Professor Blastoff Afterthoughts: Cheating
We learned this week the most important part of cheating is the art of not getting caught. What’s the second most important part? Defeating guilt. What an annoying sensation that is! The trick to eliminating guilt is constant repetition, just ask any college calculus student.
Sure the first time you program the definition of something like the Cylindrical Shell Method into your TI-85 you might feel a slight tinge of guilt creeping into your innocent freshman heart but, as you may soon discover, there are way too many seasons of Doctor Who to catch up on to be wasting time memorizing mnemonic devices on polar derivative formulas. By the way, in case you were wondering where David got his calculator cheating ideas from…I found his cat.
Cats and nerds aren’t the only ones who cheat. We learned from our guest, Michael Creed, even some competitive cyclists will cheat. To recap, they use a method known as “DOUBLE BLOOD” or its more boring name, “blood doping” to increase their oxygen levels. They are so obsessed with winning they will take out their own blood and put it back in again all for the sake of getting a competitive edge. Well, that is just ridiculous. There has to be a thousand better ways to cheat in cycling. For one, have they never herd of strategically placed banana peels?! And even if you get caught tossing one on the road behind you, all you have to do is pretend you have a muscle cramping problem due to a potassium deficiency and as you were eating the banana you had a spasm and dropped it.
Speaking of bananas, the cut clip of the week deals with monkeys getting cheated at blackjack. The take home message is scientists suck at cheating. They are making it way too obvious, first of all. Second of all, how long did it take them to teach the monkeys how to play black jack?! And do they do parties? Watch this!
This monkey has to be a cheat, how else did he catch on? It wouldn’t surprise me if he were blood doping on the weekends. And, yes, I did look for videos of competitive monkey cycling and I’m sorry there weren’t any…just kidding, ENJOY!
Well I hope you enjoyed this weeks blog. Please don’t cheat, thank you. Check out professorblastoff.com and aaronburrellcomedy.com for more, and Happy New Year!
Listen to episode #36 “Cheating”