was funny at the moment. So there’s just dumb stuff like that.

CHRIS [00:57:14] Great pranks. I’m a big believer in that, if you’re going to do pranks, go all the way, and pranks by definition are a little bit mean. Own it. I love that. Let’s put the smallest-let’s put the smallest of the girlfriends in a garbage can to mess with the guy who gets to sleep with all of us. What an amazing thing to be able to say. You’re going to be on your deathbed someday. And I bet you’re going to be one of those lucky few who goes, you know what? I have very few regrets. At least in that side of your life, I bet you’re going to go-it doesn’t sound to me like you’re going to be someone who goes, I suppressed my sexuality and didn’t do this thing I had a desire to do. I think that’s a healthy thing to say on your deathbed.

CALLER [00:58:03] I hope so. There’s still a lot of life to live, hopefully so.

CHRIS [00:58:06] Yeah.

CALLER [00:58:07] Hopefully I get some more fun interactions with people I love in there.

CHRIS [00:58:12] Yeah. And I’ve asked all these questions that have been like wary and I feel a little bad about that. But I also hope, you know, it’s just because I’m on the phone with you, we’re interacting. And that makes me just feel a little protective. And I, I do. And I’m sure you’ve talked about this with your therapist. I just hope you also don’t look back and go, you know what? I wound up in a thing that now I have some perspective where I realized it wasn’t cool and it’s making me feel icky. I just hope that never happens either. And it sounds like you were very smart about the lifestyle you chose. So I just hope that’s not the case ever.

CALLER [00:58:48] I hope so, too. It’s something we revisit every now and then. My shrink’s awesome. I love her. And we talk about it a lot of like, now where I’m at of living a more, quote, unquote, traditional lifestyle and how that worked out and this is where I was in my past relationships, and yeah, I think it was really positive for how nontraditional and weird it was it was also very wonderful.

CHRIS [00:59:15] I love that. And I think I would bet that there’s people out there in the in the poly community, in the kink community who are listening right now and going, hell yeah. This caller represented us better than-better than you hear a lot in the sensationalized world out there. I hope.

CALLER [00:59:33] I really hope so. And the usualy stuff of I don’t speak for everybody. That’s just my personal experience.

CHRIS [00:59:41] Of course. Of course.

CALLER [00:59:41] And I hope everybody is able to find a wonderful experience that they love as well.

CHRIS [00:59:46] Now, with all that being said and me just going, hey, this is sensationalized when it gets talked about and you’ve done a great job of showing the real human side of it. Is it OK with two minutes left, if I just ask you another little basic level sex question to go back to the titillating side in a cheap way?

CALLER [01:00:07] Absolutely. Let’s go.

CHRIS [01:00:09] You men-Well, you mentioned that sometimes you and your sister, your sister girlfriends would say, oh, you know, maybe you should try this or that. Are there any sex tips you learned from one of your sisters that have become your go-to’s moving forward? Are you willing to share them with the community?

CALLER [01:00:26] Like, super sexy stuff or?

CHRIS [01:00:28] Like is there anything where somebody said, oh, have you ever tried it? Like if you’re going down on a guy, have you ever tried this? Where you go, holy shit, that worked. And maybe you can share it and enlighten all of our sex lives a little bit.

CALLER [01:00:40] At least play with the balls? Give it a try. If he doesn’t like it, then at least you tried it. Always try something new, even if it seems weird, make sure that your partner is comfortable with it and be weird. Have fun together. You guys are having sex? It’s already weird. Be weird together.

CHRIS [01:00:55] Yeah, put a finger in a butt. See what happens! It’s not my thing it turns out, but who cares. Try your stuff. Try your stuff.

CALLER [01:01:05] Oh, always start with a small butt plug. Extra lube. Always use more lube than you think you need. If you think it’s enough lube, it’s not. Use more. 

CHRIS [01:01:16] And listen, anybody who’s listened to my first album knows, eating butt, it’s been demonized for too long. I tell you, we got 20 seconds left. One of the hardest days we’ve all lived through yesterday, and you have given me the gift of this conversation today, and it allowed me to laugh a lot, and I thank you for it.

CALLER [01:01:40] Yeah. Thank you for giving me a quick escape from work. This has been really awesome. And don’t forget to be awesome.

CHRIS [01:01:48] You too. Don’t forget to be awesome. And thanks. Thanks so much for for this conversation.

CHRIS [01:01:53] Caller, once again, thank you so much, we recorded this the day after, just an insanely hard day, and you gave me a lot to think about. You gave me a lot of perspective. And you also did genuinely, you made me laugh a bunch of times. You’re a funny, charming person. Personally, I thank you for it.

CHRIS [01:02:17] I also thank Anita Flores. I thank Jared O’Connell. I thank Jordan Allyn. I think Shellshag. More about me at Chrisgeth.com. If you listen on Apple, go ahead and subscribe. Pandora, Sirius XM app, Stitcher, all those things. Find the version of how you can subscribe favorite really, really helps. And hey, if you want our whole back catalog without ads, Stitcher Premium, dotcom slash stories gives you all the details. Thanks so much.