EP. 376.5 — Last Looks: Driven

[00:00:00] Paul Scheer: Segal on a plane. Reynolds in a chair. And Stallone is just your average Joe. All this and more on today’s, How Did This Get Made Last Looks, hit the theme.

[00:00:14] Music: [Last Looks Intro Song]

[00:00:53] Paul Scheer: Hello all you 55-year-old listeners pretending to be 37. I am Paul the Hummer Scheer, and welcome to How Did This Get Made Last Looks, were you the listener, get to voice your issues on Driven, a movie that Discord users, Steve Buscemi Eyes thinks should have had the tagline

[00:01:10] “Driven, where the stakes are served a la CART.”

[00:01:15] Love it. Thank you Steve Buscemi Eyes for that alt movie tagline. A big shout out to Matthew Fountain for that opening song. Wow, that kicked ass. I love it. Now if you have a alt movie tagline, uh, maybe an alt title, submit it to us on our discord. It’s simple. Just go to discord.gg/HDTGM and uh, you could actually even upload songs there too.

[00:01:36] How about that? Yeah, you can write your own songs for the show, very simple, very easy. You hit the Submit A Song button and then you upload it. We put it in a Dropbox and we don’t listen to it if it’s, uh, more than 45 seconds. That’s the rule. Um, alright. Coming up on today’s episode, we’ll be hearing about all your corrections and omissions on Driven.

[00:01:56] But wait, we also have some amazing phone calls today. Yes. Steven Segal stories are pouring in and we need to get to them. Uh, plus we’ll be playing the thrilling conclusion of my lost Sylvester Stallone podcast, featuring another appearance from June and maybe Sly himself. You know, Jack McBrayer uh, called me up this week and he was like, buddy,

[00:02:19] was I on a podcast with you? And he forgot and I forgot that Jack was on it. So anyway, it’s been a real fun trip down memory lane. Uh, as always, at the end of the show, I will reveal the movie for next week’s episode and people, I hope you’re listening to this while you’re online to go see June in Weapons and Freakier Friday.

[00:02:42] That’s right. Two movies, number one. Number two, at the box office, both with very high cinema scores. I think they’re both a cinema scores. That’s a like a business thing. Yeah, it means people like it and they wanna recommend it. I’ve seen them both in theaters and I gotta tell you, Weapons needs to be seen with a crowd.

[00:03:04] It is fantastic and I enjoyed the heck outta Freakier Friday. Uh, I thought it was fun, made me cry and you know what I’m gonna say? Let’s get Chad Michael Murray back in the mix. Um, I want Chad Michael Murray back in the mix. Uh, I love the kids in that movie too. That’s I think where these movies often go wrong.

[00:03:22] I was talking to my friend Wes, a producer of the Dark Web. Every Monday, Dark Web on YouTube, and he was saying, yeah, when they do the reboots, the kids suck in this movie, the kids don’t suck, and you know who else doesn’t suck in Weapons and Freakier Friday. June Diane Raphael. Uh, she is fantastic. Um, again, just a shout out to everybody who has been sending Avaryl uh, all these great well wishes.

[00:03:44] Um, you can continue to email her through her partner. Uh. Uh, at Movie Bitches. Andrew, you can email Andrew@moviebitches.xyz or just send something to a PO Box Avaryl Halley PO Box 6 4 1 ago Hills, California 9 1 3 7 6.

[00:04:01] Now, if you are a fan of the Dark Web, you know that tonight is our PowerPoint presentation night.

[00:04:06] If you’re listening on Friday, if you’re not listening on Friday, you can watch it anytime. When you’re a member of our Patreon, you have a seven day free trial on the Dark Web patreon. $3 is the starting tier. We got so much stuff. The show has been growing so much, and I just wanna say thank you to everybody who’s been watching it.

[00:04:23] We’ve heard like 65% of you are watching it on tv. That blows my mind. Anyway, uh, thank you for all that support. Let’s get into it about Driven. You had questions, we might have answers, or we might just let you take a lap about how smart you are. Anyway, we’re gonna get into it all with a little something I like to call corrections and omissions.

[00:04:48] Music: [Corrections and Omissions Song]

[00:04:49] Paul Scheer: Thank you. Cool Skull for that theme song. It rocks. Uh, let’s go to the Discord. Dr. Guts 1003. Ah, Dr. Guts. How are you?

[00:04:56] “I’m not sure how common this is in filmmaking, especially today, but Estella Warren said in an interview with The Guardian that Renny Harlan berated her in front of the whole crew in order to make her cry for the scene where she has to break up with Bo. Here’s a little excerpt. ‘Didn’t Harlan also chew you out one day in front of the whole crew to get you to cry for a breakup scene?’ ‘Oh yeah. Renny wasn’t really a nice person to me that day. Let’s just say there was a lot of champagne and caviar involved in making up for it, but I ultimately thanked him for making me cry because it worked out so well for the scene. I really wanted that emotion to come out.’”

[00:05:31] Hmm. Don’t like what I’m reading. Uh, yeah. Renny Harlan is notorious dick. Um, and look, and that’s fine. He was at a time when directors could do that. I think it’s, you know. There’s some great Renny Harlan movies I love, but I think that if you do a quick Google of Renny Harlan, you will see, uh, he’s an asshole.

[00:05:54] And, uh, even his ex-wife, uh, will tell you that, uh, Gina Davis, who has some amazing stories about the torture that he put her through, uh, in one of my favorites, the Long Kiss Goodnight, or The Last Kiss, Goodnight, whatever. It’s one with Sam Jackson. Um, alright, so don’t approve of that. Don’t approve of, uh. Estella Warren being like, it’s cool. It ain’t.

[00:06:17] Uh, George Glass writes,

[00:06:18] “I just wanna state how joy’d I was at seeing Robert Sean Leonard in this. He was my big teen crush and I watched My Best Friend is a Vampire, Dead Poet Society, Swing Kids, and Much Ado About Nothing far too much. That being said, I thought his character in Driven was right. Homegirl Sophia was using his brother Jimmy as a rebound at best, and to make her ex-boyfriend jealous at worst, he had every right to tell his brother not to get mixed up in that dynamic and Sophia was wrong to punch him. There. I said it.”

[00:06:49] Well, George Glass. You’re damn right. You are right. I agree with you. I am on team Robert Sean Leonard. Where is he? I’m sure he is acting, I’m sure he is doing a great series that I have not seen, and not even like a series on Brit Box, just like a series that might be like buried on Paramount. Um, I’m sure that at one point, uh, you know, he’ll be in the, uh, Tulsa King universe. Anyway. Uh, Sean McBee writes,

[00:07:15] “I can’t find any reference to it in my research, but this movie really felt like it was being filmed for 3D. There are so many instances of things flying straight to camera, from raindrops to manhole covers, and even one of the quarters Stallone flipped before that dumb coin pickup thing.”

[00:07:30] Sean. Excellent point. And guess what? An audience member at our live show actually brought up this same point. So rather than respond to you now, I’ll play our response in this deleted scene.

[00:07:42] (At live show) Yes. We didn’t talk about this. A lot of the static two person scenes are zooming in and out as if someone’s finding focus.

[00:07:50] Jason Mantzoukas: Yeah.

[00:07:50] Paul Scheer: Like, whoa, whoa, whoa. It’s like, I don’t know why they needed to make the off race moments like they were being shot like a race.

[00:07:59] Jason Mantzoukas: I think that’s why they did it. I think they were trying to make everything kinetic and full of energy, which is what kinetic means.

[00:08:06] Paul Scheer: (Last Looks) All right people. Let’s go to the phones.

[00:08:09] Larry from Florida. What do you got?

[00:08:12] Listener: Hey, Paul, on the Driven episode, one of the balcony monsters from Toronto asked if Burt Reynolds signed on to do Driven on the condition that he could sit the entire time. I might be able to say something, speaking to this a little bit. Um, I went to film school in the late two thousands at Florida State University, Florida State University, where Burt Reynolds went to college and played football, and our school had a very intense production cycle based curriculum.

[00:08:42] All of that got interrupted very suddenly when Burt Reynolds decided he wanted to teach an acting class to the film school, the first day we heard about this, there was the most expensive chair I’ve ever seen on the loading dock of the film school, and it was wrapped in caution tape. We were told Mr. Reynolds is gonna come and teach class for some weeks. This is his chair. Do not touch it. Do not sit in it. Keep the wrapped in the caution tape. He showed up, okay for about three weeks. He would call for like the corporate football stadium sky box chef to come to the film school to make him steak at like midnight and they would make it happen.

[00:09:20] He was in the chair the entire time, except when he was leaving the chair to leave the school or arriving to the school to sit in the chair. My favorite picture, probably from that year of film school, I got to sneak into the chair when he was like using the bathroom. And I threw my digital camera at somebody and said like, get a picture.

[00:09:36] So there’s a, a very blurry photo of me scared to death that Burt Reynolds was gonna spot me. But yeah, I just know that sitting was a very big part of when he taught our class. And uh, yeah, probably pretty important. He used to be a stunt person and he was a football player and he was like ancient at the time, so, you know, he has a lot of hip issues.

[00:09:54] Anyway, yeah, I could probably confirm that sitting is probably contractual.

[00:09:58] All right. Thanks a lot Paul.

[00:09:59] Paul Scheer: Oh my god, Larry. This is the best story of all time. Uh, you know, I’ve been talking about this. Marlon Brando taught an acting class after 9/11 that was directed, uh, by the director of American History X, whose name is escaping me at this very second, but

[00:10:22] who cares. Um, and I remember that Marlon Brando like taught it from a bed, and the director of American History X was dressed as Osama Bin Laden. Somebody help me find this. It’s great. And if there’s any acting tape of Burt Reynolds, and I love that he just went to Florida to get like stakes at 2:00 AM. 2:00 AM stakes.

[00:10:46] Oh man, the shits that guy must have had just with his bald head out there taking meaty dumps at 4:00 AM Oh, what a, what a life. What a life. Uh, anyway, uh. Let’s go back to the calls, uh, which when I say calls, I mean phone calls. Uh, what do we got?

[00:11:05] Listener: Pertaining to the movie Driven, when they drove around and were picking up quarters with tires. If your tires get hot enough, they don’t actually pick up anything until the tires start to cool. The fact that the quarters were getting picked up while going around the track would not actually happen because the tires would still maintain the heat, thus letting the quarters go. It wouldn’t be until you started to pull off the track and the tires started to cool that the quarters would actually stick to the tires.

[00:11:42] Paul Scheer: Okay. Okay. I believe you, but our producer Scott wants to chime in and say, tire temperatures aside. Stallone claimed that that idea was based on a trademark stunt performed by Formula one Legend Juan Manuel Fangio. Stallone explained. Juan Fangio would lay a piece of cardboard down at the corner of the track when he would drive around the corner at 130 miles an hour, 140 miles an hour.

[00:12:07] After 20 laps of going around, he brought the cardboard up, which was the size of an eight by 10. Piece of paper and they would put a dime on the cardboard and he would pick up the dime every time at that speed. This feels to me like Stallone heard a story weird. So Scott, I appreciate the research. I know that we talked about this in the show too, but I feel like Stallone might have gotten his wires crossed.

[00:12:31] All right, next call. Cora.

[00:12:33] Listener: Hi, my name is Cora Veltman. Not only am I a massive Sylvester Stallone fan, but I have been a long time listener of the show. Love every Stallone episode, especially, I actually worked for Cart slash IndyCar. I also studied under the master historian in motor sports, and I know a lot about this league in this series and there are some of course inaccuracies here.

[00:12:59] One, this movie was partly subsidized by the league itself. It originated as, of course, an F1 movie, but when the F1 properties decided they didn’t wanna fuss around with Sylvester Stallone. They came to the Cart people and they were like, yeah, we definitely wanna have our movie made. It was such a flop that the league denies it exists.

[00:13:24] Even though multiple drivers and team owners are actually featured in it, I traveled with the league for six years covering it for NBC Sports, and this is a movie that is frequently quoted as kind of trolling the league and trolling the series. Uh, it is the oldest league of nascar, IndyCar and Formula One.

[00:13:46] They actually do go faster than NASCAR and Formula One. Uh, I just wanted to thank you again for doing this movie. Doing this series and uh, if you have any further questions or anything else, I am definitely an expert on this and would love to talk about it more. Anyhow, have a good evening. Bye-bye

[00:14:03] Paul Scheer: Cora, bringin’ the heat.

[00:14:05] We thought we had the Cart expert in the crowd, but you brought it here. Thank you for your service and I love that this movie was a joke. Even at the time. Alright, back to the Discord. Um, alright. More info on Cart. More info on IndyCar. Okay. Uh, this is, Keith Now Says,

[00:14:21] “The fracture of Cart slash IndyCar would’ve been a better story to tell. The split between IndyCar and Cart known as The Split began in 1994 when the Indianapolis Motor Speedway President Tony George, created the Indie Racing League, which launched in 1996 as a rival to the dominant championship, Auto Racing Teams Cart. George aimed to center the series around American drivers and oval racing and emphasize cost control while cart featured a mixture of international drivers, diverse tracks, and major corporate backing.

[00:14:51] The conflict escalated when George reserved 25 of 33 Indy 500 starting spots for Indie Racing League teams in 1996, prompting a Cart boycott, this fractured American open wheel racing, confused fans and diluted media attention, which helped NASCAR rise in popularity. The rival lasted over a decade with declining viewership and sponsor interest across both leagues. In 2008, the two series finally reunited under the IndyCar banner, ending the division.”

[00:15:19] Wow. How poignant and powerful of a story could that have been? The split? Oh, the split. Oh, This Is Keith Now. I don’t think we need the split. I don’t think there’s that much drama there. I’m, I’m fascinated by what you shared.

[00:15:33] I don’t think it’s dramatic. It’s a story, but it’s not a emotional story. Where’s Joe?

[00:15:38] Uh, Ghost Bag writes,

[00:15:40] “If you had your druthers, what sports or sport theme related film would you like to see Stallone tackle next? He’s already appeared in boxing, arm wrestling, and, uh, race car movies, but what sport or sports adjacent film could Sly and by extension, we, the audience benefit from being in next?

[00:15:57] Well, Ghost Bag, great question. Pickleball, get him. Older, guy lost, his wife, finds pickleball, gets competitive and uh, then you know, him and McEnroe have a match at the end. That’s just the beginning part of my ideas. Hollywood hire me. I got great ideas. Um, John Steele writes,

[00:16:20] “I have a few points on a Memos accident. They said the emergency people would have a hard time getting to him, but how come Jimmy and Bo had no problem? And also they were so worried about the explosion, but Memo’s cart already blew up as it flew through the trees. Can cars blow up twice?”

[00:16:38] Uh uh, John Steele, you broke my brain. I don’t think they can. Maybe they can. Is there another part that could blow up? I mean, the gas tank is what’s blowing up, right? I mean, it’s not like there’s not another combustible part is there? I don’t know. Anyway, so many great corrections and omissions this week, but there can only be one that is the best. What could it be? What could it be? Well, you know what? It’s one that answers the only question that was unanswered in the show.

[00:17:04] Did Burt Reynolds request being in a wheelchair so he could sit for the entire movie? And I gotta say, Larry, from Florida, you proved our point that we were right. And whenever you do that, you get to win and you get this amazing song from the Action Jackson Five.

[00:17:24] Music: [Winner’s Song]

[00:17:45] Paul Scheer: Now if you wanna chime in with your own thoughts about the latest episode, hit up our discord, or leave us a message at 6 1 9 P-A-U-L-A-S-K. Also, heads up, if you want us to consider your correction and omission inclusion in Last Looks, please send it by the Monday night after the episode is released.

[00:18:00] We’ve been getting a lot of great voicemails that come to late, but if you leave your message by Monday night, you’ll guarantee that we hear it in time Anyway, coming up after the break, I’ll be opening up the phone lines again. Because wow, we got some good ones. And these are not about Stallone. These are about Segal.

[00:18:17] Also the conclusion of my lost Sylvester Stallone podcast. We’ll be right back.

[00:18:24] Welcome back. By now, I’m sure you’ve noticed that every Tuesday we re-release classic How Did This Get Made episodes back into our feed. This week we wrapped up our Stallone summer matinee with Demolition Man, and next week we’ll be revisiting a fan favorite episode no Holds Barred, with guest Tom Lenon. That’s a really fun episode. So, uh, keep on checking out all our replays of classic episodes every Tuesday. Now, speaking of our matinee episodes, we’ve gotten a lot of great phone messages from you guys related to our Stallone summer matinees that I didn’t wanna ignore them.

[00:18:54] So before we move on, let’s reopen the phone lines and entertain us. Georgia, what do you got?

[00:19:01] Listener: Hi Paul. I just listened to the Cobra episode and uh, what I’m about to say doesn’t have anything to do with the movie Cobra, but it does have to do with the episode. Where Jason makes a joke that, uh, Dolf Lundgren doesn’t know how to write.

[00:19:21] Oddly enough, Dolf Lundgren has a master’s degree in chemistry from the University of Sydney. And while still living in Sydney, he won a Fulbright to go to MIT. Uh, but before he could start at MIT. Uh, Grace Jones, the singer, saw him working as a bouncer and hired him as a bodyguard. They became lovers and he moved to New York with her, and then he started taking acting classes and hanging out in like this New York downtown art scene. So he’s actually very well educated. Um, I don’t know if being good at chemistry means that you can write though. Alright, bye.

[00:20:10] Paul Scheer: Yeah, yeah, yeah, George, I know. Big deal. Yes. This story is a big yes. He can read. It was a joke in the show. We know, I think most people know this is like, the one fact that we know about Lundgren is that he’s like a, a physicist, you know, whatever he is.

[00:20:25] Alright, next one. Alwin from London.

[00:20:28] Listener: I have been a little bit delayed sending this because I have to followed a bit behind on the podcast that I’ve dying for an opportunity to call and tell this hotline my Steven Segal story. Um, and I heard you talking about Steven Segal on the Expendables four episode a few weeks ago that I just got the chance to catch up on.

[00:20:47] And it reminded me of the time that Steven Segal woke me up on an airplane when I was about 10 years old. Um, yeah, I was flying from Paris to Thailand with my family. I was about 10 years old. And as we were getting on my dad just like, look, look. That’s Steven Segal. I was about 10. I had no idea who Steven Segal was, but I remember this giant man with a ponytail and he was wearing sort of traditional East Asian wear, uh, and sort of doing a whole big, like making a big deal of sort of, you know, uh, bowing to the air hostesses on this thai flight. It was a whole big thing. We were flying business class as with Steven Segal, I think it was me and my family and him and his assistant in business class.

[00:21:28] And I am old enough, and this is long enough ago that it was when they still showed a big movie up front of the plane. Possibly in addition to having individual little screens with the chairs. And, uh, so this big movie was playing on the, the front. I had fallen asleep because I’m 10 years old. Uh, and I wake up because someone is shouting on the plane.

[00:21:51] I jerk awake, and it is Steven Segal shouting at the top of his lungs at his assistant about how unrealistic and bad the movie is that’s playing on the big screen, and it’s, my memory is that it’s basically, I couldn’t tell you for all the money in the world what the movie was. But a helicopter in a chase scene is flying through a tunnel, and Steven Segal is at the top of his lungs shouting that that’s unrealistic and that the airflow in the tunnel wouldn’t allow the helicopter and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

[00:22:25] And I just remember being like, who, even at 10, who is this asshole, but also him having the lack of self-awareness and gall to yell at a terrible movie on a flight just seems very in congress with that. So yeah, I just wanted an opportunity to tell that story from sort of 25 years ago. Thanks, Paul.

[00:22:46] Paul Scheer: Whoa, whoa. Whoa. This is a man who loves attention. Okay. Wasn’t he just a karate instructor for like a Hollywood mogul and then the Hollywood Mogul is like, no, he actually was like a former CIA agent and he was never, and he’s really embraced this life and the music and wow, great story to call everyone’s attention out.

[00:23:09] Like I could see him laughing. I believe Bob Odenkirk tells a great story about the most humorless person ever on SNL as a guest host. And it was Steven Segal.

[00:23:19] Bob Odenkirk: I was helping with Hans and Franz that week. Yeah, I didn’t usually help with that piece, but I love those guys. And, uh, and, and Segal read it and he said, if I do this sketch, if I do it, and they’re, you know, they, they wanna fight him.

[00:23:35] Hey, we’ll take you on. He goes, if I do it. I have to beat them up. Like he has to. It is like a John Wayne thing, right? Like, right, like he’s gotta win. It’s the most ludicrous scenario. You don’t worry. No one will think that. They actually, no one’s thinking anyone beat anyone up here. But, uh, that was his attitude the whole week was he kept saying.

[00:24:01] I’ve never seen your show. I don’t know what you do here. Like really? You’ve never seen Saturday Night Live? Where do you live? And he wrote a scene, Howard Howard. He, he wrote a scene and it’s the last scene in the show and it’s like one of his movies, but they tried to do it live. They got some stunt men to come in.

[00:24:22] It was, it’s insane. So there’s like this board of directors, there’s a bunch of stunt men and suits. So as. As a viewer, you’re like, who are these actors? They’re not in the cast and they’re, and then there’s like some speech, and then he enters the banquet room and starts beating. It’s live. And he’s beating them up and throwing them around the room and it goes on for like eight minutes.

[00:24:48] It’s the longest scene you’ve ever seen. And then at the very end. He turns the camera and says, this is what happens when you pollute the planets.

[00:24:58] And the audience is mystified.

[00:25:01] Paul Scheer: Watch those SNL clips. They’re great. Now, that was a great Steven Segal story, but believe it or not, we might just top it because we have another Steven Segal story.

[00:25:10] Listener: Hey, Paul and Crew, I was listening to your Expendables episode and you mentioned that Steven Segal should be, would be a great villain for it. I have a great Steven Segal story, so I work for a company that we had a rep dinner and they were having dinner with Steven Segal as well. So we sat down to a dinner at Steak House and wouldn’t you know that he decided to do a demonstration of his knife skills at the steakhouse. Whirling around the steak knife, you know, middle of a crowded steakhouse, uh, in Las Vegas. It was like that video where they say, oh my God, it’s Jason Bourne. And that was probably my highlight of my entire professional career. And this wasn’t like in the eighties or nineties when he was pretty popular.

[00:26:14] This was about seven years ago, so it was. It was bananas. But anyways, I hope y’all enjoyed the story. Bye.

[00:26:21] Paul Scheer: Oh my goodness. Now you’re making me want to just hire Steven Segal for events. I mean, how expensive could that be? It’s not like getting like Aerosmith to play your Bar Mitzvah. Not that anyone’s hiring Aerosmith to, I don’t think anybody is hiring Aerosmith right now to play your Bar Mitzvah.

[00:26:39] Uh, but like I, I imagine it’s not that expensive. I love this. Please tell me there are pictures and if anyone has a picture of Segal out and about just bowing, doing knife tricks. There’s so many great stories about Segal, uh, you know. We’ve, I think we’ve talked about it on the show a million times.

[00:26:57] There’s great stories. I mean, he threatened a guy in an ADR booth with a gun because the, they asked him to do the line again. Uh, like that’s, and I’m not even telling the story. Great. ’cause I’m just like, ugh. We should just do a whole episode of like, I heard a Segal story. Um, alright. And finally, our own Jafar.

[00:27:14] We’ve traveled with her, we’ve seen her through her ups and downs. Um, hope she is still dating that gentleman. Um, Jafar, what do you got?

[00:27:22] Listener: Hi Paul. Hello to all my fellow nerds. Uh, wishing a happy Stallone summer to all who celebrate. So if you can kind of hear in my voice in this episode, playing the game and watching all the special features on the DVD of Driven, literally broke me.

[00:27:35] So instead of talking about the movie specifically, I would instead like to speak to a Stallone trend I noticed when I watched Stop, or My Mom Will Shoot a few weeks ago, which is that Stallone seems to really have a thing for playing average joes. So beginning in 1975 with Death Race 2000, he plays Joe Machine Gun VI Turbo. In 1992, Stop, or My Mom Will Shoot. As we all know, he was Sergeant Joseph Joe Bobowski in 1995. He played Judge Joseph Dread in Judge Dread. Also in 1995, he played the dual rules of Robert and Joseph Wrath in Assassins. In 2001, steaming pile of shit Driven, he played Joe the Hummer Tonto in the 2011 animated film Zookeeper, he was the voice of Joe the Lion. And in 2022 he played Joe Smith in Samaritan. So out of just under 70 feature film roles, Sylvester Stallone has been named Joe in just over 10% of them. Thanks again for a great show in Vancouver. Can’t wait to see where Jafar shows up next. Take care. Bye.

[00:28:36] Paul Scheer: 10%. Okay. 10% is fine.

[00:28:41] I want, like, I, I think if you’re calling in for like an observation like this, it’s gotta be in the fifties. Fifties or forties. Forties. I’ll take a, I’ll take a 10, is he’s a Joe. He’s an average Joe. I mean, that’s where it’s coming from. He’s an average. Joe, and that’s about the level of like metaphor in a Stallone script.

[00:29:02] Anyway, thank you for everyone who called in coming up after the break, the thrilling conclusion to my Sylvester Stallone podcast, and I’m gonna announce next week’s new movie.

[00:29:14] Welcome back. It is finally time to see if I ever got to interview Sylvester Stallone on my podcast. In the last segment I shared, June had kicked me outta the house due to my obsession with the podcast, I was spending Thanksgiving alone in my car and while I was near rock bottom. But thankfully, I found a group to help me find answers. That’s right. Take a listen.

[00:29:38] (Stallone Podcast) Hello people of Earth. I am pleased to have the honor to do this podcast. I am Paul Scheer. I am recording this. Uh, right now in the bathroom of a Burger King, let’s not get into it. What I do want to tell you guys about is an amazing journey that I took. Um, let me tell you about, well, let me ask you a question.

[00:30:03] Would you like to change your life in three days? Would you like to live an extraordinary life? Would you like to redefine the very nature of what is possible? Well. I think then you would like my friends at the Landmark Forum. Uh, I met these people, uh, this past weekend and they are amazing. I have been, uh, right now, currently I’m in day two of a three day breakthrough class where I am learning how to redefine the very nature of what is possible in my relationships and in my work and in my family. And it’s only in three days, and I know that if I continue on this path, I am going to get to Stallone. Uh, because the beauty about this whole thing is that you can, whatever you learn, it’s natural and without effort.

[00:30:54] Okay. It’s, you know. Yeah, maybe I’m not gonna, maybe I’m not gonna start hanging out with my old friends because I think my communication is changing. You know, I, I really want you guys to look into the Landmark Forum. I think that we are going to, we’re gonna go here because most of us, like we are content to live a life without question.

[00:31:15] But when you’re a part of the Landmark and your friends in the Landmark, they call you on your bullshit.

[00:31:22] Brett Morris: Hi. Uh, welcome to the Sylvester Stallone Podcast. Um, as you can no doubt tell this isn’t Paul. This is Brett Morris. Uh, I’m his engineer at EarWolf and WolfPup So I, uh, I’m sorry to say Paul’s not here today.

[00:31:40] Um, he sent me a strange email, though. It’s a little concerning. I, I’m not quite sure what to make of it, but I’ll, I’ll just read it for you. Um, I don’t have much of a choice really, so, uh, I’ll let you be the judge.

[00:31:58] Subject, “Please read this on air.”

[00:32:01] Hello people of Earth. This is one of the Brainwashed WolfPup stooges. However, I am reading you a message from the great Paul Scheer. Say the last part, like you mean it. He actually says that in parentheses. I’m currently going through a 24 hour detoxing and silencing pact with the great people I’ve met at the Landmark Forum.

[00:32:23] This time that I’m spending in Connie’s basement apartment is magical. Fasting and not sitting down for hours on end is finally allowing me to reflect on my life and think about the mistakes I’ve made and why I’ve brought this Stallone trauma upon myself. I’ve come to the realization that I might be here for a higher purpose.

[00:32:45] I believe that like Moses being sent down from the mountain with the commandments, I’m being sent down from Hollywood with the word of Stallone.

[00:32:54] What the fuck?

[00:32:55] I shouldn’t say anymore, but this is big. How big? Let me just say this Bible two.

[00:33:03] What is he talking about? Um, and then he says this.

[00:33:08] Oh shit, period. I fear that Tommy, one of Connie’s lieutenants is seeing that I’m emailing this is not a quote unquote approved activity, and into the interest of not getting shamed with the stick in front of the circle again. I must stop writing, but before I go, please keep sending questions to ask Stallone at Gmail and enough with the questions that focus purely on farting and sex. You are only disappointing yoursel…

[00:33:37] It gets cut off there. I guess it’s supposed to say you are only disappointing yourself. But then it says this.

[00:33:43] This is a message from Tommy, a proud Landmark Forum member emailing your podcast is a frowned upon activity here, and Paul knows this. By listening to this, you are assuming the pain ritual upon your false idol. But what else do you know, but greed and avarice.

[00:34:00] Is he talking to me? I guess it’s to all of us.

[00:34:04] You haven’t been enlightened. However, if you would like to change your life in three days, come to a free Landmark Forum Orientation.

[00:34:24] Connie Franks: Hello people of podcasts. I’m not sure that’s the correct greeting. I’m pretty sure it is. Anyway, welcome to the Sylvester Stallone podcast. I’m Connie Franks. I’m a senior member of the Los Angeles chapter of The Landmark Forum, and I find this podcast disgusting in content and execution, which is why with Paul’s explicit blessing, he’s allowed me to take over his podcast to promote the amazing new work of the people of LMF.

[00:34:54] That’s Landmark Forum for those of you people out there that have let the media corrupt your brains. This is fun. Well, what’s Landmark, you ask? Landmark is a place where people begin to understand the pre-given possibilities for meaningfulness specifically to the human subjects that participate in them.

[00:35:15] There is no need to fear any meaningless objective universe for such a thing as an abstraction, not an ultimate observable reality. Oh, and by the way, congratulations. By listening to this podcast, we have selected you and two guests of your choice to join us in our four hour lecture series, The Talking Ritual, so you’ll finally learn what you’ve been doing wrong when speaking.

[00:35:43] Also, don’t worry about Paul. He’s fine. He’s not in any danger and from what he tells me, it’s the first time he’s been truly happy. He’s not being held against his will, and he wants everyone to join him on this new venture of self expiration and honesty.

[00:36:02] June Diane Raphael: Testing, testing. I’m sorry, I’m not, I usually don’t do this type of, uh, thing.

[00:36:11] I’m, I’m recording this message in the hopes that, Paul, you hear it somewhere out there. I’m very scared. I’m so scared. I haven’t heard from you in a long time, and I think you’ve gotten mixed up with some really bad people, and I have been praying for your return. And if anyone has any information about where Paul is, Paul Scheer, please reach out to me on Twitter or however, whatever.

[00:37:01] Oh God.

[00:37:15] Come back home. Please come back home. Shit, I dunno where you are.

[00:37:24] I don’t know if Connie has you or who’s got, I don’t know if Connie has you. I don’t know what you’ve gotten mixed up in, but I want you to know that I’m here and the baby is here and we are waiting for you and we fully, fully support the Sylvester Stallone podcast.

[00:37:44] And I know I said some really terrible things to you about embarrassing us and our family and I take all of it back. I really do. I just want, I want you to come back and I want you to know that I have emails out to my agents and manager and entertainment lawyer about Sylvester Stallone, and if there’s any way anyone knows him to reach out to me because I’m in full support, babe, I am in full support of you doing this.

[00:38:18] Um, I really am. And I, I just want you back and if having you back means that you do a, a podcast in which you try to get Sylvester still to answer questions, that’s fine with me. I can only say that, you know, the people who are out there who listen to this podcast like, please, if anyone does know him, like seriously, I know this has been a lot of, you know, this has been funny to certain people. This has been, you know, weird to others, but now it’s, it’s actually very scary situation. And so this is a plea. Um, please help my family. Please help us get Paul back. Through Sylvester Stallone.

[00:39:09] Paul Scheer: Oh God. Uh, welcome to Sylvester Stallone Podcast. Hello people of Earth. I’m Paul Scheer, and I’m scared. I’m, I don’t know if anyone can hear this, but I’m, I’m trapped in this house. Landmark Forum is not what I thought it was, these people are cruel. I don’t know what they’re gonna do to me. I’m scared. I’m scared.

[00:39:35] Please help me. Please help me. I’m at 51 (static).

[00:39:44] Please send your police officers, send anyone. A landmark forum. They’re not what they say. They’re evil. These people are evil. Oh God. You hear that? We’re loud. We’re, it’s starting. It’s starting. Please, please, God help me. Please help me. I’ve seen things. I’ve seen terrible things and people here. They want to hurt me.

[00:40:07] Oh God. Oh God. I haven’t eaten for days.

[00:40:12] Greetings. I am Mikel. Formerly the podcaster known as Paul Scheer. For far too long, my body has been inhabited by an interdimensional demon who went by the name Ook. The Landmark Forum has been instrumental in my freedom, and now I would like to free you. I have seen the truth and the light, and I believe that the eye that burns the brightest is the one that knows the truth.

[00:40:39] The government is corrupting our brains. Look at our currency. The green color interacts with receptors in our brains. To paralyze us and pacify us. We must give our money to the Landmark Forum. They will keep this money away from us, to free us from the tithes that bind us. But this, my friends, is just stage one.

[00:41:05] Stage two involves our army of freed beings taking over the US Post offices across the country. When we are ready, our group will attack and peacefully siege these domiciles of communication. We will be heard, the US Post offices will be our base camp for the outcropping. We will farm our embryos and build a new alien infrastructure along the postal routes of this fine country.

[00:41:35] The United States of America will forever be now referred to as the farmland, repopulate, reproduce. No money. No government, no entertainment. We will subsist on the berries of straw, no food, no water. We are now the one power and we worship him. His name is Diaxinu. We worship.

[00:42:02] Hello people of Earth and welcome to the final Sylvester Stallone podcast. I am Paul Scheer. I am actually Paul Scheer, despite what you’ve heard this week. Uh, and this is the Sylvester Stallone Podcast. What. A journey. This has been, I started out with a goal to do the best podcast I could possibly do with one of the best entertainers that currently exist in cinema, not just American cinema, but international cinema.

[00:42:39] He is a writer, a director, a producer, an actor, and we never got him on the show. If I had to give myself a note, I would say, next time you do a show named after someone, you should get that person. So I, I apologize to you, the listener, for never getting Sylvester Stallone. Um. That was a, that was a big mistake.

[00:43:03] I, I probably should have stopped the show early. Um, I wouldn’t have been, uh, kicked out of my home. Um, living in a seedy motel using up my relationships with my, my closest friends. And finally, um, getting kidnapped by a group of people that called themselves the Landmark Forum. Um, I don’t know if you guys were able to understand this, but I was taken in by a cult, um, and it was a hellish nightmare of a time.

[00:43:36] I am currently being deprogrammed right now. Uh, and my deprogrammer told me I should not do today’s podcast. It’s too fresh. Uh, but I needed to talk to you. I needed to tell you what exactly happened because I was saved, um, by someone. And, uh, I will say there is tape of this moment and I’d like to play you some of the tape.

[00:44:02] Um, what you will hear is kind of a bad audio quality, but uh, I feel like it’s the best way I can explain to you what exactly happened?

[00:44:14] (Landmark Audio) I am Mikel and I command everyone here to begin the blood ritual. Begin. Free yourself.

[00:44:31] What the, oh my God, what’s going on?

[00:44:39] (Deprogrammed Paul ) Let me just pause the tape for a second to explain to you what was going on. Uh, part of my indoctrination into the landmark forum was finding, uh, drifters and runaway teens, uh, bringing them back to our basement and doing what we, um, I’m so embarrassed to say this. Uh. We did something called the blood ritual, which was we cut these people and bled them out and then buried their bodies in a basement.

[00:45:06] Now, before you get judgmental, I will say I, I was under a, a heavy amount of sedatives at this point, and to my knowledge, uh, we did not kill anyone. Um, we were about to, and I know that that is frowned upon. I’ll just say that. You, you try it, you try getting sucked up into a cult. It’s a very, it’s crazy it’s a crazy situation.

[00:45:29] Okay. ’cause you’re doing stuff and Yeah, I know. We can all sit on our high perch and say, oh, you shouldn’t kill people. But I was there. It was, uh, it was intense. Anyway, um, from our basement window, gunfire erupted, and this man entered into the room. I looked up and I saw his face. You’re gonna find it hard to believe, but no, play some of the tape.

[00:45:58] And again, this tape has been compromised obviously, but, um, let me, let’s play some more.

[00:46:06] (Landmark Audio) What’s going on everyone? No, no, no. He must kill her. Oh my God. Who are you? No, no. My name is Mikel, not Paul.

[00:46:24] You. It’s you.

[00:46:27] (Deprogrammed Paul) That’s right. Everybody. At that point, I looked up and I saw a visage. Uh, that I have been dreaming about for days. It was the man, the myth, the legend, Sylvester Stallone. He had been listening to the podcast and he broke in to save me, and he said something to me that I will never forget.

[00:46:55] (Landmark Audio) Oh yeah, believe it. Oh yeah. I believe it is you. You found me. Why? Why? Out of everybody, out of your busy newbie schedule, why would you find me?

[00:47:15] (Deprogrammed Paul) I’m so upset that that piece of dialogue was garbled because what he said to me, and, and I don’t remember it a hundred percent, but he looked at me and he goes, it’s not about how great your podcast is. It’s about how hard it is to do a podcast and keep on moving forward. And he goes, and I listened to your podcast every day and you kept me going forward.

[00:47:41] He goes, if I was to appear on day one, you wouldn’t be where you are today. You needed to grow, you need to go back to your wife. Now as a man, as a man who almost killed a teenage runaway. This podcast was a test. And I said to him, a test like you were testing me the entire time? And he looked me right in the eyes and said, yeah.

[00:48:10] Can you believe it? Stallone was testing me just like his characters were tested with impossible odds, insurmountable foes. He gave me a challenge of a lifetime, and I swear to God as, God as my witness and my hand on the graves of my parents who are not yet dead. But if they were, I would put my hand on their graves and he said to me, you are the Rocky Balboa of podcasting, to which of course I replied, thank you. And I know. And then. I had a mission, a mission that this podcast started with, and I know I needed to do it. So I will play you this next section of tape.

[00:49:02] (Landmark Audio) Thank you. Thank you for saving me. And, and before, before you let me go, before you leave, I just have to ask one thing, well actually, a couple of things.

[00:49:13] What role didn’t you take that you regret? What are the three seashells from Demolition Man do? Oh, that makes sense. Will Hulk Hogan ever be in the next Expendables? As a watchmaking student, I’m always intrigued to learn about people’s watch collections and reasons for collecting with your known affection for Pan and Air, Richard Millet and Monte Rappa, what are some other brands that you like?

[00:49:42] Of course. And finally, Rocky Rambo, Cobert Tango, John Spartan and Bonnie Ross in a knockdown, drag out fight to the finish. Who would win?

[00:49:55] Of course, they would all die in each other’s hands. Thank you. Thank you.

[00:50:03] (Deprogrammed Paul) And again, I am so bummed out that the recording cut out most of his answers and we just kind of shortened it up because I guess the mic was kind of more on me than it was on him. I mean, uh, rookie mistake, uh, my apologies, but I did it.

[00:50:20] I came here with a mission. And I finished that mission, which was to ask Sylvester Stallone the fan questions that we all needed answers to. Uh, unfortunately I don’t really remember the answers to the questions. I was, I was pretty drugged up on a mix of, uh, Sudafed and, and Prozac and a little bit of lithium.

[00:50:39] I think I, I don’t actually even remember much more than him carrying me in his arms and putting me down on the lawn and there was a, a mess of fire trucks and engines and, and he walked away. And when people ask me who, who saved you, I didn’t tell them because to tell them is to let them in on a secret that was only between me and him and you, the fans of this show.

[00:51:07] So I think with that, my job is done. Just like Rocky Balboa in Rocky Balboa, I’m walking away from the ring. Prouder, smarter, and enlightened. And I just wanna say out there, thank you Stallone for rescuing me from that cult. So the next step for me is repairing my life and, um, hopefully getting the Daniel Day Lewis podcast off the ground.

[00:51:38] Thank you guys so much for listening to the Sylvester Stallone podcast. I am Paul Scheer. And I am a champion, a winner. Fuck yeah.

[00:51:55] (Last Looks) Wow. So long ago. So many memories. I was saved, and now it’s me, present day, Paul, and I’m free of that Landmark Forums grasp. Thank you for tagging along with me through my old Stallone podcast over these last few episodes. If you miss my Just Chats with Jason, well don’t worry. He’ll be back on Last Looks next time.

[00:52:13] That’s right. But now this is the moment you’ve been patiently waiting for this entire episode. It is finally a time to announce our next movie, Stallone Summer is finally over and next week we are going from champagne celebrations to champagne and bullets. That’s right. We are covering the 1993 indie action film, Champagne and Bullets Starring Wings Hauser, Pamela Bryant, and the film’s writer and director John de Hart, the film is considered by many to be The Room of direct to video action flicks. Well, there are actually three different versions of this film with different titles, which I’ll explain in more detail in just a second. And, uh, as for the movie plot, they’re all the same.

[00:52:53] Uh, there’s a Satanic cult leader who betrays a pair of ex-cop, and you got some baby sacrifices, drug deals, and a whole lot more. Uh, take a listen to this trailer.

[00:53:03] Trailer Audio: Welcome to the biggest little movie ever made. Action. Suspense. The thrill a minute. Romance. It’s some very funny moments.

[00:53:16] We get some dope, we get a wine.

[00:53:21] You just made a big mistake.

[00:53:25] See Sam. You see this white powder?

[00:53:27] How about tolerating the goddamn justice system?

[00:53:29] Sit down.

[00:53:30] Paul Scheer: Okay, so if you wanna watch this movie before listening to our episode, here’s what you need to know. There are three versions of this movie. The original movie is titled Champagne and Bullets, and has a runtime of 99 minutes.

[00:53:41] You can stream Champagne and Bullets on Tubi, Hoopla and Fawesome. Uh, great recommendation, uh, by a friend of the pod, uh, and I have been loving it. The next version of the movie is called Road to Revenge. It has a runtime of 75 minutes. This, uh, shorter version cut out most of the sex and nudity. I’m guessing you don’t wanna watch this version, but it is available on Amazon Prime Video.

[00:54:04] I will say that. I’m not gonna say that we need to have exploitative films on this show, but the sex and nudity in this are awkward in a, in a, in a great way. Um, and the latest version, well, there’s a lot, there’s a lot here. You take it at your own risk. Uh, the latest version is called Get Even. It has a runtime of 89 minutes.

[00:54:26] Now, get even restored most of the sex and nudity while adding a very important scene of the main characters practicing martial arts and feeding his pet poodle. Now, this version isn’t available on any streaming services, but I’ll say if you search for it online. You’ll probably find it with minimal effort.

[00:54:43] So Get Even is probably the one that you want to find. You just gotta search for it online and you’ll probably find it. Now, I know I already mentioned Hoopla earlier, but as always, I encourage you to check out Canopy and Libby, which are digital media services offered by your local library that allow you to consume movies, tv, music, audio books, eBooks for free.

[00:55:04] Alright, that is it for Last Looks. If you listen to us on Apple Podcast or Spotify. Please rate and review us. Please also make sure you are following us and have automatic downloads turned on. It helps the show and we appreciate it. Visit us on social media @HDTGM and a big thank you to our producer, Scott Sonne and Molly Reynolds, and our movie picking producer, Avaryl Halley, and our engineer Casey Holford.

[00:55:23] We’ll see you next week for Champagne and Bullets. AKA, the Road to Revenge, AKA watch Get Even. Bye for now.