April 11, 2023
They said we couldn’t do it, but we did! Happy 200th episode of Best Friends! This week, Nicole and Sasheer share their favorite moments of the podcast, we listen to your favorite moments, and talk about fun memories from making the show. Some highlights – the Forrest Gump recap, Sasheer is getting the salmon, best ad moments, and more. Plus, we check back in on how people are washing themselves, and learn about a tangible way the show has helped someone. We love our listeners – thanks for listening, and here’s to 200 more!
Email or call Nicole & Sasheer with your friendship questions at:
200 — The One Where They Made 200 Episodes
[00:00:10] Nicole: Happy 200th episode, Sasheer!
[00:00:14] Sasheer: Happy 200th episode, Nicole! We did it!
[00:00:19] Nicole: They said we couldn’t do it! They said we’d never make it! But we fucking did it, bitch!
[00:00:29] Sasheer: We showed them. So aggressive.
[00:00:31] Nicole: Yeah. All those motherfuckers who said we couldn’t do it! We talked ourselves silly! We’ve done 200 hours of this podcast! Oh, boy. So, in honor of our 200th episode, we asked our listeners–our loyal besties… I don’t know. I don’t know what to call them. To submit their favorite moments of the show.
[00:01:01] Sasheer: Yes. Do you have any favorite moments off the top of your head?
[00:01:05] Nicole: Probably when I thought I was getting a chicken tattoo because I forgot I liked ducks.
[00:01:11] Sasheer: Yes, that was a really good one. That was very fun.
[00:01:14] Nicole: Do you have a favorite moment?
[00:01:16] Sasheer: I really like when we were in the Earwolf office, and we asked people to talk about how they put on a bra. That was really fun.
[00:01:24] Nicole: Oh, yes, that was fun. I also really liked when we asked people if they washed themselves.
[00:01:31] Sasheer: Quite enlightening.
[00:01:32] Nicole: Very revealing.
[00:01:35] Sasheer: If nothing else, this is more of a research podcast.
[00:01:40] Nicole: We’re trying to get to the nitty gritty–to the bottom of things. Speaking of washing ourselves, on Twitter. There was a tweet where someone was like, “Everyone is confused about washing their vulva versus vagina. Like, people are like, “You don’t wash the vulva.” But you do wash the vulva because the vulva is the outer part. It’s like that’s the whole encompassing thing. You don’t put any soap in your vagina. But you gotta wash the outer part.
[00:02:08] Sasheer: Is it like people are getting confused by the words? Or are they thinking that the vagina is the vulva?
[00:02:16] Nicole: People are, like, not washing their pussies because they thought their vagina was the vulva and they shouldn’t wash any of it and just water it. It was a very interesting thing to read. I was like, “Dios mío. Everybody be walking around stinky.”
[00:02:39] Sasheer: I don’t know why. I guess you would just rely on your parents to teach you your hygiene practices. But people get embarrassed to talk about that stuff, like in your own family, too.
[00:02:51] Nicole: No, my mother taught me. I’ll never forget.
[00:02:56] Sasheer: My mom taught me, too.
[00:02:56] Nicole: She was like, “Show me how you wash yourself. Go. You can watch yourself now. I’ve done it. Now you can do it.” I remember there was a pop quiz, like, a week later, which was like, “Show me how you wash yourself.” And I did it. She was like, “You’re not watching all the important things.” I was like, “Oh no!”
[00:03:15] Sasheer: Oh, good. Damn.
[00:03:15] Nicole: So, yeah. That’s how I always remember you gotta wash every little part.
[00:03:20] Sasheer: Yeah. I do remember my mom describing it. I don’t remember how she described it. Probably something really crude, like, “Just get up in there,” or something. “Scrub them lips.”
[00:03:28] Nicole: Your mother’s so funny. I would love to hear her say, “Scrub them lips.” She makes me laugh so hard. Wait, should we get into the clips?
[00:03:40] Sasheer: Yes!
[00:03:40] Nicole: Wait, before we get into clips…
[00:03:41] Sasheer: Oh my gosh. Yes. Uh-huh.
[00:03:43] Nicole: I have questions and queries! Have you watched Swarm yet?
[00:03:47] Sasheer: No, I haven’t watched Swarm.
[00:03:48] Nicole: Oh my God. Okay, let’s get into the clips.
[00:03:52] Sasheer: I did watch the whole second season of Sex/Life.
[00:03:55] Nicole: Let’s get into those clips. Oh, also, Yellowjackets is back.
[00:04:03] Sasheer: Oh, yay! Thank goodness.
[00:04:05] Nicole: The first episode was pretty fucking good.
[00:04:06] Sasheer: Wait, I actually can’t believe we haven’t talked about You.
[00:04:10] Nicole: My word! We haven’t talked about You.
[00:04:14] Sasheer: We haven’t talked about You! That’s a big component of this show.
[00:04:18] Nicole: It really is. Wait, I guess we have to save it for another episode. Or should we talk about it real quick? Because things made me angry.
[00:04:30] Sasheer: Maybe we should save it.
[00:04:31] Nicole: Okay. Okay. Let me hear what you thought. One word sentence about what you thought of You. I can’t believe we forgot to talk about You. One and two came out.
[00:04:42] Sasheer: I know. And I watched all of it in, like, days.
[00:04:44] Nicole: Me too.
[00:04:46] Sasheer: I will say I think it took too long. Oh, Jordan hasn’t finished it. Okay. I don’t want to spoil anything.
[00:04:56] Nicole: Oh, okay. So, we’ll wait for Jordan to finish it before we talk about it.
[00:05:01] Jordan: But I’m still cool with, like, the one word on how you feel about it.
[00:05:05] Sasheer: Okay. The one word is “Joe… is a little concerning.” “This show about a serial killer is a little concerning to me!”
[00:05:16] Nicole: Yeah, I feel like they’re trying really hard for you not to empathize with Joe. And that’s not my fantasy. I want to root for him. And that’s my prerogative. And I feel like I’m being led in a different direction, and that’s not what I’m looking for. Okay?
[00:05:36] Sasheer: Stop taking that away from me.
[00:05:40] Nicole: Okay. Now, let’s hit up our clips!
[00:05:43] Sasheer: Yeah.
[00:05:45] Eric: Hi, this is Eric. I have to say, for one of my favorite moments from the show, it has to be the very first episode where Nicole comes up with the phrase, “I’m so mad, I’m going to ride an alligator.” To this day, I don’t think a podcast could have started off on a better note than Nicole just coming up with a random turn of phrase. I just don’t think any podcast could have had any better of a start than this one with that gem. I mean, with a gem like– Oh my God, this is… I’m rambling. I love this show. Love you guys. Bye. Yeah, that’s my gem for the 200th episode. All right, Bye.
[00:06:41] Nicole: I love that. That was fun.
[00:06:43] Sasheer: You went on a run because you were like, “I’m gonna pop my top. I’m gonna blow my lid. I’m so mad I’m going to ride an alligator!” And this really came out of nowhere. We weren’t talking about alligators. We weren’t talking about reptiles. And it was really good. I don’t even know what we were talking about.
[00:07:01] Nicole: I don’t know what we were talking about either.
[00:07:04] Sasheer: But you were very mad. And you would have to be really mad to ride an alligator. You got to wrestle it. You gotta 1) find one, 2) wrestle, so it’s docile enough. They’re not comfortable. They’re spiky.
[00:07:20] Nicole: No. And they’re wet.
[00:07:24] Sasheer: He gonna be real mad.
[00:07:26] Nicole: Okay, here’s the alligator clip.
[00:07:30] Nicole (clip): My knickers were in a bag. My shoes are on the wrong feet. I was swimming in a pool with no goggles. I was trying to say, “I was paddling up the river with no paddle.” Is that a saying?
[00:07:49] Sasheer (clip): I think so. But “swimming in a pool with no goggles” is also great.
[00:07:53] Nicole (clip): I was so mad. I was in a pool with no goggles. I’d think I would win a contest of knowing the most about you.
[00:08:04] Sasheer (clip): You still would.
[00:08:04] Nicole (clip): I don’t know! I didn’t know you were born in Japan! That really rocked my socks. Man, I was cruising for a bruising. My lid was about to bust. I was going to ride an alligator, I was so mad.
[00:08:25] Sasheer (clip): Riding an alligator?
[00:08:25] Nicole (clip): That’s a saying.
[00:08:26] Sasheer (clip): I’ve never heard it.
[00:08:26] Nicole (clip): I think I made it up.
[00:08:27] Sasheer: Oh, that’s good.
[00:08:29] Nicole: That’s so silly. I like that I was angry about something with you. It was something I didn’t know about you. Oh, maybe it was, like, you were in clubs in school.
[00:08:42] Sasheer: Maybe. I don’t know. Really, any fact that you learn about me makes you really angry.
[00:08:48] Nicole: I should know them all by now.
[00:08:51] Sasheer: This is true. Okay, let’s hear another one that someone likes.
[00:08:55] Caller #2: Hey, Nicole. Hey, Sasheer. Hi, Kimmie. You guys remember when Nicole called in everybody from the office to talk about who wore their bra correctly or who put their bra on the way Nicole did and Nicole turned out to be the one who did it weird? Or what about the time with the man who jacked off in the office and stuff? That shit kills me. Thanks, guys. Bye.
[00:09:37] Nicole: Yeah, I do remember. It was one of your favorite moments. I still maintain that I’m correct.
[00:09:44] Sasheer: I think it’s, like, whatever works for you. I don’t think there’s a correct or incorrect–
[00:09:47] Nicole: I’m right.
[00:09:49] Sasheer: All right.
[00:09:50] Nicole: Let’s hear that clip!
[00:09:53] Nicole (clip): Yeah. It was really hard to put my bra on today.
[00:09:56] Sasheer (clip): Do you latch it in the front and then twist it around?
[00:09:59] Nicole (clip): Are you kidding? No. Do you do that? Does everyone do that? Wait. Jordan, do you latch it in the front and twist it around?
[00:10:11] Jordan (clip): No, I do not. I latch it in the back.
[00:10:12] Nicole (clip): Okay. Thank God. Me too.
[00:10:14] Sasheer (clip): But Kimmie latches it in the front.
[00:10:16] Kimmie (clip): Yeah, I latch it in the front.
[00:10:17] Nicole (clip): Huh? so the two fatties are like, “We gotta make more room for ourselves.” And the two thin ones are like, “Easy-peasy. We’ll get our exercise in, shimmying our bras around our body.”
[00:10:28] Sasheer (clip): It’s easier.
[00:10:28] Nicole (clip): I felt like I was out of my mind, twisting this bra around my body, waiting for the cups to come to the front.
[00:10:39] Sasheer (clip): I can see it. If I do it behind me, it’s just more mental math to figure out how I’m going to get these hooks to hook.
[00:10:49] Nicole (clip): They just hook.
[00:10:50] Sasheer (clip): Well, if it is in front of me, I just look at it and then turn it around.
[00:10:53] Nicole (clip): So, do you take your bra off before sex, or does your dude do it? And does he twist it around to the front?
[00:10:59] Sasheer (clip): Off is easier? I don’t have to push my bra backwards and then unhook.
[00:11:06] Nicole (clip): Can you do that the next time you have sex and just let me know how it goes?
[00:11:10] Sasheer (clip): Twist. “Hold on!”
[00:11:12] Nicole (clip): I’d like to know if other people do this.
[00:11:14] Kimmie (clip): Want me to go grab some ladies?
[00:11:15] Nicole (clip): Yes, please.
[00:11:16] Sasheer (clip): Can you go grab some ladies?
[00:11:16] Kimmie (clip): I’m going to grab some ladies. One second.
[00:11:18] Nicole (clip): Thank you. Yes! Ladies, ladies, ladies, ladies! How do you put a bra on?
[00:11:36] Lady #1 (clip): I hook it in the front. And then I twist it around. And then I flip the bra up over my boobs. And then I slip into it.
[00:11:45] Sasheer (clip): I think that’s the correct way.
[00:11:46] Lady #2 (clip): I feel like I take it off, and it’s already hooked. So, then I just put it back on, and then I don’t do anything.
[00:11:50] Sasheer (clip): Whoa.
[00:11:50] Nicole (clip): What?
[00:11:50] Lady #3 (clip): So, full disclosure, none of my bras have hooks. So, I’m in the front. And then I spin it around.
[00:12:05] Sasheer (clip): Makes sense to me.
[00:12:06] Nicole (clip): So, I guess Kimmie and Sasheer win. Thank you very much for sharing with us.
[00:12:16] Jordan: I don’t think we had enough people.
[00:12:18] Nicole: I don’t think we had enough people either.
[00:12:19] Sasheer: But didn’t we poll online, too? Most people did the twist.
[00:12:25] Nicole: I just… I don’t… It takes so much effort to twist it.
[00:12:33] Sasheer: I don’t think it takes “so” much effort.
[00:12:37] Nicole: Well, I also realize that I have, like, pretty good arm dexterity. Like, I have a jumpsuit that has a zipper in the back, and I can zip it all the way up and down pretty easily. So, I think I’m just good behind my back.
[00:12:51] Sasheer: You’re just flexy.
[00:12:52] Nicole: I’m flexy!
[00:12:54] Kimmie: I’ll say, as a twist person, I wildly respect you non twisters. I twist because I cannot connect it correctly behind my back. So, like, props to you both. It’s very impressive.
[00:13:05] Nicole: Thank you.
[00:13:06] Sasheer: Yeah. I feel like I could get, like, one hook on the middle one and one hook on the last one. I would get frustrated.
[00:13:16] Nicole: Here’s the thing, that happens sometimes, and that’s just how you have to go out in the world. Sometimes it’s on different planes, and that’s how the Lord wants you to wear your bra that day.
[00:13:26] Sasheer: That’s just how the day is.
[00:13:42] Nicole: Let’s do another one.
[00:13:45] Kimmie: All right. This one, they didn’t state specifics. A little bit of a surprise, what it is. But I thought we could still read the sweet message.
[00:13:52] Sasheer: “I listen to this all the time when I need to laugh. It’s the quiz from the week of October 13th, 2021. Happy 200th episode. You ladies are a treat every Wednesday. Thanks for the laughs. Looking forward to more.”
[00:14:04] Nicole: Aw.
[00:14:04] Kimmie (clip): This is Nicole.
[00:14:05] Nicole (clip): I’m a flamingo! Oh my God. “You’re a head turner, and you know it.” Oh my God, am I going to cry? “Although you had a rough beginning–” I did. “Your experience has shaped you into the independent and well balanced, literally, person you are today. From sassy clues to over-the-top performances, you’re a badass birdy… Spread those wings.” I think I needed to hear that. I’m a flamingo.
[00:14:50] Sasheer (clip): Yes, you are.
[00:14:56] Nicole: Mine was the therapy I’ve needed for a couple of months.
[00:15:02] Sasheer: Yeah. Yeah, you got so much joy from that BuzzFeed quiz.
[00:15:08] Nicole: I love flamingos, and I love birds. And I couldn’t believe it was calling me one of my favorite birds. A hot pink flamingo? Oh, my word.
[00:15:18] Sasheer: I love that it was like, “You’ve had a rough start–” “Yes, I did.”
[00:15:24] Nicole: Yeah, I was really feeling that quiz. I feel a lot. And I’m a very sensitive person, which is, like–I don’t know–a fun thing I’ve discovered about myself over the years. If you say the perfect amount of words together, I go, “Oh, no, I cry now?” And that’s just how I am.
[00:15:45] Sasheer: That’s very sweet.
[00:15:46] Nicole: Hey, thanks. What were you in that quiz?
[00:15:52] Sasheer: I don’t even know what the parameters of that quiz was. I don’t know if it was, like, “Check Your Zodiac Sign, We’ll Tell You What Bird You Are?” I don’t know what it was. It wasn’t as fun as a flamingo, I think.
[00:16:06] Nicole: I don’t think so either.
[00:16:09] Jordan: I don’t know why, but I think you were a penguin. I could probably be wrong, but for some reason, my gut is saying, “Penguin.” If I’m right by that, then I’m impressive.
[00:16:19] Kimmie: I thought it was a Masked Singer quiz. And, like, you were the flamingo from that. But maybe not because I feel like that wouldn’t make you as emotional. These quizzes are wild. It’s the strangest part of my job.
[00:16:34] Nicole: But, I mean, I could see myself crying over “Which Masked Singer Are You?” You know, it’s not too far from reality.
[00:16:44] Sasheer: Let’s do another one.
[00:16:46] Nicole: Yeah.
[00:16:47] Philippe: Hi. My name is Philippe, and I love the podcast. I just wanted to leave a voicemail with one of my favorite moments. So, one of my favorite episodes is “Sasheer Will Have The Salmon” that you did live. I had the privilege of being in that room. It was an amazing night. My face was swollen for the next two days because I was laughing so much. And then I love listening to the episode afterwards. There are so many moments I could pick from that episode alone, from Nicole waving at the giraffe or the whole discussion about what kind of potato you would want to be. But if I had to pick one moment, I think it would be Nicole wanting to have a bird. And I had a great time listening to this back because it’s such a fun episode. It was so fun being in the room. And every time it is such a delight. So that is my suggestion for one of the best moments–that episode with Nicole and Sasheer talking about how it would be inhumane to adopt a bird. But Nicole really wants a purple parrot. Anyway, I hope you have a lovely day. Congrats on 200 amazing episodes. I cannot wait for the next 200 and the 200 after that. Thank you for all the entertainment you provide. And have a lovely night, day, whenever you’re recording this. I don’t know. Live your best lives! Record whenever!
[00:18:09] Nicole: That’s sweet.
[00:18:11] Kimmie: The bit I wanted to share, too, is this live show was wonderful and one of me and Jordan’s coworkers who works at Earwolf brought her son to the show and he loved it. And his favorite moment, apparently, she’s been telling me, that he references still–this was months ago–is Sasheer yelling, “The salmon.” So, I have this clip for that young man who thinks this is the funniest thing. It’s hilarious. This is the funniest thing he’s ever heard.
[00:18:35] Nicole (clip): No. Okay. I do remember. We went to that awful restaurant, where we couldn’t get good drinks because they were bad. You ordered salmon. You were like, “I’m getting salmon. I like salmon. Salmon is for me. I like salmon.”
[00:18:50] Sasheer (clip): Yes, yes.
[00:18:50] Nicole (clip): And the server said to you, “What are you having?” And you went, “Salmon!”
[00:18:59] Sasheer (clip): Well, okay. You make it seem like I’m screaming at servers all the time.
[00:19:02] Nicole (clip): But you are.
[00:19:04] Sasheer (clip): There were two different salmon options. This is boring. Why am I talking about it? Okay, so there were two different salmon options. And I was like, “The salmon. The salmon. The salmon.” I couldn’t figure out how to describe salmon further, so he knew which salmon I was talking about. And we were like, “Ha ha ha.” And then he moved to other people to ask for their order. And then he came back to me and was like, “And you would like?” And I was like, “The salmon. We went over this.”
[00:19:26] Nicole (clip): Which is so funny.
[00:19:31] Nicole: Honestly, I think about it all the time because she was wrapped up in so many cloaks and leaned all the way back, so she was horizontal to look up at this man and scream, “Salmon!”
[00:19:44] Sasheer: It just took me back because we all had a good laugh about it. And then he forgot? He forgot the bit we just did 30 seconds ago with the salmon? I couldn’t believe it.
[00:19:58] Nicole: “The salmon!”
[00:20:00] Sasheer: “Please! The salmon!”
[00:20:05] Nicole: God, it’s so funny. Ooh. Let’s hear the parrot moment.
[00:20:07] Sasheer: Here’s your purple parrot.
[00:20:09] Nicole (clip): Well, I didn’t tell you this, but I think I want a bird.
[00:20:12] Sasheer (clip): You sure didn’t tell me that.
[00:20:13] Nicole (clip): Yeah, I’ve been thinking about it seriously.
[00:20:15] Sasheer (clip): I do think it’s…
[00:20:23] Nicole (clip): You don’t think I should get a bird?
[00:20:23] Sasheer (clip): I feel a little sad for the bird when I see it in a cage in a home.
[00:20:28] Nicole (clip): But what if it doesn’t have a cage?
[00:20:31] Sasheer (clip): It’s just flying around your house? What kind of bird are you trying to get?
[00:20:36] Nicole (clip): Oh, one that talks back to me.
[00:20:37] Sasheer (clip): Like a parrot?
[00:20:38] Nicole (clip): I think so. So, I can teach it things–to be like, “Hello.” And other words. I, like, want a bird to be like, “Tee-hee-hee.”
[00:20:51] Sasheer (clip): And this is the only reason you want a bird?
[00:20:56] Nicole (clip): And then I’ll “tee-hee-hee” back at the bird. Just imagine me on my couch laughing with a bird.
[00:21:01] Sasheer (clip): Oh no.
[00:21:05] Nicole (clip): Come on!
[00:21:05] Sasheer (clip): I can imagine it. You just want one of those talkback things–those little Gameboy things.
[00:21:15] Nicole (clip): But that won’t let me.
[00:21:18] Sasheer (clip): You think a bird’s going to love you?
[00:21:20] Nicole (clip): Yeah. Anything that depends on food from you loves you. Yeah. Like, my dog loves me. I feed him and walk him and stuff. That bird is going to love me. We’ll snuggle.
[00:21:34] Sasheer (clip): Maybe. Maybe you’ll smuggle. I don’t know.
[00:21:37] Nicole (clip): You seem really against this bird thing.
[00:21:39] Sasheer (clip): I just feel like maybe birds aren’t the type of pet that should be domesticated. You have a great dog.
[00:21:47] Nicole (clip): I do. He’s great.
[00:21:49] Sasheer (clip): You could get another dog.
[00:21:50] Nicole (clip): Or I could get a toucan.
[00:21:54] Sasheer (clip): Please don’t get a toucan.
[00:21:55] Nicole (clip): Should I get a toucan?
[00:21:56] Sasheer (clip): Please don’t get a toucan.
[00:21:56] Nicole (clip): I open my door, and I’m like, “Look at my toucan?” Are there purple birds? Ooh! Wait, these seem fake. I got so excited for a purple parrot.
[00:22:10] Kimmie (clip): I don’t think they have purple parrots.
[00:22:12] Nicole (clip): Oh no.
[00:22:17] Nicole: “Oh no.”
[00:22:18] Sasheer: I just saw a video of, um… I don’t know if it was a parrot or a cockatiel. I think it’s a different kind of bird that will talk to you. And the owner hit his head on a cabinet. And the bird saw this and was like, “You okay?” And the guy was like, “Yeah, thanks for asking.” And that was it.
[00:22:41] Nicole: That’s what I want. I want a bird to, like, ask me how I’m doing. Like, “Are you sad?” I’m like, “Yeah, birdy. I’m sad.” Or “No, birdy! I’m happy!” Just like a bird to be so fun. But I think you’re right. I think you have to be home with the bird a lot.
[00:22:59] Sasheer: Yeah. You could train Clyde to step on those, like, things that talk to you–those little buttons that are designated words and stuff.
[00:23:08] Nicole: That does seem like a lot of work.
[00:23:10] Sasheer: Like, “Hey. You okay?” I mean, yeah. I don’t know how people train their dogs to do that.
[00:23:16] Nicole: They have a lot of time on their hands. I could. I could get Clyde to talk to me. But I’m worried. What would he say? He’d be like, “You’re a bitch.”
[00:23:26] Sasheer: Well, just don’t make that button. You have control over that.
[00:23:30] Nicole: I have the power. I forgot.
[00:23:33] Sasheer: Just don’t make them an option.
[00:23:36] Nicole: You’re right. I should not make that an option. Should we listen to another one?
[00:23:39] Sasheer: Yes, yes, yes.
[00:23:42] Kimmie: This was a heavily requested one. We got multiple requests.
[00:23:45] Nicole: Oh.
[00:23:47] Carolyn: Hi, Nicole, Sasheer, and Kimmie. I am calling about a clip for your 200th episode show. My name is Carolyn. I’ve been listening to your podcast and loving it for a very long time. And it makes me laugh out loud on the regular. But there is one moment that I will always remember where I was when I heard it, what I was doing, or what the experience was. And anytime I’m down, I come back, and I listen to this clip. And it just never fails to make me smile. So, March 15, 2022. I had recently just left a job that was very bad for me and my mental health. I was in a sort of weird place, being anxious about the future. And I was out on a walk in my city. I live in Philadelphia. And I was listening to your podcast. And on this episode, Nicole is talking about watching Forrest Gump on TV, and Sasheer said that she’s never seen it the whole way through. And Nicole, out of nowhere, launches into this spontaneous, virtuosic, and highly detailed recounting of the movie–like, the entire synopsis. She just goes for, I think, three minutes straight. She gets all of the high points. The level of detail is immaculate. And just listening to Sasheer, like, gamely laughing and gasping theatrically at all the right comments. I was walking down the streets of Philadelphia, laughing out loud, trying to cover my face and not make a total fool of myself, listening to this podcast. But the moment that completely just debilitated me and I had to, like, put my hand on the side of the building to brace myself because I was falling over was when Nicole started impersonating the sex noises that Forrest overheard. And then she does Forrest replicating that sound too. I just lost it. I lost it. And I came home. And that day when I was telling my husband about my day, I was like, “Yeah, it’s pretty shitty. I was applying for a million jobs. I don’t know what I’m doing. But also, please, let me tell you about this episode of Best Friends and Nicole describing the movie Forrest Gump.” There is nothing like it. It is just a moment of comic genius. And I love it. And I love you all. And that moment will stay in my heart forever. Thank you both so much. Happy 200th.
[00:26:25] Sasheer: Oh my God.
[00:26:28] Nicole: I do love Forrest Gump so much.
[00:26:33] Sasheer: That was pretty epic. You described it for a long time.
[00:26:40] Nicole: It’s such a long movie that I have seen a hundred times. And apparently the sequel–even more happens. I think he’s, like, at 9/11 in the sequel. It’s, like, wild.
[00:26:53] Sasheer: I don’t know if I knew there was a sequel.
[00:26:56] Nicole: There is. Forrest Gump is a book that the movie’s based on. And then the writer wrote a sequel where Forrest, like, loses all his money that he made in Apple. And he was, like, at 9/11 and a bunch of other historic things. That’s the one that really sticks out.
[00:27:09] Sasheer: But they didn’t make it into a movie?
[00:27:10] Nicole: They sure didn’t. It was in development for a while, and then I think they were like, “Eh. We don’t need this.”
[00:27:16] Sasheer: “We probably don’t want Tom Hanks causing 9/11.”
[00:27:22] Nicole: Yeah, you know, America’s sweetheart–they don’t want him to do it.
[00:27:26] Sasheer: Okay. Yeah. Let’s play that clip.
[00:27:28] Nicole: Okay.
[00:27:29] Sasheer: I don’t actually know if I’ve sat down and watched Forrest Gump all in one. But I’ve definitely, like, walked past the TV as, like, bits have been on. And every time I’m like, “What the fuck is happening in this movie?”
[00:27:39] Nicole: So, it’s about a boy who has some learning disabilities, who also wears a brace. And then one day runs, and the braces break off. He makes a friend. She’s a girl. She’s dirt poor and doesn’t have a good life. And her dad’s always like, “Jenny! Jenny!” And she’s like, “Make me a bird so I can fly far, far away.” So, she, like, becomes best friends with Forrest. And then they grow up. And they’re definitely, like, 30 years old, but they’re playing high schoolers. And these boys start making fun of Forrest and throwing stuff at him. And she’s like, “Run, Forrest! Run!” He did what he does, and he runs. He runs away. Then he gets a scholarship to college, and he plays pro football.
[00:28:22] Nicole: He didn’t play pro football. He only plays college football.
[00:28:26] Nicole (clip): But wait. When he was a kid, he teaches Elvis how to dance. So, all of Elvis’ weird hip movements–that’s Forrest because players can use his legs good. He taught Elvis everything he knows. Also, his mom–Sally Field–fucks the principal to get him into school. And they fuck, and he goes, “Hee-hee-hee.” And then he says, “Forrest, your mom would do anything to get you in school.” Forrest looks at that man and goes, “Hee-hee-hee.” And then he’s like, “I gotta go. I don’t want this child making my own sex noises at me. That’s disturbing.” So, we’re back to college. He’s in college, he’s playing football, he gets a scholarship, and then he doesn’t know to stop running. He just keeps running. He doesn’t know it’s the game or anything. They just give him the ball, he runs. So, then they get the band to, like, just get in front of where he was running towards to stop him. So, he stops.
[00:29:03] Nicole: This is not a huge plot point.
[00:29:06] Nicole (clip): And then they’re like, “You gotta go to Vietnam.” And he’s like, “Okay, I’ll go to Vietnam.” And then Jenny–he loses touch with Jenny. Jenny becomes this, like, hippie. She’s like, “No war!” And then he gets shot in the buttocks in the war and saves Lieutenant Dan. Lieutenant Dan didn’t want to be there because all of the people in his family died in the war. And he wanted to go out like that, too. But Forrest saves the whole platoon. But then he meets Bubba before he saves the Lieutenant Dan. And Bubba’s his friend. And Bubba is like, “You’re my best good friend.” And he’s just like Forrest. And they do well together. But then–spoiler–Bubba dies. But they talked about becoming shrimp boat captains. So, after he dies, he fulfills the prophecy of being a shrimp boat captain with Lieutenant Dan, who ain’t got no legs. So, he makes a ton of money. Oh, and in between all the story time, he’s talking to people on a park bench waiting for a bus. You don’t know where Forrest is going first. He talks to this Black lady who’s like, “I don’t like this. My bus is here.” So, she leaves. And then the next person he talks to is this all-white guy who’s like, “I didn’t know I was sitting next to a millionaire.” Because Bubba Gump Shrimp Co. makes a ton of money. And then he gives it to Bubba’s family because that’s his best good friend. So, then Bubba’s mama falls out. And then she hires some white people to serve her because she’d been serving kitchens her whole dang life. And he got to do that for his best friend, Bubba. So, then Jenny is on her rounds. She’s naked and stuff, singing and stuff. And Forrest is like, “I like that.” And then she comes to stay with him. And then she starts doing drugs. And then she’s, like, on this window ledge; she’s like, “I’m going to do it. I’m going to jump.” She’s in this abusive relationship with this guy that Forrest tried fight but then, like, doesn’t fight him. And she’s like, “Leave him alone, Forrest!” So, then she comes to Forrest, and then they get married. Lieutenant Dan has new legs and a new wife. And then she leaves Forrest again. He’s devastated. So, then we find out he’s waiting for a bus to get to Jenny. And then this lady is like, “You don’t even need a bus!” Oh, and P.S. he runs across the country a bunch of times, and people think he’s, like, a cult leader or something. But he’s not. He’s just running. So, then she’s like, “You can just run there. You like to run.” He’s like, “Okay.” So, then he runs. Spoiler. She got pregnant with Forrest’s baby. And he goes, “Is the baby like me?” It’s not like him. It’s Haley Joel Osment. So, like, he brings him back to his house, and then Jenny dies of AIDS because of her intravenous drug use. But then there’s a feather that he puts in a book because he reads to Haley Joel Osment. And Haley Joel Osment gets on the same bus with the same bus driver that he had when he was a kid. And that’s the circle of Forrest Gump! It’s the best movie in the whole world!
[00:31:44] Nicole: I told it out of order because it’s so long. I do love Forrest Gump. I missed, you know, things, like New Year’s Eve with Lieutenant Dan and Forrest. And then he sticks up for Forrest for the first time, and he feels loved. And then his mama dies. I missed so much. So much happens in that movie. I think I got the highlight.
[00:32:10] Sasheer: I think you got a lot of it. Yeah.
[00:32:15] Nicole: Honestly, I might watch it today. I fucking love Forrest Gump. Oooweee.
[00:32:21] Sasheer: Oowee. Can I watch it, too? I’ve never watched it.
[00:32:25] Nicole: Okay, here’s the thing. I don’t show people my favorite movies anymore because I showed you My Cousin Vinny and you didn’t love it too much. I showed John Milhiser Blast from the Past; he and Jackson did not love it in the same way I did. So, I will not be sharing my favorite movies with anybody ever again because they don’t react the way I want them to. And then I get sad for a couple of days and think about my taste in movies.
[00:32:59] Sasheer: Okay. That’s fair.
[00:33:01] Nicole: I don’t want that for myself.
[00:33:02] Sasheer: I understand.
[00:33:04] Nicole: But I would love for you to watch it on your own and let me know about it. And then if you like it, we could watch it together.
[00:33:11] Sasheer: So, I have to watch it on my own, give you a report, and then watch it again?
[00:33:18] Nicole: Yes. Well, I can’t watch you watch it because I’ll get upset that you don’t like the same things I like, like what happened with the Minion movie.
[00:33:25] Sasheer: Yeah. This is true. Okay.
[00:33:28] Nicole: Minions: Rise of Gru is pretty good. I think you should watch it. I really liked this.
[00:33:32] Sasheer: We do agree sometimes, we both love Free Guy.
[00:33:35] Nicole: Oh, I love Free Guy. Oh, it’s my favorite. I’ve seen it so many times. I was watching it the other day, and I wasn’t even sad.
[00:33:42] Sasheer: Oh, look at that.
[00:33:56] Nicole: Okay. Should we listen to another one?
[00:33:58] Sasheer: Yeah.
[00:33:59] Caller #5: Hi, Nicole, Sasheer, and the whole squad. It has been 200 episodes. That’s so exciting. I sure have been listening from the beginning. I remember listening to the very first episode and then listening to you all through the pandemic and just being like, “Wow. Thank fucking Christ for this podcast. It keeps me sane.” And now I listen to it while I fall asleep. And that is the moment in which I started to get a call from Sasheer to call in with our favorite moments. And I immediately start laughing because it has to be the episode that’s called “Sasheer scrubs! With a tool!” I love the podcast and I will continue to be someone who pays for Stitcher Premium just for all the new content coming. But if there was one episode that would keep me paying for the rest of my life for the ability to continue to listen to an episode over and over again, it would be “Sasheer scrubs! With a tool!” It’s, like, 45 minutes of that podcast. But it would be tough for me to say right now what one moment is. I have made so many friends listen to it over the course of the last couple years. Sometimes I just hold my friends captive and press play and then I go, “Do you use a tool? Do you wash your legs every time?” But I think, like, the moment that really gets to me is when Sasheer and Nicole, towards the beginning of the conversation, are talking about how crazy it is that this is going viral on Twitter. And also, guys, it just went viral again. Like, what is that about? Why are people not washing our legs? I mean, I am, but, like, why are more of us not? It’s really tough for all of us. The beginning when Nicole and Sasheer are talking about it. And then I believe Kimmie and Jordan just make kind of, like, a horrified face. And they all realize–y’all all realize–together at the exact same time that maybe people in the actual booth are not washing their legs and they’re not scrubbing with a tool. And then we go on, like, such a lovely experience talking about what lives and exists in Jordan’s guest space and how everyone needs to bring their own soap, which is hilarious. But yeah, that moment in which everyone realizes that the call is coming from inside the house is really incredible. So, thank you so much for all you do. Happy 200 episodes. If for nothing else, that episode will keep me laughing for the rest of forever. So, thank you so much! Bye.
[00:36:18] Sasheer: That was a great episode.
[00:36:23] Nicole: It was fun. Let’s listen to it.
[00:36:26] Nicole (clip): Did you have to tell your man that he didn’t wash his dick?
[00:36:30] Sasheer (clip): He washes his dick, but he didn’t wash some other stuff.
[00:36:36] Nicole (clip): But in his defense, he’s white.
[00:36:38] Sasheer (clip): He’s white. But also, like…
[00:36:40] Nicole (clip): White people don’t wash their legs.
[00:36:42] Sasheer (clip): He was given no guidance.
[00:36:45] Nicole (clip): Kimmie’s… Have you never heard this?
[00:36:47] Kimmie (clip): I have. I’m just glad we’re talking about it.
[00:36:50] Nicole (clip): Jordan, have you heard this? It was on Twitter a while ago. I talked about it ad nauseam on Why Won’t You Date Me? because I couldn’t believe it. But it was a tweet that was like, “Wait, does everybody wash their legs in the shower?” And then everyone’s like, “Do you not wash your legs in the shower?”
[00:37:06] Sasheer (clip): You got to scrub your body.
[00:37:08] Nicole (clip): Scrub them. And then some white people don’t use washcloths or a loofah.
[00:37:13] Sasheer (clip): Yeah, there’s so many times I went to a friend’s house and wasn’t offered a washcloth. And I don’t understand what to do. Jordan, what do you do in there? You just take this bar soap and put it on your body? Jordan is nodding your head “yes.” Is that what you do?
[00:37:26] Nicole (clip): What? Wait, you just take a naked ass bar of soap and mush it on your body.
[00:37:33] Jordan (clip): Yes.
[00:37:33] Sasheer (clip): But what if you have guests?
[00:37:36] Jordan (clip): 1) I expect them to have their own bar of soap.
[00:37:39] Sasheer (clip): That’s a crazy thing!
[00:37:44] Nicole (clip): That’s insane.
[00:37:44] Jordan (clip): Time out. I also…
[00:37:48] Nicole (clip): “Time out!”
[00:37:48] Sasheer (clip): I’m coming to your home, and I have to buy a full bar of soap?
[00:37:51] Jordan (clip): I will give you soap.
[00:37:54] Kimmie (clip): When I travel, I tend to just double up my shampoo as body wash–just for traveling. Everyone’s looking at me like I’m crazy. It’s another kind of soap! It strips your hair of oils, so it’s a soap.
[00:38:10] Nicole (clip): It’s not a soap. I don’t think it gets you clean enough. This is, honestly, so wild, and I wish there was other people here that we could ask.
[00:38:18] Sasheer (clip): I know.
[00:38:20] Kimmie (clip): Want me to go do a round?
[00:38:21] Nicole (clip): Yeah, if there’s people here, I’d love to know.
[00:38:22] Josh (clip): Hi, guys. It’s Josh. I’m 34. It’s nice to be back.
[00:38:29] Sasheer (clip): Yes!
[00:38:30] Nicole (clip): We miss you!
[00:38:30] Josh (clip): I know. I miss you guys. I take showers and use shampoo and liquid soap like, I think, everybody else.
[00:38:38] Sasheer (clip): No, we’re finding everybody else is something different.
[00:38:41] Nicole (clip): And how do you apply the body wash to your body?
[00:38:43] Josh (clip): With my hands.
[00:38:44] Nicole (clip): This is so wild. I never feel clean enough when I’m forced to do that.
[00:38:53] Nicole (clip): Yeah.
[00:38:54] Josh (clip): I mean, that’s why you have hands. That’s what they’re for.
[00:38:56] Sasheer (clip): That is not why you have hands! No, no, no. We are humans who know how you build tools, and we use tools to execute things that we need and need to be washed. You use a tool on your body. You don’t wash it like an animal.
[00:39:16] Nicole (clip): This is Sasheer’s platform for candidacy for president.
[00:39:18] Sasheer (clip): “We use tools!”
[00:39:18] Nicole: That is funny.
[00:39:23] Jordan: I just want to say that ever since this episode, my cleaning regimen has changed drastically.
[00:39:30] Sasheer: Oh!
[00:39:32] Jordan: So yes, I have shampoo and conditioner, everything for the top of my head. I have a fancy face wash because this pandemic got my skin real dry. But ever since this episode, I have the exfoliating gloves and I have the liquid soap. And I scrub my body–my legs, my feet, my toes, my butt, my front area. I now–to a T–scrub. And I do have extra bars of soap for guests to come. And I have washcloths.
[00:40:13] Sasheer: Whoa! Jordan!
[00:40:14] Nicole: Yay! Aw.
[00:40:17] Jordan: It has drastically improved. So, thank you for the show because now I have learned I have not been cleaning myself properly my whole life.
[00:40:28] Nicole: The gloves–does your skin feel softer?
[00:40:31] Jordan: Oh my God. So soft. You do have to get new stuff. And then there was, like, some stuff on TikTok about, like–oh my God–it’s like a netting material.
[00:40:44] Nicole: Yeah.
[00:40:45] Jordan: Yes. So, I haven’t used that one yet. But yeah, the gloves–I now travel with gloves to wash myself. It now creeps me out to just use a bar soap because I think, Sasheer, you had said, “You’re just sliding it on your skin. You’re not scrubbing anything off.” And I was like, “She is correct. That’s what’s happening.”
[00:41:06] Nicole: It’s like dishes. You don’t just wash dishes with your hands. You use a sponge.
[00:41:12] Sasheer: Although I’ve seen people do that, too.
[00:41:14] Jordan: Oh, God.
[00:41:15] Sasheer: Wash the food debris off the plate and then put it in the drying rack. It was a man. It was a white man.
[00:41:23] Nicole: Of course. Of course, it was a man. Men are a stain on this earth.
[00:41:31] Sasheer: Oh my God.
[00:41:33] Nicole: Was that too much?
[00:41:34] Sasheer: That’s pretty drastic.
[00:41:39] Nicole: Is that too much? I’m kidding. I love men.
[00:41:45] Sasheer: Thank you for the follow up on your cleanliness.
[00:41:50] Jordan: I need everyone to know that I’ve learned.
[00:41:51] Sasheer: I think everyone’s going to be excited about this.
[00:41:55] Nicole: I think so, too. I do love that, in the original clip, you’re like, “I expect people to bring their own bars of soap,” which is so funny.
[00:42:05] Jordan: I think it was just more I was thinking, like, if you’re traveling, like, “Why wouldn’t you be bringing her own soap?” But no, I have, like, toothbrushes, toothpaste, bars of soap. I have so many things. And my mom taught me well. Like, anytime someone would come to the house, my mom always had a display of things if you forgot something. But, yeah, I should have known better. So shouldn’t expect anyone to have anything.
[00:42:29] Nicole: That’s so funny.
[00:42:30] Kimmie: All right, here is one. This is a favorite call of mine. I’m excited about this one.
[00:42:35] Nicole: Okay.
[00:42:37] Caller #6: I have another very funny thing from Best Friends episodes, which is Nicole’s eBay ad. It is so funny. Every time I hear it, I laugh. When Nicole gets to the last line of it, she’s so exhausted, and it is so thrilling. Like, it’s just so funny. It’s made me go on eBay. Like, it works; eBay, if you’re hearing this, she’s giving them money because, like, that’s the most effective ad I’ve ever heard in my life. Nicole just, like, very exhausted saying, “Rolex. Gucci. Prada.” I think it’s so good.
[00:43:20] Nicole: I don’t remember this.
[00:43:21] Sasheer: I don’t either.
[00:43:21] Caller #6: So, hopefully they’re the sponsor for this episode. Okay. Love you. Bye.
[00:43:25] Sasheer: Wait, is this you reading an ad for the show?
[00:43:27] Nicole: I guess so.
[00:43:28] Sasheer: Okay.
[00:43:29] Kimmie: So, this inspired me because when you guys do cute things or send cute things with your ad reads, I keep them for a moment like this. So, it’s very dorky, but I made a little mash up of favorite cute ad moments.
[00:43:44] Sasheer: Oh, Kimmie. That’s cute.
[00:43:48] Kimmie: So, give or take. But this is my love letter to you guys and your great ad reads.
[00:43:54] Nicole: Aw, thank you, Kimmie.
[00:43:56] Nicole (clip): Oh boy. Uh oh. I don’t have my headphones on, and I started recording. Can you even hear me? The microphone’s so close to my mouth. Oh my God. I’m all– Ugh. Hi, Kimmie. Hi, Jordan. Okay, look at me doing ads. Cartier, Rolex, Gucci, Prada, Jordan, Adidas, Bottega Veneta. At eBay, it’s real. Or it’s getting the fake out. It’s not a drink, it’s a–ba da ba ba bah–McDonald’s drink. Grab some tickets for a dang good time!
[00:44:34] Sasheer (clip): Oh my God. You absolutely have to do that line again. There’s no way you’re gonna continue that.
[00:44:40] Nicole (clip): Grab your tickets for July 16th and…
[00:44:48] Sasheer (clip): What is happening? The houses are great because it gives you an old school flashback of good times where you’re at the soda pop with your girl and you got two straws.
[00:45:10] Nicole (clip): “You’re at the soda pop with your gal and you got two straws?” That really got me good. Ba da ba ba bah. These statements have not been… These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. Ba da ba ba bah. I’m loving it. I did it. I did the ads. Look at me. I’m amazing. She’s a hero!
[00:45:56] Nicole: Boy, Sasheer. When you said, “You go to the soda pop with your girl and get a straw.” That’s maybe the funniest thing I’ve ever heard in my whole life. “You go to soda pop town with your girl and get a straw.”
[00:46:13] Sasheer: I think I was trying to say, “soda shop.” And I still don’t even know what that’s in reference to.
[00:46:19] Nicole: I don’t know what it’s in reference to either. Boy, that was funny. Wait, is that how we did the ad? Where she said that? Or did we do it normal?
[00:46:28] Kimmie: I think I left it in because it was so cute. That was great. I also spent, like, 30 minutes looking for that because I remembered it, and I’m like, “We cannot do something without that Sasheer moment. It’s so good.”
[00:46:40] Nicole: My God. That was so funny. “Go to the soda pop.”
[00:46:51] Sasheer: “With your girl and your two straws.”
[00:46:51] Nicole: Oh, boy. That made me laugh really hard. Oh, I can’t believe I forgot about that. That really made me laugh.
[00:46:57] Sasheer: You say “ba da ba ba bah” with such emphasis. It’s like a drum.
[00:47:07] Nicole: And I do it in between words when you least expect it. I love McDonald’s ads.
[00:47:16] Jordan: Every time you say it, it’s like, “Okay, I’ll get the chicken.”
[00:47:19] Sasheer: Yeah. It feels like you’re saying it at us–like it’s an attack.
[00:47:19] Nicole: Get that McChicken!
[00:47:28] Kimmie: That Ollie ad is my other favorite, where you start reading the FDA legal notice. I couldn’t find the one where you read it like you were having an orgasm, but I love how you did it so sexy. It was so good!
[00:47:41] Nicole: You know, just gotta have fun while reading ads.
[00:47:48] Sasheer: I’m glad people enjoy the ads, too.
[00:47:50] Nicole: Yeah. Should we do another clip?
[00:47:54] Kimmie: Let’s do it. Here’s a cute one someone likes–a cute moment with the two of you.
[00:48:00] Caller #7: Hi. I am calling to say what one of my favorite moments from the show has been. And I really like the moment when Nicole and Sasheer were talking about singing in harmony. And Nicole is trying to understand the concept. And I really wish I could remember which episode it was because I just remember they were singing together. And Nicole was just struggling to understand what harmony was, even though she was doing a good job singing.
[00:48:39] Nicole: Ooh. I was doing a good job.
[00:48:39] Caller #7: So, yeah. That’s all I really remember. Maybe I’ll try to figure out which episode it is and then call back. Okay. Bye!
[00:48:47] Kimmie: Yeah, she did say you did a good job. And we can confirm right now that you did do a good job.
[00:48:51] Sasheer: Oh.
[00:48:52] Nicole: Oh, now I have to listen to myself sing!
[00:48:57] Nicole (clip): Hi, Nicole. Hi, Sasheer.
[00:48:58] Sasheer (clip): That’s harmony.
[00:49:04] Nicole (clip): Who said?
[00:49:08] Sasheer (clip): I said. Do we have to get a third party? Jordan’s clapping. The music expert thinks it’s harmony.
[00:49:13] Nicole (clip): Thank you, Jordan.
[00:49:15] Jordan (clip): It was so beautiful.
[00:49:16] Nicole (clip): Was it? Was it good?
[00:49:18] Sasheer (clip): It was good.
[00:49:19] Nicole (clip): So, I’m not tone deaf?
[00:49:21] Sasheer (clip): Well, if you’re asking, it seems like you are because I don’t understand why you’re like, “That was good?” It didn’t sound good to you?
[00:49:28] Nicole (clip): I don’t know.
[00:49:29] Sasheer (clip): Yeah, maybe you’re tone deaf.
[00:49:33] Nicole (clip): Is that harmony?
[00:49:33] Sasheer (clip): Yeah.
[00:49:34] Nicole (clip): Hmm. I heard Harmony.
[00:49:45] Sasheer (clip): Good. Good.
[00:49:50] Nicole (clip): I hear the harmony.
[00:49:52] Sasheer (clip): “I hear harmony. I heard harmony.”
[00:50:01] Nicole: I don’t know why I said it like that. “I heard harmony.”
[00:50:04] Sasheer: Yeah, I think when you first asked that question about harmony, we were, like, singing in unison at one point, and you’re like, “Harmony?” And I was like, “No.”
[00:50:17] Nicole: It’s really hard to understand what exactly harmony is.
[00:50:21] Sasheer: Sure. Yeah. Yeah. It is.
[00:50:23] Nicole: Singing is hard.
[00:50:26] Sasheer: But it sounded good.
[00:50:27] Nicole: Thank you. Listening back, I was like, “Oh, it’s not so bad.”
[00:50:31] Sasheer: Yeah. See?
[00:50:33] Nicole: I can sing.
[00:50:36] Jordan: I do have the definition of harmony, but I don’t think it’s going to help you.
[00:50:42] Nicole: Probably not. Let’s hear it.
[00:50:43] Jordan: It is the combination of simultaneously sounded musical notes to produce chords and chord progressions having a pleasing effect.
[00:50:55] Nicole: Yeah, that didn’t clear up anything for me. But it was nice to hear those words.
[00:51:02] Jordan: You’re welcome.
[00:51:04] Nicole: Thank you. Do we have time for another?
[00:51:08] Sasheer: One more?
[00:51:09] Kimmie: I was going to say I’ve got one more, and then I have a sweet note from someone. So, we wrap on that. Here we go.
[00:51:17] Sam: Hi, Nicole. Sasheer, Kimmie-on-the-Keys, and Jordan. I love your show. Heard you were doing maybe a commentary recap. My name is Sam. I decided that the show “Nicole Was Gonna Ride An Alligator” was my favorite–hook, line, and sinker. The clip starts from 13:14–13 minutes, 14 seconds–and ends at 16 minutes, 52 seconds. It starts with Sasheer talking about Disney World, and it goes into this whole idiom. And then they’re making this internal dialogue of panties and everything. And I was cry-laughing in the car. I went home, listened to it again, cry-laughed on the couch, made my wife listen to it probably more times than she wanted to, forgetting that she had already heard it. But I love you guys. Thank you so much for the entertainment every week. And have a great day. Bye.
[00:52:27] Sasheer: I don’t know if I remember this. The internal monologue of panties.
[00:52:33] Nicole: I don’t think I remember it either.
[00:52:38] Sasheer: Okay, let’s hear it.
[00:52:38] Nicole (clip): When I worked at Lane Bryant, a man used to call and go, “Hello?” I’d say, “Hi, this is Lane Bryant.” He’d go, “How big are the panties?” I’d say, “Oh, we have very big panties because it’s a plus size store. I mean, we go up to size 28.” And he was like, “How big is a 28?” And I was like, “It’s pretty large. It’s the largest size we have.” And he was like, “What size do you wear?” And I was like, “Well, not a 28.” He was like, “Oh, okay.” And then, like, that was it. It was very weird.
[00:53:05] Sasheer (clip): “I just love thinking about big panties.”
[00:53:08] Nicole (clip): “I just love thinking about a big, fat booty stuffed into the big panties. Oh, just the cheeks moving and rubbing.”
[00:53:16] Sasheer (clip): “And those big panties–so wide.”
[00:53:21] Nicole (clip): “They just stretch. The elastic band is so thick. It’s like a slingshot. Use it as a weapon.”
[00:53:28] Sasheer (clip): “Big ol’ panties.”
[00:53:30] Nicole (clip): “If I leave it in the middle of the street, it covers one side.”
[00:53:35] Sasheer (clip): “I could use it as a bedsheet.”
[00:53:37] Nicole (clip): “Oh, yes, so big. Cover my body at night with these panties.” Gayle, Oprah. If you’re listening, please come on down to Earwolf.
[00:53:52] Sasheer (clip): Come on down to Earwolf!
[00:53:53] Nicole (clip): There’s valet. You don’t have to park your own car.
[00:53:56] Sasheer (clip): They have a panty story.
[00:53:59] Nicole (clip): Yes, because the intro to Gayle’s old radio show was: “I was at Oprah’s house. And there was a thunderstorm. And I couldn’t go home. And Oprah said, ‘Why don’t you stay here?’ And I said, ‘But I don’t have any panties.’ And Oprah said, ‘You can wear mine,’” which is so funny that they thought that was, like, a relatable best friend because I have never worn your panties.
[00:54:22] Sasheer (clip): And I’ve never worn your panties.
[00:54:23] Nicole (clip): No. I don’t even know in what context that would happen.
[00:54:28] Sasheer (clip): I also feel like… Girl, just sleep here. You really need panties to sleep?
[00:54:34] Nicole (clip): “Sometimes my little snatch gets all rubbed wrong. The sheets be tearing up my pussy, so I got to protect her with some underwear. Not the ones I wore today! A brand-new pair out of a drawer.”
[00:54:55] Sasheer (clip): “When I go to sleep, I sleep-hump everything. And the panties are a good guard to make sure that I don’t get too raw.”
[00:55:06] Nicole (clip): Isn’t that disgusting? “Raw.”
[00:55:09] Nicole: That’s funny. I didn’t remember that at all.
[00:55:11] Sasheer: I didn’t either.
[00:55:15] Nicole: God, that’s so funny.
[00:55:23] Sasheer: It’s funny to think of someone sleep-humping.
[00:55:25] Nicole: Yeah. Just, like, in your sleep humping things and being like, “I don’t know why it’s hurt so much in my pussy.” “Well, girl, I caught you sleep-humping.”
[00:55:37] Sasheer: “I woke up and my pussy was dry and raw as a bone. All the furniture is slimy and slick.”
[00:55:47] Nicole: Ew!
[00:55:49] Sasheer: “I don’t know what happened!”
[00:55:51] Nicole: “I think you got to go to a doctor. You’re leaving slime everywhere, and it’s not crusting up. There’s something going on in you. I think you’re a Ninja Turtle.”
[00:56:01] Sasheer: “You don’t leave a trail of slime behind you like a snail?”
[00:56:11] Nicole: Ew. Little snail trail. That’s nasty.
[00:56:17] Sasheer: That’s fun. What’s the nice note that we got?
[00:56:18] Kimmie: Here is a message from a reader that I thought was really, really meaningful and sweet about how this show changed her life.
[00:56:24] Sasheer: Oh. “Hello. For the 200th Ep Celebration, I wanted to let you all know that you may have literally saved my life by making this podcast. Last year, I suddenly started to get migraines for the first time and had a bunch of intense symptoms with them, like waves of depression, self-sabotage, fatigue, etc. I felt like I was losing more and more of myself with each headache. I went to a neurologist and even got an MRI. But the scan was clear, and nothing seemed to be wrong in my brain. I was told that I was probably one of those people who develops migraines in their late 20s and to start looking into long treatment. Then in January of this year, y’all released an episode where Nicole shared her experience with PMDD and talked about her symptoms. They were all exactly what I have been experiencing since my headaches started. I did more research on PMDD and compared that info with the Symptom Journal. I had started to track my headaches. Migraines synced up with my period and always started around the same time every month. My theory is that PMDD was reducing the serotonin in my brain, and low serotonin can cause the blood vessels in your brain to expand too much causing migraines. This meant that the migraines were just a symptom of a bigger issue, a hormonal imbalance.”
[00:57:41] Nicole: “I took this data to my doctors, and they agreed with my theory and ended up making a change to my birth control. I started to feel like myself again in literally a week and have only gotten better since. I started to think what would have happened if I had followed through on an incorrect diagnosis and ended up on a treatment plan that didn’t resolve the source of my issues. So, thank you both for having that conversation on your show and for generally being so open about your experiences with your own bodies. There’s so much shame and secrecy around medical info–especially hormonal info–that most people don’t know. Conditions like PMDD exist and are so prevalent. You both changed the course of my future by having that conversation and saved me for months or years of further suffering. I know this email’s pretty long and there’s zero pressure to read it on the show. Just know that you showing up as yourselves and sharing your stories really does make the world a better place. Congrats on the 200th episode.”
[00:58:33] Sasheer: That’s so nice!
[00:58:34] Nicole: That is nice. Yeah. I mean, I don’t think I’ve updated anyone on my PMDD, but it’s gotten better since I’m on birth control. I have this little rod in my arm, and I haven’t had such huge swings. When I swing low, I kind of feel it. And I go, “Oh, okay. I’m, like, in a little bit of a low right now, so maybe I should, like, reach out to someone or sleep.” I’m busy and sometimes my lows happen, and my body is like, “Just rest for a little bit.” But yeah, ever since I got this birth control, like, “Ooh, baby. She doesn’t swing as high and as hard, and it’s nice.”
[00:59:17] Sasheer: Oh, I’m so glad. Yay!
[00:59:21] Nicole: Because no one’s period should be, like, heavy. And no one should be, like, that fucking moody that, like, people are like, “Are you okay?”
[00:59:27] Sasheer: Yeah. Usually it’s, like, an imbalance or something.
[00:59:30] Nicole: And then next, I need to get a transvaginal scan because Black women have fibroids more than other women or people with uteruses.
[00:59:40] Sasheer: I believe it.
[00:59:41] Nicole: So, I have a friend who has fibroids, and I was like, “I should get checked out for that, too.” Taking care of business.
[00:59:51] Sasheer: That’s what was making me bleed a bunch was a fibroid.
[00:59:55] Nicole: And it’s crazy that they don’t do transvaginal scans as, like…
[01:00:00] Sasheer: Part of the wellness check? Yeah.
[01:00:02] Nicole: Kind of wild. It should be included.
[01:00:05] Sasheer: Yeah. That’s a good point. They found my fibroid when I got an ultrasound to look for my IUD. But I don’t know if they would have found it otherwise.
[01:00:20] Nicole: I don’t think so. I think that the transvaginal scan is what we need to be doing every year. Imma get mine soon.
[01:00:30] Sasheer: Well, that’s so nice. This podcast has changed my life, too.
[01:00:34] Nicole: It changed my life as well. I like doing it.
[01:00:39] Sasheer: I like doing it. Honestly, when we started, I was like, “Are we really going to have anything to talk about, like, every episode? Oh my God. I know we like giggling with each other, but, like, how can we fill an hour of time every week?” And here we are four years later.
[01:00:53] Nicole: We do it! And I have fun doing it!
[01:00:58] Sasheer: Yeah.
[01:01:00] Kimmie: You know, I’ll speak and say Jordan and I get to be fun, little audience surrogates. And in that role, I know the show’s really meaningful to people. I hear about it regularly through social media. And personally, it’s been a real joy to work with you guys to make the show. I was fans of you before, and I’m still fans of you. But now I’m also fans of you as humans, not as just artists. So, this has been really lovely.
[01:01:20] Sasheer: That’s so nice, Kimmie.
[01:01:21] Nicole: Thank you.
[01:01:23] Jordan: I feel the same as Kimmie. It brings me a lot of joy when we can, like, do our live shows where we see each other. We give each other hugs. And then I’ll just, like, cackle from wherever I am in engineering. But no, I want to say a personal thank you because you guys do talk about a lot of serious things and you’re open about things. I’ve been very open about things. I’ve had a total stranger ask me if I was a dildo girl, and I was like, “What’s happening?” And it turns out I talked about a dildo on the podcast, and I was like, “I guess that’s my new nickname.”
[01:02:00] Nicole: “Are you a dildo girl?”
[01:02:02] Jordan: I don’t know if I mentioned this on the podcast before, but, like, one of my best friends went through a really tough year and lost her mom. And there was moments in our podcast where people had written in about their friends and losing their loved ones. And you guys gave really, really great advice that helped me out in my own personal life. So, I appreciate you guys. I love you guys. I’m so honored to be working on the show and doing silly little engineering and music tricks to make people laugh. So, it brings me a lot of joy. And I love you guys so much.
[01:02:33] Sasheer: Oh my God.
[01:02:35] Nicole: Aw. We love you guys. Thank you.
[01:02:36] Jordan: I mean I hate you! I don’t like you!
[01:02:42] Sasheer: Is this an April Fools’ joke?
[01:02:47] Nicole: April Fools’! I’d be saddened.
[01:02:49] Jordan: It is definitely not. I love you guys very much.
[01:02:51] Sasheer: Yeah. We’re so blessed to have you guys on the show with us. Like, you help it immensely–all the work you put into it. You make it sound so beautiful. Thank you, Kimmie, for researching things by the minute as we bring things up, like “apropos of nothing.” I mean, yeah, it’s just been a really fun ride. And this is a really fun family.
[01:03:17] Nicole: To 200 more!
[01:03:19] Sasheer: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Four more years!
[01:03:32] Nicole: Well, if you… No, you do it.
[01:03:32] Sasheer: If you have anything, say anything you want to say to us.
[01:03:38] Nicole: Any old thing.
[01:03:40] Sasheer: If you want to call Jordan a “dildo girl,” if you want to ask us any questions, you can email email@example.com or call, text, or leave a voice message at 424-645-7003.
[01:03:53] Nicole: And if you’re going to call Jordan a “dildo girl,” we got to know if you’re a dildo girl, dildo boy dildo– Why am I saying it so strange? Or a dildo person. But listen, we have merch–not dildos–at podswag.com/bestfriends.
[01:04:12] Sasheer: Should we get a line of dildos?
[01:04:15] Nicole: Maybe!
[01:04:18] Sasheer: We also have transcripts for our new episodes. Check them out on our show page at earwolf.com.
[01:04:23] Nicole: Lastly, don’t forget to rate, review, and subscribe. That is the easiest way to support this show.
[01:04:31] Sasheer: Yay! Happy 200th!
[01:04:33] Nicole: Yay! Happy 200th to you my dear.
[01:04:38] Sasheer: And a Happy New Year.
[01:04:41] Nicole: Happy New Year!
November 21, 2023
This week, we’ve got a couch! And we’re live from the Netflix Is A Joke festival!
November 14, 2023
Hey Besties! Nicole shares how she learned some people marry objects. If Sasheer were to marry an object, it would be a chair while Nicole would marry a door.