EP. 375 — Expend4bles LIVE! w/ Jessica St. Clair

[00:00:00] Paul Scheer: They’re too old for this shit. I mean, actually, I think they really are too old for this shit. Well, I mean, technically they were too old for this shit, but now they actually have a lot of young people in it too. So I guess maybe some are too old, but then some are young. But then it’s also like, well, I mean, some are not even action stars anymore.

[00:00:20] I don’t know. We saw Expendables 4, so you know what that means!

[00:01:17] Music: [Intro Song]

[00:01:20] Paul Scheer: Hello people of Earth, and hello people of San Francisco. Well, well, it’s not often We get a chance to talk about the fourth entry in a series, and it’s because most movies that are this bad don’t make four entries. They’re done in two, but this one came out September 21st, 2023. Tagline to Expendables four. “They’ll die when they’re dead.” Now again, I will say works for Stallone.

[00:02:01] Everybody else seems pretty young. I guess Dolf, ln, maybe he’ll die when he’s dead. But the is getting younger and younger. One of the cool things about this franchise was they were old action stars, but now they’re all young. IMDB calls this film, or they describe this film as

[00:02:20] “Armed with every weapon they can get their hands on. The Expendables are the world’s last line of defense and the team that gets called when all other options are off the table.”

[00:02:32] Budget, $100 million. Opening weekend, $8 million. Domestic gross, $16 million. Woof. All right. Expendables four apparently is the end of the franchise, but we’ll reveal in just a little bit all the ways it went to to get to this film because, well, you know what?

[00:03:11] I’ll save it. I’ll save it ’cause we have so much to unpack. Let me introduce our co-host for tonight. Please welcome to the stage, Mr. Jason Mantzoukas!

[00:03:29] Jason Mantzoukas: What’s up, jerks? Let’s go. Come on, San Francisco. Here we go. Yeah. Yes, yes. Let’s tear Salesforce Tower to the ground. I dunno what they do, but I know I don’t trust it.

[00:03:59] Paul Scheer: Uh, Jason. Expendables four.

[00:04:02] Jason Mantzoukas: Whoa.

[00:04:02] Paul Scheer: Have you seen any Expendables?

[00:04:04] Jason Mantzoukas: Okay. Here’s what I realized when I started this movie. I’ve never seen an Expendable in my life, and I’ll be honest, after watching four, I’m still not sure I’ve seen one because I don’t know what this was. This seemed like a long-ish episode of the A team.

[00:04:24] Paul Scheer: This is, well, that’s not far from what the Expendables do.

[00:04:28] Jason Mantzoukas: Yeah.

[00:04:28] Paul Scheer: The difference is, uh, and I’ve seen the first two.

[00:04:32] Jason Mantzoukas: Oh wow.

[00:04:32] Paul Scheer: Dropped out for three, came back for four. Is that you would have a lineup of every star imaginable, like a love boat.

[00:04:40] Jason Mantzoukas: That’s what Bruce Willis Arnold Schwarzenegger wasn’t that? It was a cavalcade of stars.

[00:04:44] Paul Scheer: Chuck Norris. It’s action stars. Some of them who can barely still walk, they just put a gun on them.

[00:04:51] Jason Mantzoukas: Wait, who’s that?

[00:04:52] Paul Scheer: Chuck Norris.

[00:04:52] Jason Mantzoukas: Oh, that’s Chuck Norris.

[00:04:53] Paul Scheer: Chuck Norris, when he came on face didn’t move. Looks like you guys needed some help.

[00:04:59] Jason Mantzoukas: Oh.

[00:05:00] Paul Scheer: Never saw him again. That was it.

[00:05:02] Jason Mantzoukas: Oh, Walker.

[00:05:04] Paul Scheer: Yeah. So they pull everybody out for these.

[00:05:06] Jason Mantzoukas: Has Seagal ever been in one of these?

[00:05:08] Paul Scheer: No. No. He doesn’t get along with these guys.

[00:05:10] Jason Mantzoukas: I would like it if he was the villain in one of these.

[00:05:12] Paul Scheer: Would be great.

[00:05:13] Jason Mantzoukas: Right. Wouldn’t that be good?

[00:05:14] Paul Scheer: I mean, edit this out. Well, no, we don’t have to edit this out.

[00:05:17] Jason Mantzoukas: I mean, he’s a notorious piece of shit.

[00:05:19] Paul Scheer: Right. Yeah. That’s why I said we don’t.

[00:05:21] Jason Mantzoukas: Lemme be, lemme be clear. I’m not saying that because I love Seagal.

[00:05:25] Paul Scheer: I like his politics. But here’s the thing.

[00:05:27] Jason Mantzoukas: No, no. Paul, I will not agree with that. His politics are reprehensible. His blues guitar is transcendent.

[00:05:35] Paul Scheer: Yes. I like Steven Seagal with his Cajun voice and accent dropping hits. Uh, my friend.

[00:05:43] Jason Mantzoukas: And his Native American ancestry.

[00:05:45] Paul Scheer: Oh boy.

[00:05:46] Jason Mantzoukas: And his Russian citizenship, I mean, a true villain. I, I heard he just got put in charge of Doge.

[00:05:56] Paul Scheer: My friend was the AD who worked with Steven Segal, and he said that they would choreograph these elaborate fight scenes, and then Segal would come on set and he would listen and, you know, touch his goatee, look and look and, all right.

[00:06:10] Yes. I’m gonna throw him on this table and then I’m gonna walk over here. I’m gonna use that pool queue. I’m gonna hit him in the head. All right. I’m gonna go over here and I’m gonna flip that guy over the pool table. Yeah. What if I was sitting. And one guy came up to me on the, the left side. Another guy came up to me on the right side.

[00:06:28] And when I was sitting, I just do one of these and I knock ’em out and I go, well Steven that Yeah, you want to get up? No.

[00:06:38] Jason Mantzoukas: I love it.

[00:06:39] Paul Scheer: He just wanted to sit in his seat and punch people.

[00:06:44] Jason Mantzoukas: Yeah.

[00:06:44] Paul Scheer: My left arm’s hitting the right guy.

[00:06:46] Jason Mantzoukas: Do do yourself a favor and watch the videos of him doing like martial arts demonstrations in which like fit men run at him. And he’s just like, and they throw themselves to the ground. The other best Steven Segal story is him saying to someone in a meeting, I just read the greatest script ever written. And the person goes, whoa, that’s incredible. Who wrote it? He goes, I did.

[00:07:07] Paul Scheer: Gotta give it up.

[00:07:08] Jason Mantzoukas: Gotta give it up. A true, true monster. A prolific villain.

[00:07:16] Paul Scheer: And there’s only one name that’s synonymous with villain. And that is our other co-host for tonight. Please welcome to the stage Jessica St. Clair!

[00:07:36] Jessical St. Clair: Woo!

[00:07:37] Paul Scheer: Welcome Jessica. We have Jessica on loan from the Deep Dive to join us for a tour that has been full of Beefcake, but in this film, no one takes their shirts off.

[00:07:53] Jessical St. Clair: Who cares? I loved it. I love this movie.

[00:07:57] Jason Mantzoukas: Whoa!

[00:07:58] Paul Scheer: Wow.

[00:07:58] Jason Mantzoukas: Wow. You’ve got Expendables pilled?

[00:08:00] Jessical St. Clair: I, you had me at Stallone and Stathem.

[00:08:05] They’ve got sexual chemistry.

[00:08:07] Jason Mantzoukas: Yes. Wait, are they actually brothers?

[00:08:12] Paul Scheer: No.

[00:08:12] Jessical St. Clair: No, no. They’re more than brother. Well, they’re friends.

[00:08:14] Jason Mantzoukas: They are.

[00:08:15] Jessical St. Clair: They’re but they are soul brothers.

[00:08:16] Jason Mantzoukas: They’re brothers. They’re brothers in arms. I know that. But they ref twice. They were referred to as brothers and I was like, is, what do they mean?

[00:08:23] Jessical St. Clair: They’re brothers.

[00:08:24] Paul Scheer: They’re brothers.

[00:08:24] Jason Mantzoukas: Brothers. Okay. Okay. Very cool Way to do that.

[00:08:26] Jessical St. Clair: The brothers.

[00:08:27] Jason Mantzoukas: Very cool. Very normal brother.

[00:08:29] Jessical St. Clair: But if you took all of the fighting out of this movie, you’ve got Thelma and Louise, you’ve got Beaches, you’ve got Terms of Endearment.

[00:08:40] Jason Mantzoukas: What?

[00:08:40] Jessical St. Clair: You’ve got my favorite movie, the Expendables.

[00:08:45] Paul Scheer: I will say this. I do love Jason Statham in this movie. Like I think he is great.

[00:08:52] Jason Mantzoukas: I’m willing to say I love Jason Statham in everything.

[00:08:57] Jessical St. Clair: Everything.

[00:08:57] Paul Scheer: Yes. He gets it. He understands like what he’s in, what he’s doing. He’s funny. He’s fit. He is in no way stallone’s contemporary at all. Not at all.

[00:09:09] Jason Mantzoukas: Not at all.

[00:09:10] Jessical St. Clair: And when he’s such a good actor making you believe they are.

[00:09:13] Paul Scheer: Yeah.

[00:09:13] Jason Mantzoukas: He’s making everybody else look better. Statham’s making everybody else look better. And he’s also selling his fight scenes better than anybody else.

[00:09:22] Paul Scheer: Oh, because he is actually an action star. That was the same.

[00:09:25] Jason Mantzoukas: Oh. Except for Tony Ja. Who is like next level. Woo.

[00:09:28] Paul Scheer: Amazing.

[00:09:29] Jason Mantzoukas: And, uh, Aiko, who, uh, that guy also in Incre. Those scenes are nuts. But Statham, I mean, just hang a whole movie on the guy.

[00:09:38] Jessical St. Clair: Hang a lot on him. Hang on whatever we can get of his that can be hard. Hang it. Hang a towel on it.

[00:09:46] Paul Scheer: Wow.

[00:09:47] Jessical St. Clair: Hang whatever you can in it.

[00:09:49] Paul Scheer: Oh, okay.

[00:09:49] Jessical St. Clair: Hang me on it.

[00:09:51] Paul Scheer: Wow. I love Jason Statham, but I will say I found his relationship with Meghan Fox to be very fulfilling. I liked it.

[00:10:01] Jessical St. Clair: So did I. I love it when they were tossling around. Yeah, I liked that tattoo. So did your brother. That’s fun.

[00:10:07] Jason Mantzoukas: Oh yeah. Well, okay.

[00:10:08] Jessical St. Clair: Did she fuck his brother?

[00:10:10] Jason Mantzoukas: Maybe? Who’s his brother?

[00:10:11] Jessical St. Clair: It’s not Stallone. Let go of that. That fantasy of yours here.

[00:10:16] Jason Mantzoukas: Question.

[00:10:16] Jessical St. Clair: Let it go.

[00:10:16] Jason Mantzoukas: Well, my questions are these because I think, not Stallone, my, my guess is a substantial amount of plot mechanics in this movie, and maybe I’m just way off base, are predicated on having seen the first three movie.

[00:10:30] Paul Scheer: I think.

[00:10:31] Jason Mantzoukas: Again, I have not.

[00:10:32] Paul Scheer: I think a few, because there’s a lot of new, this is a very new team, I believe, any expendable experts out there, that Megan Fox came in in three.

[00:10:41] Jessical St. Clair: Really?

[00:10:41] Paul Scheer: Yes. No, she came in in four?

[00:10:45] Jessical St. Clair: Whoa.

[00:10:46] Jason Mantzoukas: She’s new?

[00:10:46] Jessical St. Clair: What?

[00:10:49] Jason Mantzoukas: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,

[00:10:50] Jessical St. Clair: whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

[00:10:52] Jason Mantzoukas: We need a Morgan for Expendables. Is there one person who has an encyclopedic knowledge of Expendable? Someone is very cocky raising their hand.

[00:10:59] Jessical St. Clair: We could have Google this, by the way.

[00:11:00] Jason Mantzoukas: Can we get Houselights please? Alright, let, um, I’m super curious about this too, because they.

[00:11:05] Paul Scheer: Who, who is it?

[00:11:05] Jason Mantzoukas: We start in their relationships so heavily. Oh boy. This guy’s coming. This, Hey, this guy’s.

[00:11:11] Jessical St. Clair: Oh God. He’s approaching.

[00:11:13] Paul Scheer: First of all, I looked at this guy. I’ve been up in the balconies, I’ve been in the high balconies, I’ve been in the low. But I look at this guy and I go. I trust him.

[00:11:21] Jessical St. Clair: That’s a standup guy.

[00:11:22] Paul Scheer: Yeah. And he’s not a guy.

[00:11:23] Jason Mantzoukas: He looks, he looks like he works at Salesforce.

[00:11:25] Jessical St. Clair: Yeah.

[00:11:26] Jason Mantzoukas: He does?

[00:11:26] Paul Scheer: He does.

[00:11:26] Jason Mantzoukas: He does. Salesforce.

[00:11:34] Paul Scheer: Salesforce. So.

[00:11:37] Jason Mantzoukas: What is it? What is Salesforce?

[00:11:40] Jessical St. Clair: What?

[00:11:42] Audience Member: So it’s really about enterprise software and you’ve got understand about.

[00:11:50] Paul Scheer: Wow, boo.

[00:11:52] Jason Mantzoukas: Do not boo this gentlemen.

[00:11:54] Paul Scheer: Get these jokes.

[00:11:54] Jason Mantzoukas: We can boo Salesforce, but we do not boo our fellow audience members.

[00:11:59] Jessical St. Clair: That’s right.

[00:12:00] Jason Mantzoukas: We support each other. Okay. We don’t support you.

[00:12:05] Jessical St. Clair: No.

[00:12:06] Jason Mantzoukas: You support us and each other. Right.

[00:12:09] Paul Scheer: Um, what’s your name?

[00:12:10] Audience Member: Chris.

[00:12:10] Paul Scheer: Chris, okay. So Chris is going to be our resident Expendables expert, unless you let us down. So this is it. So get us up to date on, just walk us forward. Are they brothers?

[00:12:24] Audience Member: No.

[00:12:25] Paul Scheer: Okay.

[00:12:25] Jessical St. Clair: Great.

[00:12:26] Paul Scheer: Is Megan Fox’s their first appearance?

[00:12:28] Audience Member: First appearance.

[00:12:29] Paul Scheer: Okay. Great. We know that Stallone and Statham, they’ve done a lot of missions together. We know Dolf.

[00:12:33] Jessical St. Clair: They were the originals, Stallone and Statham from.

[00:12:37] Paul Scheer: And Dolf Ren too.

[00:12:38] Jason Mantzoukas: And Dolf. So they are the no.

[00:12:40] Audience Member: And, and and Toll Road, which is Couture.

[00:12:42] Jessical St. Clair: Which one?

[00:12:43] Paul Scheer: Yeah, yeah, yeah. That’s the guy with the ear.

[00:12:45] Jason Mantzoukas: Ah, okay. Okay.

[00:12:46] Paul Scheer: Randy Couture.

[00:12:47] Jessical St. Clair: Ear Bit.

[00:12:48] Jason Mantzoukas: Oh, oh, Randy Couture. Okay.

[00:12:50] Paul Scheer: Anything else that we need to know?

[00:12:51] Audience Member: Nah, they’re group of mercenaries. They do a bunch of odd jobs. They’ve done odd jobs for the CIA in the first one.

[00:12:56] Then the CIA got mad at them because they saved people. And then in the third one, you didn’t miss much on the third one.

[00:13:03] Paul Scheer: Okay. Yeah. Andy Garcia also new.

[00:13:04] Jason Mantzoukas: So it kind of, it seems to me that I’m correct. They kind of operate like, um, old, like senior citizen, fast and furious. Right. Except with, obviously with military training, not, they’re not street racers, but they operate outside of the government.

[00:13:21] Audience Member: Yeah.

[00:13:21] Jason Mantzoukas: But the government sometimes contracts them to do stuff.

[00:13:24] Audience Member: Right. So in the first three it was like, we are not a part of this. We’re just gonna give you money in the background. You’re gonna go do your thing. This was the only one where like the government was much more intimately involved with it.

[00:13:34] Jason Mantzoukas: Was there ever mention in the previous movies of the Ocelot character?

[00:13:38] Audience Member: Never.

[00:13:39] Jason Mantzoukas: No.

[00:13:39] Paul Scheer: That’s, that is.

[00:13:40] Jason Mantzoukas: Whoa.

[00:13:42] Jessical St. Clair: That’s new.

[00:13:42] Jason Mantzoukas: That’s what I felt like. This must be the culmination of four movies where, and I was like, oh, and it’s revealed, it’s Andy Garcia. Oh shit.

[00:13:51] Paul Scheer: No. I am just blown away that Meghan Fox appears because she appears as if Oh, the team’s back together.

[00:13:57] Jessical St. Clair: Yeah.

[00:13:57] Paul Scheer: Like in some way.

[00:13:58] Jason Mantzoukas: She’s team leader.

[00:13:59] Paul Scheer: Yes.

[00:13:59] Jason Mantzoukas: She’s team leader. And there’s, have there ever been multiple women on the team? Or is this the first instance of woke Expendables? Not my Expendables.

[00:14:10] Audience Member: So the weirdest thing is there is a increase in feminism.

[00:14:14] Jason Mantzoukas: Yeah.

[00:14:14] Audience Member: Through the course of the series. Um, in the first.

[00:14:17] Jason Mantzoukas: You’re doing real high pitch voice but that’s okay.

[00:14:21] Audience Member: I’m getting my vibe in. Right. Um, so in the first movie, the only woman that exists is Charisma Carpenter, and she is a girlfriend of Statham.

[00:14:28] Paul Scheer: Right.

[00:14:29] Audience Member: And the second movie, they allow women to.

[00:14:30] Jason Mantzoukas: Cordelia from Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

[00:14:32] Paul Scheer: Yeah. Love Cordelia.

[00:14:34] Jason Mantzoukas: I mean a, a true legend.

[00:14:36] Jessical St. Clair: Hot. Hot. Hot.

[00:14:37] Paul Scheer: Does some of her best work on Angel, I would say.

[00:14:40] Jason Mantzoukas: Oh, I, yes. Love, love her on Angel as well.

[00:14:42] Paul Scheer: Love Angel. Worked out at the same gym as her. Had to restrain myself from striking up casual conversation to then eventually be, so Buffy, I, I did wanted to, well, not to say that wasn’t call Buffy, but I wanted to know.

[00:14:56] Jason Mantzoukas: Can I, can I work in here? Uh, and, and, and so like, what’s going on with the hell mouth? What, what do you think?

[00:15:02] Paul Scheer: So here’s the thing, you and Spike had a really interesting relationship. I honestly found it to be actually more compelling than, alright. Well anyway. Alright. So, uh.

[00:15:11] Jason Mantzoukas: When, when Anya came into the picture, did you feel like.

[00:15:17] Paul Scheer: Anything else we need to know?

[00:15:19] Audience Member: Nah, you, you all got it.

[00:15:20] Paul Scheer: We got it. All right. Give it up.

[00:15:21] Jessical St. Clair: We got it. I mean, I feel like the thing that I like the most about Expendables. Is that you don’t have to pay attention.

[00:15:31] Jason Mantzoukas: No.

[00:15:31] Jessical St. Clair: Like I was, you know, I had my earbuds in, I was putting on, you know, false eyelashes while things were plot points were going by me. It doesn’t matter.

[00:15:40] Jason Mantzoukas: Well, well, they also.

[00:15:41] Jessical St. Clair: You’re gonna be okay.

[00:15:42] Jason Mantzoukas: Because they also do that thing that all bad movies for old people do, which is that they recap the movie every seven minutes.

[00:15:50] Jessical St. Clair: And I so appreciate that.

[00:15:52] Jason Mantzoukas: So you don’t have to, it’s like an episode of Law and Order or anything.

[00:15:55] Jessical St. Clair: It’s in the background.

[00:15:55] Jason Mantzoukas: You don’t, don’t, don’t worry.

[00:15:56] Jessical St. Clair: It’s like white noise of people getting, ugh, ugh, slit, but that’s your white noise while you’re like flipping through a better homes and gardens, you know?

[00:16:04] Jason Mantzoukas: I think that this movie is what Trump thinks our military is.

[00:16:10] Jessical St. Clair: Yes.

[00:16:11] Jason Mantzoukas: I think if you.

[00:16:13] Jessical St. Clair: Is this a documentary?

[00:16:14] Jason Mantzoukas: If you go into the Signal chat, it’s just Pete Hegseth sending memes from this movie to people, and that’s what they think is getting done. They think a bunch of old fucks are running in, in random old planes.

[00:16:30] Jessical St. Clair: In berets. In Berets.

[00:16:33] Jason Mantzoukas: And, and Ed Hardy rings just, fuck, I don’t even fucking, I don’t even know what. But this is a Trump wet dream.

[00:16:41] Paul Scheer: Oh, this, I also, I go one step further. This is like an older man’s dream of like what society is, and he’s like, I get, I get YouTube. This is YouTube. This is a streamer. I get it. They walk around talking about how they’re gonna fuck all these chicks. It’s like, I don’t think that’s Twitch. Uh, but okay. You know, they’d be so upset if they realized what streaming actually is.

[00:17:08] Jason Mantzoukas: Can you tell me, did Sylvester Stallone, I didn’t look, write this movie?

[00:17:11] Paul Scheer: No.

[00:17:12] Jason Mantzoukas: In any way, shape or form?

[00:17:13] Paul Scheer: The original, yes.

[00:17:14] Jason Mantzoukas: Because there’s a bunch of jokes in here that are very Sylvester Stallone coded.

[00:17:19] Jessical St. Clair: Like what?

[00:17:19] Jason Mantzoukas: The golden shower stuff. Not only that, it, I felt like, I felt like very vividly that Stallone had written that, only because I was like, I feel like he just heard what a golden shower is.

[00:17:30] Jessical St. Clair: Yeah.

[00:17:31] Jason Mantzoukas: And then not only does it get brought up in dialogue, it’s called back later as a plot point.

[00:17:38] Jessical St. Clair: To be, ’cause I told you yes. He’s into golden showers.

[00:17:41] Jason Mantzoukas: Yes.

[00:17:41] Paul Scheer: And they make the young guy talk about it because the young guy knows about golden showers.

[00:17:47] Jason Mantzoukas: Yeah.

[00:17:48] Paul Scheer: Here let’s play clip four and watch that very animated performance.

[00:17:52] Movie Audio: Hey, you know what, he is a golden shower. He’s. The woman. She squats down on top of you and releases her bladder. It’s very liberating.

[00:18:04] Wow. World class pervert.

[00:18:06] You know what is a gold shower?. You look like the type who has had one before.

[00:18:10] I’m cutting these losers.

[00:18:12] Too much.

[00:18:13] Two time, time for music.

[00:18:15] Paul Scheer: So that is those guys, I bet you they were like improvised about golden showers.

[00:18:22] Jessical St. Clair: And then he had to humiliate himself like that. You know, he’s like, everybody knows what it is my age, but I’m gonna have to force myself to do this scene.

[00:18:30] Jason Mantzoukas: Nobody’s giving him anything. Everybody’s no.

[00:18:32] Jessical St. Clair: ‘Cause they don’t wanna be a part of it. They don’t wanna do this scene. They’re trying to disappear into the scenery. Trying not to be there with him.

[00:18:41] Jason Mantzoukas: Oh. And he is just hung out to dry.

[00:18:44] Jessical St. Clair: He, he’s selling it. God bless him. He has kind of a, um, Puss in Boots type of Antonio Banderas feel.

[00:18:52] Jason Mantzoukas: He has a Puss in Boots?

[00:18:53] Paul Scheer: Yeah, he does have a pus. He he has a Puss in Boots vibe. He does.

[00:18:56] Jason Mantzoukas: Lemme ask you this.

[00:18:57] Paul Scheer: And by the way, I would love to have seen Puss in Boots as part of the Expendables team.

[00:19:01] Jessical St. Clair: Thank you.

[00:19:02] Paul Scheer: With his sword.

[00:19:03] Jason Mantzoukas: I would, I would love it if animated characters made their way into the Expendables.

[00:19:09] Jessical St. Clair: Yeah.

[00:19:09] Jason Mantzoukas: Like if it’s, but it Puss in Boots is almost too young and cute. It would have to be like.

[00:19:13] Paul Scheer: Meet this guy. My friend Roger, Roger Rabbit.

[00:19:17] Jason Mantzoukas: Yeah. We got a, we got a new big guy and it’s just like Foghorn Leghorn.

[00:19:23] I say, I say, I say.

[00:19:25] Jessical St. Clair: You’ve been sitting on that impression the entire tour.

[00:19:28] Jason Mantzoukas: I all tour. The whole time, I’ve been like, when do I get to break up my Foghorn Leghorn?

[00:19:33] Paul Scheer: New member of the team. Now, don’t freak out guys. I know he used to be a bad guy. Skeletor. God damnit. Yeah. We tried to kill you before. Hey buddy.

[00:19:43] I was drinking back then. All right. Skeletor you’re part of the team.

[00:19:46] Jason Mantzoukas: I’d like to hear what Dolf Lundgren has to say about Skeletor. Right? Wasn’t he, He man?

[00:19:51] Paul Scheer: Yes.

[00:19:52] Jason Mantzoukas: Okay.

[00:19:52] Paul Scheer: Dolf Lundgren continues to be the shining light in this franchise as well. He ages perfectly, his character as an arc. He goes from not drinking and being shitty to drinking again and being great.

[00:20:04] Jason Mantzoukas: I mean, a movie that makes you cheer for someone to break their sobriety so that they can commit wanton acts of murder. His eyesight gets better when drinking.

[00:20:19] Jessical St. Clair: You know? I feel like, you know how colleges in the beginning of feminism had like women’s studies classes where we would look at, you know, different texts and everything.

[00:20:28] I feel like maybe there should be a man studies, where this would be a text.

[00:20:34] Jason Mantzoukas: I love this.

[00:20:34] Jessical St. Clair: That we would start breaking down.

[00:20:36] Jason Mantzoukas: I love this. I agree with St. Clair. Men are important and need to be studied.

[00:20:41] Jessical St. Clair: They need to be studied. I’m serious.

[00:20:43] Paul Scheer: Men studies need to happen. Mandatory.

[00:20:47] Jessical St. Clair: They get to understand why.

[00:20:49] Jason Mantzoukas: I agree with Jessica. Men.

[00:20:51] Jessical St. Clair: Right?

[00:20:52] Paul Scheer: But here, but you know what? I think you’re right about the idea of like a certain brain is going to be

[00:20:58] Jessical St. Clair: Yes. Study them.

[00:20:58] Paul Scheer: Like when they go, how’s it hanging? Oh, gravity hit.

[00:21:01] Jason Mantzoukas: Ugh.

[00:21:02] Jessical St. Clair: Yeah. Or like, or like why.

[00:21:03] Paul Scheer: Gravity has always been at play with balls.

[00:21:05] Jason Mantzoukas: Here’s, here’s, an entire semester is on Stallone’s ring.

[00:21:09] Jessical St. Clair: Yes.

[00:21:10] Jason Mantzoukas: Like why do men like skull rings?

[00:21:14] Jessical St. Clair: Rings.

[00:21:14] Jason Mantzoukas: What’s up with like everything?

[00:21:15] Paul Scheer: By the way, why is his finger that thick?

[00:21:19] Jessical St. Clair: Thick.

[00:21:20] Paul Scheer: ‘Cause we see it. Well, I mean, look, it’s on the double.

[00:21:22] Jessical St. Clair: It’s on a dick.

[00:21:23] Jason Mantzoukas: You can’t have thin fingers.

[00:21:26] Jessical St. Clair: That’s a thick.

[00:21:27] Jason Mantzoukas: Yeah, that’s, that’s why the reason is because at the very least, your fingers need to be dick size.

[00:21:35] Jessical St. Clair: Now, now who was?

[00:21:36] Jason Mantzoukas: ‘Cause that’s a man.

[00:21:38] Jessical St. Clair: But who was the genius Who did just the tip right here?

[00:21:41] Jason Mantzoukas: Yeah.

[00:21:42] Jessical St. Clair: That guy’s an unsung hero.

[00:21:43] Paul Scheer: Yeah.

[00:21:44] Jessical St. Clair: In the sound department.

[00:21:45] Jason Mantzoukas: And I love that they were like, we gotta spin that bottle around. We, because we can’t show that label.

[00:21:49] Jessical St. Clair: We can’t show that label.

[00:21:50] Paul Scheer: The double sided dildo is next to a tip jar that says just the tip, but then we see it again.

[00:21:56] Uh, this is in, um, clips. Uh, picture three. Uh, this is again. Alright, so there it is.

[00:22:02] Jason Mantzoukas: Okay. So this is a bar where they have a, a dessicated, a desiccated human hand.

[00:22:09] Jessical St. Clair: Is that a mummy, like an Egyptian?

[00:22:12] Jason Mantzoukas: That’s, that is meant to be. I mean, we now know because of the end of the movie whose hand it is. We thought for the most of the movie it was Stallone’s hand, but in fact.

[00:22:20] Jessical St. Clair: No, that’s not the hand though.

[00:22:22] Jason Mantzoukas: That’s the hand.

[00:22:23] Paul Scheer: Yes. He found it.

[00:22:23] Jessical St. Clair: No. What we saw it, it was all gelatinous.

[00:22:25] Paul Scheer: No, here it is. Picture. Well, he dried out on the, the trip home.

[00:22:28] Jason Mantzoukas: Well, yeah, they dried it out.

[00:22:29] Paul Scheer: Picture two. Beth, if you had it.

[00:22:30] Jessical St. Clair: No, that shit was like a puddle of.

[00:22:32] Jason Mantzoukas: There it is. It’s that hand. It’s that hand.

[00:22:35] Jessical St. Clair: You think they hacked it off, dried it like jerky?

[00:22:37] Jason Mantzoukas: Yes.

[00:22:38] Jessical St. Clair: And fashioned it like this?

[00:22:40] Jason Mantzoukas: Yes.

[00:22:40] Jessical St. Clair: And then put a ring on it?

[00:22:41] Jason Mantzoukas: Yes. I don’t think that, I know that.

[00:22:45] Paul Scheer: That’s what brothers do. Brother will cut off your hand and bring it home to the bar.

[00:22:51] Jason Mantzoukas: To the bar.

[00:22:53] Jessical St. Clair: Did somebody strip off like the extra.

[00:22:55] Paul Scheer: No. It dried off. It dried.

[00:22:57] Jason Mantzoukas: No, it burned off. It burned off when he was a gelatinous goo monster. There.

[00:23:03] He’s got, I love it. I love it. He is got the, I love, what’s the guy’s name? Who it is? Who is it?

[00:23:07] Paul Scheer: Jumbo Shrimp.

[00:23:07] Jason Mantzoukas: Jumbo Shrimp. I love when he picks Jumbo Shrimp out of the extra room, throws him in the thing and Stallone jumps out and then Jumbo Shrimp wakes up. I was like, I thought for sure he was dead.

[00:23:18] Paul Scheer: And what was Jumbo Shrimp’s crime?

[00:23:22] Jessical St. Clair: Yeah.

[00:23:22] Jason Mantzoukas: Yeah.

[00:23:22] Jessical St. Clair: For being small.

[00:23:24] Paul Scheer: I mean, Jumbo Shrimp. One, like they had.

[00:23:28] Jessical St. Clair: Justice for Jumbo Shrimp.

[00:23:29] Paul Scheer: Yes.

[00:23:30] Jessical St. Clair: Justice for Jumbo Shrimp. I wanna do a whole semester on Jumbo Shrimp.

[00:23:35] Jason Mantzoukas: Wow.

[00:23:35] Jessical St. Clair: And how men treat smaller men.

[00:23:36] Paul Scheer: This all we know, all we know about Jumbo Shrimp is that Stallone had a thumb war with Jumbo Shrimp, which Jumbo Shrimp won legitimately.

[00:23:48] Jessical St. Clair: Fair and square.

[00:23:48] Paul Scheer: And then he was gonna go back there to beat the shit out of him to get it back. And then they beat the shit out of him, and then he kills him. Jumbo shrimp. Not a mercenary, just a guy that likes to drink at the tainted boat.

[00:24:03] Jason Mantzoukas: He’s just, and, and, and it’s not, it’s not bad enough that statham, brass knuckles, jumbo shrimps whole crew, which like just demolishing every jaw in the house.

[00:24:14] Jessical St. Clair: I had a question about brass knuckles, if I may.

[00:24:17] Paul Scheer: Yeah.

[00:24:18] Jessical St. Clair: Is it cool to use them without telling the person, like, I felt like there must be. It’s like, it seems like kind of a dick move.

[00:24:27] Paul Scheer: You gotta tell people you have to declare brass knuckles before.

[00:24:30] Jason Mantzoukas: You think. Serious. You think in a bar fight you need to give a heads up as to what you might have.

[00:24:36] Jessical St. Clair: Well, like is that.

[00:24:37] Jason Mantzoukas: I mean, that’s gentlemanly.

[00:24:38] Jessical St. Clair: Fair. I mean, is it fair?

[00:24:39] Paul Scheer: I used to fight with rolls of quarters in my hand.

[00:24:42] Jessical St. Clair: Is that true, Paul? That is true.

[00:24:43] Paul Scheer: Yeah.

[00:24:43] Jessical St. Clair: Oh. Here comes another chapter.

[00:24:46] Jason Mantzoukas: Wait.

[00:24:47] Jessical St. Clair: Of sadness.

[00:24:48] Jason Mantzoukas: Because you, you had.

[00:24:50] Jessical St. Clair: What the fuck, Paul? You had rolls of quarters?

[00:24:53] Paul Scheer: Yeah. You get, you get a $10 roll of quarters and you put it in your palms, then punch something in the face.

[00:24:59] Jessical St. Clair: That’s fucked up, Paul, that’s so fucked up.

[00:25:02] Paul Scheer: Pennies were cheaper. Someone said. Thank you.

[00:25:04] Jason Mantzoukas: And also, not only that, you can do your laundry.

[00:25:07] Paul Scheer: Exactly.

[00:25:08] Jessical St. Clair: Boom. But no, I didn’t, I wondered ’cause I thought to myself, huh? Is it cooler to see Jason Statham actually kick the shit out of them with sans brass knuckles?

[00:25:18] Jason Mantzoukas: Yeah. Well, I, the in moments.

[00:25:20] Jessical St. Clair: It’s a question street fight.

[00:25:21] Jason Mantzoukas: It’s moments like this. I agree.

[00:25:22] Jessical St. Clair: Fight for the street fighters out there. I know there are some.

[00:25:25] Jason Mantzoukas: Streetfighter in San Francisco. I don’t think so.

[00:25:27] Jessical St. Clair: Yeah, we’ve got a lot of librarians and a lot of street fighters in the audience.

[00:25:31] Jason Mantzoukas: We got, we got a lot of Salesforce executives here.

[00:25:34] Jessical St. Clair: Yeah.

[00:25:34] Jason Mantzoukas: I don’t know that they’re fighting in the streets.

[00:25:36] Paul Scheer: Well, the way that they fight is with enterprising solutions. No, I’ve seen a lot of faces out here. A lot of you have been at the Excel championship. It’s pretty cool. Um, here’s the thing I wanna say about, uh, Statham. He seemingly gets younger with every movie. Like he looks better in four than he’d even he looked in one.

[00:25:58] But, um, you’re right. Like he does fight unfairly. Jumbo shrimp is killed. But here’s the thing. That when we landed on the way to the mini golf place today, I did Google and did research to back it up. On the plane that they’re flying that propeller cargo plane.

[00:26:17] Jessical St. Clair: Yeah.

[00:26:17] Paul Scheer: From New Orleans to Libya. That is a 30 plus hour flight with multiple stops for gas.

[00:26:27] Jason Mantzoukas: Sure.

[00:26:28] Jessical St. Clair: That’s a long flight.

[00:26:28] Paul Scheer: At least seven stops for gas.

[00:26:30] Jason Mantzoukas: Yep.

[00:26:32] Paul Scheer: So that means the Jumbo Shrimp was in the shitter for 30 hours and no one else in that crew took a piss.

[00:26:42] Jason Mantzoukas: Yeah.

[00:26:42] Paul Scheer: And on top of that, he’s, they all, they all geared up. They all geared up. And then they stayed in that gear for 30 fucking hours.

[00:26:53] Jessical St. Clair: Yeah.

[00:26:53] Paul Scheer: They’re gonna put on a flat jacket, wear some PJs, some soft shoes, like yeah, get comfy in there.

[00:26:59] Jessical St. Clair: Skims baby, because that’s a long flight.

[00:27:02] Paul Scheer: Yeah, so he was in the bathroom the entire time.

[00:27:06] Jason Mantzoukas: Yeah, I that, I mean like none of it makes.

[00:27:09] Jessical St. Clair: But again, I didn’t think about Jumbo Shrimp. Once we’re done with him, I’m onto something else.

[00:27:14] Paul Scheer: Because he’s not a character in the movie.

[00:27:15] Jessical St. Clair: I’m not worried about him.

[00:27:16] Jason Mantzoukas: Honestly, though Jumbo Shrimp, somehow inexplicably for someone who is in two brief scenes has more of a footprint in this movie than 50 cent, which is devastating because 50 cent is so good, 50.

[00:27:32] Jessical St. Clair: So good.

[00:27:32] Jason Mantzoukas: And so and so fanta I think so fantastic that I was like, oh, nice, 50 cent is here and then he got does nothing.

[00:27:38] Paul Scheer: Now the coolest thing about 50 cent is a scene that he’s not in. But you think it would be funny if he is in it, which is when they just put his song on a truck.

[00:27:49] Jessical St. Clair: That was cool.

[00:27:50] Paul Scheer: To attack.

[00:27:50] Jason Mantzoukas: I would’ve loved it if I, because that’s, I mean, come on, that it’s so nuts to play his song in diagetically in the movie.

[00:27:59] Jessical St. Clair: That’s crazy.

[00:27:59] Jason Mantzoukas: So that he can hear it. I would’ve loved it if he was in that scene and somebody had been like, Hey, this is your song.

[00:28:04] Paul Scheer: I wanted, I wanted to be like, this is 50 cents.

[00:28:07] Jason Mantzoukas: Yes.

[00:28:08] Paul Scheer: Do you remember that video?

[00:28:09] Jessical St. Clair: Or if or if he’s behind the thing spinning his beats or whatever.

[00:28:12] Paul Scheer: I, look, sure.

[00:28:13] Jessical St. Clair: You know, anything’s possible.

[00:28:15] Jason Mantzoukas: 50 cents doesn’t spin his own beats, Jess, you sound like an idiot in San Francisco.

[00:28:20] Paul Scheer: I agreed with her, but. Do you remember that video game? I love this video game. I think it was called like Def Jam. It was like Def Jam Meets Mortal Kombat. So it was like all the Def Jam characters would fight like that.

[00:28:32] You could have just said, oh yeah, we took that version of 50 cent and we put him in the Expendables. Like, we don’t need reasoning. Oh, he was a seal. Who gives a fuck. He you could put Seal in the movie.

[00:28:43] Jason Mantzoukas: Oh, I would’ve loved it. I would’ve loved it if Seal had been in this movie. Or for you guys, E 40.

[00:28:52] Paul Scheer: Wow.

[00:28:52] Jason Mantzoukas: Just ghost riding the whip.

[00:28:55] Paul Scheer: I will say the biggest villain in this movie is green screen. Um, because this entire movie is shot in warehouses, parking lots and windowless rooms.

[00:29:06] Jason Mantzoukas: Yeah.

[00:29:07] Jessical St. Clair: Yep.

[00:29:07] Jason Mantzoukas: And all outdoor scenes are green screen all driving, all, all that.

[00:29:11] Jessical St. Clair: Well the worst

[00:29:11] green screen moment, and this is going way to the end and I also think would be great for the men’s studies class I’m gonna teach is when Megan Fox you know, says something like, what? And he just goes, nevermind. And nevermind equals I love you.

[00:29:30] Paul Scheer: Yeah.

[00:29:31] Jason Mantzoukas: Yeah.

[00:29:32] Jessical St. Clair: And that, that kind of reading in between the lines.

[00:29:36] Paul Scheer: I love that.

[00:29:36] Jessical St. Clair: Is the subtle kind of dialogue that we’re meant to unpack.

[00:29:41] Jason Mantzoukas: Oh, yeah.

[00:29:42] Jessical St. Clair: And, and, and the, and instead of doing that, I’m thinking, is this the, this is the shittiest green screen I’ve ever seen. It looks like if I went to like the Harry Potter exhibit and I’m like, I’m flying! Like, and I buy it.

[00:29:55] Jason Mantzoukas: There is a bunch of, there’s a bunch of flying stuff that looks like a flight simulator from 1994.

[00:30:00] Jessical St. Clair: Yeah. To the NASA shuttle in Houston, you’re like, we’re landing it.

[00:30:04] Like that’s as good and that’s a hundred million fucking dollars. You should be ashamed of yourself.

[00:30:09] Paul Scheer: Here’s the moment that I was most offended by with the green screen is they cut to Dolf Lundgren sniping. Clearly he’s not in a field. They just put some plants in front of him. He’s on a green screen. It was like, this is the easiest shot to get. It’s a tight on his face.

[00:30:26] Jessical St. Clair: Just put him outside the studio in a bunch of grass.

[00:30:28] Paul Scheer: Nope.

[00:30:28] Jessical St. Clair: We’ll buy it.

[00:30:29] Paul Scheer: They fucking put him on a green screen like this is, fuck you movie. Like, this is not.

[00:30:33] Jason Mantzoukas: Everything. Everything feels so cheap. All the visual effects are cheap. All the sets look like something that HGTV just made. You know what I mean?

[00:30:44] Jessical St. Clair: Yeah.

[00:30:44] Jason Mantzoukas: And it’s like it’s everything somehow seems to. The only unlimited budget on this movie was I think for Neon, because every set has so much neon going on.

[00:30:56] Paul Scheer: I mean, this movie takes place in two locations, a parking lot in the beginning where the bad guy lives. It looks like, oh, we found this set in Bulgaria because if you look off to the side of the screen, it’s like a main street.

[00:31:08] And I was like, shit, did they just shoot this on a back lot? And they go, that’s the villain’s layer. And then the other one is, it’s the boat, and then the other time it’s in the airplane hangar. Like there really aren’t in many locations.

[00:31:19] Jason Mantzoukas: They, the they do in this movie, the, the, the same number of, um, uh, of mission, like e each component of the mission to find out the thing that would normally take place in Acts one of another movie.

[00:31:32] Paul Scheer: Yeah.

[00:31:32] Jason Mantzoukas: This movie. That’s the whole movie.

[00:31:34] Jessical St. Clair: Yeah.

[00:31:35] Jason Mantzoukas: So by the end of it, I was like, whoa, shouldn’t the movie start now?

[00:31:38] Paul Scheer: Yeah. Well, by the way, speaking about the movie starting, one of the things that, and this is a Stallone thing, and I know it, and I have some facts to, to give you in a second, but the movie opens with this like, scene where this bad guy’s lair is getting compromised, right?

[00:31:55] Whatever. Fuck that. Then that ends and then all of a sudden we cut to Stallone putting on his fucking ring, getting on his hog and leaving.

[00:32:07] Jessical St. Clair: Closeup of those jeans. He’s cuffing them just like you’re cuffing. Just like Stallone baby.

[00:32:15] Jason Mantzoukas: He’s my, he’s my my style hero.

[00:32:18] Paul Scheer: We’ll go cuff those pants, right? Cuff those pants.

[00:32:21] Jessical St. Clair: Yeah. He cuffs those pants. I’m telling you.

[00:32:25] Jason Mantzoukas: All of Stallone’s jokes too are like, oh wait, looks like he’s got a dead cat on his head. It’s funny. That’s funny, right? That’s funny, right? Got a dead, dead cat on his head.

[00:32:37] Paul Scheer: Hey, take a Xanax. Take a Xanax and then pretend you’re okay. Uh, analyze this.

[00:32:44] Um, the, but he, but then he drives off and you’re like, huh? Where the opening scene should have been Statham. It should have been hard cut to Statham in that fight. Knock, knock, knock. Right? Because it is like, yeah, but we have to establish Stallone..

[00:32:58] Jason Mantzoukas: Just imagine if the cold open had been the mission where Stallone dies.

[00:33:02] Paul Scheer: Yeah.

[00:33:03] Jason Mantzoukas: That’s how the movie should start.

[00:33:04] Jessical St. Clair: Mm.

[00:33:04] Jason Mantzoukas: That’s the inciting incident. We don’t need all this gibberish. And that’s where I was like, that’s where I felt like the beginning of the movie was servicing somehow what had happened at the end of the last, so that it’s, oh, it makes sense. He is trying to collect everybody and get ’em back together.

[00:33:18] Nope. Who cares? Apparently, I’m being told none of this is related to the past movies, so I feel fucking burned by this.

[00:33:26] Paul Scheer: But then we get this scene, this scene that is like, uh, it’s like Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton. You know, there’s two power.

[00:33:33] Jason Mantzoukas: This is not Unspooled..

[00:33:37] Paul Scheer: Uh, clip one here. This is clip one. This is the Fox and Statham..

[00:33:42] Jessical St. Clair: This is, this is tough as a woman to watch. These are some tough, these are some tough themes coming out.

[00:33:46] Paul Scheer: Okay. Take a look.

[00:33:47] Jessical St. Clair: Again of how men see women.

[00:33:49] Jason Mantzoukas: I know that, I know that, I think it has something to do with comms, but doesn’t it look like Stallone is some sort of Frankenstein with two bolts in it?

[00:34:00] Jessical St. Clair: Yeah, it does. It does.

[00:34:02] Paul Scheer: I’m alive. Can we play clip one, Beth?

[00:34:06] Movie Audio: Well, whatever is

[00:34:07] Paul Scheer: By the way, worst shot. Terrible shot. Terrible. They, they don’t even shoot on a street because when they open the door, use the green screen.

[00:34:15] Jason Mantzoukas: Why would, I mean.

[00:34:16] Jessical St. Clair: That’s like, Hey, bird.

[00:34:17] Movie Audio: The fuck over yourself.

[00:34:18] Jason Mantzoukas: Can you pause for a second? Sorry.

[00:34:20] Jessical St. Clair: Ernest Goes to Camp

[00:34:21] Jason Mantzoukas: Now think about it. Hey, think of how long he’s been alive. He knows you can’t see in, you you can’t, you can’t do that. Why would you look in like that? If anything? Go to the side and look in a window. Look in the peep hole?

[00:34:38] Jessical St. Clair: The point of the peep hole that you can’t see in.

[00:34:41] Jason Mantzoukas: Yeah.

[00:34:41] Paul Scheer: I would say that most people know you can’t see in, but he should definitely know because his job is recon and surveillance.

[00:34:49] Jason Mantzoukas: They are dog shit. And let me be clear, the Expendables are bad.

[00:34:52] Jessical St. Clair: I know.

[00:34:52] Jason Mantzoukas: They’re bad.

[00:34:53] Jessical St. Clair: But they’re so cute. But they are so cute.

[00:34:55] Jason Mantzoukas: Except for Statham. Every single one of them gets captured immediately on every mission.

[00:35:00] Jessical St. Clair: That’s true.

[00:35:04] That we spend so much of the movie with the Expendables locked in a room going fuck.

[00:35:11] Jason Mantzoukas: Fuck. How many?

[00:35:13] Paul Scheer: The expendables are trapped in a room and someone like piss on it and they’re go, all right. That’s a plot point.

[00:35:18] Jason Mantzoukas: Yeah.

[00:35:18] Paul Scheer: Piss on something to make it open.

[00:35:21] Jason Mantzoukas: Yeah.

[00:35:22] Jessical St. Clair: And then wait a second, and now I’m turning on this movie. Wait a second. Then Megan Fox is like, I knew along that you were gonna track me with your knife. That was my big, your big plan was to get caught, compromise the entire mission and wait for one man to come and save you?

[00:35:40] Jason Mantzoukas: What’s, what’s so embarrassing about that is if the bad guys in the movie Andy Garcia Ocelot, and the rest of the Salesforce team knew what they were doing, they would just kill the Expendables the minute they get there. Oh, here are the expendables. They’ve, they, we trapped them. Done.

[00:35:59] Paul Scheer: Why? I mean, by the way, I do love the second brief, the first briefing, Andy Garcia comes in, all right guys, here’s the mission, peace. And I was like, wow. If that’s a cameo, I’m down.

[00:36:09] Jessical St. Clair: And then, but he also seemed as if he was reading off of cue cards.

[00:36:13] Paul Scheer: Oh, a hundred percent.

[00:36:13] Jessical St. Clair: He was phoning that shit in.

[00:36:17] Paul Scheer: He was like, how do I say this? Russian town? Curse give. Got it. One take. I’m out. Sorry guys.

[00:36:22] Jessical St. Clair: Out. Garcia out.

[00:36:26] Jason Mantzoukas: By the way. I mean, thank God he’s here.

[00:36:29] Paul Scheer: Oh, I love it.

[00:36:30] Jason Mantzoukas: Thank God, he’s here adding happy to see some sort of gravitas to this.

[00:36:33] Paul Scheer: But then the second time we see, uh, Andy Garcia before he puts on his beret is, is uh, this moment where he is like, all right, now here’s the other mission.

[00:36:46] Now I’m gonna give it to team leader Megan Fox goes, well, now I’m gonna tell you what’s up. And then they throw it to this woman who we’ve never met, and she looks like she came outta Salesforce. And you’re like, who is she and why is she in the secret lair and why does she even need to be there? Why did three people need to say, go here, get this guy, steal the nuke.

[00:37:05] That was it.

[00:37:05] Jessical St. Clair: Now is she, was that woman who looked like my Spanish teacher in seventh grade? Was she in all the other movies? Is she with the Q or the.

[00:37:14] Paul Scheer: No.

[00:37:14] Jason Mantzoukas: The Gray Hair Lady?

[00:37:14] Jessical St. Clair: Am or whoever. That lady. Yeah.

[00:37:16] Jason Mantzoukas: The gray-haired lady. Okay. That looked to me like a Kate McKinnon character.

[00:37:19] Paul Scheer: Yes.

[00:37:20] Jessical St. Clair: Yeah.

[00:37:21] Jason Mantzoukas: I was like, what is this person up to do? And again, I, in my notes, I’m like, this person must be baked in since the first movie.

[00:37:27] Paul Scheer: No.

[00:37:28] Jessical St. Clair: Like when you go to Judy Dench in the In the Bond movies or whatever. But she’s not, this is the new character. That’s crazy.

[00:37:33] Paul Scheer: I mean, but by the way, it’s like, why do you need three people though, even like, even the writing is fat. It’s like, yeah, oh, and throw it to this next person. Are they like too conf, like worried that people will get confused or like lose interest, like, ah, we can’t have ’em talk for more than half a page. We’ll lose the audience.

[00:37:50] Jessical St. Clair: I mean, in a lot of ways I’m the audience. I am their target audience in that. I’m still confused.

[00:37:56] Jason Mantzoukas: Well, you’re, you’re the audience in the sense that you watched the movie.

[00:38:00] Paul Scheer: Yeah, that is true.

[00:38:01] Jessical St. Clair: No, but like, I’m as dumb as the people they’re, they’re in terms of plot.

[00:38:05] Jason Mantzoukas: I’m listening.

[00:38:06] Jessical St. Clair: I’m, I really am, I’m simple when it comes to this stuff. I don’t really pay attention. I’m not paying attention.

[00:38:14] Jason Mantzoukas: Yeah.

[00:38:15] Jessical St. Clair: You know, really? So, and I’m still confused.

[00:38:18] Jason Mantzoukas: Yeah.

[00:38:18] Jessical St. Clair: You know what I mean? I still.

[00:38:19] Jason Mantzoukas: Oh, we’re all still confused.

[00:38:20] Paul Scheer: Yeah.

[00:38:20] Jessical St. Clair: You are?

[00:38:21] Paul Scheer: I, oh, I’m confused.

[00:38:23] Jessical St. Clair: Oh, good.

[00:38:23] Paul Scheer: I mean, I’m confused. And then I do love, this is clip 10. Andy Garcia going, all right. Just in case you didn’t know, here’s the entire plot. I’ll scream, act. One take.

[00:38:34] Jessical St. Clair: Yes.

[00:38:34] Paul Scheer: This is his. This monologue is worthy of something. Not an Academy Award though. Uh, clip 10.

[00:38:43] Movie Audio: We need that anymore.

[00:38:45] Like Christmas. You’re like genital warts. Always showing up, you’re not wanted and refusing to go away.

[00:38:52] You got something I need Mosh.

[00:38:54] Jason Mantzoukas: Can you pause it for a second, Beth?

[00:38:55] Jessical St. Clair: I can’t understand anything. He’s screaming.

[00:38:57] Jason Mantzoukas: We’re gonna, I wanna, I wanna go back and start. I wanna go back and start it for a second because I really want you to notice how much Andy Garcia is projecting, screaming.

[00:39:08] Paul Scheer: Yes.

[00:39:08] Jason Mantzoukas: Yelling and then when it cuts to Statham how he is talking, as if the person who needs to hear him is next to him.

[00:39:14] Jessical St. Clair: Okay.

[00:39:16] Jason Mantzoukas: Do it again.

[00:39:17] Paul Scheer: Can we start it again?

[00:39:19] Movie Audio: What Christmas? You’re like genital warts. Always showing up when you’re not wanted and refusing to go away.

[00:39:26] You got something I need Marsh. Come down and get it.

[00:39:31] I got you figured out. That this device right here is the only thing preventing World War III. A conflict that while devastating from many, it’ll be insanely, insanely, insanely profitable for somebody and.

[00:39:46] Paul Scheer: It’s crazy to me.

[00:39:47] Movie Audio: And the Expendable will take all the blame.

[00:39:50] Jessical St. Clair: Look, even Statham is like, are you done?

[00:39:52] Movie Audio: Join the show.

[00:39:54] Paul Scheer: Great. We don’t need anymore. That the amount of he yelled the entire plot.

[00:40:00] Jason Mantzoukas: Oh, poor. I mean, poor Andy Garcia. I feel like they were like, we just need one that’s bigger. Bigger. And he was like, I’ll do it, but don’t use it. But I’ve given you, I’ve given you so many that are, that are easy to understand. And this guy. He’s supposed to be the big villain and he’s like.

[00:40:22] Paul Scheer: And he grabs his dick. And here’s the thing.

[00:40:24] Jessical St. Clair: Why did he grab his dick?

[00:40:25] Paul Scheer: He’s obsessed with it. Because at a certain point he goes like this. He goes, you we talked about like, how’s it hanging. Gravity? And then he goes, keep him tucked. Keep. Keep him tucked.

[00:40:33] Jessical St. Clair: Keep him tucked. Is that something men say to other men?

[00:40:35] Paul Scheer: I’ve never heard anyone say keep him tucked.

[00:40:38] Jessical St. Clair: Is what he says to Statham. I think it.

[00:40:40] Jason Mantzoukas: I don’t remember that. And I don’t care for it.

[00:40:43] Jessical St. Clair: Keep them tucked.

[00:40:43] Paul Scheer: Keep them tucked.

[00:40:44] Jason Mantzoukas: Keep them tucked.

[00:40:45] Paul Scheer: I’m glad that you got that.

[00:40:46] Jason Mantzoukas: I believe is the Salesforce motto. Salesforce keep ’em tucked. Except, except. Except we all know it’s Salesforce. Keep ’em fucked.

[00:40:58] Jessical St. Clair: Yeah, baby. Now I was confused.

[00:41:00] Jason Mantzoukas: I dunno what they do.

[00:41:03] Jessical St. Clair: When he throws that, he says like, this is the device that could stop.

[00:41:08] Paul Scheer: The bomb.

[00:41:09] Jessical St. Clair: The bomb. And then, okay.

[00:41:11] Paul Scheer: Throws it overboard..

[00:41:12] Jessical St. Clair: I thought he was saying like having this is good, like, is valuable.

[00:41:17] Paul Scheer: Well, I think that he wants.

[00:41:18] Jason Mantzoukas: He’s basically okay. I can, I can tell.

[00:41:20] Paul Scheer: Okay.

[00:41:21] Jason Mantzoukas: If you want me to tell you what it is.

[00:41:23] Paul Scheer: Yeah.

[00:41:23] Jessical St. Clair: Yes.

[00:41:23] Jason Mantzoukas: So, so his plan is to start World War iii.

[00:41:27] Jessical St. Clair: Why?

[00:41:27] Jason Mantzoukas: So it will be profitable for him and the other Musk type villains. Right.

[00:41:33] Jessical St. Clair: Why? Why will they make money off of that?

[00:41:34] Jason Mantzoukas: It’s him. It’s Salesforce, it’s Musk. It’s all the billionaires. It’s all the billionaires.

[00:41:41] Jessical St. Clair: Yeah.

[00:41:44] Jason Mantzoukas: Defund the billionaires.

[00:41:46] Jessical St. Clair: Yeah.

[00:41:49] Jason Mantzoukas: Um. So he wants, so he’s saying this, this device is the only thing that can stop the bomb from blowing up. So I’m throwing that overboard. To make sure the bomb blows up. So.

[00:41:59] Jessical St. Clair: And when it blows up, we’re meant to believe that who did it? Who, why is this to start World War?

[00:42:05] Jason Mantzoukas: They, they are, they have falsely are flying an American flag on this thing. So that it looks like.

[00:42:11] Jessical St. Clair: I didn’t notice any of this.

[00:42:12] Jason Mantzoukas: And they’re going to bomb Russia. I think they’re gonna hit Russia.

[00:42:15] Jessical St. Clair: White noise.

[00:42:16] Jason Mantzoukas: An American, an American ship.

[00:42:18] Paul Scheer: This is right.

[00:42:19] Jessical St. Clair: Couldn’t care less.

[00:42:20] Jason Mantzoukas: Right? It. Oh, to be clear, it does not matter. Matter.

[00:42:23] Jessical St. Clair: No, but I missed all of it. I missed all of it. I’m worried about my cognitive abilities. I’m worried.

[00:42:28] Paul Scheer: No, no, no. All you need to know is like they, when I, when I watch a movie like this, I go like, stop the nuclear warhead from going off.

[00:42:36] Sure. Like, there, there’s a great, there’s a, this podcast Light the Fuse, which I love. They’ve been doing these like back, like these, um, these like histories of Mission Impossible. And they were trying to create this really elaborate like backstory for like a Mission Impossible, the the Ghost Protocol. And they’ve been working for months.

[00:42:53] And Tom Cruise goes, what if he’s just stealing nukes? And they’re like, what? And he’s like, easy to understand around the world. They all get it. Nukes bad. That’s what they should do. They’re like, alright.

[00:43:04] Jessical St. Clair: Damn genius.

[00:43:05] Paul Scheer: And that was the plot.

[00:43:05] Jason Mantzoukas: Oh yeah.

[00:43:06] Paul Scheer: And by the way, it’s great. Yeah. You get it.

[00:43:08] Jason Mantzoukas: By the way, bad.

[00:43:09] Jessical St. Clair: Nukes are bad.

[00:43:09] Jason Mantzoukas: This is, these movies are very Mission Impossible coded. Yeah. You know, with like Andy Garcia, as the Alec Baldwin. As the B-B-B-B-B.

[00:43:18] Paul Scheer: All, all you need to know is like, bad guys have nukes, good guys stop bad guys. Like they, the intricacies, they’re not getting into global politics.

[00:43:27] Jason Mantzoukas: But the movie can’t quite cut the things together in the right way because they’re cutting tonally between scenes in which like Stallone and Statham are joking around in the plane about golden showers and all this stuff, but they’re cutting to the scene in Libya where um, is his name Eko? Right?

[00:43:46] Paul Scheer: Yeah.

[00:43:46] Jason Mantzoukas: Is the guy from the guy from The Raid.

[00:43:48] Paul Scheer: Yeah.

[00:43:48] Jason Mantzoukas: And those movies, Slot Master, he is murdering children, children, women and children in order to get the detonators.

[00:43:57] Jessical St. Clair: That’s tough.

[00:43:58] Jason Mantzoukas: And I was like, this is hard to cut back and forth between these jokes that Stallone’s doing an infanticide in Libya.

[00:44:04] Paul Scheer: We just saw a double-headed dildo and then we watch a child get shot off screen.

[00:44:09] Jessical St. Clair: That’s tough.

[00:44:10] Jason Mantzoukas: The kid, the child who’s just seen his mother get killed, who’s just like.

[00:44:15] Jessical St. Clair: That’s tough.

[00:44:16] Paul Scheer: Now, I will say, where I was so upset at the end was Garcia gives that very impassioned monologue. He’s like, come down here, we’ll fight.

[00:44:23] And you’re like, all right, we’re gonna get like a Garcia Steven fight. Nope. Poof. Just killed.

[00:44:29] Jason Mantzoukas: No, he’s shot by Stallone.

[00:44:32] Paul Scheer: Stallone.

[00:44:32] Jason Mantzoukas: But I’m like, but here’s the thing, like, still, okay, will you stand up for a minute right there? Yeah. Stallone, uh, you, I’m Statham You are Andy Garcia. Right?

[00:44:41] Jessical St. Clair: This is the kind of thing I’ll have in my Men Studies class. People acting things out like that.

[00:44:46] Jason Mantzoukas: Stallone is out there.

[00:44:47] Jessical St. Clair: Yes.

[00:44:47] Jason Mantzoukas: He shoots, he shoots, he cuts Andy Garcia in half with like a 50 cal gun.

[00:44:53] Jessical St. Clair: Sure.

[00:44:53] Jason Mantzoukas: And Statham is right here. Every bullet would be like, bam, ba ba, ba, bam. Statham should have died so many times in this movie.

[00:45:02] Jessical St. Clair: Well, he seemed shocked actually, that he wasn’t dead.

[00:45:05] Paul Scheer: Right.

[00:45:05] Jessical St. Clair: And right after he is like, what the fuck was that?

[00:45:07] Paul Scheer: I, I wish he was covered with like blood and viscera though.

[00:45:09] Jason Mantzoukas: Yes.

[00:45:10] Paul Scheer: It would’ve been like, ah. You got Garcia on me.

[00:45:15] Jessical St. Clair: I mean, honestly, I think the worst thing that happened in this movie is that Stallone died because once he died, fake died. I was so sad because what I was loving about it was the repartee. The jaunty.

[00:45:28] Paul Scheer: Yes.

[00:45:28] Jessical St. Clair: The chemistry. You know, the he said, she said of it all. Will they or won’t they?

[00:45:33] Jason Mantzoukas: Wait, wait, wait, wait. Of Statham and Stallone?

[00:45:36] Jessical St. Clair: Yes. They’re the heart of the

[00:45:38] Jason Mantzoukas: But they’re brothers. They’re brothers. But it could be a White Lotus.

[00:45:44] Paul Scheer: Would you?

[00:45:46] Jason Mantzoukas: It could be a White Lotus where they jerk each other off. Maybe. Maybe this movie could have been better if they all jerked each other off.

[00:45:56] Jessical St. Clair: Yes. Agreed.

[00:45:58] Jason Mantzoukas: I’m just saying.

[00:45:59] Paul Scheer: Grab the shaft.

[00:46:00] Jason Mantzoukas: I’m just saying.

[00:46:02] Paul Scheer: And Stallone famously said, uh, tickle the balls. Grab the shaft.

[00:46:05] Jason Mantzoukas: Yes.

[00:46:06] Paul Scheer: Uh, which you guys dunno that story.

[00:46:08] Jason Mantzoukas: Google. Google that when you get home.

[00:46:10] Paul Scheer: Um, alright, so here’s some things that might hurt your vision of the brothers. This was originally supposed to be a spinoff film for Jason Statham. Okay. It was going to be.

[00:46:24] Jason Mantzoukas: A, a Hobbs and Shaw scenario?.

[00:46:25] Paul Scheer: It was supposed to be called A Christmas story.

[00:46:30] Jason Mantzoukas: I love it. I love it.

[00:46:31] Jessical St. Clair: Love it. I love this movie.

[00:46:33] Paul Scheer: All right. So.

[00:46:33] Jason Mantzoukas: And, and, and let me guess, let, let me just hazard a guess. Oh, would Sly let him get

[00:46:38] away with it.

[00:46:39] Paul Scheer: Nope. And I’ll tell you how that went down in one second. So there were three spinoffs, a Christmas story. The Expendabelles. All female.

[00:46:49] Jason Mantzoukas: I remember that.

[00:46:49] Paul Scheer: Uh, Expendables.

[00:46:51] Jessical St. Clair: Hot, hot.

[00:46:52] Jason Mantzoukas: Woke, Expendables is too woke.

[00:46:55] Paul Scheer: So it was supposed to feature an all female cast, but it was shelved. Because they just decided to add more women to expendables 4.

[00:47:05] Jessical St. Clair: Right.

[00:47:06] Paul Scheer: So like, whoa, if we just can put a couple.

[00:47:07] Jessical St. Clair: But don’t let them actually say or do anything.

[00:47:10] Paul Scheer: Yes.

[00:47:10] Jessical St. Clair: And every time they do say something, be like the stupid, that dumb bitch. Okay. Makes sense.

[00:47:19] Jason Mantzoukas: I did, I, I loved the martial arts fight where?

[00:47:21] Jessical St. Clair: Ooh, that was hot.

[00:47:22] Jason Mantzoukas: Where the, the, I don’t know what, I don’t know what her weapon is called, but that thing was incredible. Her and Tony Ja teaming up. Nice work. Loved it.

[00:47:31] Jessical St. Clair: Yeah, loved that.

[00:47:32] Paul Scheer: So this is the timeline of this film. 2014 Expendables three comes out. It is a failure. Alright? But producers go, we will return the series to its greatness and we’re gonna bring it back to an R rating. ’cause Expendables three went to PG 13.

[00:47:51] Jason Mantzoukas: Oh.

[00:47:52] Paul Scheer: So then Stallone goes in 2016. This is gonna be the final film of the series. It’s gonna come out in 2018. Then in 2017, Stallone leaves the franchise due to creative differences over the script and the direction of the franchise. Then a year later, Schwarzenegger calls up Stallone and goes, buddy, you gotta go back to the Expendables.

[00:48:22] Jessical St. Clair: Wow.

[00:48:23] Paul Scheer: So then Stallone’s like, all right, I will. So they hire a new screenwriter and then, uh, they get back the original director and everything now comes along, but they edge out or they take the script of Christmas story and they put Stallone in it.

[00:48:40] Jessical St. Clair: I see.

[00:48:40] Paul Scheer: Bookend them in it. Now this movie has been plagued with terrible casting problems. Pierce Brosnan stated that he agreed to be the villain and no one called him back.

[00:48:57] Jessical St. Clair: Wait, what?

[00:48:58] Paul Scheer: He,

[00:48:59] Jessical St. Clair: Wait, what?

[00:48:59] Paul Scheer: Met with the met with the producers, agreed to it, and then no one called him.

[00:49:04] Jessical St. Clair: Wait, what?

[00:49:05] Jason Mantzoukas: This, the Expendables movie ghosted Pierce Brosnan.

[00:49:10] Jessical St. Clair: What?

[00:49:10] Jason Mantzoukas: Pierce I, and I just, I, I saw, I just got a thing that’s a visual and it’s Stallone’s phone and it’s just, uh, Pierce Brosnan text. It just says You up? No reply.

[00:49:22] Paul Scheer: Now, I guess the reason why they didn’t call him back is ’cause Stallone had his sights on pulling a person out of retirement and that person, Jack Nicholsons. Okay. This movie came out in 2023.

[00:49:38] Jason Mantzoukas: Is this for the. Andy Garcia role?

[00:49:40] Paul Scheer: Yes.

[00:49:41] Jason Mantzoukas: Okay. Okay. Okay.

[00:49:41] Paul Scheer: So I guess Stallone’s like, we’re gonna get Jack back.

[00:49:45] Jessical St. Clair: Jack’s at this point. I haven’t seen Jack stand up.

[00:49:49] Paul Scheer: No.

[00:49:49] Jessical St. Clair: Like he would end up looking like that gel. I’ll be honest. That gelatinous dude just like put a bunch of like sunglasses on him.

[00:49:57] Jason Mantzoukas: I, i’ll be honest, I didn’t see many of these dudes stand up.

[00:50:00] Jessical St. Clair: I know.

[00:50:00] Paul Scheer: No.

[00:50:01] Jason Mantzoukas: This is a mostly sitting movie. Let’s be clear, the team of Expendables is two hot young women and a bunch of over 80-year-old men.

[00:50:11] Paul Scheer: That don’t take off their shirts.

[00:50:13] Jason Mantzoukas: Thank God.

[00:50:14] Paul Scheer: I know. Except for Jason Statham who does and looks great. Um, so when they couldn’t.

[00:50:18] Jason Mantzoukas: I love that Jason Statham isn’t jacked.

[00:50:21] Paul Scheer: Oh yeah.

[00:50:21] Jessical St. Clair: No, it’s hot, it’s hot. Hot.

[00:50:22] Paul Scheer: He’s got a great body.

[00:50:23] Jessical St. Clair: Also. Can I, I know I, everyone’s waiting for me to weigh in on the amount of chest hair that Statham has and I’m gonna say something. I know I said all the hair or none of the hair.

[00:50:37] Paul Scheer: But Jason.

[00:50:38] Jessical St. Clair: Perfect amount.

[00:50:39] Paul Scheer: Yeah, I noticed that too.

[00:50:41] Jessical St. Clair: Perfect amount. And I even thought to myself, I bet hair and makeup was in there. And they just did a light trim. Just a light dusting a they took a little bit off the top. But not enough.

[00:50:54] Jason Mantzoukas: You like that? You like something that.

[00:50:55] Paul Scheer: She No, no. This is.

[00:50:56] Jason Mantzoukas: With clippers?

[00:50:57] Paul Scheer: He looked great. He’s a swimmer. He has a hairless body.

[00:51:00] Jason Mantzoukas: You, you wanna clipper him down?

[00:51:01] Jessical St. Clair: No, I think they did just a little bit. They did subtle job.

[00:51:05] Jason Mantzoukas: Like, like a number two.

[00:51:06] Jessical St. Clair: No they didn’t. No. They’re going in with hand shears.

[00:51:09] Jason Mantzoukas: They’re oh, they’re going in with what? Like cuticle scissors?

[00:51:12] Jessical St. Clair: Yes. Yes.

[00:51:13] Jason Mantzoukas: You think they’re hitting with cuticles? Oh, they’re absolutely not.

[00:51:16] Jessical St. Clair: Yes they are. Because it was a perfect amount.

[00:51:19] Paul Scheer: Yes.

[00:51:19] Jessical St. Clair: You’re not gonna get lost in it.

[00:51:21] Paul Scheer: No.

[00:51:21] Jessical St. Clair: You know, but there’s not nothing you see, because nothing on him would’ve not been right. That’s not the guy in the streets.

[00:51:27] Paul Scheer: He actually looks more muscular with a little hair there. ’cause it covers up.

[00:51:30] Jessical St. Clair: Paul agreed.

[00:51:31] Paul Scheer: So now I just wanna, I just wanna go down. I know everything. Look, a bald man I love was seeing a bald man out there with a little hairy chest. I like the whole thing.

[00:51:40] Jessical St. Clair: Just a little bit of something.

[00:51:41] Jason Mantzoukas: We gotta let, we gotta let men be hairy, everybody.

[00:51:45] Paul Scheer: Yes.

[00:51:46] Jason Mantzoukas: What are we doing?

[00:51:48] Jessical St. Clair: I’d love to take a couple, couple shears to you.

[00:51:50] Jason Mantzoukas: I’m teaching when I’m teaching my masculinity class for the men’s study program that Jessica St. Clair specifically started. Not my idea, hers. A feminist idea if ever I’ve heard one for there to be a men’s studies course. Be teaching here at Stanford.

[00:52:10] Paul Scheer: I am gonna sign up for this class, the two of you on either side of the classroom teaching simultaneously. Alright, so I just want to go through this list because this list is insane.

[00:52:20] Jessical St. Clair: Yeah.

[00:52:20] Paul Scheer: So he wants Jack Nicholson. Who, and by the way, God bless. He’s a, an older gentleman.

[00:52:26] He seemed like he had a, a hard enough time just saying ladies and gentlemen, Paul McCartney of the SNL 50 and glad that he was there is awesome, but he’s not.

[00:52:34] Jessical St. Clair: I don’t want him in a night shoot.

[00:52:35] Paul Scheer: I don’t wanna put a heavy gun on this man.

[00:52:37] Jessical St. Clair: We don’t.

[00:52:38] Paul Scheer: Do you know what I’m doing?

[00:52:41] Jessical St. Clair: That’d be it for him. That’d be a wrap on Jack.

[00:52:44] Paul Scheer: So when he said, no, Stallone’s like, all right, I got my number two, Clint Eastwood. Clint Eastwood said, no.

[00:52:52] Jessical St. Clair: Of course.

[00:52:53] Paul Scheer: Then he is like, I got my number three, Kurt Russell, Kurt Russell said, no.

[00:52:58] Jessical St. Clair: I’m busy doing Santa Claus three.

[00:53:01] Paul Scheer: Then he goes, I got my fourth Carl Weathers. Carl Weather says no.

[00:53:10] Jason Mantzoukas: Oh, that’s a bummer.

[00:53:11] Paul Scheer: Then he goes to Jackie Chan. Jackie Chan says, no.

[00:53:16] Jessical St. Clair: Wow.

[00:53:16] Jason Mantzoukas: Wow.

[00:53:17] Jessical St. Clair: Wow.

[00:53:18] Paul Scheer: Then The Rock says, I’ll play the villain.

[00:53:23] Jason Mantzoukas: ‘Cause he says yes to everything.

[00:53:26] Paul Scheer: And then Ron Perlman’s like, I’ll be the villain in this. But instead Stallone goes to his friend, Hull Cogan.

[00:53:34] Jason Mantzoukas: Hull Cogan?

[00:53:35] Jessical St. Clair: Hull Cogan?

[00:53:37] Jason Mantzoukas: Hulk Cogan? Who’s Hulk Colgan?

[00:53:39] Paul Scheer: Hulk Hogan. So then he’s in talks to play the villain.

[00:53:44] Jason Mantzoukas: Wait, the owner of Gawker?

[00:53:49] Paul Scheer: And then he falls out. Uh, but then Jean Claude Van Dam says, well, I’ll come back and play.

[00:53:58] Jason Mantzoukas: Has he already been in it?

[00:53:59] Paul Scheer: Yes.

[00:53:59] Jason Mantzoukas: Oh.

[00:54:00] Paul Scheer: I’ll come back and play my twin brother.

[00:54:02] Jason Mantzoukas: Fuck yeah. The only answer should have been yes.

[00:54:07] Jessical St. Clair: A thousand times, yes.

[00:54:09] Paul Scheer: And And the first movie, I believe his name is Claude Villain, and he pitched a character called Gene Villain.

[00:54:16] Jason Mantzoukas: He gets it. He gets it.

[00:54:18] Jessical St. Clair: That’s cute.

[00:54:19] Jason Mantzoukas: I mean, to be clear, he doesn’t get it.

[00:54:22] Paul Scheer: And then of course, Andy Garcia,

[00:54:26] Jessical St. Clair: They must have backed up a truck of money to Andy Garcia. I’m serious. I mean, for him to say yes to this.

[00:54:31] Paul Scheer: I’m surprised we weren’t asked to be villains by this point.

[00:54:33] Jessical St. Clair: I know.

[00:54:34] Paul Scheer: Um, but all the people that they said no to, but it also is odd because Pierce Brosnan wouldn’t make sense. I guess you would be like, well, he’s British. Like he could, could he be in like, it? It seems very much like Americans wanna start World War iii. So that would also make Jackie Chan a little suspect. Like it would, you’d have to rejigger the entire plot.

[00:54:57] Jason Mantzoukas: My, my guess is that they didn’t even have a script at this point.

[00:55:01] Jessical St. Clair: Yeah.

[00:55:01] Jason Mantzoukas: They were just trying to lock in as many old people as they could.

[00:55:04] Paul Scheer: With all Expendables, what they do is they find an old script and they just slap Expendables on it. So.

[00:55:11] Jason Mantzoukas: I heard the, I heard Hume Cronin was in for a while.

[00:55:15] Paul Scheer: This script was originally titled High Value Target. Yeah. Um, and I mean, it’s so crazy.

[00:55:22] It was an a script that Millennium Films found. They go, this is a movie for Jason Statham called High Value Target. Then it becomes, no, we’ll make it a spinoff of Expendables with Jason Statham. Then they’re like, no, actually we’ll just make it a Expendables 4, with the entire team. And but yet none of the plot or story changed from high value target the first.

[00:55:41] Jessical St. Clair: That’s crazy.

[00:55:43] Paul Scheer: So it’s like It is, it is bargain bin filmmaking.

[00:55:48] Jason Mantzoukas: Oh, it is it, and it’s so cheap. So did you, earlier before we came out, did I hear you say the budget was a hundred million dollars? A hundred million dollars? Yeah. That’s just, that’s, that’s all stars. That’s all actors. All actors. That’s all actors fees.

[00:56:00] Jessical St. Clair: Do you think it’s, or maybe it’s all the explosions?

[00:56:03] Jason Mantzoukas: No, no, it’s all actors’ fees because it’s not on the screen.

[00:56:07] Paul Scheer: Stallone is definitely getting 20 plus.

[00:56:08] Jason Mantzoukas: Easy.

[00:56:09] Paul Scheer: Easy.

[00:56:09] Jessical St. Clair: Well, that’s why he’s putting himself in the movie because he needs that payday.

[00:56:12] Paul Scheer: Well, I, I do want to, before we go out to the audience, we’ll go out there in a second.

[00:56:15] I do wanna see when Statham, I think does a nod to his own character in The Transporter when he plays a private security guard for a streamer.

[00:56:24] Jessical St. Clair: This is, this is a crazy movie.

[00:56:26] Paul Scheer: This is insane. Clip six.

[00:56:28] Movie Audio: What’s up motherfuckers? I’m here at my no lip pad live streaming to you at home. This is the party one summing into your pathetic little lives. Oh, look at these bitches. Which one? No, which 2 am I gonna fuck after.

[00:56:45] Boy. Have some respect for the ladies.

[00:56:48] I am live streaming here. You guys believe this shit. Look at this guy. Who does this motherfucker think he is?

[00:56:56] Paul Scheer: Pause it for one second. What I got obsessed with was watching the comments.

[00:57:00] Someone goes, he’s hot, and then someone looks, I bet has a big dick. I mean, they put an eggplant emoji there.

[00:57:08] Jason Mantzoukas: Do you know there was a moment where they were like, holy shit. You know what we can do? We can put the chat, we can just put, we can put jokes in here.

[00:57:16] Jessical St. Clair: It’s like, whatcha talking about?

[00:57:18] Jason Mantzoukas: How about golden showers? More golden showers.

[00:57:21] Paul Scheer: Diego Silva wrote Who dat?. Alright, continue this again.

[00:57:25] Movie Audio: You know how much money I make up?

[00:57:26] Paul Scheer: I think I’m pregnant. Goddamn.

[00:57:29] Jason Mantzoukas: Wow. My favorite part though is later in the movie, when Statham gets onto the pirate boat that is across the world from this scene, the pirates are watching this video.

[00:57:42] Jessical St. Clair: Yeah.

[00:57:43] Jason Mantzoukas: What a missed opportunity for him to go kick their asses and they’d be like, whoa. Oh, whoa. It’s the guy,

[00:57:51] Paul Scheer: I also like that the logic there is that, well, you know, it was in America. It was live, but you know, and where they are at it’s different times.

[00:58:01] Jessical St. Clair: Yeah.

[00:58:01] Paul Scheer: Streaming is different, you know, it doesn’t do the whole thing. And, and uh, I would, I did love that that boat seemingly was filled with what, a hundred thousand people?

[00:58:12] Jason Mantzoukas: Yeah.

[00:58:12] Jessical St. Clair: Yeah.

[00:58:13] Paul Scheer: That all hid perfectly.

[00:58:15] Jessical St. Clair: Yeah.

[00:58:15] Paul Scheer: For when, I mean, they, they have a motorcycle chase on a boat.

[00:58:20] Jason Mantzoukas: On a boat.

[00:58:21] Jessical St. Clair: That’s a question I had.

[00:58:22] Jason Mantzoukas: In a, in a way that’s like cat and mouse.

[00:58:25] Jessical St. Clair: Yeah, but why?

[00:58:26] Jason Mantzoukas: They’re hiding.

[00:58:27] Jessical St. Clair: Why would a boat like that have so many motorcycles?

[00:58:30] Jason Mantzoukas: Also, why? Why? In order to get through a boat, you have to go through doors that like have a like are sealable.

[00:58:38] Jessical St. Clair: Yeah. Yeah. Like a porthole. Yeah. But when I, like when he goes up to the row of motorcycles, it literally looked like a city bike. Like when you would like put your credit card in. I was like, why? Why a fleet of motorcycles in the ocean?

[00:58:51] Paul Scheer: Well, that’s so weird.

[00:58:52] Jason Mantzoukas: Just a bunch of bird scooters.

[00:58:53] Jessical St. Clair: Yes, but you know what men, again, for my men’s studies, they men love motorcycles.

[00:59:00] I guess that’s something they have.

[00:59:01] Jason Mantzoukas: Motorcycles and guns.

[00:59:02] Jessical St. Clair: They have to have the cycle wherever.

[00:59:04] Jason Mantzoukas: Motorcycles and guns. Yeah. They just have to, and imagine if they’d had those motorcycles on the Titanic.

[00:59:08] Jessical St. Clair: Imagine.

[00:59:10] Jason Mantzoukas: Jack, Jack and Rose could have been like (motorcycle noises).

[00:59:17] Paul Scheer: Alright, I’m in the audience. I’m here to take questions. I am gonna go, oh, wait a second. I forgot my most important thing. Hold on. This is gonna be worth it.

[00:59:25] Jason Mantzoukas: Oh, this is totally worth it.

[00:59:27] Jessical St. Clair: Oh man.

[00:59:27] Jason Mantzoukas: The other night I was gifted Gerard Butler’s shirt from Den of Thieves 2.

[00:59:34] Jessical St. Clair: It’s so hot on you.

[00:59:35] Jason Mantzoukas: It’s the real shirt from the real movie.

[00:59:37] Paul Scheer: The shirt from the movie.

[00:59:39] Jessical St. Clair: So hot on you Paul.

[00:59:40] Paul Scheer: And I only enter the audience in my Gerard Butler Big Nick shirt.

[00:59:46] Jessical St. Clair: Still. Still smells like him. Right?

[00:59:48] Jason Mantzoukas: Den of Thieve 2 Pantera.

[00:59:50] Paul Scheer: I’m not gonna make it. I mean if you only if you want. Smell how good it smells.

[00:59:53] Jessical St. Clair: Yeah, smell it. I’ll give it a smell. Ah, that’s Vintage Gerard. Vintage Jerry.

[00:59:59] Jason Mantzoukas: It smells like Scotland.

[01:00:02] Jessical St. Clair: Yeah, the pete.

[01:00:03] Paul Scheer: Alright, I’m putting you on the spot. What is your name?

[01:00:06] Audience Member: Megan.

[01:00:07] Paul Scheer: And Megan, do you have a question?

[01:00:08] Audience Member: So my question is, after Stallone dies, I thought it was so weird that Statham’s first activity was to delete him out of his phone.

[01:00:18] Jessical St. Clair: Oh my God. You’re right.

[01:00:21] Paul Scheer: Yeah.

[01:00:21] Jessical St. Clair: You’re right. Most people,

[01:00:23] Paul Scheer: Wow.

[01:00:23] Jessical St. Clair: Don’t ever delete that.

[01:00:25] Jason Mantzoukas: Here’s what I’ll say. This will be covered in one of my men’s classes.

[01:00:29] Jessical St. Clair: Yes.

[01:00:30] Jason Mantzoukas: Because you gotta be, you gotta be ruthless.

[01:00:33] Jessical St. Clair: Grief. Grief. It’s gonna be about grief. Men and grief.

[01:00:35] Jason Mantzoukas: Men and grief, and how we can’t handle our friends’ deaths. How we can’t handle our emotions.

[01:00:40] Jessical St. Clair: Yes.

[01:00:41] Paul Scheer: I have, I have a person that I know who passed. I was not very close with them, and every time I’ve gone and seen their name, I think, oh, I should delete that. But I’m like, no I can’t. It’s disrespectful.

[01:00:52] Jessical St. Clair: That’s exactly right.

[01:00:52] Paul Scheer: This is his brother and he is like, think, gotta save those files that are.

[01:00:56] Jason Mantzoukas: I mean, like you wouldn’t ever wanna go and look at that chat you had or look at the pictures that have been shared in there.

[01:01:03] Jessical St. Clair: That’s it.

[01:01:03] Jason Mantzoukas: Right.

[01:01:04] Paul Scheer: Nothing.

[01:01:04] Jason Mantzoukas: Nope. Done. Goodbye.

[01:01:06] Paul Scheer: Stallone is just sending him gifs of like golden showers.

[01:01:09] Jason Mantzoukas: Yeah, just, yeah, just, just piss. Piss memes.

[01:01:12] Jessical St. Clair: Eggplant emojis. When they fi when Stallone finally figured out how he could do a gif.

[01:01:16] Jason Mantzoukas: Wait a minute, egg. Wait a minute. Eggplant means what? Eggplant. Eggplant means what? You heard about this eggplant thing? Whoa, whoa.

[01:01:26] Paul Scheer: The cat, the cat’s, cat’s birthday is today. And the cat’s very excited about this cake. Um, alright. Yes. You, uh, have a question. What’s your name?

[01:01:38] Audience Member: Uh, Thomas.

[01:01:38] Paul Scheer: Alright. Thomas, what’s your, uh, what’s the question?

[01:01:41] Audience Member: Can Jason Statham see satellites?

[01:01:46] Paul Scheer: Alright.

[01:01:46] Jason Mantzoukas: I, I, I’m inclined to think he can, like I would, I would let him. I would let him.

[01:01:53] Jessical St. Clair: Yeah.

[01:01:54] Paul Scheer: Um, I think because he’s a drinker, we’ve seen that drinking does improve your eyesight, so maybe he could see. Yeah. He has like bionic sight. Yeah. What’s your name? What’s your question?

[01:02:06] Audience Member: Uh, my name is Soraya. Um, I just have a comment, but the guy who was related, who was talking about the golden shower that you guys were talking about, um, was like Puss in Boots.

[01:02:17] Yeah, yeah. Was supposed to be Antonio Banderas’ son from the third movie.

[01:02:23] Paul Scheer: Oh wow. It all makes sense.

[01:02:24] Jason Mantzoukas: It’s purposeful.

[01:02:25] Jessical St. Clair: Wow.

[01:02:26] Jason Mantzoukas: It’s purposeful that he has that vibe. Okay. Great call.

[01:02:28] Jessical St. Clair: Okay, great.

[01:02:29] Jason Mantzoukas: Great. See, see. Excellent work. That’s how it’s done.

[01:02:33] Jessical St. Clair: That’s how it’s done. See everybody simple. Google. We could have done, but we didn’t.

[01:02:39] Paul Scheer: Alright. I saw you from across the way. What do you got? I see the papers up. Hi, how are you?

[01:02:43] Audience Member: Hi, i’m Jenny. Hi.

[01:02:44] Paul Scheer: Hi, Jenny. What, uh, seal team unit were you in? Uh, seal Team six. Seal Team eight. Alright. So what’s, what’s your question?

[01:02:52] Audience Member: Um, two things, if I may. If not, it’s cool.

[01:02:54] Paul Scheer: Go for it. Let’s, let’s say, let’s agree to one, okay. And then we’ll see where we are at. Okay.

[01:03:00] Audience Member: Uh, so in the beginning when Megan Fox and Statham are gonna bone, she’s fully dressed, and then he is gonna go down on her, and then they look over at the negligee. So then she gets fully naked, and then when they go to the bed scene, now she’s in the negligee.

[01:03:17] So to have sex, she got fully naked and then took the time to put the negligee on.

[01:03:22] Paul Scheer: Well, ’cause he’s like, he’s like, do me a favor, and she’s like, go down on me first. And then I’ll get dressed up for you.

[01:03:29] Jason Mantzoukas: He, he requests the negligee.

[01:03:32] Jessical St. Clair: Yes.

[01:03:32] Jason Mantzoukas: He stops what’s happening to be like, hang on.

[01:03:35] Jessical St. Clair: Do an old soldier a favor.

[01:03:37] Jason Mantzoukas: Yeah.

[01:03:37] Jessical St. Clair: She says, eat me out first. Then they must have like, what made a sandwich while she wills and puts the negligee on.

[01:03:46] Jason Mantzoukas: Also, here’s my, here, I’m, I mean, this is just me, my personal, I’m not trying to yuck anybody’s yums.

[01:03:51] Jessical St. Clair: Sure.

[01:03:52] Jason Mantzoukas: I don’t need an negligee.

[01:03:53] Jessical St. Clair: I know, I know you don’t.

[01:03:55] Jason Mantzoukas: I’m not interested in an negligee.

[01:03:57] Paul Scheer: I thought she looked great.

[01:03:58] Jason Mantzoukas: Oh, she looks great. I’m not, I’m, I’m just saying at, but at that point, I’m like, let’s get you out of all clothes.

[01:04:04] Jessical St. Clair: Right.

[01:04:04] Paul Scheer: But can I tell you why? He’s Christmas. He likes his presents gift wrapped.

[01:04:10] Jessical St. Clair: That’s right. Oh, good one, Paul.

[01:04:17] Paul Scheer: And I also wanna say, Jess, your recall for certain lines in this movie is really blowing me away.

[01:04:23] Jessical St. Clair: I know. I feel like this movie is part of me now and not in a good way.

[01:04:27] Jason Mantzoukas: This tour has changed you.

[01:04:29] Jessical St. Clair: Oh, for sure. I’m straight up losing my fucking mind.

[01:04:33] Paul Scheer: Alright, I think you did good enough to get a second question.

[01:04:35] What do you got?

[01:04:36] Audience Member: Thank you. Uh, second is, I don’t know his name, but the Thailand boat captain guy, they went to the effort to ADR, all of his lines, but you still can’t understand a single one of em.

[01:04:49] Paul Scheer: This is kind of the issue I’ve noticed sometimes that happens. I don’t know. Why did you guys check that out?

[01:04:55] Jason Mantzoukas: Yeah. I, I feel like Tony Jah and, and I Aiko right. They had, they had lines to deliver that they just couldn’t get through. And the movie should have helped them with that. Like, I feel like the movie hung them out to dry.

[01:05:08] Paul Scheer: Yeah. It’s like, do this monologue.

[01:05:09] Jessical St. Clair: I was also curious as to why when we see Dacia, that’s his character’s name, right?

[01:05:14] Paul Scheer: Yes.

[01:05:15] Jessical St. Clair: When he comes back to help. I know. I don’t know.

[01:05:18] Jason Mantzoukas: She has it, she has it in her notes. She has it in her notes.

[01:05:22] Jessical St. Clair: I do have some.

[01:05:23] Jason Mantzoukas: That’s Tony Ja.

[01:05:23] Jessical St. Clair: I don’t know why that guy’s. I don’t know why that guy’s name is Toll Road, but, um, but Dacia

[01:05:28] Jason Mantzoukas: Toll Road or Toblerone? My expendables name if I can get in one of these movies is to, is Toblerone.

[01:05:38] Jessical St. Clair: No. They will call you like, like falafel or like, you know, some fucking.

[01:05:42] Paul Scheer: Wow.

[01:05:43] Jason Mantzoukas: Wow, wow.

[01:05:46] Jessical St. Clair: They’ll be like, what’s up Hummus? What’s up, shwarma?

[01:05:51] Paul Scheer: Wow.

[01:05:52] Jessical St. Clair: Yeah.

[01:05:53] Paul Scheer: Wow. Wow.

[01:05:54] Jessical St. Clair: What’s up Shwarma?

[01:05:55] Jason Mantzoukas: None of these are Greek dishes.

[01:05:58] Paul Scheer: So lucky.

[01:05:59] Jessical St. Clair: What’s up?

[01:06:01] Jason Mantzoukas: This is racism.

[01:06:03] Jessical St. Clair: What’s up, Spancopada?

[01:06:04] Jason Mantzoukas: This is racism.

[01:06:06] Paul Scheer: Welcome to New America, Jason.

[01:06:09] Jason Mantzoukas: Wow.

[01:06:09] Jessical St. Clair: Yeah.

[01:06:11] Jason Mantzoukas: This is, this is, wait, I just got a text. You are in the cabinet? You, you, you’re replacing Stofanic?

[01:06:23] Paul Scheer: Oh my God.

[01:06:23] Jessical St. Clair: Stuff it, Feta. Yeah.

[01:06:27] Paul Scheer: Okay. Yes. Your name, your question.

[01:06:29] Audience Member: Oh, hey, my name is Lauren. Hi. Hi. I was wanting to go back to the Andy Garcia monologue of nonsense where he is yelling at Jason Statham and he accuses him of having genital warts and no one ever brought that up. Did you hear that?

[01:06:50] Jessical St. Clair: Well, he said he, he’s like genital warts.

[01:06:52] Jason Mantzoukas: Yeah. He’s saying you’re like.

[01:06:54] Jessical St. Clair: You keep coming back.

[01:06:55] Jason Mantzoukas: And I can’t, I can’t get rid of you. Basically.

[01:06:58] Paul Scheer: Yeah. He is like it. Yeah. He doesn’t have that.

[01:07:00] Jason Mantzoukas: He’s not saying he’s not. Andy Garcia is not saying, you gave me genital warts. You gave me genital warts. You have them, and now I have them genital warts. Please don’t film this.

[01:07:13] Paul Scheer: What do you got?

[01:07:14] Audience Member: What? What happened to Dacia? He explained that he couldn’t fight because he would not be able to stop again. And then we don’t see what happens to him at the end.

[01:07:22] Jason Mantzoukas: So he doesn doesn’t stop.

[01:07:23] Audience Member: Is he still there fighting?

[01:07:24] Jessical St. Clair: You’re right.

[01:07:24] Jason Mantzoukas: He’s still fucking going.

[01:07:26] Jessical St. Clair: Why does she show up looking like Captain Jack Sparrow? He’s got full like eye make up. He’s done a whole makeover on himself. I mean, I liked it.

[01:07:36] Paul Scheer: Well, he seemed like he was getting ready to fight in the jungle. Not on a military ship.

[01:07:41] Jason Mantzoukas: Yeah.

[01:07:41] Jessical St. Clair: Yeah.

[01:07:41] Paul Scheer: Like he would blend into like the, the weeds and the grass.

[01:07:45] Jessical St. Clair: Yeah.

[01:07:45] Jason Mantzoukas: I’ll be honest though, because when Tony Ja showed up, I was like, fuck yes, Tony Ja’s here. And then he was like, I don’t fight anymore. And I was like, uhoh, because you’ve got like the best guy for fighting in the movie now, and you’re telling me he doesn’t fight.

[01:07:59] So when he comes in, when he Hans Solos himself, uh uh uh, back in, I was like, fuck yes. And then is just. Taking dudes out. I was like, give me this all day, every day. The only bummer was that I felt like he didn’t get enough time. He didn’t get enough fights. I wanted, I felt like this mo, this movie needed more.

[01:08:23] Jessical St. Clair: Less slicing. Less slicing and stabbing and more of what people helped to.

[01:08:27] Jason Mantzoukas: And more heightening. More heightening. It wasn’t just enough to be like, great, we’re fighting this guy. Then scale it up. Uh oh. Now Tony Ja’s gotta fight six guys.

[01:08:35] Jessical St. Clair: Right.

[01:08:36] Jason Mantzoukas: Then, oh, okay. Him and Lash gotta go back to back and kill a bunch of people. Give me that all the time.

[01:08:41] Jessical St. Clair: That’s why it felt like the fighting stayed on one.

[01:08:44] Jason Mantzoukas: Very very lateral moves.

[01:08:45] Jessical St. Clair: Very lateral.

[01:08:46] Jason Mantzoukas: Very lateral moves. I agree. Except for when they killed that kid.

[01:08:52] Jessical St. Clair: Or the kid’s mom and the kid just had to look at it.

[01:08:55] Jason Mantzoukas: We don’t. She gets killed off camera.

[01:08:57] Jessical St. Clair: I know, but then she’s just laying there and they’re like, look at the dead mom.

[01:09:02] Paul Scheer: All right, sir, your name, your, uh, what seal team were you in?

[01:09:07] Audience Member: Uh, my name is Keith and Seal Team six.

[01:09:09] Paul Scheer: Okay. Wow. Seal team six. This is great. Okay.

[01:09:12] Audience Member: Alright, so here’s my curiosity. There’s a nuclear bomb in the hull of the ship. It’s got like three minutes left. It is the longest three minutes in all of the world.

[01:09:24] It’s like there’s a time stop, right? Andy Garcia’s helicopter gets blown up. He throws the kill switch over, and then they try to take a little rubber boat and tried to escape. There’s no way, even if you had the helicopter, that they would be able to escape. The explosion in the blast radius there is literally impossible. There’s not enough time.

[01:09:51] Paul Scheer: First, let me ask you a question. Did you see how many rings he had on. Maybe for if somebody doesn’t wear a fuck load of rings, it’s not enough time. There’s always enough time to get.

[01:10:02] Jason Mantzoukas: It would’ve. I agree with you. ’cause it would’ve made more sense if Andy Garcia was like, I’m tossing the thing overboard. Me and my men are gonna die, but the event that I’ve put into motion is still gonna happen and that’s all I care about. But the fact that he thought he could escape means he’s a moron. And if he is in fact that big of a moron, then the moron that is Sylvester Stallone should have caught him by now.

[01:10:25] Paul Scheer: Yeah. But by the way, he could have just gotten in that helicopter. He, he didn’t even, there’s so many things he could have just left with that switch and been gone. It wouldn’t have been fine.

[01:10:34] Jessical St. Clair: He didn’t need to throw it over. I feel like that was a big mistake.

[01:10:38] Audience Member: And even more so. So Sylvester Stallone shoots the boat to sink it. There’s 30 seconds left on the timer. There is no way that it sinks, that it’s literally the physics do not add up. There’s no way it sinks.

[01:10:54] Jason Mantzoukas: Hey, hey, my guy, my guy.

[01:10:56] Jessical St. Clair: You getting as upset as Andy Garcia saying.

[01:10:58] Jason Mantzoukas: Take a breath. Take a breath. Take a breath.

[01:11:02] Paul Scheer: This is why.

[01:11:02] Jason Mantzoukas: This guy’s gonna have a stroke. We’re talking about Expendables 4. Aw he’s getting such a cute hug. Look at the hug he’s getting from his wife. This is cute.

[01:11:11] Jessical St. Clair: Cute.

[01:11:11] Jason Mantzoukas: This is cute as hell. Oh my God, I love them.

[01:11:15] Paul Scheer: This is why they kicked that fucking nerd, Albert Einstein off the team.

[01:11:21] Jason Mantzoukas: But I mean, you are right in the sense too, that. The nuclear bomb was so big, it would’ve caused so much destruction. They just got so lucky that Jason Statham was able to drift the aircraft carrier, like he’s in Tokyo Drift.

[01:11:38] He drifts an aircraft carrier until it turns all the way around and then, and then hits it. Like, like there’s a, there’s a phrase like, you can’t turn an aircraft carrier around fast. Right?

[01:11:51] Paul Scheer: Yeah, yeah. That famous phrase.

[01:11:53] Jason Mantzoukas: What?

[01:11:53] Jessical St. Clair: That old, that old chestnut.

[01:11:55] Jason Mantzoukas: What is the phrase?

[01:11:56] Paul Scheer: I think it’s just a theory. I think it’s just a theory that you can, like the Titanic couldn’t turn that fast.

[01:12:02] Jessical St. Clair: Yeah. One degree. Yeah.

[01:12:04] Jason Mantzoukas: Okay. Alright. Wait a second. Hang on. Hang on, Paul. What? What did you have to say?

[01:12:11] Jessical St. Clair: One degree. You know.

[01:12:12] Jason Mantzoukas: You just, I just hear you behind me going Well, one degree. Yeah. Uh, yeah, but like, you’re just cooked. You’re just, you’re just doing free jazz.

[01:12:21] Paul Scheer: We broke Jess.

[01:12:22] Jason Mantzoukas: This is like a Ken. This is like a Ken Nordeen album. Like, what’s up man?

[01:12:27] Jessical St. Clair: I dunno.

[01:12:27] Paul Scheer: Jess is, is so broken by this tour that she went to the airport in Los Angeles today without a ticket. ‘Cause she forgot to buy one.

[01:12:34] Jason Mantzoukas: No, no joke. You are wrong joke. Oh, she bought one for May.

[01:12:39] Jessical St. Clair: Guys.

[01:12:40] Jason Mantzoukas: She’ll be here in May, May 1st. Jessica St. Clair right here. You one man show Man Matter.

[01:12:50] Jessical St. Clair: I bought a ticket for a flight that was leaving 25 minutes later and the, and they wouldn’t let me on. And the woman goes, well mostly the people who do that are, you know, people who wanna blow up planes.

[01:13:02] Jason Mantzoukas: They, they say, me. It’s me. You can say it. I know what you are thinking. It’s the, it’s falafel next to you.

[01:13:12] Paul Scheer: I want Jess in the Expendable.

[01:13:14] Jessical St. Clair: Good old baba ganoush. Hey, ganoush.

[01:13:18] Jason Mantzoukas: Hey. At least it’s got the eggplant.

[01:13:23] Paul Scheer: Oh, right. Oh my goodness. All right. Well, clearly we had opinions about this movie, but there are people out there with a different opinion. It is now time for second opinions.

[01:13:36] Audience Member: Hi, I’m Shauna. Dead man roasted in a burning plane. Megan Fox in sexy clothes. Machine guns on bike. And some crazy night fights. Jason Statham. Five stars.

[01:14:02] Paul Scheer: Yes.

[01:14:02] Jessical St. Clair: Beautiful.

[01:14:03] Paul Scheer: Great job.

[01:14:04] Jason Mantzoukas: That’s how it’s done.

[01:14:06] Jessical St. Clair: Beautiful.

[01:14:06] Jason Mantzoukas: That’s how it’s done, Frisco.

[01:14:09] Jessical St. Clair: Beautiful.

[01:14:10] Paul Scheer: Uh, it’s Expendables four on Amazon. 12,000 reviews.

[01:14:17] Jessical St. Clair: Wow.

[01:14:19] Paul Scheer: Okay.

[01:14:21] Jason Mantzoukas: That’s depressing.

[01:14:23] Paul Scheer: I will tell you that we’ve done this show multiple times. I could get a thousand, get 1200. 66% are five star reviews.

[01:14:35] Jason Mantzoukas: What’s so crazy is that that doesn’t jive with what it made at all.

[01:14:40] Paul Scheer: No, because people are waiting to watch it at home like Mr. Ammo. Mr. Ammo writes,

[01:14:49] “Well, Sylvester Stallone is getting pretty old, but in this movie, he carries a pretty heavy gun, or at least in part of the movie. I don’t wanna be the spoiler, so I’m not gonna tell you, but I was really impressed with this one. I think this is the best out of all of them having that cast around him, especially Jason Statham, man. Of course, 50 cent plays a bad, bad man, so get the popcorn, sit down and have a drink ready. It’s action from beginning to end. Five stars.”

[01:15:21] Jason Mantzoukas: Wow.

[01:15:21] Paul Scheer: Title “Five stars on the Expendables? Why?” Seems like he’s questioning himself.

[01:15:29] Jessical St. Clair: That’s strange.

[01:15:32] Paul Scheer: Now, this one is odd from Harold Gertz Zinger.

[01:15:36] “I enjoyed it, but I’m a big Denzel Washington fan.”

[01:15:41] Jessical St. Clair: What?

[01:15:42] Paul Scheer: “He went a little John Wick on this one. LOL. Five stars.”

[01:15:47] Jason Mantzoukas: Wait, this person thinks they’re reviewing The Equalizer.

[01:15:50] Paul Scheer: Yes.

[01:15:51] Jason Mantzoukas: That’s it.

[01:15:52] Jessical St. Clair: Oh, poor thing.

[01:15:53] Jason Mantzoukas: By the way. And they’re right. The Equalizer movies are incredible.

[01:15:57] Paul Scheer: They’re so good.

[01:15:58] Jason Mantzoukas: Incredible.

[01:15:59] Jessical St. Clair: Poor thing.

[01:15:59] Paul Scheer: But he does go a little John Wick, Sherry Cooper writes

[01:16:03] Jessical St. Clair: Oh, female voice.

[01:16:04] Paul Scheer: “Once again, this was a great gift idea for my husband.”

[01:16:08] Jessical St. Clair: Uh, oh.

[01:16:09] Paul Scheer: Five Stars. “Once again.”

[01:16:11] Jason Mantzoukas: “Once again” how many Expendables four DVDs does he have?

[01:16:15] Jessical St. Clair: Four, four years in a row.

[01:16:17] Paul Scheer: Now. Every now and then we look at the one star reviews. There’s only 4% that are one star. And I wanted to read this one here, uh, because I’ll just read the, the middle of it from Scott A

[01:16:29] “I can’t take women seriously as badass chicks if they’re dressing like they’re gonna go out on a day to impress a whole restaurant.”

[01:16:37] Jessical St. Clair: Ah.

[01:16:42] Paul Scheer: “I can dress my wife up like that whenever I want. I’m here for the guns. Now, I’m a little gun shy, no pun intended, but I would gladly chuck more money at a number five, no questions asked. One star.”

[01:17:10] Jason Mantzoukas: Yes. This guy, basically this guy is saying it’s too woke.

[01:17:16] Jessical St. Clair: My heart weeps for us.

[01:17:18] Paul Scheer: I also, like you said, I can dress my wife up like that too.

[01:17:23] Jessical St. Clair: To impress a whole restaurant. That’s what I think when I’m putting on my clothes, I go restaurant, get a load of me.

[01:17:29] Jason Mantzoukas: The, the whole restaurant.

[01:17:31] Paul Scheer: Everyone in Olive Garden’s gonna be like, who is that piece of tush?

[01:17:35] Jessical St. Clair: Yeah.

[01:17:36] Jason Mantzoukas: Piece of tush?

[01:17:37] Jessical St. Clair: I’ll get those twice baked loaded tater skins with the side of my ass.

[01:17:46] Paul Scheer: Jason, Jessica.

[01:17:46] Jason Mantzoukas: Oh, get a load of those twice baked potato skins.

[01:17:50] Paul Scheer: Jason, Jessica, anything you want to add? Anything we might have missed? Uh, any, do you recommend this movie?

[01:17:54] Jason Mantzoukas: I mean, I was thrilled when Jason Statham found a tactical hatchet.

[01:17:58] Jessical St. Clair: That was hot.

[01:17:59] Jason Mantzoukas: I was like, are you fucking kidding?

[01:18:01] Paul Scheer: So good.

[01:18:01] Jessical St. Clair: Yeah.

[01:18:02] Jason Mantzoukas: And then he has it on his back for like three different fights and doesn’t use it even when he gets disarmed, he gets disarmed and doesn’t just go, bam.

[01:18:11] And then he finally does, and it’s just one move. And I was like, boring. He could have used the tactical hatchet the whole time, and in fact he should have had two. Yeah. You know?

[01:18:20] Paul Scheer: Right. Yeah. That would’ve been awesome. Like the raid.

[01:18:23] Jason Mantzoukas: Yes. I would’ve loved that. Um, let’s see. Uh.

[01:18:26] Paul Scheer: I’ll give you one thing here, Jason, ’cause we’ve brought this up a couple times. This was shot on location in Greece. Members of the Greek armed forces were used as extras.

[01:18:38] Jessical St. Clair: Your people.

[01:18:40] Paul Scheer: And allegedly not paid.

[01:18:43] Jessical St. Clair: Oh, paid in hummus, I bet.

[01:18:46] Jason Mantzoukas: Hummus? This is, this is, this slander will not. Get ready. When this episode comes out, you’re gonna hear from Greeks.

[01:18:56] Paul Scheer: It says, not compensated for their month long official deployment. And they worked overtime.

[01:19:06] Jessical St. Clair: Oh no. This does not reflect well.

[01:19:08] Paul Scheer: This movie was also released in mainland China before the United States.

[01:19:12] Jason Mantzoukas: Oh, interesting.

[01:19:13] Paul Scheer: Yeah.

[01:19:13] Jason Mantzoukas: Where do we have, how much it made there? ’cause I bet it was a, I bet internationally this movie made a lot of money.

[01:19:19] Paul Scheer: Alright, so in the United States it made 16 million?

[01:19:21] Jason Mantzoukas: Yeah.

[01:19:22] Paul Scheer: Worldwide. 51 million.

[01:19:25] Jason Mantzoukas: Oh, okay. So still not great.

[01:19:27] Paul Scheer: Yeah.

[01:19:27] Jessical St. Clair: Still not make back budget, still not.

[01:19:29] Paul Scheer: For that. Yeah. No. Yeah. Interesting. Okay, so Jess, anything you wanna bring up?

[01:19:34] Jessical St. Clair: You know, I’ve taken a ride tonight. I started out saying I loved it and then I realized most of the time I was watching it, I think I was doing my hair. And this is not a bit, I really was doing my hair and applying fake eyelashes for y’all. Welcome.

[01:19:53] Paul Scheer: Trying to impress the entire restaurant. I bet.

[01:19:55] Jessical St. Clair: Trying to press the entire restaurant. So now that I’ve heard this, this discussion of the film, I’m really gonna question me saying I loved it in the very beginning.

[01:20:07] I think it is a piece of shit. And I, and I think women are treated terribly in this film. I would still though, fuck Statham and

[01:20:19] Jason Mantzoukas: I think we all would.

[01:20:20] Jessical St. Clair: I’d give it to Stallone.

[01:20:21] Jason Mantzoukas: What?

[01:20:22] Paul Scheer: Wow.

[01:20:23] Jason Mantzoukas: Wait. You would fuck Tulsa King?

[01:20:25] Jessical St. Clair: Yep.

[01:20:27] Jason Mantzoukas: I bet. I be bet. They, I bet they would cast you on Tulsa King as his love interest.

[01:20:32] Jessical St. Clair: Thanks. I appreciate that.

[01:20:35] Jason Mantzoukas: I believe in you. My favorite line, which we haven’t talked about is when Dolf Lundgren does, in fact succumb to the, to the, to the booze again, so that he can become a good sniper. And he says it’s good to be back.

[01:20:47] Jessical St. Clair: That’s nice.

[01:20:48] Jason Mantzoukas: Which I was like.

[01:20:49] Paul Scheer: Alcoholic. Great message for any older person watching this movie who is struggling with their, their urges to be like, maybe, maybe I should go back to the sauce. Oh. Like it really is a terrible moral for anyone wrestling it.

[01:21:07] Jason Mantzoukas: Oh, yeah. Oh yeah. And it’s, and I, it’s not until we played the clip that I saw, he’s reading a book called like Sober Living.

[01:21:13] Paul Scheer: Yeah.

[01:21:13] Jessical St. Clair: Yeah.

[01:21:14] Jason Mantzoukas: Like his, his whole character seems to be being sober.

[01:21:17] Paul Scheer: In the first movie, it’s a big deal that they kind of like get him outta the.

[01:21:19] Jason Mantzoukas: They get him clean.

[01:21:20] Paul Scheer: Got the drunk tank a little bit. Um, I, I enjoyed it. It’s not a good movie.

[01:21:26] Jason Mantzoukas: Oh, it’s legit bad.

[01:21:27] Paul Scheer: And it’s the CGI is awful. The, it feels so cramped. It feels like, it feels like they shot in escape rooms. Like that’s everything.

[01:21:40] Jason Mantzoukas: Yes.

[01:21:40] Paul Scheer: It’s all these.

[01:21:41] Jessical St. Clair: You’ve been in escape rooms now in almost every city on this tour.

[01:21:44] Paul Scheer: Oh, yes.

[01:21:45] Jessical St. Clair: And that’s true.

[01:21:45] Paul Scheer: With my kids and I tour. I’ve been, I can tell you, Boise, Idaho. I was at their escape room. It looked better than most sets in this movie.

[01:21:54] Jason Mantzoukas: Yeah.

[01:21:55] Jessical St. Clair: And probably the plot you were given, I’ve never been in one.

[01:21:58] Paul Scheer: Yeah.

[01:21:58] Jessical St. Clair: Was better than this. Had more twists and turns.

[01:22:01] Jason Mantzoukas: It’s oh crazy.

[01:22:01] Paul Scheer: Absolutely. Last night we were in escape room. We were trapped in there. It was in the dark. We didn’t know why. We had to find out who did.

[01:22:06] Jessical St. Clair: It’s my worst nightmare. Truly, truly.

[01:22:08] Paul Scheer: It’s fun.

[01:22:09] Jessical St. Clair: I’d be stuck in there forever.

[01:22:11] Jason Mantzoukas: Oh, you would be. And, and only because you wouldn’t try to get, you would give up immediately. The lights would go out and you’d be like, oh, well my, I, I guess I’ll just die here.

[01:22:23] Paul Scheer: My, my youngest son did say in the middle of the one yesterday, I’m tired. Can I lay down? And I was like.

[01:22:32] Jessical St. Clair: They’ve been on the road.

[01:22:33] Jason Mantzoukas: Do please do not let your children lay down on escape room floors. I gotta be telling you. Don’t do it.

[01:22:40] Jessical St. Clair: Hepatitis.

[01:22:40] Jason Mantzoukas: The movie again. Going back.

[01:22:42] Jessical St. Clair: That’d be a great name for one of the Expendables Hepatitis. Get it, get ’em.

[01:22:48] Jason Mantzoukas: Oh yeah. I mean, this cast is riddled with hepatitis.

[01:22:53] Paul Scheer: The std, A through F, STDs and ex-wives abound on this movie.

[01:22:58] Jessical St. Clair: Anytime.

[01:22:59] Paul Scheer: Well, that’s our show. Um, but before we go, Jason, wanna plug anything?

[01:23:03] Jason Mantzoukas: If you haven’t seen it already, Invincible Season three. Just wrapped up. Ba ba ba ba. One of the best shows on television. Don’t sleep on it. Coming up in early May. It’s called Taskmaster. Get the fuck ready America. I flew on a plane to tell these fucking assholes. What’s up. Also. It’s, it’s coming to an end, guys. They won’t let me fuck pillows anymore. Big Mouth season eight.

[01:23:37] May 20. May 20, may 20 something. Uh, get ready. It’s all done. And it’s a great season. So those are my plugs. And oh, I’ll also plug, uh, local band Deaf Heaven has a new record. Oh, why not support them. And also, while we’re at it, let’s support, uh, the Aquarius Music documentary. Uh, I Found It At Aquarius Records.

[01:24:00] Uh, it’s about an incredible San Francisco record store. Aquarius Records, uh, RIP a legend.

[01:24:08] Jessical St. Clair: Um, if you haven’t already, please check out The Deep Dive that I host with our Queen June Diane Raphael. And if you would like to join us at the Deep Dive Academy of Significance, we would love to have you. Our accreditation is pending, but the doors of enrollment are open.

[01:24:27] Go to The Deep Dive Academy.com. Um, oh, and if you’d like to become a better small talker, I wrote an audio book.

[01:24:39] Paul Scheer: It’s great.

[01:24:40] Jessical St. Clair: Uh, called The Art of Small Talk with Casey Wilson, and it has great interviews with Amy Pohler Tony Hale.

[01:24:47] Paul Scheer: It’s great.

[01:24:48] Jessical St. Clair: My dad.

[01:24:50] Paul Scheer: Dad is fantastic. Every week on YouTube I have a new show with Rob Huebel called The Dark Web.

[01:24:58] We are finding the weirdest shit online. We are ordering things from Temu. It’s weird, it’s fun, uh, and they are bite-sized episodes. They’re only 20 minutes long. We found out yesterday. Uh, 60% of our viewers are watching on TVs What I thought they would be watching on phones or computers.

[01:25:18] Jason Mantzoukas: What’s it on?

[01:25:19] Paul Scheer: YouTube.

[01:25:19] Jason Mantzoukas: Yeah, yeah.

[01:25:20] Paul Scheer: Uh, my book, uh, Joyful Recollection of Trauma. I talked about that. That’s available. You go to the, uh, website and I can personalize it for you. Big thanks to our tour manager, uh, Beth, who’s been amazing.

[01:25:30] Jason Mantzoukas: Give it up, up for Beth!

[01:25:31] Paul Scheer: So great. Give it up for Jason Mantzoukas! Jessica St. Clair! I’m Paul Scheer!

[01:25:36] Thank you San Francisco. We’ll be back.

[01:25:38] Jason Mantzoukas: Eat shit, San Francisco.

[01:25:42] Paul Scheer: Thank you, San Francisco. Wow. What a fun show. I love having St. Clair in the June seat. We had such a great time at the Masonic. I wanna give a big shout out to their entire staff and our tour manager, Beth, if you wanna own the shirt that we designed for this show and it’s a good one.

[01:26:01] It is the Salesforce Tower with Stallone skull ring around it. Just head on over to HDTGM.com and click on the merch button. You can get this shirt as a sticker, as a mug, San Francisco. You need to represent your city, uh, with our special Expendables 4 shirt. Also wanna remind you that How Did This Get Made has hats now. That’s right. And you know what? You go right to the same spot HDTGM.com and just click on the link that says hats. It’s pretty easy. That’s right. You can wear your own what’s up, jerks or geo storm hat. Uh, and we have a sale right now, 25% off all Geo storm what’s up jerks and classic How Did This Get Made hats.

[01:26:45] If you go over to HDTGM.com, hit hats and put in JERKS at checkout. As always, if you have a correction or omission from this episode, leave me a voicemail at 6 1 9 PAUL ASK and. If you’re maybe a little shy for that, well, you can write a comment on our discord at discord.gg/hdtgm. Then tune in next week to our Last Looks episode to hear me respond to your messages and announce our next new movie.

[01:27:13] Plus, we’ll be playing more highlights from my lost Sylvester Stallone podcast. But if you just need more content, then I urge you to check out The Dark Web. That’s right. Every Monday, Rob Huebel and I dive deep into the dark web. It’s free, it’s on YouTube and I think you will love it. Now people, I have some very exciting news.

[01:27:36] Um, for those of you who don’t know, our movie picking producer, Avaryll Halley has been struggling, uh, in a battle with cancer. She has been kicking its ass and we got an amazing update. She got great MRI results that showed no more tumors or growth. So I just wanted to say thank you so, so much. To everybody who reached out to her, sent her positive vibes.

[01:27:58] We have reached out here many times in the show and you have all just shown up and it’s meant the absolute world to her and her family. You can keep on sending her whatever you want. Uh, we’ve been sending her songs and fan art. You can do the same at Andrew@MovieBitches.xyz. Or you can send it via snail mail at Avaryll Halley PO Box 6 4 1, Agora Hills, California 9 1 3 7 6.

[01:28:27] Uh, nothing perishable or scented please. And remember, if you listen on Apple Podcast or Spotify, please make sure you are subscribed to our feed and have automatic downloads turned on in the show settings. It helps us. It really, really does. And last but not least, tell your friends about How Did This Get Made.

[01:28:44] Yeah, we didn’t make the Times 100 greatest podcasts of all time. For shame. There’s a couple on there that was a little questionable, some that just came out, but you know what? It won’t stop us. 15 years in and we’re still going to take your recommendations over. Damn Time Magazines. Anyway, um, a big thank you to everybody who works on this show and there’s so many people, but lemme talk about the ones that matter the most.

[01:29:13] Scott Sonne, Molly Reynolds, our movie picking producer, Avaryll Halley, and our engineer Casey Holford, they bring the show to you every single week. That’s all I got people. Hope you’re having a Stellar Stallone Summer and we’ll see you next week. On Last Looks, bye for now.