EP. 204 — Sasheer Looks Like an Elegant Tennis Ball

 

[00:00:11] NICOLE: Sasheer! Your birthday came and went! It’s May 10th.

 

[00:00:16] SASHEER: It sure did. And boy, was it a good one. Thanks so much for the gift you got me.

 

[00:00:20] NICOLE: Oh, no problem. I searched high and low. And I said, “What can I get my dearest friend?” We’re not going to tell anyone what it is because it was a surprise to you.

 

[00:00:34] SASHEER: It was a surprise. But, boy, was it expensive.

 

[00:00:41] NICOLE: It was so expensive. I have to sell all of my belongings now. I’m deep into debt because I got you the most expensive present for your birthday. I can’t believe it. Wait. Sasheer, have you had a dog?

 

[00:00:56] SASHEER: A hot dog?

 

[00:00:59] NICOLE: Yeah.

 

[00:01:03] SASHEER: Oh, I was like, “Have I had a dog? In my life? Have I owned a dog?” I see. Have I had any of the hot dogs that you sent me?

 

[00:01:11] NICOLE: Yes.

 

[00:01:12] SASHEER: Okay. So… I don’t know if they’re still good because there is a period of time when my fridge wasn’t working because the power was out in my house. And they’re still in the freezer. But I’m scared.

 

[00:01:28] NICOLE: Don’t eat those dirty dogs. They’ve been tainted.

 

[00:01:31] SASHEER: I think they’re dirty dogs now.

 

[00:01:32] NICOLE: Oh no. How sad?

 

[00:01:35] SASHEER: I know. I was actually really sad because it’s a lot of Nathan’s Ballpark Hot Dogs, and I love that. And I didn’t even get one yet.

 

[00:01:45] NICOLE: Well, maybe for your next birthday, you’ll get more Nathan’s!

 

[00:01:55] SASHEER: Yeah! I have a freezer ready for that. It now works.

 

[00:02:02] NICOLE: God, that’s so devastating.

 

[00:02:04] SASHEER: I know. Yeah, it was a bummer. Yeah, I think I told you, only parts of the house were affected by the power being out. And the fridge was one. And I was like, “Oh, well, I don’t have food in there anyway.” And I was like, “The hot dogs!”

 

[00:02:22] NICOLE: “Not my hot dogs!”

 

[00:02:23] SASHEER: “Not the dogs!”

 

[00:02:24] NICOLE: I’m so sorry your dogs were affected.

 

[00:02:27] SASHEER: Yeah. Yeah.

 

[00:02:29] NICOLE: The sweater you’re wearing–where is it from?

 

[00:02:32] SASHEER: Urban Outfitters.

 

[00:02:35] NICOLE:  I had a very similar one. It was pink, but it made me feel too much like a brown towel.

 

[00:02:47] SASHEER: This is green. And I looked like a tennis ball.

 

[00:02:53] NICOLE: Yes. But an elegant tennis ball?

 

[00:02:55] SASHEER: Oh my God. Thank you.

 

[00:02:57] NICOLE: You’re welcome. You’re so welcome. I got to say, you were in LA for a nice chunk of time, and then you had to go right back to Atlanta.

 

[00:03:09] SASHEER: Yeah. But I got some good, like, home stuff done. I went to the dentist.

 

[00:03:15] NICOLE: Oh, how did it go?

 

[00:03:17] SASHEER: It hurt. They scratched me up! They scratched my mouth up.

 

[00:03:26] NICOLE: They scratched your mouth up?

 

[00:03:27] SASHEER: They did a cleaning. It’s what they’re supposed to do. But it always hurts. And then the dentist is like, “You okay?” And I’m like, “How am I supposed to answer that question? No, I’m not okay. You’re invading my space, and you’re hurting me. But, like, also, nothing else can change about the situation. So, yes, I’m fine, I guess. Just keep doing what you’re doing.”

 

[00:03:48] NICOLE: You’d think they’d be, like… Okay, we’re in 2023.

 

[00:03:53] SASHEER: Right.

 

[00:03:53] NICOLE: You would think that there were better ways to wash our fucking teeth than going to a dentist, and they use metal on your fucking teeth bones.

 

[00:04:03] SASHEER: Right? That feels wrong.

 

[00:04:04] NICOLE: It does feel wrong. And I don’t know. I’m not going to dental school. I don’t have the time. But I feel like the ones who have gone should have come up with something better. You know, like, at a carwash, they use the little scrubby guys? How come they don’t use that in our mouth?

 

[00:04:24] SASHEER: I mean, they kind of do eventually. The, like, spinny brushy thingies?

 

[00:04:29] NICOLE: Oh, do they?

 

[00:04:30] SASHEER: It feels like they buff your teeth at the end. But there is a moment where they are just, like, scraping, scraping with the needle thing.

 

[00:04:39] NICOLE: Yeah, I feel like I black out at the dentist. I, like, get lockjaw and really tense, and they’re like, “Hey, honey, like, loosen up.” And I’m like, “I can’t. You’re trying to kill me.” The next time I get a cleaning, I’m going to ask for laughing gas. I can’t do this anymore. I’ve had too much mouth trauma.

 

[00:04:59] SASHEER: Although I don’t think they want you laughing because you’ll just have a laughing fit.

 

[00:05:04] NICOLE: I don’t remember laughing. The last time I got laughing gas, I woke up in the hallway with the lady giving me magazines, going, “Here are the magazines you requested.” So, I guess I–

 

[00:05:16] SASHEER: You requested magazines.

 

[00:05:19] NICOLE: At the dentist, I said, “I need these magazines,” I guess. I do not know. I’m done talking about dentistry.

 

[00:05:26] SASHEER: Me too.

 

[00:05:26] NICOLE: Over it. I don’t want to give him the time of day. What’s in the box next to you? What’s in the box?

 

[00:05:34] SASHEER: So, I ordered a new fridge. And it’s the kind of fridge where you can put different colored panels on the front of it. And I fricking ordered Navy Blue. And it showed up, and it looked like Gunmetal. It looked like grayish kind of black. And I was like, “This is not blue.” It also just looks like a regular fridge now. There’s, like, a regular fridge option. If I wanted that, I’d just get a different fridge. This one has the option of different colors. I wanted blue. It’s not blue. So now I don’t know what to do. I need to contact the company and be like, “Do you actually have a blue like it looks like on the website, or are you lying to me?”

 

[00:06:24] NICOLE: I would like you to send it to a customer service representative. I would love to hear you say, “Do you have blue, or are you lying to me?”

 

[00:06:36] SASHEER: “You. Cynthia. Are you lying to me?”

 

[00:06:39] NICOLE: “I told you my name is Cynthia, and I said I would try to help you to the best of my ability. I am not really affiliated with the company and the products that get sent out. Would you like to return it?”

 

[00:06:48] SASHEER: “Cynthia, have you been gaslighting me this whole time?”

 

[00:06:51] NICOLE: “Ma’am, this is the first time we’re speaking. And your tone, honestly, is pretty terrible. And I’m going to put a note on your account for no one to ever help you.”

 

[00:07:00] SASHEER: “Cynthia, is this note part of the web of lives that you’ve created in our relationship?”

 

[00:07:05] NICOLE: “We are not in a relationship, ma’am. I do not know you. And I really regret telling you my name is Cynthia.”

 

[00:07:14] SASHEER: “Cynthia, I’m going to ask all your friends and family if this is a pattern of behavior.”

 

[00:07:18] NICOLE: Oh my God, you’re going to dox me?” Which is a word I just learned about. I didn’t know what doxing was.

 

[00:07:27] SASHEER: Yeah. Is it short for something?

 

[00:07:31] NICOLE: Doximation? I don’t know. That word I made up.

 

[00:07:36] SASHEER: Oh, okay. I was like, “I have never heard that one before.”

 

[00:07:40] NICOLE: Kimmie?

 

[00:07:42] SASHEER: Kimmie is on the case.

 

[00:07:43] NICOLE: Maybe it is, like, releasing the documents or, like, leaking the documents.

 

[00:07:50] SASHEER: I see. Damn.

 

[00:07:53] NICOLE: I just can’t imagine being like, “This person made me mad, so I’m going to tell everybody where they live.”

 

[00:07:57] SASHEER: It’s really horrible.

 

[00:07:59] NICOLE: Yeah.

 

[00:08:01] SASHEER: Scary.

 

[00:08:02] NICOLE: It is scary. And it’s like, “Why would you waste your time? Like, I have a wife, you know? I can’t be doing that.”

 

[00:08:12] SASHEER: “Can’t.”

 

[00:08:16] NICOLE: “No, thank you.” I went to Washington, D.C., like, last weekend, two weekends ago, or whatever. This is maybe my third time in D.C. I still have not seen any history. I haven’t seen the White House. I haven’t Capitol Hill. I wanted to go to the insurrection monument. Where did that happen? The Capitol? It’s not a monument, but it’s a building right now.

 

[00:08:44] SASHEER: Oh no! I don’t want to call it the “insurrection monument.” No, they can’t have that. No.

 

[00:08:50] NICOLE: Was it in the Capitol Building. Is that where it happened? Yeah. I wanted to visit the insurrection building, and I didn’t make it there. I didn’t make it anywhere. I did go to two thrift stores, though. And I bought a zebra vase, a duck vase, a piggy bank, a weird cup with flowers on it that I was like, “I don’t know what I’m going to do with it,” but I put my toothbrush in it. I bought jeans with big grommet holes on the side that I had been searching for. I specifically wanted jeans with giant grommet holes so I could either lace in some fabric or let my skin breathe. I haven’t decided what option I’m going with.

 

[00:09:38] SASHEER: Please keep me posted.

 

[00:09:38] NICOLE: Oh, I will keep you posted. And they were in my size. I couldn’t believe it. And then I got a bunch of very ugly shirts. One is purple with hats on it. One is, like, purple and blue and leopard print. One looks like a child made it. Like, I bought so much to the point where I was like, “Do I have to buy another suitcase?” But you better believe your girl shoved everything in her bag.

 

[00:10:02] SASHEER: Oh, amazing.

 

[00:10:04] NICOLE: I really thought the zipper was going to break.

 

[00:10:07] SASHEER: Did you have, like, a suitcase in a backpack?

 

[00:10:09] NICOLE: I had a suitcase in a backpack and my purse. So, I put all the breakable stuff on top of my backpack and then placed my purse on top of it gingerly and then truly had to, like, tiptoe down the fucking jetway so my shit didn’t topple out. And then I snored and farted the whole way home. And, like, I’m no longer self-conscious about farting on the plane. I’m like, “I’m helping it go. I’m giving it gas.”

 

[00:10:39] SASHEER: A flight I was on recently–I guess we were waiting for gas. And the pilot told us that. I don’t need that much information. I don’t need a pilot to tell me everything that’s happening with the plane, everything that’s happening with the control towers… Just tell me when we’re leaving because otherwise, I might get concerned. Like, he was like, “We’re waiting for gas. We keep asking for gas, but they won’t give us the gas. And we need thousands of gallons of gas.” And I was like, “Thousands of gallons? Are we going to be here for hours pumping gas?” Then maybe two minutes later, he’s like, “Oh, they’re bringing the gas. And thousands of gallons sounds like a lot, but it’s going to be, like, 10 minutes.” And I was like, “Why did you phrase it that way? Why did you tell us any of the information? I wouldn’t have noticed. We’re still boarding. Why did you tell us that?”

 

[00:11:31] NICOLE: You were still boarding when he was like, “We’re waiting for gas?”

 

[00:11:35] SASHEER: I’m pretty sure. Or, like, settling in. But it wasn’t like so much time had passed that we were like, “What’s going on here? Why haven’t we taken off?” I was not concerned. Unneeded information. And now I was like, “God. Thousands of gallons.”

 

[00:11:54] NICOLE: Yeah. Your plane was on E. It was on empty.

 

[00:11:58] SASHEER: Yeah, I was like, “How did it get here?”

 

[00:12:00] NICOLE: Also, how do you get in a cockpit and go, “We ain’t got no gas.” It’s a plane. It should come gassed up. What are we doing? What are the airlines doing? Also, did you see that man screaming about that baby?

 

[00:12:13] SASHEER: Oh my God. Yes.

 

[00:12:15] NICOLE: Sasheer. I’m on the side of the man because that baby was not screaming when he was screaming, so something could have been done. And I know people are like, “Kids have to be in public, and he needs to be an adult.” But when the flight attendant said, “Sir, you’re yelling,” and he says, “So is the baby. Did that motherfucker pay more to yell?” I said, “That man is a hero.”

 

[00:12:40] SASHEER: “So is the baby.”

 

[00:12:47] NICOLE: He’s my favorite person. I think he should get unlimited flights. And then I love his companion, who I assume is his wife, who was just like, “Please stop.”

 

[00:12:59] SASHEER: “Just please stop. People are filming.” But I wonder what led up to it. What was like…? Did he tell the mom, “Shut this kid up”? How did we get here?

 

[00:13:14] NICOLE: I don’t know. Kimmie, can you Google what led to that man screaming? I also am just like, “I don’t think we’re collectively okay.” Like, just people screaming at babies on planes. People just acting wild on planes. I watched a video of a woman calling another woman a “river rat” as she was getting off the plane.

 

[00:13:37] SASHEER: Oh my God.

 

[00:13:40] NICOLE: And she said, “What, did you glue down your wig down with Elmer’s Glue? Get off the plane.” And I don’t know what led up to her screaming at this woman, but everyone clapped when she got off the plane. Everyone is just wilding out.

 

[00:13:56] SASHEER: Yeah. People don’t really know how to be in public anymore.

 

[00:13:58] NICOLE: No, we were inside for too long, and everyone’s being very poorly behaved.

 

[00:14:02] SASHEER: I think so. Yeah.

 

[00:14:03] NICOLE: “Did that motherfucker pay more to cry?” which is iconic. And honestly, if they pay more, cry. You know? If the baby’s paying just as much as me, if not a little bit more, I guess you could cry.

 

[00:14:20] SASHEER: But that baby don’t got a job.

 

[00:14:22] NICOLE: No.

 

[00:14:25] SASHEER: Unless it’s a model.

 

[00:14:27] NICOLE: I guess some babies do have jobs. Isn’t that funny?

 

[00:14:30] SASHEER: That is funny.

 

[00:14:30] NICOLE: Some babies do have jobs.

 

[00:14:34] SASHEER: I actually saw a quote from John Stamos from Full House, and he was saying he couldn’t stand the Olsen twins crying. So, he told the producers, like, “Get rid of them.” And so, they, like, got rid of the Olsen twins and then brought in two redhead babies. But I guess they were maybe more annoying, so John was like, “Fine, bring the Olsen twins back.”

 

[00:14:58] NICOLE: How funny?

 

[00:15:00] SASHEER: Yeah.

 

[00:15:01] NICOLE: Oh, Kimmie found it.

 

[00:15:03] KIMMIE: Basically, said the plane already was having some issues. They were supposed to be landing, I think, in Fort Lauderdale. But there was weather, so it was really bumpy and uncomfortable for everyone. And it caused the baby to start crying. So, everyone’s already tense, and they couldn’t get out of their seats because of the turbulence. And then just apparently just out of nowhere, this other passenger in the video basically said, “Shut that baby up!” And it just escalated. And they finally had landed in Orlando. And they were going to wait a minute and head to Fort Lauderdale, I think. And apparently, they landed in Orlando being like, “This man who is yelling has to get off this plane.” And he’s like, “I refuse.” They’re like, “You’re getting off, or everyone is getting deplaned.” And he was like, “That one.” And so, everyone had to get off this plane with him. And then he got taken to the authorities. And everyone got back on the plane it sounds like.

 

[00:15:53] SASHEER: Oh my God!

 

[00:15:56] NICOLE: That is so wild.

 

[00:15:59] SASHEER: He made everyone get off the plane for him? Same result was going to happen for him.

 

[00:16:03] NICOLE: Yeah. You still weren’t going to the next location. Whenever it’s like, “Either you get off or everybody,” and they’re like, “Everybody.” I’m like, “Why? Why did this badly behaved person get the option?”

 

[00:16:16] SASHEER: This is a good point.

 

[00:16:18] NICOLE: Why are we giving them the option? Why aren’t we just dragging them off the plane?

 

[00:16:21] SASHEER: Yes. Be like United. Drag their ass off the plane.

 

[00:16:25] NICOLE: Drag their ass off the fucking plane. Oh, my Lord, how funny.

 

[00:16:33] SASHEER: I still feel bad about that guy who got dragged off because it was, like, an older man, wasn’t it?

 

[00:16:38] NICOLE: Yeah. And I don’t remember why he got dragged off, but they–

 

[00:16:42] SASHEER: He just seemed kind of lost, or, like, he kind of seemed out of it or something. He was confused and maybe didn’t speak English or something. And then some security guy just yanked him out of the seat.

 

[00:16:55] NICOLE: Boy, oh, boy. I’m glad I go right to sleep on planes. I don’t even have time to act up. I sit down and get a cocktail. My flight attendant on the way back was like, “How strong do you want it?” And I was like, “I guess strong.” And he said, “Good girl.” And I was like, “Ew.” And then he just gave me a cup of vodka. I wanted a vodka soda, and there was no soda to be had. But I did drink that and pass right out real good for the whole dang flight.

 

[00:17:30] SASHEER: I think flight attendants may also forget that you have a day to have after you get off a plane. It’s not like this is it. Like, you have more life to live after you get off the plane.

 

[00:17:41] NICOLE: Nope. The plane is my life, and I’m done living. Thank you, Delta. To the sky I went and never back to land.

 

[00:17:49] SASHEER: Yeah. You just party on the plane.

 

[00:17:53] NICOLE: On my way to D.C., I had one vodka soda, and he was trying to give me another one. And I was like, “Oh, I have to do shows later. I can’t…”

 

[00:18:02] SASHEER: Yeah.

 

[00:18:03] NICOLE: I can’t get hammered on the plane and then roll up to the fucking D.C. Improv and be like, “I don’t know who I am.”

 

[00:18:11] SASHEER: Yeah, you have to be able to speak, at least.

 

[00:18:13] NICOLE: Just a little bit. Those shows were fun.

 

[00:18:17] SASHEER: Oh, good. Also, we have to plan our Vegas trip.

 

[00:18:21] NICOLE: We gotta get to Vegas. We gotta see Usher. We gotta see Adele, even though we don’t understand how to get Adele tickets.

 

[00:18:29] SASHEER: No. Don’t know.

 

[00:18:30] NICOLE: We gotta get somebody to help us. When are we going?

 

[00:18:35] SASHEER: June.

 

[00:18:36] NICOLE: June.

 

[00:18:37] SASHEER: Yeah. Juuune.

 

[00:18:45] NICOLE: Juuuuune. I can’t wait. I haven’t been to Vegas in a minute. And I do love Vegas. It’s so nasty.

 

[00:18:53] SASHEER: It’s pretty nasty. I pretty much only do shows there, but it’s a great place for shows.

 

[00:18:59] NICOLE: What else would you do in Vegas?

 

[00:19:01] SASHEER: Gamble?

 

[00:19:03] NICOLE: That is what it– Yes. That– Yeah. Okay. Every hotel has a casino. I don’t know how I fucking forgot about that. I was like, “Vegas is, like, the Broadway of the West Coast. You just see shows, magic, whatever.”

 

[00:19:19] SASHEER: Oh, we should see a magic show.

 

[00:19:20] NICOLE: I would die to see a magic show. Oh my God. Imagine if we go to a magic show and they disappear me.

 

[00:19:27] SASHEER: But what if you don’t come back?

 

[00:19:30] NICOLE: I will. I have to. You can’t just disappear me forever.

 

[00:19:35] SASHEER: That’s true. Yeah. They have to end the trick.

 

[00:19:38] NICOLE: But I mean, what a way to go. “Host of Nailed It!, beloved by everyone, disappeared in Vegas by magician, never to be seen again.”

 

[00:19:47] SASHEER: Like, “Wait, was she lost?” “No. She was on stage, thousands of people saw her, and then she disappeared.”

 

[00:19:54] NICOLE: “And right before she disappeared, she went, “Oh, I can’t wait to go!”

 

[00:19:59] SASHEER: “Seemed like it was a choice.”

 

[00:20:01] NICOLE: “Yay! Bye-bye!” Yeah. I just want to be involved in a magic show. I fucking love magic.

 

[00:20:13] SASHEER: Yeah, I feel like I’m well aware it’s not magic. It’s, like, illusion–the trickery of it. But I still get really excited all the time.

 

[00:20:24] NICOLE: Yeah. And I refuse to say that it’s not magic. It is because I can’t do it.

 

[00:20:29] SASHEER: Yeah. Yeah.

 

[00:20:31] NICOLE: Someone recently did a magic trick for me, and I was delighted. I wish I could remember who it was, but I turned truly into a child. “More! Again! Again!” Who was it? I don’t know.

 

[00:20:47] SASHEER: Yeah. Some random person at a bar in Atlanta was like, “You want to see magic tricks?” And I was like, “Yes.” And he just did a bunch of, like, up-close magic. And I was like, “This is the best day of my life.” I was, like, calling people over, like, “You got to get a load of this!” And these other adults were like, “It’s… It’s nice.” And I was like, “But look at the tricks!”

 

[00:21:11] NICOLE: Okay. People who are not into magic, I think, are not happy people. I think they’re sad motherfuckers who don’t like fucking joy and shit. And they should fucking get a grip and get into the magic.

 

[00:21:26] SASHEER: Get a grip!

 

[00:21:28] NICOLE: Get a grip. Get into the magic. Come on.

 

[00:21:33] SASHEER: Yeah. Did you see Prestige?

 

[00:21:37] NICOLE: No. That was a movie that came out at the same time as, like, another magic movie?

 

[00:21:42] SASHEER: Yeah. What was that one? I can’t remember.

 

[00:21:45] NICOLE: That illusionist?

 

[00:21:46] SASHEER: Yeah, I think so. Yeah. Prestige had Hugh Jackman.

 

[00:21:51] NICOLE: And then the other one, I think, had the man from Fight Club who’s like, “Don’t talk about it.”

 

[00:21:58] SASHEER: Edward Norton?

 

[00:21:59] NICOLE: Yeah.

 

[00:22:00] SASHEER: “Don’t talk about it.”

 

[00:22:03] NICOLE: That was their rule. They only had one rule. “Don’t talk about it.”

 

[00:22:07] SASHEER: Oh. Did you hear about that teacher who basically had a fight club in her classroom?

 

[00:22:12] NICOLE: Yes. And I’m obsessed. They put her in jail, and I was like, “Come on. They were interested in school.”

 

[00:22:18] SASHEER: They were excited to go to school.

 

[00:22:20] NICOLE: You know? They were excited to fight in front of the teacher.

 

[00:22:23] SASHEER: They’re like, “I have to go to school because I have to fight. I have to fight Jessica today.”

 

[00:22:28] NICOLE: “And Jessica deserves it.” What do you think drives a teacher to being like, “I want to start a fight club at school?”

 

[00:22:38] SASHEER: I mean, my best-case scenario brain is saying maybe these kids were fighting anyway and, like, getting expelled. And so, she’s like, “Look, if you’re going to do it anyway, do it during this hour, in this space. Don’t film it. Don’t tell anyone about it.” And I think there was, like, a timing thing. I think it was only two minutes or something like that. Maybe it’s shorter–hopefully shorter. So, it’s like you do damage, but not so much that someone actually, like, dies or gets seriously hurt. So, it’s like, “Get it out of your system, and then you’re done.”

 

[00:23:18] NICOLE: They really should have run stats. Like, did fights go down? Let’s see. Kimmie said, “Some sixth-grade students at Griffin Middle School near Tallahassee, Florida”–of course, it’s Florida–“told authorities their teacher asked two girls if they wanted to come back during her sixth period for a rematch.”

 

[00:23:39] SASHEER: Okay, so maybe that should not happen. You shouldn’t be asking kids to come back to fight more.

 

[00:23:48] NICOLE: It’s like, “Hey, you didn’t really get what you needed out of that fight. You want to come back and fuck her up?”

 

[00:23:55] SASHEER: Oh my God.

 

[00:23:56] NICOLE: I wonder if, like, fighting outside of the classroom went down? Do you know what I mean?

 

[00:24:01] SASHEER: Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I like what you were saying. They should run stats. Like, did the rate of fighting decrease because they were like, “Look, I have a concentrated time on when I can fight. I’m not going to have to come find you after school because we can do it during fourth period.”

 

[00:24:16] NICOLE: Yeah. “We don’t have to read Beowulf. We get to fight.”

 

[00:24:21] SASHEER: Or do they do both? Or do they, like, have maybe 30 minutes to talk about Beowulf? And they’re like, “Okay, for the last 30, we’re not going to…

 

[00:24:28] NICOLE: “We’re going to fight.”

 

[00:24:30] SASHEER: “Who has a grievance they need to bring to the floor?”

 

[00:24:32] NICOLE: “Who’s got beef? Who’s got beef?” That’s funny. My God. School’s wild. I’m so glad I’m not in school anymore. It seems like too much.

 

[00:24:42] SASHEER: Me too. Yeah, especially now. There’s, like, just too many ways to communicate with each other.

 

[00:24:50] NICOLE: It blows my mind. Like, imagine leaving school and being like, “Phew. I’m away from all these people who, like, look too pretty. I don’t even know if they like me.” And then they’re, like, on my Instagram being like, “You fucking idiot.” And you’re like, “Oh yeah, they don’t like me.” I don’t want that. That’s bad.

 

[00:25:07] SASHEER: But it seems like… I’ve seen headlines that say that more kids are choosing to have dumb phones–phones that are not smartphones, like the old Nokia phones and stuff and flip phones–to decrease their amount of social media and access to the internet, which sounds great.

 

[00:25:27] NICOLE: Honestly? Smart. Wait, should I do that? I love zoning out and looking at Instagram. I’ll find another way.

 

[00:25:39] SASHEER: So do I, but I just waste time. I kind of wish… I’ve had the thought of, like… You know how when you FaceTime someone, there’s, like, a corner box of you–you see yourself. That should just always be there, so when I’m scrolling on Instagram, I’m like, “Oh, look at how stupid I look.” And so, I can just get off and be like, “Oh, I should go live my life. What am I doing? I wasted so much time.”

 

[00:26:03] NICOLE: You’re right because we do look stupid just looking down at our phones. Maybe I will get one of those little Nokias.

 

[00:26:13] SASHEER: I want a BlackBerry. I miss my BlackBerry.

 

[00:26:16] NICOLE: I loved my BlackBerry.

 

[00:26:18] SASHEER: Yeah.

 

[00:26:20] NICOLE: Wait, do they still make BlackBerrys?

 

[00:26:22] SASHEER: This I don’t know.

 

[00:26:23] NICOLE: Kimmie! Kimmie, we gotta know! Do they still make the BlackBerry? I liked all of the old BlackBerrys. They came out with the BlackBerry Pearl, and everybody loved it. And I was like, “No. I don’t want a camera on my BlackBerry.” I was that person. I was like, “I don’t want a camera on my phone. I have my digital fucking camera for pictures. I don’t need it on my phone.” I’m like an old woman, and I’ve been like this my whole life. I don’t like change.

 

[00:26:53] SASHEER: Yeah, that would be the drawback of not having an iPhone is that it has a really good camera on it. But then I guess you just get a camera. But I’m not going to carry a camera.

 

[00:27:03] NICOLE: Yeah. Who’s carrying a camera and a fucking BlackBerry?

 

[00:27:06] SASHEER: I don’t have pockets for that.

 

[00:27:08] NICOLE: I don’t have any sort of pockets. I don’t have pockets at all in my outfit today.

 

[00:27:13] SASHEER: Especially with those grommets.

 

[00:27:14] NICOLE: No, it’ll slide right out.

 

[00:27:17] SASHEER: Okay, “BlackBerry…”

 

[00:27:20] NICOLE: “Was a brand of smartphones. On September 28th”–I’ll have to celebrate this year–“BlackBerry Ltd. announced it would cease designing its own BlackBerry devices in favor of licensing to partners to design.”

 

[00:27:38] SASHEER: So maybe some other company can license it and design the same kind of thing. But BlackBerry itself will no longer make BlackBerrys.

 

[00:27:46] NICOLE: Okay. But can I still get a BlackBerry?

 

[00:27:49] SASHEER: Someone might make them. If this becomes popular–people buying older type phones–someone might scoop that idea up.

 

[00:27:59] NICOLE: I would love to have a BlackBerry again. And I have this old Samsung flip phone for a really long time. I loved it.

 

[00:28:08] SASHEER: Yeah. They’re fun to snap.

 

[00:28:10] NICOLE: Oh, when I was making a point, I’d be like, “Oh! And you’re done?” Always making points.

 

[00:28:19] KIMMIE: And just one more thing about BlackBerry. It looks like they decommissioned the infrastructure and services used by their software phone operating systems. It looks like they’ve pretty much fully gone down. It seems like they’ve specialized in, like, secure technology. So, I think they have, like, secure phones for probably people who need their stuff extra careful.

 

[00:28:37] NICOLE: For drug dealers.

 

[00:28:38] KIMMIE: Yes, basically. And they do, like, programs and apps and stuff. It doesn’t look like actual hardware, like phones and stuff. I could be wrong. If you know or own a BlackBerry, email us, and let us know.

 

[00:28:53] NICOLE: Yeah, let us know if you still have a BlackBerry.

 

[00:29:08] KIMMIE: Is This Weird?

 

[00:29:10] NICOLE: So, we put a call out on social media. We said, “What is something that your friend does that you find weird?” And then Sasheer and I are going to read them or listen to them, depending on how you sent them in. And then we’re going to decide whether or not your friend’s fucking weird.

 

[00:29:29] SASHEER: Yeah, we’ve done this before. Like, not in this format. But, like, when we talked about bras–putting on a bra front to back or spinning them or over the shoulder, which I still don’t understand–and many things like this. So, yes, we’re going to see if we can talk about things that people do that might be a little different.

 

[00:29:50] NICOLE: Every time I put on my bra, I think about people twisting them, and I’m like, “The level of work you’re doing. My God”

 

[00:30:03] SASHEER: I just am not confident in buckling it the right way, behind my back.

 

[00:30:08] NICOLE: Oh, I hardly ever miss loops. Okay. This person said, “Hello there, Nicole, Sasheer, Kimmie on the keys, and Jordan in the booth. My name is something. And boy, do I have one for you. Up top, I love you all, and I’m always waiting around for your next installment for some fun, serotonin-releasing giggles. So, my friends think I’m weird because I have friendship tiers from A Prime all the way down to D. D tier are like friends that are ones that I will listen to and be empathetic to their lives, but, like, it doesn’t make a difference to me what’s actually happening. They make me happy, but they never have the ability to make me sad. I don’t know. C tier are frenemies mostly. I care enough about them because usually I need to know I’m doing better than them, but I genuinely wish them well. This tier also includes the friends that I have generally met at work or met in my undergrad years. They don’t know the current person I am, but they have a distant perception of me or one that has been code-switched to hell.”

 

[00:31:14] SASHEER: “B tier friends are usually friends I have met at church or have transcended the boundaries of undergrad or different jobs. I will usually keep my catching up lunch or dinner plans with them, and I will invest in how they are doing. Some of these friends are old roommates or ones that I have been in their weddings in some way, shape, or form. Really good friends that don’t make it to the best friends test, but when we get together, it’s like no time has passed at all. Now to the best friends level. A Subprime–these friends are definitely here for the long haul. We may grow distant, we may grow apart, but the love in our friendship will never fade. Usually at least five-plus years of vested interest in their lives and they have been support beams when I need it or vice versa. I will drive miles to get to them out of whatever ordeal they are in. And if they need help in a legal search, I would highly consider perjuring myself on the stand. No guarantees though. These friends will definitely be in my wedding. A Prime–the tippity-top–these hoes know who they are. All six. My ride-or-dies, my day ones, as the Gen Z’rs say. These bitches (using the colloquial way of a good friend) already know what it is to deal with my wild and slightly mentally ill ass. They know what presents I like, they know what advice I need and when, and they never pity me on anything. They are the first people I go to with the real tea and the last people on earth I would ever consider hurting, which I would never. They are all a part of my will, and my mama might as well have pushed them out of her vag. I have told all my friends this, and they say, “Bitch, why?” And I say, “Because it’s fun to know your place.” Oh my God. “I even gave them a card when they graduated to A Prime from Subprime. I hope this brought you some joy and helps guide you to where to categorize your friend groups in your life if that’s your thing.”

 

[00:33:22] NICOLE: Wow. Wow. I mean…

 

[00:33:30] SASHEER: I guess I also have those people in my life. I just never thought about categorizing it like that.

 

[00:33:39] NICOLE: Yeah, me either. I just know, like, “These are my super close friends. These are close friends. These are acquaintances. These are bitches I don’t fuck with. It is funny to have that and to, like, write it down or, like, have it really sorted out. The weird thing is giving a card to your friends who have graduated.

 

[00:34:01] SASHEER: Yes. I mean, I hope that’s the only card. I hope it’s not like you get a card from going from D to C, and they’re like, “Oh, cool. I guess you’ll kind of, like, care a little bit more about my stories.”

 

[00:34:17] NICOLE: Yeah, I think the card is a little weird specifically because if someone gave me that card and I already thought we were close, I’d be like, “Oh… So, we’re not as close as I thought we were.”

 

[00:34:29] SASHEER: Yeah. It’s like, “Now you are.” But then you’re like, “I thought we always were.”

 

[00:34:35] NICOLE: Yeah. It’s very funny, though.

 

[00:34:37] SASHEER: It’s really funny.

 

[00:34:39] NICOLE: I’m going to give it a Half Weird.

 

[00:34:44] SASHEER: Yeah. I mean, there’s no harm in it.

 

[00:34:48] NICOLE: No. I don’t think so. It’s a little weird.

 

[00:34:51] SASHEER: It just takes, like, more thought than I would put into it for sure. Yeah, I’ll say Half Weird as well.

 

[00:34:59] NICOLE: Oh, that’s funny. Is there another one?

 

[00:35:01] SASHEER: Yes. Let’s get another.

 

[00:35:02] KIMMIE: This one, I think, brings up an old conversation we’ve already had, but I felt like it was worth it.

 

[00:35:08] NICOLE: Oh. This person’s a weirdo. Okay. “I’ll die on this motherfucking hill. I don’t wear PJs to bed, but I will often wear socks–just fully nude with thick wooly socks–especially in but not limited to wintertime. It feels cozy, and I like it.” You are weird.

 

[00:35:30] SASHEER: Nah, I do that. I did it last night.

 

[00:35:33] NICOLE: Naked?

 

[00:35:34] SASHEER: Butt ass naked, except for socks. My toesies get cold. But nothing else.

 

[00:35:42] NICOLE: That is the grossest thing I have ever heard of in my whole life. Just fucking trapping the heat in your feet–funky feet–while you sleep.

 

[00:35:54] SASHEER: I don’t know. But, like, my toes do get really particularly cold. But the rest of me gets hot.

 

[00:36:01] NICOLE: Get a blanket.

 

[00:36:03] SASHEER: There’s a blanket on my entire body.

 

[00:36:07] NICOLE: Get a second blanket and put it on them tootsies.

 

[00:36:11] SASHEER: But what if I roll around or if I shrink and I curl up in a little ball and my knees are to my chest and my toes are now away from the blanket that I had set at the bottom of the bed?

 

[00:36:21] NICOLE: I don’t know. But being fully naked just in socks is the most horrific thing I’ve ever heard. It’s a horror movie. It is frightening. That’s my Get Out. If anybody ever gets in bed with me naked in just socks, I got to go. I’m so sorry.

 

[00:36:40] SASHEER: Well, you wear a hat and a full sweat suit to bed as if you’re about to get up and rob somebody at 3:00 a.m.

 

[00:36:47] NICOLE: Maybe I am. Maybe I’m getting ready for something.

 

[00:36:52] SASHEER: You just be like, “I gotta get a quick couple hours, and I’m going to pop up, get ready to rob.”

 

[00:36:58] NICOLE: Well, the hat is in case I don’t have a bonnet, I want my hair covered. And I go to sleep in clothes in case I have to do something in the morning that I don’t… Okay. So last night I went to sleep in a sports bra and leggings because I had to work out in the morning. And my little ADHD brain will stay in bed until the last possible second, staring at things, talking to my dog. And then I’m like, “Oh, shit, it’s 10 a.m. I have to go to bed and go workout with Ben.” So, I just dress for the event.

 

[00:37:34] SASHEER: Honestly, that is smart. That is smart.

 

[00:37:37] NICOLE: Thank you. I’m just trying to really help my brain because it’s tough in these streets trying to do shit with ADHD.

 

[00:37:44] SASHEER: Yeah, I also need to put on pretty quickly after I get up. Otherwise, I feel in sleepy, relaxed mode until I do. If I have a bra on for some reason it’s like, “Okay! Time to do anything. Literally anything. Do something.”

 

[00:38:04] NICOLE: I don’t understand how people don’t wear bras all the time. I get titty sweat. Do you not get titty sweat?

 

[00:38:11] SASHEER: Sometimes, yeah.

 

[00:38:13] NICOLE: And that’s comfortable for you?

 

[00:38:15] SASHEER: I guess not comfortable. But I guess not so uncomfortable that I’m, like–I don’t know–living a bad life. I can just, like, wipe it away and then move on.

 

[00:38:24] NICOLE: I guess. But then I’m like, “It’s come back!” And it never comes when I’m wearing a bra.

 

[00:38:32] SASHEER: Same. Yeah. I think eventually that I am, like, dying to put a bra on.

 

[00:38:38] NICOLE: That’s why I sleep in a bra and pants. I’m not trying to sweat.

 

[00:38:43] SASHEER: And a three-piece suit.

 

[00:38:45] NICOLE: I wear my three-piece suit because who knows? Someone might propose to me. Gotta be ready for my wedding.

 

[00:38:51] SASHEER: “I might have a job interview at 4:00 a.m.”

 

[00:38:54] NICOLE: Who knows? You don’t know when jobs happen. If it’s out of the country, it might be daytime for them, nighttime for me.

 

[00:39:01] NICOLE: This is true. This is true.

 

[00:39:03] SASHEER: So funny. I haven’t been on a job interview. Well, I mean, auditions are job interviews, but I haven’t sat across the desk from someone in a long time where I’m like, “I’m a good fit for your company because I love the company and I’ll work good.” Like, I never knew what to say. Like, I was so bad at interviewing.

 

[00:39:20] SASHEER: Yeah, I hate when they have questions that are like, “What’s your biggest weakness or whatever?” And I’m like, “Do you really want to know that? Why did I tell you that?”

 

[00:39:31] NICOLE: Yeah, it’s like, “What do you want me to say? That I fall too hard for people and make up fantasies for us to date, and then it doesn’t work out? Like, what do you want to know? Also, this is a TGI Fridays. My greatest weakness? You don’t need to know that. I’m going to wear my stripes and fucking pins, and I’m going to serve people fucking chicken tenders, okay? That’s what I came here to do.”

 

[00:39:53] SASHEER: Yeah. “Also, I’m late everywhere, but I’m not going to tell you that. Why did I tell you that?”

 

[00:39:56] NICOLE: “I’m not telling you. You’re gonna find out a couple months in and feel real bad when you don’t want to fire me because I’m a good time.”

 

[00:40:06] SASHEER: “I have to trick you.”

 

[00:40:09] NICOLE: I did interview to work at TGI Fridays, and they didn’t hire me. And to this day, I will not go to a TGI Fridays. I will go to a dumb Chili’s. I will go to a dumb chain restaurant. I’ll go to fucking Houlihan’s. I am not going to a TGI motherfucking Fridays.”

 

[00:40:27] SASHEER: Wow. Did they say why they didn’t hire you, or you just never heard back?

 

[00:40:30] NICOLE: Sasheer, I went to an open call to work at TGI Fridays in the Upper East Side of New York City, where the line was out the door, up the stairs, around the corner. And then we had a meet with these managers, and they were like, “What’s your greatest weakness?” And I was like, “Nothing. I am perfect.” And they’re like, “Have you waited tables before?” “Never in my whole life, but I’ll be really good at it.” And they said, “You won’t. Get out.” And they kicked me down the stairs.

 

[00:40:59] SASHEER: What?

 

[00:40:59] NICOLE: And I was like, “Foul play. For people who look like referees, foul play.” So mad I didn’t get hired. All I wanted was to make a ton of money waiting tables.

 

[00:41:12] SASHEER: Yeah. You did eventually.

 

[00:41:15] NICOLE: Yeah, and I didn’t make a ton of money. I made okay money.

 

[00:41:23] SASHEER: Yeah. Well, look who’s laughing now!

 

[00:41:24] NICOLE: Look at us now, TGI Friday’s! Fuck you unless you want to do ads. In which case, I take everything back. I love a Jalapeño Popper.

 

[00:41:37] SASHEER: We can be bought!

 

[00:41:39] NICOLE: We can be bought. I really can. You know? Just a little ad here and there–give it to me. Let’s help people, because “I believe the children are our future. Let them live and let them lead the way.”

 

[00:42:07] SASHEER: Perfect.

 

[00:42:18] NICOLE: Yeah.

 

[00:42:20] KIMMIE: All right. I have an update. Do we remember how we had a caller who was in a difficult position because they wanted to have a birthday party, but they didn’t want to invite their best friend’s husband because the husband had said derogatory comments about the LGBTQ community in the past?

 

[00:42:36] NICOLE: Yes.

 

[00:42:38] KIMMIE: All right. We just heard back from them. So…

 

[00:42:41] CALLER: Hey, besties. I’m the one who called in a while ago. I figured I’d give an update. So, the party was a smash. We did basically, like, a gay college rush experience. Everyone can dress up how they want to. It was very fun. We had a great time. Birthday was a total smash. My friend’s husband mostly was a non-issue because apparently, he felt that we were being “oppressive” by being offended when he would make comments about gay people, like putting stuff in his face, blah, blah, blah. He doubled down with a lot of that. And he didn’t like the “Hey, this kind of hurts my feelings when you say this.” And he decided to get way more intense about it after it’s been brought up. And my friend unfortunately decided to also double down and defriend herself, which… Choices, not the choice I would make. So, you know, that’s okay. So, you guys nailed it. It was a talk that needed to happen, and unfortunately, it caused her to distance herself. But man, it’s a lot easier, nicer, and freer to not constantly be stressed out about the comments that somebody else is going to make and having to stay silent on behalf of your friend. So, yeah, solved. Talking about it solves the problem, and sometimes the trash takes itself out. Anyway, hope you guys are well. Thanks. Bye.

 

[00:44:18] NICOLE: I love that. Sometimes the trash takes itself out. I wish that would happen in my house.

 

[00:44:28] SASHEER: “Who’s gonna take this trash out?”

 

[00:44:32] NICOLE: I’m glad that they had a talk. And I’m glad– I mean, I’m not glad that the person doubled down, but I’m glad that they were like, “Great, I’ll just remove myself from the situation. If I’m not wanted, I’m not coming.” And I was like, “Yeah, man. You’re not wanted”

 

[00:44:45] SASHEER: Yeah, yeah. And then, yeah, that kind of eliminates the problem if this person isn’t coming around.

 

[00:44:50] NICOLE: We did solve it.

 

[00:44:52] SASHEER: Yay!

 

[00:44:52] NICOLE: We said, “talk to them.” And we did it. Look at us. Gurus.

 

[00:44:57] SASHEER: Gurus!

 

[00:44:59] NICOLE: Okay. “Hi, Nicole & Sasheer. I’ve wanted to write for the longest time and even stirred up drama with my friends just so I have something to write in about. Kidding of course. I wanted your advice on how to tell my friend that I don’t like her dog. For context, this friend is my former boss, and we’re still on pretty good terms. During the pandemic, she got a pugapoo. Yes, that’s a cross between a bug and a poodle.”

 

[00:45:22] SASHEER: Oh.

 

[00:45:22] NICOLE: Interesting. I don’t even know what that looks like. “I love dogs dearly and badly wish I could have one, but flats in London–” Ooh, this person is from England. “Flats in London where I live generally aren’t pet-friendly. My boss knew this and would always offer for me to come round and play with them and would on occasion ask for me to dog-sit him for a day or two. The problem is this dog is so badly behaved. He’s a proper lockdown dog.” That’s such an English way to say it.

 

[00:45:51] SASHEER: You’re doing great.

 

[00:45:52] NICOLE: Thank you. “He’s a proper lockdown puppy. So, he has immense separation anxiety and will cry if you so much as go to the bathroom with the closed door. When I lived with housemates, he would get super territorial about my bedroom and would yap at them every time they walked past, which is super rude because they live there too. Every time I’ve seen him since then, he’s been a real handful. He was kind of putting me off getting my own dog because I can’t handle that level of neediness and yapping.”

 

[00:46:26] SASHEER: Okay, I’m going to try to do the British accent too, but I’m really afraid it’s going to be really bad.

 

[00:46:31] NICOLE: No, it’s going to be great. And I can’t wait.

 

[00:46:33] SASHEER: Okay. Okay. “Since then, it’s a bit awkward because his owner will vaguely offer for me to come round or take him for walks, and I have to politely decline while make up excuses as to why. Now I’ve started dog-sitting other dogs in my neighborhood who are sweet and lovely. And my friend got a bit upset, saying, “You never come walk.” I don’t know how to tell her that I don’t want to anymore because she still thinks he’s the sweetest little angel when he’s really a funny, little gremlin that I can’t handle.” I’ve gotta stop. “I don’t think she realizes how yappy he is or how disruptive he is in the most public settings, so it’s hard to explain when she’s oblivious to it. I would love your advice because you are both so empathetic and understanding of other people. I’m a huge fan of you both and have loved seeing your career skyrocket in the past few years since I’ve been following your work. Lots of love from London!”

 

[00:48:18] NICOLE: Sasheer. It’s so aggressive in the wildest ways. Wait, can you put it back up? There was one word that killed me. Wait, can you put it back up?

 

[00:48:39] SASHEER: What was the word?

 

[00:48:39] NICOLE: I think it was “decline.” Can you say it again?

 

[00:48:42] SASHEER: “Decline.”

 

[00:48:47] NICOLE: “Decline.”

 

[00:48:50] SASHEER: “Decline.”

 

[00:48:50] NICOLE: Oh my God. They made me laugh so hard. I don’t think I’ve ever laughed at anything more. It was just so aggressive. It was my favorite thing in the whole world.

 

[00:49:13] SASHEER: I had to audition for something with a British accent recently, and I don’t think I did well.

 

[00:49:18] NICOLE: I think you got it. I think they want that. I would want that. If I got that tape, I’d be like, “We’re fools. We’re fools if we don’t hire this woman.” I kind of love the idea of, like–especially if it’s a comedy–somebody just later being like, “She’s not really English, is she?” “We just let her believe it’s a good accent and that we believe she’s from England.” I think that’s so funny. “Decline!” I don’t even remember what the problem was. Okay. The bad dog.

 

[00:49:57] SASHEER: It’s a bad dog, and this person doesn’t know how to tell their friend that this puppy is poorly behaved.

 

[00:50:10] NICOLE: Yes. “Decline.” I think there is a world where you’re like, “Hey, your dog needs some training maybe before I can take him again because they’re having some separation anxiety.”

 

[00:50:35] SASHEER: Yeah.

 

[00:50:36] NICOLE: “And the separation anxiety is a little too intense for me. And then also he’s, like, a little yappy with my friends when he comes over. So, I do think before another visit happens, your dog has to do a little bit of training just so everybody in the house is comfortable with this dog.”

 

[00:50:53] SASHEER: I think that’s really well said. Yeah. Really, really well said. This is your home, your space, and also the space of the other people who live there. So, yeah, like, for their comfort and your comfort, this dog needs to be trained a little better or at all.

 

[00:51:13] NICOLE: Yeah. You don’t want, like, a poorly behaved dog. I mean, I have one. He bit me yesterday.

 

[00:51:22] SASHEER: Oh no.

 

[00:51:22] NICOLE: Because I didn’t announce myself because usually, he stays in a room with a glass pocket door. But I had to put him in a room where there wasn’t a glass. It was just a door door. And I didn’t say, “Hi, Clyde!” when I came in. I just opened the door, and he thought he was somebody working on my bathroom. And he just nipped me. And then his ears went down. And then he backed up. And I went, “Yeah. You should be mad. You bit your best fucking friend.”

 

[00:51:50] SASHEER: Yeah. Also, like, he didn’t get a look at you before he bit?

 

[00:51:55] NICOLE: No. The door opened a smidge. I was like, “Friend.” He was alone for an hour. But my dog–truly, when he’s alone, he acts like I’ve gone to a war, and he never thought he would see me ever again. He just tried to jump on the couch, and he fell.

 

[00:52:20] SASHEER: He’s like, “You talking about me?”

 

[00:52:21] NICOLE: The stopping point was him tripping on a pillow.

 

[00:52:25] SASHEER: Also, at this angle, it looks like Clyde’s on your shoulder, like a parrot. Clyde’s on the couch behind you, but it looks like he’s just, like, chilling, perched on your shoulder.

 

[00:52:34] NICOLE: I wish. I wish he would know. Now he’s fighting a pillow.

 

[00:52:40] SASHEER: Wow.

 

[00:52:40] NICOLE: He’s in his own fight club.

 

[00:52:43] SASHEER: He’s like, “I got two minutes to go at it.”

 

[00:52:46] NICOLE: “Two minutes, and I’m going to fucking annihilate this pillow!” But yeah, I think to help our dog friend, just be like, “I think this dog needs a little bit more training.”

 

[00:52:55] SASHEER: Yeah. And, like, maybe your friend will get mad at that, but that’s whatever. Like, it’s up to them if they want to train the dog or not. But at the end of the day, the dog’s not coming over to your house anymore.

 

[00:53:06] NICOLE: Correct. And I’ve had people–a trainer–call Clyde the rudest dog she’s ever met. And you know what? She’s not wrong. Did you see that? I said, “He’s the rudest dog she’s ever met,” he looked right into the camera. He’s funny.

 

[00:53:22] SASHEER: What is this? The Office?

 

[00:53:23] NICOLE: Oh my God. Did you know it’s funny?

 

[00:53:25] SASHEER: The Office? Yeah, it’s a funny show. I like it.

 

[00:53:27] NICOLE: It’s so funny. One night there was a person with a Dunder Mifflin, like, bumper sticker on their car, and I pulled up next to them and I screamed, “You like The Office, too?” And the way they looked at me was as if I had 18 heads and I was the devil. And I just wanted to bond with this person. And they just, like, wouldn’t bond back with me. Anyway…

 

[00:53:53] SASHEER: They probably thought you were making fun of them. Like, “Wow! You like The Office, too?” Everyone loves The Office. If that happened to me, I would have thought you were making fun of me. I’d be like, “Oh my God, this girl’s a bitch.”

 

[00:54:06] NICOLE: It never occurred to me. I was just being friendly. I’m so embarrassed.

 

[00:54:13] SASHEER: No, it’s okay. It’s okay.

 

[00:54:15] NICOLE: Oh my God. Well, if you have a question or query or something… Or if you like The Office, email us at nicoleandsasheer@gmail.com. Or call 424-645-7003.

 

[00:54:28] SASHEER: We also have merch at podswag.com slash best friends.

 

[00:54:31] NICOLE: Hey! We have transcripts of our new episodes. Check them out on our show page at earwolf.com.

 

[00:54:39] SASHEER: Lastly, don’t forget to write, review, and subscribe. That’s the easiest way to support this show.

 

[00:54:47] NICOLE: I’m telling you, you booked it. I’m telling you right now. I have intel. You booked it. God, that’s so…

 

[00:54:58] SASHEER: Cheerio!

 

[00:54:59] NICOLE: Tip top, Sasheer.