September 19, 2023
OWW Friends! Nicole hits her funny bone starting the show! Don’t worry, she’s ok. Sasheer wonders why we call our elbow the funny bone. Nicole wants the strike to come to an end. Sasheer recalls the many reality tv shows that she is watching, specifically The Ultimatum. Nicole asks Sasheer what reality show she would be on if they were on a different planet. Sasheer would like to be on the Amazing Race while Nicole wants to go on American Ninja Warrior. Nicole learns all about the competitive world of dog dancing. Sasheer thinks Nicole should do competitive dog dancing with Clyde. Nicole shares her favorite quote from the movie Finding Nemo. They answer questions about a friend sharing personal info with their partner and how to navigate feeling second priority to a best friend in a romantic relationship.
This was recorded on August 31, 2023.
Dog Dancing World Championship 2022, Anastasiia Beaumont and border collie Yuki
FCI Dog dance World Championship 2016 – Freestyle final – Lusy Imbergerova and Deril (Italy)
Check out Sasheer’s Comedy Special “First Woman” on 800 Pound Gorilla or for free on Youtube. https://800poundgorillamedia.com/products/sasheer-zamata-the-first-woman
Here is the quiz we took: https://www.buzzfeed.com/sleepy_101/golden-retriever-black-cat-quiz
Email or call Nicole & Sasheer with your friendship questions at:
223 — Nicole Reminds Us That Fish Are Friends Not Food
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Nicole [00:01:17] Hi, Sasheer.
Sasheer [00:01:20] Hi, Nicole.
Nicole [00:01:21] Ow.
Sasheer [00:01:28] What happened?
Nicole [00:01:30] I hit my elbow on the desk.
Sasheer [00:01:31] Oh no.
Nicole [00:01:33] I think it was my funny bone because it wasn’t funny.
Sasheer [00:01:37] I know.
Nicole [00:01:38] Oh, my God. That hurt.
Sasheer [00:01:41] Oh, God. I’m sorry.
Nicole [00:01:44] Thank you.
Sasheer [00:01:45] I wonder why they call it a funny bone. Like, what…? This is just to make fun of you? To be like, “Isn’t that funny?”
Nicole [00:01:54] “Isn’t it funny that you hurt yourself, you fucking idiot.” Maybe. I don’t know.
Sasheer [00:02:01] It’s funny for the rest of us.
Nicole [00:02:04] Or maybe Dr. Doug Funny is the one who discovered it.
Sasheer [00:02:10] From the cartoons? He became a doctor.
Nicole [00:02:13] He did. And he discovered the funny bone.
Sasheer [00:02:17] It is interesting how I just feel like bodies should be better? Like, more protective. Like, we have eyelids and eyelashes to protect our eyes from stuff getting in them. And yet things are constantly going in my eyes. And I’m like, “Well, then what’s the point of all this stuff?”
Nicole [00:02:41] Well, think of how much more stuff would be going in your eyes if you didn’t have them luscious lashes to bat them out.
Sasheer [00:02:47] I guess so, but it feels like it’s not stopping enough stuff. Or, like, that we can be totally taken out by hitting our elbow in a weird way.
Nicole [00:03:01] Yeah. I mean, bodies are actually fully weird.
Sasheer [00:03:06] Ooh, Judith found something. Okay. “The funny bone got its nickname because of that funny feeling you get after you hit it. But your funny bone isn’t actually a bone at all. Running down the inside of your part of the elbow is a nerve called the ulnar nerve.
Nicole [00:03:25] Wow. The more you fucking know. There is no funny fucking bone. It’s the funny nerve.
Sasheer [00:03:31] “You’ve got some nerve.”
Nicole [00:03:38] “Your nerve is funny!” Yesterday in pole, I was trying to learn how to, like, do… I guess it’s a fireman from the floor, where you, like, sweep up in a cute little get up. I slammed my back leg into the pole, and it hurt so bad.
Sasheer [00:03:52] Oh no. Like, your thigh or, like, your knee?
Nicole [00:03:55] No, my shin.
Sasheer [00:03:59] Ooh. Oh, God.
Nicole [00:03:59] And it was just like, “Slam. Thud.” The pole was like… You know how if you hit something, it vibrates?
Sasheer [00:04:07] Yeah.
Nicole [00:04:08] And I was like, “Well, I’m done with that. I’m not doing it again.” Oh, it still hurts. And I think it’s bruised. I haven’t looked at it today.
Sasheer [00:04:18] Yeah, it is quite impressive just, like, how much pain your body has to go through when you’re doing pole because it’s just, like, a metal pole. And it’s like, “You wanna put a pad around there?” But you can’t because it won’t work. But it’s like, “Oh, we’re just gonna put my skin directly on this metal.”
Nicole [00:04:40] “I’m going to hang off this metal with my skin.” I’m trying to learn how to do an outside leg hang. And fuck, man. It hurts so bad because you’re just hanging there from the skin from behind your knee. Yeah. And then the skin on your, like, side stomach and then your arm… Like, the skin under your armpit. And I mean, these are all pretty sensitive areas for my little body.
Sasheer [00:05:02] And also the skin is pretty delicate.
Nicole [00:05:06] Yes. But it’s what I’ve chosen to do with my life. I have chosen to dedicate my life to be a pole performer who will only probably ever be mediocre to bad.
Sasheer [00:05:19] No, you’re way past mediocre.
Nicole [00:05:23] Listen, I think it’s okay to be mediocre at your hobbies. And I proudly am mediocre.
Sasheer [00:05:31] Okay. I’m not even saying that to be nice, though. Like, you actually are not mediocre. You can do a lot of really impressive things on pole.
Nicole [00:05:39] Thank you. I just watch a lot of videos where they’re like, “This is a beginner move.” And I’m like, “I can’t do that.”
Sasheer [00:05:46] Oh, well, it was probably because, like, you can figure out other stuff that makes sense for your brain and body. And then other stuff–it may be a little more difficult or need more time. But I think that’s normal.
Nicole [00:05:58] I think that’s normal, too. You know, I’m also really sore just in general from pole because I haven’t moved my body in a month because I’ve just been on a whirlwind of planes, trains, and automobiles, vacationing. And now I’m back home, and I’m like, “Oh God. I got to get back into a routine? I got to go fucking picket again? This shit sucks.” I’m like, “Guys, just, like, come to a deal. What the fuck?”
Sasheer [00:06:32] It would be nice ’cause, like, don’t you want us to work again? Don’t you want things to be created for you?
Nicole [00:06:41] Don’t you want entertainment for your subscribers coming up? Don’t you want something in the fall? You want some winter stuff? Don’t you want some stuff–some entertainment?
Sasheer [00:06:55] People are going to want some entertainment and there won’t be.
Nicole [00:06:59] Yeah, people are going to be going to the movies, and they’re gonna be blank screens. And they’re going to be like, “Hey, what the heck?” Turn on their TVs to just fuzz. “What the heck?” Open their computers and just see whiteness and be like, “Hey! Where is entertainment?”
Sasheer [00:07:14] Why did they sell me a ticket to nothing? This seems like a scam.”
Nicole [00:07:20] “This is a scam. This is a whole scam. What’s going on?”
Sasheer [00:07:24] That’s very funny.
Nicole [00:07:25] So what’s going to happen if this strike doesn’t come to an end?
Sasheer [00:07:29] Yeah, this is true. Although there’s plenty of reality shows.
Nicole [00:07:32] There is a lot of reality. Almost too much. Like, I think there’s another season of The Ultimatum coming up. And then Too Hot to Handle has five fucking seasons. Who knew? I didn’t know.
Sasheer [00:07:47] I didn’t know either. I started watching the latest season of The Ultimatum. And I’ve only seen the Queer Ultimatum first. And so now I’m watching this latest one. Boring. So boring. I didn’t realize. It’s just that straight people are boring. No one even kissed? No one even kissed. On the queer one, everyone’s immediately fucking. And I was like, “This is great content. Great TV.”
Nicole [00:08:21] Yeah. I will say the first season of the ultimatum was indeed very good. Like, there was one dumb-dumb. There was actually a lot of dumb-dumbs. And there was one woman who sobbed. She was sobbing because this man, like, wouldn’t fuck her on camera. And he was like, “Later.” And she’s like, “Oh, you don’t like me?” And he’s literally saying he will fuck you later.
Sasheer [00:08:47] Oh, my God.
Nicole [00:08:48] But yeah, the first season was so good. But then Colby was so funny. Colby was such a dumb-dumb, and I loved him. Zay was also a dumb-dumb. April? Not so much of a dumb-dumb Jake a dumb-dumb. Rae? Not a dumb-dumb, but she came back bisexual. So, we were like, “Yes, Rae!” Oh, and then Hunter? No. Hunter’s girlfriend–Caitlin, I think, was her name–she walked around the first day being like, “I need a man with money. I need a man with money, money, money, money.” So, then everyone was like, “We don’t like her.” So, when it came time to choose, she knew no one was going to choose her or she’d get, like, leftovers. So, she starts crying, and she’s like, “I can’t imagine my life without Hunter. And I can’t imagine anyone choosing Hunter. So, Hunter should choose me because, like, we belong together.” And then Hunter did her a solid and was like, “I choose this one. I won’t do the experiment.” It was great. So, the first season was really fun. But yeah, The Queer Ultimatum had me glued to my little seat. I watched the whole thing in, like, two days.
Sasheer [00:09:54] Same. It was great. It was so great. So much drama.
Nicole [00:09:59] God, so much drama. I loved it! What a funny concept for a show. Like, the pitch was just like, “I don’t know. What if couples come here and, like, they fuck other people and then we make them watch it at a reunion and then be like, ‘Do you choose to stay together?’”
Sasheer [00:10:14] Yeah, this show is torturous. There’s so many dinners or, like, whatever those things are–the choices–where you have to sit across from your partner and then straight up be like, “This is why I like this other person. This person has stuff that my partner doesn’t have, and I love that. And I can see them as a potential husband or wife.” And then the other person just has to be like, “Well, that hurts. That hurts to hear. I don’t like that. But I guess, you know, whatever’s for the best.” It’s horrible.
Nicole [00:10:50] Okay. Do you think the people who go on these shows are, like, strong? I couldn’t do it. I can barely fathom the person I used to date. Okay. I was creeping on Instagram. A guy I was dating married somebody else. We dated for such a short time, and I don’t think either of us liked each other. But I was like, “Damn. To see him with somebody else happy. That hurts.” And it’s like, “What are you talking about? You went on three dates, and you actively didn’t like each other. He burped in your mouth. What are you doing?”
Sasheer [00:11:26] You’re like, “Oh… If only…”
Nicole [00:11:30] “If only he would burp in my mouth. I wonder if he burped in her mouth at the ceremony.” Like, it’s just unhinged behavior from my part. So, I couldn’t do that. It would be good TV because I would be crazy. But, like, I don’t know how these people aren’t going crazier.
Sasheer [00:11:46] So this current season, there was a woman who did fully go crazy. She was the one who brought her boyfriend to The Ultimatum and was like, “You know, we got to get married or we’re done.” And they started the first round of dating where you’re talking to the other partners. And all she’s doing is looking at what her man’s doing, looking at who he’s talking to, and talking about her man to her other dates, being like, “Yeah, I’m so stressed, I don’t know what is going to happen.” And then they all get drinks later that night. And then she’s the one who asks the group, “Well, what dates did you like? Who did you like talking to?” which is like, “Why are you asking this?” You’re just going to cause trouble. And then one girl said, “Well, I actually like talking to this guy,” who was her boyfriend. And then the girl gets up. She’s so upset and just really jealous because the other girl is just younger and hot. And she’s hot, too, but insane. And then people go break off and start talking to each other. That boyfriend goes and talks to that younger girl. They’re talking, like, pleasantly–not even suggestively. You know, it doesn’t seem hot and heavy. They’re just talking, trying to get to know each other, which is the game.
Nicole [00:13:03] The point of the show.
Sasheer [00:13:04] The point of the show! And then the girlfriend comes over and is like, “What are you talking about? What’s going on here?” And the girlfriend’s like, “I’m gonna give you space because I don’t know what this is.” And then the boyfriend and girlfriend get in a huge argument. The girlfriend pushes his face on camera and is like, “If you want to be with her, go ahead and be with her.” It’s really unfortunate. She’s just, like, screaming. And it’s like, “But you brought him here.”
Nicole [00:13:30] Do they make it past the first episode?
Sasheer [00:13:32] They don’t because before they get to the choice, she takes a pregnancy test and tells him in the show…
Nicole [00:13:42] I cannot believe you just said that straight people are boring! This bitch is bringing it!
Sasheer [00:13:46] This is true. But it’s also unfortunate because after they left, everyone’s boring. But she was the exciting part of the show. And then she was like, “I’m pregnant.” And he’s like, “Oh, well, I don’t know how that’s possible.” I mean, he didn’t go into detail. Oh, yes, it was Lisa and Brian. So, Lisa was like, “I’m pregnant.” Brian’s like, “I guess that is now our life.” And then they leave the show, and we never see them again. And I even Googled, “Did Lisa actually have a baby?” because the timing was so perfect. It’s like, “Oh, you just happened to take a pregnancy test before we had to make a choice?”
Nicole [00:14:27] You packed it with you to take the day we started shooting? Boy. That’s funny.
Sasheer [00:14:37] But then I saw stuff online that she did actually have a baby. I don’t know if they’re still together, but I guess that was true. But it was just like, “Whoa. What?”
Nicole [00:14:47] Oh, man. They should have just been like, “This season of Ultimatum is one episode.”
Sasheer [00:14:52] I wish it was. I wish it was just an hour special. Two-hour special.
Nicole [00:14:57] That is so funny. Yeah. I mean, I think that’s how I would behave. I know I would not behave correctly or well. And it’s not that I’m a jealous person. I think I’m just, like, insecure in relationships. But also, I don’t think I would bring anybody there.
Sasheer [00:15:14] I know. I mean, really, it’s unfortunate because, like, Lisa’s not wrong. What is happening is crazy. The scope of the show is wild. Of course, she didn’t want to see her man talking to somebody else. Like, yes, these are normal reactions to have. But I guess the choice to even come on the show is like, “What? What are we doing?”
Nicole [00:15:33] Oh, yeah. “What are we doing? This is wild.” Boy, oh, boy. Is there a reality show that you would go on?
Sasheer [00:15:40] Hmm.
Nicole [00:15:42] Like, say we’re on Earth 62, which is an alternate universe. You’re still Sasheer, but you have a different career. You are a golf instructor, and you teach children golf on Earth 62. And, you know, you have a friend. Me. I’m still Nicole. I am a botanist. I’m like, “Sasheer, you’ve been, like, tired of golf for so long. I think you should really push yourself to go on that show you’ve been wanting to go on.”
Sasheer [00:16:27] Maybe I’d want to do, like, The Amazing Race with you or something like that, where we, like, travel and we had to solve puzzles. I also don’t really know what the show is about. Are there puzzles? Seems like there’s puzzles. Seems like a scavenger hunt of some sort.
Nicole [00:16:44] I don’t know. I would do it because I have a wonderful assistant who can look after the plants so I would go solve puzzles with you.
Sasheer [00:17:02] I like that you still have an assistant, too.
Nicole [00:17:03] I’m a botanist! I’m discovering new plants every day. Well, not every day. That’s too many plants, but I’d say every couple of weeks. Well, maybe on Earth 62 plants are just popping up every day. I don’t know.
Sasheer [00:17:16] Yeah. There could be a lot of plants. Maybe they go extinct fast. They are created quickly, and they go extinct quickly.
Nicole [00:17:26] Okay. Now ask me.
Sasheer [00:17:28] Okay, Nicole. We’re on Earth 69, and we’re dirty. We’re bad. Everyone’s, like, partying all the time. They’re real nasty. And your job? You’re a madam at a brothel.
Nicole [00:17:58] Yes! Okay.
Sasheer [00:18:01] And I work the ticket counter at a sex show.
Nicole [00:18:11] The ticket counter?
Sasheer [00:18:12] I’m not in the show. I just take your ticket, and you go in.
Nicole [00:18:16] Oh, that wasn’t my judgment. I was just hoping that you would reach higher for yourself and maybe you owned the show, or, like, it was your revue. But ticket taking is not a shameful job, and I think it’s okay that you chose that.
Sasheer [00:18:32] You know what? Maybe I’m a theater reviewer for sex shows. I go into sex shows, and I’m reviewing the performances.
Nicole [00:18:42] Yes. “Keep it horny.” Okay. So, I can leave the brothel for a little bit. So, I think I want to go on American Ninja Warriors.
Sasheer [00:18:55] Whoa. That seems hard.
Nicole [00:18:57] It does seem hard. And since it’s Earth 69, not everyone is an elite athlete here, and I don’t know why. But they have a dumbed down version that we can do.
Sasheer [00:19:10] I love that. It does look super, super fun.
Nicole [00:19:13] Right? Like, just a fun obstacle course that like that, like, would be attainable to do.
Sasheer [00:19:20] Yeah. I feel like there’s gyms dedicated to stuff like that, where it’s like, “We train you to potentially do a show like this.” I guess it’s also, like, if you want to do it for fun. But they have a thing you hold onto the bar and then you move it and you jump into this thing and you put one foot on this thing and one foot on this thing. It’s, like, intense.
Nicole [00:19:40] Parkour gym. I do want to take a gymnastics class. I think I want to get into tumbling.
Sasheer [00:19:46] Ooh, that’s fun. Also, it would help you with being upside down.
Nicole [00:19:51] Yes because I panic when I get upside down, and I don’t know what to do!
Sasheer [00:19:56] That’s fun!
Nicole [00:19:57] It’s hard. Also, I feel like there should be an American Ninja Warrior show for normal people. I would watch that. I would watch a 35-year-old Midwestern mom of two be like, “Okay, now I’m gonna jump on this and see what happens.”
Sasheer [00:20:16] Well, wait. Is that different from Wipeout?
Nicole [00:20:22] So, I don’t know if Wipeout’s intentions are for people to complete it–to fully succeed. I think it’s rigged against you. And I think Wipeout’s funny in a way where American Ninja Warrior is like, “Wow! Look at what they can do. And I think if there was a normal person one, it’d be like, “Wow! Look at what 62-year-old grandpa can do! It wasn’t that hard, but it was good–he did it.”
Sasheer [00:20:47] I would actually love to see that.
Nicole [00:20:50] Imagine an older man just, like, doing a tumble and jumping on a little trampoline to hold on to a bar for two seconds to swing two inches into a pit or something.
Sasheer [00:20:58] Yeah, it would be like, “Honestly? Impressive. Unexpected. Impressive.”
Nicole [00:21:06] Yeah. I think about, like, those dog shows where the dogs run around. They’re not really doing huge feats of things. But you like it. They’re moving.
Sasheer [00:21:15] Yeah, I do like a dog show. You should– I mean, I don’t wanna tell you what you should do, but…
Nicole [00:21:22] Please do. I have no direction.
Sasheer [00:21:24] I don’t know if there’s a name for it, but you’ve seen those, like, dog dancing videos where people are dancing and there’s, like, dogs going in and out of their legs. That’d be maybe a fun thing for you and Clyde. Do you know what I’m talking about?
Nicole [00:21:41] I have no idea.
Sasheer [00:21:43] Really?
Nicole [00:21:43] I have no idea what you’re talking about. You’re dancing, and a dog is going in and out of your legs?
Sasheer [00:21:49] Yeah. I feel like I just saw a video on Instagram. There’s, like, a whole… I think there’s competitions, too.
Nicole [00:21:56] What? How does everyone know about this? Are you sending me a video?
Sasheer [00:22:03] I’m trying to see if I even saved it. I guess you choreograph your dance, and then the dog kind of bounces around you, goes in your leg, tumbles…
Nicole [00:22:14] Oh, my God. It’s a competition?
Sasheer [00:22:15] Yes.
Nicole [00:22:17] Oh, boy.
Sasheer [00:22:26] Okay. They’re going back and forth.
Nicole [00:22:27] And this is something you want me to do?
Sasheer [00:22:31] I think it’d be really cute.
Nicole [00:22:33] It is wild. Wow.
Sasheer [00:22:38] Look how beautiful that is! The dog’s, like, jumping up, spinning around, going backwards. It’s mostly between the legs, honestly.
Nicole [00:22:56] It is a lot of between the legs. I feel like this with me being like, “Well, I give up wanting a relationship. Now, I’m very intimate with my dog and we dance together and that is my partner.”
Sasheer [00:23:14] Aw. Paws are in the hands. It’s cute. Although Clyde might be too small for this.
Nicole [00:23:19] Clyde is too small, and, honestly, a little too unruly. He would never twist around. I mean, this dog is really well trained. But is the dog happy? Yeah, the dog looks so happy. Having a blast. Little pug! Oh, my God! How does the dog know how to do all this?
Sasheer [00:23:45] I don’t know. The music? Are they listening to music cues? I don’t know.
Nicole [00:23:49] Maybe.
Sasheer [00:23:53] What kind of dog is this?
Nicole [00:23:55] A border collie.
Sasheer [00:23:56] Yeah. I think border collies are, like, the most popular dancing dogs because, I think, they’re really easy to train.
Nicole [00:24:04] Interesting. This is really wild for me.
Jordan [00:24:11] If you watch her mouth, I think she’s saying commands. So even though the music is so loud, I think you can see her lips moving. So, I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s saying certain stuff. I also wouldn’t be surprised if people have, like, certain, like, clickers in their hands while they’re dancing. But it’s really impressive.
Sasheer [00:24:34] Can you go up? There was one dog dancing thing that had 31 million views, and I want to see what that…
Nicole [00:24:41] Oh, wow. There’s ladies in camo. This dog is so happy to be here with this lady.
Sasheer [00:24:51] Okay. There was a salute. Very patriotic.
Nicole [00:24:53] Very patriotic. This is for the troops.
Sasheer [00:24:59] Oh no! This dog just played dead!
Nicole [00:25:01] Oh no!
Sasheer [00:25:02] Oh, this really is for the troops.
Nicole [00:25:05] Wow. This is wild. This is, like, an interpretive dance.
Sasheer [00:25:10] Okay. The lady’s also sleeping. Okay, now the dog’s taking the blanket off.
Nicole [00:25:21] Oh, she doesn’t want to wake up. Oh no. The dog peed on her for pretend.
Sasheer [00:25:32] More through the legs. All right. The dog saluted!
Nicole [00:25:37] Oh, my God. Another dog is marching. This is wild that there are pockets of the internet that I have not explored. I didn’t know this was a thing.
Sasheer [00:25:49] 31 million people know this is a thing.
Nicole [00:25:51] This is wild. Do you think–? I don’t know. I feel like this is views from eight people who’ve just watched this a hundred times.
Sasheer [00:25:58] I mean, probably. Or just sent it to their friends, being like, “Look at this.” All right, I’m all bored now. I get it.
Nicole [00:26:05] Wild. You know, I’m really glad that I let you tell me what to do with my life. I’m going to think about it. I’m going to wake up later, and I’m going to say, “We got to get to training.”
Sasheer [00:26:18] You gotta do it. There’s other dogs performing. That could be him.
Nicole [00:26:25] That could be him. He could be my little show dog. Oh, boy. I just… I really think about it. Like, right now, I’m, like, really thinking about it. And I think he would just constantly disappoint me. I don’t think he would show up when I need him to practice. I think he’d want to, like, play instead of dance. I think he’d lay down. I’ve been trying to get him to eat sweet potato treats, and he doesn’t want them. He just leaves them around the house.
Sasheer [00:26:53] Oh. Is it because they’re just a new taste?
Nicole [00:26:58] Maybe. Or maybe. They’re, like, freezer dried or dried sweet potatoes. And I think he’s like, “Bitch, where the chemicals at? Where’s the other additives that make a doggy bone a dog bone treat?” Yeah. He hates them.
Sasheer [00:27:13] Have you ever had to give Clyde a pill?
Nicole [00:27:17] Yeah.
Sasheer [00:27:19] How do you do it?
Nicole [00:27:21] With a lot of peanut butter sometimes. And then sometimes–if it’s something I can dissolve in his water–I’ll do that. And then there has been times where all of my little tricks… You can put it in a treat, but sometimes he’ll eat it, not eat the pill, and spit the pill out. And then sometimes we’ll do that with peanut butter. But he has a harder time doing that. And there have been times where I have cradled him and put the pill in his mouth and then just pet his throat to be like, “Swallow it, swallow it, swallow it,” and then, like, keep pushing it back in his mouth and then be like, “Just swallow it. Please swallow it.” It’s not fun.
Sasheer [00:28:03] Yeah, I just saw someone give their cat a pill and their dog. And they put it back in their throat and they, like, clamped their hand over their mouth, so they can’t, like, do anything. And they only have the choice to swallow. And it looks so violent. But then we looked up a video because I was like, “That can’t be right.” And that is how you do it, or that’s, like, a way to do it. Clamp your hand over their nose and mouth and be like, “Swallow.” There’s no other choice.
Nicole [00:28:37] I’ve done that a couple of times with Clyde, but it really feels like I’m torturing him, so I don’t. It hurts my heart too much.
Sasheer [00:28:44] It looks bad.
Nicole [00:28:46] Yeah. And I don’t like when he’s sad.
Sasheer [00:28:49] Yeah. I mean, the cat, like, went to the other side of the room. It was very mad.
Nicole [00:28:55] He was like, “I’m not doing this again. Y’all fuck me over once, you’re not gonna catch me again.”
Sasheer [00:29:12] The Real Good Podcast by U.S. Bank aims to celebrate and gain knowledge from those working to change historical institutions and policies that disenfranchise BIPOC communities and women. Hosted by Faith Salie, each season provides the opportunity to learn from people who are on the ground, working to better their immediate communities or their industries. Topics include building community centered small businesses, bringing minority deposit institutions to new markets, the real impact of diversity programs at the corporate level, and more. This is not a banking podcast, but Faith and guests do explore how various issues impact people’s abilities to reach their goals and build generational wealth. The goal is to have open, direct discussions of the issues without sugarcoating things with corporate speak or letting corporations–including U.S. Bank–from doing their part to change systems of power for better. Listen to Real Good on all major podcast platforms or visit usbank.com/realgood.
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Nicole [00:31:26] Let’s do a quiz. I went swimming today and accidentally got my hair wet–all of it. And by accident I dove right in.
Sasheer [00:31:35] It seems like that’s the only outcome, actually.
Nicole [00:31:38] Yeah, it’s pretty, pretty pointed. But now it’s just, like, wet. And I’m like, “Ugh, now I have to wash it.” I’m really upset with myself.
Sasheer [00:31:46] I’m sorry. Since we’re talking about pets, should we do “Are You More Like a Golden Retriever or a Black Cat?”
Nicole [00:31:54] Yes. I would like to do that.
Sasheer [00:31:57] Yeah.
Nicole [00:31:58] Oh, I wonder what I am. I have a feeling I’m going to be a golden retriever.
Sasheer [00:32:06] I also feel that way. And I have a feeling I’m going to be a black cat.
Nicole [00:32:09] I think so. Okay. “What’s your favorite color to wear?”
Sasheer [00:32:16] “Blue.”
Nicole [00:32:17] “Black.”
Sasheer [00:32:18] “Red.”
Nicole [00:32:18] “Yellow.”
Sasheer [00:32:19] “Gray.”
Nicole [00:32:20] “Orange.”
Sasheer [00:32:21] “Green.”
Nicole [00:32:22] “Brown.”
Sasheer [00:32:25] Orange for me there.
Nicole [00:32:27] My favorite color isn’t there.
Sasheer [00:32:27] Oh yeah. They don’t have purple or leopard.
Nicole [00:32:32] Yes. Well, I guess I could say brown, because I do love leopard print.
Sasheer [00:32:36] Okay. Yeah. “What’s your favorite movie genre?”
Nicole [00:32:45] “Fantasy.”
Sasheer [00:32:45] “Sci-fi.”
Nicole [00:32:47] “Horror.”
Sasheer [00:32:47] “Mystery.”
Nicole [00:32:47] Ha ha ha ha! “Comedy!”
Sasheer [00:32:52] Pew! Pew! “Action!”
Nicole [00:32:55] “Romance.”
Sasheer [00:32:57] “Drama.”
Nicole [00:33:01] I mean, as of late, I have been loving action movies. I just watched the new Lara Croft movie that I think came out in 2018, and it was so good.
Sasheer [00:33:12] Oh. I don’t remember hearing anything about it.
Nicole [00:33:15] Real quick, Judith. Can you look up the latest Lara Croft movie?
Sasheer [00:33:21] I remember it coming out. I didn’t see it. I loved the originals.
Nicole [00:33:29] With Angelina Jolie?
Sasheer [00:33:29] Yeah, I love those ones.
Nicole [00:33:30] Yeah. Tomb Raider. Yeah. 2018. Nobody really talked about it, and I really thought it was fun. Yeah, it was great. Walton Goggins was the bad guy, and Dominic West played her dad. It was so good. Anyway, I really have been loving the action movies lately.
Sasheer [00:33:55] Also, I feel like this is probably a dumb question, but did the video game Tomb Raider come out before the movies? Or was it the movies and then the video game?
Nicole [00:34:07] It was a video game, then the movies because she had hard hexagon titties. And I feel like when the movie came out, everyone was like, “Is she going to have hard hexagon titties?” And they were like, “No, she’s a woman named Angelina Jolie. And they’re smooth and round.”
Sasheer [00:34:24] The video game character and Angelina Jolie both have big old titties. And I couldn’t remember if they modeled the video game after her big old titties. But also, I don’t believe… Maybe they did. I was going to say I don’t believe they cast her because of her titties because she felt perfect for the role anyway.
Nicole [00:34:45] I think they cast her for her talent, and the titties were secondary.
Sasheer [00:34:47] And the titties were also there.
Nicole [00:34:48] You know, I think they were like, “Ooh, let’s do Angelina Jolie. She’s a great actress.” And they’re like, “And she does have some big old titties.”
Sasheer [00:34:55] “That does help because that’s what the character looks like.” All right.
Nicole [00:35:04] Sasheer, what’s your favorite movie genre?
Sasheer [00:35:06] I would also say action.
Nicole [00:35:08] It’s fun.
Sasheer [00:35:10] It’s fun. Okay. Wha–?
Nicole [00:35:11] What? Go for it.
Sasheer [00:35:16] You just stopped and started nodding.
Nicole [00:35:18] Well, we started at the same time, and I was trying to nod to go, “Here. Go ahead.” But it ended up with me nodding like, “I’m not okay. I’m having a stroke.”
Sasheer [00:35:33] I was like, “Oh no! She broke down.” “What style are your outfits?”
Nicole [00:35:39] “Grunge.”
Sasheer [00:35:41] “Vintage.”
Nicole [00:35:42] “Hippie.”
Sasheer [00:35:44] “Casual.”
Nicole [00:35:45] “Gothic.”
Sasheer [00:35:46] “Preppy.”
Nicole [00:35:47] “Streetwear.”
Sasheer [00:35:48] “Dark academia.”
Nicole [00:35:49] “Boho.”
Sasheer [00:35:52] “Punk.” What is dark academia? Like, a professor?
Nicole [00:35:57] Yeah, I guess. Glasses and, like, tweed? Oh, this is a thing the internet knows. Oh, I was right. It’s, like, tweed and blazers and belts and…
Sasheer [00:36:13] Okay. Cute.
Nicole [00:36:14] Yeah, that is cute. I don’t think I know anyone who dresses like that.
Sasheer [00:36:18] I don’t think so either.
Nicole [00:36:20] I feel like that’s just in movies.
Sasheer [00:36:22] Yes. When they’re, like, depicting someone in New York.
Nicole [00:36:28] I think I’m pretty caszh because I do wear a lot of vintage stuff, but it’s not, like, period based. It’s just like this sparkly old thing I found.
Sasheer [00:36:40] Maybe boho?
Nicole [00:36:42] Yeah, I can see that for you. Boho! “After a long day of work, you come home and…”
Sasheer [00:36:52] “Sleep.”
Nicole [00:36:53] “Play video games.”
Sasheer [00:36:55] “Read.”
Nicole [00:36:56] “Watch TV.”
Sasheer [00:36:58] “Write.”
Nicole [00:36:58] “Eat.”
Sasheer [00:36:58] “Cook.”
Nicole [00:37:01] “Sports.”
Sasheer [00:37:02] You actively do sports, or you watch sports?
Nicole [00:37:06] Well, you’ve watched TV, so I think this is you come home from 16 hours in the coal mine and then go play soccer.
Sasheer [00:37:15] A nice, restful game of soccer.
Nicole [00:37:19] Wild. No. Who does that? I definitely eat as soon as I get home from, like, working.
Sasheer [00:37:25] Yeah, probably eat. “What’s your favorite musical film?”
Nicole [00:37:32] Ooh, “Hairspray.”
Sasheer [00:37:34] “Sweeney Todd.”
Nicole [00:37:35] “The Greatest Showman.”
Sasheer [00:37:37] “High School Musical.”
Nicole [00:37:38] “Grease” lightning! Go, grease lightning!
Sasheer [00:37:41] “Mamma Mia.”
Nicole [00:37:43] “Into the Woods.”
Sasheer [00:37:45] “La La Land.”
Nicole [00:37:47] “Dreamgirls.”
Sasheer [00:37:48] “I don’t like musicals.”
Nicole [00:37:50] Wow. I’m between Hairspray and Dreamgirls and Grease. What’s yours?
Sasheer [00:38:05] Probably Dreamgirls.
Nicole [00:38:09] Okay, then I’ll say Hairspray for sake of difference.
Sasheer [00:38:13] Yeah, we have to have difference.
Nicole [00:38:17] “Sake of difference.” What a weird way to say that.
Sasheer [00:38:21] “If you could have a superpower, which would it be?”
Nicole [00:38:23] Move metal. No, that’s not an answer. “Flight.”
Sasheer [00:38:27] “Super strength.”
Nicole [00:38:29] “Invisibility.”
Sasheer [00:38:30] “Telekinesis.”
Nicole [00:38:32] “Shapeshifting.”
Sasheer [00:38:33] “Electricity.”
Nicole [00:38:35] “Communication with the dead.”
Sasheer [00:38:36] Whoa. “Fire.”
Nicole [00:38:40] Telekinesis is moving stuff with your mind, right?
Sasheer [00:38:43] Yeah.
Nicole [00:38:44] I’m a nosy person, so I’m going to say invisibility. Let me get all up in your business.
Sasheer [00:38:53] I would say–yeah–telekinesis. I want to move stuff.
Nicole [00:38:59] Yeah! Move it around. “You can only listen to one artist for the rest of your life. Who will you choose?”
Sasheer [00:39:09] “Billie Eilish.”
Nicole [00:39:10] “Harry Styles?”
Sasheer [00:39:12] “Ariana Grande.”
Nicole [00:39:13] “Ed Sheeran?”
Sasheer [00:39:15] “Taylor Swift.”
Nicole [00:39:16] “Eminem?”
Sasheer [00:39:18] “Adele.”
Nicole [00:39:18] “The Weeknd?”
Sasheer [00:39:19] “Nicki Minaj.”
Nicole [00:39:20] “Bruno Mars?”
Sasheer [00:39:21] Now are you saying it like you’ve never heard of these people or…?
Nicole [00:39:26] Yeah, who’s Bruno Mars? Who is the Weeknd? I know Saturday and Sunday. Who’s Eminem? I know the candies. Ed Sheeran? I know Ed McMahon. Harry Styles? I know Harry and the Hendersons.
Sasheer [00:39:43] “I know Ed McMahon.”
Nicole [00:39:47] The only Ed I could think of.
Sasheer [00:39:49] That’s really funny. I think Bruno Mars because he’s always happy– Not always happy, but he has happy songs. He has sad songs. He has quite a variety of songs. I feel like if I did Billie Eilish, I’d be sad all the time. Or if it was Ed Sheeran, I’d be bopping around too much. Or Eminem–I might just be angry all the time. Bruno Mars–I feel like I’d still have a range of emotions for the rest of my life, and that would be great.
Nicole [00:40:20] Yeah, I’m… The Weeknd is an interesting person. The music is good. The person might be a little interesting. But I think I’m going to choose the Weeknd.
Sasheer [00:40:37] He has great songs. Very sexy.
Nicole [00:40:40] Yeah. And for the rest of my life… Baby, I’m already horny all the time, so…
Sasheer [00:40:46] Got a soundtrack for it.
Nicole [00:40:48] Keep it going.
Sasheer [00:40:51] “When you’re in a bad mood, do you prefer to be alone or with others?” I say alone.
Nicole [00:40:57] I’m going to say “with others” because when I’m in a bad mood, I will stay in a bad mood if I’m alone and dwell and think and get lost in the sauce. But if there’s somebody else, I get lost in their sauce and my mood goes better. “My mood goes better.” I am constantly in awe of the words that come out of my mouth.
Sasheer [00:41:24] “What Pixar movie is your favorite?”
Nicole [00:41:25] “Toy Story.”
Sasheer [00:41:28] “Wall-E.”
Nicole [00:41:29] Oof, that’s a good one. Oof. “Finding Nemo.”
Sasheer [00:41:33] “The Incredibles.”
Nicole [00:41:34] Oof! That’s a good one. “Monsters, Inc.”
Sasheer [00:41:37] “Ratatouille.”
Nicole [00:41:38] Ooh, that’s a good one, too. “Inside Out.” That’s a good one.
Sasheer [00:41:42] “Up.”
Nicole [00:41:42] Oh, that’s a good one. And “Coco?” That’s such a good one.
Sasheer [00:41:46] “Brave.”
Nicole [00:41:46] Never seen it.
Sasheer [00:41:48] It’s a good one.
Nicole [00:41:50] Pixar has hits.
Sasheer [00:41:52] They do have hits. They’re all great.
Nicole [00:41:54] They’re all so good. Oh, my God. I love Toy Story because I was too old when I saw it. And I still, like, had Barbies past the time you’re supposed to have them. I have Barbies now. But I would truly leave my room and open the door really quick to be like, “What are them Barbies doing?” And they were always doing nothing. Wall-E made me sob. I loved Finding Nemo. The Incredibles was just so funny and great. Monsters, Inc.–I love that little girl, and I loved Mike Wazowski. Ratatouille–a rat under a hat? Inside Out? All the emotions of that first scene and then that kid! Oh, that Boy Scout in Up made me cry. This is so hard. I can’t believe they’re trying to make me choose.
Sasheer [00:42:45] This is actually really hard. I’m gonna say Coco because it truly made me sob.
Nicole [00:42:51] God.
Sasheer [00:42:52] And every time… You know when you put your password in to sign into something and there’s, like, a little check mark underneath it that says, “Remember me?” I always think of the song from Coco that’s like, “Remember me…”
Nicole [00:43:10] I’m going to pick Finding Nemo because whenever I, like, am afraid of something, I always say, “Fish are friends not food.” And I know it’s for a shark to not eat the fish, but, like, I have turned it to being like, “People aren’t terrible. They’re food.” I don’t know how I rationalize it in my mind, but I do.
Sasheer [00:43:33] I thought you were going to say, “Just keep swimming.”
Nicole [00:43:35] Nope. “Fish are friends not food.” And then I love those seagulls. “Mine, mine, mine, mine.” I went to Disneyland last year, and they have those seagulls. I was walking past them, and I heard them go, “Mine.” And then I stopped, and I was like, “They say, ‘Mine’?” And then I took out my phone, and they didn’t do it. But then I waited, and they did it. And when I tell you I cackled for a solid two minutes and children were staring at me, being like, “She’s having too much fun here. She’s too old for that.” Oh, I love Finding Nemo. But honestly, that’s really interesting that I don’t use “Just keep swimming” and I use “Fish are friends not food.”
Sasheer [00:44:25] Yeah, I really thought that’s where it was headed because you’re like, “Oh, when I get scared of doing something, I always say that famous quote from Finding Nemo… ‘Fish are friends not food.’”
Nicole [00:44:42] I don’t know if I’ve ever said it to you. Maybe you’ve never been like, “I’m afraid of this, or I’m nervous about something.” But if someone comes to me and they’re like, “I’m nervous about this,” I will say, “Just remember fish are friends not food.” I’m so deeply embarrassed.
Sasheer [00:45:10] Whatever works for you. If that is what sounds good to you to motivate you, then it’s great.
Nicole [00:45:19] Am I the only person living in the world like this? Just, like, loud and wrong? I can’t believe that’s such a better quote from that movie. Oh, now I’m crying.
Sasheer [00:45:36] Oh no.
Nicole [00:45:39] Oh, my God. “Are you a morning person or night owl?”
Sasheer [00:45:47] I think I now am a morning person. It’s switched. I used to be a night owl, but now I can actually get up early. And I have to go to sleep quite, quite early.
Nicole [00:45:59] Wow. I wish it would switch for me. I’m still a night owl. Oh, my God.
Judith [00:46:05] So this is Nicole’s, and I think Sasheer got the same thing. Wow. We’re “golden retrievers.” We’re “probably extroverted and affectionate.” We “like adventure and will gladly spend time with friends and family.” We “often are quite playful.”
Sasheer [00:46:20] I don’t… That doesn’t track for me.
Nicole [00:46:22] It really doesn’t.
Sasheer [00:46:24] It really doesn’t.
Nicole [00:46:25] That’s interesting.
Sasheer [00:46:26] I mean, I guess we said a couple of the same things.
Nicole [00:46:30] Here, I think you’re a mutant. I think you’re half black cat, half golden retriever.
Sasheer [00:46:38] Like CatDog!
Nicole [00:46:40] You’re a CatDog! That’s a famed Nickelodeon show?
Sasheer [00:46:45] Yes.
Nicole [00:46:46] I’ve never seen it one time.
Sasheer [00:46:47] It was funny. It was cute. It was weird. It was a tandem animal that had two heads and two brains. One was a cat. One was a dog.
Nicole [00:47:01] Oh, maybe it was trying to make conjoined twins feel better about their disposition.
Sasheer [00:47:06] Whoa. I never thought of it that way.
Nicole [00:47:09] Maybe it was a secretly inclusive cartoon.
Sasheer [00:47:11] Oh, I like that.
Nicole [00:47:15] Right? And then everyone can enjoy it, but it’s specifically for conjoined twins.
Sasheer [00:47:18] Wow. Look at that. Good job, Nickelodeon.
Nicole [00:47:21] Look at Nickelodeon. Inclusive from the start.
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Nicole [00:48:08] Should we answer queries and quandaries and questions galore?
Sasheer [00:48:15] Galore! “Questions and queries and galore. Oh my!” We have an email. “Hi, Nicole and Sasheer. Loved the podcast and have been a listener since the beginning. So, here’s my tea. I just found out recently that one of my best friends shares all of my personal stories with her husband. I was just talking to my best friend a couple of weeks ago about how I think maybe my partner and I have low sex drives and haven’t been intimate in a while but that our relationship is still good. It’s closer than ever, and maybe we don’t really need the sex. Anyway, I found out my best friend’s husband knows my shit because while I was over their house last week, her husband mentioned if my partner and I were finally starting to fuck again. I think he was trying to be funny, but I was shooken because even though her husband is fun to hang out with, I don’t know him like that and don’t want him to know my tea.”
Nicole [00:49:24] “I know she likes to spill other people’s tea all the time, but I thought I was safe because we’re best friends. Isn’t that, like, best friend code? Don’t snitch your best friend’s shit to other people? I’m not trying to start a drama between the two of you, but Sasheer, have you or do you share really personal information about Nicole to your partner? Like, things you know probably should just stay between you and Nicole? I just want to know if this is normal couple’s shit because I definitely don’t share personal information with my partner about my friends, especially my friends who are confiding in me. I really lost trust in my best friend and don’t talk about personal stuff to her anymore.”
Sasheer [00:49:58] Damn.
Nicole [00:49:59] Yeah. Yeah, Sasheer, you tell my business to your partner?
Sasheer [00:50:06] I mean, some stuff, but not everything ’cause I guess… I don’t know. You’re a part of my life, so sometimes it feels if we’re just talking about, like, what’s going on, it might come up. But it’s not like “Girl, I got to tell you the tea about Nicole. You’ll never believe this.” We’re not, like, dishing. But yeah, there’s some things that I’ve talked about but also a lot of things I have not.
Nicole [00:50:42] Hmm.
Sasheer [00:50:43] Have you ever told my stuff to a person you were dating?
Nicole [00:50:48] Yeah, but not secret personal stuff. Maybe like, “Oh, Sasheer is in Atlanta working.”
Sasheer [00:50:56] Yeah.
Nicole [00:51:02] Me personally–I think the information I have shared with someone I was dating is nothing that you wouldn’t tell them yourself. It’s no deep, dark secrets. That would literally be insane. And if it’s, like, serious serious? No. I have some things you’ve told me that will go to the grave with me. You’ll have to dig them up because I’m going to write them on little notes and put them in my pocket.
Sasheer [00:51:31] Oh no. You don’t have to do that.
Nicole [00:51:34] I’m gonna! Sorry! And then you can figure out which secrets I’ve never told anybody.
Sasheer [00:51:45] It’s just, like, a scavenger hunt for me.
Nicole [00:51:46] And then you’re going to read them and be like, “This wasn’t that important.”
Sasheer [00:51:50] That’s funny.
Nicole [00:51:52] I will say this. I don’t think it feels good to have your best friend talk about that to their partner. But I don’t think that’s a bad thing for her to talk about with her partner, especially if maybe they’re having some issue or… I don’t know. Like, if it comes up, I think that’s a normal thing to say to their partner. The abnormal thing for me is the partner saying something to you because who is he? He’s not your friend like that.
Sasheer [00:52:22] Yeah, that’s honestly a huge mistake on that partner’s part.
Nicole [00:52:25] That’s weird.
Sasheer [00:52:25] Yeah. Yeah, I can see it being a thing where it’s like, “Yeah, maybe they are also having sex issues.”
Nicole [00:52:34] And not that it’s an issue because you said that sex was not necessary to the relationship and maybe they were like, “Sex is very important!” and that was just a different take on it, so they had a conversation about it, which I think is good and whatever and fine. I’m just like, “That man was weird.” That’s weirdo fucking behavior.
Sasheer [00:52:54] Because how tone deaf or obtuse do you have to be to not realize, like, you didn’t actually have that conversation with your partner’s friend. That was a conversation you had with your partner. And there shouldn’t have been an assumption that this is public information for us to discuss openly. So, I don’t know. Yeah. So, it is weird. I don’t know if you need to be mad at your friend for even saying something. But I don’t know. What do you…?
Nicole [00:53:35] I mean, I… It was funny when I was initially reading this, and I was like, “Would Sasheer tell her partner stuff about me?” And then I was like, “Yes, because I’m a person in your life.” You’re not going to not talk about a person you’re very close to with your partner. That’s truly unhinged, I think, because–I don’t know–I want a partner that I can tell almost everything to but also be able to trust them that, like, some things that I say stay in the house. I just don’t like that dude being like, “Y’all fucking?” That’s not good, and that’s not right. Maybe you have a conversation with your best friend, and you just go, “Hey. I just want to be sure our connection’s okay and that when I’m telling you things that, like, maybe you don’t share all of it with your partner because I don’t need the whole world knowing my business. And I just didn’t really love when he came at me and said that specific thing. That didn’t feel great.”
Sasheer [00:54:40] Yeah. I like that. I think you’re well within your rights to say something and be like, “I was really uncomfortable when your partner told my business to me and in a joking way. I’m not saying you don’t have to talk about me at all to your partner, but maybe make it clear that some stuff is actually private private. And I don’t even want to know that you know. And certainly, don’t say it to people who are not me or. I don’t want that spreading around or something like that. Just so there’s some, like, boundaries there. Like, I’m not policing your conversations with your partner, but just make sure he knows that’s not for everyone to know.”
Nicole [00:55:26] Yeah, that’s not conversation fodder at the dinner table. Get the fuck out. Get out of here. I don’t like this man.
Sasheer [00:55:38] Yeah. Honestly, we need to also talk to the friend to be like, “The choice of partner we have here…”
Nicole [00:55:46] What are we doing?
Sasheer [00:55:47] Questionable.
Nicole [00:55:48] Gabs McGee over here can’t close fucking loose lips and sink the ships! Get him out!
Sasheer [00:55:54] Although I’m sure I can also see a world where this man was just so excited to be a part of the tea. Like, he was just so excited to get any goss, and he was like, “Yes, we’re talking!”
Nicole [00:56:07] “Yes, I’m one of the divas!”
Sasheer [00:56:08] “Yes! What about this issue, girl?” And then everyone’s like, “What?”
Nicole [00:56:13] “What? Jim, shut the fuck up, and sit down!”
Sasheer [00:56:15] “That’s not how we do it. We’re never gonna tell you anything again.”
Nicole [00:56:20] Yeah. I think just have a little talk and just don’t… Just be like, “I just want to make sure we’re on the same page about things.” But also, I think, just be understanding that your friend will talk about you to their partner. All of your friends will. Like, if you’re in someone’s life, you’re a part of their life. Just most people understand that there’s decorum with getting information.
Sasheer [00:56:47] Yeah. And it’s unfortunate that this person did not.
Nicole [00:56:51] Yeah. Solved! And remember, friend, fish are friends not food. So, let’s do another one.
Caller [00:57:01] Hi. I’m trying this message again because I did it the first time and it was incoherent. But I was listening to a recent episode where you guys were having the Why Won’t You Date Me/Best Friends crossover. And you were talking about how your friendship is so intimate and special and kind of unique in your lives where it feels like you are the other person’s number one. And Nicole, you kind of mentioned having to talk about that with potential people you were dating–how your best friend is kind of that number one person. And I’m in a situation where I’m kind of the person that you would be telling that to. So, here’s the context. My boyfriend and I are doing great. His best friend has a similar relationship to him as you guys. So, you know, when he and I started dating, he was like, “I really like you. I really like where this is going. But you just need to know that my best friend is my number one person and he’s always going to be around.” And I’m like, “That’s fine.” I truly, genuinely love that about my boyfriend. I think for men, it’s unusual to find people who have that kind of vulnerability and intimacy in a friendship. And I’m glad that he had that. But for me, it does feel a little bit like I’m just kind of relegated to the second place no matter what I do. I want to feel–I don’t know–important to him. I want to feel like I’m also a priority and also like he and I are that close. And he’s known his best friend for a really long time. And he and I haven’t been together that long, so I understand that this is something that has to be felt. But I’m just curious, I guess, Sasheer, if that was ever something that you had to bring up with your man. We all got together. I know, Nicole, you had said that when Sasheer and her man got together, you were feeling nervous about how your relationship was going to change. And I’m just curious what that looked like, I guess, in practice and how you guys talked to people who are entering your lives as individuals about your relationship to each other. Does that make sense? I’m just curious, like, if you had a new person, how would you be like, “Hey, this is my best friend–they’re super important to me”? And what would you feel like and what would you say if that new person was like, “But what about me?” I feel like, “But what about me?” And it’s hard to understand as someone who’s outside of the relationship where I would fit in.
Sasheer [00:59:58] Yeah, I think it’s natural to have “What about me?” thoughts no matter what–even if it’s a best friend of your partner… Some people’s dog or pet is their main priority. Their parents, their family, their kid–there’s so many things that could also be a priority for people. And it’s very easy to be like, “Why don’t I feel like number one right now?” And it’s just something that has to be talked about and put in practice and everyone has to be honest about how they feel because if your party doesn’t know that you don’t feel like a priority, then they can’t make changes to make you feel that way. And it might just take some massaging, like, “Okay. I will be better at letting you know when I’m hanging out with my friend and giving you time, too.” Or like, “I want to go on a weekend trip with my buddy, but I’ll make sure to call you these hours when I’m gone,” or something like that. You know, like, trying to figure out how to work it out so that, like, you don’t feel left behind when your partner is just, like, hanging with his best friend all the time but also that you’re still giving them space to have their relationship because it is a priority. And there is a way that everyone can share in the space and still be a priority, but it’s going to be an ebb and flow, I guess.
Nicole [01:01:46] Yeah, I think open communication is a nice, clear thing. And he was clear enough to say that “my best friend is my number one person. That’s the person I love the most. He’s like a brother to me.” So, I think that’s maybe a better way to think of it–that he’s not just a best friend–that this man is this other man’s chosen family. This is his family. And I don’t think you would feel second fiddle if they were blood brothers. I think you just go, “Oh, he’s really close to his brother. Okay. Whatever.” But I think since this is not a relative and, you know, friendships–we’re taught that they’re not as important as romantic relationships, and sometimes they are. So, I think, yeah, if you’re just vocal enough to be like, “Hey, I just want to make sure that you’re making time for me as well.” And taking 30 minutes out of a trip, a weekend, or whatever for a phone call is truly nothing. And that’s something that somebody can do because it’s not taking away from anybody’s time. It’s making sure that you feel loved and included. And he’s still spending time with his best friend. I think if they hang out five days a week, you can truly just say, “Hey, I think we’re missing a little bit of quality time. I would like to see you a little bit more.” That doesn’t mean that they can’t hang out five days a week. It just means that they hang out five days a week, but then there’s time for you during those five days a week. They hang out from, like, 3:00 to 5:00. And you get 5:00 and an overnight slumby with some deep dicking. Yeah, I am not great at communication, but I do think communication is the key to just having everybody be on the same page.
Sasheer [01:03:28] Yeah. Yeah. And I think being specific helps too because if you’re like, “I would like more quality time with you,” or “I would like to feel like a priority not more than but like your friend,” offer some suggestions too because it’s kind of hard to know what to do if you’re just like, “I want more.” And then your partner’s like, “Well, what does that mean?” Or, like, you might think there’s no problems at all. You might be like, “We’ve spent time together all the time.” But, like, what is the quality time that you need to feel included? Is it physical quality time? Is it phone calls? Is it FaceTimes? Is it memes? You know, what is it that would make you feel good that you like? And then be specific, like, “Okay, well, what if we do this?” And hopefully they’ll be able to hear that.
Nicole [01:04:19] Yeah, maybe it’s like, “When we’re together, no phone time. We just spend at least an hour or two off our phones where we just, like, connect.” Or it’s like, “Let’s go away for a weekend.” Or, you know, “Maybe Thursday is our standing date where we always go try a new restaurant that we’ve wanted to go to or something.” Yeah, I think that’s a really good idea. I think having one day a week where you’re like, “This is our day,” that’s not interrupted makes you feel like it’s important because he has that one day a week set aside for you. Not to be like, “And every other day is Friendship Day!” But in my brain, I’d be like, “This is nice. This is nice that this man set aside a day for me. That’s a special thing that we have that’s nice.”
Sasheer [01:05:04] Yeah, I like that.
Nicole [01:05:07] And remember, fish are friends not food. Okay? And don’t walk around going, “Mine, mine, mine!” because you do have to share him with his friends.
Sasheer [01:05:24] Wow. And if you have any questions or queries or advice you want to give us, you can email firstname.lastname@example.org or call, text, or leave a voicemail at 424-645-7003.
Nicole [01:05:39] And if you’re walking around going, “Mine, mine, mine!” that’s because you have merch of ours that you could get at podswag.com/bestfriends.
Sasheer [01:05:49] And if you want to keep on swimming to words that we’re saying, you can go to earwolf.com to check out our transcripts for our new episodes.
Nicole [01:06:01] And don’t be a clownfish! Don’t forget to rate, review, and subscribe. That’s the easiest way to support the show.
Sasheer [01:06:12] Ah, perfect.
Nicole [01:06:15] I honestly am blown away that I haven’t said the correct quote from the fucking movie that would be helpful to people.
Sasheer [01:06:24] I really thought that’s where you’re going with it.
November 21, 2023
This week, we’ve got a couch! And we’re live from the Netflix Is A Joke festival!
November 14, 2023
Hey Besties! Nicole shares how she learned some people marry objects. If Sasheer were to marry an object, it would be a chair while Nicole would marry a door.