March 28, 2023
Nicole and Sasheer miss each other… genuinely! They start things off talking about what they can do when they see each other, like Christmas hot dogs! They discuss Nicole deciding to wear loud outfits at the airport, getting a beloved suitcase fixed, their shared love of fun weird stuff, cows having four stomachs, where do flamingos even live, and why there should be elderly skate hours. They take a quiz to see what unique pairing their friendship is, and answer listener questions about sharing your friend with other people as well as managing expectations with friends. Plus, tears for a beautiful lasagna!
Here is the quiz they took: https://www.buzzfeed.com/joannaborns/your-best-friend
Here is the Lasagna wig! https://www.instagram.com/p/ChfecURJMs8/?img_index=1
Email or call Nicole & Sasheer with your friendship questions at:
198 — Nicole’s Gonna Walk Into Traffic She Misses Sasheer So Much!
[00:00:17] Nicole: Sasheer!
[00:00:18] Sasheer: Nicole!
[00:00:18] Nicole: My friend is so far from me. She’s all the way across the country from me. I miss my friend. I miss my friend. I’m gonna walk into traffic. I miss my friend.
[00:00:30] Sasheer: No!
[00:00:41] Nicole: Oh. How are you?
[00:00:43] Sasheer: Good. Well, hopefully I’ll see you soon. Also, I’m trying to sneak away back to LA this coming weekend.
[00:00:51] Nicole: Oh, wow! That didn’t sound genuine. And it was so genuine. Wow. For how many days?
[00:01:06] Sasheer: Four. Or I guess three. Arriving Thursday, leaving Sunday.
[00:01:11] Nicole: Oh boy. Oh boy. I feel like you’re going to sleep a lot in your own bed. Do you have anything planned?
[00:01:16] Sasheer: I have zero things planned, but I do want to, like, book a massage. Want to see you. But, yeah, I just want to, like, be in my house for a minute.
[00:01:25] Nicole: Oh, this is going to be a real treat. I can’t wait to drive up to your home, park in that red zone that I don’t think is legal to the city, and walk into your home and go, “Oh, that’s my–” Oh my God. You can have hot dogs–the hot dogs I got you for Christmas.”
[00:01:46] Sasheer: We can have Christmas hot dogs.
[00:01:47] Nicole: We can have Christmas dogs.
[00:01:51] Sasheer: Christmas and spring.
[00:01:53] Nicole: Oh, that’s so exciting. Sasheer, can I tell you something? I showed you a picture, but while I was waiting for my flight that was supposed to leave at 7:00. It was delayed till 12:00 and then eventually canceled at 5:00 p.m. So, I did a lot of online shopping because I was so bored at the airport. I came home to no less than 15 boxes and bags of stuff. It was just I got jacked in my house, and I was like, “Oh my God, I bought a sweat suit from Nike in every colorway you could imagine.” Three different purples. Yellow. I don’t wear yellow. A beautiful green. I don’t wear green. So, I went through it all. I just got to return it.
[00:02:41] Sasheer: Is it like you just want to see what looks best and then return the rest?
[00:02:45] Nicole: You know how sometimes when you go to a restaurant and you’re really hungry and you order like three entrees and you’re like, “Simply couldn’t”? This was, “I need more sweatsuits for the airport.” I’m at the airport all the time, just sitting. I want to look cute, so I bought 100 of them. Yellow. What was I thinking? I’m not a highlighter, and I’m not highlighting things.
[00:03:13] Sasheer: Yeah. Especially because I think your goal at one point was to be less noticeable at the airport.
[00:03:20] Nicole: Yes. But then, oh boy… They’re an influencer, I believe they’re non-binary, I think their name is AVOK or OLK. Do you guys know who I’m talking about? Um, I don’t know how to pronounce their name, and I don’t even know if I’m spelling right. Whatever. They did a video where they were like, “I was dressed up, walking down the street, and people kept asking me where I was going or what I was coming from.” And they were like, “Nothing. I dressed up for me. I am the main character. Life is a party.” And I was like, “Life is a party! Who cares if people talk to me at the airport when I don’t want them to? They’re just jealous that they don’t have my style.” So, I wore the loudest outfit to the airport while I was going to New York, and no one talked to me.
[00:04:08] Sasheer: That’s really funny.
[00:04:12] Nicole: Nary a person talked to me except one TSA person each way was like, “Damn, I like that outfit.” I was like, “Ahh!” And then nobody else talked to me, and I was devastated because I was like, “I’m doing it.”
[00:04:26] Sasheer: That’s really funny. I mean, yeah, I guess in general… Well, I was going to say, in general, people don’t really talk to each other that much. But people talk to you particularly a lot. But it’s nice to know sometimes you can just wear something loud and people won’t say anything.
[00:04:40] Nicole: I was so mad. II sent you the picture of what I was wearing because I was devastated about my suitcase. My leopard print suitcase that I got from Ross ten years ago. The handle no longer works. She photographs well. She’s stunning. She’s been with me through thick and thin. I love that suitcase. I think I want to take her to a suitcase…
[00:05:09] Sasheer: Repair person?
[00:05:10] Nicole: Yes. Because here’s what happened. I got a lilac suitcase–a lilac Away. And let’s do away with Away. It was too expensive. I was so mad. It’s hard to grab it out of the overhead bin. I don’t like a hard shell. What are we doing? You can’t shove things in a hard shell. It’s, like, hard to keep you from experiencing your maximum stuffage of a suitcase. And I don’t want to be caged. Okay, let me free. So, then I found the brand. They have it on Amazon, but they only have, like, a five-piece package. I don’t need five pieces of luggage. Okay? I only want one–my carry on. So then… Boscov’s. Remember that?
[00:05:53] Sasheer: No.
[00:05:54] Nicole: Boscov’s was a department store that replaced, I think, A&S on the East Coast. But anyway, I found a leopard print suitcase from Boscov’s. And then I got it shipped to me. I opened the box. The whole front is different. Same pattern, same design, but different accouterments. And it’s not the same. And I’m taking it back. I’m so mad.
[00:06:18] Sasheer: But I believe you will find the right suitcase.
[00:06:23] Nicole: Thank you.
[00:06:26] Sasheer: Or I believe that this one can get fixed because it’s just the handle. That’s easy to fix.
[00:06:32] Nicole: It is. It’s just the handle–she gets stuff. And then I was like, “Maybe I’ll spray some WD-40 down the hole.” But You can’t just be spraying things down holes.
[00:06:43] Sasheer: That’s what they say. “You can’t just spray things down the hole.”
[00:06:49] Nicole: Oh, I just love that suitcase. I think I attach too much worth to stuff. But we’ve such good memories. And it’s beautiful.
[00:07:02] Sasheer: Yeah! I like stuff. That’s mainly why I’m going home–because I want to be around my stuff.
[00:07:09] Nicole: Yeah. I love stuff. It’s nice to be around your things. You know what I mean?
[00:07:14] Sasheer: Yeah. Yeah. Like, I like being in other places, but being in your own bed is so nice.
[00:07:21] Nicole: Oh my God. I climbed in my bed the other night, and I said, “Well, this is it. This is the ticket.” And I slept so good. I’ve been sleeping with an eye mask. So, like, when I wake up in the middle of the night, it’s dark, so I just go right back to sleep. And now I’m having trouble sleeping without an eye mask.
[00:07:43] Sasheer: Interesting. Well, why’d you stop with the eye mask?
[00:07:48] Nicole: I started getting some acne, and I don’t have enough masks to, like, just wash them more. But who’s trying to do laundry that often? And then I was like, “Well, how many days should I be wearing it? Maybe it’s only two days.” I don’t know. So, I was like, “Maybe I just alternate days. Like, if I’m having trouble sleeping, pop on my eye mask. But if it’s an early night and I could just do it, just do it.”
[00:08:13] Sasheer: Or you buy seven eye masks.
[00:08:15] Nicole: Lord Jesus. What do you think I am, a Rockefeller? These eye masks that I like are very expensive. They’re like $50 a pop.
[00:08:24] Sasheer: Wait. I’m sorry. What is going on? Are they cashmere? What’s going on?
[00:08:30] Nicole: They’re, like, satin, so they’re supposed to, like, not give you acne. I don’t remember the brand, but they’re at Sephora. And there’s, like, a little divot for your eyeball, so your eyeball isn’t pressed up against fabric. They’re really nice, elegant, opulent, and luxurious.
[00:08:47] Sasheer: And yet they’re still giving you acne. So maybe you don’t have to spend $50 on it if it’s not doing the main thing.
[00:08:57] Nicole: It’s a little bit of money.
[00:08:59] Sasheer: See what happens. Yeah. It’s like the main draw was the no acne, and here we are.
[00:09:05] Nicole: Yeah. Thank you.
[00:09:07] Sasheer: No problem.
[00:09:07] Nicole: Sometimes more expensive things aren’t better.
[00:09:18] Sasheer: This is true. This is true.
[00:09:21] Nicole: Yeah. I wanted to get a vintage Bronco. They’re too expensive for me right now because, you know, my house is made out of cotton candy, it’s leaking, and it won’t stop raining here. And I don’t know why. The good Lord said, “Bitch, you love water? I’ll bring it to you.” So, I’m going to wait on that. But then I was like, “I could lease a new Bronco that’ll be, like, a fraction of the cost of the old Bronco.” But I love the old Bronco so much. But then I was like, “Well, maybe, you know, it’s more expensive. Maybe it’s not even worth it. Maybe you should just get the new one.” Listen, Sasheer, I don’t know. But the lease on my Jeep is up in June. March, April, May, June. Three months. I gotta make a choice.
[00:10:10] Sasheer: It’s exciting, though.
[00:10:11] Nicole: I know! My neighbors across the street have one, and I have half a mind to knock on that door and say, “Can I see the inside of that?” But also, I can just go to a dealership.
[00:10:21] Sasheer: Yeah, but also, you’ll get a firsthand account. What I was thinking about Subarus, I was still in New York… Or I was visiting New York? I don’t know. I remember there was a ton of Subarus in Brooklyn. And any time I saw someone going in, I was like, “Hey, do you like your Subaru?” And they would talk to me for 15 minutes about how much they love their Subaru. They were like, “Oh my God, this is the one and only one I’ve had. I’ve had it for 74 years. It really lasts. It can go up any terrain. I love the Subaru. When I get another car, I’m getting another Subaru.” I was like, “Okay. Yeah. Sold.”
[00:11:01] Nicole: Subaru owners love their Subs.
[00:11:06] Sasheer: I mean, it’s a great car. It drives really well, and it can handle a lot of stuff.
[00:11:12] Nicole: Yeah, I mean, my jeep handles nothing well. I was driving in the rain. It was like, “Errrr! Skrrrrr!” I was like, “Oh my God!”
[00:11:21] Sasheer: Which is really surprising. I know someone else who had a jeep that, like, they brought from New York to LA, and it couldn’t handle hills. And I was like, “What?”
[00:11:29] Nicole: I was going up a hill today in the rain. It was like, “Rrrrrr!”
[00:11:35] Sasheer: But they make it seem like it’s like an outdoorsy kind of thing.
[00:11:39] Nicole: It is. I think you just have to get the all-terrain tires and all that other bullshit that is optional that I was like, “Simply couldn’t be bothered. I’m driving this for looks.”
[00:11:52] Sasheer: “I don’t care about function. I’m trying to be cute.”
[00:11:53] Nicole: Yeah. And the only off-roading I do is curbs. I run over so many curbs for fun. I started watching Swarm.
[00:12:12] Sasheer: Oh, I didn’t know that was out yet. It looks good.
[00:12:16] Nicole: It’s wild. I gotta say. I think it’s good. I think I’m having fun. But I also think I’m scared.
[00:12:26] Sasheer: It seems scary. It seems really scary.
[00:12:30] Nicole: It’s pretty scary. And the lighting? Pretty dark.
[00:12:35] Sasheer: It’s made by the same people who made Atlanta, right?
[00:12:38] Nicole: I think so.
[00:12:39] Sasheer: Yeah.
[00:12:40] Nicole: Donald Glover and his brother directed an episode, I think. Malia Obama was in the room. Isn’t that funny–that that’s the show. Do you remember years ago they were like, “Malia Obama is a staff writer on a show”? It’s this one.
[00:12:54] Sasheer: Oh, that’s so funny. I do remember this.
[00:12:58] Nicole: And I wonder if she’s staffed on anything else.
[00:13:02] Sasheer: I wonder what she’s up to?
[00:13:04] Nicole: Hey, Malia. If you’re listening right now, can you send us an email to firstname.lastname@example.org or email@example.com? Don’t remember which one it is! And let us know if you are currently staffed or looking to get staffed. I can’t help you with the latter. Just curious.
[00:13:18] Sasheer: Right. You’ve made it sound like you’re going to give her a job, but you didn’t have one.
[00:13:22] Nicole: No, I don’t have a job to give. Just want to know where you are in life. Oh, do you see all these boxes behind me? These are all my returns. Oh, yeah. I bought rugs, too.
[00:13:34] Sasheer: Are you returning the rugs?
[00:13:36] Nicole: Well, one rug is great. It’s got flamingos on it, and I love it. And I put that in the kitchen to stand on when I wash dishes occasionally. And I bought this other one to go upstairs, and it’s just so boring. I don’t know why I bought this boring rug, but it’s going back to ruggable.com
[00:14:00] Sasheer: I do like Ruggable. They have some good-looking rugs.
[00:14:03] Nicole: They do, but I don’t like the little pad underneath that they’re like, “This pad is revolutionary! Your rug will never move!” The rug moves all the time. The rug moves all the time. So, I don’t know what the fuck Ruggable was talking about. But if we ever do ads for them, I love Ruggable, and I have two Ruggable rugs. I don’t want Ruggable heads to come after me. What else did I buy? I bought a long denim skirt that a friend of mine said looks like a schoolteacher. So, I’m taking it back. I bought the four pairs of boots. I barely wear boots. But one is thigh high, patent leather, block heeled boots that I cannot wait to wear. They’re ugly as sin. I can’t wait. They’re nasty as fuck. I can’t wait to wear some tights and a little short skirt and be like, “Do you like it? I’m sure you don’t.”
[00:15:05] Sasheer: I forgot what store I was in. I was with a friend. And we saw something that was, like, kind of wild. And they were like, “Oh, Nicole would love that.” And then they’re like, “She’s probably the only person that will wear something as a joke, but, like, unironically.” You’ll get it because it’s funny, but you will really wear it.
[00:15:30] Nicole: Uh-huh. I went to dinner, and I wear these giant purple palazzo pants that I think are really dumb and I love them. And then I wore this purple sweater that has a giant cowl neck that comes over your shoulders. And then gold drippy beads. And then my coach bag with eyeballs. And I, like, went to dinner, and everyone stared at me because they went to the Soho House, where everyone has, like, money and not fun style. And I sat down, everyone just stared at me, and finally Gracie was like, “This sweater.” And I was like, “I know! It’s fabulous!” I do love ugly things. I just love unique, weird, ugly shit.
[00:16:13] Sasheer: Yeah. I love that.
[00:16:15] Nicole: Thank you. It brings me such joy.
[00:16:19] Sasheer: I do miss thrifting and finding weird stuff. We did thrift last time you were here, but it wasn’t, like, fun stuff.
[00:16:28] Nicole: The thrifting out by you is no bueno. But I did, when I was in Atlanta proper, go to the clothing warehouse. I think I might have talked about it on here.
[00:16:42] Sasheer: It was just sweatshirts.
[00:16:42] Nicole: So many. And then I was on Depop. Debop? Depop? Do you know what that’s called?
[00:16:49] Sasheer: I think Depop.
[00:16:55] Nicole: Depop? Depop.
[00:17:01] Sasheer: Depop-dee-dee-buh-dop-bop-bop. Let’s say it a hundred more times.
[00:17:05] Nicole: This episode is sponsored by Depop-bedop-pop. But I went on there and I started looking at sweatshirts. And now the algorithm is like, “Oh, you like dumb sweatshirts?” So, I bought a bunch of dumb sweatshirts with ducks on them.
[00:17:19] Sasheer: Oh, good.
[00:17:19] Nicole: And this sweatshirt–it’s, like, a lilac–one of my favorite colors, except not in suitcase. But in shirts? Yay. And it’s got cows on it and ducks. And it says Heifer Farms or something or Heifer Parade or something. But I love it. A fat woman wearing the word “Heifer”–I’m reclaiming my time. I’m reclaiming my time.
[00:17:42] Sasheer: I like that. Reclaim the term.
[00:17:43] Nicole: Thank you. Thank you. I’m excited to wear it.
[00:17:46] Sasheer: I was maybe in elementary school, and I watched Rocko’s Modern Life. Do you remember that show?
[00:17:55] Nicole: I wasn’t allowed to.
[00:17:56] Sasheer: You didn’t have cable.
[00:18:00] Nicole: Was it on cable?
[00:18:01] Sasheer: Yeah, it was Nickelodeon.
[00:18:03] Nicole: Yeah. Okay, then I was excluded.
[00:18:07] Sasheer: Well, there was this show called Rocko’s Modern Life. And he had a friend who was a steer–a cow. And his name was Heifer. And I remember–I don’t know why–some fellow student did something to remind me of Heifer. And I said, like, “You’re such a Heifer.” And then the teacher was like, “You can’t call people that!” And I was like, “Uh…” I didn’t know how to explain. “It’s like the character.” And she’s like, “That is rude.” And I was like, “What do you think’s happening, lady? I’m just calling her the character from the Nickelodeon show.”
[00:18:50] Nicole: Oh no. What a funny misunderstanding. That is so funny. And then it’s funny that the teacher wasn’t like, “A heifer is a cow. So, when you call someone a cow that’s insinuating something may be unkind.”
[00:19:06] Sasheer: Which I guess maybe is what she was trying to explain. Like, we are calling this person a cow, which I was like, “Why is that bad?” Because I wasn’t thinking cow equals, like, fat or anything. I was like, “I love that character.” Cows are great! Rocko’s friends with a cow.
[00:19:26] Nicole: Cows are great.
[00:19:28] Sasheer: Cows are great. That’s the animal. Anytime people are like, “What animal would you want to be?” I would want to be a cow because they just stand there and eat all day.
[00:19:39] Nicole: They do just stand there and eat all day.
[00:19:43] Sasheer: They have multiple stomachs, just keep feeding themselves, and are just chilling.
[00:19:48] Nicole: I didn’t know they had multiple stomachs.
[00:19:49] Sasheer: Yeah. I’m pretty sure they have multiple stomachs and they kind of, like, regurgitate their food back into their mouth. Quite nasty, but…
[00:19:57] Nicole: And they’re like, “Yum, yum, yum. Let me get a second time.” I mean, it’s pretty you.
[00:20:04] Sasheer: I don’t have to go nowhere to eat? Great.
[00:20:07] Nicole: I wonder how the cows feel. Oh. “Ruminant stomachs?”
[00:20:17] Sasheer: “Ruminant stomachs have four compartments: the rumen, the reticulum, the omasum, and the abomasum.”
[00:20:28] Nicole: Wow. Imagine being a cow with such complicated body parts. It’s such an easy name for the animal, they’re like, “Everything in it is going to be very difficult for you to sound out.”
[00:20:41] Sasheer: “Oh, my rubomasum is acting up.”
[00:20:46] Nicole: “What’s going on, Daisy the Cow?” “My rubmanoba.”A cow. Well, I mean, I want to be a flamingo. I would love to be, like, colorful–pink. But I don’t think we could be friends if I’m a flamingo. So, I guess I’ll just be a mallard duck because they’re pretty colorful.
[00:21:11] Sasheer: Yeah. We wouldn’t be in the same geographical location if we were a cow and a flamingo.
[00:21:18] Nicole: No. And I don’t really want to live in Florida. It seems nasty. No offense if you live in Florida. But it’s not for me.
[00:21:30] Sasheer: Is that the only place that flamingos live?
[00:21:33] Nicole: I don’t know. You think they live in Montana?
[00:21:35] Sasheer: Well, they definitely don’t live in Montana, but I was thinking about, like, different countries.
[00:21:43] Nicole: Yeah, they probably do live in tropical places, like an island of sorts. Oooh, “the Caribbean.” And then “most of South America.”
[00:21:58] Sasheer: “They like salt or brackish water.”
[00:22:02] Nicole: What is brackish water? Sounds dirty.
[00:22:04] Sasheer: It does. “Brackish?” I don’t know.
[00:22:08] Nicole: Yeah.
[00:22:14] Sasheer: “Water occurring in the natural environment that has more salinity than fresh water, but not as much as seawater.” So, it’s a little salty.
[00:22:23] Nicole: Okay, okay. So, they like a little salt and a lot of salt. All right. Maybe it’ll just be a flamingo. Wait, cows live everywhere. You can be a Caribbean cow.
[00:22:35] Sasheer: I could be a Caribbean cow.
[00:22:41] Nicole: Wow. And then we’ll be friends. I’m glad we figured that out.
[00:22:46] Sasheer: Phew.
[00:22:48] Nicole: Let’s see. Oooh.
[00:22:52] Sasheer: Aw. Jordan found a bunch of pictures of cows and flamingos being friends.
[00:22:55] Nicole: I like that. That’s nice. I think my next tattoo–I want it to be of a cow. Right? To add to my little menagerie of animals on my back.
[00:23:08] Sasheer: Yeah. Or you can get, like, cow print. A lot of people have animal print on their body as a tattoo, like leopard print or tiger stripes. But I guess if you got cow print, that might be hard because it might be like, “Is it, uh…?”
[00:23:22] Nicole: “Is it blobs?”
[00:23:23] Sasheer: Yeah, “Is it blobs? Is this a Rorschach test? What am I looking at here?”
[00:23:29] Nicole: “What is this? What’s going on? What’s happening here?” Oh, maybe I’ll get leopard print. Oh my God. I thought about getting a Clyde tattoo, and I was like, “That’s too crazy. That’s too crazy to tattoo my living dog on to me.
[00:23:44] Sasheer: People love their dog.
[00:23:46] Nicole: I do love him. Oooh, a cow print shoe.
[00:23:52] Sasheer: That looks like a stripper heel.
[00:23:54] Nicole: Jordan pulled up pictures of cow print tattoos.
[00:23:57] Sasheer: Those are fun.
[00:23:59] Nicole: They are fun.
[00:24:05] Sasheer: If you did get a tattoo of Clyde, would it be the name or the face or the whole body?
[00:24:10] Nicole: I think it would be his whole body to go with my menagerie of animals.
[00:24:17] Sasheer: Well, I think that’ll be appropriate. Clyde is an actual animal that you love.
[00:24:23] Nicole: I do love him so much. His breath is so bad. I can’t state this enough. I brushed his teeth yesterday, then he climbed into bed, he, like, plopped down right next to me, looked at me, and was like, “Ahhh.” And I was like, “Uch!” It’s so gross. I do love him. He’s behind me. He’s hiding behind the chair, and you can’t even see him. It was a cute reveal.
[00:24:53] Sasheer: I saw a little bit. I saw a little bit.
[00:24:55] Nicole: I truly can’t. I’m so embarrassed. Oh my God. Oh my God.
[00:25:12] Sasheer: I went roller skating today.
[00:25:14] Nicole: That’s nice!
[00:25:15] Sasheer: Yeah!
[00:25:16] Nicole: At a rink or, like, outside?
[00:25:18] Sasheer: Outside! And I hadn’t roller skated in a while. I’m in a golf cart community. So, there’s all these little pads, and they’re very smooth. But there are, like, big old seeds from trees on the ground, so that’s not great. And I was going down a hill and I was going too fast, and I couldn’t stop myself. So, I veered into the mud and then fell on my knees.
[00:25:46] Nicole: Oh no!
[00:25:50] Sasheer: It didn’t hurt at all. And it didn’t get that messy. But it was embarrassing. And then a golf cart passed by me, and this old woman was like, “You can do it!” And I was like, “Shut up, lady! Leave me alone!”
[00:26:05] Nicole: You don’t say that after someone falls down because what do you want them to do? Fall again?
[00:26:12] Sasheer: Leave me alone. Just ignore it.
[00:26:16] Nicole: That is very funny. And I’m so sorry that happened to you.
[00:26:22] Sasheer: I wish no one saw it at all.
[00:26:26] Nicole: Why were you only on a hill?
[00:26:28] Sasheer: Because there just were hills. I also haven’t been on skates in a while. So, once I started getting it back into my muscle memory, then I was like, “Oh, I know how to slow down.” And I started, like, carving, going side to side on hills. And that was slowing me down. But first time down, I was like. “How do I go slow?”
[00:26:49] Nicole: I haven’t been on roller skates in forever. I think I want to, like, go to a rink. But I don’t want to go on, like, a busy night where, like, everyone’s there and they’re scary and going backwards and, like, doing tricks and zooming past you and don’t care about you.
[00:27:12] Sasheer: I wonder… When do rinks open? I wonder if there’s, like, a morning, elderly time to skate.
[00:27:20] Nicole: “Elderly?” I think I’m younger than you!
[00:27:28] Sasheer: Well, I’m not calling you elderly.
[00:27:30] Nicole: Oh, I thought you were.
[00:27:32] Sasheer: I’m saying, like, that’s the safe time to go. Like, you know during the pandemic when it was like, “From these hours, only elderly people can go grocery shopping.” Like that. Young whippersnappers can’t get in your way. Although I have seen videos of older people tearing it up on roller skates.
[00:27:55] Nicole: Killing it. Yeah, maybe I’ll look that up to see if there’s old time skate time. Also, why didn’t we keep that for the old people, to let them shop in peace?
[00:28:04] Sasheer: Yeah, that should also stay. They get 6:00 a.m. to 9:00 a.m. or whatever.
[00:28:10] Nicole: Yeah. I was reading somewhere–maybe Sweden–they have, like, an Alzheimer community full of old people.
[00:28:17] Sasheer: Oh, I think I saw that, too.
[00:28:20] Nicole: You go shopping, but the people who work there talk to them because they can’t remember. They think they might know them or something. I don’t know. I read something. You know, reading comprehension is not my strong suit. I really haven’t explained anything from the article except for Alzheimer’s grocery store talking. And that’s all I got from it. Do you know what I’m talking about?
[00:28:42] Sasheer: I think I do. And I feel like they also maybe painted the door of their home to match whatever door they grew up with or something like that.
[00:28:53] Nicole: That’s really nice.
[00:28:55] Sasheer: Yeah. So, it feels actually familiar to them.
[00:28:58] Nicole: That feels so compassionate. I wish we did more shit like that here. We should have more compassion.
[00:29:04] Sasheer: That would be nice.
[00:29:06] Nicole: Wouldn’t that be nice? Jordan’s raising her hand. I call on you, Jordan.
[00:29:09] Jordan: Oh, thank you very much. I wanted to share. So, the Moonlight Rollerway in Glendale–on Saturday, they have, like, beginner classes. I think it’s, like, for 16 under, 9:15 on. Morning skate–10:00 a.m. to noon. And then all level classes–12:45 to 1:30. So they do have some earlier times.
[00:29:30] Sasheer: Yeah, you do morning skate.
[00:29:33] Nicole: Okay.
[00:29:34] Jordan: Yeah. This is just one place though.
[00:29:36] Nicole: See if I ever wake up to do a morning skate. I almost missed brunch today because I was sleeping. I love sleeping. I really wish there was an option to live at night and sleep during the day.
[00:29:54] Sasheer: I mean, it’s an option as in, like, you can just do that if you want to.
[00:29:58] Nicole: Yeah, but, like, I have to work, you know? Answer emails and shit. People call you during the day, you gotta answer that shit. It’s upsetting. Give me the nighttime!
[00:30:11] Sasheer: You can schedule your emails to go off during the day.
[00:30:14] Nicole: But write them at night?
[00:30:16] Sasheer: Yeah!
[00:30:17] Nicole: I’d have to figure out how to do that. There’s so much to figure out in this world.
[00:30:24] Sasheer: In this world of ours…
[00:30:25] Nicole: It’s crazy.
[00:30:28] Sasheer: It’s crazy. Should we take a quiz?
[00:30:32] Nicole: That’s exactly what I was going to say.
[00:30:34] Sasheer: Oh my God.
[00:30:35] Nicole: We’re on the same page!
[00:30:37] Sasheer: I’m in a real singing mood, and I think it’s because I watched the Sex and the City movie on the plane ride back here. And Jennifer Hudson is in it, and she sings the closing song. The finale? I don’t know–the song at the end. And it’s just been in my head. I have no idea how it goes, but, like, I’ve just been singing.
[00:30:58] Sasheer: That’s fun.
[00:30:59] Nicole: I think so. I just love song. I wish I could sing.
[00:31:04] Sasheer: You were taking lessons for a minute.
[00:31:06] Nicole: I was. And then I got too busy. All right. “What Two Things Are You and Your Best Friend? Find out what you and your bestie are.”
[00:31:16] Sasheer: “Which food combo best represents you and your best friend?”
[00:31:20] Nicole: “Bacon and eggs.”
[00:31:22] Sasheer: “Wine and cheese.”
[00:31:23] Nicole: “Chips and guac.”
[00:31:25] Sasheer: “Peanut butter and jelly.”
[00:31:26] Nicole: Oh, wow. I think I’m going to say chips and guac.
[00:31:34] Sasheer: Who’s who?
[00:31:35] Nicole: I’m guac, you’re chips… I think?
[00:31:40] Sasheer: Yeah. Yeah. I mean that’s great. I don’t think there’s any wrong answers.
[00:31:45] Nicole: Are you sure? There might be.
[00:31:47] Sasheer: There’s no way to check this. I would say peanut butter and jelly because those two things are very different, but they complement each other really well.
[00:31:58] Nicole: Oh, I love that.
[00:32:01] Sasheer: Who’s peanut butter? Who’s jelly? You’re jelly, I’m peanut butter.
[00:32:05] Nicole: Yeah. I think so. “Which color combo best represents you and your best friend?”
[00:32:11] Sasheer: Black and white.
[00:32:13] Nicole: Seafoam green and periwinkle.
[00:32:17] Sasheer: Red and blue.
[00:32:19] Nicole: Banana and mango. I’m going to say red and blue.
[00:32:24] Sasheer: I’m gonna say banana and mango.
[00:32:25] Nicole: Ooh.
[00:32:27] Sasheer: “If you’re in trouble, can you count your best friend?”
[00:32:30] Nicole: “Yes.”
[00:32:32] Sasheer: “Depends.”
[00:32:32] Nicole: “Eh.”
[00:32:33] Sasheer: “No.”
[00:32:33] Nicole: “No?” That’s too wild. I’m going to say “Yes.”
[00:32:39] Sasheer: I’m going to say “Yes.”
[00:32:40] Nicole: Okay. “Which animal friends are like you and your best friend?”
[00:32:46] Sasheer: A little chicken and a little bunny.
[00:32:50] Nicole: A cat and a meerkat.
[00:32:53] Sasheer: A cat and a puppy.
[00:32:54] Nicole: A horse and a dog. I’m going to say the meerkat and the cat.
[00:33:00] Sasheer: I’m also going to agree. Which one’s which?
[00:33:06] Nicole: I think you’re the cat and I’m the meerkat.
[00:33:09] Sasheer: That’s also what I was thinking. Like, I’m 100% the cat, and you’re just, like, poking around, seeing what’s going on. “Which of the following would your best friend want most?”
[00:33:26] Nicole: Chocolate.
[00:33:27] Sasheer: Pizza.
[00:33:29] Nicole: Wine.
[00:33:29] Sasheer: A puppy?
[00:33:29] Nicole: I think you would want pizza the most.
[00:33:39] Sasheer: 100%. I think you would want… Ooh… I’m going to say wine.
[00:33:47] Nicole: Yes! That was good.
[00:33:50] Sasheer: Because I don’t think you want a random puppy.
[00:33:53] Nicole: No, I sure don’t. I don’t want a puppy at all because you have to, like, train them on how to shit outside. Mine already knows how to shit outside.
[00:34:02] Sasheer: Perfect. “Which duo is most like you and your best friend?”
[00:34:06] Nicole: Two old ladies–old time ladies–with, like, riding crops?
[00:34:10] Sasheer: Yeah. Two eggs.
[00:34:10] Nicole: This is wild. Two people in a ski mask. One is in camo, and one is in a bikini.
[00:34:23] Sasheer: And they have a semiautomatic weapon that they’re shooting.
[00:34:25] Nicole: Oh, yes. I forgot about that.
[00:34:27] Sasheer: I don’t know how you forget about that.
[00:34:31] Nicole: Yeah, and they have a fucking rifle. And they’re aiming it. They’re both aiming it.
[00:34:38] Sasheer: The one is a picture of two schoolgirls playing music. And one has a saxophone in the air, and the other one’s playing a guitar behind her.
[00:34:50] Nicole: Which one do you think?
[00:34:52] Sasheer: I actually think we’re the band. And you’re the one with the saxophone in the air–not even playing the saxophone, just, like, presenting.
[00:35:01] Nicole: “Look what I have.”
[00:35:02] Sasheer: And I’m in the back, like, actually trying to play the song.
[00:35:06] Nicole: I would say that, too, but I’m going to say the eggs.
[00:35:10] Sasheer: I like the eggs.
[00:35:12] Nicole: Yeah. I’m the egg with the lashes because I love fake lashes, and you’re the one without lashes.
[00:35:17] Sasheer: That makes sense.
[00:35:18] Jordan: This is Nicole.
[00:35:20] Nicole: Okay, so we’re a sea otter and a block of cheese. BuzzFeed, your days are numbered. “You and your best friend are a sea otter and a block of cheese. People are jealous of your friendship because it’s so awesome. A huge percentage of people love cheese and also sea otters. You two are just so likable.”
[00:35:42] Sasheer: How random. Okay. And what’s mine? “A baby kangaroo and a beer can. You and your best friend are a baby kangaroo and a beer can. You two clearly know how to have fun. When people see you, they know good times are guaranteed.” Okay.
[00:36:04] Nicole: Okay. Sure. Sure.
[00:36:08] Sasheer: We can be that.
[00:36:10] Nicole: Yeah, BuzzFeed. Go ahead with your bad self. BuzzFeed is wild.
[00:36:16] Sasheer: That was such a random quiz.
[00:36:31] Nicole: Well, let’s answer the queries of the world. Who are we going to help today? Will it be a fun friend or an enemy? When I was in New York, I was outside this restaurant. And there was a couple of people outside, and they were like, “Oh my God, you look so familiar.” And I was trying to take a picture with Christi. And I was going to tell them who I was right after we took the picture. And then one of them was like, “You know who you are? You’re Michelle Buteau.” And I was like, “Oh my God.” And one of them was like, “Oh, is that a bad thing?” And I was like, “No, she’s just a thousand shades lighter than me.”
[00:37:11] Sasheer: And has big curly hair.
[00:37:13] Nicole: And big old honkin’ titties.
[00:37:16] Sasheer: It’s very confusing?
[00:37:18] Nicole: Yeah. Me personally? I don’t think we resemble each other. But I’ve been mistaken for her often. And she me.
[00:37:26] Sasheer: That’s so strange. It’s definitely not an insult. She just is a different person.
[00:37:33] Nicole: Yep. It’s like mistaking Selena Gomez for Demi Lovato.
[00:37:40] Sasheer: Yeah, but even… I don’t know.
[00:37:44] Nicole: Okay, uh, mistaking Beyoncé and Grace Jones.
[00:37:53] Sasheer: Okay, there we go.
[00:37:55] Nicole: I got there. I did it. Okay. Let’s help this person!
[00:38:02] Sasheer: “Hi, Nicole and Sasheer. My name is a name. I’m a huge fan of your podcast. I listened to all the episodes in the span of two weeks.”
[00:38:10] Nicole: Oh, my goodness.
[00:38:11] Sasheer: “I have a friend that I have known for a while. I’ll call him John. We would always hang out whenever we could, but now we got into a new high school–go Knights–and we would be together for every class for, like, two weeks. But he found another friend. And don’t get me wrong, I am happy he has another friend, but he isn’t really putting the effort into hanging out with me anymore. And I don’t want to lose him as a friend because he is amazing, and I have trouble making friends and I also need him for my mental health. And I really need your help on what to do.”
[00:38:43] Nicole: High school. What a fun time where nothing goes wrong and everything’s beautiful and everything’s easy. I feel like in high school, friends do kind of come and go. They kind of flow in and out. And I mean, me personally, I had a core group of friends from, like, middle school. And then in high school, like, I started doing the plays and stuff and track and field. Then I just had a bunch of different friends in different places. So maybe the answer to this is to join an activity because I just learned groups are for like-minded individuals who like the same thing. So that’s how you get friends.
[00:39:32] Sasheer: I love that you just learned that.
[00:39:34] Nicole: I had no idea why there are groups in high school. Literally no idea up until this year. I was like, “Why is everyone going to Spanish Society?” It’s because they all wanted to learn Spanish. No clue.
[00:39:47] Sasheer: Yeah. You definitely don’t want to rely so much on one person because things could happen. Even if that person finds a new friend, their family could move. Many things could happen, and you don’t want to be like, “Oh, if this person leaves, I have no one.” Also, it may not be good to place your mental health on somebody else either because they said something like, “For my mental health, I need this person.” If someone is helping you with your mental health because of their presence, because they’re good at counseling you, because they’re good at advice–that’s awesome. But it’s tricky territory to make your friend responsible for your mental health. That’s what mental health professionals are for if you are in a place where you feel like you need that. So, yeah, I think if you want to have this friend as your friend, that’s awesome. But I hope you don’t feel like you need this person to be your friend because then that actually puts too much responsibility on your friend. And then they may feel a lot of pressure in the relationship where it’s not feeling like a fun friendship. It’s now feeling like a responsibility to take care of you. Does that make sense?
[00:41:12] Nicole: I think so.
[00:41:14] Sasheer: So yeah, I would say, you know, appreciate that you have this friend, and this friend is allowed to make other friends and, you know, maybe that other friend that your friend made could be your friend, too. But yeah, in the meantime, also make other friends too that have the same interests as you.
[00:41:35] Nicole: Yeah. And don’t be afraid to ask to hang out with them. There’s nothing wrong with being like, “Hey, do you guys mind if I come?” And then if you feel some vibes, you know, read the room. But if there’s no bad vibes, skip on over, baby.
[00:41:49] Sasheer: Skip on over.
[00:41:50] Nicole: Solved! Let’s do another one. “Hi, Nicole and Sasheer. I just want to start by saying that I love your podcast. Your friendship and giggles is so wholesome, and I love it and the both of you. You can give me a made-up name if you like. And my pronouns are she/they. So on to the best friend drama. My best friend and I have been besties since middle school–and at this point, she is practically family. As of lately she has been struggling with her mental health and other personal issues, which has led her to missing my move into my first solo apartment. And she missed my birthday celebration. Although she didn’t miss celebrating with me on my actual birthday, she did miss the later celebration. I am a very understanding person, and I don’t expect much from people, but these two events were very important to me, and I felt deeply hurt by her absence–still fully aware that she didn’t do it on purpose.”
[00:42:47] Sasheer: “We hung out lately, and she broke down crying, saying that she has let people down because of her mental health. And in the moment, I lied to her and said that she didn’t. I didn’t have it in me–nor did it feel appropriate of a time–to be like, “Yeah, bitch. You fucking up.” But I also don’t like the fact that I lied. I have wanted to tell her that her not being there for these big events were hurtful, but I’ve always struggled with finding it necessary to bring it up in the first place. I don’t want to deny myself of expressing my feelings because she’s in a delicate state, but it also seems like it wouldn’t really solve anything. It certainly won’t put her mental health in a better place. If anything, it can make it worse. I guess my two questions would be: Have y’all been in a situation like this? And if so, how did you resolve it? Do you think I should still tell her about my feelings? What and how should I say it? Thanks for your help.”
[00:43:45] Nicole: I’ve been in that situation before, where someone’s mental health was hindering things. And I’ve talked to them about it. I’ve said, “You not showing up to things is kind of, like, hurtful. And I just want to, like, have a better line of communication. So, like, if you’re not feeling the best, I’d really appreciate it if you let me know, so then I can just anticipate not seeing you at something. Or if you’re not feeling good and we’re supposed to hang out, letting me know earlier than, like, last minute.” And I think a good way with this is I don’t think you should bring it up apro of nothing. Is that a word? “Apro?”
[00:44:38] Sasheer: “Apropos.”
[00:44:38] Nicole: Apropos of nothing.
[00:44:39] Sasheer: Debop.
[00:44:39] Nicole: Bedebadop-bee! I think you have to wait for your friend to maybe say again, “Ugh, I feel like I’m fucking it up.” And being like, “I don’t think you’re fucking it up. But it does sometimes hurt when you don’t make it to things. So, if you don’t mind, maybe if you feel comfortable enough opening up to me more about what’s going on, maybe that would alleviate some of your things.” But also, you don’t want to be, like, a bucket that they’re just trauma dumping into. So, it is kind of a delicate balance. But I do think it’s okay to tell someone who’s struggling with mental illness that they are disappointing you because you’re a person, too. You know?
[00:45:26] Sasheer: Yeah, I think there’s a way to phrase it that’s like… instead of “You hurt me,” or “You did this,” it’s like, “I would have really loved it if you were at my birthday celebration,” or like, “I love feeling your support for these things, and I didn’t get that during this time.”
[00:45:49] Nicole: Maybe also including, like, “Is there anything I can do to help out a little?” And just to be like, “I understand that it’s not a malicious thing where it’s like, ‘I’m not coming because fuck you.’ I understand that you’re having issues, but what can we do to make this better for us?” And if it is a social anxiety thing where, like, there was a lot of people at your move-in or there was a lot of people at your birthday celebration, then maybe you do transition to doing things with fewer people and having a separate thing for your friend. Also, anxiety is a thing. I think a lot of people who have it–it seems to be getting worse because we were around people but not around people. Now we’re back around people, and life is wild right now. So, yeah, I think talking is good.
[00:46:39] Sasheer: Yeah, I also have a really close friend who deals with depression. And she’ll go away for a while. Like, she’ll just go away for weeks. And maybe if we were, like, best friends, that would be hard to navigate. But I do still feel the love. Like, I do still know she loves me. And then when she comes back, she’s like, “Sorry, I went into a hole.” Or she’ll say, as it’s happening, like, “I just need some space to be alone or, like, you know, figure some stuff out.” And I’m like, “Okay, let me know if you need anything.” And then she comes back. If I was worried that she wasn’t going to come back, then I would have to reach out and see what’s going on.
[00:47:24] Nicole: I think the biggest thing here is it’s not personal and it’s not actually about you. Even though it’s something that is happening to you, it’s not about you. And I think that is such a hard thing because we are all our main characters in our story. But your friend is also the main character of their story, and they’re dealing with shit. But yeah, I think communication.
[00:47:51] Sasheer: Yeah. And also, you don’t have to feel bad for lying. Sometimes lies are helpful–not huge lies or things that will, you know, affect people’s lives or livelihood. But if it’s a little lie just to make sure this person doesn’t feel even worse in the moment…
[00:48:10] Nicole: Yeah. Like, if you’re out with your friend, and they’re wearing the most disgusting shirt you’ve ever seen with half a nipple sticking out, and they go, “Does this shirt look good?” you go, “Yes.” because what other shirt is your friend going to put on?
[00:48:23] Sasheer: You’re already out.
[00:48:24] Nicole: You’re out of the house. They don’t got it. There’s no Target near. It’s closed, you at the club. That’s a lie that is okay.
[00:48:33] Sasheer: It’s okay. You have to accept that this is the shirt and we like it.
[00:48:38] Nicole: “We love it. Girl, you’ve never looked better. I don’t see it for me. But for you, this is it!”
[00:48:48] Sasheer: Otherwise, you gotta spend the whole night being like, “Ugh!”
[00:48:51] Nicole: “Oh my God. Hide in the bathroom with me!” “No, bitch. We at the club. I’m trying to get me some. Take that nipple out to the bar and get us a drink.”
[00:49:03] Sasheer: Yeah. Solved.
[00:49:06] Nicole: Solved!
[00:49:08] Jordan: And we have one more. And hopefully it should be funny.
[00:49:12] Sasheer: Oh.
[00:49:13] Nicole: Oh. Jordan, if it’s not funny, I’m coming for you.
[00:49:25] Sasheer: “I just need Nicole to see this Lasagna Day ensemble. And the designer has some pretty cool chairs that she reupholstered, too, that Sasheer might like to see.” Okay.
[00:49:35] Nicole: Wait a minute. Oh, I’m going to cry. I, like, need this. Is this something I can buy?
[00:49:46] Sasheer: “Lasagna Day should be a national holiday, if you ask me.”
[00:49:51] Nicole: If you ask me, too!
[00:49:51] Sasheer: There’s kind of, like, a beret with a lasagna on top.
[00:49:58] Nicole: And then a fork! And then sunglasses that are heart shaped to say “Lasagna Day” with lasagnas on either side. How do I get–? Do they have a shop? Can you go to their page? Okay. There’s a dotcom.
[00:50:16] Sasheer: These are fun. These are very fun. Donuts!
[00:50:23] Nicole: I do like the donuts, but you know I wanted that lasagna. And it’s not there, which is kind of depressing.
[00:50:30] Jordan: You probably can reach out to them. We’ll make sure you have everything.
[00:50:34] Nicole: Okay. Thank you. Because I would like to really wear that on my birthday and go get lasagna.
[00:50:42] Sasheer: 100%. You should.
[00:50:46] Nicole: I remember John Milhiser, one year, made me a birthday lasagna. And I screamed. And I cried. And there’s a video of me going, “It’s my lasagna!” And I’ve never been happier. Every Friday is Lasagna Friday. I love it.
[00:51:09] Sasheer: It was really nice. Oh boy. Okay.
[00:51:14] Nicole: I’m, like, literally misty eyed at the memory of this last Friday’s lasagna. It was so good. I won’t get into it. Listen. We have an email, so you can write stuff to us. firstname.lastname@example.org. Also, if you want to leave a voicemail, voice memo, or text–424-645-7003. It was so good.
[00:51:43] Sasheer: We also have it at podswag.com/bestfriends.
[00:51:47] Nicole: Lastly, don’t forget to rate, review, and subscribe. That is the easiest way to support this show.
[00:51:53] Sasheer: Maybe we can get lasagna when I’m in town.
[00:51:55] Nicole: Oh my God, I would love that. I would love to go in in-person and get me some lasagna. It’s so funny. Lyndsey has to go get it, and she has to sit at the bar and wait for them to serve it. And then she’s like, “Can you pack it up?” because they just won’t let her order it to-go. I don’t know why they’re gatekeeping my lasagna! Okay. See you later, friend.
[00:52:18] Sasheer: See you later, friend.
November 21, 2023
This week, we’ve got a couch! And we’re live from the Netflix Is A Joke festival!