EP. 311 — Clothing Optional Gay Resort (Live from San Francisco)

BEAUT-311-20220322-ClothOptGayResort(LiveSF)_V2MH.mp3

Chris Gethard [00:00:04] Hello to everybody who’s underwear has pockets. It’s Beautiful Anonymous. One hour. One phone call. No names. No holds barred.

Theme Song [00:00:29] (THEME SONG)

Chris Gethard [00:00:30] Chris Gethard, here. Welcome to another episode of Beautiful Anonymous. I am so excited for you to hear this episode. What you’re about to hear is a live episode that we recorded in San Francisco at The Independent, which was a really, really great venue. And I highly suggest that you patronize them when they put on shows, and I ate some great pizza at a place around the block kind of right across the street. A little up, if you come out and you look to the right across the street, right there at that corner, that pizza was great. Sorry, I don’t remember the name of the place, but thanks to my friends Adam and Amy for, for hooking that up. Very nice of you. Now, before we get into that, he might be saying to yourself, Hey, this one’s a live show. I always like the live shows. I’d like to attend the live show someday. Well, guess what? The live shows are all rescheduled, all the ones that got pushed because of COVID. There’s a bunch of new ones up there as well. We got a live standup in Florida in May, and then our first tapings back are in North Carolina. Blah blah blah. You can go find all that at ChrisGeth.com. Who cares? What I know is that this caller is amazing. This caller- this call’s the type of call that makes me continue to be fascinated by this show because I’m fascinated by people, and the show only makes that happen more so for me as its host. We talk a lot about what it’s like to hang out at a gay resort in Palm Springs. And right there, I bet everybody’s said to themselves, Well, I’ll buckle up for that. That sounds like it’s going to be a fun, charming call. And it is. And then because life is real, along the way, we hear about some medical issues. We hear about how you can step up for friends in need. We hear about what can happen in your own past to make you feel so compelled to help other people. And I, I tell you, I’m sitting here now months after we recorded this thing, and now I’m back in my house in Jersey and recording this intro. And when it’s calls like this where this caller speaks to specifically the sections about helping other people, helping friends and why you do that, and I sit here and go, I have felt very compelled lately to try to get out there in a real way, not in a theoretical broad way. Not like, Oh, I make a podcast and a lot of people say it helps them. Like, What can I be doing with my time, with my effort, with my money to help people get out there? Be a good person? And this call, I have to say, in no small way, in no small way, it had an effect on me. And think about that. You think about how you got to get in the trenches for people, do the right thing. And also… At one point, the caller says that Palm Springs is like the gay- he says something akin to Palm Springs and gay men, it’s like moths to a flame. And man, is that a funny thing to say. And man, was this caller cool. And man am I excited for you to hear this call. Enjoy it, everybody.

Voicemail Robot [00:03:22] Thank you for calling Beautiful Anonymous. A beeping noise will indicate when you are on the show with the host.

Caller [00:03:30] Chris!

Chris Gethard [00:03:31] Hey, what’s up?

Caller [00:03:33] Oh, wow. Hi.

Chris Gethard [00:03:37] How are you doing?

Caller [00:03:37] We’re in San Francisco tonight, right?

Chris Gethard [00:03:40] We are, with a room full of people who I think uh really got your back and want this to go well, right? (CROWD CHEERS) Oh, there you go. There you go.

Caller [00:03:48] Oh, wow. Yeah. I know I thought about calling in because I used to live a few blocks from where you guys are right now, but I don’t live there anymore. So far, you know, I’ll be anonymous, don’t worry. It was a long time ago.

Chris Gethard [00:04:03] You did. Do you want to say the name of the street you lived on to get the credibility of this crowd on your side?

Caller [00:04:08] Oh yeah, yeah. The corner of Oak and Masonic. So.

Chris Gethard [00:04:11] Popular a corner, my friends.

Caller [00:04:16] Really? OK? I didn’t hear anything. Yeah, I live- I lived there in the- I lived there in like the 90s and early, early 2000s.

Chris Gethard [00:04:23] It got an applause.

Caller [00:04:24] And it was awesome.

Chris Gethard [00:04:25] What’s so great about that corner?

Audience Member [00:04:29] Haight-Ashbury, baby!

Caller [00:04:31] Yeah. Yeah, I mean, it’s just it was great living like two blocks from the Haight. In fact, earlier today, I don’t know, there was some entertainment news that Martin Scorsese is going to direct the biopic of Jerry Garcia and with Jonah Hill. And it made me think like the day Jerry Garcia died. I didn’t watch the news that day and I was walking around the Haight and everybody was like crying and wailing. I’m like, What the fuck is going on with everybody today? And apparently I was on the background on CNN, and my mom called and said, You were just on CNN! And so that was my maybe they’ll- I’ll get to be in the biopic playing myself. I don’t know.

Chris Gethard [00:05:09] What if your mom was like, you were just on CNN and looking so stoic and unemotional during this emotional time in San Francisco!

Caller [00:05:16] Exactly. Exactly. Yeah. Oh wow. Um, I hope you’re enjoying San Francisco. I don’t know where to start. I mean, the man, that guy in Kansas on the live show a couple of weeks ago, he set the bar high. So I’m a little nervous.

Chris Gethard [00:05:34] Oh yeah, that barber from Kansas. My mom texted me and was like, I liked the barber from Kansas, and I go if my mom Sally’s reaching out, that’s a good caller. I thought she stopped listening a solid two years ago, if I’m being honest.

Caller [00:05:48] Well, I was going to call for the live show last week or a few days ago or whatever. I lost track of time. I was on vacation, but I’m back home now. I won’t say where. And yeah, I was at a at a clothing optional gay resort in Palm Springs last weekend for my annual getaway. And I was like, Oh, I should- I have nothing going on. I should call and see if I get through to Chris.

Chris Gethard [00:06:15] I love that!

Caller [00:06:16] And. I lost track, I lost track of time because, you know, you can lose track of time when you’re at a clothing optional gay resort in Palm Springs.

Chris Gethard [00:06:28] I feel like I feel like you just stop- you, you don’t watch the clock. You’re not a clock watcher where you’re in that environment. You go where the winds take you and you have fun, right?

Caller [00:06:37] You, that’s, you should. You should. That’s part of the reason for going, I guess. Yeah. Definitely.

Chris Gethard [00:06:42] Now here’s a question that definitely instantly popped into my head. Legitimately my first question. Did they make you wear a mask at a clothing optional resort?

Caller [00:06:52] No, no, no. They do not. Also, you had to be you had to show proof of vaccination and everything and everywhere in Palm Springs, like they were being very vigilant about checking vaccination status. And so I- basically no one was wearing masks like going to going into the bars and restaurants. Everyone was checking. I went into a casino. They didn’t check there. But but everywhere else, everywhere was very- they were enforcing it. But nobody was wearing masks, though, so because they were checking the steps. So but at the gay resort, no, nobody was wearing anything.

Chris Gethard [00:07:34] That’s awesome.

Caller [00:07:36] So yeah, it’s awesome and I love it there. I go every year for, I don’t know, like seven years now. I go once a year by myself just to relax and recharge. And I just, I don’t know it just it kind of happens to gay men when they get older, you kind of like, you’re just kind of drawn to Palm Springs like a magnet and it just kind of you can’t resist it and you just end up there. And and it’s just a bunch of other old gay guys hanging around and naked in the pools and hot tubs and going to the pool, going to the restaurants, and then there’s a scattering of young ones and shenanigans happen.

Chris Gethard [00:08:16] Shenanigans. Now, another question that pops into my my mind is shenanigans happen. Love it. More power to you. I mean, you know, certainly it is a getaway. I love that. Do people- are shenanigans happening old school style? Like you’re in the hot tub, people start flirting, making eyes at each other? Or are people still like at the resort, like going on apps and hooking up like arranging hookups via apps, even though you’re at a resort where everyone’s checking out each other’s goods?

Caller [00:08:48] Well, Option A described my first few hours there. So sitting in the hot tub, being flirty and making eyes and chatting and following that stream. So yeah, that option A was my first few hours there. Um, I didn’t get on the apps really other than just being nosy. But a lot of I I do get the sense that people were hooking up on apps just because, especially like the younger people, that just seems to be what they do now. So I go there to get away. I don’t want to be on screens and stuff when I’m there. So.

Chris Gethard [00:09:26] Yeah, I’m with you.

Caller [00:09:28] I don’t want to be looking at my phone or iPad or anything. So. So no, I stuck with I stuck with the flirting in the hot tub.

Chris Gethard [00:09:37] I love it.

Caller [00:09:38] Or flirting at that or flirting at the bar. There was a guy I went to the like leather bar the first night there was a guy there who I just was like, You don’t know where you are. He was wearing like Prada and stuff. And we ended up talking and had a great time. But I was like, You don’t know where you are. So that was like it was nice to meet people in real life again, you know? After all this past year and a half, like just be in an environment and just go up to a stranger and have a conversation with them. And it was just so ah, just it just really satisfied my soul, a great deal to be able to do that again.

Chris Gethard [00:10:19] I love it, and I love that you and I are talking about it. And I feel like-.

Caller [00:10:27] What was that?

Chris Gethard [00:10:27] I said, I love it and I love I love that you and I are talking about it and I love I love knowing that like… This is perhaps the type of environment that maybe in, you know, certainly within my lifetime and even within some people’s experience still, probably people maybe keep this hidden for whatever reason and that you and I are just talking openly about it. Because what I love is like, yeah, like as things are getting better and we can all show vaccination cards and things that  set standards like, this means we can go to supermarkets again. And it also means that there are clothing optional gay resorts in Palm Springs that can get up and running again and that then those things are just fucking equally awesome. Like that and the Shoprite are both back up and running, and I fucking love that. I really do. I say that unironically.

Caller [00:11:18] Yeah, no. It’s true. I completely agree. It- last week was like the first time I was like, things are starting to feel normal again, so.

Chris Gethard [00:11:28] And what a beautiful thing to say. I showed up that I’m- I’m naked in a hot tub with a bunch of other naked strangers. Things are feeling normal again. What a fucking cool thing to say. Oh I love that.

Caller [00:11:45] That’s normal. For me, that’s returning to normalcy. So.

Chris Gethard [00:11:49] It’s the best.

Caller [00:11:50] Yeah, because what’s that?

Chris Gethard [00:11:52] I said, It’s the best. It’s the best. I do want to make sure though-

Caller [00:11:56] Yeah, Palm Springs is my happy place.

Chris Gethard [00:11:57] If you want to talk about Palm Springs and this experience the whole time we can. I also want to make sure to, though, if this was just if this was just getting to know each other and you had other things you wanted to talk about, I don’t want to just focus on on on the shenanigans at the resort the whole time.

Caller [00:12:13] Yeah, there’s really I mean, there’s really not that much more to say about it other than it’s it’s a lot of fun. It’s my happy place. So. Yeah. I mean, I have another reason for going there. My- this is going to sound weird, but my my my left ear died about seven years ago. Like I woke up one day and my left ear was like my hearing was one hundred percent gone. Total tinnitus. I couldn’t walk. All my equilibrium was gone. And when I go to Palm Springs, my ear doesn’t bother me. I’m okay now. I’m okay now, but I do deal with some of the issues around it. But for like four months I could barely walk. I was in like a brain fog. I just woke up from a nap on July 4th, 2014, and was like projectile vomiting across the room. And they don’t know- it took me four months to find a specialist to figure out what was going on and I kind of like- he thinks a virus, some strange virus kind of tore through my ear and I said, what’s the virus? Like, is it something we can deal with? He goes, We probably won’t be able to find out until you die and we do an autopsy. I’m like, Okay, I think I will pass on knowing finding out that right now.

Chris Gethard [00:13:43] Let’s pause right there. That’s why sometimes you go, yeah, we there’s more, there’s more medical advances to be had. You got to wait till you die. OK, OK, Doc, then I don’t think I need to pay my co-pay on this convo. Anyway. What we’re going to do right now is we’re going to have some ads. We’ll be right back. Thank you to all of our advertisers who support the show. Now let’s get back to the phone call.

Caller [00:14:12] I kind of like he thinks a virus, some strange virus kind of tore through my ear. And I said, What’s the virus? Like, is it something we can deal with? He goes, We probably won’t be able to find out until you die and we do an autopsy. I’m like, OK, I think I will pass on knowing- finding out that right now.

Chris Gethard [00:14:30] That’s a weird thing for a doctor to say.

Caller [00:14:33] He was a strange guy. He was a really strange guy. But um, but he but he saved me. He really did say save me.

Chris Gethard [00:14:41] That’s good. I just have this image of you being like, Oh, it’s a virus, what’s the name of the virus? And him being like, We won’t know until you’re dead.

Caller [00:14:48] Mm-hmm. Totally.

Chris Gethard [00:14:50] But when you would go to Palm Springs, it wouldn’t affect you anymore?

Caller [00:14:56] Well, no, so so what- there was also a little hole that was developed in one of my little, you know, there’s all the little bones and your inner ear.

Chris Gethard [00:15:07] Sure.

Caller [00:15:08] So immediately he put me on Klonopin, which is normally an anxiety pill, but it’s also for people with people with equilibrium issues take it. And like, I had barely been able to walk across the room for four four months. And within two days, I was like walking normal again.

Chris Gethard [00:15:29] All right.

Caller [00:15:30] Just from taking a mild dose of Klonopin.

Chris Gethard [00:15:33] Love it.

Caller [00:15:34] And I lost my sense of balance, because, you know, you’ve got those little balance crystals in your ear. I mean, I don’t know if they disappeared or what, but they just they don’t work anymore. So I went through eight weeks of this weird, experimental, balance retraining. And I rely more on my peripheral vision now for balance. And so it just happened, and I just coincidentally, I had a trip planned to Palm Springs right after all this got fixed. And when I was there, it just felt amazing. Because it’s so dry there. I think the dryness and the low barometric pressure and the like, the low flats architecture, it just is just the right combination. That’s what that’s what my doctor told me when I said I felt great in Palm Springs. And he was like, Yeah, that might be because of all those things. So that’s the other reason I love Palm Springs. But we don’t- we don’t have to talk about Palm Springs anymore.

Chris Gethard [00:16:33] I love it, though. I love hearing that you’ve already got this destination that you like to go to. And then on top of it, you feel physically better while you’re there. And you get to hook up. This sounds like the greatest place on Earth for you in particular. I get to travel to a place where I don’t have to suffer from bizarre balance issues, and also it’s potential sexual fantasy land.

Caller [00:16:54] I can engage in intercourse with strangers.

Chris Gethard [00:16:59] Yes. Walk straight, not vomit. Have sex with a stranger. Welcome to Palm Springs. What a- they should hire you for the tourism bureau. Now I know we’re moving on from Palm Springs. I do want to let you know we’ve got some questions from the crowd coming in about this section of the show.

Caller [00:17:16] Oh yeah, I forgot, okay.

Chris Gethard [00:17:16] So that’ll be a good bridge. That can be a good segue as we move on. Lady Walter wants to know, is it clothing optional even in the restaurants at the resort?

Caller [00:17:29] Oh, so the resort didn’t have a restaurant, but most of the most of the gay resorts don’t really have restaurants. Like you go out to eat. So I was it’s not like Club Med or one of those. I mean, there was only like, it’s more like a it’s more like kind of an old school motel with like, you know, small little like studio motel rooms kind of. Some are a little bigger or some are a little smaller and there’s pools and hot tubs, but there’s no restaurant. No.

Chris Gethard [00:17:56] Got it. Got it. So this is not- this is not like when I went to the Dominican Republic and there were like teens teaching cha cha lessons in the afternoon and then a pineapple toss contest and then aqua aerobics. Not like that type of resort.

Caller [00:18:13] No, no, no, no, no, the no. There were no planned planned events, everybody had to- everyone had to make use of their own time their own way.

Chris Gethard [00:18:23] We have a question. Where do you keep your room key at such a resort? Followed also- well, Stephen (UNCLEAR), which also Stephen came here from from Portland tonight, I think. Where do you keep your vaccination card at a clothing optional gay resrort? So a lot of you want to know where you keep your belongings? Yeah.

Caller [00:18:43] Okay, so, uh, I’ll do the vaccination card first, that’s easiest. And the room key is kind of funny. So the vaccination card they were- everyone was fine just looking at a picture on your phone. And so at the resort, I just had to show it the first when I first got there. They needed- they didn’t look at it anymore. And, you know, and everywhere else I went in Palm Springs aren’t clothing optional, so I, you know, I had my phone on me and they showed my vaccination card and put my phone away. So that wasn’t an issue at the resort.

Chris Gethard [00:19:16] Mm-Hmm. Mm-Hmm.

Caller [00:19:18] But the really key, though? Yeah. So the room key is on like a little, you know, one of those like little twisty, like expandable things you could like, put it on your wrist or whatever. And so you just kind of carry it around like, you know. And also, it’s really safe there. Sometimes I just I didn’t lock my doors. If I was just going to the hot tub for a little bit, I would- sometimes I just didn’t lock my door. I wasn’t worried about security. So, um, but one thing that was kind of funny was, so I mentioned a little bit ago going to that leather bar?

Chris Gethard [00:19:54] Mm-Hmm.

Caller [00:19:55] And I can’t remember if I mentioned or not that it was underwear night and there were like a hundred guys there and a lot of people checked their pants and they were just- a lot of these guys were just in their underwear. Jockstraps, briefs, boxer briefs, whatever. And I decided, I’m, you know, I’m going to do it. I don’t normally do this kind of stuff but I’m going to I’m going to walk around in my underwear at the bar. So and I had recently bought this pair of underwear that kind of had like little pockets on the side. So that is where I put my room key when I was walking around in my underwear at the leather bar.

Chris Gethard [00:20:31] Your underwear has pockets.

Caller [00:20:34] Yes.

Chris Gethard [00:20:34] I’m glad that in 2021 that’s probably the thing you’ve said so far that has shocked me the most.

Caller [00:20:42] It reminded me of it and then so that guy that I was chatting with who was wearing Prada unexpectedly, the conversation started because he said, Oh my God, your underwear has pockets. That is amazing.

Chris Gethard [00:20:55] Yeah.

Caller [00:20:55] And I’m a pretty pragmatic- I’m a pretty pragmatic guy. So. But I just, yeah, that kind of made sense.

Chris Gethard [00:21:02] Are these boxers? Boxer briefs? What type of underwear has pockets? I know it’s not briefs.

Caller [00:21:08] They were- there’s a popular brand in the gay community, um Andrew Christian, and it just there was this one that had little pockets. You know, how like, you know, like women are always like, I love this dress. And look, it has pockets. Like I totally like wanted to do that.

Chris Gethard [00:21:24] Uh huh. That just got like a round of applause.

Caller [00:21:29] Yes. So the ladies know what I’m talking about. I love this dress and it has pockets. Gay men, I love these briefs and it has pockets.

Chris Gethard [00:21:37] So they were briefs. So is this idea because there are enough events where you might just be in your underwear that these are specifically made for this exact purpose? That if you are at an event where you’re wearing your underwear publicly, now you have a place to put belongings?

Caller [00:21:51] I think that was the idea by from the person who designed it, I believe, yeah, that must have been because these are this is a this is a line of underwear designed for, you know, it’s kind of marketed towards gay men to, you know, be seen out and about in at events. And somebody said, somebody said, let’s put some pockets on one of these.

Chris Gethard [00:22:12] I mean, it’s it’s simple innovations that make you a goddamn millionaire. Last question, last question we have about the resort and just one that I’m concerned about, too, Are sunburns a concern when you’re at a clothing optional resort in Palm Springs? That’s a lot of sun. That’s a lot of sunblock to have to put on your whole body every day?

Caller [00:22:31] Yeah. Yes. Yes. Yes. I am very pale. I often joke that if people see me, you know, I basically look like a hairy ghost. So yeah, I and I try just- I tried not to lay out in the sun that much. So I tried to- I try to be indoors at the highest point of the day. And you know, and also, you know, we recently had the time change, so there was less time to be out in the sun. So and most people were out at night. So-.

Chris Gethard [00:23:04] It also gives you-.

Caller [00:23:05] But there were definitely some there were definitely some leathery people layng by the pool all damn day, like putting sunscreen on themselves. Yeah. But it’s a concern.

Chris Gethard [00:23:12] I feel like it’s also such an easy pickup line. You have such an easy pick up line if you’re out there and it’s coming up on like noon, like you said, the sun’s getting highest of the day, just turn to somebody you’re interested in. You go, I can’t really be out in the sun. I think I’m going ahead inside. Would you care to join? And then right there! It hands you your move!

Caller [00:23:30] Man! I think I think maybe you should come with me next time and be my wingman.

Chris Gethard [00:23:35] I’ll be your wingman, your hairy ghost. Let’s get out there!

Caller [00:23:38] I actually- my my best friend who’s straight actually drove out. He lived a couple of hours away and he drove out to have lunch with me. And it wasn’t time for him to ride back yet. And I was like, Well, just come in the resort and sit with me and- you don’t have to be naked. So, yeah, my straight friend was there, so we just hung out for like a half hour and chatted some more before he left, so-

Chris Gethard [00:24:02] Did your straight friend kept his clothes on?

Caller [00:24:05] Well, yeah, we both had our clothes on. It was just, you know, five o’clock and we were just sitting around a table in the general area.

Chris Gethard [00:24:12] I would feel weirder being the only clothed person. I would feel more comfortable naked if everyone was naked regardless-

Caller [00:24:21] It’s not forced- It’s not forced nudity. You know, it’s just like, you know.

Chris Gethard [00:24:26] Certainly not. Certainly not. That would be a bizarre vacation to sign up for. We dare you to try to keep your clothes on, motherfucker. We will get your- that would be a terrifying nightmare of a vacation. I’m just saying like if I was in that situation where I was meeting a friend and I walked in and there’s like 30 naked people, I’m like, I think I’d rather just chat naked at this point because I’d feel weirder being the only clothed person than the only person married to a woman. I’d feel weirder about that, I think. Anyway, plus I’m a little show off. What can I say? What can I say? I’m a goddamn exhibitionist. At the end of the day, I like getting on stage. OK, what uh what else do we want to talk about?

Caller [00:25:08] Um, today’s been kind of an interesting day. I. The day started off, I dropped my friend off at rehab.

Chris Gethard [00:25:20] Whoa.

Caller [00:25:21] And yeah, and it was funny. Actually, he called me. So first, I was watching and I wanted to rewatch that episode of Broad City with the kid who’s like, Yes, Queen. And I was like, Oh, wait,  Chris is on this show and Beautiful Anonymous is tonight.

Chris Gethard [00:25:38] All right. It was meant to be.

Caller [00:25:40] And then and then my friend called to tell me he’s settled into rehab ok. And then I was like, Oh, I wonder, I think, yeah I think Beautiful Anonymous is today. I should check. And like, you guys had tweeted out the number like 10 seconds before I looked. So I’m like, All right, let’s see what happens.

Chris Gethard [00:25:58] OK, well, I’m glad your friend is settled in. That’s a hard day. Yeah, that’s a hard day.

Caller [00:26:04] Yeah, we’ve been we’ve been trying to get him. We’ve been trying to get him there for quite a while.

Chris Gethard [00:26:09] You know what though, it also highly of you because to be the person who gets that call demonstrates a real level of trust. And it makes me instantly like and trust you because it shows me that a person who is in a very vulnerable place and probably not something that is a high point in their life, trusted you to help them get through that. So kudos to you for stepping up. (AUDIENCE APPLAUDS)

Caller [00:26:31] Also, you know, I’ve been on a journey myself and I’ve been learning to set boundaries better. And, you know, I told him a few, you know, I kept taking him to- he would call me totally wasted and hung over, and I would take him to E.R. to get fixed up. And I said, This is it. The next time you call, you’re going to rehab. I’m not taking you to the E.R. I’m not coming to, you know, hold your hair back anymore. I’m next time you call, you’re going to rehab. And two weeks ago, he called and he said, I’m ready. Take me to rehab. But getting into rehab is not that easy. It takes a couple of weeks. So I had to kind of hold his hand while we went through- while he got through all the bureaucracy and drama. But today was the day he got to go check in. So I’m really happy for him. And… (AUDIENCE APPLAUDS) Holding good thoughts for him. So.

Chris Gethard [00:27:25] Look, the crowd just gave applause to your friend and applause to you. I’m already seeing people- tweets coming in already from people saying, Best of luck to your friend and.

Caller [00:27:34] Aww. Yeah.

Chris Gethard [00:27:35] Oh, also also and people tweeting pictures of the underwear at me. And it does look, I mean, that’s fashionable.

Caller [00:27:41] Oh.

Chris Gethard [00:27:41] The color schemes on the red and blue are incred- Andre?

Caller [00:27:47] Andrew Christian?

Chris Gethard [00:27:48] Oh, Andrew Christian, OK, I can just see the word Andre from the angle. Those are beautiful underwear. And someone wants to know where you get them. Number One Sugar Ray Fan is their name on Twitter. They want to know where you get the underwear with the pockets.

Caller [00:28:03] OK, so um as I said a little bit ago, I’m pragmatic and I I went into one of the local adult stores a while back and they had a 50 percent off rack and it was on the 50 percent off rack. And I was like, Oh, I like these.

Chris Gethard [00:28:18] You got underwear with pockets and you got them at a discount? That is a fucking dream come true. Look at that!

Caller [00:28:25] Yes. I can- Yes, I will hook you up with all the best deals.

Chris Gethard [00:28:30] Now you know what else though? Number One Sugar Ray Fan also just tweeted, First of all, is referring to you as hairy ghost. Just so you know, you have given yourself the name hairy ghost to this audience.

Caller [00:28:39] Oh my gosh.

Chris Gethard [00:28:40] Hairy ghost is the definition of a good friend. Not afraid to be the bad guy. Which I think for you to be the one that’s like, Hey, I’m going to draw a line in the sand. If you call me again, we’re dealing with it. That is a that is a moment in a friendship that you don’t know how that’s going to go. So very happy to hear that your friend needed that and your instinct that that’s what your friend needed was on target.

Caller [00:29:01] Yeah. Yeah. He got he got mad at me because I have some, you know, I have some other people in my life I don’t hold the boundaries with as much. And but he didn’t- I had to remind him, I mean, this is going to get a little more serious and dark here, but you know, my, you know, I went to the same thing with my brother. And taking him into the E.R., getting him rehydrated, getting him detoxed. Cycle over and over again, and then… It didn’t end well. He, you know, he died. So. And I just had to remind him I can’t go through that again. And you know that, so. So, yeah, that is a- that’s why I had to hold that boundary so.

Chris Gethard [00:29:48] I’m so sorry to hear about your brother.

Caller [00:29:51] Yeah, yeah. It’s the live show, so I’ll try to keep it light, but-

Chris Gethard [00:29:57] no, I mean, I don’t think that-

Caller [00:30:01] yeah, the other thing that happened today was I decided on my next tattoo. This has been a year of growth for me, and I started- I decided I’m gonna start getting tattoos.

Chris Gethard [00:30:14] So this will be your first one?

Caller [00:30:17] Well, the first one kind of ties back to the whole ear thing. So I was always kind of like, you know, I’m a I’m such a people pleaser and I, you know, whenever I’m like, Oh, I’m sorry, I can’t hear you, I’m sorry, I’m having a problem and oh, I’m sorry. And then you probably watched that movie Sound of Metal. You probably watched that last year, right?

Chris Gethard [00:30:38] I haven’t watched it yet. My wife watched it.

Caller [00:30:41] Oh my God, that is- You- you would love it.

Chris Gethard [00:30:42] People are clapping. People it- I know I would love it. Here’s the thing. I am the father of a two year old, so the idea of watching the entire movie is laughable right now. But my wife managed to watch it. She said it was great. I got to get back on this shit.

Caller [00:30:55] Yeah.

Chris Gethard [00:30:55] I watched two movies on the plane today.

Caller [00:31:00] What did you watch?

Chris Gethard [00:31:00] I rewatched Logan and I rewatched Two Towers. Lord of the Rings Two Tow- and someone earlier today had sent me a message and was asking how the flight was and I said I watched Two Towers and they were like, The fuck were you watching on the plane? I was like, Two Towers. And they were like, You watched a fucking thing about 9/11 on the plane? I was like, No, Lord of the Rings. The Two Towers. Oh they probably should not even legally be allowed to show that movie on planes. They should change the name, right? Should be like, the second one.

Caller [00:31:23] I mean… yeah, it should jam the- they should jam the signal. But-

Chris Gethard [00:31:38] Or just change the cover art. It’s like first one, Fellowship.

Caller [00:31:39] But Sound of metal is the-

Chris Gethard [00:31:40] It’s like first one Fellowship of the Rings.

Caller [00:31:42] Yeah, yeah.

Chris Gethard [00:31:42] Third one, Return of the King.

Caller [00:31:44] Yeah.

Chris Gethard [00:31:44] Second one, Lord of the Rings two, Electric Boogaloo. Like, we’re not going to talk about it. Enjoy your flight.

Caller [00:31:52] Yeah, yeah. Um but yeah. Sound of Metal really made me feel more confident about my ear, even though I’d had that condition for like six years at that point.

Chris Gethard [00:32:05] Mm hmm.

Caller [00:32:06] And I was like, I just need to fucking own my deafness and just say, I’m fucking deaf. I am. I have single sided deafness, and I decided to research it. And I found like this whole Reddit group devoted to single sided deafness. And… There was a video posted of someone talking about their experience with single sided deafness. And at one point she goes, Oh, and I have this tattoo next to my ear to help remind people that I’m deaf in that ear. And the tattoo is like, it’s like the mute symbol on your- on like a computer or something. I use Mac. So like, if you hit the mute button, it’s like it looks like a little speaker with like a (UNCLEAR)

Chris Gethard [00:32:49] Yeah, everyone applaud if you know exactly what- yes, everyone in this- everyone can see it.

Caller [00:32:54] Yeah. So I said, I’ve been wanting a tattoo. I’ve been waiting to know exactly what the right one is. This is it. And within three days, I had it.

Chris Gethard [00:33:07] Wow.

Caller [00:33:08] And and as anybody there knows, I mean, I’m a total neophyte to tattoos, but I’m sure anyone there with tattoos knows it is God damn fucking addictive. It is an enormous rush.

Chris Gethard [00:33:23] Yeah, I got a few- I got a few bad ones because of that. I was like, I’m going back for more and I am not thinking that hard about them!

Caller [00:33:34] Yeah, yeah. I’ve met some people-because right now I talk about tattoos all the time. Everyone’s like, Shut up. And I’ve seen some bad ones. In fact one of them.. Yeah, I’ll, I’ll probably mention in a moment, um so in the summertime, I wanted to get some quotes that are important to me. And I really I never realized that these two quotes kind of resonated so well. So on the inside of my wrist in like typewriter font, on my right wrist, it’s a it’s a line from Twin Peaks, which I’m obsessed with. “It is happening again.” For the Twin Peaks fans in the audience. “It is happening again.” And on my left wrist, it is a very, very inside baseball reference in the movie Magnolia, which I’m obsessed with as well, and it says, “But it did happen.” So the tattoos are, But it did happen and It’s happening again. And… Those two tattoos just kind of, I look at them every day and they keep me moving forward and not looking back, not not obsessing about the future. Living in the moment. And they just really mean a lot to me.

Chris Gethard [00:34:59] Let’s pause right there. That’s like a beautiful lyric. Not looking back. Not obsessing about the future. Living in the moment. And they just really mean a lot to me. Somebody put that in a song, please. Let’s do some ads. We’ll be right back. Okay, everybody, we are back. And I wanted to give you a heads up, had a few technical issues out there on the road. Very unpredictable when you’re out there on the road. So guess what? I sound a little weird for the last few minutes of the call. We are aware of it. Everyone’s going to have to deal with it. It’s OK. It happens sometimes. That’s part of the game, baby. That’s part of this game we all play. OK, excuse the sound issues. Let’s finish up the phone call.

Caller [00:35:44] Those two tattoos just kind of, I look at them every day and they keep me moving forward and not looking back, not not obsessing about the future. Living in the moment. And they just really mean a lot to me.

Chris Gethard [00:36:00] Love it.

Caller [00:36:00] So that probably blew my anonymity a little bit if any of my friends, if anybody who knows me is listening.

Chris Gethard [00:36:07] If there’s anybody just like, I wonder if this is my friend with two specific quotes and a mute symbol tattoo. That’s fair.

Caller [00:36:17] Who was just who was just naked in Palm Springs.

Chris Gethard [00:36:19] Yes. Yes.

Caller [00:36:22] So I’m going to get a- now i want- but these are all just black so I just want to get I want to get a color one. So I’m going to get a graphic Twin Peaks tattoo on my bicep of like the- again for the Twin Peaks fans- like the owl symbol and the red drapes and everything. And then after that, I want to get a green tattoo of the frogs from Magnolia.

Chris Gethard [00:36:48] Mmhmm. OK.

Caller [00:36:49] And so this friend of mine has a frogs- Magnolia frogs tattoo, and he’s like, Oh, I got it 20 years ago was the worst decision I ever made. And I didn’t know he had it. So, yeah, that was a bad tattoo, but I’m going to get I’m going to get a good one, so.

Chris Gethard [00:37:03] OK, we’ve got some responses coming into this section. First of all, we’ve got something I agree with, Emma, responding to something we talked about a few minutes ago in regards to your brother, said, You do not need to keep it light. This is Beautiful Anonymous. LMAO. And it is true. You don’t have to apologize for the dark parts at all.

Caller [00:37:23] Yeah, yeah, I know.

Chris Gethard [00:37:25] Oh, here’s some interesting. Oh Number One Sugar Ray Fan becoming a real contributor to this episode, noting that Sound of Metal free on Prime. Amazon employee. Number One Sugar Ray Fan is an Amazon employee. We just found out. That’s Jeff Bezos. He’s tweeting that from orbit. He’s tweeting that from orbit right now. Tatzi on Greenleaf, informing me it is impossible to not put my foot in my mouth. You can’t use Electric Boogaloo because apparently that has been co-opted by white supremacy groups. Who knew? Who knew that a beloved and somewhat hacky comedy reference of Electric Boogaloo has been- apparently, that’s now white supremacist. References to a break dancing movie. People are a big fan of your first tattoo. Um oh, lady Walter says,  I have a (LAUGHS) I have a few webbed toes and my friends have always tried to make me get a tattoo of a dotted line with a little scissors symbol. I think your tattoo sounds awesome. I think you have to do it.

Caller [00:38:27] I..I almost feel like I want to I want to gift that tattoo to this person. That just sounds awesome.

Chris Gethard [00:38:35] Gift it. All right.

Caller [00:38:36] That just sounds wonderful. If they’re willing to do it, I just I feel like I want to-.

Chris Gethard [00:38:42] You want to hook up payment. Alright, we’ll keep your phone number. Jeffrey says, With those tattoos on your wrists and your virus, that autopsy is going to be wild. Sherilyn says. Are you? Do you have any concerns of getting a regrettable tattoo you can’t hide at the resort?

Caller [00:39:01] No, no. In fact, as you know, that’s you know, I found out this year that tattoos are great conversation starters. So.

Chris Gethard [00:39:08] Mm-Hmm. Now here’s a really interesting one-.

Caller [00:39:12] I don’t know. I don’t know what they are. I don’t know what would be a regrettable tattoo there, but I dunno.

Chris Gethard [00:39:17] I can tell you. Here’s what you’re gonna want to do is you’re going to want to get Morrissey’s signature on your right shoulder in 2008 and then spend the next decade watching him say progressively more insane, fucked up things until you’re like, What the fuck do I do? I’ve been on TV bragging about this man’s name on my shoulder. How do I get it covered? It’s huge. That is a regrettable tattoo. Get the signature of someone who later says things like, Why did Kevin Spacey’s- why were those teenage boys allowed to be alone with him? Where were the parents? And you just go, What the fuck? You’re the guy who wrote, There Is a Light That Never Goes Out, man. Like, you’re all sorts of crazy shit. That’ll do it. There you go. Morrissey’s signature. Now, caller-.

Caller [00:40:05] Okay, here’s a here’s.

Chris Gethard [00:40:07] Oh yeah, go for it.

Caller [00:40:08] What was that?

Chris Gethard [00:40:08] No, no, no. What were you going to say?

Caller [00:40:09] Here’s a here’s here’s a here’s a left turn. I met Kevin Spacey once in San Fran when I was living in San Francisco.

Chris Gethard [00:40:17] Okay, I want to hear that. Let’s put that on the to-do list.

Caller [00:40:21] I’m going to be. I’m going to be super loose with the details. But-.

Chris Gethard [00:40:25] That means something happened.

Caller [00:40:27] I was, I was in his presence. It was not. It was nothing. There were no shenanigans. It was not anything.

Chris Gethard [00:40:35] This was not a Palm Springs. This was not a Palm Springs situation.

Caller [00:40:38] No, no. It was a film. It was a film related thing. And I was in the same room with him. It was a small room. There were about four of us in the room. And he was creepy as fuck. I used to. I used to be in a position where I got to meet a lot of celebrities. And he was the- He’s like one of the only ones who ever like, freaked me out. And I was only like in his presence for like 10 minutes maybe.

Chris Gethard [00:40:59] So any time news has come out about him, you have not been shocked at all.

Caller [00:41:04] No, no, no, no, no, no. Now, and also like he he like… He was really bad to like a friend of a friend of mine back in New York, back in his early career days back in the early 90s. Like, so.

Chris Gethard [00:41:21] That’s a bummer.

Caller [00:41:22] I don’t remember all the details. It was a long time ago.

Chris Gethard [00:41:24] I have a I have a very fun- this is a weird thing to say after- as we’re wrapping up Kevin Spacey. I have a fun proposition for you.

Caller [00:41:33] OK.

Chris Gethard [00:41:33] Weird thing to say in the same breath as Kevin Spacey. It’s not like that. But this is the type of thing that I don’t think this has happened before and could really only happen at a live show. And caller, I think you might really like this. There is someone named D in the crowd who has said they will let you pick their first tattoo. Do you want to meet D?

Caller [00:41:58] Wow, what?

Chris Gethard [00:41:58] D, do you want to come up and tell us a couple of things about yourself? Or do you want to keep anonymous out there? You want to just tweet some of like maybe your interests and things that jump out as things that are meaningful to you?

Caller [00:42:12] I hope I’m not coming across as like some tattoo expert.

Chris Gethard [00:42:15] I don’t think so at all. I think D has probably just been thinking about this, and it sounds like Dee wants to take a big swing and just let you pick their first. Now what I like about this is if you want to get really, you could be evil and say you will get Calvin pissing onto the Tasmanian Devil and you’re now honor bound to go get it. You can do that. You can do that. Or we can get some details and think of something truly meaningful and deep. What do you think? Caller, let’s start spitballing here and we’ll see how serious- if D, if D comes in with any specifics to help guide this.

Caller [00:42:48] Yeah, I’m happy to hear. I’m happy to hear it out and throw my ideas out. So.

Chris Gethard [00:42:52] All right, D. How do you want to do this, D? Tweet or talk to me on the mic? Sounds like oh someone just said D left. Did they really leave? What’s that? Oh, you think D tweeted again? OK, let’s go ahead and check. D seems to want to keep it all cybernetic. Let’s see. AirBear says we need some D-tails. And Christina says D maybe, maybe you- Christina says, maybe me, D, and you, the caller, should all get matching tattoos. See how good this comes out. This is getting fucking nuts. Oh, and they OK. Here’s what D says: “I like succulents and got a new puppy, and I am sarcastic as fuck.” Now that leads to me going home with a new tattoo, I got a lot of ‘splaining to do to my wife. Succulents, a new puppy, and sarcasm.

Caller [00:43:52] Wow, um. Well, if he’s sarcastic as fuck, can we believe that he likes succulents and got a new puppy, even? Is that believable?

Chris Gethard [00:43:58] Good question. What’s the opposite of succulents? Cactus. This motherfucker loves cacti.

Caller [00:44:04] Yeah.

Chris Gethard [00:44:04] He loves cacti and kittens.

Caller [00:44:07] The opposite would be some jungle plant, maybe.

Chris Gethard [00:44:10] Oh.

Caller [00:44:12] Some sort of a jungle plant like a wild orchid.

Chris Gethard [00:44:15] A wild orchid. Yeah, that covers the succ-.

Caller [00:44:19] Wild, a wild orchid with like a picture of a with a little picture of a cat in it.

Chris Gethard [00:44:25] A picture, a picture of a cat folded into a picture of an orchid?

Caller [00:44:30] Yeah, you know how like orchids have like a little design inside? You know, there’s like that kind of blotchy design inside of it, it almost makes- sometimes it looks like Rorschach tests, you know?

Chris Gethard [00:44:40] Uh-Huh. And those should be like kitten faces?

Caller [00:44:43] Yeah. I mean, I know it’s not- that’s not really sarcastic. It’s more like opposite day. But you know.

Chris Gethard [00:44:49] Uh huh. An orchid. D, you’re going to have to tweet and let us know if you’re willing to get an orchid tattoo that has kitten faces tastefully folded into it. I really like how this is going. I really, really like how this is going. I’m praying. I wish there was a way to somehow see an image of this in my mind. OK, Rosemary, oh god. Here we go. Been waiting for this and you sat on it. You waited a long time. You used your powers wisely. Caller, um just so you know, we figured out before we put you on line, there is someone in the crowd who uses the name on Twitter Rosemary’s Abortion. And it just said Rosemary’s Abortion says, I cannot believe this is what you said as your first thing- The opposite of succulents is blow-ulents. That is how you-.

Caller [00:45:38] What was that? What?

Chris Gethard [00:45:38] The opposite of succulents is blow-ulents.

Caller [00:45:43] Wow. Wow.

Chris Gethard [00:45:46] The opposite (LAUGHING)

Caller [00:45:48] Wow. You should. You should get that person to open for you next time. That was amazing. Oh, here’s- do you want to hear a funny little factoid referencing Rosemary’s Baby? Um, this will give away my age, but my mom went to go see Rosemary’s Baby in the theater when she was like eight months pregnant with me, and everybody was like, aghast. They’re like, What the hell are you doing here, lady? Get the hell out of here.

Chris Gethard [00:46:13] Oh, I love it.

Caller [00:46:14] So that was like, that was my year. Yeah. Made an impression on me I guess.

Chris Gethard [00:46:18] It’s been suggested that maybe D get a tattoo of the iPhone speaker logo next to their ear. Um, sort of like the opposite of yours.

Caller [00:46:26] Oh, oh yeah. Yeah, yeah, that would work.

Chris Gethard [00:46:30] D askd, D says, How do we feel about a sleeve?

Caller [00:46:36] A whole sleeve?

Chris Gethard [00:46:37] D wants info on a whole sleeve. On what you would do. It sounds like the first idea was it was a hit.

Caller [00:46:45] Oh, I would make it- if, if I’m gonna stick with the jungle theme, it would probably like be a whole arm full of like vines and snakes and flowers. And I don’t know, maybe like a little man eating plant like Audrey from Little Shop of Horrors or something. I don’t know. That’s what I’m picturing.

Chris Gethard [00:47:02] I like that. Number One Sugar Ray Fan suggests Garfield shrugging, saying, I hate orchids and love Mondays, being sarcastic. Garfield Garfield incorporated in your sleeve. I’m-.

Caller [00:47:18] Yeah, you’re yeah- the audience has much better ideas, so.

Chris Gethard [00:47:22] I don’t know.

Caller [00:47:23] It took me 20 years to come up with my first tattoo. I can’t do it in two minutes.

Chris Gethard [00:47:29] D how- I need you to let me know how you’re feeling about how this is guiding that you might have a full sleeve of vines, of flowers, snakes and also kittens within orchids up and down your arm. I think this is really going places. Or maybe you’re into the Garfield one. D, I want to know how you’re feeling about this. The caller is here and ready to help get it going. I’m hitting refresh like a madman waiting for your thoughts, D. Waiting for your thoughts. Caller, that’s all- I feel like- how would you feel? Oh, D. OK. D did…Okay…

Caller [00:48:06] I wish I could see what you guys are- I wish I could see what you guys are seeing. Are they- are the tweets on a- are the tweets like projected on a screen? I’ve never been to a live-.

Chris Gethard [00:48:14] Oh no, I’m just reading them off a screen. Hey, are you in front of a computer?

Caller [00:48:17] Okay. I could be, yeah.

Chris Gethard [00:48:20] Well, you use the hashtag Hyphy Anonymous and you can get in on this.

Caller [00:48:23] Oh yeah. Okay.

Chris Gethard [00:48:25] Dsimply says, and that’s h y p h y, which I thought was pretty standard spelling, but somebody in the crowd fucking flipped out, lost their mind about it. So h y p h y.

Caller [00:48:35] Yeah, yeah okay.

Chris Gethard [00:48:35] Somebody got really mad at me before, like, really legit mad and I was kind of nervous. But you know whp else is nervous? D, who in a moment of true vulnerability, just tweeted the words, I’m scared.

Caller [00:48:46] Aw, it is scary. It is scary. D. D, just- it is scary, but you can do it… Hello?

Chris Gethard [00:48:57] Yeah. No, the crowd’s clapping.

Caller [00:48:58] Okay.

Chris Gethard [00:48:59] Crowd’s clapping.

Caller [00:49:00] That’s okay. Oh, I thought I thought the the call dropped or something. So.

Chris Gethard [00:49:04] Now, Jeffrey wants to know, as a former Bay Area resident, would you be willing to try to define the word hyphy?

Caller [00:49:12] Define the word what?

Chris Gethard [00:49:14] Hyphy.

Caller [00:49:14] Hyphy?

Chris Gethard [00:49:15] How we keep it hyphy in th ebay. We keep it hyphy in the bay.

Caller [00:49:21] I- do you want me to figure out what that means?

Chris Gethard [00:49:24] No, it’s OK. I never mind. We’re really mostly just kidding. Now also, Christina tweeted, still mad, still clearly mad- it’s because I can’t spell anonymous, not hyphy. So this whole time Christina wanted me to spell a n o n y m o u s. In any area of the country they would say how do you spell hyphy? Here, I know how to spell hyphy, motherfucker. How do you spell anonymous?

Caller [00:49:51] So how do you define hyphy? Okay, sorry, I, I couldn’t picture it, I wasn’t hearing it right. Um, how would I define hyphy? Um. I just. The word hype comes to mind. And like, maybe like it sounds like ish, maybe hype ish. I don’t know. Like, it sounds like maybe hyphy is like, Hey, we’re hyping the caller. We’re here to support the caller. We’re the hype team. I don’t know. Does that work?

Chris Gethard [00:50:22] I heard that someone like one person just went, Yeah! And the person right next to them went, No. Like. And then Jinesh, in the crowd did just say, and this strikes me as true- now I’m not going to claim- I’m from New Jersey. I’m not going to claim I know what hyphy really is. It’s been made clear to me over the years that that is a Bay Area thing that I can’t master, but I will say Jinesh just did say, Not being able to spell anonymous is the most hyphy shit. And it seems like the crowd agrees that that’s hyphy as hell, baby. Or, as you would say here, hella hyphy. Did I just figure that out? Hella hyphy. That’s hella hyphy. Not being aby to spell anonymous, that’s hella hyphy.

Caller [00:51:02] Well, if it’s if it’s hella is an East Bay thing, if I remember right? Is hella East Bay?

Chris Gethard [00:51:10] Now someone’s saying so is hyphy. And I realize this is apparently a touchy subject and I had no idea.

Caller [00:51:17] You know what? I’m getting the sense that hyphy is the new- what was that word a few months ago? Coogy or something like that when it was like it meant tacky and there was like an article in New York Times on, Oh, everything’s- what’s that word? Cheugy. Cheugy.

Chris Gethard [00:51:32] Cheugy.

Caller [00:51:36] Yeah, that was remember like it was like for like like three days, that was like the hottest word everyone was using? That’s probably what hyphy is now now. Hyphy is the new cheugy.

Chris Gethard [00:51:44] Things are erupting. Now listen, caller, things are erupting in this crowd. People are getting very invested in this terminology. Christina is now even madder at me. Started where I thought she couldn’t spell hyphy, got insulted that I insinuated that said anonymous. Then I called Christina out on that. Christina has followed up again. I think clearly sounds even madder, says, I’m not mad. Just pick shorter words. Which honestly is fair, which honestly is fair. AirBear says that hairy ghost coming at us with a hyphy new tat. And then this one I don’t understand, but all of you, I think, will. The East Westerner says hyphy is an Oakland thing, so you many more be familiar. It’s a movement. Is that a thing?

Caller [00:52:30] Yeah.

Chris Gethard [00:52:31] That made sense to you, caller? And Christina said this hyphy thing then East Bay thing, it’s a touchy subject like Kevin Spacey.

Caller [00:52:39] Yeah, yeah, that all- It’s all kind of coming together for me now. I mean, I lived in Oakland for a while too, and oh my god, people are going to groan when I say this. I lived in Vallejo for a while too, but that was blech. (CROWD BOOS)

Chris Gethard [00:52:51] Vallejo? (CROWD BOOS) And now-.

Caller [00:52:54] But I lived in- but I lived on Oak Street for like off and on, for like 14 years. So.

Chris Gethard [00:53:00] People are- people did get- people did boo Vallejo. I have no idea. Number One Sugar Ray Fan tells me, East Bay vs. this area is like saying, Oh, you’re from New York when you say you’re from Jersey. So that makes sense. So that would be me being like, I’m from Jersey and people are like, but New York, really? OK, got it. And then Jeffrey says, maybe he should define fetch? Is that is that Bay area terminology?

Caller [00:53:24] No, we’re not. We’re not making fetch happen tonight. We are not making fetch happen.

Chris Gethard [00:53:26] Wait, that got a round of applause.

Caller [00:53:33] He knows what I mean.

Chris Gethard [00:53:34] Is this the thing that I’m just not going to know what anyone is talking about because I’m not from here?

Audience Member [00:53:39] Mean Girls!

Caller [00:53:39] It’s because you’re not gay.

Chris Gethard [00:53:40] Oh, Mean Girls. Got it. OK, got it. And then Jinesh also says, Vallejo is also clothing optional, so this makes sense.

Caller [00:53:50] Well, Vallejo’s clothing optional just because most people there are so fucking wasted and they just don’t, you know, they just they’re so high and out of it, they just take their clothes off probably, so.

Chris Gethard [00:54:01] And then Christina, now even madder, I keep bringing up Christina to the point where now Christina’s clearly in a white hot rage and tweeted, Cut me a check for this show. Wow. There’s words are going to be had. Caller, this is really-

Caller [00:54:18] What did Christina say this time?

Chris Gethard [00:54:20] Says that I owe her money for involving her so much in the show. I cannot believe how-.

Caller [00:54:25] Oh my gosh.

Chris Gethard [00:54:26] Much this is. I cannot believe how this has descended in the chat. .

Caller [00:54:29] OK, well, Chris, just Christina. I’m really glad you’re here. It means a lot to me and you’re contributing a lot to the conversation. So I just I just want you to know, I just want you to know that I want you to feel seen.

Chris Gethard [00:54:44] Jeffrey also says if Christina got a 2-show ticket, she’s clearly going home after the podcast taping. That would be amazing. That motherfucker. He need shorter words. I’m fucking out of here! Hope that’s not the case. OK. That was a very fun stretch of life, let’s focus back up. We’ve got ten minutes left. Christina just said, instantly-.

Caller [00:55:07] Wow.

Chris Gethard [00:55:08] You just said that! Christina already managed to tweet, Chris, I want you to thank me, too. And that’s real. Christina, where are you? People are now pointing at each other. And then the people they’re pointing at are pointing at other people. No one wants to own up to being Christina. And I will just say this. Christina- there- everybody’s pointing at someone over here, but then you’re over there. Christina, let me just tell you, holding up a candle. I can’t see your face, but I see your bobbing candle in the dark. Let me just say, I am so truly flattered that you came out tonight. I’m greatly appreciative, not just of your presence, but of your contributions to the show. I think they’ve made it a livelier show. It would have been like a meal without salt. You were the salt on this meal and that brings out all the flavors. Thank you for being here.

Caller [00:56:00] Aw that’s lovely.

Chris Gethard [00:56:00] Was that hyphy? I think that was hyphy what I just did. Was that hyphy or no?

Caller [00:56:04] Sure.

Chris Gethard [00:56:04] Out of all the live shows I’ve done… I’ve never seen one get weird in this way, where the crowd starts getting mad about local vernacular and okay, caller.

Caller [00:56:19] I’ve just been gone too, I’ve been gone too long. So I don’t- the words don’t mean anything to me. So.

Chris Gethard [00:56:24] Totally fair. What do we do? We’ve now got about eight and a half minutes left. I’m not sure if there’s anything else.

Caller [00:56:30] Oh wow.

Chris Gethard [00:56:32] Oh Christina (LAUGHS) Christina very kindly wrote back and said, Thank you. I learned how to spell anonymous because of this. You’re welcome, Christina.

Caller [00:56:45] Here we go.

Chris Gethard [00:56:46] You’re welcome. Jinesh also said Christina is 100 percent the admin of her next door group.

Caller [00:56:54] That- next door is an evil evil place.

Chris Gethard [00:56:57] I feel like I can figure out what that is just based on the reaction to it. OK. Caller. Eight minutes.

Caller [00:57:04] Actually, I’ll tell you that the only two podcasts that I listen to regularly are Beautiful Anonymous and The Neighborhood Listen, which is a, which is which is an improv podcast that spoofs next door by Paul F. Tompkins, of course, who’s on all the podcasts. And Nicole Parker, who used to be on MadTV. And it’s two people. Like they improvise like posts from next door, and they just kind of riff on this little fictional town. And Nicole Parker plays a realtor in it, and she’s so funny and I’m I’m in real estate now, so I get a kick out of it. So, but yeah, those are the only two podcasts I listen to regularly, so you should check it out.

Chris Gethard [00:57:48] I’m truly flattered. Thanks for listening. Thanks for listening. We’ve bounced around a lot. I mean.

Caller [00:57:56] Here I’ll get- I know we’re getting close- I know we’re getting close to the end, so I’ll get a little a little weepy on you. You know, I just really just I just really want to tell you what, like what Beautiful Anonymous has meant to me the last year. So it just it- I didn’t discover it until Covid happened. I’d seen your specials and stuff, but I didn’t know about the podcast and then I just drove in. And over the last few months, as things have been opening up, like just listening to the conversations, it’s like… It’s like it’s kind of taught me- re taught me how to converse. It’s because it’s like I forgot how to converse with people. And like listening to these just easy conversations you have with people. And when I say easy, I know it’s I don’t mean the subject matter always, but just, you know, it’s a comfortable conversation and it’s taught me how to talk again in a way. Does that makes sense? I felt that I’ve always felt very proud of the show and then I started hearing stuff like that during the pandemic from people going like, I haven’t had many human conversations and thanks for giving me one each week. And I’ve said, You know what? I feel good about that.

Caller [00:59:07] Yeah, it actually I kind of channeled a little bit, you know, Palm Springs was kind of like my reentry to life, and I kind of, you know, kept the show in mind a little bit and it really helped me like, initiate conversations. But I mean, I’m actually, you know, probably sounds surprising, but I’m kind of shy a little bit and an introvert. But you know, this is anonymous, so nobody cares. And I kind of channeled the show a little bit, and it really helped me to start and maintain conversations with people when I was down there. Because I went by myself.

Chris Gethard [00:59:38] In Palm Springs. So you’re telling me, because I would take this as a huge point of pride… Genuinely, you’re telling me that as you’re easing back into this life via this Palm Springs resort that you love, that you’re sitting here going, I would like this to be a positive experience and I want to connect with people. I’m naked in a hot tub. There might be some shenanigans and I’d like to make that happen. Let me channel Chris Gethard in the course of that.

Caller [01:00:08] Yeah, I basically just… Pretended to be you, to uh.

Chris Gethard [01:00:13] I love that. I love that.

Caller [01:00:16] I pretended to be you to get some action.

Chris Gethard [01:00:19] You just thought of another old hairy ghosty in this world, somewhere in the forests of New Jersey and you said, but you know, what? It’s it’s so flattering to hear that, but I can tell you, because there’s people like people have tweeted me who I know I’ve had in-person conversations with and they can tell you I am truly in person one of the hardest people to have a conversation with. It is is cringey sometimes how uncomfortable I feel. So I always say this when people express things like that, I go, I’m glad the show gave you that. And Oh my God, it gives me that too. I’ve gotten in fights with Hallie where she will straight up say, I listen to your show where you like, never miss a detail and you’re so thoughtful and then I ask you to do two things and you can’t fucking remember either. Like, she’s like, You’re only good on the fucking phones with strangers! Like, anyway, it’s true. We might have to cut that part. That might be live exclusive.

Caller [01:01:07] Wouldn’t it be? Wouldn’t it be? Wouldn’t it be funny if she called in one time? You’re going to edit my, my, my episode? Oh man.

Chris Gethard [01:01:16] Oh, now I can’t you son of a- haha. Well done! Someone, Number One Sugar Ray Fan said that they would have loved it if when you said, I only listen to two podcasts if this was not one of them, if it was. Wait, Wait, Don’t Tell Me and Car Talk. And then we just moved on. That would have been really amazing. I just want to also say Warped Strength. I’m so sorry to hear that someone named Warped Strength just jumped in with three minutes left and said, That feeling when you’ve been spelling anonymous wrong the entire show. So there’s some other hashtag that you’ve been using and uh.

Caller [01:01:55] Wow.

Chris Gethard [01:01:56] Absolutely.

Caller [01:01:57] So should I go look all this stuff up on Twitter after the call?

Chris Gethard [01:02:00] You’ll be able to do that. You go to hyphy anonymous, you can see what everybody was saying. I’m just picking out some things that jump out at me. Jeffrey also wants to know, Number One Sugar Ray Fan, Jeffrey wants to know what your favorite Sugar Ray song is, so please get that in in the next two minutes, 45 seconds. Caller, this has been lovely and delightful. Yes, you were saying?

Caller [01:02:19] Oh, you know, Sugar Ray’s not really in my wheelhouse. So did they have a song called Fly? I’ll go with that. Or they had a song in Shrek? If so, I’ll go with that.

Chris Gethard [01:02:28] They did. Yeah, all those things are true. They were asking Number One Sugar Ray Fan, but I love that you’re getting yours on record, too. Mine is a weird one. They weirdly put out a song called Rivers that was their attempt to write a Weezer song. And it’s a better Weezer song than most of the songs Weezer has written. Is this song Rivers. It’s great.

Caller [01:02:46] You know I bet it is. I bet it is. I’m not surprised. As soon as you said Rivers, I’m like, Oh, they’re trying to out-Weezer Weezer.

Chris Gethard [01:02:53] They did. They went, and Rivers actually sang on it with him. And it’s great, it’s She’s gone and I’m gonna find her. It’s been so long. It’s just a Weezer song, but then it’s like, if that’s so fucking easy, why doesn’t Weezer do it, man? Anyway, anyway.

Caller [01:03:08] I’m going to go have to go look that up now.

Chris Gethard [01:03:11] Every way. Anyway. And OK, Number One Sugar Ray Fan said, Every Morning, baby. OK, OK. Christina says she feels seen and not alone, so we won’t- I don’t have that guilt dangling over my head. OK, 90 seconds left, caller. I just want to say a couple of things. First, thank you for being so open and honest. Thank you for for for fomenting some of the hyphy-ness in this room. Thank you for your tattoo suggestions.

Caller [01:03:38] Yeah.

Chris Gethard [01:03:38] Most of all, I hope your friends OK, and I know that that- you said weird day, but I also know I must have been an incredibly hard day. So thank you for being a good friend and one of the people who steps up and helps those around you. That’s really cool of you.

Caller [01:03:52] Thanks. Thanks. Good to hear that. And I feel like I have to clarify one thing before we end in like the last 10 seconds. I just wanna make sure everyone there knows that I am clothed right now. So, you know, this is not a clothing optional podcast. So I just want everyone to know I am clothed.

Chris Gethard [01:04:09] I’m going to say I haven’t thought about it before this moment, but if you had revealed you’ve been nude this whole time? I would have been thrilled to hear that, too.

Caller [01:04:19] I was. I was tempted. The jokester in me was tempted to say that, but I was like, No, I’ve got to keep it honest. Gotts keep it honest.

Chris Gethard [01:04:25] I wonder how- I should- what if we did a live taping at the at the clothing optional resort in Palm Springs? How do you think that would go?

Caller [01:04:34] Oh, I would love it.

Chris Gethard [01:04:36] Do they do- I think a lot of people would- you would love it. I feel like there were a lot of be a lot of people that’d be like, shut the fuck up, get out of here.

Caller [01:04:46] Probably not the one I stayed at, but the one next to me. Because the one next to me was like this the clothing optional straight resort and it’s like a swingers resort and I want to go over there and just to see what’s going on.

Chris Gethard [01:04:58] Clothing optional Beautiful Anonymous taping. I need everybody out there in the Facebook comments- if there are people who would actually attend that, I would consider making it happen just to see what the fuck happens. That sounds like my- this show is already like an emotionally vulnerable nightmare for me. Can you imagine if I had to do it naked on stage in front of people too? That would be some next level fucked up shit, man. OK.

Caller [01:05:28] All right.

Chris Gethard [01:05:29] Let’s just get some closing.

Caller [01:05:30] You got my number if you ever want to do it.

Chris Gethard [01:05:32] Let’s see if we can make it happen. All right. Jeffrey says Chris singing as Sugar Ray, singing a sweeter kind of sou- I sounded like Morrissey. That stings. ChesterX says, My unborn is pleased. Praise to the caller and Chris. Two months until spawn day. Congratulations Chester X. I’m glad we pleased your unborn child who’s been listening the whole time. Lady Walter says, thank you, hairy ghost. I hope you have a wonderful rest of your year. Happy holidays!

Caller [01:06:02] Woo! You too.

Chris Gethard [01:06:04] Number One Sugar Ray Fan said, I don’t know what this mean- we went this whole time to find there was two?

Audience Member [01:06:11] Two resorts.

Chris Gethard [01:06:12] Oh, two resorts. Yeah, we just at the tail end.

Caller [01:06:15] Oh, there are there are countless resorts. There are countless clothing optional resorts in Palm Springs. Countless.

Chris Gethard [01:06:21] Stephanie, who flew here from Texas, said her and Jason would go to the clothing optional show. They will. OK. Round of applause. And I’m being serious and you’re not committing. I won’t. I won’t hold you to it. Round of applause if you would ser- and we’re in San Francisco. Clap if you would attend a clothing optional Beautiful Anonymous- oh, caller, you may have opened a real can of worms on this one. You may have opened a real can of worms.

Caller [01:06:49] You’re the one who suggested it. I’m just. But I’ll be there if you need it, if you need support.

Chris Gethard [01:06:57] If I need support. Yeah, I guess I can’t wait to see what your new tattoo is because… Oh, lady, Walter says I should wear a jacket and no pants. Ugh ugh, if I still wear my hipster jackets.

Caller [01:07:10] Ugh.

Chris Gethard [01:07:12] How would that fly if I just wear a corduroy jacket and nothing else? How would that go, caller?

Caller [01:07:20] Um, people would be-.

Chris Gethard [01:07:23] You can be honest.

Caller [01:07:24] People would be. People would be curious if it’s at a gay resort, people would be curious. They they would be curious.

Chris Gethard [01:07:34] That’s the kindest way anyone has ever told me that I would be harshly judged.

Caller [01:07:42] Yeah, I mean, gay men can not be kind sometimes. They’re not always very kind.

Chris Gethard [01:07:48] I have to do some fucking sit-ups to get ready for this one.

Caller [01:07:50] And but but but they would be they would be politely curious I think.

Chris Gethard [01:07:54] I think here’s a beautiful note to end on. This is from AirBear, you know, Erin, who says the caller- this is addressed to me, saying, The caller will support you like the pocketed underwear supported him.

Caller [01:08:07] Oh yes. Yeah. Maybe we could get that. We can get them to sponsor that episode.

Chris Gethard [01:08:15] Caller, what a great- This was such a fun time talking to you. Thank you so much for calling in and opening up to us.

Caller [01:08:19] Thank you.

Chris Gethard [01:08:19] I want to thank everybody here in San Francisco who came and attended and offered up your questions. Christina, I’m so sorry for any ways in which you felt put upon. I’m happy that we learned to spell anonymous along the way. Sincerely, thanks to everybody. Your comments are making me laugh. You’re such a huge part of it. For anybody who’s hanging out for the second show, I’ll see you in just a little while. For anybody who this was all of your time with me tonight, it means the world that you came out. I’ve always loved this city and I can’t wait to return someday. What a beautiful joy and a show I will not soon forget. Thank you guys so, so much, and thanks for coming out… Caller, thank you so much. What a joy it was to talk to you. And thank you to Andrea Quinn, comes on the road with me, records these things. Thank you to Marcus Hahm who engineers them back home. Thanks to Anita Flores, who produces the show. Thank you to Shellshag for the theme music. ChrisGeth.com if you want to know more about me, including more live shows. Tickets are on sale at ChrisGeth.com. And wherever you’re listening, there’s a button that says, Subscribe, Favorite, Follow. Helps me a lot when you hit that button. Helps the show survive. So do it. You can find our merch at podswag.com, mugs, shirts, posters and more. And if you want Ad free episodes of Beautiful Anonymous, use the promo code: stories for one month free at Stitcher.com/premium.