November 29, 2022
Sasheer will be returning to Hotlanta next year to play a super-secret role in the Agatha Spinoff of WandaVision! Another win in the books is Nicole finally acquiring glorious lasagna from Little Dom’s! Nicole was frightened, worried, and concerned for Sasheer’s safety when Sasheer landed in Atlanta for a few comedy shows, and quickly the scene became the movie Taken in Nicole’s mind. After a few humbling stories, Sasheer may no longer be using caster oil and Nicole might never trust eggs from crafty again! Lastly, they respond to listener questions and answer unique friendship queries.
Email or call Nicole & Sasheer with your friendship questions at:
181 — Sasheer Manifested A Seat With Marvel
Sasheer [00:00:11] Hi, Nicole.
Nicole [00:00:12] Hi, Sasheer. People are going to hate the first couple minutes of this episode.
Sasheer [00:00:18] Yeah. Nicole’s eating. So, she told me to talk for a while. I guess I’m just going to talk about me for a minute. So, I’m in Atlanta right now. And I did a couple shows last night, and that was super fun.
Nicole [00:00:40] Mmhmm.
Sasheer [00:00:40] Oh, thank you for the feedback. Yeah, the shows are actually really super fun. And I’m going to be shooting in Atlanta next year because I’m part of the Agatha spinoff of WandaVision, which I’m very excited about.
Nicole [00:01:03] Congratulations!
Sasheer [00:01:03] Thank you so much. Thank you. Yeah. People pointed out online that we had an episode where we were manifesting things, and this is one of the things I manifested–being in Marvel. And so, I’m so glad.
Nicole [00:01:14] What the fuck did I manifest? Did any of it come true?
Sasheer [00:01:21] I do remember you saying you were going to manifest working with someone. Viola Davis?
Nicole [00:01:26] Maybe. And guess who wasn’t in The Woman King? Guess who wasn’t The Woman fucking Prince.
Sasheer [00:01:37] Not even a Woman Pauper!
Nicole [00:01:40] I want to be a Woman Joker. Thank you, Sasheer, for starting that off. I’m so proud of you; I’m so happy that you got that part!
Sasheer [00:01:50] Thank you so much.
Nicole [00:01:51] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah! She’s a queen, and now she’s gonna be an undisclosed character. She’s on the NDA and nobody knows!
Sasheer [00:02:05] I kind of hardly know, too. They give you a little bits of information as needed.
Nicole [00:02:12] Yeah. My friend was on a marvel show. Didn’t know what was happening, but, like, knew the lead from something else. And then the lead just told him what happened. It’s wild. They’re like, “We don’t want anybody to know. Not even the people in it!” Which is great because I don’t want to read anything. Let me be in Marvel. Don’t worry. I’ll ask no questions. I’ll get those sides the day of. I’ll read them over. You tell me what’s happening, and I’ll do it.
Sasheer [00:02:37] That’s really funny. Yeah. When you do press, it’s like, “No worries here of me spoiling anything.”
Nicole [00:02:43] “I don’t know. I know what I shot, and I asked zero questions.”
Sasheer [00:02:47] And they’re like, “Nicole, stop being so coy!” And you’re like, “Uh-uh.”
Nicole [00:02:51] “Who’s coy? I’m uninformed.”
Sasheer [00:02:54] “I just don’t know.”
Nicole [00:02:57] I just want to say, I, too, had a victory. I went to Little Dom’s last night. There was one piece of lasagna left when I arrived.
Sasheer [00:03:04] Oh, my God. You got the last piece? One singular piece of lasagna. And some people may say, “Nicole, that’s not exciting.” But for me? Thrilling.
Sasheer [00:03:14] Yes. You’ve been on the hunt for lasagna for weeks.
Nicole [00:03:19] For weeks, and weeks, and weeks, and weeks, and weeks. They set it aside.
Sasheer [00:03:23] Because they knew you were coming?
Nicole [00:03:24] No. When I walked in, they had one piece left, and they set it aside so no one could go, “I need a lasagna,” and take that lasagna. And then we sat. And then I was like, “I guess I’ll get wine.” And they got my wine. And then another server came over and was like, “Did you get the lasagna?” And I was like, “Oh, I haven’t placed my order yet.” They’re like, “We gotta put it in now before someone steals it.”
Sasheer [00:03:43] They’re like, “This girl needs her lasagna.”
Nicole [00:03:47] This was at 8:25. How are you running out of lasagna at 8:25? The people have spoken. East Los Angeles wants lasagna on Friday. Have it. Have it! I mean, it would be delightful if I could get my lasagna every day.
Sasheer [00:04:05] So, wait, is that what you were just eating this morning, too?
Nicole [00:04:07] Hell, yeah.
Sasheer [00:04:08] So you didn’t finish last night? How could you resist?
Nicole [00:04:10] Well, I have a thing now. My tummy hurts sometimes, so I have to eat sometimes not as much because tummies hurt. It’s not ideal.
Sasheer [00:04:23] But then you get to savor meals longer. And then it’s a two-day lasagna.
Nicole [00:04:27] This was a two-day lasagna. Yes. The Lord let me enjoy my lasagna over the course of two days. And I got to say, one of the greatest gifts I’ve ever gotten from the Lord.
Sasheer [00:04:39] “And on the second day, also lasagna.”
Nicole [00:04:42] Oh my God. It’s like I ate Jesus, who died and then rose again!
Sasheer [00:04:46] He died for your meal!
Nicole [00:04:48] He died. Oh, my God! Oh, baby.
Sasheer [00:04:54] I’m so glad that you got your lasagna.
Nicole [00:04:57] Me too. I was in tears the last time when I couldn’t have it. And then I was in tears when I got it. And then the person I was with was like, “I think you’re, like, addicted to the cheese of the lasagna. I don’t think you like lasagna.” Because it did need a little seasoning. But then I had it this morning, and I don’t agree because leftovers aren’t as good as the first time around. And guess what? This felt like the first time I met her. I think I’m going to get a Garfield tattoo next because I hate Mondays and I love lasagna.
Sasheer [00:05:36] Oh, my God. You absolutely should. That’s really funny.
Nicole [00:05:44] Thank you. I think it’s really funny, too. Wait, what’s your next tattoo going to be?
Sasheer [00:05:49] I have one in my mind because last time we were both in New York, you threatened to get tattoos. So, I was like, I got to think of something on the way there. “So, in the cab I thought of getting a rose but kind of like geometric. And because my name is a crystal rose from, like, a different planet in Star Trek, I was like, “Oh, that’d be cute if I got a rose that kind of represents my name in a way.
Nicole [00:06:21] I like that.
Sasheer [00:06:22] Yeah.
Nicole [00:06:23] Chrysalis.
Sasheer [00:06:25] I could do chrysalis, too. That’s nice.
Nicole [00:06:28] Oh, I thought the rose was called a chrysalis.
Sasheer [00:06:30] No, chrysalis is the stage where a caterpillar turns into a butterfly.
Nicole [00:06:36] What am I thinking of?
Sasheer [00:06:38] That is my incorporation. Is that you’re thinking of?
Nicole [00:06:40] Maybe. And I thought that meant rose. And I thought it has something to do with your name.
Sasheer [00:06:45] No. I just loved that word for so long. I, like, learned it maybe in middle school or something as a vocabulary word. And I was like, “I love this word. I’m going to use it in something.”
Nicole [00:06:55] I love that you remember a word that you liked. I learned a word yesterday, and I loved it. And I repeated it and everything. Everyone’s like, “Wow, Nicole, you remembered it.” And I said, “In 30 seconds, I won’t know it.” And it’s today, and I don’t know it.
Sasheer [00:07:09] Oh no. Do you remember what context you used it in?
Nicole [00:07:11] Well, it is a word for a thing that the grips used to create, like, a different shadow of light on something. And it looks like cow print, but the white part is just nothing is there. And it’s like a flag. And I don’t know what it’s called. But that dark black fabric–that’s called duvetyn.
Sasheer [00:07:31] That’s a good word.
Nicole [00:07:32] That’s a very good word. Give me some duvetyn! As opposed to Ovaltine. Don’t get them twisted.
Sasheer [00:07:39] Yeah. You don’t want to mess up and get some hot chocolate instead.
Nicole [00:07:43] Like, “We need some Ovaltine.” They bring you Ovaltine. It’s like, “No, I needed the duvetyn!”
Sasheer [00:07:48] “This can’t block the light!”
Nicole [00:07:49] “Oh, my God. We’re going to be delayed!” Sasheer, yesterday I was so frightened, worried, concerned, shocked, appalled, saddened, afraid. I thought you were about to get taken.
Sasheer [00:08:13] Oh, yes. I guess I didn’t text great things. I landed at the airport in Atlanta, and I was like, “I can’t get a rental car. I’m getting in a lift. Actually, I got in a cab. Actually, this guy’s screaming at his phone right now. I don’t know where I am today. My phone’s about to die.” And you were like, “Um. Please text me when you get to the hotel.”
Nicole [00:08:35] You said, “I just got in a cab because it was in front of me, and the driver was just screaming in his phone for directions.” I said, “Oh, no.” And then you said, “The phone doesn’t know what he’s talking about.” I said, “Please don’t get napped.” You said, “We’re driving now. And my phone’s about to die. And he doesn’t have a cord or an outlet. Why is this happening? What do I do?” And I was like, “Oh, no, I don’t know! Turn it on airplane mode until you’ve made it to the destination. Take a screenshot of the directions and arrival time so you know you’re going to the right place. Please let me know you’re safe!” I really escalated it. Then you’re like, “I feel safe. I’m not worried. Here’s the hotel I’m going to just in case.” I said, “Okay. Thank you. If I don’t hear from you in an hour, I will call the hotel.”
Sasheer [00:09:19] That’s so not the tone I thought it was taking when I typed it.
Nicole [00:09:26] Sasheer, I was in an action movie for 20 minutes. I was like, “We’re ready to buy a ticket to get to where you are. Save you from the cab.”
Sasheer [00:09:35] I thought I was like, “Oh, I just got in the cab because it was in front of me, and the driver was just screaming on his phone for directions.” And then you go, “Oh, no!” Then I was like, “Yeah. And the phone doesn’t know what he’s talking about.” And you said, “Please don’t get napped.” I’m like, “We’re driving now. And my phone’s about to die. And he doesn’t have a cord or an outlet. What’s happening? What’d I do?” I guess I said, “What’d I do?” as in, like, “What did I do to deserve this?” not “What do I do?”
Nicole [00:10:02] Ah. Okay. Okay. Fair. I thought you were in peril. I mean, yesterday I was having a real cognitive discourse all over. We were reading a scene, and the line was, “We haven’t tricked any Black women today. Ooh. There it is” because we, like, saw a box. But I said, “Ooh, there it is” and pointed to a man. And then our director was like, “Hey, Nicole. I don’t think you’re saying ‘There it is’ in reference to this man. I think it’s the box that you’ve been looking for in the prior scene.” And I was like, “Oh, no.”
Sasheer [00:10:46] That makes a lot more sense.
Nicole [00:10:48] And then the next line I fucked up was, “You can’t put a price on friendship, but even if we did, it’d be more than $2,000.” And I was saying that to this man at this store, who had the box that we wanted. And then the girl in the scene with me was like, “Hey, Nicole. I think you’re talking to me about our friendship.” And I was like, “Oh, no!”
Sasheer [00:11:09] I like that when you arrive to set, you’re a blank slate. You’re like, “I’m not going to let anything else inform what I’m doing in the present. I don’t care about the past. I don’t care about the future of this scene. I’m here in the now.”
Nicole [00:11:25] Uh huh. And then we were sitting at our chairs, and it’s me, Grasie, and then our guest actor for the day. And I was going over my lines, so I was like, “Boy, oh boy, you guys. Sorry about this rehearsal. That was wild.” And then I was looking at my lines, and I was like, “I don’t wanna do this.” So, then I said out loud, “I’m not learning my line.” And I put my sides down. And everyone kind of just stared at me because I think they were like, “Oh, I don’t think she’s going to actually learn them.”
Sasheer [00:11:54] They’re like, “We need you to.”
Nicole [00:11:56] “You have the bulk of the lines in this scene.” But I will tell you this, on the first, like, take-take, I knew them, and it was great, and it was fine. I, like, got them in my bones, and then I was like, “I could go over these more, but I know it. And by the third take, it’ll be yummy and exactly where I want it.” And I was like, “There’s no point in going over them anymore.” And I just thought it’d be funny to be like, “I’m not learning my line.” And everyone looked so concerned.
Sasheer [00:12:28] Where to trust yourself.
Nicole [00:12:31] But you are right. I am a blank vessel wherever I go. No thoughts. Nothing. That’s how I like to be, you know? Paint me up, Daddy.
Sasheer [00:12:42] I mean, some people do a lot of self-work to get to that point. To be present. To be in the moment. That’s like, rare.
Nicole [00:12:52] Oh, interesting. Thank you. I am in the moment a lot. Also, there was a scene where I had to cry. I have had a crying audition, but I don’t think I’ve had to cry on camera-on camera. Have you had to cry on camera?
Sasheer [00:13:09] Yeah. Only one time is coming to mind. Nah, probably a couple times. But it was for Woke, and it was, like, a serious, like, “boohoo” cry. And I felt like I was crying the whole day, and it was awful. And then I was dry. Then I was like, “There’s nothing in the well. I’m empty.” And they had to get that… Um…
Nicole [00:13:33] Oh, like, fake tears.
Sasheer [00:13:34] Yeah. What is it called? It’s, like, spearmint or…
Nicole [00:13:38] Oh, the stuff that they rub under your eyes?
Sasheer [00:13:40] Yeah. It’s, like, minty fresh. And they put it under your eyes to make it water.
Nicole [00:13:45] Which can’t be good for anybody.
Sasheer [00:13:47] No, I’m like, “I’m sure this is not good for my skin–my eyes. I don’t know what’s happening.” But, yeah, it was just a ton of takes in different angles of me crying. And I’m like, “I feel like just a closeup would be great.”
Nicole [00:13:59] Did they start with your closeup?
Sasheer [00:14:01] We did not.
Nicole [00:14:03] That is rude.
Sasheer [00:14:05] Yeah. I know. I hadn’t done it before like that, so I didn’t know to be like, “Hey! So that we get authentic tears, let’s start on the closeup and then move out.” We started on the wide. And all my good shit was in the wide.
Nicole [00:14:24] Oh, no. And you can’t use–! This is a real fucking insidery talk. Sorry, besties! Is that what we call people who listen to this show?
Sasheer [00:14:32] I like it. I don’t think we’ve tried that, but I like that.
Nicole [00:14:35] Or “friends.” Wait, should we say “besties” or “friends?”
Sasheer [00:14:42] “Besties” is nice. “Besties” is, like, more personal.
Nicole [00:14:44] Yes. Sorry, besties. It’s insider talk.
Sasheer [00:14:51] I am surprised at how people who are not in the TV industry–how many terms they do understand. There’s been so many shows about TV that I think people do get some stuff. But I do wonder how much do they understand. How much are they like, “I have no clue what you’re talking about?”
Nicole [00:15:08] Well, the tour that goes by at Universal–they go, “And here’s Crafty!” And I don’t think they explain what Crafty is. Crafty is just, like, snacks. And then they’ll be like, “And here is catering!” Yesterday, this man is like, “Yum. Give me a prime rib.” And nobody laughed on the tram. And I laughed really hard.
Sasheer [00:15:29] “Yum. Give me a prime rib.” I mean, I wouldn’t laugh either. It’s not a joke.
Nicole [00:15:33] No, but I loved it. It is a joke. You’re driving past food, you go, “Yum. Give me a prime rib.”
Sasheer [00:15:40] But wait, why is that a joke?
Nicole [00:15:42] Because he can’t have the prime rib. He’s on a moving vehicle. He won’t get it.
Sasheer [00:15:47] But maybe they could stop the vehicle.
Nicole [00:15:50] No, it’s a tour. No stops here.
Sasheer [00:15:52] The tour audience doesn’t know that. Maybe they’re like, “Oh, I guess we’re all getting prime rib right now.”
Nicole [00:15:57] But it keeps moving, so then you go, “Hahaha. No prime ribs here.”
Sasheer [00:16:03] Okay, our barometers for jokes are very different.
Nicole [00:16:07] Yeah. Yeah, I guess they are. I’m just, like, here for giggles at all times.
Sasheer [00:16:13] No, no. I like giggling, too. I just didn’t get the joke.
Nicole [00:16:18] Come on, Sasheer. We’re in a moving car.
Sasheer [00:16:21] Okay.
Nicole [00:16:21] And I say to you, “Give me a prime rib!”
Sasheer [00:16:30] I mean, if you said it? I would laugh very hard.
Nicole [00:16:33] Thank you.
Sasheer [00:16:34] It’s honestly not terribly different from things that you’ve said to me. One time we were in a car, and you were driving, and you were so hungry, and I don’t think we were even discussing food. And you held out your hand–you just cupped it in the air–and you said, “Can I please have some mashed potatoes?”
Nicole [00:16:59] I think we were parked, too. Or maybe we were driving. I don’t know. But you’re right. I held my hand out like you had mashed potatoes in your purse.
Sasheer [00:17:08] And I was withholding them. As if I was like, “Uh-uh,” and you’re just like, “Can I please…!” And that’s a funny joke.
Nicole [00:17:25] “Can I please have some mashed potatoes.” I mean, if you had them and flopped them in my hand, I would be the happiest little camper. Oh, my God. Sasheer, I got violently sick the other day.
Sasheer [00:17:39] Oh, no.
Nicole [00:17:41] From… Guess. Just one guess of food I ate.
Sasheer [00:17:45] Ranch.
Nicole [00:17:47] Unfortunately, no. Eggs.
Sasheer [00:17:49] Oh.
Nicole [00:17:50] I had scrambled eggs that were full of crunchems. I don’t know what the crunchy parts were, but I was eating around the crunchy parts and as soon as they got crunchy, I would, like, spit it out, and then dig through it, and eat the non-crunchy part. So, like, truly on my part, it seemed like I was like, “I’m yearning to get sick. I don’t know what this is.”
Sasheer [00:18:11] Wait, was this from a restaurant, or did you make this?
Nicole [00:18:13] No, this is on set. This is catering.
Sasheer [00:18:15] Oh, no.
Nicole [00:18:16] It was terrible. And then our holding was at this lady’s house, and I tore up her bathroom.
Sasheer [00:18:24] Oh, no.
Nicole [00:18:25] And she was home.
Sasheer [00:18:31] She’s like, “I’m never opening up my house to Hollywood ever again.”
Nicole [00:18:33] She was like, “It’s not worth it.”
Sasheer [00:18:34] Yeah.
Nicole [00:18:36] Whatever they were paying me, they must double. That was not worth it.
Sasheer [00:18:39] I have to hire an exorcist now.
Nicole [00:18:41] Truly. But I gotta say, it was a real treat that it wasn’t in the trailer bathrooms. It was on solid ground in someone’s home.
Sasheer [00:18:50] With good plumbing.
Nicole [00:18:52] Good plumbing. A nice toilet seat to sit right on.
Sasheer [00:18:58] Thank goodness.
Nicole [00:18:59] I hope she doesn’t listen to this podcast. I mean, she knew it was up. She had to have.
Sasheer [00:19:05] And it’s not just you using the bathroom. It’s, like, the whole crew, the whole cast.
Nicole [00:19:09] Well, it was just the cast, and the ADs, and the director. So, it wasn’t too-too many people. But, yeah, she knew what was up. She invited us into her home. She didn’t know what we were doing. She did put out the potpourri, so I think she was prepared. And I was like, “All right. Potpourri. It’s on.” Oh, it was wild.
Sasheer [00:19:31] Do you feel better now?
Nicole [00:19:34] Yes, I do. And not to continue talking about shits and poops, but, like, have you ever had an episode of the poops where you are surprised by what your body can do? Where it’s like, “Rat-tat-tat-tat-tat!” And you’re like, “Oh, no!”
Sasheer [00:19:56] One time, I drank castor oil. And I can’t remember why. I honestly don’t know what I read that was like, “This will clear you out,” or like, “This is good for your stomach.” I was dealing with some digestive issues, and that was like a thing I saw. And so, I took some, went to bed, woke up, and was in a puddle.
Nicole [00:20:21] Oh, no. You pooped yourself?
Sasheer [00:20:25] Yeah. And everything else. It was, like, a stream. I was like, “There’s no form to this. It’s formless.” I didn’t push. It slid on out.
Nicole [00:20:39] Oh, no! I feel like I vaguely have heard this story, but wow-wow-wow. Did it get on the mattress?
Sasheer [00:20:49] No, it didn’t get on the mattress. It got on the sheets, so I got up. I don’t remember what order of things I had to do because I was like, “Well, I’m a mess. And that’s a mess. How do I clean myself and the thing at the same time?” And I’m, like, going back and forth to the bathroom and trying to wrap things up and wrap myself up.
Nicole [00:21:07] Oh, boy. Wait, was this in New York?
Sasheer [00:21:10] It was in New York, yeah.
Nicole [00:21:11] Oh, no. So, then you had to go, like, outside your apartment to wash those sheets.
Sasheer [00:21:16] Yep.
Nicole [00:21:18] Lord, this city will humble you. It’s like you haven’t been humble until you take your shitty sheets to the laundromat. Oh, my God. That’s very funny, Sasheer.
Sasheer [00:21:33] I think I tried to wash it in the sink as much as possible, and then, yeah, I took it to a laundromat.
Nicole [00:21:42] I can’t remember… I feel like I’ve heard that. It’s like, “Drink your castor oil for X, Y and Z.” But I cannot remember what X, Y and Z is.
Sasheer [00:21:50] I also can’t remember what X, Y, and Z is. I really don’t remember why I did it. But my body said, “No, thank you.”
Nicole [00:21:59] “My body! My body’s telling me–”
Sasheer [00:22:00] “No.” Kimmie found something.
Nicole [00:22:00] Ooh. What’s this?
Sasheer [00:22:10] “Castor oil’s used to treat constipation.” But I don’t think that’s what I was using it for.
Nicole [00:22:14] Well, it helped.
Sasheer [00:22:15] It definitely cleared things out, yes.
Nicole [00:22:18] “Can I drink a casserole to poop?” Oh, wait. Can you go back? It says, “Can casserole help me lose weight?”
Sasheer [00:22:26] Like a diuretic?
Nicole [00:22:29] “Aside from relieving constipation, no evidence suggests that castor oil has any direct or indirect ability to aid in weight loss.” Oh, okay. “It just releases constipation.”
Sasheer [00:22:42] I really don’t think that was what I was doing.
Nicole [00:22:44] Sounds like you’re constipated, Sasheer.
Sasheer [00:22:46] But I’m, like, actually never constipated.
Nicole [00:22:49] Oh, that’s probably ’cause you, like… Wait, I don’t know why. You don’t eat, like…
Sasheer [00:22:59] I’m not eating much leafy greens. But I drink a lot of water, and I think that does help.
Nicole [00:23:04] That’s really interesting to me. Wow. What a case study in nutrition. You can eat whatever you want as long as you just guzzle that water.
Sasheer [00:23:11] I don’t think that’s true, but–
Nicole [00:23:13] It seems as such. You’re healthy as a bug if you just guzzle water and eat all the chips you want. Hot dogs aplenty. Just drink your water.
Sasheer [00:23:25] I do eat lots of hot dogs. Well, less hot dogs now, but yes, hot dogs aplenty. Lots of chips and pizza.
Nicole [00:23:33] I have been trying to eat, like, slightly better because, like, apparently–I don’t know–shit gets bad when you get old. And I’m not trying to be here for all the bad shit. And I’ve been, like–what is it? Meal prepping? That shit sucks. You got to, like, wait shit and shit, you know? And you have to put in these, like, little divided glass containers. And then you’ll be, like, eating Monday, Wednesday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. And it’s just Lunchables for adults, and I hate it. I hated Lunchables as kids. Why is my food fucking separated? I’m okay if it touches. Actually, I’m not. But I don’t like the division! Like, why can’t I just slop it in a Tupperware and just, like, have, like, dividers? I don’t know! I don’t know what I want. I just know I don’t want this.
Sasheer [00:24:25] Can you just put it in whatever container you want?
Nicole [00:24:28] Okay, here’s why I said, “I don’t mind if it touches,” but then also I do mind if it touches. So, I feel like the best course of action is to put it into the little glass containers, but then put them on a plate later. But now I’m dirtying two things! I’m furious! And then did you know on a kitchen scale–you can put a bowl on it, and then you hit this thing called “Tare,” and then it goes back to zero. It takes the weight of the bowl away, so you’re not punching on it naked.
Sasheer [00:25:06] And do you like that? You sound very angry.
Nicole [00:25:09] No!
Sasheer [00:25:10] Oh, okay.
Nicole [00:25:10] I’ve been putting things on it naked and wiping it down every fucking time I put something on it! I don’t have to wipe it!
Sasheer [00:25:18] Yeah. You could put it right in the bowl.
Nicole [00:25:19] God. Furious. Nobody tells you anything!
Sasheer [00:25:24] I’m sure the directions did.
Nicole [00:25:26] I’m going to read directions for a scale? I put the batteries in and go for it.
Sasheer [00:25:34] But clearly, you needed to! Clearly, there was a piece of information you were missing–and maybe more.
Nicole [00:25:43] Well, how come there’s no Tare on real scales?
Sasheer [00:25:47] Oh, for, like, shoes and stuff?
Nicole [00:25:48] Maybe there’s a heavy weight on my heart that doesn’t really calculate in my body weight. But, yeah, shoes and stuff.
Sasheer [00:25:57] “This is not accounting for the heart weight.”
Nicole [00:26:03] “I’m going through it. So, like, can we take off about ten pounds? Thank you.”
Sasheer [00:26:08] I’m actually interested in that. Are people, like, heavier when they have, like, a heavy heart? Kimmie, do you mind looking that up? I don’t know what you would type in there, but…
Nicole [00:26:19] Yeah. Does sadness make you physically weigh more? Because you can actually die of a broken heart. And there is something called Broken Heart Syndrome, which mimics, like, a heart attack. But it’s not an actual heart attack.
Sasheer [00:26:33] Oh, no.
Nicole [00:26:35] She be googling. Late at night when she can’t sleep.
Kimmie [00:26:40] I’m not finding any, like, metaphysical or spiritual connection. They are saying that depression can affect weight more because people feel less motivated to take care of themselves or to do what’s good for them because they’re just unhappy with themselves usually or unhappy generally. But I’m not seeing anything other than that.
Sasheer [00:26:58] Yeah.
Nicole [00:27:01] Well, next time I’m really sad, I’m going to weigh myself and see what’s up. I can write it down, and the next time I’m happy, I’m gonna weigh myself and see what’s up.
Sasheer [00:27:09] Do an experiment.
Nicole [00:27:09] I hope it’s, like, an 82-pound difference.
Sasheer [00:27:14] “You have some heavy emotions.”
Nicole [00:27:16] “Oh wow. They’re really weighing on me.” Sasheer, I love your sweatshirt. It’s from Farm Rio, isn’t it?
Sasheer [00:27:25] You know it is.
Nicole [00:27:27] Furious at Farm Rio.
Sasheer [00:27:29] Weren’t you wearing one yesterday?
Nicole [00:27:31] Yes. Always. I love Farm Rio. Here’s why I’m furious. They did a collaboration with Adidas, and it goes up to a 3X. And it seems very Farm Rio-y. They did a collaboration with Anthropologie that just seemed like Anthropologie stuff repackaged as Farm Rio. It did not feel Farm Rio-y. They went up to a 3X. Their fucking clothing line that’s just theirs–I can wear their sweatshirts and their sweaters because they’re extra-large, fits like a 3X. But I can’t wear anything else. The dresses don’t come big enough. And here’s my thing, Farm Rio. If you know how to make something oversized, just do it. Like, just go up. If you do have the sweaters, that means you have… Because, like, the sweaters close and stuff. So, it’s not like I’m wearing them open because they’re too small. There’s room in my arms. There’s room around my waist. You know how to do it. You know how to size up. Do it with your dresses. And I don’t know how to get to them. I don’t know! Also, Reformation–they also have plus stuff but not everything. And they have these smiley face jeans that I fucking want! And they don’t come in my size!
Sasheer [00:28:49] Quick! Weigh yourself right now!
Nicole [00:28:50] Yeah. I’m probably 100 pounds heavier. Oh, no! Sasheer, I weigh 792 pounds.
Sasheer [00:29:06] She’s furious!
Nicole [00:29:06] It’s annoying. And it’s something I’ll complain about until the end of time. That and customers on shows because it’s either shit that is too small or they say, “Hey, friend. We’re going to make you look like an Avon lady.”
Sasheer [00:29:17] Yeah.
Nicole [00:29:20] They say, “Here is one of the oldest outfits we could find. It’s very ugly. Yes, it has tags, but it’s so ugly. Put it on. Don’t you want it?” No!
Sasheer [00:29:30] Let’s switch off this energy.
Nicole [00:29:31] What? You don’t want me to keep screaming?
Sasheer [00:29:33] I sure don’t. No.
Nicole [00:29:35] Okay. Well, tell me something that soothes me.
Sasheer [00:29:38] Tell you something to soothe you? Oh, my God.
Nicole [00:29:44] Yeah. This is in your hands now. Soothe me.
Sasheer [00:29:49] You yourself are super fashionable. And it sucks that other people don’t know how to dress you, but you dress yourself immaculately. And it inspires people. Like, truly–there’s people always talking about how they figured out how to dress because they saw your stuff on Instagram. And brands should be so lucky to have you wear any of their things.
Nicole [00:30:12] Thank you, Sasheer. You really did “lift me up!” What song is that? Is that Josh Groban?
Sasheer [00:30:18] “You raise me up!” I think it’s “raise.”
Nicole [00:30:21] That’s what you did. You Josh Grobaned me.
Sasheer [00:30:26] Oh, no. I Josh Grobaned you.
Nicole [00:30:27] Thank you. That really made me happy. Also, my new pajamas–you can’t see the bottom, but the bottom matches the top. And I feel like I look like an inmate. And it makes me giggle when I walk past the mirror. And I’m not laughing at people in jail. I’m just laughing at, like, why don’t they have separates? Like, why is it, like, so monochromatic?
Sasheer [00:30:50] I don’t think they’re concerned about the look of anyone.
Nicole [00:30:55] But I feel like it’s humane to, like, let inmates pick out an outfit they want.
Sasheer [00:31:02] Yeah.
Nicole [00:31:03] Like, why not polka dots? Stripes? You know, something cute.
Sasheer [00:31:06] Maybe you can come up with a prison line for inmates, and they can get, like–I don’t know–a few options to pick, so they feel a little bit more fun.
Nicole [00:31:18] How do I do that? Do I reach out to Joe Biden?
Sasheer [00:31:21] I really have no idea. But yeah. Hit Joe Biden up.
Nicole [00:31:25] “Wake up, Joe! I have an idea for you.” I shake him around a little bit till he’s loosened. How do we have the oldest president known to man this year? This is wild.
Kimmie [00:31:46] Before I bring a question, a listener emailed us about a giant hot dog statue in Los Angeles. Do you want more info on that?
Sasheer [00:31:53] Yes.
Kimmie [00:31:55] All right, great. I’m going to pull it up. They left a voicemail. I don’t think we have to play the whole thing, but they were excited because in Culver City there’s a 7-Eleven. They have the address. I can give it to you. I can text it to you. “But there’s a giant hot dog on the roof of the building that’s right next to a 7-Eleven. And I thought, ‘Well, doesn’t Nicole like taking pictures with statues and things like that?’” So, she thought it would be very funny for you guys to see it and take a picture if you wanted. So, I’ll send you the address.
Sasheer [00:32:20] Yeah. Wait, she saw this hot dog, and the only thing she thought was that Nicole likes to take pictures of statues–not my love of hotdogs?
Kimmie [00:32:26] I do think there was a missed opportunity there, but I think her heart was in the right place.
Sasheer [00:32:30] It certainly was. Yes. It’s best of both worlds. Nicole gets to be next to a giant thing; I get to see a hotdog.
Nicole [00:32:38] But it’s on a roof. How do I get to the roof? Should I climb?
Sasheer [00:32:41] No. We could just angle the camera in a way where it’s beside you. You don’t have to be up there.
Nicole [00:32:52] Sounds good.
Kimmie [00:32:54] Amazing. I’ll text you. Yeah, but the Culver City 7-Eleven, so I’ll get you that info.
Nicole [00:32:59] This is exciting. I can’t wait to see that giant hot dog. When you get back, we got to go. Real quick. Can I just tell you–my Sonic rug came in.
Sasheer [00:33:08] Oh, nice!
Nicole [00:33:09] And I’m having trouble figuring out where to put it in my house.
Sasheer [00:33:11] Of course.
Nicole [00:33:12] Because it’s a Sonic rug.
Sasheer [00:33:14] Right.
Nicole [00:33:15] It was a real impulse buy, and it doesn’t fit with any of my decor.
Sasheer [00:33:19] Could it maybe go with the couches behind you, do you think? Is there a rug on that floor already?
Nicole [00:33:27] You’re going to be shocked at how small it is.
Sasheer [00:33:29] The rug? It’s small?
Jordan [00:33:32] Do you have to put it on the floor?
Nicole [00:33:33] Hold on.
Kimmie [00:33:38] I’m really excited.
Sasheer [00:33:43] That’s not a rug. That’s not a rug. It’s a bathmat. You can put it in front of your shower.
Nicole [00:33:51] I can’t believe it.
Sasheer [00:33:54] Because you sat down, I was like, “There’s no way she’s holding it right now.” And then you were palming it with one hand.
Nicole [00:34:01] It is the smallest rug known to man.
Sasheer [00:34:04] Yeah. You can hang it on the wall.
Nicole [00:34:05] I think that’s what I might do. I might put it in, like, a little glass case.
Sasheer [00:34:11] What state of mind were you in when you bought the rug? What was going on?
Nicole [00:34:18] You know it was after 2 a.m. You know I had maybe taken half an Ambien and was fairly lucid, and I said, “Oh, Lord, I need that Sonic rug.”
Sasheer [00:34:30] Yeah. All right. And did you measure it at all or did you just, like, blindly click?
Nicole [00:34:38] Blindly click. Measure? I don’t know her. Measure? No.
Sasheer [00:34:46] No, I understand. This is the same woman who doesn’t read the directions of a scale.
Nicole [00:34:51] I have a question. If I said to you, “Hey, do you think electric screwdrivers exist, what would you say?”
Sasheer [00:34:58] Yes.
Nicole [00:34:59] Kimmie? Jordan?
Kimmie [00:35:00] Isn’t that just a power drill?
Jordan [00:35:02] I was gonna say the same thing.
Nicole [00:35:04] No, no. In an electric screwdriver you can put, like, a bit that’s just a screwdriver.
Kimmie [00:35:09] Is it shaped like a power drill, where it’s kind of got a handle and then the head? Or is it, like, a little, skinny one thing?
Nicole [00:35:15] It looks like a regular old screwdriver, but it’s electric.
Kimmie [00:35:18] Huh
Sasheer [00:35:20] Are you going to tell us that they do not exist?
Nicole [00:35:21] No. I’m going to tell you that I went to Home Depot in search of one, and everyone at Home Depot acted like I was insane. They were like, “Electric screwdriver? A screwdriver that does it for you? And you’re not doing it?” And I was like, “Yeah. Is that, like… What? Like, I mean, I think they exist.” And they were like, “Ha! You stupid woman. We know you’re a woman!” And then I just went on Amazon, and they fully have them. They’re a thing that exists. And I ordered it. And I was like, “Why did everyone–? Three people at Home Depot made me feel like I was the dumbest woman in Los Angeles County.”
Sasheer [00:35:58] I don’t trust them anyway. I mean, I think some people at Home Depot know what’s going on. I think a lot do not.
Nicole [00:36:08] And it does have, like, a little– See?
Sasheer [00:36:09] Yeah.
Nicole [00:36:13] I even pulled up one that they sold at Home Depot and showed this man. And he looked at it, and laughed, and said, “We don’t have that brand at this location.” And I said, “Don’t you want to look?” He’s like, “We don’t have it.”
Sasheer [00:36:29] But it was at a Home Depot store?
Nicole [00:36:31] Yes. And he was like, “Well, what do you have the store setting set to?” And I looked, and I was like, “Oh, not this one.” He was like, “Yeah. We don’t have that here. There’s no electric screwdrivers.” He was so mean to me. He really made me feel bad. And then the woman–she was lackadaisical in her hatred. And then the third man who came over–he, like, gained up with the man and was like, “Yeah! Nobody knows what you’re talking about!”
Sasheer [00:36:55] You should go back to the store when you have it and be like, “Big mistake!”
Nicole [00:37:04] As I’m, like, pressing it. “Big mistake!”
Sasheer [00:37:05] You’re unscrewing all the shelves.
Nicole [00:37:07] Everything’s falling. “Big mistake!” And then they’re like, “Local woman arrested.” Okay. Now we could do questions.
Sasheer [00:37:17] Yeah!
Caller [00:37:20] Hi. Hi, Nicole and Sasheer. I love you guys. You’re awesome. I’ve loved this podcast for a long time, and I want to say I just listened to the episode about sculptures or something and I’m also a bird girl. I think birds are really cool. I like watching birds. I want to have a pigeon one day. I know lots of other people who think birds are really cool and fun. But I want you to know you’re not alone in that, Nicole. And I had a bunch of questions. Sorry, I’m kind of nervous; I’m talking really fast. But I’m in a grad school program, and it’s really hard, and I feel like I have a lot of friends– Honestly, I have only a few friends who are, like, kind of judgy about grades and stuff. And I think that I might have ADHD. And so, I kind of, like, process things differently in class, and I’ve gotten a few weird comments about that, and I don’t really know how to address it. And I feel like I’m a little bit sensitive about… I’ve had friends in the past who have been, like, kind of bullying me and I didn’t realize it, and I’m like, “Oh, it’s just teasing.” So, like, I’m kind of wondering, like, how do I know what’s a big enough thing to say something about–about, like, “Hey, that hurts my feelings,”–and how to address that with people because I don’t think that they realize that. It hurts when they’re making comments about grades, or how I’m studying, or how I’m focusing because I figured out how to make it work for me, but I know that it looks kind of weird to everyone else. Yeah. Sorry. I don’t know if that’s kind of a weird question to ask. But like, how do I be a little bit less sensitive to criticism from friends? Or like, how do I know if it’s crossed a line? Anyway, thanks so much. Your podcast makes me really happy. Sorry, this is kind of a mess. Bye!
Nicole [00:39:10] Hmm. What do you think, Sasheer?
Sasheer [00:39:15] I don’t know if this person said if they’ve told their friends about their ADHD. But once I knew that you, Nicole, had easy ADHD, it was easier for me to just keep that in mind, like, when you’re processing something, or when you’re thinking something through. It’s just like, “Oh, okay. You have a different brain than me. And that’s totally fine.” I think if your friends have more of an understanding of, like, “Oh, it’s just different,” then maybe–hopefully–they would be more kind. But if they’re not, they’re not friends. They’re not nice friends if they keep making fun of you like that. But yeah. I don’t think it’s anything to be embarrassed about. It is just how your brain works. So, I get being sensitive to someone ridiculing you, but there’s no need to be embarrassed about what’s going on with you and how you process things.
Nicole [00:40:20] I agree. And then I think, yeah, telling people is relieving but also invites people to be like, “Well, don’t we all have a little ADHD?” To which I’m always like, “No, my keys are like a brick. I have so many keychains on it specifically so if I hear it fall, I know where my keys are.” I lose things constantly. So, it’s like, “No, we don’t all have ADHD.” And I’m not telling you to, like, jump on your friends and attack. I think you could just be like, “No, it’s slightly different. My brain really just doesn’t process things the way yours does. So, this works for me.” And I’m glad that, like, women-identifying people are getting diagnosed more and more because it manifests differently in us. Growing up, I remember my teacher was like, “Boy, she’s a busybody. She runs her mouth; she doesn’t like to concentrate. And she rushes through her work.” It’s like, “Yeah, because my brain could not process just sitting there.” Had a teacher been like, “Oh yeah, go walk around, take a lap, come back, and finish your work,” I probably would have done so much better in school. So, it’s like if you figured out a way to study that is conducive, and helpful, and makes sense, and works for you, I think it’s just reiterating, being like, “Oh, I’m sorry I don’t have a stupid, normal brain. My brain’s more fun and exciting. There’s weird little Keebler elves working their way through things. My brain’s the Pepperidge Farm. And I’m getting cookies later.” I don’t know. Terrible advice from someone who’s gone off the rails of her thought.
Sasheer [00:41:49] I think they should say exactly what you just said.
Nicole [00:41:52] “I’m getting cookies!” But when I was little, I saw the Keebler elves on my favorite cookies–those fudge stripes–and I was like, “That feels like my brain.” I feel like there’s little Keebler elves in my brain, going up and down the tree, making the fudge stripe cookies. And that’s how I’m getting things done because, like, one of them goes to pick up my towel that I left on the floor, and I fold it up. Another one tells me that I have to brush my teeth. And it’s like as an adult now, it’s all constant just like, “You didn’t do this, you didn’t do this, you have to do this.” And it sucks. But, like, it is what it is. And if you can find ways to cope, you’re thriving, you’re killing it. And these people making fun of you–I don’t know–they got to work on their own shit because, like, why are they looking at your paper?
Sasheer [00:42:42] Yeah.
Nicole [00:42:42] I don’t know if any of that made sense.
Sasheer [00:42:44] No, I think it did. I like that.
Nicole [00:42:48] Okay. Thank you. I don’t know if I took my medication today.
Sasheer [00:42:52] It’s okay.
Nicole [00:42:52] Oh, wait. I did right before, so it hasn’t kicked in yet. Okay.
Sasheer [00:42:55] Okay. Let’s do another question.
Nicole [00:42:59] One more.
Kimmie [00:43:01] Do you guys remember a few weeks ago, we had someone call in who was struggling with a friend who was not very good at giving gifts, and our caller was a very good gift giver?
Nicole [00:43:09] Yes!
Kimmie [00:43:10] They called us back, so here is their update.
Sasheer [00:43:12] Okay.
Nicole [00:43:13] Love it.
Jess [00:43:14] Hey, this is Jess calling back with an update. I just wanted to say you guys were right. My gift language is gift giving, and I think I was just in my feelings because it wasn’t a thoughtful gift. And if I could hang out with her more, I probably would because we used to hang out all the time, but now we both live on separate sides of the country. She’s in Washington, and I’m in Connecticut. So, we don’t get to see each other that often. But thank you guys for answering my question. You actually did solve my problem. Thank you. Love y’all. Bye.
Nicole [00:43:51] Yay!
Sasheer [00:43:53] I’m so glad.
Nicole [00:43:53] I love it because sometimes when we say solved, I’m like, “Is it?”
Sasheer [00:43:56] Now we know!
Nicole [00:43:56] But it turns out… it was. It is interesting with, like, friendship shit, where it’s like, “Oh, we’re not seeing eye-to-eye on this thing.” And it’s like, “Oh, we’re speaking different, like, love languages.” Like, I have a friend whose love language is really time spent together. And I think mine is time spent/acts of service. No, actually, I don’t know. I feel like we’ve done it before on this.
Sasheer [00:44:22] I think we have done it before.
Nicole [00:44:23] I think we figured it out, but I can’t remember what mine is. But whatever. Yeah, it’s hard. And you have to, like, remember that it might be you or it actually might be them. Who knows? Did I say something worth of value just then? I’m, like, doubting myself at the end of this episode.
Sasheer [00:44:39] Yeah. What’s going on?
Nicole [00:44:41] I think my lasagna high wore off. I was so elated at the beginning of this, and now I’m just having a midlife crisis. Like, “Who am I?”
Sasheer [00:44:52] Yeah, I think it is good to keep in mind that, yes, some people give and receive love differently. And just because they didn’t do it the way you wanted them to do it, it doesn’t mean that they’re not doing it. So glad it helped.
Nicole [00:45:07] Solved.
Sasheer [00:45:08] If you have any questions, or queries, or updates for us, you can email us at email@example.com–or call, or text, or leave a voice memo at 424-645-7003.
Nicole [00:45:21] Guess what? We also have merch at podswag.com/best friends.
Sasheer [00:45:27] We also have transcripts for our new episodes. You can check them out on our show page at earwolf.com.
Nicole [00:45:33] Lastly, don’t forget to R.R.S. Rate, review, and subscribe. That’s the easiest way to support this show.
Sasheer [00:45:43] Yay! Okay, Nicole.
Nicole [00:45:45] Signing off from different states, it’s Sasheer and Nicole. Good night, America!
Sasheer [00:45:50] Good night, America. And the rest of the world.
Nicole [00:45:55] Nope! France. No night, night. Different time zone. Good morning, England! See you tomorrow, Australia, which is today here.
November 21, 2023
This week, we’ve got a couch! And we’re live from the Netflix Is A Joke festival!