EP. 219 — Nicole Wants to Move Metal With Her Mind! (Crossover Episode)

Jacquis Neal [00:00:00] What’s up, Earwolf listeners. This month explore the wild world of expos and conventions with Jacob Wysocki on Expo Exposé. Jacob and his producer, the one and only Matt Apodaca, will be taking you around the Los Angeles Expo circuit as they learn about things like reptiles, tattoos, anime, and much, much more. They talk with fans and experts who attend these events to break down the vibe of it all. So, join me, Jacquis Neal, your Earwolf Presents host, as we bring you Expo Exposé with Jacob Wysocki, every Friday in August. Listen to Earwolf Presents wherever you get your podcasts, but don’t forget to follow the show so you never miss an episode.

 

Sasheer [00:00:48] Hi, it’s me, Sasheer Zamata. And I have a stand-up special that is out right now. It’s called The First Woman, and it’s on the 800 Pound Gorilla website. You can go to 800poundgorillamedia.com, and it’s a pay what you can format/ donate whatever you want to watch the special. And then August 29th it comes out for free on YouTube. And please watch and laugh and share and then live life and prosper.

 

Nicole [00:01:21] If you want to see me live, I’m doing stand-up. August 26th, I’ll be at the Chelsea at the Cosmopolitan in Las Vegas. September 15th. I’ll be at River City Casino in Saint Louis, Missouri. September 16th, I’ll be at the Pantages Theater in Minneapolis, Minnesota. September 22nd. I’ll be at Meridian Hall in Toronto, Ontario. And September 29th, I’ll be at the Newmark Theater in Portland. And September 30th, I’ll be in a casino in Washington. And you can get all that at nicolebyerwastaken.com or just the little Linktree in my Instagram.

 

Nicole [00:02:07] Hello, friend!

 

Sasheer [00:02:09] Oh. Oh, I thought you were saying hello to me. Sorry. You could say hello to the friends. Hi, Nicole!

 

Nicole [00:02:16] Hi, Sasheer! Hello, friends! I was reading our intro.

 

Sasheer [00:02:21] Yes. Yes, go for it. I just am used to you saying hi to me.

 

Nicole [00:02:24] I’m sorry. Listen, you are my priority. The people who listen are just curtiatory.

 

Sasheer [00:02:31] “Tertiary?”

 

Nicole [00:02:42] I think that’s the word I’m trying to say. It means, like, incidental, right?

 

Sasheer [00:02:48] Yeah, like, peripheral. “Cursatory” kind of sounds like a word.

 

Nicole [00:02:55] I don’t think so.

 

Sasheer [00:02:57] I don’t know what it could be, though.

 

Nicole [00:02:58] What did you say?

 

Sasheer [00:02:59] Tertiary.

 

Nicole [00:03:00] Yeah. Tertiary. Hello, friends. We have a special episode for you today. We’re doing a crossover episode with my other podcast. Yo, I’ve been going since 10:00 a.m.! No breaks! Why Won’t You Date Me? We just celebrated 300 episodes with my best friend, Sasheer! You!

 

Sasheer [00:03:26] Yes! I was on the show, and it was so fun.

 

Nicole [00:03:28] Thank you so much for doing it.

 

Sasheer [00:03:31] Congrats on 300 episodes!

 

Nicole [00:03:31] Thank you. Okay. So, in 65 more episodes, you can listen to one every day of the year.

 

Sasheer [00:03:39] Whoa, that’s pretty nuts.

 

Nicole [00:03:41] That’s kinda wild. That’s a lot of me talking. I can’t imagine listening to me, like, for an hour every day.

 

Sasheer [00:03:50] I mean, I’m sure people do it.

 

Nicole [00:03:52] Wild. What a choice. What a choice. Now, do your line.

 

Sasheer [00:03:57] Oh! So, on this podcast… No, on your podcast, Why Won’t You Date Me–

 

Nicole [00:04:03] And the best thing about this is we’re actors who say lines. And this one doesn’t have a character name. This is, like, our names.

 

Sasheer [00:04:12] But I don’t know how to play myself.

 

Nicole [00:04:14] So hard. There’s nothing I can hide behind. There’s no mask.

 

Sasheer [00:04:18] So on your podcast, you usually explore romantic relationships, intimacy, and sex stuff.

 

Nicole [00:04:23] Hell, yeah. Fucking.

 

Sasheer [00:04:26] And on ours, we usually do a BuzzFeed quiz and talk about friendship. So instead of taking a BuzzFeed quiz, today we’re going to answer some questions from the New York Times article entitled The 36 Questions That Lead to Love.

 

Nicole [00:04:43] You know, I once asked someone to do that, and they straight up said no. We’ll answer your friendship questions. And then at the end of this episode, we’ll have a clip of the 300th episode of my podcast for you to check out–you, the listener. In the meantime, let’s catch up with Sasheer. Hey, listen. You’ve got a second comedy special. First Woman is out now… I was trying to make it, like, more me and in turn made it like I was an alien who was looking at words for the first time.

 

Sasheer [00:05:16] It couldn’t have been less you.

 

Nicole [00:05:17] Yeah. Wow. Okay. So, you have a second comedy special. It’s called First Woman. I got to see it live. I am so proud of you. And we talked about it on my podcast, Why Won’t You Date Me? But I want to know, how does it feel to have it out now?

 

Sasheer [00:05:31] It feels so good. Yeah, I shot it last year. And I’m just excited for it to be out in the world. You can watch it now on the 800 Pound Gorilla website and on the 29th. It’s free on YouTube. And yeah, I am excited for people to see new material from me. I feel like my first special was so wonderful and fun. You can also just keep watching that one too. It’s called Pizza Mind. It’s on Amazon. Or actually, fuck Amazon.

 

Nicole [00:05:59] Yeah, fuck Jeff Bezos!

 

Sasheer [00:06:04] But you know, it came out five years ago. And I feel like times have changed, I have changed, and my comedy has changed, so I’m just really excited for people to see this version of my voice. And I feel like it’s a really good representation of me.

 

Nicole [00:06:21] That’s good. I’m glad.

 

Sasheer [00:06:22] Thank you.

 

Nicole [00:06:23] I’m excited for people to watch it. And guess what? It comes out on August 29th, my birthday. So do me a solid–PayPal me, send me money, Venmo me… No, I’m kidding. Watch Sasheer’s special! All right. Should we answer the love questions? Great segues, right? I’m doing good. I’m doing great.

 

Sasheer [00:06:46] Yeah, we can answer the love questions. Actually, wait. I do want to tell… I do want to say something else about my special. There were, like, a couple of moments–a couple of jokes–that you helped influence because we workshop stuff with each other all the time. And there’s a joke in there where I’m talking about Charley horses. I was talking about, I guess, ailments that Black people have. And, like, of course, we statistically have a greater percentage of getting said ailment because we are Black. And I was like, “And, you know, probably charley horses even applies to that, too.” And then I wanted to figure out a way to, like, convey the history of Charley horses, and you were like, “Oh, what if you talk about a slave who was taking care of a racist horse named Charley? And then the horse goes, ‘Neighger.’”

 

Nicole [00:08:00] I stand by it.

 

Sasheer [00:08:01] I mean, it makes me laugh.

 

Nicole [00:08:05] If you tell it factually, I think I said… Wait. Is that what I said, or did I say Charley Horses…? It’s a cramp in your leg that is reminiscent–? Fuck. I think maybe that is what I said. I know the horse is the punchline.

 

Sasheer [00:08:22] Yeah. You wanted me to personify the horse. And I was like, “I don’t think my fans would like that.”

 

Nicole [00:08:32] I think they’ll really love it if you try it–if you just test it out a little. Oh, God, I forgot about that until you reminded me of it. And it made me laugh so hard. It reminded me of the time I thought it’d be good to write jokes about bad things that have happened because I was like, “The memes during COVID were pretty funny. What would the memes be like during slavery?” And I think one of the ones we came up with was, like, “Once these shackles come off, it’s over for you bitches.” And then… Oh, God. There was a good 9/11 one that I can’t remember.

 

Sasheer [00:09:11] Oh, that’s funny.

 

Nicole [00:09:23] “I thought you’d never forget.” Sorry. That’s very funny. Oh my God.

 

Sasheer [00:09:31] Yeah. Our text thread is really bad, and it will stay in the text.

 

Nicole [00:09:36] It stays in the thread. Sometimes I’ll call you to be like, “I’ve got an awful thing to say.” I mean, one of my favorite jokes–you love it, and you told me to go tell it. And then Netflix told me, “You have such a wonderful special. Don’t put this in.” And I didn’t. But that’s how I present it on stage now. “You want to hear it?”

 

Sasheer [00:09:59] “Netflix didn’t even want this joke.”

 

Nicole [00:10:00] I did it in Denver, but I only did it the late show on Saturday. And one of the staff members was like, “Hey. You gotta keep telling that joke.”

 

Sasheer [00:10:09] You gotta! It is really… It’ll be a legend honestly. It’ll be like lore because you won’t record it probably anytime soon, but people will be like, “You heard Nicole’s, like, B-side joke?”

 

Nicole [00:10:24] I got a text from someone who was like, “What is this joke?” And I was like, “Honestly, I can’t. I don’t want to put it to paper. Next time I see you, I’ll explain it.”

 

Sasheer [00:10:35] Yeah, I want you to build this up for years, where people are like, “We need to see that joke!”

 

Nicole [00:10:40] I mean, honestly, I think I’ve told maybe 200 people this joke. No, that’s a lie because I did it at a gala in Canada.

 

Sasheer [00:10:48] Yeah, there’s, like, maybe a thousand people.

 

Nicole [00:10:51] Maybe a thousand people have heard this joke.

 

Sasheer [00:10:53] Yeah, but one day, the world…

 

Nicole [00:10:55] The world. I don’t know if I’ll ever…

 

Sasheer [00:10:58] I think there’ll be such a high demand one day that you will have to record it, and it’ll be great.

 

Nicole [00:11:03] Well, it is recorded. I did tape it for my special.

 

Sasheer [00:11:04] Oh. You’ll release it. Release the recording!

 

Nicole [00:11:06] And it’s just a little icon on my computer.

 

Sasheer [00:11:10] Waiting to be sprang.

 

Nicole [00:11:11] And I look at it, and I go, “That’s funny. That’s never gonna go nowhere.” Someone hacks into my computer to get it.

 

Sasheer [00:11:18] “We have to see this!”

 

Nicole [00:11:19] But, yeah, I’m excited for your special to come out. I think the response is going to be very nice.

 

Sasheer [00:11:24] Yeah, I think so too.

 

Nicole [00:11:27] And we get to see the evolution of your jumpsuit–from a cold blue to a warm amber.

 

Sasheer [00:11:34] Yeah, I think so. Yeah.

 

Nicole [00:11:36] I guess that blue wasn’t cold. That was also, like, a warmer blue.

 

Sasheer [00:11:38] It was, like, a bright blue. But, yeah, it was different tones all throughout.

 

Nicole [00:11:43] Yeah. You’ve settled into your earth mama.

 

Sasheer [00:11:46] Very earth mama in the special. I did actually contemplate filming the whole thing barefoot. And I was like, “That’s a bridge too far.”

 

Nicole [00:11:56] I’m glad you wear shoes. You can’t give them toes away.

 

Sasheer [00:12:01] I wanted a real earthy vibe, and there’s, like, plants and stuff on the ground. But then I was like, “I can just wear shoes.”

 

Nicole [00:12:10] I’m glad you did because what if a nail was on the stage?

 

Sasheer [00:12:13] Yeah. Yeah. We’re still in an industrial space.

 

Nicole [00:12:15] What if a staple, glass, tetanus, sludge…

 

Sasheer [00:12:27] I don’t want the sludge either.

 

Nicole [00:12:29] Yeah, what if it’s sludge on the stage, Sasheer?

 

Sasheer [00:12:31] I guess it would absorb into my skin, and I become a mutant.

 

Nicole [00:12:34] We’ll call you Sludgy Sasheer!

 

Sasheer [00:12:36] Oh no! I don’t want to be Sludgy Sasheer! That’s the worst-case scenario.

 

Nicole [00:12:39] Has anyone, like, called you… Have you ever done something embarrassing, and someone was like, “Look at the tripsalot”?

 

Sasheer [00:12:54] No, I had cousins that would call me “Sausage Tomata.” It’s like “Sasheer Zamata.”

 

Nicole [00:13:02] That’s pretty funny.

 

Sasheer [00:13:02] Yeah, but I didn’t like it.

 

Nicole [00:13:04] Yeah, because it’s not your name.

 

Sasheer [00:13:06] I think that’s why I didn’t like it because it’s not necessarily a burn. But it’s just like… I don’t know. Just call me my name. Did you?

 

Nicole [00:13:15] No. I mean, I’ve fallen down a lot of places, and people have been like, “Hey, are you okay?” “Yeah. I’m all right.”

 

Sasheer [00:13:26] They’re not, like, pointing and laughing at you.

 

Nicole [00:13:29] No, they’re just like, “You fell down.” I used to fall so much. I think because it was before I was medicated. I just think I wasn’t like…

 

Sasheer [00:13:39] Grounded?

 

Nicole [00:13:40] Yeah. Or, like, looking around. I didn’t take my medicine yesterday because all I had to do was get on a plane. And we were leaving a friend at the place we were staying. You were with me. And I was filming her twirling around. And I put the phone down because I was looking at her with my eyes and forgot I was filming it. And I can’t explain it any better than that.

 

Sasheer [00:14:01] You explained it perfectly. Yeah. You thought you were still recording because you were looking at her, but you weren’t looking at her through the phone. You were just looking at her.

 

Nicole [00:14:09] And boy, oh boy. Sometimes I’m, like, just exhausted by my mere existence. I wrote in my notes app. I was, like, going through my notes, trying to find, like… Maybe I had scraps of jokes that I had started. And I had written, “Waking up every day is like climbing out of a grave.”

 

Sasheer [00:14:28] Holy shit.

 

Nicole [00:14:29] I was like, “Wow. I’m really in my feelings that day!”

 

Sasheer [00:14:32] Oh my God.

 

Nicole [00:14:33] But I do feel like that sometimes. I’m like, “Oh my God.”

 

Sasheer [00:14:36] Oh no.

 

Nicole [00:14:36] “The brain’s got to get going.” Like today, I usually have water by my bed to take medicine in the morning. And I woke up in the morning, and I was like, “I don’t have water.” And I was like, “But I have to take my medicine.” So, I put it in my pocket. And so, I’m just holding it in my hand, so I remember it. I went through so much today without taking my medicine. Did I take it?

 

Sasheer [00:14:59] Check your pocket.

 

Nicole [00:15:00] No, no, okay. I did take it. I drank it with a warm Diet Coke.

 

Sasheer [00:15:04] Ew.

 

Nicole [00:15:04] It was in my car.

 

Sasheer [00:15:06] Ew!

 

Nicole [00:15:06] It’s hot out. It’s a real steamer out. So then I left it in the car.

 

Sasheer [00:15:14] Yeah. Yeah. You gotta use your resources. The Diet Coke is still in your car?

 

Nicole [00:15:17] You better believe it.

 

Sasheer [00:15:18] Throw it out.

 

Nicole [00:15:19] I know. I just want to be upset every time I get in my car and take a sip and go, “Why did I do this?” Also, my car is so filthy right now.

 

Sasheer [00:15:30] I just got a car wash today.

 

Nicole [00:15:32] I was going to get one today, but I wasn’t home long enough for someone to come do it. And then I have to do it if someone doesn’t come do it because I can’t go to the automatic car wash because she’s a soft top, baby. My car’s disgusting. It’s because it’s just been outside for a long, long time and not in the garage.

 

Sasheer [00:15:50] Yeah. You can get a car cover. You ever thought about that?

 

Nicole [00:15:56] And then remove it and put it on and remove it and put it on?

 

Sasheer [00:15:58] Or maybe just, like, put it out when you’re going to be gone for a long time.

 

Nicole [00:16:03] Yes. That is smart. Maybe I should do that. It would have been nice to come home to a clean car. Instead, she’s so nasty. And every time I see her, I’m like, “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry. You’re so nasty.”

 

Sasheer [00:16:22] The Real Good Podcast by U.S. Bank aims to celebrate and gain knowledge from those working to change historical institutions and policies that disenfranchise BIPOC communities and women. Hosted by Faith Salie, each season provides the opportunity to learn from people who are on the ground, working to better their immediate communities or their industries. Topics include building community centered small businesses, bringing minority deposit institutions to new markets, the real impact of diversity programs at the corporate level, and more. This is not a banking podcast, but Faith and guests do explore how various issues impact people’s abilities to reach their goals and build generational wealth. The goal is to have open, direct discussions of the issues without sugarcoating things with corporate speak or letting corporations–including U.S. Bank–from doing their part to change systems of power for better. Listen to Real Good on all major podcast platforms or visit usbank.com/realgood. It might still be hot outside, but fall is right around the corner. And you got to get prepared. Target has so many great brands–so many good fashion styles. I’ve gotten a lot of compliments on some matching sets that I’ve got from Target. They’ve got accessories. I’ve gotten purses from there–little backpacks and little clutches that are good in a clutch. You can get all of that in one spot, and that’s Target. Shop the latest women’s fashions at your local Target store or online at target.com.

 

Nicole [00:17:57] Should we take that quiz?

 

Sasheer [00:18:01] Yes!

 

Nicole [00:18:01] Or do we want to talk more?

 

Sasheer [00:18:04] I could do either. You wanna talk more? What do you got?

 

Nicole [00:18:07] What do I got? What do I got?

 

Sasheer [00:18:19] We could take the quiz, and maybe that’ll inspire some more talk and stuff.

 

Nicole [00:18:22] But that means that we can’t just talk on our own?

 

Sasheer [00:18:24] Yeah. No, we always talk on our own. Don’t you remember the show? We always take 20-minute tangents off of one question, and then we’re like, “What were we doing?”

 

Nicole [00:18:33] You’re absolutely correct. Can I just tell you I need to figure out my hair braiding situation? I thought of something.

 

Sasheer [00:18:42] Okay.

 

Nicole [00:18:44] Because I have very thin hair, but I’ve got a lot of thin hair. It’s, like, a patchy field if you will. And my braids slip–my little individuals slip so quickly. Like, this is not even a month old, but it looks like it’s over a month old. And it’s not the braider’s fault. It’s just what my hair does. And I don’t. I’m like, “Maybe I don’t blow dry it to braid it,” but then that makes their job infinitely harder to braid coarser hair.

 

Sasheer [00:19:13] But they should be able to handle that. I don’t think your hair’s so coarse that they couldn’t get through it to braid it.

 

Nicole [00:19:21] You’re right. It’s not that coarse.

 

Sasheer [00:19:24] Yeah. I mean, don’t blow it. See if that works out.

 

Nicole [00:19:27] Yeah, maybe I’ll do that.

 

Sasheer [00:19:28] Because you said it’s already, like, fluffy, right? Or it’s already, like, thin.

 

Nicole [00:19:32] It’s thin, soft, supple, not luscious because it’s thin. I don’t think you really call something luscious that’s thin. Very soft hair.

 

Sasheer [00:19:44] Then you don’t have to blow it out.

 

Nicole [00:19:45] Okay, maybe I’ll try that because I really like my braider. She’s so fast. She did this whole thing in five hours.

 

Sasheer [00:19:51] That’s great.

 

Nicole [00:19:52] And telling stories.

 

Sasheer [00:19:56] You got braids and a show?

 

Nicole [00:19:58] She’s great. I really love her. Oh, and I got frozen yogurt after.

 

Sasheer [00:20:04] She just gave you frozen yogurt?

 

Nicole [00:20:06] No, I walked over to Frog. And they were about to close. And I said, “Can I have a cup?” And he was like, “Yeah.” And I was like, “I’m so sorry to be in here.” And he’s like, “It’s fine.” I was like, “All right.” He seemed belabored. And then he was like, “You can’t have any hot toppings.” I was like, “No hot fudge?” He was like, “No. Get out.” It was a nice time.

 

Sasheer [00:20:25] You were like, “So sorry to hear. Can I have hot fudge? Just heat it up real quick.”

 

Nicole [00:20:26] “Heat up my fudge!” Okay, Let’s take the 36 Questions That Lead To Love. Now we’re only going to answer a few of them because of time. But this is based on a study by Arthur Aaron. “Aaron explored how intimacy can be accelerated with strangers by asking them specific personal questions.” He must’ve been fun to be around. Oh my God. What if we fall out of love with each other? Isn’t that something that could happen?

 

Sasheer [00:20:59] Is this something that could happen?

 

Nicole [00:21:03] Based on these questions?

 

Sasheer [00:21:04] I don’t think so.

 

Nicole [00:21:05] Please, please, can you Google what the negative side effects are before I ask the first question?

 

Sasheer [00:21:14] I think they are just so that you can fall into love. I have done this before with someone I was already in love with.

 

Nicole [00:21:23] Did you fall more in love?

 

Sasheer [00:21:24] I think so. I think it, like, reveals more about yourself that maybe you haven’t discussed. Being vulnerable and learning more about someone automatically makes you feel closer and more in love. I will say it felt rushed because I think, like, I had asked, “Hey, let’s do this quiz.” And he was like, “Okay, yeah. Real quick.” I don’t remember why there was a rush, but I didn’t feel like we were, like, you know, locked in and… “Let’s take our time for this.” And then there was a moment at the end where we have to stare into each other’s eyes for, like, five minutes? Maybe it’s three minutes. It’s, like, four minutes uninterrupted.

 

Nicole [00:22:01] Okay, let’s try it… Ew! That’s wild.

 

Sasheer [00:22:06] We only did, like, one second.

 

Nicole [00:22:07] It’s weird!

 

Sasheer [00:22:08] Yeah, you’re just staring. And then after a while, it gets boring, and I’m, like, switching from eye to eye.

 

Nicole [00:22:15] When we started, I was like, “One eye, two eye, one eye, two eye…” I don’t think I can do that. That’s a long time.

 

Sasheer [00:22:20] But I guess it’s, like, you know, intimate. It’s really, really intimate.

 

Judith [00:22:25] And nothing has come up that anyone has fallen out of love.

 

Nicole [00:22:28] Okay. Thank God. Did you Google “negative side effects of 36 questions…?” Okay. “Given the choice…” And you’re supposed to alternate asking questions, right?

 

Sasheer [00:22:42] Yeah, but I think we each answer the question.

 

Nicole [00:22:46] Okay. “Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?”

 

Sasheer [00:22:51] Anyone in the world?

 

Nicole [00:22:56] That’s what Arthur Aaron said.

 

Sasheer [00:23:03] I mean, I think I’d say you. You’re a great dinner guest. You’re very entertaining, especially in restaurants.

 

Nicole [00:23:10] Oh my God. Thank you.

 

Sasheer [00:23:13] You’re always joking with the waiter.

 

Nicole [00:23:16] I, like, cheered for my wine yesterday.

 

Sasheer [00:23:19] Yeah. A lot of oohs and ahhs.

 

Nicole [00:23:22] I did not realize how much I ooh and ahh until we did this, like, weekend… It wasn’t a weekend. We did it during the week.

 

Sasheer [00:23:28] I know.

 

Nicole [00:23:29] We went on a trip. We were like, “We’re going away for the weekend!” It was like, “Today’s Monday.”

 

Sasheer [00:23:35] Wine tastings. And every time there was a new wine, it was like, “Oooh!”

 

Nicole [00:23:38] I am not aware. I am really not self-aware. I did not realize how much I ooh and ahh.

 

Sasheer [00:23:44] Yeah. You ooh and ahh a lot.

 

Nicole [00:23:47] Did you know?

 

Sasheer [00:23:48] Yeah, I guess so. But I guess I wouldn’t have labeled you as an ooher and ahher. Like, it wasn’t a new thing. But I wasn’t like, “That’s what she always does. That’s her thing.”

 

Nicole [00:24:05] Yeah, I truly am not aware of anything that I do. I didn’t realize I spoke with a weird cadence until someone mimicked me, and I was like, “I simply… don’t sound like that.” And then they were like, “You simply… don’t–” And I was like, “Oh!” And then whenever people do impressions of me, I feel attacked, especially if they get it right. Christi Chiello will sometimes do it, and I’m like, “Stop it!” I don’t realize it until you do it. I said something wild at breakfast the other day–absolutely unhinged–I will not repeat it. It’s about a certain person. You know who.

 

Sasheer [00:24:46] Well, you said so little details that I actually don’t know who. But I’m sure I do.

 

Nicole [00:24:54] I’ll give you a hint. A person that we have texted about.

 

Sasheer [00:25:01] That could be anybody. There’s so many people.

 

Nicole [00:25:04] This is funny because I really think I’m doing a good job of giving you hints. Okay. We have texted about her.

 

Sasheer [00:25:09] Yeah. Sure.

 

Nicole [00:25:26] Her hair…

 

Sasheer [00:25:29] Is a cloud?

 

Jordan [00:25:29] For those listening in, Nicole is doing crazy things with their hands around her head.

 

Sasheer [00:25:39] Oh, now there’s…

 

Jordan [00:25:40] This is just a mime segment at this point.

 

Sasheer [00:25:42] Oh, okay. Now I know. Okay. Yes.

 

Nicole [00:25:44] And I said a wild thing about this person. And then I didn’t think it was wild. And I was like, “Whatever!” And then a friend repeated it, and I was like, “Oh my God. Is that what I said?” You were like, “Yes. Verbatim.” And I was like, “That was bad!” No self-awareness. I’ll tell you guys off air. And listeners, you’ll never know. Guess what? You’re not in studio. But if you enter the raffle, you could go to the studio!

 

Sasheer [00:26:16] And learn what Nicole said!

 

Nicole [00:26:17] Oh. Imagine that was, like, a contest you can enter.

 

Sasheer [00:26:27] That would be very funny. Well, who would you invite for dinner?

 

Nicole [00:26:30] I think I would invite you.

 

Sasheer [00:26:32] Okay. Well, less confident than mine.

 

Nicole [00:26:34] No, I was thinking because I was like, “Well, I feel like the go to is like some famous person or someone that you’re like, ‘Oh, I really want to, like, know more about you.’” But I’m like, “The best dinners are either short, quick, and dirty dinners or, like, long dinners where we’re laughing and having a nice time.” And you’re not going to get that with Oprah because I don’t know her.  I’m not gonna have a long, luxurious dinner with her. Or, like, Vin Diesel–I’m not going to have a great… I don’t know him.

 

Sasheer [00:27:04] Yeah, I don’t want to feel “on” in this dinner of my choosing.

 

Nicole [00:27:09] Yeah. I just wanna have a nice tee-hee ha ha.

 

Sasheer [00:27:10] Hee-hee ha ha?

 

Nicole [00:27:13] Tee-hee-hee. That’s what I say. What would constitute a perfect day for you?

 

Sasheer [00:27:30] “On this perfect day!”

 

Nicole [00:27:31] Okay. I do like doing things with you. I also like waking up with you–whether I wake up later or we are in Italy, and I wake up before you.

 

Sasheer [00:27:59] Somehow.

 

Nicole [00:28:00] Also the other day I woke up before you.

 

Sasheer [00:28:02] Yeah, I was surprised.

 

Nicole [00:28:05] Sasheer. I wish there was cameras in the house to capture what I was doing because I was creeping around. I was like, “I simply can’t wake her.” And I was, like, creeping. And I was like, “I’ll fold this shirt.” And I’d fold that shirt. And I’d run back to bed because I was like, “I don’t want her to see me out of bed, and I don’t know why.” You were wearing, like, a sleeping mitt. Uh oh. A face mask! A face mask!

 

Sasheer [00:28:33] I do want to call it a “sleeping mitt” from now on.

 

Nicole [00:28:39] The other day I was trying to say… I could find the words to say, “Tree ornament.”

 

Sasheer [00:28:42] Oh boy.

 

Nicole [00:28:42] And I said, “December men.”

 

Sasheer [00:28:46] You said, “A December person. A Christmas man.”

 

Nicole [00:28:51] “A sleeping mitt.” That is so weird. But I didn’t want you to take your mitt off and see me, like, squatting over my suitcase. “What is she doing?”

 

Sasheer [00:28:59] But I think I’d just be like, “Oh, she’s up.” I don’t think I’d be like, “Get back in bed! You can’t be up and awake without me!”

 

Nicole [00:29:06] Well, in my brain, it was not allowed. And I don’t know why. And then also, I was just, like, waiting to be like, “Hello.”

 

Sasheer [00:29:16] Something about the way you were sitting did look very presentational because you were, like, laid up. And all the covers were, like, off of you and surrounding you. And then you’re just, like, on your phone.

 

Nicole [00:29:32] I didn’t want to miss you waking up. So, if I turned my back, I might have missed it.

 

Sasheer [00:29:45] That’s really funny.

 

Nicole [00:29:46] Again, I do things and they seem really normal. And then recounting them, I’m like, “That’s unhinged.” I could have left the room. There was other people in the house. I could have gone downstairs. And then I was like, “Maybe she’ll be awake at 8:45.” And 8:45 would come, I’d be like, “Maybe 8:50.” I’m, like, taking bets with myself. Oh my God.

 

Sasheer [00:30:11] That’s very funny.

 

Nicole [00:30:11] But yeah, we wake up together, either in the same bed or separate beds. I don’t really mind because, like, your feet don’t touch me or anything. And then, like, something nice would happen. Like, we go do something, and then maybe it ends with, like, a hot tub and, like, a nice dinner.

 

Sasheer [00:30:30] Ooh, I like that.

 

Nicole [00:30:32] Yeah. And I don’t want to say where the place is because there’s so many different places that we’ve gone and places that we haven’t been to. Yeah. I think my perfect day is, like, on a trip with you because I don’t wanna wake up in, like, bed at my house with you. That’s insane.

 

Sasheer [00:30:47] Yeah, I’d be like, “Well, why is this happening?”

 

Nicole [00:30:49] “Why don’t you go home?”

 

Sasheer [00:30:51] “I could just go to my house or sleep on the couch in a different place in the house?” Yeah. I also want to be on a trip with you. And I want to go thrift shopping.

 

Nicole [00:31:01] We haven’t done that in so long.

 

Sasheer [00:31:02] A really long time.

 

Nicole [00:31:04] We got to find a good one. Oh, we did do it. We did it when you were filming, but we didn’t find a good one.

 

Sasheer [00:31:10] No, we didn’t find a good one. But yeah. Thrift shopping, eating good food, hee-hee ha ha, and having a really good dinner. And then just, like, being on the couch and, like, laughing and stuff.

 

Nicole [00:31:28] Yeah, I do like that. “If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last six years of your life, which would you want?”

 

Sasheer [00:31:42] It kind of does sound like a math question where it’s like, “You live to 90, and then a train that’s 30 years old comes to you at 60 miles per hour.”

 

Nicole [00:31:51] So this is saying at 30, I can either keep this body or keep this mind?

 

Sasheer [00:32:01] Yes.

 

Nicole [00:32:01] But I won’t learn anything else?

 

Sasheer [00:32:04] I think you’ll be as sharp as you are at 30.

 

Nicole [00:32:09] Because you get dumber as you get older?

 

Sasheer [00:32:11] Well, not necessarily dumber, but–

 

Nicole [00:32:12] You get wrinkles and idiotness?

 

Sasheer [00:32:17] Your brain deteriorates. It can deteriorate as you get older. So, either your body gets older and breaks down and you keep your mind at the same mental capacity that you had when you’re 30, or your brain will age as it does when you get to 90 and your body’s still as fit as it was when you were 30.

 

Nicole [00:32:40] Okay. What do you think?

 

Sasheer [00:32:42] Maybe I would want… Hmm. That’s hard.

 

Nicole [00:32:49] I thought it was hard at first.

 

Sasheer [00:32:50] Oh, okay.

 

Nicole [00:32:51] Definitely keeping the body of a 30-year-old. How funny? How funny to look exactly like this and be like, “I don’t know, child! Listen, I lost my damn keys! Where’s my senior citizen discount?” That’s very funny to me because I would literally be like this at 90 years old–not functioning.

 

Sasheer [00:33:21] But look very young.

 

Nicole [00:33:24] That’s funny.

 

Sasheer [00:33:27] That is very funny.

 

Nicole [00:33:28] It’s like, “I’m 90. Do you want to suck on a titty?” And it’s like, “What is happening?”

 

Sasheer [00:33:35] Yeah, Maybe I do that, too–for different reasons. Maybe because I think if my mind was sharp, but my body was deteriorating, it would make me very sad that I couldn’t do all the stuff I used to be able to do it. But if my mind ages just at the pace that it would be aging anyway, my body could do a lot of stuff up until… It would just be able to do stuff, you know, until I die. And then, you know, at some point my mind would go. But I think I’d probably last until my 80s or something–very clear. Maybe 90s? And it would be nice to still be able to like, you know, not have as much knee pain. Although I’m in my 30s, and I sure do have knee pain.

 

Nicole [00:34:20] Wow, you were really thoughtful. I was like, “It’s funny!”

 

Sasheer [00:34:27] Both are valid reasons.

 

Nicole [00:34:29] I would constantly be pulling out my I.D., being like, “No, I’m old!” I think my mind is going to go pretty fast. Or not! Like, my grandpa is 94, and he is sharp–and very funny.

 

Sasheer [00:34:46] Yeah. Aww. “For what in your life do you feel most grateful?”

 

Nicole [00:34:56] Like, money’s fun.

 

Sasheer [00:35:06] Money’s fun. Yeah.

 

Nicole [00:35:07] Clothes are fun.

 

Jordan [00:35:08] Clothes are great.

 

Nicole [00:35:09] Love having two eyes. Not to knock it if you have one. That’s fine too.

 

Sasheer [00:35:16] “Most grateful.” That’s really hard.

 

Nicole [00:35:23] I guess the friendships that I have.

 

Sasheer [00:35:25] Yeah.

 

Nicole [00:35:26] Like, the people in my life. It’s not like I have a no terrible people rule. I just really don’t fuck with terrible people. And I have a lot of, like, fabulous people in my life who come in and out of my life. Like, one of my best friends from high school lives in Australia. And with him–I just got to see him over the weekend–it felt like no time had passed. Like, we pulled out our yearbooks and we were going through that laughing. And, like, we played Uno–sounds dumb–but I was so sleepy because I had done so much shit during the day, and he came over at night. And I was rubbing my eyes, being like, “one more thing. I have to tell you this.” And then we woke up the next day, and he was like, “I was so tired last night, but I didn’t want to go to sleep because I was having so much fun.” And I was like, “Me too!”

 

Sasheer [00:36:20] That’s really cute.

 

Nicole [00:36:21] And then, yeah. I like that a lot of my friends will tell me things like that. We’ll be like, “Oh, I really like when we did X, Y and Z.” And I’m like, “Me too. I went away with Mano.” And the day after we were no longer together on vacation. I made a voice note where I was like, “Hey, Mano. I was just wondering what you’re doing because, like, it’s not with me anymore. And, like, I really miss you. Maybe you call me or something?” And then I didn’t send it because I was like, “That’s crazy. He’s home with his partner.” It was a vacation. And then, like, three days later, he sent me a voice memo, and it was like, “I really miss you. And I think it’s because, like, we spent every day together pretty consecutively and it was chill and nice, and I miss you.” And then I left him an unhinged voice memo. So, yeah, I really love the people in my life.

 

Sasheer [00:37:10] Yeah. Me too. I like that. I’m going to take that.

 

Nicole [00:37:13] Take it? You can have it!

 

Sasheer [00:37:15] Yes! Yeah, I feel like I have a lot of lovely, meaningful relationships in my life. And that makes my life feel good.

 

Nicole [00:37:26] Same. We’re supposed to alternate. Otherwise, we don’t do it right. And you’re trying to steal questions.

 

Sasheer [00:37:34] But you paused for so long. I didn’t–

 

Nicole [00:37:36] Arthur would be so disappointed to know we’re not following him. I did. I did pause for a really long time because I was like, “We already did the grateful one. Yeah, Nicole. Move on.” Okay. “If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?” To move metal. You can find a parking space where you could fit in, and this motherfucker just inched up a little bit.

 

Sasheer [00:38:15] Use it just to get better parking spaces?

 

Nicole [00:38:17] I guess my answers are pretty shortsighted. Also, it doesn’t say, like, “superpowers.”

 

Sasheer [00:38:26] I mean, I guess that’s not not what they asked. That’s under the umbrella of ability.

 

Nicole [00:38:33] You know what? I’m going to change mine. I’m going to think a little and change mine. The elevator would always be where I wanted to be if I could move metal.

 

Sasheer [00:38:49] Oh, so you’re sticking with the moving metal. You’re changing the reason why you want moving metal?

 

Nicole [00:38:56] No. I’m just saying I could do more things.

 

Sasheer [00:38:59] Such as have the elevator where you want it?

 

Nicole [00:39:04] If I lose a key, guess who can unlock a door?

 

Sasheer [00:39:07] You can stay with moving metal.

 

Nicole [00:39:09] No, I’ll think of something normal. What would yours be?

 

Sasheer [00:39:14] Well, if we are going the superhuman route.

 

Nicole [00:39:18] Okay, superhuman and then a normal one. So, we’re going to keep my moving metal.

 

Sasheer [00:39:23] You seem very attached to it. I would want, like, teleportation.

 

Nicole [00:39:29] Oooh, never be late. You actually would.

 

Sasheer [00:39:31] I would be late still.

 

Nicole [00:39:33] But it would be less late.

 

Sasheer [00:39:33] Yeah, I wouldn’t have to, like, hustle and bustle and sweat.

 

Nicole [00:39:36] Yeah. Okay. My normal one… I have trouble regulating my emotions due to my ADHD. And that’s, like, a fun thing I’ve learned on my ADHD journey.  I don’t want to get rid of my ADHD because I feel like it doesn’t make me me, but I do think I say things that other people wouldn’t. And I think it’s because of the impulse control thing going on and that my brain moves faster than my mouth or vice versa. But I wouldn’t like to regulate my emotions a little bit more. I would like to not burst into tears when I talk about, like, Sonic. Am I gonna cry again? Yeah. I would love to be able to regulate my emotions a little bit.

 

Sasheer [00:40:27] Okay. Yeah. I would like to be able to accept less control–be more chill with, like, letting other people take the wheel, if that makes sense–because I love being in control, at least in my own life. I try not to control other people. I have in the past had problems with that. But yeah, I think be more at peace with knowing I don’t have to have control over everything. And also, it’s impossible to do that.

 

Nicole [00:41:08] Yeah. I have another one. Oh, wait. Maybe this is… I don’t like change. Ooh. No. Accepting things I don’t understand. That’s what I would like. That’s what I like!

 

Sasheer [00:41:23] Oh!

 

Nicole [00:41:23] Eureka! Yeah. I want to be able to just be like, “I don’t get it,” and accept it, as opposed to, like, “I don’t get it,” and then harp on it. As spacey and as scatterbrained as I am, I’m pretty analytical. I’m like, “One plus one is two, and there’s no way around it.” You did this, and that is the outcome. That’s what it is. That’s how it should be. But, like, when something is askew, I’m like, “But why?”

 

Sasheer [00:41:55] Okay. Nice.

 

Nicole [00:41:55] And moving metal with my mind.

 

Sasheer [00:41:57] Of course, we can’t leave that behind. Oh, are you trying right now? It looks like you’re hurting yourself.

 

Nicole [00:42:04] And then this goes down.

 

Sasheer [00:42:07] Yeah. All that effort for just this to go down–just the plug to, like, close. Let’s see. “What do you value most in a friendship?” I would say feeling, like, so comfortable with someone that you don’t have to try.

 

Nicole [00:42:33] I agree.

 

Sasheer [00:42:34] And maybe “try” is not the right word but just, like, so comfortable that it’s like, “I don’t have to fake it or, like, put up any walls or pretenses. There’s, like, a second language there, so it feels easy and, like, familiar.” That’s what I value in a friendship.

 

Nicole [00:42:52] I would like to have that.

 

Sasheer [00:42:54] Oh. Damn. Do you not think that we have that?

 

Nicole [00:42:58] No. I want the answer. Are you kidding? Get the fuck out of here. Are you kidding me?

 

Sasheer [00:43:04] I thought you were like, “Wow, that sounds nice.”

 

Nicole [00:43:06] You dumb ass motherfucker. Are you kidding me?

 

Sasheer [00:43:09] I thought you were being mean and saying, “Wow. Sounds nice. Don’t have that.”

 

Nicole [00:43:13] No!

 

Sasheer [00:43:14] Okay.

 

Nicole [00:43:14] I would like to take that answer for myself because it is nice to not have to put on any airs or act like a different fucking person or try to make them like you.

 

Sasheer [00:43:24] Well, great. I’m really glad you liked my answer.

 

Nicole [00:43:29] My eye is watering. I was like, “I don’t even think I’m, like, crying.” It is watering.

 

Sasheer [00:43:39] You crying.

 

Nicole [00:43:41] Sobbing over here, just out of one eye.

 

Sasheer [00:43:44] It’s when you try to move metal.

 

Nicole [00:43:48] I moved this metal, but it was with my hands. I played with a paperclip. Okay. “If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know?”

 

Sasheer [00:44:09] What?

 

Nicole [00:44:10] I feel like you should already be a close friend with your partner.

 

Sasheer [00:44:12] I also feel that way. “If you were going to become a close friend with your partner.”

 

Judith [00:44:25] I mean, maybe another way of looking at this question is, like, what you want them to know beforehand. If they’re your partner and your friend, what do you need them to know to be able to be the best partner to you?

 

Jordan [00:44:36] But also, wasn’t this made for people who weren’t in partnerships? Like, weren’t there a bunch of, like, single people who were like, “Let’s do this and fall in love.” So, I think that’s the phrasing also.

 

Sasheer [00:44:49] Okay, so, we’re not partners.

 

Judith [00:44:52] It’s for strangers.

 

Sasheer [00:44:53] Okay. They would need to know that Nicole and I have a very strong relationship. And it might look different than other friendships. And that’s a very important relationship. And they have to know that, like… I have many– Not many. Two. I have two important relationships in my life. And they have to understand that.

 

Nicole [00:45:24] Yes, I think that too because I have dated people who were like… I can’t remember how they phrased this. But I was like, “Well, Sasheer will always be number one.” And they were like, “So I’m what?” And I didn’t try to walk it back. I was like, “Yes. I mean, she’ll always come before you.” And we’re not dating anymore.

 

Sasheer [00:45:59] Yeah, I think sometimes people get in partnerships and they assume that friends are now secondary to their partner. And they’re like, “My romantic relationship is the most important relationship I have in my life, so I’ll see my friends later.” And they kind of, like, take them for granted. But I don’t want to do that, and we don’t want to do that. And I’m sure there’s many other people who do that, too. But I think it might be a little… There’s a learning curve for people who don’t have relationships like that, who are not used to, like, strong bonds in friendships like that, where they’re like, “Oh, okay. I guess I have to consider this other person. They come along with the package.”

 

Nicole [00:46:43] No! I’ll never leave!

 

Sasheer [00:46:46] Please don’t.

 

Nicole [00:46:48] What did I say to you the other day? “If I ever miss a flight…”

 

Sasheer [00:46:52] “I have passed.”

 

Nicole [00:46:53] Why did I say that?

 

Sasheer [00:47:00] Why did you say that?

 

Nicole [00:47:01] I miss flights all the time. What a wild thing to say.

 

Sasheer [00:47:03] I know.

 

Nicole [00:47:05] Oh, I said, “If I don’t text you before missing a flight, consider me passed away.”

 

Sasheer [00:47:11] I was like, “I don’t want that kind of stress.”

 

Nicole [00:47:13] Tee-hee-hee. Is it my turn to talk?

 

Sasheer [00:47:18] Yes.

 

Nicole [00:47:19] “If you were…” I got the tough ones to say. “If you were going to–” Oh, wait, we already did that one. No, so it’s your turn to speak.

 

Sasheer [00:47:26] Okay. “Tell your partner what you like about them. Be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.”

 

Nicole [00:47:35] I like how touchy feely you are, even though I’m not touchy feely. It makes me feel loved. Even if I recoil or, like, scream, it’s not in jest. I really don’t like it.

 

Sasheer [00:47:51] “Even if I push you away and scream at you and say, “Don’t do that,” I do like it.

 

Nicole [00:47:56] I do because it’s one of those things where it’s like I’m not a touchy-feely person, but it’s nice that you’re expressing yourself. And I always want you to be able to, like, express yourself in any way. Just like when you shut down when you’re hungry–I, like, really appreciate that you’re like, “I shan’t try to do anything but figure out where food comes from.” And I like that you feel comfortable enough to do that because I feel like some people are like, “No, I’m fine.” You’re like, “I’m not fine actually. I need food.” And I’m like, “Get her a hot dog!” Yeah, I don’t think I would say that to someone I just met. I like that you wait till I’m ready to do things. Like, remember when we were on mushrooms New Year’s Eve and I was like, “Show me your boobs.”

 

Sasheer [00:48:50] I’ll never forget it.

 

Nicole [00:48:53] Then I showed you my boobs. And we were in mixed company.

 

Sasheer [00:49:00] We really were. But I’ve been begging to see those titties for years, and you’re like, “No.” But then one New Year’s Eve, hopped up on mushrooms and champagne…

 

Nicole [00:49:13] So much champagne. Leading up, I was like, “What have we done?” Also, we all forgot we ate mushrooms, and we were like, “Ha ha ha!”

 

Sasheer [00:49:22] We’re like, “Why are we having so much fun?”

 

Nicole [00:49:25] I remember going upstairs screaming things at you.

 

Sasheer [00:49:34] That was really funny.

 

Nicole [00:49:36] It was a nice New Year’s Eve.

 

Sasheer [00:49:38] It was great. I love how thoughtful you are because you’ll, like, send me little gifts when you think about me or if you come across something. And not even for, like, celebratory things. Not even for, like, my birthday. It’ll just be, like, a random “I thought of you. Here you go.” And I’m like, “I really like that.” It’s very sweet and considerate and… Yeah. And also, you’re very thoughtful when it comes to, like, my emotional well-being. Like, sometimes I’ll be, like, venting about something or ranting about something, and you’ll be like. “Well, do you think you need to, like, take time to think about that? Or you’ll just ask a question, kind of like over this weekend. You’re really good at asking questions that, like, stump people.

 

Nicole [00:50:30] I asked a question, and everyone was like…

 

Sasheer [00:50:36] Yeah. We were, like, drinking and partying. And someone was like, “I need a drink!” And you were like, “Well, why?” And we’re like, “Whoa… Why do we need to drink right now?”

 

Nicole [00:50:47] Well, I got to an age… “An age.” I’m at this current age where I was like– Oh, it was in Cabo. Like, I was hungover one of the days I was there, and I was like, “I don’t want to be hungover on vacation. So, at this point, drinking will just cause me to have a hangover.” Alcohol affects me differently. So, like, I blacked out one night, and no one knew I was blacked out, except for one person who was like, “Yeah. Nicole, you were bad.” Also, I was sitting in the sand… It’s a long story. It was at a restaurant. I don’t know if you’ve ever blacked out at a restaurant in sand, but it wasn’t fun. It was hard to navigate. I was like, “How are we walking?” But then I didn’t feel great the next day. And I was like, “Yeah, I don’t want to be hungover on vacation.” Same thing happened in Amsterdam. Those last few drinks–I didn’t need them. “Why am I drinking?” Is it because I’m like, “Party!” Or am I trying to fill a hole?

 

Sasheer [00:51:45] Damn.

 

Nicole [00:51:46] So I was like, “Meh. When I get to the point where I’m, like, rowdy and I’m like, ‘Yeah!’ I’m like, ‘Hey… Why are we doing this?’”

 

Sasheer [00:51:52] Yeah. I like that. But yeah, you’re good at assessing and asking questions that make me think. And I appreciate that.

 

Nicole [00:52:04] Hey. Thanks. I don’t think anyone saw that coming. Nicole makes you think?

 

Sasheer [00:52:09] You do. And you make me giggle and do stuff I don’t, like, want to do all the time. But then I do it, and I’m like, “Yeah, that was fun.”

 

Nicole [00:52:17] I’m glad. Except for that one time I made you walk through a little mini waterfall in the pool. You didn’t like that at all.

 

Sasheer [00:52:24] I didn’t.

 

Nicole [00:52:25] But we went down a slide. You liked that.

 

Sasheer [00:52:26] I did like that. Yeah.

 

Nicole [00:52:27] You said, “I won’t do it again, but I liked it!”

 

Sasheer [00:52:29] Yeah. Yeah, I didn’t regret it. But the waterfall, I was like, “So much water hit my head.”

 

Nicole [00:52:35] It wasn’t relaxing or refreshing. Boy, I remember that day. It almost ended with ice cream.

 

Sasheer [00:52:42] So sorry it didn’t.

 

Nicole [00:52:46] That happened again on this trip we went on. We went to lunch, and I was promised soft serve. I don’t understand what it is about those machines. We’re in the year 2023. Why can’t we build a soft serve machine that doesn’t break?

 

Sasheer [00:53:06] I don’t know. I am not the person to answer this. I have no clue. I couldn’t possibly. It’s too soft?

 

Nicole [00:53:15] I don’t know. It’s really, like, debilitating for me. I get so excited. Again, I feel things really hard. So, truly when I was like, “Guys, I’ve never been more excited,” I was so excited because I’ve been yearning for soft serve. Not Froyo. Not magpies. Real soft serve. And then I got there, and I was like, “I would like a children’s hamburger, french fries, and a cup of vanilla.” And he said, “It’s broken.” And I went, “Oh.” And he went, “I’m sorry?” I was like, “Okay.” It was such a high and such a low because, like, to say what you want and you’re going to get it…

 

Sasheer [00:53:59] Yeah, I know that feeling.

 

Nicole [00:54:02] And then you don’t get it. And it happens almost every time you order it.

 

Sasheer [00:54:05] Yeah. You know what? If you could move metal, you could fix those soft serve machines.

 

Nicole [00:54:10] I could. I could. That is my power. Just with my mind. And then I do it for myself, and I go, “I don’t fucking need you! That’ll be $300 cash!”

 

Sasheer [00:54:26] Are getting paid because you fixed the machine?

 

Nicole [00:54:28] Yeah, you’d have to pay a technician. But you also got to wait on the technician.

 

Sasheer [00:54:33] Yeah, you’re just already there.

 

Nicole [00:54:36] “I’m here.” And I happened to be a customer. I wonder if Magneto has done that.

 

Sasheer [00:54:40] Fixed a soft serve machine?

 

Nicole [00:54:41] Yeah. Nerds! Has it happened in a comic book? He takes a break from fighting the X-Men to fix the soft serve.

 

Sasheer [00:54:50] “I need to cool off.”

 

Nicole [00:54:52] “Oh boy. All this fighting. I need something–a cool treat.”

 

Devyn Simone [00:55:04] Hey, everyone. It’s Devyn Simone.

 

Tori Deal [00:55:06] And I’m Tori Deal.

 

Devyn Simone [00:55:07] And we’ve got some very exciting news for our fellow Challenge fans.

 

Tori Deal [00:55:11] The Challenge USA is back for a second season.

 

Devyn Simone [00:55:15] Featuring fan favorite contestants from your favorite CBS shows.

 

Tori Deal [00:55:18] Yes. So, join us on MTV’s Official Challenge Podcast as we watch CBS reality titans compete against challenge legends for the title of America’s Best.

 

Devyn Simone [00:55:28] Listen to MTV’s Official Challenge podcasts wherever you get your podcasts.

 

Nicole [00:55:38] We did it. Are we in love?

 

Sasheer [00:55:40] I do feel more in love with you.

 

Nicole [00:55:41] I also feel more in love with you.

 

Sasheer [00:55:43] Yeah!

 

Nicole [00:55:44] Wait, we do our outro now?

 

Sasheer [00:55:45] No, now we do some questions.

 

Nicole [00:55:47] Out of order, Judith!

 

Judith [00:55:51] I’m sorry. I can set one up for you guys to listen to.

 

Sasheer [00:55:56] Yeah!

 

Nicole [00:55:56] Ooh, yeah.

 

Caller [00:55:58] Hi, Nicole and Sasheer. I’m currently sitting in a parking lot in sunny Phoenix, Arizona. And turned my AC off so you get a good sound quality, and I’m sweating my ass off. So, I turn 21 in three weeks. August 15th. Leo baby. And my friends and I have been kind of planning to go to San Diego. I got this really great, really cheap little Holiday Inn in Solana Beach. It’s, like, 180 a person for the four or five days we’re going to go. Real cheap. We’re just going to get stoned at the beach. And we’re all just going to drink together for the first time–go to some gay bars. And it’s a really solid, good plan. And I’ve been like, “Hey, guys.” I planned everything. We’re Going hiking. I know the trails. We’re going to go look at some whales. I bought the tickets. Like, I have everything ready to go. And I’ve been kind of asking people to just book the hotel–give me money so I can book the hotel. That’s the problem. It’s, like, 800 bucks total. I don’t have that. I’m, like, 20, you know? So, I’m asking all of them to Venmo me. And I put it in the group chat, like, five times. I’m like, “Hey, guys. This is the hotel. You’ve got a little balcony. It’s really cute. Can we all get on a call and book it together, or can you just Venmo me and I’ll book it? And it’s crickets. And I’ve been asking maybe five times over two weeks. And it’s getting to the point where I’m getting really frustrated. And I called my closest friend in our friend group. I was like, “Hey. I just hate feeling like a broken record. I hate asking you guys to give me money.” And it’s really frustrating because I just want to celebrate my birthday. So, I guess my question is I’m kind of like, “Should I just go by myself?” Because there has been no mention…No one’s asking about this trip. It’s not really, like, in the zeitgeist of the group. Do I just say fuck it? Maybe I get myself a cheap, little motel in the mountains and I just kind of chill by myself. Or maybe I just do a little staycation. Should I just do something by myself, or should I bring it up with them and say, like, “Hey. What the fuck?” You know, we’ve been friends since high school. I mean, like, since middle school, really. And I just feel really pushed aside. And it’s a really important birthday. Thanks for listening. Love everybody. Everyone all over the world–God bless. No, I’m not Christian. All right.

 

Nicole [00:58:44] Turning 21? 21-year-olds suck. That young? You flaky.

 

Sasheer [00:58:51] Yeah.

 

Nicole [00:58:52] I will say I’m terrible at planning. I plan nothing. I just went traveling for three weeks? Four weeks? I planned nothing.

 

Sasheer [00:59:03] Yeah, that’s very cool.

 

Nicole [00:59:04] It was great. With the flights I made Mano come visit. This is something he did not have to do. He is fully capable. I am not capable. I fuck up. I told everyone I was back from our trip on the 17th. I was not. But I was on the 16th. I came back. I somehow bought the correct flight but told everyone I was back the 17th. Don’t know how that happened. She dumb. But sometimes getting together makes things easier because everyone’s in one place and you can go, “Here’s what I booked. Can you Venmo me now?” And I can look you in the eye and go, “Are you doing it?” And Mano could look me in the eye and go, “Did you buy the ticket, or did you switch browsers?” And I’d be like, “I’m sorry, but I switched the browser. It timed out. I gotta start over.” I don’t know why anyone hangs out with me. So, there’s that. Also, I’m curious to hear what your closest friend said when you called him about it.

 

Sasheer [01:00:03] I know. They were about to start a different thing but then diverted. Yeah. I wonder what the closest friend was saying.

 

Nicole [01:00:11] Yeah. I think that’s one. But also, if you’ve mentioned it five times in two weeks, maybe it is give up the ghost and go by yourself. Or invite one of those friends–maybe your closest friend–and see if they want to do it with you. Do a little doubles trip. What do you think?

 

Sasheer [01:00:25] Well, they are 21. And I also wonder if it’s a money thing and no one wants to say it because what money do they have? So, it’s like, okay, yeah, 100 something for the hotel each. But also, how are they getting there? Like, it’s like they’re driving and that’s gas money? Or are they flying there? That’s, like, money for a plane ticket. And then restaurants, bars–that’s all a lot of money.

 

Nicole [01:00:53] Yeah. Our friend said it was 800 all in? Oh, wait. For them?

 

Sasheer [01:00:57] 800 total for the hotel.

 

Nicole [01:01:01] Oh, 180.

 

Sasheer [01:01:01] Yeah. Per person. But then there’s other expenses too. So, it’s possible no one knows how I say, “I love you, but I don’t know if I’m making this kind of trip,” which, you know, is something that they should just say. But also, they’re 21 and probably have never had to do confrontational stuff ever in their life. So maybe you could text the group and pose it more as a question, like, “Hey, are people still feeling this trip, or should we do something more local this time?”

 

Nicole [01:01:37] I think that’s great. But also add, “I’m excited to celebrate with you. Should we do something local? Should I just do a bar night or a beach night?” I don’t know where they live.

 

Sasheer [01:01:47] Yeah. Phoenix.

 

Nicole [01:01:49] Arizona!

 

Sasheer [01:01:50] Yes.

 

Nicole [01:01:50] Is there a beach?

 

Sasheer [01:01:52] I don’t think so. Desert.

 

Nicole [01:01:57] “Let’s get in a cactus.”

 

Sasheer [01:01:58] “Let’s get in a cactus.”

 

Nicole [01:02:01] “See if it bites us.”

 

Sasheer [01:02:02] Yeah. Yeah, I like that. Emphasize “I would like to celebrate with you,” so that there’s no, like, pressure of, like, “If we don’t do this trip, that’s a disappointment to me.” So then maybe they would respond and be like, “Oh, well, yeah, I would actually love it if we go to this bar or something more local that’s attainable to me.” And then our friend who called in can just take a trip whenever they want to take the trip or, like, definitely talk to a closer group of friends with a couple of people and, like, figure that out. But it might be too ambitious for a group of 21-year-olds.

 

Nicole [01:02:37] I will say, traveling with one or two people is so much easier than traveling with a group of people.

 

Sasheer [01:02:42] It really is.

 

Nicole [01:02:45] I feel like groups… Yeah, it’s like, “Go to one house, and you stay there.” Whereas, like, two or three people can bounce around every time.

 

Sasheer [01:02:52] Yeah. It’s easier to get dinner reservations. It’s just, like, easier to keep track of people–less opinions on activities.

 

Nicole [01:03:00] Yeah, because I don’t want to hear shit about what I want to do. “Okay. I’m gonna get in the hot tub. Shut up.”

 

Sasheer [01:03:09] Okay. Solved.

 

Nicole [01:03:11] Solved! Okay. Email number one. “Hey, Nicole, Sasheer, Kimmie, Jordan, and Judith. First of all, y’all are wonderful humans. And Wednesday is my favorite day of the week because of your pod. My dilemma is I have a close group of friends who are very active and like to go out and do fun things and take awesome trips. Sounds great, right? It is. But over the past few years, I’ve developed a physical disability that has made walking and standing difficult. I’ve recently started using mobility aids, like canes and braces, to help. And this is a really big step for me.”

 

Sasheer [01:03:42] “My friends know what’s going on and are very supportive. And they’ve been really good about always inviting me to their events. The thing is, the activities they always pick are typically very active, like bar crawling, skiing, amusement parks–just to name a few examples–and I usually don’t go. I know it’s not intentional, but I sometimes feel excluded due to the inaccessibility of these activities. So, I guess my question is, should I talk to my friends about this or am I making too big a deal out of nothing? And do you know any suggestions for fun activities that I could suggest we do that don’t involve a lot of physical movement?”

 

Nicole [01:04:18] Amusement parks. You can ask if they have a wheelchair. Skiing? Probably a little harder to access. But you can also ask if they have, like, a mobility thing? There’s also skimobiles. That’s a sitting thing. Snowmobiles. What did I say?

 

Sasheer [01:04:37] “Skimobiles.”

 

Nicole [01:04:38] I don’t spend time in the snow. But, yeah, like, a skimobile might be a fun thing to do with a friend. I think it’s one of those things where it’s finding adjustments. Like, in pole dancing, I can’t necessarily do everything that people can do, but I can find an adjustment, so I kind of get there. Yeah. So, I’m, like, in the same realm. But yeah, I think it’s the activity. I know it’s, like, annoying to get creative–to be like, “How can I participate in it?” But that’s also kind of fun.

 

Sasheer [01:05:12] Yeah! I don’t ski, but I have been invited to ski. And people will be like, “Well, part of the best part of skiing is hanging out by the fire and drinking hot cocoa.” And I’m like, “It’s not the skiing?” But I think they’re just saying that to, like, bring more people with them. So, it’s like, you know, they can ski during the day. And I’m sure not everyone in your group is an expert skier. So, like, some people will probably hang out with you in the lodge or whatever or, like, do other activities. So maybe instead of saying a flat “no” whenever they offer something that seems like it requires mobility, ask, “Is there a way that we could check to see if there’s, like, an accessible way for me to enjoy this?” And then whoever pitched it–I would guess if they’re your friend–would probably be happy to look into it. They’d be like, “Oh. I didn’t think about that. Let me check.” And then that just also puts it more in their brain of, like, “Oh, I was just pitching a fun thing that I would like to do. Now I need to consider your needs. Let’s either consider your needs while we look into these activities, or I’m going to do a better job of actually thinking of things that you can’t do.” So yeah, if it comes up, and it’s like, “Oh, this seems like it might be something I can’t do,” ask and be like, “Well, let’s see. Is there a way I can do this? Maybe there is.” And then if there isn’t, let’s see… What are activities that you could do?

 

Nicole [01:06:41] Swim club.

 

Sasheer [01:06:43] A swim club, yeah.

 

Nicole [01:06:44] Have your friends come swimming at, like, a public pool or something on Wednesdays at 3:00.

 

Sasheer [01:06:53] Do you wanna go swimming at 3:00?

 

Nicole [01:06:56] I really like swimming at 3:00 because the sun has moved and it’s not directly overhead. Hits the spot. Book club?

 

Sasheer [01:07:04] A book club is great.

 

Nicole [01:07:05] Reading books. Books are back, baby.

 

Sasheer [01:07:08] Movies?

 

Nicole [01:07:09] Movie club. Just watched Collateral.

 

Sasheer [01:07:11] Wait. Oh! Whoa! I don’t even want to get into what happened inside my brain.

 

Nicole [01:07:27] Oh, I know. You went, “I also just watched Collateral!” And I’ll have everyone in this room know, we watched it together. And that’s why I’m thankful that sometimes that happens to you because that is my brain 82% of the day, where I’m like, “Oh!” And then you’re like, “I was with you.” And I’m like, “Oh, okay.” Or I say something, and you’re like, “That’s not true.”

 

Sasheer [01:07:51] Okay. Good.

 

Nicole [01:07:53] It was really fun to watch happen.

 

Sasheer [01:07:55] I was like, “Whoa, that’s so crazy.”

 

Nicole [01:07:58] You said, “Whoa,” and I knew exactly what you were going to say. “I just watched it, too.” I’m like, “Yeah, man. I was there. I was right there.”

 

Sasheer [01:08:05] Well, I was also, like, not in the same room as you. So maybe it was because I wasn’t looking at you.

 

Nicole [01:08:12] Although before bed, I said I would give everything up in my life to become Tom Cruise’s next wife.

 

Sasheer [01:08:18] Yeah, we did have follow up questions and conversations at the movie.

 

Nicole [01:08:22] You can start a movie club and watch all of Tom Cruise’s films. I think I might start doing that. What did I say after the movie? I clapped and went, “He’s the actor of our generation!”

 

Sasheer [01:08:32] You did. You did. You want to pledge allegiance to Tom Cruise.

 

Nicole [01:08:37] He’s so good. Have you seen Collateral? It is a great movie from 2004 maybe? I don’t know. But he plays the villain. This is, like, one of the few instances where he’s a villain. And there is this one shot where he jumps on a train, and he looks deranged. And I was like, “Take me over. Woo-wee! Jump this train.” Oh my God. He does it for me.

 

Nicole [01:09:04] It was really good. Yeah. Movie club. Let’s see, what other things? I do a lot of stuff sitting. Restaurants. You could do, like, a monthly new restaurant.

 

Sasheer [01:09:18] Flea markets, maybe. Like, I guess we don’t know this person’s situation. We don’t know if they’re, like, in a wheelchair or crutches.

 

Nicole [01:09:24] I think they said… “Canes and braces.”

 

Sasheer [01:09:30] Okay.

 

Nicole [01:09:32] And if you need to sit sometimes, they do make little canes with little seats that fold out.

 

Sasheer [01:09:38] Oh, nice.

 

Nicole [01:09:40] Yeah, and walkers with, like, seats on them. But, yeah, it’s finding those things that are helpful for you and being open and honest to be like, “I got to stop for a couple seconds.” Nobody’s going to fault you for that. Like, if I ever go on a hike, I always say, “Keep going. I’ll get there. Don’t you dare turn around and wait for me. That doesn’t make me feel good. Slow your fucking pace or go. Keep up with me or leave me alone. And I don’t talk. I’m trying to breathe, okay?”

 

Sasheer [01:10:20] And that is great energy to have on a hike.

 

Nicole [01:10:24] I say, “If I ever.” I’ve been on two hikes in my whole life.

 

Sasheer [01:10:27] “I ever go on a hike…”

 

Nicole [01:10:31] Don’t you dare. The worst. Someone racing ahead of you and turning around. “You waiting on me? You invited me up here. You can wait. What, is the view going somewhere?” I hate hiking. I’ll never get it. So, yeah, you don’t have to do hikes. Those are too hard. I feel ya on that.

 

Sasheer [01:10:52] Plays. Live performances. If you like sports, maybe a weird sport.

 

Nicole [01:11:00] Yeah. Pickleball is the fastest growing sport in America. You could go to one of the matches.

 

Sasheer [01:11:04] I went to a roller derby match for the first time. Not that it’s a weird sport, but it’s not a conventional, like, you know, baseball or football.

 

Nicole [01:11:11] It’s wild.

 

Sasheer [01:11:12] It’s wild, super violent… But it’s really fun. Do you guys have suggestions?

 

Nicole [01:11:20] Beach.

 

Sasheer [01:11:21] Going to the beach would be nice.

 

Judith [01:11:22] If you’re on a resort, a lazy river–just floating.

 

Jordan [01:11:29] Well, just like you guys did, you could do a wine tasting. You’re not moving a ton, unless you’re doing, like, a wine and hike, which… That’s obscene.

 

Sasheer [01:11:41] No.

 

Nicole [01:11:42] I would never.

 

Jordan [01:11:42] Sounds insane.

 

Nicole [01:11:42] Yeah. That first tasting we went to–I sat down and never got up again.

 

Sasheer [01:11:45] No. Yeah, all the wines came to us. It was great.

 

Nicole [01:11:47] They had to pick me up to get me on the plane.

 

Jordan [01:11:49] Also to go back to your amusement park one. I think that they are a perfect person to go to the amusement park with because you go to the front of the line if you have a disability or a wheelchair. Like, your friend should be like, “Let’s go!’

 

Sasheer [01:12:05] That’s awesome. Yeah. Now you’re the queen.

 

Nicole [01:12:09] Eddie Griffin has a great joke about that.

 

Sasheer [01:12:11] Who does?

 

Nicole [01:12:12] Eddie Griffin. Do you know that comic?

 

Sasheer [01:12:14] Yeah. Yeah.

 

Nicole [01:12:15] It’s about showing your full face on, like, a dating profile. He’s like, “If you’re in a wheelchair, show me you’re in a wheelchair because guess what? We’re going to an amusement park!”

 

Sasheer [01:12:21] Oh, I love that.

 

Nicole [01:12:22] It’s a great bit. But yeah, you are now valuable to– No, that’s terrible. That’s a terrible way to phrase it.

 

Sasheer [01:12:28] Well, ideally, you’ve always been valuable.

 

Nicole [01:12:31] Yes.

 

Sasheer [01:12:32] But even more incentive for them to bring you to this trip.

 

Nicole [01:12:36] But I will say, I want this person to know that your physical disability does not limit you. You just have to get more creative, which I think is better than being boring and basic and being able to just do things without thoughts. Have thoughts.

 

Sasheer [01:12:50] Have some thoughts. Yeah. Yeah. But, yes, I guess to answer their general question, you should bring it up. It doesn’t have to be a series of, like, “Hey, guys. Can we think about me?” It could just be like, “Oh, I would love to do this thing. Can we figure out how I can, or can we ask ahead of time? Like, would I be able to do this?” And then, I think your friends would hopefully be happy to help figure this out.

 

Nicole [01:13:17] Like, the skiing thing, I think, is a perfect example. It’s like, “Let’s go skiing!” Be like, “Hey, is anyone not going to go skiing?” Or if everyone skis during the day, time to get ahead on book club.

 

Sasheer [01:13:27] Yeah. “Ahead on book club.” Yeah, you can read. And then there’s probably a hot tub somewhere.

 

Nicole [01:13:39] Yes. Yes!

 

Sasheer [01:13:39] Hot cocoa…

 

Nicole [01:13:40] Heat up while they cool on the slopes. If you need a slogan, I will write it. It’ll be good. You’ll be happy. Yeah, solved.

 

Sasheer [01:13:56] Solved! Thanks for writing us, people.

 

Nicole [01:13:59] And if you want to write us, we have an email address. It’s nicoleandsasheer@gmail.com. We also have a phone number that we can have voicemails, calls, messages… 424-645-7003.

 

Sasheer [01:14:10] We also have…

 

Nicole [01:14:11] She’ll never find her paper! She’ll never find it! I guess I’ll have to do the whole thing myself. We also have merch at podswag.com/bestfriends. We also have transcripts of new episodes. Check them out on our show page at earwolf.com.

 

Sasheer [01:14:20] Don’t forget to rate, review, and subscribe. That’s the easiest way to support this show.

 

Nicole [01:14:26] Oh, wait. I’ll say this better. Also, check out…

 

Sasheer [01:14:31] Someone’s going to be like, “Are they okay?” The answer is “no.”

 

Nicole [01:14:35] Also, check out a clip from the 300th episode of Why Won’t You Date Me? If you like it, check out the full episode everywhere you get podcasts yours.

 

Sasheer [01:14:44] “Yours?”

 

Nicole [01:14:45] I missed “yours” and I added it at the end and I didn’t think anyone would notice.

 

Sasheer [01:14:50] That you were all of a sudden talking like Yoda?

 

Nicole [01:14:53] “Podcast, yours.”

 

Sasheer [01:14:55] And watch my special! Go to 800poundgorilla.com, and you can purchase it there. And then on the 29th, you watch it for free on YouTube.

 

Nicole [01:15:06] Yes, on the 26th, I’m at the casino! Wow.

 

Sasheer [01:15:12] Tell us a little bit more.

 

Nicole [01:15:13] I’m doing stand-up at The Cosmopolitan, at The Chelsea at The Cosmopolitan in Las Vegas. I will maybe not be this unhinged, but I will be funny.

 

Sasheer [01:15:23] Yeah. Woohoo!

 

Nicole [01:15:32] Woohoo!

 

Sasheer [01:15:32] Bye!

 

Nicole [01:15:32] Okay. “So do I have any favorite moments from the podcast?” Yes. It’s with you. It’s when we flew all the way down to…

 

Sasheer [01:15:40] Oh boy. Arizona?

 

Nicole [01:15:40] Arizona. To meet a man who had called into Best Friends. And I called my agent, and I said, “You need to set up a show for me to do a live episode.” I don’t know why I didn’t do stand-up. Oh, because I wanted him to come on the podcast.

 

Sasheer [01:15:56] Yeah, because he… I don’t even know what question he asked on Best Friends, but we were like, “We like this voice.” And we looked him up.

 

Nicole [01:16:04] Yes. And then he wrote erotic fiction?

 

Sasheer [01:16:06] He did, yeah.

 

Nicole [01:16:07] Yeah. And we emailed back and forth. We were, like, texting. And I think I was like, “Just do a segment. Like, just come on and just talk and we can… Whatever.” And then he was like, “I don’t know. I’m scared.” I was like, “You don’t have to. What if we just meet and I set up a show?” And then he was like, “Okay.” And then he canceled on me. And I didn’t get to see him. But I did offer women vibrators that I then had to fill.

 

Sasheer [01:16:30] That was really funny because you were, like, you know, preaching how great this vibrator was. It was Tracy’s Dog?

 

Nicole [01:16:37] Tracy’s Dog.

 

Sasheer [01:16:38] And then you’re like, “I’ll give everyone in the audience a vibrator!” I was like, “Wow!” And then I remember you being like, “Oh, I didn’t anticipate how many people would reach out about this.”

 

Nicole [01:16:49] Every single person who was at that show asked for a vibrator. And then I kept getting locked out of my Amazon account because they were like, “This has to be fraud.”

 

Sasheer [01:16:58] Yes. Yeah. You’re buying one at a time vibrators. And they’re going to so many different addresses.

 

Nicole [01:17:04] But buying one at a time and, like, multiple times because my friend Eleanor was helping me. So, I would buy one, she would buy one, and it was just like, “What?” So finally, a lady on Twitter was like, “I know someone at the company who can help fill the orders.” And then they did it, and I was like, “Phew! This was bad.”

 

Sasheer [01:17:22] Yeah. But great intentions. And you’ve given the gift of orgasms to so many people.

 

Nicole [01:17:29] You know, I’m trying. If I… Those who can’t…

 

Sasheer [01:17:34] Teach?

 

Nicole [01:17:34] Teach? That’s not it either.

 

Sasheer [01:17:36] Those who can’t give…?

 

Nicole [01:17:40] I don’t know. Okay. “Did I ever expect this podcast to last 300 episodes?”

 

Sasheer [01:17:45] Also I can ask these questions, so you’re not asking yourself questions.

 

Nicole [01:17:48] Oh that would make for a nice back and forth. Hey, do you have a question for me?

 

Sasheer [01:17:53] I do. I do. “Nicole, did you ever think that this podcast would reach 300 episodes?”

 

Nicole [01:18:02] Sure didn’t. Or maybe… I don’t know. Sometimes I’m pretty shortsighted with things. I guess I was like, “I’ll do this until I don’t want to.” And I’ve had a lot of fun. The coolest part about it is I went and saw the Tina Turner musical, and then I was like, “I want to talk to her.” And then the next week I was talking to her.

 

Sasheer [01:18:22] Yeah.

 

Nicole [01:18:22] It’s very fucking cool. Viola Davis is next. I want to talk to that lady. She’s cool.

 

Sasheer [01:18:27] She’s cool.

 

Nicole [01:18:28] I love her.

 

Sasheer [01:18:28] I think it could happen.

 

Nicole [01:18:30] Do you think?

 

Sasheer [01:18:31] I think so. Yeah. I’m just dying to know any of her stories.

 

Nicole [01:18:37] Right? And I need to finish her book. I started it. I’m in the childhood phase, but I want to get to the college phase because I’m very interested to hear about what her life was like because I think she went to Yale. I want to know what that was like. What was Yale like?

 

Sasheer [01:18:51] And didn’t she…? Oh, I’m thinking of Angela Bassett. I was going to say, “Didn’t she go to school at the same time as another actor?” But I think Angela Bassett and Denzel went at the same time?

 

Nicole [01:19:01] Maybe. I’d also like Angela Bassett.

 

Sasheer [01:19:03] Absolutely.

 

Nicole [01:19:04] God, she’s so beautiful and talented. Oh, those eyes.

 

Sasheer [01:19:10] “Do you think this podcast has helped your dating life?”

 

Nicole [01:19:13] No, not at all. Simply, no. Absolutely not. Truly maybe has hindered it.

 

Sasheer [01:19:19] Oh, really? How?

 

Nicole [01:19:22] Just sometimes I’ll meet people who’ll be like, “Don’t talk about me on your podcast.” But then also, the person I dated for a while was like, “Don’t talk about me on the podcast. Also don’t talk about me in your stand-up. Also, don’t ever mention me to a friend.” They were a very private person, and that was a very hard thing to understand because I have no secrets. Nary a one.

 

Sasheer [01:19:46] Yeah, it’s hard for you to keep a tight lip on things.

 

Nicole [01:19:50] Yeah, we’ve talked about it on the podcast–we talked about a lot this weekend–how I can’t murder because I would hop on this podcast and be like, “Guys, I did a thing. I murdered!” And then some listener would be like, “I’m going to call the police.” And I’d be like, “Do you not get it?”

 

Sasheer [01:20:07] It’s like, “We have very, very distinct details about someone’s murder.”

 

Nicole [01:20:13] “She told us step by step what happened and where it happens” Oh boy. Yeah. I went on one date with a guy… I know I talked about this. But he was like, “I don’t know who you are. I have seen you on Conan. My roommates listen to you. Don’t talk about me on your podcast.” And then he was so poorly behaved, I was like, “I must!”

 

Sasheer [01:20:32] Like, “Just don’t be a fool, and I won’t talk about you.”

 

Nicole [01:20:35] Don’t be bad.

 

Sasheer [01:20:36] Just be normal.

 

Barilla [01:20:46] Barilla knows when your day goes a little like this… There’s nothing better than coming home to–

 

Husband [01:21:02] “Hey, dinner’s almost ready.

 

Wife [01:21:04] Thank you.

 

Barilla [01:21:05] Count on Barilla’s always perfect al dente pasta. And enjoy the recipe for togetherness. Since 1877, Barilla–a sign of love.