EP. 191 — Sasheer Got Sexy For Her Guy On Valentine’s Day

Nicole [00:00:11] Sasheer!

Sasheer [00:00:12] Nicole.

Nicole [00:00:17] How are you?

Sasheer [00:00:18] I’m good. I went swimming last night.

Nicole [00:00:22] What the heck? At night?

Sasheer [00:00:25] Yeah, like, 7 p.m.

Nicole [00:00:28] Where?

Sasheer [00:00:30] There’s a gym that’s across the studio–across from the studio–where the employees are allowed to use the gym. And I had a nice tour of it. There’s a slide in the gym.

Nicole [00:00:45] Can you bring a visitor?

Sasheer [00:00:47] I can bring visitors. Yes.

Nicole [00:00:52] When I come see you, I’d like to go down that slide, please.

Sasheer [00:00:56] Okay, great. We can go down the slide.

Nicole [00:00:58] Have you been down the slide?

Sasheer [00:01:00] No. I have not. I guess it’s for fun and function because it’s not, like, one of those curly slides. It’s, like, a straight– It’s next to the stairs. I guess if you don’t want to go down the stairs, or if people are maybe working out on the stairs, you can use the slide to go down.

Nicole [00:01:20] Wait, it’s a dry slide? I thought it was a pool slide.

Sasheer [00:01:24] No, it’s a dry slide.

Nicole [00:01:27] A dry slide? I’m still game.

Sasheer [00:01:29] A dry, indoor slide.

Nicole [00:01:33] I’ll wet it up, I’ll sit right on that slide, and go on down.

Sasheer [00:01:36] Oh no.

Nicole [00:01:39] Oh, that’s fun.

Sasheer [00:01:41] And, yeah, they have a lap pool. It’s only five feet deep, so there’s no way I can drown. And I want to hope I did ten laps. Is a lap down and back or just one time?

Nicole [00:01:55] You know, I’m not a scientist. To me… Oh, wait. A lap is there and back because when you do a lap at a track, it’s not completed till you get back to where you started. And that is deductive reasoning.

Sasheer [00:02:12] Good job.

Nicole [00:02:14] Thank you.

Sasheer [00:02:16] A regular Sherlock Holmes, over here.

Nicole [00:02:18] Excuse me. It’s Cheryl Holmes.

Sasheer [00:02:26] Or… What’s his sister’s name? Enola? Enola Holmes?

Nicole [00:02:28] What? He has a sister.

Sasheer [00:02:30] Yeah, there’s a whole show with Eleven. With Millie Bobby Brown.

Nicole [00:02:36] No, her name is Eleven

Sasheer [00:02:39] She plays Eleven and Enola.

Nicole [00:02:42] And she said, “I will not take the part unless it’s an E name and it’s wild.” How funny. Enola Holmes. And what is she, like, a teen detective?

Sasheer [00:02:50] You got it! Yes.

Nicole [00:02:57] Similar deductive reasoning for you.

Sasheer [00:03:01] And so I think I did ten laps. It was hard. I would get to the end, then catch my breath, and then go back. And there are two men that were just, like, going back and forth the whole time. And I was like, “I won’t let this deter me. It’s okay. I’m new to swimming. And it’s exhausting.”

Nicole [00:03:21] It is tiring. Any time I tread water for a long time, I am always tuckered out later.

Sasheer [00:03:29] Yeah. My thighs were burning, my arms were burning. It was good.

Nicole [00:03:33] It’s a full body workout.

Sasheer [00:03:36] That’s why I wanted to do it.

Nicole [00:03:40] Did those men say, “You go girl!” Were they, like, congratulating you?

Sasheer [00:03:44] They said zero things to me.

Nicole [00:03:45] Interesting.

Sasheer [00:03:47] I guess they’re just, like, focused on their own deal. But I will say when I first took swimming lessons over the summer–the community pool I went to–they were encouraging. There was a guy who was, like, giving me tips. He’s like, “Hey, so if you’re on your back, there’s this–” He also did that because I hit my head on the wall. And he’s like, “If you see these flags in the air, that means you’re getting close to the end. So, you gotta, like, turn around and put your hand out so you don’t hit your head on the wall.” And I was like, “Thank you, kind sir.”

Nicole [00:04:18] That is nice.

Sasheer [00:04:20] Yeah.

Nicole [00:04:21] Have you ever been, like, congratulated or, like, motivated at a workout session at a gym and/or other place? Oh my God. I don’t know why I worded it like that.

Sasheer [00:04:32] “And/or other place?” I guess in classes, but I don’t go to the gym really, so… No. Have you?

Nicole [00:04:48] Yes. And I was trying to figure out if it’s exclusively reserved for fat people. I’ve had people literally stop their workouts to be like, “Hey! Good job!” And I’m like, “Okay. Thank you so much.” Or like, “Keep coming back!”

Sasheer [00:05:03] Okay, I see, I see, I see. Yeah.

Nicole [00:05:08] And never once have I been like, “You know what? I will change my life and be here every day, weird man. Thank you so much.”

Sasheer [00:05:20] “I was going to quit right after the session. But you gave me hope.”

Nicole [00:05:25] “You gave me so much hope!” Yeah, it happens–I would say–almost every time I go to the gym. And sometimes when I feel people are approaching me, I’ll just look down and then try my hardest to not make eye contact. Because when you make eye contact, that’s an agreement that I’m going to let you over here and you can encourage me to finish the elliptical strong. That’s been told to me. “Finish strong!”

Sasheer [00:05:54] Weird.

Nicole [00:05:58] Jordan, have you ever encountered that?

Jordan [00:06:01] Yes and no. But I also feel like I have a really angry face when I get to the gym, So, like, people stay away from me. I have had men 100% hit on me at the gym, which is a new revelation. And I’ve got more compliments wearing no makeup and, like, drenched in sweat, being like, “You look so pretty.” And I’m like, “Why do I try ever in my regular life?” But I definitely have had a lot of people look at me at the gym doing stuff, and I’m like, “I just came here to party. I don’t want to talk to anyone else.”

Nicole [00:06:33] Wait. Kimmie? Jessica? Have you guys ever had that happen?

Kimmie [00:06:36] I’m sorry. I don’t think so. People tend to leave me alone. I’ve had the thing where, like, you look what you think is, like, not your best, and then that’s when someone chooses to be, like, really friendly with you. And I’m like, “Now?” But no people– I tend to only do yoga, so people really leave me alone.

Jessica [00:06:54] I’m like a tiny little ox lady at the gym, and I purposely take off my glasses when I start working out, so I can’t see you. So, if I can’t see you, you can’t see me.

Nicole [00:07:06] That’s funny. Yeah. And also… not true.

Jessica [00:07:08] No, not true at all. But I just don’t talk to anybody.

Nicole [00:07:15] But I like that.

Jordan [00:07:16] I’ve gone up to, like, the front desk to ask how a machine works. And I’ve had–so many times–they do not tell me how the machine works. They just tell me what I need to do for, like, my lower stomach, for my legs. And I’m like, “That’s not what I– I came here to ask how this arm thing worked, and that’s all I wanted to know. Not–” And they’re like, “Well, if you do this machine, that’s where you lose the weight here.” And I’m like, “That’s not what I asked you.”

Sasheer [00:07:41] Oooh boy.

Nicole [00:07:42] Damn. Boo! I guess we all have to go to Atlanta and go swimming with Sasheer!

Sasheer [00:07:53] It’s nice over here. I have looked very lost in the gym, and that’s how I got a personal trainer because I was in a Crunch Gym and I was like, “I don’t know what to do.” This woman was like, “Do you need help?” And I was like, “Yes! I don’t know what anything is!” And she’s like, “Well, I’m a trainer. I can help you. And I was like, “Great.” So that’s how she became my trainer because I was like, “I can’t do this by myself. I don’t know what’s happening!”

Nicole [00:08:25] I got a trainer in New York. He was a friend of a friend, and he was like, “You know what would be better? If you prepaid me for sessions?” And I was like, “Okay.” And then I had to move to LA, and I was like, “Hey, I know I prepaid those sessions, but can I get that money back?” And he outright said, “No.” So, I still have, like, 20 sessions with some man in New York, who I don’t even know if he’s still a trainer or not. I think he does porn now, but–you know–that’s neither here nor there.

Sasheer [00:08:51] Okay.

Nicole [00:08:52] And then in LA, I had Ben, who’s still my trainer. He was at LA Fitness. And he didn’t like LA Fitness, and then he left. And he went to Mansion Fitness, which was in West Hollywood and has since closed. It was very gay–lots of chandeliers and black. And then he moved to England. And then in the interim of him being in England, I worked out with this man named Ryan. And Ryan truly didn’t give a shit. If I showed up late and he’d be like, “Go do the stairs,” I’d be like, “Ryan, I don’t think I really want to,” he’d be like, “All right, what do you want to do?” I’d be like, “Can we sit and talk for a little bit?” And he’d be like, “Yeah.” And sometimes we would, like, cut our sessions short. And he lived right by me, and he’d, like, “Can you take me home?” And I’d be like, “Yeah.” I think he was like, “I mean, if you want to waste your money, go ahead.”

Sasheer [00:09:51] Yeah, that’s on you.

Nicole [00:09:53] He’s like, “I get paid regardless.”

Sasheer [00:09:55] I had another trainer at Crunch who… He’s a very attractive man. And I don’t know if this happens to you. It’s hard to get porn scenarios out of your head. When you’re, like, getting a massage, and you’re like, “I mean, you could just reach up a little higher.”

Nicole [00:10:18] You pervert! No, I’m kidding. I think that all the time.

Sasheer [00:10:21] I was, like, getting stretched and he’s, like, in between my thighs, and I’m like, “I mean… Should we take this to a different room? Like, what’s happening?” And I remember him talking about feeling, like, overworked at some point. I was trying to schedule a session with him, and then he sent back a photo of him in a hospital bed. It looked like he was, like, bandaged all over his body. I think he was in a motorcycle accident or something. And he was basically like, “Can’t work out with you. This picture.” And I was like, “Oh no.” I didn’t know how to respond, so I was like, “At least you won’t have to work for a while. I know you were overwhelmed.” And he didn’t respond.

Nicole [00:11:09] I wouldn’t respond to you either, Sasheer. This man is in a head-to-toe case, you said, “At least you don’t have to work anymore!”

Sasheer [00:11:17] Well, I didn’t know what to say!

Nicole [00:11:18] His whole life is his body and his fitness, and you said, “Isn’t it fun that you can’t do any of that?” Man, that’s really funny. “At least you don’t have to work.”

Sasheer [00:11:34] I just don’t know how to respond when someone gives me information like that and we’re not alone. This happened recently–someone who was working on the house. They were done with their project. I did not expect to get a text from this person at all because we had finished the transaction. They got my money. This has been done. And I got a text that was like, “Hey, you haven’t heard from me in a while because I got in a car accident. And, like, these things happened, and, like, my back is out of whack. But I’m on the mend!” And I was like, “Okay, well, I am glad that you are… on the mend.” We are not friends. What am I supposed to say? It’s not like we were in the middle of a project, and, like, the project had to stall because this person was in an accident. We had finished. I had no more need to talk to this person. And they just gave me this information.

Nicole [00:12:39] Maybe they just sent it to their client list because they weren’t sure what they were in the middle of.

Sasheer [00:12:45] Oh, maybe. Maybe that was it.

Nicole [00:12:47] But it is pretty wild to be like, “Well, I don’t know you.”

Sasheer [00:12:53] I was like, “I feel bad that that happened, but why do I have this information now?”

Nicole [00:12:58] Someone who was working on my house was like, “Oh, I’ve been out of commission for X, Y, and Z.” And I was like, “Well, if you need a bottle of wine, let me know.” And he said, “I would love one,” and gave me his address. And I was like, “Oh…” I just, like, said it. I didn’t intend on sending you a bottle of wine. But then I did. And when it got to him, he took a picture and sent it. And he was like, “Drank it all!” I was like, “Okay. Where’s my Christmas gift? If we’re giving gifts to one another, why am I the only one sending you gifts when you’re going through rough times and for Christmas?”

Sasheer [00:13:36] Well, did you tell him about a rough time that you were going through?

Nicole [00:13:39] No. You know what? One of these days, I’m gonna be like, “Guess what? I’m sad. Here’s why. I could use a bottle of wine.” I doubt he’ll answer. He’ll probably be like, “You need to find a new person to help you with this.” Sasheer. Can I tell you something?

Sasheer [00:14:01] Mmhmm.

Nicole [00:14:03] There’s a leak in my house. And the amount of money I have to spend to fix it is too fucking much. That’s the quote. “Too fucking much.” I looked at it, I screamed, and I threw my phone. Thank God I was on carpet because then I would have had to buy a new fucking phone. Being a person who has to do repairs themselves is not fun. I don’t want to be an adult anymore. Like, I’m over it.

Sasheer [00:14:43] Are you going to go through with the repairs, or are you going to find another quote?

Nicole [00:14:46] No, no. Well, I’m going to get a second quote to see if somebody has something a little cheaper. But also, it’s the contractor I’ve been working with. And he was like, “You really do have to fix this. There’s vegetation growing out of your roof on the little balcony part, which means that there’s, like, roots in your ceiling, which means that there also might be mold in your ceiling. If it can grow roots, there’s probably moisture.” And I was like, “So you don’t think I should wait another year?” And he was like, “No.”

Sasheer [00:15:22] He was like, “You’re inhaling poison.”

Nicole [00:15:25] “You’re going to die.” So, I’ll spend that money and I don’t want to.

Sasheer [00:15:34] Yeah, I get it.

Nicole [00:15:36] It’s, like, a non-problem. But I just really wanted to tell you.

Sasheer [00:15:40] Roof problems! My roof is also getting worked on right now. And they put spray insulation in it once they opened it up. And then I’m not really certain why it happened this way, but they didn’t put a tarp over it. And so, at night when they went away, there were strong winds and the insulation got all over my yard.

Nicole [00:16:05] Oh no!

Sasheer [00:16:08] And they said that they would clean it out. So, they, like, are going to clean it out of the yard, and they’re going to put more insulation in. But I was like, “But why would you just leave the roof open like that?” I guess I didn’t think that that would be something that someone would have to say. Like, “Make sure you cover up the roof before you go.”

Nicole [00:16:29] Yeah. What if it rained or something? That’s wild. That is really wild to just be like, “Let’s leave it open!”

Sasheer [00:16:37] Yeah. Very strange.

Nicole [00:16:40] Very, very strange. I’m not down with that. That’s not right.

Sasheer [00:16:43] It’s just not right.

Nicole [00:16:47] “It’s not right. Okay? It’s not okay.”

Sasheer [00:16:50] “It’s not okay.”

Nicole [00:16:56] Clyde unfortunately bit somebody. Yeah, you heard me talking about you. He’s luxuriating. Look at him. He’s just laying there. You’re bad, Clyde. Bad. So, I brought him with me to my weekend in Irvine. And the very first fucking day were there, I’m on stage and he bit the server. And everyone was like, “It’s not a big deal.” She was like, “It’s not a big deal.” I said, “Okay.” And then she went to the hospital. And since he broke skin, animal control has to be involved, which I fully understand. But he–thank God–is up to date on his vaccinations and stuff. But he’s such a sweet boy. But then he’s badly behaved. I can’t bring him anywhere.

Sasheer [00:17:48] I mean, like, maybe you shouldn’t.

Nicole [00:17:49] I can’t. I can’t bring him anywhere. Look at him. Look at that. Bad. That beastly animal who bites people. You’re so bad.

Sasheer [00:18:04] Oh, he’s, like, wagging his tail, looking so innocent.

Nicole [00:18:08] I know. I just don’t understand why he does that. He doesn’t bite people when I’m around.

Sasheer [00:18:14] I’ve never gotten bitten.

Nicole [00:18:15] You’ve never been bitten. Nobody who’s in my life has ever been bitten. But then he did go to set with me once with my old assistant. And she wasn’t watching him, and he bit somebody there, too. So, yeah, I think he’s an at-home boy. He can’t go anywhere. Isn’t that embarrassing, Clyde? Aren’t you embarrassed?

Sasheer [00:18:39] Clyde was like, “I would rather be home. Stop taking me places.”

Nicole [00:18:43] Yeah, he’s like, “I love car rides, and I love going right back inside.”

Sasheer [00:18:46] Clyde’s me.

Nicole [00:18:50] He is you. That is really funny.

Sasheer [00:18:53] Just take me back home. Why are we out and in a place with people I don’t know?

Nicole [00:18:58] Yeah. I just can’t get over how much he hated New York. I can’t remember who I was talking to you, but they were like, “I think you’re projecting stuff onto your dog.” And I was like, “I don’t know.” That dog kept walking around the streets of New York, like, lifting his paws higher than normal and looking around. And it really felt like he was like, “Ew! This is nasty!”

Sasheer [00:19:20] “These streets!”

Nicole [00:19:24] “They’re not like LA.”

Sasheer [00:19:28] Yeah. Clyde’s an LA dog.

Nicole [00:19:30] So bad. I don’t know what to do with him.

Sasheer [00:19:33] Just leave him home.

Nicole [00:19:35] Yeah, I guess. I guess that’s what I’ll do. He’s such a bad boy. He has bad separation anxiety. I think that’s why he beat the lady because I was on stage, so could hear me, but he couldn’t see me. And then one day I left him home alone, and he was mad about it. He, like, barked at me, and I was like, “You don’t bark at me. You’ve never barked at me.” And then I watched him on the ring camera look into the camera lens and pee on the floor. He is so bad.

Sasheer [00:20:06] He’s like, “Watch this!”

Nicole [00:20:07] “You leave me… Guess what?” I tried to have him trained once. Did I ever tell you about this? This woman said that he was the rudest dog she’s ever met in her whole life because he’s, like, food motivated but will eat your treat and then go back to doing the bad thing he was doing.

Sasheer [00:20:23] Hmm. That’s really funny.

Nicole [00:20:26] He’s bad. He can’t be trained. You can’t teach a dog old tricks– No, wait. You can’t teach an old… What’s the saying? Everyone’s nodding at me. I don’t know the rest.

Sasheer [00:20:38] Can’t teach an old dog new tricks.

Nicole [00:20:38] There we go.

Sasheer [00:20:43] We were nodding because you were close. “You have half of it. Come on. Just a little bit more.”

Nicole [00:20:50] This is truly wild to see, as I struggled through that.

Sasheer [00:20:54] We’re like, “Yes. Come on.”

Nicole [00:20:56] Are you going to do anything for, like…? What holiday is coming up?

Sasheer [00:21:00] Valentine’s Day.

Nicole [00:21:02] Are you going to do something for Valentine’s Day?

Sasheer [00:21:05] Probably not actually on the day ’cause I’ll be working.

Nicole [00:21:09] I don’t do anything for Valentine’s Day. I think I’m going to do something this year.

Sasheer [00:21:15] Ooh. What are you going to do?

Nicole [00:21:16] I don’t know. Wear something slutty and red, and take myself out to dinner.

Sasheer [00:21:21] I like that.

Nicole [00:21:24] I’ve had a hankering for nachos.

Sasheer [00:21:27] So romantic.

Nicole [00:21:28] So maybe I’ll go out in a slutty red dress and eat some nachos. But I can’t find nachos the way I want nachos.

Sasheer [00:21:37] How do you want nachos?

Nicole [00:21:40] I want ground beef. A lot of people have steak and chicken, and I want ground beef. And that seems like a nacho-at-home thing.

Sasheer [00:21:50] Maybe at, like a diner?

Nicole [00:21:54] Diner nachos?

Sasheer [00:21:58] What’s wrong with diner nachos?

Nicole [00:22:04] Ew!

Sasheer [00:22:04] Okay, Ms. “I want ground beef.”

Nicole [00:22:07] I wonder if Margaritaville has ground beef nachos. I miss Margaritaville.

Sasheer [00:22:17] They had everything we needed.

Nicole [00:22:18] Everything we needed. We really didn’t ever have to leave.

Sasheer [00:22:22] One time for Valentine’s Day, I was working at a lingerie shop, and I bought these, like… I don’t know if they’re heart pasties. Some kind of red, sparkly pasty to put over my nipples. And then this crotchless, lacy, red underwear. And I was like, “I’m gonna surprise him. I’m gonna surprise my guy.” And then, like, went over to his apartment, undressed, and he was like, “Wow! So, like, just can we take this off now?” Which, like… Yeah. He’s not wrong because he’s like, “I would like my mouth to go where you have all that stuff. So can we get all that shit out of the way, please?”

Nicole [00:23:16] That’s really funny. But also, he could have, like, looked at you for a little bit.

Sasheer [00:23:20] Yeah.

Nicole [00:23:22] And then, like, peeled it off. He didn’t have to ask. He could just take that off. I’m mad because there is a way that you take things off, and you just do it in, like, a sexy way. Wait, do no men like lingerie?

Sasheer [00:23:36] I’m sure there are some. I think it just depends. We had never done that before, so I think it was a surprise to him. And, you know, we hadn’t developed this language of play. And so, he wasn’t playing with me. He was like, “Okay, I see that. So can we do sex now?”

Nicole [00:24:01] “Can we do sex now?”

Sasheer [00:24:03] “Now we do sex, right?”

Nicole [00:24:05] Maybe I’ll get lingerie. And I’ll wear lingerie under my slutty red dress. And it’ll be my little secret as I slop down nachos.

Sasheer [00:24:19] I also hope someone sees this and they’re like, “That is for me. This girl looking sexy as hell, slopping down some nachos. All by herself? That’s the kind of lady I want in my life.”

Nicole [00:24:38] Yeah, yeah, yeah. I’m gonna meet them at Margaritaville. Wait, Kimmie, can you look up and see if Margaritaville has ground beef nachos?”

Kimmie [00:24:46] I did. They have nachos. They don’t have ground beef specific nachos. I didn’t see any meat options.

Sasheer [00:24:52] I’m so sorry.

Kimmie [00:24:52] I’m currently trying to see if anywhere does. So, I’ll let you know if I find anywhere in the Southern California region.

Nicole [00:25:00] Thank you so much because that’s where I’m going on Valentine’s Day. I will drive upwards to an hour. That’s it. An hour is my cutoff. If it’s an hour and ten, I can’t go. I can’t do it. Wait, do you have a hankering for foods, Sasheer?

Sasheer [00:25:18] Yeah, sometimes.

Nicole [00:25:20] What have you been hankering lately?

Sasheer [00:25:23] Well, I saw a picture of a really good hot dog today. But I haven’t had one in a while. And I haven’t even thought of one in a while. And I saw a picture and I was like, “Oooh boy. That looks like a really tasty hot dog.”

Nicole [00:25:43] That’s pretty funny. I got you hot dogs… for Christmas?

Sasheer [00:25:46] You got me hot dogs–oh, yes–for Christmas, which is really funny because it was maybe the day I was leaving, and you got me so many hot dogs. And I appreciated it, but it was, like, a huge bag of hot dogs, a huge bag of buns, and the condiments–all of the stuff. And I was like, “I can’t eat any of this ’cause I’m leaving forever. I leave today for five months.” But it was very sweet, and they’ll still be frozen by the time I get home. So, it’s fine.

Nicole [00:26:24] And you can thaw them bitches out, and you can have a nice time.

Sasheer [00:26:28] I really appreciate it. It’s very sweet.

Nicole [00:26:31] Thank you. Always thinking of my friend and her hot dog fantasy.

Nicole [00:26:39] I do appreciate it. Should we do a quizzy-poo?

Sasheer [00:26:50] Sure. Let’s do a quizzy-poo.

Nicole [00:26:53] Just a little quizzy-poo.

Sasheer [00:26:58] Just a little quizzy-poo.

Nicole [00:26:58] We haven’t done a quizzy-poo in a long time.

Sasheer [00:27:00] It’s true.

Nicole [00:27:02] I’m freezing. I cannot get my house warm. It’s just cold.

Sasheer [00:27:07] I just got my furnace fixed, so that’s good.

Nicole [00:27:09] Oh, that’s good. Maybe I need someone to look at my furnace. Jesus Christ. It’s always fucking something.

Sasheer [00:27:14] It’s always something.

Nicole [00:27:17] Sasheer, did I talk to you about my nails? The lady did a bad job today.

Sasheer [00:27:24] Like how?

Nicole [00:27:25] They’re bad. They’re supposed to be flames, and they’re not good flames.

Sasheer [00:27:33] Bring it back to the camera. I mean, I’m only looking at it through a Zoom camera, but I don’t think they’re terrible flames. Okay. That one’s not great.

Nicole [00:27:41] That’s a bad one.

Sasheer [00:27:43] Yeah, that looks like a drip.

Nicole [00:27:45] Yeah, And I asked her to fix it, and she said, “Okay.” Then she did the same thing. I was like, “Well, I have to leave. I can’t be here forever.” I’m really upset about it. Anywho, okay. It’s okay. And I switched from oval to square, and I think that’s a mistake. I think I have to go back to oval. Anywho, okay. “Who’s Your Celeb BFF?” We should do that one, yeah?

Sasheer [00:28:08] Okay.

Nicole [00:28:10] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Sasheer [00:28:11] If I don’t get Nicole Byer, I’m gonna be pissed.

Nicole [00:28:13] If I don’t get Sasheer, I’m going to be so mad. Okay. “How would you describe yourself?”

Sasheer [00:28:28] “Funny.”

Nicole [00:28:30] “Outgoing.”

Sasheer [00:28:31] “Driven.”

Nicole [00:28:34] “Accepting.” Hmm. I guess “funny.”

Sasheer [00:28:40] Yeah, I would say “driven.”

Nicole [00:28:45] Yeah, but you’re also funny.

Sasheer [00:28:46] Yeah, but I don’t want to do the same as you.

Nicole [00:28:49] But I think you should do “funny.”

Sasheer [00:28:51] Okay, I’ll do “funny.”

Nicole [00:28:52] Because you’re funny. I think you’re just as funny as you are driven. I like “funny” better for you. Okay.

Sasheer [00:29:04] “What’s your favorite music genre?”

Nicole [00:29:06] “Pop.”

Sasheer [00:29:08] “Rap.”

Nicole [00:29:10] “Rock n roll.”

Sasheer [00:29:16] “Country.”

Nicole [00:29:18] Can you do “rap” again?

Sasheer [00:29:20] No, I’m embarrassed.

Nicole [00:29:22] That’s really funny.

Sasheer [00:29:23] I panicked, and it didn’t come out good.

Nicole [00:29:28] I think it came out better than you think it did. I liked it so much!

Sasheer [00:29:35] No, I think I did it bad and–

Nicole [00:29:38] No, you did it good. You did it really good. It didn’t sound dumb. It was really funny. See? You’re funny. Not driven. Funny.

Sasheer [00:29:48] I’m gonna drive off a cliff after that.

Nicole [00:29:53] No! Only if I’m in the car. No. It was good. And I’m going to choose rap because of the way you said it.

Sasheer [00:30:03] Thank you.

Nicole [00:30:04] You’re welcome.

Sasheer [00:30:06] I’m gonna choose pop because I don’t ever want to say “rap” again.

Nicole [00:30:10] I really liked it. It made me laugh.

Sasheer [00:30:18] Yes, I’ll say pop.

Nicole [00:30:20] Okay. It’s a funny gif that’s with it. It’s Miley Cyrus and, uh, James Corden.

Sasheer [00:30:29] Corden Bleu?

Nicole [00:30:31] James Corden Blue. I like Miley. I have not listened to her newest single. Have you?

Sasheer [00:30:37] Oh, yeah. I can’t escape it.

Nicole [00:30:40] Really?

Sasheer [00:30:41] Yeah, it’s all over the place.

Nicole [00:30:43] Where?

Sasheer [00:30:45] Online! In TikTok. On Instagram.

Nicole [00:30:51] It is?

Sasheer [00:30:52] You probably have heard it.

Nicole [00:30:54] I don’t think I have.

Sasheer [00:30:55] “I can buy myself flowers!”

Nicole [00:30:58] Oh, I have!

Sasheer [00:30:59] My God.

Nicole [00:31:05] You’re right. It truly is everywhere. Wow. Okay. “What do you like to do on the weekends?”

Sasheer [00:31:16] “Dance.”

Nicole [00:31:17] “Netflix.”

Sasheer [00:31:18] “Relax with family.”

Nicole [00:31:21] “Explore a new city.” What? Who does that? People be just driving on the weekends to different cities and exploring?

Sasheer [00:31:29] Maybe!

Nicole [00:31:30] That sounds like fun. I want to do that.

Sasheer [00:31:33] You could do that on Valentine’s Day in your search for nachos.

Nicole [00:31:37] Yup. I’m going to go 100 miles away and explore that city in my red dress. People are gonna be like, “Who is she?” I guess Netflix.

Sasheer [00:31:47] Yeah. I want to say dance, but that’s once every blue moon.

Nicole [00:31:52] I haven’t danced in a long time. I do like dancing.

Sasheer [00:31:57] I like dancing, too.

Nicole [00:31:58] But I have to be in, like, the perfect cacophony of being. That’s not a good way to phrase that. I have to be, like, full of food but not too full, full of drink but not too full, alert and not sleepy, but also, like, kind of, like, loopy. And then I can dance. So, we both say Netflix, right?

Sasheer [00:32:22] We both say Netflix. Yeah.

Nicole [00:32:24] Okay.

Sasheer [00:32:25] “Which is closest to your favorite number?”

Nicole [00:32:29] “Four.”

Sasheer [00:32:29] “Six.”

Nicole [00:32:32] “Seven.”

Sasheer [00:32:34] “23.”

Nicole [00:32:33] Wow. Seven is closest to mine.

Sasheer [00:32:38] Four is closest to mine.

Nicole [00:32:39] What’s your favorite number?

Sasheer [00:32:41] Four.

Nicole [00:32:43] It is your favorite number! Mine’s eight because it looks like a snowman.

Sasheer [00:32:49] That’s a good reason.

Nicole [00:32:55] And it’s round.

Sasheer [00:32:57] “Favorite pet.” No, wait. Actually, give me more reasons why it’s your favorite. I didn’t mean to cut you off. What else? It’s round. Okay. Snowman.

Nicole [00:33:14] Yeah. And I make them, like, circle on top, circle on bottom. And I think it’s so satisfying. The other way is, like, you do an S and then loop it back. I don’t like that. I think that’s a nasty eight. I only like circles. They’re just so curvy. Why do you like four?

Sasheer [00:33:35] You like a nice, voluptuous eight.

Nicole [00:33:37] I love an eight with a fat ass. They’re my favorite. Why do you like four?

Sasheer [00:33:47] I don’t know. It’s a nice, even, solid number.

Nicole [00:33:54] Okay.

Sasheer [00:33:55] It’s also Beyonce’s favorite number.

Nicole [00:33:57] It is Beyonce’s favorite number. And maybe I like eight because they’re two of Beyonce’s favorite numbers.

Sasheer [00:34:03] Ooh, double the Beyonce!

Nicole [00:34:10] Did you see that she had a concert in Dubai at Atlantis?

Sasheer [00:34:14] I don’t know if it’s the same Atlantis franchise that we went to. Maybe. I haven’t checked.

Nicole [00:34:19] Oh, you don’t think so?

Sasheer [00:34:20] I can’t imagine. But maybe.

Nicole [00:34:25] I wonder. I’m going to have to look it up.

Sasheer [00:34:28] I guess sometimes there are, like, you know, better versions of the same hotel in different places. But the Atlantis we went to…

Nicole [00:34:36] Was bad.

Sasheer [00:34:37] Was a lot.

Nicole [00:34:39] I would like to see the rooms.

Sasheer [00:34:42] Yeah. Someone told us they were also not good. They’re, like, outdated,

Nicole [00:34:45] Mr. Marley said they were outdated.

Sasheer [00:34:47] Kimmie did, too. Maybe in Dubai, they’re all fresh.

Nicole [00:34:55] Maybe. Because I think it was, like, the opening of Atlantis. So, it’s all new. Anyway, eights are sexy. “Favorite pet?”

Sasheer [00:35:07] “Dog.”

Nicole [00:35:10] “Cat.”

Sasheer [00:35:13] “Turtle.”

Nicole [00:35:13] “Pig.” Okay. I don’t have a pig. But my God, do I want a pig. Oh, I want a pig so bad. I’m going to pick “pig.”

Sasheer [00:35:27] I’m going to pick “cat.”

Nicole [00:35:30] You want a cat?

Sasheer [00:35:32] I don’t want any pets. But if I did get a pet, I feel like I would like a cat because it feels like they’re low maintenance. And I feel like my personality is more towards a cat.

Nicole [00:35:46] I can see that. I can see you with a cat, where you’re both just in separate rooms at all times and never interact or talk to one another.

Sasheer [00:35:56] We touch each other for one hour and then get the fuck away from each other.

Nicole [00:36:01] The hour of touching has begun, and now it’s ended.

Sasheer [00:36:08] “How would you describe yourself?” Wait. Again?

Nicole [00:36:12] “Funny.”

Sasheer [00:36:14] “Daring.”

Nicole [00:36:15] “Accepting.”

Sasheer [00:36:16] And “driven.”

Nicole [00:36:18] Okay, so now you can say you’re driven.

Sasheer [00:36:22] Now I’m driven.

Nicole [00:36:24] And I think I’m going to say I’m daring.

Sasheer [00:36:27] How dare you?

Nicole [00:36:28] I’ll do anything once.

Sasheer [00:36:30] Oh God.

Nicole [00:36:34] Anything. “What color do you like the most?”

Sasheer [00:36:37] “Orange.”

Nicole [00:36:38] “Blue.”

Sasheer [00:36:39] “Purple.”

Nicole [00:36:41] “Pink.” Okay. I think you’re going to say “orange.”

Sasheer [00:36:44] You’re right!

Nicole [00:36:45] What color do you think I’m going to say?

Sasheer [00:36:48] This is really hard. I feel like you’re gonna say “piiiiiurple.”

Nicole [00:36:57] Oh boy, you had me fooled! I was going to be so mad. I was going to be like, “Purple is my favorite color of all time, and you know that.”

Sasheer [00:37:10] I do know that.

Nicole [00:37:14] Wow.

Sasheer [00:37:15] Wow. “If you could, where would you travel to right now?”

Nicole [00:37:22] “Australia.”

Sasheer [00:37:23] “Italy.”

Nicole [00:37:25] “Hawaii.”

Sasheer [00:37:26] “France.”

Nicole [00:37:37] Okay. Interestingly enough, I’ve only not been to France, so that’s where I’m going.

Sasheer [00:37:43] I also want to go to France. Let’s go to France.

Nicole [00:37:45] Hell yeah. Let’s go to France. Wait, should that be our next trip? Should we go to France?

Sasheer [00:37:50] I would love to.

Nicole [00:37:52] But we’re also trying to go to fucking Africa.

Sasheer [00:37:55] And Japan.

Nicole [00:37:56] We got a lot of… Okay. So many places.

Sasheer [00:38:00] Why is this quiz still going?

Nicole [00:38:02] I love it. It’s forever.

Sasheer [00:38:05] Okay. “Which food are you craving?”

Nicole [00:38:08] “Thai.”

Sasheer [00:38:10] “Spaghetti Bolognese.”

Nicole [00:38:12] “Tacos.”

Sasheer [00:38:15] “Veggie stir-fry.”.

Nicole [00:38:16] Who’s craving veggie stir-fry?

Sasheer [00:38:19] Veggie stir-fry is not bad.

Nicole [00:38:20] Yeah, but who’s like, “Oh, you know what I’m dying for? Some veggie stir-fry.” I would not be friends with that person anymore.

Sasheer [00:38:30] Oh my God.

Nicole [00:38:34] Yeah. If any of my friends are ever craving vegetables, get the fuck out of my life.

Sasheer [00:38:36] But it’s not even, like, a salad.

Nicole [00:38:45] Get out of my life. You’re craving carrots? Get real!

Sasheer [00:38:51] But it’s stir-fry. It’s still, like, not that healthy for you.

Nicole [00:38:56] Get out of here. Nobody craves vegetables. That’s not a person I trust.

Sasheer [00:39:06] But do you ever feel you’re craving, like, something green or you’re like, “It’s been a while since I’ve had something green, my body’s screaming for it”?

Nicole [00:39:14] Yeah, that doesn’t mean I’m craving it. In the middle of ordering a bunch of terrible things, I go, “Should I get a Caesar salad? That’s green. And make sure you cover the greenness with salad dressing.” No, I’m never craving greens. You’re never craving green things, Sasheer. You’re not.

Sasheer [00:39:33] You don’t know.

Nicole [00:39:34] Yes, I do. Yes, I do. Yes, I do.

Sasheer [00:39:37] You don’t freaking know me.

Nicole [00:39:38] I know I freaking.

Sasheer [00:39:40] You freaking don’t know me.

Nicole [00:39:41] I freaking do know you. I guess spaghetti Bolognese. No, tacos. No, Thai! I like Thai!

Sasheer [00:40:01] I’ll say tacos.

Nicole [00:40:06] Okay. And I must say Thai. I love Thai food. I went to that place that you took me to the other day, and it was very good.

Sasheer [00:40:15] Same Same?

Nicole [00:40:16] Yes. And I got this, like, beef thing that was so spicy and yummy and then something else that was also so fucking yummy. It was, like, a shrimp dish. “Pick a good rainy-day activity.”

Sasheer [00:40:34] “Go to a museum.”

Nicole [00:40:36] “Have a themed movie day.”

Sasheer [00:40:38] “Get to baking.”

Nicole [00:40:41] “Have a spa day.” I feel like I’d like a spa day.

Sasheer [00:40:47] I want a movie day. I like to stay inside.

Nicole [00:40:53] Oh. Okay. I do like a movie. Have you seen Megan yet, Sasheer?

Sasheer [00:40:56] I haven’t. Have you?

Nicole [00:40:57] You gotta. You gotta. It’s great. What is this quiz? What are we–? I’m Miley Cyrus. What?

Sasheer [00:41:03] Oh. “Who’s your BFF?”

Kimmie [00:41:06] And this is Nicole.

Nicole [00:41:07] I’m Miley Cyrus!

Sasheer [00:41:10] No, you’re not Miley Cyrus. Your celeb BFF is Miley Cyrus.

Nicole [00:41:18] I can buy myself flowers. I’m Miley Cyrus. Okay, so my celeb BFF is Miley Cyrus. “Based on your answers, we believe you’d be such great friends with the one and only Miley Cyrus. You’re friendly, people centric,”–I’m sure she would love me doing that–“and love thrills just like the superstar. Together, you’d be a power duo. The party wouldn’t start until y’all walk in.” A Kesha song. Why’d they do that? That’s Kesha, not my best friend, Miley. Miley, the party don’t start in the USA–or something. Oh my God.

Sasheer [00:41:59] You were singing that song when you hurt your ankle in Mexico. You were singing Party in the USA.

Nicole [00:42:06] I was. I skipped up there, pulled something in my leg, and the universe was like, “You don’t sing Party in the USA when you’re not in the USA.” I’ll never make that mistake again. Nor will I skip again as an adult.

Sasheer [00:42:22] Oh no, don’t let that stop you from skipping.

Nicole [00:42:24] Girl, what if I hurt myself again? Okay. I’ll only skip in LA when I’m close to urgent care? I don’t know. It’s not like things are better here.

Sasheer [00:42:32] This is true.

Nicole [00:42:33] Okay. Who’s your BFF?

Sasheer [00:42:40] “Justin Bieber. Much like this young superstar, you’re driven”–okay, there’s driven–“and accomplish the goals you set out for yourself. Together, you and Justin would bring the energy wherever you go and would be the creative duo everyone would count on. While some media has portrayed him poorly, Justin is a very caring individual. He will go out of his way to make those around him happy and relies deeply on his fame.”

Nicole [00:43:11] Did Justin Bieber write this?

Sasheer [00:43:14] I actually think we’ve done this before, and I think I did get Justin Bieber. I remember reading this and being like, “Are they trying to do a, like, positive Justin campaign–to paint him in a positive light since he had such bad behavioral press for a while?”

Nicole [00:43:33] Maybe. Quizyourfriends.com is really trying to rehabilitate Justin Bieber’s image. This is so funny.

Sasheer [00:43:44] “He will go out of his way to make his friends happy.”

Nicole [00:43:48] I can’t believe you got Justin Bieber? I’m happy with Miley Cyrus. I like Miley.

Sasheer [00:43:53] I like Miley, too. She’s fun.

Nicole [00:43:56] She is fun. She’s very pretty, too. And also talented. And then can really sing. Boy, oh boy.

Sasheer [00:44:03] She’s a very good singer.

Nicole [00:44:04] Yeah. I like when she sings Jolene. It’s great. And those are my thoughts on the number eight and Miley Cyrus–things I like. Should we help somebody?

Sasheer [00:44:16] Mmhmm.

Nicole [00:44:20] Okay. Yesterday I went to pole, Sasheer, and I requested to learn how to do the hardest fucking thing in the whole world. And my whole body hurt.

Sasheer [00:44:29] Oh, damn.

Nicole [00:44:29] I just thought you should know.

Sasheer [00:44:31] What was the thing?

Nicole [00:44:33] You fall backwards into a ballerina, where your whole body is twisted and then there’s, like, a foot in front of the pole. It’s truly very hard and wild. All right, let’s listen.

Kimmie [00:44:47] So this is an update I think you guys might remember a little bit ago. We had a caller who was afraid to introduce their boyfriend to their friends or family. And so, they called with an update. They wanted to clarify some things. So here they go.

Caller [00:45:01] You guys just answered my question on your podcast. I was the one who was very concerned about introducing my boyfriend to my family, even though we’ve been together for, like, a year. So, I appreciate you guys so much, really. But I did want to give a little bit more context to the situation because I think I was a little bit flustered before. So, the reason that I’m a little scared–or was a little bit scared–about introducing him to my family is because my last boyfriend was awful. He was abusive. He was just, all around, not a good person. And I think the reason that I was really scared about introducing my new boyfriend to my family is because, like, I have this thought in the back of my mind of, like, “What if it doesn’t work out?” Or “What if there’s something that they see that I’m not seeing?” And I genuinely don’t think about that with my current boyfriend. He’s the absolute sweetest. He’s amazing. But yeah, that’s kind of, like, where my big concern came from. Also, what I said about my sisters is very true. I have three of them. They are all very judgmental. They’re all in relationships that are all very great. So, it seems like I’m kind of the only one who’s been through a rough patch. And in regards to my friends, there’s a four-year age gap between me and my boyfriend and–not that I don’t think him and my friends would get along–it’s just different. So that’s kind of why I’ve been a little more hesitant to introduce them to him. But I feel better, so thank you.

Nicole [00:46:45] Okay. Well, she feels better, so we did our job!

Sasheer [00:46:53] I’m so sorry that this previous relationship traumatized you in a way that is currently affecting this relationship. But, you know, you work on your own timeline. Whenever you feel comfortable, that’s when you will introduce him to people in your life. And hopefully that makes you feel comfortable, too.

Nicole [00:47:17] Yeah. And there’s no rush. Next! “Hi, Nicole and Sasheer. I’ve been a listener since episode one and adore your friendship and advice. I have a group of six close girlfriends, who I’ve grown up with since elementary school and high school. We’re in our 40s now. We are dispersed in three different cities and try to meet up in one of our cities each year. However, this year we are venturing out to taking our first girls’ trip outside these three cities.”

Sasheer [00:47:49] “I’d love to know if there is a financially equitable way to plan this girls’ trip. Our incomes are all over the place–teachers, nurses, scientists, sales, executive assistants, etc. And our family situations are all over the place, too–from taking care of elderly parents, dealing with unemployment, having a toddler in daycare, having kids about to enter college. So, do we just create a budget of what people want to spend and go with the lowest amount? Or I’ve got the most disposable income of the group and happy to help subsidize some of the costs, so we don’t have to stay and eat at lower budget establishments. But I don’t know how to offer that. Would I offer to host and pay for everything and send Venmo requests afterwards or something? Let me know what you think. Thanks, and love you both.”

Nicole [00:48:40] I get the whole like, “My budget’s a little higher, so I would like to stay in, like, a nicer place.” I get that. I… What do you think, Sasheer?

Sasheer [00:48:55] I think this would be easier if you were in a house–if you had an Airbnb situation, even though Airbnb did us wrong the last time we used it. But if you had a house, then you could be like, “Here’s how much it would cost for everyone, but pay what you can’t.” So then if people can pay that amount, they can. And if they cannot, they cannot. And then also, since you’re in a house, you can cook in the kitchen and maybe the people who can’t contribute monetarily will feel more comfortable cooking breakfast for everybody or whatever–providing in some other way. And then see how that goes?

Nicole [00:49:39] Yeah, I have done trips with people where I knew I was, like, doing okay moneywise, but I wasn’t sure of everyone else’s situation. And it felt weird to be like, “So, what can you pay?” So, I was like, “Oh, I’ll just get the house.” And I did what Sasheer said; I was like, “Pay me what you want. I don’t mind.” And then some people were like, “Tell me exactly what it cost.” And they paid that to me. Some people were like, “Here’s some money I can contribute,” and that’s great and fine. And then dinners and such–I think that’s something to talk about beforehand to be like, “Do we want to go out to eat every night?” And if some people are like, “I can’t,” then it’s like, “Oh, okay, well we do have the house, and then we all pitch in in groceries and stuff.” Or if you’re okay taking care of dinners and stuff then, you know, the first dinner, you just be like, “This one’s on me!” And then maybe somebody else who’s doing okay financially could, you know, pay for the next dinner or whatever. But I think it’s, like, okay to talk about it. I know we are so strange with money here, but, like, I fully think it’s okay to be like, “Hey, can you afford this? If not, that’s okay. We can just figure out something else.” Because you don’t want to, like, resent people if you pay for everything–unless you just want to pay for everything, and that’s okay. But paying for something and then sending a Venmo request is, I think, evil. I think you have to be very upfront if you want people to pay for something.

Sasheer [00:51:02] Yeah, I think you can also break it down, too, where it’s like, “The house cost this much. It’d be this much individually. The rental car costs this much.” I guess you can’t calculate groceries in advance. Or you can be like, “I’ll pay for everything upfront,” and then give the total and itemize it. And then people can choose what to pay for because maybe people will be like, “Okay, me and so-and-so will split the rental car.” And then, “Me and so-and-so will split the groceries.” And then etc.

Nicole [00:51:44] I would send an email and be like, “Here’s what I was thinking.” And then put everything down, and then be like, “Respond to me individually so I know where your head is at.” And then email the group, and be like, “Okay, this is what we’re doing.” And then nobody has to talk about money stuff with anybody else–just you. I mean, that’s also, like, maybe a kind thing to do.

Sasheer [00:52:06] Yeah. I think that’s good.

Nicole [00:52:09] Have fun on your trip! Let us know where you go!

Sasheer [00:52:13] And if you want to tell us about your trip… or anything else in the world, you can email nicoleandsasheer@gmail.com, or call or text 424-645-7003.

Nicole [00:52:30] And if you’re looking for clothes, we have merch–or pins–at podswag.com/bestfriends.

Sasheer [00:52:37] We also have transcripts for our new episodes, and you can check them out on our show page at earwolf.com.

Nicole [00:52:43] Lastly, don’t forget to rate, review, and subscribe. That’s the easiest way to support this show. You’ve listened to Best Friends! Bye-bye.

Sasheer [00:52:57] Bye-bye.