Stalked By My Ex

[00:00:05] CHRIS: Hello to everybody who went back to seventh grade. It’s Beautiful Anonymous. One hour. One phone call. No names. No holds barred.   [00:00:15] THEME MUSIC: I'd rather go one-on-one. I think it'll be more fun and I'll get to know you and you'll get to know me.   [00:00:28] CHRIS: Hi everybody, Chris Gethard here, welcome to another episode of Beautiful Anonymous, a show with the unstated but subconscious goal to connect the entire world, one human being at a time. How about that for a goal? First things first. We announced this week there's going to be a video version of Beautiful Anonymous. There's a company called Topic. They make stuff for the Internet/streaming devices to your TV and they're going to be making a version of the show. That's half hour calls and there will be cameras in the studio and then they're going to animate the calls. And I feel really good. I always wonder, it's like, you know, I'm someone who's made TV shows before and like, how would you make this a TV show? It's an audio medium. But luckily, this show is just like everything I've done over the years, four years, chipped away at it. Somebody finally said, you know what, there's clearly something here, let's do it. And that's because of all you guys, it's not because of me. So I want to thank every listener who has supported the show and listened over the years, called over the years, and just proven what this thing is because somebody is taking a chance on us. And, of course, thank you to everybody who's worked on it from John and Greta in the early days to Jared and Anita right now, Harry Nelson along the way. Everybody at Earwolf, Chris Bannon, Eric, Colin, everybody. Super cool stuff. We'll see how it goes. Might be a disaster. Might go great. And seeing you guys in the Facebook group and in my old Instagram comments, people really rallying around it made a guy feel good. And historically, as you know, I'm not someone who always feels good. Thank you for that. Now, it's weird to do a celebratory thing at the top of the episode because the episode you're about to hear is actually a very intense one. The caller’s in the middle of a situation that I don't think any of us would wish upon even our worst enemy. She's being stalked. She's being stalked by someone who she used to be very close to. Scary stuff. Hearing the first person's perspective, how that goes, is, is really sobering. The caller – it's also, you know, the caller clearly is, either, you know, I think handling it very well, level-headed, hoping for the best, doing what she can, also maybe just taking a deep breath so as to not affect her fully. But it's really gripping stuff. And in the middle of the call, we take this very, very unexpected tangent where you hear about the caller's past profession and current profession and why she chose to make that leap and that sacrifice. And it's, it really speaks so highly to her. And, and then, yeah, we get back to the stalking stuff. Classic Beautiful Anonymous. You have some stalking, you go somewhere else, you get back to the stalking. Anyway, it's a really intense call and can't wait to see what you guys think about it.   [00:03:17] PHONE ROBOT: Thank you for calling Beautiful Anonymous a beeping noise will indicate when you are on the show with the host. [Beep]   [00:03:25] CALLER: Hello.   [00:03:27] CHRIS: Hello?   [00:03:28] CALLER: Hi.   [00:03:29] CHRIS: How are you? [00:03:31] CALLER: I'm good, how are you?   [00:03:33] CHRIS: I'm good, I hurt my neck, hurt my neck earlier today. And also the, the reality of our world has torn apart at the seams, but outside of those things, I'm pretty good. How about you?   [00:03:46] CALLER: Yeah, I'm OK, I can't believe I'm talking to you right now, yeah.   [00:03:51] CHRIS: Nice. Well I’m glad that we're on the phone together.   [00:03:55] CALLER: Yeah. It's been a crazy year.   [00:03:58] CHRIS: Yeah. Yeah, it has. Yeah it has.   [00:03:58] CALLER: Yeah. Yeah. So I started off this year getting broken up with over the phone.   [00:04:12] CHRIS:  that sucks.   [00:04:14] CALLER: Yeah. So my, I was living with my then boyfriend and he, he has bipolar and he, I hadn't, I was with him for like three years and then he had a manic episode and the first action item was to call me and break up with me and tell me to remove my things.   [00:04:36] CHRIS: Now, when you said that you got broken up with over the phone, I assumed, well, this must be long distance. And you're telling me it's actually as far opposite of that as you can get, living together.   [00:04:49] CALLER: Yeah, we were living together. He went, he had to go get some lab work done. And I went home to visit my family. They live like fifteen minutes away. And he proceeded to call me, he broke up with me and that led to, that was like January, mid-January. So this year has been insane.   [00:05:09] CHRIS: Yeah, yeah. I mean, I thought you were referring to all the social upheaval and the pandemic when you said this year was nuts, but you're well before any of that set in, you were already, your foundation was pulled out from under you.   [00:05:24] CALLER: Yeah, yeah.   [00:05:26] CHRIS: Now, I, I certainly, I of all people have sympathy for people who are bipolar. I know that, you know, when you're in a manic phase, your actions are impulsive. And and, you know, there's, I'm sure there's certainly some level, even on your end, where you're like, well, this is part of the deal. That being said, when you remove the sympathy from it, how mad were you that this shit went down over the phone?   [00:05:56] CALLER: I was, I was furious and then once I realized what exactly was going on, I then had, like, sympathy and like we were able to get him into like a hospital. And then after all that, he still wanted to break up. So I was just like, OK, cool, I can move on. Everything's fine.   [00:06:12] CHRIS: Yeah.   [00:06:13] CALLER: And then he proceeded to, like, stalk me. Once I moved out.   [00:06:18] CHRIS: What? He broke up with you and then stalked you?   [00:06:21] CALLER: Yes, it was, yeah.   [00:06:24] CHRIS: Make up your mind! Make up your mind!   [00:06:27] CALLER: So I moved out and I was like, OK, this is, this is cool. Then Covid happened. And I'm like, OK, well, I'm stuck inside, might as well start talking to people over the Internet and like, whatever, whatever. And he proceeded to, like one day I went to the grocery store, I had my mask on and and then he was there and I was like, wait, what? Because like, I don't know, there's a global pandemic going on right now. We're not even supposed to be at the grocery store.   [00:06:53] CHRIS: Yeah, yeah.   [00:06:54] CALLER: Yeah, yeah. And it just started escalating, where I'm like about to move again for the third time.   [00:07:02] CHRIS: Wait, you’ve had to move?   [00:07:04] CALLER: For the third time with the because we were living together the first time so I moved, and then this time, I'm here, I'm at my new place, and since he knows where I live and has been stalking me here, I'm about to move again. And we had just moved in together in August. So this is a lot. It was just a lot.   [00:07:27] CHRIS: You know, when you say stalking, that's serious, you don't drop that lightly. I have to wonder, when it first started up though, was there any conversation with him that was like, hey, like, what's this about? Because you, you remove yourself from the relationship, so why is it now turning and you could have just stayed dating, although again mental illness, I always remind people. I remember it was actually, not to name drop, I remember once talking with Ira Glass because he saw my show about my mental illness and he was like, I don't get, he's like, I feel like he was giving me some notes. And he's like, I feel like as far as it being like a story, you keep making the same mistakes, like the character’s not learning and growing, and I was like, well, that's why it's mental illness, because there's no, there's no logic. And he was like, oh, like it was, it was something that I think hit him. So I get that. But how did that conversation go for you?   [00:08:32] CALLER: Well, I guess like when you were in the process of, like, him getting out of the hospital and then me, us having the conversation and deciding like, OK, I'm going to move out and all that, everything seemed like, he seemed like he was in a good state of mind. But once he started like the stalking, we had like one major conversation, because once I moved out, I stopped talking to him and then he started calling and calling and calling from different numbers. So I eventually picked up, we had a long conversation that, like you could tell, he wasn't rational. I mean, yeah, it's a lot. I mean, at this point, like, I have a harassment order out against him and he's been breaking it. And one of the times he broke it, he was actually like beating on my neighbor's, like, balcony and like shouting at my apartment. And the police came out and they charged, they took him to jail for, like burglary. And I was just frustrated, just like, I have been calling a million times, but you're going to take him for, like, being on somebody else's property and not actually, I don't know, I don't know. I'm like spiraling right now, but, yeah.   [00:09:40] CHRIS: I'm so sorry. I mean, the spiral sounds justified. I think every, literally every person on earth right now, is feeling a ton of emotion and like I said, like the foundation has just kind of fallen out on how we all operate day to day. And then you got this going on, too. So the spiral is justified. And I hope you know that, that you don't have to, there's no part of you, you shouldn't be like, I got to tough it out, you can just allow that spiral to go because you got, if you got somebody shouting at you from a balcony and you feel like the authorities aren't helping, no good, no good. Yeah, obviously. What a trite and obvious thing I said. That's no good,   [00:10:30] CALLER: No good.   [00:10:31] CHRIS: Now when you have this, what did, you didn't say protection order? I believe you said something, another phrasing.   [00:10:39] CALLER: Yeah, it's like it's like a protection order. Yeah.   [00:10:45] CHRIS: Does it mandate like a certain distance he has to stay away or certain places he’s not allowed to go?   [00:10:50] CALLER: Yeah, yeah it does. But obviously, I mean, the police are not doing much to help me out when I, when I call it’s kind of like, oh well, stay safe. And like when I go in and show them things, it's like, OK, well just watch your back as it's like, this is not helping. And so, yeah, it should also be said like I'm a black woman, he's a black man, like we live in this world right now where like, I don't even feel like I trust the police to help me out. And like, they're definitely showing me that right now.   [00:11:25] CHRIS: Well, I was going to say even before you just let me know that you're a black woman, I was just about to say, this is not, this is not a, this is not a shining moment for the public relations department of police departments anywhere, and then to hear now, to hear some of the stuff that has been going on in society for people who have done nothing, and then for you to say, hey, actually here's a person actively doing stuff and they're going, alright, well, good luck with that. It just reiterates that the priorities of the system are are not are not in line with what, you know, communities are actually asking of the police.   [00:12:08] CALLER: Yeah, for sure.   [00:12:09] CHRIS: That’s horrible. Can I ask how old you are?   [00:12:13] CALLER: I'm in my early 30s, yeah.   [00:12:22] CHRIS: Wow. And I mean, I hate this, the more I mean, we're only about nine minutes in and I'm realizing the depths of this.   [00:12:31] CALLER: Yeah, there's a lot going on.   [00:12:33] CHRIS: There is, because I also have to wonder too, painful question, this, this is someone that you cared about for three years, lived with. This is someone who I'm sure you know, it's driven by illness. You're aware of that. It's still putting you in danger so you have to deal with it. It's also not a time in society where you want to call the police on anyone, let alone a black man right now, let alone someone who you really do care about.   [00:13:07] CALLER: Yeah, yeah. And I wasn't going to, like at first, but his, his, his mother and like people on his side of the family started like calling me like, hey, if you see him call, like we will not, they were like, we will not be mad at you if something happens. Like if he, if you, if you see him following you call and like that gave me, I guess that gave me like permission in a way because I'm like the last person to call, like I'm the last person to call the cops for any given reason, like I try to like work things out on my own and you know, but yeah. Yeah, I think his mom calling me and telling me that was kind of like, OK.   [00:13:51] CHRIS: That's huge, I mean, that must, that’s, what a show of strength on her part and a show of support of you. That's a scary, you know, it's, it also underlines how out of control things are because if someone's own mother is saying no, really, seriously, watch out. This is serious stuff.   [00:14:16] CALLER: Yeah, yeah.   [00:14:22] CHRIS: So you’re, uh… You mentioned you're moving again, I was almost going to ask, like, are you going to stay in the same town or city? But I almost don't want you revealing. I don't want you talking about specifics about that.   [00:14:43] CALLER: Yeah, it's crazy. Yeah.   [00:14:53] CHRIS: I have a friend in my life, a friend of my wife's who is being stalked. And like a guy who showed up in her hallway banging on her door. Scary stuff. And she went, she went to the precinct. And she said the cops were actually really on top of it, and that was the NYPD. And I was, yeah, very good for her. But I have to say, I was, like, pleasantly shocked.   [00:15:23] CALLER: Yeah, that's good to hear.   [00:15:25] CHRIS: Yeah, especially the NYPD, I don't have, there's not much love there. Not much love there.   [00:15:31] CALLER: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.   [00:15:34] CHRIS: I'm really sorry that they're, that they’re failing… You know, I have to imagine, I wonder if you've researched it, because if not, I bet you're going to hear about it from anyone who listens to this episode. I would have to imagine that this happens so often where the system fails women in your position that there are alternate resources or organizations to help people in your situation.   [00:16:04] CALLER: Yeah and they're like, it's crazy because this morning I got a check in the mail from like an organization like that, it was like a small check, like a couple hundred dollars that my friend hooked me up with. She's like, oh, this organization does help, you just have to tell them a little bit of information. I was like really shocked at how quickly it came. I mean, that being said, like I live, I don't live in the state that it was sent from. It was sent from California. So it was kind of like, oh, well, of course, it's like a really progressive state, like it was sent from like an organization that's there. So, yeah, I mean, there are a lot of, I'm starting to find out, like there's a lot of that, but it's just as far as like knowing about it, it's really hard unless you know people who know things and, yeah.   [00:16:50] CHRIS: Yeah. Because moving’s not cheap and it's, and it's not easy. You don't want to be out looking at apartments in the pandemic. You don't want to be going into homes with realtors right now. It's really. This is a horrible thing and just about the worst timing, and I hate to say, there's almost some dark humor in that, but it's like, can you at least stalk me once we have a vaccine, dude?   [00:17:20] CALLER: Right, right, right. I’m sitting here like laughing just like, of course they let him out of jail because of Covid, of course, I want him to be safe. Yeah. Because he was in jail for like the burglary stuff and waiting, you know, and then they like usually hold them until they have like some sort of hearing or something like that. I don't know much about the legal system, but like they, they released him early with no bail money posted, nothing, just because they don't want people in the jails, you know, sitting around on top of each other. And so I'm like, of course, I don't want you to get it, but also, like, I want you in somewhere getting help. Or at least like, you know, shuffled somewhere where you can get help.   [00:18:03] CHRIS: Yeah. It came in, there's sixteen vaccines in human trials right now. We might be, there might be an end in sight a few months out. Can you just stay off the balcony till then?   [00:18:15] CALLER: Yeah. All I can do is laugh really some days.   [00:18:18] CHRIS: That's what I’m here for. Well that’s my whole life is. Can you take, can you take the misery of human existence and find a way to just laugh for ten seconds.   [00:18:28] CALLER: Yeah. Yeah, yeah.   [00:18:31] CHRIS: And what, what is your hope? What's you know, what's the, what's the ideal way that this ends and what do you hope for him?   [00:18:41] CALLER: Well, for me, I like, I hope that he gets better. I hope that he finds himself and is able to regulate himself better so he doesn't get to a point where he's doing things like this, but also like I don't know. I know that, you know, mental illness is hard and like I just hope that he finds what he needs to find and is good. I just I keep saying I just want him to be good. And for me, like, I feel like I've learned so much about how strong I am already and I feel like I've already, like I've always been doing a lot of work on myself. So like this happening kind of like led to me having clarity and like, you know, if something's not feeling right, then I should leave when it starts not feeling right for me and not wait for something like this to happen. And so, like, I feel like I'm in a really good space right now because I know it's June and all the crazy, the beginning started in January. So I kind of feel like right now I'm finally at a place, I'm like, OK, I'm good with myself. But for him, I just want him to be good. Like, I don't, I don't even need to talk to him. I don't need any sort of apology. I don't need anything from him. I just want him to be good. Yeah.   [00:20:00] CHRIS: And as far as him getting that help, if his mother is calling you and saying, do not hesitate to protect yourself, we understand, this means there's a lot of people in his life who care about him, at least you, at least his mother who are really worried, why isn't there the ability to have a welfare check happen or to have an involuntary commitment happen?   [00:20:24] CALLER: Yeah, so like in January, when it all started, I was able to do all that, like I got him into a hospital and he was there for like three days, I think it was. And then they let him out and they gave him some vitamin D, like it was just like what? And then his family is actually like well off. So like there they have all the resources to be able to help him. And they've done all, they've gone through that road in the past. And so I think at this point, they're kind of just like, well, let him bottom out, let him learn from himself. So I think that's where they're kind of at, like they want him to get the consequences and they don't want to be the people constantly saving him. Because, you know, he's in his early thirties like me, and so. I feel like that's where, they don't want to constantly be taking care of him.   [00:21:16] CHRIS: I get that. I get that. I mean, my understanding, though, is that in a lot of places, if someone's in danger of hurting themselves or someone else, they might have to go to a hospital where they are not given the option of leaving on their own until the authorities sign off on that. I wonder if that’s…   [00:21:38] CALLER: He’s a really good actor. Like the first time I thought it was just interesting how good he was at switching up.     [00:21:45] CHRIS: Yeah I know that feeling.   [00:21:48] CALLER: His dad would come, his dad would be like he’s fine. And his mom would be like, look at, no, but when I'm there, like, I think it's just like this. I think he's really good at like switching up and being OK, because even like he's called a bunch of my friends, they've been like, oh, he was fine for the first ten minutes when he called me until he got to this point. And then he wasn't like. So I feel like I don't know. And with everything going on, this is the last thing that people want to be. I don't know. There's a lot going on in our world.   [00:22:18] CHRIS: That's a sad thing you just said, because it's true. It doesn't excuse the fact that people would maybe be stepping up more, but everybody's feeling dragged down right now and everybody's emotional capacity is tapped out right now. What a, what a bad year for this shit to go down.   [00:22:40] CALLER: Yeah, apparently everything’s in retrograde.   [00:22:44] CHRIS: Yeah. I mean, I don't quite know what retrograde means, but I understand it's a high impact thing.   [00:22:49] CALLER: Yeah. I don't really know what that means either, but people keep saying it. Yeah.   [00:22:58] CHRIS: And… I wonder, you know, everybody's working from home these days. Again, I don't want to get into too many details, but I would have to imagine that with the, how would I phrase it, with the way that all of our movements are restricted. Is that, does that add any fear in the sense of, there's less, there's less breathing room and less places for you to go. Does that, does that make you feel a little more stressed out? Like there's, like there's an easier ability for someone to know where you are?   [00:23:43] CALLER: I think yes and no, because at least like, especially doing, I mean, I'm in a state where, like, people are now like walking around doing whatever now, I don't know. But I, I, when it was first happening, it was kind of like, well, at least I'm at home, like, I'm not expected to leave. Like, I won't have to like leave and look at my, watch my back, I'm all stocked up, ready to go. But then there's also like the layer of like I'm an educator. So I'm like teaching children from home, like doing all these new things and like. I guess like that like for me, like my work, the best part is like seeing my kids every day and so, like the joy of my work is taken away with this pure like do this work online children. I don't know.   [00:24:32] CHRIS: Wait, did you say do this work on blind children?   [00:24:37] CALLER: Sorry. Like, I'm a teacher and so like I would post assignments for kids to do and so like, I wouldn't get like the joy of like being in front of the classroom and like jumping around doing crazy things.   [00:24:50] CHRIS: Got it. Got it.   [00:24:52] CALLER: So that joy was taken away and it was more of like, OK, children like, here's the work, do it, I’ll grade it, I'll talk to you, but it's not like as fun, you know, like the joy in teaching is like being around children and like finding little perks, like the little conversations they have with each other. It's the joy in teaching. It's not like the, OK guys, like do these math problems.   [00:25:12] CHRIS: Yeah. I mean, I did mishear you on that. It did, the thought of, oh, there are, there are like, there's, every friend I have who's a teacher, I see them posting online about how this is not fun and not easy, you know. Like there's people teaching people teaching all sorts of people right now online. It's hard, it's hard. I get the sense from teacher friends of mine that they regard this largely as a wasted year, and I get the sense of friends of mine who are parents of kids in school, that it is a huge pain in the ass for them, too. How do you feel?   [00:25:58] CALLER: Yeah it's painful on both ends because like you're required, like in my state, we're required to like talk to, like we're required to like schedule phone conferences with kids like a few times a week. And so at a certain point it's just like, OK, I'm harassing your parents to talk to me, but I don't want to, I’ll call once, like OK, they don't want to talk, cool. Like I don't want to be constantly calling. You don't want me constantly calling, the child just doesn't want me constantly calling. And it's just like this huge thing where I'm like I have sympathy to know, like there's a lot going on. Teachers, parents losing jobs, like kids not having that social emotional stuff and like now like their teacher’s calling them like every day, like it's, it's just painful all round I feel.   [00:26:41] CHRIS: Yeah, I mean, I remember being in school. I wouldn't want my teacher calling me on the phone. I can't imagine these kids, I can’t imagine they're like, oh cool, let's do this again.   [00:26:53] CALLER: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh look, she's calling again. Yeah.   [00:27:02] CHRIS: Just a personal note, I give you a lot of credit, because I had, by the time I finished school, I was so, I was like, man. Like when people go to grad school or people become teachers, I'm constantly like, why would you want to go back to school? It was the worst. So I give you credit.   [00:27:24] CALLER: Yeah. You know, it's something that I'm passionate about. I know there are kids like I think every child deserves at least one teacher of color in their life. And if I can be that one then that brings me happiness.   [00:27:42] CHRIS: Has anybody else noticed this caller has an ability to just kind of quietly say things that are actually hugely impactful? If students can have at least one teacher of color in their life I want to be that teacher. That’s beautiful. We’re going to talk more about that when we get back.   [00:27:55] AD BREAK   [00:28:04] CHRIS: Right everybody, I hope you enjoyed your break. Let's get back to the telephone call.   [00:28:09] CALLER: I think every child deserves at least one teacher of color in their life. And if I can be that one then that brings me happiness.   [00:28:19] CHRIS: I'm so glad you brought that up. I'm so glad you brought that up because, you just said it sort of offhandedly, but I want to underline that because I tell you, my wife went to a protest a couple of weeks ago and there's protests everywhere now. It's not just the big cities. It's very inspiring. She went to one in Millburn, New Jersey, which is a pretty wealthy area. And if you look it up, if you Google Millburn, New Jersey, their public high school is consistently ranked as one of the top public high schools in New Jersey and very often one of the top public high schools in the country. So a high level school and students from the high school organized this protest. And a young black woman who I think my wife said had just graduated from the school, stood up and said, you know, it was great to go to this high school with this, with this legendary reputation that provides so many opportunities. But just for, just for everyone who's here today, I'm, I'm a black student, and from kindergarten through graduation, I had one black teacher. And my wife came home and that had really hit her emotionally, when she told me, you start to think these are the little things about life that we don't think about day to day, that are just standard in a lot of places. I went to West Orange High School in West Orange, New Jersey. It's a town that has some very wealthy areas, has some very poor areas, and has areas where it's here's where all the Irish people live, here's where all the Italian people live, here's where all the black people live. And I grew up in a very diverse town where you'd think, oh, maybe it was different than Millburn, a few towns over. I sat and thought about it. I was in a town where there was a large percentage of black students. My fourth grade teacher was black. I had a sixth grade teacher who was black. And I can't for the life of me, remember, even in high school, one teacher I had who was black. How strange. How strange.   [00:30:28] CALLER: Yeah. Well, yeah, my first black teacher wasn't until my junior year of high school and I had to seek out that teacher like I was just like, it was like an elective class that I signed up for to be able to have him as a teacher.   [00:30:42] CHRIS: Can I just ask, sidetrack from the other conversation we're having, what is the effect of that? What's the effect of that when you, because that's, for kids, those are authority figures. And you also always assume that your teachers are teaching because they are intelligent. What's the effect on a student of color who's not seeing any teachers of color?   [00:31:05] CALLER: Right. Like, when I was a kid, I didn't really, honestly, I didn't think much of it because it was a, you know, it was a mostly white school, there were like a lot of like immigrants as well, but it was mostly white kids. And I didn't really think much of it. Like my parents definitely thought, you know, they would say things that I didn't necessarily pick up on at the time. Like they would ask questions where like, now, as an adult, I'm just like, oh, yeah, like my parents would go to the school and, like, go off on the teacher. And I'd be like, why’d they do that, that was OK that they thought I was cheating, like I might have been, I don't know. And so I think, like, as a child, I didn't see it as much as like as an adult, once I went to college, I was, I was like, oh yeah. This is, that wasn’t OK, to have gone so long without having a teacher with that, a teacher who was of color and a teacher who was different than all my other teachers. Like even if, even if I would have had like a couple more teachers of color, like I'm not, I'm not just saying black, I'm saying any teacher of color, I think my life would have been different. I think, I think that kids really benefit. Kids really benefit from having somebody that they can identify with. But I also think that, like, when I say every child, I mean every child. I don't just mean like every black kid, there’s a black teacher. I mean, like, I think even white kids are like, like everybody needs to be exposed to like somebody in leadership, somebody who is able to, somebody educating them who does not look like them.   [00:32:43] CHRIS: I remember so distinctly and I'm also sitting here thinking about it, there was a black guidance counselor in my, in my middle school. And I remember my freshman year science teacher I believe was of Middle Eastern background. And I don't remember anybody else who taught me who wasn't white. But I was going to say I remember sixth grade my social studies teacher, Mr. Austin. I loved him. I loved him. I still remember how much I loved his class. And we learned a lot about black history in sixth grade. And I was lucky that I had him as a teacher because I do feel like, consciously on some level, but especially to a sixth grader, even subconsciously learning about a subject from someone who has it directly, who it has directly affected in a first person way is something that, quietly, is really impactful and really valuable, I think.   [00:33:45] CALLER: Yeah, yeah.   [00:33:51] CHRIS: And then, you want to hear about one of the most uncomfortable social moments of my life that always makes me laugh? So sixth grade, I'm taught by this teacher, and everybody who is listening to this, I mean, we're 200 and some episodes and everybody knows I'm a nerd and everybody knows I just sponge up info. I think that's one of the things that has made the show work over the years is, I'm not like a brilliant guy, but I tend to know a little bit about a lot of stuff which has helped the show, it's helped the show. So I sponge up information and I loved Mr. Austin, so I worked so hard in his class and we learned about black history, sixth grade. Now in seventh grade, I believe it was during Black History Month. We, there was a trivia contest, a black history trivia contest for the entire seventh grade. And I mentioned, so the breakdown of my town, I mentioned very, very diverse town. I remember in high school, they told us there were, amongst the student body, there were 40 different languages spoken in the homes in our town. It's pretty cool. Pretty cool. And a significant percentage of black students. And they announced, they brought us all into the lunchroom, seventh grade, everybody's in the lunchroom, they go, we're going to announce the winners of the Black History trivia contest, third place, black student, second place, black student, first place, Chris Gethard. And I think, I like, as I stood up, because I'll never forget either the prize, you know, those like, I think it was, you know how sometimes they'll make those candy bars that are like two feet long, like those big novelty ones.   [00:35:36] CALLER: Yeah, yeah.   [00:35:37] CHRIS: I think it was a Twix bar that was like two feet long and I remember standing up to go get my Twix bar, and it was like, as I was standing up from my seat, not only was I realizing this situation, but I think everyone in the room, students and teachers, was like, huh… I'm like, what? I just memorized every fact about George Washington Carver last year, I was just trying to work hard. And I had to walk to the front of the room while a roomful of people applauded my knowledge of black history. And I never forget being a seventh grade, super nerdy, and if you know what I look like, to the dear listeners out there, I look tragically white, like I am quite pale. And I had to schlep up there, get my Twix bar. But you know what, I remember, I grew up in an Irish part of town, and it was, I went to school from a young age, I really thank God in a lot of ways for as much as I hated school, it was very diverse. I was around every type of person from a young age. And I remember laughing so hard because I, I went to a table where a bunch of my black friends were sitting, I remember being like, all right, who wants to, anybody in the mood for a piece of a Twix bar? And it was just, we all started laughing right away like, yeah, I better, I better not be hoarding this Twix bar on my own. This is everybody’s Twix bar. This is a community Twix bar. We all know that, right?   [00:37:13] CALLER: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Go over the Reparations Act, I don’t know. At least you were educating yourself, you know. Yeah.   [00:37:19] CHRIS: You know, I look back now, I'm proud of myself in seventh grade where I'm like, if I eat this whole Twix bar by myself, I am just a true little dickhead. I’d also probably be sick to my stomach. So it's kind of a lot of... Anyway, I've made this one about me, but I'm glad, hearing you say part of why you enjoy being a teacher is to, is to be there for kids to have your perspective. That's so cool. That's so cool.   [00:37:55] CALLER: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I have only been teaching now for three years so like, the first year in the classroom, is quite hard and I'm finally feeling like, OK, I can, I can stay in this career maybe, for at least five years.   [00:38:11] CHRIS: I know, I had a friend who became a teacher. And the whole first year, almost every time I talked to her, she'd cry when I'd ask her how the job was going, because she said it's just all about them testing you over and over again. The longer you teach, you start to learn these, just instantly how to how to shut it down. But her first year, she said it was just, constant testing over if you're going to be strong enough to handle them and they know it.   [00:38:41] CALLER: Yeah, yeah, I used to be an engineer, I was an engineer for like five, six years. And I would say that teaching is ten times harder than engineering ever was.   [00:38:52] CHRIS: Really? Wow.   [00:38:55] CALLER: Yeah.   [00:38:56] CHRIS: And I, and I don't know about your situation, but from what I hear, you get paid a lot less too.   [00:38:58] CALLER: You get paid a lot less. A lot less. Yeah. My spending habits have not yet fully caught up with my new salary, but yeah.   [00:39:09] CHRIS: What, what made you switch, because you're in your early 30s. Most people start teaching right out of college, right?   [00:39:15] CALLER: Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I went to school for engineering and I was, I was an engineer for like five, six years. It wasn't for me, like it was really hard as far as like socially like just working with, I worked, the place I worked, it was mostly like older white men. And so as a young black woman, it was really hard for me to, like, feel like I had a say. And oftentimes I would find myself just agreeing to agree and not really feeling like I actually cared at all. And I got to a point where I literally felt like I was just going to work and coming home and like, I can't do this for the rest of my life. And yeah, and teaching had always been something that I kind of wanted to do. It just didn't make sense, like money wise. And so I, one day I was just like, OK, I'm going to quit and I'm going to go and do something that I want to do. And if it's not for me then I can always go back and go back to the 40 hour work week of doing stuff I don't like. And I can't lie and say that, like, there's been times in the classroom where I was just standing there like, you look what, I could just leave and just go back to make money. And not have you all like screaming at me.   [00:40:27] CHRIS: And you rotten little bastards, I could be making so much more money building bridges right now.   [00:40:32] CALLER: Yeah, you should be lucky to have me.   [00:40:36] CHRIS: How old are the kids you teach?   [00:40:37] CALLER: I teach middle schoolers and they are tough. They know everything.   [00:40:43] CHRIS: So why did you sign up for the worst type? Or the worst era of teaching?   [00:40:47] CALLER: You know, crazy enough, the state where I used to be, like you couldn't teach high school unless you went to school for like English, strictly English or strictly math. And apparently engineers don't take enough science to teach science or enough math to teach math. Which is crazy because that's what I wanted to teach, I wanted to teach high schoolers. I thought, oh, middle schoolers are a little younger. Little did I know they're crazy. I love my kids, but they have some crazy things that they do that leave me wondering what I’m doing.   [00:41:20] CHRIS: Well, you're like, oh, they’re a little younger. That'll be easier. And then you get there and you're like, wait, half of them are adults who have just discovered full on sex drives, half of them playing with action figures and being made fun of for it. Oh god. Oh my god.   [00:41:38] CALLER: Yeah. Yeah.   [00:41:42] CHRIS: What kind of engineering did you do?   [00:41:45] CALLER: I was a civil engineer, so roadways, bridges and things like that.   [00:41:49] CHRIS: I nailed it.   [00:41:50] CALLER: Construction for a while. Some design. Yeah.   [00:41:51] CHRIS: How good does it feel to build a bridge?   [00:41:56] CALLER: I mean, the guys who are out there, who are actually putting the things together, that's pretty cool and it's cool to check, to check all that work and things and do inspection work and things like that, but it's pretty cool to see like the final project. Whenever I go back to the town that I did that in, I like to drive around, I'm like, yeah, I was out here. I helped make this happen.   [00:42:14] CHRIS: Drive over a bridge. You’re like, humanity has conquered this river because of my efforts.   [00:42:22] CALLER: Yes, yes, yes. It feels good.   [00:42:24] CHRIS: Civil engineering. So you, civil engineering. So you've always been someone who wants to help the world, huh?   [00:42:31] CALLER: Yeah, yeah, that's all I knew. Like in high school. I just knew, I just want to help people. I didn't know how, but I knew that I wanted to be a helper and didn’t want to take advantage.   [00:42:41] CHRIS: That's awesome. That's awesome. I sometimes convince myself that comedy is helping because you're, you're alleviating people's tension, but then I remind myself that it's by far the most narcissistic pursuit one can have and that it's like, I try to tell myself, oh, I'm giving people who had a bad day a laugh. And then I look around and I'm like, but every comedian I know is a complete egocentric lunatic. Oh, wait. Oh, wait. I'm sitting at the same table as all of them. Ah, shit.   [00:43:19] CALLER: Yeah. But I mean, I don’t know, there's something to that. I don’t know, there’s something to…   [00:43:21] CHRIS: Theoretically, but we're all a bunch of worthless, we’re all a bunch of worthless narcissists. Now I got to say, you're telling us civil engineer. Decided to leave that behind, walk away from money to go deal with middle school kids so you can help them, part of the motivation of that was to make sure these kids have a perspective that's not showing up enough amongst teachers and schools that's going to help all the kids. And I have to imagine specifically if you have any students who are female or black, or especially female and black, this is going to mean the world to them. And the reason I bring all this up is to say, you're the least, you're the person probably I least want to deal with a dangerous stalker.   [00:44:18] CALLER: Yeah yeah.   [00:44:19] CHRIS: You could have been like, oh yeah, I work for an oil company. I work for an oil company and we just spilled. You could have been like, I'm a corporate lawyer and I work for an oil company that just spilled 20 thousand gallons of crude into the Gulf of Mexico. And I am the lawyer who helps get them out of that. And I would have been like, you still don't deserve to be stalked. But instead you're like, I'm a giving human who wants to help the world. And I've done it through a variety of ways. And now it's all about empowering children.   [00:44:49] CALLER: Mm-hmm. Yeah. And it's been a year. It’s been a year, that's for sure.   [00:44:55] CHRIS: Yeah, I'm so sorry.   [00:44:57] CALLER: Yeah. Well, the good stories come out of it.   [00:45:02] CHRIS: I mean, you hope so, you hope when you get on the other side and you let the trauma go and you let the PTSD go, which will take years. And then you just hope that your ex is OK. And I hope even more that you're OK.   [00:45:20] CALLER: Yeah, I’m fine. I'll be fine. I'm always, you know, I’m good. I’m good.   [00:45:26] CHRIS: Yeah, it's easy to say, but you also don't have to be tough. You don't have to be tough on an anonymous phone call, you know.   [00:45:32] CALLER: That's true. That's true. That's true.   [00:45:35] CHRIS: Toughness. Very overrated. Very overrated quality.   [00:45:40] CALLER: Yeah. Yeah.   [00:45:47] CHRIS: How, how often do these things flare up?   [00:45:57] CALLER: His mania?   [00:45:58] CHRIS: Yeah, like hearing that he's on a balcony across from your apartment is really terrifying. I'm wondering, since January, is this like, you know, three or four times or is it like every day I’ve got to kinda…   [00:46:11] CALLER: No, it's like, like, it was going on pretty strong for, like, I would say like a month of like, him like, but somehow one day he got into my apartment building and left things on my door and like, was wearing with a mask. But everybody was wearing masks. But like my neighbors was like, no, it was a mask. And he was just doing like crazy things. Like one day I woke up, went to my car and there was a dildo on my car.   [00:46:41] CHRIS: Again, I believe at our first ad break, I said this caller has the ability to just drop a sentence that is in its own way perfect. And I woke up one day and there was a dildo on my car is one of those sentences. Now, I joke, it's in the context of something very scary, scary to find an object on your car. But I just want to isolate those words in order are like poetry. I woke up one day and there was a dildo on my car. Hey, we'll be right back.   [00:47:06] AD BREAK   [00:47:10] CHRIS: Alright everybody, that was our final break, so take a sip of water. Let's get ready to go, let's finish this bad boy.   [00:47:19] CALLER: One day I woke up, went to my car and there was like a dildo on my car, just like nonsense. But then it like calmed down. So I thought, oh, you must be off my trail, like maybe he's, like, diverted his attention to something else. But then, like, I went to this healing event that's like, within the radius of which he should not be. I went to an event and he was there and I left and he was following me. I had to run home. And then he was on my trail again for a while. So I feel like it's been like a good three, two, three weeks of like me not noticing anything. But I don't know, like he, he hadn't had a manic episode in like five years. So, like, they thought they were like, oh, you're the one who helps him not have any outbursts, any episodes or whatever. But I'm like, oh, I guess not.   [00:48:10] CHRIS: Yeah, that's brutal. I got, I actually got semi-stalked many years ago, many years ago, and it was terrifying and it was for like about two months.   [00:48:24] CALLER: How did it, how did it end out? Did they just stop or?   [00:48:30] CHRIS: Well, you know, it was this guy. He showed up in New York to take a comedy class that I happened to be in. And right after the first class, he kind of cornered me and was like, I really like your vibe, man. We should be, I, he's never going to hear this. This was, jeez, almost 19, yeah about 19 years ago. He showed up and he brought this sketch in and it was just wild, just all over the map. And everyone in the room was just kind of disturbed and then, of course, because I'm me, I'm like cackling with laughter, like, what was that insanity? And then cornered me, hey, man, you really get my vibe. I like your vibe. We got to be working together. And I was uhh… like the first day he followed me around Manhattan for about three hours. And I was like, hey, man, you know, I got to, I got to go. I got to drive back to Jersey. And he's like, cool, I'll come with you. I want to know what your car looks like. And I was like, oh, here we go. And then I actually ducked into the theater's office and he just waited. I was like, hey, there's a meeting. I got to go to this meeting. You can't come. And he waited outside. And then for about two months because he was from, he wasn't from New York, he was staying in New York to take this class. And the class was two months long. And every show I did, he'd show up and wait for me after, and I'd go to the bar after the show and he'd be there to corner me. And then, you know, all my friends were comedians. So they'd be messing with me, doing bits and like, I'd show up at the theater and they'd be like, oh yeah, this guy showed up and they'd say his name. He had this nickname, he showed up. And he said he was a casting director looking to get in touch with you. So we gave him your number and I'd be like, oh, god, and then they'd see me, like, break down in a panic and realize, oh, god, this isn't a joke. So the whole community around my theater was very aware of this and started really looking out. And then he eventually just had to move back to where he came from. But it's funny because I Googled his nickname years later and found out he was he was kind of sort of similarly harassing a very famous author, kind of showing up on every signing he did. So luckily, he found someone more notable to bother. So maybe you just need to convince your ex that.   [00:50:53] CALLER: Yeah, send some nice people his way. No I wouldn’t do that.   [00:50:56] CHRIS: Yeah if you’re like hey, there’s other stalkable people. Maybe you want to go for broke. Go for broke.   [00:51:01] CALLER: Yeah, much more stalkable people.   [00:51:02] CHRIS: Point being, I have not dealt with it like you have at all, but I know that feeling of like, I'm going to park my car and I'm going to, you know, I remember that I had, I had to park two blocks away. Is this motherfucker going to, if I had parked on the block, I could have just ducked right into and I'm going to walk two blocks and I'm fucking scared and it sucks, living that way sucks.   [00:51:30] CALLER: Yeah. Yeah. Looking both ways. At first I was going to say, you know, you know, at first I was, the guy I was thinking like, oh, well, you know, it is hard to make friends in your adult life like. But then I'm like, no, three hours is a lot. Three hours is a lot for the initial interaction.   [00:51:47] CHRIS: Yeah. And it went on for months. I remember once sneaking out the back exit of the theater after a show. And then I turned a corner and he was standing, I was with a friend, I was actually with Jack McBrayer who went on to be in 30 Rock and we turned the corner. We had walked like the long way to go to the bar and we turned a corner and he was standing there. And he's like, oh, so you thought you could avoid me? And I was like, whoa.   [00:52:17] CALLER: What?!   [00:52:18] CHRIS: So it was real. It was real. But you know, it was, again, he just felt like an obsessive comedy fan. This is not what you're dealing with, this is not what you're dealing with. But yeah, I’ve had my similar, I've had my similar strangeness. Um, I'm really worried. I'm really worried. You're so casual and laid back about it. But this is a very worrisome thing. There's got to be actions that can be taken, have to be, have to be. There have to be ways to get the police to pay attention. There have to be ways to underline to them this is a serious situation. You're not taking me seriously. I wonder if there's domestic abuse organizations that, that understand how to intervene or understand how to use their clout to get more serious attention paid to this, because I've been kind of joking around, trying to make you laugh throughout it. But we got 12 minutes left. And I want to, I want to underline I am someone who has been diagnosed as bipolar before. I understand how you can be justifying behavior in your own mind that doesn't really make sense. It's dangerous. It's dangerous. You're a cool customer and you're very strong. But there have got to be actions that can be taken. And if that means being a pain in the ass to the powers that be, I feel like that needed to start yesterday. If it's asking his mom to do a favor and say, can you, can we, can we right now have a three way call, call the police so we can both reiterate that this is dangerous, it needs to happen and they need to take it seriously right now. Right now. All jokes aside. All diversions aside.   [00:53:56] CALLER: Yeah, yeah. Yeah. And I've been working with like one of the different, one of the domestic abuse center, and other people and it really is like the squeaky tire thing. Like the day that I was like calling every hour, they were like, OK, we got the, we got the order process. And it's just like that wouldn't have happened as quickly, because like Covid, you can't just go in and knock on doors.   [00:54:18] CHRIS: Of course, but it also needs to be a police thing. It has to be. Unfortunately, even though there's a massive sense of distrust worldwide right now for the police, it's almost something to be said of like, hey, you guys. The public relations is that you guys don't prioritize your energy in the right area. Help me. I need help. You can't be moving every few months. You can't be moving every few months. Can't be doing it. So you can't be living in fear that he’s going to find out your next address, you can't be changing your phone number all the time. This is not, you have raised the red flags that needed to be raised. The system needs to help you. Needs to. So I’m, for as cool as you're playing it, I want to let you know, I got your back hard with that. And they need to step up.   [00:55:16] CALLER: They do, they do, they need to step up or get out. Like I'm like right now with like, police, they need to go somewhere, like these, like these other organizations have been doing more help for me than anybody, like helping me figure out where to move and things like that. Where the police have just been like recording, you know, they show up an hour later with a notepad or whatever.   [00:55:39] CHRIS: Well, look. I'm not trying to scare you. I'm not here trying to scare you. But what's it going to take? Do you have to sit down with them and go, great, so you've got this all written down for what? After he tries to throw me in the back of a car and drive away with me? After he's, after he's not in my hallway, he's in my house and I have to spend a few terrifying hours figuring out how to get out of there? Like, are you taking notes so retroactively when something happens, you can map the timeline? No!   [00:56:12] CALLER: Right. Right.   [00:56:14] CHRIS: They need to stop sitting there waiting for something bad to happen. It's nonsense. How about you go, go park the tank in the garage, take off the fucking riot gear, put the rubber bullets away and look out for someone in your community who, by the way, pays your fucking salary. This is the type of shit. Uh, now I’m mad again. We’re on the same page though.   [00:56:45] CALLER: There are so many tanks where I live. Yeah yeah yeah. There's so many tanks where I live, so many helicopters, so much craziness where I’m at, where it is truly like, what are you guys doing out there? Just standing, you guys are just standing in formation, chilling. And like, I've gone to a bunch of protests. And this is like, they're not like, we're not doing anything. We're just here chilling, trying to just live, I don't know. And when we tell you we actually have something dangerous, you know, scared and I don't know,   [00:57:13] CHRIS: It's the exact type of thing, ooh I'm getting mad again. And it's was only a few episodes that I was ranting and raving. But when people say defund the police and I see people online, I see people in my sphere who I follow going, so what, we're just going to not have cops on the streets. It’s going to be anarchy. No, no. What we're saying is this exact situation you're in, maybe we could have one less helicopter flying over protesters, spend the helicopter money on having some other people in the police department who don't have guns, but they have expertize in how to help someone who's being stalked. That's what defund the police means. Can we have less tanks and more resources for people who are being told, oh, wow, yeah, that sucks. Yeah. Try to watch your own back. No, you watch my back. My taxes pay you. You watch my back instead of dressing up as super soldiers to flex your fucking tough guy muscles.   [00:58:15] CALLER: Right, right. That is what they look like. It’s crazy.   [00:58:22] CHRIS: You could flex your tough guy muscles all day or you could help someone and maybe don't create a world where you have to sit there and debate do I feel safe calling the police on my mentally ill ex-boyfriend because I think the police might kill him? That's what defund the police means, have some people whose expertize is to intervene in this situation and not all those people. Guess what? Not only do those people not need guns, it might be really bad to approach a mentally ill person in a manic episode with a gun. It might freak them out.   [00:59:00] CALLER: Yeah. And they have the superhero strength.   [00:59:03] CHRIS: They got to help you. This is infuriating.   [00:59:11] CALLER: Defund the police. Abolish the police. Pay teachers more. Get rid of get rid of the riot gear, get rid of the helicopters, because I can't sleep at night.   [00:59:22] CHRIS: Yeah. You got to triple check that every door and window is locked and yet you've done the right thing. You've done the right thing. You went to the people who should be helping you. They're not helping you. Help, help! We're talking to somebody who's a middle school teacher who literally spent the prior part of her life building bridges, which is a phrase we use metaphorically to talk about connecting society in a more positive way. You did it literally. Help! Help this person. If you are a listener to this show and you know any resources that can help our caller, leave comments in the Facebook group or tweet at me and Anita and Jared, we're going to, I'm telling you, we're going to keep your email address so that if someone comes through and goes, this is nonsense, I've dealt with it before, here's the organizations that actually get shit done. Usually we stay totally anonymous, but I'm never going to know your name, but we're going to email you that stuff because it's nonsense. It's nonsense what you're saying. How many times have you been down to the precinct?   [01:00:30] CALLER: Oh more times, I mean, if I were to tell you what was going on in my precinct, I wouldn't be anonymous anymore.   [01:00:40] CHRIS: So we're talking from genuine, has it been more than a dozen times that you've tried to go?   [01:00:44] CALLER: It's been more than a dozen times that I've made phone calls.   [01:00:49] CHRIS: So you've reached out to the police over a dozen times and said a person has broken into my apartment building, they have stood on a balcony across from my apartment building. They have left objects on my car.   [01:00:59] CALLER: And he got charged with robbery.   [01:01:02] CHRIS: And that's the best, yeah, that's the best you can do.   [01:01:05] CALLER: Charge him with robbery. For somebody else, some well-meaning white person who lives across, you know, like cool.   [01:01:11] CHRIS: Right. Listen to me. But if he puts on a mask and breaks into your building, good luck with that. But if he might steal a piece of plastic patio furniture off a balcony, well, we could put a monetary, we could put a monetary number on that. And capitalism is out of control. We’ve got no ethics, so yeah, we don't want him stealing your barbecue equipment. Yeah, that's one. So yeah, they've put you in a position where the best you can do is literally pray that he commits other crimes before he commits a crime against you.   [01:01:49] CALLER: Right, yeah.   [01:01:50] CHRIS: People want to tell me this system isn't completely fucked in the head. We got three minutes left. Anything else you want to say, you are kind and giving person who does not deserve what's happening and I'm so sorry that the system is failing you.   [01:02:10] CALLER: I appreciate that.   [01:02:12] CHRIS: What else? What else? I've talked too much.   [01:02:14] CALLER: I can't think of anything else. I just feel like there's a lot going on. And I just, I just pray that people find compassion and people don’t look at black people differently and that, you know, you treat our kids like their kids and like when they become adults, don't treat them like murderers. Yeah.   [01:02:36] CHRIS: I initially, when you said don't treat black people differently, I initially thought you meant like, hey, just maintain how things have been going. No, no, no, no, no, no. You mean don't treat them as if they are different from other kids. Not, hey, no need to treat anybody differently. Yes. Massive need to treat people differently. Massive. Necessary. Immediate.   [01:02:55] CALLER: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sometimes I misspeak.   [01:03:02] CHRIS: Things have multiple meanings.   [01:03:04] CALLER: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you for clarifying that.   [01:03:08] CHRIS: No. No one, can you imagine if anyone took that away. Oh, at 58 minutes, oh I guess I misinterpreted that. Caller just wants things to keep going. Status quo.   [01:03:18] CALLER: Yeah, yeah. No I'm. And thank a teacher.   [01:03:26] CHRIS: Yeah, and here's another thing I’ll say. Again, you want me to get mad at the system and how capitalism has gotten out of control, the fact that there's a website where my neighborhood schools, I can go on and have to buy school supplies for the teachers. Yeah, the fact that that website exists is a beautiful thing, but also completely heartbreaking and disgusting that when that website was founded and the government didn't go, shame on us. Absolutely baffling that that you, that teachers have to buy their own literal markers and paper and art supplies and go online and do Go Fund Mes begging for, unforgivable.   [01:04:13] CALLER: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The police get all the money, so you know.   [01:04:20] CHRIS: Yes. Defund the police and give the teachers colored pencils.   [01:04:23] CALLER: Yes, because you've been defunding the teacher for years, let’s be real.   [01:04:28] CHRIS: Defund the police and refund the teachers. Maybe that should be the full phrase.   [01:04:33] CALLER: Yeah, that should be the phrase, that should be the phrase.   [01:04:37] CHRIS: We got 10 seconds left. This has been an eye opening call, I thank you for your, for trusting me and letting me rant and rave, and I really hope this stuff resolves itself and that, that people, people step up to the plate and do their jobs because you spend your whole life helping others. You deserve to have some people help you.   [01:05:04] CALLER: Thanks for that.   [01:05:07] CHRIS: What else? I hope I didn't talk too much. Did I talk? Did I talk too much? Was I steam rolling? I feel bad.   [01:05:11] CALLER: You're good. You're good.   [01:05:15] CHRIS: It's that thing as a white guy right now. We had an episode a few weeks ago, there's another black female caller, and people are like Gethard you were talking too much, and I'm like, what? I'm so mad, but I'm also 40 and balding and white. I got to learn how to shut the fuck up. I'm sorry. I'm trying, I'm trying. I’ll get better.   [01:05:33] CALLER: You're good.   [01:05:38] CHRIS: Anyway, thank you so much for talking and putting up with me.   [01:05:40] CALLER: No, thank you for taking my call. I've been trying to get through for a while, and it was crazy to, you know, get a chance to talk to you today. [ring]   [01:05:51] CHRIS: Caller, thank you for calling. Thanks for trusting me with your story and those last few minutes. I really started yelling, but, but there were a couple of points where you kept saying it'll be fine, it'll work itself out. And I just want to say I hope that's true. I want everything to turn out fine. Just like I said, man, people got to step up, people got to step up, do their jobs. And I needed to shout about that because you are too classy and kind to shout about that. I am, I am neither of those things. So I hope that it's OK that I did that. Thank you to Anita Flores and Jared O'Connell in the booth. Thank you Shellshag for the music. If you liked the show, rate, review, subscribe on Apple podcasts. It genuinely helps when you do, and we only have, what, the past six months or so episodes out there, if you want to hear so many of them and we've got like over 200 and something of these things, StitcherPremium.com, a bunch of our Beautiful Follow-ups call, a bunch of live shows that you can't get anywhere else, and that's just us. There's also hundreds and hundreds of other shows, Stitcher Premium. I'll see you next time.   [NEXT EPISODE PREVIEW]   [01:07:02] CHRIS: Next time on Beautiful Anonymous, our caller experienced some tragedy in her life and it completely transformed her personally, politically, in every way.   [01:07:14] CALLER: So I just kind of started to ask myself, do I really believe this, do I really think this way, do I sound like this? And it kind of, it kind of let me down this path. It took forever, for years, probably up until maybe three or four years ago, I started I realized I was an atheist. And so that’s like the complete opposite to how I grew up. People thought I was going to be a nun when I was little and I grew up and ended up an atheist.   [01:07:54] CHRIS: That's next time on Beautiful Anonymous.