October 18, 2022
Nicole has questions for Farm Rio: she loves them, but what is her true ordering size? Sasheer watched Dahmer and both she and Nicole agreed – yikes! However, they do like Joe and are excited for YOU. They take a quiz about what their eyes say about them, and lastly answer some questions with their natural -born leader abilities.
Here is the quiz from this week:
Email or call Nicole & Sasheer with yourfriendship questions at:
175 — Sasheer May Be Joining the Spectacle Brigade
Nicole [00:00:11] Hi, Sasheer.
Sasheer [00:00:13] Hi, Nicole.
Nicole [00:00:14] How are you?
Sasheer [00:00:16] I’m good. How are you?
Nicole [00:00:18] I’ve got thoughts. Okay. So, I bought a FARM Rio sweatsuit. It’s oversized; it fits. I bought an oversized dress; it doesn’t fit. I don’t understand FARM Rio. I don’t understand why they won’t do plus sizes. They have the resources! They know how to do it! Just make it!
Sasheer [00:00:37] Whoa. She came in hot.
Nicole [00:00:41] Hot! Also got around to watching American Gigolo. Wow, wow, wow–is it confusing. And a lot is happening.
Sasheer [00:00:50] Well, just from the description that you told me, it sounds very confusing. A gigolo gets accused of murder and then wants to go solve the crime?
Nicole [00:00:59] Yeah, and there’s Wayne Brady and Rosie O’Donnell there. It’s a wild pilot. And also, the wildest part of the pilot is that song “Call Me. Oh, You Can Call–” They do, like, an acoustic version. They do a slowed down version. There’s, like, eight separate versions of this Call me song in the pilot. I was like, “I’m not truly sure what’s happening with this.” But then the second episode–it’s not played not one time, except for the theme song.
Sasheer [00:01:36] That’s, like, the trend is taking songs that are usually peppy or upbeat and, like, slowing it down to make it, like, I don’t know, intense or suspenseful. The first one I can remember is the– I think it was Suicide Squad? It was like “I started a joke…” Or was it “I–” I think it– Are those the words? You know what song I’m talking about?
Nicole [00:02:03] No, I don’t. I started a joke? “I started a joke. Nobody laughed. I was sad.”
Sasheer [00:02:14] Kind of!
Nicole [00:02:15] Really?
Sasheer [00:02:19] “I started a joke…” Lyrics. Okay. “Which started the whole world crying.”
Nicole [00:02:26] And how does it go normally?
Sasheer [00:02:29] These are the lyrics, but it’s, like… I guess the actual song is kind of slow, but it was, like, super slow. And then Margot Robbie as Harley Quinn was doing silks in her cell or something like that. I remember being like, “This fucking rules! This move is going to be insane!” And then we saw Suicide Squad, and it was like, not as good as the trailer, but–
Nicole [00:02:53] Boy, oh boy, did I laugh when that lizard man– They asked him what he wanted in his cell, he said, “BET.” I was like, “This a black lizard.” And then he’s upright and then runs down the stairs on all fours. I laughed so hard that I think people were mad at me. Oh, that was a wild movie. Yeah. American Gigolo–I really thought it was going to be a different show.
Sasheer [00:03:20] Dang.
Nicole [00:03:21] Also, I have no idea what time period it is. Is it the now? Is it the 80s? When is it?
Sasheer [00:03:28] And it’s unclear because of the way they’re dressing?
Nicole [00:03:31] It’s unclear because of everything–the way they’re dressing, the car he drives, the sets. I don’t know. It’s really interesting. I think I’m going to watch more. I’m two and a half episodes in. I also didn’t realize it’s, like, an hour long. It’s pretty long. I think I’ll really dedicate some time to this.
Sasheer [00:03:52] Boy. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. I watched the first episode of Dahmer and had to watch Love Is Blind and After the Altar to do a palate cleanser before I went to bed.
Nicole [00:04:07] Yeah. An interesting thing is some people on the internet are like, “Dahmer was just misunderstood. He seems nice. I would write to him if he was still in jail.” And I was like, “That’s your takeaway? This murderer?” He murdered!
Sasheer [00:04:20] And cannibal!
Nicole [00:04:22] Oh, he was eating people up, too?
Sasheer [00:04:24] Yeah.
Nicole [00:04:26] I’ve never seen a person that I thought would taste good. Never in my life have I looked at someone and been like, “I can’t eat them right up, and I’d have a nice time doing so.” I don’t want to cut up my own cows or anything. You know what I mean? Like, I’m never yearning to cut up my own food.
Sasheer [00:04:51] No, me neither. It also just seems like a lot of work. We have a lot of meat and bones on our body. It’s not like a small animal–like a squirrel–you just found in your yard. It’s a whole human being.
Nicole [00:05:06] It’s a whole human being. So, you got to capture it, fight it, kill it, cut it up. And what do you do with the parts that, like–? You can’t eat a whole person in a week. You put them in the refrigerator or something? Well–I guess–do you have to skin the whole person first?
Sasheer [00:05:25] No, you eat the skin.
Nicole [00:05:27] Oh, skin on people? I guess you leave skin on chicken.
Sasheer [00:05:34] Yeah.
Nicole [00:05:38] Yeah, I just couldn’t do it. A person? Like, too much. I’m not that hungry. I couldn’t eat a whole leg.
Sasheer [00:05:47] No. It’s a big leg.
Nicole [00:05:50] Yeah. I don’t think people meat would taste good. I’m not here for it.
Sasheer [00:05:53] No.
Nicole [00:05:55] Yuck. And then… Niecy Nash is in it, right? She plays the neighbor or something–and the neighbor kept being like, “His house is stinky.”
Sasheer [00:06:03] Oh, yeah. It was, like, kind of… I mean, yeah, a lot of it was crazy–but she called, I guess, the police or, like, other people to be like, “Something is going on over there. It smells so bad.” It smelled for months. And he really wasn’t, like, hiding anything. There was just, like, blood stains on the bed, and, like, a head in the fridge, and a tub of acid, just disintegrating body parts. It wasn’t organized. It wasn’t very, like, skillful. It was just in his apartment.
Nicole [00:06:40] And this is an apartment? It wasn’t a house?
Sasheer [00:06:44] His apartment in a building. So, he was surrounded by other people.
Nicole [00:06:49] So, everybody was smelling this shit?
Sasheer [00:06:50] Everyone’s smelling it. But it was a Black neighborhood, so no one cared.
Nicole [00:06:56] Oh no!
Sasheer [00:06:57] He had Black neighbors, so the police weren’t coming.
Nicole [00:06:59] That sucks that that’s a good way to murder. Go live near Black people, and they’ll never find you.
Sasheer [00:07:05] I know. And his victims were Black men.
Nicole [00:07:07] I don’t like that. He’s not for me. I also don’t like that they recreated a woman’s testimony, like, almost word for word. It was like, “What’s the point of that?” This woman has to relive her trauma, watching it again? The family has to relive it?
Sasheer [00:07:22] Did that not happen in the O.J. Simpson one?
Nicole [00:07:26] I’m not sure, but now that I think about it, that does suck that Nicole Brown Simpson’s family have to relive that in a very wonderfully well-written, acted series… that I really enjoyed.
Sasheer [00:07:37] I hear people saying that–like, “This sucks that the victims’ families have to relive that.” But I don’t know if I recognize that being different from any other trial show–like, reenacting show–right? But then again, I also haven’t finished watching Dahmer, so I have no idea how in-depth it goes.
Nicole [00:07:58] I watched O.J. a while ago. I don’t know if they did testimonies–other than from like that racist cop or whatever–on the witness stand. I don’t think they were using people’s emotional breakdowns. I could be mistaken. I often am.
Sasheer [00:08:16] Yeah, I don’t know.
Nicole [00:08:18] Yeah, well, You’s coming back–my favorite fictional murderer. I don’t remember the date. Kimmie, do you mind looking up the date it returns?
Sasheer [00:08:28] They already put a date out?
Nicole [00:08:29] I’m pretty sure they did. I think there might even be a trailer. I’m not sure.
Sasheer [00:08:35] Really?
Nicole [00:08:36] Oh, I’m so excited. Joe and all my friends. Gotta say–pretty upset that I’m not in it. Ooh. Do you want to know what I bought? I bought two things. A sweater with a bunch of ducks going to the beach, and then a Sonic the Hedgehog rug.
Sasheer [00:08:55] Whoa.
Nicole [00:08:57] I have no idea where I’m going to put this rug.
Sasheer [00:09:02] Where did you get this rug? Also, you’re currently wearing a Sonic t-shirt.
Nicole [00:09:04] Yeah! Gotta go fast! I got it from this lady on Instagram. It is Daftpink Art. They do custom rugs. They have a Winnie the Pooh rug. Let me see if I can find the rug that I got because I’m really excited for it. I squealed when I saw it.
Sasheer [00:09:35] You have a couple of rugs doubled up in your living room, I think. Maybe you could do that in a different room? Like, put Sonic, like, kind of on another rug?
Nicole [00:09:45] Maybe.
Sasheer [00:09:47] It’s not even an interpretation of Sonic. It is Sonic.
Nicole [00:09:50] It’s literally Sonic the Hedgehog. They also had a duck one, but the duck was kind of a bondage duck. And I was like, “I need my ducks to be free. I don’t need a nasty, little bondage duck.”
Sasheer [00:10:06] Can you explain what a bondage duck is?
Nicole [00:10:09] Yeah. I think there’s a ball gag in his mouth.
Sasheer [00:10:12] Oh, I see. It’s a little intense. It has, like, chains and, like, a spiked collar.
Nicole [00:10:26] Uh huh.
Sasheer [00:10:27] Okay. Wow.
Nicole [00:10:29] Yeah. I think Tika Sumpter–she had posted the Sonic rug. And guess what? Instagram works. I rushed over to the page, rushed over to the website, and immediately made my purchase of my Sonic the Hedgehog rug.
Sasheer [00:10:46] Absolutely.
Nicole [00:10:47] I might put it in my office maybe because that’s where all my dumb, dumb stuff is.
Sasheer [00:10:54] That’s a good idea. Yeah.
Nicole [00:10:56] Yeah, I’m pretty excited about it.
Sasheer [00:10:58] I’m excited for you.
Nicole [00:11:00] Oh my God. And I’m like, “I can’t possibly step on it. What if I get it dirty?”
Sasheer [00:11:06] You need to keep Sonic pristine.
Nicole [00:11:07] I have to keep him pristine. And then I was like, “What if I put it in, like, a glass casing and hung it?” What’s that called? A picture frame. Like one of those, like… Like what if I frame it and hang my rug so it never gets dirty?
Sasheer [00:11:26] But why don’t you just get, like, a picture of Sonic, and frame it, and put it on the wall? I don’t know if rug form was the best version of Sonic if you’re trying to keep it preserved.
Nicole [00:11:45] Yup. Something you inherently step on is not the best thing to get if you’re trying to keep something clean. You know, sometimes it’s trial and error to figure things out.
Sasheer [00:12:01] I mean, you can hang a rug. I’ve seen people do it.
Nicole [00:12:03] You have?
Sasheer [00:12:05] But they were usually, like, Persian rugs or, like…
Nicole [00:12:09] Ohhh. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Sasheer [00:12:10] Not just, like, a–
Nicole [00:12:12] Not a Sonic the Hedgehog rug? Oh boy. My house is getting wilder and wilder, and I’m really excited about it. I bought these–I showed them to you–fabulous floral chairs.
Sasheer [00:12:25] Oh, yeah, they’re great. From Dolphinflamingo.com? Something like that?
Nicole [00:12:31] It’s the name of the vintage stuff. Dolphinflamingo.com. I don’t know when they’re coming, but I’m so excited. And then I found these fabulous stools. Do you want to see them?
Sasheer [00:12:45] Yeah.
Nicole [00:12:46] This is great. People listening–they’re never going to see any of this stuff. And I feel bad, but I don’t know how you could possibly see it. Okay. Are you ready for it?
Sasheer [00:12:58] Yeah.
Nicole [00:13:02] Okay. I have to do some measurements before I get it.
Sasheer [00:13:05] Is it leopard on top?
Nicole [00:13:07] It’s, like, tiger print on top.
Sasheer [00:13:10] Ooh. Nice.
Nicole [00:13:11] Isn’t that fabulous? Like, God…
Sasheer [00:13:13] Are they short stools?
Nicole [00:13:16] They are a little short. I want to put them under that little counter I have in my kitchen–the little island I have. But I need to measure it to see if they’re tall enough for it to make sense.
Sasheer [00:13:29] Yeah. That sounds great.
Nicole [00:13:31] You know what I mean?
Sasheer [00:13:32] I actually am thinking about getting a sofa because I have that David situation upstairs.
Nicole [00:13:38] Oh, yes, yes, yes.
Sasheer [00:13:41] But I feel like I need a couch. And I don’t remember what my reasoning was for not getting a couch in the first place. I was like, “I want a guest bed for people to sleep on.” And I know pullout couches exist, but I guess I’ve never been on a comfortable pullout couch. But recently I was on a really comfortable pull-out couch, and I couldn’t believe it. So, I’m gonna go to that place.
Nicole [00:14:04] What’s that place?
Sasheer [00:14:06] The Joneses. The Joneses LA. It’s by appointment only, and I’m going to go there, I’m going to sit on their couches, see what’s up–
Nicole [00:14:12] By appointment only?
Sasheer [00:14:16] Yeah.
Nicole [00:14:19] Oh my God. In Beverly Hills?
Sasheer [00:14:24] Is that where it is?
Nicole [00:14:26] Yes. The Joneses LA in Beverly Hills. You can’t just go there; you have to make an appointment. Do they do custom?
Sasheer [00:14:39] I think so.
Nicole [00:14:40] Wow.
Sasheer [00:14:42] Which we’ll see. I’ve never gotten a custom couch before, but I might need to.
Nicole [00:14:47] I also have never gotten a custom couch. I wonder if they do flavored couches. Like, um…
Sasheer [00:14:57] Like a Willy Wonka couch?
Nicole [00:14:59] I didn’t say that right. Like, patterns. Like, couch of flavor!
Sasheer [00:15:08] “Flavored couches.” They probably do patterned catches. Probably.
Nicole [00:15:18] Because I really would love to replace my couch, but I love the pattern of my couch. So, I’m like… It is worth an ask. When you go– When’s your appointment?
Sasheer [00:15:31] I haven’t made it yet, but I’m going to see if I can do it Friday.
Nicole [00:15:35] Well, if you get it on Friday, will you ask them if they do flavored couches?
Sasheer [00:15:41] Okay, yes. And they’ll be like, “Please leave.”
Nicole [00:15:45] “Yeah, ma’am, can you get out of here?”
Sasheer [00:15:47] “We don’t like you looking at our couches.”
Nicole [00:15:51] I wonder if they could just take the couch that I have–take the couch apart, and remake it on a different couch. So, I wouldn’t have to rebuy the fabric.
Sasheer [00:16:07] I don’t know. Maybe.
Nicole [00:16:13] I’m going to need you to ask them all these questions. Use your appointment to get me what I need.
Sasheer [00:16:20] Okay.
Nicole [00:16:30] Also another question: Where is your jumpsuit from or your overalls?
Sasheer [00:16:36] These ones are from–I’m pretty sure–Urban Outfitters. Did that satisfy you? Do you like that?
Nicole [00:16:45] I did. I like them a lot. That’s why I asked. I just feel like I’m talking a lot about things people can’t see.
Sasheer [00:16:52] Yeah. Oh. So, I was talking about, on a different episode, something to replace the grass in my lawn. And I was like, “I know I saw a video about the succulent that people have been using to replace grass.” And someone sent me a video of what I was talking about. It’s called Star Carpet.
Nicole [00:17:18] Oh.
Sasheer [00:17:19] And the video was from this landscaper in L.A. The account was Firmly Planted. And we’re going to do a consultation, and they’re going to help me figure out how to, like, put more succulents in my yard and maybe other stuff. And there’s, like, some dry spots in other areas that could be something else. I’m very excited.
Nicole [00:17:36] Oh, that’s nice.
Sasheer [00:17:39] I also want to ask if there’s, like, rodent resistant plants that would keep them away. I did Google it, and I think smelly plants, like jasmine or lavender, make rodents go like, “Ew.” They don’t want to come in the yard.
Nicole [00:17:58] Wait. Really?
Sasheer [00:17:59] Yeah.
Nicole [00:18:01] Interesting. Because I think I have a mouse family who’s living in my gate motor that opens my gate.
Sasheer [00:18:09] Oh, that’s the worst place for them to be.
Nicole [00:18:12] Yeah. There was a dead mouse in my driveway but not near the gate. It looked like the other mice threw this dead mouse out of their house because it was so far away. I was like, “It couldn’t have just died like this.”
Sasheer [00:18:30] Oh no.
Nicole [00:18:32] It looked like Jazzy Jeff from the fucking Fresh Prince of Bel Air getting thrown out of the Banks’ house. It was really upsetting.
Sasheer [00:18:44] How did you get rid of it?
Nicole [00:18:45] Well, my lovely assistant did what she had to do. I don’t know if she called somebody because I was working–I was doing a voiceover, and I was like, “You can call someone to do it. I don’t mind if you have to spend money to do it. I just don’t want to touch it, or scoop it, or anything.” And then I saw another mouse the other day and…
Sasheer [00:19:09] Live or dead?
Nicole [00:19:11] Live. And it was having that time of its life. It was zig zag zooming around, and Clyde was like, “A friend.” And I was like, “No!” And then it went back into the gate thingy. I was like, “I don’t want to, like, kill them. I don’t want to spray poison because then you have to clean up the aftermath of dead mice.” I just don’t know what to do.
Sasheer [00:19:34] Yeah, ’cause that box is, like, not that big, right?
Nicole [00:19:38] It’s pretty small. And I got a new one, so it’s even smaller than the old one. So, I’m just like, “How are they living in there already?” I got it, like, a week ago. I was like, “Three days ago.” No, it’s been, like, a week or so.
Sasheer [00:19:49] Yeah. Why do they like it so much?
Nicole [00:19:50] I don’t know why. They’re like, “Ooh, it’s new. I love it.” Ooh. Jordan says, “Call pest control and they’ll do it all for you!” Okay.
Sasheer [00:20:02] Oh, there is a… Actually, you sent me this. The trappings people.
Nicole [00:20:06] I did?
Sasheer [00:20:07] You did. And I don’t remember why you–
Nicole [00:20:11] Oh! Because I thought I had a dead possum. But it was literally playing dead.
Sasheer [00:20:16] That’s really funny.
Nicole [00:20:17] It got me good, gal.
Sasheer [00:20:22] Yeah, you can get someone to trap the mice, and… I don’t know what they would do with them after. Release them somewhere else?
Nicole [00:20:30] I don’t know. It’s pretty rough. They’re just… so tiny. And I really don’t want them to come into the home, you know?
Sasheer [00:20:37] Yeah.
Nicole [00:20:38] That’s the fear. I love a friend, but not those. Not like this.
Sasheer [00:20:45] “Not like this.”
Nicole [00:20:46] Should we take a quiz or something?
Sasheer [00:20:48] Yes!
Kimmie [00:20:50] I finally found the You announcement you were asking about earlier. Jordan sent it. I also found it around the same time. So, would you like to watch it?
Nicole [00:20:58] Yes, please!
Sasheer [00:21:01] I’m so excited.
Nicole [00:21:03] I’m also really excited.
Joe Goldberg [00:21:06] Hello, you. Allow me to introduce myself. I’ve gone through a bit of refinement upon crossing the pond.
Sasheer [00:21:22] I like that he has a fancy black cap. Black baseball cap.
Nicole [00:21:28] Yes. I do love his fancy black baseball cap. I love that he’s, like, a professor in London. Thank God he didn’t stay in France because then we’d be hearing a lot of French. But they’re in London, so I’ll understand everything.
Sasheer [00:21:44] That’s really funny.
Nicole [00:21:45] Oh, my God. But I do hope he comes back to the States.
Sasheer [00:21:51] Well, if he just keeps going international?
Nicole [00:21:55] I mean, that is pretty fun.
Sasheer [00:21:57] Right? He goes to Japan.
Nicole [00:21:59] I would love that. That’s fun. It’s truly wild that he hasn’t been caught yet. Like, what a dream for all of us. You know, then we just, like, get to see it. Love Joe.
Sasheer [00:22:14] Oh, Joe.
Nicole [00:22:16] But we don’t like Jeffrey Dahmer.
Sasheer [00:22:18] No, he’s bad.
Nicole [00:22:20] Bad, bad, bad. Okay… “Who is Your Celeb BFF?”
Sasheer [00:22:27] You are.
Nicole [00:22:32] I think you are mine.
Sasheer [00:22:35] Yay.
Nicole [00:22:35] So we can’t do that test. We’ve already answered that question.
Sasheer [00:22:40] “What Do Your Eyes Say About You?”
Nicole [00:22:41] That’s the one I was going to say.
Sasheer [00:22:43] Let’s do that.
Nicole [00:22:44] I wonder what my eyes say about me.
Sasheer [00:22:47] Sometimes it says, “I’m surprised” or “I wasn’t really listening.”
Nicole [00:22:58] Yeah. I mean, it’s hard to listen all the time, you know?
Sasheer [00:23:02] I know. I don’t even do it.
Nicole [00:23:04] No, it’s too tough.
Sasheer [00:23:07] “What color is your iris?”
Nicole [00:23:09] “Hazel.”
Sasheer [00:23:10] “Brown.”
Nicole [00:23:11] “Blue.”
Sasheer [00:23:12] “Green.”
Nicole [00:23:14] Mine are brown. I thought they were black for a really long time, but someone was like, “No, you definitely don’t have black eyes. They’re brown.” And in the light, they look even more brown!
Sasheer [00:23:27] Mine are also brown.
Nicole [00:23:29] Does anyone have black eyes?
Sasheer [00:23:31] I want to say no. I feel like someone’s gonna be like, “I have black eyes! How dare you ignore the black-eyed… peas?”
Nicole [00:23:41] “The black-eyed peas!”
Sasheer [00:23:43] “All us black-eyed people.”
Nicole [00:23:45] That’s really funny. “How long are your eyelashes?”
Sasheer [00:23:51] “Long.”
Nicole [00:23:52] “Very short.”
Sasheer [00:23:53] “Short.”
Nicole [00:23:54] “Very long.” I’m going to say, “Very short.” I don’t really have eyelashes.
Sasheer [00:24:00] I’m going to say, “Short,” but not, like, very short.
Nicole [00:24:05] I wish mine were, like, long and luscious, but, you know, it is what it is.
Sasheer [00:24:12] “Do you wear contacts or glasses?”
Nicole [00:24:14] “Yes. Contacts.”
Sasheer [00:24:16] “Yes. Both.”
Nicole [00:24:18] “Neither.”
Sasheer [00:24:19] “Yes. Glasses.”
Nicole [00:24:21] Yes. Both.
Sasheer [00:24:23] Neither.
Nicole [00:24:24] I know, it’s wild. I truly can’t believe that you can see good with your eyes all the time.
Sasheer [00:24:29] Although that might be changing.
Nicole [00:24:32] Sasheer, do you need spectacles? For driving, or for reading?
Sasheer [00:24:39] I don’t know yet. I mean, for driving, I’m doing just great. But then sometimes the light at night is a little like… flashy.
Nicole [00:24:52] Oh no!
Sasheer [00:24:53] And then, uh… Reading is fine. But I did do an eye test recently when I got a physical. And it was, like, really hard. It was much harder than it used to be to get to those smaller letters. But they’re like, “Ah, you got it.” But I was like, “Okay.” I was really guessing, and they’re like, “Nah, you’re close enough.” And I was like, “Alright.”
Nicole [00:25:21] Oh, okay. Do you have an eye appointment set up? I’ll help you pick out glasses. It’s very exciting. Welcome! Welcome to the Spectacle Brigade!
Sasheer [00:25:31] I guess I should. Someone was like, “You’re supposed to get your eyes checked out every year.” I don’t know the last time I got my eyes checked out. Maybe when I was 18 years old? I’ve literally never gone to the optometrist as an adult.
Nicole [00:25:45] I have to go every year because I have to get my contacts renewed. And I’m always stupid, and I never order two years’ worth. I always order a year. And then a year is up and I’m like, “I don’t have contacts left.” And then I go, and they’re like, “Nothing’s changed. Here’s the same prescription.”
Sasheer [00:26:00] Damn.
Nicole [00:26:04] “What size do your eyes look?”
Sasheer [00:26:07] “Big, round.”
Nicole [00:26:08] “Almond shaped.”
Sasheer [00:26:10] “Average?” What does that mean?
Nicole [00:26:12] I don’t know. “Small.”
Sasheer [00:26:15] This is a very strange… It sounds like it meant the size? But…
Nicole [00:26:20] Yeah.
Sasheer [00:26:21] One of them is saying the shape. One is almond shaped, but then the other ones are big, average, and small.
Nicole [00:26:29] Yeah.
Sasheer [00:26:31] Okay.
Nicole [00:26:32] Interesting. Well, I have almond shaped eyes.
Sasheer [00:26:36] I also have almond shaped eyes. But I also would call them round–round and big.
Nicole [00:26:42] I would also call mine big and round.
Sasheer [00:26:45] Well, heck.
Nicole [00:26:47] Oh boy. Okay. I’m going to say yours are almond shaped.
Sasheer [00:26:53] Okay.
Nicole [00:26:53] What do you say mine is?
Sasheer [00:26:55] Well, right now they’re very big round.
Nicole [00:26:57] Okay.
Sasheer [00:26:58] They are also almond shaped.
Nicole [00:27:00] Yeah. Okay, we’re both almonds.
Sasheer [00:27:03] We’re both almond shaped. Okay. “What is your go-to eye makeup?”
Nicole [00:27:10] “Eyeshadow.”
Sasheer [00:27:11] “Mascara.”
Nicole [00:27:12] “Eyeliner.”
Sasheer [00:27:13] “Eyebrow pencil.”
Nicole [00:27:14] How insane. Whoever answers just an eyebrow pencil is sick. Who? Who just does their brows?
Sasheer [00:27:22] Me.
Nicole [00:27:25] What?
Sasheer [00:27:28] If I’m doing, like, a full face of makeup, I will only do my eyebrows.
Nicole [00:27:35] What? What do you mean?
Sasheer [00:27:39] I mostly only do my eyebrows. I fill in the ends, so it looks full.
Nicole [00:27:48] This is news to me. Did you do your eyebrows today?
Sasheer [00:27:52] No.
Nicole [00:27:53] Okay. I just… Is my whole world a lie? Are your eyebrows just, like, not naturally full and stuff?
Sasheer [00:28:01] They are.
Nicole [00:28:03] But you’re filling them in, and I had no clue.
Sasheer [00:28:05] Well, just cause they’re not as full towards the end. I’m not, like, filling in a lot.
Nicole [00:28:11] Get close. Get close. And they’re not always like that?
Sasheer [00:28:15] They are. I’m just, like, putting a little extra color towards the end.
Nicole [00:28:21] Oh, my God. Oh, my God. This is just wild to me.
Sasheer [00:28:25] If you haven’t noticed, that’s a good thing. I don’t want to look completely different. They’re just, like, a little enhanced.
Nicole [00:28:31] Well, now I feel insane because I thought it was insane that somebody would only do their eyebrows. Now I know that you only do your– My God.
Sasheer [00:28:41] But what do you think is insane about it?
Nicole [00:28:43] I don’t know. Big, thick eyebrows and nothing else done.
Sasheer [00:28:48] But, see, that’s what I’m saying. I’m not doing big, thick eyebrows.
Nicole [00:28:51] You’re just filling them in.
Sasheer [00:28:53] I’m filling them in.
Nicole [00:28:55] My whole world is rocked. Well, I go with eyeliner.
Sasheer [00:29:00] Okay.
Nicole [00:29:01] This is crazy.
Sasheer [00:29:06] I didn’t mean to rock your world like that.
Nicole [00:29:08] No, it’s okay. I just never thought of just doing my eyebrows.
Sasheer [00:29:13] The way you also do your eyebrows is with a full face of makeup, so everything is enhanced. I think, for you, it would be wild for you to only do your eyebrows the way you do your eyebrows.
Nicole [00:29:23] Okay, thank you. I needed to hear that.
Sasheer [00:29:27] Okay.
Nicole [00:29:30] “Choose some sunglasses.”
Sasheer [00:29:33] There’s some blue reflective aviators.
Nicole [00:29:38] Round John Lennon glasses.
Sasheer [00:29:40] Red, like, Ray-Bans, I guess?
Nicole [00:29:44] Yeah. And then there is, like, non-rimmed Ray-Bans that are black. This one’s tough. I don’t wear any of these. Where’s my big, oversized ones?
Sasheer [00:29:58] Yeah. None of these are–
Nicole [00:29:59] Where are the rhinestones?
Sasheer [00:30:02] Maybe I’d say you wear the red ones because they’re colorful?
Nicole [00:30:06] I guess. Yeah.
Sasheer [00:30:08] Out of this batch.
Nicole [00:30:09] Yeah. And then out of this batch, I guess I would pick the circle ones or the end ones for you?
Sasheer [00:30:15] Yeah. I actually have had ones that look like the end ones. What would you call them? They’re kind of like Malcolm X glasses.
Nicole [00:30:31] They are Malcolm X glasses. And that’s what they’ll forever be called.
Sasheer [00:30:34] Yes.
Nicole [00:30:36] Okay. So, yeah. I think the red. Sasheer wears her Malcolm X’s.
Sasheer [00:30:42] “How often do you go to the eye doctor?” Well…
Nicole [00:30:45] “Never.”
Sasheer [00:30:46] “Once every three years.”
Nicole [00:30:48] “Once every six months,” which seems excessive.
Sasheer [00:30:51] “Once a year.”
Nicole [00:30:52] I go once a year.
Sasheer [00:30:54] I go never. And I guess I should change that.
Nicole [00:30:58] You don’t have to until, like, you know, your life is affected by your vision.
Sasheer [00:31:05] Yeah. But if it’s happening gradually, you know, like, I probably shouldn’t do it before it’s too late.
Nicole [00:31:11] You’re right. You should probably get an eye exam rather sooner than later. “Rather sooner than later?” You know what I’m trying to say.
Sasheer [00:31:20] I do.
Nicole [00:31:21] Okay. “Choose some color contacts.”
Sasheer [00:31:25] “Gold glitter.”
Nicole [00:31:26] “Cat eye.”
Sasheer [00:31:29] “Rainbow.”
Nicole [00:31:30] “Purple.”
Sasheer [00:31:32] I think I know what you want.
Nicole [00:31:34] I’m going to go with purple.
Sasheer [00:31:35] Yeah. I’m going to go with, I guess, gold glitter because I don’t actually want to have colored contacts. So, I feel like gold glitter’s maybe the closest to natural. You had blue contacts.
Nicole [00:31:55] I did have blue contacts. I had them for a very long time. I tried to pretend that they were real, but if I looked to the left, they would slowly follow later. They were haunting. They were very creepy.
Sasheer [00:32:07] Did you ever have any other colors?
Nicole [00:32:09] Green and blue. That was that. The hazel looked freaky on me.
Sasheer [00:32:15] I’m sure.
Nicole [00:32:16] And gray didn’t look good. But if I’m being real, none of them actually looked good. But I wore those blue ones every fucking day of my life. I loved them.
Sasheer [00:32:32] Who’s this?
Kimmie [00:32:32] This is Nicole.
Nicole [00:32:34] Ooh. “Your eyes say that you’re a born leader!” Okay.
Sasheer [00:32:40] Is there anything below that?
Nicole [00:32:42] “You know how to take charge. You’re a natural born leader. You are comfortable in positions of authority and tell others what to do. When you speak, people listen. When you have an idea, it’s taken seriously. You are one powerful person.” Okay.
Sasheer [00:32:56] I believe that is true.
Kimmie [00:32:57] And this is Sasheer.
Sasheer [00:32:58] Oh, okay. I’m also a born leader.
Nicole [00:33:01] Wow!
Sasheer [00:33:03] Wow.
Nicole [00:33:05] Okay. This is quizyourfriends.com. I don’t know if they had another choice.
Sasheer [00:33:11] Right. Are we all just born leaders, no matter what our eyes are? Is this some sort of lesson? It’s like, “Doesn’t matter what eye color you have. You are a born leader.”
Nicole [00:33:21] “You are a natural born leader, girl.”
Sasheer [00:33:33] Should we answer some questions with our leader ability?
Nicole [00:33:37] Yes, that’s a great way to take charge, Sasheer. I would love to answer queries–queries and quandaries.
Kimmie [00:33:51] I have something for Sitsheer with Sachair.
Sasheer [00:33:55] Oh yeah. Did you guys know IKEA currently has tiny chair coat hooks?
Nicole [00:34:10] Wow.
Sasheer [00:34:12] Actually, I think Jordan sent these at some point. So, yes, I did know that.
Nicole [00:34:16] Wait. Those are really fucking cute.
Sasheer [00:34:17] They’re very cute. Oh, you get a bunch of them, too.
Nicole [00:34:20] Yeah. Just litter your walls with chairs.
Sasheer [00:34:23] There’s a bar called Chair in Atlanta, and it has a ton of tiny chairs on the wall and then, like, drinks named after chairs. And it’s really great.
Nicole [00:34:37] You’ve been?
Sasheer [00:34:38] Yeah, because we shot a scene in there for Woke.
Nicole [00:34:43] Well, I’m glad they found a location that was authentic and true to you.
Sasheer [00:34:46] Me too. I felt at home, surrounded by tiny chairs.
Nicole [00:34:52] That’s funny. I think about buying you chairs all the time. Just the smallest ones.
Sasheer [00:34:57] And don’t stop that urge.
Nicole [00:34:59] All right. Next time I see a cute little chair, I’m buying it.
Sasheer [00:35:03] Please.
Nicole [00:35:06] Do we have a query?
Katie [00:35:10] Hi, Nicole and Sasheer. My name is Katie. I am a longtime listener, first time caller. My sister Megan, and my cousin Catherine, and I listen to every episode, and we saw you perform live, and we love you both. My question is about male friendships and partners. My husband has very few male friends. And most of my girlfriends’ husbands, boyfriends, or partners do not have many male friends. We know that men, I guess, don’t like to share emotions and connect with people as much as women. But how do we encourage the men in our life to find meaningful friendships with people other than ourselves? I have suggested joining a group, or a club, or something like that. But what do you do? Is there anything you can do? And yeah, that’s my question. Love you both–and Kimmie and Jordan as well. Thanks for everything. Thanks for your help. Bye.
Nicole [00:36:07] That is a tough one.
Sasheer [00:36:09] This one’s a little hard for me because my man is very social and has tons of friends. So, I’ve never had the urge to be like, “Can you get out of here and go talk to somebody else.” He is doing that. But I think maybe–like with any person–it is hard to make the first step. So, if your partner is, like, scared to join a club by himself, maybe you do something together? Like–I don’t know–a hiking group, or a running club, or whatever. And then maybe your man will make friends. And if you don’t wanna do that group anymore, you can recede and be like, “Well, just go run with John or whatever.” Maybe that?
Nicole [00:37:00] Yeah. Or maybe encourage him to have a work group get together, and maybe they’ll like each other enough to do it, like, once a week or something.
Sasheer [00:37:11] I’m also sure– I’m not sure. But I would imagine there are probably men in this person’s life who, like, could be that person’s friend, but they’re not going forth and making the effort. Like, maybe listen to what your partner’s saying. And if he keeps talking about “David.” “David said something so funny at work. Maybe be like, “Why do you ask David to lunch?”
Nicole [00:37:38] Yeah, go to the movies with David.
Sasheer [00:37:41] Yeah. “Sounds like you like David? Have you asked to see him outside of work?” “Oh, no, I couldn’t. I couldn’t possibly.” You don’t know! Maybe David’s craving some friendship, too!
Nicole [00:37:51] Yeah. David wants friends, too. My dad had one friend. Actually, no, he had two friends, and they were both work friends. And I remember he went on, like, a guy’s trip or whatever, where they went fishing and stuff. And I was like, “Wow, daddy has friends!” So yeah, I think work is a good resource. But yeah, listen to him. If he’s talking about somebody, encourage him to go out with that somebody.
Sasheer [00:38:21] I think there are actual men’s groups where you do share emotions. I think it’s led by someone from the therapy world or something. Or maybe it’s self-run? I don’t actually know. I’ve only heard about them. I don’t know of them very well. But I think you could do a Google search to see if there’s anything in your town like that. If your man has expressed–or if you have seen–that he needs to get some emotions out but doesn’t know how, or doesn’t feel comfortable doing that with friends, or only does that with you, I think there are groups dedicated to that, where you can actually talk openly in a non-judgmental group about how you feel.
Nicole [00:39:11] I like that. That’s nice because it’s nice sharing feelings.
Sasheer [00:39:15] It is. And unfortunately, men have been socialized in a way that makes them feel like they can’t.
Nicole [00:39:22] Yeah. If I ever have a child that’s a boy-leaning person, I’m going to be like “Tell your mama all your feelings!” And I’ll encourage him to do that with everybody! I’ll create a monster. He just won’t stop caring.
Sasheer [00:39:40] They’ll be like, “He won’t shut up.”
Nicole [00:39:42] “He talks so much. And he’s always happy, then sad, then happy again.”
Sasheer [00:39:48] Yeah.
Nicole [00:39:48] Okay. Another question, please, Kimmie.
Caller #2 [00:39:54] Okay. Hey! Nicole! Sasheer! Hello! Oh, my goodness. Okay. I feel like you’re my best friends, so let’s just leave this. So, hi. Longtime listener, first time caller. But my friend–my best friend–she has terrible, terrible, terrible anxiety. Definitely more anxiety than I’m having making the phone call right now. But she does not want to give up her therapist, who is a very, very old, white man. She is not an old white lady. She’s a very young, very, very Lebanese young woman who needs someone that understands her. Kind of like me, but I’m not a therapist whatsoever–not at all trained to be able to deal with her level of anxiety. But I love her. I love her so much. So, we’re all in therapy here. I definitely love therapy, and I have a great, wonderful woman therapist. Any help with recommending to her to stop seeing these old, white men? That would be really great. Anyways, love you both. Congratulations on the podcast. And congratulations on the Emmys! Okay. I love you both. Bye!
Nicole [00:41:06] Oh, thank you. I love being congratulated for losing. I will say, if nothing is bad with her therapist, I don’t understand– I mean, I get wanting her to see somebody who has more in common with her. But if that therapist is helpful and helping her, I don’t see a problem with her staying there.
Sasheer [00:41:29] Yeah. I didn’t hear the caller say that the friend has been expressing that the therapist wasn’t meeting her needs. But it could be a situation where it’s like the friend has been like, “I know I should break up with my therapist, but I can’t,” because it’s hard for anybody–whether you have anxiety or not–to part with your therapist because you have built kind of a relationship with this person–a very vulnerable one, too. So, if that’s the case, then I get why you’d want to help. But if the friend hasn’t expressed any concern as far as wanting to change therapists and they’re happy, maybe it’s fine?
Nicole [00:42:17] Yeah. And if your friend has expressed wanting to move on but has anxiety about speaking to them, I think you can tell your friend to tell the therapist, “I am having anxiety about this issue I want to speak to you with,” and then ask the therapist to help her. I don’t know. This is hard.
Sasheer [00:42:38] No, I like where you’re going.
Nicole [00:42:40] Yeah. I think if I had anxiety and I was trying to break up with my therapist, I would then go to my therapist to be like, “I’m very anxious about something that I would like to change in our sessions,” and then have the therapist be like, “Well, do you think you’re ready to tell me now?” Maybe wait until the end of the session and be like, “I think I would like to move on from our relationship and if you have any recommendations–” There we go. When she breaks up with her therapist, tell her to ask the therapist for recommendations because I don’t think the therapist will take it personally. Some therapists might. But when you ask someone for advice, I think you’re saying, “It’s not that I don’t trust your judgment or that you’re not helping me. It’s that I think I need to move on from this. But I would love to hear your thoughts on who I should move on with.”
Sasheer [00:43:32] Yeah, because then it shows that you do trust their opinion. Be like, “Oh, you know me. And I trust that you know a different person who’ll be good for me.” Yeah, and if your friend is looking for someone who’s more like them demographically, that’s also a very valid reason to leave. No one can argue with that. If you were like, “Look, I’m looking for someone who is a woman and maybe Lebanese–or at least knows my culture a little bit more.” I feel like no one can be like, “Well… As an old white man, I am the best person to ask about this stuff.”
Nicole [00:44:16] “I’m basically Lebanese!”
Sasheer [00:44:20] But I’ve gotten benefits from therapists who are Black and therapists who are not, so… Yeah, you don’t have to find your demographic exactly. It does help for sure because there’s more of a second language there. You don’t have to explain as much stuff. But, yeah, if that is what your friend wants, then you can also just tell them, “I can see how this will be beneficial for you, if that is something you want.” Also, does this therapist specialize in anxiety specifically? Do we know if her needs are being met as far as how to manage her anxiety? Or does he need to go find someone specifically to manage the type of anxiety that she has?
Nicole [00:45:05] These are all great queries. If you want to send a follow up, please let us know. Do we have time for one more, Kimmie?
Caller #3 [00:45:13] Hi, Nicole and Sasheer. So, I have a friend issue that has honestly been an issue for the last couple years, but I keep thinking things are going to get better. And every time I listen to your podcast, I think about calling. And every time I’m like, “No, things are going to get better.” And they haven’t, so here I am. I have a friend–one of my closest friends–who has had a series of really unfortunate things happen to her over the last several years. She’s had a lot of really bad luck. A few things are, I would kind of argue, self-imposed, but several things that happened are just pure bad luck. You know, death in the family, family members in rehab, her house got flooded, her house got broken into–just, like, a bunch of kind of wild things. And I always try and be there. And sometimes that’s enough. And sometimes I don’t really think it is. And she also posts a lot on social media about all of the difficult things going on in her life, which kind of gives me a sense of anxiety that I am somehow not, you know, assisting in all of the possible ways that I could. And I know she wouldn’t necessarily want me to feel like I wasn’t being a good friend, but it’s honestly just starting to wear on me. And I recognize that sometimes her poor mental health is affecting my mental health, and so getting space is good, but I feel like I constantly get kind of looped back into the madness–I get pulled back into the hurricane of whatever drama is going on in her life. And I don’t want to cut her out of my life, but I’m also just kind of reaching my breaking point in terms of how I can support and what exactly I can do. And so, I guess, if you have any suggestions for how to help someone who is going through hard times without it totally emotionally draining yourself beyond just kind of setting boundaries, what kinds of things do you think would be helpful? I really appreciate you guys! Love your podcast! Also, Nicole, the way that you read ads is fantastic. Please never stop doing that. I will listen to your ads until the day I die because they’re so funny. So, yeah, thanks. Love you both!
Kimmie [00:47:59] I’m going to pull that and send it to our ad team.
Sasheer [00:48:02] Oooh. Yeah.
Nicole [00:48:05] It is funny because I will sometimes have to re-record ads for a podcast. And I’m like, “Guys. This just is me. Leave me alone.” For our caller, I mean, beyond putting boundaries in place, I don’t know because that’s what I would do. I would put up boundaries and be like, “I don’t have the bandwidth to help you with this right now. I feel very lucky and privileged that you find me a good enough friend that you want to talk about this with me, but I don’t have it in me to deal with this right now. And I’m very sorry. And I might be able to handle it later, but right now I can’t.”
Sasheer [00:48:51] Yeah. I saw a post recently that was for couples–but I think it also worked for friends–where it said, “When one person is venting or talking about something that’s bothering them, the other person would ask, ‘Are you looking for a listening ear or solutions?’” So, it’s like, “Do you just want to complain, vent, scream, punch a pillow? Do you want me to just support you, or do you want me to actually help you come up with ways to work with these issues?” Because if the answer is, “Oh, I just wanted to complain,” let her complain. And, you know, “That’s what we’re doing right now.” And you don’t have to feel pressure to, like, help, or fix, or save her because that might not be what she’s looking for right now. And also, the posting on social media–was she saying the friend posts on social media the problems that she’s going through?
Nicole [00:49:55] Yes. She posts a lot of the problems on social media.
Sasheer [00:49:58] That might just be what she needs to do. Like, that might just be her own thing. And I definitely don’t think she’s doing it to make the friend feel like the friend’s not helping. I think that’s what the friend was saying. Like, she feels like she’s being a good friend because the friend’s posting on social media about their problems. She’s doing that because she’s doing that; that might be cathartic or therapeutic for her–or whatever–for people to know what she’s going through. But it has nothing to do with you. A lot of times things have nothing to do with you, you know? All the issues that this girl is going through that are unfortunate and bothering her–that’s consuming her. It really has nothing to do with you. And you can help, or try to help, or try to be supportive. But these are not your issues, so you don’t actually have to take any of them on or feel overwhelmed by them because they’re not yours. Yeah. So, if she needs a listening ear, I’d say, “Be a listening ear…” Unless she asks you for help– Or you can ask, “Do you need help with something?” And if she says, “Yes, I do. Here’s how you can help.” Great. It’s a clear plan. And if she does not need help from you, then she does not need help from you. It’s really unfortunate she’s going through all this stuff. But I think sometimes all you can do is just be a good friend. Like, can you take her to something fun? Is there–I don’t know–a show or, like…? I mean, your schedule was so crazy–you seemed really stressed out–I sent you a message.
Nicole [00:51:37] I know. You’re very kind. And I used it. And I feel good!
Sasheer [00:51:41] Oh, good. I’m so glad. Or, like, cook her a meal, or…
Nicole [00:51:46] Yeah. Things like that–those, I think, are nicer than listening. Listening is all well and good, but when you surprised me with a massage, I started crying ’cause I was like, “Oh, she not only was listening but saw that I was busy, and overwhelmed, and stuff.” And it felt really nice. It felt special. So, I think cooking a dinner or sending her– Maybe send her a massage.
Sasheer [00:52:13] Flowers.
Nicole [00:52:15] Flowers are nice.
Sasheer [00:52:17] You can write a nice note–write a nice letter–that’s just saying all the nice qualities that you like about her or like, “Hey, I noticed you’ve been going through a tough time, and your resiliency is really impressive.” Or… whatever. Yeah. And also, it might just be nice for her to, like, think about anything but what’s going on in her life. So, yeah, maybe a movie night at our house. Watch something dumb and silly.
Nicole [00:52:47] That would be nice. Yes. Hocus Pocus 2–you could watch that. You could also take her to Disney World or Disneyland. Spend your life savings and bring her on a trip. But, I mean, yeah, if you’re local to, like, a magical place, bring her somewhere nice and fun and relaxing.
Sasheer [00:53:08] Or even just outside. Just take her to a park, a pond, or something.
Nicole [00:53:10] Take her to a park. Bring a basketball. Shoot some hoops. Pretend she’s Scottie Pippen and you are Michael Jordan.
Sasheer [00:53:19] Yeah, but I think if it feels like it’s overwhelming you because there’s a cycle of negativity or “woe is me,” maybe do an activity that will hopefully bring her out of it or focus on anything but what is happening and bothering her.
Nicole [00:53:36] Yeah, I like that. That’s good.
Sasheer [00:53:38] Yeah!
Nicole [00:53:39] We did good!
Sasheer [00:53:42] I think we did good.
Nicole [00:53:45] Yes! If you would like us to do good to you, you can email us at email@example.com, or you can call, or leave a voicemail, or a voice memo at 424-645-9003.
Sasheer [00:54:04] Oh, you’re close.
Nicole [00:54:07] 7003. Wow! 424-645-7003.
Sasheer [00:54:10] Yes, girl.
Nicole [00:54:11] Wow!
Sasheer [00:54:11] Look at that. We also have merch at podswag.com/bestfriends.
Nicole [00:54:18] Lastly, don’t forget to rate, review, and subscribe–R.S.S. That’s the easiest way to support this show.
Sasheer [00:54:27] Wow.
Nicole [00:54:28] Wow, we did.
Sasheer [00:54:31] We did.
Nicole [00:54:33] Sasheer, we recorded a podcast. We’re gonna put it up for people to consume with their ears. It’s a podcast. Okay, bye.
Sasheer [00:54:43] A podcast. Okay, bye.
November 21, 2023
This week, we’ve got a couch! And we’re live from the Netflix Is A Joke festival!
November 14, 2023
Hey Besties! Nicole shares how she learned some people marry objects. If Sasheer were to marry an object, it would be a chair while Nicole would marry a door.