May 16, 2023
Did you know how many teeth dogs have? We didn’t! But now we all do! This week, Nicole and Sasheer discuss the surprisingly big teeth market, why Sasheer trusts Billy Mays, the murder of crows outside of Sasheer’s house, and the trick to going upside down in pole. We take a quiz where we make a sandwich to see what 2000s rom-com we should watch, and answer listener questions about how to deal with loneliness within friendships, and dealing with a difficult friend-triangle.
Here is the quiz we took: https://www.buzzfeed.com/kbball27/2000s-rom-com-sandwich-order-quiz
Email or call Nicole & Sasheer with your friendship questions/ “Is this weird” suggestion at:
205 — Nicole Goes Up The Pole Like A Lil’ Honeybear
[00:00:11] NICOLE: Hi, Sasheer!
[00:00:12] SASHEER: Hi, Nicole.
[00:00:13] NICOLE: Oh my God. Guess what? Have I talked to you about Clyde’s teeth?
[00:00:17] SASHEER: No, you have not.
[00:00:20] NICOLE: They took 11 of his teeth, and I was like, “It’s so many teeth.” And when they said it was 11, I was like, “So does my dog… Is he Toothless? Does he not have nary a tooth?”
[00:00:36] SASHEER: How many teeth did he have?
[00:00:36] NICOLE: I don’t know. But they took so many. And then he came home, and he was loopy because they had to put him under anesthesia. And he kept trying to jump on me but then, like, falling down. And I was like, “This is cute, but also devastating.” Oh my God, they have 42 teeth.
[00:00:55] SASHEER: That’s more than us.
[00:00:56] NICOLE: That’s so much more than us. How many do we have?
[00:00:59] SASHEER: 32. I think we have 32.
[00:01:03] NICOLE: Oh, yes. “Humans have 32 teeth if they keep their wisdom teeth.” Interesting. They took my favorite tooth. He has, like, little fangs. And they took one of his fangs!
[00:01:15] SASHEER: Why do they take his teeth?
[00:01:17] NICOLE: Because they were rotting out of his head.
[00:01:20] SASHEER: Oh, no.
[00:01:21] NICOLE: I know it. And his breath stunk. I’d have to crack the window when we traveled together. It was so bad.
[00:01:29] SASHEER: Oh, that’s why his breath stank. Because the teeth were bad. Aww.
[00:01:31] NICOLE: Because his teeth were rotting out of his head. And did you know you’re supposed to brush your dog’s teeth twice a day?
[00:01:39] SASHEER: Twice a day? Like a human?
[00:01:41] NICOLE: Like a human. He does not like having his teeth brushed, but it’s a new thing we’re starting.
[00:01:47] SASHEER: But I thought… Don’t they make, like, bones? Not bones, but, like, little biscuits they can chew on that is supposed to be, like, essentially brushing their teeth. Or do you actually have to get it brushed to brush it?
[00:01:59] NICOLE: I have an actual dog toothbrush. You put peanut butter flavored toothpaste on it, and then you brush, brush, brush as he looks at you like, “Are you going to kill me?” He gets so upset.
[00:02:15] SASHEER: Damn. They don’t have, like, doggy teeth implants, do they? Is he going to get, like, fake teeth or, like, dentures or something?
[00:02:27] NICOLE: Imagine I get dentures for my dog.
[00:02:31] SASHEER: That would look horrifying.
[00:02:33] NICOLE: It would look so scary, especially if I got human dentures for my dog.
[00:02:37] SASHEER: He just has a human smile.
[00:02:41] NICOLE: Oh God, that would be terrifying. He doesn’t like canned, wet food. So, what I do is I take his dry food and I put it in the Nutri-blend? I don’t know. One of those blenders. And I mush it all up until it’s powder. And then I add hot water to it, so it’s hot slop. And he gets so excited for his hot slop.
[00:03:04] SASHEER: Ew. “Hot slop.” Oh, God.
[00:03:06] NICOLE: He loves his hot slop.
[00:03:11] SASHEER: “Come and get your hot slop!”
[00:03:13] NICOLE: That’s what I’ve been saying. And I do a little dance. And he does a little dance. And he gets really excited. And it’s now our new routine, you know, as two toothless people because they took my teeth, too.
[00:03:25] SASHEER: Wow. Maybe Clyde started rotting his teeth empathetically, like, “Well, my mom’s teeth are coming out of her head, so I need to do the same.”
[00:03:36] NICOLE: Maybe. And honestly? I like that. Oh no!
[00:03:41] SASHEER: Oh no. Kimmie found the worst picture in the world.
[00:03:44] NICOLE: Oh, God. It’s a little dog. It’s, like, a terrier with human dentures in its mouth. And it truly is horrifying. And the website is moderndogmagazine.com.
[00:04:02] SASHEER: But also, that dog kind of looked like Jim Carrey. No?
[00:04:06] NICOLE: It did!
[00:04:09] SASHEER: Like, the essence of Jim Carrey somehow.
[00:04:12] NICOLE: Oh my God. How funny. Maybe I have to get some dentures. He’ll hate them. But maybe I should do it. I wonder if they have little sizes.
[00:04:19] SASHEER: Probably. Children’s sizes.
[00:04:22] NICOLE: Can you just buy dentures on the internet? Does Amazon have dentures?
[00:04:27] SASHEER: I guess I assumed you had to get it fitted to your mouth, but maybe you can buy some. You could probably ask them to just put it in your mouth.
[00:04:39] NICOLE: “Help! I need teeth! Give me teeth!”
[00:04:41] SASHEER: Oh, we know you can go to bones.com. No, B for Bones for teeth–unlimited amounts of teeth.
[00:04:47] NICOLE: That was terrifying.
[00:04:50] SASHEER: Yeah, I looked at it again recently to show a friend because I was like, “Look at this crazy thing.” And it’s still as horrifying as it was the first time.
[00:04:59] NICOLE: Well, I’m just like, “Who’s in the market for teeth?” Like, who’s just like, making teeth lanyards and necklaces?
[00:05:07] SASHEER: I think more people than you think, honestly.
[00:05:10] NICOLE: You know, people are weird. I’m going to buy fake teeth on amazon.com.
[00:05:20] SASHEER: Kimmie found actually a large amount of options on Amazon.
[00:05:27] NICOLE: So many teeth options.
[00:05:30] SASHEER: “Fake teeth. Dental veneers for temporary teeth restoration.”
[00:05:35] NICOLE: Oh my God, I’m doing it! I’m going to buy Clyde some $36 dentures–put them right in his mouth–he’ll be so mad about it.
[00:05:45] SASHEER: He’ll immediately put them up.
[00:05:48] NICOLE: Or maybe he’ll be like, “This is what I was waiting for! No more hot slop! I can eat my kibbles!”
[00:05:57] SASHEER: I can finally chew again!
[00:05:59] NICOLE: I can’t really chew on one side of my mouth, and I don’t know if that’s ever going to change.
[00:06:03] SASHEER: Because of the dental work that you had done?
[00:06:05] NICOLE: Mmhmm.
[00:06:07] NICOLE: Because it hurts or because you’re not capable of chewing. It, like, kind of hurts sometimes. Soft things are fine. But if I’m crunching, gotta keep it to the left side of the mouth.
[00:06:18] SASHEER: Does that affect your jaw eventually? If for years you’re only chewing on your left side, would that affect the right side at all?
[00:06:28] NICOLE: Oh my God. Is my left jaw going to be stronger than my right jaw?
[00:06:32] SASHEER: I don’t know.
[00:06:34] NICOLE: Oh my God. Is one side of my face going to be bigger than the other because it’s working out more?
[00:06:42] SASHEER: I mean…
[00:06:42] NICOLE: Am I going to be lopsided in the face?
[00:06:46] SASHEER: I have no idea. You’re going to have a real chiseled–
[00:06:54] NICOLE: One half is Zac Efron. And then the other side will be like what?
[00:07:02] SASHEER: Like, uh… I guess I don’t want to think of any celebrities that have a weak chin. I don’t want to, like, list them.
[00:07:07] NICOLE: They’re listening to the podcast. They’re like, “I have a weak chin?”
[00:07:10] SASHEER: This is how they find out.
[00:07:13] NICOLE: I would be really sad if someone brought it to my attention that someone said I had a weak chin.
[00:07:17] SASHEER: Yeah.
[00:07:19] NICOLE: I don’t think it’s a strong chin. I think it’s a moderate chin.
[00:07:26] SASHEER: All right. Yeah.
[00:07:30] NICOLE: What do I have?
[00:07:32] NICOLE: I think you too also have a moderate chin. It’s not quite strong.
[00:07:36] SASHEER: I wouldn’t call it strong.
[00:07:38] NICOLE: But I wouldn’t say weak or recessed.
[00:07:41] SASHEER: Thank you so much.
[00:07:42] NICOLE: You’re welcome. That would be awful if I did. If I was, like, “Weak.”
[00:07:50] SASHEER: “What a weak ass chin.”
[00:07:53] NICOLE: This bitch walking in with her weak ass chin. I have a question, Sasheer.
[00:08:00] SASHEER: Okay.
[00:08:00] NICOLE: In the last two, three, maybe four days, have you accomplished something that you didn’t think you were going to?
[00:08:06] SASHEER: Wow. What a good question. Not at all. I didn’t even accomplish things that I wanted to accomplish. The things that I expected to accomplish, I have not accomplished.
[00:08:20] NICOLE: What were you able to accomplish? You went to Home Depot.
[00:08:23] SASHEER: I did go to Home Depot. I went to Home Depot to get some, like, spray adhesive because I saw some… What’s that guy’s name? I want to say Billy Blanks. But that’s so wrong.
[00:08:36] NICOLE: It is wrong. He’s the Tae Bo exercise man, and he’s not at Home Depot. He’s on a DVD.
[00:08:43] SASHEER: It’s the guy who does everything. He does, like, OxiClean and those stickers that, like, prevent leaks. He’s always screaming in the commercials. And he somehow has invented so many products. I don’t know if he’s invented them or… Oh, “Billy Mays?”
[00:09:03] NICOLE: Billy Mays. Yes. I believe it’s Billy Mays. From Kimmie. Thank you, Kimmie.
[00:09:11] SASHEER: Yeah. Billy Mays. That guy. Yes. The beard. He’s always like, “Do you have a problem with this thing?” And then he, like, shows you how to fix it, and you’re like, “That seems impossible, but I will buy it.” So, I saw something where you could spray glue out of a can? I don’t know. But he sprayed a screen door and he put it at the bottom of a boat and then he put that boat on water and he sat in the boat. And he’s like, “See? No leaks. Holes are all plugged up. You can even boat on a screen door.”
[00:09:45] NICOLE: Let’s see that screen door–I don’t know–in six hours of boating. I don’t know. I mean, he has made an empire on OxiClean and his other inventions, so I guess Billy Mays is on to something.
[00:10:02] SASHEER: I use OxiClean. I trust his products. So, I bought that spray stuff because my garage roof is leaking again. And anytime I have the people who patched it up the first time come patch it up–I don’t know what they’re using, but it’s clearly not working. So, I was like, “I will use Billy Mays’ spray glue to spray these holes and see if that works a little better.” Have I done that? No, but I did buy the can. It’s sitting by the door, ready when I am ready.
[00:10:34] NICOLE: I mean, that’s a good achievement.
[00:10:37] SASHEER: Thank you so much. Yeah.
[00:10:38] NICOLE: Nothing else?
[00:10:41] SASHEER: I did laundry.
[00:10:43] NICOLE: Oooh. Okay. How many loads?
[00:10:47] SASHEER: Two.
[00:10:50] NICOLE: That’s good!
[00:10:50] SASHEER: Whites and colors.
[00:10:51] NICOLE: That sounds wild. I don’t think you should say it like that.
[00:10:57] SASHEER: I had to separate them.
[00:10:59] NICOLE: “Two. Whites and coloreds. Nothing else. That’s it.” See, I’m progressive, and I am post-racial. So, I don’t separate my clothes; they all go together.
[00:11:15] SASHEER: See, now, I usually think that I can do that–that I can mix the colors and the whites. But then when I try that, the whites get stained.
[00:11:27] NICOLE: And that’s what we need to happen, Sasheer. The whites need to maybe not be so white.
[00:11:32] SASHEER: No. I need my white to stay pure and uninfected by the colors, so…
[00:11:41] NICOLE: “Uninfected!” You heard it here first. Sasheer believes separate but equal when it comes to laundry. I just don’t have it in me to separate everything. And I wear the dingiest white stuff.
[00:11:56] SASHEER: Yeah. But it happened recently. I threw a white shirt in with some colors that I didn’t even think were capable of bleeding and also things I had washed before. So, it’s not like they were new. And the white shirt came out with, like, splotchy stains. But then I used my OxiClean and got it right out.
[00:12:17] NICOLE: Billy Mays coming to the rescue! Okay, I have had my overalls fixed twice now because the buckle keeps breaking when I put it in the dryer. And then it didn’t break last time, so I was like, “The cycle is broken. My overalls are going to be fine.” Put them in the dryer yesterday, and the buckle broke right off. So, for the third time, I’m going to have to have my overalls fixed. Can you even?
[00:12:40] SASHEER: They’re, like, ripping off the overalls.
[00:12:42] NICOLE: So, the little buckle has a thing at the bottom that, like, hinges onto the button. And the little thing at the bottom that hinges on to the button keeps breaking off.
[00:12:53] SASHEER: Dang.
[00:12:54] NICOLE: I know.
[00:12:54] SASHEER: You need a new hinge every time?
[00:12:58] NICOLE: Yes.
[00:12:59] SASHEER: Good Lord.
[00:13:00] NICOLE: I know. And this’ll be the third time. It’s embarrassing. I have to keep going back.
[00:13:07] SASHEER: Have you ever seen those laundry bags that you, like… You put clothing in the bag. It’s usually a white mesh bag. And you zip it. And then you put that in the bag? Although that’s usually for washing, not for drying.
[00:13:21] NICOLE: I think what I need to do is just air dry them.
[00:13:24] SASHEER: But sometimes with air dry… Is it jean material?
[00:13:27] NICOLE: Yeah.
[00:13:28] SASHEER: Sometimes I’ve air dried jeans and it’s, like, weird and crunchy after.
[00:13:31] NICOLE: It is weird and crunchy. Oh! This is terrible.
[00:13:36] SASHEER: This is terrible.
[00:13:37] NICOLE: This is the worst thing that’s happened in America.
[00:13:42] SASHEER: These are real problems.
[00:13:43] NICOLE: These are real problems. My God.
[00:13:47] SASHEER: I have a murder of crows outside my house at all times.
[00:13:53] NICOLE: Wow. Every sentence you’ve said today is really wild. So, you’ve got a murder of crows? That’s what they’re called?
[00:14:06] SASHEER: That’s what they’re called. They’re called a “murder.”
[00:14:11] NICOLE: How many consists of a murder?
[00:14:13] SASHEER: That’s a good question. Maybe two. If two are together, maybe they murder. I don’t know.
[00:14:20] NICOLE: Are these murderous crows doing things to you?
[00:14:23] SASHEER: They were taking the stuffing out of my outdoor furniture. I have since bought covers to cover my furniture to prevent them from doing that. And then they were also ripping up one of my outdoor rugs because I think they’re building a nest, so they were, like, taking any fabric or, like, loose things they could. But then they left a peanut shell on my stair. And I looked it up, and I think that was a gift. I think they were paying for the stuffing. I think they were like, “Thanks for all the stuff. Here’s a peanut shell.”
[00:15:02] NICOLE: Wild that they did that after you covered their access to the things they want.
[00:15:08] SASHEER: Or maybe they’re paying so they can regain access to it.
[00:15:12] NICOLE: Yes, I think they are. And I think you need to make a trip to Joann Fabrics and get a bunch of scrap fabric, put it in like a basket, and be like, “Here you go. murders. You can have a nice time with the scraps–little scraps.”
[00:15:25] SASHEER: I think that’s actually a really good idea because I think I can make these crows my friends.
[00:15:31] NICOLE: You can.
[00:15:32] SASHEER: And you can give them things. And so, I think they would like some fabric I can just give. And then they’ll bring me little trinkets in exchange.
[00:15:42] NICOLE: I hope they don’t bring you, like, a dead animal.
[00:15:45] SASHEER: I really don’t want that.
[00:15:47] NICOLE: I do think you have to bring them scraps because they’ve seen you, they know you, and crows remember everything.
[00:15:56] SASHEER: They do. So, I’ll try to, like, make sure I don’t do anything to piss them off because if they are mad at you, they tell their friends. And then wherever I go, crows will be really mad at me and maybe try to peck at me or at my car. I don’t want that.
[00:16:14] NICOLE: I met a crow at Party City.
[00:16:17] SASHEER: Shopping?
[00:16:21] NICOLE: I was. I was. So, I went to Wells Fargo. And then there’s a Party City next to Wells Fargo. And I was getting in my car, looking at the receipt, and a crow landed on one of those posts. Maybe it was a garbage can or a post. I don’t remember what it was. And it stared at me. And I was like, “Hello, crow.” And then I had food in the car, so I set it out and gave it to the crow. And then the crow… Okay. I think it smiled and nodded at me. I haven’t seen him again, though. But, like, sometimes when I go to that Wells Fargo, I’ll just sit in my car and be like, “Oh, will my crow friend come back?”
[00:17:02] SASHEER: Aww.
[00:17:02] NICOLE: I have not seen them since. It is a little sad, but–you know–that’s okay.
[00:17:10] SASHEER: That’s okay.
[00:17:12] NICOLE: I just want birds to be my friends.
[00:17:14] SASHEER: Yeah. Yeah.
[00:17:16] NICOLE: Well, can I tell you what I mastered in the last four days that I did not anticipate mastering?
[00:17:22] SASHEER: Oh, yes, yes. I didn’t realize you set up that question for me because you actually wanted to answer the question.
[00:17:31] NICOLE: Isn’t that how any conversation goes? Ask the question where you’re like, “This is what I want to talk about.” And hopefully they’ll ping-pong it back to me. But you caught the ball and kept it. So, here’s what I’ve accomplished in the last couple days.
[00:17:49] NICOLE: I did a hip hold in pole. And it was very hard for me. So, I could do it, lost it after I fell down my stairs. And then I’ve just been, like, trying to regain strength back. And I did it, and I did it for like a good long time. And I was really proud of myself.
[00:18:10] SASHEER: I’m proud of you, too.
[00:18:12] NICOLE: Thank you. And then we figured out how to get me upside down. It’s a big old cheat. So, you lay on one of them big exercise balls, kick your little legs up, and then Veronica–our pole teacher–has to very violently rip the ball out from under me because it’s hard for me to lift my hips. And then after the ball’s gone, I’m upside down. It’s a real cheat.
[00:18:34] SASHEER: But you’re upside down.
[00:18:38] NICOLE: I was. I got upside down three times yesterday.
[00:18:41] SASHEER: Oh my gosh.
[00:18:43] NICOLE: And boy, oh boy, was it hard because I can’t figure out how to hook my knees. So, my little angles are up there, and then I’m holding my whole body weight with my arms upside down. And she was like, “That’s harder than it needs to be.” And I was like, “I don’t know how to do it any other way.” So that’s what I gotta work on next.
[00:19:00] SASHEER: Wait, where are your legs when this happens if they’re not on the pole? Just up?
[00:19:06] NICOLE: So, my legs are up the pole in a cross–a crucifix–or whatever. But I can’t figure out how to slide my legs up higher to lock my knees. So right now, my knees are not locked. They’re kind of open. And then I’m holding with my arms. It’s hard to explain.
[00:19:26] SASHEER: Yeah. I mean, it sounds hard. Me thinking about going upside down–my legs are a big part of the equation because I can’t just hold myself up with my arms.
[00:19:40] NICOLE: Yeah, I think I’m stronger than I look.
[00:19:42] SASHEER: You’re very strong. Yeah.
[00:19:44] NICOLE: And it’s really annoying because I can do some things, but then… I also figured out how to climb up the pole again because I lost that. And then I just looked in the mirror, and it all made sense.
[00:19:55] SASHEER: Oooh. I’m so glad.
[00:19:58] NICOLE: Thank you.
[00:20:00] SASHEER: Did you take a video of any of this?
[00:20:03] NICOLE: Yes! I do have a video of me getting up the pole like a little honey bear. And then I do have a video of the hip hold, but I’m holding my bottom hand wrong. And she was like, “You just made it harder for yourself.” And I was like, “Oh, dear.” It’s the commonality in my pole dancing. I just make things harder than they need to be.
[00:20:23] SASHEER: Yeah. But then once you figure out how to actually do it, it looks breezy.
[00:20:28] NICOLE: That’s right. Thank you. Sasheer.
[00:20:30] SASHEER: Yeah.
[00:20:36] NICOLE: Let’s see. Did I achieve anything else this week? Nope. That was my big achievement. Those two things.
[00:20:44] SASHEER: Those are huge.
[00:20:45] NICOLE: Oh, I achieved another thing. I was supposed to book tickets because I’m going with my family to Barbados, and my grandpa is going to come. I bought the plane tickets.
[00:20:57] SASHEER: That’s huge.
[00:20:57] NICOLE: I kept putting it off, kept putting it up. And I was like, “They’re going to be mad at me if I don’t do this and they sell out.” But I did it.
[00:21:05] SASHEER: Good job.
[00:21:07] NICOLE: It’s a long journey to get there because I have to go to Miami first and then Barbados. There’s no direct. And I have to take American. Can you even?
[00:21:18] SASHEER: Oh, I’m so sorry.
[00:21:18] NICOLE: Delta doesn’t go there. So now I have to get a nasty, old, nasty American. I hate American Airlines. Yuck. I don’t even know who the CEO is. That’s how little I care about them. They’re no Ed.
[00:21:41] SASHEER: They’re no Ed Bastian.
[00:21:42] NICOLE: No, they are not. And I don’t want to be anyone’s sky baby over there. Get out of here. But they do have flatbeds from Miami to LA, and I was like, “Oh, that’s nice.”
[00:21:55] SASHEER: Surprising.
[00:21:56] NICOLE: Very surprising. So random.
[00:21:58] SASHEER: Yeah. Well, great. Should we take a quiz?
[00:22:13] NICOLE: Let’s take a quiz.
[00:22:14] SASHEER: Yeah.
[00:22:14] NICOLE: Okay. What quiz do you want to do? I kind of want to do Order an Ideal Sandwich and We’ll Give You a 2000s Romcom to Watch.
[00:22:24] SASHEER: That is also what I was looking at. I just watched Hot Chick for the first time recently. Have you seen that movie? With Rob Schneider and Rachel McAdams?
[00:22:32] NICOLE: I feel like I saw it forever ago.
[00:22:35] SASHEER: It’s not a romcom, I guess. Kind of. There’s, like, love in it, but it’s actually really good.
[00:22:45] NICOLE: Is it?
[00:22:47] SASHEER: My expectations were so low because I was, like… Like, Rob Schneider is funny, but his movie choices have been questionable. And just by the commercials, I was like, “I don’t know.” Like, a gender swap comedy in the early 2000s can’t hold up. It was honestly so good and pretty progressive. Rachel McAdams little brother was trying on her clothes and, like, wearing heels and stuff. And she was mostly annoyed that he was trying on the clothes, not that he was putting on women’s clothing. And then at some point at the end of the movie, the little boy is running in heels, and the dad is like, “Come on, kid. If you’re going to wear those when you grow up, you got to practice now.” And I was like, “Oh! This is so sweet! They’re just, like, accepting it.” And there was, like, really nothing that I could see that was offensive, like, “Ew. Girls dressing as boys. Boys dressing as girls.” It was, like, pretty surprisingly accepting.
[00:23:59] NICOLE: Maybe I’ll give this a second watch because I feel like I watched it forever ago. I did just rewatch Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo. There’s a lot of questionable things in there, but I had a nice time. Also, for whatever reason, I couldn’t figure out what to watch the other night, and I was like, “I want to watch Sex and the City, but I don’t want to start at the beginning.” So, I started with Season Four. And there is an episode where in five minutes one lady says very offensive things. She says two offensive things that I was like, “Oh my God, I can’t believe this passed on television.” She was talking about turning her earring–or no, her wedding ring–into baguettes. Like, I think that’s a type of cut or something–an earring or something. She was like, “I turned my ring into a baguette because my husband was a…” What rhymes with baguette? And I was like, “Oh my God.” And then she says, “Don’t bring your ring to a…” slur for Romanian people “next door.” And I was like, “This lady.” She had all the bad lines, and they probably made her audition with that. She was so proud of herself. It does not hold up well.
[00:25:17] SASHEER: Yeah, she can’t be like, “Guys, I was on Sex and the City,” and, like, be proud of it.
[00:25:23] NICOLE: I mean, not anymore. Good Lord. But also, I think it was the same episode… The little doctor from Grey’s Anatomy–the Black one–Shonda, I think her name is… No. Shonda Rhimes created it. Do you know who I’m talking about?
[00:25:35] SASHEER: Yes, I know who you’re talking about. I don’t watch the show, so I don’t actually know her name.
[00:25:40] NICOLE: I don’t know her name either, and I feel really bad. But she was in the episode. And then Charles Parnell–who plays my dad on Grand Crew–was in that episode. So, I was like, “Wow! All the stars!” Also, I might be confounding two episodes together. Yeah, it’s the lady on the end.
[00:25:57] SASHEER: Yes. Oh, it’s Chandra. Chandra Wilson.
[00:26:03] NICOLE: Shout out to Chandra Wilson for being in an episode of Sex and the City that I enjoyed. Wait, is she still on Grey’s Anatomy? I feel like they’re on season 38. There’s, like, the same amount of seasons of Survivor. It’s crazy.
[00:26:16] SASHEER: Yeah. She is still on it. I feel like I saw a headline that she was like, “I’m going to be here till the very end.”
[00:26:25] NICOLE: “I’ll never leave.”
[00:26:27] SASHEER: It’s job security.
[00:26:29] NICOLE: It really is.
[00:26:32] SASHEER: Why would you do anything else?
[00:26:33] NICOLE: I wouldn’t. Okay. Let’s make a sandwich.
[00:26:37] SASHEER: Yes, let’s make a sandwich.
[00:26:39] NICOLE: “What bread would you like?”
[00:26:41] SASHEER: “Wheat.”
[00:26:42] NICOLE: Ew. “White.”
[00:26:42] SASHEER: “Ciabatta.”
[00:26:45] NICOLE: “Rye.”
[00:26:46] SASHEER: “Brioche.”
[00:26:47] NICOLE: “Sourdough.” These are good breads.
[00:26:53] SASHEER: “Good breads!”
[00:26:54] NICOLE: I love a brioche. I love a sourdough. And ciabatta? Yum, yum, yum. But that might be too hard for a sandwich.
[00:27:02] SASHEER: I’m going to say brioche.
[00:27:04] NICOLE: Okay, then I’ll go with sourdough.
[00:27:06] SASHEER: Great.
[00:27:09] NICOLE: Mm. Sourdough.
[00:27:12] SASHEER: “How about some meat?”
[00:27:14] NICOLE: “Ham.”
[00:27:15] SASHEER: “Turkey.”
[00:27:15] NICOLE: “Chicken.”
[00:27:16] SASHEER: “Roast beef.”
[00:27:18] NICOLE: “Salami.” And there’s “other” or “none.”
[00:27:21] SASHEER: Oh, I missed that.
[00:27:23] NICOLE: It’s okay.
[00:27:24] SASHEER: It’s a bland of a square. I didn’t want to look at it. My eyeballs were rejecting it.
[00:27:30] NICOLE: Yuck.
[00:27:32] SASHEER: I do want meat. I think I’ll have turkey.
[00:27:34] NICOLE: Turkey? I’m going to have chicken.
[00:27:38] SASHEER: Nice. I want ham, too. But, like, sometimes I feel bad about eating pigs, you know?
[00:27:44] NICOLE: I often feel bad about eating pigs, but I do love bacon.
[00:27:48] SASHEER: Same. I had some this morning.
[00:27:50] NICOLE: You did?
[00:27:51] SASHEER: I did.
[00:27:53] NICOLE: Not in your home?
[00:27:54] SASHEER: No, I went out in the world.
[00:27:56] NICOLE: Fair. Where did you go?
[00:27:57] SASHEER: There’s a bakery nearby, and they have these croissant sandwiches. And I had an egg, cheese, bacon croissant.
[00:28:05] NICOLE: Oooh, that’s nice. I don’t think I ate today.
[00:28:11] SASHEER: You gotta fix that.
[00:28:12] NICOLE: I should fix that. “What greens are you adding?”
[00:28:16] SASHEER: “Lettuce.”
[00:28:17] NICOLE: “Kale.”
[00:28:18] SASHEER: “Arugula.”
[00:28:20] NICOLE: “Spinach.”
[00:28:20] SASHEER: “Bok choy.”
[00:28:22] NICOLE: “None/other.” No, “other/none.” Whatever. I got food poisoned by lettuce–by iceberg lettuce–so I’m going to do arugula.
[00:28:37] SASHEER: I’m going to do spinach. A long time ago, I really needed to integrate vegetables in my life because I wasn’t eating them. And I can still say that about today; it’s not like I’m doing much better. But I decided I would make spinach my vegetable. I was like, “I’m going to try really, really hard to like spinach.” So, I would force myself to eat spinach.
[00:29:06] NICOLE: You do eat a lot of spinach.
[00:29:08] SASHEER: And now I genuinely like it!
[00:29:09] NICOLE: Oh, that’s nice.
[00:29:11] SASHEER: Yeah.
[00:29:13] NICOLE: I’m apathetic to spinach. But it’s not my favorite, you know? Whenever I put it in a pan, it sizzles up, and it goes away. I’m like, “Oh my God.” You never know how much spinach to add to dishes.
[00:29:26] SASHEER: I know. It’s never enough.
[00:29:28] NICOLE: No. “What cheese do you want?”
[00:29:32] SASHEER: “Cheddar.”
[00:29:33] NICOLE: “Gouda.”
[00:29:34] SASHEER: “Brie.”
[00:29:35] NICOLE: Uch. “Blue.”
[00:29:37] SASHEER: “Havarti.”
[00:29:38] NICOLE: “None/other.” Okay. Is this melted cheese or just, like, raw cheese?
[00:29:45] SASHEER: I guess… Well, it’s your sandwich. You do whatever you want.
[00:29:48] NICOLE: Oh! Well, then I’m going to go with cheddar, and it has to be melted. Actually, no, I don’t want cheese. None/other.
[00:29:56] SASHEER: Oh, okay. I’m going to say cheddar. I love cheddar, even though I will probably get gassy.
[00:30:05] NICOLE: Hee hee hee hee hee.
[00:30:07] SASHEER: I’m finding cheddar cheese to really, like, fuck me up now.
[00:30:11] NICOLE: Oh. I’m sorry that cheese be fucking you up.
[00:30:16] SASHEER: Well, I just take Lactaid, and I still eat it and hope for the best.
[00:30:21] NICOLE: Okay, so the former owners of Ample Hill, who now have their other ice cream shop, the Social in Brooklyn. You should go to it. Anyway, they sell Lactaid at the counter to go with your ice cream. And I was like, “This is a revolutionary” because I snatched up one of those, ate it, and I didn’t blast off on the toilet later. I stayed right here on Earth.
[00:30:45] SASHEER: Oooh! Where the ice cream is.
[00:30:48] NICOLE: I said, “Maybe I’ll get me some more.”
[00:30:51] SASHEER: Yeah. I mean, honestly, so far, so good.
[00:30:54] NICOLE: I like Lactaid. These are the things you talk about in your mid 30s. “Oh, Lactaid is a godsend!”
[00:31:02] SASHEER: “What else are you adding?”
[00:31:08] NICOLE: Ooh, “tomatoes.”
[00:31:11] SASHEER: “Onions.”
[00:31:11] NICOLE: “Peppers.”
[00:31:14] SASHEER: “Olives.”
[00:31:14] NICOLE: Ew. “Pickles.” Uch.
[00:31:17] SASHEER: “Avocado.”
[00:31:17] NICOLE: Yum. “More than one of these.” “None/other.” No, “other/none.” I don’t know why I keep reading that wrong.
[00:31:25] SASHEER: It’s okay.
[00:31:26] NICOLE: Thank you. Well, I have to have avocado. And I have to have tomato. So more than one of these. I also think I want some onions. Wait, no. Raw onions? No, I don’t want onions. I just want tomatoes and avocado.
[00:31:43] SASHEER: I don’t think I want any of it.
[00:31:44] NICOLE: No avocado?
[00:31:44] SASHEER: I’m not an avocado head.
[00:31:51] NICOLE: Wow. Okay.
[00:31:52] SASHEER: It’s not like I dislike it. I’ll eat it, but I don’t choose to eat it.
[00:32:02] NICOLE: Okay.
[00:32:02] SASHEER: Are you okay?
[00:32:02] NICOLE: Do you not like guacamole?
[00:32:05] SASHEER: I do like guacamole, but for some reason, it feels different than…
[00:32:09] NICOLE: Okay. Fair. It is different because there’s other ingredients than avocado. I get that. But here, I implore you. If you do happen to get a sandwich with avocado on it, sprinkle some salt and pepper on that bit and ask for, like, a lemon wedge and squeeze some lemon on it. And then it’ll give you a little a little tasty dazzle for your fucking buds.
[00:32:33] SASHEER: “A dazzle for my fucking buds?”
[00:32:35] NICOLE: I couldn’t remember “tastebuds. “That’s what they are.
[00:32:38] SASHEER: “For my fucking buds.”
[00:32:41] NICOLE: “What spread/sauce are you putting on?”
[00:32:46] SASHEER: “Mustard.”
[00:32:46] NICOLE: I would never. “Pesto.”
[00:32:50] SASHEER: “Mayonnaise.”
[00:32:52] NICOLE: “Barbecue sauce.”
[00:32:53] SASHEER: “Jam.”
[00:32:54] NICOLE: “Other/none.” You know, in my old age, I have come to appreciate mayonnaise. Do you like mayonnaise?
[00:33:06] SASHEER: Now, the thing is, I used to really like mayonnaise and, in my older age, have since stopped. Too tangy, I think.
[00:33:16] NICOLE: It is a little tangy. But let’s get one thing straight. I’m not going out of my way to get mayonnaise.
[00:33:23] SASHEER: Okay. Sure.
[00:33:23] NICOLE: If it happens to be on a sandwich, I’m not going to sniff my nose at it. But I’m not seeking it out. I don’t have any mayonnaise in my house; that’s insane.
[00:33:37] SASHEER: I see. I see. Yeah, I think I would… I think I have had mayonnaise in my house before. But that is not a thing that would happen in my life today.
[00:33:50] NICOLE: It wouldn’t happen in my life today either. The only condiment I really have is ranch.
[00:33:56] SASHEER: I like mustard now.
[00:33:58] NICOLE: Eww!
[00:34:01] SASHEER: I think I would do mustard on my sandwich.
[00:34:06] NICOLE: Are you doing, like, Gray Poupon, or are you doing, like, French’s Yellow Mustard?
[00:34:11] SASHEER: Like, Gray Poupon. Like, a brown mustard.
[00:34:15] NICOLE: I once got a sandwich from Ehren? Irwin?
[00:34:20] SASHEER: Irwin?
[00:34:22] NICOLE: Sure. Yeah, that place. And they tricked me. I didn’t realize there was mustard on the sandwich. I chomped into it, and I was like, “This is good. But there is something off about this sandwich.” And I ate the whole half because I was hungry. And then I looked at the ingredients, and it said “mustard.” And I was like, “That’s why this was off.”
[00:34:42] SASHEER: Yeah.
[00:34:43] NICOLE: It was really upsetting for me and my fucking buds.
[00:34:48] SASHEER: “Your fucking buds.”
[00:34:49] NICOLE: But yeah, since this is the sandwich I’m making at home, “none/other.”
[00:34:54] SASHEER: Okay.
[00:34:55] NICOLE: I can’t imagine putting pesto on a sandwich. Why isn’t Ranch here?
[00:35:00] SASHEER: I guess that could be your “other.”
[00:35:02] NICOLE: Okay. It is “none/other.”
[00:35:06] SASHEER: “Lastly, are you sharing your sandwich with anyone?”
[00:35:10] NICOLE: “No. It’s just for me.”
[00:35:12] SASHEER: “My friends.”
[00:35:13] NICOLE: “My family.”
[00:35:15] SASHEER: “My significant other.”
[00:35:17] NICOLE: “My roommate.”
[00:35:18] SASHEER: “My pet.” You can’t share anything with your pet. Won’t be able to chew on it.
[00:35:21] NICOLE: Sure cannot. He’d have to nibble it to death. He’d have to gum it.
[00:35:28] SASHEER: I’m not sharing my sandwich with anybody. It’s for me.
[00:35:32] NICOLE: I also feel the same way just because I’m like, “When did you come in in the sandwich process? Did you come at the end, wanting some? Did you, from the start, you know, say you wanted one?” So, like, if nobody said anything, it’s just for me.
[00:35:53] SASHEER: Yeah. Isn’t there, like, a song or a fairy tale? Was it Little Red Hen who was baking bread, and then all these other animals…?
[00:36:05] NICOLE: Little Red Hen?
[00:36:05] SASHEER: I think so. And then all these little animals came because she was asking for help. And she was like, “Will you help me with the flower?” And then, like, the lamb would be like, “Nah, bitch. I don’t want to help at all.” And then she’d, like, go to the duck and be like, “Do you want to help me roll out the dough? And the duck would be like, “Nah, bitch. I want to swim.” And then at the very end, the bread was done, and all these animals were like, “Can I have a slice of bread?” And she was like, “Oh. Oh! Now you guys want bread? But you didn’t want to work for it?” And then I think she didn’t give bread. I can’t remember how it turned out. I don’t know what the lesson was, but this is a memory I have.
[00:36:49] NICOLE: I think the lesson is, like, “You better fucking help. Otherwise, you’re not going to get nothing.”
[00:37:00] SASHEER: Yeah.
[00:37:01] NICOLE: I vaguely remember that story of the Little Red Hen. I wonder why nobody went to help her. Okay, but here’s the thing. Is the Little Red Hen a bitch? Is she rude to all the other animals, and that’s why they’re like, “Bitch, you’re on your own”? Do you know what I mean?
[00:37:18] SASHEER: Yeah. Is she being needy? They’re like, “Why can’t you just do that on your own? You’re the one who wanted the bread. Why can’t you just make it?”
[00:37:23] NICOLE: “Yeah, and what’s going on?”
[00:37:31] SASHEER: If you were making lasagna and I didn’t help you, would you serve me a slice, even though I didn’t help make it?
[00:37:40] NICOLE: It depends on the situation. Like, are you coming for lasagna? Am I making it for you? Like, for you to consume? Is that the deal? You came over for an exchange–company time for company for exchange of a slice of lasagna? Or did you drop by unannounced as I made a lasagna? And I’m about to dig in, and you’re like, “Can I get me a piece?” Did I make it for one? Did I make a whole tray?
[00:38:10] SASHEER: Maybe I came over unannounced while you’re making lasagna. But while I was there, you were like, “Hey, do you mind doing one of these things that helps make lasagna?” And I was like, “No.” And then you finish the lasagna right in front of me. And then I was like, “Hey, can I get some of that lasagna?”
[00:38:33] NICOLE: I would be like, “Absolutely not, Sasheer. I asked you to do one thing. Are you kidding? You can’t have any lasagna. You know what you will do? You will sit and watch me eat the lasagna.” And then I would give you a small corner.
[00:38:45] SASHEER: Ooh, okay. I’ll take a small corner.
[00:38:47] NICOLE: I know. It’s a good piece.
[00:38:48] SASHEER: Yeah, the corner is great.
[00:38:50] NICOLE: Yeah. It wouldn’t happen in a reverse situation. You’ve never made anything.
[00:38:56] SASHEER: Damn.
[00:38:59] NICOLE: You’ve never cooked before. You don’t know what a kitchen is.
[00:39:02] SASHEER: Yeah. Notice how I said, “One of the things that makes lasagna.” I don’t know what the steps are.
[00:39:10] NICOLE: I barely know what the steps are. I know it’s a lot of layering. You got to make a ricotta fucking mix or whatever. I don’t know. I did it once. I’ll never do it again.
[00:39:21] SASHEER: The ricotta mix?
[00:39:22] NICOLE: Yeah. I don’t fucking remember what was in it.
[00:39:25] SASHEER: All right. What’s our results? Oh.
[00:39:26] KIMMIE: This is Nicole.
[00:39:31] NICOLE: Oooh. “50 First Dates.” Okay. “Adam Sandler and Drew Barrymore reunite for this unforgettable”–which has asterisks around it–“romcom.”
[00:39:40] SASHEER: Oh, because she forgets in the movie.
[00:39:42] NICOLE: Ohh! BuzzFeed thought they were doing something.
[00:39:45] SASHEER: Yeah.
[00:39:47] KIMMIE: And Sasheer.
[00:39:47] SASHEER: Ooh, mine is “Bridget Jones’s Diary. If you like Pride and Prejudice, you’ll probably fall in love with Bridget Jones’s Diary.” And that’s it! Those are the romcoms.
[00:39:56] NICOLE: That’s it! We made a sandwich, and we got romcoms.
[00:40:03] SASHEER: I don’t know if I’ve seen Bridget Jones’s Diary.
[00:40:05] NICOLE: It’s good. But it did sit funny with me–the older I get–to be, like, “This woman was overweight?”
[00:40:11] SASHEER: I know. Yeah.
[00:40:14] NICOLE: She was barely… She wasn’t even close to being overweight.
[00:40:18] SASHEER: Yeah.
[00:40:19] NICOLE: And that’s crazy. The 2000s was crazy with women’s weight.
[00:40:23] SASHEER: Yeah.
[00:40:23] NICOLE: Like, if you were a size six, they were like, “Fatty!”
[00:40:29] SASHEER: I mean, also, like, still kind of recently in the last five, six years. It felt like when Jennifer Lawrence popped up, people were like, “She’s so brave to eat a sandwich!” And she’s, like, a Hollywood actress. She’s still thin.
[00:40:45] NICOLE: It blows my mind every time she’s like, “Oh, I just wanna go fucking ham on food.” I’m like, “Okay, I’m sure sometimes you do. And I’m sure a lot of times you don’t.” Not to speculate about what the woman eats. But, like, it’s weird that, like… Do you know what I mean?
[00:41:01] SASHEER: Yeah.
[00:41:01] NICOLE: Where it’s like she’s almost normal. I don’t want to say “normal.” That’s weird. I don’t know how to navigate this conversation without…
[00:41:08] SASHEER: Let’s move on.
[00:41:10] NICOLE: Let’s move on!
[00:41:23] SASHEER: Should we answer some queries?
[00:41:25] NICOLE: Yes.
[00:41:26] CALLER: Hi, Nicole, Sasheer, and the entire gang. I’ve listening to you guys from the beginning, and I love you so much. And I think I’m looking more in the sense of guidance and maybe advice. And for all I know, I just want someone to listen to me. And if Kimmie and Jordan have anything to add, please do. I am kind of like the ride-or-die friend. I am the friend that you tell me you don’t like somebody, we don’t fucking like that person. Like, I will not give that person the time of day all because you told me you don’t like them. You know, I am the person that tells me you’re having a bad day, and I’ll drop whatever I have going on to, like, just show up at your house and be like, “Yeah, you’re having a bad day. And either we can have a bad day together, or we can try to make this a better day.” And I’m like the check-in friend. And pretty much, like, what I’m saying is I think I’m a really fucking dope friend because, you know, like, hello. And… Sorry, that sounded so fucking conceited. Wow. Okay. But anyways–getting down to it–I started to go through these really extreme depressions and thought, “All my friends hate me, none of them actually want to be my friend, and they’re just my friends because it’s just easier as opposed to cutting me off because we’ve all been friends for so long.” And this is, like, my core group of friends that I feel this about. And we’ve been friends for over a decade, and we’ve been through so much together. And I started to kind of hone in why. And I’m realizing that I am projecting a friendship that I want in return because when I go through stuff, I kind of, like, reach out and say, “Hey. My day sucks. I just looked in the mirror and started crying because I’m fat and ugly and unloved, even though I know that that’s not true.” And they show me the text, and they show me the love. But I’m just not getting kind of what I need. And I don’t really know what to do with that. And it’s making me incredibly lonely. And I really don’t want to fucking cry right now because it really sucks. I feel so lonely in my friendships. And I just want someone to call and check in on me, and I don’t know how to, like, reach out to get that in return because it seems like so much. It seems like so much to reach out because they make me feel like I’m too needy. And I don’t know what to do. And I don’t know what I need. I don’t know if I need advice, but I respect all of you guys, I respect what you have to say, and I respect the friendship that you guys have. And it’s just been really bothering me. So, if you have anything to help make me feel better or to make me feel heard–
[00:44:21] KIMMIE: I’m afraid you got cut off. But I think the gist of what she needs was clear.
[00:44:26] SASHEER: Yeah.
[00:44:29] NICOLE: I know it seems hard, but I don’t think there’s anything wrong with telling your friends, “Hey, I’m having a really hard time right now. Would you mind checking in on me on, like, Mondays or, like, Tuesdays or something for, like, a couple weeks until I figure out what’s going on with my little head?” And I’m sure your friends will be so willing to do that. Like, I know when a friend of mine is having a hard time and they’re like, “Hey, I need support,” I’m always like, “Oh! Yes. Sorry. I didn’t realize I was either not being supportive or just in my own life, not realizing that I wasn’t reaching out as often.” Yeah, I also have a hard time reaching out. It is a hard thing to be like, “Hello, I need some help.” But I think a good thing to remember is, like, not everyone is like you, and not everyone thinks the way you think. So, like, you might have to remind people to reach out to you.
[00:45:27] SASHEER: Yeah. Yeah, I was going to say what you said. I think like you think! Yeah. Some people operate in relationships differently, so they might need explicit instructions on how to operate in the relationship they have with you. And there’s nothing wrong with saying that you’re not being needy, you’re not being controlling, you’re just letting them know this is what you need, and it would be nice if they can provide that. And then they’ll let you know if they can or cannot. But hopefully they will because they love you. And just because they’re not reciprocating the actions that you give as a friend doesn’t mean they’re not necessarily good friends. They just may not know how to behave in the ways that come naturally to you. Like, it does sound like you’re a really good friend. And they are so lucky to have you as a really good friend. But that unfortunately doesn’t mean that they know how to do it as well or do it the way you know how to do it or the way that you like to receive love. So yeah, there’s nothing wrong with saying, “This is what I need right now,” or “This would make me feel good right now. Can you help?” Yeah.
[00:46:51] NICOLE: I also think it’s good to remember that friends can only do so much, and therapy might be a good supplement. Or, like, in addition to asking people to reach out, I think it’s helpful to talk to somebody who has stakes in your life, but not in a way that’s, like, personal. My therapist cares about me, but she’s not in my life, you know, all the time and knows the people personally or whatever that I’m talking about. But I do think therapy is really helpful if you’re having a hard time.
[00:47:21] SASHEER: Yeah. Yeah, because friends aren’t professionals. They can, like, help you a bit. But for some stuff that might be, like, a little deeper or that involve more, like, raw emotions–yeah–you might need to talk to a professional about that.
[00:47:37] NICOLE: Yeah. Solved!
[00:47:40] SASHEER: Solved!
[00:47:41] KIMMIE: Can I add one small thing?
[00:47:43] SASHEER: Yes, please.
[00:47:44] NICOLE: Yes, Kimmie!
[00:47:44] KIMMIE: Thank you so much. My one little thing is that sometimes it’s really hard to type out, like, “Hey, guys. I need help. I need to talk to someone.” One of my best friends–we have, like, regular phone dates, but, you know, sometimes they get missed and stuff. And we established a while ago that, like, if they said, “Hey! Love to chat,” and the other person’s busy–super fair. But sometimes if it’s, like, an emergency and I’m having a horrible day and I need to talk, just send a turtle emoji. And I see that turtle emoji and I’m like, “It’s a bad day. I can move something and make a little room,” versus, like, “I just want to chitchat.” So, it helps us differentiate and understand the level of need without having to say it. It’s a little easier–just a little shorthand. So, it’s worked really well for us.
[00:48:25] SASHEER: I love that.
[00:48:25] NICOLE: I like that, too.
[00:48:26] SASHEER: That’s a great idea. Judith, do you have anything?
[00:48:28] NICOLE: Judith?
[00:48:29] SASHEER: This is Judith. She’s a producer who’s going to be helping us.
[00:48:34] NICOLE: Hello, Judith!
[00:48:34] JUDITH: Yes. Thank y’all. And, yeah, I just wanted to add… Definitely thank you to the caller for being so vulnerable. And I would also add what she said stuck out–that “I feel lonely in my friendships.” So, the one thing I would suggest, along with the great advice that you guys gave, but also expanding your community in terms of not letting go of your friends. But there may be different interests and hobbies that you may create other friends with, so that you can diversify your community and get more support along with therapy so you’re not feeling so alone. Whenever I hear that, it’s like, “You need community wherever you are in your life.” So yeah. That’s what I suggest.
[00:49:17] SASHEER: Yeah. I like that.
[00:49:17] NICOLE: Yeah, that’s nice.
[00:49:19] JUDITH: Yeah.
[00:49:20] SASHEER: Solved!
[00:49:20] NICOLE: Now it’s been solved.
[00:49:23] SASHEER: Thoroughly solved. Okay. Now we have an email. “Hello, Nicole, Sasheer, and the team. Love your podcast. It truly brightens my day, and I have been listening to you guys for years now. I want to hear your advice on a friend drama that I truly find petty and stupid and don’t know what to do with. In January, I had time off work that I needed to use before the end of the month, so I decided to book a trip to Edinburgh.” Edinburgh? How do you do that?
[00:49:52] KIMMIE: Edinburgh.
[00:49:55] SASHEER: But it’s, like, not enough letters for “Edinburgh.” It truly looks like “Edinberg.” Alright, “Edinburgh.”
[00:50:05] NICOLE: Wow. People are going to come for you.
[00:50:07] SASHEER: Please don’t come for me, Edinburgherbers!
[00:50:10] NICOLE: The city of Edinburgh is coming for you. They’re going to be like, “We…” Where is Edinburgh? Scotland? They’re going to be like, “We’ve got enough letters!” They’re going to be so mad.
[00:50:31] SASHEER: Well, fine. Come find me, along with the rest of the letters that you need. “I had mentioned this to a couple friends in November/December, and only one friend said she would be available–Kim. So, when it came time to booking my trip, I texted my friend Kim, telling her I was going on the trip and if she wanted to come. Otherwise, I was happy to go alone. Context–Kim and I have a friend called Anne, who we typically hang out with. However, we have all been friends separately, and our friendships exist outside of this group. Kim and I met up with and for a walk and had a lovely day, though that evening Anne sent a text message into the group chat saying she was hurt and felt excluded from the trip. I immediately apologized and explained that that was never the intention, and it was just because Kim was the only person available, and that Anne had previously told me January didn’t suit her.”
[00:51:25] NICOLE: “She has yet to respond to that message, which I sent three months ago, and has been ghosting any Snapchat or message I have sent. Kim doesn’t like fighting, so met with Anne privately to apologize for going on the trip, etc. I have a personal issue apologizing for going on a trip which I was happy to go on alone. And I think the whole argument is ridiculous and somewhat childish. I made peace with the fact that Anne did not want to talk or be friends with me as a result of this. Kim recently told me that and now has told her that Anne and Kim cannot have their friendship heal as Anne is still angry with me. Something I find silly is Kim and Anne have been friends longer than either of them have known me. I have decided I don’t really want Anne back in my life as a friend as I disagree with how she handled everything about this argument. However, I know Kim wants everything to go back to how it was and for us to be friends again. I feel like this whole thing is petty and stupid, and I will not apologize when I didn’t do anything wrong in the first place. I am very confused at how to move forward as I don’t want to damage my friendship with Kim as we also live together.”
[00:52:27] SASHEER: Oh!
[00:52:28] NICOLE: Oooh. That was a twist in M. Night Shyamalan way. Woo! Didn’t see that coming.
[00:52:35] SASHEER: She has a roommate all along!
[00:52:36] NICOLE: All along, Kim was in the house.
[00:52:41] SASHEER: The Kim is coming from inside the house.
[00:52:47] NICOLE: I do find this to be childish because Anne was invited!
[00:52:54] SASHEER: And not available, so what does it matter?
[00:52:56] NICOLE: Yes. So, Anne is– Okay, so, let’s just get into the shoes of fucking little Annie. So, Anne was invited on a trip, said she couldn’t go, finds out two people are going on this trip, and then all of a sudden gets mad? Anne? You’re poorly behaved.
[00:53:17] SASHEER: And the writer apologized to Anne, and Anne is still upset with this person who took the trip. So much so that she can’t be friends with the roommate.
[00:53:29] NICOLE: Yes, which is bewildering to me. And I think Anne has some underlying issues with our writer that she is not saying. But that being said, I think our writer should sit Kim down and be like, “Hey, Kim. We’re roommates. We’re friends. I don’t understand why we’re letting…” I guess I would put all my cards on the table to be like, “Hey, Kim. I invited Anne. Anne said, ‘No.’ Then Anne got mad that you were coming on a trip with me. So, I don’t really understand why Anne is so angry with me. Also, I don’t want our friendship to end because a third party is mad at me.” I don’t know. I don’t. Maybe I don’t have advice because I think Anne is being ridiculous, and I’m mad.”
[00:54:17] SASHEER: We’re mad at Anne.
[00:54:17] NICOLE: I’m furious with Anne.
[00:54:21] SASHEER: I also… And maybe these are all young people. I don’t know. But I feel like I would not care about this. Like, I’d be like, “Okay, you’re mad.” But I’ve had friends who are mad at each other. But I still talk to each of those friends. Like, their thing has nothing to do with me. So, Kim should be fine. Like, Kim’s not in this–whatever this is–unfortunately. But, yeah, I think the relationship with Kim and our writer should be unaffected by how Anne’s feeling, regardless.
[00:55:04] NICOLE: I agree, but Anne’s nosing her way in. Anne’s behaving poorly.
[00:55:12] SASHEER: Yeah. I mean, I kind of feel like you already apologized. It’s been months. I don’t know what else you can say. It feels like something Anne needs to work on on her own.
[00:55:25] NICOLE: Yeah, but I think the problem is Kim is, like, upset that the friendship wasn’t repaired, and she feels like she’s in the middle. So maybe say to Kim, “I love being your roommate. I love being your friend. I know Anne is mad at me, but, like, I don’t think I want to be friends with Anne. So, like, our friendship is our friendship. Your friendship with Anne is yours. And I don’t have to get involved in that.” I don’t know. In my brain, it’s a nonstarter. It’s a non-problem. I’ve been not invited to a lot of things, and I go, “Okay. Oh well.”
[00:56:01] SASHEER: Yeah, but that’s not even what this is. She was invited.
[00:56:05] NICOLE: Yeah. I keep forgetting that. God, Anne sucks.
[00:56:11] SASHEER: It does sound like maybe Anne’s upset about something else that has nothing to do with the person who wrote in. And how could we possibly know what that is?
[00:56:19] NICOLE: There’s no way.
[00:56:20] SASHEER: There’s no way, especially because this person already apologized.
[00:56:24] NICOLE: I say return Anne to Miss Hannigan and just be rid of her. If you want advice that’s just on par with what I said, you can email email@example.com, or you can text or call or leave a voice memo at 424-645-7003.
[00:56:47] SASHEER: We also have merch at podswag.com/bestfriends.
[00:56:51] NICOLE: And we have transcripts for our new episodes. Check them out on our show page at earwolf.com.
[00:56:59] SASHEER: Lastly, don’t forget to rate, review, and subscribe; that’s the easiest way to support this show.
[00:57:04] NICOLE: Yes. Send Anne back to Miss Hannigan, where she can have a hard knock life and the sun will come out for her tomorrow.
[00:57:18] SASHEER: Yeah. I don’t know if that’s, like, tangible advice, but I hope it helps.
[00:57:23] NICOLE: Find Miss Hannigan!
[00:57:27] SASHEER: All right. Until next time!
[00:57:30] NICOLE: See you later, dudes!
November 21, 2023
This week, we’ve got a couch! And we’re live from the Netflix Is A Joke festival!
November 14, 2023
Hey Besties! Nicole shares how she learned some people marry objects. If Sasheer were to marry an object, it would be a chair while Nicole would marry a door.