EP. 84 — Adam Buxton

Jameela [00:00:00] Hello and welcome to another episode of I Weigh with Jameela Jamil. I hope you’re well, I’m alright. I am having a brave week, especially brave. It’s just a bit brave for me because I am a coward. I so OK. I feel shy talking about it. My boyfriend is a very talented singer, his name is James Blake, and he released an album called Friends That Break Your Heart all about the the pain of friendship break ups, which I think is a really potent and amazing thing to talk about. But he he needed a music video for his song, Say What You Will. And I wrote a treatment for a music video, a comedy music treatment for a video, and I gave it to him and he really liked it and so did his management. So we went out and found a director who would be willing to bring my vision to life. And that was a man called Bear Damon, who was unbelievably cool and generous and collaborative with me and didn’t feel threatened by the fact that I was a woman, or that it was my idea. And he put his own spin on it. And we worked together so beautifully, and he never once made me feel like I was imposing with my with my thoughts on the day of shooting. He was just such a legend to work with, and I’m sad that I was so shocked and in awe of him for being so kind and just treating me like an equal human being, which is really the basics. But he is one of very few I found in this industry who who didn’t just sort of talk down to me or dismiss me. So shout out to Bear Damon. And that video ended up doing really well and just won a big award. So that’s really cool for Best Music Video. And because of the success of that video, even though we didn’t announce it, that it was my idea or anything to do with me because we were afraid of the public shitting on it or scrutinizing it just because I had come up with the idea because obviously there is a bit of an appetite online for me, but also, you know, to sort of shit on me or degrade me sometimes. But mostly it’s just because I’m a woman. And if a woman directs or does anything, we hyper scrutinize it and pick it apart and look for what’s wrong with it. Even if we don’t even know that we’re doing it, it can sometimes be an unconscious bias. But. Because women doing these things still feels quite new. When a woman is at the helm of something, I think some of us are looking for the problems, looking for the signs that she’s an experienced or a beginner or not as good as the men in her field. So that was a bit shit, but it was fine. And so we waited until he’d won the award before we said it was my idea just because I really wanted to know what people actually thought about it when I wasn’t involved, so we did the same thing when on his following music video, I wrote the entire treatment again thought that they would find another director to do it and his manager, who is a woman, just asked me, Why don’t you direct it? You’ve been in this industry for such a long time. You worked in front of a camera for such a long time. You know what you’re doing. You have such a strong vision for this idea. What if I built a team around you of great directors of photography and producers, and you just actually executed your vision yourself this time? So I at first thought, no, because I would be eaten alive. And also it was a big, scary challenge with the added terror of letting down someone I love. But then I remembered what I say to you all of the time, which is, Hey, run at your fears. Failure’s really noble because it means you’re willing to try even when success wasn’t guaranteed. And I have a track record of always doing that. And so why stop now? Why allow parasites on the internet and misogynists and dickheads and the idea of failure, or even the idea of disappointing anyone, even if it’s James, even if it’s myself? Why allow that fear of something that I can’t yet qualify stop me from even trying, and which I might find out that I’m good at something or I do a really good job, or I make him really happy and I make everyone really happy. And I surprise myself and and I find this new part of me that I didn’t know existed. So because I’m not, you know, bonkers, I decided to ask a friend who’s got a bit more experience than me as a director, especially as a director of photography, but generally, just like a great, all round knowledgeable human, my friend Chris, I asked him to direct it with me so that I would have someone to hold my hand and to kind of share this experience with. And he, again, just such a great guy. So sound never mansplain to me, always made space for my ideas and my thoughts, and allowed me to have autonomy and on my own level of control and the whole process. It felt very cool and very even and collaborative and joyous the way it should be between men and women and all human beings of all genders. It never felt barbed with either of these two men, and so we had an amazing experience. We created the video like I sat in the entire edit and we were happy with what we did. You know, we didn’t have a lot of time. We didn’t have a big budget, we didn’t have a big crew. We didn’t have a lot of the resources. Some people have to make a video because we were, you know, doing this somewhat for the first time and we made something that I’m proud of and that, most importantly, my boyfriend loves and his team liked and we put out to the world, but again didn’t put my name on it because we knew that there was a chance that James could be harmed by my name being attached to his work or by it, in particular because again, it’s like oh his girlfriend directed it. So we put it out about a week ago. And when we saw that generally it was getting a very positive reaction, we finally felt ready to say that this was my idea, my treatment and something that I co-directed with my friend. And the reaction online today has been very uplifting, mostly. There have still been some always women being shitty to me in DMs saying that I’m trying to take attention away from James’s career. I’m not. This is just my own thing that I did with him. We collaborated. But generally, it’s been a wonderful response and reminded me of the importance to keep reminding you to take credit for your work and that it’s okay to soft launch into doing that because we still unfortunately live in a world thatis so sadly misogynist and frustrating and unfair that we that we don’t allow women to feel safe to put themselves out there, and we still make women feel like we have to be above and beyond better than any man at everything we do, we have to be the kind of model minority, and there’s so much more pressure on us. It’s really fucking exhausting to live like that and it’s quite creatively stifling, and it makes me feel frustrated. But the only way for me to be a part of changing that is to actually do it and utilize the privilege and the power that I have to put my money where my mouth is and make myself vulnerable and put art out there that I don’t know how people are going to feel about it and and to take the risk and be vulnerable publicly so that the people with less access and power than me later on will have the reassurance that you can survive the ridiculous terrain of misogyny that comes with being a woman and breaking, you know, new ground or venturing into relatively uncharted territory. And so, you know, I’m not trying to overegg this. I know it’s just a music video and know it’s like four and a half minutes long, but it was a big deal for me to do something that I was already scared of. That involved a lot of a lot of work that was very unfamiliar for me. And it may not be perfect and you may not even like it. You might think it’s shit, but at least I did it and I finished it and I saw it all the way through, and I took the leap of putting it out into the public and putting my name on it and taking ownership of it in spite of what anyone might think. And in spite of whether or not I might ever get any directing work again. But I’m proud of myself. It was really fucking hard and scary, and I’m so happy that I made something that mostly James is happy with because I love that song and I love him. Not in that order. Definitely the other way around. And I I just would like to remind you that it’s so important to find out about these parts of yourself that you may not be familiar with, and it’s OK if you don’t have all of the answers yet need to have all of the experience yet. If I can jump on in front of some really scathing and vile commentators and open myself up like this, hopefully it can inspire you to do so, hopefully with a bit more privacy and grace than I am afforded and that I’m so proud of you if you’re trying and I don’t give a fuck about what the result is. I think you’re such a legend. I say this all the time is so noble to to try. When failure is a possibility. And I think that if that’s something you’re doing or considering, then go you on right there with you and so proud of you. And this is the only way we’re going to continue to make progress and make more space for each other so that there aren’t just the singular directors, the singular writers, the singular, you know camera operators. We need there to be a whole army of us, there is safety and power in numbers, and so, you know. Basically, just keep going. Take the risks. I fucking love you. I look up to you, and if it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t have done this because you hold me accountable to walk the walk and actually be the person that I keep encouraging all of you to be. And so thanks for that. Anyway, moving on on a complete tangent on the podcast today is a unusual guest. But he’s like a hero of mine and he’s a hero of James’s, and we’ve grown up with his comedy and he’s just such a profoundly unique and interesting man and someone that I wanted to pick the brains of. He is a complete national treasure in Britain. His name is Adam Buxton, and in this podcast we talk about his experience with mental health and what a midlife crisis is like. And he’s not, by the way, known for talking about his intimate feelings. So him talking about these things felt like a massive, massive privilege. We talk about his relationship with his father, who has now passed and what his father passing kind of did to him and his own relationship with fatherhood. And he tells me so much about their relationship and how it shaped him. We talk about how that shaped him as a father and and how he connects with his teenage son through music and all the ways in which he feels like he’s failing and panicking. It’s just a very, very open conversation with a dad with a straight white dad. And I think those conversations are important to be had. I’m certainly curious about them. You will be happy to know that we both also discuss Zendaya and how perfect she is. So if you’re a fan, you’ll enjoy that. But mostly, I just really value his openness, his vulnerability, his perspective, and just to hear what what the dads are going through. He’s a wonderful, unusual soul who created such a different lane in comedy, and I think that anyone who takes risks and strays away from the norm and and marches to the beat of their own drum and figures things out at their own pace and and shares those things with other people is so admirable and so inspiring to me. So I hope you enjoy this episode. This is the absolutely adorable Adam Buxton. Bloody hell, one of my lifelong heroes, Adam Buxton, is here to talk to me. Hello Adam, welcome to I Weigh. 

Adam [00:11:58] Hey, how you doing? Jamila, nice to see you. It’s lovely to see you. I haven’t seen you for years and years, literally. I think I saw you last in Los Angeles, Los Angeles. 

Jameela [00:12:10] Los Angeles. The Dutch are 

Adam [00:12:13] Sean Connery meets David Bowie, Los Angeles. And in fact, talking to David Bowie, it was outside the theater where I did the David Bowie show that I was taking out there, a show called Bug, which I do regularly about music videos. And we were doing a Bowie special a year I think after he died and you came along to that, I showed a lot of music videos and then you didn’t come to the after show party because we had a party.

Jameela [00:12:38] I did, I came so briefly. No I did, I came briefly. But it was so packed with celebrities who love you that I felt like a desperate cunt. So I had to leave to save face. 

Adam [00:12:53] Come on. 

Jameela [00:12:54] I don’t want to be part of your celebrity harem Adam. I wanted to preserve my dignity by telling you about it three years later. So either way, I might as well have just gone and enjoyed myself. But yeah, it was like we couldn’t get, could, couldn’t get to you. Couldn’t get to the bar, couldn’t get anything. It was just rammed. So it was like, Well, he’s clearly a bigger deal in America than I had presumed. 

Adam [00:13:16] It was the first one of those kinds of things I’d ever been to, like I don’t do, normally I would do Bug in the BFI Southbank a cinema in London that shows a lot about films and things like that. That’s the spiritual home of Bug, and we don’t have parties after each show. It was only because I was out in L.A. and my friend Edgar Wright said, Oh, I’ll invite some people. I’ll get a load of people along to go and see your show. And he knows absolutely everyone in the world. So all these people came like Tim Heidecker and John C. Reilly and Paul Thomas Anderson came, and there were quite a few people. I won’t mention any names, but there are quite a few. It was interesting to see, Wow, this is Hollywood in action, people just making a beeline for Paul Thomas Anderson and making it absolutely clear that they should be in his next film. 

Jameela [00:14:09] Yeah, you see, now I, on the other hand, a real career, career minded woman made a beeline away from Paul Thomas Anderson. You see, that’s not the long game you see. I bet he’s still wondering about it right now. 

Adam [00:14:21] He might. He may well be. No, it was a very it was a very unrelaxing party. You didn’t miss anything. 

Jameela [00:14:29] I find I find I don’t fit in with that part of L.A. yet. Still, it’s been seven years and I get very anxious and scared at parties. So I just, yeah, I bolted. As soon as I got there, I thought, this is far too packed is too high pressure. I, uh, I have nothing to say to anyone. I’m going to run away. 

Adam [00:14:46] Because it all sounds like a humble brag when you say this, I’m not saying you. I’m saying when one says this kind of thing about about these sort of situations because I don’t know about you. But when I was young, I just imagine what that would be like, you know, going to party and seeing all these people that you’ve seen in films and TV shows standing there, that would be the best thing ever, wouldn’t it? And then it’s so jarring. When you actually find yourself in that situation, you’re thinking, Wait, why isn’t this fun? This is just stressful. 

Jameela [00:15:18] I know! Oh my god it’s exactly I feel exactly the same way I I because I always got I still go to a lot of them because, like the 13 year old FOMO, you know, dragon in me is just saying, go, you know, tonight could be the night you always dreamed of. When you’d be watching the Oscars, you wanted to. And it’s not in a like star fuckery way. It’s just these people who’ve kept you company in your loneliest moments as a kid, you know, the people who played the outsider when you felt like the outsider, let the chance to meet some of these artists who, like with some of the most amazing and important like kind of parts of you building yourself up as a kid, you want to meet them. And so you go and then it. It’s just like, I always end up having like an awkward accident. You know, I ended up stealing a lot of steak at the last big Hollywood party, I went to and I’m not a thief. But it was a. 

Adam [00:16:15] Sounds like you are. 

Jameela [00:16:15] There were- yeah it does sound like I am. There’s a big buffet. And they had loads of steak and no one was eating the steak because Hollywood, because no one eats very much here unfortunately. And so I just thought, Oh God, these would be good steaks to take home. No one’s eating them anyway. So I went and I piled 10 giant steaks on top of each other on a big plate. And Gwyneth Paltrow was in front of me and she turned around and looked behind at me, and I’m holding the steak stacked plate. And I just said, I’m doing the Atkins diet. And so she looked to me. I was like, Cool, turns back around, leaves me to it. I take a big napkin. I put it on top of all the stakes. I slip steaks over the plate and then bundle them up in a big cloth napkin and they’re bleeding. So it looks like I just got some sort of dead child in this big mound of steak that I then stick between my thighs to try and under my mini skirt to try and waddle out of this party. The blood does not like trailing down my leg

Adam [00:17:10] Obvious place to stick it yeah. 

Jameela [00:17:11] And in my speed to get out of the party, I knocked over Al Pacino. Because he’s much smaller than me, and I didn’t see him there, so I took down a legend in my pursuit of steaks, getting steaks home that I’d stolen from this party. The steaks flew out from under my legs, so it looked like this dead sort of animal was traveling across this party. I went, grabbed it, stuck it back onto my leg, left Al Pacino on the floor and exited the party and realized that maybe I shouldn’t go to the these anymore. So I guess a long winded. A long winded explain 

Adam [00:17:45] Wow, so the steaks were literally high.

Jameela [00:17:46] Yeah, I’ve never gone through so much for meat. 

Adam [00:17:51] I got knocked over by a beautiful woman. She covered me in dead meat. Hoo ha! That’s that’s as good as it’s like, I can’t really do anything else Al Pacino wise. You just have to shout and say, Hoo ha.

Jameela [00:18:06] oh my God, you. I mean, you’re an extraordinary, I guess I would call it stand up. You do these large, long comedy shows in front of thousands of people and some of them are almost like two hours long. And you’re completely gripping to watch and very funny. And very warm and very charming and very unusual. You’re one of the most, I think, unusual British talents that we have and that you’re an incredibly confident performer. 

Adam [00:18:34] Just keep going. Yeah, do more of the hyperbole. 

Jameela [00:18:39] Very handsome. 

Adam [00:18:42] Yep. 

Jameela [00:18:42] Very charismatic. 

Adam [00:18:43] Los Angeles hyperbole. I looove it. I’m going to. Luckily, this has been recorded and I’m going to just transcribe it and carry it around and look at it from time to time from now on. That’s nice of you, Jameela. That’s really nice. And I, you know, I have good gigs and bad gigs, and I feel more confident on stage now than I used to. But I understand now that I’m best when I’m operating within my own little corner and when I can control the environment a little bit. And when I’m with an audience that understands where I’m coming from. I’m no good if I’m just thrust in front of a big crowd that, you know, if I’m part of a big bill where there’s big names and, you know, suddenly I turn up and I’m all bumby and stumbly and people are like, Who the hell is this guy? 

Jameela [00:19:37] No one’s thinking that, shut up Adam. 

Adam [00:19:37] Also, a lot of the shows that you’re a lot of the shows that you’re talking about. I have I’m like a prop comic because I always have support from my laptop a lot of the time. Only recently have I started doing shows where I’m not projecting stuff on screen. So most of the time I’m making things at home and I’m preparing things, and then I sort of present them. It’s a little bit like a TED talk or. 

Jameela [00:20:02] Comedy Ted Talk yeah.

Adam [00:20:02] Comedy presentation, so I have that to back me up. I know that if things go really wrong, if I lose the power of speech, I can fire off a video now and again. So that’s that’s how I get to the two hour running time. And as well with the show Bug, which we were talking about earlier, I’m showing other people’s work there. All I’m doing is presenting it, really. So it’s not like,  

Jameela [00:20:26] You’re right, I take it back. There’s no value in what we do. 

Adam [00:20:27] Dave Chapelle going on stage and and just talking with no other backup like that. I’m I’m probably excessively hard on myself. And it is a problem that that does need to be kept an eye on that, that sort of self-deprecating thing that then turns into something a bit more unhelpful,. 

Jameela [00:20:50] Sinister. 

Adam [00:20:50] And more of a kind of difficult internal negative narrative that needs to be squashed every now and again. But I wouldn’t want to get rid of it completely. I was watching an interview with I don’t know if I should say her name well you can cut it out if you don’t think it’s appropriate. But I was watching an interview with a young American actor, Zendaya or Zendaya, do you say? 

Jameela [00:21:14] Mm-Hmm. 

Adam [00:21:15] Anyway, brilliant actor and she someone asked her question. She was answering a lot of questions sent in by people on the internet. One of them was, What do you not like about yourself? And she chose not to answer the question at all because she felt that to say anything negative in that way was not helpful, and she didn’t want to be someone who was kind of propagating that idea of having to put yourself down the whole time. People, some, you know, sometimes people feel obliged to to be negative about themselves. And I felt like, OK, I understand that, and I definitely admire the fact that you’ve thought about that. But like you can have, you can you can go somewhere in between, can’t you? Because because people are definitely most people are well, let’s say all people have the capacity to be absolute twats and to do embarrassing, stupid, wrongheaded things. I mean, that is evident. And we’re in a culture now that, 

Jameela [00:22:20] You know what? Not Zendaya. I’ve met her many times, and I actually think she came up with a very, uh, like, dignified and careful way of avoiding the fact that there’s probably nothing wrong with her. I mean, honestly, I’ve met her. She’s as good as fucking perfect it’s insane, it’s insane. You don’t even know what’s happening like she, uh, she scrambles my do you remember that sort of meme of Winona Ryder on stage at the Golden Globes when Stranger Things had won and they just started putting just like pictures of arithmetic around her facial expressions. 

Adam [00:22:52] Yes and she’s doing the faces, yeah man. 

Jameela [00:22:52] Like that’s how I feel whenever I’m with Zendaya where I’m just like, Oh no, you are, you don’t make any mistakes. Like, You’re just perfect. You’re cool, you dress right, you say the right thing. You never say to like, I always say too much. I always overshare. I always twat myself. I knock Al Pacino over with, you know, bleeding meat down my leg. You know, it’s I feel like I’m her tether, you know, I mean, you know, I’m sort of the underworld version of her.

Adam [00:23:18] You’re the person with the high stakes, I knocked Al Pacino over and got a dirty look from Gwyneth Paltrow story. That’s the story I want to hear. I don’t want to hear. Like, Oh yeah, everything went absolutely great for me again today. I bet you, I’m sure

Jameela [00:23:29] I don’t I think it must be hard. I don’t think she’s got a self-deprecating story. I think she’s too cool. I think it’s and good for her. But I think that’s what that was. I think she was avoiding, like having to make the mere mortal who asked that question feel even more even lower. 

Adam [00:23:46] No, I’m not buying that. I would say that even Zendaya and I don’t disagree with anything you say. I think she’s amazing. And but even her, I bet she does some pretty stupid. Even her. That’s the thing is, like you, I just feel like you’ve got to keep in mind, especially when you’re on social media or whatever, and you’re looking at stuff that people are saying and arguments people are getting into. No one never puts a foot wrong. Everybody screws up.

Jameela [00:24:12] Yeah, you said, you mean you say that. But and I and I agree with you. In fact, there was this advice someone gave me before I had to present at the Golden Globes. I was extremely nervous and I I was sitting with obscene people at the table like Jim Carrey was next to me and all these different like Ted Danson, all these different people. I had to get up in front of all these people and present and someone just said, Listen, remember that at some point in everyone’s life, apart from probably the Queen of England, everyone is run out of toilet paper and they’ve only realized after they’ve taken a shit. So they’ve then had to do that shitty squat walk around their house looking for something to wipe their ass with. He was like every single person on Earth has been in that situation. So, so you remember that when you’re looking out across all those faces and it was like also it was great, but also plagued me because then as I was looking out like Meryl and Julia Roberts and Steven Spielberg as imagining all of them doing their shitty squat walk and almost forgot all my lines. But yeah, maybe Zendaya’s done that as well, you know? 

Adam [00:25:15] When Zendaya runs out of toilet paper, the Queen comes round and wipes her ass. 

Jameela [00:25:24] Oh my goodness. This is a this is a show about mental health, and I and I would love to talk to you about that aspect of your life. I mean, everyone knows you as a comedian and you’ve now brought out Ramble book, and I think you’ve been a bit more open about all of your feelings about everything. How how would you say your mental health has been your whole life? 

Adam [00:25:54] My whole life, I never started thinking about it, you know, I feel very conflicted about this subject, Jameela. I really do because my parents were very conservative in every sense of the word. And one of the things I think they and a lot of people of their generation believed was that talking too much about this kind of thing is counterproductive and that actually sometimes the best policy is to be, you know, keep calm and carry on, which is now a kind of cliche of wrong headed British stoicism. You know, like a hangover from the upper classes or whatever it was, you know, you don’t talk about your feelings. No, no, no, no. Stiff upper lip and all that. But the thing is that I think that there is, you know, the truth as as most of the time the case is somewhere in between, you know what I mean? Sometimes I think it probably is useful to be a little bit stiff upper lip and not fall apart. Not just dwell on things, you know what I mean. On the other hand, it is definitely useful to talk about some stuff and to be able to have someone listen to you and to feel that you’re not alone and to feel that some of the things you’re going through are normal and that you’re not a total weirdo for feeling them. And because sometimes those feelings are frightening, you just think, Yes, this is just normal. Is just, does anyone else feel like this? 

Jameela [00:27:23] I see what you’re saying, but I also think that the nuance there is that the last generations before us considered a lot to be falling. I mean, considered really any showing of emotion to be us falling apart. I do think they had a very kind of low bar for what was deemed as hysteria or not being able to keep your shit together. So I don’t I totally hear what you’re saying. And I think, of course, that we should have a kind of spectrum of reaction just in order to be able to get through the day. But I also think that they they called a lot of things hysteria like my dad used to call a lot of things like if I would just be mildly upset about something, he’d be like, Why are you? Why are you hysterical right now? And I wasn’t. I was just shedding like one sort of like calm little tear. And he would see that as me completely losing control because he, you know, he’s in his 70s. He, uh, he comes from a different time. 

Adam [00:28:18] Absolutely. And that I mean that word, the hysterical and hysteria. That was a kind of weird thing that was invented to apply to women whenever they showed any kind of emotion and they got upset and it’s like, Oh, she’s hysterical. And it’s yes, it’s a it’s not helpful. It’s a way of just shutting someone down, really, isn’t it? 

Jameela [00:28:41] I mean, last year was your first time in therapy, right? You turned the second of your parents passing. I’m sorry to hear, by the way, that both your parents have passed in the last couple of years. 

Adam [00:28:51] Aw thank you. 

Jameela [00:28:52] Namely your mum last year, more recently. And so, so I mean, fucking hell like having that happen amidst a pandemic. How are you feeling now? 

Adam [00:29:04] Yeah, I feel OK. You know, it’s like everyone else, isn’t it? You realize that that’s the other thing is, I think the older you get, the more you realize, well, a lot of this stuff is probably normal. Like you asked before, how do I think about my mental health throughout my life? I definitely always thought of myself as a totally happy, pretty carefree person, and I I always told myself when I was younger, like, I never wanted to be someone who regretted things or worried about things. In that way, I worried about other stuff. I worried a lot about, you know, the end of the world and I worried about my health. And if anything, you know, if anything at all went wrong health wise, I always freaked out. But. 

Jameela [00:29:51] I imagine the pandemic was fun for you. 

Adam [00:29:53] Yeah, yeah. No, it wasn’t. It was. It was not good in that respect. I’m sure a lot of people can relate, though, but. I didn’t worry about my mental health, I thought. No, I’m fine in that department, but then I think. When I got into my 30s and 40s and then when I had kids. I just the pressures that were suddenly being exerted by parenthood and everything else, you know and sort of career stuff and just having to grow up a little bit, I suppose, because I was a baby man.

Jameela [00:30:35] What was having kids, like been like for you. We often have mothers coming onto the show to talk about it, but not that many dads. What’s it been like for you?

Adam [00:30:43] Yeah. I mean, it is. It’s definitely challenging because the thing is, I talk about it a little bit in the book and I talk about the fact that, you know, I was this very immature, sort of selfish guy. And but I liked the idea of having children. I never really thought about it seriously, but when my wife had the conversation with me first, I was like, Yeah, fine, let’s do that. That’ll be fine. You can do all the boring stuff and I’ll just be their best friend. And you know.

Jameela [00:31:18] That’s what I said to James reverse reverse roles. I was like, Yeah, if you want to have a child, then I would. I can never see any poo. I can never even see it. I can’t even know it’s happening. You have to remove all poo from my periphery. I was like, I can’t be a part of the life I want to have. I was like, You’re on poo duty 24 seven. I was like, I don’t care if that child gets a UTI, I will leave them in their shit until you get home. I was like, That’s the kind of parent I’m going to be. I’m the fun dad, you know, which just to use the gender trope. But yeah, I was like, That’s it. I’m not doing any of this. I’m not negotiating with this terrorism. OK, so that was your thought. And then what was your reality? 

Adam [00:32:01] And then you find out very quickly that that’s not a workable arrangement for all sorts of reasons. Also, because you don’t want to you do want to get involved. You know, you love them and you want to look after them. And and it’s, you know, also the house. The center must hold the union of yourself and your partner. If that falls apart, then everything else falls apart. So it’s in your interest to share the labor. So I it took me ages to make the transition to being a little bit more grown up about the whole thing, I think. And you describing what you know, you laying down your stipulations for having children was exactly what I said when it came to getting a dog because we’d never had a dog. And then when our son was six or somethng, he was like can we get a dog, can we get a dog? I really don’t want a dog. You know, we’ve got children, and that’s complicated enough. Let’s not bring another life into this whole thing. But he was adamant, Let’s get a dog, let’s get a dog. And my wife is like, Oh, come on, let’s get a dog. It will be so nice. And she said to me, You don’t have to do anything, I promise you. Were her words, I promise you. You won’t have to pick up a single poo. I’ll feed it. We’ll look after it. Me and the kids will take it for walks. You don’t have to do anything because I was never a dog person. My dad did not like dogs at all. So I grew up with that prejudice towards dogs. And for the first few, for the first few months it was like that dog, Jesus. And then then the dog came. And this is our dog, Rosie, who is a whippet poodle cross, and she turned up as a puppy, very sweet little bundle of fur, but she trashed the place, you know, and she did all the things I absolutely did not want done. Wee wee and poo poo everywhere. Really bright yellow wee on all the floors, all the carpets chewing up my expensive headphones. I just got my first pair of glasses and I got I’d gone for the really expensive Zeiss lenses. She chewed the living shit out of them and everything was destroyed and it was like, This is exactly what I didn’t want to happen. So me and Rosie didn’t get out for a while, but then after a while when inevitably everybody else refused to do all the things that they promised they were going to do, i.e. take her for a walk and pick up her poos I was like fine. I guess I’ll do it then. And so I started going for walks with Rosie, and she very quickly became my pal and I fell in love with her and we it was just the best thing ever. And and I really think that I mean by then I was a little bit more responsible in the parent department, I hope. But Rosie was definitely a help, as well as far as making the transition into being a slightly more mature and responsible person who appreciated that it was fun to look after people. 

Jameela [00:35:13] It’s funny you say that. James said the same thing to me because again, I was like, Oh, I would like a dog, but I don’t want to deal with poo, so I think we shouldn’t get a dog he was like I’ll deal with all the poo. I was like all right. And I’ve just found, like, first of all, that never happened, and I’m dealing with a lot of more shit in my life than I ever had on my bingo card. But also, I just found out he’s been letting the dog go round the back of the house. There’s like a little alleyway that we have that none of us have, that I never traverse that alleyway. I just went back there the other day because we were having some work on it, found like twenty poos. He’s just been letting the dog go around and do secret poos that he’s not picking up that son of a bitch. Not only lied, but he’s going above and beyond to not have to. Guess who’s going to have to deal with that when he’s away on tour? Guess who’s got 20 poos waiting for her after this fucking podcast? infuriating. But I do want to ask you because you talk in the book about having had a complicated and complex relationship with your dad, like talking about his final months you know with you, where he moved in with you when he was, you know, very, very sick and you trying to kind of create closure throughout your bond. You know, you didn’t feel necessarily maybe super close to your dad. I mean, how would you how would you describe the complexity of that relationship? Because I always find that so interesting when someone’s had children as to how they how that impacts their relationship with their kids. 

Adam [00:36:34] Yeah. Well, as I said before, you know, my folks were conservative and even though they were very loving and cool, my dad was in the TV show that me and Joe made. We called him bad dad. So he was in his 70s then, his mid 70s. But and he was kind of a posh old guy, you know, very conservative and didn’t like the music that we liked, thought pop culture was a load of shit and that it was entirely populated by creeps and weirdos and that it was worthless and grotesque. And so we thought, in fact, it was our friend Louis Theroux said, it would be funny. You should get your dad in the show, you know, because you should get him to review gangsta rap, said Louis. And so we did that, and he started off reviewing not just gangsta rap, but all sorts of modern music. And then we used to take him to festivals and, you know, get him in the mosh pit for the Foo Fighters at V97 and things like this. And it didn’t convince him that that stuff was good at all. He still hated it all. I think the only time he ever was mildly complimentary about someone like that was when he met Coolio. We took him to Los Angeles and spent the day with Coolio driving around in his Humvee, and Coolio introduced my dad to his crew, the 40 Thieves. And they they wrote some rap lyrics and got my dad to do a couple of lines on a record or something which I don’t think they ever used. But he had a great time and my dad, you know, he was impressed by anyone successful. So he just liked the fact that he was hanging out with this successful guy, Coolio. But the rest of the time, he thought it was all a load of ballocks. But anyway, I guess the thing is that it was it demonstrates how much my dad, I think, loved me and wanted to do whatever he could to help. And as soon as we said, like, will you, will you do these tv things he’s like, Yeah, fine. Sure, no problem. He didn’t make any money out of it, really. He enjoyed the notoriety. I think he liked showing off. He was always a bit of a performer. So, yeah, sure, he did that. But he was he would do anything for us. But at the same time, he he was into this idea of being stoical and not talking about things and not dwelling on problems. 

Jameela [00:38:59] You said that when when anything would happen, you said that when anything kind of there’d be a big emotional moment, you just kind of get like a tight squeeze. A little squeeze from your dad. And that incrementally, over the years, his life became harder and bigger and sadder things happened. Rather than him opening up, more squeezes just got even harder, which I find incredibly relatable and funny. 

Adam [00:39:22] He was. He was a squeezer. He was a squeezer. 

Jameela [00:39:28] No. Yeah, he was a squeezer. But that’s that’s a difficult one then if you would like if you yourself feel like a sensitive person who’s gravitating towards kind of sensitive people and you have all of these feelings. Like what was that? How did you manage to become an open, sensitive person and how has that impacted like, you know, you like that with your kids? Are you giving them a sort of firm squeeze when they’re upset and when they fall over? Or do you feel like you are you know more emotionally available. 

Adam [00:39:58] I’m much more keen to talk to them, yeah, I want to be close to them, I want to be able to talk to them about anything, and I want them to feel that they can talk to me about anything. You know, my dad and my mum were great with us when we were growing up and they we had a wonderful time, especially, you know, especially up to the age of about 15 or something, you know, my dad was a travel writer, and he used to take us on all these travels with him, and so he had an amazing time. But it was all about those trips because the rest of the time he was away, so I really didn’t see him that much at all. Then I was at boarding school, so any time he turned up, it was like, yay, it’s dad, we’re going to have a good time now. We’re going to go to America or something. Go on an amazing trip. So. What was missing, though, was the kind of day to day business of him saying, Hey, how’s things going? You know, what are you worried about and did you break up with that girl and how are you feeling about it? So he didn’t know anything about that. He didn’t know what was going on with me. And so I just got used to not talking to my parents about any of that stuff at all. And I would really like it if if my children could talk to me about that and they do, I suppose a little bit. They definitely know that it’s not embarrassing. And so I’m glad about that. And yeah, when my dad moved in, when he got ill, I really, really thought, Here we go. This is this is the time when we’re going to bond because he knows that he’s only got a few months left. He was diagnosed with cancer towards the end of 2014. And I said, Well, come and live with us, dad, you know, I’ll look after you. And he said, great. He was obviously frightened and and a little, yeah. You know, as you would be, I guess, in that situation. And I know that he wanted to be looked after and he always loved where we lived. So he was definitely up for that arrangement. But what he wasn’t up for was suddenly becoming all touchy feely and having chats about everything because I wanted to ask him all these questions and have these conversations that we’d never had. You know, what was it like being in the war? And he talked a little bit about that, and he wrote a little bit about that in a in a kind of self-published autobiography. But I also wanted to know like, why did you and mom split up? You know, what was going on there and and why didn’t you talk to us more? And why did you send us away to boarding school when you worried that that was going to disrupt our relationship, your relationship with your kids? I can’t imagine sending my children away to boarding school. I’m not saying that anyone who does is a monster. I personally wouldn’t want to do it. I wanted to talk to him about all this stuff, you know, but it never happened. He wasn’t. He just didn’t want to go there at all. And it’s not like he would shut me down or say, No, I’m not going to, I’m not going to talk, but he just made it clear that that wasn’t on the menu. And instead, you know, from a practical point of view, you’re overwhelmed by practicalities, meetings with doctors and pills and nappies and cleaning things up and preparing meals and, you know, trying to get him to eat the food and all this stuff. 

Jameela [00:43:23] Mm. I find it hysterical reading about how you had partially said that you obviously, you were kidding. I think. But you said that you know you wanted him to move in with you to have these like three months of closure, but also in the hopes that you could maybe get a one man show out of it or write a book about this time. 

Adam [00:43:40] Sure. Yeah, of course. 

Jameela [00:43:42] Made me laugh so much. Such a hysterical, cynical thing to say. And here we are. You have the Ramble book. So, you know, you managed to squeeze managed to squeeze something out of that. 

Adam [00:43:57] Absolutely. And I think he would have been happy about it. Sometimes people ask me, What do you think your dad would have thought about the stuff you’ve written in the book? Because I do talk about some things that he probably wouldn’t have enjoyed me talking about, but I figure, Well, he’s dead, so there’s not that much he can do about that. But you know, I talk about a lot of the. 

Jameela [00:44:21] Like what? 

Adam [00:44:21] Well that I talk about the struggles that he had with money. He sent his children to expensive schools, but he couldn’t really afford it. So he got himself into terrible debt, and that was part of the reason that he and my mum ended up splitting up. I’m sure people understand that when money worries are involved. Boy, oh boy, that is really stressful, and it’s no good for maintaining a happy relationship. So he I talk about that and I also, you know, I mentioned numbers and I also reproduce a couple of letters, sort of begging letters that he sent to friends of his and asking for money, you know, asking for fairly large sums of money, which absolutely must have crushed him to do that. And then people have said to me, like, why would you publish that in your book? Like, he was obviously so humiliated having to write those letters in the first place. Now, you’re going to put them in a book? But what I don’t say in the book, which maybe I should have done, I think I maybe refer to it obliquely is that I found all these letters after he died in a box in his belongings and they were in a folder that said financial crisis of interest to anyone who might come to write my life story one day. You know what I mean? So. 

Jameela [00:45:47] Oh my god! 

Adam [00:45:47] I felt, I think he’s going to be fine. I think that he I hope.

Jameela [00:45:52] That’s so funny that your dad was almost preparing. That’s so cute. That’s so weird. To that’s so insane that he was making it a binder. It’s like preparing for his posthumous autobiography. 

Adam [00:46:11] Exactly. 

Jameela [00:46:12] That’s fucking fascinating me. Never heard of that. Oh my god, I’m sure. I’m sure family members of mine have got secret binders like that. I’m sure that they’re all waiting for their lives to be chronicled. That is hysterical. Yeah, he’d be fine with it then. He’d be fine. I mean, because it’s what he wanted. 

Adam [00:46:30] I think he would. I feel like he he had that. You know, he he wanted to do whatever he could for us. So I think. There was a bit of him that was just thinking, yeah, go for your life, look, I’m going to leave the stuff behind. If you can make a few quid out of it, then have away. 

Jameela [00:46:45] Fucking hell so, OK, so in that kind of pivotal few months, you did care for him. You don’t feel like you made any massive emotional breakthroughs. Did you get any closure? Or not really. 

Adam [00:46:57] There’s little moments, you know? I mean, I think the the fact that we just took him in at all when I say we, of course, I mean me and my family. The fact that we were there for him must have meant something to him. I mean, that would really be a comfort to me if I thought my children were going to look after me when I came towards the end of my life, you know, to not be totally alone. I had the good fortune to be able to take him in. Some people don’t have that option. And you know, there’s they they send their parents to somewhere they can be looked after or cared for or whatever. But I was I felt really lucky that I could have my dad with us. And and I think he definitely appreciated that, 

Jameela [00:47:46] and it meant a great deal to you, I can see. 

Adam [00:47:49] Yeah, it did. And also, my mom was always so sweet because, you know, she by that time they were they could be civil to each other, sort of. But she thought he was a massive pain in the ass. And she was like, Wow, I can’t believe you’re getting him to come and live with you. Good luck with that. She didn’t say those words, but that was the implication. Sometimes it was like, Oh, OK. And after he died, you know, she would always say to me, Oh, it’s so nice that you did that for your dad, you know, because that couldn’t have been easy. You know, I know what he’s like. 

Jameela [00:48:22] A little passive aggressive, but kind sentiments. And so. How has this then impacted you with parenting? 

Adam [00:48:34] Er well, it’s made on a practical level, it’s made me think that I really need to throw away as much crap as I possibly can before I expire, because going through 

Jameela [00:48:50] As in your private, your private stuff. 

Adam [00:48:52] Yeah. You know, like because I’m a hoarder, and so I will hang on to absolutely anything thinking, Oh, these are great souvenirs. Oh, I got to hang on to my. Nevermind the Buzzcocks mug that I got when I went on that panel show. Oh, I’ve got to hang on to these laminates from some Radiohead gig that I went to in 2007. I’ve got to hang on this is solid gold. Priceless stuff. 

Jameela [00:49:19] Memorabilia yeah.

Adam [00:49:20] Yeah. But it’s not. It’s boring, stupid stuff. And one day my children will have to sift through it and go, Oh, what are we going to do with this? Dad kept it, so it must have meant something to him. 

Jameela [00:49:36] Well they’ll make it a very exposing autobiography. About you. So is your hope. 

Adam [00:49:42] Well they absolutely can. I mean, I’m just really trying to, because the experience of going through all my parents’ stuff and all their boxes after their death was more difficult, I think, than the actual dying part just being plunged back into the past and being confronted with all this evidence of. Of what their lives were like and things you didn’t realize and hardships they endured, which they never really spoke about, and suddenly you’re reading letters where they’re all laid bare and looking at photographs and just the sadness of of of looking at the past in that way, it’s hard. You’ve got to be careful with this stuff and you’ve got to be careful what you pass on. You know, you can pair it down, I think. You can curate it somewhat and you can say you can leave something behind for people and go, Here you go, look. Here’s here’s most of the good times maybe a couple of the bad times, but you know it wasn’t so bad and and you don’t have to spend eight months sifting through it all to figure out what to keep. 

Jameela [00:50:51] God, yeah, also, you know, we’re like the sex toy generation, so we really, you know that God knows what’s lying around that we have compared to our parents what they had, do you know what I mean? 

Adam [00:51:01] Yeah, man. 

Jameela [00:51:02] God that would be fucking terrible. That would be terrible if your kids found any of your. Not specifically yours, Adam. You know, we all know about yours. No, but I mean, our generation have got all kinds of shit going on in their drawers. That’s a good we all need to think about that. If you died today, are you comfortable with everything that’s in your house for other people to go through? Because even though we’re gone, I feel as though the the embarrassment could penetrate the realm. I feel as though I feel. 

Adam [00:51:30] That’s a lovely phrase. 

Jameela [00:51:31] Yeah, I know. Speaking of sex toys and penetrating the realm, but I feel as though I know that my soul, if there is a soul, would still cringe after afterwards. Yeah, I’m not a big old sweep off my house. Even if I don’t have children, I don’t my dog finding the stuff later. 

Adam [00:51:49] And don’t forget the hard drive. 

Jameela [00:52:00] Yeah. One of the things that we spoke about on the phone the other day was also that you said that you’d had a bit of a midlife crisis, is it fair to say? 

Adam [00:52:09] Yeah, definitely, absolutely. I’m still in the grip of that.

Jameela [00:52:12] Is that because of the lockdown or was that pre-lockdown?

Adam [00:52:15] That was taking shape pre-lockdown, that certainly started kicking in in earnest when my dad died and when I started thinking more seriously about mortality and how long you’ve got left and what are you doing and, you know, all that sort of crap. And that really, I think, is what a what a midlife crisis is. And I don’t think it’s exclusive to men, although maybe traditionally it has been more associated with men, and 

Jameela [00:52:47] I think that’s just because men bottle men are encouraged or forced kind of to bottle it up for longer, I think probably all people have multiple different kind of breakdown periods through their life. But I think the reason the cliché has kind of gone more towards men is because women are able to at least get shit out, you know, at least we’re encouraged to and allowed to speak about our feelings to one another and sometimes to men. And so it’s not all just kind of like we’re not just sort of like cannonball that’s waiting to explode because it’s only so long that anyone can bottle up all those feelings. And so it feels as though there comes a certain point where men can no longer hold all of this in, and then they just sort of pop and buy a Ferrari. That’s the cliche. 

Adam [00:53:28] That’s the cliché, right. And also speaking of Ferrari’s, and because it’s so it used to be traditionally associated with a guy getting to a certain age and then going out and his relationship breaks down, he goes out with a much younger woman and gets a motorbike and wears a leather jacket and starts jumping out of planes. You know, it’s clearly something that’s associated with a certain level of privilege. You have to have the privilege of being able to worry about all this shit and, you know, have the time to sit there and think, Oh, am I doing enough with my life? And what have I done and how long, you know? Well, more about my legacy? All that kind of thing, you know, that is an expression of of a certain kind of privilege. So I appreciate that. But also, I think that cliché doesn’t really do justice to how difficult it is to to really wrestle because I guess you can’t you can avoid it. Perhaps, maybe that’s where the jumping out of planes in the motorbikes comes in is people trying to avoid actually reckoning with all this stuff. Reckoning with your own mortality and with what you have done and what you should do with the rest of your life and all this kind of thing and and taking stock of your relationships. And I’m making it sound as if I’ve kind of gone through a checklist and fixed everything new, but I’m definitely aware of the need to do so. 

Jameela [00:55:00] What was yours like then? What did you feel? What did you go through? 

Adam [00:55:03] Um, well, I suppose it was. It was all that stuff that I described about going through boxes of my parents’ stuff and making me think about what kind of person I used to be and making me regret I suppose some of the things that I didn’t do or some of the ways that I behaved, some of the ways that I treated people thinking about that kind of stuff. Certain amount of getting in touch with people I hadn’t seen for a long time and saying, Hey, you know, I don’t know if you feel annoyed about some of the things I did and said in those days, but I’ve been thinking about them and I’m sorry and things like that. 

Jameela [00:55:42] I was worried. How was that meant? Because I was worried, like when I, if I, when I sometimes think about doing that and I haven’t had many examples of mistreatment, there was probably one one boyfriend who I was way too troubled today and I didn’t treat him very well. And I sent him a letter of apology and he was very nice about it. But there’s a couple of other people I dated across the way where I was like, Oh, I feel like I didn’t nail that emotionally, and I was worried that they’d just think I was arrogant for presuming they’d been hanging on to that all this time, so then I chickened out. So how was it? I always want to know, how did it go when you said sorry to these people all these years later? 

Adam [00:56:22] Fine. I mean. It was fine. I think there’s a way of doing it. I know exactly what you’re talking about and I think it’s good to bear that in mind. Sometimes people are very

Jameela [00:56:33] That’s just my own insecurity speaking. That’s not real thing. That’s just me imagining that it’ll be received badly. 

Adam [00:56:40] Well, no, I think you’re right. It’s like you don’t want to. You don’t want to imply that they’ve just been kind of fretting about you for the last twenty five years or whatever. They’ve just been getting on with their own lives. And maybe they’re very, very happy to not have to deal with you anymore. And they don’t particularly relish you coming out from the past and going, Hi, it’s me again. Remember that annoying thing I I just wanted to remind you about it and and also make myself feel better about it by telling you about it again. So that’s good. I feel better about it now bye! You know, just. You don’t want to do that. 

Jameela [00:57:20]  That’s exactly what I’m afraid of. But yours went well.

Adam [00:57:24] It went well. I think there’s a way of doing it without. I mean, I was in I was in semi-regular contact with these people anyway, so it wasn’t totally out of the blue. But I really I really didn’t regret doing it. And and a couple of the people said, You know what, I’m really I really appreciate that. So I was happy that I did it. I mean, I could. There’s probably a number of people that I should do with that I haven’t done, but it’s an ongoing process. 

Jameela [00:57:56] It’s a process. OK, so how did it feel aside for the fact you were writing letters of atonement? Like how did you feel? Did you feel anxious? I know that you know you are an over thinker. You know, a you’re a deeply analytical person. Like, did it come out in mood swings? Did it come out in sadness or was it more of a kind of like slow, pragmatic experience? I’ve never had a midlife crisis. I’ve had two quarter life crisis so far, and I’m speeding on my way to my midlife crisis, and I would like to know what’s coming. We all would, Adam, what’s coming? 

Adam [00:58:28] Well, I guess it’s different for everyone, but yes, for me, very emotional. Uh, just just crying loads at everything. Crying at music, crying in films, crying. There’s a bit because I’m doing a series of live shows at the moment in the UK, where I go out and I read from the book and I generally finish with a piece which is called Fun Dad about my relationship with my own children and being a parent. And there’s a bit towards the end that always triggers me. It’s so weird. It’s like, it’s like a switch that I’ve built into the book that just sets me off. And I think that if people came to see me more than once, they think, Oh my God, he always chokes up at that bit like, is he acting or what? But it’s not. It’s real. It’s you can’t control it. It’s the sort of last couple of paragraphs of a chapter called Fun Dad, and it’s about my son when he was 14 and he was just going through a phase of being a very unreachable teenager, and it sort of broke my heart to not be able to. I mean, I feel emotional even just talking about it. You know, my whole thing was that I wanted to be close to them and I and I liked being friendly. You can go too far with the whole being friends with your kids thing. But it was always important to me that we were friendly and I loved their company and I love being able to talk to them. And then suddenly they go through a phase that everyone has to go through some more than others of being a teenager, establishing their own sense of individuality, establishing establishing themselves as a person apart from you. And maybe a part of that will be them hating you and thinking, you’re an absolute tit. And I just didn’t like it. I just the baby. The set of Oversensitive Baby in me just really hated it and made me sad. And so I write about a moment in the car where we’re listening to music and music has been one of the things that has really been a way of bonding for me and my son. And it was just a moment where I thought that he fucking hated me and didn’t want to talk to me. And and then I told him to put on a song that I thought he might like, and he sort of grudgingly called it up on Spotify, and he stuck it on and he loved it. And it just every time I think about it, it makes me want to cry. And it was such an amazing moment to be with him

Jameela [01:01:00] Oh Bless you Adam.

Adam [01:01:01] and to see him smile, you know? 

Jameela [01:01:04] Yeah, I know that I must be, I always think about how difficult that is, you know, unfriendly moments that we’ve all had with our parents or, you know, even watching my boyfriend and his parents just being like, ah fuck like he’s on the other side of the world now and he is off touring. And, you know, we just did the he just like he just performed at the Hollywood Bowl and they couldn’t be here, obviously cause of the pandemic, but also there of a certain age. And you’re just like, Oh, fuck, that must be so wild to do everything for a kid and like, have this kid be completely reliant upon you for your for their survival and you’re so close and you do everything together, and you eat every meal together and you laugh at like every fall and every big moment, and then suddenly 18 comes along or 21 comes along and it’s like poof! they’re off and and it’s considered weird and annoying if you’re always like hounding them for daily information, you know, but you want to know what’s. I honestly, I can’t even I can’t even imagine it. I can’t imagine what it must be like to be the parent to suddenly feel this distance from someone who used to just look in your eyes and be like, You’re my whole world, you know? I mean, little babies think they’re going to marry their parents when they’re older. You just presume you’re like it’s going to be you and me forever. They’re proposing all the time left, right and center to their parents in the age of about four onwards. So it must be I must be wild to feel that distance. 

Adam [01:02:29] It is it’s no fun, but also it’s fine. That’s the other thing is that one of the things my dad used to say to me was like. You’d be surprised how much you can get through. You’ll be all right and you can suffer the slings and arrows. Most of most of the worst moments, I feel, are moments where you are anticipating problems or you’re worrying about what might happen actually when things do happen. On the whole, you can deal with it and you can get through it, and it’s fine. It may be painful and difficult, but you know you’re going to be all right. I think that’s what sometimes when parents say it’s going to be all right, it’s going to be all right. And sometimes. I feel like I went through a phase of thinking, You liar, it is not going to be all right. This is terrible. We’re gonna die. The world is bleak. There’s climate change. How dare you tell me it’s going to be all right? But what that phrase means, I think, is have a little faith in yourself. And don’t worry quite so much. You can get through it and you’ll be all right. And I love you. And that’s the important thing. And you know, that means something. And I feel I feel as if I’m getting closer to appreciating that, you know what I mean. 

Jameela [01:03:50] 100 percent and so now do you feel like you’re out of the midlife crisis, do you feel like you’ve has been all and you’ve passed through it? 

Adam [01:03:57] Yeah, it’s all fixed. 

Jameela [01:03:58] Yeah great. I thought so. You feel a hundred percent top tier. 

Adam [01:04:02] Yeah, absolutely fixed. I’m all sorted now and thanks very much. Bye. 

Jameela [01:04:09] Goodbye. Thank you very much. I imagine this takes a while. I imagine it takes a while. My breakdown probably lasted about four years, and I was only 26 when it started. After a four year melt and then kind of, I think I saw you right in the middle of that. I’m not blaming you for it. 

Adam [01:04:25] Did you? Was that the first time I met you. 

Jameela [01:04:27] Yeah, I was in my 20s and I was a fully out of my mind. And you and I, you and I ended up on some. We didn’t know each other. We ended up on this like it was you, me and a singer ended up on this sort of like very late night. What were we eating? Not the not tacos. It’s tapas. That’s it. Middle of the night tapas together. Just sharing just sharing all of our feelings randomly. Bunch of strangers just telling each other all the truth and then fucking after our respective houses. Just making sure to say that because otherwise it sounds like we had a weird threesome after tapas. That was not the case. It was just a lot of funny, intimate chat and then no touching. Just to be clear.

Adam [01:05:09] No, absolutely. Despite my persistent and treaties. No, that’s not true. 

Jameela [01:05:19] No. Yeah, I was. I was a real mess and your show was a real light to me. I love. I just love the way that your mind works. I, I feel I’ve always felt very. I think my boyfriend feels the same way Adam, that we both feel very seen by you and your ownership of your oddness and your curiosity. You bold bastard. 

Adam [01:05:39] That’s nice of you, and I’ll take it and thank you very much indeed. Bye! 

Jameela [01:05:45] OK, bye. We are actually wrapping up, and I do want to say thank you to you. Before you go Adam Buxton, what do you weigh? 

Adam [01:05:52] OK, well, basically, you know, a thing that’s been happening to me recently while I’ve been doing my book shows and traveling around the UK is that I’ve been hooking up with some of my old friends that I haven’t seen for 20 30 years sometimes. And on every occasion it’s been really great and I feel like, Oh, I was, I wasn’t so bad back then. You know, I there was a lot wrong with me and I was a little turd in a lot of ways. But I had pretty good taste in these friends and they’re great and they’ve turned out to be really fantastic. And all the things I liked about them originally are still there. So that made me feel very happy and encouraged. I feel like I’ve got some really good friends and I’m married to someone I love more and more, and I actually feel very much, especially since the lockdown, that we were pretty good and and said that and kind of a creepy way, but I’m happy about that. So I’m happy about those relationships. It’s all about relationships. Where where am I at with people? That’s what it’s all about. It’s not about awards. It’s not about money. Definitely not about money. It’s definitely well I don’t know this is a lot of shit, isn’t it? Really. But that’s the kind of thing that people say when they when they had a very lucky life, which I have. But yeah, you know, I’m very grateful for for those friendships and and for those people around me. That’s how I weigh it. And I feel I feel as if I’ve done quite well in that respect. 

Jameela [01:07:30] Thank you so much, Adam, for coming on to this podcast and talking to me about the last couple of years and your life. I love you. Come back. I would love to see you soon. I hope we can have dinner so that you and James can finally fall in love and get married to the same fucking person. I think he is your soulmate. 

Adam [01:07:49] Well, that’s great. I’ll take you up on all of that. Thank you very much. 

Jameela [01:07:54] Thank you so much for listening to this week’s episode. I Weigh with Jameela Jamil is produced and researched by myself, Jameela Jamil, Erin Finnigan and Kimmie Gregory. It is edited by Andrew Carson, and the beautiful music you’re hearing now is made by my boyfriend, James Blake. If you haven’t already, please rate review and subscribe to the show. It’s a great way to show your support. We also have a bonus series exclusively on Stitcher Premium called Ask Jameela Anything. Check it out! You can get a free month of Stitcher Premium by going Stitcher.com/premium and using the promo code I Weigh. Lastly, over at I Weigh, we would love to hear from you and share what you weigh at the end of this podcast. You can leave us a voicemail at 1-818-660-5543 or email us what you weigh at IWeighPodcast@gmail.com. And now we would love to pass the mic to one of our fabulous listeners. 

Listener [01:08:45] I weigh peace, love, tranquility and forgiveness.