January 31, 2023
In part 2 of Nicole and Sasheer’s trip to the Bahamas, they discover that everyone, including the staff, runs on island time. On several restaurant outings, Sasheer and Nicole met a founding father, Sasheer was almost murdered by a prawn, and they both had a truly lovely time at a restaurant they were advised not to go to. And yes, Nicole finally got to play with pigs in the ocean! Every day weird things happened, and it was the least relaxing trip they’ve ever taken. Lastly, Nicole shares her harrowing experience heading home at the airport! You don’t want to miss how this saga ends.
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190 — Nicole And Sasheer Regale You With The Final Chapter Of Their Bahamas Trip
Nicole [00:00:11] Okay. Part two of Bahamas because we had to break it up because so much happened. This has been two and a half days of–
Sasheer [00:00:24] A six-day trip.
Nicole [00:00:27] So if you didn’t listen to the episode before, I would go back and listen to that to get the full scope of this trip. But we could jump in here. So, after I was thrown from a jet ski, we go back to the hotel and I was like, “I need to be in the ocean. I just need to be somewhere serene.” And you were like, “Okay.” And we get to the beach. I throw my stuff down and immediately just walk into the ocean.
Sasheer [00:00:53] I wish I had got my phone out fast enough to record you because you were swimming so hard, like you were in a triathlon or something. I was like, “Is she swimming away from the islands?” She’s like, “I gotta get out of here.”
Nicole [00:01:07] I was like, “I have to go home. I will just swim to Florida and get on a fucking plane.” It was truly wild. So, this is New Year’s Eve. And a friend of ours had gotten us a reservation at a restaurant that was, like, fancy. And we were excited for fancy dinner because also there was fireworks after.
Sasheer [00:01:34] Yes, we were told we were gonna get dinner, a champagne toast, firework-watching on the beach. And we were like, “This is going to be great.” And we pull up, and it’s like, beautiful. Lush garden. It’s very pretty on the outside.
Nicole [00:01:50] Yes. I’ll say this about Bahamas. The prettiest beaches I have ever fucking seen in my whole life. The prettiest venues I have seen in my whole life. And then just chaos–just pure chaos after you see this beautiful stuff. So, we go to the restaurant.
Sasheer [00:02:11] We are greeted by two beautiful women. And we’re like, “Ooh, women-run business. We love that. We’re trying to support. That’s great.” We get seated. And there’s a piano playing in the middle of the restaurant.
Nicole [00:02:24] And he’s playing all the hits. All the Celine Dion you could want. He played Unbreak My Heart at one time. It was nice. Mariah Carey.
Sasheer [00:02:33] That’s another thing about the Bahamas–the music was on point everywhere. Everywhere it was great. And then we get our menus, and we have, like, options. Like, there’s, like, two or three options for the appetizers, the main course, the whatever. But then there was, like, some veggie options or vegan options, it seemed like. So, our waiter came over, and I was like, “Oh, there’s, like, a turnip soup.” Some kind of soup.
Nicole [00:03:07] A cheese-less soup. One with cheese, one without cheese.
Sasheer [00:03:09] And I was like, “I’ll do the one without cheese.” And he was like, “Ooh… I might have to talk to the kitchen about that.” I was like, “But it says it on your menu.”
Nicole [00:03:18] He said, “Yes, but you just choose the entree.” And you were like, “But why are there choices on this menu if I’m only choosing the entree?” And he truly responded to you with, “Choose the entree.” And I was like, “But also, I don’t want this one. I want this instead.” And he was like, “Okay…” And he truly was, like, beside himself that we were trying to order things off a menu we were handed.
Sasheer [00:03:44] Yeah. I was like, “If you don’t actually want to serve it to us, don’t put it on the menu.”
Nicole [00:03:49] So you get soup, and I get something else, which is, like, the second course.
Sasheer [00:03:55] Yeah. You got whatever the next course was. Yeah.
Nicole [00:03:57] Yes. And eat that. The soup was very garlicky.
Sasheer [00:04:03] Yeah. I didn’t even finish it. It was too much. And then he took our plates away, gave me the second course, and gave you nothing because you already had the second course.
Nicole [00:04:12] And I said, “Oh, I didn’t get the soup.” And he said, “That’s okay.” And I was like, “Uh… Okay.”
Sasheer [00:04:19] So like, he’s trying to pull some Star Wars Jedi move, like, “That’s okay. This is not the soup you’re looking for. It’s fine. You don’t need it.”
Nicole [00:04:30] I was like, “Oh, okay.”
Sasheer [00:04:32] “I guess it’s okay.”
Nicole [00:04:35] And then you said, “Hey, where does the fireworks happen?” And he said, “Fireworks? Watch this.” And then he bent down, and candy fell out of his pant leg. Now, every time I have said this to somebody, they’re like, “What do you mean?” And I’m like, “What do you mean what do I mean?” I don’t know. He bent down and candy fell out of his pant leg–not a pocket–out of the bottom of his pant leg.
Sasheer [00:05:00] I think he was trying to do a magic trick. But that was, like, a failed attempt at a different trick because that wasn’t even what he was trying to do. He was like, ” I don’t know where the fireworks are, but watch this.” And then the candy fell out. And then he’s like, “Oh, whoops.” And he, like, scooped it up real fast and put it in his pocket.
Nicole [00:05:21] Scrambled. And then he took out a lighter, lit the lighter, and was like, “Fireworks!” And we were like, “Oh!” And then he’s like, “And if you want the noise that goes with fireworks…” He stomp-stomps with his feet. And we just stared at him. We were like, “Okay.” And then he walked away. And then Sasheer–you looked at me, and you said, “I hate him.” It made me laugh so hard.
Sasheer [00:05:41] I really hated him. I was like, “So are there fireworks or not?” I needed him to be something. He either had to be informing, telling me where the fireworks are, or charming–give me a cool magic trick–or funny, a good conversationalist. He was none of those things. He wasn’t good at his job. He wasn’t good at entertaining us. He wasn’t someone who had information. He meant nothing to me. I hated him. I really wanted him to go away.
Nicole [00:06:10] And we were there for such a long time because everyone’s on island time, baby. No one’s in a hurry, which is, like, whatever. I didn’t really mind. But we saw a founding father. There was this man who had long white hair that was tied up in a ribbon and, like, a handlebar mustache that curled up. I was like, “Sasheer, one of the founding fathers is here.” And then you went to the bathroom, and what did he say to you?
Sasheer [00:06:40] He said, “Greetings.” And I was like, “‘Greetings?’ Well, well, well… Greetings indeed.” He marched around the restaurant like he owned it. He didn’t. He was a patron.
Nicole [00:06:55] He was a patriot. But he really did look like he time traveled. He was in an old-timey suit, too. It was truly wild. And then we saw the biggest lady ever in this big pink dress. And Sasheer was like, “She’s so big. The men next are so small.” And then I was like, “Oh, a big lady. Let me find out where that pink dress is from,” because it was so cute. And Sasheer was like, “Go over there and ask.” And I went over there. I was like, “Oh, I love your dress. Where is it from?” And she wasn’t American, she wasn’t from Bahamas, but she pointed up and said… I don’t know exactly what she said, but it sounded like gibberish. And I was like, “She got her dress from the sky?” And then I just stood there, and I was like, “Uh huh. Thank you.” And then I walked away because I didn’t know what else to do. It was so strange.
Sasheer [00:07:47] Also, I want to clarify, just so people don’t think I was like, “She’s fat.” She was large–just, like, a giant woman. Tall. Looming.
Nicole [00:07:56] She was, like, 6′ 4″.
Sasheer [00:07:57] Yeah, this was a very large woman.
Nicole [00:08:00] She was also wearing heels.
Sasheer [00:08:01] Yeah. Her presence was seen.
Nicole [00:08:03] And then she had these big poofy shoulders. She looked like a linebacker. She was just big. And it was wonderful. And then our meals come. You asked for prawns?
Sasheer [00:08:17] Oh my God. Yes, because I have a shellfish allergy. So, I got the lamb chop, and it comes with prawns. And I made a big deal about being like, “make sure there’s no prawns on there. I have a shellfish allergy.” And he’s like, “Got it.” And then I got my meal with a big ass prawn right on top of the lambchop. And I was like, “I can’t have this because I have a shellfish allergy.” And he goes, “Huh. Okay.” He takes it away. And when he walked away, Nicole was like, “We should have asked him to keep that plate here, so they don’t just shove the prawn off of it and give it back to you”. And I was like, “Ooh, Damn, that’s a good point.”
Nicole [00:08:54] And I did say, “She needs it to never have touched. It needs to be a whole new plate with no prawn ever touching the plate.” And they just kind of nodded. And then, yeah, afterwards, I was like, “We should have just kept it.” But also, it’s like, “What? What do I say? ‘We’re going to keep this while you bring the other one’? I don’t know.” It was really wild. So, then we truly don’t know where the fireworks are because no one will tell us. So they go, “Maybe it’s at the bar in the front of the property.” And we said, “Okay.” And then we got lost trying to go there. We went to a bridge that led nowhere. There was a scary duck boat. There was a cat that scared us because it’s pitch black. And I said, “Sasheer, there’s an animal here.” And then you heard rustling and you’re like, “Ahh! Oh, no, it’s just a cat.”
Nicole [00:09:43] And I was like, “Phew!” Who the fuck knows what could have been there? And then we find this bar, and nobody at the bar knows about the fireworks either.
Sasheer [00:09:58] Also, when we left the property, we looked back at the sign that leads into it, and on the sign, it said, “Fireworks Show.” So, they’re advertising to everybody that fireworks are happening, but they did not tell the staff there at all.
Nicole [00:10:14] Not a single person knew about it.
Sasheer [00:10:17] The fireworks were supposed to happen–to the point that when the fireworks started, one of the servers was carrying a tray of drinks, and she got so scared that she fell to the floor and dropped all the drinks, and they crashed and broke on the ground.
Nicole [00:10:36] She, like, tucked under the bar. She thought they were gunshots. She truly dropped the tray and tucked under the bar, and everyone was, like, laughing at her. I was like, “Well, nobody told her there was going to be fireworks. But also, friend, It’s New Year’s Eve.” Also, these fireworks happened nowhere close to the beach. It was on the property behind us, so we all had to turn–
Sasheer [00:10:55] Behind trees.
Nicole [00:10:58] Yes! It was behind trees. Truly wild.
Sasheer [00:11:02] And then the owner of the bar came over to our table, and he loved Nicole. He, like, looked at her, rubbed your arm up and down, and was, like, winking at her like, “What do you want? What do you want?” And we were like, “Drinks, I guess.” He went away to get us drinks and came back. And then they gave us heavy pours, too.
Nicole [00:11:25] I wish I could remember the name of that bar.
Sasheer [00:11:28] I have no idea.
Nicole [00:11:29] Shit. What was the name of the restaurant?
Sasheer [00:11:31] I’m sure I can find it.
Nicole [00:11:32] Sarsaparilla?
Sasheer [00:11:33] I think I can find it in my phone. I don’t remember.
Nicole [00:11:35] Okay, I think it was– Yeah, but I would like to shout out that bar because he didn’t make us pay for any of those drinks. He was really, really nice. And I was following him around the bar, trying to pay for our drinks because Mr. Marley was coming back to get us. And he was like, “No, just post about it or, you know, tell people about it.” And here I am. I really can’t remember the name of the bar.
Sasheer [00:12:00] Here’s the thing. I can find the name. But I feel like we did shit on the staff, so, like, do I actually want to call them out, you know?
Nicole [00:12:08] Well, not at the bar. The bar was great.
Sasheer [00:12:11] But they’re connected.
Nicole [00:12:11] They are connected. Oooh. That’s the problem.
Sasheer [00:12:19] We can’t sit on the waitstaff and be like, “Go to their sister!”
Nicole [00:12:26] Well, the bar was really nice. So, then we decided to leave because you went to the bathroom, and you made a wrong turn. And the manager said, “Don’t go down there. You’ll get raped.”
Sasheer [00:12:40] That’s literally what he said. “You don’t want to go that way. You’ll get raped.” And he said it with a smile. It was a warning, but it wasn’t like, “Watch out, okay? Because it’s dangerous down there.” It was like, “Ha ha. That’s rape alley over there.”
Nicole [00:12:54] Which is like, how many times has this happened that this man is so lackadaisical about it?
Sasheer [00:13:00] I was like, “Ha ha. I also don’t want to get raped.” And he’s like, “Yeah.”
Nicole [00:13:05] So Mr. Marley comes to get us, and Mr. Marley was like, “So y’all are getting drunk.” And we’re like, “Uh-huh!” And he seemed really worse for wear. What did he say to you?
Sasheer [00:13:16] Yeah, he said he had picked up some other really, really drunk people, and I guess they were kind of terrorizing him or terrorizing in the car. I don’t know. But it seemed like he was, like, ready to be done with the night.
Nicole [00:13:28] He had been going through it. Also, the day he took us on the tour, he was like, “I am all yours. I’m not going to pick up another person.” And we got back in the car, the seats are wet, and there was a ton of sand in the car. And I was like, “We didn’t go to the beach. Why did he say he wasn’t going to pick up anybody else? We know you’re driving a taxi. We know this.” And Sasheer was like, “He didn’t pick up anybody else. The rain got in his car.” I was like, “And the sand?”
Sasheer [00:13:57] I wanted to believe. I was like, “He said he’s ours for the whole week.” And then I was like, “Oh, I guess it doesn’t make sense.”
Nicole [00:14:03] No, he’s gotta make money. So, then we went to the party on the 10th floor of our hotel at Margaritaville. And it is hopping’.
Sasheer [00:14:14] It was hopping’. Yeah. The music was great.
Nicole [00:14:17] Yeah. So, then we were like, “We need to get money because it’s easier to pay cash than, you know, a card or whatever.” We go downstairs, we get money, we go back up, the party’s over.
Sasheer [00:14:27] Now it’s over. Everyone’s leaving.
Nicole [00:14:30] And then this man at the front door was like, “You going to Junkanoo? Here’s a video.” And then he couldn’t find the video. And we were, like, trying to leave. And then this woman was leaving, and he was like, “You can’t take glasses.” Oh, God, do you remember this?
Sasheer [00:14:47] Barely.
Nicole [00:14:47] Oh, I really wish I could remember what she said. She was like, “I can’t take a glass? What if I leave it down in the lobby?” And he’s like, “You can’t take glasses.” She’s like, “Come on. Shit.” I can’t remember what exactly she said, but she was very funny, and I laughed super hard. Anyway, we go in the hot tub again, and no movies are happening. It’s just the two of us.
Sasheer [00:15:09] We at least have this romantic hot tub to ourselves. It was really nice.
Nicole [00:15:13] Yes. And I tried to teach you how to float and I will teach you how to float. I have to do this. I have to teach you because I believe everyone can float. And I understand you’ve taken swimming lessons, you’ve worked on it, and it’s not for you, but it will be. Don’t worry, we’re going to get there. We were in a hot tub. Toes touch the ground. We’re sitting. It was hard. So, then the next day is… This is where we found out we missed Junkanoo. No. Is it? Or is it when we went to Four Seasons, we missed Junkanoo.
Sasheer [00:15:56] Hmm. I don’t remember
Nicole [00:15:59] I don’t remember either. But anyway, we missed this cultural festival that hadn’t happened in years because we got confused.
Sasheer [00:16:07] Because no one could completely explain it to us. And also, that first lady at the Airbnb was like, “It’s an all-day event.” So, we were like, “Yeah, we’ll go in the afternoon or something when it’s safe and people aren’t stabbing people.” And they were like, “Oh no, it was only from, like, midnight till 10 a.m.” And I was like, “Why wouldn’t anyone tell us those details? It seems like the most pertinent part of the event is the timing. Why not just tell us those are the hours?”
Nicole [00:16:41] And I had done the research, like that lady told us to, and I was genuinely excited about it. So, it’s, like, five “families”–families in quotes–teams who do carnivalish performances. And then at the end of the night, everyone votes on who wins. I found out later there was a Black Panther-inspired dance and they won. And I was like, “I would have loved to see that.” So, at Margaritaville, we were just going to have a day at Margaritaville. Why not? We’ve been through a lot. And then Sasheer made the mistake of asking someone at the front desk, who was really eyeing me up–again, these men love me. I can’t remember what day it was–but we were walking somewhere, and this man, like a cartoon, looked at me, and then there was a beam, and he went around the beam to look at me some more. And I was like, “Oh my God, everyone fucking loves me here.” But Sasheer made the mistake of talking to this cutie at the front desk. And he was like, “You got to go to this place.” A brunch place. He says, “It’s down by the second arcade.” And we’re like, “Okay.” And then I found them on Instagram and there is no address. It’s literally a video on how to get there. So we were, like, matching what we saw on the video to things that we were seeing in real life.
Sasheer [00:17:56] It was a real scavenger hunt.
Nicole [00:17:57] It really was. In the sun. And we were hot.
Sasheer [00:18:02] And hungry.
Nicole [00:18:03] And we walk in.
Sasheer [00:18:04] It made no sense. And there was no signage either. Even when we got to the store, I was like, “Is this the place?” There was no one greeting us. No one was like, “Welcome!” And then people were paying in the front. And I was like, “Is this how we order? I’m confused.” And eventually I had to pull someone aside and be like, “Can we get a seat?” And they’re like, “Oh. You want to eat here?” And I was like, “That should’ve been our first sign of ‘Oh, okay. They don’t want a serve us.’” And then she, like, cleared a table and is like, “You can sit here.” And we’re like, “Okay.” And then we ordered, like, simple stuff. You got steak and egg. I got an egg croissant. And then we waited for, like, 45 minutes. And we were like, “This is kind of crazy. There’s only one other family here and us.”
Nicole [00:18:56] And they have their food. They’re getting it one by one.
Sasheer [00:18:58] So I don’t know what’s happening.
Nicole [00:19:00] And I’m fucking mean mugging the lady in the front.
Sasheer [00:19:03] Staring at her–just daggers.
Nicole [00:19:06] And then she comes over, and she’s like, “Your food is on its way.” And then 15 more minutes fucking passed by.
Sasheer [00:19:13] Then the manager walks over to our table and he’s like, “It looks like you guys are waiting for something.” And we were like, “We’re waiting for the food we ordered.” And he goes, “Oh. You caught us at the wrong time. We’re closing.” And we’re like, “Sure. But we came here an hour ago and ordered food when you were very open.” And he’s like, “Oh, that can’t be right. Let me go check in the kitchen.” And we’re like, “Okay.” And he goes back. And then our food comes immediately, which… What was happening? And we get our food. My croissant wasn’t toasted or anything. It came straight out of the bag onto my plate. And then I asked my eggs over easy. They were hard; they were fully cooked.
Nicole [00:20:00] My eggs had the amount of sodium used to kill somebody. It was so fucking salty. My piece of steak was the worst cut of steak I’ve ever had in my whole life. And it was medium well. I asked for it medium. And the manager came back over and was like, “You didn’t wait an hour for your food. It was actually 40 minutes.” And I was like, “Okay.”
Sasheer [00:20:23] I was like, “Are you telling us that as if that’s a good amount of time to wait for this food?” And he was like, “No. If it was an hour, I’d be mad. But 40 minutes?” And we were like, “Yeah, again, we didn’t order anything that would take that much time.”
Nicole [00:20:38] He was like, “Everything is cooked to order.” And I was like, “Yes. But you prep. Restaurants prep food. That’s how they cook it.”
Sasheer [00:20:46] “And there’s no one else here. There’s no other competing meals that you need to cook.” And it was really weird because we also weren’t complaining. It’s not like we were like, “Can you bring us your manager? We need to talk to somebody about this.” We were minding our own business, trying to eat so we can get the fuck out of there. And the manager meandered to our table to gaslight us and make us think that we didn’t wait for a long time. And then he asked Nicole, “Is your steak prepared the way you like?” And you were like, “It’s not.”
Nicole [00:21:16] I was like, “No, but it’s fine.” And he was like, “Oh, you want it more pink?” And I said, “Yeah, that’s usually how it’s cooked medium.” He’s like, “No, it’s cooked medium. The chefs in my kitchen said that that’s cooked medium.” And I was like, “Then why did you ask?” He’s like, “I’ll give you a discount.” And I was like, “Okay.” So, we go up to pay after I was like, “Sasheer, I can’t eat this.” I ate, like, six bites, and it was inedible.
Sasheer [00:21:38] Yeah.
Nicole [00:21:39] So then we’re paying, and he’s like, “I’m going to give you a discount. Also, he had left. The lady had to go get him. He comes back, and he’s like, “I’m thinking about putting something in my menu about how food–” And I was like, “I don’t care. I don’t give a shit about what you do at your establishment. I don’t want to be here anymore.”
Sasheer [00:21:56] And he was like, “Well, I’m going to give you a discount for the steak,” which is also, like, you should have given us a discount for waiting that long… And the steak and just the shitty service all around.
Nicole [00:22:07] Everything was so shitty.
Sasheer [00:22:09] We shouldn’t have been paying at all. But we just wanted to leave, and we were like, “Why are you trying to convince us that we didn’t experience what we experienced? Leave us alone.”
Nicole [00:22:18] It was bad, and I hated it. So, then we went back to our haven, Margaritaville. We went to the beach. Sasheer had her second hotdog of the trip.
Sasheer [00:22:30] I was like, “I know what’ll make me feel good. I need to get a hot dog.”
Nicole [00:22:34] And then we got yummy drinks. Mine had a whole watermelon in it. And then we tried to see a movie because there is a movie theater in the hotel. It’s not even attached, so we had to walk a little bit. We walk around. There’s a bowling alley, there’s, like, a little arcade. And we get to the movie theater, and we’re like, “What movie is being shown?” And the man said, “It’s for people staying at the hotel.” And we were like, “We’re staying at the hotel.” He said, “Oh, okay. It happened at 7:30.” We were like, “Wait. What?”
Sasheer [00:23:08] And we’re like, “So there’s only one showing? What’s the movie?” And he’s like, “Whatever you choose.” And we’re like, “But how does that work? Like, what if other guests show up that are not us, and now we all what? Take a vote? We don’t even know what the choices are. What movies do you have here?”
Nicole [00:23:29] “All of the latest.”
Sasheer [00:23:30] “Are you just going to pull Netflix up and watch something on a larger screen? How does this work?” And we didn’t get an answer. And we’re like, “Okay, no movie for us. Thank you.”
Nicole [00:23:42] Yeah, I was like, “Should we just go back to the rooms so nothing else bad happens today?”
Sasheer [00:23:46] Yes. We did get dinner.
Nicole [00:23:47] Where did we get dinner?
Sasheer [00:23:49] At the hotel. At the J.W. or J… whatever.
Nicole [00:23:52] Oh, yes, yes, yes. J.W.B. or something.
Sasheer [00:23:57] I can’t remember it was called. But that guy at the front desk… At this point I was like, “Oh, we should never ask anyone for suggestions because they’re all bad and wrong.” He was like, “I don’t eat any food on the property. It’s all bad.” And we’re like, “Where should we go?” And then he suggested that awful brunch place. And then we were like, “Well, let’s get dinner at this restaurant.” And we got dinner there, and it was great.
Nicole [00:24:23] It was delightful. It was seasoned well. It was good.
Sasheer [00:24:27] Great service.
Nicole [00:24:27] Service was fast. Yeah, it was nice. But then we were like, “Let’s not go back to the room. Let’s go up to the 10th floor again. That was fun.” So, we went back up there, and they were training a girl to do a deejay. And it was bad.
Sasheer [00:24:48] She was, like, learning the controls. She was slowing the music down, speeding it up. It was weird. And we were like, “Okay, well, we don’t want to be here on her training day.”
Nicole [00:24:59] “We gotta get out of here.” And we found out later, “Oh, this is when Junkanoo was happening.” We found out later everything was dead because people were preparing for Junkanoo. But then we went to our room, and the TV didn’t work.
Sasheer [00:25:14] We’re like, “At least we’ll have TV.” We hyped up, too; we’re like, “If nothing else, we have TV. The TV will always entertain us.”
Nicole [00:25:22] “TV entertains. We love TV! You can depend on TV.” And then TV failed us.
Sasheer [00:25:28] TV failed us. It did not work. It turned on. And then that was it. We couldn’t get any channels, nothing streaming.
Nicole [00:25:38] But you could order a taxi.
Sasheer [00:25:39] Which is a lie. They had a taxi button, which I was like, “There’s no way. There’s no way that this place is technologically savvy enough to be able to order a taxi from the TV because, the way we have seen it so far, it’s been really hard.” So, we just watched TV on your computer.
Nicole [00:26:00] Uh huh. We watched Glass Onion. Very good.
Sasheer [00:26:03] It was very good.
Nicole [00:26:03] Also, we found out one of the daily activities at this place is: Can you find the saltshaker? There’s just a saltshaker hidden around Margaritaville. So, I’m 100% sure if you found it, no one would know what you were talking about. When we came back from jet skiing, my shoes were wet, and I didn’t want to walk in the hotel shoeless because I’m not that girl. I don’t see it for myself. That’s disgusting for me. No judgment to anybody else who’s a shoeless person. But around the property are little signs that say, “If your flip flop broke, text 222 or go to the front desk, and we’ll replace that flip flop.” So, I sent Sasheer in to get me a flip flop. Nobody knew what she was talking about. These people were standing next to a sign that says, “We will give you a flip flop,” and they looked her dead in the eye and said, “You can go buy some at the store. I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Sasheer [00:26:50] It was really wild. So, I bought her some Bahamas flip flops so she would never forget our experience.
Nicole [00:26:57] I left them there. I didn’t want anything from Bahamas because Bahamas didn’t want to give me anything, so I was like, “I’m not taking nothing back.”
Sasheer [00:27:04] I didn’t know you left them there.
Nicole [00:27:06] Left them there.
Sasheer [00:27:07] I get it.
Nicole [00:27:09] So the next day, we found out we fully just missed Junkanoo because we’re like, “Mr. Marley. We think we want to go to Junkanoo at, like, 1:00.” And he was like, “1:00? Junkanoo is done. You missed it.” We’re like, “Okay, great.”.
Sasheer [00:27:26] So we go to the Four Seasons. We have lunch reservations there at this restaurant called Dune. It was great. We had a great beach view. It was peaceful. And we were like, “Let’s never leave.”
Nicole [00:27:39] Yes. And I was like, “Maybe we should have stayed at the Four Seasons.” And then I looked it up–it was $2,000 a room. And I was like, “What?” The disparity. Like, there’s no middle ground. It’s Margaritaville or Four Seasons. What happened to La Quinta? Like, why is there nothing in the middle? Not even a Hilton.
Sasheer [00:28:02] I think there was a Hilton there. But I think that was expensive, too.
Nicole [00:28:06] There was a Courtyard. I think there was a Courtyard Marriott across the street from Junkanoo Beach. And that was not for me. Oh yeah, that was sold out.
Sasheer [00:28:18] And then I was like, “Let’s get massages.” So, I looked up massages. The website was super confusing because it made it seem like we had to go back to Atlantis to get massages. And we were like, “We’re never stepping foot on Atlantis again.”
Nicole [00:28:30] And the massage I saw at Atlantis was on the beach. There was this very red, heavyset man with the smallest towel covering his butt. And I was like, “This seems like humiliation. This does not seem kind.” And I was like, “Sasheer, I will not let you do that. We can’t.”
Sasheer [00:28:50] But then I just walked to the front desk. They answered my question. I found the spa, and they were like, “Oh, yeah, we have openings today. And it’s here, you don’t have to go to Atlantis.” And I was like, “Oh, thank God.” Signed us up for massages. We finished our meal. We had a long meal, too, because we were like, “We are not leaving here.”
Nicole [00:29:07] And they kept being like, “Are you done?” And we’re like, “No.” And they’re like, “Are you okay?” “Fine.” “Do you want to leave?” “We sure don’t.”
Sasheer [00:29:15] And then there’s a beach that you go to, but you had to be a guest to get a chair. And the people who work there explained that to us. And we’re like, “Well, can we at least get a towel to sit on?” And they’re like, “No, we can’t give you towels.” And then Nicole looked at one of the staff members and was like, “Come on. Come on, my brother. Give a sister a towel.”
Nicole [00:29:35] “Help a sister out. Come on, my brother. You better please give me a towel.” And then he laughed really hard and was like, “You’re going to get me in trouble.” But then he gave us a towel and then was like, “All right, walk a mile that way.” We walked so far away.
Sasheer [00:29:47] “Just don’t be seen.”
Nicole [00:29:49] “Don’t be seen by anybody.” And then I was so upset because I thought I was going to get nary a drop of water near me. Otherwise, I would have brought my bathing suit and hopped right into the ocean. The beaches in Bahamas are so fucking beautiful, so it kind of was, like, enough to just sit there. And then we, like, put our little toesies in. We took pictures. It was, like, a nice, serene time. Just truly a treat. And then my massage?
Sasheer [00:30:18] It was a really good massage.
Nicole [00:30:21] It was so good.
Sasheer [00:30:22] It was so good. Yeah. She got knots out of my shoulders.
Nicole [00:30:26] And I felt so just aligned. And my robe didn’t fit because the world is not made for people over a certain size, which is fine. But I was kind of trying to hold it closed. And then she was trying to explain something to me, and I was like, “Oh, can I just, like, lay down and take this off.” And she was like, “But your boobies.” And I was like, “You’re massaging me. Who cares?” I was like, “I don’t care.” She’s like, “Okay, I will try to look at just your face.” And then I was like, “Okay, I’ll just wait till you want me to lay down.” And then when I stood up, she was like, “Your robe! What if someone sees you?” And I did look, and I was like, “Oh, there is a chance someone could see me.” And I just said, “They would be so lucky.” And then she laughed too hard to the point where I was like, “Are you laughing at my body or the joke? I don’t know, but I feel serene.”
Sasheer [00:31:10] Which was the opposite of my experience because she was, like, rubbing my back but then also the side of my boob. It was the side of my body, which happened to be the side of my boob, but I was like, “Well, that’s not necessary.” I didn’t feel bad. I wasn’t gonna stop her, but I was like, “All right.” And then her own breasts were, like, resting on top of my head, which again, I was like, “Doesn’t feel bad, but I don’t know why this is happening.”
Nicole [00:31:36] I was begging for some titty action, and nobody would give it to me–from myself or from her.”
Sasheer [00:31:44] I was getting, like, too much titty action. I was like, “Surely there’s a different place you can stand where you can reach that area, but that’s fine.”
Nicole [00:31:53] And then when we signed the bill, the lady laughed at my signature.
Sasheer [00:31:59] Oh, yeah because it was so big.
Nicole [00:32:00] Well, they only gave me so much space, but she openly laughed. She went, “Wow,” and then laughed at me. And then we got back to Margaritaville, and we asked for…
Sasheer [00:32:13] No, wait. We stayed longer at the Four Seasons.
Nicole [00:32:13] Oh, I forgot. We had dinner.
Sasheer [00:32:14] We went back to the bar, and we were like, “Well, let’s just get a drink and look at the sunset.” And then we were like, “Oh, we can order food in the bar. We’ll just stay here.” So, we ordered a meal. We were like, “We are not leaving this property.”
Nicole [00:32:27] “We love the Four Seasons.”
Sasheer [00:32:30] And it was great.
Nicole [00:32:31] It was delightful. I had snapper, I think. I’m now a fish girl. It was very, very good. I tasted your salmon. I liked it. But I think I’m more, like, a white fish person. And then Mr. Marley came and picked us up, took us back to Margaritaville. We asked for our TV to get fixed, and they said, “Surely nobody from tech support is here, but we’ll send maintenance.” And guess who they didn’t send? Maintenance! Nobody came.
Sasheer [00:32:57] And we just watched more TV on our computer.
Nicole [00:33:11] This is, like, our last day. I signed up for a pig swimming adventure. I lost my fucking mind. Those pigs are so cute. I was glad I brought my water shoes–my aquatic adventure shoes.
Sasheer [00:33:27] Shoes ready for adventure.
Nicole [00:33:29] Because those pigs just shit in the water. One was like following someone. And they don’t swim with you, and they don’t say this. What happens is you just have, like, sausage or, like, chicken sausage, you give it to them, and then they come into the water. They don’t actually swim with you. And I was happy we went to this place because these were, like, pigs that were captive. They were, like, in a farming thing or whatever. And if you go to Exuma, those are literally wild pigs that will actually bite you. These ones are domesticated a little bit, and they seemed happy, I think. I hope. The little one I picked up was delighted to be picked up and have his belly scratched. So, I think they’re happy. I hope they’re happy.
Sasheer [00:34:10] I mean, you were surrounded by all your favorite animals. There’s ducks there. There are roosters. Chickens.
Nicole [00:34:15] The most pretty ducks. Oh, my God. Everything I could possibly want was at this island. If I ever go back to Bahamas, that’s where I’m gonna spend the whole time. And guess what? I’m never going back. I won’t put him on blast. But the name of this tour is called Born Free. And our captain was a white man. And it’s family-owned; he said it was family owned. And I don’t know if it was his family, but I was like, “Curious that a white tour company would call themselves Born Free in a Black island. But hey! You know, whatever.” So, then we go and see turtles. And this little kid–he asked the captain, “Are we going to see sea turtles?” And the captain was like, “Yeah.” He just couldn’t be bothered.
Sasheer [00:35:12] What was his name? Hudson?
Nicole [00:35:14] Hudson. I’ll never forget Hudson. Hudson is very funny.
Sasheer [00:35:20] People keep yelling at Hudson.
Nicole [00:35:23] Well, okay, then we go to Harbor Island, and the sand is pink. It is stunning.
Sasheer [00:35:30] It’s really pretty.
Nicole [00:35:31] Harbor Island was so breathtaking.
Sasheer [00:35:33] And we were, like, the only ones there. The sand was, like, compacted into the ground. It was just, like, so peaceful and beautiful.
Nicole [00:35:39] And the water was warm, and–oh, God–it was just really incredible. I made a sandman. And then we went to Spanish Wells, which is a wild place. Spanish Wells is a white supremacist island in the Bahamas. And we get there, there’s a Trump flag flying. And I was like, “I had a passport to get here, and I have to see a Trump flag? How wild.” And then there’s only white people there. And the captain was like, “This is a huge port for fishing. The fish you get in America is from here. The fish you get in Europe is from here. Bohemians buy their fish here.” I was putting things together. I was like, “Oh, white people saw a huge market to make money and took it over.” And it was weird. And then I asked Mr. Marley later, and he was like, “Yeah, that’s exactly what it is.” And I was like, “Oh, okay.” And then I went online and found out it was a Sundown Island. I don’t know if it’s still a sundown island.
Sasheer [00:36:44] I don’t think it still was, but it was for longer than it should have been. Yeah.
Nicole [00:36:48] And if you don’t know what a sundown anything is, we have sundown towns here, historically. Appleton, Wisconsin, is one–the city I hate the most in the United States. It means that, like, 5:00 p.m., everybody black has to leave that area. You can’t live there. You can work there, but you have to leave. Otherwise, it’s like the purge and they can do whatever.
Sasheer [00:37:08] Otherwise your safety is not promised.
Nicole [00:37:10] Yeah. So that’s what Spanish Wells is, and I was pretty upset that this tour brought us to a white supremacist island. And then this TripAdvisor review–this woman and her family stayed there, and she was like, “The only reason my family was welcomed here, and it was reiterated almost every day, is because we were white. And they would go, ‘Blacks are over there.’” And I was like, “Oh my God, I can’t believe…” And then it takes, like, an hour and a half. Also, we’re on a speedboat. I thought this was, like, a normal boat. It’s a speedboat. It is bumpy. It is choppy. My friend, Sasheer, was lulled to sleep on the way out. And then on the way back, I was worried that we were going to die.
Sasheer [00:37:52] Yeah. In the morning there wasn’t, like, another bunch of boats, so it was a peaceful ride. And then on the way back, all the boats were on the water. So we were, like, airborne at parts.
Nicole [00:38:07] And he had his girlfriend. He brought his girlfriend on board to come back with us.
Sasheer [00:38:11] And maybe his dad? There was, like, a random old man and then a young woman who were not there when we originally took this trip.
Nicole [00:38:22] No. And then we see Atlantis. We have never been happier to see this monstrosity. We’re like, “We’re almost home.” And then he turns off the engine and is like, “Who wants to go snorkeling?” And I was like, “No one! No one here wants to go snorkeling!”
Sasheer [00:38:35] And it didn’t make sense because the sun was setting. It was dark. It was cold.
Nicole [00:38:40] I was choppy as fuck. The woman in the back is like, “I’m going snorkeling.” And then this dad and Hudson get in. And Hudson’s like, “Excuse me. I’m not sure what to do.” And they’re like, “Just put your face in the water, Hudson! Just blow out of the thing, Hudson!” “Yeah, I just don’t know if this fits me super well. I think it’s broken.” And they’re like, “Hudson, put your head under the water and look at the coral!” “Wait. I’m sorry. Where is the coral?” So, we’re all listening to poor Hudson be humiliated by his family. And then they throw a life preserver out for Hudson–
Sasheer [00:39:20] Which I don’t think was necessary. I think they were like, “Wrap it up, Hudson,” and they just threw a life preserver at him. And I don’t think he needed it. It was so embarrassing. And he’s like, “I don’t know if I saw anything.” And they’re like, “Hudson, put your head in the water.” He didn’t even want to do it. And they’re like, “Hudson. Get in there.” I was like, “I really feel for Hudson.”
Nicole [00:39:46] So funny to listen to his whole family scream at him. And Hudson’s mom earlier was like, “So much for a dry January.” And then Sasheer was like, “Should I have told her I’m not drinking?”
Sasheer [00:39:59] Like, you don’t have to do drinking. There was a cooler full of booze because there always is somewhere. And she’s cracking them open, like, “Guess I’m going to be drinking.” It was like, “You don’t have to. It’s not part of the trip. It’s not a requirement.”
Nicole [00:40:16] And then Hudson and his dad get back on. And he’s like, “I saw a big crab.” And Hudson’s like, “I don’t really see anything.” “You gotta look, Hudson!” And I just felt so bad for Hudson. And then we’re exhausted. This tour went from 8:00 a.m. to 5:00 p.m.
Sasheer [00:40:36] It was so long. It was fun, but, like, the last three things I didn’t need. I was like, “I didn’t know we still had more trip. Why are we doing this?”
Nicole [00:40:47] Yeah, I didn’t need to take a golf cart around an island where the people who lived there were sunburned white people, who were truly giving us dirty looks. They were mad that we were there. So, then we, like, get back. We’re tired. We shower, we’re like, “Let’s go to this Italian place in the hotel.” And we walk in, and it’s pitch black. And I just laugh because I was like, “How are we allowed in here if it’s closed?” And then Sasheer was like, “Can we order things?” She goes, “No, you gotta go downstairs.” And Sasheer was like, “Where downstairs?” And she’s like, “You see an elevator? Hit the down button and go downstairs.”
Sasheer [00:41:24] I was like, “I understand how to go downstairs. But where do we order the food? I’ve literally never seen an area to order the food.”
Nicole [00:41:32] I was like, “Sasheer, we just have to go down. I know where it is.” And you were like, “Okay.” And I was like, “I don’t know where it is, but that lady was not going to help us.”
Sasheer [00:41:40] Yeah, we just needed to leave that place. Then we went to a different restaurant there–in Margaritaville.
Nicole [00:41:45] Because we couldn’t figure it out.
Sasheer [00:41:47] Yeah, but it was great. The food there was great.
Nicole [00:41:49] It was delicious.
Sasheer [00:41:50] We should have never listened to that man at the front desk.
Nicole [00:41:53] No. Never. So, then we’re leaving Bahamas the next day. We’re so excited. And our flight is delayed. Sasheer has got global entry, so she zips on by. I do not have global entry. I think I spent an hour in that line–maybe more? I don’t know. But I did sign up for global entry while I was in that line because I was like, “Never again.” And there was a baby online screaming so hard that the officials took the family out of the line and expedited them because the babies weren’t going to stop crying. And the parents were tired because they probably had a vacation like us. And they were like, “I don’t know what to do.” And they scooped them out of line. And then this other grown adult was like, “What if I cry?” And I was like, “They’re not going to come get you.” So, I walked through the line, and I see TCBY–the country’s best yogurt. I am like, “The Bahamas wants me to leave because this is a treat!” So, I asked Sasheer first–I was like, “Is our flight boarding?” She’s like, “No.” I was like, “Great. I’ma get me some yogurt.” I get me some yogurt. Ooh, it slides down. It is good. I am elated. And then we finally take off, land in Atlanta, and then you had to go to war. There was a bunch of, like, Marines there.
Sasheer [00:43:14] The whole Army was there. The U.S. military was just in the Atlanta airport. I was like, “What? Am I going to get recruited? Is this how it happens? You get on the plane, you become part of the army. What’s happening?” I don’t know how I thought people in the military got, like, transported places. But I thought they had their own plane. But I guess they fly commercial and fly through the Atlanta airport.
Nicole [00:43:40] I was like, “The Army doesn’t have it private? They have to go through the biggest hub that we all have to go through? They’re all Diamond Divas for Delta?” My next flight is also delayed. So, I was supposed to leave at 6:00. It’s delayed to 9:45. Sasheer was like, “Do you want to come to my place in Atlanta and fly out in the morning?” And I was like, “Honestly? Yes. But I have to go home. I can no longer pull these bags around with me. They’re heavy and I’m tired. Thank you for the offer, but I have to forge ahead.” So, I forge ahead. And when I landed, I was like, “Okay, let me switch to the 7:50.” So, I get to the to the airport lounge. I’m there for, like, 3 hours. This man comes up to me, and he’s like, “Traveling alone?” And I said, “No, I just left my friend. She’s staying in Atlanta, and I’m going home.” And he’s like, “Where’d you go?” And I said, “Bahamas.” He said, “Did you get on a cruise?” And I was like, “You couldn’t pay me to get on a fucking cruise. Everyone who’s ever been on a cruise is a fucking lunatic.” And then he was like, “But all the food.” And I was like, “I can get all the food I want anywhere I want. I’m just not getting on a cruise. I’m not getting stranded in the middle of the ocean. I’ve been there. I’ve done it. It doesn’t seem ideal.” So, then I get to the gate. We board at 7:15. A nice time. Get on board. Everyone’s seats are sitting. And then the guy who ends up sitting next to me was sitting across the aisle. But this couple wanted to sit next to each other, so they switch. And I was like, “Ooh, our monitors don’t work. You should switch back.” And he was like, “Nah, it’s fine, it’s fine.” And I didn’t know how to say, “If you switch back, they’ll ask me to switch. And then in turn I get a monitor that works, and I can watch movies.” But alas, that didn’t happen. And then he was like, “I gotta charge my phone.” And then the plugs didn’t work. And the flight attendant said, “Do you want me to take your phone? I can charge.” And I was like, “Can you take mine?” So, she takes mine. But the guy next to me is like, “No, I can charge it through my laptop.” So, then he opens the overhead bin to get his laptop and takes out a pizza box. And I was like, “This man is storing a pizza box?” He doesn’t take nary a bite. He gets his computer out, puts the pizza box back up top. And I was like, “That was weird.” And then he’s charging his laptop. And then the pilot puts on a backpack and leaves the plane. And I was like, “What?” And then the flight attendant gets on the loudspeaker and goes, “We need to get a new flight crew.” And we were like, “Okay.” So, we wait two full hours at the gate before the flight attendant says, “I don’t know why, but all of you need to deplane.” So, we all get off the plane, and we get back up to the gate. The gate agent goes, “Some of these passengers had some choice words for me! They were not nice choice words, so I made all of y’all get off the plane!” And it made me laugh. I was the only person laughing. I was like, “Yeah, don’t be mean to the gate agent. They have the power. Flight attendants have the power. If we want to go, we all have to be nice.” So, then there’s another announcement that’s like, “We don’t have a pilot.” Also, there was a pilot that was supposed to land at 8:30 that was going to come fly the plane. But then he refused it and decided to go to Orange County because they have a curfew. So, if you accept a flight to Orange County, you have to leave, there just won’t be any more delays. You have to make it.” So, after all the Orange County flights were filled by pilots, then the L.A. flights were filled by other pilots, I guess? I don’t know. So, then I said to the gate agent, “I know you’re not a mind reader, but there’s another flight that leaves at 11:00. Do they have a pilot?” She’s like, “You could try.” And I said, “Okay.” And she’s like, “Also, they’re boarding at B-42.” And we were like A-29. And I was like, “Is there first class available?” She’s like, “No.” And I was like, “Then I’m not going anywhere. Because guess what, you guys. I’d rather sleep in an airport than fly economy. I’m too fat. So, then I go to the other gate to try to get on the other plane. And then there’s this man. He didn’t announce it, but he said it loud enough for the people standing there. He was like, “The other flight has a pilot.” So, I run back over and there’s a huge line. I never cut lines, but I was like, “I have to go home.” So, I just, like, went up to her, and I was like, “Hi, I’m so sorry.” And then this man was like, “I’ve been waiting here since 4 p.m.!” And I was like, “We’ve all been here since 4 p.m.” And then the gate agent told the man to stand over there. I don’t know if he got on this plane, but he was being rude to her, so he had to go stand over there. She put me back on the plane. We all get back on the plane. The boarding door closes. The flight attendant is like, “I couldn’t say this before, but I’ll say it now. The boarding door is closed!” And everyone starts clapping. And almost immediately the pilot gets on the loudspeaker and goes, “We actually have to refuel because the plane has been sitting here for two hours on.”
Sasheer [00:48:36] Oh my God.
Nicole [00:48:38] So we just wasted two hours of fuel. And then everyone was like, “Oh no.” And then we sit there for another 15, 20 minutes. And then we pull back or whatever. The pilot’s like, “We are a number–” And I was like, “Number what for departure? What do you mean? We just have to go!” And then he ends up being like, “We are number one for departure.” And then we take off. And I was supposed to land at 8 p.m. I did not land until 1:30 in the fucking morning. And all I wanted to do was go home. I had no TV, so I slept for most of the time. I tried to read, but it’s hard to read in pitch black with just the light on you. It was a whole mess. But I did make it home. And that was our trip to Bahamas.
Sasheer [00:49:26] That was our trip to the Bahamas?
Nicole [00:49:32] Two hours of content. I mean, truly, every single day something weird happened.
Sasheer [00:49:41] Yes. Yeah, and I can’t say it was relaxing.
Nicole [00:49:45] It was the least relaxing trip I’ve ever had in my whole life because when we did relax, I’d be like, “But what else is going to happen?” Oh, yeah. Before we left, you were like, “Hey, Nicole. Should we make a list of nice things that happened?” And I said, “Yeah, we should because we did this–we did a trip.” And then it was really hard to come up with nice things that had happened.
Sasheer [00:50:08] But we were like, “This shows that you and I can handle anything.”
Nicole [00:50:13] Yes, because we never yelled at each other.
Sasheer [00:50:16] Oh, my God. Yeah. We never got in a fight. We never got so frustrated that we, like, lost it. We just laughed at everything and were kind of like, “Okay, that’s what this is. That’s what this trip is, and we just have to ride it out.”
Nicole [00:50:34] Yeah, it was truly wild. And honestly, you could pay me zero–I would never go back there. Like, you’d have to pay me a lot of money.
Sasheer [00:50:43] I don’t know, but, yeah, you’d have to pay me a lot of money. I don’t even know how much money it would take for me to go back. I would never go back.
Nicole [00:50:53] I don’t know how much money either. But I know I would go back if someone had, like, a private house on an island and a yacht.
Sasheer [00:51:01] Yes.
Nicole [00:51:01] And there was like a private plane that took me there. Like, it would just have to be like everything was, like, thought out beforehand because boy, oh boy.
Sasheer [00:51:10] We also realized, I think, this will be our last Airbnb experience because what the fuck? What are we paying for? If people are asking us to clean our own shit, buy our own suppliers, I’d rather be in a hotel. Why?
Nicole [00:51:26] Same.
Sasheer [00:51:27] The pendulum has swung too far in the other direction. Airbnb’s do not benefit me in any capacity now. I’d rather be in a hotel, where people actually take care of the room.
Nicole [00:51:37] Except for Margaritaville, where they’ll clean your room but at 9 a.m. or 6 p.m. And there was no in-between! But at least they got cleaned, you know?
Sasheer [00:51:48] Yes.
Kimmie [00:51:50] Wow. Okay, guys. I have a question for you. Last episode, you dropped this lovely, little tangent, and it never got picked up, which is that your dear friend, Jerrod, ended up in the hospital? I would love to hear the rest of that story. I think the listeners are wondering as well.
Sasheer [00:52:05] Jerrod–the one person who seemed helpful, nice, and supportive, wanted us to have a great time, linked us with a driver, and gave us restaurant suggestions. Okay, so I don’t remember what it was…
Nicole [00:52:19] It was, like, two days after we met him.
Sasheer [00:52:20] Yes, he texted me, and he’s like, “I hope you’re having a great trip. Something happened to my shoulder, and now I’m in the hospital. So, I won’t be able to, like, see you or hang out with you anymore, but good luck.” And I was like, “What?”
Nicole [00:52:40] Our one friend! And you told me, and I truly screamed, “But he was our only friend here!” Also, how old do you guys think Mr. Marley was?
Kimmie [00:52:49] It sounded like… He had, like, dad vibes. So, sounds like late 50s, early 60s?
Nicole [00:52:55] 31 years old.
Sasheer [00:52:57] This man was younger than us. And made us call him “Mister.”
Nicole [00:53:03] And every time we came back from an activity, we’re like, “Mr. Marley, it was so fun!” We felt like children.
Sasheer [00:53:10] It felt like our dad picking up from soccer practice. We’re like, “Mr. Marley!” He’s like, “Did you have a great day?” We’re like. Yeah, we went swimming! We saw turtles!” Oh man. Yeah, so… I would give it a seven. I give the whole trip a seven.
Nicole [00:53:27] Honestly, I, too, would give it, like, a seven. It was very funny.
Sasheer [00:53:32] Beautiful beaches. We swam together. That was nice and peaceful. The last two days were really, really great. We did have six days there, but the last two were really great.
Nicole [00:53:46] Yeah. I had a really lovely time. I mean, it was stressful. But, like, adventures are sometimes stressful.
Sasheer [00:53:54] Yeah.
Nicole [00:53:57] There’s danger at every turn. “Will I be thrown from another water vehicle?”
Sasheer [00:54:03] And really, if wherever we were supposed to stay worked out, maybe we would have had a different experience because that really set us on a domino effect of like, “What the fuck is happening?” And that wasn’t our fault.
Nicole [00:54:16] I’m glad we didn’t stay at the Airbnb because it wasn’t near anything, and it was not easy to leave it.
Sasheer [00:54:23] Because cabs would not come to us. And then we never wanted to talk to the Airbnb host to figure out anything because she was that helpful.
Nicole [00:54:31] Because she never answered her phone. And then when she did answer it, she’d be like… Yeah. When I called her, I was like, “We’re at the airport?” She was like, “Are you at the house?” And I was like, “What? We just texted about being at the airport.” It was all very confusing. And then they don’t want to give me back my deposit. So, I messaged them three times a day until they gave me– Then I started a dispute with my credit card company. And then they gave me my money back. It was a whole long, drawn-out process, but my review is finally posted on Airbnb. Should I read it?
Sasheer [00:55:06] Oh, please. Yes.
Nicole [00:55:07] I checked today because I was like, “Is it up?” Okay. “Wow. This place was very, very expensive and covered in stains. The headboard, to the couch, to the toilet–because there was piss stains on the toilet–to the duvet! All of it was absolutely disgusting. The woman checking out of them was intrusive and not helpful. She lost our keys for a while, which was fun. The refrigerator was broken and leaking. Even the empty garbage cans stunk. The outside of the place is rusty and nasty. The host was kind of quick to respond to us when we were at the airport, but we still waited a solid 30 to be transported in the wildest van I’ve ever been in. Luggage thrown in with no cares. Honestly, I wouldn’t wish this place on my least favorite friend nor enemy. It’s just too mean. LOL. LOL. How could I forget the staircase wasn’t even finished? I thought I would die with every trip up and down. Also, no extra toilet paper, no paper towels, no soap. Just an old two in one conditioner/shampoo that had been refilled. Truly wildly comical how bad this place was. XOXO. This place sucked! In Nassau, New Providence, Bahamas. Terrible.”
Sasheer [00:56:14] That’s our show. That’s all the time we have.
Nicole [00:56:20] And that’s it!
Sasheer [00:56:24] This is another example of why we need a travel agent.
Nicole [00:56:31] We learned our lesson. We will get a travel agent next time, who will help us.
Sasheer [00:56:36] If you have any suggestions for us, you can email us at email@example.com. Or call or text us at 424-645-7003.
Nicole [00:56:48] Listen, we also have merch at podswag.com/bestfriends.
Sasheer [00:56:52] And we have transcripts for you to read of all our new episodes. You can check them out on our show page at earwolf.com.
Nicole [00:57:00] Lastly, don’t forget to rate, review, and subscribe. That’s the easiest way to support this show! Also, what’s another good place to visit?
Sasheer [00:57:10] Yeah, tell us good places to go.
Nicole [00:57:12] We would like to know good places, where you’ve had a good time and a good experience. Okay.
Sasheer [00:57:18] Okay. Bye.
Nicole [00:57:21] Bye, bye!
September 26, 2023
Hi besties! Sasheer took an epigenetics test and got back a list of foods she is intolerant of. Included on that list are peanuts and gluten. Nicole, while on her own Jello journey, invites Sasheer to join her due to Jello being gluten-free!
September 12, 2023
Hi friends. Nicole and Sasheer see Beyoncé!