EP. 202 — Sasheer Is a Taurus (but Nicole Can’t Remember)

BF-202-20230402-JDv02-DYN.mp3

 

[00:00:11] Nicole: Excuse me.

 

[00:00:12] Sasheer: Oh, hello.

 

[00:00:14] Nicole: Hi. How are you?

 

[00:00:16] Sasheer: Good. Hi. How are you?

 

[00:00:19] Nicole: I’m good. Thank you for asking. What are you doing?

 

[00:00:21] Sasheer: I’m just hanging out, doing a podcast with my best friend.

 

[00:00:27] Nicole: Oh, that’s me.

 

[00:00:29] Sasheer: That’s you. What are you doing?

 

[00:00:31] Nicole: Oh, listen, I’m just hanging out, doing a podcast with my best friend.

 

[00:00:35] Sasheer: That’s crazy.

 

[00:00:36] Nicole: Isn’t that wild that we’re both doing the same thing at the same time. Okay. Have you watched Free Guy again?

 

[00:00:51] Sasheer: No, I need to after all of our discussions.

 

[00:00:55] Nicole: Okay. This is wild. I can’t believe you haven’t watched it again.

 

[00:01:00] Sasheer: I’m not watching anything. Going straight to sleep after work.

 

[00:01:03] Nicole: Oh, yeah. I guess you’re working. I’m not working right now, so I have all the time in the world to watch and rewatch everything I’ve ever wanted to in my whole life. And I’ve been rewatching Free Guy.

 

[00:01:16] Sasheer: I love Free Guy.

 

[00:01:19] Nicole: It’s a perfect movie. If you don’t know what it is, it stars Ryan Reynolds. And Ryan Reynolds works at the bank in a video game. And you find out that he’s a non-playable character. And then there’s two people–Keys and his partner. She goes by Molotov Chicken in the game, but I cannot remember her name outside of the game. Anyway, they sold their game to Taika Waititi. And he took their game, shelved it, but used their technology in his game called Free City. So, she’s, like, in the game, trying to get secrets from people, and she meets Guy, played by Ryan Reynolds, who is a non-playable character but somehow has started playing the game and racking up points. And everyone’s like, “Who is Guy? What is he doing?” And then… I shouldn’t ruin the movie, should I?

 

[00:02:12] Sasheer: I mean, it’s been out for a while.

 

[00:02:14] Nicole: So, then we find out that he is an AI and he’s become sentient or whatever and is, like, making choices on his own. And so are a bunch of other non-playable characters in the movie. And then they have to defeat Taika Waititi. And then their game lives on or whatever. But the most interesting thing about it is the woman who designed the game falls in love with Guy. And I was like, “Guy likes all the same things she likes because it was written by her partner who wrote Guy as a love letter to her. But then she falls in love with the love letter to her. So, you essentially fell in love with yourself.” And that’s the big revelation that I had.

 

[00:02:54] Sasheer: But aren’t we attracted to people who like the same stuff? Not exactly. But yeah, you have things in common. I don’t even know what app it was on, but my partner and I are 74% similar, which seems really good.

 

[00:03:09] Nicole: Yeah.

 

[00:03:14] Sasheer: Seems like it’s not too similar. It’s not 100% because then, you know, there’d be no surprises. But it’s not, like, 25%, where it’s like, “Do we even have anything to talk about?”

 

[00:03:29] Nicole: Yeah, I mean, you do follow people who like the same things as you, but it was just, like, a lot of the same thing. And then you find out it was written for her about her. That’s wild to me. That’s very funny. But I guess I would fall in love with a version of myself. I like me. But, yeah, I sent you several messages about this movie because I was watching it and I was like, “Oh my God.”

 

[00:04:00] Sasheer: I really enjoyed it. Just these unexpected messages about Free Guy.

 

[00:04:09] Nicole: It’s funny because sometimes people will tweet at me like, “You’re my best friend in my head!” I’m like, “You have no idea what being my best friend entails. You have no idea of the types of messages you would get.” I think most people would hate it. They’d be like, “Why is she talking about Free Guy? Who cares about this movie?”

 

[00:04:25] Sasheer: I was like, “All right, let’s actually analyze this. Why does she fall in love with herself?”

 

[00:04:34] Nicole: And that’s why I appreciate you–because this went back and forth, like, three or four times. And we still don’t have an answer but that’s okay.

 

[00:04:44] Sasheer: But once I watch it again, I’ll have more insight.

 

[00:04:47] Nicole: Also–I think I’ve told you this–there’s so many, like, fun people in the movie that you don’t expect. Tina Fey is in the movie. Hugh Jackman’s in the movie.

 

[00:04:57] Sasheer: Oh, wait. Their voices?

 

[00:05:00] Nicole: Hugh Jackman’s voice, yes. But it’s presented as him, as a person in the game. And Tina Fey’s voice is the mom of Channing Tatum’s character’s player.

 

[00:05:13] Sasheer: I’ve really got to rewatch this because I do not remember any of this.

 

[00:05:18] Nicole: Chris Evans is also in it!

 

[00:05:20] Sasheer: Do not remember.

 

[00:05:22] Nicole: At the end.

 

[00:05:24] Sasheer: Was he, like, at the coffee shop or something?

 

[00:05:27] Nicole: No. Something happens with Marvel, and then he’s watching the game being played and he’s like, “Really?”

 

[00:05:35] Sasheer: Oh.

 

[00:05:40] Nicole: I love this movie. I wish I could go back in time. Oh my God, If I had a time machine, I would go back in time and try to get in that movie.

 

[00:05:57] Sasheer: Like, as an actor. Not in the video game.

 

[00:06:03] Nicole: Oh, no. I wouldn’t want to get in the video game. A video game is not real. I want to get in the movie.

 

[00:06:08] Sasheer: Because that’s real.

 

[00:06:08] Nicole: And I could be a non-playable character in the movie. That’s fine. Or I could be anything. I don’t know. But I would go back in time and weasel my way into that movie so then I could watch it now and be like, “I’m in it!”

 

[00:06:26] Sasheer: But I wonder if you would still enjoy it as much if you were in it because you would know all the background stuff. You would know how the sausage was made, you know?

 

[00:06:37] Nicole: Oh no… Maybe I wouldn’t enjoy it as much.

 

[00:06:43] Sasheer: Uh oh.

 

[00:06:48] Nicole: Oh… Oh, God. And I’d have all the memories and stuff of making it. But maybe I’ll, like, hit my head a bunch so I forget.

 

[00:06:56] Sasheer: Or just maybe that’s the way it is now–that you’re not in it and you get to enjoy it as much as you want.

 

[00:07:02] Nicole: But if I have a time machine… I gotta figure out where I’m going, and I want to go to Free Guy Productions.

 

[00:07:13] Sasheer: “Free Guy Productions.”

 

[00:07:15] Nicole: The time machine is like, “What are you talking about?” I’m like, “Free Guy production time. I don’t know what year they started. You figure it out.” Oh, God. I keep picking the dumbest places to go in my time machine. I think I wanted to go in the future to see if I was married. And then I wanted to go back in time to go to Free Guy production. I have yet to see anything of value with time travel.

 

[00:07:39] Sasheer: Yeah. So far, nothing that impacts society at all.

 

[00:07:42] Nicole: No.

 

[00:07:44] Sasheer: But that’s okay.

 

[00:07:46] Nicole: But, like, okay. I feel like I’ve asked you where you’re going. I feel like you said something good.

 

[00:07:53] Sasheer: Not in the past. I’d rather go to the future.

 

[00:07:57] Nicole: Yeah, me too. How many years in the future would you go?

 

[00:08:00] Sasheer: Maybe, like, 60 years.

 

[00:08:06] Nicole: 60 years?

 

[00:08:08] Sasheer: Because maybe I would still understand what was happening a little bit, but it is more advanced and hopefully there’s some real change. But, yeah, I wouldn’t want to do, like, hundreds or thousands of years. Things might be so different that I wouldn’t know how to be in the world. Does that make sense?

 

[00:08:28] Nicole: Oh, I didn’t even think of that. Yeah. When you are time traveling alone, you have to think about “If I go too far, there’s going to be things I just don’t understand.”

 

[00:08:41] Sasheer: There’s already things I don’t understand.

 

[00:08:42] Nicole: Like what?

 

[00:08:45] Sasheer: Like TikTok.

 

[00:08:48] Nicole: TikTok is hard.

 

[00:08:50] Sasheer: It’s hard.

 

[00:08:50] Nicole: It’s complicated.

 

[00:08:54] Sasheer: Some stuff on my iPhone I don’t understand

 

[00:08:57] Nicole: I don’t understand most stuff on my iPhone.

 

[00:08:59] Sasheer: Someone tried to show me how to share a location. I still don’t know how to do it.

 

[00:09:04] Nicole: Never heard of it. I’ll never tell you where I am because I don’t know how to.

 

[00:09:14] Sasheer: “Stop being so private? I just don’t know how.”

 

[00:09:17] Nicole: I’m not mysterious. I’m an idiot.

 

[00:09:25] Sasheer: Have you heard of… I think it’s a “legacy contact”? Or something like that. It’s where if you die you can… Well, before you die, you can make someone a legacy contact. And that person can have access to everything on your phone or everything in the cloud if you want them to. You have to sign off on it. And so, when you pass, that person will be like, “Okay, here’s their records and their passwords and all their info and stuff that might be important.”

 

[00:10:02] Nicole: That’s honestly a good idea because all of our lives are just stuck in our phones.

 

[00:10:06] Sasheer: This is true.

 

[00:10:08] Nicole: Wild. How truly wild. Well, how do you set it up? Do I got to get in my phone and be like, “Legacy”?

 

[00:10:17] Sasheer: You know, I didn’t do research on it, but…

 

[00:10:21] Nicole: And that’s okay.

 

[00:10:22] Sasheer: But someone told me about it. I was like, “Interesting.” And then that was the end of it.

 

[00:10:27] Nicole: And that was it! I got to say, I do love that they call it a “legacy” because a lot of people aren’t leaving a legacy. You know, a lot of people are just leaving this earth, and it’s fine, you know? And I love that we’re just like, “Legacy!” Throwing that word around.

 

[00:10:45] Sasheer: Yeah, the legacy I’m leaving behind is a lot of, like, silly drafts of jokes. Memes.

 

[00:10:54] Nicole: Ooh. Jordan knows how to do it.

 

[00:10:56] Sasheer: Okay, you go to Settings, tap your name, Password and Security, and then there’s Legacy Contact. That’s actually fewer steps than I thought.

 

[00:11:05] Nicole: Dang. Very easy. Maybe I’ll set you as my legacy contact.

 

[00:11:09] Sasheer: Really? I’ll set you as my contact.

 

[00:11:13] Nicole: Oh my God. Really? I wasn’t expecting it in return! That’s so nice! Yes! Okay, I will do it. I will take all of the responsibility. I will spread the news of your legacy.

 

[00:11:30] Sasheer: Spread my legacy far and wide.

 

[00:11:35] Nicole: You know what’s interesting? Say you time traveled into the future from, like, 15 years ago and you got to now, I would be so confused as to why some stores don’t take cash. I’d be like, “Wait, what?” Because I live in now; I live right now. And I try to give people cash, and they go, “We don’t take that here.” And I’m like, “But it’s money.”

 

[00:11:58] Sasheer: Yeah, it’s strange.

 

[00:12:00] Nicole: Why? I truly don’t think it should be legal. It’s classist. What if you don’t have a bank account with a debit card?

 

[00:12:08] Sasheer: These are all great points.

 

[00:12:11] Nicole: You know? What if a friend without a bank account is trying to get some tender greens? That was my first interaction with “we don’t take cash.” And I was like, “What?”

 

[00:12:23] Sasheer: Yeah, it is strange that they’re not thinking about people without bank accounts.

 

[00:12:28] Nicole: No. And it’s so rude.

 

[00:12:29] Sasheer: So rude. And you can’t even open a Venmo account without a bank account either.

 

[00:12:35] Nicole: Really? Oh, yeah because I guess it links to your bank account. Yeah, I guess if you don’t have a bank account, you’re kind of fucked.

 

[00:12:44] Sasheer: “You are fucked, dude.”

 

[00:12:45] Nicole: You got to go to McDonald’s. They still take cash.

 

[00:12:53] Sasheer: The only place. McDonald’s is the last place that takes cash.

 

[00:12:54] Nicole: You can’t even go to Burger King. You got to go to McDonald’s. I just thought about grocery shopping at McDonald’s, and there’s no way to, like, reheat those burgers.

 

[00:13:05] Sasheer:  I wouldn’t advise it, no.

 

[00:13:08] Nicole: Ooh, I wonder if you could do it in an air fryer.

 

[00:13:10] Sasheer: Maybe.

 

[00:13:13] Nicole: I mean, air fryers–the way I see them on videos aggregated from TikTok onto Instagram–it feels like air fryers are this, like, magical thing that makes every food taste the way it’s supposed to be when you reheat it.

 

[00:13:31] Sasheer: It does feel that way. Yes. Do you have an air fryer?

 

[00:13:36] Nicole: I do. It’s big. She is cumbersome.

 

[00:13:39] Sasheer: Have you used it?

 

[00:13:39] Nicole: But she does make good frenchies.

 

[00:13:41] Sasheer: Oh, you make frenchies from scratch?

 

[00:13:44] Nicole: No! Are you kidding? French fries from scratch? You think I have time to wash a potato, peel a potato, cut a potato, soak a potato, whatever you gotta do to the potato, put it in the air fryer to cook the potato? No! I got Ore-Ida!

 

[00:13:59] Sasheer: “Ore-Ida!”

 

[00:13:59] Nicole: I think that’s what the company is called.

 

[00:14:07] Sasheer: I think you’re right.

 

[00:14:09] Nicole: Ore-Ida? Ore-Ita?

 

[00:14:10] Sasheer: Flo Rida?

 

[00:14:12] Nicole: Flo Milli? Whatever those frenchies are, I threw them frozen in my pre-heated air fryer, fried them up for, like, six to eight minutes. And they were pretty fucking tasty and crunchy.

 

[00:14:26] Sasheer: Well, well, well…

 

[00:14:29] Nicole: Yeah. What have you made in your air fryer?

 

[00:14:33] Sasheer: You know, I didn’t make anything. But people have made broccoli, brussels sprouts, salmon one time–it was very good–hash browns… I can’t remember what else. But yeah, a lot of stuff.

 

[00:14:57] Nicole: John Milhiser once made hash browns that were so good. I was like, “How did you do this?” And he’s like, “Nicole, I shredded potatoes, and then I fried them.” And I was like, “Yum. But, like, these taste like they’re from a fucking restaurant.” And he was like, “It’s not hard.” And then he walked me through how to do it, and it wasn’t that hard. But I’ll never do it again.

 

[00:15:21] Sasheer: Don’t you need, like, a lot of oil?

 

[00:15:23] Nicole: Yeah, it was pretty oily. Yeah, because you got to, like, deep fry them kind of or whatever. I don’t know, cooking is just, like, hard.

 

[00:15:36] Sasheer: It’s hard.

 

[00:15:36] Nicole: I got to clean it all up and shit.

 

[00:15:39] Sasheer: No thanks. I don’t get joy from it.

 

[00:15:42] Nicole: I don’t get joy from it either. And I just broke my nail in my refrigerator. So now I’m like, “I don’t want to be in the kitchen. This kitchen attacked me. I’m mad that you attacked me.” I’m furious at the kitchen. It doesn’t hurt that much anymore. But I have to go through the… It’s the same nail that I broke when we went to Mexico.

 

[00:16:08] Sasheer: Oh, goodness. This poor nail!

 

[00:16:11] Nicole: I know. We’ve got to get rid of it. We gotta throw it away. But I’m going to have to, like, take the acrylic off. Oh, God. I’m not excited about it.

 

[00:16:23] Sasheer: Do you go to a salon to do this? Or are you doing it at home?

 

[00:16:26] Nicole: No, I can do it at home. For the most part, I think I can. I didn’t even let them grow out that long. So, like, the issue–my nails will crack horizontally if I let them grow out too long. And I don’t know why. But, like, I don’t know, it’s just two weeks. It’s not that bad. But now I’m just, like, on my calendar. Every two weeks I have to go because–don’t even think about it–I’m not getting rid of my fake nails. It’s just, like, not going to happen. I’d rather live in pain and misery and have my nails. Actually, no, I don’t want to live in pain of misery; I don’t want that to the heavens. I just want them to be fine and good all the time. Anyway, yeah, I could do it myself. It’s not that hard.

 

[00:17:07] Sasheer: Do you think maybe, like… Like, why are your nails–? I mean, I know you’re, like, literally hitting the nail. But do you think that maybe the acrylics are making the actual nail weaker?

 

[00:17:21] Nicole: Yeah, probably. Yeah. They’re, like, filing them down and putting an unnatural thing on top.

 

[00:17:26] Sasheer: Yeah. What if you, like, gave him a break for a little bit?

 

[00:17:31] Nicole: Oh, no. No, look. They look so good.

 

[00:17:34] Sasheer: They do look great. But maybe, like, you alternate. Like, for two weeks or–I don’t know–a month you have them, and maybe, like, a couple of weeks you don’t have them?

 

[00:17:43] Nicole: No.

 

[00:17:44] Sasheer: Okay.

 

[00:17:45] Nicole: But thank you for your interest in what happened. I just really gotta be more careful about not shutting my fingers in fucking refrigerator doors.

 

[00:18:00] Sasheer: Yeah.

 

[00:18:01] Nicole: Because this would’ve hurt my finger whether I had nails or not.

 

[00:18:04] Sasheer: This is true.

 

[00:18:05] Nicole: Oh, Lord Jesus. Life is hard. And that’s all I got to say about that. Life is hard, baby.

 

[00:18:12] Sasheer: But also, life is good. So, the rental house that I’m in has this corny stuff all over. There’s coffee mugs that are like, “Don’t drink me– Don’t talk to me till I have my coffee,” or whatever. And it’s, like, a bunch of stuff from Target or something. And there are these baskets in the closet in the bedroom that say, “Live, love, laugh.” And they make me so mad because it’s “live, laugh, love.” That’s usually what people say. “Live, laugh, love.” But they put “live, love, laugh.” And I think maybe it is, like, one on top of the other, so they wanted “laugh” on the bottom because it has the most letters. But it just is not how people say it. And it infuriates me.

 

[00:19:28] Nicole: Can you turn this basket around?

 

[00:19:31] Sasheer: I can, but I still know. I still know the truth.

 

[00:19:37] Nicole: I mean, it is “live, laugh, love.” Like, I don’t know why you’d, like…

 

[00:19:41] Sasheer: Why would you change it?

 

[00:19:43] Nicole: Why would you differ from what we all know?

 

[00:19:46] Sasheer: As if I’d never heard that thing.

 

[00:19:48] Nicole: Maybe “live, life, love” is trying to rebrand to “live, love, laugh.”

 

[00:19:54] Sasheer: They shouldn’t. It doesn’t sound right. “Live, love, laugh?”

 

[00:19:58] Nicole: Yeah, because you should laugh before you love.

 

[00:20:00] Sasheer: You gotta! You gotta fall in love with someone you’ll laugh with.

 

[00:20:05] Nicole: You don’t fall in love then laugh. That’s insane. Truly wild.

 

[00:20:09] Sasheer: Unhinged.

 

[00:20:10] Nicole: Fully unhinged. Sick, if you will. I can’t believe it. I’m like, “Who sold that to the owners of this home?” Not a Marshall’s. Not a TJ Maxx.

 

[00:20:22] Sasheer: No, they would never!

 

[00:20:24] Nicole: No. I wonder if they went to a Ross. I feel like a Ross wouldn’t do that! Not a Target. Maybe Walmart.

 

[00:20:31] Sasheer: Could be Walmart. They don’t care.

 

[00:20:33] Nicole: Walmart is lawless. Walmart don’t give a fuck.

 

[00:20:39] Sasheer: They don’t give a fuck.

 

[00:20:42] Nicole: Were you a Walmart girl growing up or a Target girl?

 

[00:20:46] Sasheer: I was a Walmart girl because it was right next to a movie theater and also next to a CiCi’s Pizza, which was a pizza buffet restaurant. So, my friends would go watch a movie, get some pizza at CiCi’s, and then we’d walk around Walmart. It was 24 hours, so we’d just, like, walk around and, like, play with stuff. We didn’t steal anything. We would just, like, try stuff on and put it back. Wait for our parents to pick us up.

 

[00:21:22] Nicole: Jordan, were you a Walmart girl or a Target girl?

 

[00:21:25] Jordan: My dad hates Walmart, so I was the Target girl. But to be fair, I was also more of a Kmart, Sears, JCPenney girl, so…

 

[00:21:36] Nicole: So, I was a Kmart girl. And then we also had this store called Bradlees that nobody has ever heard of. But it’s an East Coast thing. I loved Bradlees. They had such a good clothing section. And then Bradlees closed, and then we became a Target family.

 

[00:21:57] Sasheer: Target has good stuff.

 

[00:22:00] Nicole: Target has great stuff! I mean, after the dentist, I’m, you know, a Xanax down and walking around Target, having a nice time. And I buy everything you could fathom. Candles, books. I buy so many books at Target. My favorite jeans are from Target.

 

[00:22:19] Sasheer: Ohh! I just got a bunch of swimsuits from Target.

 

[00:22:23] Nicole: I got a bunch of toilet paper from Target because I got a gift card because I famously do not buy toilet paper. But I got a gift card to Target. So, I was like, “That’s not my money.” So technically I’m not actually buying with my money because it was a gift. And I did not anticipate how much toilet paper you get for $200.

 

[00:22:47] Sasheer: How much toilet paper is that?

 

[00:22:50] Nicole: I can’t remember how many rolls it is, but it’s so much. It’s in every cabinet of my house. It is wild. I did bad. Some of it’s in my basement. I’ll never run out.

 

[00:23:02] Sasheer: There you go.

 

[00:23:03] Nicole: But it doesn’t stop me from taking toilet paper from venues that I’m at because the Target toilet paper may run out. And then what?

 

[00:23:13] Sasheer: Oh, we don’t want to find out.

 

[00:23:15] Nicole: No egg on my face on the toilet.

 

[00:23:18] Sasheer: Egg on your face on the toilet? No, no.

 

[00:23:22] Nicole: Isn’t that the saying? Egg on your face?

 

[00:23:23] Sasheer: Yeah, it is.

 

[00:23:25] Nicole: Okay, good. I’m glad I got it right.

 

[00:23:27] Sasheer: I don’t know why it’s the saying. I don’t know what scenario you would be in where egg would be on your face.

 

[00:23:33] Nicole: If you’re collecting eggs from the hens and one gets mad at you and launches one in your face, you’re like, “Oh my God, I’m so embarrassed. Egg on my face.” Jordan, do you mind looking up where that saying comes from?

 

[00:23:47] Sasheer: She’s on it.

 

[00:23:48] Nicole: Imagine a chicken got so mad at you and threw an egg at you. That would be so funny. Okay. “This expression first appeared in the mid 20th century America. It quickly made its way into British parlan–” What is that word?

 

[00:24:04] Sasheer: “Parlance.”

 

[00:24:06] Nicole: Okay. “The exact origin is unclear.”

 

[00:24:09] Sasheer: “Some speculate that it might come from eating eggs and having some of the food stuck on one’s face in an embarrassing way.” I don’t know. It feels like there’s more to this.

 

[00:24:20] Nicole: Interesting. Yeah, I feel like maybe it comes from a performance where you do bad and people throw eggs at you.

 

[00:24:28] Sasheer: Maybe.

 

[00:24:29] Nicole: Ah, there we go. “The phrase ‘egg on one’s face’ is an American idiom. Though the origins are murky, one possible source goes back to popular theater during the 1800s and early 1900s. Subpar actors would often be pelted with rotten vegetables and eggs, and they would get egg on their face.” How funny. How funny! “Babe, do you want to go to the theater tonight?”

 

[00:24:52] Sasheer: “Make sure you bring all our rotten vegetables.”

 

[00:24:55] Nicole: “Yeah, Let’s bring all our trash. That guy still in the show that we don’t like? Let’s throw shit at him.”

 

[00:25:03] Sasheer: How interesting. Yeah, they would have to bring that stuff to the theater. That’s so ruthless.

 

[00:25:07] Nicole: I don’t want to live back then. Like, that’s unhinged. What a horrible, horrible thing to do. Like, you’re like, “I did it. Mom, come see me in the play. I got the part I wanted. We’ve been workshopping for weeks. I’m so excited. Fucking William Shakespeare handpicked me.” And then you fucking go to perform, and people throw shit at you? Not in my America.

 

[00:25:36] Jordan: Can you imagine the security back then? Like, today, you go to the theater, and people have to check your bag to see if there’s any weapons. But back then, can you imagine, like, “Ma’am, this is your fifth time at the theater, and you always have rotten tomatoes with you. You can’t bring these in.”

 

[00:25:53] Nicole: Yeah, that would be very funny. “Ma’am, you have to bring these home.”

 

[00:25:58] Sasheer: But I also feel like throwing tomatoes would be so fun that regardless of the performance, he would just do it anyway. I think they would just want to throw it. They wouldn’t be discerning and be like, “Well, that was actually a really good performance, so I will take my tomatoes home.”

 

[00:26:18] Jordan: They’re, like, the only one in the audience just throwing the tomatoes. They’re like, “Actually, it’s really good. I just really wanted to throw these at people.”

 

[00:26:24] Sasheer: “I can’t bring them with me. I gotta leave them here.”

 

[00:26:28] Nicole: “I can’t bring these back home. Sorry!” But, like, I would maybe quit acting if someone threw something at me. Oh my God. I sent you a video of those girls. They had a song in, like, the early ’90s, like, “U.G.L.Y. You ugly. Yeah, yeah. You ugly.” They went to, like, some festival where people threw, like, bottles and cans. And someone threw a wheelchair at them. And one of the girls is quoted being like, “Someone hated us so much that they lost their mobility.”

 

[00:27:00] Sasheer: That is really funny.

 

[00:27:09] Nicole: Imagine throwing your wheelchair on stage and then being like, “All right, you going to carry me home?”

 

[00:27:13] Sasheer: Yeah. Like, “Oh, I just can’t go home now. Someone has to literally carry me.”

 

[00:27:18] Nicole: “Someone has to throw my wheelchair back at me.”

 

[00:27:22] Sasheer: It was Daphne and Celeste.

 

[00:27:24] Nicole: Yes. I think they should make a comeback. I like that song.

 

[00:27:28] Sasheer: Yeah, they seemed fun. Apparently, they were just trolls. They were trolling everyone, and everyone hated them. I love it. They’d do very well today.

 

[00:27:42] Nicole: I think so. Bring them back. Who do we speak to? Biden? Wake up, Joe Biden. We want them to come back. Celeste and Daphne. Wake up, Joe! I recently just watched a video of Joe Biden with a turkey, where he was talking and then put the microphone in front of the turkey’s mouth.

 

[00:28:06] Sasheer: Oh no.

 

[00:28:08] Nicole: And I was like, “Is this a joke? Or does Joe Biden really think those turkeys would talk to him?” And I really think we need term limits on age. He’s too old.

 

[00:28:19] Sasheer: Yes.

 

[00:28:21] Nicole: All of these men are too fucking old. He’s what, 110? That’s too old. He lived through the medieval times. He’s too old.

 

[00:28:34] Sasheer: He doesn’t even need a time machine. He can just think about his memories.

 

[00:28:38] Nicole: His memory bank is a time machine because he’s so fucking old. Ooh wee. We let him have it!

 

[00:29:02] Sasheer: Should we do a quiz?

 

[00:29:08] Nicole: Yeah, let’s do a quiz. You pick one. Have we done this one? “Science Says There Are 6 Types Of Friendship — Which One Is Yours?” Did we do that one? No? I don’t think so.

 

[00:29:16] Nicole: I don’t think so.

 

[00:29:18] Sasheer: Let’s see what science says about our friendship.

 

[00:29:19] Nicole: “I ain’t never heard of it. I’d love to hear what science says.”

 

[00:29:25] Sasheer: “I’d love to hear what science says.”

 

[00:29:27] Nicole: “Come on, science. Let’s get sickening.”

 

[00:29:31] Nicole: Okay. “How many people are in your friend group, including yourself?”

 

[00:29:37] Sasheer: “Just me and my BFF.”

 

[00:29:40] Nicole: “Three.”

 

[00:29:40] Sasheer: “Four.”

 

[00:29:42] Nicole: “Five to seven.”

 

[00:29:42] Sasheer: “Eight to ten”?

 

[00:29:45] Nicole: “11+”?

 

[00:29:45] Sasheer: Oh boy.

 

[00:29:47] Nicole: Well, okay. This is a tough question for me. I have several different friend groups.

 

[00:29:51] Sasheer: Same, I think your best friend group, I guess?

 

[00:29:54] Nicole: My best friend group? But, like, they’re different. Like, if we’re rating… Okay, so if this is, like, Myspace days, you’d be my number one.

 

[00:30:03] Sasheer: Oh, thank God.

 

[00:30:04] Nicole: And then I do have, like, a top eight, including myself. I’m going to say, “Five to seven.”

 

[00:30:14] Sasheer: Okay. Well, I was going to say, “Just me and my BFF, but I guess you have a lot more friends than me.”

 

[00:30:21] Nicole: You have other BFFs.

 

[00:30:23] Sasheer: Yeah, but they’re not in a group. You’re the group.

 

[00:30:26] Nicole: Okay. Fine.

 

[00:30:28] Sasheer: No. No.

 

[00:30:28] Nicole: I mean, technically, yes, you’re a group.

 

[00:30:30] Sasheer: No, no, it’s fine. You can have five to seven. It’s fine.

 

[00:30:33] Nicole: Oh my God. But maybe that’s too many because I’m trying to think of who I would have in my bridal party. Yeah, I think five to seven. Yeah.

 

[00:30:43] Sasheer: Wow. All right. “How often do you talk?”

 

[00:30:47] Nicole: “Every day.”

 

[00:30:49] Sasheer: “Every few days.”

 

[00:30:51] Nicole: “At least once a week.”

 

[00:30:52] Sasheer: “At least once a month.”

 

[00:30:54] Nicole: “We talk sporadically.”

 

[00:30:56] Sasheer: “Once every few months.”

 

[00:30:58] Nicole: Okay, so I did this wrong because I don’t talk to my bridal party. Okay, so maybe I should just focus on our best friendship, which is just me and you.

 

[00:31:11] Sasheer: It would be nice.

 

[00:31:13] Nicole: Okay. So, can we go back? Okay. Perfect. I’ve been bullied. So, I would say, “Every day.”

 

[00:31:24] Sasheer: Same. “Every day.” Unless you’re talking to one of your other best friends. I don’t know.

 

[00:31:32] Nicole: “Do you and your BFFs have a name for your friend group?” Okay, you know what? I understand this now. This isn’t, like, all of my friend groups. This is one friend group that I have to pick. And I picked you because this is what our podcast is about. Okay. So, I retract that I was bullied. I simply didn’t understand because I am an idiot.

 

[00:31:57] Sasheer: No, you’re not an idiot.

 

[00:31:58] Nicole: Thank you. That was a test to see if my best friend would stick up for me.

 

[00:32:10] Sasheer: Okay. Yes. Do we have a name for a group?

 

[00:32:14] Nicole: “No.”

 

[00:32:15] Sasheer: “Something simple ‘squad.’”

 

[00:32:18] Nicole: Ew. If you ever, ever rolled up to my house and I got in the car and you were like, “Squad assembled!” I would get out of the car. I might get back in, but I would definitely get out of the car and be like, “What?” “Yes, it’s all of our names combined.”

 

[00:32:39] Sasheer: “It’s an inside joke.”

 

[00:32:41] Nicole: “Yes, we have multiple names.”

 

[00:32:43] Sasheer: “We’ve had, like, 65 different names at this point.”

 

[00:32:47] Nicole: I don’t think any of my friendships have a name.

 

[00:32:50] Sasheer: No. Not as an adult, no.

 

[00:32:54] Nicole: No. Yeah, as a kid, maybe. But I’m a grown ass woman.

 

[00:32:58] Sasheer: What would ours be?

 

[00:33:03] Nicole: “Sacole.” “Nisheer.”

 

[00:33:03] Sasheer: Or maybe, like, “The Flock.”

 

[00:33:12] Nicole: The Flock? “The Flock has landed!” And everyone turns around and they’re like, “Oh, it’s just two people.”

 

[00:33:21] Sasheer: Because we love birds.

 

[00:33:25] Nicole: We do love birds.

 

[00:33:27] Sasheer:  I don’t know.

 

[00:33:30] Nicole: Okay. The flock of birds. I won’t shoot it down. That’s good. Two little birdies?

 

[00:33:38] Sasheer:  Two turtle doves.

 

[00:33:42] Nicole: Two turtle doves. Ooh, what is that song? “Blackbird”?

 

[00:33:49] Sasheer: “Singing in the dead of night”? That one?

 

[00:33:51] Nicole: “Blackbirds!”

 

[00:33:52] Sasheer: That did not make it clear.

 

[00:33:59] Nicole: “Blackbird!”

 

[00:34:02] Jordan: Oh! Oh, I know!

 

[00:34:04] Nicole: It’s a song! It’s like, “Blackbird!” And it’s soulful kind of. And it’s a woman singing it.

 

[00:34:19] Jordan: I don’t know if it’s “blackbird.” “Black velvet!”

 

[00:34:23] Nicole: Oh!

 

[00:34:25] Sasheer: “Black velvet!” That one?

 

[00:34:28] Nicole: Yes. Yep. Can you play it?

 

[00:34:34] Jordan: Yeah.

 

[00:34:35] Nicole:  Please.

 

[00:34:36] Jordan: Let me just see if this is the right song.

 

[00:34:39] Nicole: I can’t believe I thought they were saying “blackbird” this whole time.

 

[00:34:42] Sasheer: It’s not even the same amount of syllables.

 

[00:34:44] Nicole: This is the song I was thinking of. And I can’t believe they’re not saying, “Blackbird!”

 

[00:34:48] Alannah Myles: Always wanting more, he’d leave you longing for/ Black velvet and that little boy’s smile/ Black velvet with that slow southern style

 

[00:35:07] Nicole: What does she say in the first–? It’s “black velvet.” Because here’s what I thought it was: “Blackbird and the lady boy’s smile.

 

[00:35:16] Sasheer: “The lady boy’s smile”?

 

[00:35:18] Nicole: That’s what I hear.

 

[00:35:21] Sasheer: I thought it was maybe “little boy’s smile.”

 

[00:35:27] Nicole: And that wasn’t Stevie Nicks?

 

[00:35:31] Jordan: That was not Stevie Nicks.

 

[00:35:32] Sasheer: Alannah Myles.

 

[00:35:40] Nicole: I thought that was Stevie Nicks singing and then I saw a different name. I can’t believe how wildly I fucked these lyrics up.

 

[00:35:50] Jordan: So, if you rewrote it, it would be: “Blackbird and that little boy’s smile. Blackbird with that slow Southern style. A new religion that’ll bring you to your knees. Blackbird, if you please. ” That’s your version?

 

[00:36:06] Nicole: It is.

 

[00:36:08] Sasheer: Wow.

 

[00:36:10] Nicole: Sasheer, do you think you would have ever gotten there and figured out that was the song I was talking about?

 

[00:36:14] Sasheer: Nope. I was still convinced you were singing The Beatles version of Blackbird.

 

[00:36:25] Nicole: How does that go?

 

[00:36:27] Sasheer: “Blackbird singing in the dead of night. Take broken wings and learn to fly.”

 

[00:36:34] Nicole: I’ve never heard that. Oh, I have heard that.

 

[00:36:40] Paul McCartney: Blackbird singing in the dead of night. Take these broken wings and learn to fly. All your life.

 

[00:36:51] Nicole: Well, that’s, like, setting people up for a disaster. “Take these broken wings and learn how to fly”?

 

[00:36:57] Sasheer: Interesting, yeah.

 

[00:36:59] Nicole: Rude.

 

[00:37:00] Sasheer: How are you supposed to fly with a broken wing?

 

[00:37:02] Nicole: Yeah, but to answer the question, our friend group doesn’t have a name.

 

[00:37:06] Sasheer: Oh, yeah. No.

 

[00:37:12] Nicole: Okay.

 

[00:37:13] Sasheer: “Where do you hang out?”

 

[00:37:17] Nicole: “At school.”

 

[00:37:17] Sasheer: “At one of our houses.”

 

[00:37:20] Nicole: “Just online.”

 

[00:37:20] Sasheer: “At work.”

 

[00:37:22] Nicole: “At a bar or restaurant.”

 

[00:37:24] Sasheer: “Any and everywhere, to be honest.”

 

[00:37:29] Nicole: I’m going to say, “At school.” I’m kidding. I’m gonna say, “Anywhere and everywhere, to be honest.”

 

[00:37:34] Sasheer: I was going to say, “At one of our houses.” We do also meet at restaurants and bars.

 

[00:37:40] Nicole: We do. We go “everywhere and anywhere, to be honest.”

 

[00:37:47] Sasheer: “To be honest.”

 

[00:37:49] Nicole: “Just to be honest.”

 

[00:37:55] Sasheer: I’m going to say, “At a bar or restaurant.”

 

[00:38:01] Nicole: We do love to eat.

 

[00:38:03] Sasheer: “Which of these words most closely fits the vibe of your friend group?”

 

[00:38:10] Nicole: “Funny.”

 

[00:38:11] Sasheer: “Lifelong.”

 

[00:38:13] Nicole: “Supportive.”

 

[00:38:14] Sasheer: “Casual.”

 

[00:38:15] Nicole: “Family.”

 

[00:38:16] Sasheer: “Iconic.”

 

[00:38:17] Nicole: Wow.

 

[00:38:19] Sasheer: An “iconic” friendship.

 

[00:38:23] Nicole: “Our friendship is truly iconic.” I would pick “Family.” I would pick “Supportive.” I would pick “Lifelong.” I would pick “Funny.” And also “Iconic.” But if I had to pick one, I’m going to say… “Lifelong.”

 

[00:38:40] Sasheer: Yeah. I’m going to say “lifelong,” too.

 

[00:38:48] Nicole: Good. Because, like, if our friendship stops, I don’t know what I’ll do. “One of your friends just recently had a bad breakup. What do you do?”

 

[00:38:58] Sasheer: “Call or text to see if they’re okay.”

 

[00:39:01] Nicole: “Order them takeout for dinner.”

 

[00:39:03] Sasheer: “Invite them to a party or club.”

 

[00:39:06] Nicole: “Show up at their home with ice cream.”

 

[00:39:08] Sasheer: “Make the perfect breakup playlist.”

 

[00:39:12] Nicole: “Devise a plan to get back at their ex for hurting them.”

 

[00:39:15] Sasheer: I mean, you would do that. You wouldn’t execute it, but you would make a plan.

 

[00:39:19] Nicole: No, but I’d have a plan in hand. So that’s my answer. I would definitely devise a plan to get back at them for hurting them. Imagine me–Nicole Byer–finally gets into a relationship. It’s been years in the making. And then they go, “Fuck you, bitch! I hate you!” And then they throw all my stuff out of my own home. In the street! And then they drive away with tires screeching. And I call you, sobbing. I say, “Sasheer! He threw my stuff out of my own house and took off, screeching!” What would you do?

 

[00:40:00] Sasheer: I would devise a plan to get back at them.

 

[00:40:03] Nicole: Hell, yeah. Okay. What if they softly break up with me and they’re just like, “Hey, this isn’t working,” and I call you, and I’m like, “Sasheer, they said it wasn’t working”?

 

[00:40:14] Sasheer: Then I would call or text to see if you’re… No, I would show up at your home.

 

[00:40:19] Nicole: Yes.

 

[00:40:20] Sasheer: With ice cream.

 

[00:40:22] Nicole: Yes. That’s nice because I know how much you don’t like cold things.

 

[00:40:27] Sasheer: I know, but I would get it for you.

 

[00:40:30] Nicole: That makes me happy.

 

[00:40:34] Sasheer: “Off the top of your head, do you know all of their birthdays?”

 

[00:40:39] Nicole: “No, I don’t.”

 

[00:40:41] Sasheer: “No, but they’re all on my calendar.”

 

[00:40:44] Nicole: “I know, like, half of them.”

 

[00:40:45] Sasheer: “I know most of them, I think.”

 

[00:40:48] Nicole: “Yes, 100%.”

 

[00:40:49] Sasheer: “I know everyone’s birth chart by heart.”

 

[00:40:53] Nicole: I don’t know your birth chart, but I know your birthday. And I know that you’re a Gemini.

 

[00:41:00] Sasheer: Are you talking to me?

 

[00:41:01] Nicole: You’re not a Gemini?

 

[00:41:05] Sasheer: No.

 

[00:41:07] Nicole: What are you? An Aries?

 

[00:41:11] Sasheer: Nicole!

 

[00:41:14] Nicole: Hello?

 

[00:41:14] Sasheer: What do you mean?

 

[00:41:15] Nicole: Sagittarius?

 

[00:41:16] Sasheer: What’s happening?

 

[00:41:22] Nicole: I guess I know your birthday.

 

[00:41:24] Sasheer: You have to know what sign I am. I have clues all over the place.

 

[00:41:32] Nicole: Well… Scorpio? Wait. How do I not know this? You’re not a German?

 

[00:41:39] Sasheer: No.

 

[00:41:41] Nicole: Oh. And you’re not Aries? And you’re not a Sagittarius? You’re definitely not a Virgo because that’s what I am. And you’re not a Leo. Cancer?

 

[00:41:56] Sasheer: No.

 

[00:41:57] Nicole: I said them all!

 

[00:41:58] Sasheer: You sure didn’t. Think about my living room when you enter my home.

 

[00:42:03] Nicole: Yes.

 

[00:42:05] Sasheer: Think about what’s on the walls.

 

[00:42:07] Nicole: A bull!

 

[00:42:08] Sasheer: Okay. Which is…?

 

[00:42:10] Nicole: The bull sign!

 

[00:42:11] Sasheer: And that is?

 

[00:42:13] Nicole: Bulls… Chicago Bulls.

 

[00:42:18] Sasheer: Taurus.

 

[00:42:18] Nicole: Oh my God. Wild. Wild. You’re a Taurus?

 

[00:42:26] Sasheer: Yes!

 

[00:42:29] Nicole: That’s crazy.

 

[00:42:30] Sasheer: We’ve done astrology readings on the show! I have a bull tattooed on my arm!

 

[00:42:39] Nicole: Yes, you do! And it’s not for the Chicago Bulls?

 

[00:42:47] Sasheer: No!

 

[00:42:53] Nicole: Wow. I can’t believe… Wait, do you know my sign?

 

[00:42:55] Sasheer: You’re a Virgo! A Virgo Virgo.

 

[00:42:59] Nicole: Oh, yeah, I am. Oh, okay. So, you are Taurus, Gemini Rising?

 

[00:43:03] Sasheer: Yes, I am a Gemini Rising. Yes.

 

[00:43:06] Nicole: See, I knew Gemini was in you.

 

[00:43:09] Sasheer: Sure.

 

[00:43:14] Nicole: Wow. I am humiliated.

 

[00:43:17] Sasheer: It’s okay.

 

[00:43:21] Nicole:  Do I even know you?

 

[00:43:23] Sasheer: I mean, I’m questioning everything. Okay. Oh, yeah. The question was: “Do we know whose birthday–?” “Yes, 100%.” But only the birthday. Not anything else.

 

[00:43:37] Nicole: Not anything else. I was trying to go for “I know everyone’s birth chart by heart.” But I sure don’t. So, I just have to go, “Yes, 100%.” I just know your birthday.

 

[00:43:49] Sasheer: “Which of the following sounds most like something you’d do together?”

 

[00:43:54] Nicole: “Have a sleepover.”

 

[00:43:55] Sasheer: “Go to a concert.”

 

[00:43:57] Nicole: “Have a six-hour phone conversation.”

 

[00:43:59] Sasheer: “Have a dinner party.”

 

[00:44:01] Nicole: “Go on a spontaneous road trip.”

 

[00:44:03] Sasheer: “Have a throwback movie marathon.”

 

[00:44:07] Nicole: Well, I feel like we’d have a six-hour phone conversation, but also, like, we’ll go to a concert and have sleepovers. But I guess the thing that we do the most, since we’ve been working, is six-hour phone conversations.

 

[00:44:19] Sasheer: Yeah, I agree. I would have a throwback movie marathon with you, but you won’t watch movies with me anymore.

 

[00:44:29] Nicole: What?

 

[00:44:31] Sasheer: You said you don’t want to show me movies anymore.

 

[00:44:35] Nicole: Oh. Just movies I love. I’ll show you any old movie, but not my, like… Like, I’m not going to show you Fast and the Furious 1… Or the rest of them. But we did see Hobbs and Shaw.

 

[00:44:50] Sasheer: And I loved it.

 

[00:44:51] Nicole: Yes. Okay. If they’re released in the theater, I’ll bring you. But I don’t think it’s for the home. I will not show you Sister Act, Ghost, My Cousin Vinny again, Curly Sue, or Death Becomes Her. Those I cannot show you. Or The Mummy.

 

[00:45:13] Sasheer: Okay.

 

[00:45:16] Nicole: “How deep do your conversations get?”

 

[00:45:19] Sasheer: “Pretty surface level.”

 

[00:45:22] Nicole: “We just send memes back and forth.”

 

[00:45:23] Sasheer: “We only have these conversations once in a while.”

 

[00:45:27] Nicole: “Pretty deep. We talk about very personal things.”

 

[00:45:29] Sasheer: “They know everything about me.”

 

[00:45:32] Nicole: “We have simultaneous existential crises a lot.” Boy, I’m having a tough time reading. “Extisential.” “Extisential.” Say it.

 

[00:45:43] Sasheer: “Exti–” Oh no.

 

[00:45:49] Nicole: Yes! Gotcha! Nobody can say it! Jordan?

 

[00:45:52] Jordan: “Existential.”

 

[00:45:53] Nicole: Okay. Showoff. I’d say, “Pretty deep. We talk about very personal things.”

 

[00:46:07] Sasheer: I don’t know everything about you?

 

[00:46:08] Nicole: You probably do know everything about me. Okay. “They know everything about me.”

 

[00:46:16] Sasheer: Yeah. “They know everything about me.” Except one thing.

 

[00:46:22] Nicole: Don’t you fucking dare do that. What don’t I know about you? Sasheer, if you’re hiding something from me. Imagine I got on a plane, and I was like, “Knock, knock, knock. What are you hiding from me?”

 

[00:46:37] Sasheer: Who’s to say?

 

[00:46:39] Nicole: I’d be so mad. Oh my God.

 

[00:46:43] Sasheer: I’m just kidding. You know everything.

 

[00:46:46] Nicole: Well, now, I’m, like, racking my brain. Like, what could I possibly not know about you? I know where you were born, even though you were trying to hide that. I know what year you actually moved to New York, even though you’re trying to lie about that. Okay. I think I know a lot.

 

[00:47:03] Sasheer: Yes.

 

[00:47:04] Nicole: I just named two things.

 

[00:47:05] Sasheer: That covers that.

 

[00:47:10] Nicole: “Two things. Yup, yup. That’s it.”

 

[00:47:15] Sasheer: No, you know everything.

 

[00:47:16] Nicole: Okay. I think you know everything, too. And then usually I’m like, “Oh, I have to tell her this because she doesn’t know this about me.” I can’t think of anything new except that my period now dribbles out of me.

 

[00:47:31] Sasheer: You know, I didn’t know that before. And thank you for telling me.

 

[00:47:35] Nicole: It’s because of the little rod in my arm. So, it’s not, like, a heavy flow. It just, like, dribbles for seven days. It’s wild. So now you know everything about me. Now you better give me one. Give me something! I gave you a good one.

 

[00:48:05] Sasheer: You did give me a good one. I’ve been hornier since I got off birth control.

 

[00:48:13] Nicole: Ohhh! Oh my God. What’s going to happen when I get off birth control? ‘Cause I’m pretty horny with it.

 

[00:48:22] Sasheer: But you weren’t on it before.

 

[00:48:25] Nicole: No, but I was hornier before. Well, I guess I’m the same amount of horny. But I wonder if I’m gonna get hornier if I ever get off of it.

 

[00:48:33] Sasheer: But I was honest since I was, like, 16. So it was, like, years of not knowing what it would be like without it. And then I got off it a couple years ago, and my body was like. “Hooo! We’re awake!”

 

[00:48:52] Nicole: Your body was like, “Wake me up!”

 

[00:48:55] Sasheer: “Wake me up!”

 

[00:48:55] Nicole: Remember when you sang that at karaoke and it was a crowd-pleasing favorite?

 

[00:49:06] Sasheer: Yes, that very much was. That’s a great karaoke song.

 

[00:49:12] Nicole: Oh boy. It really is. “How many pictures do you and your friends have together?”

 

[00:49:15] Sasheer: “None.”

 

[00:49:16] Nicole: “Like, literally five. And none of them are good.”

 

[00:49:20] Sasheer: “Some, but not a lot.”

 

[00:49:22] Nicole: “We have a good number of them.”

 

[00:49:24] Sasheer: “A lot.”

 

[00:49:26] Nicole: “So many I can’t even count them.”

 

[00:49:28] Sasheer: “So many I can’t even count them.”

 

[00:49:29] Nicole: Yeah, we have a lot of pictures. No current ones, though, I don’t think. We have a lot of, like, back in the day pictures.

 

[00:49:36] Sasheer: We have current ones.

 

[00:49:38] Nicole: Do we?

 

[00:49:39] Sasheer: We just went on vacation. We took pictures there.

 

[00:49:50] Nicole: We have so many pictures together, it’s outrageous.

 

[00:49:54] Sasheer: Yes. Any event we go to together, we have pictures. I don’t know what you’re talking about.

 

[00:49:59] Nicole: We have Gettys.

 

[00:49:59] Sasheer: We have Gettys together!

 

[00:50:01] Nicole: Oh, my word. Yeah. I’m dumb.

 

[00:50:06] Sasheer: No, it’s okay. It’s okay.

 

[00:50:08] Nicole: Thank you for defending your friend.

 

[00:50:11] Sasheer: “Have you ever fought?”

 

[00:50:13] Nicole: “No.”

 

[00:50:14] Sasheer: “Yes, but not a big fight.”

 

[00:50:16] Nicole: “We have small, petty disagreements often.”

 

[00:50:20] Sasheer: “We’ve had a few fights over the years.”

 

[00:50:23] Nicole: “We’ve had one or two big blow ups.”

 

[00:50:25] Sasheer: “Yes, three or more big fights, but we always make up.”

 

[00:50:29] Nicole: We haven’t had, like, a big fight.

 

[00:50:31] Sasheer: No, I feel like we don’t really have fights. We might have, like, misunderstandings or miscommunication… Or lack of communication. But I can’t think of a time that we’ve, like, fought.

 

[00:50:43] Nicole: Me either. So, I’m going to say, “No.”

 

[00:50:47] Sasheer: I’m going to say, “No,” too.

 

[00:50:48] Nicole: Yeah. I feel like any time anyone’s feeling some sort of way, it’s just because of, like, something wasn’t said or something was misconstrued or someone–namely me–has made an assumption that they made up in their head and has run with it. Oh boy.

 

[00:51:04] Sasheer: “And finally, how are your friends saved in your phone contacts?”

 

[00:51:09] Nicole: “Their full name.”

 

[00:51:11] Sasheer: “Just their first name or their nickname.”

 

[00:51:15] Nicole: “Their name and a series of related emojis.”

 

[00:51:17] Sasheer: “An inside joke.”

 

[00:51:20] Nicole: “Something funny or sweet.”

 

[00:51:22] Sasheer: “I don’t have their number saved.”

 

[00:51:25] Nicole: That’s insane. You can’t be in a friendship and not save their number.

 

[00:51:28] Sasheer: Yeah.

 

[00:51:30] Nicole: I think received in my phone is first–yes–first and last name.

 

[00:51:35] Sasheer: Yours is first and last name, but I have a unicorn emoji in the middle of it.

 

[00:51:40] Nicole: Oh, that’s nice.

 

[00:51:41] Sasheer: So, I guess… “A series of emojis.”

 

[00:51:46] Nicole: I think mine is just your first and last name and then a wonderful picture. Do you know what picture I have?

 

[00:51:57] Sasheer: I’m trying to remember. It’s a bad hair day. Yes. Okay. Who’s who?

 

[00:52:08] Jordan: You both got the same.

 

[00:52:10] Sasheer: “The friends who are basically siblings. You and your best friends are so close, you consider them family. It’s true. You know each other better than anyone else. And they’re always together. They’re just as comfortable at your house as they are in their own.” True. And your parents pretty much consider them to be their own children, too.” Yes! “You’ve had your fair share of ups and downs over the years, but you love them to the moon and back, no matter what.” Yes!

 

[00:52:36] Nicole: Yes! Boy, oh boy. I love BuzzFeed.

 

[00:52:40] Sasheer: Thank you, BuzzFeed.

 

[00:52:43] Nicole: BuzzFeed knows what’s going on. Wait. Should we help people?

 

[00:52:50] Sasheer: Yeah.

 

[00:52:51] Nicole: Oh no, she’s getting sleepy. What time is it there?

 

[00:52:58] Sasheer: 7:11. Make a wish!

 

[00:52:59] Nicole: No. 11:11, you have to make a wish.

 

[00:53:07] Sasheer: Oh. 7:11. Order a Slurpee.

 

[00:53:12] Nicole: It’s 7:11, better get to 7-Eleven and get yourself a Slurpee!

 

[00:53:17] Ashton Hi, my name is Ashton. My pronouns are she/her if you’re interested. Honestly, as long as it’s not a sign of disrespect, call me anything. I don’t care. Anywho. That was weird. Sorry. This is my first time doing this. Anyway, I might be telling on myself, but I have a little bit of an issue. It’s just me, though. So, I have two besties. Great. Love those gals. Will do anything for them. But I was sitting and thinking, like… I feel like I don’t know, like, basic friends stuff. Like, you know, if you were to ask me–put a gun to my head and ask me–“What’s their favorite color? When exactly is their birthday? What are their parents’ names?” Couldn’t tell you. I’d be dead immediately. And so, I want to, like, approach them and be like, “Hey, can we have a fun little game or something?” But at the same time, like, I don’t want to tell them myself and then be like, “Hey, you big dumb idiot. We know this about you. You just don’t listen.” I don’t know. Anything that helps, please. Thank you. Love the podcast. Open mouth, head back cackle every single time. Ten out of ten; would recommend. All right. Love you. Bye!

 

[00:54:28] Sasheer: Well, this is interesting because I have a best friend who doesn’t know what sign I am, even though I feel like we’ve probably discussed it many times. So, I totally understand.

 

[00:54:44] Nicole: Wow. Wow. Talking about me right in front of me? Oh, wow.

 

[00:54:46] Sasheer: I’m just kidding.

 

[00:54:50] Nicole: Go on, diva. Go on.

 

[00:54:54] Sasheer: Well, I think things like their parents’ names or something–I don’t think I would expect you to remember my parent’s name, even though you do know my parents’ names. But I think it’s okay to just ask. Also, people do like being asked for, like, their deal. “Oh, you want to know more about me? That’s great.” I don’t think people are gonna be like, “Why are you asking?” I think they’ll be like, “Oh, they actually are invested in me and want to know more about me.” And they’ll probably just, like, tell you.

 

[00:55:35] Nicole: Yeah. And I don’t think you have to go as far as to, like, have a night together where you’re like, “What are these things?” I think you could just, like, slip them into conversation and just be like, “Oh, wait, what are your parents’ names again?” Like, tell a story about your parents, so then they’ll tell a story about their parents. Be like, “What are their names again?” And then if you’ve a bad memory, you can write that shit down. I have a friend who has, under the contact in his phone for me in the notes, written down things I like and don’t like.

 

[00:56:10] Sasheer: Oh, that’s nice. That’s very smart.

 

[00:56:14] Nicole: Yeah. So, it’s just like, “Oh, it’s right there.” He knows I don’t like olives, mustard, or pickled things. Yuck.

 

[00:56:24] Sasheer: Yeah. I think you just ask because it’s not that big a deal.

 

[00:56:28] Nicole: Solved!

 

[00:56:28] Sasheer: Jordan, what you gotta say?

 

[00:56:31] Nicole: Jordan, what’s the juice?

 

[00:56:32] Jordan: I was just going to add on to yours, Nicole, that that’s exactly what I did for my friends. I’ve known my best friends for 10+ years. And I realized last year that I don’t know their, like… If they had a favorite candy, what would it be? Or, like, a favorite potato chip? Like, if I wanted to send a care package, I really didn’t know anything about them. And so, I literally in my notes app just randomly asked them questions and started writing it down. “My best friend loves gummy candies and loves ruffled chips and a certain soda.” So, it’s nice to have that information. And you can just share it as, like, “If I want to do a care package, what would I do? And I need to know your parents’ names.”

 

[00:57:15] Sasheer: Yeah. I like that.

 

[00:57:17] Nicole: I like that, too. Solved!

 

[00:57:18] Sasheer: Solved!

 

[00:57:19] Nicole: One more! Ooh, okay. “How to orchestrate a friend break up. Hey, Nicole. Hey, Sasheer. I need some help distancing myself from a friendship/possibly confronting them about their micro aggressive ways. I am a queer–not sure if that matters–woman in my late 20s. I have been on my improv team for many years. Through the team I met this guy I will call ‘Adam’–also gay. Again, not sure if that matters. Adam went through a breakup during the pandemic, and I helped him find a place to live that happened to be down the street from me. Adam and I grew closer during this time, mostly due to our proximity, but I always felt like the friendship was one sided. He would invite himself over a lot, eat our food, and never offer to help pay or make us food, ever.”

 

[00:58:15] Sasheer: “I live with my partner, and she’s a great listener, so he would essentially trauma dump on her as well in lieu of therapy. I shrug most of this off as he was going through it until once, we went for lunch, and he ordered my food for me. I didn’t ask him to do this, so I found it insane but thought maybe I was overreacting. Then I noticed in any improv scene he was in with women/femme people, he would immediately take over everything–location, relationship, characters–never leaving space for others. He was doing sound tech once, and we had a stand-up guest. And he interrupted them–a femme person–in the middle of their set from the sound booth to tell a random story that wasn’t funny.”

 

[00:59:00] Nicole: Wild. “The last straw was that I drove him home the other night and he didn’t even say thank you. He then asked to hang out again but worded it as: ‘You have an oven, and I don’t. So can I use your oven to bake things for my boyfriend?’ There are more things, but I digress. All of this leads me to believe that he has a tendency to treat women with less respect and is a taker. So how do I a) break off this friendship while keeping the peace within my improv team, b) have a conversation on how he takes up space as a cis white male and how he treats women in his life, whether he is conscious of it or not, and c) what can I tell him next time we’re at a show, so I don’t have to drive his ass home. Our shows are across town, and he has never once offered gas money. Thanks. Love you both.” Damn.

 

[00:59:44] Sasheer: Okay. There’s a lot of stuff here.

 

[00:59:46] Nicole: Yeah. I mean, you got to talk about how he interrupted someone’s stand-up set. That’s literally, truly unhinged. That’s wild.

 

[01:00:01] Sasheer: That’s very wild and disrespectful.

 

[01:00:05] Nicole: Yeah. Like, no matter who’s on stage, like, you don’t just interrupt a set to tell a story. What?

 

[01:00:11] Sasheer: I mean, this person just sounds very selfish in so many ways. Like, not considerate–selfish. I don’t know. I guess I don’t know if that’s related to being a man, but maybe. Also, this person just might be a selfish person. And it probably is, like, maybe give this person a chance to change. Like, tell them what’s going on, and maybe they can change it. But also, maybe the person writing in already knows that that’s not going to work. And that’s why they are proposing a breakup and not “How do I confront my friend about this?” They’re saying, “How do I break up with this person?”

 

[01:01:01] Nicole: Yeah. And boy, oh boy. As for the car rides to your shows? “Sorry.” You had work or something, and you’re going straight from work to the show. If they see your car near your home, I don’t give a shit. That’s just your business. You ended up getting home earlier. I think you use work as an excuse. I think that’s a nice, easy thing. Or you don’t even have to say work. “I have a thing before improv that I can’t pick you up for.” And that thing could be sitting in front of your TV. It doesn’t matter. It’s not his business.

 

[01:01:39] Sasheer: Or maybe you could be like, “Look, I’m trying to save money. If you can’t chip in for gas–or when we go out to eat, if you can’t, like, split the bill with me or, like, pay for some of these–I can’t really hang out.” And maybe the money conversation will be so uncomfortable, he’ll stop hanging out with you because sometimes talking about money makes people feel very uncomfortable.

 

[01:02:05] Nicole: Very uncomfortable. And then ordering for you? If that ever happens again, I really think you could be like, “Oh, no, no, no. That’s not what I’m having. I’m going to have this.”

 

[01:02:17] Sasheer: Yeah, what? What is that?

 

[01:02:17] Nicole: And then, “Weird that you’re ordering for me. Like, what is that about?” I think that’s a very easy, like, “What is that about? That’s weird.” This person–not to be rude–sounds like a weirdo. And I don’t like him. Just screaming from the tech booth during a set is wild.

 

[01:02:37] Sasheer: But it also just seems like maybe no one’s ever told this person about themselves and they’re just, like, running rampant, being like, “I’m fun. And everyone loves my energy. And I’m just wild. And I say what I want. And I make choices the way I want. And that’s that.” But no one’s been like, “Hey, you should probably consider other people. Maybe think about how that would make that person feel or, like, think about contributing to the group. Literally anything.”

 

[01:03:17] Nicole: Also, this might not be the nicest thing, but you could talk to other people in the improv group and be like, “How are you feeling about the group as a whole? Is there anyone that maybe, um…?”

 

[01:03:28] Sasheer: My mouth dropped.

 

[01:03:31] Nicole: “Maybe we trim the fat of the group a little bit. Like, is there anyone that we think maybe we wouldn’t want on the team?” That’s terrible.

 

[01:03:39] Sasheer: That is terrible.

 

[01:03:42] Nicole: I don’t like this person.

 

[01:03:46] Sasheer: Yeah. Oh, they’re also, like, not even following basic improv rules. You can’t be the only one who chooses the locations and the characters. You have to listen and collaborate and “Yes, and…”

 

[01:04:10] Nicole: I mean, also, you can stop stepping out with them–that’s a choice you can make–so you don’t have to do scenes with them. But I really do think it’s like if you take them across town to the show, you could be like, “Oh, just, you know, we had two shows this week, so can you pop me ten bucks for gas money?”

 

[01:04:25] Sasheer: Yeah.

 

[01:04:27] Nicole: Like, I think holding him accountable for money things might be the key, Sasheer. I think you’re right.

 

[01:04:32] Sasheer: Yeah. And then either he does, or he finds someone else to give him a ride.

 

[01:04:41] Nicole: And then as for using your oven? “No, I’m sorry. We don’t have time for that this week.”

 

[01:04:51] Sasheer: Yeah. Yeah, I think you’re just putting more boundaries up. And saying no more.

 

[01:04:57] Nicole: Yeah. And if it’s a text message that’s like, “Can I use your oven?” don’t answer. And then if he shows up unannounced and you look through the peephole and it’s him, turn off the lights. Be very quiet. “Sorry. No one’s home.” I mean, I think I would get the hint if I showed up to someone’s house unannounced, I heard noise, the TV turned off, and the lights turned off. I’d be like, “Oh, okay. I guess I’m not wanted here.” Then you send a text message like, “Hey, I think you guys are home.” Don’t answer it. That’s a trick. He’s trying to get in.

 

[01:05:45] Sasheer: “Don’t answer.”

 

[01:05:45] Nicole: Tricky.

 

[01:05:45] Sasheer: Yeah, try that stuff first. And if he’s still not getting the hint, then maybe a breakup is necessary. And yeah, you can just be like, “Hey, like, I feel like you’re taking a lot and not giving a lot. I’m feeling like this is a bit unbalanced. You’re getting a lot of emotional support from me and my girlfriend. You’re getting kitchen support from my kitchen. You’re getting car support.

 

[01:06:22] Nicole: “You’re getting heat support from the oven.”

 

[01:06:23] Sasheer: Yeah. “You’re getting transportation support for my car. What am I getting in return?”

 

[01:06:29] Nicole: Yeah, maybe… I don’t know because then it feels like friendship is transactional. But then I guess it is. It’s a give and take. You’re not in it to just have a one-sided friendship. Yeah, I think, “Unbalanced. One-sided. This is not great for me.” You got to get this person out of your life. They’re sucking your soul out. This person’s a fucking leech.

 

[01:06:53] Sasheer: Yeah.

 

[01:06:54] Nicole: I really don’t like them.

 

[01:06:56] Sasheer: Yeah. I mean, this person who wrote in is in their 20s. I don’t know if the friend who is the leech is in their 20s. I would like to chalk it up to being young and not having anyone have a real conversation with them to tell them, like, “Hey, you can’t do this–stuff like this.”

 

[01:07:16] Nicole: “Hey, you’re your domestic terror.”

 

[01:07:22] Sasheer: “You are terrorizing everyone in your life. What’s wrong with you?”

 

[01:07:26] Nicole: “What’s going on?”

 

[01:07:26] Sasheer: Because maybe they could grow. But also, this person who wrote in does not have to be responsible for that growth. But maybe they can say something that, maybe years down the line, this person could be like, “Oh, you know what?”

 

[01:07:40] Nicole: “I was bad.”

 

[01:07:41] Sasheer: “My friend said some of the stuff that people are telling me today and that my therapist is talking about. Maybe I should work on this.”

 

[01:07:49] Nicole: Yeah. Get him out of your life.

 

[01:07:51] Sasheer: Yeah. Hope that helps!

 

[01:07:55] Nicole: Yeah, hope that helps. nicoleandsasheer@gmail.com is our email address that you can write to! 424-645-7003 is the phone number you can call and talk to.

 

[01:08:13] Sasheer: podswag.com/bestfriends is a website you can go to to buy merch from us.

 

[01:08:17] Nicole: The easiest way to support the show is to rate, review, and subscribe, lastly.

 

[01:08:27] Sasheer: Well, what another great episode.

 

[01:08:31] Nicole: A truly beautiful episode in the history books for Best Friends. I don’t think I said that sentence good.

 

[01:08:41] Sasheer: I think it was perfect.

 

[01:08:43] Nicole: Thank you.

 

[01:08:44] Sasheer: Okay. Bye-bye.

 

[01:08:45] Nicole: All right. Bye-bye.