October 28, 2019
Strip clubs, pickles and dad’s getting murdered, that’s what these bros bond over. In one of the most chaotic episodes ever, two callers are on the phone thousands of miles away while their buddy joins Gethard on stage at Ant Hall in Detroit!
187 — Motor City Mayhem (Murdered Dads)
CHRIS [00:00:06] Hello to all my pickle bros. It’s Beautiful Anonymous. One hour, one phone call, no names, no holds barred.
Theme Music [00:00:28] I’d rather go one-on-one. I think it’ll be more fun and I’ll get to know you and you’ll get to know me.
CHRIS [00:00:28] Hi, everybody, Chris Gethard here. Welcome to Beautiful Anonymous. Don’t hit the fast forward button just yet. Please don’t. I got some big announcements. One, this Friday Beautiful Follow-Ups returns to Stitcher Premium. Use the code: stories and get a free month of Stitcher Premium. And if you remember last year, we did follow up calls with a lot of the callers that had some dangling threads that we know about, some of thecallers that were the most popular ones amoungst the Facebook group. It returns. We’ve already recorded calls with such luminaries as The Road Dogs. And earlier today, I talked with the caller from call 17 Early Onset. Currently in this moment, we are literally on a break between two calls with prison bound because she can only talk for 15 minutes at a time. And I’m recording this in the 15 minutes till she can call back. So use that code stories. You get Stitcher Premium. Not only do you get this year’s follow ups, you get last year’s follow ups, you get a whole bunch of live calls that you can’t hear anywhere else. You get our whole back catalog if you haven’t checked it out yet. So if you’re a beautiful anonymous fan, it’s good value, let alone all the other shows that have stuff up there and the premium shows that don’t exist anywhere else. Another announcement. It is with both pride and a heavy heart that I want to give a very, very genuine thank you to Mr. Harry Nelson who’s been such a big part of the show. Harry is, I’ll tell you what a very, very talented young man. And he’s gotten a job in Los Angeles, so he’ll be leaving us. And I’ve given Harry a hard time throughout the history of this show. There was a whole stretch where I accused Harry of trying to overthrow me. He, of course, did our April Fools episode, which caused actually a number of people to get very mad and even unsubscribe. I think we actually lost subscribers. There were people who four or five months later messaged me and were like, ‘Holy shit. I didn’t realize that was a joke. And I haven’t listened for months since I thought they did you dirty.’ But in reality, Harry is such a nice guy and has been such a big part of things here. And he will be missed. It’s so nice to see him move on to another gig that he’s excited about and also so sad. And I won’t have him sitting in that booth typing good questions helping me out. Although he’s promised he’s gonna return for the Beautiful Anonymous convention. Beautiful Con Anonymous, which will be happening in spring of next year. Keep your ears peeled for info on that. Okay. This week’s call was a live call we just did in Detroit a few months back. I want to thank everybody at Planet Ant for having me. They run great venues, great shows, a lot of amazing comedy happens out there. Planetant.com if you’re in Detroit, what a fun venue. This week’s call. It’s hilarious. It’s chaotic. I’m gonna ask you to stick with it. I think a lot of you guys are gonna agree this is one of the by far hands down funniest calls we’ve ever had. It’s nuts. There’s one person onstage, two people on the phone. On top of all the hilarity there’s actually some some really gripping real life stuff in the middle. And the interplay between all of it, I was laughing so hard on stage. Anyone who was at that Detroit show can tell you I was crying tears of Laughter. It was one of my favorite experiences in 20 years of performing. And I hope you enjoy this one as much as I did.
Phone Robot [00:03:54] Thank you for calling Beautiful Anonymous, a beeping noise will indicate when you are on the show with the host.
CALLER 1 [00:04:04] Hey?
CHRIS [00:04:05] Yeah. Hey. What’s up, man?
CALLER 1 [00:04:07] Hey, how are you doing? Hello. Is this Chris?
CHRIS [00:04:10] Yeah, yeah, it’s me.
CALLER 1 [00:04:13] Hey, how are we doing? We’re just chillin.
CHRIS [00:04:17] That’s good dude. I’m chilling too.
CALLER 1 [00:04:21] Are we, are we in this thing right now or are we not? Oh also I should say that my friend’s here, too.
CALLER 2 [00:04:26] Hi, I’m here.
CALLER 1 [00:04:28] Don’t say your name.
CALLER 2 [00:04:30] I want to.
CHRIS [00:04:30] Well, hello. Hello. Hello to you and your friend. The answer is yes we are in this thing. I want to let you know that I have some friends here as well. They are all the Beautiful Anonymous and some comedy fans of the greater Detroit metropolitan area. I want you to know. Don’t be intimidated. They’re all very nice. And they have your back, I promise.
CALLER 1 [00:04:50] Chris, can I say one thing? Can I ask one thing that might be crazy?
CHRIS [00:04:54] OK.
CALLER 1 [00:04:56] So I might have a friend there right now. I’m not going to say his name, but what are the chances I could get him up on stage and he could join the call to?
CALLER 2 [00:05:06] Oh my goodness.
CHRIS [00:05:07] OK. This is unprecedented. You’re saying you are friends with someone in the crowd and you think they–.
CALLER 1 [00:05:12] Yeah. Not going to say his name.
CHRIS [00:05:14] You’re not going to say his name, but he does. He will know you?
CALLER 1 [00:05:17] Yeah, he’ll know me. And he knows he knows who we are right now. I’m sure. And I’m telling you he’s beautiful and he’ll stay anonymous.
CHRIS [00:05:24] So you’re saying that you and a friend are on a phone. You have a third friend who is here. There’s someone standing right now. Oh no, he’s sitting back down. And you’re requesting that your friend who is present in the room, get up on stage and participate in the call with us, although I will remain anonymous. Oh, people are. Hello. Come on up. This is your friend? These are your friends on the phone?
AUDIENCE MEMBER [00:05:42] That’s my friends yeah.
CHRIS [00:05:42] Did you know this was happening?
CALLER 1 [00:05:45] Yo what’s up boy? What up my man? I know it’s him.
AUDIENCE MEMBER [00:05:49] I ugh.
CALLER 1 [00:05:49] Don’t say your name.
CHRIS [00:05:51] Anways come up on stage. How are you? Thank you so much. I’ve been told you can’t say your name. I know we’re throwing everyone for a loop. If there is a spare microphone around, it would be great. I don’t know if there is. If not, we can share now did you, did you know this might be a possibility? Did you–
AUDIENCE MEMBER [00:06:06] Oh, yeah, absolutely. I, I was sitting down and I called him on the way here and I was talking to him about he’s a big fan and I’m a big fan. And I told him, yo. They’re taking calls. Here’s the number. You’re ahead of the game. He hasn’t tweeted it and he said it.
CALLER 1 [00:06:22] We cheated.
AUDIENCE MEMBER [00:06:22] Yeah. So he cheated a little bit.
CHRIS [00:06:24] So you pulled a ruse, told your friends the call was coming? Now did you tell them though, “Yo, you got to get me up on stage or–”.
AUDIENCE MEMBER [00:06:32] That’s all him. I, this is this is just him being him.
CALLER 1 [00:06:34] No we did it. We didn’t tell him that we had it. We said that we didn’t get it. We lied to them.
AUDIENCE MEMBER [00:06:39] This is gonna be hard not saying his name. But this is all him. It’s not me.
CHRIS [00:06:44] Well, now you’re in it for an hour, bro. There’s you mic, there’s your mic.
CALLER 1 [00:06:48] He’s ready. He’s ready.
CHRIS [00:06:50] All right.
CALLER 1 [00:06:51] So let’s just what do you want to do Chris? We’re throwing out a lot at you. So you, whatever you want to do.
CALLER 2 [00:06:56] Yeah, we’re along for the ride.
CHRIS [00:07:02] Well, thanks, bro.
CALLER 1 [00:07:05] No problem, man. No problem.
CHRIS [00:07:08] I will say I’ve been doing this now for many years. We have close to 200 of these phone calls. This is unprecedented. I have had two callers on the line bef–.
CALLER 1 [00:07:14] Listened to everyone, listened to everyone.
CHRIS [00:07:16] Your bro has a problem.
CALLER 1 [00:07:20] I’m going to give it to my friend. He’s going to talk less.
CALLER 2 [00:07:23] I’m a little less excitable than him so I can–
CHRIS [00:07:26] OK.
CALLER 2 [00:07:27] I can calm him down a little bit.
CHRIS [00:07:28] Well, I’m just going to ask you, you’re very excited. I have a feeling you may also be high out of your mind. Is this a possibility?
CALLER 2 [00:07:37] He just walked out, but he’s recovering from whatever is going on and he’ll be right back. Here he is. He got a charger. He’s good. We’re ready.
CHRIS [00:07:48] This is perhaps the greatest amount of chaos this show has ever seen.
AUDIENCE MEMBER [00:07:56] This is what you want man.
CHRIS [00:07:58] It is.
CALLER 2 [00:07:58] You of all people got to enjoy it.
CHRIS [00:08:01] Bro, dude on the phone. Are you listening?
CALLER 1 and 2 [00:08:05] Yeah, yeah, yeah.
CHRIS [00:08:07] If you keep interrupting us while we talk, I’m going to hit your, friend.
CALLER 2 [00:08:12] Yeah.
CHRIS [00:08:13] We got to have some order in this, man. You gotta let us finish sentences.
CALLER 2 [00:08:17] I will. I will keep him in line. I will keep him in check.
CHRIS [00:08:20] Cause we got 58 minutes left and the crowd is very charmed by this right now. But after like 20 more minutes of us just–.
AUDIENCE MEMBER [00:08:28] We’re just riffing.
CHRIS [00:08:29] Riffing. Talking over one another is gonna get.
CALLER 1 [00:08:33] I’m gonna stop talking for 20 minutes, Jeremy just–oh god.
AUDIENCE MEMBER [00:08:35] No that wasn’t him that was someone else.
CHRIS [00:08:38] Jeremy, so nice to meet you. Is that you?
CALLER 2 [00:08:42] That’s not me.
CALLER 1 [00:08:42] No, no. I was just talking to my different friend.
AUDIENCE MEMBER [00:08:44] Chris, what’s going on here is we have two people on the line.
CALLER 2 [00:08:48] OK. OK. OK.
AUDIENCE MEMBER [00:08:50] One of my friends is the original one. There’s another guy there who I am also friends with.
CALLER 2 [00:08:56] Yeah.
AUDIENCE MEMBER [00:08:58] Chris just took off his jacket. You guys got to calm down.
CALLER 1 [00:09:02] Chris. Chris, I’m sorry. We are. We’re gonna. We’re gonna be call. We’re going to be good. We have a story to tell.
CHRIS [00:09:09] So we got two drunk bros. We got one humiliated friend and one overwhelmed host. Welcome to Beautiful Anonymous.
CALLER 1 [00:09:15] Unfortunately–.
CHRIS [00:09:18] OK, so let’s everybody take a deep breath. And to my bros on the phone. Do not talk.
CALLER 2 [00:09:25] Yes.
CHRIS [00:09:25] Don’t talk. Don’t talk until I ask you to talk. And I’m gonna ask our friend here who’s on stage. Also, Anonymous has not told me your name. What is the nature of your relationship with the two me on the phone? Guys on the phone, you got to let him answer this one.
AUDIENCE MEMBER [00:09:38] One of the guys on the phone I grew up with. We’re both from the metro Detroit area. He’s one of my old friends. The other one I met about a year ago, I used to live on the West Coast where they’re at right now, and just developed a pretty good relationship with them. And it’s that’s that. Yeah, they’re just two crazy guys.
CHRIS [00:09:59] OK. Your friend, guys on the phone, your friend has referred to you as, quote, two crazy guys. Would you say that is accurate or inaccurate?
CALLER 2 [00:10:08] Yeah, that’s pretty spot on.
CHRIS [00:10:13] What makes you guys so crazy?
CALLER 2 [00:10:17] We just like to let loose a little bit. I don’t know. We got and have fun. My friend is now sitting across the room right now because he’s scared to talk too much but he said and have fun.
CHRIS [00:10:27] No, let’s put him on the phone for a second. Let’s put him on the phone for saying.
CALLER 2 [00:10:31] Come on over. Come on over.
CALLER 1 [00:10:34] Hey, Chris.
CHRIS [00:10:35] Hey, bro. I want you to know I’m not mad at you. And I didn’t mean to make you feel self-conscious. I just needed to wrangle this bad boy a little bit.
CALLER 1 [00:10:44] No, no, no, no. I’m gonna try to talk calmly and just say that this is an honor to be here.
CALLER 2 [00:10:48] We’re very–.
CALLER 1 [00:10:50] Yeah. So though I grew up with that guy that you’re sitting next to right now.
CHRIS [00:10:53] So I hear.
CALLER 1 [00:10:54] He’s one of my best friends from childhood.
CHRIS [00:10:56] Yes.
AUDIENCE MEMBER [00:10:56] We’re standing.
CALLER 1 [00:10:59] Yeah. And then this guy now sitting here, a nice guy, got my arm around him, cause I love him. He’s a good friend of mine. I met him out here and I moved out here and we started becoming friends about comedy. And we talked a lot about you and talked about everything and we start getting closer. And then we started taking comedy classes as a couple of white bros do, unfortunately. But then we took the class and you talk.
CALLER 2 [00:11:26] We took the class. And I at one point in the class, we had to tell a little story about ourselves. Then it came out about my dad who who passed away. And in fact, was murdered.
CHRIS [00:11:38] Oh, I’m so sorry.
CALLER 2 [00:11:39] I told it to the whole class. It’s OK. This is something that both me, my friend here, we’ve actually talked about a lot and bonded over. And you want to tell him why?
CALLER 1 [00:11:51] Yeah. So. Well, hey, I’ll let my friend. You’re sitting right next. And he can tell you you. Do you want to tell the story?
AUDIENCE MEMBER [00:11:57] Why would I tell the story? It’s not me. It’s both of you.
CALLER 1 [00:12:00] But you know more of it.
AUDIENCE MEMBER [00:12:02] I’m not going to tell your story. You’re here. You’re on the phone.
CALLER 1 [00:12:05] OK we have another friend. Can we bring one more friend? He’s not going to be loud.
AUDIENCE MEMBER [00:12:07] That’s not the point of this show. This podcast.
CALLER 3 [00:12:10] Hi, Chris Gethard.
AUDIENCE MEMBER [00:12:11] You don’t get on the podcast and talk about other people’s stories.
CALLER 2 [00:12:17] No, we’re here. We’re good.
CALLER 1 [00:12:19] OK, so I’ll just get into it. So when I was in high school–.
CHRIS [00:12:22] Wow. wow.
AUDIENCE MEMBER [00:12:27] Also wait hold on. Just to make this clear, before we go on, guy that I grew up with you’re guy number one. From now on.
CHRIS [00:12:36] Oh, great call. I should have done this.
CALLER 1 [00:12:40] That’s why we put him in charge. That’s why we brought him up.
AUDIENCE MEMBER [00:12:41] And the other guy is guy number two he’s from he’s from Chicago. I can say that.
CHRIS [00:12:47] Can I make a slight adjustment? Yeah. Can guy, you grew up with your guy number one. Oh, yeah. The newer guy in the friendship. Your bro number 1.
CALLER 1 [00:12:55] I don’t want to interrupt but I’ve got a guy number three here too.
CHRIS [00:13:00] What?
AUDIENCE MEMBER [00:13:01] No, no. Dude. Get him out. I don’t know who it is.
CHRIS [00:13:04] Yes, yes, yes.
AUDIENCE MEMBER [00:13:05] He’s not apart of this.
CHRIS [00:13:07] Yes. Put a stranger on the phone. Let’s head into the lion’s den.
CALLER 3 [00:13:13] Hi Chris Gethard. I’m number three. How many balls can we keep in the air? Put another guy on the phone. You think I can’t handle. We’re in Detroit. This is the heart of America. Bring that shit.
CALLER 1 [00:13:23] Heart of America. Thank you Chris. Drink some Faygo. Drink some Faygo boys.
CHRIS [00:13:24] I’m drinking Verners.
AUDIENCE MEMBER [00:13:24] We got Verners.
CALLER 1 [00:13:24] Verners baby.
AUDIENCE MEMBER [00:13:33] We didn’t even get to the story
CHRIS [00:13:35] You’re saying you have a another human present joining in midway through.
CALLER 1 [00:13:39] Yeah. He doesn’t want to talk. So were just sitting him in the corner. He’s just going to watch and listen and have fun.
CALLER 1 [00:13:44] Wait. Who? Guy number one. Who is it? Give me a hint.
CALLER 1 [00:13:48] He is, one of my roommates.
AUDIENCE MEMBER [00:13:50] Got it.
CALLER 1 [00:13:53] Say hi, guy number three.
CHRIS [00:13:54] It is astonishing that not even five minutes have past. This is I’m covered in sweat. I’m filled with fear.
CALLER 2 [00:14:04] Swerving everything to much so I’m going to go back to the story.
CHRIS [00:14:06] OK. OK, so.
CALLER 2 [00:14:10] So he said that his dad was murdered in the class, we were both sharing. This after about four months of knowing each other, getting really, we were like two of our new the newest friends that we’ve had when we moved out here.
CALLER 1 [00:14:20] Both are recent moves, recently moved to the West Coast.
CALLER 2 [00:14:23] So it was cool to have a new friend out here. And so he said that. This is gonna be a big pivot, but in high school, my dad was murdered.
CHRIS [00:14:32] Oh, wow. I’m sorry.
CALLER 2 [00:14:33] Yeah.
CHRIS [00:14:35] I’m sorry.
CALLER 2 [00:14:35] Yeah. So. So for me, guy number two, my dad was murdered 13 years ago in 2006.
CALLER 1 [00:14:43] And my dad was murdered in 2012. Yeah, right, guy number, wait what are we calling the guy on stage?
AUDIENCE MEMBER [00:14:51] Dude? I’m dude number one?
CHRIS [00:14:53] Yeah, we got guy number one, bro number one, and dude number one.
CALLER 2 [00:14:59] Yeah. So my dad was murdered and it’s a larger story but we already have too much going on. Two murders. Two bros. So we became fast friends.
CALLER 1 [00:15:08] Oh wait, tell him the story about how I told you about this.
CALLER 2 [00:15:10] Oh yeah. So I end up announcing to the class about my dad and then my friend here didn’t tell me about his dad for at least another month.
CALLER 1 [00:15:20] Not the easiest thing to bring up in casual conversation, if you can imagine.
CALLER 2 [00:15:24] A piece of it wasn’t. But he ends up telling me about, OK so we have a friend who’s a stripper. She invited us to her current.
CALLER 1 [00:15:34] Friend number six.
CALLER 2 [00:15:36] Friend number six. She invited us to her birthday party at the strip club. And we went and we got a little drunk and emotional. And that was the time that my friend here decided to tell me about his dad.
CALLER 1 [00:15:49] In the strip club, right before we go, we went and watched our platonic friend dance naked in front of us and throw money at us.
CALLER 2 [00:15:55] So there’s a lot of history there.
AUDIENCE MEMBER [00:15:57] This is all true.
CHRIS [00:16:00] So you were drunk in a strip club, revealed that you had this shared traumatic experience where you could lean on each other, broke down crying. And then a friend of yours who was not an employee of the strip club, but was a platonic friend, decided to strip–.
CALLER 1 and 2 [00:16:15] She is an employee. She is an employee.
AUDIENCE MEMBER [00:16:17] She was a stripper. She worked at the strip club for her birthday. We went and saw her get naked.
CHRIS [00:16:22] What a present to her.
AUDIENCE MEMBER [00:16:23] Yeah.
CHRIS [00:16:24] What a gift to her.
CALLER 1 [00:16:27] It was great.
CALLER 2 [00:16:27] Very supportive and very strong because she could beat us all up. She could. And she’s awesome, if she ever listens to this. You’re awesome.
CHRIS [00:16:35] So you revealed these deep truths to one another found that you have this bond that not many people share. Crying and then a naked dance happened where you and you were still crying while it happened?
CALLER 2 [00:16:48] We were.
CALLER 1 [00:16:49] No we were kind of laughing at that point because we realized we’re in a strip club.
CALLER 2 [00:16:53] The absurdity of of the situation kind of took over at that point. And we were now throwing singles at our our very good friend on stage who is now also naked.
CHRIS [00:17:01] So you revealed, hey, I needed to tell you this. I haven’t been sure how you shared this very honest piece of information. And actually, my father was passed away in the same fashion and I didn’t know how to tell you. A very, very quick moment of emotion. And then you’re making it rain. Instantly.
CALLER 1 and 2 [00:17:20] Yeah, that’s about it.
CALLER 1 [00:17:21] We don’t make a lot of money, so not rain. But like enough?
CALLER 2 [00:17:24] Yeah, like five to ten dollars.
CALLER 1 [00:17:25] To support our friend.
CHRIS [00:17:25] You’re making it drizzle. You are making it mist.
CALLER 1 and 2 [00:17:29] Yeah, yeah, yeah.
CHRIS [00:17:31] Now, I also have to point something out. Just so you guys know, have you been told that you’re two voices are shockingly similar?
CALLER 1 and 2 [00:17:41] No, you don’t.
CALLER 1 [00:17:43] But we are two white males. I’ll tell you that again.
CALLER 2 [00:17:45] Yeah.
CALLER 1 [00:17:48] That’s why we bring out dudue number one, because he brings in the diversity.
CALLER 2 [00:17:50] Yeah the diversity really helps here.
AUDIENCE MEMBER [00:17:55] I’ve been a token friend my whole life Chris.
CHRIS [00:17:56] You paid money to be here. I like that
CALLER 1 [00:18:05] Can I interject? Dude number one did you bring, did you bring the Faygo for him?
AUDIENCE MEMBER [00:18:09] I got some moon mist in my car for you. I was going to bring it to the stand-up after.
CHRIS [00:18:17] Sounds great, man. I can’t wait. I can’t wait. I already drank a red pop backstage and I’m halfway through a Vernor so I’m gonna be cracked out of my mind for the second show.
CALLER 1 [00:18:30] Amen baby amen. That’s pop over there.
CHRIS [00:18:33] Now, it sounds like you guys on the phone that you’re real kindred spirits and that you’re able to lean on each other and that you have similar hobbies. But I don’t I don’t I don’t want it to dwell on it too much. But I have to say, when you go through something so specific and and something I would imagine is really so hard and horrible. It it, and you find someone else who knows exactly what it feels like. That must be a pretty good moment in your life to find each other.
CALLER 2 [00:19:07] Truthfully, it’s it almost seemed like divine intervention. I don’t know. I will say I will remember that night at the strip club for the rest of my life. That that conversation was the most insane range of emotions I’ve ever experienced. So in a short amount of time. So, yeah that’s a that’s a pretty. It really feels. It does feel really nice to have someone like this that has experienced same things. But also, you know, we relate on many other levels.
CHRIS [00:19:40] That is it is really. I say this, it’s going to sound like I’m being facetious, but I have to say to be like I’ve been through this thing and I don’t know how to talk about it with anybody. And then I find another bro who loves strip clubs who can actually understand, it’s something really amazing about that.
CALLER 2 [00:20:02] Yeah, we’re lucky to have each other. I’m lucky to have him and we’re lucky to have number one. Dude number one too. Yeah.
CHRIS [00:20:09] Now, I want to tell you something about your friend on stage is that every time you guys start getting ridiculous, like when you start talking about crying and making it mist in the strip club.
CALLER 1 [00:20:18] He shakes his head?
CHRIS [00:20:18] Well, no I turn to him and I can feel most of the crowd look at him and he is effectively being forced to take responsibility for everything you two say tonight.
CALLER 1 [00:20:28] He can corroborate everything we say. He’s been there for a lot of it. He’s usually the one telling us like what’s bad and stuff. So we’re lost without him.
CHRIS [00:20:38] And now, did you. Did you guys meet when you were already out on the West Coast or were you in Detroit when you met?
AUDIENCE MEMBER [00:20:45] Me and guy number one.
CALLER 2 [00:20:49] Guy number two.
AUDIENCE MEMBER [00:20:51] We me and guy number one have known each other since since like sixth grade. We both, we grew up just about 20 minutes from here. And then bro I met out there like a year ago.
CHRIS [00:21:03] But do you still live out here?
AUDIENCE MEMBER [00:21:04] Yeah I still live, I moved back out here like in like February.
CHRIS [00:21:07] So you initially moved out to California at the same time. Did you guys move out together?
AUDIENCE MEMBER [00:21:11] No, he was out there. I think a couple I know I might have a year before I did. And then I graduated a little later, moved out there. He’s one of my best friends for, you know, like of all time, just one of my very, very best friends. And so it was good to have him out there and sort of live. We went to different colleges. And so even though we’re from the same part of town and he mentioned like the thing that happened with his dad, we I was I mean, I was friends with him when all that happened. And so it was it kind of sucked when we went to different schools and see each other as much. And so as nice like for all of 2018, we were you know, we lived 10 minutes from each other and hung out all the time and got to do a lot of things together. And it’s pretty sad that I’m not out there with them right now, but they’re still they’re still doing their thing. You know.
CHRIS [00:22:02] Now, guy one on the phone. What’s the thing you miss the most about your buddy who’s standing here on stage with me?
CALLER 1 [00:22:09] Man I hate him so much. I don’t like him at all. Better off without him.
CHRIS [00:22:20] He was just so visibly warm
CALLER 1 [00:22:24] I’ll be honest. I’ll be honest. I can’t keep going. I. Well, I was choking back tears one while you’re saying that dude number one. So thank you. I love you. And I miss you, too. We both do.
AUDIENCE MEMBER [00:22:35] Love you too
CALLER 1 [00:22:37] But what do I miss the most about him? It was like he. He’s known me as one of one of the people have known me the longest. We’ve had the most talks, but we also didn’t know each other very well. Most of our adult life. And so the year that he was out here, we finally got to have an adult relationship where we got to talk openly about more more harder subjects and got to really get to know each other more as adults. And not having him to talk about those things in person is tough. We still talk a lot on the phone, but he also at this point, he probably knows me the best out of a lot of people out of anybody could be and not having him right next to me for when I start yelling at stuff and I get too excited and go to too wild. It’s tough not having him as an anchor.
AUDIENCE MEMBER [00:23:26] Yeah, just as just a butt in. Real quick too, you both of you guys got to tone it down a little bit. You guys are yelling into the phone. You got way too much energy right now and where you’re at. It’s like, what, five o’clock?
CALLER 2 [00:23:41] Yeah. Keep us, keep us in check. That’s what you’re here for.
CALLER 1 [00:23:44] Yeah control make us your bitch.
CHRIS [00:23:47] I’m staying out of this.
CALLER 1 [00:23:54] Yeah. So that’s what I miss most about. How about you, guy number two? What do you miss most about him?
CALLER 2 [00:23:58] Yeah we don’t even need Chris anymore at this point.
CHRIS [00:24:09] I’m going to go ahead and pause and say thank you, Detroit. BOOING that guy out of the room because he said I shouldn’t be there. Look at that? You guys really like me. That’s nice. Guess what else? You might really like some of the products and services that our advertisers have to offer. Check these out. Use the promo codes. Helps the show when you do it. Be right back with more of this insane conversation.
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CHRIS [00:26:13] Thanks again to all of our advertisers. Now let’s bring ya back.
CALLER 2 [00:26:20] Yeah, we don’t even need Chris any more at this point. Yeah.
CALLER 1 [00:26:29] That was mean. That was mean. I don’t condone that. Also not apologize, apologize.
CALLER 2 [00:26:33] I did not mean that in any way. I do miss that guy. Dude, bro, there a lot. He was a very, very fast friend that I made in Los Angeles. And he made it a lot better experience over here and we went to a lot of music shows together, we want a lot of things. Just a very all around great guy and a good friend of mine. And I hope he comes back soon. Please come back to you, my friend.
CHRIS [00:26:59] Look at that.
AUDIENCE MEMBER [00:27:01] I love you guys. I miss you, but.
CALLER 2 [00:27:04] OK I guess I love you, too.
CALLER 2 [00:27:08] We also both bonded over fermenting pickles and making pickles.
CHRIS [00:27:12] Over what?
AUDIENCE MEMBER [00:27:14] Pickles. We’re big picklers, Chris.
CALLER 2 [00:27:16] Big picklers, yeah.
CHRIS [00:27:16] Yeah, I think we just found the title of the episode. The Big Picklers.
CALLER 1 [00:27:26] Wait, wait I’ll let it be known I don’t know how to pickle. I don’t know how to pickle.
CHRIS [00:27:30] Wait. Do you mean you enjoy eating pickles or you enjoy the experience?
CALLER 2 [00:27:35] Sorry that was guy number one. Guy number two, makes and enjoys eating pickles. Guy number one, just enjoys eating them. Yeah.
CALLER 1 [00:27:40] They’re OK. I’ve had better food.
CHRIS [00:27:43] So. So it sounds like some of you actually like taking brine and jars. Is this you?
AUDIENCE MEMBER [00:27:54] Yeah, me and guy number two A.K.A. bro number one.
CHRIS [00:27:56] Yes. Yes.
CALLER 2 [00:27:58] Oh. OK. Are getting very confusing.
AUDIENCE MEMBER [00:28:01] We sort of became friends over like in the same way that they bonded over the murders of their dads.
CALLER 2 [00:28:13] We bonded over pickles.
AUDIENCE MEMBER [00:28:15] Me and me and bro number one, bonded over pickling. We got different methods and stuff.
CHRIS [00:28:39] So.
CALLER 2 [00:28:43] Hi Chris. I’m sorry.
CHRIS [00:28:43] So you’re telling me that collectively, you guys, as a crew, the two hobbies, I know you enjoy strip clubs, pickling.
CALLER 2 [00:28:52] And maybe dads dying, dad’s dying. Were we like talking about, though.
CHRIS [00:28:58] The crowd has a lot of sympathy and I feel like they’re not ready to laugh at those jokes, although you crushed that one, actually. What kind of stuff are you pickling?
AUDIENCE MEMBER [00:29:08] So so bro, bro. Oh god. The second guy. Second guy from Chicago gave me big, big pickler guy and he he’s big on like the half sours and stuff. And he does a whole thing with like fermentation and, you know, like the whole actual making pickles. My family on my mom’s side is from Afghanistan. So we have like a special, it doesn’t ferment or anything. It’s just like a very it’s like a poor man’s pickle. Yeah, it’s like radish, some cucumbers and carrots.
CHRIS [00:29:45] And did you grow up making these pickles?
AUDIENCE MEMBER [00:29:47] Yeah.
CHRIS [00:29:47] And then and then guy number two in California. Have you long been a pickle enthusiast?
CALLER 2 [00:29:56] So he had some family history to go with the pickling. I’m just like a weird guy, likes pickles.
CHRIS [00:30:04] No.
CALLER 2 [00:30:05] And fermenting, fermenting it was it started the preventing hobby. I made beer, I made kimchi and all that kind of stuff, but pickles kind of fell into that umbrella a little bit.
CHRIS [00:30:14] So you guys meet in California and you’re like, bruh, you’re into pickling.
CALLER 2 [00:30:19] Yeah.
CHRIS [00:30:20] You’re never gonna believe this.
CALLER 2 [00:30:21] That is exactly what happened.
AUDIENCE MEMBER [00:30:22] It’s literally what happened?
CALLER 2 [00:30:25] It was it was mind blowing. I was like, I have some pickles in my fridge. He’s like, I have some pickles in my fridge and then it was game over.
CHRIS [00:30:39] So you guys. I want to reiterate, you’ll hit this strip club. You’ll be like the definition of broy young dudes. And then you will go and literally do a hobby that I have never met anyone who’s not like 65 and is into it.
AUDIENCE MEMBER [00:30:53] Midwest dude. We’re from the Midwest. That’s just, well kind of my mine’s like the Middle East West. But like–
CALLER 2 [00:31:06] That was a good one dude number one.
AUDIENCE MEMBER [00:31:06] I know.
CALLER 2 [00:31:06] You’re killing it out there.
CALLER 1 [00:31:06] Hey Chris really quick butt in I think I can fix this name trouble. And we call that the guy on stage, Abigail, and we can call me Tonya. I mean, call the guy next to me. Judy.
CHRIS [00:31:24] Judy?
AUDIENCE MEMBER [00:31:26] Judy. Judy is Chicago guy.
CHRIS [00:31:28] So you’re OK. So we got Tonya and Judy on the phone and Abigail standing next to me. A.K.A I think it was dude one, bro one, guy one. No.
CALLER 1 [00:31:37] Correct.
CHRIS [00:31:37] Abigail.
CALLER 1 [00:31:42] That was about right. Oh, wait. Dude number one is Abigail. Guy number one is Tonya and bro number one is Judy.
CHRIS [00:31:51] And who’s on first? What the fuck are we doing here, man?
CALLER 2 [00:31:56] I think that’s just more confusing.
CALLER 1 [00:31:57] I think this is going to help. Abigail. You can keep talking about pickles.
CALLER 2 [00:32:01] Abigail and Judy will keep talking about pickles.
AUDIENCE MEMBER [00:32:03] No, pickles are over. I feel like. That’s we’re–.
CALLER 2 [00:32:05] We did the pickles.
AUDIENCE MEMBER [00:32:06] We’re done with that.
CHRIS [00:32:08] Do you ever spend time in New York City? Have you been?
AUDIENCE MEMBER [00:32:10] Never been to New York. Me and Tonya talking about going out there. It was school to see Martin out here. You know, see him on your show.
CHRIS [00:32:19] He’s the best.
AUDIENCE MEMBER [00:32:19] That was awesome.
CHRIS [00:32:20] Cause I’ll tell you, in the Lower East Side there’s a long tradition, the lower east side of Manhattan, there’s like a long tradition. It’s like historically, it was a very Jewish neighborhood and there’s still some old school picklers. And I bet you guys would go there and lose your fuckin minds.
AUDIENCE MEMBER [00:32:35] We’d crush it.
CALLER 2 [00:32:35] Yo, let’s do it.
CHRIS [00:32:36] They put out like big barrels of different pickled things right on the sidewalk. And you can walk by and get and, you know, get whatever you want.
AUDIENCE MEMBER [00:32:44] That sounds beautiful.
CALLER 2 [00:32:46] Reunion tour. Let’s go.
CHRIS [00:32:55] You guys are bringing the heat so hard that it’s been a solid 20 minutes since you revealed that your dad’s were murdered and I haven’t even asked for one detail. That’s how much meat is on the bones of this call.
CALLER 2 [00:33:15] We got time.
CHRIS [00:33:16] Sounds about right. Now, are you have you guys been drinking in California? Are these accusations true?
CALLER 1 [00:33:24] No completely sober.
CALLER 2 [00:33:26] Ever. Or just now?
CALLER 1 [00:33:29] That’s a good question.
CHRIS [00:33:37] Yeah, I meant ever. Yeah. Have you ever had a drink?
CALLER 2 [00:33:42] Right now–
CALLER 1 [00:33:42] That too.
CHRIS [00:33:44] OK.
CALLER 2 [00:33:44] Yeah we’ve had a few, but right now we are, we are very sober at the moment.
CHRIS [00:33:48] I’m going to ask the most broad question I can and I can’t, I’m bracing myself for the answer. Collectively, Tanya, Judy and Abigail, are you willing to put your heads together and share with me the most ridiculous thing you guys have gotten into as a unit because you’ve clearly made it clear–.
CALLER 1 [00:34:05] We will, but like really quickly Abigail, ask Abigail, if he’s ever drank.
AUDIENCE MEMBER [00:34:10] No.
CALLER 1 [00:34:11] You don’t have to answer.
CHRIS [00:34:14] He already did.
CALLER 1 [00:34:17] You don’t have to answer.
AUDIENCE MEMBER [00:34:17] You can’t ask me a question and then not want me to answer.
CHRIS [00:34:19] Have you ever drank?
CALLER 1 [00:34:21] I want you to answer but I didn’t know if you were safe answering. Comfortable. So, I wanted you to be comfortable.
AUDIENCE MEMBER [00:34:25] I’m on stage with Chris Gethard. I just plan. I paid twenty five dollars to sit in the audience and now I’m up here. Anything goes right?
CHRIS [00:34:39] Yeah.You didn’t want to make him uncomfortable, like dragging him on stage in front of 200 people making him accountable from your lunacy. So do you not drink for regligious reasons?
CALLER 1 [00:34:48] I don’t want to know that much.
AUDIENCE MEMBER [00:34:49] Yeah.
CALLER 2 [00:34:51] Honestly that comfort zone.
CHRIS [00:34:51] Tanya, not now.
CALLER 1 [00:34:55] That was, sorry, that was Judy,.
CALLER 2 [00:34:58] That was me.
CHRIS [00:34:58] Judy?!
AUDIENCE MEMBER [00:34:58] That was Judy.
CHRIS [00:35:00] Let’s because we’re gonna talk about something. So it’s for religious reasons.
AUDIENCE MEMBER [00:35:04] Yeah, it is. Sort of. I grew up Muslim and so is just a part of a part of the culture and things. And it’s sort of evolved even though I’m not as religious as my mom would like me to be, I guess. It’s just I don’t need it. I feel like in sort of this not technically the same vein as you, but it’s something that I don’t need at this time in my life.
CHRIS [00:35:28] Right.
AUDIENCE MEMBER [00:35:29] So that’s just where I am.
CHRIS [00:35:30] But it still has an effect. Have you seen there’s a show, a guy I’ve known for years, put it out Ramy on Hulu.
AUDIENCE MEMBER [00:35:36] Yeah. Oh yeah.
CHRIS [00:35:37] I thought that show was so brilliant.
AUDIENCE MEMBER [00:35:39] Me and
CALLER 1 [00:35:40] Yeah.
AUDIENCE MEMBER [00:35:41] Tonya talk about that a lot because that’s just a lot of like probably 90 percent of the things in that show I have experience in some way.
CHRIS [00:35:49] Yeah. I was gonna say it sounds that between the mom stuff and the drinking stuff being an American bro while also holding on to the values of the old country, it sounds like that show was written for a you.
AUDIENCE MEMBER [00:36:00] Oh, absolutely. It was it was one of those things where when it came out, I was telling a lot of people to watch it because it’s hard to convey a lot of the things that you kind of grow up with, being like a first generation American.
CHRIS [00:36:12] Yeah.
AUDIENCE MEMBER [00:36:13] All these things, but–
CHRIS [00:36:13] If you if if you’re here in the crowd tonight or at home listening, I have to just say it really is a brilliant show. I think it’s brilliantly written and acted. And I also want to say that I have known Ramy since he was like a kid. He started so young and he is one maybe as much as any comedian I’ve ever met. He’s the genuine article. He’s as nice as he seems. He’s just like a straight up, hardworking dude who deserves all his success. So I want to make sure, since I have a chance, I plug that show. That’s, what an interesting crew you guys got. Hey Judy, what are you thinking about?
CALLER 2 [00:36:51] What am I thinking about? I’m thinking about I’m happy to be here with three of my or two of my very, very good friends and talk to you.
CALLER 1 [00:36:59] Notice how he diidn’t say best friends.
CHRIS [00:37:00] Yeah. Why did I get cut out of the equation? Or are you talking about the creep who’s lingering silently in the corner?
CALLER 2 [00:37:06] And I was going on to say and we’re talking to Chris Gethard. Which is amazing.
CHRIS [00:37:10] Wait. There’s another guy coming on stage. What is happening? There’s another way. Oh, God, there’s a spider. This is. How did this get more nuts? Some other guy got on stage and pointed out a spider. I ran away.
CALLER 2 [00:37:27] We didn’t do this.
CHRIS [00:37:28] Abigail. Abigail’s keeping an eye on the Spider.
AUDIENCE MEMBER [00:37:30] I don’t want to smush it. I don’t know.
CHRIS [00:37:32] No, let the spider live. The spider didn’t do nothing to us. Now we have another person coming on stage. We have young lady on stage. This is the most people you’re picking up to. I don’t. Do you work here? You’re just in the audience. You’re just in the audience. And you’re picking up the spider with your hands. If anyone else gets on this guy, you know it. Feel free. Feel free. Anybody else just want to come on stage. Come on stage. Who cares? Who cares?
AUDIENCE MEMBER [00:38:00] Eyes on the spider.
CHRIS [00:38:01] We got the spider?
AUDIENCE MEMBER [00:38:02] It’s a new member of the stage here. You might have to put it in the credits of the show.
CHRIS [00:38:07] Wait, no this is the spider here.
AUDIENCE MEMBER [00:38:08] It’s just oh, it might have went in through this hole. I think we’re good.
CHRIS [00:38:11] So you didn’t get it? No, we won’t step out. I’m not gonna kill a spider. It’s OK. Thank you for trying. And again, I just want to reiterate.
CALLER 2 [00:38:19] Don’t kill it, don’t kill it. They’re nice.
CHRIS [00:38:21] Okay. Bros just you know, we haven’t even used this yet. Oh, my God. I can’t believe it. I have a hashtag set up so that people can offer up their comments and questions. Do you want to hear what this live crowd tonight is thinking about things?
CALLER 2 [00:38:33] Absolutey.
CALLER 1 [00:38:34] For sure. Let’s do it.
CHRIS [00:38:36] OK, calm down. We have Monica saying we have lost control. We have Pat saying if these bros aren’t making pickles to sell as merch when they do comedy, they are messing up. We have Emma suggesting a new HGTV show called Bros Who Brine. We have JJ saying, I’m so confused. We have Aneeda, a saying, can we hear more about the murders? We have that. We have Katie saying, wait, they didn’t bond over pickles in the strip club. We have Katie saying how many different things are being pickled? We have all sorts. This has taken many turns. This is a bonding experience. Someone pointing out I’ve thrown my glasses four times already. Oh, someone there. Keep counting. Apparently, we’re up to seven. And we have Sienna who just tweeted to ask you guys, I guess we can answer one by one. Oh, no big pickle or a little pickle?
CHRIS [00:39:44] You don’t have to answer that, Sienna. Let’s be grown ups here.
CALLER 1 [00:39:47] I’m probably a little pickle but I think it grows.
CHRIS [00:39:49] What?
CALLER 2 [00:39:52] What was that?
CALLER 1 [00:39:53] Yeah I’m not saying it again.
CHRIS [00:39:55] What did you say?
CALLER 1 [00:39:57] Nothing. You can answer.
CALLER 2 [00:39:59] It was insane answer. There’s no need to rehash that.
CHRIS [00:40:03] He made a joke so crass that even you’re shutting it down?
CALLER 2 [00:40:09] It was weird. It was just weird.
CALLER 1 [00:40:11] It was self-deprecating. And I’ve got to be more positive about myself. So, I don’t want to.
CALLER 2 [00:40:16] I don’t want to make him feel bad about himself in front of everyone.
CHRIS [00:40:19] So you feel like sometimes you get in your own way. You get down on yourself?
CALLER 1 [00:40:26] For sure.
AUDIENCE MEMBER [00:40:26] Yeah. Just, feel like we need to take this a different direction. Like I feel like. I just talked to Tonya.
CALLER 1 [00:40:32] Control it.
AUDIENCE MEMBER [00:40:33] On the way here, I was calling, I told you he’s a big fan. He told me he had a rough week at work. He cried five times this week.
CHRIS [00:40:42] Oh, no I hate hearing that Tonya.
CALLER 1 [00:40:49] Yeah.
AUDIENCE MEMBER [00:40:49] That’s a correct response.
CHRIS [00:40:50] Tonya, I’m so sorry to hear you had a rough week. I had a rough week, too.
CALLER 1 [00:40:54] What happened this week?
CHRIS [00:40:56] Well, I don’t want to–.
CALLER 1 [00:41:00] You don’t have to get into it. I can talk about my week.
CHRIS [00:41:02] No. I mean, I don’t want to get into it too much because it’s over and done with, but there was a situation in the comedy world where this guy got called out on a bunch of stuff. And among them was that he called me a bunch of really pretty bad stuff. And I never met the guy. And it kind of messed up my whole week and I had to keep dealing with it. And I don’t quite get it because he’s a person I don’t know. And all I do is work hard. So. I don’t know. So that was my week. That’s why I cried five times this week. How about you?
CALLER 1 [00:41:32] Chris.
CHRIS [00:41:32] Yeah.
CALLER 1 [00:41:32] Hey Chris, last night I was literally just telling a good friend of mine how the whole situation there’s a lot of fucked up parts of it. Sorry, Mom, I don’t want to swear in front of my mom, but there’s a lot of messed up parts of the situation two of which is that the two much better, more deserving comedians don’t get the attention and it all goes on this bad guy and second is well I’ll just shout them out Bowen Yang and then Chloe. Fuck.
CHRIS [00:42:01] Why did someone just whisper the word fuck?
CALLER 1 [00:42:05] Sorry, mom.
CHRIS [00:42:06] Sorry, Sally. What’s your mom’s name? Right. I’ll apologze to your mom too.
AUDIENCE MEMBER [00:42:10] Rose?
CHRIS [00:42:11] Sorry, Rose.
CALLER 1 [00:42:12] But the second thing Chris I just want to say really quickly, second thing was I was telling my friend how fucked up it is that I know this guy was a bad guy because he’s coming after you of all people, and you are the last person to deserve that and that upset me a lot. And maybe this is cause like, there’s a lot of reasons, but I’m sorry that you had a really shitty week Chris, but I saw I saw it happening in and it was shitty so I validate you.
CHRIS [00:42:36] Well, I’m glad. I’m just glad to know the Brine Bros got my back.
CALLER 1 [00:42:40] We got your back.
CALLER 2 [00:42:41] Brine Bros are always here for you Chris.
CHRIS [00:42:42] Now, what, Tonya, why was it such a tough week?
CALLER 1 [00:42:47] A lot of things. So work was long, very long, but it’s positive. I’m doing cool things and enjoy enjoying it. But it’s just a lot and I was getting over being sick so I won’t play like half of my side of my skull was hurting because it was just aching like migraines and stuff. That was not cool. And then also, so two weeks ago I actually went to I helped out at this death camp for kids. It’s for kids who have had somebody die in their family.
CHRIS [00:43:16] Oh wow.
CALLER 1 [00:43:16] So that was I’m still kind of recovering from that, both like physically and mentally. But it’s a very positive experience. Very challenging, but positive. And so then I cried five times this week, but they really good cries.
CHRIS [00:43:32] These people are so charmed by you and it’s really heartwarming. So, so you went to a camp for kids who are grieving lost relatives?
CALLER 1 [00:43:43] Yeah. And uh Judy was supposed to come too–
CALLER 2 [00:43:47] Ironically, I was supposed to volunteer for this as well. Ironically, I had to miss the training for the the death camp because my grandpa died and I had to go back home to Chicago.
CHRIS [00:43:57] Oh no.
CALLER 2 [00:43:58] So there’s a lot of death going on.
CALLER 1 [00:44:09] It’s awesome.
CHRIS [00:44:09] You guys are such an amazing combination of like, you know, how to laugh at yourselves, you know how to be funny and have fun, but then every once in a while the clouds part and it’s clear you’re also like really smart, empathetic people who have been through a lot and lean on each other. And that’s part of why you joke so much. Yeah?
CALLER 1 [00:44:29] Yeah, that was. Wow.
CALLER 2 [00:44:32] That gave me a little bit of those goosey bumpies over here.
CALLER 1 [00:44:34] Yeah you’re gonna make us cry, Chris. And I’ve already cried five times. What’s Abigail got to say?
AUDIENCE MEMBER [00:44:53] The goosey bumpys got him dude.
CALLER 1 [00:45:00] The goosey bumpys got him.
CHRIS [00:45:02] The goosey bumpys did in fact get me that noise you heard was me physically throwing the microphone down because I did not want to even deal with those guys running circles around me anymore. Anyway, look, we got advertisers. Check them out. We’ll be back with our our fantastic trio of callers right after this.
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CHRIS [00:47:05] Thanks again to all our advertisers. Now let’s finish off this overwhelming conversation.
CALLER 2 [00:47:12] That gave me a little bit of the goosey bumpies over here.
CALLER 1 [00:47:14] Yeah you’re gonna make us cry Chris and I’ve already cried five times. What’s Abigail got to say.
AUDIENCE MEMBER [00:47:33] The goosey bumpys got him dude.
CALLER 1 [00:47:43] The goosey bumpies got him.
CHRIS [00:47:43] And I do want to be clear just so I know it was a it was a camp for children who have lost someone. Did I hear wrong? Did you refer to it as a death camp cause that’s a different thing?
CALLER 1 [00:47:58] No yeah that’s how I call it cause it’s easier to say than grief camp and it’s funnier.
CHRIS [00:48:03] Well, all jokes aside that I would have to imagine. That is such a kind thing to do and I imagine must help those kids who are younger than you so much. And it must be difficult for you to put yourself through that. So I have to say, it’s so commendable that you’re trying to you know, take what you’ve been through and the way you’ve coped and pass it on to other kids who aren’t quite there yet. I think that’s really, really kind.
CALLER 1 [00:48:27] Thank you. But I will say that like the death part was I was, I was in a cabin with six to eight year old, eight of them, and that the death part wasn’t even that bad. Honestly, they were very open about their death and it was really cool hearing these little kids talk, share eachother’s experiences. The worst part was when they were spitting on each other and pushing each other off beds and showing each other middle fingers. That was the hardest part.
CHRIS [00:48:50] Did you say showing each other middle fingers?
CALLER 1 [00:48:55] Yeah, they were middle fingering each other.
CALLER 2 [00:48:57] We’re also really hot right now. There’s little air conditioning and we’re sweating a lot and we’re leaning on eachother a lot.
CALLER 1 [00:49:09] Yeah we’re very close.
CHRIS [00:49:09] This is what I thought this show was going to be when I started it.
AUDIENCE MEMBER [00:49:13] You know, there’s a lot of potential though with the deaths and stuff.
CHRIS [00:49:18] We could for a show that’s become kind of notorious for–.
CALLER 1 [00:49:22] Yeah we can go into that.
CHRIS [00:49:26] I don’t like it isn’t just amazing me a show that’s become notorious for like, you know, it kind of was meant to start as comedy, but in this empathetic direction. And you guys have brought up one of the most sort of emotional things that I’ve ever heard of and for 40 minutes have successfully instead had us laughing about pickles. It’s really remarkable.
CALLER 1 [00:49:50] Well, we were we’re pretty open and don’t really care if we say sad things or happy things.
CALLER 2 [00:49:58] And we’ve got a lot of people taking care of us to help us through it all too. So I want to shout out all those people to. You know who you are. Thank you.
CHRIS [00:50:06] Hey, Tonya, I just want you to know, I just saw some Twitter feedback again from Katie, who I think this is a message to both you and I. I’m six months pregnant and I haven’t cried five times this week.
CALLER 1 [00:50:21] Aw. Try it. Katie. Katie got to try it sometime, really. It’s really nice.
CHRIS [00:50:25] A good cry is nice. Tonya, what is it you like about a good cry?
CALLER 1 [00:50:30] So from the beginning I’ll just talk about us talk about what helped me through everything was that I realized like the worst thing I could do with such a bad situation is run away from it and pretend I don’t feel these things. And so from the beginning, I always like I’ve got to be able to experience the lows and let myself cry. And I don’t have to feel bad about self pittying because that’s the only way I can get back up on top of the wave and ride it, ride the joys of everything. So it’s the best way that I can balance everything out. So I think every once in a while you needed to break down and let loose. So.
CHRIS [00:51:07] Oh, it didn’t sound like you were done and then you were done. I think that’s beautiful what you just said.
CALLER 1 [00:51:12] I’m gonna let Judy take it over.
CHRIS [00:51:14] Well, I think–.
CALLER 2 [00:51:14] I guess I’m taking over.
CALLER 1 [00:51:15] Talk about like sitting in love.
CALLER 2 [00:51:19] What are you saying? You’re telling me what to say now?
CALLER 1 [00:51:22] I, OK, what I was going to add was that on top of the crying, I felt that having this guy here to talk to you about our losses has really helped me kind of feel that emotion strongly again in a good way. Like it’s been something I’ve repressed for a while and something that I’ve I’ve known for a long time, had trouble being open and honest and clear with everyone about and having someone just to completely. I know no judgment. Whatever it whatever I say I can I can talk to him about is really actually opened the floodgates a little bit for me. And I’m starting to feel all these emotions all over again, which I really haven’t in a long time in regards to my dad. And it, and truly it is it’s an amazing thing. I feel like I’m I’m grieving healthily, almost 13 years later. So. Yeah.
CHRIS [00:52:19] That’s a really cool thing to bring out in each other.
CALLER 1 [00:52:23] Yeah.
CALLER 2 [00:52:25] Yeah.
CALLER 1 [00:52:27] And it is something we talked about a lot and we, you know, very open about it. Yeah. I’ll say that in the past year or so we’ve been a lot more open about these things with each other because we’ve had each other. And we’ve also noticed that we’ve also been getting more emotional but like also in good ways. Where like we’re able to sit in that emotion and experience it better. And for a lot of years, you probably felt like we’re as much as we are trying not to run away from, it’s hard not to run away from it. So in the past year or so, having Judy next to me to talk about these things is it helped it a lot and helps us able to process. Now.
CALLER 2 [00:53:00] Now I feel it more now. I can’t get through a first date without dropping the fact that my dad was killed. Like, I just it’s it’s weird. It’s become a more a open part of me, but also it is a part of me. And like I don’t know it’s something that’s coming up.
CHRIS [00:53:15] Yeah.
CALLER 1 [00:53:15] And it’s not something, neccessarily something that like we bring up first still. But when we realize that somebody else has lost somebody or somebody else’s has had something shitty in their life happen. Sorry, mom. Sorry, Sally, you realize that that you you are able to open up to this person about your own shitiness and that person is able to open up to their shitiness, whether whether or not the setting up is the same thing. But able to just yeah you empathize with them. You’re able to sit in that.
CHRIS [00:53:43] That’s amazing. And we. So, Judy, were you kidding or were you serious that you’ve, you’ve brought it up on first dates now? I ask both because I think that is commendable to get to a place where you’re feeling so comfortable. And also because I want to know what the reaction is on a first date.
CALLER 2 [00:54:01] No, that is. That is 100 percent true. I’ve been back in the dating game. Out in LA, which is very challenging. But, you know, I don’t know. I feel like for whatever reason, I mean, I talk about this guy to my right a lot. So it comes up that way or whatever it may be. I don’t know. Death is the ultimate connector, at least from what I, in my in my life it is. And I don’t know. On the first dates I will I will often kind of have to prime them a little bit. But also I’m not going you know let that fear of burdening people with with that kind of news kind of stop me from saying what I want to say, which is something that I I would filter for years. And I don’t know. It’s liberating. But also, unfortunately, people have to hear my sad story a little more often than normal.
CHRIS [00:54:50] But I also know that a romantic interest often will be impressed by some vulnerability. And maybe, maybe it’s something that’s quite endearing on a first date in a way, too.
CALLER 2 [00:55:01] Yeah. It hasn’t gone poorly in that sense. So no one no one’s left the table after I’ve brought it up. So that’s good.
CHRIS [00:55:10] That’s good. That would be a really bad feeling.
CALLER 2 [00:55:11] They’ve left the table for other reasons I didn’t say so. Yeah, they might have walked out for other reasons but not because of dead dad.
CHRIS [00:55:17] Now Abigail.
AUDIENCE MEMBER [00:55:18] Yeah.
CHRIS [00:55:19] You’ve known Tonya since you were very young. You knew Tonya when this happened. You’ve watched Tonya grow up now become someone who’s not only learned how to reconcile his own loss, but has started to help others. As someone who’s grown up and watched this process happen. What’s been your viewpoint as someone who’s like on the outside but just on the edge of the outside?
AUDIENCE MEMBER [00:55:40] Well so, when this whole event happened, it was kind of weird because we were from like a pretty a pretty nice suburb of Detroit and so it ended up making like national news. And so there was just a lot of attention drawn to it. And just like the because of the nature of what happened his mom also was in the hospital for a long time. His twin brothers also in the hospital for a long time, who’s like still recovering now, you know. He was kind of thrust into this sort of spotlight and so just to know him as this like dinky little dude who played trombone that used to ride bikes with me around the city to lay–.
CALLER 1 [00:56:26] Shout out trombone.
CHRIS [00:56:26] What? What did you just say?
CALLER 1 [00:56:32] Shout out to all the trombone players out there.
CALLER 2 [00:56:36] The most vulnerable moment interrupted by a trombone.
CALLER 1 [00:56:39] Keep going though.
AUDIENCE MEMBER [00:56:41] But just to see him to kind of be this quiet sort of funny kid to to have to make his voice heard, to be sort of the voice of his family and all these things and sort of grow into like he wasn’t always this big of an idiot and like interrupting people on phone calls and just shouting.
CALLER 1 [00:57:01] I’m sorry.
AUDIENCE MEMBER [00:57:02] Obscenities about trombones. He was a different kid. And so like that that event that event definitely sort of changed him. But we’re still friends for the same reasons and like that sort of brought us together even more. But it was there was like a distinct difference in and I don’t think it could have gone any better, which is the best part of it. I think.
CHRIS [00:57:26] Yeah that’s kind of an astounding thing to say.
AUDIENCE MEMBER [00:57:27] Yeah.
CHRIS [00:57:28] It sounds like the type of thing that a whole community would be like, oh my God, we got to rally and figure out how to handle this and help this kid. And I have to say, for as much as you’re being a goofball, it’s kind of amazing that you can sit on the phone and talk about this with all of us here and just be a goof ball you must. There must be some level of pride that you see him growing up in.
AUDIENCE MEMBER [00:57:46] Absolutely. I mean, just like another tidbit here. So when when it happened, it was it was early in the morning and he went to a different school. And I was me and one of our other best friends were driving to school and we got like a mass text and we were like, OK, whatever. And we drove to his house and like, saw it was all caution taped off and things. And I ended up like texting him like, Yo, Tonya, are you OK? Like, is everything all right? And he was like, they got me locked up at the police station. Won’t let me go. Just some some joke. I can’t remember exactly what it was. And it was like, that’s the most on brand thing ever. But it’s also crazy. That was that’s like to this day, one of the craziest things I’ve ever like gotten back after, you know, his his dad just got murdered and both other members of his family and two other members of family in the hospital like on life support.
CHRIS [00:58:42] Wow.
AUDIENCE MEMBER [00:58:42] He’s just texted me a joke back with his little sister at the police station. You know.
CALLER 1 [00:58:47] Shout out to my little sister. She’s awesome.
CHRIS [00:58:51] What instrument did she play?
CALLER 1 [00:58:54] I tried to make play trombone which she didn’t and now I’m really mad at her.
CHRIS [00:59:01] You’re still hanging on to that rage? How could you drop the ball?
CALLER 1 [00:59:05] Yeah.
CALLER 2 [00:59:05] He doesn’t even play trombone now.
CALLER 1 [00:59:07] Nine years, nine years of my life.
CHRIS [00:59:13] This is not the take away from the beautiful thing your friend just said. Well, Tonya, I do have to say, like I know you like to make a joke and I can tell that you’re like me. You like to sort of make sure. Right. Like, I do the same thing in the darkest moments, the saddest moments that when that’s when the jokes hit hardest. And I appreciate it. But also, sounds like you are a real strong person who managed to keep a head on your shoulders through something that sounds like it was awful. And I I applaud you. And I want you to know that I’m really impressed. I’m really impressed. And I send out a lot of love to you.
CALLER 1 [00:59:49] Thank you, thank you, Chris. I just got to say, I cannot imagine right now having you tell me that right now, it’s it’s pretty surreal. So thank you and I try. I think we all try. I think every there is lot of days where you say sometimes this is so fucking hard. Sorry, Mom. Sorry, Sally. But you you realize that there’s a lot of really good parts of it all, too, so I wouldn’t have been able to become friends with Judy or as good a friend with Judy, if both of our dads weren’t dead.
CHRIS [01:00:25] That’s blunt, but the point stands.
CALLER 1 [01:00:31] I do want to say how much time we got left.
CHRIS [01:00:33] We’ve got seven minutes left.
CALLER 2 [01:00:34] Oh, baby.
CALLER 1 [01:00:35] Can I have like the last three minutes. Tell me, we’re gonna keep talking but I want the last three minutes?
CHRIS [01:00:41] Okay.
CALLER 2 [01:00:42] You’re taking last three minutes?
CHRIS [01:00:43] I’ll let you know when we have three minutes left.
CALLER 1 [01:00:45] We don’t have to I might not talk that much.
CHRIS [01:00:46] I can’t wait to see how you plan on sticking the landing, Tonya.
CALLER 1 [01:00:48] Here. Let’s let Judy talk.
CHRIS [01:00:50] People are asking–.
CALLER 2 [01:00:52] What am I–you keep saying, let me talk there is no prompt to talking.
CHRIS [01:00:56] Okay. Tonya.
CALLER 1 [01:00:57] Did you have to take care of you?
CHRIS [01:00:58] Judy, Tonya we’ve got some Internet feedback. Some Joe is saying we need to name the spider. I’m going to go ahead and say we’re naming the spider Cecelia. The spider’s name is Cecilia.
CALLER 2 [01:01:10] Love it. I.
CHRIS [01:01:10] Someone’s, Rachel saying I love bringing up my emotional traumas on first dates, does this mean we should go on one? You’re getting flirted with Tonya. A lot of people. Oh, wait, hold on. There is a running theme here. Sienna is asking big spoon or little spoon. Katie is saying–.
CALLER 1 [01:01:31] Little spoon.
CALLER 2 [01:01:31] Little spoon’s more fun.
CALLER 1 [01:01:31] But big spoon to take care of your loved one.
CHRIS [01:01:36] Katie is saying if there’s one thing I’ve learned in last year after losing my wife, it’s there’s nothing that heals you more than bonding with people who truly get it. I’m so happy these guys have each other. And my heart goes out to you as well, Katie.
CALLER 1 [01:01:46] Amen, amen. Katie.
CHRIS [01:01:47] And Shelby says crushin the toxic masculinity with the Brine Bros tonight. I like that.
CALLER 2 [01:01:54] Yeah, baby.
CALLER 1 [01:01:56] Amen.
CALLER 2 [01:01:56] Yo I want that on my tombstone.
CHRIS [01:02:01] Now, I want to ask we have you want you want to know when we have three minutes. We have five and a half. I have to ask, it’s a Saturday night. What do you dudes doing later?
CALLER 2 [01:02:14] We have a pilgrim themed party to get to at 10. Actually.
AUDIENCE MEMBER [01:02:18] They’re watching a football game?
CALLER 2 [01:02:21] No, no. Native American dressing up.
CHRIS [01:02:25] What? Something about–.
AUDIENCE MEMBER [01:02:25] They’re watching the Notre Dame Georgia football game.
CHRIS [01:02:28] Got it.
AUDIENCE MEMBER [01:02:29] Yeah. They’re throwing like a party at their house. I’m assuming that out in the hallway.
CALLER 1 [01:02:31] No, no. There is a pilgrim themed party that we are attending unrelated to the Notre Dame Georgia game.
CHRIS [01:02:38] What was the theme?
CALLER 1 [01:02:41] Pilgrim. Thanksgiving. But without the Native American problematic costumes.
CHRIS [01:02:47] You’re going to a Thanksgiving Party just for anybody listening we’re recording this on September 21st. What are you talking about?
CALLER 1 [01:03:00] It’s a plymouth rock-related experience.
CHRIS [01:03:01] What are you dressing up as?
CALLER 1 [01:03:06] Well, I guess they’re not going to get. You go Judy.
CALLER 2 [01:03:09] We got some pilgrims going on.
CALLER 1 [01:03:10] I’m actually wearing, I’ll put it on for Judy.
CHRIS [01:03:14] You’re serious? Tonight you’re dressing as pilgrims?
CALLER 2 [01:03:15] Oh gosh, he’s actually undressing right now. OK. The costume he’s currently getting into is a morphsuit of some, it looks like an alien. Truthfully, I don’t if it’s a black and white morphsuit. That is quite frankly, terrifying and not at all Thanksgiving themed.
CALLER 1 [01:03:35] Black and white though.
CHRIS [01:03:35] You’re getting into a costume now?
CALLER 2 [01:03:35] I don’t know what else to say.
CHRIS [01:03:40] And it’s a black and white morphsuit? Like a skintight bodysuit that also goes over your head?
CALLER 2 [01:03:47] Yep he is completely covered head to toe.
CHRIS [01:03:50] Oh great call. Someone just asked can you text a picture to Abigail of what it looks like?
AUDIENCE MEMBER [01:03:56] Right now? Yo got, we got three and a half minutes left.
CALLER 2 [01:03:59] He can’t get it all the way on but I can say what–
CHRIS [01:04:02] Yeah send in a picture half on that’s totally fine.
CALLER 2 [01:04:05] Okay. Oh my God. This is horrifying. All right. I’m texting it to him, right now.
CHRIS [01:04:09] Think about how Abigail feels. If you think this is embarrassing you’ve made him stand up here for 58 minutes. All right, so Tonya–.
CALLER 2 [01:04:20] Here it comes.
CHRIS [01:04:20] OK. Yes. We got the texts coming through. We’re waiting for it to come up.
CALLER 1 [01:04:25] There’s no way to prove that this wasn’t at the Thanksgiving.
CHRIS [01:04:28] I can also see where you’re telling your buddies he’s about to set it up, about to tweet it. Call now. Now. All right, Tonya, three minutes left.
CALLER 1 [01:04:41] OK while it’s sending Chris I just want to say, it means a lot for me to talk to you right now because you’re really one of the one of my heroes. You probably don’t want to hear this because I wouldn’t want to hear it on my side. But you’re one of my heroes, and I found you in college so not during when everything happened. But when I found you, I found a kindred soul that was able to embrace chaos and embrace the feelings and embrace the hard parts of life as much as you celebrate the absurdity of it all. And it’s meant a lot to be able to follow you this whole time. And and you’ve been able to show me a lot of other even up and coming comics. Shout out to Martin right there right now. You probably love kids, love death camp. And you’ve been a great person to be able to highlight all and showcase continuing today young talent who otherwise wouldn’t have been able to see each other. And I know it’s really hard for you sometimes. But I think what you’re doing right now is it’s gonna make a difference in a lot of people’s lives, because I know it’s made a difference in my life. And I know it’s made a difference in the person sitting right next to you, Abigail’s life. And I just want to thank you so much for everything you do. And even after the five times you cried this week, fuck that guy, you just like celebrate those times because you’re also doing really fucking good right now. And it means a lot. And if I was there right now, I’d give you a pop, too, but I’m gonna have [beep] Sorry, Abigail. And Chris you are doing an important thing for so many people out there, and I know it’s really hard for you sometimes. But you’re you’re doing it and you’re you’re helping people, but you’re also making us laugh and that’s what I think is the most important part of life. Life is really fucking hard sometimes. Sorry, mom. I’m sorry, Sally, but we’ve got to be able to enjoy all of life, both the good parts and the bad part. And you’re truly the person that’s best able to like has shown me how to do that, including Abigail. Abigail is pretty good at it.
CHRIS [01:06:34] Happy to do my part.
CALLER 1 [01:06:36] And Judy.
CHRIS [01:06:37] Thanks for saying that. That means a lot at the end of a hard week. That’s really so nice to hear. And I just–.
CALLER 1 [01:06:44] Hard week for me, too. So I’m talking to you. So that’s pretty nice.
CHRIS [01:06:46] Yeah, man, it is really nice to talk to you. And I just try to do my part. I just try to listen. And thanks for saying that it really does mean a lot. I also want to let you know that Abigail spent most of your speech walking around the crowd, showing them a picture of your friend. You have to tell your friend, not too where that. That’s the most horrifying thing I’ve seen.
AUDIENCE MEMBER [01:07:02] No that was him.
CHRIS [01:07:02] It’s you?
AUDIENCE MEMBER [01:07:02] No no that was. Yeah, that was Tonya. Yeah.
CHRIS [01:07:06] Yeah. Tonya. Don’t wear that. That’s a terrifying custom. It’s terrifying.
CALLER 1 [01:07:10] And you can’t prove that it wasn’t at the first Thanksgiving. His name is Goldtar.
CHRIS [01:07:14] If you show up to a Thanksgiving party wearing that, people are gonna call the police. It’s terrifying. It looks like something out of a horror movie. It looks like you only enter a party wearing that like–
CHRIS [01:07:30] You guys hold on. We’re going to give it a few extra seconds. I just have to say sincerely, thank you so much. I have to say to all of you, Abigail, Tonya and Judy, thank you. Because this was one of the most fun experiences of my 20 years of performing. And I can’t thank you enough. Thank you for calling and being so open.
CALLER 1 [01:07:46] Chris. Chris. Wait wait, one more thing I was the guy who gave you the pop and I got kicked out of the college.
CHRIS [01:07:52] What?
AUDIENCE MEMBER [01:07:52] He met you once at a college.
CALLER 1 [01:07:54] You remember the guy who got kicked out of a college show because I gave you a pop.
AUDIENCE MEMBER [01:07:58] Yeah that’s him. He wanted me to tell you that later. [phone rings]
CHRIS [01:08:03] Dude you scared me so bad I was in like a back stage performers only area. And you, like, kicked down the door and you were like, I got you a soda, I got you soda. Here’s a pop dude I got you a pop. And I will tell you honestly, you seem like a really nice guy, but also I’ve rarely felt more unsafe while in a greenroom. Did we hang up on him? What a shocking revelation. Ladies and gentlemen, how Abigail, Judy, and Tonya? That one was a joy. I’m so glad we got got to experience that one together. Thank you guys so much for coming out. I’ll see some of you guys at the 10:00 show. Thank you. Sincerely. That was a fucking crazy one.
CHRIS [01:09:00] OK. Hope you enjoyed that one. I have to thank so many two people on the phone. I have to thank the guy who was on stage. I have to thank everybody who came out and bought tickets in Detroit and laughed and cheered and was such a big part of that experience. Have to thank Jared O’Connell both for producing this episode, engineering this episode and coming all the way to Michigan. You’re a big part of it. Have to thank Harry Nelson for one of the final times. Let’s go ahead and thank Shellshag for the music. Go to Chrisgeth.com. If you like the show, go to apple podcasts. Rate, review, subscribe. It really healps. See you next time.
CHRIS [01:09:52] Next time on Beautiful Anonymous. My dream comes true when a professional wrestler calls the show. [next episode preview]
CHRIS [01:10:01] You drive two hours and they pay you, did you say five dollars and a hot dog?
CALLER [01:10:07] Well, I’m just saying five dollars. I bought a hot dog with the five dollars.
CHRIS [01:10:11] From the concession stand, so they made back a buck seventy five?
CALLER [01:10:17] Yeah. The hot dog was not included in the five dollar arrangement.
CHRIS [01:10:21] They gave you. You drove two hours. They gave you five dollars and they made you pay for the hot dog.
CALLER [01:10:27] Yes.
CHRIS [01:10:28] What happened? Did like no one show up so that–
CALLER [01:10:33] I just I can feel every listener’s eyes just rolling “Oh my gosh?”.
CHRIS [01:10:37] Even.
CALLER [01:10:38] You’re doing this, I just uh man.
CHRIS [01:10:41] That’s next time on Beautiful Anonymous.