September 20, 2022
EP. 171 — Sasheer Does Not Have a Sculpture In Her Home
We almost missed some of the E’s! This week, Nicole and Sasheer discuss bra sizes, that Nicole is a real bird girl, getting some vinery, backyard wildlife, wild things Nicole has seen on Hoarders, all the hot goss from the Creative Arts Emmys and the after party, where to thrift the good stuff, how could they miss Gaga, and round french fries from Mama’s Shelter. They wrap things up by answering listener questions about how to talk to your negative friend, and do you let friendships go when they are making unhealthy decisions.
Email or call Nicole & Sasheer with your friendship questions at:
171 — Sasheer Does Not Have a Sculpture In Her Home
Nicole [00:00:11] Sasheer. S. A. S.
Sasheer [00:00:16] Oh boy.
Nicole [00:00:16] H.
Sasheer [00:00:16] Okay.
Nicole [00:00:18] E.
Nicole [00:00:18] Yeah-huh.
Nicole [00:00:18] Another E.
Sasheer [00:00:20] Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It got hairy there for a minute. I wasn’t sure if we were going to yell the E’s.
Nicole [00:00:28] No, there’s a double E. Much like a– Wait. Oh, no, that’s an A. I was going to be like, “You’re a battery.” But it’s a double-A, triple-A. You’re not a battery. Sorry.
Sasheer [00:00:41] But could be a bra. Could be a very big bra.
Nicole [00:00:44] Yes! You double E. Bras are weird. Um, I was watching–I don’t know if you’ve ever heard of it–it’s called TikTok. And there was this woman who was holding up, like, a 32D and, like, a 46D? Double D? I don’t know. It was the same cup size, different bandwidths. And I was like, “Wow. Yeah. Titties are wild.
Sasheer [00:01:15] Titties are wild.
Nicole [00:01:16] Yeah. The smaller your back, but the same cup size with the bigger–? Your titties are–? I said, “Wow.”
Sasheer [00:01:24] I said, wow. Yeah, I’ve worn an F for years which is–
Nicole [00:01:33] For “fun.”
Sasheer [00:01:34] Yes. These titties are fun, but it doesn’t look like they’re that large. But the cup size is large, but my frame is small.
Nicole [00:01:46] Because I famously have gotten to see her titties one time and they didn’t look, like, ginormous. Like when I think of an F, I think of like, “Whoa. Your boobies are going to take over this room. The earth. The planet.”
Sasheer [00:02:05] Yeah. I don’t know, but I’ve tried double D’s and they don’t fit right. And I’ve tried D’s, they don’t fit right. But F worked.
Nicole [00:02:13] Wow. What’s the band size if you don’t mind?
Sasheer [00:02:17] 32.
Nicole [00:02:18] Ooh, 32. I don’t know what’s a 32 on my body. Not an age, not a measurement. I think I’m a 44 B, and I can’t find the bra anywhere anymore, but I found a 46 A that– Oh. My titties was sitting. They was cupped. They felt good. But then I found this company. I think it’s literally called, like: “Hey, We’re Sexy.” Or it’s, like: “Sweet & Sexy.” I don’t know. I sent it to Jordan. But I think I wear a 42 C in those. Bras are weird, Sasheer.
Sasheer [00:03:06] They’re weird. They’re strange.
Nicole [00:03:11] Can I tell you something?
Sasheer [00:03:13] Yeah.
Nicole [00:03:16] Okay. I don’t know how to say this. No, I’m kidding. Imagine I was, like, going to reveal something to you.
Sasheer [00:03:22] Oh, my gosh.
Nicole [00:03:24] I bought too much dollars’ worth of merchandise from FARM Rio, knowing full well that it is going to be hit or miss because they make stuff– So, I wear, like, a 3X normally, a 22-24, and FARM Rio goes up to an extra-large, which is traditionally 12-14, I think maybe a 16. And I was like, “FARM Rio, I really want this sweater.” And it said “oversize” on the website. And I said, “Okay.” Then I bought a whole ass sweatsuit because it looked so drapey on the model and I was like, “Maybe this will fit.” And then I bought this dress that was super form fitting and I was like, “Maybe if it’s stretchy, it’ll fit. I don’t know, cause I ain’t got no titties. Sasheer, the sweater fit. Sasheer.
Sasheer [00:04:13] Oh.
Nicole [00:04:14] The whole tracksuit fit my fat ass body. Sasheer, the dress was so small, it was upsetting.
Sasheer [00:04:24] Oh no.
Nicole [00:04:24] It did not fit.
Sasheer [00:04:27] Okay, but–
Nicole [00:04:27] Two out of three.
Sasheer [00:04:29] That’s great.
Nicole [00:04:30] But here’s the thing. We talk about FARM Rio a lot on this. But I need to speak to a representative because if you can make oversize things and you can make a tracksuit that fits me–a person who’s, I think, maybe twice the size of your biggest size–you made it oversize. You know how to make plus size. You’re doing it. Just, like, offer it. Give it to me.
Sasheer [00:04:59] Go all the way.
Nicole [00:04:59] I want more parrots on my pants.
Sasheer [00:05:05] Let’s not just deprive this girl of parrots.
Nicole [00:05:08] I’m a bird girl!
Sasheer [00:05:11] You really are a bird girl.
Nicole [00:05:12] It is so funny. There’s horse girls. I have yet to meet another bird girl.
Sasheer [00:05:19] I’m sure there are bird girls.
Nicole [00:05:22] Maybe.
Sasheer [00:05:23] I feel like I’ve definitely known girls in school who have owned birds.
Nicole [00:05:27] Oh. I did have a friend who had a parrot who didn’t like me. That bird hated me, and I would try to take care of it. It was so mean to me, and I think it turned me off of birds. But then, you know, you go to the beach, you see beach ducks. You see fancy ducks, the white ones. You see fancy pink ones. And I was just like, “I love birds.” I love birds.
Sasheer [00:05:53] Yeah.
Nicole [00:05:53] I want a flamingo.
Sasheer [00:05:56] Do people even own flamingos as pets?
Nicole [00:06:00] This, I don’t know. But I’ve been searching for, like, a lawn ornament to just, like, have in my yard, and I can’t find a good one.
Sasheer [00:06:14] What are the ones you’re finding? Like plastic?
Nicole [00:06:16] Either plastic or not big enough. Not pink enough. But I think it would just– You know, a random flamingo outside my front lawn would be really funny.
Sasheer [00:06:29] Oh, absolutely. Very funny.
Nicole [00:06:32] Or just like. Okay, I was watching Ghost the other day for the 100,000th time. And Molly, Sam Wheat’s girlfriend–she’s a sculptor. She, like, sculpts things. And I was like, “We don’t have sculptures in our homes anymore.”
Sasheer [00:06:47] No.
Nicole [00:06:49] Do you have a sculpture in your home?
Sasheer [00:06:51] I sure don’t.
Nicole [00:06:52] I want to get into sculptures.
Sasheer [00:06:57] Like gargoyles and lions and such?
Nicole [00:07:00] I mean, if that is your cup of juice, yes. But, yeah, I want, like, a flamingo maybe. Or maybe just like an abstract, colorful thing. There’s this girl on Instagram. Her name is, like, Sam Whirl or something? I don’t know. Her whole house is, like, colorful and beautiful. And then there’s this other Black woman who has such a colorful house. And then there’s this– Their name is Kate Raft, I think? And they have such a colorful apartment. And I just don’t know how to do it. It’s really hard to, like, really make something, like, as colorful as you want it to be.
Sasheer [00:07:38] You don’t think your house is colorful enough?
Nicole [00:07:40] I want more. I want people to come in my home and get nauseous because there’s too much stuff happening.
Sasheer [00:07:47] They just pass out because they’re so dizzy.
Nicole [00:07:50] They’re like, “Ahh! Nary a white wall anywhere! Ahh!” Yeah, that’s what I truly, truly, truly want. And then it’s just like decorating takes time, so I bought, like, vinery. That’s not a thing. Vinery?
Sasheer [00:08:08] I think I understand. Vines.
Nicole [00:08:10] Yeah.
Sasheer [00:08:13] I’ve never heard it said that way, but I did understand what you were talking about.
Nicole [00:08:19] And hanging lights to go behind my pole. So, it’s like a vibe, but then I’m like, “I have to put it up.” And I haven’t felt inspired to do that.
Sasheer [00:08:30] I hear that.
Nicole [00:08:31] So hard. You’re good at curating stuff.
Sasheer [00:08:35] Oh, thank you so much. I haven’t done any curating in a minute. I have been trying to do stuff to my yard. I had some dry patches in my lawn because I drowned grass when I accidentally had the sprinklers going on during that party I didn’t want to have.
Nicole [00:09:08] Boy, oh, boy. Nobody will ever understand why that was so funny. So, you drowned grass at the party you didn’t want to have.
Sasheer [00:09:23] I drowned grass because the sprinklers got you and also a bunch of blankets wet. And I was like, “Well, I’ll just leave the blankets out there to dry.” But I guess I didn’t realize that would, like, drown the grass. So, it’s just like blanket-sized patches of brown in my lawn. And a friend told me that coffee grounds–you can use that as, like, fertilizer.
Nicole [00:09:47] Oh.
Sasheer [00:09:48] So, I just, like, spread some coffee grounds on the patch of grass, which, like, feels silly because it feels like I’m inviting animals to come eat coffee off of my lawn.
Nicole [00:09:58] Yes. Fucking chipmunks running around, being like, “Oh, I got to get up the street! Gotta get down the street! Where are my nuts!”
Sasheer [00:10:04] These cracked out vermin.
Nicole [00:10:12] Has it worked?
Sasheer [00:10:13] I don’t know. I put it there before it rained yesterday because I was like, “The rain will, like, spread it out.” But I looked at it today and I was like, “It’s still chunks of grounds.” They’re still all lumped up. It didn’t disintegrate that much at all.
Nicole [00:10:27] How funny? Um, you could get Astroturf.
Sasheer [00:10:33] I was thinking about that.
Nicole [00:10:34] And then you don’t have to worry about it.
Sasheer [00:10:36] I’ve also seen this thing, I think I said on Instagram, it’s like these succulents that are, like, as short as grass. But they’re succulents. So, I think they require less water. I don’t know if it’s as comfortable as grass. Like I don’t if you can, like, lay on it, but it doesn’t require ’cause it’s grass wood, which I like that idea as well.
Nicole [00:11:00] Yeah. Because I have grass in my front, and it’s never been doing good. It really just is having a tough time at all times. And I was thinking about getting Astroturf there. Yeah. I don’t know. I don’t have that much grass, so I feel good. But you’ve a lot of grass to take care of.
Sasheer [00:11:22] I do have a lot of grass to take care of. Yeah. And like, just plants I didn’t even know about. Like, I have a couple olive trees, and they’re “sprouting” olives? They’re growing olives now. And thankfully, I finally met a friend who was like, “I love olives. I’ll take them.” I was like, “Thank God. Please take these olives from me.” Because you can’t just, like, eat the olive off of the tree. You have to, like, brine them or something.
Nicole [00:11:49] Oh.
Sasheer [00:11:50] Or, like, put them in salt water for a while, and then wash. I was like, “I don’t have the patience for this process at all. Someone take them for me and do that.” And so she’s going to do that. And I was like, “Thank God. I will not.”
Nicole [00:12:02] Casey Wilson so graciously gave me the name of the person who did her backyard. And she’s a wonderful woman, this woman, Carrie. I really like her. And I have a passion fruit bush on the side of my house. I don’t like passion fruits. And then they fall, and then I have to hunt them, and then find them. And then to, like, fully start over takes a lot of time. And she was looking at it. She was like, “It’s going to take years for you to have, like–” Because it’s a privacy hedge. And she was like, “If you start from scratch, it’s going to take years for you to have, like, privacy.” So, we’re trying to figure out how to grow something else there. And then the owners who owned my house beforehand didn’t put anything structurally in the bush. So, it’s just like curling into the yard. So then if I pick things up, I stand up and my head is in a bush, also, these are, like, non-problems.
Sasheer [00:12:58] I know.
Nicole [00:12:58] You know what I mean?
Sasheer [00:13:02] The previous owner of this house planted a couple palm trees in the yard and my neighbor across the street was like, “Uch. I can’t believe you planted those palm trees. We’re going to get rats.” And I was like, “What is the correlation there?” But I guess mice and rats like palm trees. I think I forgot about that. And then recently I walked past one and saw a bunch of holes in the ground next to one of the palm trees.
Nicole [00:13:30] Oh no.
Sasheer [00:13:30] And I was like, “Are these fucking, like, rat holes?” I don’t know. And as I was looking at the holes, a coyote ran past me. It was broad daylight, and I was, like, studying these holes. And then: whoosh! I was like, “Oh, my God.” And there’s a coyote that loves my yard.
Nicole [00:13:51] Oh.
Sasheer [00:13:52] It was, like, rolling around in the dry patch the other day. But if the coyote is eating the rats, it can say.
Nicole [00:14:05] Okay.
Sasheer [00:14:06] You can have all the time you need in the yard. If you get rid of the nasty rodents, you can say.
Nicole [00:14:12] Yeah. Okay, so for whatever reason, I can’t sleep at night. It’s always been a thing, but I’ve started watching intervention clips and hoarder clips. And last night there was a clip of a hoarder who had two rats. His wife died and he said, “You know how I’ll get over that death? I’ll get two rats.” As pets. As pets. He got a male and a female. A rat and a ratette. And then they said, “You kind of hot.” So, then they fucked. And they fucked. And then the children fucked. And everybody be fucking. This man has over a thousand rats in his home. The rats overtook his home, so he can’t sleep in his home, but every day goes in and feeds the rats. But now the rats–there’s too many in one location–have started usurping each other and, like, eating each other and, like, fighting with each other. And then, like, animal control came in and they were like, “I know they’re rats and people, you know, feel whatever way about them. But some of these rats are, like, injured and they’re scratched. They’re not okay.” And he’s like, “But I love my rats.” And then I couldn’t watch any more of it because it was, like, kind of anxiety inducing, watching a thousand rats run around.
Sasheer [00:15:37] Ooh. Ooh.
Nicole [00:15:38] Yeah, Hoarders is, I think, a little exploitive because it’s like, these people have, like, real fucking mental problems. Because to let a thousand rats take over your home–that’s not, you know, the best thinking.
Sasheer [00:15:51] Something else is going on.
Nicole [00:15:52] And then another lady kept poop at her house. Like buckets and buckets of poop at her house. And then sometimes she would just dump it outside in her front lawn. And then she was eating expired food and stuff, and she kept arguing, being like, “It’s not open, it’s okay.” And then they cleaned her house. And then she pulled the doctor, I guess, and the cleaning man aside, and she was like, “I need to go eat some food inside.” And they were like, “But there’s fecal matter everywhere and you don’t want that.” She was like, “Just let me get high one last time.” And they were like, “Wait, what?”.
Sasheer [00:16:35] Ohh. Oh no.
Nicole [00:16:35] She was, like, getting enjoyment out of eating near shit. And then they were like, “You don’t smell this?” And she’s like, “I thought it was the mold.” And they were like, “No, it’s the fecal matter and the urine in your house.” She was like, “Are you sure it’s not the mold and maybe some dust?” And she had such a disconnect from reality that I was like, “The minute she started saying some of the stuff she was saying, I think they should have shut production down and been like, ‘I think you should be in assisted living. And this isn’t kind to put on television.’” It is wild this year.
Sasheer [00:17:09] Is it the family members that call the show? Who calls the show?
Nicole [00:17:12] I think it’s the family members. I’ve watched so many of these. A lot of them get to the point where the city gets involved and, like, neighbors have complained and the city goes, “We have to condemn your house, or we have to evict you.” There is one man who lived in New York City in, like, a fifth, sixth floor walkup who couldn’t open the door to his home. So, he had to climb up the fire escape, open a window, and climb in through the window. And his landlord hadn’t been in his place in a while. And the tenants are like rodents and roaches are coming from his place. So, they clean up his place, but he wouldn’t let them take everything. So, then the landlord was like, “I have to start an eviction process. You can’t stay here.” Because what they did was they got the whole neighborhood together to follow him, to see if he was digging in trash, bringing more trash back to the apartment after they took trash out of the apartment. And that’s what he was doing. And then I was like, “Again, this shouldn’t be on TV. He should get help.”
Sasheer [00:18:10] Uh-huh.
Nicole [00:18:11] Boy. Oh, boy.
Sasheer [00:18:12] Boy. Oh, boy.
Nicole [00:18:17] I’ve been having a time.
Nicole [00:18:28] I don’t think I told you everything that happened at the Creative Arts Emmys.
Sasheer [00:18:33] Oh, no. Hardly anything, actually.
Nicole [00:18:34] Did I tell you that they lost to me?
Sasheer [00:18:37] You did tell me they lost you.
Nicole [00:18:40] Well, John and I were sitting at the wrong table because we got there after it started, and I said to the usher, “We are at table–” It was 121 or 127. And then the usher just pointed in a direction, she goes “It’s by the stage.” And I said, “Oh, can you, like, walk us to the seat?” And she said, “It’s by the stage.” And I said, “Okay, we’re on our own.” So, then I was looking around, I was like, “I don’t know.” And everyone is seated. The show has started. And we’re just moving around, trying to find it. And then we finally found a table and I was like, “Is anyone sitting here?” with two seats. And then they’re like, “No.” And I was like, “Yassir?” It was Yassir Lester and his girlfriend, Chelsea. And they were like, “Yeah, yeah, just sit here.” So, we sat with them, which was nice to sit with people we knew. And Kristen–I can’t remember her last name–from New York, who married Noah Forman was there. Lovely to see her. And then they were supposed to gather me at, like, 5:30 to present at, like, 6:00. And then my assistant kept being like, “They can’t find you.” And I was like, “Okay, well, I’m looking around and I don’t see anyone getting anybody.” So, while there was, like, a change in something–it was, like, pitch black–someone from, like, running the show called me and was like, “Stand up and wave your arm.” I was like, “During the show? Okay.” So, I was just, like, on the phone, waving my arm. And then they found me.
Sasheer [00:20:03] That’s very funny.
Nicole [00:20:04] It was so silly. And then they took me to the back. And then the lady was like, “Okay, so you’re going to say what’s in prompter. They’re going to say who the nominees are and show clips. And as that happens, we’re going to hand you the envelope. And then you just open the envelope and say who won.” And I said, “Okay, you want me to open an envelope and say, ‘Moonlight?’” And she looked me dead in the eyes and she said, “Don’t you dare do that.” And I was like,” Oh, I was just kidding.” And then there was another man back there and he’s like, “If you do that, 250 pounds of man will come.” And I was like, “Come what? Are you threatening me over a joke?”
Sasheer [00:20:39] Is someone going to tackle you because you made a joke?
Nicole [00:20:44] I think that’s what he was insinuating.
Sasheer [00:20:46] Oh, my God.
Nicole [00:20:48] He’s like, “I’ll murder you.”
Sasheer [00:20:51] Like, calm down. It’s not even the Oscars. It’s the Creative Arts Emmys. The one that’s not televised.
Nicole [00:20:57] Chill out. But I did it right. And they put people so far away who were, like, going to win. So, I would say who won, and then people would clap, and then I’d be like, “Where are they? Oh, they’re back there. Uh, you’ll make your way over. It’ll be fine.”.
Sasheer [00:21:16] “It’ll be fine.”.
Nicole [00:21:19] Truly. And then there was a man who had crutches and they made him walk the long– And I was like, “Bring him the mic. Bring him a microphone. What are we doing to people?” And there was a ramp which made it, you know, accessible for people in chairs and whatnot. But I was like, “You could be kind. Who cares about your show? Just bring the man the microphone.” And then they made me sit in my right seat, which was next to RuPaul. Love RuPaul. Had a lovely conversation. Admire Ru. Love it. And then I was like, “Wait. So, you made me sit next to Ru so I could be there when she wins?” I was like, “This feels mean. There’s no cameras on us. What?” And then RuPaul, very funny, took all of her belongings on stage, did her speech, and never came back. She said, “Goodbye. I came for what I needed, and I have it.” Oh, it was very, very funny. And then after parties to share.
Sasheer [00:22:24] Oh?
Nicole [00:22:25] I don’t want to talk shit about the Academy because I want an Emmy. But there was nary a slider. Nary a piece of fried chicken. Nary a french or fry.
Sasheer [00:22:37] Not a french or fry?
Nicole [00:22:39] Not a french or fry. They had mashed sweet potatoes, and then steak, and chimichurri sauce. And I was like, “I’ll take that.” He said, “Okay.” And then he starts drizzling the chimi. And I was like, “Oh, I don’t want the sauce.” And he goes, “The chef said I had to.” And I said, “Oh, but I don’t want it.” And he said, “You’ll like it.” I said, “Oh, I generally don’t like chimichurri sauce.” I think I’m saying it right. And then he was like, “But the chef–” And I was like, “Is not here. Give it to me.” Everybody be wilin’.
Sasheer [00:23:12] Sometimes people only have one job and they’re like, “I don’t know how to deviate from this one job. I was told to do one thing. I have to do the one thing.”
Nicole [00:23:23] “I have to do the one thing.”
Sasheer [00:23:28] Which categories were that night? Just the hosting one?
Nicole [00:23:32] For me, just the hosting one. But it was, like, short form, documentaries, sound design, costumes, makeup.
Sasheer [00:23:46] I just want to know which of your things that you’re nominated for–
Nicole [00:23:50] Oh, that’s me losing to RuPaul. Thank you so much.
Sasheer [00:23:53] Okay, got it.
Nicole [00:23:53] For best host. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Sasheer [00:23:57] But your special and Nailed It! are both happening–?
Nicole [00:24:01] That is tomorrow.
Sasheer [00:24:02] This coming week.
Nicole [00:24:02] Yes. When does this come out?
Sasheer [00:24:07] I guess probably after it happens. So, this is in the past.
Nicole [00:24:11] So, yes, the Emmys are in the past. I’m excited. Did you decide on a dress?
Sasheer [00:24:18] Yes. The blue one.
Nicole [00:24:21] Okay. The blue one is very– I’m also wearing blue.
Sasheer [00:24:29] Oh, nice!
Nicole [00:24:30] We’re gonna match. I love it.
Sasheer [00:24:33] I mean, unsurprising.
Nicole [00:24:37] Yeah. You remember we both showed up wearing fucking Muppet outfits?
Sasheer [00:24:40] Yeah, that was quite wild. ‘Cause it’s not a common fabric.
Nicole [00:24:44] I know.
Sasheer [00:24:44] We both had, like, furry stuff on.
Nicole [00:24:47] Yes! Yes, and it was in the same color wheel. I think you were orange and I was yellow? Or, no, it was flipped. You were yellow, I was orange. You were Big Bird and I was Zoe. Wow. I can’t believe that rolled off my tongue so well.
Sasheer [00:25:02] Yeah, that was good. Yeah, we often accidentally match, which is fun.
Nicole [00:25:10] I like it. I miss you. You work too much, and I hate it.
Sasheer [00:25:16] You work too much, and I hate it!
Nicole [00:25:17] Listen to Beyoncé–
Sasheer [00:25:21] “Quit your job?”
Nicole [00:25:25] “Quit your job.”
Sasheer [00:25:28] Nah, this job pays too much. She can’t quit.
Nicole [00:25:31] I know. Isn’t that wild? You’ve got to keep working to pay for things.
Sasheer [00:25:39] And I love things.
Nicole [00:25:40] I love things too, Sasheer. So, at night when I can’t sleep, I keep buying things. So, I had my FARM Rio extravaganza and then I found a brand named “Karen Miller.” Who’s Karen Miller? No offense.
Sasheer [00:25:54] Karen Millen?
Nicole [00:25:57] Is that it?
Sasheer [00:25:59] I think so. I love Karen Millen.
Nicole [00:26:01] I thought it was Karen Miller. Hold on. Let me see. Karen Mill– Oh, is it Millen? No, I think it’s, like, actually Karen Miller, because this stuff is really cute. I don’t know if Karen Millen goes up to my size. Let’s see. Miller. Yeah, it’s Karen Miller.
Sasheer [00:26:20] Oh. I don’t know Karen Miller.
Nicole [00:26:23] Wait, is it Karen Millen? Because it just took me to Karen Millen.
Sasheer [00:26:28] I only know of Karen Millen.
Nicole [00:26:30] You know what? It is Karen Millen.
Sasheer [00:26:32] Okay.
Nicole [00:26:33] This is funny that I am dumb.
Sasheer [00:26:37] No, it’s okay. I mean, Karen Miller is–like–we know of Miller, but Millen is not a common last name. But I have worn– Oh, my God, Elizabeth Hurley has a line there? That’s so fun.
Nicole [00:26:51] Elizabeth Hurley? I haven’t heard from her in a while.
Sasheer [00:26:56] I know.
Nicole [00:26:57] Wow.
Sasheer [00:26:58] But she’s very fashionable, and I trust her.
Nicole [00:27:01] Okay, I put in the chat which dress I bought because I think it’s cute, and I think it’s going to look good on me. Oh, my God. I didn’t even know that there was dazzles on it.
Sasheer [00:27:14] This is pretty. I like these colors.
Nicole [00:27:15] Right? How did you know about Karen Millen?
Sasheer [00:27:21] I’ve worn some of her stuff for different shows, and every time I clock it. I’m like, “I love Karen Millen.” I just, like, remember it. But I’ve never gone to the website. And then recently I went to the website for something, and I was like, “I love all this stuff.”
Nicole [00:27:38] I put in another thing that I bought.
Sasheer [00:27:40] Ooh. Yeah. No one at home can see this.
Nicole [00:27:45] Not one person can see what we’re talking about.
Sasheer [00:27:47] The first thing she put in the chat was this pink and orange dress with kind of, like, a little peekaboo in the middle where you can see a little bit of underboob. And it’s strappy. It’s got some sequins. And then this is a–
Nicole [00:28:04] It’s a mock turtleneck that is leopard print because leopard print is a nooch. And I just bought some more leopard print pants, and I’m gonna wear them together.
Sasheer [00:28:14] Oh, you gotta.
Nicole [00:28:15] I can’t fucking wait. And then I think I have some leopard print shoes and leopard print socks. Imma do up.
Sasheer [00:28:21] Coming straight from the jungle.
Nicole [00:28:24] Ooooh. Come on, Tarzan. I can’t believe I thought it was Karen Miller and not Karen Millen. I am wholeheartedly embarrassed. Hey, Karen, send me some free shit and also expand your line. You go up to a 20. Go up bigger.
Sasheer [00:28:45] Go up bigger. I’d like free stuff too, please.
Nicole [00:28:50] Yeah. We want free fucking stuff.
Sasheer [00:28:52] We want free stuff.
Nicole [00:28:54] We want free stuff. And then there’s this brand Selkie. I bought a bunch of dresses from them. I’m not going anywhere. Like, I don’t know what I’m prepping for.
Sasheer [00:29:06] Yeah. I just cleared a bunch of stuff out of my closet, which felt very nice. And I sold a bunch of stuff to Crossroads, and they took all of it, and I was like, “Ooh, yeah.” And then I took some stuff to a vintage store, and they took none of it.
Nicole [00:29:22] Sasheer, you have great vintage stuff.
Sasheer [00:29:25] Thank you. I thought so, too. But they were like, “We’re buying for the season.” And some of the stuff was long sleeve and a little thicker. So maybe they’re like, “This is winter stuff.” Or maybe they thought it was bad.
Nicole [00:29:38] No, Sasheer. You have such good vintage stuff.
Sasheer [00:29:41] Thank you.
Nicole [00:29:42] Don’t listen!
Sasheer [00:29:44] I felt like a failure. Like I didn’t know how to thrift.
Nicole [00:29:47] No, you were not a failure. I miss thrifting. I haven’t been thrifting in a while.
Sasheer [00:29:54] I haven’t either.
Nicole [00:29:55] I really miss it. We should go thrifting.
Sasheer [00:30:00] Yeah.
Nicole [00:30:00] But not here.
Sasheer [00:30:02] No, we had to go somewhere else.
Nicole [00:30:03] Yeah. What’s a trendy place where people dress good?
Sasheer [00:30:09] Well, the thing is we have to go to a place that’s not trendy so we can get all the good stuff that they don’t know about. Like when we went to. Where did we get good stuff? Vegas. We went thrifting in Vegas.
Nicole [00:30:24] Vegas.
Sasheer [00:30:25] Seattle.
Nicole [00:30:26] Oh, yeah. Vegas had great shit. Ooh, maybe we should go to Vegas. Who’s playing there?
Sasheer [00:30:32] That’s a good question. Who is there?
Nicole [00:30:33] Apparently, Gaga was here and I just didn’t know.
Sasheer [00:30:37] What the heck?
Nicole [00:30:38] Nobody told me.
Sasheer [00:30:40] What? She’s on tour?
Nicole [00:30:42] She’s on tour. Well, I knew she was on tour, but she came to Los Angeles, California. Sunny Los Angeles. And nobody told me.
Sasheer [00:30:52] I actually was around the Greek the other day and Alicia Keys was playing. And I was like, “Since when?”
Nicole [00:31:00] Nobody told me Alicia Keys was in town.
Sasheer [00:31:02] I know.
Nicole [00:31:03] I want to be that girl on fire.
Sasheer [00:31:09] Set me on fire.
Nicole [00:31:11] Alicia Keys, burn me up. I guess–okay. How do we find out who’s coming?
Sasheer [00:31:21] I think there are, like, apps. There’s an app called “Bands in Town,” and then there’s, like, ways you can subscribe to things. But I’m not going to do that.
Nicole [00:31:29] Me either.
Sasheer [00:31:31] I just want people to tell me this is happening.
Nicole [00:31:33] Me too. Maybe I’ll ask my assistant for, like, a list of everything that happens L.A. That’s a lot.
Sasheer [00:31:42] Everything?
Nicole [00:31:42] Every single thing that happens in L.A.
Sasheer [00:31:45] Yeah, you definitely don’t need half of that.
Nicole [00:31:48] Oh, my God. I went to a fabulous restaurant the other day. We must go. We must eat. Bruce is the server that I like. It’s called “Mother Wolf.”
Sasheer [00:32:01] I have not heard of this.
Nicole [00:32:02] Me either. And it reminds me of, like, a very New York restaurant. You better believe it’s in the heart of Hollywood. Smack dab. It’s right around the corner from Mama Shelter. Do you know that place?
Sasheer [00:32:15] I don’t know that place.
Nicole [00:32:17] Mama Shelter has a very good hamburger and round French fries.
Sasheer [00:32:23] Round?
Nicole [00:32:25] I’m 100% sure I’m not making that up. Wait, I feel like I’m making that up, and I don’t think I am. Okay, let me look it up. Okay. Mama Shelter.
Sasheer [00:32:44] With round french fries.
Nicole [00:32:46] Okay. How do I–? Okay, I’m going to Google round french fries? Okay, nothing is coming up. Hold on. French fries. This is what everyone loves on the podcast. When I start typing. Yes! They’re round french fries! Mama Shelter. Okay, I’m gonna send it to you so you can see the round french fries.
Sasheer [00:33:15] Please.
Nicole [00:33:15] Oh, my God. This is embarrassing.
Sasheer [00:33:18] How are you trying to send it?
Nicole [00:33:20] Shh. Okay. Copy image. I’m going to copy image and put it in the Zoom and hopefully it’ll pop up. Okay. Let’s see. It’s said, “No.” I’m being rejected. Okay, I’ll copy. What? Okay, open link in new tab. That’s what I’ve done. Okay. Okay. This is how we find out. Nicole does not know how to use a computer. Okay. Click on that.
Sasheer [00:33:44] Yes, we got it. Okay.
Nicole [00:33:46] Okay, everyone click on it.
Sasheer [00:33:48] Mama Shelter.
Nicole [00:33:49] Mama Shelter.
Sasheer [00:33:51] Those are some round fries.
Nicole [00:33:57] I told you. I thought I was going crazy, but yes, Mama Shelter has some round french fries.
Sasheer [00:34:09] I’m glad we got to the bottom of that.
Nicole [00:34:10] I guess I should take you there, too.
Sasheer [00:34:13] I would love to go there.
Nicole [00:34:15] Wait. We’ve been.
Sasheer [00:34:17] What? You took me to Mama Shelter?
Nicole [00:34:21] We met up with some people at Mama Shelter. I think we met up with Grace and Amy. But we didn’t eat on the rooftop; we ate down below.
Sasheer [00:34:32] Oh. Okay. Yeah.
Nicole [00:34:32] And I can’t remember if they had the round– I think they might have been out of the burger that comes with the round french fries.
Sasheer [00:34:38] Oh, no.
Nicole [00:34:41] Oh, maybe that’s when I was eating vegan. Remember that?
Sasheer [00:34:45] Oh, man. What a dream.
Nicole [00:34:48] I mean, truly, I wish. I wish I was able to keep it up. I was stronger, healthier, faster. And now I’m sluggish, sadder.
Sasheer [00:34:58] One day.
Sasheer [00:35:14] We answer some questions.
Nicole [00:35:16] We have gabbed a lot. Let’s answer them.
Sasheer [00:35:20] Yeah. Oh, boy. The title of this email is “How to Tell My Friend She’s Being Miserable All the Time?”
Nicole [00:35:26] Damn.
Sasheer [00:35:29] “Hey, Nicole and Sasheer. My friend and I are planning on having an intervention with our third friend, Stacy, and would love your opinion. Stacy has been very negative and angry for quite a while now and we initially overlooked it and thought it was due to lockdowns and COVID. We’re all good friends but are worried our intervention is going to come off as an attack. But that’s not our intention at all. We care about her and want to see her happy and not so miserable.”
Nicole [00:35:55] “It’s come to the point where Stacy isn’t left with very many friends because of her negative attitude. It’s hard to get her out and do pretty well anything fun. And when she is out, she’s full of complaints and sometimes pure anger. It’s never directed at us. It’s usually complaining about work, people she knows, people she doesn’t know, companies, restaurants, judging random people. Any advice would be helpful. Love the show.” Oh, boy.
Sasheer [00:36:22] Damn.
Nicole [00:36:24] I do think an intervention is a little tacky for something like this. I think maybe you could talk to her individually. Because then I’ll just be like, “Oh, a couple of people have said the same thing.” Maybe she’s depressed and she needs therapy, and maybe that’s, like, a nice thing to suggest. And if you go to therapy, you can talk about your experience with it. What do you think, Sasheer?
Sasheer [00:37:02] I think an intervention is a lot. Because really what you’re asking her for is shifts. Shifts in perspective. Shifts in communication style. And you don’t want to make it seem like you’re saying, “What you’re doing is bad.” Sometimes complaining is freeing. Or, like, sometimes you do have to get something off your chest. Sometimes it’s, like, easy to get into a negative spiral with somebody else. If she’s doing it all the time, you know, who knows? Maybe she does need therapy. Maybe she is sad about something else that you guys need to know about. But I think you can clock it in the moment. Like, if it comes up, you’re hanging out with this person and she’s like, “Uch. Look at those boots.” Or whatever the thing is. “Look at that ugly person in those ugly boots.” You could be like, “You know, I actually don’t mind them.” Or whatever, you know? I feel like I’ve been around people before when they’re in a negative mood. I’m like, “I don’t really talk talking shit right now. It doesn’t actually feel good.” And maybe she’ll pick up on that and be like, “Oh, well, maybe I shouldn’t be talking shit right now.” But I think having a sit-down talk is a little intense. Because you also don’t want to make it seem like this is something that’s her–like, “You always do this.” Or “This is something you do that bothers us.” This is just, like, something she’s currently doing, which is unfortunate. But she can shift out of it if she wanted to.
Nicole [00:38:41] Yeah. Also, I think there was one time I was complaining about something to you, and you said, “Hey. I need to hear some positives about this experience you’re having.” And I said, “Wow. Yes. Okay.” And I think there’s something to you saying to somebody–it’s like, “Ooh. A lot of negative talk today. What makes you happy? What brings you joy?” Or, yeah, you can always ask–be like, “Oof! You’re feeling a little negative today. Is something going on?” I think we forget to ask people how they are, actually.
Sasheer [00:39:18] Yeah.
Nicole [00:39:19] Like I had a friend recently, who I hadn’t heard from in a minute, reach out and was like, “Hey, just thinking of you. Hope you’re doing good. Are you doing good?” And then I was like, “I feel busy. I feel a little overwhelmed, but it’s really nice to hear from you. And in the grand scheme of things, things are good. I don’t know if you were looking for an actual answer, but that’s my actual answer.” And then they responded with their actual answer. And then we just had a nice back and forth for a minute, and I was like, “That was nice.”.
Sasheer [00:39:45] That is nice. Yeah. Yeah. Because you don’t know why this person’s feeling this way. They might not either until they actually, like, think about it. So yeah. Maybe ask them, “What’s going on?” As opposed to, “Please stop being this negative.”.
Nicole [00:39:59] Yeah. I think that’s good. Jordan, do you have anything?
Jordan [00:40:04] I like to remind myself that probably more people than we expect either grew up or have a lot of family members who are really pessimistic. I think life can be really, really hard. And if you are not someone who grew up in a family who is really optimistic, you sometimes always just see the negatives before the positives. So, I think both of your advice was perfect and spot on, and I would do the same thing. I would actually talk to them in the moment and not pull them aside. And I would do the same thing. Like, as Sasheer has done to Nicole, be like, “I need to hear, like, positives.” And we also do it ourselves. Like, there’s so many times where we’re always so negative. But, yeah, if you are finding your friend, who’s just constantly being that negative– That, in the moment, you need to be like, “Hey. I know shit’s going on. I know that it’s so much easier to complain, but it’s not really healthy for yourself. For everyone around you. Like, it’s just bringing down the mood.” Yeah. Or maybe you just find activities that, like, are really uplifting. Like you’re going to see a band at a bar. And so it’s maybe not so much talk or just finding more fun activities. Go to, uh– I was gonna say water park, but not everyone likes water parks.
Nicole [00:41:31] How specific! Go to a water park. Find your happiness on a big slide.
Sasheer [00:41:37] You can’t be negative at a water park.
Nicole [00:41:41] If anything, that’s the place where I’m the most negative.
Sasheer [00:41:43] That’s true.
Nicole [00:41:43] I’m like, “I am wet. These children are nasty.”
Jordan [00:41:47] That’s why I was like, “That’s not a great example of where to go. But yeah. You have to say something in the moment.
Sasheer [00:41:56] Yeah. I agree.
Nicole [00:41:58] Me too.
Sasheer [00:41:58] Yeah. Solved.
Nicole [00:42:00] Solved! Let’s do another one. Wait, do I want to go to Dorney Park Wildwater Kingdom?
Sasheer [00:42:06] I have never heard of that.
Nicole [00:42:08] You’ve never heard of Dorney Park Wildwater Kingdom?
Sasheer [00:42:12] I haven’t. “Dorney Park Wild–?” What was it? So many words in there.
Nicole [00:42:21] Dorney Park Wildwater Kingdom. Am I making this up? Was this a thing? Wait a minute. Now I gotta look it up.
Sasheer [00:42:28] “Wildwater Kingdom?” It’s a kingdom?
Nicole [00:42:32] Yeah! Dorney Park & Wildwater Kingdom.
Sasheer [00:42:37] Whoa. I’ve never– Where is it?
Nicole [00:42:40] It is in Pennsylvania. Oh no. They’re going to close at 1 p.m. today. Oh, my God.
Sasheer [00:42:47] We’re not going to make it.
Nicole [00:42:49] Their website is crazy. The front page says, “Fear is waiting for you.” This is wild.
Sasheer [00:42:55] Oh, ’cause it’s Halloween.
Nicole [00:42:58] Oh! I was like, “Why is the Wildwater Kingdom trying to scare me?” Well, I put it in the chat so you guys can see. Dorney Park & Wildwater Kingdom.
Sasheer [00:43:13] Why do you know about this park? Why do you know about this? When were you in Pennsylvania?
Nicole [00:43:19] I’ve been to Dorney Park & Wildwater Kingdom, I think several times.
Jordan [00:43:24] Well, to be fair, New Jersey and Pennsylvania, because they’re directly next to each other– Allentown was on the east side. So, like, if you’re coming from Jersey, you can hit that water park or that park in general. So I know of it because I actually lived in Allentown at one point.
Nicole [00:43:41] Oh, I see. I don’t remember dry rides, though. But apparently, they have dry rides.
Sasheer [00:43:52] Dry rides. Not just the Water Kingdom?
Nicole [00:43:54] Not just the Water Kingdom. How silly. Have you never been to a water park, Sasheer?
Sasheer [00:44:07] I have. I think I’ve been to Cedar Rapids.
Nicole [00:44:14] That’s in Ohio?
Sasheer [00:44:16] Yeah.
Nicole [00:44:18] Alright. Yeah, you don’t strike me as a real water park person.
Sasheer [00:44:22] No, it’s too wet.
Nicole [00:44:23] Yeah. It’s too wet.
Sasheer [00:44:27] Too wet. One more question?
Nicole [00:44:29] Yeah. “Hi, Nicole, Sasheer, Kimmy, and Jordan. And hope you’re having a fantastic day. And Sasheer, I hope you’re sitting in the nicest chair.”
Sasheer [00:44:39] I am. Thank you for asking.
Nicole [00:44:40] We don’t have to say their name, but he/him. I love that he asked about your chair. “I really need your opinion on a friendship problem I’m having. I have two best friends who–over the past four years–I’ve always seen them separately. We’ve all three been friends since around 2011, but one of the friends and I had a falling out in 2018 and the other two had a fight in early 2020. Recently we’ve been growing back together as friends. We even had an outing to a restaurant as a group. It was a lot of fun.”
Sasheer [00:45:16] “One friend and I started a business venture together, but it fell apart pretty quickly. My suspicion is that her boyfriend did not want her wasting her time (his words, not mine). After this, any time I spent at her house, I would get concerned with the way he talks to her. I approached my friend about that, and she fell off the face of the earth. I’ve reached out to her several times with no contact other than a text message telling me that she got a new job. Separately, we approached the other friend as a group with our concerns that her longtime boyfriend– She says they started dating in 2016. We don’t remember him prior to March of 2020.”
Nicole [00:45:50] Whoa. What?
Sasheer [00:45:52] Okay. “Her longtime boyfriend is using her in order to fund a home purchase. Our reasoning is that he oversees the amount of time she gets to see us and she has a budget when hanging out. Although she works a full-time job and lives with her parents, he also demands that she cancel our yearly friend trip that we take for our birthday. Things have gotten rough since we had the conversation. Her family has even reached out with her with their concerns. My question is, am I a bad person if I don’t fight for these relationships? I love both these people. But I don’t feel like there’s anything I really can do except let them play out. I’ve let both of them know that I’m here, but I’m not actively trying to make contact anymore.”
Nicole [00:46:38] Okay. To be clear. So, he has two friends. One friend–he tried to do a business with her, but then her boyfriend said that they were wasting time. So, then they fell off. And then the other friend has a boyfriend that she started dating in 2016, but they didn’t see him for four years. And he is using that friend to buy a home and her family is concerned. So, this is kind of wild.
Sasheer [00:47:11] Yeah, it sounds like both those friends dropped off the face of the earth.
Nicole [00:47:16] Yes.
Sasheer [00:47:17] And the writer is asking, is it bad that he’s just letting the relationship kind of peter out?
Nicole [00:47:24] I don’t think you’re a bad person for letting them peter out. I don’t think.
Sasheer [00:47:32] I don’t think so, because it sounds like they’re kind of making it clear–or maybe not clear. There’s two parts to that relationship. It’s not like it’s only you. And also sounds like you tried to help them. Like, you’ve tried to be upfront about like, “Hey, I don’t think your partner is, like, good. Maybe your partner is, like, swindling you or taking advantage of you.” Or “I don’t like the way your partner is speaking to you.” That’s like what friends do. And if they are not receptive to that, or at least like– Because they could at least be like, “Thanks for your opinion,” and move on. They don’t have to take it. But if they’re not talking to you because you’ve maybe upset them? Well, that’s just their decision. That sucks. But you can’t force them to respond.
Nicole [00:48:26] Yeah. I think if you’ve reached out and you don’t feel like reaching out anymore, you don’t have to. Yeah. The family reaching out is kind of intense.
Sasheer [00:48:38] Yeah. Well, ’cause that sounds straight up like she’s trapped.
Nicole [00:48:42] Yeah. Like, a budget to hang out?
Sasheer [00:48:46] Yeah.
Nicole [00:48:48] I mean, which I guess you do when you are trying to buy a house. But I don’t know. I think it’s like, “Well, I can splurge here and there.” I don’t know. I don’t like anybody putting someone on a budget; that seems really controlling.
Sasheer [00:49:03] Very controlling.
Nicole [00:49:04] Because I feel like–I mean, me personally–I think if I were to have a joint bank account with somebody and we were trying to buy a house, some goes in the house fund, but some goes into me having a life and having a nice time. And then if it takes a little longer to buy a house, so be it.
Sasheer [00:49:21] Yeah. I think it sounds like the friend has reached out, family has reached out. I’m assuming this person is an adult because they have a job and they’re buying a house. So, it’s kind of on them to learn the lesson. And I hope they don’t learn it the hard way, but if people in your life have been like, “Hey, I’m seeing some unhealthy patterns here. And I’m a little worried.” But you still ignore it. It’s going to happen the way it happens.
Nicole [00:49:51] Yeah, you did what you did. Yeah, you can’t lead a horse to a bag of chips and make it eat.
Sasheer [00:49:57] That’s what they say.
Nicole [00:49:59] That’s what they say. You can’t do it because they want hay.
Sasheer [00:50:06] You gotta let that horse eat its hay.
Nicole [00:50:09] Yeah. Leave that horse alone. It don’t want some Lay’s chips. It don’t want no Stacy’s Pita Chips. Yeah. I think you’re right, Sasheer. I think sometimes people have to, like, learn things on their own, and you can’t force people to do things. Yeah, that’s tough.
Sasheer [00:50:30] But, you know, good on you for knowing, like, you can only do so much. And it’s definitely not on you to make sure this relationship stays afloat. Because there’s multiple people in that relationship.
Nicole [00:50:46] Yeah. Solved.
Sasheer [00:50:49] Solved! If you have any other questions for us, you can email firstname.lastname@example.org or call or text at 424-645-7003. Where did you go?
Nicole [00:51:03] We also have merch at podswag.com/bestfriends.
Sasheer [00:51:09] Lastly, don’t forget to rate, review, and subscribe. That is the easiest way to support this show.
Nicole [00:51:14] Yes. Clyde, bark! Did you hear that?
Sasheer [00:51:21] Did he?
Nicole [00:51:22] He just went, “Mmmm.” Clyde, bark!
Sasheer [00:51:30] I don’t think he wants to be part of this.
Nicole [00:51:32] Bark!
Sasheer [00:51:33] He’s really looking everywhere but the camera.
Nicole [00:51:35] I just want him to be a show dog.
Sasheer [00:51:38] He does not want to be a show dog.
Nicole [00:51:40] He doesn’t want it at all. Okay. From you and yours, me and Clyde, Sasheer and her no animals, and Jordan–signing off till next week. Ha ha ha ha. Bye.
Sasheer [00:51:55] Ha ha ha ha ha. Bye.
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