EP. 173 — Sasheer Is Thinking of the Gigawatts – Re-Release

BF-173-20221004-Rerelease-JDv02-DYN.mp3

Sasheer [00:00:03] Hey, friends. This week we are taking a little break and rereleasing another classic episode of Best Friends from behind the paywall. This is a really fun one where we talk about things like Green Day’s Good Riddance, learning Spanish, and doing performances in church plays. Nicole even called her sister Katherine to help her remember the details of Weird Wilhelmina. It’s fun. Enjoy the episode, and we will be back with a new episode next week. Thank you.

Nicole [00:00:43] Hola.

Sasheer [00:00:44] Hola.

Nicole [00:00:45] ¿Cómo estás?

Sasheer [00:00:46] Bien.

Nicole [00:00:48] Oh, yo bien as well.

Sasheer [00:00:52] ¿Y tú?

Nicole [00:00:52] ¿Uh, y tú? Sí. Uh… Hmm… ¿Cómo se dice “best” en español? Kimmie on the keys!

Kimmie [00:01:04] “Mejor.”

Nicole [00:01:06] ¡Mejor! Wow. That was hard. Spanish is so hard.

Sasheer [00:01:16] So hard.

Nicole [00:01:17] But I do know how to say “Hola. Me llamo Nicole. Me llamo español un poquito–” No, wait. “Yo hablo español un poquito, but yo trabajador muy mucho to habla español. But soy muy mal. But yo encanta español.”

Sasheer [00:01:33] And translated that is?

Nicole [00:01:36] Uh. “I speak very little Spanish, but I try very hard to speak Spanish because I love Spanish.”

Sasheer [00:01:41] You just keep saying “Spanish.” But I love Spanish.

Nicole [00:01:45] The people at the– I think this bodega is gone now. We call it the Green Deli, because on my block in New York, we had the Blue Deli, Green Deli, and White Deli on the street. There’s three delis or three bodegas. And the one in the Green Deli was, like, also a grocery store–and whenever I would go in, they would speak to me in English. But then one day was like, “Do you guys speak Spanish?” And they were like, “We do.” And I was like, “I want to learn how to speak Spanish.” So, every day they would teach me one word in Spanish. And–you know–I’d leave to go to work and then come home. So, I’d leave, they’d teach me the word, I’d come home, and have to say it back to them. And then usually I got it wrong. And then one day he was like, “I don’t know if you’re ever going to learn. You’re very bad at this. I’m going to teach you a phrase. And you’ll say the phrase over and over and over again.” So then for, like, the next year, that’s the phrase I would say over and over again. So, when I do say it to Spanish-speaking people, they go, “Oh! Actually, she’s not bad. I think she knows Spanish.” And then they’ll talk to me. And I’m like, “Oh, no, no, no, no. Un poquito. Un poquito. Oh, one phrase!”

Sasheer [00:02:47] Just that one phrase. Basically, put a sign over you; it’s like, “My slow daughter doesn’t know how to say these words. Please help her.”

Nicole [00:02:56] “Just help her out.” Yeah, I want to learn, and… Duolingo–you know–harasses me and really makes me feel bad that I’m not doing it as often as I should.

Sasheer [00:03:08] I was on Babbel, and then it kicked me off or something? Or maybe my subscription ended or something. And then I tried to restart it, and it’s like, “Sorry, gotta start a new account.” And then I deleted it; I was like, “This is too hard.”

Nicole [00:03:21] Get out of here, Babbel. What were you trying to learn?

Sasheer [00:03:23] Spanish.

Nicole [00:03:24] Can you speak Spanish?

Sasheer [00:03:25] No.

Nicole [00:03:27] You can’t even say your name?

Sasheer [00:03:29] Me llamo Sasheer.

Nicole [00:03:30] Sí. Yes. Yes, it is.

Sasheer [00:03:34] Yeah. I think I took only one class in high school or something. But I seemed like I was determined to not talk to anybody ever. I was taking American Sign Language, Latin–I was like, “No thanks!”

Nicole [00:03:48] “No thank you; don’t want to talk to nobody.”

Sasheer [00:03:49] I was born in Japan–as you know.

Nicole [00:03:51] I do know now. Known for a couple of years–less years than I’ve known you. But I know.

Sasheer [00:03:58] And I think I told my aunt I wanted to learn Japanese. And her son was, like, really obsessed with Japanese culture. And so, he had these cassette tapes on how to learn how to speak Japanese. And I tried to learn it in my car–like, “Whenever I drive, I’ll play it.” But I didn’t have air conditioning, so the windows would be all the way down, and I’d be blasting these Japanese cassettes, and it’s like… like, wind blowing.

Nicole [00:04:26] So, you don’t know Japanese, is what you’re trying to say.

Sasheer [00:04:28] Correct. The end of the story is I learned nothing. It’s also– It’s hard. That’s a hard language.

Nicole [00:04:34] I mean, most languages are hard once you’re past a certain age. ‘Cause you’re not a little sponge anymore; your head is all filled up with stuff.

Sasheer [00:04:39] Oh, gosh.

Nicole [00:04:41] But I was talking to somebody about how I was like, “I wish I took things in high school more seriously.”

Sasheer [00:04:47] Same.

Nicole [00:04:47] Like, I wish I actually took a home ec class. As opposed to being like, “I’m an independent fucking woman. Nobody gonna put me in no kitchen. Sew what? Sew yourself, bitch.” But I wish I knew how to sew. Because then I could just put panels in my stuff myself instead of paying someone to do it.

Sasheer [00:05:03] Yeah.

Nicole [00:05:04] I wish I could cook. I don’t know how.

Sasheer [00:05:06] Yeah.

Nicole [00:05:07] I’m constantly making trash and then having to eat it… because I made it.

Sasheer [00:05:10] Yeah. I wish I took instruments seriously. I didn’t get to play the instrument I wanted. I learned to play the violin. So, I just did enough to stay in the class. All we had to do is practice 20 minutes a day. And I was like, “No. Imma lie and, like, say my own papers.” But if I had just done that, I would have left school knowing how to play an instrument really well. And then now I still have a violin, but when I pick it up, I’m like, “This is garbage.” And then I put it right back down. For years.

Nicole [00:05:40] My mother really wanted me and my sister to take piano lessons.

Sasheer [00:05:43] Yeah.

Nicole [00:05:44] And she said, “When you become an adult, you will love to be able to sit down and play a piano.”

Sasheer [00:05:50] Yeah.

Nicole [00:05:50] And I was like, “You stupid bitch. You stupid bitch, you’re going to die soon and you’re wrong.”

Sasheer [00:05:59] “I won’t do anything you say. You’re not gonna be here to watch me.”

Nicole [00:06:01] “Yeah. Yeah, I’ll be a full-grown adult being so happy I can’t fucking play–and you’ll never see it.” But it turns out she was fully right. Every time I see a piano, I’m like, “I wish I could play it.” Because I can only play a little bit of My Heart Will Go On. I’m like, “Imagine I knew the rest of it.”

Sasheer [00:06:15] I know.

Nicole [00:06:15] We’d all be singing it.

Sasheer [00:06:16] I think it would have been helpful, though, if I got any of the things I ever asked for. Like, I feel like a lot of the things were forced on me–you have to play this sport, you have to do this instrument. And it’s not like I didn’t want to play sports or do instruments. I just was saying what I wanted and wasn’t getting it like. I was like, “I want to play guitar.” And my mom was like, “No. Here’s this other instrument.”

Nicole [00:06:37] Whoa.

Sasheer [00:06:37] And… I feel like if I was encouraged more and it was like, “Yeah, you want to play that? Try it.” Then I probably would have played the guitar.

Nicole [00:06:45] What would Sasheer be like?

Sasheer [00:06:47] If she played a guitar? Probably–.

Nicole [00:06:50] Insufferable? No, I’m joking.

Sasheer [00:06:52] Honestly? Yeah. I’d probably be that person–

Nicole [00:06:54] “Guys, I brought my guitar. Let’s, like, crouch around me and sing.”

Sasheer [00:06:57] Yeah. Or just, like, at a party I’m like, “Oh my God. Is this a guitar? How many strings? Oh. I’ll just– Let me just fiddle with it real quick. Here’s a song I wrote last night.”

Nicole [00:07:08] “Do you remember–” No, that’s not a song–

Sasheer [00:07:10] I did write songs.

Nicole [00:07:11] I can’t ever remember a song. I’m trying to think of a Green Day song that has a famous guitar lick.

Sasheer [00:07:20] Is that Green Day? “I am my own worst enemy.” No.

Nicole [00:07:22] No. What is the song I’m thinking of that’s, like, a quintessential–?

Sasheer [00:07:28] Guitar song?

Jordan [00:07:28] Is it slow or fast?

Nicole [00:07:33] I think it’s… slow. Oh, Time of My Life. Yeah. Can we play the beginning of that?

Sasheer [00:07:38] Oh, yes. Time of Your Life.

Nicole & Sasheer [00:07:38] “It’s something unpredictable, but in the end, it’s right. I hope you had the time of your life.

Jordan [00:07:50] There you go. Yeah.

Nicole [00:07:52] Oh, Good Riddance (The Time of Your Life).

Sasheer [00:07:56] Whoa. 62 million.

Nicole [00:07:58] Yeah, everyone’s looking for that guitar. Yeah. You’d be playing this at every party. Yeah. We’d all sit there, staring with wonderment in our eyes, like, “Wow, Sasheer’s talented. Oh, wow. And she’s singing it? Wow, Sasheer. Thanks for bringing this to the party. Can you believe Sasheer’s–? Oh, wow.”

Sasheer [00:08:22] That would definitely be my party trick because I don’t like talking to people. So, I’d be like, “Here’s a way for people to pay attention to me without me talking to them.”

Nicole [00:08:29] That’s so funny that you don’t like talking to people. I like talking to people until a finite time; I’m like, “Okay, we did it all. I know how you are. I know what you’re up to. I know where you’re going.”

Sasheer [00:08:39] I think it depends. Like, I like talking to a person one-on-one. But if it’s, like, a group situation, I clam up–I’m like, “Oh. This is a lot of effort. I don’t want to try to interject.”

Nicole [00:08:53] I find myself at parties sometimes like a meme, where I’m like, “Well, I can’t focus on nobody, and there’s a lot of people talking. I’m gonna go to the bathroom for a hot second.” I’m like, “You’re a superstar. I better talk to everybody.” And you get back there, and you’re like, “I don’t know how to do that. The bathroom gave me all my power.”

Sasheer [00:09:11] “I liked it in the bathroom.”

Nicole [00:09:13] “Look in that mirror again. That person was easy to talk to because they ain’t saying nothing back.”

Sasheer [00:09:16] And you’re just mumbling to yourself in the bathroom. “Is Nicole okay?”

Nicole [00:09:22] I’m having the time of my life.

Sasheer [00:09:23] “It’s something unpredictable, but in the end, you’ll find…”

Nicole [00:09:28] “Oh, Sasheer picked up that guitar again.”

Sasheer [00:09:28] “I hope you had the time of your life.”

Nicole [00:09:31] “Why do you think she only learned one song?”

Sasheer [00:09:33] Like, “Do you want to hear a higher key of that same song?”

Nicole [00:09:40] When we were in Italy, Mateo’s friend–he played the piano, and he was so lovely.

Sasheer [00:09:47] Oh, yeah. He was really lovely.

Nicole [00:09:48] And I truly was like, “Aw man, my mom.” I don’t know if ghosts are a thing or spirits or whatever. But I was like, “I hope she’s watching, going, ‘I told you so. You want to be in his shoes right now. You want to be the one playing.’”

Sasheer [00:10:00] You hope that’s what she’s doing? You hope she’s scolding you?

Nicole [00:10:02] Yeah. Because that’s what moms do.

Sasheer [00:10:05] That is very true.

Nicole [00:10:06] Yeah.

Sasheer [00:10:06] Yeah.

Nicole [00:10:07] In, like, a loving way; not, like, in a mean way. Just be like, “See, Nicole? I did tell you.”

Sasheer [00:10:11] She did.

Nicole [00:10:11] I’d be like, “Ugh, you were right… about a lot of things.”

Sasheer [00:10:20] Dave Chappelle just got his Mark Twain award, and he was talking about his mom and how she drove him to comedy clubs, and would sit in the audience, and watch him do his sets, and then drive him home. As a teenager. And I was like, “I can’t even imagine this level of support.”

Nicole [00:10:37] Like, a supportive parent can truly hinder you or help you.

Sasheer [00:10:42] Yeah, if they’re too supportive it could be– That could be too much pressure. But if they’re– I don’t know. If it’s something you want to do–like, genuinely want to do–and they’re supportive, it’s nice.

Nicole [00:10:54] It is very nice. My mother was very, very, very supportive of me. I remember… What play was it? Oh, so it was, like, selected scenes because there was so many people who auditioned for the play. And my teacher was like… Kind of like a favoured nation thing, where everyone gets the same amount of pay. It was like everyone gets to be in the play and we’ll just do mini vignettes. So, it was all one-act plays by Christopher Durang–or scenes by Christopher Durang–all comedic. And I played this DMV lady–very funny. I hope there’s a tape of it somewhere. If anyone went to Middletown High School South who’s listening–I graduated in ’04, so this would have been 2002 maybe? If you have a tape of that fucking play, please get it to me. Or you know someone who went to Middletown High School South, please! Also, I was in Bye Bye Birdie. Get that tape! Get Godspell! I need footage of me! For when I die, and someone makes a movie documentary about my life–it will be good to have anyway.

Sasheer [00:11:57] That’s very true.

Nicole [00:11:58] Anywho… My mom came and saw all of the performances. And after the second one, someone was like, “Nicole, you are so funny, my God.” And my mother was like, “She is, isn’t she? But you should have seen her yesterday; she was better.” And I knew what she meant. It was like, “If you thought that was funny, she was even funnier yesterday.” And yeah. So, I would be so curious to hear her thoughts about my comedy now. I think she’d like it.

Sasheer [00:12:29] Yeah!

Nicole [00:12:30] She’s a Silly Billy. She was a Silly Billy.

Sasheer [00:12:32] Yeah. My mom did something really incredible in college. I was directing a play that another student wrote, and it was, like, on a playground. In my mind, I was like, “We have to have a swing set!” Like, we truly could have been fine without it. But I was like, “We have to have one.” And of course, we couldn’t afford it because we were college students. And we were kind of putting this on independently, so the school wasn’t going to buy it. And I told my mom about this, and she’s like, “Oh, I still have the old swing set from your childhood in our garage.” And I was like, “Is there a way you can ship it?” And she was like, “Probably not, but I’ll just drive it.” So, she put it in her SUV and drove it from Indiana to Charlottesville, Virginia.

Nicole [00:13:09] Wow!

Sasheer [00:13:10] Yeah. It was really nice.

Nicole [00:13:12] I love when a mommy delivers. I was going through… sort of like relics and stuff from the house, and my parents, and whatnot. And I found this old play that my mother had written.

Jordan [00:13:26] Whoa.

Nicole [00:13:26] So, my mom was a Christian woman. She was very involved in the church. And every Easter–I can’t remember what they’re called, but little kids get up in front of the entire church and have to be like, “Easter bells! Easter bells! They ring, they ring. And then He has risen!” What is that called?

Sasheer [00:13:46] Or recital?

Nicole [00:13:49] It’s called something.

Sasheer [00:13:50] I don’t know.

Nicole [00:13:53] Anyway. So, my mom was like–.

Kimmie [00:13:56] Kimmie’s typing “Easter bells. Easter bells. He has risen.”

Nicole [00:14:01] Here. How about, like, “church Easter presentation?”

Kimmie [00:14:06] Liturgy.

Nicole [00:14:10] “Baptist Church.” “Baptist Church kids talk.” Dang!

Kimmie [00:14:16] I’ll keep working on this.

Nicole [00:14:22] Okay. So, my mom was like, “You know what? What if we did a play one year to get the kids, like, involved, so they don’t have to go up one at a time? And it’s, like, more lax.” And then the church was like, “Okay.” And then my mom was like, “Ah. I guess I have to write it.”

Sasheer [00:14:36] Oh boy.

Nicole [00:14:37] So, then she wrote a play called Weird Wilhelmina about a weird girl who comes to the school and everyone’s mean to her. And then, through Christ, they learn how to be nice to her. And we were looking for our Weird Wilhelmina. I think I played one of the mean girls because, like, obviously.

Sasheer [00:14:54] I’m surprised you weren’t Weird Wilhelmina.

Nicole [00:14:55] Well… I’m charismatic and my mother knew that. She was a great casting director. She would have won Emmys for it if she had the chance. So, my sister–who does not perform and is the quietest person–played Weird Wilhelmina. And my mother put her in this long black wig but pulled it forward on her forehead. And then she just, like, raised her shoulders up. I have to find it for you. It’s pretty funny.

Sasheer [00:15:30] That’s very funny. Well, do you have pictures or video of that?

Nicole [00:15:33] I don’t think I have any pictures or video of it. My sister might; I should ask her. But I have the play, and it’s pretty silly.

Sasheer [00:15:42] That’s very silly. I know that.

Nicole [00:15:44] That was my first acting moment.

Sasheer [00:15:46] Wow.

Nicole [00:15:47] In Weird Wilhelmina by Lillie B. Byer.

Sasheer [00:15:51] Wow! It’s in your blood.

Nicole [00:15:51] Yeah. And then, like, looking back at all the things my mother would do–like, she was ridiculous. She was a crazy person. She’d frame a greeting card.

Sasheer [00:15:58] Aww.

Nicole [00:15:59] We never found out what it was called! Easter. I’m going to call my sister. She’s going to be so mad. Okay.

Sasheer [00:16:07] It’s not “recital.”

Nicole [00:16:09] No.

Sasheer [00:16:09] Okay.

Nicole [00:16:10] An Easter…

Jordan [00:16:10] Yeah, if it has to deal with church, I…

Sasheer [00:16:17] You don’t know? Yeah.

Nicole [00:16:20] It’s not an Easter poem. Ooh, write “another word for Easter poem.”

Katharine [00:16:25] Hi.

Nicole [00:16:26] Hi, Katharine. Full disclosure, I’m recording a podcast, but I have a question.

Katharine [00:16:31] Okay. Oh, no.

Nicole [00:16:35] Okay. So, remember that Easter thing? Like, “Easter bells! Easter bells!”–what is that called?

Katharine [00:16:40] It was a recitation.

Nicole [00:16:43] Ah. Damn. I cannot believe that you knew exactly what it was called.

Katharine [00:16:49] Mostly because, like, Mom made us either do a recitation or the Easter play–and I’d pick something with the least amount of lines. So, I was always like, “Mom. Recitation.”

Nicole [00:16:58] Was there always an Easter play?

Katharine [00:17:01] Easter and Christmas.

Nicole [00:17:02] I thought Weird Wilhelmina was a one-off thing.

Katharine [00:17:04] No, that was every Christmas.

Sasheer [00:17:08] Was there a Weird Wilhelmina every Christmas?

Katharine [00:17:10] No. No, it was an Easter play. No–sorry–there was a Christmas play every Christmas. And the one that Mom decided to direct was Weird Willy, but I decided to be Willy because Willy had the least amount of lines.

Nicole [00:17:24] Did she write that?

Katharine [00:17:26] No, she changed the words because–

Nicole [00:17:27] That’s all she did?

Katharine [00:17:29] Yes. She changed “Willy” to “Wilhelmina” ’cause–

Nicole [00:17:32] I thought she wrote it! Do you have it?

Katharine [00:17:36] I can’t find it.

Nicole [00:17:36] I have it. I’m going to find it. I think she wrote some of that.

Katharine [00:17:41] She did. She did editing, but she didn’t, like–

Nicole [00:17:43] Oh, okay. The story wasn’t hers, so she just did the punch up.

Katharine [00:17:47] Yeah. Mainly because you couldn’t be in a church and a woman being like, “I’m Weird Willy.” So…

Nicole [00:17:54] Where did we get that wig from? Do you remember that long, black, scary wig?

Katharine [00:17:58] Oh, yeah!

Nicole [00:17:58] You looked like the girl from The Ring.

Katharine [00:18:00] I did. I don’t know.

Nicole [00:18:03] Okay.

Katharine [00:18:03] Okay.

Nicole [00:18:06] That’s it.

Katharine [00:18:07] Okay, love you.

Nicole [00:18:08] I love you. Thank you, Katharine.

Sasheer [00:18:10] Thank you, Katharine.

Katharine [00:18:12] Thank you, person I don’t know.

Nicole & Sasheer [00:18:15] It’s Sasheer!

Katharine [00:18:16] Oh! Hi, Sasheer! Sorry! Sorry!

Sasheer [00:18:17] How dare you?

Katharine [00:18:18] I’m sorry. Sasheer, I apologize.

Sasheer [00:18:21] It’s okay.

Katharine [00:18:23] All right. I’ll talk to you later.

Sasheer [00:18:24] Bye.

Nicole [00:18:25] Okay. Love you. Bye. A recitation.

Sasheer [00:18:28] Yeah. We got to the bottom of it.

Nicole [00:18:30] Oh man. I thought my mother wrote that.

Sasheer [00:18:32] Where was that wig from? Did your mom wear wigs?

Nicole [00:18:36] No.

Sasheer [00:18:36] Oh.

Nicole [00:18:37] I don’t know where that wig came from.

Sasheer [00:18:39] Whoa. That’s funny.

Nicole [00:18:39] But truly she looked like she was from The Ring… Like, just long, and black, and disgusting.

Sasheer [00:18:44] I had tons of wigs to play with when I was younger because my mom wore wigs and my aunt swore wigs. My aunts wore wigs. I feel like I put too many S’s in that sentence.

Nicole [00:18:53] “My aunts swore wigs.”

Sasheer [00:18:55] “My aunts swore wigs.” Yeah.

Nicole [00:18:57] No, my mom didn’t wear wigs. No, we didn’t get any wigs in our house. It was so annoying. I had to, like, wait to get fake hair. And it was, like, a moment in my life where, like, “I finally got my ponytail.”

Sasheer [00:19:10] I had crochet braids, and they were so heavy because–whatever the trend was–it was like micro curly. And they were falling out everywhere. Like, as time passed, my braids are getting looser underneath, and they were just, like, truly– I was leaving a trail behind me.

Nicole [00:19:29] My first ponytail was courtesy of my cousin Keesha. It was a curly ponytail, and she was like, “I don’t want it anymore.” I was like, “Okay!” And I wore the fuck out of it. And I remember I didn’t pin it down well enough and, like, hit a bump on the bus and my ponytail unsnapped and came the fuck out. And everyone was like, “What?” And I was like, “Uh, uh, uh… Swirl it around your head and make a noise!” So that’s what I did, and it was not embarrassing.

Sasheer [00:19:55] Oh, nice. That’s good.

Nicole [00:19:56] I really turned that one around.

Sasheer [00:19:57] Yeah! You reclaimed that moment.

Nicole [00:19:59] Yeah, because I’m a fucking lunatic.

Sasheer [00:20:01] I did show choir–and everyone had to have curly hair, but my mom was like, “You can’t curl your hair every weekend because that’s gonna, like, damage your hair.” So, she got me this curly ponytail that had a banana clip that you clip on to my hair. And it looked great… or so I thought.

Nicole [00:20:19] It didn’t. The textures were fully different.

Sasheer [00:20:22] Absolutely.

Nicole [00:20:23] One was synthetic. That banana clip was fully synthetic.

Sasheer [00:20:26] But I felt great.

Nicole [00:20:28] Plastic.

Sasheer [00:20:29] Yeah, it definitely wasn’t close to my nappy hair. And there was some dance move that we did; I was in the front row, living my best life, performing my ass off. And the girl next to me flicked her wrist and it, like, knocked my ponytail off my head, and it landed right in front of me. In show choir, you get, like, points for professionalism or whatever or… something. And so, like, me picking it up–in my mind–was like, “That’s going to be a dock off for our points.” So, I just left it on the ground, and it got kicked around all over because we were dancing. And at the end, I picked it up and walked off. And then the other girls in the audience who were watching were like, “Was there a rat on stage?” And I was like, “It was my hair.”

Nicole [00:21:11] Oh no. “Was there a rat on stage?”

Sasheer [00:21:15] And then we did, like, paper plate awards at the end of the year, where we give awards to, like… “Most Likely to Be a Singer When You Grow Up.”

Nicole [00:21:23] I’m sorry. Is that a thing?

Sasheer [00:21:25] Yeah. Yeah, we get paper plates.

Nicole [00:21:28] Kimmie? Jordan? Have you ever heard of paper plate awards? Okay, great. Perfect. I feel good. No one’s ever heard of it. Just like the eyes of a stove, no one knows what a paper plate award is. Oh, the internet knows, though!

Sasheer [00:21:43] Also, the internet knew what stove eyes were, so…

Nicole [00:21:48] That’s because you watch that freaky deaky show about that toaster.

Sasheer [00:21:51] Brave Little Toaster. So, it’s just a cheap way to be like, “Here’s an award specific to you.” So, mine–I don’t even know what the award was, but it had, like, some weave on it about, like, “Your hair’s going to fly off” or something like that.

Nicole [00:22:09] That’s not an award!

Sasheer [00:22:10] And because it was all other white girls, it was blond hair.

Nicole [00:22:14] Wait, did they cut pieces of their hair off?

Sasheer [00:22:16] The other girls wore weaves, too. So, they probably just cut one of theirs off.

Nicole [00:22:21] Honestly, it sounds like you were hate-crimed. I don’t like that.

Sasheer [00:22:26] No, I’m sure it was fine.

Nicole [00:22:27] “I don’t really think that was racial.”

Sasheer [00:22:29] And then they all had paper plates, and they colored theirs brown, and they put theirs on their faces, and they were like, “Where’s Sasheer?”

Nicole [00:22:38] My dad told us about an Italian soccer team where there was, like, one Black kid on the team–and then another team was mean to that kid. So, in solidarity, they all painted their faces brown to be like, “We’re like him!”

Sasheer [00:22:51] Yeah. It was well-intentioned, but they didn’t know.

Nicole [00:22:54] Yes, but fully insane.

Sasheer [00:22:55] That’s not okay.

Nicole [00:22:56] Full-blown cray cray. Oh boy.

Sasheer [00:23:01] “We’re like our brown friend. You can’t make fun of him. Make fun of him, you make fun of all of us!”

Nicole [00:23:05] “You make fun of all of us out here in this soccer field in blackface!” But you know what I say. When blackface is done by a friend, it’s okay.

Sasheer [00:23:13] That’s what you say?

Nicole [00:23:14] Yep. Yep. Blackface is okay, as long as it’s a friend–

Sasheer [00:23:19] No, it’s not. Do not go on the record saying that.

Nicole [00:23:21] That’s my platform for 2020.

Sasheer [00:23:23] I’m sure there have been many people who’ve done blackface that were someone’s friend, but…

Nicole [00:23:29] Infamously…

Sasheer [00:23:31] Billy Crystal?

Nicole [00:23:32] Oh, he did?

Sasheer [00:23:33] He did.

Nicole [00:23:34] Oh, no, that’s not who I’m thinking of.

Sasheer [00:23:36] Who? Ted Danson.

Nicole [00:23:37] Yeah. When he was dating Whoopi Goldberg.

Sasheer [00:23:39] Yeah, he was Whoopi Goldberg’s friend.

Nicole [00:23:39] Yeah… Well, not “friend.” They were…

Sasheer [00:23:42] Lovers.

Nicole [00:23:43] An item. Did you just show the picture? Can I see it? It’s wild. Whoopi also just told him to do it–in a memoir that I read.

Sasheer [00:23:52] Wasn’t she also in whiteface, or no?

Nicole [00:23:54] No. But, like, look at her. She’s laughing so hard.

Sasheer [00:23:58] She’s like, “Look at my man.”

Nicole [00:23:59] Yeah. I think he probably, like, pitched it to her and she was like, “Yeah, baby. That’s gonna be hilarious.”

Sasheer [00:24:06] Yeah, love blinds you to a lot of things.

Nicole [00:24:08] Yeah… I can’t wait to do blackface for my man.

Sasheer [00:24:13] It’ll just look like you have makeup on.

Nicole [00:24:19] Honestly, if you kiss me, you’ll be in blackface… if you’re white. Rose right up on you. I hooked up with this white dude when I was in Houston. I think I told you this. So, like, he went to the bathroom–he went, “Oh no.” And I was like, “Is everything okay?” He’s like, “Um, yeah…” And then water happened. And I was like, “What is going on?” He came out, and he’s like, “I don’t know, but, like, my face just got really dirty. I’m really sorry.” I was like, “Oh, no, it was my makeup.”

Sasheer [00:24:51] Yeah. What was going through his mind? He was like, “How did my face get dirty?”

Nicole [00:24:54] I don’t know how he didn’t, like, figure it out because I’m sure his fucking thighs were brown, too.

Sasheer [00:25:00] Damn.

Nicole [00:25:01] And I blew that bitch. You know, I’ve… All over that dick. You know, now I’m thinking about that 12-year-old who listens to this podcast.

Sasheer [00:25:16] Oh, yeah. Whatever she’ll learn.

Nicole [00:25:19] Yeah, you’re gonna learn ’cause Imma teach you.

Sasheer [00:25:21] This is an educational podcast.

Nicole [00:25:26] Does your… Oh, you don’t really wear makeup–so, no.

Sasheer [00:25:29] Well, I was dating a guy–I guess I did wear makeup at this period of my life–and he had white sheets. I think I’ve told this before.

Nicole [00:25:36] Insane.

Sasheer [00:25:37] Yeah. Like a psychopath. And I got my brown makeup all over it. And one day, he bought brown sheets and didn’t tell me. They were just there. And I was like, “Did you buy brown sheets ’cause I was getting brown makeup on your sheets?” And he’s like, “No. No. Brown’s great.”

Nicole [00:25:52] I hooked up with a dude who had navy blue sheets, navy blue pillowcases, and one brown pillow. And I was like, “Was this in anticipation of going out with me?”

Sasheer [00:26:06] He’s like, “Oh, I’m dating a Black girl this time; gotta get my brown pillowcase out!”

Nicole [00:26:10] And I didn’t ask.

Sasheer [00:26:13] It would’ve been also great if one had a satin pillowcase, too.

Nicole [00:26:15] Oh, my God. A brown satin pillowcase? Got your hair, and I– Oh. White people are going to be like “Why satin?” We sleep on satin pillowcases.

Sasheer [00:26:24] To keep the oils in our hair.

Nicole [00:26:25] Yeah.

Sasheer [00:26:28] Okay. We’ll answer the funny joke that’s like, “I had a whole satin sheet set. I got you, girl. You can roll all over this bed. And you’ll be fine.”

Nicole [00:26:36] Oh boy. Yeah, but I mean, I wear my little bonnet, so…

Sasheer [00:26:39] Yeah, it doesn’t matter.

Nicole [00:26:42] My chef’s hat. I caught myself in the mirror last night, and I was like, “It is so stupid.”

Sasheer [00:26:45] I think I’ve seen you before in a chef’s hat and these Mr. Magoo glasses that you’re probably wearing–and you look like Chef Boyardee.

Nicole [00:26:56] Kimmie on the keys, can you please pull a picture of Chef Boyardee? He don’t wear glasses.

Sasheer [00:27:02] Didn’t there used to be a cartoon version of him, though? He looks like a real person. Maybe not. Maybe I’m thinking of a different chef.

Nicole [00:27:08] Here. “Chef with glasses.”

Sasheer [00:27:13] “Cartoon?” Or “mascot?”

Nicole [00:27:13] “Cartoon chef with glasses…” No. Okay.

Sasheer [00:27:21] Maybe type “mascot?” What am I thinking of? Maybe I’m just combining mascots. Maybe I’m thinking of the Pringles guy.

Nicole [00:27:27] Oh, maybe.

Jordan [00:27:27] Are you thinking of the Swedish Chef from the Muppets?

Sasheer [00:27:31] I don’t think he has– Does he have glasses?

Jordan [00:27:32] No, I think just his hat goes over his head.

Sasheer [00:27:35] Oh, yes.

Nicole & Sasheer [00:27:35] “Boppy-derpy-dope-bope.”

Sasheer [00:27:38] You know–you’ve seen that, Kimmie, right?

Kimmie [00:27:39] Oh, no, I just like the impression of him.

Sasheer [00:27:43] “Flergen-lurgan.”

Nicole [00:27:43] “Flergen-dergen.”

Sasheer [00:27:46] Yeah, none of these are…

Nicole [00:27:47] It’s okay.

Sasheer [00:27:48] That’s okay.

Nicole [00:27:48] Yeah, I do fully look insane in my chef’s hat. And I can’t wait till the man of my dreams sees me without makeup, my Harry Potter glasses, in a chef’s hat. And he’s like, “Ew.”

Sasheer [00:28:01] No, he’ll be like, “That’s my lady.”

Nicole [00:28:02] I don’t know.

Sasheer [00:28:04] It is really sweet when a man–like, if my bonnet slips–will adjust it back. And I’m like, “That’s so nice.”

Nicole [00:28:10] That is nice.

Sasheer [00:28:12] That’s really caring.

Nicole [00:28:13] Like in your sleep?

Sasheer [00:28:14] Yeah. Or if I’m, like, falling asleep–if it falls off, he’s like, “Oh, hold on.” He’ll, like… just put it back.

Nicole [00:28:22] Aww. That’s so kind.

Sasheer [00:28:25] There was a minute where he was trying to learn how to twist my hair.

Nicole [00:28:27] What?

Sasheer [00:28:29] ‘Cause he wanted to help me out. Because it takes a long, long time to readjust my hair. So, he’s like, “Well, if I know how to do it as well, we can do it together.”

Nicole [00:28:39] For whatever reason, this seems racist, and I don’t know why.

Sasheer [00:28:42] He’s trying to be helpful.

Nicole [00:28:44] Just a big white man twisting your hair up. I don’t know why–it really upsets me. Truly, it’s imagery that, like, I’ve never wanted to think about.

Sasheer [00:28:51] It didn’t last long because I’m very impatient. So, like, I’m trying to teach him, and he’s like, “Is it like this?” And I’m like, “Honestly? Get out of here. This would be much faster if I just do it myself. Please leave. Thank you so much. It was very sweet of you, but I have to do it myself.”

Nicole [00:29:04] I’d be so mad if I came to your house and y’all were sitting on one of the many chairs that litter your home, re-twisting up your hair.”

Sasheer [00:29:11] I’m in between his legs.

Nicole [00:29:13] And like, “Hey, Nicole!” Oh, no. You’re like, “Ow!” He’s, like, yanking you.

Sasheer [00:29:17] He puts a brush in my mouth, so I can bite down on it. He’s like, “Stop being tender headed.” He just smacks the side of my head.

Nicole [00:29:22] And he starts speaking in Patois; he’s suddenly a Jamaican woman. All of his other friends come. “You know–we get through on your hair–we do it together. It go fast.” And then he starts a braiding shop out of your house. There’s just loose hair–Kanekalon–all over the floor of your apartment.

Sasheer [00:29:42] I’m like, “Whoa. Where did this interest come from? I didn’t know it was going to go this far. He’s got a whole side business braiding hair.”

Nicole [00:29:51] Honestly, if that happened, now I’m on board. Now, it’s not racist. Now, he’s an entrepreneur.

Sasheer [00:29:56] Yes. Yes.

Nicole [00:29:57] That’s really funny to think about.

Sasheer [00:30:01] It’s very funny.

Nicole [00:30:11] Should we do a little quizzy-poo?

Sasheer [00:30:12] Sure.

Nicole [00:30:14] Ooh. What Period of History Do You Really Belong In? Or What Car Should You–? I love cars. Let’s do What Car Should You Actually Drive? Vroom. Vroom. Vrooooom!

Sasheer [00:30:20] Oh, she’s getting excited.

Nicole [00:30:26] What Kind of Car Should You Actually Drive? “Pick a jacket.” This one.

Sasheer [00:30:29] This was an accident. I was trying to blow a kiss. I’m just trying to get us into different sounds. We’re zooming off to this quiz!

Nicole [00:30:46] Yeah! I hope the payoff is worth it, everyone.

Sasheer [00:30:49] We’ll edit that part out.

Nicole [00:30:51] I don’t think we should. “Pick a decade.”

Sasheer [00:30:54] “This decade.”

Nicole [00:30:54] “The seventies.”

Sasheer [00:30:56] “1960s.”

Nicole [00:30:57] “Eighties.”

Sasheer [00:30:58] “1950s.”

Nicole [00:30:59] “2000s.”

Sasheer [00:31:02] I’m gonna say 2000s. I had fun.

Nicole [00:31:04] I’m gonna say the eighties. Oof! Honestly, though, like, I want to be born in the beginning of the seventies, so I could, like, be an adult in the eighties ’cause I think that would be so much fun. Or maybe late sixties, so I could be a teen in the seventies. I’m gonna say the eighties. Yes.

Sasheer [00:31:20] “Which movie do you want to watch?”

Nicole [00:31:22] “Cars.”

Sasheer [00:31:22] “Fast and Furious Five.”

Nicole [00:31:24] “Gone in 60 Seconds.”

Sasheer [00:31:25] “Drive.”

Nicole [00:31:25] “Talladega Nights.”

Sasheer [00:31:27] “Vanishing Point.”

Nicole [00:31:28] Fast and Furious Five.

Sasheer [00:31:30] I would say Gone in 60 Seconds. Yeah. I’m surprised you didn’t. You love Nicolas Cage.

Nicole [00:31:37] I do, but I also love the Fast and Furious franchise, thank you. It’s just a remake of Point Break with cars.

Nicole & Sasheer [00:31:44] “Pick a driving song.”

Sasheer [00:31:45] “Cruise by Florida Georgia Line.”

Nicole [00:31:48] “Flirting with Disaster by Molly Hatchet.”

Sasheer [00:31:50] “Drunk in Love by Beyoncé.”

Nicole [00:31:51] “The Next Episode, Dr. Dre.”

Sasheer [00:31:53] “Bang a Gong by T. Rex.” “Little Red Corvette by Prince.”

Nicole [00:31:56] The Next Episode, Dr. Dre.

Sasheer [00:31:59] I would say Little Red Corvette. Beyoncé’s gotta have a better driving sound than Drunk in Love, right?

Nicole [00:32:04] Drunk in Love’s a terrible driving song.

Sasheer [00:32:05] I don’t know what it’d be, though.

Nicole [00:32:06] Feeling Myself.

Sasheer [00:32:07] Yeah.

Nicole [00:32:08] “Pick a bumper sticker.” Some kid peeing.

Sasheer [00:32:10] Oh, is that Calvin Hobbes? Is that what that is? No. What is it from?

Kimmie [00:32:14] I think it’s just a thing.

Sasheer [00:32:16] I think it’s from a cartoon, though.

Nicole [00:32:18] I also think it’s a cartoon.

Jordan [00:32:19] I think it is from a cartoon.

Nicole [00:32:23] Yeah. Calvin & Hobbes peeing.

Kimmie [00:32:24] Oh, it might be. It’s “Bad Boy Calvin Peeing.”

Sasheer [00:32:29] “Bad Boy Calvin.”

Jordan [00:32:30] So many things wrong today.

Nicole [00:32:32] Calvin’s got his hog out.

Sasheer [00:32:35] “An alma mater bumper sticker from your school.” “A doge?” Oh, it’s a dog sticker.

Nicole [00:32:41] Dog. Doge.

Sasheer [00:32:43] Okay. “Kennedy for president.” “I Heart Rick Ross.” “My Other Car is a Porsche.”

Nicole [00:32:49] Eh. I love Rick Ross.

Sasheer [00:32:52] Um…

Nicole [00:32:53] I don’t love a bumper sticker.

Sasheer [00:32:54] Yeah, I also wouldn’t post it on my car.

Nicole [00:32:56] I’m like, “This thing was fucking expensive. Are you kidding?”

Sasheer [00:32:58] I would probably put my alma mater sticker on there. I’m proud of my school.

Nicole [00:33:03] Are you?

Sasheer [00:33:04] Yeah, I do like it.

Nicole [00:33:05] You did go to a good school. I went to pretend school. “What kind of fast food is in your car?” “McDonald’s.” “A Starbucks cup.” “Your typical pizza box.” “Dunkin’ Donuts.” “Taco Bell.” “Hummus.”

Sasheer [00:33:14] Food in your car? Uh, definitely not hummus. Just old hummus.

Nicole [00:33:21] Disgusting. Also, your typical– Who the fuck’s eating pizzas in the car?

Sasheer [00:33:25] Yeah. Like, a full pizza?

Nicole [00:33:27] “Your typical pizza box?”

Sasheer [00:33:27] You know. Just a pizza box in the back seat.

Nicole [00:33:30] I mean, I love Taco Bell, so I’m going to say a Starbucks cup.

Sasheer [00:33:35] Wow, what a switch!

Nicole [00:33:36] Well, I love Taco Bell, but then I was like, “You actually drink in your car more than you eat.”

Sasheer [00:33:40] I would say McDonald’s. I probably might get some french fries or something, you know.

Nicole [00:33:45] Slim down.

Sasheer [00:33:48] “Which dog is your copilot?” That dog that looks like the Beethoven dog.

Nicole [00:33:53] Scooby-Doo.

Sasheer [00:33:54] This cute, little, furry dog–little sad in the window.

Nicole [00:33:58] A golden retriever who’s, like, thrilled with life in a Jeep Liberty.

Sasheer [00:34:01] Is that, like, a happy husky?

Nicole [00:34:03] I think a terrier? In the backseat of a car. I think I’ve established I’m a golden retriever.

Sasheer [00:34:10] Yes!

Nicole [00:34:10] So, I’m a golden retriever in my Jeep Liberty.

Sasheer [00:34:13] I would have Scooby-Doo. We gotta solve some mysteries.

Nicole [00:34:17] Scooby-Doo is zany. Wait. I want to be Scooby-Doo, too. I switched Scoobs.

Sasheer [00:34:26] “What face would Xzibit make when he looks at your car?”

Nicole [00:34:29] He’s laughing so hard he’s almost crying.

Sasheer [00:34:31] He’s disappointed.

Nicole [00:34:32] He’s laughing, but it’s not that funny.

Sasheer [00:34:34] Just, like, joyous. Smile? Confused. Angry.

Nicole [00:34:39] Yeah, he’s mad.

Sasheer [00:34:40] Also, were these school pictures? Look at that background. It’s in front of, like, a Sears backdrop.

Nicole [00:34:46] How weird. Xzibit is so cute.

Sasheer [00:34:49] Yeah.

Nicole [00:34:50] I’m gonna say that third one.

Sasheer [00:34:54] I’m thinking just, like, a pleasant smile. That fourth one.

Nicole [00:34:59] Whoa.

Sasheer [00:35:02] Oh, you got what you wanted!

Nicole [00:35:03] Oooh, boy!

Sasheer [00:35:06] She’s so excited! Oh, my God. She’s emotional. Well, okay, Nicole got a DeLorean DMC-12. I’m sure if you listened to the episode before this, you know she’s obsessed with a DeLorean. She watched the documentary; she knows everything about it.

Nicole [00:35:20] And when I get enough money, I’m going to buy a DeLorean. There’s some left, and I want one so bad.

Sasheer [00:35:27] You should get one.

Nicole [00:35:28] Oh, my God. I almost just started crying.

Sasheer [00:35:31] Okay, so– Oh, wait. Let’s read the description. “So, you might have been expecting to get a Porsche, but guess what? You can now travel back in time, invest in Porsche, and own the whole damn Porsche company. You’re going to tell me you don’t want that? The gigawatts–think of the gigawatts!” Okay, cool. Whatever.

Nicole [00:35:50] I mean, I like that you tried. Did you think that was in the movie? The way you said “gigawatts–think of the gigawatts!” It made it sound like you’re trying to sound like you’re from the movie.

Sasheer [00:35:59] Is it not in the movie?

Nicole [00:36:00] It is, but not that line. I felt like you were trying to quote the movie. I just really was trying to understand the choice you made.

Sasheer [00:36:08] There were exclamation points after the sentence, so I was emphasizing it. Oh, sorry, am I a poser? Am I not a Back to the Future stan? Sorry I didn’t say it right. Why don’t you say it the way it’s supposed to be? You say it! How do you say “gigawatts?” Tell me how you say “gigawatts?”

Nicole [00:36:20] No, no, no.

Sasheer [00:36:26] How do you say it? How do you say “gigawatts?” How does anyone say “gigawatts?”

Nicole [00:36:30] I was just wondering what you were going for.

Sasheer [00:36:30] Who says it? Who says “gigawatts” in the movie?

Nicole [00:36:33] Well, multiple people say “gigawatts” in the movie.

Sasheer [00:36:35] How do they say it?

Nicole [00:36:36] It’s not a way that’s said. You just reset, and I wanted to know what kind of choice you were making. That’s all.

Sasheer [00:36:41] Did I make a bad choice?

Nicole [00:36:42] No. No!

Sasheer [00:36:44] The whole thing is in all-caps, and there’s an exclamation point.

Nicole [00:36:46] I’m really sorry.

Sasheer [00:36:48] No, you’re not. You’re trying to embarrass me in front of all my friends.

Nicole [00:36:51] No!

Sasheer [00:36:52] Yes, you are.

Nicole [00:36:53] No, I’m not!

Sasheer [00:36:53] Yes, you are. You’re like, “Oh, you’re not a person who knows about Back to the Future.”

Nicole [00:36:57] I didn’t say any of these words!

Sasheer [00:36:57] You’re like, “Excuse me, what choice was that?”

Nicole [00:37:00] Did I say it in a condescending way?

Sasheer [00:37:01] Yes.

Nicole [00:37:02] Can we rewind the tape? Is that a thing we can do in real time?

Jordan [00:37:09] Not in real time, but…

Nicole [00:37:13] Okay.

Sasheer [00:37:14] After this is over, we’ll rewind the tape, and you’ll see how rude you were to me.

Nicole [00:37:17] Oh, my God.

Jordan [00:37:18] We’ll get that DeLorean. We’ll go back in time.

Nicole [00:37:22] Okay. Sasheer, you got a nice car. You got an Aston Martin One-77. “Do you see this car? It looks like the Batmobile. The Batmobile! You’re going to tell me that you don’t want to drive the Batmobile? Get out of here, you chump! You’re a person who’s stylish, exciting, loud, and probably a crime fighter.”

Sasheer [00:37:40] “Loud?” Hmm. Okay. Sure.

Nicole [00:37:45] I’d say you’re loud every now and again.

Sasheer [00:37:46] Yeah.

Nicole [00:37:47] Not all the time.

Sasheer [00:37:48] I’d be a crime fighter.

Nicole [00:37:49] I’ve seen you get rowdy.

Sasheer [00:37:50] Yeah, I can be rowdy.

Nicole [00:37:50] And we’re going to Coachella this year after we become vegan.

Sasheer [00:37:52] We got a lot of goals.

Nicole [00:37:55] So, you’ll get rowdy. Are those tickets on sale? Did we miss it?

Sasheer [00:37:57] We probably did. We said we were going to work on it, and we definitely didn’t follow up.

Nicole [00:38:01] Yeah. And I missed Ivy Park.

Sasheer [00:38:04] Oh, I fully missed Ivy Park–the release of it.

Nicole [00:38:07] But it also only went up to an extra-large.

Sasheer [00:38:08] Dang.

Nicole [00:38:08] I don’t know how I get to her, but I got a bone to pick.

Sasheer [00:38:14] “Excuse me. Beyoncé?”

Nicole [00:38:15] Yeah, if anyone’s close to Beyoncé, a lot of requests in this episode.

Sasheer [00:38:18] Help.

Nicole [00:38:19] But if anyone’s close to Beyoncé, please let her know if you’re going to make athletic wear, include the fatties. Actually, if you’re going to release any sort of clothing in 2020, you got to include the fatties because, like, we’re fat, and we’re here, and guess what? We’re not going anywhere because we’re sitting.

Sasheer [00:38:46] Let’s answer some questions. “Hello, Sasheer and Nicole. I would really like your advice on something. I’ve been friends with H for a few years now. It’s been great. We bonded over being young immigrants, navigating sexism, racism, and other prejudices in Canada.” Wow. What an intense way to start your friendship. “We’ve seen each other through some tough shit, and she honestly has been one of my favorite people.”

Nicole [00:39:10] “Now, here’s the issue. She recently made me aware of the fact that she’s planning on taking a road trip to the U.S. to try Chick-Fil-A. She is crossing a border to try food from Chick-Fil-A.” Oh, no. “This really hurts me because I’m gay and she is bisexual. And Chick-Fil-A has a horrible history of funding organizations that believe we deserve fewer rights or even be killed. Giving money to anti-LGBT organizations in Uganda, who fought for queer people to receive death penalties for being gay. She knows all of this and is still okay buying from them.”

Sasheer [00:39:52] “I am gay and was born in West Africa. The country I was born in still punishes gay people by law. Had my parents not brought me to Canada, I could have been one of those people that this bill targets–or another bill like it. I’ve explained all of this to her. I keep coming up with new arguments to get my point across and nothing. She keeps saying she sees where I’m coming from, but that, quote, ‘All companies do shady shit like this.’ I think there’s a difference between shopping at Amazon because you have $50,000 in student loans and can’t afford to buy from a better company and actively going out of your way to try food from a company that works to weaken queer rights here and around the world. It has been breaking my heart because if the tables were turned, I’d change my plans in a heartbeat if I knew I was hurting her. So, what should I do? Is this too small of a thing to end a friendship over, or is there another route I could take? I appreciate your help.”

Nicole [00:40:49] I mean, I have a friend who loves Chick-Fil-A in a way that is just, like, borderline aggressively disgusting–always texting this group chain I’m on, being like, “Look at what I’m eating!” And we’re always like, “Oh, my God. We can’t believe that you still support Chick-Fil-A. You hate your queer sisters and brothers.”

Sasheer [00:41:11] Look, you don’t have to subtweet me. Just say my fucking name. It’s me. I eat Chick-Fil-A… or have been. I haven’t recently. I stopped because I’ve been shamed so much.

Nicole [00:41:25] Yeah, but me and Mateo are truly just kidding. I also told you about the new Chick-Fil-A coming to Western. I sent you multiple grainy pictures of it.

Sasheer [00:41:32] You did. Through the window of your car.

Nicole [00:41:34] I said, “My friend! My friend, you can eat here.”

Sasheer [00:41:36] I mean… My God. Here’s the thing. Chick-Fil-A is very tasty. Is the hate worth the taste? I don’t think so, but…

Nicole [00:41:48] Okay. It is tough, but they are not the only company that you patronize that does that. I am big picture on this. Sure, you cannot eat there because you’re like, “They actively go out of their way to support things, and then say they’re going to stop, and then go, ‘No, that was a joke. We’re still supporting anti-LGBT.’”

Sasheer [00:42:09] Yeah.

Nicole [00:42:10] It is not a great company, but if you want to try something once, I think that’s okay. It’s not like her not going there is going to put them under and put them out of business. You not going there is not going to hurt them.

Sasheer [00:42:27] I don’t know. I mean, it’s…

Nicole [00:42:29] It is tough. And I get where you’re coming from being hurt. But do you want to, like, throw your friendship away ’cause she wants to take a road trip to eat Chick-Fil-A? I wouldn’t throw that away. That person is ridiculous.

Sasheer [00:42:40] Yeah, I don’t think it’s something to throw your friendship away over. That is so funny that she’s like, “I’m willing to take a road trip. I need to cut across the border to taste this food.” I guess ask her why she’s so determined; if it’s just, like, it seems like a fun thing to try… Because, like, she’s not doing it to hurt you.

Nicole [00:43:02] No, I don’t think it’s that she’s going out of her way to hurt you. Go with her! Take a picture of the hate. Troll her the way I troll Sasheer with Mateo.

Sasheer [00:43:12] But also, I understand what this writer is saying because they do support horrible organizations still. And it’s confusing because they kept being like– It seems like someone wants to stop; someone in the company is like, “We have to put out these fires.”

Nicole [00:43:27] It’s probably, like, one nice, maybe gay PR person who’s like, “Maybe I’ll just say this.”

Sasheer [00:43:33] Yeah.

Nicole [00:43:33] And the higher ups are like, “No! We’re bad! We’re terrible!”

Sasheer [00:43:35] “I meant what I said!”

Nicole [00:43:40] Yeah. I mean, me personally? Unless you’re directly, like, hurting me, the choices you make that don’t directly affect me–those are your choices.

Sasheer [00:43:54] Okay. Let’s try to put this in terms that we understand.

Nicole [00:43:57] Okay. So, what is something that hurts you?

Sasheer [00:44:02] That hurts me? Okay. The KKK.

Nicole [00:44:09] You don’t like the KKK?

Sasheer [00:44:10] I don’t like them; they don’t like me.

Nicole [00:44:11] Okay. So, I’m going to cross state lines to go visit some burning crosses.

Sasheer [00:44:23] No. The KKK just started a new line of crocs.

Nicole [00:44:26] And I want those KKK crocs.

Sasheer [00:44:27] You want those special edition crocs.

Nicole [00:44:30] I want special edition white supremacy slides. So…

Sasheer [00:44:33] The third K is for “Kroc.” They spelled it differently for this promotion.

Nicole [00:44:39] The Ku Klux Kroc. So, I need a pair of Ku Klux Krocs ’cause I think it’s funny.

Sasheer [00:44:43] You think it’s funny.

Nicole [00:44:44] They have little hoods right where the backstrap is. So, a little hood buckles you in. So, I was like, “Sasheer, I have to get these KK Krocs–Ku Klux Krocs.”

Sasheer [00:45:00] And I’m like, “That sucks because they hate Black people. And if you buy crocs from them, that will hurt me.”

Nicole [00:45:10] “Yeah, but I want them. They’re cool. Have you seen them?”

Sasheer [00:45:15] I think it would also suck because if you were wearing them, I’d be like, “What the fuck? You can’t be just wearing these out around me and in front of people. Then people be looking at me like, ‘What’s wrong with her? She’s hanging out with this white supremacist.’”

Nicole [00:45:30] A Black woman who supports white supremacists.

Sasheer [00:45:32] Self-hating Black.

Nicole [00:45:33] Honestly? Terrible analogy.

Sasheer [00:45:35] Yeah, I know. It’s not the same. And also, this particular person seems directly affected by this because she’s from countries where these bills are enacted. Like we can– People in America can eat Chick-Fil-A and not feel anything because we’re like, “Well, they’re not donating to any organizations that are–” As far as I– I actually don’t know.

Nicole [00:45:55] I mean, I think you just reiterate and be like, “Hey. Honestly, you giving them that $5 really hurts me to my core because X, Y and Z. But I mean, if that’s a thing that you need to do, then I guess go do it. But just know that it really hurts my feelings.”

Sasheer [00:46:11] Yeah. I think if I had someone say that to me, I would stop. All our gay friends are laughing at me when I go to Chick-Fil-A. No one’s ever been like, “You’re directly hurting me.”

Nicole [00:46:22] Yeah, we all laugh very hard at you.

Sasheer [00:46:24] But if someone said that, I’d be like, “Oh, shit. Shit, dog.” ‘Cause I stop going places if there’s a hair in the food. If someone’s like, “This is directly affecting my life,” I’m like, “Oh, that’s not worth it.”

Nicole [00:46:34] I had Chick-Fil-A and it’s not that great.

Sasheer [00:46:36] It’s so good.

Nicole [00:46:37] It’s, like, fine.

Sasheer [00:46:38] The sandwich is really good.

Nicole [00:46:39] No. Shake Shack has a better chicken sandwich.

Sasheer [00:46:42] Mm…

Nicole [00:46:43] Are you kidding?

Sasheer [00:46:44] The bread is better.

Nicole [00:46:45] Yeah. Truly, Chick-Fil-A is trash.

Sasheer [00:46:48] It’s not trash!

Nicole [00:46:49] I was so underwhelmed.

Sasheer [00:46:51] All right.

Nicole [00:46:52] Furious, even. Just angrily in my hotel room going, “It’s fine.”

Sasheer [00:46:59] Yeah, it’s not worth risking a friendship. Oh, my God!

Nicole [00:47:09] Very loud.

Sasheer [00:47:09] That was so loud.

Nicole [00:47:10] I’m so sorry. Yeah. After I had Chick-Fil-A, I said, “I gotta just get out of here.”

Sasheer [00:47:26] Wow. What an epic tale. What an opera, if you will. Yeah, I guess–yeah. Tell your friend: “This is serious. I don’t like this.” And if your friend does go, then I just don’t think it’s enough to end a friendship.

Nicole [00:47:45] And it’s not enough for you to, like, bring it up again.

Sasheer [00:47:47] Yeah. It does suck, though.

Nicole [00:47:50] Yeah. Well…

Sasheer [00:47:51] Is that?

Nicole [00:47:55] That’s it.

Sasheer [00:47:55] That’s it.

Nicole [00:47:56] If you want to email us…

Sasheer [00:47:58] You can email nicoleandsasheer.com. What? What’d I say? I wasn’t paying attention.

Nicole [00:48:08] You said “nicoleandsasheer.com.” Wait, is there a nicoleandsasheer.com?

Sasheer [00:48:10] What, did somebody make it a website?

Nicole [00:48:13] Can’t be. Can’t be. You forgot the “W’s.”

Sasheer [00:48:14] You don’t have to put the “W’s” in there. Dot-Edu? Is there a college?

Nicole [00:48:20] Dot-net?

Sasheer [00:48:21] Should we buy nicoleandsasheer.com before anyone else does?

Nicole [00:48:24] No.

Sasheer [00:48:25] We’re not doing anything with it. It’ll never get updated.

Nicole [00:48:27] No. Yeah. I barely update my website.

Sasheer [00:48:29] Yeah, same.

Nicole [00:48:30] And I can’t update my Linktree because I can’t figure out my Instagram password.

Sasheer [00:48:33] Oh, no.

Nicole [00:48:34] Help! Someone help me with that.

Jordan [00:48:36] You can reset your–

Nicole [00:48:38] No, I can’t.

Jordan [00:48:40] What?

Nicole [00:48:44] I want to do it now! So, it’s nicoleandsasheer@gmail.com. And then there’s numbers 424-645-703… No. 7003.

Sasheer [00:49:00] Dot-com.

Nicole [00:49:00] Dot-com. We should do that better. Nicoleandsasheer@gmail.com. 424-645-7003.

Sasheer [00:49:09] We also have merch at podswag.com/bestfriends.com. We did it. podswag.com/bestfriends. And then that’s it.

Nicole [00:49:19] What?

Sasheer [00:49:19] I put a dot-com at the end as a joke. But I don’t want people getting confused. It’s done. Okay? It’s done. It’s fine. It’s gone. Okay. Bye, bye.