EP. 209 — Nicole Wants Beyoncé to be Her Mother!

 

[00:00:11] NICOLE: Oh.

 

[00:00:12] JORDAN: Just triple– Oh, I’m so sorry. I already ruined it.

 

[00:00:16] NICOLE: You didn’t ruin a thing, Jordan.

 

[00:00:19] JORDAN: I was just triple checking that everyone is recording.

 

[00:00:23] NICOLE: I am. My numbers are moving up.

 

[00:00:25] JORDAN: Perfect. Okay.

 

[00:00:26] SASHEER: Mine are moving down! What does that mean?

 

[00:00:28] NICOLE: It means you’re in rewind.

 

[00:00:31] SASHEER: Oh no!

 

[00:00:35] NICOLE: Give me an S. S! You got your S. You’ve got your S.

 

[00:00:39] SASHEER: This is going to take forever.

 

[00:00:44] NICOLE: You’re right. After I started, I was like, “Oh, boy. 1) I hope I don’t fuck it up. 2) This will take a while.”

 

[00:00:52] SASHEER: But I appreciate the spirit.

 

[00:00:54] NICOLE: Hey, thanks. I went for a good long walk today, and I’m wearing a shirt that says, “Basketball Mom.” And people were very friendly to me on my walk. Clyde has a purple tail, and then apparently, I’m a mom. And people were, like, nodding and smiling at me. And they don’t really do that when I’m not wearing a mom shirt.

 

[00:01:14] SASHEER: Oh, people are nice to moms.

 

[00:01:17] NICOLE: They are. And they’re mean to non-moms.

 

[00:01:20] SASHEER: Yeah. Yeah. Now you need more mom gear. Just start pushing a stroller around.

 

[00:01:29] NICOLE: With nothing but basketballs in it. And I’m like, “That’s what ‘Basketball Mom’ means.”

 

[00:01:34] SASHEER: “These basketballs are my children.”

 

[00:01:38] NICOLE: I bought this at a thrift store because I thought it was funny to wear if I look like I’m not a mom.

 

[00:01:43] SASHEER: It is funny.

 

[00:01:44] NICOLE: But it’s really come in handy.

 

[00:01:45] SASHEER:  You should go to, like… I was going to say a “basketball store.” A sporting goods store and see if they give you, like, discounts ’cause you’re like, “My kid is playing, so he needs to…”

 

[00:02:05] NICOLE: Okay, the next time I need a basketball, I’ll do that, which sounds like I’m being, like, dismissive. But I have a basketball in my trunk for just in case.

 

[00:02:16] SASHEER: Oh. Just in case you need to play some streetball?

 

[00:02:21] NICOLE: Yeah, in case someone’s like, “My ball is flat. Do you want to shoot some hoops or something?” Well, I have roller skates in my trunk, stripper shoes, a basketball, a blanket, and I think that’s it. So, I’m ready for whatever.

 

[00:02:39] SASHEER: Yeah. Many activities.

 

[00:02:45] NICOLE: And I don’t lock my car just in case someone needs to have fun and they break into my car and they’re like, “Well, my day’s turned around. I wear an 11. I’m going to go roller skating.”

 

[00:02:56] SASHEER: “I was going to rob this lady. There’s no cash in here. There’s a basketball.” And then what if they become the next NBA All-Star?

 

[00:03:07] NICOLE: I would love it because if I ever turn on ESPN and a youth is like, “I turn to basketball because I broke into a jeep,” and there was a basketball in there, I would be like, “That was me!”

 

[00:03:20] SASHEER: “I’m so proud!” And then you wear your basketball mom shirt to the game.

 

[00:03:23] NICOLE: Yes! And that’s how I become a real basketball mom. Wow.

 

[00:03:28] SASHEER: Wow.

 

[00:03:29] NICOLE: I can’t wait for this to happen.

 

[00:03:31] SASHEER: I’m really excited for you.

 

[00:03:36] NICOLE: Sasheer, can I give you what you’ve been yearning for for, like, the last week?

 

[00:03:41] SASHEER: Okay.

 

[00:03:42] NICOLE: It’s a pole update! You weren’t actually yearning for it; I just want to tell you things. I did so much pole yesterday, I couldn’t walk. It hurts so bad.

 

[00:03:50] SASHEER: Oh. How long did you do it?

 

[00:03:52] NICOLE: We did it for two hours.

 

[00:03:55] SASHEER: God lord.

 

[00:03:55] NICOLE: And we didn’t really take any breaks because she was really excited that I learned how to invert a little bit without using an exercise ball. But I cannot get an inside or outside leg hang. It’s really hard for me.

 

[00:04:09] SASHEER: Yeah, they seem very hard.

 

[00:04:11] NICOLE: I just can’t get my butt up high enough.

 

[00:04:14] SASHEER: Are you posting these videos?

 

[00:04:16] NICOLE: No.

 

[00:04:17] SASHEER: Are you sending them to me? Because I’m certainly not seeing it.

 

[00:04:21] NICOLE: Well, the one that I got at home, I’m in my underwear. And I didn’t think that was appropriate to send.

 

[00:04:28] SASHEER: I’ve seen you in your underwear.

 

[00:04:30] NICOLE: I guess you have. All right, I’ll send it along.

 

[00:04:36] SASHEER: Thank you. You keep giving me these poll updates, but I’m not seeing visuals.

 

[00:04:41] NICOLE: I’m sorry. I will give you some visuals.

 

[00:04:45] SASHEER: Thank you. I appreciate that.

 

[00:04:47] NICOLE: Oh, no worries. So, Veronica gave me a pep talk the other day. I don’t know if I’ve talked about this. But her pep talk was essentially: “I know it’s scary and you don’t think you can, but you just have to, like, do it.” And it was longer than that. And then after she was done, I was like, “Is this a pep talk?” And she was like, “I guess.” And it worked, Sasheer! I’ve just been throwing myself around. Yesterday, I fell right off the pole and fell into a funky split. I’m having fun. My body hurts.

 

[00:05:22] SASHEER: Yes. Just throw that body around.

 

[00:05:27] NICOLE: I bought more heels. I don’t need any more heels, but I bought them.

 

[00:05:32] SASHEER: Yeah, you’ll use them.

 

[00:05:34] NICOLE: You’re right. I will.

 

[00:05:36] SASHEER: Yeah, I did an Arrow yoga class here. They have the silks and stuff, but it’s not a high ceiling, so they are mostly using it to stretch, which is great because my body’s always sore because I’m getting older.

 

[00:05:54] NICOLE: Getting old.

 

[00:05:55] SASHEER: Yes. But it’s nice to, like, use the power to stretch, and then, like, sometimes will do poses. And there’s my first class, and there was something… I don’t know what anything is called. But we were kind of in a cross– I don’t know how to describe this. But my legs were inside of the fabric, and I was kind of sitting. And then she wanted us to, like, lower our torso downwards, so we’re upside down, hanging like a bat. And, like, you could lower yourself slowly or just fall. And I guess because I was, like, kind of fearlessly doing everything else, she was like, “Just fall.” And I just did it. And she was like, “Wow, you’re brave.” And I was like, “Should I not be? I trusted you. You told me to fall.”

 

[00:06:49] NICOLE: I think a lot of people will be like, “Oh, no, thank you.” And very few people are like, “Okay.” The same way, Veronica has been showing me things and then I’ll ask to see it one more time and then I’ll just do it and not think about it. That’s working out pretty well.

 

[00:07:04] SASHEER: Yeah. You gotta be fearless.

 

[00:07:06] NICOLE: You gotta be fearless, baby. There’s this lady I like. Her name on Instagram is texascrunkie, and she is a plus-size poler. I don’t know how she identifies, but I think she identifies as plus-size. I don’t know. You don’t want to go around insulting people. But she’s super fearless. She will just, like, climb to the top of the pole and tumble down. And I’m always like, “I want to be like that.”

 

[00:07:33] SASHEER: You will!

 

[00:07:35] NICOLE: I will. And then there’s another plus-size poler. I hope that’s how she identifies. I can’t remember her name, but she makes sexy costumes. And she made a sexy UPS costume. And I was like, “That’s funny.”

 

[00:07:47] SASHEER: It’s very funny.

 

[00:07:48] NICOLE: I think I might order one, but I don’t know how.

 

[00:07:51] SASHEER: Via UPS!

 

[00:07:58] NICOLE: Okay, maybe you can help me because I’m terrible at Googling, but I’m looking for a suspender leotard.

 

[00:08:04] SASHEER: For poling or just in life?

 

[00:08:09] NICOLE: For poling. But, I mean, maybe I’ll wear it in life. Maybe I’ll go to a rave one of these days.

 

[00:08:15] SASHEER: Okay, wait… So, this is a leotard that has suspenders? Or is it, like, overalls?

 

[00:08:25] NICOLE: So, it’s a leotard, and then instead of going just to the neckline, it goes lower than your titties. And then you wear, like, a tube top. Yeah. That. Like, an ’80s exercise outfit. And I can’t seem to find any in plus-size.

 

[00:08:43] SASHEER: Oh, Judith–our producer for today–found something called “Rave Fix.” So, it’s, like, something that you would find at a rave, I think.

 

[00:08:55] NICOLE: Maybe. I think they only go up to a large. I think I’ve been to this website.

 

[00:08:59] SASHEER: But this is what you want?

 

[00:09:00] NICOLE: This is exactly what I want.

 

[00:09:03] SASHEER: I like it.

 

[00:09:04] NICOLE: And I can’t find one. So, listeners, if you can find me… If you Google “’80s workout outfit,” you’ll see exactly what I mean. If you can find one in a 3X, send it to us at nicoleandsasheer@gmail.com.

 

[00:09:23] SASHEER: Yeah. I think it would look good on you.

 

[00:09:27] NICOLE: What? Thanks! I think so, too. I think I’ll look real cute climbing the pole, looking like a little ’80s lady.

 

[00:09:34] SASHEER: Yeah, definitely.

 

[00:09:37] NICOLE: I sent this to you on Twitter. But did you see that Blue Ivy got to dance with Beyoncé at her fucking performance?

 

[00:09:47] SASHEER: Like, during the…?

 

[00:09:48] NICOLE: During her fucking tour. This lucky motherfucker got to dance with her mother, Beyoncé.

 

[00:09:57] SASHEER: You said “lucky.” It’s her mom. It’s not like it was, like, a fan who got a chance encounter with Beyoncé.

 

[00:10:06] NICOLE: Can you believe that Beyoncé met this girl named Blue Ivy and let her on stage?

 

[00:10:12] SASHEER: I also don’t think this is the first time that Blue has danced with her mom.

 

[00:10:18] NICOLE: It’s like dancing dancing. I don’t think she’s been dancing dancing like that.

 

[00:10:23] SASHEER: Yeah. No, actually, I think the video I did see–Blue was starting to dance, and Beyoncé was like, “Uh-uh.” and she stopped her.

 

[00:10:31] NICOLE: Maybe she was like, “You don’t know the choreography yet, honey. You need to practice a little bit more.”

 

[00:10:34] SASHEER: And now she does. Oh, this is very cute. That’s so cute.

 

[00:10:39] NICOLE: Ugh, I’m jealous.

 

[00:10:41] SASHEER: Well, she’s not your mom.

 

[00:10:43] NICOLE: Why can’t Beyoncé be my mom?

 

[00:10:46] SASHEER: That’s honestly a good question. Why isn’t she your mom?

 

[00:10:52] NICOLE: Well, it’s kind of wild if you think about it. Like, children who get to be the children of Beyoncé and stuff–it’s like, “Well, why can’t I? Why didn’t things work out the way they did? Why is my mommy and daddy who they are?” I want to be a nepo baby. I want it!

 

[00:11:10] SASHEER: Yeah. I’m sorry. It might be too late for you.

 

[00:11:13] NICOLE: I think it is. Unless when I go see Beyoncé, I go, “Be my mom!” And she’s like, “I heard something. Sounds like an adult in need.”

 

[00:11:25] SASHEER: “An adult in need.”

 

[00:11:29] NICOLE: And then she and Jay-Z adopt me, and they’re my mummy and daddy.

 

[00:11:33] SASHEER: Yeah! Yeah. You know what? Maybe that could happen. Make a sign.

 

[00:11:40] NICOLE: Sasheer, this is why we’re friends. Other people would go, “You fucking bumbling idiot.” But you said, “Yeah. Let’s make a sign.” Thank you. That’s the support I need.

 

[00:11:54] SASHEER: Because best case scenario, it happens. Worst case scenario? She doesn’t see the sign, and that’s okay.

 

[00:12:04] NICOLE: That is the worst case.

 

[00:12:06] SASHEER: But I think it might be confusing because everyone on the internet calls celebrities “Mom,” which is strange.

 

[00:12:17] NICOLE: Yeah, it is weird.

 

[00:12:19] SASHEER: Because I wouldn’t actually want someone to be my mom. I don’t visit my mom that much. I think I would want somebody to be, like, my friend or, like, my bestie. But to be my mom? What, I’m going to, like, yell at you because you didn’t make pancakes right? Like, I don’t want that relationship with Beyoncé or anybody else.

 

[00:12:47] NICOLE: I think it’s a bastardization of, like, a mother of a house–like a ballroom house, where it’s like, “I’m the mother of the house of Balenciaga,” or whatever. And I think–no offense to the nice whites–they took it and maybe didn’t quite understand it. And they’re like, “You’re my mom! Mother!” I think?

 

[00:13:09] SASHEER: That makes sense to me. That sounds very logical.

 

[00:13:14] NICOLE: Yeah. But also–I don’t know–maybe the youth are like, “No, you stupid bitch. You’re wrong. We actually want Beyoncé to make us pancakes.”

 

[00:13:27] SASHEER: I want her to take care of me when I’m sick. I want her to pick me up from soccer practice.

 

[00:13:35] NICOLE: Imagine Beyoncé picking you up from soccer practice. It would be a hullabaloo.

 

[00:13:41] SASHEER: Yeah. Pandemonium.

 

[00:13:43] NICOLE: Truly. Everyone will lose their fucking minds. Oh my God. The game would stop.

 

[00:13:52] SASHEER: Oooh, Judith found a very cute–

 

[00:13:53] JUDITH: Jordan found it.

 

[00:13:57] SASHEER: Oh, Jordan found this.

 

[00:13:58] NICOLE: Jordan!

 

[00:14:00] JORDAN: No, Kimmie found it.

 

[00:14:02] SASHEER: Oh my God.

 

[00:14:03] NICOLE: Kimmie!

 

[00:14:04] SASHEER: Well, who found it? Announce yourself!

 

[00:14:04] KIMMIE: They have more stuff, too, if you scroll down a little bit. Now, the image is only in a very small size, but they have a bunch of stuff. So maybe…

 

[00:14:18] SASHEER: This is cute. Is this specifically pole dancing clothing?

 

[00:14:22] NICOLE: It’s all shiny.

 

[00:14:24] SASHEER: It’s cute. Coquetry Clothing.

 

[00:14:28] NICOLE: Oooh, will you send that to me, Kimmie, Jordan, or Judith?

 

[00:14:34] SASHEER: Oh, these are suspender rompers.

 

[00:14:36] NICOLE: They are. Oh, maybe I should be looking up “suspender rompers.” It would be helpful to get the name right.

 

[00:14:46] SASHEER: You had the suspender part.

 

[00:14:48] NICOLE: Thank you. It goes to a 3X! I was looking up “overall leotard,” and the internet truly was like, “What the fuck are you looking for?” Google, like, spat at me through my phone, and I was like, “I’m sorry.”

 

[00:15:06] SASHEER: “How dare you? You don’t know what you’re looking for. We’re not even going to help you out and say, “Did you mean…?”

 

[00:15:14] NICOLE: “We won’t even say, ‘Did you mean…?’” That got me good.

 

[00:15:30] SASHEER: I finished watching this MerPeople documentary series.

 

[00:15:36] NICOLE: Excuse?

 

[00:15:38] SASHEER: You know mermaids?

 

[00:15:40] NICOLE: Yes.

 

[00:15:41] SASHEER: And mermen?

 

[00:15:43] NICOLE: Yes.

 

[00:15:43] SASHEER: There’s a community of MerPeople. And Netflix did a docuseries on them.

 

[00:15:52] NICOLE: Okay. My understanding of MerPeople is cartoons. These people are not half-people/half-fish. There are people who choose to wear fins?

 

[00:16:03] SASHEER: Yes. These are humans who enjoy wearing fins or enjoy the mermaid lifestyle and are performers or just do it for fun or just want to be in the community.

 

[00:16:20] NICOLE: Okay.

 

[00:16:21] SASHEER: Yeah, MerPeople. And there’s, like, a whole industry for… I don’t know how big the industry is. But there are people who make tails. Like, silicone tails? I actually have no idea what they’re made of. But, like, different types of tails that look really good under the water or, like, move well with you. And then in the documentary, there was a woman–she had a goal of, like, making plus-size tails because I think that’s a new venture for the community.

 

[00:16:58] NICOLE: Probably a very niche market.

 

[00:16:58] SASHEER: I think it’s a very niche market. But I think there’s also groups that are, like, for fat mermaids. And, like, if you are bigger and want to mermaid, then you can join this group or at least feel comfortable in this group. I also loved the idea of the community because they love puns. And I love puns.

 

[00:17:23] NICOLE: You do love a pun.

 

[00:17:24] SASHEER: They would be like, “Oh, she’s fintastic.”

 

[00:17:30] NICOLE: Ooh, that line was witty.

 

[00:17:36] SASHEER: But there’s, like, a competition they’re following, and they’re like, “Oh, yeah, we have to judge you on your mersonality–your merisma.”

 

[00:17:50] NICOLE: Oh my God.

 

[00:17:50] SASHEER: I can’t remember what the other ones were, but I was like, “Yes, more, more, more, more, more!”

 

[00:17:54] NICOLE: That’s very funny. Maybe I’ll watch it. I just watched the Anna Nicole Smith documentary, and it seemed a little biased, I thought, because they didn’t really interview anybody who was, like, on her side fully. Do you know what I mean? Like, her old ex-husband–he’s dead. Well, her bodyguard, Momo, was very kind and spoke nicely of her. I don’t know. It felt a little biased. I don’t know. It was interesting.

 

[00:18:33] SASHEER: Yeah. I need to watch it. I haven’t seen it yet. I heard it’s tragic.

 

[00:18:38] NICOLE: It is pretty tragic. And her life, you know, was pretty tragic. But she doesn’t get enough credit, I don’t think, for, like, presenting a different body type. She was still thin, but she was bigger than the other thin girls. And that I’ll always thank her for.

 

[00:18:57] SASHEER: Because she was, like, a supermodel, right?

 

[00:19:00] NICOLE: Yeah, she did a Guess jean campaign. She took over for, I think, Claudia Schiffer. Is that her last name? Claudia Schieffer?

 

[00:19:19] SASHEER: I think it’s just “Schiffer.”

 

[00:19:25] NICOLE: And then when I was shopping at Lane Bryant as a teen because there was, like, no places for fat teens to shop, I remember seeing her face. And I was like, “Oh, wow. She’s more youthful than the other models that they had.” I was sad when she passed away. And I remember exactly where I was. I was in Lane Bryant working, and I was like, “I simply can’t work right now!” I was really sad.

 

[00:19:49] SASHEER: Oh, interesting day. Yeah, she was a help for the change in fashion.

 

[00:20:03] NICOLE: Yeah. And then they did show– Her bodyguard did say that when she went to the MTV Music Awards to, like, introduce Kanye where she was like, “Like my body?” Do you remember that? He said that she was fully coherent before and was, like, presenting as drunk so people would talk about it.

 

[00:20:26] SASHEER: Ooh, interesting.

 

[00:20:28] NICOLE: Which I was like, “Honestly, that’s smart because we all talked about it for a while.”

 

[00:20:34] SASHEER: Yeah, I think I do remember that. Yeah, she just seemed unwell. But then she died, so it seemed like it all led to that.

 

[00:20:47] NICOLE: Yes, maybe. Well, also her son died and that made her sad. But then also she was on a lot of medication. It was an interesting documentary.

 

[00:20:54] SASHEER: Yeah. Do you think anyone today is pretending to be kookier than they are? Like, in the media?

 

[00:21:01] NICOLE: Julia Fox is pretty kooky, but I think that’s her heart. She’s doing exactly what she’s meant to be doing. I love her.

 

[00:21:10] SASHEER: Yeah. I have wondered–I’m like, “How planned out are these things that she’s doing? Or is it just living?”

 

[00:21:19] NICOLE: I’m hoping she’s just really living her good life. She’s so funny to me.

 

[00:21:24] SASHEER: She’s very funny.

 

[00:21:26] NICOLE: My favorite is when she did that tutorial on her giant, black, winged eye that truly just looks like she’s smeared eyeshadow on. But she did a whole tutorial, and I was like, “I love that there’s a method to the madness.” And at one point she was like, “I messed up.” And I was like, “Did you?”

 

[00:21:43] SASHEER: “Couldn’t tell.”

 

[00:21:44] NICOLE: Couldn’t tell at all!

 

[00:21:45] SASHEER: I just love that audio that went around for a while where she was like, “Yes! I did it myself.”

 

[00:21:57] NICOLE: Yes. She’s so perfect. I wish celebrities were more fun like they were. Remember when Tom Cruise jumped on a couch and then Oprah was like, “Bring out Katie,” and he had to go all the way backstage to find her because she didn’t want to come out and then he dragged her out? Bring it back!

 

[00:22:15] SASHEER: I was just talking about that with someone. Oh, I think because I saw the Brooke Shields documentary. And then there’s a part in there where Tom Cruise was on a mission–a mission impossible–to ruin Brooke Shields’, I guess, campaign or, like, the mission she had, which was to bring attention to postpartum depression. And he was like, “She doesn’t know anything. She’s not a doctor. These meds–we don’t know where these meds came from. We don’t know what they do.” And people were like, “We have proof. We have medical proof. What’s wrong with you?”

 

[00:22:58] NICOLE: Yeah, because Scientologists… Okay, I don’t know really too much about Scientology, but I don’t think they believe in, like, medication.

 

[00:23:07] SASHEER: I really don’t know. I have no idea.

 

[00:23:10] NICOLE: I don’t know either. I know I went to the Museum of Psychiatry the first time I visited LA. And I was telling someone about it, and they’re like, “That’s a Scientology museum.” And I was like, “Oh my God. They got me.” I’m so susceptible to things because I was really like, “This and this and this and this,” and they were like, “Okay, Nicole…”

 

[00:23:31] SASHEER: I have never heard of the Museum of Psychiatry and also didn’t know it was a scientologist thing.

 

[00:23:36] NICOLE: I don’t know if it’s still open.

 

[00:23:39] SASHEER: What was in the museum?

 

[00:23:41] NICOLE: Like, videos and, like, little sets that they made to, like, showcase, like, medieval medical stuff. It was interesting.

 

[00:23:58] SASHEER: Okay. So, “Scientologists seek conventional medical treatment for medical conditions. Scientologists use prescription drugs when physically ill and also rely on the advice and treatment of medical doctors.” Okay, so they do–

 

[00:24:12] NICOLE: But maybe they don’t believe in psychology or therapy.

 

[00:24:17] SASHEER: I don’t know.

 

[00:24:18] NICOLE: I don’t know either. Ooh, “They’re religiously committed never to take psychiatric drugs and to reject psychology outright. The sociopolitical roots of the movement have different origins.” Interesting. Yeah. So, the whole Museum of Psychiatry or whatever was, like, against, like… What’s it called when they, like, sizzle your brain? Electroshock therapy. There was, like, a–

 

[00:24:56] SASHEER: Sizzle your brain? “What happened to Uncle Dennis?” “Oh, they sizzled his brain. He was saying things, so they sizzled his brain right up.”

 

[00:25:10] NICOLE: “But now he’s doing pretty good.” There was a bunch of exhibits dedicated to that and the horrors of that because it was pretty horrific back in the day. Like, they wouldn’t sedate you or anything. Now, I think, they do.

 

[00:25:23] SASHEER: Do they still do electroshock therapy?

 

[00:25:24] NICOLE: I think so.

 

[00:25:25] SASHEER: I thought there was no longer a thing because I thought it was like, “That is not great.” I don’t think. At least the depictions I’ve seen on TV seem pretty horrible. But those are all based in the past. And it’s television.

 

[00:25:41] NICOLE: And it’s television. It’s not real life.

 

[00:25:44] SASHEER: I can’t imagine what that does to you or what that would fix.

 

[00:25:49] NICOLE: I think it causes, like, memory loss, so you, like, lose your tragic memories. Listen, I skimmed when I was Googling and maybe skimmed wrong. But also, I’m not a doctor, don’t listen to me.

 

[00:26:05] SASHEER: No, I’m only going to take your word for it.

 

[00:26:07] NICOLE: No, Sasheer! I’m not a medical M.D.!

 

[00:26:10] SASHEER: No. I believe this to be fact.

 

[00:26:12] NICOLE: I’m not a medical doctor.

 

[00:26:16] SASHEER: Okay, let’s see. “Do people still use electroshock therapy?” “In the United States, ECT treatments are generally given two to three times weekly for three to four weeks for a total of six to 12 treatments.” For what? “Some doctors use a newer technique called ‘unilateral ultrabrief pulse electroconvulsive therapy.’” Okay.

 

[00:26:43] NICOLE: Wow.

 

[00:26:44] SASHEER: So, I guess it still is a thing.

 

[00:26:45] NICOLE: I think so. But I think it’s used very, very little and probably in, like, the… Like, worst case scenario, it’s like, “We’re going to do this.”

 

[00:26:56] SASHEER: Can we look up what is it used for?

 

[00:26:59] NICOLE: Ooh, yeah.

 

[00:27:01] SASHEER: Oh. “It’s a safe, low risk procedure that’s helpful in the treatment of depression, suicidality, severe psychosis, food refusal, secondary to depression, and catatonia.” Okay.

 

[00:27:14] NICOLE: Interesting. So, “Electroconvulsive therapy, or ECT for short, is a treatment that involves getting an electric current through your brain, causing a brief surge of electrical activity within your brain, also known as a seizure. The aim of the treatment is to relieve symptoms of some mental health problems.” Interesting.

 

[00:27:34] SASHEER: Hmm.

 

[00:27:37] NICOLE: Wow. Look at us–learning at noon thirty.

 

[00:27:42] SASHEER: I certainly didn’t know any of this before.

 

[00:27:43] NICOLE: I sure didn’t either.

 

[00:27:44] SASHEER: Okay, so maybe it’s not so bad. It just seems really intense. But maybe it’s fine.

 

[00:27:50] NICOLE: Maybe. I don’t know. You heard it here first. We’re pretty indifferent about it.

 

[00:27:58] SASHEER: Yeah. Jury’s still out. I don’t really know how I feel.

 

[00:28:03] NICOLE: I don’t really know. But maybe not so bad? Maybe? I don’t know.

 

[00:28:06] SASHEER: I don’t think I’d want it, though.

 

[00:28:08] NICOLE: I don’t think so either.

 

[00:28:10] SASHEER: Seems like it hurts.

 

[00:28:12] NICOLE: Just a little bit.

 

[00:28:13] SASHEER: Yeah.

 

[00:28:15] NICOLE: I was going to tell you something, and I fully forgot.

 

[00:28:18] SASHEER: Come on.

 

[00:28:20] NICOLE: Oh my God. My little brain.

 

[00:28:22] SASHEER: Tell me!

 

[00:28:23] NICOLE: Oh my God! You’re taking off your clothes! What’s happening? What are you wearing?

 

[00:28:27] SASHEER: I go a little hot, I think, just thinking about electroshock therapy. I don’t know.

 

[00:28:31] NICOLE:  It made you all steamy? Is that what turns you on?

 

[00:28:34] SASHEER: No, not steamy–just, like, stressed.

 

[00:28:39] NICOLE: That makes sense. Is it warm in Atlanta? And is it sunny?

 

[00:28:44] SASHEER: It’s very sunny. And yeah, it’s very warm.

 

[00:28:47] NICOLE: Wow. I wish it was sunny and warm here.

 

[00:28:51] SASHEER: Yeah, I heard it has not been nice in LA.

 

[00:28:55] NICOLE: It’s chilly. And the sun won’t come out today or tomorrow. It’s maddening.

 

[00:29:05] SASHEER: “It’s maddening!”

 

[00:29:07] NICOLE: It really rocks my block. I just want sun. I need the sun.

 

[00:29:17] SASHEER: We need the sun. Should we do a quiz?

 

[00:29:31] NICOLE: Hell yeah, dude.

 

[00:29:33] SASHEER: Okay.

 

[00:29:35] NICOLE: Let’s do a quiz. Wow. Big yawn, Jordan. You bored?

 

[00:29:46] JORDAN: No. I’m sorry. I’ve been really tired this morning. I ate a bagel, and it just, like… Too much carbohydrates. Clearly my body was like, “You need other food.”

 

[00:29:53] NICOLE: It rocked your block?

 

[00:29:55] JORDAN: It rocked my block. Yeah.

 

[00:29:59] NICOLE: Ooh, “Eat to Your Heart’s Content and We’ll Give You a Travel Destination for This Summer.”

 

[00:30:04] SASHEER: Let’s do it.

 

[00:30:06] NICOLE: Okay. I hope it gives us somewhere fun.

 

[00:30:10] SASHEER: Can you hear my chair?

 

[00:30:11] NICOLE: I can’t, really.

 

[00:30:14] SASHEER: Wait. What happened? It was making noise. Now it’s not. There.

 

[00:30:20] NICOLE: Oh, yeah, I can hear that. I don’t know. Sounds like you’re farting.

 

[00:30:24] SASHEER: No, no, no. I swear it’s the chair.

 

[00:30:24] NICOLE: I don’t know, Sasheer. It sounds like you had some gas, and you didn’t want to turn off your mic. And now you’re just moving around saying, “Can you hear my chair?”

 

[00:30:36] SASHEER: No, no, I swear. It’s definitely the chair.

 

[00:30:40] NICOLE: Wow. She thought she was sneaky with that one. “Do you hear my chair?” Yeah. Sure, Sasheer. We can hear your chair.

 

[00:30:54] SASHEER: I’m just shitting myself. I’m actually on a toilet right now.

 

[00:30:59] NICOLE: I mean, we’re on Zoom. Truly you could turn off your camera and blow your little butt out. Can you hear my chair?

 

[00:31:13] SASHEER: It’s like, “There’s flushing, too. What’s happening?”

 

[00:31:18] NICOLE: Okay. “Start off with a drink.”

 

[00:31:22] SASHEER: “Champagne.”

 

[00:31:25] NICOLE: “Chai tea.”

 

[00:31:27] SASHEER: “Whiskey.”

 

[00:31:29] NICOLE: “Water.”

 

[00:31:31] SASHEER: “Margarita.”

 

[00:31:33] NICOLE: “Coffee.” Let’s see. Are we on vacation?

 

[00:31:38] SASHEER: “Eat to your heart’s content and we’ll give you a travel destination for the summer. You can catch me drinking champagne in France this summer.” There were no instructions. Okay, so I guess we just… What drink would you like?

 

[00:31:50] NICOLE: Okay, I’m going to say champagne.

 

[00:31:55] SASHEER: I’m going to say water. You know I love water.

 

[00:31:57] NICOLE: My God, you do love water. Wait, do you want to be a MerPerson? Is that why you were watching the documentary? Because you love water?

 

[00:32:05] SASHEER: I don’t think I want to be a MerPerson. But I really, really enjoyed it. I was like, “These people have fun, and they’re having such a good time.” And I think I like little niche communities. I think they’re cool. I don’t know. And there are, like, a bunch of… Well, I don’t know about a bunch. It looked like a bunch in the documentary. But there’s, like, a Black Mer community. There’s, like, an Afro-Mermaid conference or something.

 

[00:32:42] NICOLE: Maybe this is your way to get into the water more.

 

[00:32:46] SASHEER: Yeah. Put a tail on me.

 

[00:32:49] NICOLE: Wait, can people swim with the tails?

 

[00:32:51] SASHEER: Yeah.

 

[00:32:53] NICOLE: Oh. In the ocean or in pools?

 

[00:32:56] SASHEER: In pools. I don’t know if it’s safe to do it in the ocean.

 

[00:33:01] NICOLE: Yeah. What if a real MerPerson’s like, “This is merface,” and kills you?

 

[00:33:07] SASHEER: Oh no! What if a manatee sees you and tries to have sex with you?

 

[00:33:13] NICOLE: I would say, “Try it! Give me your best shot, manatee.” But did you get it? Merface, blackface?

 

[00:33:20] SASHEER: No, I got it. Yeah.

 

[00:33:22] NICOLE: Oh, okay. I just didn’t know if you got it.

 

[00:33:24] SASHEER: No, I definitely did.

 

[00:33:25] NICOLE: Yeah. Merface, blackface.

 

[00:33:27] SASHEER: Yeah.

 

[00:33:29] NICOLE: “It’s time for an appetizer.”

 

[00:33:33] SASHEER: “Charcuterie.”

 

[00:33:36] NICOLE: “Paneer pakora.”

 

[00:33:39] SASHEER: “Chicken wings.”

 

[00:33:41] NICOLE: “Bruschetta.”

 

[00:33:42] SASHEER: “Chips and guacamole.”

 

[00:33:43] NICOLE: “Edamame.”

 

[00:33:46] SASHEER: “Edamame!” It’s Italian?

 

[00:33:53] NICOLE: Yeah. “You get your edamame with your carbonara!”

 

[00:33:58] SASHEER: “Edamamma mia!”

 

[00:34:04] NICOLE: What are you going to say?

 

[00:34:06] SASHEER: I like paneer pakora.

 

[00:34:08] NICOLE: I don’t think I’ve ever had it. Is it green?

 

[00:34:11] SASHEER: It’s green. I just think it’s, like, vegetables fried. I think?

 

[00:34:16] NICOLE: Oh, okay. Maybe I’m thinking of saag paneer? I’m going to choose… Oh, I love chicken wings. But they’re so messy in public. I’m going to pick chips and guacamole. I love guacamole.

 

[00:34:34] SASHEER:  “What are you having for your main meal?”

 

[00:34:38] NICOLE: Okay, “lamb.”

 

[00:34:41] SASHEER: “Pani Puri.”

 

[00:34:42] NICOLE: “Cheeseburger.”

 

[00:34:43] SASHEER: “Pasta.”

 

[00:34:45] NICOLE: “Tacos.”

 

[00:34:46] SASHEER: “Sushi.”

 

[00:34:47] NICOLE: For my main meal? I think you’re going to say lamb.

 

[00:34:51] SASHEER: Yes! I love lamb.

 

[00:34:53] NICOLE: You love lamb.

 

[00:34:55] SASHEER: And someone told me recently that it’s good for people with B type blood. So, I think my body has been craving it.

 

[00:35:08] NICOLE: How do you know your blood?

 

[00:35:10] SASHEER: It’s easy to remember. It’s B positive.

 

[00:35:19] NICOLE: I see how that’s easy to remember. You just gotta be positive. I don’t know what blood is in me.

 

[00:35:28] SASHEER: Well, you should ask somebody.

 

[00:35:29] NICOLE: Who?

 

[00:35:38] SASHEER: I honestly can’t remember who told me. I don’t know if it was a doctor. I definitely donated my blood a lot when I was younger. And by younger, I mean college because I was bored or I’d be like, “I don’t want to study, but there is this, like, donation van on the campus. This will be, like, productive. And I’m contributing to society and not procrastinating.”

 

[00:36:06] NICOLE: I didn’t go to college. So, a big thing is, instead of studying, donate blood.

 

[00:36:10] SASHEER: I don’t think that’s a big thing. That’s something I did.

 

[00:36:20] NICOLE: Well, okay.

 

[00:36:20] SASHEER: Because they had these big old vans on the campus where you could donate blood. And I’m like, “This is helpful. There’s no way I go to the library and study right now. I should go donate blood.”

 

[00:36:32] NICOLE: Truly wild. I think I’ve donated blood one time. And it really made me queasy because you see it fill up. Or maybe that’s not donating blood. Maybe that’s the blood work. That is donating blood? Where you can see it?

 

[00:36:45] SASHEER: Oh, in the little vile?

 

[00:36:48] NICOLE: Yeah.

 

[00:36:48] SASHEER: Well, when you donate blood, they put it, like, in a bag. You can still see it.

 

[00:36:51] NICOLE: A bag?

 

[00:36:53] SASHEER: A bag of blood.

 

[00:36:56] NICOLE: Oh, yuck. Does blood go bad?

 

[00:37:00] SASHEER: I don’t know. But I want to say yes. But I really have no clue.

 

[00:37:05] NICOLE: Also, who discovered that if you lose blood, we can pump you full of more blood? If I saw someone bleed out, I’d be like, “Well, that’s the end. That’s a wrap.” I wouldn’t be like, “Go get more blood!” Like, what?

 

[00:37:19] SASHEER: Yeah, like, I wouldn’t think, “Oh, just get someone else’s blood, and put it in them.”

 

[00:37:28] NICOLE: Yeah, that’s wild. That’s like liver transplants. Who discovered, like, “Cut that liver out of that other person and give it to this one”?

 

[00:37:38] JORDAN: Blood is stored in a refrigerator at six degrees Celsius and can last up to 42 days.

 

[00:37:46] SASHEER: Okay. Not that long.

 

[00:37:47] NICOLE: What happens if you get bad blood?

 

[00:37:52] SASHEER: “Because, baby, now we got bad blood!”

 

[00:37:56] NICOLE: You turn into Taylor Swift if you get an old batch of blood.

 

[00:38:02] SASHEER: You become a Swifty!

 

[00:38:04] NICOLE: Did you see that at her concerts people who did not get tickets–hundreds of thousands of people–have just been crowding outside of the arenas and enjoying just listening to her live.

 

[00:38:17] SASHEER: I did not see that.

 

[00:38:20] NICOLE: I think it’s, like, in Jersey. Maybe that’s where she is now. In Jersey, they were like, “If you don’t have a ticket, please don’t come.”

 

[00:38:27] SASHEER: “Don’t just crowd the street.”

 

[00:38:29] NICOLE: “Just go home!” Are you a Swifty? I didn’t realize she was as big as she was.

 

[00:38:36] SASHEER: She’s huge. And I’m not a Swifty. I think I know more songs than I would think because she’s kind of inescapable, but–yes–she has a hold on her fans that many artists do not.

 

[00:38:52] NICOLE:  My favorite Taylor Swift song is “Look what you made me do. Look what you made me do.” And I don’t think anyone else likes that song.

 

[00:39:01] SASHEER: I like that song.

 

[00:39:02] NICOLE: It’s great.

 

[00:39:03] SASHEER: It’s fun. It’s also funny because, like, I can’t think of any other artists that could be, like… Because she was in that whole legal thing where she doesn’t own her old music catalog. So, she just rerecorded her catalog. And I think that is now surpassing her old stuff, like, sales wise. And she’s also making money again on the same songs she already wrote, which is wonderful that she figured out how to do that. But it’s so funny to be like, “I believe in my fanbase so much that they are going to buy the same song that I’ve already recorded again.” And they did. And everyone did.

 

[00:39:42] NICOLE: And they did. Yeah, I don’t believe in people who like me that much. Like, I try not to repeat myself. Oh, I did a live show, and I was talking about the Bahamas. And I said something about Mr. Marley and a bunch of people “wooed.” And I was like, “Oh, y’all went to the Bahamas?” And they were like, “No.” I was like, “How do you know Mr. Marley?” They were like, “Your podcast.” And then I was like, “Can’t talk about that on stage again. Can’t do that.” But that’s so funny that Taylor Swift is like, “I’ll just rerecord these songs, and they’ll buy it.” And they did.

 

[00:40:12] SASHEER: And they did. Yeah.

 

[00:40:14] NICOLE: Okay. Jordan found out “in the 1800s, British obstetrician James Blundell performs the first…” That’s funny that someone named Blundell, which is like “blunder.” “Performs the first successful transfusion of human blood to a patient for the treatment of postpartum hemorrhage. U.S. physicians attempt transfusing milk from cows, goats, and humans.” What? “And then 1795 in Philadelphia, American physician Philip Syng Physick”–these names–“performs the first human blood transfusion, although he did not publish the information.” And then James Blundell stole it from him! What a blundell.

 

[00:40:58] SASHEER: Syng Physick should’ve seen that coming.

 

[00:41:04] NICOLE: Ooh, Sasheer. Coming in hot today. I want a cheeseburger. We’re still doing the quiz.

 

[00:41:11] SASHEER: Oh, yes. Oh my God. Okay. Wow. What is the. Oh, the meal. “What are you having for your main meal?” I see. Good lord. I said lamb. You said cheeseburger. Great.

 

[00:41:22] NICOLE: Yes, yes, yes.

 

[00:41:25] SASHEER: “I want a cheeseburger.” That was so fast, I didn’t even understand what was happening.

 

[00:41:31] NICOLE: My brain is moving. My sonic cup is full of coffee. “Pick a side dish.”

 

[00:41:37] SASHEER: She’s zooming! “Croissant.”

 

[00:41:39] NICOLE: “Naan.”

 

[00:41:45] SASHEER: “Mashed potatoes.”

 

[00:41:46] NICOLE: Paramount+ has Sonic 1 and 2, and I almost lost my mind last night. “Broccoli.”

 

[00:41:54] SASHEER: “Street corn.”

 

[00:41:55] NICOLE: “Fried rice.”

 

[00:41:56] SASHEER: I still haven’t seen any of the Sonic movies. Not, like, out of protest. I just haven’t gotten around to it. I’ll watch. I will watch!

 

[00:42:17] NICOLE: All right. I just… Just not sure why you wouldn’t watch a movie that has been so influential in my life. I have a Sonic rug.

 

[00:42:31] SASHEER: This is true. I know. I know. You have a Sonic T-shirt. You wash it multiple times. But you never put it on when I was at your house.

 

[00:42:42] NICOLE: You’re right because I once showed you My Cousin Vinny, and you did not react the way I wanted you to. I once watched you watch the Minion movie, and again, you did not react the way I wanted you to.

 

[00:42:54] SASHEER: Yeah.

 

[00:42:56] NICOLE: So, I have decided the only way I can watch beloved movies with you is if I haven’t seen them yet–like a franchise. Like, I’ll see the next Sonic movie with you. And it’s okay if you haven’t seen the other two. I would prefer if you came in prepared, but it’s not a test. You’re not getting scored.

 

[00:43:20] SASHEER: I mean, it feels like I am getting scored because you don’t like the way I like the movie.

 

[00:43:27] NICOLE: I guess that really is an insane sentence.

 

[00:43:30] SASHEER: Yeah. You don’t like the way I enjoyed the movie.

 

[00:43:34] NICOLE: I have to tell you something. I meant to text this to you, but I told Mateo that I painted my ceiling watermelon. And then he goes, “The outside of the inside of the watermelon?” And I was floored.

 

[00:43:50] SASHEER: Thank you! See?

 

[00:43:53] NICOLE: I was truly shocked. I was like, “What the fuck? Am I the weirdo?”

 

[00:43:58] SASHEER: I don’t think you’re the weirdo, but I think some people do decorate their spaces or whatever to look like the outside of a watermelon. So, I think it’s a reasonable question to ask, “Is it the inside or the outside of a watermelon?”

 

[00:44:20] NICOLE: I guess so. Never in all my days would I have thought that was the question that would come after that statement. But, you know, color me an idiot.

 

[00:44:30] SASHEER: No, no. It’s not you. I think it’s just two different perspectives. Like, is the glass half full or half empty? You know?

 

[00:44:37] NICOLE: It reminded me of the time… Yes, you’re right. You can look at it in different ways. It reminds me of the time I put on those purple sunglasses with rhinestones. And I turned around and I loved them and both of you hated them. And I was so shocked because I was like, “These two are going to love this.” And then it was an immediate hatred. And then I panicked because I was so shocked.

 

[00:45:03] SASHEER: Well, I don’t think it was immediate hatred on our side. It was shock. We were shocked. And then you were shocked at our shock. And we were all shocked.

 

[00:45:14] NICOLE: We were all shocked.

 

[00:45:16] SASHEER: We were all going through electrotherapy.

 

[00:45:24] NICOLE: ECT. Every time I put them on, I think of both of your reactions. Wait. A side dish is a croissant?

 

[00:45:32] SASHEER: I guess if you’re having breakfast.

 

[00:45:37] NICOLE: What are you picking? Uh oh, you’re yawning. Did you have a bagel, too?

 

[00:45:42] SASHEER: No, I didn’t have a bagel. What did I have to eat this morning? Eggs and salmon.

 

[00:45:49] NICOLE: Salmon? Did you go out of the house?

 

[00:45:52] SASHEER: I sure didn’t!

 

[00:45:53] NICOLE: You didn’t?

 

[00:45:55] SASHEER: I didn’t!

 

[00:45:56] NICOLE: You didn’t?

 

[00:45:57] SASHEER: I didn’t!

 

[00:45:59] NICOLE: You had salmon in the house?

 

[00:46:02] SASHEER: In the house.

 

[00:46:04] NICOLE: For whatever reason, I’ve never had salmon in my house.

 

[00:46:08] SASHEER: There’s, like, salmon at the grocery store. You can get this, like, pre-cooked–

 

[00:46:15] NICOLE: Pre-cooked? Wow. I didn’t know that. The more you know!

 

[00:46:23] SASHEER: I want mashed potatoes.

 

[00:46:27] NICOLE: You always want mashers.

 

[00:46:31] SASHEER: I do.

 

[00:46:31] NICOLE: I think I might do fried rice. I love fried rice.

 

[00:46:37] SASHEER: “Finally, pick a dessert.”

 

[00:46:39] NICOLE: “Crème brûlée.”

 

[00:46:41] SASHEER: “Gulab jamun.”

 

[00:46:43] NICOLE: “Chocolate chip cookies.”

 

[00:46:45] SASHEER: “Tiramisu.”

 

[00:46:47] NICOLE: “Tres leches cake.”

 

[00:46:49] SASHEER: “Taiyaki.”

 

[00:46:50] NICOLE: You got all the hard ones.

 

[00:46:51] SASHEER: I did.

 

[00:46:54] NICOLE: You know I’m going to say chocolate chip cookies.

 

[00:46:57] SASHEER: That’s what I want!

 

[00:46:58] NICOLE: Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum. I love a chocolate chip cookie. My favorite is when they make it in that big skillet and it’s gooey.

 

[00:47:06] SASHEER: Who is “they?” Who’s making it in a big skillet?

 

[00:47:11] NICOLE: You know them. You know… When they make it.

 

[00:47:18] SASHEER: Like, at a restaurant?

 

[00:47:20] NICOLE: You know them, when they’re making it.

 

[00:47:22] SASHEER: All right. So, are you saying, like, the cookie fills the size of the skillet?

 

[00:47:27] NICOLE: Yes.

 

[00:47:31] SASHEER: Okay. I got it.

 

[00:47:32] NICOLE: Yeah. Is this me or Sasheer?

 

[00:47:35] JUDITH: This is both of you, actually.

 

[00:47:37] SASHEER: What?

 

[00:47:37] NICOLE: Ohh.

 

[00:47:38] JUDITH: Both of you got the same results.

 

[00:47:40] SASHEER: Whoa.

 

[00:47:41] NICOLE: Fuck.

 

[00:47:41] SASHEER: So, the destination that we both have to go to this summer is the USA?

 

[00:47:46] NICOLE: This is disgusting. This shouldn’t even be an option.

 

[00:47:51] SASHEER: Yeah! Tell me to go somewhere else.

 

[00:47:53] NICOLE: “New York, Los Angeles, Chicago.”

 

[00:47:56] SASHEER: Been there, done that!

 

[00:47:57] NICOLE: Yeah, of course! My grandma lives in Chicago. Like, what? I live in Los Angeles!

 

[00:48:00] SASHEER: I’ve lived in two of these places!

 

[00:48:02] NICOLE: I have friends in New York!

 

[00:48:03] SASHEER: They want me to stay in my normal life?

 

[00:48:07] NICOLE: I want to go on vacation, BuzzFeed.

 

[00:48:11] SASHEER: Maybe they’re like, “Your taste is so bad, you actually shouldn’t leave.”

 

[00:48:19] NICOLE: “You like fucking chocolate chip cookies? You should stay put. Wow. You want a cheeseburger? Go home.”

 

[00:48:28] SASHEER: Yeah. Cheeseburgers are everywhere, BuzzFeed?

 

[00:48:33] NICOLE: Yeah, I can get a cheeseburger, anywhere.

 

[00:48:34] SASHEER: How dare they?

 

[00:48:36] NICOLE: I’m really… My block’s rocked again. Wow.

 

[00:48:39] SASHEER: Wow.

 

[00:48:46] NICOLE: Should we help people, I guess?

 

[00:48:52] SASHEER: Yeah. So pissed off.

 

[00:48:53] NICOLE: I’m so mad. I want to go to Africa.

 

[00:48:57] SASHEER: Yeah, me too. All of it. All of Africa.

 

[00:48:59] NICOLE: All of it. The entire continent. I know I want to go to the Seychelles Islands. I say that all the time. They just look so fucking pretty. Then maybe Ethiopia? I don’t know. I want to go all over.  We really should look into a travel agency and get it. I know we’ve talked about this numerous times. We got to just do it. What’s it called? “Eat the bullet?”

 

[00:49:29] JUDITH: “Bite the bullet.”

 

[00:49:30] SASHEER: I don’t even know. “We just got to eat the bullet?”

 

[00:49:39] NICOLE: “We just got to eat some bullets.”

 

[00:49:39] SASHEER: I don’t think that’s going to help us get a travel agent.

 

[00:49:41] NICOLE: Yeah, Sasheer. I’ll get us a box. We’ll munch.

 

[00:49:47] SASHEER: And eventually, someone will help us plan.

 

[00:49:50] NICOLE: “Hey, ladies. I saw you munching on bullets on the side of the road. Do you need help?”

 

[00:49:56] SASHEER: “Yes! We want to go on a trip.” And they’re like, “You go straight to the asylum. You get a trip to the hospital.” Here we go. Here’s a voicemail.

 

[00:50:12] JUDITH: Yes, this one’s about a friend who… Their friend is inviting an ex to a wedding. I will let them explain.

 

[00:50:19] NICOLE: Okay.

 

[00:50:20] CALLER: Hi! Hello! Thanks for taking my call. All right, so here is the skinny. My dear, darling best friend. He is getting married. Wonderful. We are very excited. Yes. It’s going to be phenomenal. He has this friend. They have been friends for quite some time. You know, she is cute. So, she and I ended up dating for a little while, and we had the absolute worst breakup. It was extremely painful. It was long. It was awful. Really just gutted, okay? After she and I broke up, he and her kind of dissolved their friendship as well. And I said, “Listen, I don’t want our relationship to get in the way of y’all’s friendship.” And he was like, “No, it’s fine. You’re my best friend. This is how it goes.” That was a couple of years ago. I think we broke up in 2021. So now wedding invitations have gone out, and I RSVP’d on their website. And I see that she has RSVP’d as “attending.” Now, he just told me a few months ago that they were, like, hanging out again or whatever. And I told him I was happy because, you know, they had a nice friendship. But he didn’t tell me that she was invited to this wedding. So here is my conundrum. Do I bring it up to him and say, “Hey, so she’s coming to the wedding?” I don’t feel that it’s my place to tell someone else who is allowed to come to their wedding. Like, that doesn’t sound right. But I don’t love the way that I found out. I don’t love that I found out from a website. Like, a little heads-up that like, “Hey, by the way, she’s coming.” Like… I don’t know. It really blindsided me. And I’m not a confrontational person, and he is not a confrontational person. We can have heavy talks, but we rarely have talks where it’s like, “Hey, here’s, you know, a grievance that I have with you.” So, do I have the right to bring it up to him, or should I just suck it up because it’s his big day? And I’ll just get very drunk and try to ignore her at the wedding. Any advice is appreciated. Thank you. Bye!

 

[00:52:50] NICOLE: Hmm. At first, I was like, “Maybe you should talk to them about your comfort.” But then I was like, “It isn’t your wedding.” So maybe our caller should reach out to their ex in a peaceful manner to be like, “I know that our relationship ended in a tumultuous way. But we are both friends with our mutual. We want to both celebrate them. So can we–like when they started shutting down roller skating rinks, rival gangs were like, ‘The roller-skating rinks are neutral ground’–so can this wedding be neutral ground for me, a Blood, and you, a Crip, and we just don’t fight here?”

 

[00:53:40] SASHEER: Leave your colors at the door.

 

[00:53:47] NICOLE: Yeah. “There’ll be a basket. Leave your colors at the door.”

 

[00:53:51] SASHEER: Yeah, I like that idea. I was going to say, “Say nothing,” because–yeah–it’s not your day. And if your friend who’s getting married is basing… I mean, who knows what they’re basing their decision to invite the friend was or the ex was? But according to what you said, you told them after the breakup that you don’t want your breakup to influence your friend’s relationship with your ex. And then they said, “Hey, I’m hanging out with your ex again.” And you said, “That sounds great. I love that you have a friendship with them.” So, I would assume that the person who’s getting married would probably think it’s all chill and be like, “Yeah, I will invite my friend–we dissolved a little bit and now are back together–and also my current best friend.” And probably maybe didn’t think that they needed to bring it up to you because also the breakup was two years ago and time has passed, you know?

 

[00:55:03] NICOLE: Yeah. Then maybe you don’t have to say anything in the beginning. You can just say at the wedding, “Hey, really nice to see you.” And just, like, leave it at that, and be like, “It’s been two years. We’ve both evolved.”

 

[00:55:15] SASHEER: Yeah, ’cause… I don’t know. I guess the person calling in probably does feel some kind of way because they wouldn’t have brought it up at all. But maybe everyone else has moved on and you can just go to the wedding and support your friend and be cordial when you see your ex. Or if you’re really worried that there’s going to be a fight or something or, like, bad, weird energy, maybe see if that ex is around and be like, “Hey, can we get coffee before the wedding? I don’t want the first time I see you since our breakup to be at the wedding.”

 

[00:55:52] NICOLE: I think that’s great.

 

[00:55:54] SASHEER: If you really need some kind of closure or, like, water under the bridge or anything to happen before you get there. But also, I think it would probably be fine. Things are usually much better in real life than we, like, catastrophize in our brain. I’ve had so many situations where I’m like, “Eh, I don’t know. It’s going to be awkward if I see this person or, like, whatever.” And then it happens, and you’re like, “Oh, that wasn’t bad at all.”

 

[00:56:19] NICOLE: “That was fully normal and whatever.”

 

[00:56:22] SASHEER: Yeah, I think it’ll be fine.

 

[00:56:24] NICOLE: I think it’ll be fine, too. Solved!

 

[00:56:25] SASHEER: Solved!

 

[00:56:28] NICOLE: But also, you can call them up and ask them which gang they are and if they want to leave their colors at the door.

 

[00:56:34] SASHEER: Yes. Yeah. But if you’re going to contact anyone, I don’t think you should be your best friend who is getting married because they are dealing with some other stuff, and this is low on their priority list I would imagine.

 

[00:56:47] NICOLE: Yes. And I do a thing where I go, “Oh my God, why wasn’t I thought of?” And then it’s like, “Oh, it wasn’t that I wasn’t thought of. I just am not the main character in this decision. This decision has nothing to do with me. So let me get over my whole, like, little main character energy moment and just go and enjoy because it’s not about me. No one’s thinking about me right now, and I have a very hard time with that.”

 

[00:57:20] SASHEER: Well, if you’re thinking about us and you want to ask the question, you can email nicoleandsasheer@gmail.com or call or text or leave a voicemail at 424-645-7003.

 

[00:57:33] NICOLE: We also have merch at podswag.com/bestfriends.

 

[00:57:38] SASHEER: And we have transcripts for our new episodes. You can check them out on our show page at earwolf.com.

 

[00:57:43] NICOLE: Lastly, don’t forget to rate, review, and what? Subscribe! That’s the easiest way to support this show. We have a live show!

 

[00:57:53] SASHEER: It’s June 19th at Largo in Los Angeles. You can go to largo-la.com for tickets.

 

[00:58:00] NICOLE: See you there or be a square!

 

[00:58:04] SASHEER: Yeah! Bye.

 

[00:58:05] NICOLE: Goodbye.