January 3, 2023
Nicole and Sasheer are stuck in Groundhog Day, Happy New Year! Nicole isn’t vibing with being able to edit texts after sending them, thus reminding Sasheer of an awkward moment in the show Popular. Sasheer and Nicole take on the most intense quiz yet and it’s all about pie, not the math kind. Lastly, your besties answer queries about how to handle conflicts between coworkers, how to navigate romantic relationship ambiguity, and a listener email reminds us all of the amazing pink police cars in Mexico.
Email or call Nicole & Sasheer with your friendship questions at:
186 — Nicole And Sasheer Wish You A Happy New Year!
Sasheer [00:00:11] Hi, Nicole.
Nicole [00:00:12] Oh, you froze.
Sasheer [00:00:14] Oh, did I really?
Nicole [00:00:16] On my end. And I was so confused. I was like, “Are you going to start? But we started.”
Sasheer [00:00:24] You also looked like you froze. But I thought you were just looking at me, like, blank.
Nicole [00:00:29] Sorry. Like, I was like, “Can you start it already?”
Sasheer [00:00:32] Yeah. You’re like, “Hello?” And I was like, “Oh, God, I guess I’ll start. Usually you say ‘hi’ first.”
Nicole [00:00:41] No. You took a drink, and then you stayed that way. And I was like, “Oh no. We’re never going to start.”
Sasheer [00:00:49] Yeah, well, here we are.
Nicole [00:00:50] Well, hello, hello, hello. Daylight Savings time is truly still kicking my ass. I don’t like it. I hate that it’s dark so fucking early. Who did this? Who? The farmers–I hate them.
Sasheer [00:01:05] Hey, we don’t hate the farmers. Farmers are necessary.
Nicole [00:01:10] They bring us food.
Sasheer [00:01:12] And that’s important. They’re not the ones who made the rule. The government did.
Nicole [00:01:17] I forget. I have to support the farmers.
Sasheer [00:01:19] We have to support the farmers.
Nicole [00:01:22] I just… Sasheer, it’s awful. It’s 5 p.m. It’s pitch black. And then I have to, like, go on and do more things. Then by the time it’s 11 or 10, I’m like, “It’s been dark for years.”
Sasheer [00:01:37] People die with the change. People died.
Nicole [00:01:42] You’ve said that before.
Sasheer [00:01:43] Have I said that?
Nicole [00:01:44] I think.
Sasheer [00:01:47] The change is, like, too abrupt for their sleep schedule. People straight up, like, have heart attacks and die. Or like other health problems.
Nicole [00:01:56] Wow. I understand. It is very abrupt. It’s terrible. Happy New Year.
Sasheer [00:02:03] Happy New Year, Nicole.
Nicole [00:02:11] I was given information, and I ran with it.
Sasheer [00:02:16] But wait, do we start over? Are we, like, leaving that in?
Nicole [00:02:21] Leave it in. Leave it all in!
Sasheer [00:02:25] Okay. Happy New Year, Nicole.
Nicole [00:02:30] Have you made any resolutions?
Sasheer [00:02:33] No, I rarely do.
Nicole [00:02:34] Oh, interesting.
Sasheer [00:02:36] Just ’cause I feel like my goals are goals whenever. It doesn’t matter what time of the year it is.
Nicole [00:02:44] Yes, diva! Own that. It doesn’t fucking matter what time of the year it is. You have goals that you will achieve.
Sasheer [00:02:55] Exactly. Do you have resolutions? You do yours around your birthday, right?
Nicole [00:03:01] Yeah. And they’re written in my planner. I no longer use a paper planner anymore if you can believe it.
Sasheer [00:03:06] Wait. I’m sorry. Hold on. Did you say don’t use a paper planner anymore?
Nicole [00:03:11] I gave up the paper planner, like, three or four months ago. I was like, “I can’t write it and have it in my phone. It’s too much.”
Sasheer [00:03:20] Wow.
Nicole [00:03:22] I know. I never thought I would give it up.
Sasheer [00:03:25] Yeah.
Nicole [00:03:26] I loved it. It had a great run. Also, they stopped making the specific planner that I like.
Sasheer [00:03:34] That’s true.
Nicole [00:03:35] Yeah. And it was really hard to adjust to a new planner.
Sasheer [00:03:39] Okay. Well, I’m glad–if you did have to adjust–that it was digital as opposed to a different format in the analog version.
Nicole [00:03:47] Pretty proud of myself. Hold on one second. I have to turn on my air conditioning. It’s really hot.
Sasheer [00:03:53] Okay, go for it.
Nicole [00:03:54] Please hold. Don’t go anywhere.
Sasheer [00:03:57] Holding.
Nicole [00:04:03] Thank you for holding. It was getting so steamy in here.
Sasheer [00:04:07] Oh, my goodness. Well, reduce that temperature.
Nicole [00:04:09] A nasty little office. It was just steamy.
Sasheer [00:04:14] “So steamy.”
Nicole [00:04:15] So hot where I’m working.
Sasheer [00:04:20] What were we talking about?
Nicole [00:04:21] Happy New Year.
Sasheer [00:04:23] Oh no. This is actually a Groundhog Day episode. We just keep resetting.
Nicole [00:04:31] Do you have any resolutions?
Sasheer [00:04:33] No, no, no, no, no. Oh, we were talking about your planner. You’re digital now.
Nicole [00:04:39] Yeah. So now I’m fully digi. Also speaking of digi, did your phone update?
Sasheer [00:04:45] No.
Nicole [00:04:48] I never allow my phone to update. Somehow, Apple got–
Sasheer [00:04:51] Yeah, same.
Nicole [00:04:52] And it updated itself two days ago. And now my number’s weird and funky. The time.
Sasheer [00:05:01] Oh, I’ve seen that. I don’t like it.
Nicole [00:05:02] I hate it. I hate it.
Sasheer [00:05:07] I also was avoiding the update for a long time, and then I did update once. So now I can at least see the emojis people are sending me because there was a minute where it was just those lines. And I was like, “What emoji are they sending? I have no idea.” So, I updated, and now I know it’s, like, a melting face or… Or that embarrassed face, where the hands are on top of the eyes.
Nicole [00:05:32] “Melting face.” That’s funny.
Sasheer [00:05:33] But then I have another update that’s, like, due that I haven’t done, so…
Nicole [00:05:40] I don’t want it. Also, you can edit texts now, but I can’t figure it out. And I don’t want to edit my texts.
Sasheer [00:05:45] Like, after you send it?
Nicole [00:05:46] Yeah.
Sasheer [00:05:48] Huh. But it’s sent. Wouldn’t the person already have seen it? Or, like, you try to edit before they read it?
Nicole [00:05:57] No. So, it goes through and then another text comes through and it says, “edited to.” But now with the update, I won’t get that second that says, “edited to.” It’ll just be edited. You know, how Kanye released Life of Pablo and then kept changing stuff? That’s what text messages are now.
Sasheer [00:06:18] Whoa. So, like, to the person receiving the edited text it’ll say that this text was edited?
Nicole [00:06:23] Unless you did the update. If you did the update, then it just edits it.
Sasheer [00:06:26] Can you give an example of, like, us texting and what that would look like? Like, if you sent me something, and then you wanted to edit it. Or I guess we can’t do it right now.
Nicole [00:06:36] I don’t quite– Okay, let me see if I can figure it out. This is the content people come here for. Okay. “Hello.” And then… Okay. Did you see it? Do you see it on your phone?
Sasheer [00:06:53] Yes, I see. “Hello?” And it said, “edited to ‘Hello hi.’” But I know that you edited it. I feel like you would want to edit– Like on Instagram, in DMs, you can send something, and if the person hasn’t read it yet, you can unsend it and be like, “Psych. That never happened.” Where this is just telling me that you wanted to change something.
Nicole [00:07:19] I don’t know. Maybe it’s so you can… I don’t know. You know how sometimes I send convoluted text messages that make no sense? I guess I could go back, and read it, and clarify. But I’m never going to do that.
Sasheer [00:07:33] No, you’re never going to do that.
Nicole [00:07:34] No, I don’t want to.
Kimmie [00:07:37] Have you guys never sent a text you regretted?
Nicole [00:07:39] No.
Sasheer [00:07:40] Oh, absolutely. But I feel like this is not helping that. Like, I feel like it would– Because I still got the initial “Hello.” It’s not like the initial thing that Nicole texted went away and then it was replaced with what she actually meant. I don’t understand. Does this feature, like, get rid of the original text. And if not, then it’s like, “What is the point?” Otherwise, that text that you regret is still delivered.
Nicole [00:08:08] It’s not like Gmail, where you can rescind it after five seconds or something.
Sasheer [00:08:12] Oh, I don’t think I even knew about that feature.
Nicole [00:08:14] But I believe you only have five seconds to be like, “Ah–just kidding. I don’t quit!”
Sasheer [00:08:19] “Please keep me at this job! I need it!”
Nicole [00:08:22] “I need this job! I need it right now!”
Sasheer [00:08:27] Dang.
Nicole [00:08:28] Yeah. Dang-a-lang-a-lang.
Sasheer [00:08:30] Did you watch the Ryan Murphy show Popular?
Nicole [00:08:34] Of course I did. With Leslie Bibb and the other woman.
Sasheer [00:08:42] I don’t remember really much about the show. But I do know there was a high school student who was dying, and he wrote an email to everyone he knew individually, telling them what he thought about them, and scheduled them to be delivered when he died. But then he didn’t die. So, then the emails got sent anyway. And now people are hating him because they’re like, “Wait, that’s what you think about me?” Isn’t that crazy?
Nicole [00:09:18] I love it. We should do that. Or maybe I’ll put that in my will–be like, “Here’s what I really fucking thought about you, you dummy.”
Sasheer [00:09:27] Oh no.
Nicole [00:09:28] No. That would be too terrible.
Sasheer [00:09:31] That would be too terrible. I sent you that Instagram post about a woman who died. And she gave everyone who came to her funeral a Ouija board and said, “Keep in touch.”
Nicole [00:09:42] I love it. Very funny. Very funny. I love when people have a little bit of humor with their death.
Sasheer [00:09:48] Yeah. It’s very funny.
Nicole [00:09:49] A little death with a side of humor. There we go. I mean, it’s inevitable, so why not have a little fun with it?
Sasheer [00:10:00] It’s true.
Nicole [00:10:10] Should we do a quiz?
Sasheer [00:10:12] Let’s do a quiz. Let’s do a quiz.
Nicole [00:10:16] Q.U.I.Z.
Jordan [00:10:16] Since this will be the first episode of the New Year, do you guys want to talk about any, like, New Year’s resolutions or plans for the New Year? Right, Kimmie? This is the first one for the New Year?
Kimmie [00:10:29] Yeah. It is.
Sasheer [00:10:31] Jordan, were you not listening? We had a whole section about New Year’s resolutions and how we don’t have them.
Nicole [00:10:36] Wow. Shaking my dang head. Jordan’s not listening.
Jordan [00:10:41] I’m listening.
Nicole [00:10:42] Listen to women.
Sasheer [00:10:46] Believe women when they say they don’t have a resolution.
Jordan [00:10:50] Never mind. I’m cutting all this. So sorry.
Nicole [00:10:54] No, leave this in.
Sasheer [00:10:55] No, actually, leave it in because it really does feel like this is a Groundhog Day episode. We are just revisiting the beginning of the episode.
Nicole [00:11:04] Happy New Year!
Kimmie [00:11:07] I was messaging her ideas for sound effects, so I probably distracted her right when you guys said it–to defend Jordan.
Jordan [00:11:14] I promise I listen.
Sasheer [00:11:18] I bet our voices aren’t even in her head. She’s listening to music right now.
Nicole [00:11:22] Yes, she’s listening to her own very nice songs.
Sasheer [00:11:27] Just on repeat.
Nicole [00:11:30] Wait. Sasheer. Do you have plans for the New Year?
Sasheer [00:11:37] I guess not plans. No.
Nicole [00:11:38] I feel like you’re just being Rihanna. Work, work, work, work, work.
Sasheer [00:11:43] Yeah, I’ll be going to Atlanta pretty soon to shoot Agatha, which will be great.
Nicole [00:11:49] She is in the Marvel Universe. She’s in the MCU, which is not the original line. The original one is the Madea cinematic universe. So proud of her. Honestly, I can’t say it enough. I’m so happy.
Sasheer [00:12:08] Oh, thank you so much. Thank you.
Nicole [00:12:10] It’s so fucking cool.
Sasheer [00:12:12] It’s really fucking cool. Yeah. I’m very, very, very, very excited.
Nicole [00:12:16] I hope you have a nice time and everyone’s nice to you and gives you kisses and hugs when you want them.
Sasheer [00:12:22] Oh, yes. If I receive kisses and hugs, I hope they are consensual.
Nicole [00:12:29] Well, you know sometimes I feel like you don’t want to be touched.
Sasheer [00:12:32] No, you’re thinking about you.
Nicole [00:12:33] Oh.
Sasheer [00:12:37] I like hugging.
Nicole [00:12:38] You do like hugging. You are always trying to hug me.
Sasheer [00:12:41] I’m always trying to hug you. And you try to block me. Or you clam up. But you’re doing so much better; you’re working on it.
Nicole [00:12:48] Thank you. I’m trying to break down my walls.
Sasheer [00:12:51] And I can see that. I see it. I notice it. I see the growth.
Nicole [00:12:56] Thank you. Can I tell you I found this new hair care product? I think it’s called Miche. Okay, Kimmie, will you look it up? I think it’s M.I.C.H.E. Miche. I think it’s for natural Black lady hair. But my God, the mousse really defines my curls. I mean, I slept on it, so it’s not good, but…
Sasheer [00:13:25] Ooh.
Nicole [00:13:27] And it was all like that yesterday. But then I put on a wig cap and a wig, and it kind of flattened them out. And then I went to sleep.
Sasheer [00:13:35] It’s a mousse?
Nicole [00:13:35] It’s a mousse. They have styling gel cream stuff. There’s, like, curl refresher. I like their clarifying shampoo and the conditioner.
Sasheer [00:13:47] Good. I love this.
Nicole [00:13:51] Yeah, I’m really excited. It’s the first time I’ve, like, found a product where I was like, “Oh, I think this, like, actually works for my hair.” ‘Cause I don’t think my hair does well with a lot of chem-chems.
Sasheer [00:14:01] Yeah. Well, thank goodness.
Nicole [00:14:03] Kimmie, did you find it?
Kimmie [00:14:05] I did. And I confirmed it is pronounced Miche.
Sasheer [00:14:08] You did it!
Nicole [00:14:09] Yes, that is the brand. And I fucking love it. That’s it. I just wanted to share that with you. Sasheer, do you wash your bald head?
Sasheer [00:14:19] I do wash my bald ass head.
Nicole [00:14:21] What a wild way for me to phrase that. “You wash that bald head, baldy?”
Sasheer [00:14:26] I do wash my bald head.
Nicole [00:14:29] Do you shampoo it?
Sasheer [00:14:31] I shampoo, and I condition it. ‘Cause I still get dandruff if it’s, like, dry and you could really see it since I have no hair to hide it. So yeah, I do still shampoo and condition it. And I thought, like, I can just get whatever shampoo and conditioner ’cause I have such little hair. Who cares? But I got something from CVS–not going to say what it was–but I got some random something. And I was like, “Ew. This doesn’t feel good.” Like, I didn’t feel good. It was, like, sticky? I don’t know. I just didn’t feel good. It felt like chemicals. I felt, like, a lot of chemicals on my hair. Even though I don’t have a lot of hair, I still don’t want to do that to it. So, my friend Sabrina Rowe has a brand called Ntrl–like N.T.R.L. And I’m using her shampoo and conditioner, and I like it a lot. And she has these shampoo conditioner bars that’s, like, a bar as opposed to, like, a liquid.
Nicole [00:15:26] Like a soap bar?
Sasheer [00:15:28] Like a soap bar. And I just rub it right on my head directly.
Nicole [00:15:31] Wild. What a treat. What’s it called again?
Sasheer [00:15:34] Ntrl. And it’s N.T.R.L. And I like it.
Nicole [00:15:42] N.T.R.L. Natural without the vows. That– Oh, my God. Vowels.
Sasheer [00:15:51] Yes, without the vowels.
Nicole [00:15:53] My God. That was really tough. Sometimes I worry about my brain.
Sasheer [00:15:58] No, you’re doing great.
Nicole [00:15:59] Oh, thank you so much. Okay, Jordan, can we do a quiz now?
Sasheer [00:16:06] Yeah. Is that okay with you, Jordan?
Nicole [00:16:09] Jordan, can we do a quiz now? Wait, Jordan. What are your New Year’s resolutions?
Sasheer [00:16:14] Yeah, it sounds like you’re dying to talk about resolutions. Let’s hear what yours are.
Jordan [00:16:20] No, I truly– I missed it, and I’m sorry.
Sasheer [00:16:24] No, it’s okay. We’re just making fun.
Jordan [00:16:26] I’ll be filming a music video. My album officially comes out in February.
Sasheer [00:16:32] Ooh, yes, yes, yes, yes!
Nicole [00:16:34] Yes, baby!
Sasheer [00:16:34] Does it have a name? Can you say the title of it?
Jordan [00:16:36] The name of the album is No Big Deal, and there’s five full tracks on it. And it’s nerve-racking and scary. I’m just trying to do more music and promote that, so.
Sasheer [00:16:50] That’s amazing.
Nicole [00:16:50] Congratulations. I love it!
Jordan [00:16:53] Thank you. I also want to say a really big thank you for letting me share my stuff on your podcast because so many people have gone to my music video and have commented, like, “Nicole and Sasheer brought me here.” And I’m like, “Oh, that’s so nice.”
Sasheer [00:17:10] Of course. Yeah, you’re in the family. We gotta promote.
Nicole [00:17:11] Yes, anything you want to promote. Songs… Anything really.
Sasheer [00:17:20] That’s it!
Nicole [00:17:23] I couldn’t think of one other thing. The only other thing in my head was pie, and I was like, “Songs and pie?”
Sasheer [00:17:29] Yeah, you got a good pie you want to talk about?
Nicole [00:17:31] Yeah. Anything, really. Songs, pie.
Kimmie [00:17:35] I make a great chocolate cream pie, so.
Sasheer [00:17:39] There you go.
Nicole [00:17:39] Well, Happy New Year.
Sasheer [00:17:50] Well, Happy New Year.
Nicole [00:17:53] Imagine that became a phrase people said. “Well, well, well. Well, Happy New Year!” “Happy New Year!”
Sasheer [00:18:02] I wonder what that would mean. Is it like…? Maybe it’s, like, the end of something or you’re like, “I’m cleansing this, and I’m done with this, and we’re on to a new year.” If someone, like–I don’t know–is bringing bad energy, you’re like, “Well, Happy New Year.”
Nicole [00:18:21] I like that. I’m going to try to say it. I will immediately forget after this episode.
Sasheer [00:18:26] Yes.
Nicole [00:18:28] Okay. Let’s do a quiz now?
Sasheer [00:18:32] Oh, what about Eat Some Pie in Every Flavor to Determine Which Holiday You Are Mostly Like. Which is topical because we were just talking about pie… and holidays. Specifically, “Happy New Year!”
Nicole [00:18:44] Happy New Year!
Sasheer [00:18:48] “Pick a classic pie.”
Nicole [00:18:49] “Apple pie.”
Sasheer [00:18:51] “Pumpkin pie.”
Nicole [00:18:53] “Chocolate pie.”
Sasheer [00:18:54] “Pecan pie.”
Nicole [00:18:55] I do love an apple pie.
Sasheer [00:18:58] I’m going to say… “pumpkin pie.” I’d prefer sweet potato, but I’ll take a pumpkin.
Nicole [00:19:05] “Pick a fruity pie.”
Sasheer [00:19:08] “Cherry pie.”
Nicole [00:19:10] “Key lime pie.”
Sasheer [00:19:12] “Lemon meringue pie.”
Nicole [00:19:14] “Blueberry pie.”
Sasheer [00:19:16] I think I’m going to say key lime pie.
Nicole [00:19:18] Okay. Sometimes it’s a little too tangy for me.
Sasheer [00:19:22] It’s got tang for sure, but I like the combination of the whipped cream and the tang.
Nicole [00:19:30] Cherry pie is disgusting. I guess lemon meringue because I am not eating a blueberry pie.
Sasheer [00:19:37] Okay. “Pick another pie.”
Nicole [00:19:40] “Mint chocolate chip pie?”
Sasheer [00:19:43] “Coconut cream pie.”
Nicole [00:19:45] “Caramel pie.”
Sasheer [00:19:47] I don’t think I’ve seen a caramel pie. “Peanut butter pie.”
Nicole [00:19:52] Peanut butter pie.
Sasheer [00:19:54] I’m going to also say peanut butter pie.
Nicole [00:19:56] “Pick a pie.”
Sasheer [00:20:01] “Chocolate pudding pie.”
Nicole [00:20:03] “Oreo pie.”
Sasheer [00:20:05] “Strawberry pie.”
Nicole [00:20:07] “Banana cream pie.”
Sasheer [00:20:08] Maybe I’ll do chocolate… Well, I like Oreos, too.
Nicole [00:20:12] The strawberry pie looks wild.
Sasheer [00:20:15] I don’t understand how it’s held together. It just seems like a pile of strawberries on crust.
Nicole [00:20:19] That’s truly what it looks like. I’m picking an Oreo pie.
Sasheer [00:20:24] I think I’ll do chocolate pudding. “Pick another pie.”
Nicole [00:20:27] So many pies. “Hot chocolate pie.”
Sasheer [00:20:30] What? A “snickerdoodle pie.”
Nicole [00:20:34] “Cookie dough pie.”
Sasheer [00:20:35] “Peach pie.”
Nicole [00:20:36] I would love to know what a snickerdoodle pie is. I’m going to go with that one.
Sasheer [00:20:41] Cookie dough pie. Oh no, but what about peach? Also, isn’t it called “peach cobbler?” Or is it peach pie?
Kimmie [00:20:53] Those are two different things.
Nicole [00:20:54] Oh, Happy New Year.
Sasheer [00:21:01] Well, well, well. Okay. Then I’ll keep my peaches for the cobbler, and I’ll have a cookie dough pie.
Nicole [00:21:07] “I’ll keep my peaches for the cobbler.” I would like that to be a phrase, too. “Well, I’ll keep my peaches for the cobbler.”
Sasheer [00:21:17] “Well, Happy New Year. I’ll keep my peaches for the cobbler.”
Nicole [00:21:23] Uh. “Pick a pie.”
Sasheer [00:21:25] “Matcha pie.”
Nicole [00:21:26] I don’t know what that is. What’s matcha?
Sasheer [00:21:30] It’s, like, tea, right?
Nicole [00:21:34] Ew, a tea pie? Okay. “Blackberry pie.”
Sasheer [00:21:37] “Raspberry pie.”
Nicole [00:21:39] “Cinnamon roll pie.” I’m learning that I’m not much of a pie person.
Sasheer [00:21:42] There’s so many pies that I don’t even know about. I didn’t realize there was much of a variety.
Nicole [00:21:47] Huge pie world out there. Cinnamon roll pie.
Sasheer [00:21:52] Okay. Maybe a raspberry. I’ll do a raspberry pie. “Pick a pie.”
Nicole [00:21:58] No. “Red velvet pie?”
Sasheer [00:22:01] That’s a cake! That’s a damn cake. Can’t fool me. Okay. “Funfetti pie.”
Nicole [00:22:07] But that’s also a cake.
Sasheer [00:22:09] These are not looking like cakes.
Nicole [00:22:11] “Boston cream pie.” Is that a pie? Yeah.
Sasheer [00:22:15] And a “brownie pie” is a brownie.
Nicole [00:22:17] That’s just a brownie, friends.
Sasheer [00:22:19] My goodness. We didn’t need this many questions about pies. Could’ve stopped a couple ago.
Nicole [00:22:26] What is this quiz?
Sasheer [00:22:31] I guess I’ll pick Boston cream pie because it’s really the only pie in this section.
Nicole [00:22:35] I’m going to pick Funfetti pie because what is it?
Sasheer [00:22:38] Yeah, it’s like a birthday cake pie. “Pick a pie.”
Nicole [00:22:43] “Cookie pie.”
Sasheer [00:22:44] Which is a cookie. “Dark chocolate pie.”
Nicole [00:22:51] “S’mores pie.”
Sasheer [00:22:52] Which is s’mores. A “tiramisu pie.” Just because it’s in a circle…
Nicole [00:22:58] Doesn’t make thee pie.
Sasheer [00:23:00] Right? Are we just saying things that are a circle are pies?
Nicole [00:23:04] Seems as such.
Sasheer [00:23:05] Sometimes things in a circle are cakes. “Pies are defined by the crust. A filled pie, also a single crust or bottom crust, has a pastry lining the baking dish. And the filling is placed on top of the pastry but left open.” So, if it has a crust, it’s a pie. So, I guess we can’t see the bottom of some of these pictures, so…
Nicole [00:23:28] So we have to take the picture’s word for it.
Sasheer [00:23:31] Yeah.
Nicole [00:23:32] But I know that cookie pie is not in a pie crust. I know that with my heart of hearts.
Sasheer [00:23:37] I also don’t believe that the tiramisu pie is in a crust.
Nicole [00:23:40] No. Who would ever?
Sasheer [00:23:48] Okay. Um. I mean, I do like tiramisu a lot. I don’t know how I’d like it in a pie form, but I will pick it.
Nicole [00:23:56] I know I don’t want a cookie with a pastry bottom, but I’m going to go with that cookie pie.
Sasheer [00:24:01] Yeah. “Pick a pie.”
Nicole [00:24:02] This is a never ending. “Oatmeal cream pie.”
Sasheer [00:24:08] “Orange Creamsicle pie.”
Nicole [00:24:11] “Cannoli pie?”
Sasheer [00:24:13] “Rocky Road pie?”
Nicole [00:24:13] Wild. This is the most intense pie quiz I’ve ever taken.
Sasheer [00:24:23] “And I’ve taken a lot of pie quizzes in my day.”
Nicole [00:24:25] I’m taking pie quizzes all day, every day. Nary have been as intense as this. Okay. That orange Creamsicle pie looks like a real treat. So, I’m going to pick that one.
Sasheer [00:24:38] I’m going to say oatmeal cream pie because it’s like one of those little snacks.
Nicole [00:24:45] Like Little Debbie snacks.
Sasheer [00:24:47] Yes. I like those.
Nicole [00:24:49] “Pick one last pie.”
Sasheer [00:24:51] A “Nutella pie”
Nicole [00:24:53] A “pina colada pie!”
Sasheer [00:24:57] “Cookies and cream pie.”
Nicole [00:24:59] A “caramel Frappuccino pie.” That looks like a cake. I’m going to go with Nutella pie.
Sasheer [00:25:06] I’m going to go with cookies and cream pie.
Nicole [00:25:09] It’s definitely a cake.
Sasheer [00:25:10] Yeah, it is a cake for sure.
Kimmie [00:25:12] This is Nicole.
Nicole [00:25:14] Ugh. I’m Thanksgiving? “The glue that holds everything and everyone in your life together. Whenever there’s a peacemaker needed, you step in and slow things down. You like to constantly be surrounded by friends and family.”
Kimmie [00:25:31] And this is Sasheer.
Sasheer [00:25:33] I’m Christmas!
Nicole [00:25:34] Wow.
Sasheer [00:25:35] “You’re all about spreading cheer and keeping positive thoughts. You’re a big fan of surprises, both being surprised and surprising others. You’d much rather give than receive.” I feel like ours got switched, or I don’t know. I don’t think I’m Thanksgiving either.
Nicole [00:25:51] Nobody’s Thanksgiving because Thanksgiving’s a terrible holiday, where old Chrissy Columbus came on over and was rude to everybody.
Sasheer [00:26:01] So rude.
Nicole [00:26:03] Rude, rude, rude, rude, rude. He was that boy Rihanna was talking about. Rude boy. How does that go?
Sasheer [00:26:16] You’re my rude boy, boy. You’re my rude boy, boy. Take it. Take it. Take it. Take it. Take it.
Nicole [00:26:24] Yeah. That was a lovely rendition. I loved it so much.
Sasheer [00:26:28] Oh, thank you so much. Should we answer your questions?
Nicole [00:26:42] Yeah, let’s answer some queries, my dude.
Sasheer [00:26:46] Hell yeah, dude.
Caller #1 [00:26:47] Okay, so I got cut off, which means that it was entirely too fucking long. But pretty much my coworker-turned-friend took advantage of my kindness when I offered to help her move out of her apartment to a different state. I offered to donate some things for her. And then after we loaded the car up, she was like, “Actually, can you take it to a consignment shop and sell them for me because I really need the money for moving.” But I already didn’t really like her because at work we butt heads several times when I onboarded her to the account that I was behind that she is now leading. At any time, I would check in with her or, like, ask her about a project or how something was going, she took it as being micromanaging and not trusting her capabilities when I was very explicit that that was not the case, that I thought she was more than capable, and that I was genuinely interested in a project. And it got to a point where she was, like, sending me very long messages when I’m like, “Hey, we should just talk in person.” To a point where she, like, called me a snake and said that what I was doing was trying to get that position back from her when she knows damn well that I don’t want that fucking position because it caused me so much fucking stress. Sorry for the rant. Hate it. Looking for a new job and the prayers and the energy of whatever religion. But she now still wants to be a friend. She lives in a different state. She texts me. I’m one-worded or kind of short. She tried to set up, like, face times with me because we both smoke. And it’s just, like, I don’t really want to do that anymore. But we do still have a coworker relationship, so I don’t know how to end the friend side of things in a nice way because I am historically not nice. But I would not like to burn this bridge. I do value her as a working… Not really. But, like, I should. Like, I just don’t want to burn bridges. You never know. Yeah. So, any notes on how to scale back on a coworker relationship-turned-friendship would be greatly appreciated. I love you both very much. You’re such a joy in my life. Sad you’re not actually in my life ’cause I act like you guys are my friends, but you’re not. My pronouns are they/them. I will say that. And you can call me whatever the fuck you want to.
Nicole [00:29:02] I’m so confused by this coworker that was like, “I need help moving. Now, go sell my clothing.”
Sasheer [00:29:11] Oooh, boy. Oooh, boy.
Nicole [00:29:14] No, no, no, no, no. Get out of here, friend, with that nonsense.
Sasheer [00:29:18] That’s pushing your friend’s generosity.
Nicole [00:29:22] Yeah. I don’t like them. This one’s tough.
Sasheer [00:29:29] So the friend who moved to a different state? And do they still work at the same company or, like, no longer coworkers?
Nicole [00:29:39] It seems like they’re coworkers because she transferred whatever case she was on to the friend. And the friend was like, “Stop micromanaging me.” And I guess they still work at the company even though they moved. That’s why they don’t want to burn that bridge professionally.
Sasheer [00:30:01] But facetiming and smoking together isn’t professional at all.
Nicole [00:30:04] Sure isn’t.
Sasheer [00:30:05] I don’t think it is a necessary thing you have to maintain to make sure that work relationship is still intact.
Nicole [00:30:14] I think there’s a world where you just go, “Hey. I think we just keep this, like, work. I’m having trouble separating work and pleasure right now, so I’d like to keep you in my work life.” I interrupted you, Sasheer. I’m sorry.
Sasheer [00:30:30] No, that’s okay. But what if what you just said, like, makes that person feel bad? You know, what if they’re like, “Oh. Oh. You’re basically saying you don’t wanna be my friend.” But, like, you do have to kind of say that. But, like, how do you stop this person from texting you or expecting facetimes?
Nicole [00:30:52] I think you just say, like, “I’m really overwhelmed right now. And I don’t have the brain power for this friendship.”
Sasheer [00:31:03] Yeah. Yeah. I keep bringing this thing that Kimmie said–I don’t know what episode it was–but, like, not having the bandwidth to be the friend that person needs. You say something like, “Yeah, I got a lot on my work plate and… my life plate.” Whatever. They don’t have to know specifics. “And, yeah, I don’t know if I can dedicate that much time to our friendship.” It’s such a weird thing to say because, like, it’s just texts. I guess also facetimes and smoking sessions.
Nicole [00:31:48] I mean, I guess you could be like, “I don’t really feel comfortable with our smoking sessions anymore since we are coworkers.”
Sasheer [00:31:57] Oh, didn’t the caller also say they’re trying to stop smoking or, like, smoke less? Maybe they could be like, “I’m not really into smoking like that anymore. So, like, I’m going to stop doing these facetime sessions where we do that because I’m not trying to get high like that.” Or something like that. “Like for my health, I’m going to step back from doing that.”
Nicole [00:32:20] But there’s a world where they’re like, “We can still facetime, and I’ll smoke. You don’t have to.” Or “Neither of us can smoke.”
Sasheer [00:32:26] Oh, yeah.
Nicole [00:32:30] This one’s tough for whatever reason.
Sasheer [00:32:32] Yeah. Do you…? Other people… on the mic?
Nicole [00:32:40] “Do you other people on the mic?”
Sasheer [00:32:42] Well, I don’t want to be like, “Do you guys” or “Do you ladies.” I was just like, “You people here on this Zoom.”
Nicole [00:32:49] “You people here on this Zoom with microphones. What say they?”
Kimmie [00:32:54] I personally think this one’s a little on our caller to have boundaries and that that’s not a bad thing. Like, honestly, it sounds like they didn’t like this person but they felt like they were supposed to help move them.
Sasheer [00:33:06] Yeah.
Kimmie [00:33:07] And I think this person didn’t need to do that–didn’t need to go sell the clothes. And so, this person should feel empowered to have boundaries and not say anything “yes” to helping people that they do not have a good relationship with. You’re not a bad person if you just don’t help every single person you come across. And so, I think my encouragement for this person is the only reason they’re not burning a bridge– Which being civil and just kind of drifting out of someone’s life isn’t burning a bridge. It’s just being, “We live in different states, and I don’t have time to respond all the time or to answer facetime. So…” There are two kinds of people in the world–the kind who sort of just let you drift quietly and kind of read the signs of like, “Oh, these are short responses,” and then the kind of people who are a little pushy. And those people tend to like straightforward answers. So, I think it’s really fair to say, “Hey, you know what? You moved. I’m really caught up with work. As you know, it’s a really busy job and it’s stressful, so I’m happy to occasionally stay in touch, but I just want to set expectations. I just have a lot going on right now, and I’m not going to be the most responsive friend.” I don’t know. If someone said that to me, I’d be sad, but I wouldn’t be like, “Wow, how mean.” I’d be like, “They know what they need, and I maybe should build more friendships in the state I’m in.” So, I just want our caller to feel empowered to set boundaries.
Nicole [00:34:17] I really like, “I might not be responsive right now.”
Sasheer [00:34:21] Yeah.
Kimmie [00:34:23] Yeah.
Nicole [00:34:23] Yeah, I like that a lot for whatever reason. It’s like, “Ooh. Okay. I understand.”
Sasheer [00:34:30] Yeah.
Nicole [00:34:31] Solved.
Sasheer [00:34:33] Solved! Great job, team.
Nicole [00:34:36] We did it. Everybody on the mics did a good job.
Sasheer [00:34:39] Yeah. Here’s another one.
Caller #2 [00:34:43] Hi, Nicole and Sasheer. My name is Casey, and I’m calling from California. My problem is that I’ve been dating my boyfriend now for about a year and he still hasn’t met my family or friends. And that’s not on purpose. Like, how do I phrase it? Like, I’m not keeping him away from them, but I’m also… I don’t know. I just feel like it’s not super necessary right now. But now I’m getting a lot of pressure from friends and family to start bringing him to events and stuff. And, again, not that I don’t want to–I’m just a little bit nervous to bring it up to him because I’m kind of scared to, like, have the conversation of, “Oh, well, how deep is this going to get?” Like, you know, “How much longer are we going to continue seeing each other?” Because, I mean, we’ve already said, “I love you.” And we kind of discuss everything else really openly. But my family kind of means the whole world to me. And I don’t really want to accidentally, like, bring someone around who isn’t going to be around forever. I also have three older sisters who are extremely judgmental, and I’m the baby of the family. So, I really just, like, don’t want to get shit on for bringing home kind of a not great person if that turns out to be the case. So anyway, yeah, my question is: How do I approach this conversation with my boyfriend? Do I have to invite him and have a deeper conversation, or can I just make it, like, normal and be fine? Anyway, that was my question, so have a great day. And thank you for listening. Bye!
Nicole [00:36:42] Okay. Our caller said some troubling things for me–that she’s worried that her boyfriend might not be a good person or something.
Sasheer [00:36:52] Yeah. Well, having to bring home a not-great person.
Nicole [00:36:58] Yeah. So, I’m like, “Are you protecting your family from your boyfriend and not yourself?” Because if he’s not a great person, you shouldn’t be around him either. And there is a reason why you haven’t introduced this man to your family and friends. And I think you gotta answer that question before you answer people being like, “Why don’t you bring him around?” Why don’t you want to bring him around?
Sasheer [00:37:28] Yeah. This seems like more of a self-reflective thing. Do you actually want to introduce your boyfriend to your family and friends? Like, for yourself? Not because of what he wants and because of what your family and friends want. Like, what do you want? And if it’s a “no,” then yeah. Why is that the answer? Are you embarrassed of him? Do you think he’s not actually the person you’d be proud to show to your family and friends? Is he volatile? Like, what’s going on? Or do you think your family… I guess she said she has two judgmental sisters. But if you really love this person, it kind of doesn’t matter. Sure, your sisters are judgy, but, like… They can think whatever they want to think. If you love this person, and want them in your life, and stand by them, it kind of can just roll off your back; it doesn’t have to matter what their opinion is.
Nicole [00:38:27] Yeah. Then are your friends judgy, too? Because there’s a lot of people that you haven’t, you know, brought this person around. I would like to know why this person–other than a judgy sister–why they haven’t thought to bring them around friends.
Sasheer [00:38:42] Yeah, because everyone has their own timeline for their relationships. But a year seems like a good chunk of time to not have them around your friends. Even, like, hanging out–there’s never been a birthday party, or a group hang, or anything that you thought about bringing your boyfriend to?
Nicole [00:39:01] Yeah. After a year, it seems pretty pointed that you’re not bringing him around.
Sasheer [00:39:05] Even for your own birthday. Do you have, like, a separate thing with your boyfriend and a separate thing with your friends?
Nicole [00:39:13] How interesting.
Sasheer [00:39:14] And then the questions of, like, you know, “Do we have to have these conversations of, like, where are we going with this or, like, how long are you planning us being together, etc.?” You’re already dating. It’s not like there’s a question. It seems like you’re already dating. You have been dating for a year, and you said, “I love you.” So, it’s not like, “What are we?” You’re in a relationship. So, I guess, you know, marriage and other life stuff–those can be questions, but also don’t have to be questions right now. Those things don’t need to be thought about for him to meet your people in your life.
Nicole [00:39:52] Yeah. And if you don’t stay together, that’s not a failure on your part or anything. You’ll just find somebody else. You’ll find someone who’s a better match.
Sasheer [00:40:01] Yeah. People, I think, generally understand relationships don’t always last. So, if you bring your partner around your friends or your family and it doesn’t work out and he’s not there the next year, I think that’s fine. I mean, I would hope that they’re not like, “Why did you even introduce him if he was just going to leave?”
Nicole [00:40:21] “Why’d you bring this man around?”
Sasheer [00:40:23] “I learned his name and everything.”
Nicole [00:40:25] “Yeah. I’m mad I had to learn a new name.”
Sasheer [00:40:27] “I had to shake his hand. I had to talk about sports with him. How dare you?”
Nicole [00:40:33] “I hate sports.”
Sasheer [00:40:37] Yeah. Also, I think your friends and family are asking about him because they love you and they know that you love a person, and so they probably want to meet the person you love. So, they just want to, like, get more insight on your life. It’s not necessarily a pressure thing of like, “You have to bring this person around,” or “What’s the next step in your relationship?” They might just wanna know who he is.
Nicole [00:40:59] They want to see the person who makes you happy.
Sasheer [00:41:01] Yeah. So, if this person does make you happy, I think you should bring them around the other people who make you happy.
Nicole [00:41:09] I think so, too.
Sasheer [00:41:11] Yeah. I hope that helped.
Nicole [00:41:14] I hope so, too. Give us an update!
Sasheer [00:41:16] Give us an update! Solved.
Nicole [00:41:24] Solved.
Sasheer [00:41:24] Oh, we got an email. “Hi guys. Love the podcast. I just wanted to email you and tell you ‘Thank you’ for the full belly laugh you gave me this afternoon. I’ve been so stressed because I have a baby and I’m going through a divorce and a domestic violence situation. But oh my God, Nicole, you caught me off guard, and I almost wrecked my car. I was getting off the freeway when Sasheer was talking about the pink police cars in Mexico. And, Nicole, you hit us with a “But, I mean, if I was beating my wife and I saw a pink cop car, I don’t know if I’d stop.” I scrumped the way I cackled. Mouth open, head back. Ha, ha. I kept trying to drive, but then I was crying from laughing. I literally had to pause the podcast, wipe my eyes, and try to get myself together before I could hit play again and continue driving. You two are hilarious, and I love your friendship. Thank you for brightening my Wednesdays with your joy.”
Nicole [00:42:18] Oh, that’s nice. I’m glad that my domestic violence joke brought them so much joy.
Sasheer [00:42:30] Well, I mean, also, it sounds like they’re going through it as far as domestic violence in particular. So, it’s probably good that they could laugh about it in some way.
Nicole [00:42:42] Yeah. That’s all we’re trying to do. Get the people laughing.
Sasheer [00:42:47] Get the people laughing? Let’s do another one. No, we don’t have time for another one. We’re done.
Nicole [00:42:52] We don’t? We’re done?
Sasheer [00:42:54] I think that’s it.
Nicole [00:42:55] Wow.
Sasheer [00:42:56] Happy New Year.
Nicole [00:42:58] We’ve come to the end. Happy New Year, everybody. It’s the New Year! Okay. If–
Sasheer [00:43:07] If you want to email. Okay.
Nicole [00:43:08] Oh no.
Sasheer [00:43:09] Yeah? No. It’s fine.
Nicole [00:43:11] No, you do it.
Sasheer [00:43:13] If you want to email us, you can email firstname.lastname@example.org. Or call, or text, or leave a voice memo at 424-645-7003.
Nicole [00:43:24] We also have merch at podswag.com/bestfriends.
Sasheer [00:43:31] We have transcripts for our new episodes, too. And you can check them out on our show page at earwolf.com.
Nicole [00:43:38] Lastly, don’t forget to rate, review, and subscribe. That’s the easiest way to support this show.
Sasheer [00:43:44] That’s it for us!
Nicole [00:43:46] Happy New Year from Nicole and Sasheer!
Sasheer [00:43:51] Okay. Bye.
Nicole [00:43:53] Bye.
November 21, 2023
This week, we’ve got a couch! And we’re live from the Netflix Is A Joke festival!