January 16, 2018
EP. 95 — Monogamous Animals
“If anybody has seen hell, it would be me.” What starts as an immigrant success story ends up weaving through prostitution, revenge, tragedy, sexuality, morality and religion. Note that this episode contains difficult topics including sexual violence.
This episode is brought to you by Talkspace (www.talkspace.com/beautiful), Brooklinen (www.brooklinen.com code: BEAUTIFUL), and HBO’s Crashing.
95 — Monogamous Animals
[00:00:56] CHRIS: [music transition] Hello all you monogamous animals! It’s Beautiful Anonymous. One hour. One phone call. No names, no holds barred.
[00:01:09] THEME MUSIC: I’d rather go one-on-one. I think it’ll be more fun. And I’ll get to know you and you’ll get to know me.
[00:01:20] CHRIS: [music transition] Hello, everybody. Welcome to Beautiful Anonymous my name’s Chris Gethard. I’m very lucky to host this show. I get to talk to people all over the world. I get to talk to chaplains and people who can’t picture images in their mind. I get to talk to bushmen and stalkers and all kinds of people. Nice people, suffering people. It’s just the best job, the best job a guy could have. Thank you all for supporting it. Calling in a couple of things. Couple of things I want to address. One. Keep mentioning we’ve got these shows coming up at the Bell House in February. Brooklyn, New York, the Bell House one of the great comedy venues going right now. Those shows are getting very close to selling out. The first one I think there’s only a handful of tickets left. And second too I think you’re going to get there as well. So if you’re in New York or you’re near New York, or you want to come to New York, get your tickets. Don’t wait on them. If you’ve got friends who aren’t texting you back yet, you might just want to buy those tickets. Go ahead and get them. And I’m not saying that just to sell tickets because the sales are fine. I just want everybody who wants in to get in. And I know one of those weeks, all the mods from the Facebook group, whole bunch of those mods are taking a trip to New York City. I finally get to meet these people face-to-face who have built this incredible community, this positive community that discusses our little show here. It’s a cool thing. Last week’s show. I am thrilled with the reception to this one. I got to say, this, of course, was our puppetmaster episode. The guy who worked doing some animation stuff. He overcame some childhood difficulty, but most importantly, had the most insane laugh any of us have ever heard. I’m going to go ahead and say, based on the reaction in the Facebook group, this is a classic. This is being regarded as one of the best episodes ever and the funniest. A lot of people are saying funniest episode of Beautiful Anonymous. Hands down. I gotta say, being 94 episodes in getting our funniest one, it gives me a a lot of joy, lot of hope. Maria says hand…in the Facebook group, these are all in the Facebook group, “Hands down, best episode ever. Heard it in the car with the volume high, the windows down. Let’s just say lots of people heard that laugh today.” Chrissy says, “I straight up missed my exit this morning on my drive to work. I had laughing tears”. Sally, “I’m on the elliptical at the gym and burst out laughing when Geth and the caller start laughing. I got a few awkward stares and a few smiles and laughter from others.” That is not Sally, my mom. It’s another Sally. I just realized this show…all the Sally references. Anyone else named Sally, it must drive them nuts. Oh, that’s a beautiful name. Aurélie says, “this almost got me fired. I swear I laughed so hard I cried. My boss was not impressed.” Sarah says, “this is the best call of all time. Forever and ever. I’m over here dying of laughter.” There’s a lot of those. Makes me really happy to read that. There’s one comment in particular though I want to call out. Dawn left a fascinating comment that I love. She said, “OMG just had this thought. How did Jared react? I always see him as this wall of cut the shit very grown up type of person.” Sure, that’s not the case, but still, that’s the box I put him in. I love knowing that that might be the perception amongst the fanbase of Jared is this – I want everybody in the Facebook group to let me know. Is that…do you guys think Jared is like a stern taskmaster who’s creating a cut the shit vibe? [laughing] I want to know. I hope there’s a comment. Just who the mysterious…who is he? We hear his name all the time. What is our perception of him? I’ll tell you my perception of him from the other side of the glass. The nicest, most laidback person I’ve ever worked with in any professional atmosphere. But I want to hear if you guys are building cartoon images of Jared in your head, I want to know what you’re thinking out there. Okay. I’ve been talking a long time, but the reaction of that last one, how it, how hard people were laughing…it warmed my heart. Pushed on my comedian buttons. Wanted to pat that episode on the back a little bit. So glad you guys enjoyed it. This episode this week, very different one. Starts light, gets pretty dark, pretty intense. You’re gonna hear there’s a part…there’s a point in this episode where I actually say, is all of this true? I have a feeling people might debate that on their own. But you’ll also notice that the caller references lots of things and references back to them. And it doesn’t sound like, you know. Sounds like all these stories are in a timeline that caller knows backwards and forwards. Seems like it’s not fake. A lot of intense stuff here. Lot of intense stuff here. Going to let you know that if you are, if you are someone who is bothered by mentions of abuse and sexual abuse, you’re gonna want to brace yourself for that. Always like to let people know that some traumatic things are mentioned. So if you have some PTSD related certain things, you might want to just brace yourself, be ready for it. There’s a lot. There’s a lot going on in here. There’s accusations, there’s revenge. There’s, there’s heartbreaking tragedy and all of it with a caller who has survived, who has survived. And I’ll leave it up to you guys to sink your teeth in this one. The reactions to this one I think are gonna be fascinating. I’m gonna ask, when you react online remember this…this caller, he’s a human being, he’s out there. He’s listening. So don’t just go…sometimes people wanna go, “I think this person is a liar” This is a person who’s sharing, opening up. Feel free to debate how much of it’s true. If you think any of it’s exaggerated. But I don’t wanna see people going into attack mode. Let’s not do that. Let’s be a community that goes beyond that! Let’s be an empathetic community that doesn’t fall into the trap of Internet finger-pointing and cynicism. Let’s do our part to erase that. I think it’s the modern scourge upon the world. Anyway, enjoy this episode. Really intense. Buckle up. Enjoy it.
[00:07:07] PHONE ROBOT: Thank you for calling Beautiful Anonymous. A beeping noise will indicate when you are on the show with the host. [Beep]
[00:07:15] CALLER: Hello?
[00:07:16] CHRIS: Hi.
[00:07:17] CALLER: Hello. Hi.
[00:07:20] CHRIS: You have the most…you have very clear…
[00:07:22] CALLER: Is this Gethard?
[00:07:23] CHRIS: Yeah it’s Gethard, yeah. You have a very clear phone line. I didn’t even know anybody was on the line already. So quiet and clear.
[00:07:29] CALLER: Oh [laughing]
[00:07:30] CHRIS: You got a good, a good, good provider and service area match.
[00:07:37] CALLER: Yes. How’s your day going?
[00:07:40] CHRIS: Good. The short answer, is good. The longer answer is I was brutally ill earlier this week, caught like a 24-hour bug and I traveled in the middle of the week. Flight delays. So I’m just – you know what, I’m happy. The answer is I’m happy to be home and grounded and enjoyin’ my life.
[00:08:02] CALLER: And happy to be alive.
[00:08:03] CHRIS: Very happy to be alive. Very happy to be alive. In these troubled times, I find myself…you know what I’m realizing lately? A lot of turmoil, a lot of fear. And I’m just telling myself, you just…the best way to fight back is try to take a deep breath and stay happy about the things you do have. That’s how I’m doing.
[00:08:22] CALLER: That is true. We have to always pause and, you know, just gather ourselves.
[00:08:29] CHRIS: Yeah. Happiness can be…happiness is sort of like an act of rebellion right now, you know? Like I’m not gonna sit around living in fear and anger.
[00:08:38] CALLER: You know what, that’s pretty true. And I think, I don’t know, people generally try and like take people down if they’re, you know, happy or, you know, they seem better off in terms of everything. So that’s pretty crappy, but you know, we just have to live on.
[00:09:00] CHRIS: Yeah. What can you do except that? Now, how are you?
[00:09:04] CALLER: I am…could be better. [laughing]
[00:09:07] CHRIS: OK. OK.
[00:09:08] CALLER: I was gonna say fine ’cause that’s like a very default answer that I have like “fine” and “great”. “Amazing”, “awesome”. But you know, we all have our own things going on. But yeah, I’m just at work. I moved my lunch. So yeah, just had lunch, and now I’m talking to Chris Gethard. Yeah so, what should we talk about?
[00:09:29] CHRIS: OK. I like that, I like that that started with you saying “my life could be better”. And then one of the things you listed about your life is that you’re talking to me. [laughing]
[00:09:41] CALLER: I mean, yeah, I mean it’s always nice to talk to you. I don’t know, you seem a pretty chill dude so I…inviting basically. Like I know only a couple of people in my life who are just off the bat, are inviting in general, just like I don’t know, it’s the aura around them or it’s just like, it’s who they are. I don’t know. I don’t know how to explain this.
[00:10:04] CHRIS: Nice, nice. Well I’m happy to be a chill dude at your service.
[00:10:09] CALLER: Are we breaking up? Hello?
[00:10:12] CHRIS: Well, really, that’s up to you, I feel like the first three minutes have been going well and I see a lot of potential here. But if you feel like it’s time to walk away and this isn’t a great match, then I can handle it.
[00:10:24] CALLER: Oh, no.
[00:10:25] CHRIS: You meant just the phone breaking up, no.
[00:10:26] CALLER: I’m not going anywhere.
[00:10:28] CHRIS: No, the phone’s fine. Yeah, the phone’s fine.
[00:10:30] CALLER: Yeah. Yeah. Because it keeps like interrupting or something. I don’t know. But, so…I mean, what should we talk about? Ask me questions. I’m not good at talking about myself.
[00:10:45] CHRIS: Well you picked the right show. You picked the right show. If you’re not –
[00:10:50] CALLER: Well yeah.
[00:10:52] CHRIS: I don’t know. Let’s see. What’s a good…let’s see, what’s a good place to start as far…okay. You want me to ask you questions?
[00:11:02] CALLER: Yeah. Interview me. [laughing]
[00:11:03] CHRIS: Interview. Well let’s see. Cause I could dive, I could just try to dive into some heavy hitters or I could try to, you know, ease into it first. We’re trying to gauge our…
How about an easy one. Where’d you grow up? Where’d you grow up? That’s a nice, simple one.
[00:11:17] CALLER: I grew up in…well. I grew up in the Soviet Union. No just kidding. But I grew up in Russia –
[00:11:25] CHRIS: Oh!
[00:11:26] CALLER: – And I’m not that old. I’m not that old.
[00:11:29] CHRIS: Oh, yeah.
[00:11:30] CALLER: But I grew up in Russia and I spent well, I basically like lived there for about four years.
[00:11:38] CHRIS: Yeah.
[00:11:39] CALLER: And then at about like five, six age range I moved to Ukraine because my mother is Ukrainian and my father is Russian. And like, my mom is like, you know, I grew up in this family that was basically the easiest way to kind of be like an Asian family. But like, they’re white. So, like, you had to get good grades, you had to play an instrument. You know, you had to be on point. You had to play sports as well and you had to master everything. So. I spent like my second half –
[00:12:08] CHRIS: So in this stereotypical view of… like the stereotypes of, maybe like an Asian-American immigrated family where work is prioritized.
[00:12:18] CALLER: Yes, absolutely. Yes. Yes. So, but I wasn’t excited to be a doctor or anything or a lawyer, but you know, I was expected to do something. [laughing] And it was not how it planned out or laid out. But so I then moved to Ukraine because my mother wanted me to learn Ukrainian. And I, you know, I spent half my childhood with my grandparents, which was great. Like, I got to see the other side, basically. And there was like, no conflicts going on during that time. So it was all good. But then we moved to America. Like, I was also in Dubai for like half a year because my family is Middle Eastern-ish. And like, I didn’t learn any Arabic, unfortunately. But that’s in my plans for the future.
[00:13:11] CHRIS: But you, so you speak English, Russian and Ukrainian?
[00:13:15] CALLER: Yeah, I speak Russian and Ukranian. Yeah.
[00:13:16] CHRIS: Are Ukrainian and Russian related languages, like is that like Spanish and Portuguese style or are they…?
[00:13:21] CALLER: Yes, yes.
[00:13:21] CHRIS: Okay. Okay. Wow, glad I asked you where you grew up.
[00:13:23] CALLER: Yeah. So basically a lot of people that are like very…so a lot of people generally are like very…so if you’re too Ukrainian or too Russian, you’re like, you’re either Ukrainian is not really a separate language or if you’re like super Ukrainian, like Ukrainian is a completely different language, which it’s not. It’s more like if you were to compare with the Ukrainian is more of like a more vulgar slash barbaric version of Russian. So all the words are like more loose or like change slightly to make it into, you know, sound…I don’t know, loose so…
[00:14:05] CHRIS: Right. So it is a sort of thing though. If you, if you understand one you’ll be able to understand the other generally?
[00:14:14] CALLER: Yes. Generally for like, unless it’s like a certain older, you know version of it. But like all Russians generally understand Ukrainian. Like even if you don’t understand…like even if you never like encountered a Ukrainian or like never heard them speak, you would be able to understand majority of the conversation even if you are unable to understand certain key words.
[00:14:37] CHRIS: Got it.
[00:14:38] CALLER: You would be able to understand everything, so.
[00:14:41] CHRIS: Now I’ll tell you, one of my best friends growing up, I had three friends in my neighborhood in my grade. One of my very best friends, I grew up with him. We went to school together from kindergarten through college graduation. I may have mentioned this on the show before. He was of a Russian background. He was Estonian. And he taught me one phrase in Russian that I never forgot. He taught me one phrase in Russian and I never forgot it. And it’s the type of thing you would teach your buddy, your buddy in third grade. It’s, it’s a naughty thing. Do you want to hear it?
[00:15:11] CALLER: Yes.
[00:15:12] CHRIS: [Russian phrase]…I never forgot that.
[00:15:20] CALLER: [laughing] So the translation would be…
[00:15:23] CHRIS: Yeah, say it. Tell them the translation.
[00:15:24] CALLER: The translation would be…the translation would be, “suck my titty” but I think he meant to teach you “suck my dick” basically.
[00:15:34] CHRIS: Yeah, he told me it meant suck my sausage. Have I been saying suck my titties since third grade? Are you informing me right now that I’ve been saying…
[00:15:40] CALLER: Yeah. Yes, titty. Yeah, yes.
[00:15:42] CHRIS: So either I’m pronouncing it wrong or he set me up in third grade for a lifetime of humiliating myself to Russian speakers in a long game, a long con. I’ll have to text him.
[00:15:53] CALLER: [Russian word (#1)] would be titty. [Slightly different Russian word (#2)] would be sausage, so.
[00:15:56] CHRIS: [Russian word #2]! It was [Russian word #2!]
[00:15:58] CALLER: You’re not that far off, they’re very similar.
[00:16:00] CHRIS: It was, I mean, I’ve tried to remember this since 1988. [Russian phrase]. Yes, yes. Yes. That was it!
[00:16:06] CALLER: Oh yes. That’s the right one.
[00:16:09] CHRIS: [Russian word #2] Yeah, [Russian phrase]. That means sausage, yes?
[00:16:13] CALLER: Yes.
[00:16:14] CHRIS: Yeah, he taught me that. Him and his brother used to say that to each other when they were mad at each other. Then he taught me how to say it.
[00:16:20] CALLER: Oh man [laughing]
[00:16:21] CHRIS: [Russian phrase]. That’s the one phrase I know in Russian. So I basically know Russian. Anyway, that’s a pretty incredible life story that you’re moving around that much.
[00:16:34] CALLER: Yeah, but not as much. Like the only times I’ve moved were those three times, well, two times. And this one to America a third time.
[00:16:43] CHRIS: How old were you when that happened? How old were you when you got to the U.S.?
[00:16:47] CALLER: I was 11.
[00:16:49] CHRIS: 11. And how old are you now?
[00:16:51] CALLER: I am 23 years old.
[00:16:55] CHRIS: Oh wow, so you’ve now spent more time in the US than you did not in the US?
[00:16:59] CALLER: Yeah, but fortunately I did not forget Russian. I mean, I’m slowly kinda forgetting, but I’m planning not to forget because it’s kind of like my roots.
[00:17:09] CHRIS: Yeah. Yeah, you can’t. And it’s beautiful. I wish I knew another language. It’s one of the most ignorant things about me is that I never learned another language.
[00:17:17] CALLER: Well, you can always learn Spanish. I think it’s very like, easier to learn because it’s so accessible. And there is a lot of Spanish speakers around.
[00:17:27] CHRIS: Yeah, especially livin’ in Queens where I do, it would be, it would be useful but also respectful. You know, I have so many neighbors that speak primarily Spanish. I think maybe you’re right. Maybe I should commit to that. Maybe I should try to learn some Spanish.
[00:17:42] CALLER: Yeah. But it’s a lot of commitment. If you don’t have a life, you can definitely conquer that. But if you have a family which I know you do…so it’s like, you know, even having just a wife and no kids is still like a big commitment you know. And a lot of things to do. And your career and everything. So it’s not at everybody’s top of the list. Yeah.
[00:18:03] CHRIS: Yeah. Wait, topless? Did you say topless?
[00:18:07] CALLER: Yeah, top list.
[00:18:08] CHRIS: Oh, top list! It’s not, it’s not on the top of everybody’s list. I thought you were saying…I thought you just slipped in at the end that everybody’s topless.
[00:18:16] CALLER: Get your mind out of the gutter Gethard!
[00:18:18] CHRIS: Sorry. Anyway, so when you moved here, you had been living with your grandparents. So did you move here with them, with your, with your parents? Did everybody come?
[00:18:25] CALLER: I moved here with my parents and then I guess we petitioned for our…like other, like my sister who was married. She couldn’t come with us because she was married. So separate family. But we were supposed to come here in 2001. But due to 9/11, we were held back because there were like a lot of commotion and everything. So, we waited a couple more years and…yeah, so the last…we’re still waiting for our, like my aunt to get here as well because she’s actually in Ukraine and there’s, you know, a lot of things going on there. And it’s not the best situation to be in.
[00:19:11] CHRIS: No, not at all. When you, when you say you petitioned for your sister, was this like is that something that you have to do or is this like a political…is your family here for political reasons?
[00:19:19] CALLER: Well, we moved here due to like religious persecution because I am Baptist [laughing].
[00:19:26] CHRIS: Oh, wow.
[00:19:27] CALLER: And the religion of Russia, like the standard…like for example, for Dubai, it’s like, you know, Islam, right? So for Russia, it’s Russian Orthodox. So anything that’s not that is generally looked as like blasphemy. So there is…and it’s only recently that it started to not be such a big, you know, thing that people actually get persecuted for. But…so we moved for that. And the way it works is you only…like, if you are blood related, you can petition for your family member to get invited here so they can come here, like legally. I don’t know how it works for other countries or whatever, but that’s how it worked for us. And I think that’s how it still works, because my uncle invited my dad and the whole entire family. So he petitioned for us to get here, basically. And then…but his mother, she was here first and she petitioned for my uncle to get here. So it’s kind of like a chain. But you only can petition if you are blood related.
[00:20:53] CHRIS: Yeah. Wow. I didn’t know…I didn’t know the Baptists had much of a presence in that part of the world, let alone that there was that much persecution. Really, persecution will surprise you in so many ways.
[00:21:09] CALLER: Yeah. It’s like…it’s just being different. That’s the thing that people like are generally afraid of, being different. I mean, it was much worse in the 90’s where like the pastors got sent to labor camps and things like that or imprisoned for their beliefs. It was just for that, not because they were criminals or anything, but because they were just like preaching the word basically, which is so bizarre now. They…like we’re talking about it because like, it seems so unreal. But, you know, different countries have different, I don’t know…things and situations.
[00:21:49] CHRIS: Yeah. So how’s…how’s life in America? Is it, is it…how’s it going over here?
[00:21:58] CALLER: Oh, I love it. I will never go back to Russia! Oh, never. [laughing]
[00:22:02] CHRIS: Not even for a visit?
[00:22:04] CALLER: I mean, I will go for a visit, but…and I already went twice. And I went to Russia…generally, OK. So if you are growing up in Russia and before you are 16, you are in your parents like, passport because you are a child. So I went back to Russia when I was turning 16. And there is the mandatory army thing that people who are sixteen to twenty seven I think have to…they’re eligible to basically get enrolled forcefully into the army. So I actually spent a year in Russia in the army because wrong place, wrong time.
[00:22:56] CHRIS: [laughing] So you just went back for a visit and they put you in the army?
[00:22:59] CALLER: Yes, yes Gethard!
[00:23:02] CHRIS: That sucks!
[00:23:03] CALLER: It was…I know!
[00:23:05] CHRIS: So you think you’re going to go see your cousins?
[00:23:06] CALLER: It was so scary at first.
[00:23:07] CHRIS: You think you’re gonna go catch up with your cousins and the next thing you know you’re a trooper in the Russian army?
[00:23:13] CALLER: Yes. Yes, exactly.
[00:23:17] CHRIS: Damn. For a year?
[00:23:20] CALLER: It was like…yeah, for a year. Basically it’s mandatory to serve two years. But like, my family used some kind of connections and they let me out a year after. So. But here’s the thing. Like, I wanted to stay in the army, but it was like a forceful removal.
[00:23:39] CHRIS: Why? Why’d you want to stay?
[00:23:40] CALLER: Because I wanted to…I don’t know, because I liked how…I don’t know. I was doing something meaningful? And I was…because like, and the whole entire year I spent in Afghanistan. So it was like, it was pretty great. [laughing]
[00:23:56] CHRIS: Wait, you went to visit your family in Russia and then got conscripted into the Russian army and sent to serve in Afghanistan?
[00:24:03] CALLER: Yeah. For a year. I was supposed to stay longer and I was supposed to go through Spetsnaz training to get into Spetsnaz. But I didn’t, so –
[00:24:10] CHRIS: What is Spetsnaz? Is that like special forces?
[00:24:13] CALLER: Spetsnaz is like, it’s basically like Marines for Russians, you know what I mean?
[00:24:18] CHRIS: Wow. So then your family drags you out. You come back to the states. Did you ever think about joining the military when you got back to the states?
[00:24:26] CALLER: I think, like, I didn’t research it enough, but I think there’s like a conflict because I already served for a different country.
[00:24:34] CHRIS: Oh, that makes sense. That makes a lot of sense, yeah.
[00:24:37] CALLER: But I don’t think like it’s that big of a deal. But yeah, like I may be able to join, but I mean, yeah, it would be kinda something that I’m looking into because like, I know I like my country and my country is America.
[00:24:51] CHRIS: Yeah. What are you doing…what do you do…what are you doing here?Now that you’re out of the Russian army, what’s your…what have you…what’s your life like in the U.S.?
[00:25:03] CALLER: Well, I am working as a handyman. But I had a very interesting, I guess, employment prior to this. So, I was an escort for about two/three years.
[00:25:24] CHRIS: [chuckling] Wait. Hold on, hold on, hold on. So your life story. Born in Russia, moved to Ukraine, fled to America due to religious persecution, returned to Russia, unwillingly brought into the Russian army, actually liked it, wanted to serve in the most probably currently dangerous region of the entire world outside of arguably North Korea, were not allowed to. Brought back home, became an escort.
[00:25:57] CALLER: Yes, pretty much.
[00:25:58] CHRIS: OK. You are, you are the reason this show was created. You’re the reason. You’re the individual. I didn’t know this before right now, but you’re the reason. You’re the human being that forced this show into existence.
[00:26:11] CALLER: [laughing] Well, I am glad to be, you know, useful for something.
[00:26:15] CHRIS: So how does one become an escort?
[00:26:22] CHRIS: [music transition] Let’s go ahead. Let’s pause there. Things are starting to get really real, aren’t they? Well, they’re only going to get more real. And be right back after this with more phone call.
[00:26:36] [AD BREAK]
[00:29:49] CHRIS: [music transition] Thanks again to all of our advertisers for supporting the show. Now let’s get back to the phone call.
[00:29:56] CHRIS: So how does one become an escort?
[00:29:58] CALLER: Well, somebody has to have…generally, to be an escort, you have to have, hmm, a looser moral compass than most other people. And I didn’t have that, which is why I only lasted basically, like three years. And I guess the decision that basically made me not continue the job was like, my moral compass. Like I could not handle that much…because to do that job is great money. Absolutely. But it’s not great on your, like. I don’t know how to explain it because it’s…to say that, you know, short version is like your morals. If you have like higher moral standards, which sounds so conceited. But if you have those, you just can’t put up with that much. So, which is just basically…it’s just like sex work. So it’s not that big of a deal. You like use your body, right? But it’s, I don’t know. It’s taxing. And in order to get that money, you have to sacrifice something. And I didn’t. I never could sacrifice my morals. So, I got out of it. Mainly because I was offered a really big chunk of money to sleep with a certain senator for like six months. And the thing that I didn’t want to happen was…my agent was a piece of shit Serbian bastard. [Chris laughing] He was giving me like a whole bunch of money for it. And I didn’t want him to use other people like that. So, yeah, so I don’t hate Serbia. I just hate that little shit. [laughing]
[00:31:53] CHRIS: So wait, you had a Serbian pimp?
[00:31:57] CALLER: Yeah, basically.
[00:31:58] CHRIS: I don’t mean to offend. I know I shorted it. You said agent, but it –
[00:32:01] CALLER: You can’t offend me. Yeah he was a glorified pimp.
[00:32:05] CHRIS: A glorified pimp. So this is I mean, if your dealing…so this was a United States senator?
[00:32:11] CALLER: Yeah.
[00:32:11] CHRIS: On a Congress level, not a state senator. A Congress level senator who was trying to establish a six month contract to have a fling.
[00:32:23] CALLER: Yes. And I did sign an NDA, so I don’t know –
[00:32:28] CHRIS: Yes.
[00:32:29] CALLER: – who’s listening to this…but, yeah. So somebody that people know. And he’s like into some weird shit because it was all in the contract. What was expected of me. And I’d like honestly to do those things wasn’t such a big problem for me. Like six months is like six months. But it was just –
[00:32:52] CHRIS: So you’re saying there were some kinks? There were some kinks involved?
[00:32:55] CALLER: Yeah. Yes. Yes, absolutely. A lot of kinks. [laughing] Well, nothing too like, abominable. So it was just…
[00:33:06] CHRIS: [laughing] So there is a senator that you have said is one of the senators we probably know. So a high name recognition senator, who is establishing secret relationships for money that involve specific kinks.
[00:33:20] CALLER: Yes. I mean, I think that’s very normal because it was such a…it was presented as something so normal that it’s…I’m not the first one or the last one that these contracts were offered to. So it’s…people are just nasty, that’s basically it.
[00:33:39] CHRIS: Well, and…OK, this is so fascinating. I have a couple of questions, if I may, if I may. And I’m not trying to make assumptions about any of this, but if I may, one. If this is getting to a level where you’re being contracted out for six months at a time, let alone to a sitting United States senator, we’re talking big money. This is not “meet me in a hotel room for a handful of cash”. This is…we’re talking, you were involved in some high, high level, secretive, this is why you use the word agent and not pimp, because this is money we don’t even understand, right?
[00:34:16] CALLER: Yeah.
[00:34:17] CHRIS: Can I ask about…
[00:34:18] CALLER: It is a lot of money.
[00:34:20] CHRIS: So, and were you mostly…? OK, wow I’m so mad it took us so long to get to this. This is fascinating. Do we…are you mostly contracted for long term stuff like this? Is this the nature of your agent’s work or are there sometimes just like one nighters?
[00:34:36] CALLER: Most of it is all nighters, but I fit a specific niche that a lot of people have, like even before doing escorting, I always attracted certain men that were…they had like a specific type and I fit that type and it’s…how should I say this? So, most dudes who hit me up on you know like some social hookup, whatever site, had this specific role-play that they wanted to do where like they’re the daddy and I’m the son. So, and I fit that you know, stereotype. I suppose like, the little brother –
[00:35:22] CHRIS: So you’re very young looking.
[00:35:24] CALLER: Yes.
[00:35:26] CHRIS: So you’re 23 and you maybe look a little younger.
[00:35:27] CALLER: So even though I’m 23, I look like I’m 14.
[00:35:29] CHRIS: You look like you’re 14.
[00:35:30] CALLER: Or way younger than that. [laughing] Yeah. So like that was a specific niche. And like, I knew it was going to be in the contract. And yes, it was. So I was like…and that’s not a problem. But the problem was my pimp was going to get a large chunk of money. Like only…and it was all going to be like, he’s going…he was going to use somebody else. He was a piece of shit. And I did not want him to get a single dime from that. And he was mad. He was really pissed that he could, like, not pursue me really, because what he did was illegal. What I was doing was illegal.
[00:36:13] CHRIS: And are we talking about the Serbian or the senator? That was mad.
[00:36:17] CALLER: The Serbian. But the senator like, I signed an NDA before I opened the contract so I could not disclose anything like specific names or like states or anything like that. So, it was…so long story short is don’t do it. Don’t do it like, the money is not worth it.
[00:36:41] CHRIS: So the money’s very good, but it’ll burn you out. You get involved in some dark shit is what we’re saying.
[00:36:47] CALLER: Oh, yes, absolutely. Even if you’re offered a large chunk of money for, you know, sleeping with somebody that you actually know, like or isn’t repulsive to you? It’s not worth it because…and people glorify being like a sugar baby like in sugar daddy relationships. But it’s really not worth it. It will be taxing on like everything that you are. And a lot of people just go ahead and kill themselves over things like this. And it’s not really spoken about because it’s just hush hush.
[00:37:22] CHRIS: Yeah. And I’m sure there’s other people, I’m sure there’s people listening who are built for it. I’m sure there’s people who due to their circumstances or their mentality. But I would have to imagine, you’re right, that when, when you, when you’re getting involved in something like this, you’re at the very least giving a piece of yourself away in some fashion. And that’s not easy psychologically, I would have to imagine.
[00:37:43] CALLER: It really isn’t. Like, psychologically yes. But there’s like morals. It all comes down to morals because psychologically you can, you know, de-stress somehow but morally, there’s like no outlet for you, really, because you can’t just have a family and just at night go and like, you know, sell yourself, basically. Which is like you don’t do as much work because…but it all comes crashing down eventually. There’s just one point in life where you will be like, I can’t live with myself if I continue this.
[00:38:19] CHRIS: Yes. And I would have to imagine that point comes when you find out that a sitting United States senator is interested in having a six month long sexual relationship with someone who he can fantasize is an underage child. Which is what we’ve basically established.
[00:38:35] CALLER: Yes, basically.
[00:38:38] CHRIS: Wow.
[00:38:39] CALLER: Yeah. And you see them on the news and you’re like giggling because you’re like, “oh he’s so sick” [laughing] But it just, I don’t know.
[00:38:48] CHRIS: Now, okay. I’m not going to harp on it too much. I do have just one question. And again, the NDA, whatever you’ve named some specific things. Are you allowed to say if it was a Republican or Democrat? Is this something we’re allowed to know? What are we allowed to know?
[00:39:02] CALLER: You can’t know the party. But like anything that would…because there’s like so many of them, you know, like is…people can dig up something on somebody and they will be able to find out who’s like, you know, potential. And it’s, no. I can’t say that.
[00:39:21] CHRIS: [laughing] You can’t say that, OK.
[00:39:22] CALLER: But people see them on the news like, a lot so…
[00:39:28] CHRIS: [laughing] Oh! Oh! You’re not allowed to say anything and I’ll ask you to not respond in any way. Bite your tongue no matter what. I’m just saying on my end, just my political beliefs, I’m prayin’ for McConnell! I’m prayin’ for McConnell! You don’t say a thing, don’t you react in any way I’m not tryna’ get you in trouble with an NDA, just on my end, I’m praying for McConnell. And if that’s too much and you now feel uncomfortable, let us know and we’ll have Jared bleep that part or remove it entirely. It’s fine, it’s fine.
[00:39:56] CALLER: [laughing] No, it’s fine. I can’t answer it, but. Yeah, so.
[00:40:01] CHRIS: [laughing] Amazing. Wow. You’ve lived some life, huh? You have lived some life.
[00:40:06] CALLER: Oh, yes. I had to grow up real fast.
[00:40:11] CHRIS: [music transition] I know it’s a little earlier in the show than usual here, we’re breaking the format a little bit. But here’s the thing. This call is about to get very heavy. I warned you at the top. I’m underlining it again. So rather than break up the momentum of that in a way that might be even more jarring, we’re gonna go ahead and say thanks to our advertisers. We’re gonna get the advertisers up and running now and and then we’ll present the rest of the call uninterrupted. Use the promo codes if you like them. It really helps the show. Thanks so much. We’ll be back with more phone call soon.
[00:40:40] [AD BREAK]
[00:42:02] CHRIS: [music transition] Thanks again to our sponsors. Now let’s finish off this phone call. Buckle up.
[00:42:09] CHRIS: Wow. You’ve lived some life, huh? You have lived some life.
[00:42:14] CALLER: Oh, yes. I had to grow up real fast. But you know, that’s not even like the most fucked up thing about my life. [laughing]
[00:42:23] CHRIS: Well get talking my friend [laughing]
[00:42:24] CALLER: It was so funny how like…huh?
[00:42:28] CHRIS: Get talking, my friend.
[00:42:30] CALLER: Well…
[00:42:31] CHRIS: You were saying though, it’s so funny how…
[00:42:34] CALLER: It is so funny how…[laughing] So my visit to Russia was supposed to be like a two parter. The first part was I was gonna like get a passport, right? And like, you know, move back to America and live my life, but that wasn’t the case. But the other part was, so…here is the heavy things that usually aren’t, you know, that nice. So when I was like eight, nine years, I used to go to this music school and I like…usually on the way back, I would go through either the railroads or the cemetery. And the road through the railroad is usually filled with like, you know, stupid dogs that would bite you and you would die of like some kind of disease or something. It’s like as a child, you would be like thinking like those horrible things because you have such a great imagination. So one of these days I was like, you know, I didn’t want to go through the railroad because my best friend was not with me. Because we used to go to the same music school, but he didn’t go to classes that day, and I went through the cemetery. And I walked out of the cemetery, and there’s this swamp area that connects to you know, my city block. And on that exit, there was these four dudes that were smoking at that time. And so they saw me with like my stupid shitty violin and so I, like, walked past them. Then…so I was grabbed by one of them just after passing them. Long story short, I was raped by four men. I guess I survived somehow through God’s grace. But…got home, changed, took a bath. I guess my life past that repressed it. Now, nobody knew, my parents didn’t know, but like you know. My mom was like, “are you okay? What’s going on? You came back late.” It was like past, 9:00. Basically I was like, “oh, I just got held up at the music school.” And so my visit to Russia, going back to 16, was I was actually going to kill them all. I was going to kill four of those douchebags. And I knew everything about them because I researched, like all their names, everything like that. But there is no disclosure of imprisonment publicly. So I came to Russia, I had found out that they all were imprisoned. And then I got, you know, enlisted into the Army. After a year I basically, I was like, “okay, I’m back to business. I’m going to go and kill them all.” And I dig some stuff up, and it has scenes that they were killed in a prison riot. All four of them. So I guess it’s like…I’m glad it didn’t happen because I knew that I was going to get caught eventually, even though I was going to move to America, I was still going to get caught eventually, like just how it is. Like nothing bad that I do in life ever like, the state’s hidden. Which is why I have, I guess, been very honest with everything in life, which is, I guess, a good thing to have even if it’s like forced, I don’t know why it’s forced [laughing] But I guess I’m just unlucky. But so yeah, that’s some heavy shit right there.
[00:47:22] CHRIS: You can say that again. That’s some of the heaviest shit I’ve ever heard. So first of all, that’s completely brutal. I’m sorry that happened to you, I can’t even imagine. I know that I’m sorry doesn’t even really begin. But that’s, that’s obviously something that should happen to no one. And I’m so sorry. And so you were actually, you were actually out for vigilante justice when the military conscripted you?
[00:47:52] CALLER: Oh yes, absolutely.
[00:47:54] CHRIS: So is there a part of you that’s like…
[00:47:55] CALLER: Oh yeah, I was timing my days.
[00:47:57] CHRIS: Wow. Is there a part of you that you get in the military and you’re like, “alright, weapons training, this is meant to be. I’m going to go get trained on how to kill.”
[00:48:05] CALLER: Oh yes.
[00:48:06] CHRIS: Really?
[00:48:07] CALLER: Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes, absolutely. It was…I don’t know. It was also a time in the military where I was, I guess, put into place in terms of structure. I had structure and it was good because I guess it kind of lessened my thirst for blood. But at the same time, when I was out, I was like, “oh it’s on”. So it was…everything that happens to me and it will ever happen. It’s all for a reason. And I know that it’s for something great, basically. I know I can’t see it now, but eventually it’s going to be, you know, something good, basically.
[00:48:57] CHRIS: Wow. So you’d been thinking about killing these people your whole life?
[00:49:02] CALLER: Yeah.
[00:49:03] CHRIS: Wow. And when you found out that they were already dead…did, were you relieved? Or did you almost feel cheated in some way like, what’s the reaction to that after you’ve been planning this for so long?
[00:49:17] CALLER: I felt very cheated because I wasted so much time in preparing for just to like see the reaction on their face when I squeeze the last life out of them, because…and I’m not a, you know, a violent person like in general, but just…people can wrong me as much as they want. Like, it doesn’t really bother me. But when it comes to my family, like, that’s when I go off the rails. But that specific one thing, I wanted revenge. I wanted it so bad. I feel very cheated. And at the same time, I felt relieved because I was like, oh, well, you know, things happen for a reason. And I can just, like, move on and live my life or try to. And I guess, like, if anybody believes in God, I guess it was like a clear sign that your life is worth living because it was basically a suicide mission for me, because I was like, I don’t expect to come out of this unscathed or, you know, get away with it, because I didn’t have a specific kind of like, what do I do after they’re dead? Like, I never had a plan for that. It was more like I wanted them dead.
[00:50:44] CHRIS: Wow. Wow, this is, this is a lot. This is a lot.
[00:50:50] CALLER: Yeah. And like nobody else knows…the only reason you know, is because, you know, it’s like anonymous. [laughing]
[00:51:01] CHRIS: Yeah.
[00:51:01] CALLER: Like we say…
[00:51:03] CHRIS: No. I mean, that’s the hook, right? That’s the hook, baby. That’s the hook.
[00:51:08] CALLER: Yeah, that’s the hook.
[00:51:09] CHRIS: I have to say, there’s so much that’s happening in your life. And I am, I will say this all feels…this all feels so like emotional and so real to me. And there’s so much you’ve brought up that I’m sure there’s going to be some listeners who wonder if you’re exaggerating any of this.
[00:51:27] CALLER: Oh, I wish. If anybody has seen a hell, it would be me, because I…to deal with being absolutely sodomized at age 9 to deal with that, I started cutting myself. And that also put up with being gay, being Christian, and not wanting to disappoint anybody and since, you know, being raised in a very Christian family, pastor’s kid like you…you know, you have like a specific, like set of morals, guilt, conscience, everything like ties in. And then you just realize that you’re gay and then you finally accept yourself. But then, like, it also is contradicting with everything else. So it’s not just like one point that you have to, like, get over. It’s everything. And then you’re like, you know, start cutting yourself and then you end up liking it because it kind of…it gives you like adrenaline. But also like, I guess relief, which is an illusion, because it all comes back flushing. And it’s…it was hell. Would you say that? I tried killing myself once. Unfortunately, it didn’t succeed…fortunately, unfortunately, I don’t know. But that was like the time when my mom was like, “oh, what’s going on?” Because, you know, I failed. So I was hospitalized. So it’s like, how do I get out of this? Because, like, I didn’t want my parents, like, find out about the rape or anything else, because, like, even though I know my parents won’t really judge me, but they will like…feel guilty because they weren’t there to protect me basically. ‘Cause that’s like what all parents go through.
[00:53:19] CHRIS: So they still don’t know.
[00:53:22] CALLER: They still don’t know.
[00:53:24] CHRIS: How…you say that you haven’t talked to many people. I do feel obligated to ask. Have you talked to doctors? Have you talked to professionals about this?
[00:53:34] CALLER: I talked to, I went through like physical exams. I didn’t specify why I want like a full physical. But I’m all right physically. There’s nothing damaged. But mentally, I think I have figured everything out. So I don’t like, I don’t think I have any need for a therapist, although, that was in my mind, in my teenage years, I was like, “I need a therapist. I need to talk to somebody.” But then eventually I guess I was venting online and that kind of helped, because it was like limited. So I didn’t really feel that much need in a therapist later. So…
[00:54:17] CHRIS: Yeah. Obviously if you know my work you know that I’m a very, very, very big public advocate for taking care of your mental health. So I do feel just very strongly, sort of honor bound, to say that it’s not a bad idea. And if you wanted to try it, I would imagine that you might, it might help. But I’m certainly not gonna sit here and insist or tell you how to live your life. But just…you know, this conversation’s taken so many turns. And we were also laughing before about your experiments with sex work. And I don’t, I do not judge sex work. I think I’m of the opinion it should be legal in many cases it would, I think. But I will say that hearing about your background and then also hearing about your experience with that, it does seem to me like those there’s a…there’s a number of things there that I think, I feel like, you know, maybe it’s not a bad idea to talk to somebody.
[00:55:25] CALLER: Absolutely. But I think, like, I’m just keeping busy lately. So I don’t really feel the need to get a therapist. But eventually maybe, but –
[00:55:35] CHRIS: It’s up to you. It’s up to you. I just, I would feel like I wasn’t doing my job as a guy if I didn’t just put that on record, you know?
[00:55:47] CALLER: Yes.
[00:55:48] CHRIS: As a “chill dude” as you called me. As a chill dude.
[00:55:49] CALLER: And I thank you for that. A lot of people do need that.
[00:55:52] CHRIS: I need it.
[00:55:53] CALLER: You are a chill dude, yes.
[00:55:56] CHRIS: [laughing] Wow. Wow. This is…you really, you really…and you said you’re a handyman now?
[00:56:06] CALLER: I’m a handyman. Yeah. So like I fix things –
[00:56:09] CHRIS: That sounds like a very…
[00:56:10] CALLER: – everything except my life. [laughing]
[00:56:12] CHRIS: That sounds like a nice, very sedate, calm, simple life where problems present themselves and then you solve the problems and feel a sense of accomplishment. I would have to imagine that’s a nice change of pace for you.
[00:56:26] CALLER: Yes, it is. It’s less, way less money. But it’s, you know, there is no pressure for, like, morals and what you know is right and wrong, that’s always whispering into your ear that you’re doing something wrong. Absolutely wrong. You hate this. Why do you do this? You know? So there’s nothing like that. But, you know, money isn’t everything. That’s just something I’ve learned.
[00:56:59] CHRIS: And it was…so those three years there, are we talking like six figures a year like this money was real, huh?
[00:57:06] CALLER: Let’s just say…the amount of money I was going to get from that contract would literally propel me to be very successful. I was going to start a business, I was going to buy a house and support my family like 100 percent. Like get anything that I needed and much more. And I was going to actually, get rich off of that money. So it was like a…and which is why I knew I could never do that. Because deep down, I knew that was not something that…like nobody is really worth that much basically. It was just like that, you know, understanding that like this money comes with strings. Like, I understand… even though it was like nowhere in the contract, you had to do something else or like a renewal or anything like that. It was just I knew there was going to be strings, like nobody would pay somebody that much to just fuck them for six months.
[00:58:15] CHRIS: Wow. I am, I got to say, really. All jokes aside, “what senator, is it? What’s it like being in that world?” All that aside, I am very glad you didn’t do that. ‘Cause I tell ya, the fact that you’re able to tell me about that rape situation, the fact that you wanted to murder people, the fact that we’re able to talk about all that in a way that seems even remotely grounded, shows strength and your ability to really hold it together through some stuff that a lot of people would not be able to. And I have to imagine you can only have so many of those in life before you get past your tipping point. And it seems like winding up in a fetish scenario with a high powered person might not end well.
[00:59:08] CALLER: Well, I think my tipping point, and I know it for a fact, is if my parents pass away, I do not know how I will actually live without my parents. Even though I have this amazing connection with them. I think it’s all like a defensive mechanism because I don’t want them to get that close to knowing certain things. So I just don’t know how…if they ever pass away, I hope not, how I will actually live without them, because I can live without, like my abortion of a brother and like my sister and whatever but anything else, like my parents, no.
[00:59:47] CHRIS: [laughing] Oh, wow! Can I ask, do your parents, are your parents aware of your sexuality?
[00:59:56] CALLER: Yes, they are. Yeah. There was a rough time for a bit. But it all is like resolved, I guess, because I think honestly, being a different sexual orientation, I think it is a really good test for the people that love you, or say that they love you. Because how unconditional is their love? That’s what I’ve come to understand. It’s a good test of whether they do actually love you unconditionally or whether it’s just like clouds.
[01:00:28] CHRIS: Yeah. I would have to imagine too, everything I’ve ever heard about Russia is that it is not as accepting. So your parents being from a background, both religious and, you know, like I don’t know all the facts and figures, but I certainly know about, you know, people like Pussy Riot have shined a light on the treatment of the homosexual community in Russia. And I would have to imagine too that that must have been a very hard conversation and a gratifying moment when your parents did show that love.
[01:01:02] CALLER: Yeah. My dad didn’t talk to me for like a week. I think he was gathering his thoughts. But, and I knew that my dad was like, always really smart. Even though he was totally against, like gays and everything. And he found them abominable. But he changed his…I guess, view on that, because it’s different when it’s your own blood. So it’s like, oh, for example, [inaudible] But then when your child gets divorced, it’s like they’re more lenient to that because you’re not on such a higher ground, you know what I mean? Because people of religion are generally on a higher moral ground because it’s like, you know, you like, you know, you have this understanding, like, you know, everything. But when it happens, you’re like, oh, I’m not the shit anymore. So. Yeah, he came to his, I guess, senses. But I was like ready to like, you know, get out of the city, the state. Because I was not gonna be a nuisance, basically.
[01:02:15] CHRIS: So you…you’re not living in the same city anymore?
[01:02:20] CALLER: Well, I do live in the same city.
[01:02:22] CHRIS: OK. This is a…I’ve never heard. I’ve never heard a life story like this one. Never heard it.
[01:02:32] CALLER: Yeah, I don’t…I literally stalked your podcast and I never heard anybody like, you know, like you and a Russian I think. [Chris laughing] So I was like, I don’t know, I wanted to share my story because…yeah.
[01:02:48] CHRIS: I hate to laugh. But with everything you’ve said, everything you’ve shared today, I love knowing that your initial impulse to call was like, “oh, they need the Russian perspective on things.” I like that that was the starting point.
[01:03:00] CALLER: Yeah. Yes.
[01:03:02] CHRIS: I like that that was the impetus, like the initial seed. And then it’s like, “oh, maybe I can also talk about my experience as a high level escort, and then also the fact that I had a stretch of my life where I was effectively living in a murder revenge plot akin to a late era Liam Neeson movie. Maybe I’ll throw that in as well.
[01:03:25] CALLER: Yeah because teenagers are…teenagers are horrible. Don’t let them harbor revenge, like thoughts about you because they will actually kill you. Teenagers are horrible.
[01:03:39] CHRIS: [laughing] They can be. It can be, it’s heartbreaking.
[01:03:41] CALLER: It was like, I did not like being a teenager.
[01:03:43] CHRIS: Oooh, it was rough. It was rough. I was an angry teen as well. I was an angry teen.
[01:03:49] CALLER: Yeah, yeah. Like you hate yourself. You hate everybody. Like there’s changes in your body. Do you like them, do you not like them? What is going on? Like, and you’re bad at math. And you’re like, what is going on and why am I so horrible?
[01:04:05] CHRIS: Yeah. Yeah, I mean, bad at math in particular.
[01:04:07] CALLER: It’s a rollercoaster.
[01:04:09] CHRIS: Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I’m glad that –
[01:04:13] CALLER: How many minutes do you have left?
[01:04:15] CHRIS: We have… a little under 8 minutes left.
[01:04:18] CALLER: Oh…so I probably can’t talk about my failed engagement?
[01:04:27] CHRIS: Well, I was just going…I actually was just going to say like what. I was just going to say in our last handful of minutes, I was wondering, like, what is day to day life now? Like outside of all this fantastical stuff and all this very life defining dramatic stuff. So I was going to say maybe the dating life, but that, you know, how recent is this failed engagement?
[01:04:48] CALLER: The recent, like about three months ago, actually.
[01:04:51] CHRIS: Oh, I’m sorry.
[01:04:52] CALLER: I proposed to this dude and basically got rejected. But the cool thing about it is I returned the ring and I saved like $12,000 for this amazing ring. And then I basically, I am using that money to go to Bora Bora. So fuck that dude and fuck him. [laughing] Fuck everything about him. I wasted three years of my life on that asshole. Like just, no.
[01:05:28] CHRIS: Were you so, were you dating him during any of the stretch when you were also escorting?
[01:05:33] CALLER: No.
[01:05:34] CHRIS: That’s good.
[01:05:36] CALLER: Like, when I…it also helped that, you know, I was dating him like it was getting more serious. We were moving in, that I actually…like it was right as I was ending all ties with my pimp, basically, and it was –
[01:05:51] CHRIS: So you must have started that – if I’m doing the math…if you’re with this guy, if you’re only 23, you’re with this guy for three years. There’s no crossover. This must have meant you were escorting, were you underage when you were escorting?
[01:06:03] CALLER: Yes.
[01:06:04] CHRIS: You were. So you’re like 16, 17?
[01:06:08] CALLER: Yes, 17ish. Yeah.
[01:06:10] CHRIS: Wow. Wow.
[01:06:14] CALLER: Yeah, I mean, it’s…it just, I don’t know. My life has been interesting to say the least. I’m just hoping that it helps somebody make proper decisions for themselves because I know there is a lot of similar situations that people go through, but they don’t talk about it.
[01:06:44] CHRIS: Yeah.
[01:06:45] CALLER: So yeah.
[01:06:46] CHRIS: That is true. I mean, I know from my experience talking about some of my stuff. Even if it opens some wounds, it’s nice to help the next person over. So hopefully if there’s anybody in situations similar to your’s, they’re maybe hearing that you have turned out a little more okay on the other side relatively. And hopefully that gets some other people to maybe seek their way out of some situations.
[01:07:09] CALLER: Yeah, but the thing is that I really like, I’m kind of disappointed is that I didn’t really love childhood. So it was…like I hated that I had to grow up so fast. But at the same time has a lot of positives because you see a lot of what like, you can predict how life will go and how you react to certain situations. But you’re not innocent anymore. There’s like, no ignorance that you can be like, say, “oh, I’m a child, this, this and that.” But it’s like you had to grow up and you don’t really…you were never a child. So you had to grow up really quickly. And it sucks because, you know, I always wished I would be like, “oh, I’m just like a small boy.” Right? Like, I can blame everything on being a kid, but can’t do that. Like, it’s just not possible. But if anybody out there is dealing with any of this, just you know, step by step, take a deep breath. It will all get better.
[01:08:21] CHRIS: And on that note, so where are you at now? You’re working, you like your gig…friend situation, the engagement sucks. Are you dating anybody else? Are you bouncing back? Where are we at?
[01:08:35] CALLER: I’m actually starting to date somebody again. I never liked being outside relationships, like I’m one of those rare gays that doesn’t like, have sex outside a relationship. It’s, it’s weird. I’m one of those monogamous animals, as they say, so…
[01:08:53] CHRIS: Who says? Is that a phrase? Monogamous animals?
[01:08:58] CALLER: Yeah, yeah. [Chris laughing] Like in the gay community, it’s like the new trend is like open relationships and everything like that. It’s like, “you do you boo boo”. But it doesn’t work for me. Like, it doesn’t.
[01:09:10] CHRIS: Wow. So that’s nice. That’s nice you got somebody in your life who loves you. That’s nice.
[01:09:16] CALLER: Yeah, he’s really great. He doesn’t know any of this, nor do I think he will ever know unless he’s like dying on a deathbed. Then I will tell him. But no.
[01:09:27] CHRIS: Wow. And when –
[01:09:29] CALLER: Nobody should, you know, have to…you know, like even think about dealing with something like this. Like how do you react when somebody is that damaged?
[01:09:40] CHRIS: Yeah. I mean. Again, I will say not to force it. Rather than hide in fear of people finding out about the damage there is…and again if it’s not for you, it’s not for you. For anybody else listening, there are a lot of resources and a lot of people who exist and make their mission in life to help you sort out that damage so you don’t have to just constantly hide from it. So I will put that out there.
[01:10:06] CALLER: Yeah, I mean I’ve come to terms like with everything that happened to me. I know everything happens for a reason to be who I am today. It’s not like something that’s an [inaudible] of mine, but I know that not everybody is ready for…to receive this kind of information. And it’s just not…it’s unfair basically to them to know this, because what are they gonna do with it, basically. Like it’s not gonna help them in any way. Like, it’s not going to help me because I’m already helped. Like, I have no qualms about who I am so I’m not afraid to talk about it. I’ve said the grief part, like still getting over that.
[01:10:44] CHRIS: Yeah. Yeah. I mean, that’s the thing is, like you say, you know, you say you’re over it, but then you also keep dropping phrases that sound like it’s, you know, saying that you’re going to hide it until you know, I don’t know. It’s not, it’s not my place to analyze.
[01:10:59] CALLER: A [inaudible] Gethard!
[01:11:01] CHRIS: Yeah. But I mean, I’m also not an analyst…
[01:11:02] CALLER: Yeah, there’s always like loose ends,
[01:11:05] CHRIS: Of course.
[01:11:06] CALLER: Loose ends. Yes, absolutely. I’m not that ignorant. Yes, I know there’s a lot of things to do. I understand. I probably should do therapy because, you know, Lord knows I need it. But that’s something that, I’m probably going to explore later on. But yeah…
[01:11:25] CHRIS: Yeah…I just realized, we got 30 seconds left. I want to just say I am blown away at your ability to fill me in on this and talk. And I thank you for sharing the story. And I, like you said, if there’s other people out there in similar situations, I hope hearing you has maybe inspired them to help. I also just have to say this is, I never thought I’d have to say this sentence. I don’t advocate murder. I don’t I hope nobody else…I hope nobody out there goes out and murders. I do say that not to judge, but I hope nobody’s murdering.
[01:11:54] CALLER: Yeah, absolutely. But I hope you keep doing you Gethard.
[01:11:59] CHRIS: And you as well.
[01:12:00] CALLER: All you do is amazing.
[01:12:01] CHRIS: You as well. Thank you for surviving. Thank you for surviving, honestly.
[01:12:10] CHRIS: [music transition] Caller, I…I was rambling a lot, but I so sincerely mean it so much love to ya. I’m so, so sorry. Again, just want to reiterate. I know. I know. I know. It’s my thing. It’s my cause. It’s the soapbox I get on. But, help is out there. Help is out there. And if the help is out there, why not try? I’ll stop. It’s not up to me. It’s up to you. Thank you for calling. Thank you, everybody, for listening. Thanks to Jared O’Connell for… I’ve always said navigates this ship and more than ever in this one. These are the, we I tell you. In between when we record at the in show and out show this one, we had a real long talk, Jared and I. Thank you to Harry Nelson in the booth as well, he was helping out. Thanks to Shellshag for the music. You guys are the best. Thanks John Delore. Thanks Greta Cong for building the show. Chrisgeth.com for info on my road dates, tickets, all that stuff. Rate, review, subscribe if you like the show, go to Apple podcast. It really does help so much when you do so. And that’s that, thank you guys so much.
[01:13:20] [AD BREAK]
[NEXT EPISODE PREVIEW]
[01:14:41] CHRIS: Next time on Beautiful Anonymous. Everybody’s just trying to smooch some face.
[01:14:48] CHRIS: Thinking about hooking up with some Benny? Some Benny who’s down here for two weeks?
[01:14:53] CALLER: Probably not. Like, ’cause like I am boy crazy, like, you know, in a sense where, like I see a guy and I’ll be like, “oh, my God, he’s so cute. Like, I would kiss his face, I would do everything.”
[01:15:05] CHRIS: Did you say, “I would kiss his face”? You are a teenager who’s…you just proclaimed that you…puberty is fully kicking in you currently little late bloomer. And your instinct, you’ll see a boy walk down the street. You wanna run up and just smooch all over his face.
[01:15:21] CALLER: [laughing] I guess so!
[01:15:24] CHRIS: That’s next time on Beautiful Anonymous.
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