April 18, 2023
Glug glug glug! We hope you feel hydrated and satiated by this week’s episode! This week we discuss things which are too cold to hold, what you can do with frozen quinoa, how many grams you are, why Nicole now wakes up glad she ate lasagna, frustrations with how clothing fits, and what’s going on with the food pyramid? They take a quiz where they describe their best friendship to see their perfect getaway destination, and we answer a listener’s question about struggling to have friends relate when one person is perpetually single and the others are in relationships. Plus, a listener creates cocktails for Nicole & Sasheer! Recipe below.
Nicole’s Purple Giraffe
1oz of pineapple juice
1oz of soda
Float 2oz of Empress purple gin on top
Garnish – orange peel, lemon peel, cinnamon-grilled pineapple
Sasheer’s Cherry Chair
2oz Bulleit bourbon
1oz Amaro Averna
2oz Angostura Bitters
1/2oz brown sugar vanilla syrup
Garnish – Amarena Cherry Skewer
Here is the quiz we took: https://www.buzzfeed.com/michelleno/best-friend-spring-getaway-vacation-trip-quiz
Email or call Nicole & Sasheer with your friendship questions at:
201 — Nicole Loves Hot-For-You Nuts
[00:00:11] Nicole: Hi, Sasheer.
[00:00:12] Sasheer: Oh, hi, Nicole.
[00:00:14] Nicole: What? Why would you take a drink when we start recording?
[00:00:17] Sasheer: I don’t know. I thought I could slip in a quick sip. But then you said, “Hi.” And I can’t.
[00:00:25] Nicole: I can wait. Take your sip, please. Glug, glug, glug, glug, glug. Wow, Sasheer. That was a loud drink. Are you hydrated and satiated?
[00:00:45] Sasheer: I do feel much more hydrated than I was before. Yes.
[00:00:48] Nicole: Okay, that’s good. I also have water.
[00:00:52] Sasheer: Ooh, that’s a big cup. And so much ice.
[00:00:56] Nicole: I love ice. I think it’s so wild that you don’t love ice. I can’t think of anything nicer and happier than, like, a yummy frosty beverage.
[00:01:09] Sasheer: It’s just so cold to me. It irritates my teeth. It feels too cold in my body. Brrrr. I run cold, too. So, it’s like any middle ground to warmth I could get, the better.
[00:01:31] Nicole: Fair. Yeah, I get it. Have you ever been to someone’s house and then they’re like, “Do you want a drink?” and you’re like, “Yes, please,” and then they take a mug out of the freezer and you’re like, “This is rich. This is opulent. How do you have room in your freezer for cups?”
[00:01:45] Sasheer: I actually have never seen that before.
[00:01:47] Nicole: Really?
[00:01:47] Sasheer: I’ve never seen that.
[00:01:49] Nicole: You’ve never gone to a friend’s house in your youth, asked for a drink of water, been offered a drink of water, and they take out a mug from the freezer? That’s never happened?
[00:01:57] Sasheer: No. But also, wouldn’t it be cold to hold?
[00:02:04] Nicole: But it’s usually a mug with a handle. The handle warms up real quick with your hand. And then the cup stays cold. I can’t believe this has never happened to you. This has happened several times to me.
[00:02:15] Sasheer: I have seen those cups that have liquid inside the side of the cup. Have you seen that, where it’s, like, plastic and there’s a layer of water or something, which also it’s like, “Is that disgusting?” Like, you can’t change the water in the cup.
[00:02:31] Nicole: I don’t know if it’s water or if it’s like the goop that’s in, like, a goop pack that you put on a booboo.
[00:02:42] Sasheer: The ice pack?
[00:02:42] Nicole: Yes.
[00:02:45] Sasheer: “The goop pack that you put on a booboo.”
[00:02:51] Nicole: I can’t believe that’s how it came out of my mouth. That was wild. Yes. An ice pack that’s soft.
[00:02:56] Sasheer: Okay. Yeah, it might be that goop from that boo-boo ice pack. But I’ve seen those. You put those in the fridge and the cup freezes. Then you use it. But I have never seen anyone just take a regular mug and put it in the freezer.
[00:03:15] Nicole: Oh. I wonder if it’s, like, a New Jersey thing. Or maybe my New Jersey friend thing.
[00:03:22] Sasheer: Maybe. I don’t know. I have no idea.
[00:03:24] Nicole: Well, I tried to do it for a little bit, but guess what? I don’t have room in my freezer like that.
[00:03:30] Sasheer: What do you put in your freezer? It’s full.
[00:03:32] Nicole: Sasheer, I just threw out two big bags of blueberries from my freezer that had expired. I don’t eat blueberries. I think they might have been from John Milhiser, and he hasn’t lived with me for years. Okay. I made overnight oats…
[00:03:51] Sasheer: Oh!
[00:03:52] Nicole: Two months ago.
[00:03:55] Sasheer: That’s not overnight anymore. Long-term.
[00:03:58] Nicole: These are long-term oats. But I ended up just throwing away the containers that they were in because they had furries in them. Like, the yogurt had furried. So, I threw those away. That frees up some room in my refrigerator. Also, I have a lot of frozen vegetables that I never get to. But one day I will.
[00:04:29] Sasheer: Yeah.
[00:04:29] Nicole: I think I will.
[00:04:30] Sasheer: Maybe.
[00:04:31] Nicole: I’ve got some frozen quinoa. And I think I’m going to get to it soon.
[00:04:43] Sasheer: What would you put with the frozen quinoa?
[00:04:46] Nicole: Well, I was doing a thing where I was trying to, like, meal prep, which is devastating. Meal prep just means you’re going to eat this chicken for the next fucking five days. Then you get to day five, you’re like, “This is old ass fucking chicken, but this is what I signed up for.” So, I did some quinoa with broccoli and then chicken. And I had them in these, like, little compartmentalized glass containers or whatever. I did it for a week.
[00:05:15] Sasheer: And that’s something.
[00:05:16] Nicole: Hey, thank you. I’m trying to get back into it. Apparently, protein is, like, good for you or something. I don’t know. Instagram keeps telling me that. Keep being like, “Are you getting your protein?”
[00:05:27] Sasheer: And Instagram is always right.
[00:05:32] Nicole: Instagram is always right. Are you a protein hound?
[00:05:35] Sasheer: I do eat protein. I honestly don’t keep track of anything, so I don’t know. I eat protein every day, I think.
[00:05:45] Nicole: But you eat a lot of salmon, and I think that’s protein.
[00:05:48] Sasheer: I just had some salmon. Surprise, surprise!
[00:05:53] Nicole: What kind of salmon did you have?
[00:05:56] Sasheer: It was actually really good. I went to brunch at this Middle Eastern place. Koo Koo.
[00:06:08] Nicole: “Couscous?”
[00:06:08] Sasheer: No. Just Koo Koo.
[00:06:10] Nicole: There was no “S.” Or a “U.”
[00:06:12] Sasheer: Correct. Or a “C.”
[00:06:13] Nicole: It was just not spelled the way couscous is spelled.
[00:06:15] Sasheer: But it was kind of like a frittata. And so it was, like, salmon, egg, some onions, and potatoes. It was really tasty.
[00:06:27] Nicole: I, like, really don’t understand the way you, like, live with food because when you’re full, you go, “That’s it for me!” And then, like, you don’t keep eating. And that I don’t understand. It’s wild to me. And you’ll, like, bring leftovers home, you’ll put them in the refrigerator, and you won’t pick at them because you’re, like, full. It’s crazy. And then, like, I don’t know, you know when you’re hungry and stuff. It’s so crazy. Oh my God. A piece of salmon has 40 grams of protein! I think you’re supposed to eat your weight in protein every day.
[00:07:04] Sasheer: My whole body weight?
[00:07:06] Nicole: Listen, I might be dumb. I think your weight in grams or something. Well, if you weigh 300 grams– No if you wait 300lbs, I think you’re supposed to eat 300 grams of protein.
[00:07:24] Sasheer: Pounds to grams? But not actually how many grams I am. I have no idea how many grams I am.
[00:07:29] Nicole: I don’t know how many grams you are either. Jordan, do you know how many grams Sasheer is? Oh, okay. According to the dietary reference intake report for macronutrients, “A sedentary adult should consume 0.8 grams of protein per kilogram of body weight or 0.36 grams per pound. So that means the average man should eat 56 grams of protein and the average woman should eat 46 grams.”
[00:07:59] Sasheer: Oh, my goodness.
[00:08:00] Nicole: Well, that’s the math.
[00:08:01] Jordan: This whole “average male, average woman”–I don’t think that’s an accurate number for how much grams of protein they should have. I know for myself, it’s definitely well over 100 grams of protein a day.
[00:08:14] Sasheer: So, what did I eat today? Eight grams?
[00:08:17] Nicole: No, you ate 40 grams. A piece of salmon is 40 grams of protein.
[00:08:20] Sasheer: Oh, great. Okay.
[00:08:21] Nicole: And then eggs–I think that’s even more protein.
[00:08:24] Sasheer: I love that. Thank goodness!
[00:08:25] Nicole: But honestly, I don’t know. Protein–it’s so elusive. I’ve been thinking about the food pyramid lately. And how come big bread had a choke hold in the food pyramid, where it was like, “Eat eight servings of bread every day.” Like, what the fuck?
[00:08:42] Sasheer: That was really crazy.
[00:08:43] Jordan: It’s a scam.
[00:08:45] Sasheer: Oh, it’s totally a scam.
[00:08:48] Nicole: It’s wild. Jordan, could you bring up the food pyramid real quick? Have we talked about the food pyramid on this show?
[00:08:52] Jordan: Like in the ’90s?
[00:08:52] Sasheer: Yeah, the old food pyramid.
[00:08:56] Nicole: Is there a new food pyramid?
[00:08:57] Jordan: There’s, like, a food pyramid every year.
[00:09:02] Nicole: I didn’t know that.
[00:09:03] Jordan: Yeah. Let me find the ’90s one that we grew up on, and then we’ll go to today.
[00:09:07] Nicole: Okay. Because I remember the bottom was just like, “Eat your bread, bitches!”
[00:09:13] Sasheer: “Did you eat your six loaves of bread today?”
[00:09:14] Nicole: And then it was like, “Eat all that red meat!”
[00:09:19] Sasheer: Yeah. It was like, “That’s so not necessary.” Well, it’s not at all.
[00:09:24] Nicole: Yeah. They want you to eat more bread than fruits and vegetables. That’s nuts.
[00:09:30] Sasheer: “Six to eleven servings of bread.”
[00:09:33] Nicole: That’s wild. I don’t think I’ve ever had six to eleven servings of bread.
[00:09:40] Sasheer: I probably have because if you include pasta and rice… Yeah.
[00:09:45] Nicole: Oh, I’m never eating rice. But I just did buy a rice cooker because I’m going to become a rice head.
[00:09:52] Sasheer: Even though you just said, “I’m never eating rice,” you’re like, “But I sure did buy a rice cooker.”
[00:09:58] Nicole: I didn’t know how to cook rice without a rice cooker, which might sound really stupid. It’s hard to figure out what to eat when we’ve been lied to by Big Bread and Big Milk.
[00:10:15] Sasheer: Yeah, that Got Milk campaign was such a… Like, it’s so crazy how they made milk cool. And most of us are lactose intolerant.
[00:10:25] Nicole: So, lactose intolerant–in a way where, like, it’s explosive. And my tummy will hurt for, like, days after having milk.
[00:10:36] Sasheer: Yeah, I started taking lactate, but I often forget to do that.
[00:10:41] Nicole: Yeah. It’s hard to remember to take a pill before you indulge and enjoy. You introduced me to Peptid AC.
[00:10:52] Sasheer: Pepcid AC.
[00:10:52] Nicole: Oh, Pepcid AC. Boy, oh boy. Gamechanger for my lasagna.
[00:10:56] Sasheer: Oh, good. I’m so glad.
[00:10:59] Nicole: Yeah, it’s been really nice.
[00:11:01] Sasheer: Yeah, ’cause you don’t want that frickin’ heartburn.
[00:11:05] Nicole: I sure don’t. I don’t want to wake up in the middle of the night, going, “Why did I eat lasagna?” I want to wake up the next morning and go. “Mm. I’m glad I ate lasagna.”
[00:11:17] Sasheer: So, is this the new food pyramid?
[00:11:18] Jordan: I think this is the closest we’re gonna get. So, it does talk about exercise. And then
[00:11:25] Sasheer: They put stairs on the side of the pyramid for someone to walk up. I see.
[00:11:29] Nicole: Yeah. In case you didn’t want to start at the bottom, you could start at the top and slide down and get your food. “Six ounces of grains. Two and a half cups of vegetables.” Why “ounces” and then “cups?” Whatever.
[00:11:45] Sasheer: “Two cups of fruit. Three cups of milk.” Three cups of milk?
[00:11:50] Nicole: I don’t know about this.
[00:11:52] Sasheer: And also, six ounces of grains? So, grains are still the largest portion.
[00:11:57] Nicole: I think this is a lie.
[00:12:00] Sasheer: It’s in The Washington Post.
[00:12:02] Nicole: I think Big Grain and Big Milk still have a choke hold on the food pyramid.
[00:12:07] Jordan: I mean, they are the major moneymakers. So, I mean, they’re putting money towards this pyramid. Of course, they’re going to be told to have more. But again, remember, eight ounces is a cup.
[00:12:22] Nicole: Eight ounces is a cup.
[00:12:25] Sasheer: Oh, so it’s less than a cup?
[00:12:27] Jordan: Yeah, but it’s weird on the pyramid.
[00:12:28] Sasheer: Yeah. The section on the pyramid makes it look bigger than everything else.
[00:12:30] Nicole: They’re trying to trick you because you don’t know your ounces and your cups.
[00:12:34] Sasheer: And they’re right. I don’t.
[00:12:36] Nicole: The food pyramid is the original pyramid scheme. You heard. How is Georgia?
[00:13:01] Sasheer: There’s so much pollen. We’re in pollen season. I will walk outside, and there will be a layer of yellow film on my sunglasses.
[00:13:15] Nicole: Oh no! That seems insane.
[00:13:22] Sasheer: Yeah. But I was warned. When I first got here, people were like, “Oh, you’re going to be here for the pollen season, so get ready. It’s like nothing you’ve ever seen.”
[00:13:32] Nicole: And did you get ready?
[00:13:34] Sasheer: You know, I didn’t know how to get ready. And I still don’t know how to get ready. I don’t think I did get ready.
[00:13:41] Nicole: Maybe getting ready is having, like, a lint brush or a lint roller or something at all times to lift the pollen off of you.
[00:13:50] Sasheer: That’s smart.
[00:13:51] Nicole: Hey, listen, I’m just here to solve problems. That’s it.
[00:13:59] Sasheer: Yeah. But it’s nice. It’s starting to warm up, which is really great. But also, there was a huge thunderstorm the other day, so who knows what’s happening?
[00:14:07] Nicole: You know, global warming–she’s wild. It’s sunny again in LA, and I can’t be happier. “I can be”? “I could be”? I couldn’t be happier. Listen, it’s tough speaking today.
[00:14:23] Sasheer: That’s okay. That’s okay.
[00:14:24] Nicole: Thank you. But it’s been, like, nice, sunny, warmish. Oh, it’s been lovely. Wait, maybe it’s only been two days of that? I don’t know. It rained so much.
[00:14:35] Sasheer: Yeah, well, two days is still great.
[00:14:37] Nicole: I think so. What is this shirt you’re wearing? What is this blue thing? Is it a jumpsuit or is it a shirt?
[00:14:42] Sasheer: It’s a shirt that I haven’t really worn. I’m, like, revisiting it. It’s from Urban Outfitters. I don’t know how to describe it. It’s cropped.
[00:14:50] Nicole: It’s a cropped, ribbed, baseball T-esque, acidy washed look to it.
[00:15:00] Sasheer: Yeah. I think I should get more baseball style shirts. I think they look good on me. I think they accentuate my broad shoulders.
[00:15:08] Nicole: You have broad shoulders?
[00:15:11] Sasheer: Yeah, they’re pretty broad. I mean, I guess, like, what is broad? Like, wide?
[00:15:25] Nicole: Yeah. I think if your shoulders are, like, wider than your waist, maybe they’re broad.
[00:15:32] Sasheer: So, yeah, they’re broad.
[00:15:34] Nicole: I have little shoulders.
[00:15:37] Sasheer: “Itty bitty shoulders.”
[00:15:38] Nicole: “They’re really small.” A lot of times seams on shirts where they’re supposed to sit on your shoulder are off of my shoulder. And then people have to raise them to put them on my shoulder because my shoulders are so small and dainty in comparison to the rest of my body.
[00:15:58] Sasheer: Interesting.
[00:16:01] Nicole: Yeah. My body is not fit for this world. That’s not nice. I’m not made the way a plus size woman or a fat woman is, like, made. Clothes fit me so strangely.
[00:16:16] Sasheer: I think there’s, like, a very small percentage of people who can just put on clothes and be like, “That’s that.” Like, there’s not one pair of jeans that I’ve ever had that didn’t need to be altered in the back or something. There’s always like a gap in the back for me because, or, like, they fit my waist but not my thighs. The proportions are all over the place. I’m like, “Who is this for? What body is this for?”
[00:16:45] Nicole: I think that a lot. “What body?” “What body?” I tried to get into Fashion Nova.
[00:16:52] Sasheer: Okay.
[00:16:52] Nicole: I don’t know what body they’re doing these fits on, but it’s not a fat woman who’s naturally fat. I feel like it’s, like, a midsized woman who, like, had alterations done to her butt and hips because there’s, like, enough room in the back for my butt, but not enough room in the front for my front.
[00:17:10] Sasheer: Yeah. How strange.
[00:17:18] Nicole: It is strange.
[00:17:20] Sasheer: Should we do a quiz?
[00:17:21] Nicole: Unless there’s something you want to tell me. Did you do something last night that maybe you want to tell me about? Saturday night? You’re sure? There’s not something you want to tell me?
[00:17:35] Sasheer: I know this is just a question, but it’s so accusatory. I had nothing to tell you!
[00:17:43] Nicole: Today’s Sunday, Yesterday was Saturday. You didn’t go wild?
[00:17:46] Sasheer: I did not get wild. No, no, no, no. Not at all. Not even the slightest.
[00:17:51] Nicole: Okay. Then I guess we can take a quiz if you have nothing left to say to me. Oh my God. “Describe Your Best Friend and We’ll Give You an Ideal Getaway Destination.”
[00:18:06] Sasheer: Ooh, I like that.
[00:18:07] Nicole: Ooh. For half a second, I was like, “Oh my God. Are we going to go somewhere?” And then I was like, “Oh, yeah, it’s a BuzzFeed quiz. They’re just going to tell us the place.”
[00:18:15] Sasheer: Yeah, they’re not going to send us someplace.
[00:18:17] Nicole: But imagine if BuzzFeed at the end of a quiz was like, “And you get to go to Madagascar!”
[00:18:23] Sasheer: Oprah now owns BuzzFeed. “You get a new car!”
[00:18:29] Nicole: What kind of car does she give those people?
[00:18:32] Sasheer: I actually don’t know.
[00:18:34] Nicole: I wonder if it’s, like, a sensible Nissan Sentra. Or, like, something flashy, like an Audi TT.
[00:18:40] Sasheer: Whatever it was, it was probably not fancy, but it’s not shit. Yeah, sensible is a good word.
[00:18:50] Nicole: A Pontiac G6 sedan? Ew!
[00:18:55] Sasheer: Is it really really ew?
[00:18:57] Nicole: I didn’t like them. I thought they were very nasty looking.
[00:19:01] Sasheer: Oh, they are nasty looking. Ew.
[00:19:05] Nicole: Not for me. I do not like the G6. But I do miss Pontiac. The Firebird was a beautiful car. I used to babysit for a man who had a turquoise one. I think his wife allowed him to buy it because he was having a midlife crisis. Anyway! “How does your best friend cheer you up when you’re down?”
[00:19:28] Sasheer: “Bakes me my favorite dessert.”
[00:19:29] Nicole: She would never.
[00:19:31] Sasheer: Huh?
[00:19:31] Nicole: “Buys me a bottle of wine.”
[00:19:33] Sasheer: Most likely. “Parties the night away with me.”
[00:19:37] Nicole: Maybe ten years ago. “Offers thoughtful and practical advice.”
[00:19:43] Sasheer: Yeah. “Sends me hilarious memes.”
[00:19:47] Nicole: “Shows up to my place as soon as possible to keep me company.” Honestly, unless I asked for it, I’d be like, “Get off my porch.”
[00:19:59] Sasheer: “You came unannounced?”
[00:20:00] Nicole: “What are you doing here?” Oh my God. This quiz is making me feel really old because I feel like ten years ago, if I was having a bad time, you’d be like, “Great, let’s hit up the bar.” But in this time of 2023, the year of our Lord, that would… No. I’d be like, “Are you kidding?”
[00:20:19] Sasheer: And we send hilarious memes regardless of how we feel–our emotional state.
[00:20:29] Nicole: I would say, “Offers thoughtful and practical advice.”
[00:20:33] Sasheer: I would say the same thing. That’s really the most meaningful one.
[00:20:37] Nicole: Yes, I think so. It has nothing to do with us getting old.
[00:20:42] Sasheer: And not wanting to leave our house.
[00:20:44] Nicole: I love my house. Yesterday I was out for far too long, and all I could think about was getting back to my home. I was like, “I need to get there. There’s a dog there that loves me and a couch.”
[00:20:58] Sasheer: All good reasons to go home. “What’s your best friend’s top quality?”
[00:21:06] Nicole: “They’re extremely generous with their time, energy, and money.”
[00:21:12] Sasheer: “They’re always down for an adventure or a casual hang.”
[00:21:15] Nicole: “They’re super chill.”
[00:21:17] Sasheer: “They love all the same music, movies, and places as you.”
[00:21:22] Nicole: “They’ve known you since you were a child and understand every part of your life.”
[00:21:26] Sasheer: “To be honest, they’re just really fricking good looking”?
[00:21:30] Nicole: That’s truly wild. I would be so upset if my best friend was like, “I just hang out with you because you’re hot.”
[00:21:40] Sasheer: Well, there are perks to that. You probably, like, get into bars. Free drinks. But that’s not a reason to have a friend.
[00:21:52] Nicole: No. Also, I guess I’d be, like, offended but also, like, wildly… I’d be like, “Oh, what a treat. Thank you for saying that I’m beautiful.”
[00:22:05] Sasheer: How dare you? But also thank you.
[00:22:12] Nicole: I would say, “They’re always down for an adventure or a casual hang.”
[00:22:18] Sasheer: That’s what I was going to say!
[00:22:19] Nicole: Oh my God. This is going to send us to the same destination. And I don’t mind.
[00:22:26] Sasheer: Because we’re going together.
[00:22:28] Nicole: We want to go to the same place, you know? Okay. “What’s your favorite thing to do with your best friend?”
[00:22:36] Sasheer: “Cook an elaborate meal.”
[00:22:37] Nicole: Yeah, right. Aw, man. I think about that one time we tried to cook a meal from Instagram a lot because I’ve tried to cook meals, and I keep forgetting that all I have to do is click the link in the bio. And then I once did click the link in the bio, and she was like, “Buy my cookbook.” And I was like, “No.” Okay. “Have deep conversations about love, the universe, and people.”
[00:23:08] Sasheer: “Travel to gorgeous destinations.”
[00:23:11] Nicole: “Go to a music festival and strategize the best Instagram shots.”
[00:23:22] Sasheer: “Stay in and watch a movie.”
[00:23:24] Nicole: Oh my God. “Gossip about all the people you know.” Strategize had a chokehold on me; that was so hard to say. “Strategize.” What was the question?
[00:23:38] Sasheer: “What’s your favorite thing to do with your best friend?”
[00:23:43] Nicole: Oh. I really do love traveling to gorgeous destinations, but I also love watching movies and just watching you sleep because you’ll never stay awake for a whole movie.
[00:23:52] Sasheer: I know. Have we even watched a movie together? Because I fall asleep so quickly.
[00:23:58] Nicole: I think in theaters.
[00:24:00] Sasheer: Yes. I won’t sleep in a theater. But on a couch, it’s lights out.
[00:24:04] Nicole: “Bye!” Yeah, because we saw all of Avatar together, I don’t think you fell asleep once.
[00:24:09] Sasheer: No, I watched all of Avatar. Did I actually watch all of Yellowjackets, or did I fall asleep through parts of it?
[00:24:15] Nicole: You fell asleep through parts of it.
[00:24:18] Sasheer: Okay, so I had to go back and watch it.
[00:24:19] Nicole: Yeah. I didn’t want to wake you up. I was like, “I better let her sleep.” I think you had just gotten off a plane that day.
[00:24:25] Sasheer: Yeah. Happy for the sleep, but…
[00:24:29] Nicole: Also, I just let you sleep. It seems rude to wake you up. I had a friend who kept falling asleep at my house. And the way I’d wake them up is like, “You gotta go home!” And then finally they’re like, “Why do you scream at me to wake me up?” And I was like, “Oh, because that’s how I woke my sister up as a kid.”
[00:24:47] Sasheer: But it’s so jarring. It hurt.
[00:24:50] Nicole: I didn’t know it until they said something to me because my sister never said anything to me. She was never like, “Can you not do that?” So, I did that for all of our adolescence.
[00:25:05] Sasheer: I’m glad you’ve never done it on me.
[00:25:06] Nicole: Well, you wake up usually on your own. “I have to leave.”
[00:25:12] Sasheer: “I have to leave before I fall into REM sleep.” Even if you try to wake me up, though, I would go back. It’s like a switch goes off. As soon as I’m tired, I can’t, like, be awake again. Like, my body’s like, “Okay, we can be awake for two minutes, and then we’ll fall right back to sleep.”
[00:25:29] Nicole: This is what I mean about how your body, I think, works the way bodies are supposed to work. I go, “I’m sleepy.” And then I lay down in my bed and then I cannot sleep. And then when I’m not hungry anymore, I go, “But I’d rather keep eating this because what if somebody else eats it or if it goes to the trash,” which is insane. It’s just insane thoughts. Last night, I tried to go to sleep, and my body said, “Surely you got to Google the address of somebody you know and find out how much they paid for their house,” which is what I did the night before. And I don’t know what I’m doing with this knowledge.
[00:26:10] Sasheer: You gotta know before you go to sleep.”
[00:26:12] Nicole: I guess. But the answer to this question… I think I really love traveling. Yeah. “What do you like to do with your best friend?” I like traveling to gorgeous destinations. They don’t have to be gorgeous. They just have to be a destination.
[00:26:28] Sasheer: Yeah. Same. I love traveling with you.
[00:26:32] Nicole: You’re really easy to travel with.
[00:26:34] Sasheer: You’re really easy to travel with.
[00:26:36] Nicole: Thank you. I remember there was a time where you’d be like, “Are you sure you don’t want breakfast?” And I was like, “Never!” And then you stopped asking. And then now you’ll wake up, and you’ll go get your breakfast. And then I’ll wake up, and then I’ll do something. Okay. “How old is your best friend?”
[00:27:01] Sasheer: “My age.”
[00:27:03] Nicole: “We were born on the same day.”
[00:27:05] Sasheer: “Just one or two years younger than me.”
[00:27:08] Nicole: “A few years older than me.”
[00:27:11] Sasheer: “Drastically younger or older than me.”
[00:27:15] Nicole: “21 in inhuman years.” Okay.
[00:27:16] Sasheer: Okay.
[00:27:19] Nicole: I believe you are my age and just a couple months older?
[00:27:23] Sasheer: Yeah, it’s a couple of months older. We’re currently the same age.
[00:27:30] Nicole: We are. But then on 05/06, you’ll leap ahead of me.
[00:27:38] Sasheer: I’ll leap lightyears ahead of you.
[00:27:42] Nicole: You’ll leave me behind. And I’ll say, “Please don’t.”
[00:27:46] Sasheer: But then you catch right up in August.
[00:27:50] Nicole: Just a couple months later.
[00:27:52] Sasheer: “What’s your favorite food to split with them?”
[00:27:55] Nicole: “An order of chips and guacamole.”
[00:27:57] Sasheer: “A rack of ribs”?
[00:27:58] Nicole: We have never shared a rack of ribs, and that is a crime.
[00:28:03] Sasheer: Why is that a crime?
[00:28:05] Nicole: Because we should be sharing some ribs! They’re easy to share. You pull them apart.
[00:28:15] Sasheer: I guess you’re right. I don’t often eat ribs. It’s one of those messy foods I don’t want to eat in public. I’m just, like, licking my fingers. And I feel sticky. And I’m like, “I don’t want to be around people for this. It’s private.”
[00:28:33] Nicole: Ribs are private. But it’s funny because when are you ever eating ribs in private?
[00:28:37] Sasheer: Never.
[00:28:38] Nicole: You never turn on the smoker to make your ribs. We don’t have smokers!
[00:28:42] Sasheer: I sure don’t.
[00:28:46] Nicole: “Mac and cheese.”
[00:28:48] Sasheer: “An overstuffed sandwich.”
[00:28:49] Nicole: How the fuck are you going to share an overstuffed sandwich? It’s crazy. I’d be so mad if you asked me to share an overstuffed sandwich. I’d say, “Sasheer, you should order one yourself.”
[00:29:01] Sasheer: Yeah, what are you going to do? Break it in half, and it’s going to fall out on the plate?
[00:29:04] Nicole: That’s not how it goes. You can break bread. Not a sandwich.
[00:29:12] Sasheer: “Break bread. Not a sandwich.”
[00:29:16] Nicole: “A warm, soft pretzel.”
[00:29:18] Sasheer: “A plate of street noodles.”
[00:29:20] Nicole: See, you eat street shit. I’m not a street eater.
[00:29:23] Sasheer: Wow.
[00:29:25] Nicole: It sounded harsher than it was meant to be! I’m sorry.
[00:29:36] Sasheer: “This fucking street eater.”
[00:29:40] Nicole: Okay. I don’t eat street meat and stuff like that because my mother talks so poorly about street meat and street food that, like, the only thing I can have is nuts. Those Hot for You nuts? I love those Hot for You nuts. Oh, they’re so good. Okay. I like sharing mac and cheese with you.
[00:30:05] Sasheer: I also like sharing mac and cheese with you. This is going to be the same. I don’t know if this has ever happened before.
[00:30:12] Nicole: I don’t think so. But also, this is like… We should have the same answers.
[00:30:18] Sasheer: This is true. This is true.
[00:30:20] Nicole: Right? It would be wild if I was like, “I love sharing overstuffed sandwiches with you.” And you would be like, “Wait. What?”
[00:30:27] Sasheer: Yeah. We’ve never done that.
[00:30:28] Nicole: No, never in our lives.
[00:30:31] Sasheer: “What’s your favorite place to hang out?”
[00:30:33] Nicole: “A low key neighborhood pub.”
[00:30:36] Sasheer: “Our favorite brunch spot.”
[00:30:37] Nicole: “At the library.”
[00:30:41] Sasheer: “In a bustling plaza.”
[00:30:44] Nicole: “On a cozy sofa.”
[00:30:46] Sasheer: “On a hike.”
[00:30:49] Nicole: We’ve never been on a hike before.
[00:30:51] Sasheer: We sure haven’t.
[00:30:53] Nicole: We’ve never been to a library together either.
[00:30:56] Sasheer: I don’t know if we’ve been to a bustling plaza before. No. Maybe we have.
[00:31:00] Nicole: What’s a bustling plaza? Grand Central Station?
[00:31:04] Sasheer: Yes?
[00:31:06] Nicole: Oh, ew, we’ve been to bustling plazas. Times Square is an abomination.
[00:31:14] Jordan: Also, I have a side question. Have the two of you ever had the urge to go on a hike? I’m wrestling with my best friends. They are coming out to visit, and they’re like, “We want to go on hikes.” And I’m like, “No, I don’t want to do that.”
[00:31:29] Nicole: I have been on a total of two hikes since I moved to California ten years ago. And I’ll never go on another one. Anything I can see from up there–I can drive and see up there. I’m not trying to fucking walk, get my shoes dusty. For what? To huff and puff and not be able to hold a conversation because I’m trying to mask how much I’m huffing and puffing?
[00:31:54] Sasheer: I have gone on hikes and enjoyed myself.
[00:31:58] Nicole: What? I didn’t know this. This is nuts.
[00:32:05] Sasheer: I even have hiking boots.
[00:32:07] Nicole: What? I didn’t know you had hiking boots. What brand are they?
[00:32:17] Sasheer: Columbia.
[00:32:18] Nicole: Wow. Those are real hiking boots.
[00:32:22] Sasheer: I bought them on the way to Yosemite because I had a friend getting married there. And there’s, you know, hiking there. That’s the thing to do. So, I was like, “I should get some hiking boots, so I don’t cut up my feet.” And yeah, I have had fun hiking. I will say I’ve never suggested hiking. I’ve never been like, “You know what we should do today? Hike.” But if I’m in the right mood, it’s nice outside, and I’m with people I enjoy, I might do a hike.
[00:32:55] Nicole: Wow. To be able to just do a hike. It takes a whole bunch of mental gymnastics to be like, “You’re not going to die. It’s okay. If you get out of breath. You can take breaks.” Physical activity with people honestly seems like a nightmare.
[00:33:17] Sasheer: I don’t want people to see how winded I’m going to get.
[00:33:20] Nicole: It’s never fun.
[00:33:22] Sasheer: Yeah. I do want to take more walks because I saw something on Instagram about the benefits of walking–other than physical–mental.
[00:33:35] Jordan: See, I’m down with a walking trail. I’m the same as you, Nicole. I haven’t had really great experiences with hiking. That’s why I was asking you guys. There was never, like, any urge to go. But, like, I remember my first hike in LA. And I’m not even kidding, there was, like, a 45-degree angle, walking up the hill. And I’m like, “I’m going to fall.” But, like, a walking trail I’m totally cool with. If it’s just, like, little hills and you’re just walking through some nice scenery? That’s great.
[00:34:04] Nicole: Maybe that would be nice. I don’t know. For whatever reason, like, I really hate walking. But apparently, it’s, like, very good for your body. Your body’s like, “Yes, take a nice little walk. It’s good for you.” Maybe if I listen to music, I should do it. My dog deserves longer walks than I give him. Half a mile walk is a good walk. But for the most part, we don’t do that. We don’t do that at all.
[00:34:34] Sasheer: Something about looking around at your surroundings is supposed to be helpful for decreasing your fear responses because you’re working out your senses. You’re hearing, you’re seeing, you’re just more attuned to what’s your surroundings in general. So ideally your anxiety around things that could potentially attack you decreases because you’re just more aware, I think.
[00:35:04] Nicole: That sounds nice. I should take more walks. I’m trying to be, like, healthy because–I always say it–but life is long. But I really had the realization; I was like, “It’s so long, and I’m going to be alive for so much longer, which is really upsetting.” So, I have to, like, either get healthy or–I dunno–deal with things that are going to happen with old age when you’re not healthy. Do you know what I mean?
[00:35:32] Sasheer: Yeah. My knee is sticky right now. It hurts when I bend it all the way or extend it all the way. And the only thing I can attribute it to is the flight I took from Atlanta to LA. And I was sitting in front of a wall, and my legs were at a 90-degree angle for four or five hours. And then they’ve been sticky since then. And I was like, “Really? That’s it?”
[00:36:11] Nicole: That’s, like, getting old. They tell you to wear… What are those socks?
[00:36:18] Sasheer: Compression socks.
[00:36:19] Nicole: I wonder if that would have helped. Being in a 90-degree angle, and then just, like, the blood circulation a little bit more. I don’t know. But I agree with you. I take flights, and then I’m like, “Ugh.” I don’t know how people our age are touring as much as they are because I’m like, “My body. My body!”
[00:36:37] Sasheer: I know. It sucks.
[00:36:42] Nicole: Do you have your theragun with you?
[00:36:44] Sasheer: Yeah.
[00:36:45] Nicole: Maybe if you do your IT band.
[00:36:52] Sasheer: I’ve been theragunning my whole leg. And I’ve been icing it.
[00:37:00] Nicole: Oh, icing, I hear, is not great.
[00:37:03] Sasheer: Oh, yeah?
[00:37:05] Nicole: I think it’s heat that you want to put on stuff. But also, I’m not a doctor. I’m not Nicole Byer, M.D.
[00:37:14] Jordan: My dad, mom, and my sister both had knee surgeries years ago. And a lot of doctors will say, “Do 20 minutes with an ice pack, and do 20 minutes with heat. Go back and forth for, like, an hour.”
[00:37:28] Sasheer: Okay.
[00:37:29] Jordan: Yeah.
[00:37:30] Nicole: Boy, oh boy. Bodies. Am I right? Okay. Where are we hanging out? I’m going to say, “A cozy sofa.”
[00:37:39] Sasheer: That’s what I was going to say.
[00:37:41] Nicole: Boy, we love being inside.
[00:37:47] Sasheer: Yeah. “And finally, which of these colorful images reminds you most of your best friend?”
[00:37:55] Nicole: The first colorful image is, like, a vertical shiplap that’s a dusty blue. It’s not bright.
[00:38:07] Sasheer: I don’t know if I know what a shiplap is.
[00:38:09] Nicole: Oh, it’s like wood boards.
[00:38:11] Sasheer: Okay. Like a fence?
[00:38:15] Nicole: No. It’s like wood boards in your home that are vertical or horizontal. And it’s, like, a feature wall in your house, made very, very, very trendy by Chip and Joanna Gaines, who now have the Magnolia Network that spent their time refurbishing homes in Waco, Texas. Speaking of home restoration, I am obsessed with this show on Magnolia Network called Restored. There is this man named Brett Waterhouse or Waterman or something. He’s not married. He has a very, very fun way of speaking. He calls people “bucko.” And he doesn’t do renovations; he does restorations. So, you’ll bring him to a 1930 Spanish colonial, and he’ll tell you all of the stuff that has been, like, covered. And he’ll be like, “I’m sure they put this over your fireplace. Let’s see if they did. Oh, yes, the original stuff is under it.” And he gets so excited. And he gets everyone who works with him so excited. No, there’s a different person. That’s Clint Harp. I’m talking about Brett Waterhouse… Or Waterman. And it’s just called Restored.
[00:39:30] Sasheer: Ohh.
[00:39:32] Nicole: Yes. He wears a cowboy hat. He calls people “bucko.” He smiles too hard at you. And I love him. And he takes you to, like, an already done house. And then you can, like, look at and be like, “Oh, I like this. I like that.” No one’s ever as excited as he is about it.
[00:39:51] Jordan: He looks like a skinny Mr. Incredible.
[00:39:52] Nicole: He does! Oh my God. And the way he laughs is so angelic. It’s like. I love him so much. He’ll be like, “Come on, bucko.” But he says it in a loving way. And I love him.
[00:40:10] Sasheer: I love that. All right. The next colorful image is red glitter.
[00:40:18] Nicole: The next one is leaves.
[00:40:22] Sasheer: Next one looks like an aura photo. It’s, like, dark purple going into, like, orange and yellow.
[00:40:30] Nicole: And then this is a yellow wall.
[00:40:34] Sasheer: And then it’s, like, glass. It looks like a reflection of glass or something. It’s, like, clear and white.
[00:40:44] Nicole: I’m going to say the leaves.
[00:40:46] Sasheer: Okay. I can see that. Hmm. I’m going to say the red glitter.
[00:40:53] Nicole: Ooooh.
[00:40:59] Jordan: Oh no. This is Nicole.
[00:41:03] Nicole: I cannot believe how badly we need to defund BuzzFeed. We need to get rid of BuzzFeed because this is our ideal getaway trip to Nassau, Bahamas. “Made up of 700 islands, Nassau is the ultimate tropical destination that’ll answer your need for tasty cocktails by the sea and too many afternoon naps to count. Who needs a clock when you have a trashy new novel to enjoy” It’s a picture of Atlantis, our arch nemesis. I cannot believe. Blown away.
[00:41:43] Sasheer: That is so crazy. Of all the places. Is that mine, too? We both get the Bahamas. That’s insane.
[00:41:52] Nicole: Truly wild. I can’t believe.
[00:41:57] Sasheer: BuzzFeed clearly doesn’t listen to this podcast.
[00:41:59] Nicole: Sure doesn’t. They said, “Go back to the Bahamas after you had a terrible experience, then talked about said terrible experience, and then everyone in the Bahamas got mad at you for having a bad time there.” Oh, BuzzFeed, get out. That’s wild.
[00:42:22] Sasheer: That’s really funny.
[00:42:24] Nicole: Very, very funny.
[00:42:36] Sasheer: Well, should we answer questions?
[00:42:38] Nicole: We should. Some nice, little queries.
[00:42:45] Caller: Hi, Nicole. Hi, Sit– Oh, wow. Oh my God. I almost said “Sitsheer.” I just listened to your little, mini chair talk. Hi, Sasheer. Oh my God. And the rest was him. I am in my 30s, and I use all pronouns. I’m non-binary. I’m out to the friends I’m talking about; that’s not an issue at all. But I’m in my 30s, and I have also been single my entire life. Haven’t gotten a lot of attention or interest. I have a lot of issues around that, but I have been sort of putting myself out there and really, like, working towards maybe finding somebody or even just doing casual stuff with people. And it’s been great. And my friends–and two friends in particular who’ve kind of been supporting me through figuring all of this shit out–have been absolutely great. But they’re both in long term relationships. And so, what I’m curious about is sort of how the two of you navigate or if you have any sort of tips for when your main support people just, like, don’t really… They can empathize and sort of empathize, but they probably don’t really empathize because they just don’t know. I feel bad because I feel like they feel bad when they want to talk about the things they love about their relationship because the thing that’s really bringing me down all the time is my loneliness. And they both live in a different part of the world. They’ve moved away. And they do come back, and we talk almost every other day. I have great relationships–lots of good connections with friends and family. I have hobbies I enjoy. I mean, Nicole, you probably get it. Like, you can love yourself as much as you possibly can. And you can fill your time with all the things you love and the people you love. But at the end of the day, loving yourself sometimes isn’t enough and it was really nice to have someone else. And so how do you navigate sort of talking about that and dealing with those feelings?
[00:45:08] Nicole: I don’t know. I mean, I just ask my friends about their relationships, and then I just talk about my lack of a relationship. I don’t really, like, put too much on it. Like, my friends are my friends, so I don’t think they’re going to get, like, tired of hearing about my problems, even though they might be the same as last week or whatever. Yeah. And I mean, I get, like, wanting someone at the end of the day. And that’s hard. You can’t force someone to love you. And love is harder than it is for some people–than it is for other people–and that’s just life. I don’t know. It’s hard. I don’t know. I get sad, and then I let myself be sad. And then I’m happy, and I let myself be happy. I just let myself feel all of the emotions!
[00:46:04] Sasheer: I don’t know if I have an answer. I guess it wasn’t really for me.
[00:46:11] Nicole: Yeah. I feel like the patron saint of single people sometimes, and I don’t have any real answers other than, like, “shit sucks.” But then also, not every relationship you see is as nice as it seems.
[00:46:26] Sasheer: This is very true.
[00:46:27] Nicole: My mother used to say that. She’s like, “Okay, you want to be in a relationship? Do you want to be in a relationship with that person that they’re in a relationship with?” And it’s like, “No.” Usually I don’t. I’m never looking at someone’s partner being like, “Oh, I wish they would date me.” I’m like, “Oh, I can’t believe my friend’s dating that person.” But then it’s just like, “Whatever. They’re dating that person. It is what it is.” I don’t know. It is shitty just to be like, “Yeah, love yourself. Concentrate on yourself,” because it’s like, “Yeah, I’ve been doing that.” I don’t know. I’ve done a podcast for, like, six years about it, and I still don’t know why I’m single. It’s just the way the world works, and it’s not fair.
[00:47:10] Sasheer: Yeah. I wonder if this caller was also… I guess we didn’t get specifics, but I wonder maybe are their friends not giving helpful advice because they’re not single? Like, are they not able to empathize because they’re not single?
[00:47:31] Nicole: I feel like our caller is putting that on their friends–that they can’t empathize because they’re not single. But I can empathize with someone who’s in a relationship, even though I’m not in one. I think you got to give your friends, like, a little bit more credit. Go ahead and ask them about their relationships. Go ahead and tell them about your issues being a lonely lady, and understand that they might come back with, like, “When you’re not looking is when it happens,” or “It’ll happen when you love yourself.” They might have shitty things to say, but that’s just what all people in relationships tend to say because they don’t know how they got into a relationship. Nobody does. Love is a very… Is it elusive? An elusive thing that doesn’t quite make sense.”
[00:48:25] Sasheer: Yeah. And if you are dating, I think your friends would probably love to hear those stories because they get to live vicariously through you a little bit. Like, “Ooh, I want to hear anything new. Anything at all. You have new information? Wonderful. I’ve been staring at the same person for years.”
[00:48:52] Nicole: Solved.
[00:48:53] Sasheer: Solved! Let’s get another. An email.
[00:48:59] Nicole: “Hi, Nicole and Sasheer. To celebrate your 200th episode, I created a cocktail for both of you from stories on the podcast. Nicole’s Purple Giraffe and Sasheer’s Cherry Chair. Unfortunately, I know podcasting is an audio medium, but photos are attached! And I listen to your podcast every week and so often relate to your friendship. Thanks for all the laughs over the episodes and hope to see you do a live show one day. All the love to the four of you. Okay. This is Nicole’s Purple Giraffe. One ounce of pineapple juice. One ounce of soda. Float two ounces of Emperor’s Purple Gin on top. Garnish orange peel, lemon peel, cinnamon grilled pineapple.”
[00:49:44] Sasheer: Oooh. Whoa.
[00:49:46] Nicole: Oh, that looks beautiful.
[00:49:50] Sasheer: That sounds tasty. “Sasheer’s Cherry Chair. Two ounces of Bulleit Bourbon.” This person knows me. “One ounce of Amaro Averna. Two dashes of Angostura Bitters. Half ounce of brown sugar, vanilla, syrup, garnish, Amarena cherries skewered.” Ooh.
[00:50:22] Nicole: That looks nice, too. Those look yummy. Thank you so much.
[00:50:25] Sasheer: I love that. Thank you. We should just take this to a bar and be like, “Make this for us.”
[00:50:28] Nicole: “Make this! Do you have these ingredients?” We should.
[00:50:32] Sasheer: Yeah.
[00:50:33] Nicole: And we will one day.
[00:50:35] Sasheer: And we will.
[00:50:37] Nicole: But until then, you can email us at firstname.lastname@example.org.
[00:50:45] Sasheer: Or call or text us at 424-645-7003.
[00:50:51] Nicole: And we have merch for sale. The merch is at podswag.com/bestfriends.
[00:51:00] Sasheer: Lastly, don’t forget to rate, review, and subscribe. That’s the easiest way to support this show.
[00:51:07] Nicole: Oh, wow.
[00:51:09] Sasheer: We did that mostly memorized.
[00:51:11] Nicole: We did! Did you get the number right?
[00:51:14] Sasheer: I think I did. 424-645-7003. Look at that. Look at us.
[00:51:19] Nicole: Look at us. Wow. We’ve come so far.
[00:51:28] Sasheer: We sure have. Until next time!
[00:51:31] Nicole: See you later.
[00:51:33] Sasheer: Bye.
November 21, 2023
This week, we’ve got a couch! And we’re live from the Netflix Is A Joke festival!