189 — Polyamorous Group Real Estate
CHRIS [00:00:05] Hello to everybody who doesn’t know too many details about Southern Maine. It’s Beautiful Anonymous. One hour. One phone call. No names. No holds barred.
THEME MUSIC [00:00:15] I’d rather go one-on-one. I think it’ll be more fun and I’ll get to know you and you’ll get to know me.
CHRIS [00:00:28] Hi everybody, Chris Gethard here, welcome to Beautiful Anonymous. Let’s give you a quick reminder. Beautiful Follow-ups is back. New episodes coming out each Friday, Stitcher Premium, a free month of Stitcher Premium with the code stories. And these calls have been really good so far. Last Friday, we caught up the road does the infamous road dogs. Get to hear how they’re doing. This next Friday, Early Onset. One of the earlier calls of the show. We’re gonna hear how everything is going with that caller. So be sure to sign up. There’s a lot of Beautiful Anonymous content over there at Stitcher Premium. Hope you like it. This week’s call I talked with not one, but two callers. They’re a couple. They are living a specific type of life that I’ll tell you, I have friends who I who identify as poly, who live a polyamorous life and even knowing people would do it, it’s not something I’ve ever sat down and had a conversation with. So this was very eye opening for me because I know this is something that has become more and more in the public sphere recently. It’s nice to hear about it from a couple who actually participates in this lifestyle. We all, we’ll hear all about that and much more their unique living situation, the culture of Maine, some of the stereotypes I had about Maine that were were false. It’s a very interesting call that mostly revolves around a very specific lifestyle. And I found it eye opening. And I’ll just say my official stance on everything is if you are an adult and everything is consensual and you are happy and living free, I give it a thumbs up. I know it’s a lot for everybody to sort their heads around, myself included, but so happy to see when people are happy in their choices. Enjoy the conversation.
PHONE ROBOT [00:02:15] Thank you for calling Beautiful Anonymous a beeping noise will indicate when you are on the show with the host.
CHRIS [00:02:23] Hello.
CALLER [00:02:26] Hello.
CHRIS [00:02:26] Hi.
CALLER [00:02:26] Hey, Geth. How are ya?
CHRIS [00:02:28] I’m all right. I got a cold. Well, my son has a cold, which means I just perpetually have a miny cold.
CALLER [00:02:35] Oh, I totally get it. Yeah. My roommate is sick right now. So we’re trying to like, you know, comfort her, but avoid her at the same time.
CHRIS [00:02:42] Yeah, comfort her and then also throw a ton of hand sanitizer at her.
CALLER [00:02:47] Uh huh, wash my hands constantly, you know, get her anything she needs, but hand it to her on like a broom on a, from five feet away.
CHRIS [00:02:54] Yes. Well said. Unfortunately, my son is 6 months old and he hasn’t mastered taking things off of the ends of brooms yet. So we’ll get there someday.
CALLER [00:03:03] Yeah. Yeah.
CHRIS [00:03:06] Now, how are you?
CALLER [00:03:07] So how are you, man?
CHRIS [00:03:08] I’m good.
CALLER [00:03:10] I asked you first.
CHRIS [00:03:10] OK, let’s see outside, I mean, I felt like I answered it with the cold, but outside of that, I’m fine. I guess maybe a little bit of some existential questions in my life right now about, you know, where I want to wind up both in location and career.
CALLER [00:03:27] Dude.
CHRIS [00:03:27] But that’s OK.
CALLER [00:03:29] Same. Big same.
CHRIS [00:03:31] Oh no, all right. Yeah. What’s up with you?
CALLER [00:03:34] Yeah um, well, for the last year and a half or so, myself, my fiancé, my brother and his husband and our roommate that, I was just mentioning is sick, we’ve been saving and planning on buying a house together, buying a duplex. And I think it was like two days ago. That whole plan fizzled out into nothing. So.
CHRIS [00:03:59] Wait you were going to–
CALLER [00:04:00] Now it’s kind of a yeah.
CHRIS [00:04:03] You were going to all five team up to buy a house?
CALLER [00:04:04] We were going to buy a house together.
CHRIS [00:04:06] That sounds complicated.
CALLER [00:04:08] It was mildly, but it really wasn’t too too bad. Cause really only my brother in law and myself had the credit score to get the loan. So it was gonna be the two of us technically would buy the house and everyone else would technically be our tenants. And it was it was going pretty well. It seemed to be going really, really well. And, you know, I had we saved up the money and had talked to the banks and they basically had just said, look, put in the housing application, you’ll probably be approved and then you just have to pick out a house. And then two nights ago, we had a house meeting and then it all came to the mutual conclusion that as much as we love each other as people and support each other, don’t really want to live with each other. Cause I love my brother, one of my favorite people on this earth. But I’ll kill him. I’ll kill him in his sleep. I’ll just smother him.
CHRIS [00:04:55] Wow. Your brother better watch his back.
CALLER [00:04:58] The amount of times I would talk to people about my plans and they would say, ‘Wow, you like your brother? That’s not going to last. And I’d be like, ‘You don’t know us, we’re friends.’ And then now they’re right. If I had bought it, it’s in a lot of ways really great that we came to this conclusion before names were on mortgages and things.
CHRIS [00:05:15] Yeah.
CALLER [00:05:15] But it just kind of means we’re back to square one with figuring out where we’re gonna go.
CHRIS [00:05:19] I got to say, I’m certainly not one to judge. And if this show has taught me anything, it’s not to judge people. But I do have to say my immediate instinct and I’m sure many of the people listening is, you know, don’t buy a house with multiple parties. That’s. That could that could get nasty fast.
CALLER [00:05:38] Yeah. And we had, you know, once we had found a house, we were going to, you know, put a lot of things in legalese and writing and talk to lawyers. And, you know, we were we had plans on how to make it so that it wouldn’t get ugly. But luckily, we figured it out before it even had to get close to ugly. Quite honestly, the conversation the other night had a few moments where like things got a little heated. But really by the end of it, we were all calmy on the same page. You know, we’re all still living together at the time being. We my parents are wonderful people who are going to be selling their house in the spring anyway, and they already live in their retirement home. So they were like, you guys, can stay there and, you know, make sure the pipes don’t freeze in the winter and you know pay your electricity, pay your Internet, but you can stay in the house. So for the time being, we’re still in my folks house. But we’re gonna be moving out of here soon.
CHRIS [00:06:29] Well, I’m I’m glad I’m glad everything got sorted out before you had your names on a mortgage. It’s better to better–.
CALLER [00:06:36] Yeah me too.
CHRIS [00:06:36] Better to have the tension now than then when you’re all legally obligated to be financially tied together in real estate holdings.
CALLER [00:06:42] Yeah, and I mean, I’m only 25 too. So the fact that I was gonna be a stuck in a mortgage with these people for 30 years. It was terrifying, but it was something that, you know, if I was gonna do it with any group of five people, it would be this group of five people. So.
CHRIS [00:06:58] But nobody does that with a group of a five people. Nobody buys a house with a group of five people. Nobody does that. Nobody does.
CALLER [00:07:05] You’d be surprised the lady, the lady we talk to at the bank had, like we weren’t even her first group of people buying a duplex together. So.
CHRIS [00:07:10] Really? Wow.
CALLER [00:07:13] Yeah. I mean, in this market, it’s kind of the only way a group of millennials is gonna be able to afford a downpayment anyway.
CHRIS [00:07:19] Ain’t that the truth. They say the economy’s gone better than ever. But then I hear many things like that. I don’t quite get how this adds up.
CALLER [00:07:26] Well, I mean, in like my case, you know, my my brother has over $700 a month in just student loan payments. I lucked out and like got a little bit more of my school taken care of, but I’m still you know in the hole for almost $400 a month just in student loan payments and doing that on top of all the other living expenses and trying to save twenty thousand dollars for a down payment. And I have a cat and a dog and a fiancé who, you know, like we like to eat food sometimes.
CHRIS [00:07:54] Yeah. They say there’s all these jobs now, and I think there’s I think there’s truth to that, but it also seems like if people can’t if the jobs don’t add up to living wages and student loans and insurance payments, then does it matter that there’s more of them? I think we need more good jobs.
CALLER [00:08:10] No.
CHRIS [00:08:10] But hey that’s just me.
CALLER [00:08:11] They say there’s more jobs, but like it, I worked in retail for the last three years with a college degree like and I worked at a, you know, big box store that I won’t name the name of, let’s call it Bullseye, because no one I know what that means. But, you know, they they advertise that they’re paying people $15 an hour, but they’re not advertising that they only give you twelve hours a week.
CHRIS [00:08:32] Damn. I’m guessing it’s Walmart. I’m guessing Walmart on that one.
CALLER [00:08:36] Yep, you’re right. It is. It is Walmart.
CHRIS [00:08:38] This is why I’ve been saying for a while that I think the I think that I think the class I think the class conflict’s coming. And I know I know that me and my buddy Murph, we’ve talked a lot about, hey, man, even though even though we’re in the entertainment industry, we’ve got to get back to our Jersey roots. He’s got his Pennsylvania roots. We got to be ready to fight on the side of what’s right. But I’m not trying to be alarmist or come off as insane. But this can only go on for so long.
CALLER [00:09:06] I live close enough to Canada that I can always just run away. So.
CHRIS [00:09:11] That’s always good. Yeah. I mean, I have dual citizenship now. So when things really collapse, I can get out.
CALLER [00:09:15] Yeah. You can always just hop. You know, I mean, you got to take the life of the baby who I mean, I haven’t spoken to you since the kid was born. Congrats, by the way, he’s adorable.
CHRIS [00:09:23] Thanks. Yeah. He’s the best. It’s fun to hang out with him even when he coughs directly into my mouth and smiles after.
CALLER [00:09:32] Yeah. And like four to six month range is always like the best age for babies because they’re like cute little potatoes that smile at you and then they stay where you put them.
CHRIS [00:09:41] Yeah. He’s starting he, you can tell that he understands what crawling is, but he can’t do it. So he just kind of makes swimming motions on the floor. I’m like we got babyproof this bad boy right now. But he’s–
CALLER [00:09:55] I mean, I saw your wife’s photo with him with the soil all over his head. So
CHRIS [00:09:59] Yeah.
CALLER [00:10:00] He’s learning what–.
CHRIS [00:10:01] This kid grabbed, he grabbed the plant. There is a plant with a little vine hanging over our coffee table. He pulled it down. I’m glad the flower pot didn’t kill him and he has. But he had dirt on his head.
CALLER [00:10:13] Yeah I saw that picture. I saw how close the pot was. I’m like, ‘I wonder if she moved that? Or if that hit him.
CHRIS [00:10:17] It’s a very, very cute picture that could have been a very bad picture. But the dirt went all over his head.
CALLER [00:10:22] It could’ve been the first photo of a big old goose egg bruise on his head.
CHRIS [00:10:25] God. I mean, at best, at best, I don’t even want to think about it, but he has a big grin on his face. I’m like he good he, I will regret saying this. But it’s like good. Yeah. Causing trouble can be fun. I’m glad you just learned. My wife has a picture of when you learned that. That causing trouble can be fun.
CALLER [00:10:41] When he listens to this episode in the future, your dad is joking. Causing trouble is no fun at all.
CHRIS [00:10:46] No, I’m not kidding.
CALLER [00:10:47] You want to be well behaved. Be the most mannered kid.
CHRIS [00:10:49] No, I’m not. Kid. Disrupt the status quo. Throw a throw a wrench into the gears of the algorithm. You must be the great hope when, you’re the great hope of the future that shall disrupt things. When I failed.
CALLER [00:11:02] When he’s a terror, don’t say it and try and help you.
CHRIS [00:11:06] I want him to be the one to disrupt society. No pressure. No pressure. Reform society in the image of positivity. No pressure or–.
CALLER [00:11:15] No. Love everyone. Love everyone unconditionally.
CHRIS [00:11:18] Yes.
CALLER [00:11:18] Be respectful to adults unless they’re not respectful to you first.
CHRIS [00:11:21] Yes. Question authority within reason. That’s the that’s the more that sane version of it.
CALLER [00:11:26] Yeah question authority within reason.
CHRIS [00:11:27] Yes. Always ask why things have to be the way that they are. But don’t be a little shit about it. Find the healthy balance.
CALLER [00:11:33] That’ll be the new live laugh love.
CHRIS [00:11:35] Yeah. Yeah. It’s not as marketable. It’s not. You can’t put it on a bumper sticker as easily.
CALLER [00:11:41] No just put it on a vinyl instead of, you know, live laugh love, it’s just question authority within reason.
CHRIS [00:11:45] Okay. Yeah, that one’s good. Mine was more wordy and clunky. Yeah, alright.So what’s your deal outside of this real estate thing? What’s the deal? We’ve been chit chatting for almost 10 minutes.
CALLER [00:11:58] Oh, boy it’s already been 10 minutes. All right. I don’t know a little bit about me. I am a twenty something lesbian living in the middle of nowhere Maine in a big house with my beautiful fiancé, and my brother, who’s also gay, and his husband in a happy, committed poly relationship. I recently got ghosted by my on and off girlfriend of seven years. Within the last year. She’s also, my fiancé is also in the room and commenting on what I’m telling you, so.
CHRIS [00:12:35] Woah. Woah.
CALLER [00:12:38] Yeah.
CHRIS [00:12:38] This is a lot to unwrap. How long have you been with your fiancé?
CALLER [00:12:44] We’ve been together since 20, I graduated college in 2016, so 2016, almost in April it will be four years.
CHRIS [00:12:53] So you’ve been with your fiancé almost four years, but you had a girlfriend of seven years. Did she ghost you, did she get pissed off that you got engaged to someone else?
CALLER [00:13:02] No. In fact, she was also engaged to someone else. She and I have a very we we’ve been friends since high school. She was actually the girl who I realized I was gay because I realized that I had a crush on her. It wasn’t just friendship feelings I was feeling. So I told her all that, you know, after I came out of the closet and everything. And she was great about it. You know, very you know, I love you. You’re one of my best friends in this world. I don’t feel the same way. Totally understood. You know I felt the same way. I was also leaving for college and she was still in high school for another year. I wasn’t trying to get anything. I just wanted to get that off my chest and tell her that I thought she was pretty. And then she ended up going to college the next town over to me. So through the rest of college, we would see each other regularly and one thing kind of just led to another. And then she would start dating me and then freak out about the fact that she’s dating a woman and panic and dump me and date some boy who I knew wasn’t going to last. And then they’d break up and she’d go back to dating me and, or she’d cheat on said boyfriend with me. And yeah, through the on and off again, there was always this one boy back home who she would constantly get back with and bounce back and forth between him and I for a while and my senior year of college, right before my fiancé and I started seeing each other, she and I were very much dating. People around my college would see her regularly, said she was my girlfriend. I agreed she was my girlfriend. And then she dumped me like a sack of potatoes out of nowhere for that boy back home. So I kind of gave up on the idea of the two of us ending up together and moved on with my life ended up kind of stupidly hooking up with a freshman during last like three weeks of my senior year of college and figured that was gonna be a fling, that I’m now living with her and engaged to her.
CHRIS [00:14:59] Oh wow. So you seduced a freshman and now you’re getting married.
CALLER [00:15:03] I did. I was trying not to. I was really, really trying not to. I wanted nothing more than to just graduate college with no strings attached. And then, of course, I had to go and fall in love.
CHRIS [00:15:15] Yeah. Ain’t that always the way? Now, can I ask you.
CALLER [00:15:20] Yeah, and it was only, yeah go ahead.
CHRIS [00:15:21] No it was only what?
CALLER [00:15:26] Oh, it was only supposed to be a two week fling. Both of us thought was gonna be a two week nothing. And then every time it was like, you know, we should probably end this, I should probably break up with her or she’s probably gonna break up with me. We just never wanted to and kept seeing each other. And now we’re here. Buying a house together.
CHRIS [00:15:44] All right. Okay. A true modern romance. Now. Can you explain to me. Okay. I live in New York City. I’ve got friends of all different stripes, people from many different lifestyles. And I’m quite happy about that.
CALLER [00:16:01] Yes.
CHRIS [00:16:01] I do have friends who are poly. My understanding is that this can take on different definitions for different people. I also feel like–.
CALLER [00:16:11] Yes.
CHRIS [00:16:11] To a lot of people who maybe aren’t as familiar with this lifestyle, then I would say this maybe and you know, I’m not the most exposed to it myself. I think a lot of people hear it and go, well does that mean, you’re swingers? Does that mean that you have your main relationship but that you go out and have sexual flings or one night stands with other people? And I’m sure it takes on many forms for other people. But what what would you say the broad definitions are, at least for yourself?
CALLER [00:16:41] I mean, in our instance cause, I mean, obviously, every relationship is different, monogamous or non-monogamous. So you can’t really say that all straight or gay relationships are the same. You can do the same thing with poly, but in our case, we are each other’s primary partners. You know, if push came to shove and I can only be with one person forever, I would be with her. But we don’t excusively say that, you know, that if I meet somebody while I’m out and about or I make a friend out in the world who I get romantic feelings for, I don’t have to completely avoid being around that person or, you know, fight with my fiancé because I think I have a crush on someone else. You know. As much as I love her and in a lot of ways, we’re great with each other and complete each other and help each other out. You know, I don’t believe in the one and only kind of thing. And so the fact that statistically there is other people out in the world who I would also get along with romantically, I don’t feel like I should have to exclude those people from my life just because I found someone who makes me happy.
CHRIS [00:17:47] And how how much conversation goes into this, how much–.
CALLER [00:17:51] Oh so much. So much conversation. We talk almost like a stupid, annoying amount. You know, when I was date, I ended up actually with a high school girl, I ended up dating her last year for most of the year while I was living with my fiancé. She was living with me. We were happy. But occasionally I would be like, hey, I have a date with high school girl. So when I get home from work, I basically just gonna get changed and we’re gonna go see a movie. And occasionally I’d be like, hey, high school girl’s coming over. Do you mind if I borrow the bedroom? I’ll change the sheets.
CHRIS [00:18:25] Wow. And that doesn’t create any tension or any resentment?
CALLER [00:18:31] No, I mean, no. You want to talk to her? She’s in the room begging to talk to you, too.
CHRIS [00:18:35] Okay. Sure.
CALLER [00:18:37] Yeah. Let me turn on speaker.
CALLER 2 [00:18:40] Hello Gethard.
CHRIS [00:18:41] Hi.
CALLER 2 [00:18:42] Hey, my dude. Hey.
CHRIS [00:18:47] Does anybody ever tell you that? Anybody ever tell you guys that you sound alike?
CALLER [00:18:52] Yeah, yeah, yeah.
CALLER 2 [00:18:53] I hate it when people are like, are you siblings? It’s like, no, no, we don’t look alike.
CHRIS [00:19:00] You sound exactly. This is Jared’s nightmare. This is Jared’s nightmare. He has to be the one to clean up the call. So we were talking about the idea of polyamory. So hello to the fiancé.
CALLER 2 [00:19:17] Yeah.
CHRIS [00:19:17] We haven’t spoken before. This doesn’t create any tension, resentment, jealousy, the things that people might assume it does?
CALLER 2 [00:19:24] I mean, we actually started we were long distance for how many like you two and I was still at college and she was at home and she was like, hey, girl is really cute and great and we’ve been hanging out. And I’m like, cool. Like, is she still pretending to be straight? And it pretty much was born out of like, hey, you can convince girl that, like, remind her she’s not straight. And remind her she’s happy being with women, so go for it. And it was kind of pushed by me to be like, no, we can. We can, we can, we can be open.
CALLER [00:20:02] Yeah she might have tried to fight me into sleeping with another woman. I was constantly being like, no, I shouldn’t. I’m with you. I’m happy. I don’t want you to get jealous. And she’s like, I’m the opposite of jealous. Please go fuck.
CALLER 2 [00:20:13] Yes.
CALLER [00:20:15] Sorry Sally.
CHRIS [00:20:16] Now which one of you said that?
CALLER 2 [00:20:20] OK so I’m M and she’s C. C is the one that you started the call with.
CHRIS [00:20:26] C is who I originally spoke to. OK.
CALLER 2 [00:20:29] Yeah.
CHRIS [00:20:31] OK. OK
CALLER 2 [00:20:32] But yeah, no, so. I was pretty much like, hey, you should have her over for a sleepover and like try to hint, hint, nudge, nudge. And that girl that she was coaxing into being a relationship with was engaged and still engaged to lovely boy that she loved, but also like.
CALLER [00:20:55] You know. You know what a beard is. He’s absolutely her beard.
CHRIS [00:21:01] Wow.
CALLER 2 [00:21:01] But he’s a lovely beard.
CALLER [00:21:03] If I had to pick a beard. He’s a great beard. Fashionable.
CALLER 2 [00:21:07] But we love him. No, seriously, great dude. But like, ugh, like, you know, when you like you want somebody to be so happy and you know that they know what would make them happy and you’re like do the thing that would make you happy. So I really wanted that for her cause I’m like, hey, if being with her also makes you happy. And that’s obviously not going to hurt me because I love you and you love me. And if you get some extra cuddles in while I’m long distance with you. Great. Yeah. Because I it doesn’t come from a place of jealousy. I don’t have any jealousy. If there’s any jealousy, it’s just like, hey, I saw you cuddling her a lot. Can you please cuddle me some more? And that’ll be pretty much it. Yes, like it’s a pretty much like I love to see you happy and anything that makes you happy makes me happy. We feed off each other’s happiness.
CHRIS [00:22:01] That part I really like. I will say, can I put something out here and I hope this isn’t incensitive, just the way you guys you all phrased it. It does. There are some people listening who are going to think, wait, there’s another side of the coin that sounds like– [unknown sound] what the? Is everybody okay? [transition music]
CHRIS [00:22:21] We’re gonna pause right there, you guys have to stay tuned now, because I’m sure everybody wants to know, is that a dog or is someone being murdered?
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CHRIS [00:25:22] Thanks to all our advertisers. Now let’s get back to the conversation.
CHRIS [00:25:27] Another side of the coin that sounds like [unknown sound] what the, is everybody okay?
CALLER [00:25:34] Oh, yeah. The other dog sees a squirrel. Oh, no, it’s the UPS guy.
CHRIS [00:25:39] Oh, it’s the dog barking at the UPS guy. It wasn’t the UPS guy who started screaming bloody murder. OK. I will say there are some there are some listeners who who maybe will hear that in the way you laid it out and say it does sound like maybe a game was made out of out of disrupting someone’s attempts to have a relationship of a different stripe of like go out and prove to her she’s gay might sound aggressive to some listeners.
CALLER [00:26:08] And I mean, the way that it was said, it does sound that way. You know, it’s one of those things where if you knew that the context, you knew the people involved, it would be very different. But it wasn’t any sort of like malicious intent. In fact, that night she was talking about. I ended up doing nothing with high school girl aside from talking to her and just saying saying my piece and saying what I felt and I had come to the conclusion that I wasn’t gonna make any moves unless she initiated and she didn’t initiate that night. So nothing happened. But, you know, couple of nights later she initiated. So.
CHRIS [00:26:44] Yeah, I just that–.
CALLER [00:26:44] You know, the entirety of my relationship with that other girl, she was entirely in the driver’s seat.
CHRIS [00:26:49] That’s fair. That’s a good thing to make clear of. You didn’t, you never put pressure and manipulated it, it was, you always just left the door open for her to follow her instincts. And I think that that’s very good to hear. So do you. Is this the type of thing like, well, one of you come home every now and then and go oh how was your day? Work was stressful. And then I stopped by the grocery store and then I met somebody cute. So we hooked up a little bit. Or is it more, hey, this person, I’m developing a crush on them. Let’s sit and talk about it. Let’s lay out everything beforehand?
CALLER [00:27:23] So our general work with it is we have to get the other person’s permission first. In our case, sleeping with someone else doesn’t necessarily mean you cheated on them. But if for whatever reason, the other person says, Hey, I don’t want you to sleep with this person. And then you do. Then that’s when you start cheating.
CALLER 2 [00:27:39] Also if it’s like a surprise. So like, oh, well, like we kind of just ended up sleeping together. Like we have like a 24 hour window to be like, hey, so this thing happened last night, just just like, oh, are we OK? I’m sorry. I would’ve given you a heads up if I could have. And we always give each other heads up whenever we can.
CALLER [00:27:56] Yep. We have a 24 hour rule to disclose all encounters, but for the most part, if it’s going to happen, we have a sneaking suspicion that it’s going to happen and we talk about it in advance.
CHRIS [00:28:07] Wow, 20, the 24 hour window. That’s a good rule. So then it’s like, and if it goes if it goes beyond 24 hours, that means you’re feeling guilty or conflicted in some way in hiding it. And that’s going to be an issue.
CALLER [00:28:20] Yeah. And that’s when you start realizing, like, if you can’t if I can’t talk to her within 24 hours about it then it’s probably because she already said she didn’t want me to do it.
CALLER 2 [00:28:29] But also we like do not have that problem.
CALLER [00:28:31] Yeah. We actually haven’t run into that issue at all.
CHRIS [00:28:33] That’s good. That’s good. What’s, now you mentioned a girlfriend. We’ve mentioned that it might sometimes just be cuddling or more one off, you know, hooking up with people. When when you talk about, you know, you have a fiancé and a girlfriend. What’s what’s the most number of people that have been involved in your relationship web, so to speak, at one time?
CALLER [00:28:56] I think that that was about max.
CALLER 2 [00:28:59] Yeah. I mean, the option arises for me to have another significant other and her to have another significant other. But that just really hasn’t happened at the same time.
CALLER [00:29:08] I’m not like actively looking either, but like, you know, what happens, happens.
CALLER 2 [00:29:14] Yes.
CHRIS [00:29:15] Right. So there is the, you guys are open to the potential of like what we might we might meet someone that we’re both really into and we want to bring them into the unit. And then they there can be three of us and our roommate and my brother and his husband and our animals all in one house that we purchased together.
CALLER [00:29:34] Yeah, my brother and his husband actually do have a boyfriend. So.
CHRIS [00:29:39] Wow, I got it ask, okay.
CALLER 2 [00:29:43] Yeah they’re a thruple.
CHRIS [00:29:43] A thruple, that’s a, I just heard that phrase for the first time recently. Yeah a thruple. Thruple.
CALLER [00:29:51] Yeah. I mean they’re all boyfriends, except for the main two who are married. But they’re getting pretty serious and I like their boyfriend.
CALLER 2 [00:29:59] He always comes over and does all our dishes and cooks the massive dinner. So he’s good on my book.
CHRIS [00:30:02] That’s always cool. That’s always cool. When, when the third, third guy in the thruple decides to step up and contribute out of the gate. That’s good. I’m gonna ask a question. And maybe this is just my own preconceptions of things. How is it living this lifestyle in Maine?
CALLER [00:30:18] We’re in southern Maine, which is a lot more liberal, liberal than northern Maine. So it’s OK down here. Our group of friends are all, you know, pretty gay. Yes. So it’s in our group of friends, even the ones who are monogamous, like they still don’t care as long as we’re happy and, you know, everybody’s being respected. I don’t know if I would go up, you know, three or four hours north and talk about this as openly as I do. But–.
CALLER 2 [00:30:47] Yeah and it also helps that this was not a very densely populated area. So it’s not like we’re running into people all the time who are like, oh, I want to date this person. And this person came up and, oh, isn’t this person great? Like, it’s it’s pretty slow up here, which is like kind of a nice pace, actually, to not be overwhelmed.
CALLER [00:31:04] Yeah.
CALLER 2 [00:31:04] Because we’re not looking for romantic partners just if it like comes across us that’s cool. But like, it’s pretty chill. Pretty chill.
CHRIS [00:31:15] Wow. Yeah. Oh, that’s because I do feel like there’s a preconception that like Maine is an outlier in New England where it’s like very, you know, between like the fishing lifestyle and the woodsman lifestyle, that there’s some more conservatism, but actually, when you Google Gay Maine, it looks like there’s actually some Provincetown level areas of southern Maine.
CALLER 2 [00:31:38] Oh Portland is crazy gay.
CHRIS [00:31:43] Who knew I got to stay, I got to, these preconceived, it’s funny because I come from a state that everyone judges and has preconceptions about and I get very defensive about it. And here I am going, oh, but how do all these lumberjacks judging you? And it’s like, oh, no, actually, a cursory Google search reveals that there’s gay beaches. There’s also all sorts of open mindedness going on here I am.
CALLER [00:32:06] I mean, the funny thing is I’m actually also from New Jersey. My folks were born and bred there. I was born there. My brother was born there.
CHRIS [00:32:13] Whereabouts?
CALLER [00:32:14] We moved up here when I was like three. Clark Rahway area.
CHRIS [00:32:18] Clark Rahway. Yep, I know it well. Clark is infamous because at exit 135 on the Garden State Parkway is the exit with a name. Clark Westfield.
CALLER [00:32:29] Yes.
CHRIS [00:32:30] Exit 135. Clark Westfield.
CALLER [00:32:33] Yeah I know the importance of Taylor Ham and egg and cheese sandwiches.
CHRIS [00:32:35] Oh, Taylor Ham, egg and cheese. Thanks for not calling it pork roll.
CALLER [00:32:39] Oh, God, no.
CHRIS [00:32:41] That’s good.
CALLER [00:32:41] I’d be the Taylor Ham is of like valuable food from the homeland when our Jersey family comes up to visit. They know they need to bring Taylor home and hard rolls or they can’t stay with us.
CHRIS [00:32:50] Fair.
CALLER [00:32:51] So.
CHRIS [00:32:51] I get it. I get it. Now you guys are very confident in your lifestyle. It seems like it’s working for you. You’re also quite young. Have you have you, have you, have you run into people who point this out before I did?
CALLER [00:33:06] I mean, like, like my mother does when we talk about definite things, but really for the most part everyone’s just kind of shocked that we considered buying a home at this age. And my brother is older. You know, my brother just turned 30 this month. So the group of us as a whole are a little bit older. We just happened to be the youngest ones in the group.
CALLER 2 [00:33:29] Yeah we’re the babies. I’m almost 23.
CHRIS [00:33:33] Almost 23. Okay. So 25, coming up on 23. Okay. Okay. I was doing the math based on freshman senior I thought there was more separation. Okay. Now, your mom, you mentioned that you’re your mother. Are your parents traditional people or are they people who grew up in a way that lends itself to being open minded towards their children’s alternative lifestyles, so to speak.
CALLER [00:33:58] My brother and I lucked out on the parent front. I mean, our parents both grew up in Irish Catholic families with six and seven siblings apiece. You know my grandparents were lovely, lovely people who loved us unconditionally. But I think in a lot of ways they loved us unconditionally because we weren’t their kids. We were their grandkids. And we didn’t live 20 minutes away. We lived six hours away. So they only saw us on big occasions. But my parents are the black sheep of both of their families. It’s not like they’ve got disowned or anything, but they chose to move up to Maine in the middle of nowhere because they hated how populated New Jersey was. And.
CALLER 2 [00:34:40] You inherited that.
CALLER [00:34:42] Yeah, we just inherited that. So, you know, they were not surprised when my brother, my brothers older than me. So he came out first. And both of us didn’t actually come out to our dad when we came out. Cause with our mom, she was always very openly pro gay when gay rights movement was before it was nationwide legal for gay marriage, whe was always very open with us about the fact that she supported gay people and that our uncle is gay. But our dad never really said anything for or against it. So we had no idea where he stood. And then my brother came out of the closet, told my mom, you know, in a big tear filled, ‘Mom I got something I gotta tell you. And I’m scared to say it.’ Mom thought he was gonna say, you got someone pregnant and ended up being like, ‘No exact opposite. Actually, I’m just very gay.’ And she was like, ‘That’s it? That’s it. You’ve had me so worried.’.
CHRIS [00:35:44] Wow.
CALLER [00:35:46] And when it came to coming out to dad. She told him. And he was like, I’ve known since he was 5. I knew all the names of the My Little Ponies. And it’s not because my daughter told them to me, because my son told them to me. So. And then when I came out of the closet, it was kind of a similar thing. I told my mom and she was just like, ‘I mean I don’t really care. You do you.’ And she told my dad and he’s like, well, like her brother, she must leave the islands now.
CHRIS [00:36:13] Mm hmm, mm hmm. Yeah. Cool parents. Parents who opted into being outliers. And then it helped inform some open mindedness on their end, it sounds like. Yeah. No, I really lucked out like my mom and I. You know, my parents and I will occasionally bicker here and there because who doesn’t bicker with their parents. But I acknowledge wholeheartedly that I have the best folks. I love them so much.
CHRIS [00:36:36] That’s cool. That’s cool.
CALLER [00:36:39] Yeah and I know I’m super lucky, I know a lot of people in our situation would not be as lucky.
CHRIS [00:36:46] Now, here’s the thing that I really first of all I feel like you had mentioned that with your your parents, like gay marriage was not legal for most of their lives. But I feel like you might be some of the first people I’ve talked to on the show who are at an age where it feels like like remind me when the tide started turning on that because it feels like you may be of the first generation where it will be legal for the majority of your life.
CALLER [00:37:15] Yes, I mean, because the gay marriage became legal in 2015, 2016. But my whole life really and a part of it kind of comes to the area that we grew up in is a very liberal part of Maine. So a lot of people we knew whether they were gay or not, some didn’t really care about gay people, even though, you know, very typical Maine guys who go out in the lobster boat and they, you know, Bob, they they fix the tractor and they [beep] all day long there, Bob, they they still didn’t care.
CHRIS [00:37:51] Yes.
CALLER 2 [00:37:51] Yeah there are some people who look like they’re going to say and be verbal about it, but most that mean just doesn’t really care as long as you mind your own business.
CALLER [00:38:00] Yeah, yeah. Just quiet. Junior Canada. Pretty much.
CHRIS [00:38:07] Junior Canada. That’s pretty good. Yeah. I haven’t heard that before. I do find, I tell you, because I feel like, you know, I grew up amongst the working class in Jersey and it’s there’s a thing and I wonder if because like you said, like the lobstermen and these like gritty, gritty image of a working class main person, we all kind of have that in our heads as this archetype. But I have found that in my experiences with the working class I found growing up in New Jersey quite often people would say things where you’d be like, that is wrong. Don’t say that people you know, you’d hear somebody in a bar or behind closed doors, some really close minded stuff. But then more often than not, when people actually meet other human beings they’re like, no nice, nice person who cares? You live your life. It’s a very strange dichotomy where I feel like quite often people as, oh, surprise, surprise when people actually meet other people, they stop judging them as much as when they’re these theoretical people in their heads.
CALLER [00:39:05] Yeah. And that’s one thing I like about kind of the area that we are growing up in is that, you know, if you saw me Geth you would not question that I’m a lesbian. I. I don’t look very femme. I, if you saw our group, our house, you would not question that we’re all a group of gays. But.
CHRIS [00:39:21] What does that mean? What does that mean? If I saw your house, I would know I would drive by and go a bunch of gay people live in that house. How can that happen?
CALLER [00:39:29] Well, I mean, our house is bright purple. And, you know, my brother will constantly go outside to walk the dog in his sarong.
CHRIS [00:39:37] You said sarong?
CALLER [00:39:38] You know, if someone’s out there mowing the lawn or fixing something in the garage, it’s me. So if, once answered the door with nipple tassels on and it was a Mormon, so that’s fun.
CHRIS [00:39:50] What was that about? You cut out in the beginning, I heard something about a nipple tasseled Mormon. What was that?
CALLER 2 [00:39:58] Her brother’s husband once almost answered the door whereing nipple tassels to a Mormon. Which should have honestly been the cake.
CALLER [00:40:05] Yeah.
CHRIS [00:40:05] So missionary. So Mormon missionaries were making their way in the neighborhood, knocking on doors, riding bikes and whatnot, and they knock on the door and one of the members of your household is walking around in nipple tassels at the time.
CALLER [00:40:18] I mean, he was working on a costume.
CALLER 2 [00:40:20] He used to dance burlesque. So.
CALLER [00:40:22] Yeah he was working on a costume for a grind show. And it was a Disney themed show. And there was a line number. So obviously, he had to be Zazu, which is the lower half of his body was Zazu.
CHRIS [00:40:37] Of course.
CALLER [00:40:38] AKA the bill inside his nip. So that’s what he was working on when the Mormon answered our door. Came to our door.
CHRIS [00:40:47] Now when, when the Mormon when a Mormon missionary walks up the steps of a purple house and rings the doorbell and a guy wearing nipple tassels up. Do you think he just like takes a deep breath and cracks his knuckles and just thinks to himself, this is the greatest challenge of my young life?
CALLER [00:41:06] I think if I remember the story right, my brother ended up, just kind of walking up to the door, expecting it to be like the FedEx guy or something and not really caring, seeing it was someone who was going to be staying around for a while and then promptly hid until he went away. So.
CHRIS [00:41:19] OK, OK, OK. I hope that missionary calls the show someday. Hope that missionary’s like I’m that, I am that missionary. I remember that Purple House. I saw a guy crouching in the shadows. He was dressed as Zazu. I didn’t know what was going on until right now. Now let’s talk about something else we mentioned gay marriage. I remember that in the lead up to that fight, when I was younger, one of the talking points that people who were against gay marriage would bring up was the idea of, well, if we legal and in a way that I think is very unfair and that I think modern times are almost immediately proved untrue of like gay marriage will open the door to hedonism, which I think is just is just an awful thing to say. And I think already in modern times, you know, in the past five or six years, it’s like, OK, take a breath. That’s not the case. But one of the things people would say is this is going to lead to all sorts of communal holly sex cults. And that was a thing that people brought up. As like a point against legalizing gay marriage, do you think, do you think poly relationships, relationships should be legally recognized? Do you remember those times?
CALLER [00:42:39] I mean, I don’t think straight people should be so much to judge because from what I’ve seen, they really suck at marriage.
CALLER 2 [00:42:46] Yeah, like let’s look at the divorce rate between gay straight people and gay people. I know gay people have had a lot less time to make the marriages and make the mistakes and get divorced. But you know it status quo doesn’t seem to be working for everybody, so if everybody’s happy and consenting, then who gives a crap as long as everyone involved is a legal consenting adult, you do you.
CHRIS [00:43:10] I’m with you. Not everybody is. Not every, some people go, no marriage, but I think you’re right. I would prioritize happiness over tradition. Personally, that’s just me.
CALLER [00:43:23] I agree. I agree with you. It’s like what are the odds that you are going to find a person who fulfills all of your physical, emotional, mental needs and they like click with you 110 percent. But like, you’re more likely to find a couple of people who hit the right spots. And there’s nothing wrong with having more people you love in your life. Like, why do you have a bunch of friends? You’re not gonna like, break up with one friend because you got another friend. The world is more complicated and beautiful than that.
CHRIS [00:44:02] It’s a lovely thought, and I think one of the important things to note, too, is like and if that’s not it, I don’t think that’s the thing you’re evangelizing. You’re not you’re not the missionary knocking on the people’s doors. That’s what I don’t get is like there’s some people who do want to be monogamous. It makes them extraordinarily happy and that’s beautiful. And there’s some people who don’t.
CALLER 2 [00:44:24] Yeah good for them.
CHRIS [00:44:24] And if that’s what gets them to a place of health and happiness, more power to you. There’s some people who don’t want to have real romantic relationships. And maybe that feels like it’s own societal pressure because so much of life’s stories are built around romance. Maybe that’s fine if somebody doesn’t want to ever act on those feelings. Whatever makes you happy. I’m into it. [transition music]
CHRIS [00:44:48] If there’s anything I have learned in the years of doing this show, it’s that people are out there looking to feel happy. You know, it might make you happy is products and services that enhance your life. We have those at our beck and call via our fine advertisers. Check these out. Use the promo codes. We’ll be right back.
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CHRIS [00:47:12] Thanks for listening to the ads and thinking about supporting the show via those advertisers now let’s finish this conversation.
CHRIS [00:47:19] That’s fine as somebody doesn’t want to ever act on those feelings. Whatever makes you happy. I’m into it.
CALLER [00:47:25] This thing is, you know, in the LGBT community, what you’re saying is just, you know, common, agreed upon thought, you know? No one really debates whether or not as long as yeah, as long as everybody involved, like I said is a happy consenting adults doing what they’re doing, then go right on ahead. And you know, being a happy, consenting alone adult makes you happy then go for it. It should be just as fine as if I find five people whom I love with all my heart and soul. I don’t think I will because that sounds like a lot of work. But.
CHRIS [00:47:58] It’s a lot of balls in the air, a lot of energy. Here’s the one I’ve never understood. And this is a point other people have made. But it really rings true to me is that in a culture that is very ups, you know, there are major portions of American society that are very into the sanctity of marriage. And I respect it. I respect it. But also, one of the most popular television shows for many years running in this country is one where people compete to auction off a marriage. When you think about the Bachelor franchise, it’s people on TV desperately wanting a marriage with someone who they met like eight minutes ago. It’s like how well that thing gets gajillions of viewers. So some of these people have to be the same people that are like marriage is sacred. Anyway, let’s tune into a commercial program about people treating it as a game show. It doesn’t totally add up.
CALLER [00:48:52] No, it doesn’t add up. You’re absolutely right. I mean, not the standard. It’s an incredible double standard. And if The Bachelor was based upon a gay man finding a bunch of other gay men and doing the exact same thing, those people who are marriage is sacred would be up in arms and demanding that show be canceled. But because it’s a heterosexual couple, they don’t care.
CHRIS [00:49:09] I think you’re right. I think that is a huge double standard.
CALLER 2 [00:49:13] And everyone’s pretty and it’s it’s something that a lot of people want. They want marriage and relationships to be easy and pristine and everybody to be amazing and attractive. And star studded everything. But like, that’s not reality. You have to discuss chores and how to train the dog and the mortgage. It’s more difficult, but also nicer than the whole like shiny rigamarole of everything must be perfect and pristine because when you actually live with somebody, you’re not going to be in a ball gown 24/7 with hair done and makeup done. It’s not reality.
CHRIS [00:49:55] See, that’s why I feel like.
CALLER [00:49:58] Not to mention you’re beautiful.
CHRIS [00:49:58] Wait what was that? You just say you’re beautiful.
CALLER [00:50:00] No, I just said she’s beautiful and I love her.
CHRIS [00:50:03] There’s active flirting going on and I talked over it, classic Gethard.
CALLER [00:50:10] We’re sitting here in our pajamas, neither of us have showered yet today. But she’s still beautiful and I love her a lot.
CALLER 2 [00:50:14] I love you and your Corgi pants.
CHRIS [00:50:17] Corgi pants.
CALLER [00:50:20] I do I have corgi pajama pants on right now.
CHRIS [00:50:23] Corgi pants. That’s good. That’s a good phrase. That feels good. That’s like a good thing to say. Everybody listening just say that out loud. It’s fun to say Corgi pants. It’s a pretty fun thing to say. See, I don’t, fundamentally, there’s nothing about me that disagrees with your lifestyle. Like hearing you guys. It doesn’t sound like this doesn’t sound like some effort to, you know, like you said it like that, the demonized vision of LGBT people like not being able to settle down. It sounds like a really rational thought out thing that you guys are totally comfortable with and into. I don’t think I could do it just because I’d be so and so tired all the time. I can’t imagine.
CALLER [00:51:07] But also you’re a dad. You do have two people who you love with all your heart and soul. One of them is just your son.
CHRIS [00:51:12] Yeah. Yeah, that’s true. But I even think that I’m like I’m a nervous I’m like a nervous, anxious, balding man. I don’t think polyamory is is totally built for people cut from my cloth. I don’t know.
CALLER 2 [00:51:24] It’s just people.
CHRIS [00:51:26] What’s that?
CALLER 2 [00:51:28] We’re both highly anxious people?
CALLER 2 [00:51:29] You’re both highly anxious. But like that also drives us to communicate more and communicating more or just leads to less stress because I don’t have to worry about. ‘Oh, is she like flirting with someone at work behind my back?’ No, because if I see somebody who is super cute at my work, I’ll be like, hey, I saw someone super cute in my work today. And she’ll say, Oh.
CALLER [00:51:49] Boy or girl?
CHRIS [00:51:51] Boy or girl. So you guys flirt with boys?
CALLER [00:51:55] She does.
CALLER 2 [00:51:56] I’m bi.
CHRIS [00:51:56] Oh. Wow. Also I apologize I keep seeing you guys and I haven’t asked if that’s an OK thing. I always just say that as in like I grew up in Jersey, so everybody say, hey, what’s up, guys? I don’t know if that.
CALLER 2 [00:52:06] It’s gender neutral. You’re fine.
CHRIS [00:52:09] OK I’m glad I fin, it only took me 45 minutes to check in about that and saying it like 11 times. So one of you will also date boys.
CALLER 2 [00:52:18] Yeah. Yeah. I’m interested in boys. Boys are pretty nice. You know, most of them not so much. But like there are, you know, enough boys to catch my eye.
CHRIS [00:52:30] That’s cool. Did you was there ever a stretch where you were dating boys exclusively?
CALLER 2 [00:52:37] I mean, I only really dated two people before this, so, I guess, technically, yes, because they were both men.
CALLER [00:52:43] But I’m the first to a lot of things for her.
CALLER 2 [00:52:46] So, yeah, like I had high school relationship, which didn’t last very long. College relationship, which didn’t last very long. And then you at the end of year one of college. So.
CALLER [00:52:57] Yep.
CALLER 2 [00:52:58] Yeah.
CALLER [00:53:00] Like I said in the beginning, she was supposed to be a fling. We were supposed to hook up for a couple of weeks and then never talk to each other again. And yet here we are.
CALLER 2 [00:53:07] I mean you also drove to Vermont for me. So I’m not gonna let you go after that.
CHRIS [00:53:12] Drove to Vermont from where?
CALLER [00:53:15] She was a camp counselor in Vermont for a few years and including the first summer that we were dating. So I took that as an excuse to get a hotel room and go see her for 24 hours.
CALLER 2 [00:53:25] Yeah. Because my my breaks my days off are three, 24 hour days the whole summer, except for like beginning and end, obviously. But I had 24 hours off and she drove so far for me.
CALLER [00:53:41] Just for those 24 hours. Like I said, I kind of like her.
CHRIS [00:53:45] That’s cool. Let me ask, as you had mentioned, there might be times where one of you will get a phone call. That’s like. I’m thinking of bringing somebody home. So if you could you could stick to the couch tonight I’m going to take the bed or change the sheets. I believe that was, close, close to a quote of what you said. What’s it like for those other people? Are there times, are there times where you’ll pick up a guy and be like, hey, come back to my place and then you’re driving and it’s like, oh, also, just so you know, you’re gonna have to say hi to my future wife on the way. Like are there, are there ever conversations like that?
CALLER [00:54:17] That’s kind of why it usually ends up only working out with us, with people who we like, know and are friends with ahead of time, because we can kind of explain the situation before the flirting begins. So.
CALLER 2 [00:54:30] And usually nobody gets to the couch usually sorry for the discretion, but we all share the bed. Yeah.
CHRIS [00:54:38] Okay. OK, so. So your brother’s not necessarily the only thruple situation you guys will occasionally have have there will be shared experiences as well.
CALLER [00:54:51] Yeah.
CALLER 2 [00:54:51] Yeah. I mean there’s is like a long committed relationship a thruple but for us it’s occasional thruple.
CHRIS [00:54:58] Mm hmm.
CALLER [00:54:59] And if the opportunity presents itself, if we find someone that we both like that, you know, wants to do this with both of us then cool, we’ll be in a thruple too. But if not, like I said, if push came to shove, I’ll stick with her. You’re stuck with me, we’re signing a mortgage.
CALLER 2 [00:55:14] I know we have a cat together.
CHRIS [00:55:18] You have a cat together well that’s binding.
CALLER [00:55:21] We have a cat and a dog.
CHRIS [00:55:22] Oh, that’s that’s double binding right there. So then so. So you’ll bring somebody home. You guys’ll have a night of passion. And then you wake up in the morning and it’s like alright who’s cooking the French toast. That type of thing. Just like a normal.
CALLER [00:55:40] Well, she doesn’t like french toast. It’s more often than not eggs. But yeah.
CALLER 2 [00:55:44] I mean, you make the lattes so.
CALLER [00:55:47] True. On of us makes coffee. One of us makes breakfast.
CHRIS [00:55:51] And then the third person, just eventually, is like ‘Hey I think I’m gonna split and you guys are like cool, talk to you soon?
CALLER 2 [00:55:55] Cool have a good day.
CALLER [00:55:57] Yes. Let us know when you get home safe.
CHRIS [00:55:59] How can you not like French toast? It’s delicious.
CALLER 2 [00:56:02] I say the same thing.
CALLER [00:56:03] I’m sorry. I just haven’t had good French toast yet.
CHRIS [00:56:06] What? You got a thick cut of the Challah bread. You drown it in sirup, put a little butter on it, let it melt. Let it melt right in there. Get that sirup rolling over the side, starting, this, this is starting to sound like one of my old English muffin ads. Starting to sound like an old English muffin right here.
CALLER [00:56:23] Yeah, I miss those English muffin ads, man. I still think about you every time I walk by the Thomas’ English Muffins.
CHRIS [00:56:28] Me too. We got to reach out to these Thomas’s English muffins people and let them know that it was the most wildly successful ad run maybe in the history of certainly of this show let alone, I feel like if they understood the way our audience flipped because they didn’t have a promo code is the thing. So they couldn’t track it. But I think if they realized that many thousands of people were like, fuck yeah. Who knew that English muffins were a sensual beast of a breakfast food? They’d be thrilled
CALLER [00:56:54] If you need a recording from one of their listeners saying that I didn’t really eat English muffins until you started talking about Thomas’ English muffins and then one day I just had a mad craving after listening to Beautiful Anonymous. I did.
CHRIS [00:57:05] Look, look at that. Look at that. My, my, my strangely, strangely sensual English muffin ad reads appealed to you someone who’s very open with both your sensuality and sexuality. Look at that. Exactly what Thomas was paying for. Let’s get back on board. Thomas English muffins. It’s time somebody reach out to Thomas himself. Somebody needs to reach out to Thomas. Hey, Tom. Tommy boy, let’s get it rolling again. Anyway, I like this. I like that we can talk about the culture of you guys sharing your love. Dividing it up in ways that many people wouldn’t view as completely traditional. And then we can also just joke about English muffins too.
CALLER [00:57:52] Yes. No, I mean, I, I love my relationship with her. I know if I could only be with one person forever, I would want to be with her. But at the same time, jealousy doesn’t seem to be a thing that bothers either of us. And I love other people, too. There are other people out in the world, too, some of whom I haven’t even met yet who I might also think are amazing. So.
CHRIS [00:58:20] Now, is there any part, is there any part of either of you that that is thinking to yourselves, you know, at the end of the day, we’re in our 20s. We’re young. We got together when we were quite young. Let’s sow our wild oats, and there’s an assumption that maybe down the line we will settle down into something that resembles more traditional monogamy. Or is it no, this is a lifestyle that we feel like is embedded in us. I think both are valid.
CALLER 2 [00:58:48] I think that we will always be somewhat non monogamous. We may not, you know, date as freely as we have been, especially if like some day kids, are in the picture or something. But like. I don’t think they’ll always end up to be a part where we’re like, no, you’re not allowed to have feelings for another person or no, you’re not allowed to think that other person is attractive.
CALLER [00:59:09] But also, you have to take life kind of with a grain of salt because like you’re not going to be the same person in seven years regardless of where you are right now. People change all the time like that’s just life is change is constant. So I don’t know if we’re going to be non monogamous or monogamous in seven years because we’re not going to be the same people we are now. And that’s fine. That’s just how life works. A lot of other things are going to change in the world in seven years. So who really knows?
CALLER 2 [00:59:40] Got to enjoy it now.
CHRIS [00:59:42] And I’ll tell you what.
CALLER [00:59:43] Before climate change inevitably destroys us all.
CHRIS [00:59:46] Before what does? It could have been any number of things that you just said.
CALLER [00:59:51] I said climate change. But yeah, you’re right, it could be anything.
CHRIS [00:59:54] Yeah. There’s so many looming threats, so many looming threats. I’ll tell you this. Here’s what’s gonna slow down your poly lifestyle. About 10, 11, 12 years for the both of you are going to be getting closer to my age and gonna be like oh my knees hurt every day, my back. I don’t want to go out dancing. I don’t want to go to a bar. I want to stay home and watch British Bake Off. It’s just know you’re gonna just be tired. You you’re gonna be tired and physically hurting and be like I think we’re done with the poly thing just cause I don’t have the energy to go out and pick anybody else up. That’s going to happen too.
CALLER 2 [01:00:30] I mean that doesn’t have to be the only way that you pick people up. You can have them over, you can have people over for game nights and just chill around your house and when you have a cute cat and dog that makes itself a lot easier. Like you don’t have to pick people up exclusively by going and doing vigorous activities. I mean, your knees already hurt and your back already hurt.
CALLER [01:00:49] So you’re saying that I already have scoliosis, so my back hurts all the time.
CHRIS [01:00:55] Fair. Look at that. You’ve you’ve trumped yet another one of my stereotypes, circumventing yet another one of my assumptions that young people can have bad backs too. I thought it was only in your mid thirties that you start to have chronic lingering low level back pain. No, you’re going to have it in your youth as well.
CALLER [01:01:15] Yeah. Yeah. It’s so fun. I don’t wish it on anyone.
CALLER 2 [01:01:18] Putting 50 pounds of books in a backpack and making children lugging around has no consequences at all.
CHRIS [01:01:24] Wait, what? Why did you force children into labor?
CALLER 2 [01:01:26] Oh like in high school, you know, you’ll you’ll see it when you kid hits middle school and he has to carry like 17 books.
CHRIS [01:01:33] Oh got it I was that kid. I was like five feet tall and then had my backpack dragging on the ground behind me. I was that guy I was that guy just papers falling–.
CALLER [01:01:43] I had one friend who was made fun of all of high school because she had one of those wheels behind backpacks. But she’s the only one of us who doesn’t have back pain now. So.
CHRIS [01:01:52] But was she just relentlessly taunted and tormented for having the nerdy backpack?
CALLER [01:01:56] Oh, absolutely. But it didn’t stop her. And now all of us are suffering and she is just like, ha ha, as she just like climbs a mountain and doesn’t hurt when she’s done.
CHRIS [01:02:05] I feel like by the time my kid’s in school, he’s going to have an iPad and that’s it. And he’ll be able to just physically be free forever. Or maybe there’ll be some sort of knowledge chips that just getting embedded into children’s brains. So they contain all human knowledge. They basically are all living, breathing Wikipedias maybe there’ll be that by then.
CALLER [01:02:26] That sounds like a nightmare, honestly.
CHRIS [01:02:27] Oh yeah.
CALLER [01:02:29] Like a distopian novel. But I mean we’re kind of there. We’re, we’re working our way there. So.
CHRIS [01:02:33] We’re well on our way to the them.
CALLER [01:02:36] I mean the gays, that’s it Gethard. The gays get married. Next thing your kid gets a chip embedded in his head.
CHRIS [01:02:41] That’s what they will say. That’s what they were saying back in the day. The next thing you know, if we allow gay marriage next thing you know, we’ll all be cyborgs and then it’ll be like Terminator. And we’ll have to travel back in time to correct this. We’ll have to travel back in time because there will be liquid metal men who can make knives out of their forearms. And then we’re gonna have to travel back in time and say, no, no, no, no more gay marriage because the cybernetic implants went awry.
CALLER 2 [01:03:07] Man, even though that has nothing to do with us and the straight people are doing their own [beep] nonsense.
CALLER [01:03:12] That Mormon man could have saved us all if he had just gotten my brother in law to take off the nipple tassel.
CHRIS [01:03:17] But who knows? Here’s the thing. I’ve talked to enough Mormon people can be pretty chill, too. We’re making jokes about the Mormons.
CALLER [01:03:24] Absolutely.
CHRIS [01:03:26] I met a bunch of cool Mormons in my life. I did some shows in Salt Lake City and I, I assumed that it was gonna be stuffy, those crowds were wild, those crowds were wild, and a lot of Beautiful Anonymous fans came out in Salt Lake City. I sit here with this preconception oh this is gonna be an uphill climb because I’m a New York comedian and I’ll put some stuff out there and it was like no. They were they were down. They were ready to rock. Had fun.
CALLER [01:03:58] It also helps that you’re hilarious.
CHRIS [01:03:58] What was that?
CALLER [01:03:58] It helps that you’re funny.
CHRIS [01:04:02] I do my best. I mean, I’m also an Emo boy who makes people cry. Consist, I consistently get people coming up to me at shows. It’s like I love your comedy. I watched your special and it made me cry. Like what?
CALLER 2 [01:04:18] One of these things isn’t like the other. But OK.
CHRIS [01:04:22] Yeah.
CALLER 2 [01:04:22] I mean, being an Emo boy who makes people cry tends to be financially lucrative. So I don’t know.
CHRIS [01:04:28] Not in comedy. Comedy. You’re supposed to be tough. And P C is the enemy that’s in comedy. And then I’m like I’m like a–.
CALLER [01:04:37] No PC is just being respectful of other human beings.
CHRIS [01:04:39] I’d like to think so. But in the world of comedy, I’m regarded as very, very soft by some. Very soft by some. And I’m like I don’t know. Just trying to be a thoughtful person who is respectful of others. God forbid.
CALLER [01:04:53] Your kind of comedy is my favorite kind of comedy.
CHRIS [01:04:54] What’s that?
CALLER [01:04:55] You are hilarious. You’re kind of comedy is my favorite kind of comedy. You are funny. You make poignant, you know, good points. But you aren’t making jokes at other people’s expense, except for maybe your own.
CHRIS [01:05:07] And every once in a while, all of the rest of the Irish Catholics in this world. But you get that.
CALLER [01:05:12] Yeah, but if you’re only jokes are just cheap shots at other people that have been said before that’s not really comedy. That’s just me being a jerk.
CHRIS [01:05:20] Well, it’s funny cause actually, you know, there are some I feel like a lot of my heroes in comedy said some super risky things and some things that are probably over the line. But they did it for a larger point and they were also willing to stand up and take the consequences of those actions. It meant that they didn’t get to do as much mainstream stuff. It meant that a lot of people were turned off by them. And that’s the thing I don’t get. Is that a lot of the people in this world, comedians and otherwise, who are so into saying that political correctness is a bad thing right now. They actually tend to be the ones who want to say politically incorrect things which I actually support I’m like the ACLU, like, I don’t love what you say, but I am a comedian. Comedians are public speakers who take risks. So I defend your right to try stuff. But if it goes awry or you cross some lines, you can’t, then you can’t then just like moan and whine about it when people get mad at you. You took the risk. And that’s that’s sometimes what you have to deal with. So you can’t get mad at people for a thing you said. You took the chance. It didn’t work out own it. Anyway. I tell you, I did a show at Bowdoin College and I believe I flew into Portland. That’s the one closest to Bowdoin, right?
CALLER 2 [01:06:39] Yeah, you’ve either flew into Portland or Bangor?
CHRIS [01:06:42] I think I went to Portland and there was a bar that served fancy sodas and I was so happy because I don’t drink alcohol, but I got to go to a bar and actually drink fancy sodas.
CALLER [01:06:51] Can I just say something since I have, like, you know, an audience that you’ve acquired? I don’t know if I’m the first Mainer you’ve ever talked to, but for everyone who’s listening, it is the city is pronounced Bangor, B A N G O R. Stephen King lives in Bangor, not Banger. No Banger. Not Banjour. Bangor.
CHRIS [01:07:11] No one says banjour. There’s no one who’s ever said Banjour.
CALLER [01:07:16] So many people say Banjour. So many people ask how do you get to Banjour.
CHRIS [01:07:21] Come on, we got 10 seconds left and this is how we’re ending the revelation that there’s people in this world who say Banjour that’s I can’t believe that.
CALLER 2 [01:07:30] You don’t hear it. You don’t deal with tourists season Gethard. You don’t deal with tourist season.
CHRIS [01:07:35] In New York City we don’t have tourists here you’re right. I’ve never met a tourist. Listen, it was great to talk to you. Continue loving each other and anyone else you might choose to love.
CALLER [01:07:49] Thanks, Gethard. Thanks for talking to us and thanks for doing this whole thing and giving people a platform.
CHRIS [01:07:53] I do my best. Thank you for talking to me. [ring]
CHRIS [01:08:02] I want to thank our callers for filling us in on their life, both as a couple and a polyamorous couple, and as residents of southern Maine, which I did not know was as open and liberal place as it was. Thanks for correcting my stereotypical thoughts that Maine is nothing but gruff fishermen and lumberjacks. Awful nice of you. And I wish you nothing but the best moving forward. Harry Nelson in the booth. Go to Chrisgeth.com if you want to know more about me. Download all the music you can find from Shellshag. They’re wonderful people. If you like the show, go to apple podcasts, rate review, subscribe really helps when you do. Talk to you next time on Beautiful Anonymous.
CHRIS [01:09:00] If you feel overwhelmed, stressed, anxious, depressed, lonely, or maybe you’re struggling with a personal or family issue, tell a doc can help with tell a doc you can speak to a licensed therapist by phone or video seven days a week from 7 a.m. to 9 p.m. local time. Tell a doc therapy is available through most insurance or employers. So download the app or visit. Tell a doc doc com slash stories today to get started. That’s telling doc ttl a DLC dot com slash stories. Next time on Beautiful Anonymous, there’s a lot of people in the world with dad issues, but this person really makes sense. [transition music]
CALLER [01:09:45] [next episode preview] They had identified my father as this other Mexican dude who killed a whole bunch of people in Mexico. My dad never grew up in Mexico. He grew up in New Mexico. So they were like tapping our phones and like like watching our house and didn’t really know this until the day they, like battery rammed our door.
CHRIS [01:10:05] What?
CALLER [01:10:06] And like arrested my father. Yes. Yeah.
CHRIS [01:10:12] That’s–
CALLER [01:10:14] Just happened.
CHRIS [01:10:16] I did not think did they think he was someone involved in like gang killings or what did they think he was a serial killer?
CHRIS [01:10:25] That’s next time on Beautiful Anonymous.