November 1, 2022
EP. 177 — Sasheer Isn’t Afraid To Travel 1000 Years
Sasheer is melancholy about the abandonment of mashed potatoes at Sweet Chick, but at least she is a Delta Diamond Diva! Nicole would like to go on a date with Ed Bastian, become his Sky Baby, and soar all around the world! Both Sasheer and Nicole agree that they wouldn’t travel back in time, but Jordan would to prevent the Titanic wreck. They wrap things up by answering listener questions and handing out solid friendship advice about giving and expecting.
Check out our engineer Jordan Duffy!
www.JordanDuffyMusic.com & Instagram: @JordanKDuffy
Email or call Nicole & Sasheer with your friendship questions at:
177 — Sasheer Isn’t Afraid To Travel 1000 Years
Nicole [00:00:13] Sasheer.
Sasheer [00:00:13] Nicole.
Nicole [00:00:14] How are you?
Sasheer [00:00:15] I’m good. How are you?
Nicole [00:00:16] Listen, I’m great.
Sasheer [00:00:18] So wonderful to hear.
Nicole [00:00:19] Imagine we do the whole episode like this. Do you think people would be mad?
Sasheer [00:00:21] I think they’d really hate it. Maybe some people would like it, and some people would hate it.
Nicole [00:00:28] Yeah. Are you an ASMR-head?
Sasheer [00:00:33] Can’t say that I’m an ASMR-head. I did do some sort of, like– It was part of a workshop, and there was an ASMR room. It’s kind of interesting ’cause there’s a person with you in the room, whispering and being like, “This is a makeup brush.” And then they, like, tap on it in your ear. But then they, like, brush your arms and stuff. They touch your skin with the objects, which I guess was just for sensory stimulation. But there was a part of me, I was like, “Is there a world where this is, like, sexual?”
Nicole [00:01:14] Yeah. Is anyone coming over here? Is anyone just orgasming to the touch of a makeup brush?
Sasheer [00:01:21] Is it just me or…? Anyone else leaving sopping wet when they’re done with this?
Nicole [00:01:29] Wait. Where was this? Where did you go?
Sasheer [00:01:31] Some sort of women’s wellness workshop or something.
Nicole [00:01:36] You love experiences.
Sasheer [00:01:42] Well, I was doing standup, or a talk, or something there. So, I was part of it. But then there are all these workshops ahead of it, and I did one to see what it was like. It was interesting.
Nicole [00:02:03] I have two makeup brushes that I just love the way they feel. And I can’t remember whose they were, but they were not my makeup brushes. And every time the person used it on me, I’d be like, “Oh!” So, they just gave them to me.
Sasheer [00:02:19] Do you know the…? Is it Make? It’s like those condensed brushes. Someone called it a kitten paw, but I don’t think that’s the official name of it–but it was just to, like, smooth everything on your face as far as makeup.
Nicole [00:02:35] Oh, I think I know what you mean. It’s, like, very, very smooth. And it feels like heaven.
Sasheer [00:02:42] Yeah. And it’s kind of the shape of a toothbrush.
Nicole [00:02:49] Oh, yes, yes, yes. That’s not what I thought you were talking about. But yes, I do know that one. I was thinking of the bigger version of that, where it doesn’t look like a toothbrush. It’s, like, a short, little, stout, little guy that you–
Sasheer [00:03:01] Oh, that one, too. Yeah.
Nicole [00:03:02] Oh, I like those. Brushes. I do love makeup, and I love makeup brushes. I–in my ripe old age of 82 years old–have just gotten better at cleaning them. Oh, I was disgusting before.
Sasheer [00:03:26] What were you doing before?
Nicole [00:03:27] Not cleaning them. I would clean them, like, once every, like, six months. Disgusting. But now I clean them… probably, like, once a week now.
Sasheer [00:03:38] Yeah. I mean, also, it’s like… That’s bad for your acne.
Nicole [00:03:44] Oh, yeah. Terrible for my acne. Just terrible for my skin. It’s terrible in general. But also, it just, like, preserves the brushes a little bit more. And then I love… the smell… of brush cleaner. And I made it easy for myself. So, I’ll do my makeup. And then on Friday or Saturday… I have this old, little rag, and I have a spritz bottle of cleaner. And I’ll do my makeup. And when I’m done with that brush, spritz it, clean it, and then let it dry. Put it back.
Sasheer [00:04:18] Nice. Do you have one of those, like, uh… It’s, like, a silicone pad that has spikes on it. And then you can, like, rub the brush on that while you’re washing it.
Nicole [00:04:29] Oh, no, I guess I should do that too.
Sasheer [00:04:32] Yeah.
Nicole [00:04:33] I do soap and water monthly and then brush cleaner weekly.
Sasheer [00:04:38] Okay.
Nicole [00:04:39] I’m trying really hard to, like, not have acne.
Sasheer [00:04:42] This will help.
Nicole [00:04:43] Thank you. Also, I’m trying to stay away from fried foods, but guess what calls my name. Fried foods. I love fried chicken!
Sasheer [00:04:57] I just had some the other day.
Nicole [00:04:59] From where?
Sasheer [00:05:00] Sweet Chick.
Nicole [00:05:01] You went to Sweet Chick? Oh, wow. That’s nice.
Sasheer [00:05:06] But they didn’t have mashed potatoes no more!
Nicole [00:05:08] Excuse me?
Sasheer [00:05:09] Or at least in the location I went to. Not on the menu. They had potato salad, french fries, no mashed potatoes.
Nicole [00:05:23] I don’t know. I have chills.
Sasheer [00:05:24] I was pretty upset.
Nicole [00:05:26] I’m getting cold all over. I don’t like this. I really feel uncomfortable. I love their mashed potatoes. The gravy on the side. I love dipping it in the gravy. This is sick. Was this the one on Fairfax?
Sasheer [00:05:40] It sure was.
Nicole [00:05:42] But you used to have it on the menu!
Sasheer [00:05:44] I know! I think things changed after the pandemic, which is so rude.
Nicole [00:05:51] What? Potatoes are harder to get.
Sasheer [00:05:54] No, because they’re still using potatoes. They’re still making french fries! They’re still making potato salad!
Nicole [00:05:59] If anything, a mashed potato is easier. It doesn’t matter the shape of it, you mash it.
Sasheer [00:06:05] You mash it!
Nicole [00:06:06] A french fry you care about the shape. It’s more work. Oh my. Did you get a bucket of chicken?
Sasheer [00:06:15] Mmhmm.
Nicole [00:06:16] Did you get mac and cheese? You get some biscuits?
Sasheer [00:06:19] Mmhmm.
Nicole [00:06:20] Lord, that’s a good meal. Ooh. Jesus.
Sasheer [00:06:26] It was very good. I was very happy.
Nicole [00:06:28] I love Sweet Chick. I think their chicken is delicious.
Sasheer [00:06:32] Same. Yeah.
Nicole [00:06:33] I just love chicken. And, you know, there’s a lot of elitists out there who’s like, “White meat’s the best meat!” I beg to differ. Dark meat is juicy. Dark meat is tasty. Dark meat has all the flavor.
Sasheer [00:06:52] I guess I mostly eat white meat, but I don’t know why.
Nicole [00:06:59] Because we’ve been told that white meat is the better meat. Chicken breast is the best. No, chicken thighs are where–
Sasheer [00:07:06] My eyes are.
Nicole [00:07:12] I was trying to think of something that rhymed with “thighs,” and all I could figure out was “dies.” And I was like, “Well, you’re not making a great case. You’re like, ‘Chicken thighs are where it dies.’” I love chicken thighs, Sasheer.
Sasheer [00:07:26] I guess I gotta get on this bandwagon.
Nicole [00:07:29] They are so fucking good. I had some delicious chicken. I went to dinner with my friend, Tracy, and she picked it out. It was, like, Angelino’s or something. I don’t know. It was in this, like, random parking lot off of, like, Western and Beverly. But it was this Italian place. And they import some of the pasta from Italy. And they had this chicken. Sasheer, this chicken was so moist. Sasheer, this chicken will melt in your mouth. This chicken was, like, put on focaccia, and then the juices from the chicken are on the focaccia. So, it’s focaccia-flavored chicken–no chicken-flavored focaccia. All this to say–oh, boy–I had a great time. I loved it. I think you’ll like that chicken, too. Even though it’s not fried.
Sasheer [00:08:25] I like chicken in other forms other than fried?
Nicole [00:08:28] Chicken is great.
Sasheer [00:08:29] Chicken is great.
Nicole [00:08:35] Do you remember we were, I think, flying to Canada. I was very high. You were not. And we were having the worst conversation. I was like, “Muffins are good.” And you were like, “Muffins are good.”
Sasheer [00:08:53] Yeah, ’cause I was super tired and somehow we were on the same wavelength. And yeah, that was our conversation. I didn’t know how we got there, but muffins are good. And I think it was the same day we passed the Chili’s to Go.
Nicole [00:09:08] “Chili’s?”
Sasheer [00:09:09] “To Go?”
Nicole [00:09:10] Wow!
Sasheer [00:09:14] We literally stopped dead in our tracks as we’re passing this small Chili’s because we’ve seen Chili’s restaurants–never seen a Chili’s kiosk. And it stunned us. We had to stop, look at it, and point it out. And the employee who worked there was so mad.
Nicole [00:09:38] I hope he thinks about us sometimes. He was like, “These two women just stopped, and one of them said, ‘Chili’s?’ And the other said, ‘To Go?’” Oh, boy. We’ve had some good times in the airport.
Sasheer [00:10:01] Good times in the airport.
Nicole [00:10:03] I mean, I do love our trips, but I really love the airport.
Sasheer [00:10:10] You also hate the airport.
Nicole [00:10:12] It’s awful. It’s a terrible place to be. But the Delta Sky Lounge. I love it.
Sasheer [00:10:19] Did you see they’re increasing the requirements for medallion status for Delta.
Nicole [00:10:26] What do you mean?
Sasheer [00:10:27] We need more MQMs.
Nicole [00:10:28] We need more MQMs?
Sasheer [00:10:30] Yes.
Nicole [00:10:32] Why?
Sasheer [00:10:34] I don’t know! I don’t think they give a reason! They’re just like, “This is what’s happening.”
Nicole [00:10:37] MQM is “Money Qualifying Miles?”
Sasheer [00:10:40] Yeah.
Nicole [00:10:40] So I have to spend more money?
Sasheer [00:10:42] Yes.
Nicole [00:10:43] Delta? Delta!
Sasheer [00:10:47] I know!
Nicole [00:10:50] Blimey, Delta. Ed Bastian!
Sasheer [00:10:50] Ed Bastian, what’s the meaning of this?
Nicole [00:10:53] Ed, how dare you? Ed. We are headed towards a recession, Ed–or at least that’s what people keep saying. And you want me to spend more money to get into the Delta Lounge? Ed, what are you talking about?
Sasheer [00:11:04] Maybe this is a way to keep people out of the Delta Lounge because there are so many people in the Delta Lounge at all times.
Nicole [00:11:10] The Delta Lounge is overwrought with people. All right, Ed. Okay, I get it. Well, when you get to Diamond Status– Are you a Diamond Diva?
Sasheer [00:11:22] I am a Diamond Diva.
Nicole [00:11:23] So when you’re a Diamond Diva, you can choose for that to be your thing, so you don’t have to do more MQMs. But you have to remember to log on and do it because last time I tried to go to the Sky Lounge, she was like, “You can go in, but I need to see your card, I need to see your ticket.” And I was like, “What is this rigamarole?” And she was like, “Well, did you go online and choose this as your, like–I don’t know–choice status?”
Sasheer [00:11:50] Choice benefits?
Nicole [00:11:51] I said, “No.” And she said, “Well, do that, and then I won’t have to see all this.” And I said, “Okay.”
Sasheer [00:11:55] But doesn’t my credit card already get me the–?
Nicole [00:11:58] It sure doesn’t. That’s what they’re trying to do. They’re like, “You can get this credit card, but that doesn’t guarantee you perks.” Ed’s being sneaky.
Sasheer [00:12:07] What? I thought that was the whole point!
Nicole [00:12:09] I know. Ed’s being a little sneak-sneak.
Sasheer [00:12:13] This is sneaky; I’m seeing Pete over here.
Nicole [00:12:16] It is an Amazon Prime Sneaky Pete situation in the house. I still can’t believe I follow Ed Bastian on Instagram.
Sasheer [00:12:26] You do? I did not know that! You follow Ed Bastian?
Nicole [00:12:32] I’m pretty sure I’ve said on some of his posts, like, “Ed!”
Sasheer [00:12:33] You comment on his posts? Oh, my God.
Nicole [00:12:39] I’m trying to be a little sky baby. I want to be a sky baby! I want Ed Bastian to date me and take me around the world.
Sasheer [00:12:50] You should slip into his DMs.
Nicole [00:12:51] Oh, my God. What would I say? “Ed, where are we going tomorrow?”
Sasheer [00:12:55] Yes! Literally that. You can literally say that. “Ed, where are we going? Where are you taking me?”
Nicole [00:13:00] “Ed, I’m a fucking Diamond Diva for life. Where do you want to go?”
Sasheer [00:13:06] Wait. What does he even–?
Nicole [00:13:08] Nothing. He posts nothing. He’ll post, like, the sky. It’s like, “Obviously, you’re in the sky, Ed. You’re the CEO of Delta.” He doesn’t curate it well.
Sasheer [00:13:23] He should probably have someone do that for it.
Nicole [00:13:25] He’s a proud dad. He’s a golfer. He’s a traveler at Delta.
Sasheer [00:13:32] 25,000 followers. Yeah, just pictures of, like, the airport.
Nicole [00:13:35] Yeah, this is just a picture of a Delta plane.
Sasheer [00:13:38] Of a plane, of a tower, of his dog on National Dog Day.
Nicole [00:13:46] Well, he’s got a picture of this Black woman in a wig. And I was like, “Maybe I have a chance with him.”
Jordan [00:13:53] What would be your perfect date with Ed?
Nicole [00:13:56] Oh, my God. Okay. My perfect date with Ed Bastian, current CEO of Delta, would be getting picked up at my house in the Delta 360 Porsches that’s branded–it says “Delta” on the side. Getting driven to LAX, not having to go through a single ounce of security. Not even flying private, flying commercial Delta 360–lie-flat beds–to New York, where then we get on a helicopter to, like, Upstate New York, where we go to, like, a vineyard or something. I don’t even know if they have them in New York. I don’t know. I want to go away with Ed. I want him to tell me the ins and outs of the aviation industry over wine and candlelight. And I want a yummy dinner with Ed. Yeah.
Jordan [00:14:56] You’re telling me out of all the places you can go in the world, you want to go to Upstate New York to a fantasy winery? Not to, like, France or Italy?
Nicole [00:15:09] You know what? I wasn’t thinking. Ed, don’t take me to Upstate New York. I want you to take me to France, where we can drink champagne out of the Champagne River. And then we’ll go to, like, Portugal or something, and then maybe, like, Greece. And we’re going to party for a week. Our date is going to be a week-long thing. And a lot of it will be me cosplaying a flight attendant. And he’s gonna cosplay a CEO of delta. I’ll push little carts around our hotel room.
Sasheer [00:15:46] You just drink out of little, tiny alcohol bottles.
Nicole [00:15:48] Nothing is full size. Everything we eat comes on a tray with tinfoil.
Sasheer [00:15:54] You’re feeding biscotti to each other.
Nicole [00:15:57] Yeah, I just crumble them all over his chest and lap them up. Ed! If anyone knows Ed, tell him to listen to this hurt. And then he can look me up and see if he’s interested.
Sasheer [00:16:18] I’m sure he never imagined being sexualized.
Nicole [00:16:25] Let me look at him again. Oh, he does it for me. That smile. He knows things. And he’s tall?
Sasheer [00:16:39] We love that.
Nicole [00:16:40] And he’s got a lot of pictures of Black women, you know?
Sasheer [00:16:46] Does he really?
Nicole [00:16:47] There’s two. There’s literally just two.
Sasheer [00:16:50] Yeah. And these are just also Delta employees.
Nicole [00:16:54] I think Ed has some Black friends.
Sasheer [00:16:58] Probably.
Nicole [00:16:59] Probably just one.
Sasheer [00:17:01] You think he lives in Atlanta?
Nicole [00:17:03] Why do you think he lives in Atlanta? Because there’s a hub there?
Sasheer [00:17:06] That’s exactly why I think he lives in Atlanta. Precisely.
Nicole [00:17:11] Maybe. But I’m hoping maybe he has a home in Atlanta–maybe a home somewhere else. I don’t know. As a sky baby, I can’t be tethered to Atlanta and just Atlanta. We got to go everywhere.
Sasheer [00:17:22] Yeah, you gotta go all over.
Nicole [00:17:25] I wonder if there are sky babies. And people listening may be like, “What exactly do you mean by sky baby?” I mean a sugar baby of the sky. An aviation sugar baby.
Sasheer [00:17:37] An aviation sugar baby, where you don’t really need money. You just need flights.
Nicole [00:17:41] Just give me some flights, baby. Let me get back home.
Sasheer [00:17:46] I hope this journey goes well for you.
Nicole [00:17:48] Me too. This is the second or third time I’ve talked about Ed Bastian on this podcast.
Sasheer [00:17:54] I feel like we’re going to get closer.
Nicole [00:17:55] I hope so. Jordan looks confused. Do you want Ed, too? Are we going to fight to the death?
Jordan [00:18:01] No, I started typing in “aviation sugar baby,” and I landed across this article.
Sasheer [00:18:10] “Top U.S. Airlines for Landing a Sugar Daddy.”
Jordan [00:18:14] I just wasn’t expecting this article to come up, that’s all.
Nicole [00:18:17] I mean, what a fabulous thing to do–to become a flight attendant, meet a handsome, rich person, and flirt–
Jordan [00:18:26] “Fly Delta.”
Nicole [00:18:30] Wow.
Sasheer [00:18:33] Oh, that’s smart.
Nicole [00:18:34] Delta’s the sugar daddy airline?
Sasheer [00:18:39] So these are flight attendants who meet their sugar daddies on flights that they are working?
Nicole [00:18:46] I think so. I love this. I love that this is already, like, in motion. I mean, they’re doing it right because they’re starting in the sky. I’m starting on land.
Sasheer [00:18:59] Was that article on CNBC?
Nicole [00:19:03] They were like, “Listen, we’re having a slow day.”
Sasheer [00:19:11] Yeah. Girl, you got to get in the sky and make these moves.
Nicole [00:19:13] I gotta get in the sky. I gotta meet Ed. Because I don’t want, like, a pilot sugar daddy. Like, I’m not looking for that, like…
Sasheer [00:19:22] You’ll never see him!
Nicole [00:19:24] I know. He’d be flying everywhere, and then they close that door. I can’t even visit!
Sasheer [00:19:29] They close that little door.
Nicole [00:19:35] They do. “Take your sugar baby to work? Not here.” They close the door.
Sasheer [00:19:40] You gotta sit in a tiny, little seat on the wall next to the flight attendant.
Nicole [00:19:44] Okay, Sasheer. If you give me any kind of sugar baby, what would you be? I’m a sky baby.
Sasheer [00:19:53] I would be… a food baby.
Nicole [00:19:56] Yes. Yeah, I knew that.
Sasheer [00:20:00] If a restaurateur could finance my life and feed me. Oh, baby, that’s great.
Nicole [00:20:07] Oh, that’s nice. Jordan, what kind of baby would you be?
Jordan [00:20:12] I’m probably along your lines, where I want someone just to pay for where I travel. And then I also was thinking, you know, a water baby. But I don’t know what that would entail. Swimming in famous bodies of water.
Nicole [00:20:28] I feel like a water baby means you’re, like, dating an Olympian with a Wheaties contract.
Jordan [00:20:32] That’s what I thought, too!
Nicole [00:20:36] Or you could just time travel back to boat times, where the people who own, like, White Star Lines and other ships. You could be one of those water babies.
Sasheer [00:20:47] I mean, cruise ships and things still exist. Yachts.
Nicole [00:20:51] Oh, yeah. You could be a yacht baby.
Jordan [00:20:53] What if I went back in time and saved the Titanic?
Nicole [00:20:57] Jordan. How would you do that?
Sasheer [00:21:00] How would you save the Titanic?
Jordan [00:21:02] I would have moved the iceberg.
Sasheer [00:21:05] Or just tell the captain, “A little to the left.”
Jordan [00:21:10] Yeah, I would be that captain’s sugar baby, and I would be like, “I have an inkling that there might be an iceberg somewhere.”
Nicole [00:21:16] He’s like, “God, she keeps yammering.” You’re like, “It’s an iceberg.” Okay. Sasheer, if you could go back in time, where would you go?
Sasheer [00:21:33] You know, it’s like things get worse the farther back it goes. That’s really hard honestly. I don’t know if I want to go back in time.
Nicole [00:21:43] Fair.
Sasheer [00:21:43] I think I would go to the future.
Nicole [00:21:44] I also think I would go to the future. Yeah, I guess there really isn’t a huge time period where I’m like, “I got to see more of that.”
Sasheer [00:21:52] Yeah.
Nicole [00:21:54] Maybe, like, the 20s? Like, the Harlem Renaissance. Like, that seems like a nice, fun time.
Sasheer [00:22:00] It does seem like a nice, fun time.
Nicole [00:22:02] But also, you know, it comes with some baggage for sure.
Sasheer [00:22:07] And by baggage, we mean racism.
Nicole [00:22:13] Yeah. How far in the future would you go? I think we’ve talked about this before, but maybe we haven’t.
Sasheer [00:22:21] Maybe a thousand years?
Nicole [00:22:23] A thousand years? You don’t think that would be startling?
Sasheer [00:22:29] I do think it would be startling. I might be startled, yeah. But I at least know that I’m going to be there. It’s not like I’m surprised, jumping to a thousand years.
Nicole [00:22:48] You are absolutely right. A thousand years? That really shook me to my core. I can’t even imagine what life would be like. What year was it a thousand years ago? If we went backwards.
Sasheer [00:23:10] I guess 1022.
Nicole [00:23:13] 1022? Who’s there?
Sasheer [00:23:18] “Who’s there?” Who is there?
Nicole [00:23:21] “Knock, knock.” “Who’s there?” “1022.” Is that, like, dinosaurs and shit?
Sasheer [00:23:22] No.
Nicole [00:23:33] That’s before dinosaurs?
Sasheer [00:23:34] After.
Nicole [00:23:37] Okay.
Jordan [00:23:38] No, like, there’s royalty. There’s kings and queens.
Nicole [00:23:41] Oh, okay.
Sasheer [00:23:44] Is there even though?
Nicole [00:23:46] Were there Egyptians? Were they slamming down pyramids? Okay, so there were, like, empires. There was Henry the Second. Rome was here.
Sasheer [00:23:54] Okay.
Nicole [00:23:55] Africa was, you know, thriving, I guess. Asia was around.
Sasheer [00:24:01] They had a military. Okay.
Nicole [00:24:03] So, yeah, there are people. They were chilling.
Sasheer [00:24:08] So, yeah.
Nicole [00:24:09] So a thousand years from now. Wow. I wonder what kind of people are going to be there a thousand years from now?
Sasheer [00:24:15] Who knows?
Jordan [00:24:16] What would you guys predict in a thousand years? How do you think the world would be different?
Sasheer [00:24:21] Maybe earth as we know it won’t be here. Maybe earth will be here, but maybe humans won’t. Maybe humans will be in a spaceship, looking for a new home, or, like, on a different planet or something. And then maybe the earth is, like, resetting. And there’s a whole new version of animals that we don’t know or recognize.
Nicole [00:24:45] Okay. I was thinking, it’s, like, almost identical to now, and you could take, like, trips to Mars and stuff and trips to, like, squee-urp–different, like, realms or whatever–like, universes. al
Sasheer [00:25:02] Yeah, maybe.
Nicole [00:25:03] ‘Cause, like, if I can live not on Earth, I would do that.
Sasheer [00:25:08] Yeah? Where would you live?
Nicole [00:25:09] I don’t know. Purple Planet? Like, a lot of glitter and stuff.
Sasheer [00:25:14] Do you want a lot of people on that planet or, like, no one?
Nicole [00:25:19] I think I would like a lot of people. This might sound rude, but I feel like when humans are isolated, they tend to, like, be very small-minded and not think in broad strokes.
Sasheer [00:25:34] Yeah, well, I mean, isolation is also, like, unhealthy for us. We should be in groups. It’s kind of like a torture technique. The worst punishment you can get in prison is being in solitary confinement because you go crazy quickly.
Nicole [00:26:01] I would go nuts. I love talking. I would just talk to myself. I would take my wig off and be like, “This is my friend.” Instead of Wilson, I’d have… Shirley.”
Sasheer [00:26:12] You just have six podcasts with your wigs.
Nicole [00:26:18] I love that even in prison, I’m like, “Gotta keep working.”
Sasheer [00:26:24] Prison Talk.
Nicole [00:26:25] Prisons Talk with Nicole & Shirley. “Shirley’s quiet today.” Jordan, you had an album come out, yes?
Jordan [00:26:37] I had a song come out, yes.
Nicole [00:26:40] Oh no. Let me rephrase it. Jordan, you had a song come out?
Jordan [00:26:46] Yes, I had a song come out.
Sasheer [00:26:48] Let’s talk about it.
Jordan [00:26:49] Thank you for mentioning it. It’s called No Big Deal. You can listen to it wherever you want.
Nicole [00:26:53] Wherever I want? In a car?
Sasheer [00:26:55] In my car?
Jordan [00:26:59] You guys are on point today.
Nicole [00:27:02] In the shower?
Jordan [00:27:04] You can listen in the shower.
Sasheer [00:27:06] In my bedroom?
Jordan [00:27:07] And your bedroom. And you can also watch me, too, because there’s a music video.
Nicole [00:27:11] On YouTube?
Jordan [00:27:13] Yes, there is.
Sasheer [00:27:15] What do people type in?
Nicole [00:27:16] Yeah.
Jordan [00:27:17] You can type in “No Big Deal Jordan Duffy,” and I shall appear. Maybe not, like, out of nowhere, but like… Yeah.
Sasheer [00:27:24] Out of the mirror.
Jordan [00:27:27] “Say my name three times and I’ll give you candy.”
Nicole [00:27:30] That’s fun. Maybe I’ll play it for Clyde.
Jordan [00:27:33] Yes, it has been dog approved.
Nicole [00:27:37] Sounds insane, but I like to play him music.
Jordan [00:27:40] That’s not insane! What kind of music does he like?
Nicole [00:27:45] Well, okay, this sounds insane, but, like, sometimes when I leave him alone, I play, like, African music, so he, like, remembers I’m Black. But the other day I was playing him WAP because I didn’t know if he actually, like, heard it and listened to the words. So, we were driving–
Sasheer [00:28:01] Because that’s really important to you? Like, “I need him to understand this song.”
Nicole [00:28:05] I think it’s such a funny song. So, I was like, “Clyde, do you know WAP?” And he kind of stared at me and, like, hocked his head. And I was like, “Well, we’re going to listen to it.” So, I turned it up. I roll down the windows to make it, like, feel free. He, like, put his head out the window and it looked like he, like, maybe was bouncing. So, I was like, “Clyde!” And he looked at me. And I was like, “Do you have a WAP?” And he looked pretty annoyed with me and then turned right back around. And then I was like, “Do you like this song?” And then he wouldn’t turn back around. So, I rolled up the window, so he had to pay attention to me. And then–I don’t know–I just felt like he didn’t really like it. And then I was like, “I don’t know how I feel about my dog not liking Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion.”
Sasheer [00:28:46] Maybe he’s, like… really conservative.
Nicole [00:28:53] He’s sleeping right now.
Sasheer [00:28:56] Because a woman’s talking.
Nicole [00:28:59] He’s like, “Ugh, I can’t be bothered with all this yammering.” He doesn’t really get excited about any music, really, which is a bummer for me.
Sasheer [00:29:12] Sorry.
Jordan [00:29:12] How loud do you play the music?
Nicole [00:29:16] Pretty loud. Why? Does that hurt him?
Jordan [00:29:18] Well, dogs have very sensitive ears.
Nicole [00:29:20] They do?
Jordan [00:29:21] They definitely do. So, if you’re playing things really, really loud, they’re probably just, like, overwhelmed.
Nicole [00:29:29] Oh, interesting because usually I’m very loud and it barely registers with him. He’s like, “Whatever.” Okay. But I’m going to turn– I’ll turn it down in the car! He didn’t move. Not one bit.
Sasheer [00:29:47] Maybe he’s deaf now.
Nicole [00:29:49] Are you deaf? Clyde! You couldn’t see it, but he turned and looked at me the slowest I’ve ever seen a dog turn and look.
Sasheer [00:29:57] Aw. Well, he’s asleep.
Nicole [00:30:00] Oh, yeah. That, too. I guess he has a really disturbed sleep schedule. Anytime he tries to nap, I’m, like, screaming. I’m like, “Wake up, and play with me!” And then any time I go to the bathroom, I go, “Where are you? Cuddle!” I make him cuddle with me.
Jordan [00:30:19] In the bathroom?
Nicole [00:30:20] Oh, sorry. No, when I go back to bed.
Sasheer [00:30:25] “Please! I need support while I pee.”
Nicole [00:30:28] “I have to pee! Cuddle with me!” Oh, that would be very funny. Wait. Should we do a quiz, or should we solve problems?
Sasheer [00:30:45] I think solve problems?
Nicole [00:30:47] Yeah. Let’s do that. Okay.
Jess [00:30:50] Hi, Nicole. Hi, Sasheer. This is Jess. I’ve been listening for a while now. I have a best friend question for you guys. So, my best friend, who I love very much, is very bad at giving gifts. Last year she got me a beauty bag. This year I got her Beyoncé, like, sweatshirts, and long sleeve t-shirts, and stuff–and I just got a $25 candle from Amazon. I don’t know how to bring this up without sounding rude. ‘Cause, like, part of me is like, “All right now. You know that this candle does not equal the amount of stuff that I got at you for your birthday. You have to know.” Right? But I don’t know. It’s a very dumb thing to complain about because at the end of the day, it’s a gift. And I should be grateful either way. But, like, I feel kind of like… I don’t know. Like, it’s underwhelming, and I don’t know how to tell her that. But any advice you guys have would be great. Thank you. Bye.
Nicole [00:32:03] You can’t tell your friend that their gift is underwhelming? Okay. I am a little, like, pulled in two different directions because on one hand, I’m like, “Yeah. A $25 candle. And then, like, Beyonce’s sweatshirts. Two are not the same.” But also, I’m like, “Are you giving the gifts that you would like to receive? Does your friend like Beyoncé?” One. Two: Is your friend in a good financial state right now to be giving? Because they might be giving what they can give you. Three: Are you giving gifts just to get them in return? One of my favorite things is when I see something for somebody–whether it’s a birthday, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, the new year, Rosh Hashanah–I just buy it. Doesn’t matter what the holiday is. And sometimes it is a little expensive, but I’m like, “I’m not expecting anything back in return. I saw it. I thought of you. I want you to have it.” Like, the picture you sent. I got you a hot dog bowl for smoking weed. You don’t really smoke weed, but I was like, “I think it’ll be a cute thing for her to have in her house–to go with the hot dog altar.” But, like, I didn’t expect you to go on Etsy and, like, find, I don’t know, whatever. You know?
Sasheer [00:33:37] Yeah, you didn’t do it so you could get a gift in return. You did it because you thought of me and thought it would make me laugh and it was cute. And it did–and it is. Yeah, I think I agree with you. I don’t think the goal of gift-giving should be gift-receiving. And it is very possible the person–your friend–isn’t able to spend as much as you or doesn’t want to spend that much on gifts. If they have money, they’d rather spend it on–I don’t know–bills, themself, like, whatever else is a bigger priority. So maybe if it is like, “Uh oh, a holiday’s coming up. My friend just got me a gift. I didn’t think about this. Here’s a $25 candle.” You know, maybe it’s like a “here’s a gesture,” but, like, there’s no thought because they maybe weren’t planning on getting you a gift in the first place. And maybe you can make an agreement like, “We only give each other gifts on our birthday,” or “We only give each other gifts during the holidays at the end of the year,” or something. So, there’s not a ton of reasons to give gifts to somebody. And maybe you can emphasize “I don’t care how much you spend, as long as the thought is there.” You can have a thoughtful, cheap gift. ‘Cause I get why you’d be like, “I don’t want a candle.” It’s not very personal. It doesn’t show that you guys even know each other really. But maybe you could leave it for both of you. Maybe you could be like, “Hey, let’s just take money off the table. And if we are going to give each other gifts, let’s just do it because we saw something that made us think of the other person” or like “We did something that is thoughtful.” As opposed to like, “It’s holiday, so we got to give each other a gift!” I don’t even think you and I give each other gifts when we’re supposed to. Like, I feel like we give each other gifts any time other than the holidays or birthdays.
Nicole [00:35:52] Yeah. If I see something that reminds me of you, I’ll just buy it. I don’t think I got you anything for your specials specific… Oh, wait. Did you say you were working a special? Is this a secret? I don’t remember.
Sasheer [00:36:05] It’s not a secret. I’m sure I said something about it. Yeah.
Nicole [00:36:09] Oh, okay. I don’t think I got you anything per say, but I was like, “I wanted to be there.” And I felt like that was a nice present.
Sasheer [00:36:16] Yeah.
Nicole [00:36:18] And then your housewarming gift was, like, months after you’d moved in. I just, like, couldn’t figure out what I wanted to get you. So, yeah, maybe you just say, “When you think of me, get me something.” You don’t necessarily have to get me something for my birthday. It’s a tough conversation to have.
Sasheer [00:36:37] Yeah, I know. It also seems like maybe the person who called–their love language is gift-giving. But the person–the friend–that may not be their love language.
Nicole [00:36:48] Yeah. Ask what their love language is! If it’s time spent together, then maybe you spend more time with your friend.
Sasheer [00:36:55] Yeah. ‘Cause it really doesn’t have to be tit for tat. You can keep giving this person these gifts if you want, but you don’t have to expect a gift back.
Nicole [00:37:05] Yeah. I don’t think you should be giving gifts with the expectation of, like, “I spent $100, so you’ll spend $100?” Some people don’t have it.
Sasheer [00:37:11] Yeah. You don’t want to pressure someone into thinking that they have to do that. It can be overwhelming.
Nicole [00:37:20] Yeah. Solved.
Sasheer [00:37:21] Solved! Let’s do another!
Nicole [00:37:24] One more.
Jess [00:37:26] Hey, guys. Hello, Sasheer and Nicole. My name is Mathis. I’m 19. I’m from Germany, and my pronouns are he/him. I moved to the U.K. a month ago, and I wanted to tell you about a problem I have with two friends of mine. So, starting off, one of the friends–he and I met in summer of 2018. After that, we gradually grew closer. Now, we’re best friends with two other guys, and it’s really cool. I feel like at age 16 I kind of developed a crush on him that never really went away. I mean, I kind of tried to–to be honest–suppress it because it, I think, wouldn’t be good for the friendship/relationship that we have. He has expressed interest in one guy at the time but not really in me. So, I just kind of try to, let’s say, not think about the crush and just hope it goes away. And the other friend I met in autumn of 2021, and she’s just a really great person, and I’ve also developed a crush on her, around that time, as we grew closer. At some point we were–just us three–going somewhere, going on a trip. And she expressed to us that she never had the urge to be in a relationship. And that kind of was, for me, the sign to kind of try to suppress whatever crush on her again. And a few weeks later at a party, we talked about basically her having a crush on him, and I revealed, like, “Hey! Same. Wow. Amazing,” and just that I had a crush on her and on him. But that’s over now–at least, that’s what I told her because I thought it was like that. And she said, “Oh, no, no”–when I spoke about why I ended the crush on her–that she wasn’t interested in a relationship. And she said, “Oh no, you misunderstood me. I only am not interested in seeking one out, but I wouldn’t be opposed to one in general.” About a few days ago I got a text from him, basically telling me that they’re together now and that they’re in a relationship. And that kind of makes me realize that I think I have feelings for the both of them. And I just wanted to ask for your help in order to kind of know how to approach it with them, if I should tell them about it, and how to handle the situation. I’m sorry if my English isn’t the best. Like I said, I’m from Germany, and I’m trying. But I hope you have a great day, and I love the podcast, and if you were able to help me, that’d be great. If not, that’s also cool. Thank you for giving me an outlet. I love you guys, and… yeah.
Nicole [00:40:27] What a sweetie!
Sasheer [00:40:30] We’re international.
Nicole [00:40:32] Yes! We made it to Germany! Oh, boy.
Sasheer [00:40:38] Wow. The people you have crushes on are together now.
Nicole [00:40:42] Yeah.
Sasheer [00:40:46] I don’t think there’s anything you can do.
Nicole [00:40:48] The only thing I think you can do is… I mean, if they just got together, I do think it is a little while to be like, “Hey… You guys want to open up your relationship, and both of you date me separately?” Because that is a thing that could happen.
Sasheer [00:41:10] It’s a possibility, yeah.
Nicole [00:41:11] I do think the relationship is a little too new. It might throw a wrench into things. That isn’t great, but also it could be great?
Sasheer [00:41:26] Huh. Interesting. I was going to be like, “Clam up. Lock it down. You don’t need to say anything. There’s nothing you can do. Sorry, you missed your opportunity.” But I also like this idea of, like, who knows, maybe you could jump in and be a third or, yeah, date them separately. I don’t know. I can’t tell.
Nicole [00:41:45] Yeah. There is a world where you are a throuple. And this is what I picked up from Instagram–this throuple that I found… So, one partner was dating this lady. They got married. He took another partner–separate of his wife. But then his partner came into the mix. And now they’re a throuple. And they seem to be loving it–having a great time. They go on trips together. It seems to be really loving and understanding. Again, I understand that Instagram only really presents the good stuff. That being said, there is a world where you can sit them both down–take them to dinner and be like, “Hey. I have a crush on both of you. I have no interest in, like, a threesome. But I would love to date both of you if you’re open to it and taking our friendship to a different level.” But also, that is very scary. And I believe our friend is 19?”
Sasheer [00:42:57] Yeah.
Nicole [00:42:57] Which is young. But, you know, the youth are out here doing fun stuff. Jordan, what do you think?
Jordan [00:43:06] How he could present it– I do like the, like, take them out to dinner and just have a chat with them. But I wonder if he could present it with, like, “How do the two of you feel about including someone else to your relationship?” Or even talking about, like, “Have either of you had any crushes on other people within our friendship group?”
Sasheer [00:43:32] Yeah, feel it out.
Jordan [00:43:34] Feeling it out, and then kind of go in. But that’s very nerve-wracking. And it also can be really heartbreaking if you have crushes on both of them, and then they got together, and it’s like, “Oh no.”
Sasheer [00:43:50] It’s also a risk because, like, what if you put it out there and they’re like, “Oh, we are not interested in that.” And then do you keep trying to be friends?
Nicole [00:44:00] Oh, then it’s weird. I led you astray. Don’t do that. Do either Jordan or Sasheer. Clam up, and never speak of this again. Or put some feelers out to see if they would be into it.
Sasheer [00:44:15] I like the feelers.
Nicole [00:44:17] Yeah. And then, like, keep it general. Don’t say “you.” Just be like, “Hey. You guys ever, like, open your relationship up? I saw this on Instagram.” You can use my example from Instagram. Or make up your own.
Sasheer [00:44:31] Yeah. Or take them to karaoke and then sing the song, Just the Two of Us, but change it to Just the Three of Us.
Nicole [00:44:40] I thought the same thing. “When I think about you, I touch myself.”
Sasheer [00:44:45] Also a great one. And just look at both of them in the eye when you sing that.
Nicole [00:44:48] Yeah. Make unbroken eye-contact with both of them throughout the whole song. This is tough. I would really like an update as to what you decide to do.
Sasheer [00:45:04] Yeah. Yeah. Good luck.
Nicole [00:45:07] Yeah, good luck, friend.
Jordan [00:45:09] Point of view from you guys is let’s say that you are the people that are in the couple, and you have a friend who comes forward and kind of is like, “Hey. I’ve had a crush on you. I know you guys are together.” How would you react–or how do you think you would react–if a friend that you had for a while did say something like that?
Nicole [00:45:33] Okay. In this “what if” sitch, if I was in a solid relationship–it’s been like five, six years–and a friend is like, “I have a crush on both of you,” I think I would then talk to my partner and be like, “Hey. What do you think? Would you want to open it up or not?” And if they say, “No, I don’t really want to open it up,” I’d be like, “Okay. I guess we could keep it closed.” But if I really wanted to, I’d be like, “I think I got to do this.” I think there’s a lot of love in this world. And it’s not a forever thing.
Sasheer [00:46:07] But what if it’s this specific situation, where it’s, like, three friends, and two of the people in the relationship are in a brand-new relationship.
Nicole [00:46:17] Okay. So, you and Matteo start dating, and I’m like, “Rats, I’ve got a crush on you and Matteo.” You guys are such good friends of mine, I would just tell you.
Sasheer [00:46:25] That’s true.
Nicole [00:46:26] Like, yeah. If it was “friend” like that, I would just be like, “Listen, this is what’s up. Let me in both your butts.”
Sasheer [00:46:37] “Let me in those butts.”
Nicole [00:46:39] But if it was friends where it’s just been, like, a year or two, I might stay on the conservative side–just to maintain those friendships.
Sasheer [00:46:49] Yeah. It’s hard because also when you’re in a new relationship, I feel like you’re still building your relationship. So, it’s so new and fresh, and you are still discovering your “us.” And to add someone that early, I think, is… Some people might do it. I have no idea. And you’re right–the youths are doing cool stuff that we don’t even know about.
Nicole [00:47:16] How could we possibly know what the youths are doing?
Sasheer [00:47:22] We’re just a bunch of olds over here guessing. But I don’t know. I’m kind of like, “Either you got to get in immediately or wait six years.”
Nicole [00:47:34] Okay, here’s what I’m going to say, friend. I think you can poke around, ask if they’re into, like, opening it up, but ultimately, you are worth someone who wants to be with you. They want to be together. There might be a time where one of them–both of them–want to be with you. But I think you need to put your efforts into making yourself happy and finding someone who wants to be with you.
Sasheer [00:48:00] That’s really beautiful, Nicole.
Nicole [00:48:01] Yeah. The more I think about it, the more I’m like, “Why?” Okay, so it’s from My Best Friend’s Wedding, and Julia Roberts is going on and on about Dermot Mulroney. And Rupert Everett goes, “Jules, who’s chasing you?” Nobody’s chasing her.
Sasheer [00:48:22] Oh. Damn. That’s a good ass point.
Nicole [00:48:23] So it’s like why chase these two people who are in something with no one chasing you? Why not put yourself in a situation where you are being chased and chasing that person–you’re going back and forth?
Sasheer [00:48:37] I like that.
Nicole [00:48:38] Because our friend is so sweet; they’re worth it.
Sasheer [00:48:41] And there’s plenty of fish in the sea.
Nicole [00:48:43] There are. The sea is plentiful. We don’t even know the extent as to how far, and deep, and vast the sea is.
Sasheer [00:48:52] Lots of options that we don’t even know about.
Nicole [00:48:55] Yeah, lots of them. If you have a query or quandary–if you have two Q’s–you can email Nicole and Sasheer at firstname.lastname@example.org. The way I said that was insane. Or there’s a number. For voicemails, voice memos, or text messages, the number is 424-645-7003.
Sasheer [00:49:31] We also have merch at podswag.com/bestfriends.
Nicole [00:49:35] And if you’re looking to support this show, there is something that you can easily do. Lastly, don’t forget, rate, review, and subscribe.
Sasheer [00:49:44] Yes! Wow. Okay. Bye, Nicole.
Nicole [00:49:50] Bye-bye.
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