December 13, 2022
Sasheer went out to see My Chemical Romance and Nicole is NOT OKAY. Nonetheless, they both welcome the return of emo culture. Nicole may have gone out to play with a big dog the night before recording and is now in need of a “hair of the dog.” Speaking of dogs, Nicole and Sasheer investigate Bosco, Veronica’s Insurance practice partner and german shepherd. This leads them down the spiral of lawyers on billboards. And in true holiday spirit, Sasheer gifted Nicole pieces of cake from her favorite, the Madonna Inn! Lastly, they answer listener queries, from sugar baby affirmations to how to communicate with an aggressive friend at game night!
Email or call Nicole & Sasheer with your friendship questions at:
183 — Sasheer Is Down For The Comeback Of Emo Culture
Nicole [00:00:10] Hello, Sasheer.
Sasheer [00:00:12] Hello, Nicole.
Nicole [00:00:13] Oh boy. I thought you’re going to say that you weren’t recording again.
Sasheer [00:00:17] No, now I am.
Nicole [00:00:18] How are you?
Sasheer [00:00:20] I’m good. I’m in Mexico City.
Nicole [00:00:25] Hola.
Sasheer [00:00:28] Hola to you, too.
Nicole [00:00:28] That’s how they greet each other in Mexico. Did you know?
Sasheer [00:00:34] Yeah. Yeah, I did.
Nicole [00:00:38] Okay. Just making sure that you know how to say “hello” to the people who are there.
Sasheer [00:00:42] Thank you. I appreciate that. I don’t want to be rude.
Nicole [00:00:45] No worries. That’s what I’m here for.
Sasheer [00:00:48] I don’t want you to be upset, but I saw My Chemical Romance last night.
Nicole [00:00:54] I know. I didn’t know it was last night, but I knew it was coming. I’m not upset as much as I am disappointed.
Sasheer [00:01:03] Okay. Yeah.
Nicole [00:01:05] You know, I love My Chemical Romance.
Sasheer [00:01:08] Yeah, I know.
Nicole [00:01:10] I love them a lot. And I really wanted to see them this year. But it wasn’t feasible. It wasn’t in God’s plan for me. He did not see it for me.
Sasheer [00:01:21] Right.
Nicole [00:01:22] But I am happy and blessed that you got to see them. How was it?
Sasheer [00:01:25] It was really fun.
Nicole [00:01:27] Yeah, of course it was.
Nicole [00:01:29] “I’m not okay!” Did they sing that?
Sasheer [00:01:36] Yeah, of course they did. Yeah.
Nicole [00:01:38] What was their closer?
Sasheer [00:01:41] I didn’t recognize it, so I actually don’t know.
Nicole [00:01:46] Probably something new. I don’t know any of their new shit.
Sasheer [00:01:49] Same. Yeah. There are a few ones there. I was like, “Hm. I dunno.”
Nicole [00:01:54] I hope that’s what you did say in there. “I don’t know.”
Sasheer [00:01:57] Yeah. I was, like, jumping to Not Okay and then being like, “Hm. I don’t know about this one. I’ll just stand.”
Nicole [00:02:05] “I’ll just stand here and sway a little. I don’t know.”
Sasheer [00:02:08] But it is very, very fun. Gerard was in, um, I think a Joan of Arc outfit–or some sort of knight. There’s a cape and chain mail. And it was also funny because no one else in the band was dressed up. It was just the lead singer. And I liked that. I liked that he was like, “I don’t care what the rest of you want to do. Everybody do whatever you want. Only a T-shirt? Fine. I’m going full knight.”
Nicole [00:02:32] Maybe he missed Halloween and he’s making up for lost time.
Sasheer [00:02:36] Maybe. Or maybe, like, he just, like, has been touring this whole time, and everything else was dirty. And he’s like, “I have a Halloween costume.”
Nicole [00:02:45] Maybe it’s not even his Halloween costume–it’s his dirty clothes outfit.
Sasheer [00:02:51] That’s a heavy dirty clothes outfit.
Nicole [00:02:53] Right? You know how, like, some ladies have, like, their nasty panties for, like, their period. And then you run out of your good panties and you’re not on your period, and you’re like, “I’ll just wear the holey ones.” Maybe that’s the Joan of Arc outfit.
Sasheer [00:03:04] Yeah, and I like that. It’s a good choice.
Nicole [00:03:07] Yeah, I like it, too. Sasheer, I have something to tell you.
Sasheer [00:03:10] Oh, okay.
Nicole [00:03:12] I’m really hung over today.
Sasheer [00:03:14] Oh, she went out?
Nicole [00:03:16] She went out. She played with a big dog. She got home. She ordered Taco Bell. She ate too much Taco Bell. And then her tum-tum hurt this morning. That’s what I’m going through.
Sasheer [00:03:30] Whose dog was this?
Nicole [00:03:32] A big, big, big one.
Sasheer [00:03:34] Were you partying with the dog?
Nicole [00:03:36] Oh.
Sasheer [00:03:39] Yeah. Me and this dog had a wild fucking night. No, it was Gilly’s dog, Wilma. She came to the bar, and she’s so, so sweet. Okay. Have you ever seen Veronica’s Insurance? She’s, like, an insurance lawyer.
Sasheer [00:03:52] No.
Nicole [00:03:53] I don’t understand what’s happening with Veronica because I think she has a dog as a partner. And I’m just confused if the dog comes to court. Kimmie? Okay, I’m not crazy. Can you please pull up Veronica? She’s a lawyer with a dog. And the dog wears a suit sometimes. Like, is this dog coming to court with us? It’s, like, a big old husky. Wait, show the one in the suit. Like, what the fuck?
Jordan [00:04:27] That’s a German shepherd, by the way.
Nicole [00:04:29] Oh, what did I say?
Jordan [00:04:30] You said “husky.”
Nicole [00:04:32] Oh.
Sasheer [00:04:32] Oh. Okay
Kimmie [00:04:33] That was really going to bother Jordan.
Nicole [00:04:36] No. Thank you. Thank you.
Sasheer [00:04:38] “Veronica and Basko Fully Insured.” She’s an insurance lawyer. And these are ads?
Nicole [00:04:46] I believe so.
Sasheer [00:04:46] Whoa. I don’t think I seen these at all.
Nicole [00:04:48] You haven’t?
Kimmie [00:04:49] These are all over L.A.
Nicole [00:04:51] Yeah. And there’s one prominent billboard on Western that I see all the time.
Sasheer [00:04:59] And this dog is in a suit?
Nicole [00:05:02] Yes.
Sasheer [00:05:04] It looks like it’s standing upright in a suit, wearing sunglasses. This dog looks like it’s from Men in Black with this white shirt and black tie.
Nicole [00:05:10] Yes! I need to get to the bottom of who Veronica is.
Sasheer [00:05:16] Is the dog involved?
Nicole [00:05:17] Why does she have so many billboards? Is the dog working on the cases? Who’s Basko?
Sasheer [00:05:26] Maybe Basko is actually a human but thinks it’s funny to use a dog in the pictures?
Nicole [00:05:33] Well, then I’m certainly not using you; you’re joking around too much.
Sasheer [00:05:39] “I don’t want a funny lawyer.”
Nicole [00:05:41] No, I want serious. Get me my money. “I want my money, and I want it now!” Do you remember those commercials?
Sasheer [00:05:49] I do, yeah. “Veronica Gallardo. Since opening the doors of her company, Veronica has remained in the insurance market for over 25 years.” Okay, “Basko, an intelligent and friendly German Shepherd that becomes your best ally. Its ability as a protector is legendary, and he is always available where he is needed. Basko protects you when you need him the most.”
Nicole [00:06:15] That didn’t explain anything.
Sasheer [00:06:16] That’s still not specific enough.
Nicole [00:06:19] Yeah. He’s just a dog–or not just a dog–he’s a dog. Or she. I don’t know what gender Basko is.
Sasheer [00:06:27] I think he. This said “its.”
Nicole [00:06:31] Oh, okay.
Sasheer [00:06:32] So, I don’t know.
Nicole [00:06:32] Which is pretty rude.
Sasheer [00:06:34] Yeah. I think if we’re personifying Basko–
Nicole [00:06:37] I would never call a client an “it.”
Sasheer [00:06:39] Yeah. You could say “they.”
Nicole [00:06:41] Yeah. Oh, I wonder if Clyde would start an insurance company with me.
Sasheer [00:06:45] No, I don’t think so. Clyde would start–
Nicole [00:06:49] I think, like, he’s a pickpocket. I think he’s a criminal.
Sasheer [00:06:54] Oh, my God. I was going to say, “His Discovery Zone.”
Nicole [00:07:01] Listen, they’re both fun. Wait. This is Veronica’s Instagram?
Sasheer [00:07:06] Kimmie keeps bringing more ads up, and they are getting wilder and wilder.
Kimmie [00:07:10] I’m sorry, it’s just too good. Can you guys describe this?
Sasheer [00:07:13] Oh, I don’t know if I can. It’s a kind of a cartoon ad. It’s animated. It’s for Halloween. Veronica and Basko are dressed up as Ghostbusters. And then they fly into frame. Pumpkins emerge from the ground. There’s a skeleton holding a sign. And there’s a moon in the background. So, I guess it’s spooky. And then, I don’t know Spanish, so I don’t know what it says. But it’s 40% off.
Nicole [00:07:41] 40% off.
Sasheer [00:07:42] Oh, Jessica can translate.
Jessica [00:07:44] It goes: “Veronica! She exterminates the high prices.”
Sasheer [00:07:53] If they’re dressed up as Ghostbusters, she should be busting the high prices.
Nicole [00:07:57] Yes.
Sasheer [00:07:59] But I guess… What’s the Spanish word for “bust?” Would there be?
Jessica [00:08:02] I don’t think it translates the same.
Sasheer [00:08:04] Okay. So maybe this is the best translation.
Nicole [00:08:07] What is she? Insurance? But also, it said “law.”
Sasheer [00:08:12] All of it’s unclear. It’s really unclear. I don’t know who would call her. I don’t know who would see the poster and be like, “Oh, perfect. She’ll probably help me.” You know, like, “I have a need. And she’s the one I need to call.”
Nicole [00:08:25] Yeah. There’s a lot of billboards. Sweet James? Do you know Sweet James?
Sasheer [00:08:31] Oh, I have seen the “Sweet James,” which is also a lawyer, right?
Nicole [00:08:33] I believe so. He doesn’t have any animals, though. He’s just Sweet James. I once saw a billboard for a psychic, and then I went into the shop that the billboard was above. And they were like, “There is no psychic here! She rents the billboard! You got to call the number! Get out!” I was like, “Okay.”
Sasheer [00:08:56] Whoa. I was talking to someone who said they had a friend who was one of those lawyers who has, like, an outlandish billboard, or a commercial, or something. And they said, “That kind of is the most important thing for their company–the advertising–because if it’s catchy, it’ll work and people will be like, “Oh, I’ve seen Sweet James, so I got to call them or whatever. I remember this phone number which is 777-777.”
Nicole [00:09:22] Or “Celino & Barnes!”
Nicole & Sasheer [00:09:25] “Injury Attorneys. (800) 888-8888.”
Sasheer [00:09:32] But they are not together anymore.
Nicole [00:09:34] No. And one passed. Wait, what are you wearing? Describe it to the people listening.
Sasheer [00:09:41] So since I’m in concert mode, a long-sleeved white shirt. And then I just got this. It’s, like, a fanny pack, but it’s on my chest. It’s like a chest fanny pack.
Nicole [00:09:52] It’s a chesty pack.
Sasheer [00:09:53] It’s a chesty pack. It’s, like, half a vest, and it has a zipper and a pocket.
Nicole [00:09:58] Are you going to another concert today?
Sasheer [00:10:00] I am!
Nicole [00:10:01] Who are you seeing?
Sasheer [00:10:03] I’m seeing Paramore… and then a bunch of other people I don’t really know. But I’m excited to see Paramore.
Nicole [00:10:10] What is Paramore’s most famous song? That’s that lady with the orange hair?
Sasheer [00:10:15] Yes, exactly. Let’s see. What’s that song? Crush?
Jordan [00:10:22] Misery Business?
Sasheer [00:10:23] Misery Business is probably their most popular. Yeah.
Nicole [00:10:26] Someone’s gotta sing it.
Sasheer [00:10:30] I’m in the business of misery. It’s ticking like a clock. You got a body like a– I fucked up already, but… Body like an hourglass, it’s ticking like a clock.
Nicole [00:10:45] I don’t think I know this song.
Sasheer [00:10:49] I feel like you must. I don’t think I did justice. So, the music video–they’re, like, in school, and there’s a girl who’s with a boyfriend, but the… Okay. We just pulled it up. That’s great. Thank you.
Nicole [00:11:05] Oh, yes. Yeah. Kimmie, hit that chorus.
Sasheer [00:11:12] Yeah, that’s basically what I was thinking.
Nicole [00:11:17] Yeah. Okay. I know this song. And is that their most famous song?
Sasheer [00:11:22] I think it might be their most famous song; it has 250 million views on YouTube.
Nicole [00:11:27] Too many! Too many people watched it. Can you even?
Sasheer [00:11:31] Yeah. And they’re having a comeback. And so is just emo culture in general, which I’m down for.
Nicole [00:11:41] Yeah. Because we went through a whole fucking pandemic, and we have feels.
Sasheer [00:11:47] Everyone’s in the feels. Yes. Everyone’s painting nails black, putting bangs back in their face. There’s also something called Emo Night that’s here tonight, which is a thing that, I think, tours. I have never been. I don’t really know what it’s about. Kimmie, would you mind looking it up? I think it’s a party. They probably just play no music.
Nicole [00:12:09] Everyone is just sad vibing?
Sasheer [00:12:11] Vibing and sad.
Kimmie [00:12:11] They have one in L.A. for sure.
Sasheer [00:12:13] Yeah, yeah. I think it’s in most major cities, but it’s at different times. I don’t know.
Nicole [00:12:19] There was the emo festival–I think it’s called While We Were Young or When We Were Young–that got canceled in Vegas.
Sasheer [00:12:27] Oh, yeah? Didn’t it actually happen?
Nicole [00:12:29] I think it happened on one night. But I think it was, like, windy or something. I think that was literally the reasoning. And they were like, “Too windy. We can’t do this today.”
Sasheer [00:12:38] “My long hair is getting caught in the wind! I can’t see anything!”
Nicole [00:12:44] “The hairspray is not keeping!” Emo night.
Sasheer [00:12:48] “Not a band. Not DJs. We throw parties for the music we love.”
Nicole [00:12:53] Oh, wait. Jessica said something. “They canceled the opening night for–” Oh, I was right. It was windy. I would be so sad if I went to something that got canceled because it was too windy.
Sasheer [00:13:07] That would suck.
Nicole [00:13:07] I once was on a plane that couldn’t land because it was too windy. We started landing, and then we had to go back up into the sky and then had the worst turbulence I’ve ever felt in my whole life. And on that flight, there was a woman with a big hat and lots and lots of drinks, and she didn’t want to give them up. And when we hit the turbulence, she was like holding all her drinks and her hat was on. It was maybe the funniest thing I’ve seen a human being do.
Sasheer [00:13:31] That’s really funny.
Nicole [00:13:33] She looked like a full-blown cartoon character.
Sasheer [00:13:36] “I don’t care how windy it is. I need my drinks.”
Nicole [00:13:39] I believe she was drinking straight up Baileys, water, and champagne. And I think that was her trifecta? Is that three?
Sasheer [00:13:49] Yeah.
Nicole [00:13:49] Her trifecta of drinks.
Sasheer [00:13:53] And how long did it take for you guys to actually land? Do you remember?
Nicole [00:13:56] Like, an hour. We had to circle.
Sasheer [00:13:58] Good Lord!
Nicole [00:14:00] It was really awful. And the turbulence was terrible.
Sasheer [00:14:03] Yeah. Sometimes I’m on planes where it’s, like, really turbulent, and people are just chilling, and I’m like, “How are you not freaking out right now?”
Nicole [00:14:10] See, I can chill because I don’t see a plane accident for myself.
Sasheer [00:14:15] Right, right, right.
Nicole [00:14:17] That’s just, like, not how I’m going out. So, it’s like, “Stay chill because, like, we’re not dying today, guys.”
Sasheer [00:14:27] “Guys, I’m on this plane, and I’m not dying in a plane crash, so we’re fine. Obviously.”
Nicole [00:14:31] “We’re obviously going to be fine.” But I would like a pilot one day to just be like, “Oh, whoa, Nelly! This is wild, isn’t it?”
Sasheer [00:14:39] No, because that would stress me out. I’m like, “He shouldn’t be saying that.”
Nicole [00:14:46] “Wow. Ooh. Look at this plane go!”
Sasheer [00:14:46] “Bumpier than usual, eh?”
Nicole [00:14:50] I’m very excited. I finally remembered to log in to delta.com. This is becoming a plane podcast, right? We constantly talk about planes.
Sasheer [00:15:02] We love planes.
Nicole [00:15:02] But I picked out my choice benefits for this year and next year.
Sasheer [00:15:05] What did you choose?
Nicole [00:15:07] You know I chose that access to the fucking Delta Sky Club.
Sasheer [00:15:13] Yeah. They make it harder to get into.
Nicole [00:15:15] They sure do. But then I also picked I could bring a friend whenever the fuck I want.
Sasheer [00:15:19] Nice. And that’s so considerate.
Nicole [00:15:22] Right? Isn’t that nice of me? To be like, “I’m benevolent. I’ll bring a friend.” And then I picked some miles. I think I got 100,000 miles out of it altogether.
Sasheer [00:15:32] Nice, nice, nice.
Nicole [00:15:34] And she used them already!
Sasheer [00:15:37] Ooh?
Nicole [00:15:38] Because we’re going to “Bahama. Ooh, my pretty mama.
Sasheer [00:15:47] Wait. Uh… “Bermuda. Jamaica.”
Nicole & Sasheer [00:15:51] “Ooh, I wanna take ya.”
Sasheer [00:15:55] Oh, no. Wait. I feel like I want to say “Bermuda” twice.
Nicole [00:15:58] Jordan’s so mad.
Nicole & Sasheer [00:15:59] “Bahamas. Come on, pretty mama. Key Largo. Montego. Baby, why don’t we go down to Kokomo. We’ll get there fast, and we’ll take it slow. That’s where we wanna go. Way down in Kokomo.”
Nicole [00:16:19] You knew way more than I did. I certainly didn’t know nary a word to that song.
Sasheer [00:16:35] And honestly, I can’t tell you why I know so much of that song. And I didn’t know enough, but I knew some.
Nicole [00:16:40] I don’t know. I’m pretty proud of you. It was nice.
Sasheer [00:16:42] Thank you so much. I appreciate that. Yes. We’re going to the Bahamas. Are we going to swim with pigs? I know you wanted that.
Nicole [00:16:49] I’m not going to the Bahamas and not swimming with some fucking pigs. Okay?
Sasheer [00:16:54] Okay. Because we swam with dolphins once and then felt pretty bad about it afterwards because we didn’t really think about… you know.
Nicole [00:17:01] Well, these pigs are not in captivity. They’re wild.
Sasheer [00:17:06] Oh, great.
Nicole [00:17:07] So you have to, like, be careful because they might bite you.
Sasheer [00:17:11] Pigs will bite you? Why would they even want to?
Nicole [00:17:14] Why would they want to bite you? I don’t know. “Oink, oink, you’re food?”
Sasheer [00:17:18] I guess if you, like, pet it too hard?
Nicole [00:17:21] Yeah, like, I don’t plan on petting them. I plan on just being near them and being like, “Pigs, are you happy?” I fucking love pigs. I’m so excited.
Sasheer [00:17:31] Yeah. I’m excited for you.
Nicole [00:17:33] Oh, thank you. I can’t wait to lay on a beach.
Sasheer [00:17:37] Yeah, I can’t wait to show you my swimming skills.
Nicole [00:17:40] I can’t wait to see you swim. What a dream. This is truly, I don’t know, 42 years in the making. We’ve been friends for 42 years. The minute I met I said, “Will you go swimming?” And you said, “No!” Imagine that was the first thing I asked you. “Hey, do you wanna go swimming?”
Sasheer [00:17:59] I mean, I feel like it was pretty close to one of the first things you asked me.
Nicole [00:18:04] “Hi. Hello. Go swimming with me?”
Sasheer [00:18:07] “Now I can.”
Nicole [00:18:08] Which is really exciting for me.
Sasheer [00:18:10] Yeah. Have you seen the Wakanda Forever movie?
Nicole [00:18:15] No, have you?
Sasheer [00:18:16] Yeah.
Nicole [00:18:17] Spoil it, baby. How was it?
Sasheer [00:18:20] It was great. I’m not gonna spoil it, but–
Nicole [00:18:22] You can!
Sasheer [00:18:24] That’s not why I’m bringing it up. Well, I guess… What did the trailers tell us? Okay, so there’s a character in there who’s, like, underwater all the time. And when he got cast for the movie, the producers were like, “Congratulations. By the way, you can swim, right?” And he’s like, “I’ve never drowned.” And they’re like, “Okay, but, like, seriously, you can swim, right?” He’s like, “I’ve never drowned.” And then they, like, ended the conversation.
Nicole [00:18:52] Oh no!
Sasheer [00:18:54] And his agent called and was like, “Can you swim?” And he was like, “No.” But then he just took swim lessons for months before the shoot and was fine. I mean, he looked like he could totally swim, so I couldn’t tell. But yeah, what you gotta do is be like, “Mmhmm. Yep.”
Nicole [00:19:12] Yeah, if you get cast in a Marvel movie, you say, “Yes, I could do anything.”
Sasheer [00:19:19] “I can do anything.” Yeah.
Nicole [00:19:21] “Ride a horse, climb rocks. I could do it all.”
Sasheer [00:19:23] Yeah. “When do we start? Okay, I’ll have it by then.”
Nicole [00:19:28] That is wild. Because he could have had a fear of water.
Sasheer [00:19:33] Yeah, you never know.
Nicole [00:19:34] You don’t know until you’re in the ocean.
Sasheer [00:19:36] Yeah. He was, like, submerged from most of it.
Nicole [00:19:41] Yeah. That’s nuts. Did it feel like Aquaman at all?
Sasheer [00:19:47] No, but parts of it felt like Avatar. I mean, just with the look and some stuff. But also, whatever. Like, most stories feel like other stories. But also, the story of the whole movie was, like, amazing. I felt like it was very well told.
Nicole [00:20:06] What happens?
Sasheer [00:20:07] I’m not gonna just say it! Although by the time this comes out, I’m sure most people have seen it, but no.
Nicole [00:20:15] I hope to see it. Oh, my God.
Sasheer [00:20:19] I hope you see it, too.
Nicole [00:20:20] The way I said that.
Sasheer [00:20:21] “I hope to see it.”
Nicole [00:20:22] “I hope to see it.” Oh, my word. Christmas is coming. Santa Claus is going to shimmy down the chimney.
Sasheer [00:20:41] Shimmy, shimmy, shimmy.
Nicole [00:20:41] Shimmy, shimmy, shimmy, and leave me things.
Sasheer [00:20:46] Oh, yeah, you think so?
Nicole [00:20:49] What do you mean “think so?” That’s how Christmas works. Santa lives at the fucking North Pole in semihappy marriage with Mrs. Claus. They have a bunch of little slaves who make toys for the kids of the world if they’re good. He shimmies down the chimney, and he leaves them things. What is going on?
Sasheer [00:21:09] Uh. I guess I… Yes, that is what happens.
Nicole [00:21:16] Thank you. And then when you lose a tooth, the Tooth Fairy comes, and she leaves you money. And the reason why I carry a piece of my tooth with me at all times is because I don’t know when she’s coming. It’s still in my purse. I don’t know if I’m ever going to take it out.
Sasheer [00:21:30] I don’t think you should at this point. You should make it a keychain.
Nicole [00:21:33] It’s not big enough.
Sasheer [00:21:35] Put it in a little glass orb, and then attach it to a keychain.
Nicole [00:21:38] Oh, my God. Maybe I will. You’ll be like, “What is that?” I’ll be like, “A piece of my tooth that I cracked right off after eating a french fry. The softest food possible.” Sasheer, my mouth hurts all the time.
Sasheer [00:21:51] Still?
Nicole [00:21:51] I think this is how I am going to be for now. From now on, my mouth will just always hurt.
Sasheer [00:21:58] Wait. Does something else need to happen?
Nicole [00:22:00] I don’t know. They keep doing things, and it still hurts. So, I’m going to let them stop doing things. “I’m going to let them stop doing things.” I don’t know how to make that sentence any better. But I’m not going back there unless it’s for a cleaning.
Sasheer [00:22:14] Yeah. I got my teeth whitened at this dentist’s office. And I didn’t realize it was an old school way to do it. It was where they, like, put a light on your teeth. And the assistant asks, “What’s your sensitivity level?” And I was like, “My teeth are sensitive? Like, cold things bother my teeth.” And she’s like, “Well, if you’re really sensitive, I would put it on a low or medium setting. But we’ll just put it on high. And then if it starts hurting, we’ll put it down.” And I was like, “Okay.” And she put on a high, and it was set there for, like, an hour. It was, like, four increments of 15 minutes. And in the last one, I was like, “Ooh. Ouch. This is starting to feel, like, pingy in my nerve.” And I said something, and she’s like, “Oh, okay, we’ll crank it down.” It was only cranked down for, like, five minutes out of an hour. And then I left, and my mouth was just attacking my head. I would just be, like, talking and be like, “Ow. Fuck.” It was, like, so painful for two days. She was just like, “Yeah. It might just start doing that.” And I was like, “Why the fuck did you do this to me?” She should have put it on medium.
Nicole [00:23:26] Yeah, she should have just put it on medium or low for everybody. Nobody needs high.
Sasheer [00:23:32] I think maybe she was like, “You’re a young person. Your teeth can’t be that sensitive.” But I was like, “I just told you that my mouth and my teeth are sensitive.”
Nicole [00:23:40] I don’t like her. What was her name? Janet?
Sasheer [00:23:43] Yeah, it was Janet.
Nicole [00:23:45] We hate Janet. Fuck Janet.
Sasheer [00:23:51] We should go get Janet!
Nicole [00:23:54] Yeah, let’s get Janet! Get her!
Sasheer [00:23:59] Yeah. So, I’m not gonna do that anymore.
Nicole [00:24:00] Yeah, you could do the whitening strips at home. I think they’re rather effective.
Sasheer [00:24:05] Yeah. I should do them.
Nicole [00:24:07] I’ve done them, like, three or four times.
Sasheer [00:24:10] Oh, nice.
Nicole [00:24:10] I don’t know. I look in the mirror and I’ll be like, “They need to get a little whiter.” And then I’ll slap him on for, like, an hour or two, and I’m like, “I feel good.”
Sasheer [00:24:20] Just cheesing to yourself?
Nicole [00:24:21] And looking in the mirror going, “I feel good!” I have to tell you something. I need to publicly thank you for my piece of cakes. “My piece of cakes.” I’m having trouble speaking.
Sasheer [00:24:38] Pieces of cake.
Nicole [00:24:40] Pieces of cake from the Madonna Inn.
Sasheer [00:24:44] Yeah.
Nicole [00:24:45] Thank you, Sasheer. It’s one of the nicest, most thoughtful presents that I’ve gotten. It’s my favorite cake. It is so moist and so fluffy. And it’s just as good as I remembered.
Sasheer [00:24:56] I’m so glad! Yeah, I was driving. I passed it on the way up to Big Sur, and I was like, “Ooh, I gotta remember to do that when I come back down.” And then driving back to L.A. from Big Sur, I was like, “We’re going to get some cake!” And then we went in there. And they tried to put it in, like, a plastic box, and I was like, “Uh-uh. Give me those pretty boxes.” And they’re like, “Okay.” “I’m not eating this here. I’m giving it to a friend!” And then, yeah, came to your door. And then you didn’t answer because you’re in the shower.
Nicole [00:25:25] No. Sorry. God bless. I was lathering my body up.
Sasheer [00:25:28] It’s okay. And I left it at your doorstep. And I was like, “I hope she likes it.” And then you did.
Nicole [00:25:34] It was one of the nicest presents. It made me so happy. I squealed; I oinked like a pig. I was like, “Oh noooo.” And I scurried inside. I was running late to a, I think, voiceover session. And I opened up my cake, and I gobble-gobble-gobbled it down and then sent a text message that I was going to be 15 minutes late. I needed to have cake.
Sasheer [00:25:57] “Let me eat cake.”
Nicole [00:25:59] Yeah. Who’s that lady who said, “Let them eat cake?” That’s who I was.
Sasheer [00:26:03] Marie Antoinette.
Nicole [00:26:06] Kirsten Dunst played Marie Antoinette.
Sasheer [00:26:08] She did. I thought she did a good job.
Nicole [00:26:10] She famously wore Converses under her dress. I’ve never seen the movie, but I know that fact.
Sasheer [00:26:18] Yeah, I think that was, like, all the promotional materials.
Nicole [00:26:21] Yeah. Yeah. It’s the only thing I remember.
Sasheer [00:26:23] She was, like, a cool, chill princess.
Nicole [00:26:25] She was like, “Cool! I’m wearing flats under this dress!” But honestly, anybody wearing a big, long dress–if you’re not wearing flats, you’re a fool.
Sasheer [00:26:35] Yeah. No one’s seeing your feet.
Nicole [00:26:36] No one’s seeing your feet, and you might trip.
Sasheer [00:26:40] Ain’t worth it.
Nicole [00:26:42] “Ain’t–” “Ain’t–” Oh. What song am I trying to sing? “Ain’t no worth it.” Uh oh. I can’t. It’s a Christina Aguilera song. “Ain’t nobody worth it.” No.
Sasheer [00:27:02] “Ain’t no other man can stand up next to you.”
Nicole [00:27:05] Yes. I wasn’t singing any of the right words except for “ain’t.”
Sasheer [00:27:10] Oh my goodness.
Nicole [00:27:11] Wow. I can’t believe you got that.
Sasheer [00:27:15] I also can’t believe I got that.
Nicole [00:27:16] Oh, wow. That was nice. I gave you nothing.
Sasheer [00:27:20] Yeah, but I’m, you know, used to talking to you.
Nicole [00:27:25] Oh, I don’t know if that’s a good big–a bad thing.
Sasheer [00:27:30] It’s not a bad thing! It’s just, like, I…
Nicole [00:27:32] “I’m you to your nonsense!”
Sasheer [00:27:34] No, it’s like… You know, I’m used to the clues you give me. It’s kind of like a puzzle. You’re like, “Here’s a color, here’s a sound, here’s a date. And let’s figure out what I’m trying to say.”
Nicole [00:27:49] That’s funny. “A sound, a color, and a date.” Okay. Meep-maw, purple, August 29th…
Sasheer [00:27:59] Your birthday? Like, when you were born? You coming out of the womb?
Nicole [00:28:03] Yeah. Yeah, you got it. Okay. Burnt Sienna, May 6th.
Sasheer [00:28:12] When I was born?
Nicole [00:28:13] Uh-huh. Oh, I’m giving you easy ones. Okay. Bang, bang! Blue. July 4th.
Sasheer [00:28:27] Independence Day?
Nicole [00:28:28] Yeah. You’re really good at this.
Sasheer [00:28:32] I feel like the dates are really giving it away.
Nicole [00:28:34] Yeah. I can’t think of any dates except for very obvious ones. Should we do a quiz, or should we answer people’s queries?
Sasheer [00:28:53] I think we should answer queries.
Nicole [00:28:55] Yeah.
Sasheer [00:28:56] Yeah!
Nicole [00:28:57] Yeah.
Sasheer [00:28:59] Well, yeah. I’m glad you like that cake. I told you already. I tried to get it for your birthday. And I know you’ve tried it too, so it’s not like I couldn’t think of anything that you couldn’t.
Nicole [00:29:11] It’s tough because it’s like, “Are you gonna pay a TaskRabbit to do it?” That’s very expensive.
Sasheer [00:29:17] But I couldn’t even do that. I tried. And the TaskRabbit zone wouldn’t. There was no way to do it. You either have a TaskRabbit in L.A. or one in San Luis-obis-pos.
Nicole [00:29:32] I think what you would have to do is have one in San Oopsie-Loopsie, someone in the middle to hand it off to, and then someone in L.A. And then the middle person drives to L.A., and then the L.A. person gets it.
Sasheer [00:29:44] Yeah, they should just deliver to L.A.–or just figure it out.
Nicole [00:29:48] Yeah, Madonna Inn. Get real. Get a clue. Yeah, how about that?
Sasheer [00:29:57] All right, let’s do a question.
Nicole [00:29:58] Okay.
Caller #1 [00:30:02] Hi, Sasheer and Nicole, Jordan and Kimmie-on-the-keys. I’m a big fan of the podcast and I have a query. So, my name is Gertrude. I don’t know why that’s the first thing that came into my mind. And I may or may not be a sugar baby and on the hunt for sugar daddies. And I use this website, but–y’all–there are so many married-ass men on this website. And so far, I’ve avoided all of them because I don’t really want to mess with married men. But then it’s slim pickings for ones that aren’t married. And I’ve been contemplating broadening my availability to these married guys. But I don’t know; I want your opinion. Should I mess with a married guy? Ooh, it sounds toxic, right? I shouldn’t do it. But, like, should I? All right. Love you guys. Bye!
Sasheer [00:31:06] I’m guessing this person’s trepidation might be disrespecting that married man’s partner or the morality of it. You are already, I guess, either dating, hooking up, or just entertaining a man who is only there to pay you. Like, it’s already a transactional interaction. And this might be a callous thing to say. But part of me is like, “If this married man wants to fuck up his marriage, that’s not your fault.” If you didn’t say “yes” to participating in a thing with the married man, he’s going to go to a different sugar baby and do it. It’s not like he’s not going to because you said “no” or didn’t respond. So, I’m kind of like, “You can just get that money and be about your business.” And you also don’t know what people’s arrangements are. He’s married, but maybe–I don’t know–his wife or whoever this person is married to… They’re not in love. Maybe it’s a marriage for show. Maybe their partner’s also dating or having sugar babies as well. Who knows? You don’t know what their deal is. I don’t know if you need to weed out all married men solely because they’re married.
Nicole [00:32:29] I absolutely agree. Yeah. If this person’s going to have a sugar baby, why not let it be you? And, yeah, you don’t know their arrangement. You don’t know any of that stuff. And also, she shouldn’t be mad at anyone but him or them because that’s the person she has an agreement with. The spouse has an agreement with them–not you. You have nothing to do with that relationship–that marriage. So, I say go for it. Get that money.
Sasheer [00:33:06] Get that money.
Nicole [00:33:08] Get them money. Does anyone else want to chime in? Jordan? Kimmie? Jessica?
Jordan [00:33:17] I agree it’s a transaction and that it’s between the sugar daddy and their significant other to figure that out.
Sasheer [00:33:30] Yeah.
Jordan [00:33:31] And I agree because, like, even being on dating apps, there’s so many couples who are like, “We’re looking for a third!” You never know what’s happening behind closed doors. And also, I think sugar daddies and sugar babies are so interesting to me. And I’m over here like, “I got debt. Let’s do this.”
Sasheer [00:33:50] Yeah, really, we should ask this person to call back and tell us what websites they’re on.
Jordan [00:33:57] Yeah, I’ll be a sugar baby.
Sasheer [00:33:59] You’ve been asking for it for months.
Nicole [00:34:03] Specifically Ed Bastian. And I don’t know what’s going on. Ed, please.
Sasheer [00:34:10] Yeah, Kimmie, do you have any thoughts?
Kimmie [00:34:12] I think my only devil’s advocate thought– ‘Cause I agree. Everyone’s an adult. Everyone’s, like, consenting and aware. You get to make your own decision, and there should be no shaming involved. I think the one thing that is worth thinking about and making a decision about is if for some reason you are a part of causing someone pain, is that going to affect you? Is that going to affect your relationship to relationships? And for some people, I think they’re able to have that boundary. And if you can, good for you. But I think it is still fair that even if you can do it, will this actually bring you the happiness you want? And that’s just, like, your decision. That’s fully your decision. I think for some people, if for some reason they caused pain for someone, that could hurt them. But for some people, that wouldn’t hurt them. So, I just think it’s worth thinking about that. That’s my two cents.
Sasheer [00:35:04] No, I love that. That’s a great other opinion.
Nicole [00:35:09] It was great two cents. Put it right in the bank.
Sasheer [00:35:15] Jessica?
Jessica [00:35:16] I feel like we all have our thresholds of what we find acceptable. And I think she found it originally and then said, “Well, maybe. Just maybe.” And it feels more like she’s asking for a validation that she’s already going to do– She just needs someone to say, “Yes, go for it.”
Sasheer [00:35:35] Interesting. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I can see that. She’s probably already like, “Can you just tell me it’s okay?”
Nicole [00:35:44] And we are, baby.
Sasheer [00:35:45] We are telling you it’s okay. So go for it. It’s fine.
Nicole [00:35:49] I do that sometimes where I’m like, “Is this okay?” I’ve already done it. I did it.
Sasheer [00:35:54] “I just want someone to make me feel better about it.”
Nicole [00:35:56] “Just let me just let me know that it’s okay that I’ve done it.” Solved!
Sasheer [00:36:01] Solved! Let’s do another!
Caller #2 [00:36:03] Hi, Nicole and Sasheer. First of all, I absolutely love you both. And I listen to this podcast religiously, and I’m trying to indoctrinate almost anyone I know to listen to it as well. But I have a problem with my best friend, and I was hoping to ask you for some advice. We’ve been best friends for seven years now, and I absolutely love him to death. We are inseparable. Same mind all the time, other than the fact that he is one of the most problematic people I’ve ever met when it comes to board games and general games that are competitive. He is super kind–super sweet–to everybody until a board game or any game that he’s good at comes up, and then he genuinely wants to fight everyone it seems like. And I don’t know how to tell him that the last time I was hanging out with the rest of our friends who are new to the group and kind of just started having new friends–they all openly told me that they love our friendship, they love us, they were both of us, but they cannot stand playing games with him. And he keeps texting the group to being like, “When are we going to play board games? When are we going to play Smash Bros?” And all of them keep kind of avoiding the answer and skirting around the fact that they don’t want to make a plan for it because they don’t like playing with him. And I brought it up in the past–especially since one birthday, he was talking shit and being really aggressive about it with everybody. Everybody slowly started obviously showing that they weren’t appreciating it. But he’s very dense to the fact that people don’t like him sometimes when it comes to this stuff. And I ended up crying in my closet because I was so stressed out on my own birthday. And when I told him about that years later, he cried profusely and was like, “Oh my gosh, I can’t believe I’ve done something like that,” while I’m still sitting there like, “Well, you still do it. It’s still kind of a problem.” And I think he’s just so in the moment of being like, “Oh, we’re going to play games together” that he kind of just throws out the window the idea of kind of checking himself. And I don’t know how to encourage that without kind of being the mean person that’s just like, “Hey, no one likes you.” So, if you guys could help me out with a way to tell them that that’s the case, I would really appreciate it because I don’t want to hurt his feelings. Thank you so much. And I love you guys so much. Bye.”
Nicole [00:38:42] I think there’s a world where you can tell your friend, “Hey, remember how you made me cry, we talked about it, and you were upset that you made me cry? Well, you’re overly competitive a lot of the times, and that turns people off. So maybe if we do make a date to, like, have a game night, you gotta turn it to a six.”
Sasheer [00:39:06] Yeah. I don’t know what their dynamic is–these friends. It sounds like the friend is very comfortable shit talking. And if you have–I don’t know–roasty banter, where you can make fun of each other, you could be like, “Ha ha! You’re bad at this. Actually, you’re not fun when we play games.” And it doesn’t have to be, like, a serious talk. Or I don’t know. Next time he asks, “Can we play a game night?” you’re like, “No. You’re bad at game night. We don’t do that with you. We actually all made a rule we don’t do that with you. Okay. See you Tuesday for coffee.”
Nicole [00:39:46] Sasheer.
Sasheer [00:39:46] What? Some people are just not–
Nicole [00:39:49] “We don’t do that with you. See you Tuesday.”
Sasheer [00:39:51] “Sorry.” Yeah. I mean, like, it sounds like you already had a conversation about this, this person made you cry on your birthday, you told them about it, and they’re still really bad at this. I think this is a person you don’t play games with, and I think that’s okay. And I think you can say that so they can stop asking and know. “Oh, all right. I guess I won’t ask this group. Maybe I’ll ask a different group.” Who gives a fuck? They’re making you cry. Don’t play games with this person. So, I don’t know. I think I’d be totally fine being like, “Oh, we’re not doing that. But we can watch a movie, we can get dinner, we can make dinner, we could do literally anything else because I love you and I love being around you. This is a part that I don’t want to be a part of in your life. I know you love games. I hope–God bless–you find other people who enjoy games with you. I do not.”
Nicole [00:40:50] I feel like your answer is also colored by you hate game night.
Sasheer [00:40:55] Well, maybe. Okay. Sure. I hear that. I don’t hate game night; I don’t enjoy game night.
Nicole [00:41:07] You hate a game night.
Sasheer [00:41:08] Yeah. I often ignore invites to game nights because I would rather be talking. I’d rather be hanging out with my friends than playing a game.
Nicole [00:41:18] Fair. I mean, I’ll play one game a night. I’ll play around a rousing round of UNO. But I can’t do a full-blown game night. That’s crazy. That’s wild to me.
Sasheer [00:41:29] I have friends who, like, line up multiple games or they have like a roster of games they could be playing. There are some people who are serious about this. And God bless. Go forth. Play games. I’ll see you after… or before.
Nicole [00:41:48] Yeah, I’ll come to your party. And then as soon as Monopoly comes out, I’m fucking gone.
Sasheer [00:41:54] I’ve literally left my friend’s place. As soon as games started, I was like, “Okay. Bye. Nice to see you.”
Nicole [00:42:01] That’s very funny. “Wait, Sasheer. Don’t you want some–? You didn’t even take off your coat. You were planning on leaving the whole time!”
Sasheer [00:42:14] Yeah. But I feel like I would have the same opinion if I didn’t have that perspective on game night.
Nicole [00:42:21] That hatred of game night.
Sasheer [00:42:23] If I didn’t hate game night, I think I would still tell our caller to just say, “No. We’re not going to play game night with you. You’ve already explained enough to this person, and they have not changed.”
Nicole [00:42:37] It might just be easier to say, “We don’t do that with you. So sorry. God bless.”
Sasheer [00:42:41] Yeah. I think that’s reasonable. And–
Nicole [00:42:45] Solved!
Sasheer [00:42:45] Solved!
Nicole [00:42:45] Sorry. What were you saying? I screamed “Solved.”
Sasheer [00:42:50] Oh, that I don’t know if you need to worry that much about hurting their feelings because they literally made you cry in a closet. Like, I don’t know. Jordan said, “Treat him like a toddler.” “Hey, pal.” “Buddy.”
Nicole [00:43:09] “Hey, buddy. So, I know you love playtime, but you can’t have playtime anymore if you’re not going to behave well, buddy.”
Sasheer [00:43:17] “You got to play nice. And so far, you haven’t been playing nice.”
Nicole [00:43:20] “You’ve been naughty.”
Sasheer [00:43:21] “You should sit in the corner while we play a game. And then maybe you can see a good example of what it’s like to play a game.”
Nicole [00:43:27] “Face a corner and wear dunce cap, you fucking idiot.”
Sasheer [00:43:30] Okay, wait. Jordan wants to explain what she meant.
Jordan [00:43:31] What I love is that I make that comment, and the two of you are very, like, sweet and parental. My imagery is invite him over and the moment he starts being a jerk, be like, “We’re done playing the game,” and rip it away from him.
Sasheer [00:43:49] Ohhh.
Nicole [00:43:50] That’s what I meant by “Treat him like a toddler.” But your view is way more sweet than mine. Mine was very aggressive.
Sasheer [00:43:55] Well, ours was also condescending.
Nicole [00:43:58] It was very condescending.
Sasheer [00:43:59] It wasn’t sweet. Yeah, I don’t know. Because I feel like if you try to tell him what’s going on in the moment, he won’t see it because he’s already yelling–already in a blind rage of competitiveness.
Nicole [00:44:11] Yeah. And then she’s already headed to the closet to cry.
Sasheer [00:44:14] Yeah.
Nicole [00:44:15] So it’s like, “Yeah, let’s just avoid this altogether.”
Sasheer [00:44:19] Solved.
Nicole [00:44:20] Solved! One more?
Sasheer [00:44:22] Yeah.
Caller #3 [00:44:23] Hi, Nicole and Sasheer. I am such a huge fan of your podcast. I was just wondering if Nicole could say the name of the company of the removable wallpaper that she uses for her office. She always mentions it across her podcasts. And I’m just curious what brand of removable wallpaper you use and if you have any other interior design tips because you seem to be really into it. And maybe, you know, if Sasheer can have Sachair, Nicole can have her wallpaper podcast.
Sasheer [00:45:10] It’ll be Well, I’ll be with Wallpaper Nicole?”
Nicole [00:45:15] What?
Sasheer [00:45:16] I was trying to think of a Sitsheer with Sachair for wallpaper and Nicole.
Nicole [00:45:24] Byer– Buy her Wallpaper?
Sasheer [00:45:28] Yes, this is great. Byher Wallpaper.
Nicole [00:45:31] I didn’t realize how weird I said that until you repeated it.
Sasheer [00:45:40] But it’s also funny because you just have to make “wallpaper” sound like “Byer.” But you made “Byer” sound strange too.
Nicole [00:45:53] So the wallpaper in my office is little black squiggles on white. And that is from Bobby Berk’s from Queer Eye–his wallpaper collection. But honestly you can get DIY, already sticky wallpaper truly from anywhere. Spoonflower. Burke has a lot of good ones. Milton? Milton something? Mint? Minton? Can you Google that, Kimmie? Do you mind? Because that one is my favorite. I think it’s Minton King. It’s hard, but it peels right off. So, if you’re in an apartment, it’s really great.
Sasheer [00:46:36] Have you already peeled any off? Any wallpaper that you put up. You put up more than just that, right?
Nicole [00:46:43] Yeah. There’s also some on the other side of the room. I have not yet. “Minton.”
Sasheer [00:46:49] “Milton?”
Nicole [00:46:50] “Milton & King is one of my favorites. I have yet to pull it off. But it comes right off.
Sasheer [00:46:59] Are there any tips on putting your own wallpaper up that you have learned or that–having done it a couple times–you would recommend to people?
Nicole [00:47:08] Yeah. Hire someone else to do it because it’s really, really, really hard. Jordan says, “You should blow dry the paper when you peel it off. It helps peel it off.” Oh, that’s fun.
Sasheer [00:47:21] Yeah.
Nicole [00:47:22] Also easy to peel off if you don’t clean your walls or do any of the prep they tell you to do.
Sasheer [00:47:30] Oh it’s easy to peel off if they’re dirty?
Nicole [00:47:34] Yeah. I have a couple of things coming off at the bottom because I didn’t prep my walls well.
Sasheer [00:47:40] But you know what? I like that you took this mission on.
Nicole [00:47:44] Thank you. It took 16 hours to do one wall.
Sasheer [00:47:48] I would imagine. That’s a lot of, like, lining things up. And it’s also long.
Nicole [00:47:54] I said, “Hey, boys. Do you want to help me?” The boys that used to live with me. And they were like, “Noooo.” Very rude. But Etsy is another place to go for wallpaper. Yeah, the internet has a lot of things, and it’s not that expensive.
Sasheer [00:48:13] Oh nice. That’s good to know.
Nicole [00:48:14] I do like interior design. I love mixing and matching shit and finding things. I found these fabulous chairs from dolphinflamingo.com.
Sasheer [00:48:30] Yeah, you sent them to me. I was like, “Did you make this website?”
Nicole [00:48:32] Imagine… www.nicolebyerpresentsdolphinflamingo.com.
Sasheer [00:48:40] I also like that it says, “Nicole Byer presents…” People are rarely presenting websites.
Nicole [00:48:47] You’ve never seen a website presented by somebody? Wake up, Sasheer.
Sasheer [00:48:54] All right. Solved.
Nicole [00:48:56] Solved. We did it. If you have any queries, questions, concerns, thoughts, praise–you can email us at firstname.lastname@example.org or you can call, text, or leave us a voice message or memo at 424-645-7003.
Sasheer [00:49:15] We also have merch at podswag.com/bestfriends.
Nicole [00:49:20] If you like reading, we have transcripts for our new episodes. Check them out at our show page at earwolf.com.
Sasheer [00:49:27] Lastly, don’t forget to rate, review, and subscribe. That is the easiest way to support this show.
Nicole [00:49:32] Yes, queens, divas, and kings! See you later!
Sasheer [00:49:39] I like these impromptu sign offs you do. See you later.
Nicole [00:49:45] I’m just having fun.
Sasheer [00:49:47] Me too.
September 12, 2023
Hi friends. Nicole and Sasheer see Beyoncé!
September 5, 2023
It’s Friendship time! This week, Nicole feels rested but a little nervous to get back to pole dancing. Sasheer wants to go to a flea market because she needs more wall art.