EP. 107 — It’s Quiet Time

CHRIS [00:00:48] Hello to all my temporary Floridians! It’s Beautiful Anonymous. One hour, one phone call. No names, no holds barred. [THEME SONG]

CHRIS [00:01:12] Hello, everybody. Chris Gethard here. Welcoming you to another episode of Beautiful Anonymous. The phone-call-based podcast that allows you to effectively spy on people who invite you to spy on them. It’s good thing in my life. It’s laid back, it’s pleasant, I connect with people, I remember that humans are empathetic and full of emotions and stories and struggles and love and, man, have I grown and just value this thing so much, deep in my heart and my soul. Thank you for supporting it, everybody. Things to talk about with me. So just gross stuff. Chrisgeth.com. Got some new dates going up there off the top of my head we got Burlington, Vermont, Salt Lake City, and Minneapolis, and a few other places. Few other places coming together out there. So check those out. Bloomington, Indiana. Chicago, Illinois. All that stuff. And the Chris Gethard Show, always like to plug that, the show comes out on Tuesdays, Tuesday nights at 11:00 p.m. live Tru TV. This week, we have Matt Walsh from Veep. Old friend of mine. And I need you guys to call in or else I might be covered in 100 pounds of human hair. That’s the bit we’re doing tonight. Human hair. Anyway, all those plugs and whatnot and the grossness, all the necessary stuff you hear in podcast, lets put that on the backburner for a second. So some news that I am not, you know, excited to share. One of the most impactful and well-remembered episodes of this podcast was called Love is Everywhere. And it was a, it was a call from a mother telling us about how her daughter was sick and severely so, and got news since the last time I recorded anything that her daughter Holly passed away. And, you know, like that call, I think, did mean so much to our listeners that I wanted to make sure I I shared that news and just send love to our caller and her family and to everybody who is so affected by Holly’s story. The caller actually had joined the Facebook group and had become active there, and a lot of people were, I think, very inspired by the story even further. And it’s posted there since these events. And I just again wanted want to say that this community has your back. And “love is everywhere” was the message you sent to us, and I send it right back to you. And huge, massive condolences. And sorry to–sorry to start this one such a sad note, but I’m not sorry because I actually feel like the people who have locked into this podcast know that it’s an empathetic thing where we are allowed to be vulnerable, and I am allowed to feel things, as are you, and, just wanted to–just wanted to put it out there. And we’ll move on, because we gotta. Because that’s life. But so much love to our caller, her family, and everybody who’s affected. OK. This week’s episode: good one, fun one. One that might be a little controversial amongst the purists out there, a lot of people don’t like when things deviate from the format at all. First ever call in the history of the show where partway through the call I realized I actually know this person, I’ve met this person. I’m aware of who this person is. I had an inkling that maybe this was someone who I knew, maybe about a third of the way through the call. And then towards the end, it just comes out: “you’re the person I’ve met, right?” I want to just let everybody listening know, this is someone who I have met in real life, someone who I have mostly interacted with online. I think it it’s certainly well within the rules of fair play as far as the structure of this podcast goes. I don’t think anybody should have a problem with it. But it was interesting to kind of unwrap it and go, oh, we have met. So I can’t wait to see all the debate. The whole Facebook group about that. I like this call a lot. You’ll see pleasant chit chatty up top. I like that. We talk about Philadelphia. Great city. Talk about life in general, we talk about theater. And then we get into the nitty gritty. We get into, you know, the whole idea of like choices you have to make. The idea that life sometimes throws you curveballs, that maybe you’re living in one era of your life, one phase of your life. In an era of your life, we have certain values. And then, hey, things happen. Things get redirected, you gotta make some big choices about what you’re your new values are, and your and your new lifestyles are, and and how you want to change in the face of it. Think it’s a good call that reminds you that, you know, life comes at you in ways you can’t predict and you can’t expect. And it’s fun. Call. Enjoy it. I know I did.

PHONE ROBOT [00:06:11] Thank you for calling Beautiful Anonymous. A beeping noise will indicate when you are on the show with the host.

CHRIS [00:06:18] Hello.

CALLER [00:06:20] Hi.

CHRIS [00:06:21] Hi.

CALLER [00:06:22] Chris?

CHRIS [00:06:23] Yes.

CALLER [00:06:25] Oh, this is so exciting.

CHRIS [00:06:28] Well, we’ll see. Let’s see how it goes. First, let’s see how it goes.

CALLER [00:06:31] I know, yeah, you’re right.

CHRIS [00:06:33] Yeah.

CALLER [00:06:34] I”m pacing. I’m so nervous. Oh, why?

CHRIS [00:06:37] I’m a pacer. I’m a big-time phone pacer. Not here cause I’m more down to a studio mic. But in real life, I drive people in my life insane. My mom actually, Sally, always has said that my habit of pacing around while I’m on the phone nervously, drives her insane.

CALLER [00:06:57] Wait, I have a question. Because I thought I read somewhere that your mom’s name isn’t Sally. Is that a nickname?

CHRIS [00:07:04] [LAUGHS] OK. Here’s what you’re referring to. If you go–and this is gonna blow it up, it’s going to– someone’s going to step in, because there’s many Wikipedia sticklers out there. If you go to my Wikipedia entry, it says that my parents names are Jeremy and Martha. And this is very funny to me. Right. It’s very funny to me. This is all because I used to do a lot of videos for a website called CollegeHumor years ago. It was a good time in my life. Yeah. Somebody was–there’s still people that will come up to me and they will either say the words Hugh Jackman or, or they’ll go cheese pizza. And I know they’re CollegeHumor friends. Those are references to two videos I did in college humor that were popular. But their fans used to always come at me in the comments and then I would go back at them and we did some video stuff where their fans basically terrorized and vandalized my Wikipedia page and filled it with falshoods.

CALLER [00:07:57] Oh no.

CHRIS [00:07:58] They changed my parents names, claimed a bunch of other things, many of which have been removed by a Wikipedia user over the years, some of which are still in there that I won’t call out to see how long they last. But for years now, there have been many fake things in that college humor fans have put my Wikipedia.

CALLER [00:08:15] Yeah, this makes this clears up so much for me.

CHRIS [00:08:18] Yeah, it actually, really–my dad actually, it was so sad. My dad–my dad is the best. And he one time came to me and was like, “Hey. Why do you, uh, did I do something wrong, like, do you tell people my name is Jeremy?” And I was like, “no, no, no, it’s it’s teenagers on the internet.”

CALLER [00:08:37] I’m obsessed.That’s amazing.

CHRIS [00:08:40] Yeah. Now, how are you?

CALLER [00:08:42] So what’s up?

CHRIS [00:08:43] What’s up? What’s up with me?

CALLER [00:08:45] I’m good. I’m like still on kind of, like, the high of–OK, so I’m just gonna straight up say, I live in the Philly area,.

CHRIS [00:08:52] Oh, congrats!

CALLER [00:08:52] And it is crazy here, right now.

CHRIS [00:08:55] Yeah. That’s for anybody listening in the future. It is Monday, February 5th. Philly erupted in Super Bowl victory riots last night.

CALLER [00:09:04] Did you watch any of this footage? I actually just watched some of that. I was like, what in the– Like, I can’t even describe, like people were eating poop.

CHRIS [00:09:15] I read about that one.

CALLER [00:09:18] Yeah, they, I watched people collapse the, like, awning of the Ritz Carlton.

CHRIS [00:09:27] Yes!

CALLER [00:09:28] Hanging off streetlights. Like someone definitely died. Like, I don’t know.

CHRIS [00:09:32] they go hard Philly. I heard that the city greased all the light poles, but it didn’t work.

CALLER [00:09:38] Yeah no, it didn’t work.

CHRIS [00:09:39] People were still able to climb those light poles, and I heard people were destroying traffic lights.

CALLER [00:09:44] Yeah. Yeah, that’s my hanging out traffic, traffic lights.

CHRIS [00:09:48] My brother lives in Philadelphia, and he had, he had texted me, and a group of our high school friends texted and they were like, “have you set up barricades at your front door yet?” He’s like, “I’m not leaving my house tonight. No matter what happens.” But then he got caught up in it. He went downtown, said it was–.

CALLER [00:10:06] Oh he did?

CHRIS [00:10:06] Not to like like Center City or anything, like whatever the central area of his particular section of Philly is. And he said it was complete mayhem, lunacy.

CALLER [00:10:16] Oh, yeah. I mean, I live, so I’m saying I live in the Philly area. I live like outside of Philly and even here, which is not, you know, you wouldn’t think–it’s a suburb.

CHRIS [00:10:28] Yeah.

CALLER [00:10:28] Even here, like, fireworks were going off, people were banging pots and pans, like running through the streets. I heard there was a streaker!

CHRIS [00:10:37] In your neighborhood? Streakers?

CALLER [00:10:38] Yeah, pretty crazy.

CHRIS [00:10:39] That’s awesome.

CALLER [00:10:42] [LAUGHS] Yeah. Yup.

CHRIS [00:10:43] That’s awesome.

CALLER [00:10:44] That’s Philly.

CHRIS [00:10:44] Well, congratulations.

CHRIS [00:10:46] Yeah, I have a long-storied history with the city of Philadelphia. I truly love it. I also think that it’s insane. Once got in a lot of trouble because I wrote an article in Vice about how, as a comedian, bombing in Philly is the most terrifying thing.

CALLER [00:11:00] I think I read it.

CHRIS [00:11:02] Yeah, I got a lot of trouble. The headline they put on it came off as very condescending, but then everyone who actually read the article was like, even the most hardcore people who were mad at me from Philly, when they read it, and they were like, “oh, you’re you’re basically just saying that crowds will eat you alive if you don’t bring it in Philly. Yeah, no argument. Like, yeah.”

CALLER [00:11:21] Yeah, I’ve I’ve been there. I’ve been through it, and I believe you.

CHRIS [00:11:25] Nobody wants to bomb in Philly.

CALLER [00:11:26] Rough. I’m not from here originally, so I had to adjust. I’ve moved around a lot, so I’ve had to adjust to Philly. I’ve been here since 2009 or 10 or something.

CALLER [00:11:48] No. I am from New York, and right. I went to college on Long Island. And right after college, I decided I was going to perform. I did theater for a long time, and my first, my first theater job I ever got when I was auditioning in New York City was a regional theater, and it was in Florida. And I moved down there, and I performed down in Florida, and I stayed there for a while. So there was quite a bit of work. And then I moved up here, so.

CHRIS [00:12:20] Wow.

CALLER [00:12:21] That’s my little journey.

CHRIS [00:12:23] Who knew that Florida had such a thriving theater scene?

CALLER [00:12:28] It does. So I was in like central Florida, like the Orlando area. And there’s a there’s quite a bit of theater down there.

CHRIS [00:12:37] That’s awesome. Yeah, I have, I spend a fair amount of time there because my my folks are snowbirds and–

CALLER [00:12:45] Yeah, my and my husband’s parents are snowbirds, too. They’re actually currently down there, but they’re in Fort Lauderdale. So.

CHRIS [00:12:51] Yeah.

CALLER [00:12:52] But yeah we go, we go often. I miss it a little bit. I miss living there a little bit. But but there is like a different energy up here that I enjoy too. But I also didn’t want to be–so when I moved back up here, I did not want to be close to Long Island. I hate Long Island. OK, I do want to say I hate Long Island, cause I grew up there. I still have plenty of family and friends. So that’s really rude of me. But I feel so claustrophobic out on Long Island. I don’t know. So I wanted to be close, but I didn’t want to be there. And I thought, you know, this, where I am now, this area is close enough that I can still go, but–

CHRIS [00:13:32] Yeah.

CALLER [00:13:34] You know, I don’t have to be immersed.

CHRIS [00:13:36] What is it, like, a solid three hour trip from the Philly area to Long Island?

CALLER [00:13:40] Yeah, about. I mean, actually, we can make it in a shorter amount of time. But, you know, if you hit traffic on that Belt Parkway, you’re done. You’re just done.

CHRIS [00:13:51] Yeah. Now you say you hate Long Island. How do you feel about the fact that I’m going to call out that you do still have the subtle traces of a Long Island accent?

CALLER [00:14:00] [LAUGHS].

CHRIS [00:14:00] You get this a lot?

CALLER [00:14:02] No, I think it does come out if I’m angry or if I’m hyped up, which I probably am right now because I’m on the phone with you now, so.

CHRIS [00:14:14] Now, can I make an educated guess about something you brought up?

CALLER [00:14:17] Yes.

CHRIS [00:14:18] Now, you said you did a lot of theater in central Florida. I do know that many of–I actually have many artsy friends who have gotten work in Florida, largely at theme parks, was this theme park related theater?

CALLER [00:14:34] Actually, no. I did almost work in one of the theme parks. I went through the audition process. I did not wind up getting that job. I mainly, I just mainly worked in regional theater. I did a lot of children’s theater, I did a lot of musicals. Yeah, I didn’t work in a park, but I have lifelong friends that I made that do work in the park. So I know a lot about it. And, you know, also having friends that work in the parks, you can get in for free. So, you know, I did go, but no, I never worked in the park.

CHRIS [00:15:08] Yeah, I was hoping you’re going to say like, oh, yeah, I was Dale. I was Dale! I was Chippendale. So are you still doing theater in Philly?

CALLER [00:15:17] No, so I almost, I almost got, um. I think, what was the part I almost got? It was like a Sleeping-Beauty-type thing.

CHRIS [00:15:25] Yeah, that’s cool. Kids freak out.

CALLER [00:15:27] But I did not I did not mind getting that. What did you say about theater in Philly?

CHRIS [00:15:32] I asked if you’re still doing theater in Philly.

CALLER [00:15:34] No, I’m not. It’s so funny that you’re asking me this because there’s literally an audition this weekend that I was looking at, and I’m like, it’s one of my favorite musicals of all time. And I’m like, Do you want to do this? Like, it would really…I’m struggling, I guess, about whether I want to go back to this or not. I’m not, I’m not…You know, when I was doing theater and traveling and living that lifestyle, I was in my 20s. And I am not anymore. I’m you know, I have a family, I have two children, and I have a husband, and a home. And I–I just haven’t. I don’t know. Things are different now. And I still love it. I love going. And I just don’t know.

CHRIS [00:16:19] Now, you know my opinion on this. Everybody listening knows my opinion on this.

CALLER [00:16:27] I know.

CHRIS [00:16:28] you gotta sing! How cool–.

CALLER [00:16:32] I think along the way I lost like, I know.

CHRIS [00:16:33] How old are your kids? How old are your kids?

CALLER [00:16:36] 5 and my youngest will be 2 in like a week.

CHRIS [00:16:42] First of all, congratulations. Second of all, you must be so tired. You must be so tired.

CALLER [00:16:47] I’m so tired. I’m like, sleeping right now, but I’m pacing, but I’m sleeping.

CHRIS [00:16:53] How cool is that 5-year-old? That 5-year-old’s going to come see you in a show and be like, my mom is cool.

CALLER [00:17:01] Yeah, I mean, that would be cool. I mean, I remember watching my dad when I was 4 or 5 years old in Fiddler on the Roof. He used to do some local theater when I was little, so.

CHRIS [00:17:12] That’s awesome.

CALLER [00:17:14] Yeah.

CHRIS [00:17:15] That’s awesome.

CALLER [00:17:16] Yes it’s cool.

CHRIS [00:17:18] I don’t know how–ugh, should I share this? I don’t think she’ll mind. My wife’s mom was on Broadway, and she was in Annie. When kids found that out, my wife became like the coolest person amongst all kids. Right. Because all elementary school girls love Annie. Right?

CALLER [00:17:38] Wait, but, was she Annie?

CHRIS [00:17:41] No. She’s a grown up at the time. That would have been some experimental casting. Very weird experimental casting.

CALLER [00:17:54] That’s cool.

CHRIS [00:17:55] Yeah.

CALLER [00:17:56] Yeah no, that’s awesome.

CHRIS [00:17:57] Is that why you’re calling? Now, what was your intent when you called today? We’ve been having a lovely chat. Why are you calling? Is this what we’re getting to this, this deep–do you have brewing clouds in your soul, trying to figure out if you should do musical, and you want me to yell at you in traditional Beautiful Anonymous fashion that art must live?!

CALLER [00:18:12] No! I wasn’t even planning on talking about that because I feel like that’s been so done already on this show. I’ve been listening since the beginning. You have no idea, like, this, when you just said, like, you know, you must be tired with your children. So when my second was born, I think it was around, I don’t know if you guys had just started, but it was like definitely early on. And he was such a pain in the ass, as an infant, he wouldn’t sleep like it was such. It was just horrible, like, you know, getting him to do anything I needed him to do. I remember listening to the podcast, listening to Ron Paul’s Baby and literally rocking him for hours. And I just associate it with it. And I’ve listened to every episode since, you know, he was born in 2016, like early.

CHRIS [00:19:06] That’s an honor. Did you have headphones in, or was this child in his or her–I don’t know if you mentioned the gender–was their brain imprinted with my voice in their early formative year?

CALLER [00:19:19] I had headphones in.

CHRIS [00:19:20] I was hoping that…

CALLER [00:19:24] You’re so angry right now

CHRIS [00:19:25] Yeah. I’m egotistical enough to wish that your child was immersed in–like someday your kid would seek me out because of this. Anyway, who cares? That’s all. So…I got weird. It’s not a good joke. It got weird.

CALLER [00:19:39] It’s good. No, it’s good.

CHRIS [00:19:42] So what did you wanna talk about when you called? What was it?

CALLER [00:19:45] You know, I had no idea. Like, I’m just so shocked that you got through. Like, I couldn’t call. I called. I think I’ve been calling, you know, for a long, long, long time, never got through. I almost got there once and Jared shut it down. He he just was like, nope. Yeah.

CHRIS [00:20:02] He does that. Everybody in listening knows, recently, a lot of rumors have going around the Internet that Jared is a stern and evil taskmaster who really runs the show.

CALLER [00:20:16] No, he was very friendly and pleasant today. So I was like, oh, Jared, you’re like a new person.

CHRIS [00:20:21] Like, wait, was you actually? No! He wasn’t mean the last time, he is the nicest person that–

CALLER [00:20:25] No, he wasn’t mean, but he was, he was definitely more personable this time around. Like he wasn’t mean the last time. But he just sounded like, I don’t know. I don’t even know what to call it. He just sounded tired or something.

CHRIS [00:20:40] Well, you do have to remember, I come, I come in here, I tweet out a phone number, and then I sit here, and then you come on the phone, and I get to have a pleasant conversation. He’s the one who has to field 14000 frantic people who are so hoping to get through.

CALLER [00:20:59] Who are pacing.

CHRIS [00:21:00] And he has to break all their hearts. He has the worst gig! I have the best gig. He has the worst gig.

CALLER [00:21:09] No, I love Jared, tell him I love Jared. Tell him I love it. Yeah. Yeah, he’s great.

CHRIS [00:21:13] Jared, she loves you. He gave a thumbs up. Thumbs up. So two kids. Two kids. Can I ask. So are you, are you, are you working now? Have you moved to a different career besides theater, or are you are you raising the kids right now?

CALLER [00:21:32] I’m raising the kids right now.

CHRIS [00:21:34] Very noble.

CALLER [00:21:35] I’m home with them, so yeah, they’re so they’re so young. You know, like I probably will do something. I mean, I’ve dabbled in so many things. Like I’ll do something when maybe they’re both kind of in school full time. But that’s not going to be for a bit. So I’m just, you know, biding my time, I guess. I mean, it’s cool, but dude. It sucks sometimes. I’m not gonna lie.

CHRIS [00:21:58] What are the suckiest things about it? Tell me about this. Tell me about this. What are the sucky things?

CALLER [00:22:06] I mean, the sucky things? I mean, you wipe so many asses like you have…It’s just nonstop. You just wipe asses.

CHRIS [00:22:13] Now is the five the five year old must be potty trained by now, right?

CALLER [00:22:16] He’s potty trained. But you would not. You don’t understand like. Boys, especially boys, like they need help wiping their asses till they’re like six or seven years old most of the time.

CHRIS [00:22:27] I guess what you like–.

CALLER [00:22:28] I’m not joking.

CHRIS [00:22:28] I guess now that you say that, I do, uh…I was, I needed help wiping my ass deep into my–and I don’t know what the age was–but to the point where I do remember this, I have actual memories of people wiping my ass. That’s how old I was, that I can remember.

CALLER [00:22:44] I mean, well, you can. Look, I can be like, go ahead, do your own thing, so he’ll do it. You know, he, he does it. And then he goes, Okay, Mommy, I’m done. And then. And then I go, I’m like, okay, look, let’s take a look. And then I help him. But I mean, I could say go ahead and like, do it. But then I mean, he’s not going to do a good job.

CHRIS [00:23:01] So you have to, So even when your son attempts to wipe his own ass, you got to do a safety check afterwards.

CALLER [00:23:08] Oh, 100 percent. I’d like his teacher, even at pre-K. 100 percent, his teachers at pre-K will even like, if he if he goes to school like they’ll pull me aside when I pick him up on the on the, the loop, they call it the pickup line, and they’ll be like, hey, you might want to check because… Because he he definitely. Something happened in that bathroom.

CHRIS [00:23:33] Woah, so your kid has a reputation for it.

CALLER [00:23:36] OK wait well–

CHRIS [00:23:36] It’s a reputation as a bathroom destroyer, your five-year-old.

CALLER [00:23:40] No, no, he’s not destroying. Just like, you know, who’s gonna do that laundry? I’m gonna do that laundry, so, just looking out for me.

CHRIS [00:23:47] Okay. You’re right. Let’s get away from i hate. We’ve fallen down the poop rabbit hole on this show too many times. What are the other things? When you say that it’s fun and it’s beautiful, but it can also suck, what are the other things you’re referring to? To warn myself and any other future parents about? [BREAK] I can almost hear the collective sigh of relief from our listeners that we’re not going to do a whole nother poop episode, we are not going to go in many different directions. I’m not going to tell you what those are. You’re gonna have to come back to find out. We’ll be right back. [THEME BREAK MUSIC]

CHRIS [00:27:35] [AD BREAK] Now let’s get back to the phone call.

CHRIS [00:27:38] And you say that it’s fun and it’s beautiful, but it can also suck. What are the other things you’re referring to? To warn myself in any other future parents about?

CALLER [00:27:47] OK. Let’s see. The noise. It’s like never quiet, never quiet. My husband actually said the other day he actually helped a friend move. And when he came home, he was like, it’s not like he was doing something he was enjoying, like, you don’t nobody likes helping anybody move, you know? And he came home and he was like, he said to me, he was like, I was like I was like, relax for some reason, you know, on the ride home. I was listening to music, listening to podcasts. He said he walked in the house. He was here for 10 minutes and he was like, they just drain your energy. They really do. They drain your energy! It’s just never quiet. It’s like constant, just chaos, kinda. I guess. I mean, you know, I don’t want to, like, I don’t want to shit on it either, because it is, like, it’s kind of a good chaos I guess? Yeah. It’s just, it is, it’s tiring.

CHRIS [00:28:43] It has to–is it also the most rewarding, beautiful thing we can do in life that adjusts your mindset forever as I’ve heard? These rumors that I’ve heard?

CALLER [00:28:51] sometimes?

CHRIS [00:28:51] I’ve heard people say “oh the second my kid was born, every priority in my life changed forever. I thought I figured out finally what really matters.”

CALLER [00:29:08] Yeah. I mean, it definitely does. I mean, it does, but I mean, like,.

CHRIS [00:29:13] You’re not thinking about that when one of them is screaming and the other is taking a shit on the ground.

CALLER [00:29:18] Exactly. Yeah. It’s like, you know how they say, “oh, don’t compare your life to someone’s highlight reel”? I don’t remember exactly what it is, but, I can post like a million pictures of–you know, on social media–of like my beautiful family and like, you know, this beautiful moment. But that was a moment, the rest of those like, you know, twelve hours that I was a week was nuts, you know? It was chaos. So, yeah, I mean, it’s like those few moments of, you know, the rewarding part. It’s you know, preceded by probably a lot a lot of non-rewarding moments. But, that with it that’s the thing, though. It’s like quality over quantity. The rewarding moment is–it does make up for, you know, those those other moments. So, yeah, I don’t want to, I feel like I’m dissuading people from having children right now.

CHRIS [00:30:24] No, that’s a, that’s okay.

CALLER [00:30:26] I get it.

CHRIS [00:30:29] We’ve all it heard before. Everybody knows how hard it is. I mean, I think the people who don’t have kids are theoretically aware of how hard it is and don’t really know.

CALLER [00:30:40] But I think you think you will? Do you think–

CHRIS [00:30:41] I would love to–.

CALLER [00:30:43] I’ve heard you say, it sounds like you want to, but you’re just like, not sure. Like when I’ve heard you talk about this on the podcast.

CHRIS [00:30:50] Well, you know, there’s a few things. One is that I’m you know, I’m very proud of the fact that I’ve dealt with it publicly. I’m very proud of it. There is, you know, just something to be said of just frankly being scared that I’m someone with a lot of mental health problems and, you know, you–but I think a lot of people think about that. Like, are you going to pass on the scariest qualities of yourself to a kid, or are you going to help your kid gain some new perspective you didn’t have? You know, so there’s some scary things about that. And then, you know, I think also people have asked me this on the show before. And I think my instinct is always like, well, this is not just my just decision. This is my wife and my decision. And out of respect to her, I’ve often dodged this convo when people bring it up. I think maybe you’ve noticed that I tend to shuffle.

CALLER [00:31:40] Yeah. Yeah. And I mean, no, I totally agree with you. And I like all I’ll say is like, if you’re, if you are on the fence, like don’t do it. Like, wait. Wait till you’re not on the fence.

CHRIS [00:31:53] No, that’s true. No, I think it will happen someday. I think. I don’t know. I go back and forth. I fear that I’ll be a terrible father. And then people in my life have told me “you’d be a great dad.” So who knows?

CALLER [00:32:09] You won’t. I’m telling you. You know, I was not a kid person growing up. You know, those like–I don’t want to say girls, there are guys, too, that are just like all about kids. You know, they love em. I don’t know. Growing up, they just, they want to baby sit. They just like to kind of talk to kids and stuff. And I just never, I just was never a kid person. I guess I would say, “oh, yeah, I’d like to have a kid,” but never really thinking it through. And, you know, once it’s on your plate and you take that kid home and you’re like, OK, now what do we do with it? You just, it’s just something takes over, something takes over. You’re just, yeah, you just do it and it it works and you’re just like after a while, you’re like, wait, hold on, this kid’s really cool, you know?

CHRIS [00:33:00] I’ll tell you what–.

CALLER [00:33:02] And I did that.

CHRIS [00:33:03] I’ll tell you what, I got a nephew now. My wife’s brother had a kid. He’s a little over a year old. And he’s the best. He’s like my favorite person to hang out with. Being an uncle by marriage, the best gig anybody’s ever had. I have zero responsibility, except to play with this kid. I tossed him around over Christmas, I lifted him up, I forgot that my mother in law’s ceilings are low, put his head right in the ceiling. Everybody was very nice about it. I was freaking out. His parents were like…I was completely horrified, completely humiliated. Instantaneously, though, my brother and I was like, “he’s hit his head harder than that, eleven times today, like all he does is run and fall and sprint headfirst into things.” He was fine. He didn’t even cry. This kid. I lift him up in the air. I give him high fives. And every time I give him a high five, I go, “Yes!” And he starts laughing. And then, you want to hear the best thing that’s ever happened to me? Is when they went to leave the Christmas weekend, whatever it was, Christmas, a couple days, they said, “Walter,”– Walter can’t really speak yet. He’s trying to get a few words–they go, “Walter, you’ve got to give everybody some goodbye hugs. He gave me my goodbye hug, and came back two more times. I got three goodbye hugs from my nephew. The best.

CALLER [00:34:30] And see, isn’t that cool? And you feel like the chosen one, right?

CHRIS [00:34:33] I feel cool! I feel like it’s, I feel like a popular person. He, and he’s trying. He goes, “Chi, Chi.” He’s trying to say Uncle Chris. He can go “Chi, Chi,” but he’s trying. He looks at me and he says it. And it’s like the coolest feeling on earth.

CALLER [00:34:49] And you know. Yeah. Yeah.

CHRIS [00:34:51] Getting to know my nephew has made me much more gung ho about wanting to be a dad, because I know that it’s–

CALLER [00:34:58] You would be like an awesome dad, listen to you right now.

CHRIS [00:35:03] Who knows? Who knows?

CALLER [00:35:05] You would. I know it.

CHRIS [00:35:07] Who knows? You had two kids.

CALLER [00:35:09] I know it. You’ll do it.

CHRIS [00:35:10] Florida, Long Island. Did you live anywhere else? You said you moved around a lot. That’s two moves. Florida.

CALLER [00:35:16] OK, so. Well, within those states, I’d say, because like when you when you were a performer, especially in theater, you go where the work is. So, I mean, I would move where I got a job. A lot of times they’d house you, too, you know, in regional theater.

CHRIS [00:35:30] Oh, yeah. They put you up in like dorms sometimes.

CALLER [00:35:33] Yeah. Yeah. That was actually so funny. It’s so funny you say that. I always describe that first acting job and that was kind of like my college experience because I didn’t live on campus when I went to college. So when I, when I moved and I, I lived in Sarasota. That was for me for first acting job was. Yeah, it was kind of like they put us all all the actors in this house, this big house, and we all lived there. And it was like, no joke, it was like a frat house. Crazy. It was so fun.

CHRIS [00:36:04] Yeah. That’s awesome. What’s the most, what’s the most remote or obscure place that you performed in your regional theater travels?

CALLER [00:36:18] The most well, but none of them were that remote. S–I mean, it wasn’t. Yeah.

CHRIS [00:36:26] So it was all. It was just different cities in Florida, just bouncing around Florida.

CALLER [00:36:30] Yeah, different cities in Florida. So, it was really mostly in Orlando.

CHRIS [00:36:35] That’s cool. That’s a cool life. And then what? Did you meet your husband in Florida? Did you meet your husband down there?

CALLER [00:36:42] No, I actually met him…OK. So I’m…OK, this is a weird–I don’t even know how to get into this. Like, I met another guy when I was living in Florida. I met him here in Philly. Actually, I was here for wedding. And that’s sort of how I wound up in Philly, from this other guy, who, it just ended up not working out…He was horrible. He turned out to be horrible. But…

CHRIS [00:37:13] So you met him in Philly, but he was a Florida guy?

CALLER [00:37:18] No, no, no.

CHRIS [00:37:19] So you had a long distance thing for a while?

CALLER [00:37:22] We did. Yes. For like a year. Yeah.

CHRIS [00:37:25] And then he became horrible.

CALLER [00:37:27] Actually, I was, I was modeling as well. And I would obtain work here, I would basically obtain work here in Philly, and I would work, I would get flown up here and I’d work here in Philly, and I, you know, I’d come up here every couple months to see him. He’d come down to Florida to see me, and then eventually I moved here. Yeah, that’s what happened. And then, you know, that didn’t work out. And maybe year after that relationship ended, I wound up meeting my husband, and that worked out. So that was like, it’s like, I guess I wound up here for a reason.

CHRIS [00:38:06] That’s good. That’s great. Now, now, I have two questions. And feel free–what type of modeling were you doing, and or, what was so horrible about the first guy? Just regular relationship horrors, or like a bad dude?

CALLER [00:38:21] No, he was just a big liar. I really think he had, I don’t know, he’s just a liar. He, he was basically seeing other chicks, and he was in law school, and I don’t know.

CHRIS [00:38:36] [LAUGHS] He’s in law school! I like how you say he’s in law school as if that’s like, everybody listening is like “Oh, right. Law school people.” The law school’s intense. I don’t know if they’re notorious cheaters are law school people known for infidelity?

CALLER [00:38:52] Not cheeters, but maybe liars, you know, like they’re good at it. They can, like, really swindle you. I feel like sometimes, I guess they I felt swindled a little.

CHRIS [00:39:00] So he was going to school and using his–he’s being taught how to win arguments, and then he’s using it against you.

CALLER [00:39:05] Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. He’d, he’d turn arguments around that like, I wouldn’t know what was up, what was down. Like it was crazy.

CHRIS [00:39:14] That’s the worst.

CALLER [00:39:15] Also, I think he also had like a big pornography addiction. He was nuts.

CHRIS [00:39:17] [LAUGHS] Sorry to laugh, but that one snuck up on me.

CALLER [00:39:24] He was a drummer, like…

CHRIS [00:39:26] OK. OK. So he’s a porn-addicted drummer going to law school? Yeah. Yeah. There’s a lot. There’s a lot.

CALLER [00:39:33] There’s a lot going on in that relationship.

CHRIS [00:39:36] How does…how do you find out that he’s a pornography–like is that’s something, like: you’re in Florida, you have no idea, then you move up to Philly to be with this guy after a year long distance and you’re like, “wait, you have six hard drives. What is this?” Is it that type of thing?

CALLER [00:39:53] No, he would take his…So it started–I’m telling you, this guy made me think things were really normal that were not normal. Like he would take his laptop into the bathroom, and I’d hear like clicking and, you know, I don’t know, I just, he would be in there for a long time and like, I’d be like, that’s not normal. I don’t know anybody that does that. And like, 100 percent, he was like, doing weird porn stuff in there. Like, I don’t know.

CHRIS [00:40:20] No, I’ve taken a laptop into a bathroom!

CALLER [00:40:24] You have? I think that’s so weird.

CHRIS [00:40:26] Well, I’ll tell you, I got some gastrointestinal difficulties at times. If you’re in the middle of an article… Yeah. Like if you’re in the middle of an article…

CALLER [00:40:35] No. Yeah. If you are going to be in there for a while and you like…tThat’s fine. But I guess but, I don’t know. He was…no, you just your intuition tells you. No he was…It was not because of that. It was because he was doing weird stuff. Telling you, believe me.

CHRIS [00:40:49] He’s coming out real sweaty and relaxed. That type of thing? He’s coming out like…totally doesn’t personality than before he went in.

CALLER [00:41:00] A hundred percent. Yeah. You’re right.

CHRIS [00:41:02] Okay. I’m glad you got away from that guy. Yeah. You meet a better guy. Yeah, it’s good.

CALLER [00:41:08] You asked about the modeling. I. So I. OK. So when you’re a theater performer, you know, you don’t make a lot of money. And, for a while I kind of was like, you know, looking into other creative outlets. And, I started…I basically started like a little portfolio. And it was, I really started modeling just because I liked it. And I thought it was fun. And I could create, or have visions of what I wanted a photo to look like and kind of bring that to life.

CHRIS [00:41:41] Yeahm that’s a common enough thing, actors and actors will often model as well. That’s,that’s a pretty common thing.

CALLER [00:41:48] Yeah. Yeah. And, basically people started contacting me, and wanted to work with me, and started offering to pay me. And I was like, OK, this is cool. And some of it some of it was like, really cool, like artsy, like, you know, cool black and whites, and I don’t know, just some artsy, like, fashion stuff. But then, I kind of skewed into doing–I did you like a little bit of, what’s it called…Glamor modeling? Where it’s like lingerie and bikinis, especially down in Florida there’s a lot of swimsuit modeling. And I did that, and I did, I did some nude stuff like Playboy style. I wasn’t in Playboy. I did a test shoot for Playboy, but I wound up not doing Playboy.

CHRIS [00:42:35] But what’s the touch shoot? Did you say touch or test?

CALLER [00:42:41] Test.

CHRIS [00:42:42] Oh, a test. Oh, wow. So you were in this world.

CALLER [00:42:45] Yes, Mm Hm.

CHRIS [00:42:46] Wow, that’s cool.

CALLER [00:42:47] This is also at like the height of like Playboy. Now, I’m kind of like I don’t… I’m kind of like, I can’t believe I did that. But at the time, it was like… Remember when they had that show “The Girl Next Door?” And it was like, what was that 2007 or something?

CHRIS [00:43:04] Yeah, and maybe even earlier that was, like yeah, that was like the last hurrah of Playboy having a real foothold. Wow. Yes, so. You would have done it, you would have gone into it if they had given it the thumbs up? You would have you you’d have been in Playboy?

CALLER [00:43:20] I guess so, yeah. And I have a couple of girlfriends who were in Playboy, and they were like, “thank God you didn’t do because they paid like…” OK, unless you’re a centerfold, which is like, what, twelve girls a year? You know, they do like March, April, May, whatever. So unless you’re a centerfold–and they make kind of a decent amount of money, I guess. But, the other girls who are kind of in the…I don’t even know what they would call them.

CHRIS [00:43:52] There’s the other…There’s like ancillary content. And I’m not going to pretend I never read a Playboy in my formative years. I know it. Everybody knows what you’re talking about. You got the centerfold, but then there will be other features, articles. People show up. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

CALLER [00:44:08] Yeah, so unless you’re one of those, basically you just get paid this kind of one time fee, and they can use that content as much as they want, whenever they want. You know, it’s something like five hundred dollars. And–.

CHRIS [00:44:20] Really? That’s it?

CALLER [00:44:21] Yeah. They will use…Yeah! And they will like, use it and use it. Yeah my friend one of my best friends was in one…

CHRIS [00:44:32] That’s all you get is 500 bucks to be in Playboy? Because it also goes everywhere on the Internet.

CALLER [00:44:38] Yeah.

CHRIS [00:44:39] You get 500 bucks?! That’s crazy.

CALLER [00:44:44] Well look, that was at least back then. She said she, I don’t know if it was 500 or maybe, I mean it might have been like 700. But even that, you know, it wasn’t enough. Yeah.

CHRIS [00:44:53] Yeah. It’s not a month’s expenses in rent and stuff.

CALLER [00:44:57] Exactly. Yeah.

CHRIS [00:44:59] Jeez!

CALLER [00:44:59] And she’s…Yes. she she was definitely like, you know, I almost wish I didn’t do it. No. I’m kind of glad I didn’t I guess.

CHRIS [00:45:09] So you had you had this life as a model…Is it…I always feel like, you know, there’s a bit of a taboo, right? Historically, it’s not one that I think should exist. Is it something that you had to, like, as you were going down this road getting caught up…It’s like, cause you said, the way you even framed it was like, well, I started to get paid…And it sounds like it was something that kind of was a snowball that rolled downhill. Was it, is it something that’s like, oh–

CALLER [00:45:34] Well…

CHRIS [00:45:35] Yeah, you talk, you talk. Because you see where I’m going.

CALLER [00:45:39] Yeah. I wouldn’t say downhill. So, at the time, I was… At the time, I was very cool with it. Very free with my body. You know, I was in my 20s. I, like, looked…I mean, I thought I looked good. You know, like and, I don’t know, I was in my 20s, like, what I was doing and trying to be creative and everything. I just kind of felt like a gypsy. And, I don’t know, it’s just this freedom. And I just kind of really liked doing it. I think if you don’t like doing it, yes, for you, then you would be like, the ball would be rolling downhill. So I never looked at it that way, I suppose.

CHRIS [00:46:19] But I only…There’s the expression that as the snowball goes downhill, it picks up momentum and gets bigger. I only meant that, not as a judgment of, like, morals in any way. Only using the…expression.

CALLER [00:46:33] Yeah. I know you didn’t mean it that way. I just, for anyone that, you know, would be wondering about that. I mean, it was, getting paid to me was like a bonus. And I also was very particular about the work I would take.

CHRIS [00:46:45] Yeah.

CALLER [00:46:46] I’m not going to do, like a penthouse, legs spread, you know, like I was not into that. The photos I would do, I would show my mother, you know? Like I didn’t do raunchy–it was very, like I did a lot of art nudes, most of them were black and white, you know? Stuff like that. It was for me personally. I honestly like the…the most campy I did was that Playboy shoot.

CHRIS [00:47:21] So, yeah. So you feel like you dodged a bullet with that one.

CALLER [00:47:26] Kinda, yeah. I mean, I guess it was…but people never think of those like ladies that are probably in their 50s now and are like, “I was a Playboy centerfold,” you know? I guess it’s kind of fun, but you know, I don’t know. I’m cool with not having done it. You know, now that my friends that did it say it probably wasn’t wasn’t worth it.

CHRIS [00:47:47] You’ve lived a hell of a life.

CALLER [00:47:52] Yeah it’s fun!

CHRIS [00:47:54] Bounced up and down this East coast.

CALLER [00:47:55] I like wonder sometimes, my husband will be like, what are you gonna do when–I almost said my son’s name– when he’s like a teenager and googles you and finds something weird? And I’m like, I don’t know.

CHRIS [00:48:08] Oh, yeah. I mean, the thought crossed my mind, and I was biting my tongue, wanting to ask. You got two boys! You got two boys. Boys get curious.

CALLER [00:48:18] They do.

CHRIS [00:48:20] So there’s going to be a conversation down the line at some point.

CALLER [00:48:24] Well, would you have done if you were, like, 16 years old and you found a nude photo of your mom?

CHRIS [00:48:29] Listen, listen. OK. Wait. Hold on. Let’s get real.

CALLER [00:48:34] I’m sorry, Sally! Oh my God she’s going to hate this so much.

CHRIS [00:48:35] The ultimate sorry Sally moment just unfolded, the 100 percent ultimate. You’re gonna have to hit the brakes.

CALLER [00:48:45] Oh, my God.

CHRIS [00:48:48] We’re gonna take a break now. I need one. I need. Come on. That’s. I need every…ooh kay. Take a break. Nobody needs to think about that. We got ads. The ads are coming. Enjoy the ads. OK. [AD BREAK] Now let’s finish off the phone call.

CHRIS [00:50:17] The ultimate sorry Sally moment just unfolded, the 100 percent ultimate. You’re gonna have to hit the brakes.

CALLER [00:50:26] Oh, my God, I feel so bad.

CHRIS [00:50:28] Real hard on that one. I mean, I will say this: there’s no way for me to even consider that question. But I will say, when I have kids someday, I mean, if there’s anybody who’s going to have some explaining to do about content that his kids can find on the Internet–it’s hundreds of hours of me getting like beaten by kickboxers and sexually tormented by dominatrixes on public access television. And that’s where I met their mom. That someday I’ll have a kid and they’ll be like how’d you and mom meet? And I’ll be like, oh, watch his video, it’s me having a burrito built on my belly on public access TV and then a stranger eats the burrito. And they’re gonna be like,.

CALLER [00:51:08] I’m literally crying right now.

CHRIS [00:51:09] Think about what I have to do. If you know anything about my life and career, I think about what I have to explain to a child someday.

CALLER [00:51:17] That’s amazing.

CHRIS [00:51:18] My kids are gonna Google my name once, and then turn around and be like, why would I ever listen to you? Why would I ever listen to anything you say, ever again? You’ve spent your whole life doing idiotic shit on public access TV, and shouting to the hilltops that people should ignore rules and just follow their most basic impulses. And you said 4000 times in public that no one should go to college. Why would I ever listen to you? If there’s anybody who’s going to have explaining to do it’s this guy. It’s me and you.

CALLER [00:51:50] By the way, I agree with you about the college thing. Like 100 percent. I’m like, never, ever gonna push college on my kids. Ever.

CHRIS [00:51:56] Hey, if you’re if you’re interested in a field that needs a degree, I’m all for it. And I’ll pay that kid’s bills as best as I can, depending on how my shoddy career is going at the time. We’ll see, I’m already, I’m having a couple good years, I’m packing away a college fund now in case it’s necessary. But if you’re a dreamer, you’ve got your heads in the clouds. Figure it out before you go into debt, or until they fix the system, man!

CALLER [00:52:23] Yes. Yes. I’m still like, what did I do? I didn’t do anything with my college degree. I mean, I guess I had fun. But like, whatever. You don’t like it, it was pointless. And my husband didn’t…Well, OK. My husband got his degree in accounting or something like that. And he did work in that field for like a while right out of college. But he hated it and stopped doing it, did some other things for a while. And now he. He spent… right when my first son was born, he spent nine months teaching himself coding, and now, and got a job that pays double what he wanted. Right after teaching himself coding for nine months.

CHRIS [00:53:01] That’s bad ass.

CALLER [00:53:03] Yeah, it was awesome. Awesome. So, yeah, you do not need to go to college.

CHRIS [00:53:08] That’s pretty impressive when your guy is like, “I hate my career. I’m done.” Did you already have your kid, you said?

CALLER [00:53:17] Yep, we had our child. My first child was not on purpose.

CHRIS [00:53:21] Ho, ho, ho, ho.

CALLER [00:53:22] We were not married. Yes.

CHRIS [00:53:23] Oh, wow. Were you leaning towards marriage, or did that lead towards like, let’s do some soul searching and make some…have this conversation finally?

CALLER [00:53:35] That’s that’s a touchy subject. I think I was in the mindset of marriage. I think my husband was… He was still living, like he was a lot younger than he was, I guess. And like, not that he wasn’t all about me. But he I don’t think he did have it on his mind yet, you know?

CHRIS [00:53:59] Yeah.

CALLER [00:54:00] It kind of forced…that sounds so bad. You know, it just kind of put us on the path of like, OK. Like, we we have to like, think about this and be serious and like, figure out if this is what we want. So, yeah, he actually proposed to me when my son was one month old on Christmas Day.

CHRIS [00:54:19] Oh, wow. That’s cool.

CALLER [00:54:20] Yeah. So it was it…I don’t know. I feel like my life put me in that track for a reason. I needed to have that baby to grow up, because I was not growing up. 100 percent.

CHRIS [00:54:34] Yeah, but it seems like it worked out. You had the second one.

CALLER [00:54:40] Yeah. Yeah. We had a second baby. You know, I mean things things are pretty good. I know. I’m not gonna lie, we have had–because honestly, because of the way things happened to us, we have definitely had like bumps in the road in our marriage and stuff. But we’re both super committed and, you know, marriage is..Marriage is heart. You know, you have, you both have to just kind of…If you’re both committed and you both want to work on it, and my husband and I. It turned out we’re different people. You know, like we were only together for a short amount of time before I got pregnant. And we are different. But. We just love each other. You know, and there are differences, like we want to make them work for us.

CHRIS [00:55:24] Wow. So, you had been doing theater and doing modeling. Move to New City. Traumatic relationship. Meet this new guy who seems like a pretty good dude, but before you even are locked in and knowing that for sure, boom. Life change.

CALLER [00:55:41] Yeah, definitely. And that’s why… to all these ladies out there. I was on birth control, and I got pregnant. So you gotta be careful.

CHRIS [00:55:48] Whoa.

CALLER [00:55:49] You put that put that reminder in your phone, because I think it was…like I said, I was like a free bird and I was like kind of like, “whatever” I had been on birth control for like years. And I was like, I’m never gonna get pregnant, it’s fine. And I would like, take that pill whenever I wanted to. Nope. You’ve got to take that pill on time every day.

CHRIS [00:56:08] Wow. So you were still young, and sounds like maybe still in your young, like, partying phase.

CALLER [00:56:16] I kind of was, but I’m not young. I’m like, well, and I don’t wanna offend you, but I’m like, I’m basically the same age as you; I’m not young. I was just in that phase. I’m a young soul.

CHRIS [00:56:26] [LAUGHS].

CALLER [00:56:26] Shut up! Don’t…

CHRIS [00:56:30] Oh God. “I’m not young, I’m your age”

CALLER [00:56:36] But if anything, then that just offended myself as well.

CHRIS [00:56:39] No, but I mean, it was like a bucket of ice cold water to my face. Now I’m aware I’m not young.

CALLER [00:56:43] Did you graduate 99?

CHRIS [00:56:46] 98, I’m older than you.

CALLER [00:56:48] OK. I graduated in 99.

CHRIS [00:56:50] Oh, God, I’m not young. “I’m younger than you. That I’m not young. You know, and I’m younger.”

CALLER [00:56:57] Chris we have to be careful because, like, we have friends in common. Like, I feel like you might even figure out who I am. So, I just wanna let you know that.

CHRIS [00:57:06] OK, ok. Well, I’ll, I’ll resist. Like I encourage all my listeners, I will resist the urge to snoop. Who wants to snoop? Let’s stick with the premise. Well, that’s that’s a fascinating thing. So you were still you were in a young soul era and everything changed. But you’re happy now. It sounds like you’re pretty happy.

CALLER [00:57:28] I am. I mean, I am. I mean, at least, I have a lot…I still have a lot of work to do as a person, like I’m still trying to figure it all out. You know? Yeah, I shouldn’t, at 37 years old. But I, I do. I just feel, I still feel young. And even when I tell people….Like, I just went to restaurant with my husband, and this woman who I guess owned the restaurant. She was like, I don’t she was talking to us and she was like, “oh, you guys are young. You have time or something.” And I was like, “I not that young” and she was like, “yes, you are. Stop.” And I was like, “I’m 37.” And she was like, “no, you’re not.” I was like, “I am,” I don’t know. I guess I just don’t come across as that age, and when you think about…Sometimes when I think about being a kid and remembering people that were like, you know, 37, 40 years old, whatever, they seemed…They seemed old, like, you know, they just seemed like worn down by life.

CHRIS [00:58:26] Well, I’ll say, I will say, I’ve always, I’ve always, you know, one of my favorite bands is called Minor Threat and they have a lyric, “It’s not how old I am. It’s how old I feel.” And I always thought that was very true.

CALLER [00:58:38] Exactly.

CHRIS [00:58:39] And I always lived, I’ll say, this past year. So, the first time, I was actually just talking about this with Jerry before we tweeted out the phone number. First time in my life where I realized, oh, I’m getting…Like, you know, my life is always insanely busy, and I’m doing this podcast, doing the Gethard show. Working on a book, we had career suicide come out last year. Like a lot of stuff happened. And I hit a point towards the end of the year where my friend JD, who runs my TV show, sat me down and he’s like, dude, can you, can you do this? And I was like, I’m so, this is the first time where I’ve felt old. I’ve burned out. I had to…I had to look in the mirror and realize, I’m always kind of been notorious for being able to just work at a relentless pace. I couldn’t do it. First time in my life where I had to realize I’m getting old.

CALLER [00:59:31] Yeah, I mean, I definitely feel it sometimes, just like with parenting, like, you know, it’s like, I feel like if I had had children, you know, 10 years ago, even, I would have just had a lot more like wherewithal to, like, run around all day with them. And sometimes I’m just like, I’m like, look, listen, it’s quiet time. Get in your room. Because I need to I need to chill out for a minute. Otherwise, I’m going to, like, literally go crazy. Like, yeah, we have…Quiet time is popular in this house.

CHRIS [01:00:01] I’m amazed that you found an hour to talk to me with a 2 year old. That’s no small task.

CALLER [01:00:07] It is quiet time, Chris!

CHRIS [01:00:08] It’s quiet time… I will say this. You’re talking about how you’re getting older. You sound so, like even with two kids, you sound so energetic and youthful, and just based on sound, I will say you still…

CALLER [01:00:21] That’s cause I’m pacing, and I’m, I’m uppity because I’m talking to, you know, one of my favorite people. Hi.

CHRIS [01:00:26] Hi. That’s awfully nice. That’s awfully nice. Yes. I tell you, I’ve enjoyed learning your story. We got ten minutes left.

CALLER [01:00:38] That’s it. Dude, that was so fast. So fast. I feel like we didn’t talk about anything but kind of talked about everything. It was weird. I don’t know.

CHRIS [01:00:50] Well, what else? If we had…If there’s any bullet points we haven’t covered, now’s the time to get them out.

CALLER [01:00:56] I don’t even know. I don’t. I don’t know. I mean, I love this conversation. It’s so fun. Yeah. we still have some time I guess. Yeah.

CHRIS [01:01:03] This has been a very, I don’t know, pleasant one. It’s been a very pleasant one on my end.

CALLER [01:01:08] I’m probably like a good one for–cause you just went on vacation, right? And it’s probably a good one just coming out of vacation. Relaxed.

CHRIS [01:01:15] Yeah. I mean, I’m you, you…I will say, my vacation. I did a lot of soul searching about that issue, about like, I’m losing some energy. I can’t do everything anymore. And I have to start to prioritize, I’m gonna have to start to really focus and figure out what I want.

CALLER [01:01:30] Wait can I. Can we talk about something? This just reminded me about something. Yeah, I read your. Yelp review. about your yoga class?

CHRIS [01:01:41] Yes. TripAdvisor review.

CALLER [01:01:44] Oh, TripAdvisor,.

CHRIS [01:01:45] Yeah.

CALLER [01:01:46] Oh, my God.

CHRIS [01:01:47] So that wait, but hold on, because this is turning into a weird episode. I put that on Facebook, but my personal Facebook. Means we might be Facebook friends.

CALLER [01:01:58] Yeah.

CHRIS [01:02:02] We might be…Weird! Yeah. OK.

CALLER [01:02:05] I probably shouldn’t have said that.

CHRIS [01:02:06] No, it’s okay. I’ll stop snooping. But this is the first time I have realized during a call that I am in fact, Facebook friends with the person. First time I’ve ever said I understood that. That’s okay. That’s okay. There have been a couple of other calls where it turned out I was prior Facebook friends with them.

CALLER [01:02:22] It’s okay. You know what? It’s all right. I don’t care if you know,.

CHRIS [01:02:26] It’s okay. You’re referring to a TripAdvisor review I left, because I was in Sri Lanka–furthest away from home I’ve ever been. My wife has spent years convincing me that yoga would be good for me. I’ve got some physical problems with my joints. She’s like, yoga would be great for you. You gotta try it. She does it. She loves it. I’ve, I’ve thought about it, but always been nervous. We were in Sri Lanka, we find this yoga place. We have to climb about five hundred steps, the top of a mountain, to a Buddhist temple.

CALLER [01:02:52] I mean, that sounds like Chris. That sounds so cool. This is, you know. I’m like…I would 100 percent do that.

CHRIS [01:02:59] I’m like, yeah, if I’m gonna do yoga, this is the way I got to do it. Climb up to this Buddhist temple, and on the grounds of the Buddhist temple, do it. This guy! He’s making me do all the… I said out of the gate, they…We did this thing, we introduced herself. And I said, this is my first time doing yoga. I’m tagging along with my wife. Everybody chuckles, I’m like, I’m just tagging along with the wife. Everybody chuckles. They know it’s my first time. This guy makes me do a downward dog. He said he’s like, I want to volunteer to do a downward dog. Who’s can who can show me a downward dog?

CALLER [01:03:30] And you were like, avoiding his eyes?

CHRIS [01:03:32] Well, someone else does it and does it perfectly. He’s like, no, no, no. Someone else, someone who’s not as good at it. And then a young lady does it. Does it very well. You think? No, maybe a male! And now he’s making eye contact with me.

CALLER [01:03:43] Did you like? No. Yeah. He’s 100 percent–.

CHRIS [01:03:45] Targeting me. And I realize that this guy’s targeting me. My wife looks back at me, makes eye contact. Cause everyone in the room knows he’s talking about me. I get in the downward dog. If you don’t know this about me, you can Google this. I have a condition called Nael Patella Syndrome. I was born with very messed up joints, including my elbows. I have these bony elbows that stick out. They do not lock. I can’t do push ups because I can’t do a full extension. So I’m doing downward dog. I’m shaking, quaking. This guy goes, “I want everybody to give this guy a number grade on his first dog.” And then people are just shocked into silence. Everyone feels awkward. Everyone’s pitying me. I remember middle school and high school.

CALLER [01:04:27] I have never, ever, ever heard of anybody that would ever do that in a yoga class.

CHRIS [01:04:32] Do you do yoga? My wife and, my my wife said that is out of line and would never happen. And then somebody goes on. The guy goes, maybe I give him like a 50 or 60. He goes, “I give him negative points!” And then I fell down at some point, he made me do it again three more times. He was trying to be like a hot shot, who was going to fix me, and show how he could do it. You know, change me. And it was all about him. And then he just kinda weirdly moved on. And then I got…My wife. Oh, dude, my wife. If I, if she feels like I’m being wronged or disrespected oh man, she gave it to that yoga teacher. And then we walked away. I was like, I gotta say something, too, cause the Jersey in me’s coming out. And if I don’t say something, I’m going to be pissed this whole vacation. And I went back. She was like, you want me to come with you? I was like, I don’t want you to see how I’m about to behave. And I went back, and I gave it to this yoga dude. Then he’s like, “you should’ve told me you had physical problems.” I was like, “you’re blaming me, you’re saying because I didn’t…I told you it’s my first time. You’re telling me it’s my fault that you treated me that way.” And he kept saying it. I got in his face. Cause I’m from North Jersey.

CALLER [01:05:43] yeah, dude, just say you’re sorry.

CHRIS [01:05:45] Yeah, just say the word sorry and let me walk away. I kept trying to walk away, and he’s like, you could’ve told me. There’s a lot of things you could’ve told me. And it happened like two or three times where I went to walk away and he did it. And I finally turned around and gotten his face and his assistant instructor–I’m on a mountaintop in a Buddhist temple in Sri Lanka trying to fight a guy, and I have another teacher had to break it up!

CALLER [01:06:03] Only you, Chris, only you.

CHRIS [01:06:07] Honestly. Oh, that is only me. That is only Gethard. I will tell you, it honestly got to the point where in my head, you know, you get that. I don’t know. In my mind, it’s a Jersey thing. But you’re in Philly. You see it, too. It got to that point where I was in my head like I’m like, I might have to fucking hit this guy. I have to fucking hit this guy, in my head where I’m like, if he does this one more time, I might have…I’m thinking, should I hit him or do I want to grab him? Like what sends the message? Sends the message to this temple. A religion notorious for its seeking of enlightenment and peace. And I’m trying to fight a man. But it was cool. You know, it was cool because on the walk down–.

CALLER [01:06:43] Somebody needs to make, that needs to be like the premise of like an episode of a sitcom or something.

CHRIS [01:06:50] It was very sad.

CALLER [01:06:51] It has to happen,.

CHRIS [01:06:52] But it was cool cause on the walk back down those steps, I saw about 20 monkeys. It was rad.

CALLER [01:06:58] That’s awesome, yeah. Cool.

CHRIS [01:07:00] Yeah, I got to go there. I put up the video of the monkeys. You may have seen that since we’re Facebook friends.

CALLER [01:07:04] I didn’t, I didn’t see that. I haven’t been up to…I saw the review, but I haven’t put up the date.

CHRIS [01:07:11] I must say this, too. I did a purge when I started my professional Facebook page. I did a. I have unfriended about 3000 people, and put a note up. Hey, I have this other public one and other stuff. So we uh, OK.

CALLER [01:07:25] Oh, OK. So how many how much time do we have left?

CHRIS [01:07:28] Three or four minutes.

CALLER [01:07:30] OK. So this is going to give it away. All right? But this kind of goes along with this theme of getting older and still working on yourself and wanting to be better and stuff. So I think this is a good thing to end with. I have felt like my whole life, like I was kind of a little too self-focused and not in a not in a selfish way, but like I wasn’t one of the people that went out of my way to kind of, do kind things for others, for others. And as I got older, I realized, like, that’s super important, and it is rewarding, and it makes you feel good. And, and it, while making yourself feel good, you’re doing something for your fellow human beings and, you know, mankind or whatever. So this past December, I decided to…

CHRIS [01:08:30] I know who you are. I know you are. That was a beautiful thing you did. That was a beautiful thing–explain, explain.

CALLER [01:08:39] Yeah, I did a project called 30 Days of Kindness. I involved my son too, which was really cool and it really made me want to actually do this every December. And I’m going to. Basically, I every day, decided to do a random act of kindness for a stranger. It was so fun. It was so amazing, so enlightening. Like every day I like, literally looked forward to what I was going to do. And some days I didn’t even know what I was going to do. Some days I just like, kind of waited for something to happen. And then I would like. Like I had, for example, like one of the ones I did was I taped quarters to, like, vending machines and like wrote on the vending machine, “Oh, take me. You know, this is this is on me.” And while I was at the hospital, I did that at the local hospital. And while I was at the hospital, I ran into like a guy who just started talking to me and saying that his son was in the ICU, and he was like looking for a place to get coffee. But it was so late at night, he, you know, everything was closed. And I just felt so bad for him. So I literally jumped in my car, went to Starbucks, got him a large coffee, drove back to the hospital, parked, gave him the coffee, you know, just stuff like that. I was just kind of looking out for people that needed something. And I did that all December. And I just I loved it. And anyone who’s down, anyone who’s feeling depressed or has anxiety or anything, I like totally recommend doing this, because–I don’t struggle too much with those things, but I definitely touches of them. And this, I swear it like it, like cured it. It just it just made it made everything better.

CHRIS [01:10:11] I would agree.

CALLER [01:10:12] Then, you know, I just definitely a…I don’t know. I just want to keep, I want to keep going with that. I want to. I want to keep doing it.

CHRIS [01:10:20] Yeah. Doing small acts of kindness, and being kind to other people often snaps anybody out of their own funk. Happens for me all the time. That’s really cool

CALLER [01:10:29] Out of like a dark place. Right?

CHRIS [01:10:32] Yeah.  Wanting to take care of other people, improve the world often can help you push through your own bullshit. And it’s worked for me a number of times. And yes, this a weird one. The first one where I’ve realized I know the person on the phone, we’ll still put it out. I don’t care.

CALLER [01:10:47] I know. I was like, I didn’t know. There are things I wanted to talk about that. Like, I didn’t want to give away. But like the way this phone call went, I felt like I had to. So it’s cool.

CHRIS [01:10:57] No, please. It’s totally fine. It’s totally fine, what an…We don’t know each other that well. Now I feel like I feel so much better.

CALLER [01:11:07] I know!

CHRIS [01:11:09] That’s cool. Well, we have 10 seconds left. Yeah, that was a good conversation. A pleasant conversation. We went to some cool places.

CALLER [01:11:17] It was awesome. You’re the best.

CHRIS [01:11:18] You’re the best!

CALLER [01:11:27] No!

CHRIS [01:11:27] Caller, Thank you. Thanks for filling in. Thanks for being so honest. Thanks for, you know, a lot of details there that I feel like, just kind of came out naturally, that, that were surprising and cool and interesting. Threw some curveballs at us, the listener, because they threw some curveballs at you, as happened with your real life. Very cool. Thank you for calling. Thanks to Jared O’Connell in the booth. Harry Nelson in the booth. Thanks to Reverend John DeLore and Greta Cohen for helping me build this show on the early days. Thank you, Shellshag for the music. Wanna know more about me? Dates that I’m on the road. Chrisgeth.com has all that info. You like the show? Go to apple podcasts. Great. If you subscribe, it helps a lot. Okay. I’ll see you next time. Thanks for listening. [AD BREAK]

CHRIS [01:13:13] Next time on Beautiful/Anonymous: Hey, trainee! What’s your favorite muscle group to work out?

CALLER [01:13:26] I would say probably shoulders. Shoulders or legs.

CHRIS [01:13:36] Shoulders! So you got good…So a Maine guy. He has pretty good shoulders, huh?

CALLER [01:13:42] Yeah, they’re pretty good, man. It’s all firm here, feeling them right now. All right.

CHRIS [01:13:48] Feeling the shoulders…I love…I’m going to go ahead and say this. You two are a couple of bros. And I love you. I love you…Next time on Beautiful/Anonymous.