Beautiful Stories From Anonymous People #312 March 28, 2022
A woman opens up about being a closeted bisexual during her marriage. She shares with Geth how infertility issues and getting divorced led to coming out as polyamorous. She also discusses having Polycystic Ovary Syndrome and what it’s like being in a throuple.
Hear the Episode
Chris Gethard [00:00:05] Hello to everybody who's very clearly Canadian, but we're just not mentioning it for a while, even though it's like so Canadian. It's Beautiful Anonymous. One hour. One phone call. No names. No holds barred.
Theme Song [00:00:30] (THEME SONG).
Chris Gethard [00:00:31] Everybody, Chris Gethard here, welcome to another episode of Beautiful Anonymous. I have to thank everybody who's been listening, who's been supporting the show, whether you just got on board an episode ago and you're new or you've been listening since Ron Paul's baby, it means the world to me that everybody has supported and listened and enjoyed and come out for the live shows. Like last week's episode was a live show from San Francisco. More live shows coming later in the year. ChrisGeth.com, by the way, I see you in North Carolina. People are starting to buy tickets in Asheville and Durham. Thank you for that. Anyway, last week we talked with our friend who is calling us and explaining what it's like to go to a clothing optional gay resort in Palm Springs, and it got a lot of feedback. Way more people in the Facebook group than I anticipated said that they would like to have a live Beautiful Anonymous at a clothing optional venue, which would be hilarious and strange. And if you guys are serious, you know I'll do it. I'm I've done weirder. I've done far weirder things in my career. I will say that I wanted to point out one specific comment that came in because somebody did say, I wonder... this does presuppose how many callers have been nude. Angela, in the Facebook group said, Loved this ep. Kind of makes you wonder how many of the callers have been nude. This is an audio medium. We've done over 300 phone calls. I have no idea if any of the callers have ever been nude before. Food for thought. Who knows? What I do know is that this week's episode is very different than last week's episode. Tonally and content wise and shows you what a wide range we cover here at the show. Because at the end of the day, we're covering human stories and that's an endlessly wide range. This caller, first thing I want to say is there's talk of miscarriage in this call. There's talk of infertility. Those are issues that affect people greatly. So wanted to just give a heads up if you're going through that or you have been through that in your life, I know that it can be extremely painful. So I didn't want to spring that on you. That comes up as part of a caller's journey towards figuring out who they really are. Caller... You're going to hear... Dealt with some of the things I just mentioned. And it led to some discoveries about her true self, maybe true desires you might say. Impulses, becoming honest with oneself and living a totally different life. This is someone who entered a marriage. The marriage hit some very, very tough times in terms of fertility. And then coming out of it, the caller said, I think I need to look at my real truth and think about who I really am and embrace that. Which is wild. Trying, as you can see, to the hedge my bets and not spoil too much in the opening, but you can see that this one's heading to some, some places that you might not expect. And you know why? Because I don't think the caller ever expected it. Much love to the caller. Much love to you, the listener. Enjoy the call.
Voicemail Robot [00:03:37] Thank you for calling beautiful anonymous. A beeping noise will indicate when you are on the show with the host.
Caller [00:03:46] Hello?
Chris Gethard [00:03:46] Hi.
Caller [00:03:48] Hi, how are you?
Chris Gethard [00:03:49] I'm I'm I would say pretty good, all things considered. I I was working in New York City yesterday, so I actually had to travel into the city from New Jersey, spent a long day there and then did some standup. And that was lovely. And then... Took the train home and got a lift from the train station and my phone almost died, and I had that moment of like, Oh no, what if my phone dies before I can get a car? And then I came home and there was a bat in my house. So then I had to...
Caller [00:04:18] Oh, well, that sounds pretty eventful.
Chris Gethard [00:04:20] Yeah, it was wild. It was- so you're on the tail end- I'm still- So I was up all night. I had to call- I had animal control in my house. Got home at like midnight and was like, Man, I left the house at 6:00 a.m. Getting home at midnight. Can't wait to collapse. That's a bat! And had to call animal control. And you wanna hear the-
Caller [00:04:39] Oh my goodness.
Chris Gethard [00:04:40] You wanna hear the worst part?
Caller [00:04:42] Sure.
Chris Gethard [00:04:43] They couldn't find it.
Caller [00:04:47] (GASP) Did you even sleep at all? I don't think I would.
Chris Gethard [00:04:48] So now I just- I slept- I I was very, very tired and the the the animal control lady that came was just super reassuring and was like this, she said it was her fourth bat trapped in a house that night. She said it's happened and she's like- and she was just like, it probably found its way out however it went in. Here's the names of some companies you're going to call. Have them come see if there's any holes and they'll check for nests and blah blah blah but she's like, I know it's scary and I know there's rabies. And I'm not saying to not be scared of that, and you have to be careful. But she's like, This happens all the time, and generally these things just want to get out of your house. That's their only concern. Is they're harmless creatures that want out.
Caller [00:05:34] I can imagine. I don't think I would want to like- if you're not supposed to be there, you don't want to be in there, right?
Chris Gethard [00:05:39] Yeah, yeah. So that's how I'm doing. That's the honest answer. And how, how are you doing?
Caller [00:05:45] I've been OK. Ups and downs. I struggle with depression, too.
Chris Gethard [00:05:50] I'm sorry.
Caller [00:05:51] So been going- it's, I mean, it's okay. It's a kind of it's it's a side effect of a bigger, like hormonal issue that I have, so it's kind of treat the symptoms, type of thing. Yeah. So I have PCOS, which is polycystic ovarian syndrome, and it's typically found during fertility treatment, so when they're trying to figure out what's wrong and and why you're not getting pregnant.
Chris Gethard [00:06:25] Oh no. OK, so PCLS was it?
Caller [00:06:29] PCOS, so it's polycystic ovarian syndrome.
Chris Gethard [00:06:35] Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. Wow.
Caller [00:06:40] Syndrome. So basically, my body produces more androgens, which are male hormones, than female hormone- hormones, and it affects your ovaries and you have a lot of follicles in your ovaries. And that's where your eggs kind of hang out. And when they mature, the follicles grow and then it bursts and that's how you ovulate. Well, when you have too many, they never really fully mature or burst, and it just causes a whole bunch of like hormonal imbalances.
Chris Gethard [00:07:09] Wow.
Caller [00:07:10] Yeah. So it can cause fertility problems, weight gain around the belly, um lovely hair growth on the chin or upper lip, and depression and anxiety are a side effect. Pretty terrible periods, which I'm sure is what you really want to discuss. Then uh yeah, just you have to be careful with ovarian cancers and different types of things like that, but- diabetes, too. So it's just it's one of these fun, fun little syndromes that women get sometimes.
Chris Gethard [00:07:49] Well, I'm really sorry. I'm very, very sorry that you're dealing with all of it. Sounds a lot worse than a bat in the house. So you've got me beat.
Caller [00:07:59] You know what, though? It's just it's something that you- it's worse in some ways and not in others. Like it's not something that affects my life every single day, really, just that you manage the side effects of it. But it is- it's affected my life in, in big ways, mainly the fertility, I would say.
Chris Gethard [00:08:18] I want to talk about that a lot and because I want to, I know that you you had mentioned that oftentimes this is something that's dealt with in terms of fertility issues. I just want to make sure. It sounds to me like this is something that is hormonal, that can help lead to fertility issues? Or I just want to make sure- were you saying hormone treatments for fertility issues can lead to this? I want to make sure I have my facts straight.
Caller [00:08:45] No. So basically, the syndrome causes women to not ovulate. So if you're not ovulating, you can't get pregnant.
Chris Gethard [00:08:53] Mm-Hmm. Mm-Hmm.
Caller [00:08:55] Yeah.
Chris Gethard [00:08:56] Now, before we even get into that, because that's heavy and brutal, and I know enough about it to know that it's- fertility is one of the great stigmatized conversations left. It really is. But I do want to just say I.
Caller [00:09:09] 100 percent I think- that's kind of why I wanted to talk about it because I feel like it's not talked about enough. And... There's a certain shame and stigma attached to it sometimes, too.
Chris Gethard [00:09:24] So I think so. I'm with you. Before we go there, I actually want to maybe call your bluff on something if that's OK? And feel free to be like, Chris, I was. I was kidding. Feel free to smack this down. But you said at one point you said, you know, and you have really terrible periods and you said like, and I'm sure that's exactly what you want to hear about. But well, I'll say this. Talk about... Talk about like a stigmatized conversation. We're trained, especially men are trained to go, Ooh, I don't want to hear about it. Ooh, right? And that's why you're making that joke. And that's why I'm chuckling at the joke. But I guess I would also just ask just for the sake of trying to say, like, maybe I can take a deep breath and actually be mature. What exactly does that- what does that mean to hear that that process has gone terrible? If you're comfortable going there.
Caller [00:10:16] Yeah. I mean, I'm I'm a pretty open book, generally speaking, but so for me, that looks like when I was young and first started my period, it started really early. I was the first girl in my class to get it. And I was getting it typically every two weeks for two weeks long. Like two a two week long period, and they were usually really heavy. So when I was in my 20s, I went on the pill to help regulate that. And since being off the pill and when I was trying to get pregnant and figuring out that I had PCOS and things like that, not being on the pill, it can make your periods where you can either just get it never for eight months maybe. I've gone eight months without getting a period. Or sometimes you get it and it lasts for a full month long. Or sometimes you get it and I've literally been hemorrhaging. So I, you know, I've been instructed by doctors at those times to just stay on your couch and if it gets worse you're going to have to go to the hospital. Because it can get bad enough to have to have a blood transfusion, though I've not ever had to have one. Thankfully. I've just kind of been able to chill on the couch for a day or two and it'd be OK, but it can be- it can be pretty heavy and gross and uncomfortable.
Chris Gethard [00:11:32] When you have your period, which is supposed to be a monthly occurrence, that in its best days, you get the sense, I get the sense that when it goes smoothest, it is still, at best, an inconvenience. Still a pain in the ass.
Caller [00:11:49] Yeah, I mean, it depends. Sometimes it comes and it's like a normal period and it's, you know, four or five days and I'm good to go and everything is fine. But it is always a surprise. I never have an idea of when it's coming.
Chris Gethard [00:12:02] That's what I'm saying. I get the sense from, you know, women in my life that even those four or five days it shows up, it's four or five days. Even that is like, Well, you know, you're you, you're carrying around your pads or your tampons or your diva cup and you gotta- even that it's just like, it sounds like such a pain in the ass. When it lasts an entire month and you're going, wait-.
Caller [00:12:26] It's a pain in the ass.
Chris Gethard [00:12:27] You're like, I'm not supposed to have four or five days off. It's supposed to be four or five days on. That, that has to be maddening.
Caller [00:12:38] It's infuriating. Yeah, it is infuriating. It's very it's frustrating. And it's expensive, too. That's the other thing, right? People don't talk about how expensive pads and tampons and things are. It's expensive.
Chris Gethard [00:12:51] You don't even think, well I know the Diva Cup has now become a movement that a lot of people swear by.
Caller [00:12:57] Yeah, I need to- I need to try that one. So I haven't I haven't ventured down that road yet, but it's on the list.
Chris Gethard [00:13:07] I feel like I actually will go so far as to say, to my memory, in five years of doing this show, hundreds of episodes, I think this is the most frank talk we've had about this. I may be blanking, but I feel like our notoriously female and female, you know, so I think sort of like empowered female audience, I wonder if there's any caller that's ever fostered more empathy in the opening minutes than you saying you had- you have had periods that last an entire month. I wonder if there's ever been more Beautiful Anonymous fans like, like pulling over to the side of the road just going, No, no, I'm with you. No.
Caller [00:13:46] Oh, yeah, yeah. I mean, it's gotten bad. I have to say like when I was married, the first time I ever hemorrhaged, I remember my ex-husband like being like, I don't know what to do. Where I go? What do I get? He was running through the shoppers to grab every pad he could find in the store. I have to say, do you appreciate those type of men in your life when you have them, you know? So yeah.
Chris Gethard [00:14:20] And now I can't help but notice you said when I was married.
Caller [00:14:25] Yeah.
Chris Gethard [00:14:26] While also, shouting out that you appreciate this type of man. So there's a story there and my-.
Caller [00:14:33] I mean, he's still one of my best friends, so you know, I'll always yeah.
Chris Gethard [00:14:38] Wow. There's a story there and I have to imagine, does it tie into the fertility difficulties?
Caller [00:14:44] It does. Yes, it does.
Chris Gethard [00:14:48] That's sad. I'm sorry.
Caller [00:14:48] I mean, that's okay. There were there were a lot of things though. I think even outside of the fertility, the fertility really does put a magnifying glass on some things. And you... You learn maybe what- you learn a little sooner what, what's missing or what's wrong or you know what you need to work on sometimes.
Chris Gethard [00:15:10] And what were those things for you?
Caller [00:15:11] I don't know. Well, I was closeted as bisexual for the entirety of my marriage. So I feel like maybe coming to terms with who I really am, for sure. And there were some compatibility issues between him and I as well. So I think those things would have reared their head regardless of if fertility came up or not. Just kind of it kind of shouted out all those things to us. Or at least to me, for sure. I think for him, it took him a little longer to come to terms with that. But I think we're both in better places and, know, we know ourselves a lot better. I think the, yeah, we went through five years of fertility treatments, which was pretty intense and included two rounds of in-vitro fertilization, one of which I got pregnant with and then lost the baby.
Chris Gethard [00:16:16] Oh I'm so sorry.
Caller [00:16:17] And I kind of- thank you. And I remember I was very, very unhappy. Generally speaking, as a human being. Um just the fertility stuff really is a bit of a mind- messes with your head. You know, and I made some poor choices as well in the marriage. I'm not going to sit here and pretend like I was a saint. There was some cheating involved and I was super unhappy and that was happening. And when we lost the baby, we still had some embryos in a freezer and we were supposed to just start right back into treatments again and do a frozen embryo transfer. And I remember one night thinking, Well, if these three don't work, then I'll get divorced. And that was kind of the minute where I was like, That's not fair to me, to him, to whatever child we're bringing up if that happens. That's that was the minute I decided to tell him how I was feeling.
Chris Gethard [00:17:19] Wow.
Caller [00:17:21] So it's a lot to unpack there.
Chris Gethard [00:17:24] It is. It is, and I definitely asked these questions out of order in a chronological- we started at the end. Started at the end.
Caller [00:17:34] Sounds good.
Chris Gethard [00:17:39] Well... I mean, it's brutal. It's brutal. It's a brutal process to realize that it's going to be an uphill climb to have a baby. It's... heartbreaking to come that close and to have it go away. It's physically...
Caller [00:18:05] Yeah.
Chris Gethard [00:18:05] Um like physically rocking... on top of all the emotional loss. On top of it even getting there. I mean, you're you're you're injecting yourself every day. That physically hurts. This is something that, like nurses train to be able to do painlessly and then we're, you know, here's a bag of needles, go do it.
Caller [00:18:33] Yeah, that process is pretty brutal and I'm afraid of needles. So it was not it was not fun. Two rounds of that was not not viable. The first round I allowed my ex-husband to do it cuz I, I hate needles. So I was like, you just do it. And then I remember being like, you suck. Poor him. He tried his very best. Wasn't very good at it. So the second round, it was like, I'm just going to teach myself how to do this. Yeah. So it was pretty brutal. And like my doctor, some of the drugs you're on like effect your hormones so badly that my doctor once looked at me and said, like, you're going to want to murder your husband on these drugs. And I kind of laughed. And he said, I'm not even joking. You have to be careful on these drugs. It's kind of like alarming when the doctor is saying things like that. So yeah, it's quite the process. And I think... I think the hardest part of it is- probably get emotional when I say this- but like the idea of like the hope. You build your hope up and you build your hope up every time and then you're heartbroken every month. Every time you get your period. Every time the drugs don't work properly. Every time you have to try something new. It's it's pretty devastating, to be honest.
Chris Gethard [00:19:58] I bet. And I mean, and I bet, I bet having PCOS where, you know, your period now becomes this monthly reminder of a lot of feelings that you (UNCLEAR) and then you have it where it's completely unpredictable and sometimes more severe than others. That's uh I can see how that would totally change you. I can see how that would kind of rip you up and make you rebuild.
Caller [00:20:32] Yeah. Yeah, it took me to a dark place for a little while. And you know, there's a lot to unpack there. I also grew up in a home that was pretty tumultuous, and so I don't really have a very good relationship with my own mother. So it's kind of, you know, Mother's Day rolls around every year and it's like, oh, I feel motherless but also childless. And it's, you know, there's a lot of a lot of emotion still attached to all of that. So... Yeah. Yeah, but it's... It's brought a lot too, though. I don't think- I don't know if I ever would have come out as bi had this not all happened. And you know, I live a completely different lifestyle now. I'm also polyamorous now. I'm not monogamous.
Chris Gethard [00:21:35] Let's pause there, because it's really- I tell you, sometimes that might be the whole episode, right? I'm polyamorous. We can talk about that for an hour. Absolutely. But it's just like I was saying in the beginning, life happens. Life breaks you down. And when you rebuild afterwards, you got to decide, Who am I going to be? Who am I really? How do I keep standing? It's only by getting in touch with myself, and this is a part of who I am. So many more discoveries along the way. We'll be right back. Thanks to all the advertisers who allow our show to exist. Let's get back to the show.
Caller [00:22:10] Think I don't know if I ever would have come out as bi had this not all happened. And you know, I live a completely different lifestyle now. I'm also polyamorous now. I'm not monogamous. You learn a lot about yourself through these processes, and there are things that I don't think I would have maybe had the courage to learn about myself previous to all of this.
Chris Gethard [00:22:35] Well, that's really fascinating. I mean, there's- you have a- you have a really amazing ability to verbalize in a crystal clear way a lot of things that that that the like need follow up questions, but where I go, Wow, how do I dive in? And yet you are able to present it like how do I ask you about this situation with your mom? We'll get to that. But first, let's deal with what you just brought up. So my first question about this. You came out as bi. You're living a poly lifestyle. These I have to imagine are, you know, you're expressing. These are things that feel like positives and that you would have never gotten to, that's beautiful. Horrible that there was so much tumultuousness and pain to get there. First question. You mentioned that there was some cheating throughout the process. Was this an exploration of, of bisexuality as part of cheating, or was it more just venting frustration or exploring poly? Was it an early stage of polyamorousness? How do you view that?
Caller [00:23:46] I think part of it is that I I don't think I meant to be monogamous, to be completely honest with you. So I think there was probably an element of that. But I also think, you know, I was feeling... I was feeling like a failure, like I couldn't do the thing that I needed to do or that I wanted to do, and I was acting out, being self-destructive, because that would have, I don't know, maybe easier for me to deal with. It's not easier, but I just I wasn't thinking. I didn't- I wasn't super, I wasn't really loving myself at the time and I was acting out. And I also think, you know, my ex as much as I love him. We were not compatible sexually. I have a very high drive and his is less so. And you know, the fertility stuff exacerbated that a little bit- well, a lot. And yeah, I think I was looking for attention and love in the wrong places and doing it in unhealthy ways. So and when I left my marriage, I promised myself that I would never treat somebody like that ever again and that I was going to try to live as transparently as possible. Because it's a pretty horrible thing to do to somebody.
Chris Gethard [00:25:06] How do you maintain a friendship afterwards?
Caller [00:25:10] We've known each other since high school. So we were together for 10 years, but we didn't really start dating until five years out of high school. So we had known each other for 15 years. And I think he knows every bit of me. The ugly side, the good side, the kind side, the intelligent side. But you know, when someone really knows your, you know, the dark parts of you, they can sometimes understand where where it came from. And we did therapy together. He knew about the cheating and we did some therapy together about it. We tried to fix our marriage and it just it didn't work. And so and he's just it just kind of also talks to the way that he is. He's just an incredibly forgiving human being. And yeah, and he's happy now, too. He's got a partner that he lives with. And so I guess I don't know. That's why we stay friends. We just we just kind of decided we didn't want to hate each other. And we got out of the marriage before it got to that point. Because we could have kept trying to have kids. We could have probably conceived at one point and that would have just ended up pretty messy.
Chris Gethard [00:26:18] Well, I want to I want to I wanted to ask that. And it's a really hard question and maybe unfair. But do you think that it's like it's kind of like, who cares? It's like all hypothetical. And who cares? But do you feel like if things had gone smoothly, that if you just you both had a couple of drinks one night and had a bunch of fun in the bedroom and then 10 months later, a baby was born? Do you think you still would have felt the discontent or would you have embraced the sides of yourself-.
Caller [00:26:53] I think eventually.
Chris Gethard [00:26:55] You think so?
Caller [00:26:56] Yeah, I think so. And him and I have actually talked about that, because I did try to come out a few times to him.
Chris Gethard [00:27:03] Oh, you did?
Caller [00:27:04] Yeah. And he's, he's, you know, he's not a bad guy, but he was- I think he felt- our marriage wasn't great, right? And I'm sitting there saying, I think I might be bi, and I remember him saying, like, Did I marry a lesbian? I was like, no, I still like men, clearly, but I think I might be bi. And I think it just he felt threatened by that because our marriage wasn't great. So he's not he's not a bad guy, just didn't know how to handle that. And so it's a little dismissive. And he's, you know, he's since said to me, you kno it wasn't okay. I'm really sorry that I did that to you, which is nice to hear.
Chris Gethard [00:27:40] You goddamn Canadians just know how to be gentle with each other.
Caller [00:27:44] I don't know. I've been in therapy for a little while. I think it helped. But yeah, I mean, we can be brutal too.
Chris Gethard [00:27:53] I know. And I also know there's- Americans like to romanticize Canada, but I know it has many, many dark sides the way it treats First Nations people. I think I've mentioned that I once went on a vacation to the Dominican Republic, and almost everyone staying where we were staying was from, like the oil country part of Canada. Very different than the stereotype of the romanticized Canadian. Americans going like, Oh, we have this sort of like sophisticated, polite people who live just above us. And also there's Canadian cowboys and they want to party hard. There's also that. There's Canadadians- there's Canadians who love Kid Rock so much. So much.
Caller [00:28:36] Oh, I know it's so true. So true. My sister's in that side of Canada. My sister's on that end of Canada. I'm over in like the Ontario side. I don't know if that's disclosing too much or not.
Chris Gethard [00:28:47] Eh, say what you want to say.
Caller [00:28:49] Yeah. Yeah, I don't know. Yeah, I'm a teacher, too. So Canadians definitely have some, I don't know, with all the stuff that's coming out with the indigenous people, it's like, Oh, breaks my little heart. But I digress-
Chris Gethard [00:29:07] It's very easy for progressive Americans to romanticize Canada because it's it's ultimately just us dealing with our imperfections by trying to somehow increase Canada's perfection. Blah blah blah. Who cares?
Caller [00:29:26] I mean, I'm not going to knock Canada. I love it. It's a good country to live in, but we have our issues, right?
Chris Gethard [00:29:31] Everybody does. Everybody does. So you're happier now overall. It sounds like.
Caller [00:29:39] Overall, I'm happier. I mean, I go through (UNCLEAR) like I've been in a little bit of a slump lately and that I think, has to do more with a breakup.
Chris Gethard [00:29:49] OK, yeah. Okay. And can I ask, you mentioned that you're polyamorous now?
Caller [00:29:53] I am. I am.
Chris Gethard [00:29:55] How do you define that for yourself? What form does that take?
Caller [00:29:58] Well, so for me, I practice solo poly. I'm single and I live alone. Basically, that means that my most important relationship is with myself. I make sure that I am taking care of myself first and then my relationships kind of add, add to my life. So typically... It's hard to explain, oftentimes in polyamory, as a single person, you're you're coming across people who are already coupled up. So generally speaking, I've been dating a lot of people who are, you know, in marriages or I've been in a triad before. I don't know, so a throuple, I guess you could kind of say. I think it's kind of my first.
Chris Gethard [00:30:46] You're a unicorn.
Caller [00:30:47] I'm not. I'm not a unicorn, though. That's the thing. It just kind of happened. And it was like my first foray into into polyamory, really. I was just kind of dating and open to dating people who are in open relationships. And I met a woman who I really enjoyed spending time with, and she mentioned that she was married and then I ended up meeting her husband and then we all kind of dated. But we were all pretty new to polyamory, and that's I like to explain that as like, that's like an expert level polyamory relationship. And as beginners going into that expert level polyamory relationship, it was too much. But we're all still good friends.
Chris Gethard [00:31:29] I love this. I love hearing this because it's one of those things that you go, it's such a lifestyle change, and it was for you. And for for many, many people listening, it would be such a radical change in the life philosophy and approach. I love hearing when you go, that was an expert level situation and we were all beginners. Like, what does does that mean? Like, you're like, do you have moments where you all just kind of like sitting around in somebody's apartment feeling like awkward or giggly?
Caller [00:31:56] No, it's not necessarily that, but it's like if you think about the fact that, like, it's four different relationships in one. I had a relationship with the wife. That's one one relationship. I had a relationship with the husband. That's another relationship. The husband and wife have a relationship together. That's the third. And then the three of us had a relationship together. So it's a lot. It's a lot of, you know, scheduling and like, OK, I'm going to see the husband this day. I'm going to see the wife this day, and the three of us are going to hang out this day. Like it's it's a lot.
Chris Gethard [00:32:25] You are not the first call- we have had callers who have been poly or who have, you know, claim to be swingers. However, they identify. Very consistently, people have expressed that the actual biggest challenge is the logistics. You're not the first one to say this, that it's the scheduling that becomes the big pain in the end.
Caller [00:32:46] Well, 'cause people think it's like they hear polyamorous and they're like, Oh, sex. It's all about sex. That's that's all. You just, like, a big old hoe, we're gonna go, which can. I guess that can be true, but it's often more about the relationship that you're building. And you kind of, you know, I guess I kind of take a more like relationship anarchy model where you can kind of define your own rules for your own relationship. It's kind of nice. It's you make them up. But the logistics are, yeah, you got to make sure everyone's on the same page. There's a lot of talking, a lot of communication. You have to be able to communicate. And not only communicate but you got to get really vulnerable sometimes. You know, like when you're in a triad situation or you're doing, you know, group stuff and you got to say like, Oh, this made me feel really uncomfortable when this happened. Or you're talking about nitty gritty, kind of weird things that you wouldn't normally talk about.
Chris Gethard [00:33:38] Right. And and they were together before you arrived so there's, I imagine, some sense of attachment dynamics there you might claim it? Or power dynamics?
Caller [00:33:48] Like kind of a couple. Oh, like, yeah, a couple privilege. And you know, I ended up getting a little bit burnt in that situation. You know, we've all talked about it. It wasn't intentional, but it was, you know, when when it was done, it was done, right? And that's great. So I was a learning tool for some people. But you know, I don't want to necessarily be a stepping stone for other people's growth all the time, you know?
Chris Gethard [00:34:12] And how many years ago did you get divorced?
Caller [00:34:14] Five. It'll be five years ago now.
Chris Gethard [00:34:16] Five So there's some distance. So there's some distance.
Caller [00:34:19] There's some distance, for sure. But it's still, you know, it's still it's a weird thing when you're you always have love for the person that you were married to. It doesn't- that doesn't go away. It's just different. And sometimes, you know, you get the nostalgia or you miss that person or you built a life together and there was that familiarity of the day to day and you miss you miss that person when they're not there every day.
Chris Gethard [00:34:42] Now you've said that you define your approach at this point, that your main priority is you're in a relationship with yourself. And then it's it sounds like you almost described it as like a like and then what ingredients do you add to the recipe? That's the base. And that's the concern. I love that. Now while it might be, quote unquote nontraditional, you know, first of all, people think bisexuality, they think polyamorous, and there's first of all two things right there. Those are two words that people immediately go, Oh, so this is like you said, you were joking like, Oh, this is somebody who just wants to get out there a lot. This is somebody who doesn't want to commit. And I think that those are kind of cliches and stereotypes that are that have been proven unfair. Not in all cases, but across the board, it's unfair to paint entire groups of people who live lifestyles with with that brush. Do you think about if you're going to wind up, whether it's in a couple or or a throuple or something that I don't know about? Do you ever think about settling down?
Caller [00:35:54] Yeah, I do. Like I... Ideally, I would like to find what I would call a nesting partner, someone to live with. Someone like a main partnership. I couldn't be monogamous. I could be monogamish, where it's mostly monogamous with a little bit of, you know, spice here and there outside of, you know, our situation. I think maybe that's why this break up is hitting me a little harder because I felt like I might have found that with somebody. And they cheated on me and left me to be monogamous with their ex. So it's been a little bit of a hard pill to swallow lately. But yeah I would eventually- I would eventually like that. But I don't, I don't need to rush that, and I don't need to make something fit when it doesn't.
Chris Gethard [00:36:51] Tough question. Sure it's crossed your mind. Let's say you find that nesting partner, as you phrase it, and let's say that it turns into a thing where you go, yep, this is locked in for life. And however we define our monogamish-ness, we're happy and we're comfortable, and this feels like a thing that's going to last. Let's say that person wants to have kids. Is that something you'd still be open to? Because especially identifying as bisexual, there's potential you have a nesting partner who you know who could, but that's going to bring up a lot of- that's going to turn up a lot of stuff for you.
Caller [00:37:28] Yeah. So I think leaving my ex husband meant I had to be OK with the idea of never having children again. Because realistically, I'm in my late 30s. And it was that was really hard to go through. And it took me to a place mentally that was really not good. So I'm not closed off to the idea of that in any way. But it would, I would have to be really sure I was ready mentally to open that door again because it's really hard. It's really hard to go through that again. But I've thought about it. I'd be open to it with the right person if I was mentally prepared for it.
Chris Gethard [00:38:13] And I'm prying, so tell me when to back off, when you think about this, and as you say, very hard thing to think about, I don't know, like, do you envision your nesting partner down the line being a- and these might be totally ignorant questions, who knows? But I'm like, is your gut instinct that you might settle down with a guy or a girl? Or do you not do not think that way?
Caller [00:38:40] I'm open to either, to be honest. I'm open to either. Guy, girl, nonbinary, whatever, whatever. I'm open to anything, really. I think I'm I spent, you know, 34 years of my life just envisioning men because that was kind of a default and you kind of you deny the other side of it. So I think I'm most comfortable around men in dating senses. But I can definitely see myself with settling down with someone who's female, for sure. Or non-binary or whatever it is.
Chris Gethard [00:39:19] I wonder which one is more- I'll just be blunt. Which was more fucked up in your head, the idea of finding that primary partner who's a man who says, but part of it is I really want to try to have kids. Would you be willing to try again? Or is it more stressful to think I might wind up with a partner who's female who says, I'd like to have a kid, will you be my partner in the process? Either one of those is going to... Is going to- they're like companion issues, but both are going to be both are going to mess your head up in different ways, right? You think about it or no? I feel like I might be a jerk right now.
Caller [00:39:58] Yeah like because if it's a- I think it might be easier with another woman. Because I have the fertility issues, it's going to be very difficult for me to get pregnant. And it's really painful. IVF is really painful. So with a man, it would bring up all the fertility stuff, right? Like it would bring up like, Okay, here we go, we're going to do this and this and this again and going it back into that clinic where, you know, they told me that I lost my child or, you know, where we had to essentially unplug three different embryos and kind of dispose of them. I know that sounds so crass but there's no other real way to describe it. So like that would bring up all those things with a man. With a woman, I think what it would bring up is maybe the idea of like- because I would assume maybe she would try to get pregnant. So it just might bring up the idea of feeling left out of that process a little bit because I so badly wanted to be pregnant for so long. And then the idea of, you know, worrying about losing it. Yeah, I think both would trigger me for different reasons. Yeah, cause that miscarriage was really hard. And that would also scare me. I don't feel like I almost didn't survive that.
Chris Gethard [00:41:25] And let's pause there, because I know for a fact there are so many people listening who either personally went through that, who have been the partners of people who have gone through those exact feelings, have thrown their hands up, wondering if they could survive this. It's brutal. My heart goes out to everybody who identified with that one. Let's take a breather. We'll be right back. Okay, everybody. That's it, no more breaks. I'm going to finish off the phone call.
Caller [00:41:56] For different reasons. Yeah, because that miscarriage was really hard. And that would also scare me. I don't... Feel like I almost didn't survive that. And I'm not sure I can go through that again.
Chris Gethard [00:42:11] And then on top of... On top of all this, I mean, just like a head spinning series of real life moments. And then on top of all that, your mom really fucked you up too, right? I said I'd get back to that at some point. Sorry to laugh in the face of the saddest moment of the episode.
Caller [00:42:31] She sure did.
Chris Gethard [00:42:31] We hit the emotional peak and I said, I can find my way. Now this conversation about the mom is going to feel easy after that, like.
Caller [00:42:43] Maybe.
[00:42:44] Poetic, poetic expression of real life sadness you just said. Now it'll be a walk in the park. No, everything you're saying. You know what it is that I've been thinking about this a lot lately. I've been thinking about this a lot because I live a life where I talk to people and I talk on stage. And so I think so much I realize- and it's actually, as I say it, out loud, I kind of feel like this sort of reflects itself in your story in a way that's sort of like both beautiful and really sad, which is that all the all the worst parts of life, from what I can tell, it's like loneliness is the sidekick. Like when you're at your saddest, your most depressed, it's an incredibly lonely feeling. When you're at your angriest, it's it can also feel so lonely to be just truly in a rage. You feel like no one has your back. You feel like no one else sees it the way you do. It feels lonely, and you can go on the list of like all the things in life that we would term as like negative are just are just fused with this loneliness, and then I have to imagine-
Caller [00:43:52] Hasn't hasn't the pandemic exacerbated that for everybody, right?
Chris Gethard [00:43:57] Oh for, for all of us, right? But that's one of the things about fertility issues that I think is so profound and so heartbreaking, which is that, like you said, you had a partner who you're like, you've got to admire a guy who's going to run to the store and get every type of pad when he first encounters, you know, your PCOS. And you said you were good friends your whole lives, and you're still good friends. But then there's also no way around the fact that when it's your body being injected by the hormones and you're scared of shots and when it's when it's your body that has, you know, too many follicles, too few follicles, let's adjust it with the hormones. They're going to make you want to kill somebody. And then you laugh and the doctor goes, no, seriously, you got to be really careful on these. You might want to kill your husband. And then after all that physical pain, after all those injections that send your brain spinning in all these directions where you feel out of control, then you lose the baby. And it's like-.
Caller [00:45:02] Yeah.
[00:45:03] You have a partner. But at the end of the day, there is no way for you to not feel just a profound, profound sense of loneliness in the in the face of all that. It's just impossible.
Caller [00:45:16] Yeah, I was like we had just told people. Like I had just told a friend the night before and then I had to go and say, No, just kidding. And nobody knows how to behave. No one knows what to say or what to do. And do you send flowers or do you, you know, drop off a gift? Or do you call or do you leave them alone? And I just I think most people err on the side of caution and don't do anything. And if anybody anybody's listening who has somebody who has gone through a miscarriage in their life or know somebody who is going through it, it's so important to reach out during that time. And like... I think people often want to send flowers or something, but I mean, this is maybe an unconventional thing to say, what would have really been helpful is like, you know, hire a cleaner for a week or send pre-made meals or something because you're just you're not in your right mind. You can't move off the couch, you can't possibly think of doing anything but feeling your emotions and not or numbing yourself out, right? It's just it's- I've never felt more sad in my life as was when I was going through that.
Chris Gethard [00:46:45] I can't imagine. And then, you know, when you talk about it like that... And then on top of you go and you know, and fundamentally, like, fundamentally our marriage, I did have a higher sex drive historically and... Start to make sense when you when you when you hear that of just I couldn't get off the couch. Don't send flowers. Send help. When your friends and the people in your life go through this, you go, OK, well, you know... There's no, you know, you don't strike me as someone who's proud that cheating happened. You have not presented it as that way. You have you've been forthright. But I don't think you've been giving off this sense that you feel great about it. But you go, OK, if that's going to happen, I can imagine that in the wake of- in the wake of what sounds like a few years of just heartbreak and loneliness where sounds like part of, you know, you don't say, Hey, don't send flowers, send help if you felt like you got the help you needed. So... It seems to me like if you're going to sort of torch your life and make some choices that go, screw it, some things need to change, I need connection, I need to start getting honest. It's not shocking. It's not shocking to hear like, OK, let's let's make some choices that burn some things down so that we really have to talk. And then let's rebuild in a way that feels more positive than this. It's not a shock. It's very sad, but it's not a shock.
Caller [00:48:31] Yeah. Yeah, it's not it's not a shock. I mean... Being in therapy now, I can look at it and see what I was doing. I mean, we can go back to the mother thing. I grew up in a home where it was it was it was fairly abusive and my mom is an addict and struggles with her own diseases, but it also made for a pretty abusive home. And so I think when you grow up in a home where you are not told you're loved and not only that, but actively shown that you are unlovable, you bring that with you into your future relationships. And so, you know, I remember when I told my ex about the cheating and I remember breaking down and just saying, like, I don't understand why you love me. And I remember him looking at me and just I remember the look of heartbreak on his face and and, you know, you asked how he could forgive me, and I think that's part of it. I think that's part of it. So you're, you know, you're actively trying to find love in very messy ways. The therapy has helped with that, you know? Making better and healthier choices and recognizing when you're doing that out of loneliness and knowing your value and your worth, and yeah,
Chris Gethard [00:50:02] I feel I feel really bad. I feel like I keep leading us down conversations that just lead to these like very vivid images of true sadness and sorrow. That's my bad on that.
Caller [00:50:14] I think it's it's hard. I've been through some pretty messy things in my lifetime, so it's hard to sometimes not go back to that. But I mean, realistically, they're- they've made me who I am. I'm pretty- I'm a pretty tough cookie. So. And I'm pretty insightful and I think kind as a result, to be honest. Because you don't want anyone else to feel that way, ever.
Chris Gethard [00:50:42] Yeah. Yeah, I identify with that. Identify with that. I feel like I've turned some corners, but you know, from the perspective of being an adult, I go, Oh man, I've won most of my life choices in like leading me into being a creative person is like, OK, if I'm never going to figure out how to be happy, well at least I can try to make other people happy, I can make some comedy, make people happy. And then I realize, Oh, that's like, you're like, you're chasing- that's- that game is rigged. That game is rigged. You know, you got to straighten your own head out.
Caller [00:51:16] But you do that for people. You do that for people though. Like, it's how I, you know, that's what attracted me to this podcast, just like your, you know, like I know you've had your struggles based on things that you've put out and the podcast and things like that you know, it draws people in. These candid, frank conversations.
Chris Gethard [00:51:35] For sure. I, look, and I think there's a lot of us, it remains, it remains a project where some people tell me they'll ask me like, Oh, what are you working on these days? I'm like, Oh, mostly still just Beautiful Anonymous. People are like, that's still going? Like friends in my life. And I'm like, It remains this kind of hidden thing. But with this like massive quiet fanbase. And I think so many of the people listening each week are kind of, you know, I don't feel like there's- it's a weird thing where I would go, I don't know that I'm like anyone else in the world. I think you probably sit there and go, I don't know if I can point to another person in the world and go, yeah, that person's like me. And then I feel like this podcast is the catchall for a lot of people who go, we've walked very, we all walked different roads to this same place of like, it turns out, there's just kind of a lot of like lonely wandering people who are just trying to be kind. Because that's. An act of love. Not to be too cheesy.
Caller [00:52:38] Yeah.
Chris Gethard [00:52:38] It's just if I can get my shit together enough to spread some kindness around. And I, if I can be quote unquote fucked up in whatever way I am, and I can get comfortable with that and I can get to a place where that's safe and stable, and then I can try to make other people feel a little more respected and safe and stable, then maybe the world won't be so hard for the other wandering people out there. And for a lot of us, me and you included, starts when you're young, where you just go, OK, I have this sneaking suspicion that I'm a complete outlier to the- and and adults are not, you know, in your case, actively letting you down, putting you in unhealthy situations and my and my case actually too. It wasn't my parents, but I go, Oh, the entire school and teachers and all this stuff and violence, you know, there's just so many of us out here. So many of us out here. Where it goes, I guess at the end of the day, I'm just really lonely... And maybe what I can just try to work on- and my point being, because I'm not trying to make it about me, what I'm trying to say is that I really, really identify with you going... After a lifetime of this shit, I get into therapy and I go, OK, and and how do I just- how do I just put my cards on the table, accept who I am, and get to work trying to be kind? Let's start there. Can we make that the base level? And it's not- and it comes through therapy.
Caller [00:54:07] But you got to start with being kind to yourself.
Chris Gethard [00:54:10] Yeah, and that's the big one, right? And that's why it all goes back to when you said, I think that's why I can see it so clearly in your mind. When you're looking at your husband, a person who took vows, a person who's known you your whole life, person who probably puts you on every pedestal that you deserve. And then you say, I don't understand why you love me. And he has to realize, Oh. Sounds like that's part of how you probably remain friends, right? Is he understands he can love you as much as you deserve. But if, if that's where you're at, then that game is rigged at the end of the day. And it's not his fault. And it's not your fault.
Caller [00:54:45] No.
Chris Gethard [00:54:46] Probably your mom's fault, it sounds like, if it's anybody's fault.
Caller [00:54:50] I mean, probably. If we're going to point fingers.
Chris Gethard [00:54:54] She's at the very least, the one who set up the game board on the rigged game. She has- she was, at the very least, the one that was like, you want to play Monopoly or mousetrap today? Like she picked the game, at the very least. But-
Caller [00:55:05] Yeah. A hundred percent.
Chris Gethard [00:55:07] Makes a little more sense how your husband could forgive, right?
Caller [00:55:09] Yeah, I think so. And you know, and he knows, he knows her and he knows the family dynamics. So that helps, too. But going back to the loneliness thing, I think in sharing too, it helps make it a little less lonely. Right? Like in sharing and then hearing these stories from other people. Everyone's walking around in their own lonely little bubble, but you feel a little less lonely because you can recognize yourself in parts of people, too.
Chris Gethard [00:55:36] And especially on this topic, and this one, I have to tell you one thing I'm very impressed by with you is when you hear a lot of a lot of situations, somebody might go, Oh, what was that call about? Ultimately, fertility issues. And people think they know that story. People think they know the act structure of it. It's like, no, actually, you don't. Actually, you don't. It comes, you know, there's this rare condition I have that helped lead to it. But then it turned up all this stuff and then mistakes were made along the way. But they ultimately led to life realizations. Like it's not a simple story. It's a very messy story. And um.
Caller [00:56:17] Yeah.
Chris Gethard [00:56:19] And I think that that's.
Caller [00:56:21] That a lot of people are going through
Chris Gethard [00:56:23] A lot of people are going through their version of it. I bet there are a lot of marriages that end because of fertility issues. I bet there are a lot of marriages that survive but that are remarkably different. I bet there are a lot of marriages where people manage to get to the other side of the fertility issues with the happy ending of having a child and still realize, Oh, this fundamentally restructured everything. Like we're not the same humans, and this is not the same marriage as it was before that. There's a million versions of this story and... and yours is a particularly profound one, and it's... I know you say you've been really down lately, but I bet there's a lot of people are going to hear this who are going to go, I am going through the same thing and it's breaking me, and it's good to hear that that's not a reflection of me or my sanity or my strength. That's the other thing, right? I always get this sense, you know, knowing as many people as I have who have gone through fertility issues where you realize... and who knows why? Who knows where it comes from evolutionarily, let alone through like a patriarchal society, which I'm not trying to be woke, it's just the truth, you go, oh, at the very least, this when you when you go through this, when you're told you can't have a baby, when you lose a baby, women are forced to now consider their self-worth through a lens that that this was ultimately a goal, if not the goal in a lot of cases. And no matter how-
Caller [00:58:05] Wow. Well it makes you- sorry.
Chris Gethard [00:58:08] No, go for it. Say it because you see where I'm going so finish the thought.
Caller [00:58:12] I was. It just. It makes you question a lot of things because you grow up as a girl, you are told your whole life, you know, get married and have babies. Get married and have babies. And then everyone around you is getting married and having babies. And then you're like, All right, I'm going to get married and have babies. And and and you know, realistically speaking, like, if I look back, I probably knew before I married my husband that I, we probably shouldn't have gotten married. But that drive to get married and have babies is so big, right? And that's what you're told your worth as a human, as a woman is. You know, like now that I don't have children and I live single, the amount of times I get asked, Why don't you have kids? Don't you want to? Don't you want to be a mom? People who don't know my story or people who do know my story who say, Well, you know, you still could have kids. You could adopt if you really want to adopt. Have you looked into this, have you looked into that? And it's almost like, well can I not also be valuable as a woman without that? It's the pressure is huge. It's huge on women. If you look at when you go to a baby shower or not baby showers, wedding showers, bridal showers, you know, like, or when you're at a wedding, how many wedding speeches talk about their future babies? Like almost everyone. It's an incredible amount of pressure to put on a couple.
Chris Gethard [00:59:44] Absolutely. It also makes me wonder- and I am out of my depth here- maybe about to say something ignorant, but as I think more and more about people identifying as non-binary, I wonder how often, you know, there are some people who I think feel like biologically I was I was born with a certain body that I don't feel like I've ever fit in. Hear that story. I have to wonder too, though, how many people are starting to identify outside of the, you know, outside of the assignments that we knew when I was a kid purely because they're like, I don't want the fucking expectations on me. I don't want that. I don't want- exactly what you're saying. If I don't have babies, that means I'm not a woman. Well, then maybe I should just opt out of being a woman because it sounds like a lot of fucking pressure and stress and heartbreak and sorrow. So maybe- I wonder, I wonder how many people are out there where they're exploring how they choose to label themselves through the lens of not even necessarily biological realizations, which I think there are so many. But also just societal, I don't want to- I don't want to be, I don't want this to be the conversation I'm a part of. Outside of that. And I know I probably just said ninety five offensive things, but hopefully in the goal of getting to one or two things that go, Oh, you sound like a forty one year old white guy who's actually maybe trying to get it? But again, apologies for the dozen or so idiotic things I said along the way, but there's got to be some truth there.
Caller [01:01:25] Yeah, I don't. I can't. Yeah, I don't know. I can't speak to the non-binary aspect of it. But I mean, I mean, those pressures are big. They're big, you know, like, we put a lot of pressure on women to be like the, the motherly type. Even look at the- look at the jobs that women go into predominantly or what they're discouraged from going into. It's you know, and I'm an- I'm an- I'm an elementary school teacher. I teach really young kids. So it's all women in that line of work. And if you, you know, it's just a lot of pressure, it's it's a lot. We're meant to be maternal. And you know, I have friends who I know I'm like, not a maternal bone in their body, and that's fine. But you know, they get questioned on that all the time, too. So it's interesting.
Chris Gethard [01:02:13] It really is. And you know what? Our hour is up. And I think you and I could talk for two or three more hours.
Caller [01:02:21] Probably. And it's been wonderful. I finally got through. I've been trying for a while so this was nice.
Chris Gethard [01:02:27] I'm really glad you did. It's one of those ones where I sit here going, first of all, where I want to reiterate, I'm sitting here going, Man, it's just you had such a- we didn't even get all the stuff with your mom sounds horrible. And then it sounds like even in the marriage, it's such a hard stretch of life right there and so much figuring out. I feel like we only got to the tip of the iceberg, but again and again what I realized with this show, is I'm sitting here going, man, my story and your story are not the same story by a long shot, but I definitely feel... a kindred spirit in that that feeling of just like, man... Life keeps asking me to figure out how I fit into it, and it is tiresome. And I want you to know that I hear you on that and I'm sorry you've been down lately. I'm sorry that we didn't get the the hot gossip on, you know, somebody went monogamous with their ex. So what's this mean? Are you just some, some fling? Some experiment? No, you're a human being, goddamn it. We didn't even get to that. I'm sure all that stuff's sitting there. You don't exist- you don't exist here trying to figure yourself out, take big chances in your life living outside the norm so that somebody else can have a summer holiday where they dabble. No. We got all this stuff to think about.
Caller [01:03:47] Amen to that. Agreed.
Chris Gethard [01:03:48] Yeah. There's like there's like a million things you brought up, we could talk about another hour. But I do just want you to just from the perspective of a cheesy guy who's living in New Jersey with his, his wife and his son... I want you to know that you made me feel a little less alone today, and that's remarkable, because our stories are drastically different.
Caller [01:04:09] Well, thank you. You made me feel a little less alone today, too.
Chris Gethard [01:04:13] Well, that's the goal.
Caller [01:04:15] All the way up here in Canada.
Chris Gethard [01:04:16] Yeah. Also, just so everybody knows, you said the word sorry, and that's when I jumped on it. But I knew well before that, that you were Canadian. There was another word you kept saying.
Caller [01:04:28] I do say sorry a lot.
Chris Gethard [01:04:29] Well, no. There was another word you were saying where I go- oh, process. You kept saying process. I was like, talking to a kanuck.
Caller [01:04:36] Process. Yeah. Sure are.
Chris Gethard [01:04:41] That's not an offense- is kanuck offensive? Did I just end saying something offensive?
Caller [01:04:44] No, I don't think that's offensive. It's not offensive to me at least.
Chris Gethard [01:04:49] With the amount of worrying and apologizing I do, I have to be an honorary Canadian at this point.
Caller [01:04:55] Honorary, I'll grant it.
Chris Gethard [01:04:57] Thank you so much.
Caller [01:04:57] You can be an honorary Canadian.
Chris Gethard [01:04:59] Thank you so much.
Caller [01:04:59] You're most welcome.
Chris Gethard [01:05:00] And thank you for talking.
Caller [01:05:01] Well, thank you.
Chris Gethard [01:05:05] Caller, thanks so much. Like I said, you made me feel a little less alone. I'm glad we got to connect and I'm really- I will think about you for a very long time. Think about you for a very long time. Hoping you take care of yourself and you figure out what the nesting situation of your dreams is, and that you get there. Thanks for calling. Thank you to Anita Flores for producing the show. Thanks to Jared O'Connell and Marcus Hahm for engineering the show. Thank you to Shellshag for the theme music. If you want to know about me, especially my tour dates, ChrisGeth.com. And hey, wherever you're listening, there's a button to subscribe or favorite, follow, some version of that. You can figure it out. When you click that button, I cannot tell you how much it helps us, so please do. Find our latest merch at podswag.com. We got mugs, shirts, posters and more. Find ad free episodes of Beautiful Anonymous, WTF with Marc Maron, tons of shows over at Stitcher Premium. Use promo code: stories for a one month free trial at Stitcher.com/premium.