Sklarbro Extra: The NBA Lockout Brings Out The Face Shoving

The NBA Lockout: Let the (single tear) fun begin.

The NBA lockout is about as close to being done as I am to performing eight shows a week with the Rockettes. Now don’t rush to judgment, until you’ve seen my leg kicks. According to the varying financial records you look at, the NBA is hemorrhaging money.  It’s never a good sign when you hear owners claim that they would lose less money if there were no upcoming season.  So, any die-hard basketball fans out there looking for your NBA fix in the upcoming year, find a friend who’s going to buy “NBA 2K12” and play it till your hearts content.

During their work stoppage, NBA players are spending there time in many different ways. Some have signed with teams in Europe (Laker Ron Artest) and Asia (New Jersey Net Deron Williams). Plus a few players have flirted with the idea of working on their global marketing power by playing in China. The best lockout headlines have come from those players who have taken to the streets right here in the good ‘ol U.S. of A.

Our story today takes us deep in the Sklarbro Country ‘Forest of Headlines,’ where we catch up with the not-so-pleasant antics of Minnesota Timberwolves’ forward and Doug Benson level pothead, Michael Beasley.

For those of you who don’t know, Rucker Park is the mecca of basketball in New York City. Located on the corner of 155th and Fredrick Douglas Boulevard, it hosted some of the greatest ballers of all time.  I mean we’re talking Dr. J, Kareem and Wilt just to name a few. And a few weeks ago, Kevin Durant added his name to that list. Kevin Durant dropped 66 points during a game at Rucker Park. As impressive as that is, there’s about as much defense played at Rucker Park as there are yamakas worn at a Rick Perry rally. That being said, while the 66 isn’t impossible…it’s still 66 fucking points.

This all went down when Kevin Durant’s Team Nike laced it up against Sklarbro’s favorite stoner Michael Beasley’s Team 914. And in this game, while Durant was making it rain like Dustin Hoffman in a casino, Beasley was also cementing his own reputation as a continual disappointment.

During the game, Beasley approached and pushed a heckling fan in the face. That’s right, he pushed him in the face. Let’s backtrack a second. In the second half of the game Beasley started jawing with fans under one of the baskets (good to know the guy has tough skin), and, at one point, he was even heard shouting to the crowd “I get paid to do this!”

Garland Quince, a regular at Rucker Park, was singled out and targeted by Beasley. After deciding he had had enough of Quince trash talking, the 6’10” 235-pound power forward walked over to where Quince was standing, put one hand on his face and shoved him backwards.

The game had to be stopped while security guards settled the crowd. And at Rucker Park the crowd is ON TOP OF THE COURT. If you step out of bounds, you’re in some dude’s popcorn. Not that they eat popcorn on the sideline at Rucker Park…I mean I really don’t know what they eat…if they’re even allowed to eat there…I digress.

At the end of the game someone asked Quince what he thought about Beasley and if he thought he couldn’t handle the atmosphere. To which Quince responded, “no, I just don’t think he could handle Kevin Durant.” So, there you have it, folks. While stars like Durant and Kobe are out there cementing there legendary status, Michael Beasley is out there too, making sure people know he’s a punk no matter what surface he’s playing on.

The latest Sklarbro Country episode, “The Land of Osbaldistan” is online now, featuring Paul Gilmartin and Baron Vaughn.