March 24, 2022
Comedian, actor, and writer Natasha Leggero joins Jameela this week to discuss loving men who were/are DJs, why Natasha changed her mind about having kids, what she wants her daughter to learn and understand, how Natasha became so unapologetic, and balancing her ambition and her desire to be with her child, and more. Check out the new show Natasha hosts on TBS – Rat in the Kitchen.
Listen to Natasha’s podcast – Endless Honeymoon – wherever you get your podcasts!
You can find transcripts for this episode on the Earwolf website.
I Weigh has amazing merch – check it out at podswag.com
103 — Natasha Leggero
Jameela [00:00:00] Hello and welcome to another episode of I Weigh with Jameela Jamil. Hope you’re well. I am actually alright. I was a bit freaked out last week because I’d just gotten to Berlin, but now I’ve been here about 10 days and I feel settled. I’ve been exploring on my own and I cannot tell you what a breath of fresh air this place is. However the fuck they are running this society, they need to give everyone else the manual because everyone here is so nice and so like careful and practical. And there’s a real sense of looking out for one another here, and the men seem to be really way more respectful than any other city I’ve ever lived in. Where you walk past a group of men and you naturally like, sort of clench your sort of asshole because you’re so tense, you’re like, Oh God, oh god, oh god, oh god, you walk passed them, they’re just all perfectly nice, even like young groups of boys and teenagers. Everyone’s just so normal in a way that seems alien to me, like I feel like I’m on another planet. The fact that I can go for a walk in the evening and not feel terrified and see other women not looking terrified, not having their keys in between their fingers. How sad that in my mid-thirties, I’m only just experiencing for the truly the first time in my life what it’s like to just feel as though I am allowed in a city. I’m not completely risking my life by just being out of my house. Just extraordinary. Go to Berlin. Especially if you are a woman, even if you’re traveling alone, maybe especially if you’re traveling alone. Come to Berlin, it’s great here. The food is fantastic. Big fan of Germans haven’t haven’t had a chance to travel here much before and could happily move here. It’s just great. It’s a great way of life. Anyway. So that’s what’s going on with me as someone who’s not normally very good at being living alone because I’m afraid, because, you know, a bit traumatized by the earlier years of my life, this has been just the best. And I’m having a fantastic time. Anyway. So this week’s episode, the guest is so funny, and she’s so cool. Just so I have such a big, big crush on this woman and and I can’t believe Natasha Leggero, that is her name, if you haven’t heard her, definitely check out her comedy. Can’t believe she’s on the podcast. I love her so deeply and intensely from afar. We don’t really know each other. We’ve only met a handful of times where I’ve been an absolute just like, Oh God, just dribbling, shuffling, pathetic simp every time I meet her. But I try to hold it together in this this interview this very, very brief interview, and we kind of only really got to touch on a one main subject, which is that Natasha first became when she first kind of was on my radar because she was a) one of the funniest comics around. But b) someone who spoke about not wanting children in a way that really, really fucking resonated with me and really made me feel seen and heard and understood. And so that made me an even bigger stan of her comedy. And then she went and had a fucking baby, didn’t she? Just went and had a fucking baby. And now she loves being a mum. And so I wanted to talk to her about that. Like, what happened? Why did you abandon me and stop being my, you know, the person who I could turn to to show as an example of how I feel? I could show her clips to my friends when they were trying to insist that I should be a mother. She still, even though she’s gone and she’s betrayed the rich auntie movement, which is what I now refer to this as. Thanks to Rachel Cargill, an amazing guest on this podcast from two years ago who has an entire entire Instagram account dedicated to rich aunties, to women who want to just be childless and have fun. Anyway. Even though Natasha, our queen, has abandoned us, I I was so willing to chat to her and it was really nice to hear her journey and her transition into this completely new lifestyle and headspace and how that impacts her life, how that impacts her comedy career, her ability to. Her desire even to go out on the road now that she’s got this little person back at home, it’s a really interesting listen. I think especially if you’re maybe on the fence, you’re not sure how you feel because you really get to kind of hear and think about both sides. And she’s just a fuckin dream. She also has her own new show out. It’s called Rat in the Kitchen, which is definitely worth watching. She also has a podcast called Endless Honeymoon, which you can find wherever you get your podcasts, and you can also follow her on Instagram and Twitter @natashaleggero. I also want to remind you that you can find transcripts for this episode on the Earwolf website. I Weigh has also got amazing merch, which you should check out a podswag.com. But anyway, I look forward to hearing your thoughts. I will try to get her on again, but I’m dying to read your DMs after this, because definitely made me feel some sort of way. Anyway, I hope you’re OK, and lots and lots and lots of love. Here’s Natasha Leggero. Love of my life. Natasha Logerro, welcome to I weigh. How are you?
Natasha [00:06:12] I’m good. I can’t stop thinking of when you came to my show the other night, you looked so glamorous and I want to do my eye makeup like that.
Jameela [00:06:20] Oh, any time, any time. Just name the day and I will come over and I will. I will bedazzle your eyes.
Natasha [00:06:29] I mean, that was next level I was. That was so impressive.
Jameela [00:06:32] Well, I told you why. Do you remember why I had to learn how to do my own makeup? Did I tell you?
Natasha [00:06:37] Well you told me some story that doesn’t seem real, which is that no one talks to you and you didn’t have any friends until you were 19.
Jameela [00:06:44] I mean, that’s true, but that’s not the only.
Natasha [00:06:46] I don’t buy it.
Jameela [00:06:46] That was a different thing I was telling you about myself. But thanks for bringing that up on the fucking podcast, Natasha. Yeah, I was lonely. All right. You think your shit don’t stink? I was. I was. I would say I was saying that was responsible for a different scale up scale.
Natasha [00:07:03] No, no.
Jameela [00:07:04] My makeup is because my makeup artist fell into a sinkhole.
Natasha [00:07:07] Fell into a sinkhole.
Jameela [00:07:08] That was it. And it’s on YouTube. So it’s not a lie. It’s on YouTube. You you can type in Sinkhole Laurel Canyon and you’ll see my wonderful makeup artist fall in. And so I had no choice but to learn on season two of The Good Place to do my makeup. And now it’s great because I know how to do it and don’t have to, especially during COVID and I didn’t have to have anyone right in my face.
Natasha [00:07:31] That is definitely impressive.
Jameela [00:07:33] Thanks, mate. How are you? You’re alright?
Natasha [00:07:36] Are you saying that I don’t look all right?
Jameela [00:07:38] No. You always look great. Shut up. You know that. How are you? It’s it’s a lot. You’re a parent in a pandemic. How are you doing?
Natasha [00:07:47] I mean, are we just. Is it over? Pandemic’s not over yet?
Jameela [00:07:51] No. But no one’s wearing any fucking masks anymore, which is really freaking me out. I went to a show last night and no one was wearing a mask indoors, and it felt like supremely dangerous.
Natasha [00:08:03] Well, you know, I think like now we’re faced with World War Three, so I feel like that is just like the best way out of this pandemic.
Jameela [00:08:13] Right. Everyone’s just breathing free while they still can.
Natasha [00:08:15] I was waiting for the next variant.
Jameela [00:08:17] Right there you go. The Russian variant is what we’re not dealing with. OK, but how are you? How are you feeling? How you been? I was so excited to go to the show. I mean, it was a it’s you haven’t been gigging as much of late for many reasons and to watch you come back just as strong as ever. You are one of my favorite stand ups of all time. And I’ve been madly in love with you since the first time I saw you like maybe in 2016. So it’s been a long time that I’ve been a fan and you are brilliant and I’m so happy to see you back on the circuit.
Natasha [00:08:54] Well, thank you, and yes, I’m hoping to you know, my husband just told me recently that he wants to start getting into home deejaying. And that to me made me realize like, Oh, we’ve been inside too long. Like, I let’s I’m up for some omicron. Like, I just need to get out of the house. He needs to get out of the house. He needs to get on the road specifically like that’s been the hardest thing for me. Like, well, you know, to right your your boyfriend like he hasn’t been. I’m used to someone like being on the road three or four times a week, like three or four days.
Jameela [00:09:33] Yeah, him and I used to ignoring each other over text for half the week. You know, so then it’s exciting to see each other again, and it’s like a brand new person because you haven’t communicated at all it’s bliss.
Natasha [00:09:44] And you haven’t had to watch them like eating popcorn in bed with a ladle or whatever new contraption, or like grooming themselves like just too much. So I so, so yes, I’m ready to start gigging. I’m ready for him to start leaving the house. You know, I wish.
Jameela [00:10:04] Why home deejaying? What is that?
Natasha [00:10:05] Oh my God, I don’t know. I mean, he used to deejay when he was like 16, and he’s writing a book right now. And I think he he’s been working on this DJ chapter, and I think that chapter has gotten him, like, really amped. And now on our podcast, he’s been like begging DJ equipment companies to gift him some DJ equipment, which unfortunately they did. I can’t even call them out, so I don’t know the name of the equipment, but. I don’t know, I mean, it’s it’s techno music, I feel like in general
Jameela [00:10:43] Oh god that’s so peaceful because you’ve got a toddler, right? So they’re not quiet.
Natasha [00:10:46] Do you like techno? Oh, you’re British, everyone. British people like techno music.
Jameela [00:10:49] I don’t like techno music. It’s not good. Well, it’s just not enjoyable. And it’s it makes me feel mad. And also, you know, I feel like if you have a brain that already feels like techno sounds, you know, I’ve got ADD. And so like, I feel like that’s already going on inside of my head. I don’t want to hear that outside of my head as well. I need something that’s going to calm me the fuck down.
Natasha [00:11:13] Right. Well, he’s sober and he also has ADD. But I bet you that something about the driving beat is like helping him somehow.
Jameela [00:11:25] Yeah, my boyfriend’s into all of that sort of stuff and he also
Natasha [00:11:29] But he’s an actual musician. Like if your boyfriend was like, I’m going to start doing stand up. You’d be like ehhh
Jameela [00:11:35] especially house stand up, stand up in the house. I mean, that makes you feel like a fucking hostage in your own home.
Natasha [00:11:43] I know so. So the speakers just arrived. These big speakers and now the deejay thing is happening. But I don’t even know what people do anymore because they don’t spin records, right? I think he like puts his ipod up to it. Oh my God.
Jameela [00:11:56] It’s a laptop or it’s an iPod. I used to use CDs back in the day when CDs were a thing. And so, yeah, it’s just it’s increasingly it’s increasingly cold and technical, and it’s also terrifying because then it’s technicality reliable. I mean, you and I I had a clusterfuck to trying to get onto this podcast just now with technology. And so can you imagine when you’re standing in front of a crowd I’ve watched it happen to so many deejays because, you know, I used to be a deejay.
Natasha [00:12:20] Oh, you did?
Jameela [00:12:21] I’m sorry. Yeah.
Natasha [00:12:22] You used to be a deejay?
Jameela [00:12:25] I’m sorry. Yes.
Natasha [00:12:27] But you’re so smart.
Jameela [00:12:33] Please stay on the podcast. I think by the end of this, you shall realize not actually that smart. Yeah, no. I was a DJ I used to DJ in onesies because I thought that was cool. And.
Natasha [00:12:42] In where?
Jameela [00:12:43] In onesies like all in one sort of animal suit. I don’t know what you would call those.
Natasha [00:12:48] Oh, you know like a furry?
Jameela [00:12:50] Yeah, like a furry, like a furry but in a non-sexual way.
Natasha [00:12:54] OK you know what? Now Jameela I believe that you didn’t have any friends till you’re nineteen.
Jameela [00:13:01] Exactly. Exactly.
Natasha [00:13:06] OK, I believe it.
Jameela [00:13:08] In fact, that’s how I met James. We were both deejays. Isn’t that embarrassing?
Natasha [00:13:12] Oh, wow, that’s cute.
Jameela [00:13:13] It was. But but there’s a no deejay in the house rule because, you know, homicide is real. On these streets.
Natasha [00:13:23] When I saw those speakers get delivered, I was like, You know what? I’m going to get some more dates on the road, so. So I’ll be giving out my dates soon.
Jameela [00:13:31] That’s exciting. How is it? How is that ok. We I mean, we had a brief word about this outside your gig, but I was totally inappropriate of me to say, and I’m a bad person. But when do I ever get it right? You know what I mean, listeners. So Natasha, Natasha, you were my you were my icon for not wanting kids. All right. We need to talk about this. You would talk shit about parents all the time. You talked. You talked the best shit I have ever heard about parenting and having kids. And you went and you abandoned us, us misanthropes.
Natasha [00:14:15] I know.
Jameela [00:14:15] You went and had a you went and had a baby. What the fuck, Natasha. All right. It’s 60% of your set.
Natasha [00:14:21] I was just telling Moshe the other day about a friend, a friend of ours. I was like, Why don’t they have kids? And he’s like, You think everybody should have a kid? And like, since I had my kid, I do think that. But also I might have been like, gifted an angel child. So I don’t know if it’s fair to tell everybody to have a kid. But I’m sorry to do that.
Jameela [00:14:50] Well, you know, I got a lot of my ideas. I got a lot of my rhetoric. You know, I was part of your child like cults, you know, I mean, I was preaching your word, I was preaching your gospel. I was taking it to others. And then it’s like Bhagwan just going and just turning around and leaving us all.
Natasha [00:15:08] I’m so sorry.
Jameela [00:15:08] But I am happy and I’m especially happy that youres turned out to be an angel child, go on then fucking tell me how great it is.
Natasha [00:15:17] Well, you know,.
Jameela [00:15:18] Flip flopping wench.
Natasha [00:15:23] Flip flopping wench, I like that. Well, it’s not flip flopping because I’m not going back. But you know, here’s the thing if if I could just live and have never have known what it was like and just have all my time to myself and, you know, be in Marvel movies or whatever it is you do. You know, yeah, I would do that and never look back. But now having had a child and experiencing, you know, it’s like you live with this like adorable little creature that doesn’t know what Trump is and that thinks, like everything you do is amazing and is trying to learn how to do jokes. I don’t know. They’re just so cute. This is like, this is very off brand for me. I’m sorry, Jameela.
Jameela [00:16:09] No it’s great. It’s great. We’re all about multitudes. A lot of people think I’m a really nice person, and so I enjoy moments like this to be able to show that I’m multifaceted. I’m also an embittered old cunt.
Natasha [00:16:20] So you’re not going to have kids ever. There’s nothing I can say
Jameela [00:16:22] No I’ve made. I’ve actually made the decision to not even freeze my eggs. I’m taking away my options. I am.
Natasha [00:16:32] And why is that? Is it just because of my stand up that from 2016?
Jameela [00:16:35] Yeah, yeah it is. That’s exactly right. All right. I mean, honestly no joke. But the the final decision came because I watched the season two of Euphoria. That was literally why I was like, That’s it. I’m done. I’m out. I’m not freezing. I was going to freeze my eggs at Christmas, and now I watched that and I was like, No, absolutely not. Don’t watch Euphoria if you’re a parent.
Natasha [00:16:58] I love how adaptable you are. I have not watched it. It is. Maybe I will.
Jameela [00:17:02] Yeah, I’ve got no identity of my own. Natasha, I just sort of watch the telly and pick how I’m going to live my life, you know? So I was following you for a while, but now, you know, I have to find someone find someone else to steal the identity of.
Natasha [00:17:18] But, you know, I’m writing a book right now. It’s called The World Deserves My Children and Jameela, the world deserves your children. Who’s who’s going to be left? Who is going to, who is going to fight all these all these.
Jameela [00:17:32] Deities.
Natasha [00:17:33] Other kids?
Jameela [00:17:33] Oh right.
Natasha [00:17:35] I mean, we can’t just let the dumb people have kids, right? Like, don’t you want don’t you want to create some future climate? I think scientists.
Jameela [00:17:48] I think that there’s some sort of massive like sort of scientific failure if two DJs have a child together. You know, like, I don’t I don’t have a lot of faith. I think two wrongs don’t make a right.
Natasha [00:18:08] I mean, that’s not your worst point.
Jameela [00:18:11] Exactly, exactly. And I have many. Yeah. So go on. Then. So was it. Was it a deliberate choice? Was it a surprise? How did this happen? I’m going to say this less surprised. How did this happen, Natasha?
Natasha [00:18:27] It definitely wasn’t a surprise to shoot yourself in the butt with fertility medicine for two and a half years.
Jameela [00:18:34] Oh, shit so this is actually I didn’t know that. That’s fascinating. So you actually yeah. So you actually were actively trying.
Natasha [00:18:42] Well, I you know, I thank God I didn’t watch two seasons of Euphoria when I was 38, when I did decide to freeze my eggs basically on a whim. I was just like, you know, I never wanted to get a tattoo. I just I always felt like I’m always changing. So I never want anything, you know, to be, like, solidified. So I was like, Well, I don’t want kids now, but you know, who knows what I’ll think in five years? So I did freeze my eggs. And then when I met Moshe and we got married and I converted to Judaism, you know, they they tell you over and over again. The most important thing about being Jewish is having a Jewish family and celebrating Shabbat, which is every Friday, which I really enjoy. But yeah, so I was like, OK, well, I guess I could have one kid because, you know, I met Moshe and I thought he could be a cool dad. And so
Jameela [00:19:39] Before the DJing.
Natasha [00:19:42] Right I mean, this is, you know, pre-pandemic. I mean, I don’t know what this past two years is, you know, that’s that’s that’s been something else. But but yeah, so I decided to let him as he said, bust on my eggs and made to.
Jameela [00:20:02] That’s such a foul.
Natasha [00:20:05] And then I got two little embryos and we put one up and it died, and then we put the other one up and it’s my little kid.
Jameela [00:20:17] Oh, wow.
Natasha [00:20:17] And that’s it. They’re all gone. And the reason why I was on fertility medicine is because the doctors were like, Well, you’re you’re you’re 40, so you can still have it naturally. So they were trying to like, use those as the safety eggs. And I think also, you know how you you know you don’t want to have a kid, I know I don’t I never wanted to have two kids like I grew up with three kids. I was the oldest. I kind of had to be the mom to my little brothers and I did a lot of chores and you know, I was in charge of making their lunches and ironing their Catholic school uniforms and babysitting. And, you know, making dinner. Like, I just had a lot of chores as a child and like, I never wanted to raise children. So, you know, once I had a career that was established and enough money to have, you know, a nanny, someone to help me.
Jameela [00:21:09] Oh you talked about that on stage. You said that then that what did you say about the nanny? That your kids thinks that you are your nanny’s daughter.
Natasha [00:21:20] Well because like, you know, the nanny will come and I’ll go upstairs and just kind of watch them through the window. But, you know,
Jameela [00:21:27] and you said that your child now speaks fluent Spanish.
Natasha [00:21:30] Well, she’s she is in a Spanish immersion program. But but yeah, I think that it was. It was it. Oh, but I definitely don’t want another kid, and I think that was really hard for even my doctors to understand because they’re like, Well, you should really try to do it on your own and use your frozen eggs as your savings account. And, you know, for another time. But then so, you know, I was trying to like, create more eggs in my body and it didn’t work. And so finally, I was like, OK, I’m just going to use these frozen eggs. And that’s that’s when I was able to have my baby.
Jameela [00:22:05] And so then after all that that must have felt really amazing,
Natasha [00:22:08] it was amazing, I mean. But then it’s like the worry just begins like that. That is the one. The one thing that no one prepared me for that is kind of a bummer about having a kid is like, it’s not just that you love something more than anything you’ve ever loved, it’s that you’re living, at least for me in this constant state of fear of the worst case scenario at all times, you know, and and with myself, like, I was never a fearful person. I, you know, I have a lot of joie de vivre and I’ll drop everything in a moment’s notice and, you know, go to Africa or go to Thailand. And, you know, like, that’s just who I am and what my personality was. And, you know, now I feel like I’m just always afraid because, you know, if if anything were to happen to her, you know, just just really being in charge of someone staying safe and healthy. So it’s like it’s just a lot of fear and pressure. And sometimes I wish I didn’t have that because it’s exhausting to be worried all the time, especially when you’re not a worried, scared person.
Jameela [00:23:17] Right, exactly. And so you weren’t an anxious person before?
Natasha [00:23:19] No. And it’s the part of me that I don’t like, you know, since having a child and my husband and I are always fighting about it and he’s like, You just need to get rid of your worry and not think about it.
Jameela [00:23:32] This is like me and my boyfriend just with our dog, like he thinks I anthropomorphize the dog and I’m reading too much into the dog’s like facial expressions and just trying too hard. And I’m like diagnosing him with depression. When he’s just tired, it’s like, it’s funny.
Natasha [00:23:50] So are you overly concerned about your dog?
Jameela [00:23:51] Yes, yes. I’m terrified
Natasha [00:23:53] Well, then you would be a natural mother.
Jameela [00:23:55] I have a particular fear that he’s going to eat a wasp. So I spend my life scanning the floor because then because he’ll get stung on the inside of his throat, and I won’t know. So that’s my biggest fear. So I spend all of my time scanning the floor for wasps to make sure he doesn’t. And then I’m too scared to touch wasps because I’m terrified of them because I’m pathetic. And so I put a cap over them and then leave them for James to deal with which he never does because he’s a deejay. And so they’re around my house. They’re just like 100 cups upside down covering wasps so that my dog can’t find them. It looks like a fucking like weird, uh, like porcelain assault course. Don’t come over. Let’s not look into
Natasha [00:24:39] The good news Jameela is if your dog does eat a wasp, your dog is just a dog.
Jameela [00:24:44] How fucking dare you? All right. Who are you even now? Are you not a dog person? I take it.
Natasha [00:24:57] No I have three dogs, and I can’t stand them anymore now that I’ve had my child.
Jameela [00:25:01] Oh, she’s replaced them. I see.
Natasha [00:25:03] No. I mean, well, you know my my kid, at least my kid stopped peeing on the floor. You know what I mean? The dogs are, you know, because I have three street chihuahuas and no one told me this. I didn’t know this, but someone on our podcast called in, and they said that if you get dogs off the street, you can never potty train them so street dogs, they will piss on your furniture and on your rugs for life. You know, I I didn’t know that I’m going to get my next dog at the Glendale Galleria. Like, I didn’t know that you that you had to get like a a purebred to have them understand that you don’t pee on the velvet curtains or on the mattress pad. All three of my chihuahuas pee freely as a pack.
Jameela [00:25:48] They say there’s no such thing as a bad dog, just a bad owner. And I’m not just saying that because you said it didn’t matter if my dog dies. OK, so as someone who hadn’t then been like, oh, motherhood, motherhood, motherhood, and I don’t want to just bang on about motherhood, I want to talk about loads of different things. But I am fascinated by this because it was such a big part of what I kind of knew you for. So then to suddenly have this child. Did you have a plan as to like how you want to raise your kid? Like what kind of attitudes you want your kid to have like or are you just kind of making it up as you go along? Because I think you have a fucking fantastic psychological constitution. The way that you look at the world is not just funny, but it’s also like highly, highly practical, realistic and like. I don’t if I always say fair, but I think fair. But that’s also because I’m a bad person, so I can’t I can’t be the judge of that. No, but you are like, I feel as though I feel as though I would have been a saner person with more friends if I’d maybe been raised by someone like you. Do you have a plan?
Natasha [00:27:01] Are you saying you wish you were my you’re one of my siblings. I was. You were one of my siblings, so I could have like,.
Jameela [00:27:07] Yeah, sure.
Natasha [00:27:08] Made made your lunch. Told the kids to stop being so mean to you.
Jameela [00:27:13] Exactly.
Natasha [00:27:15] How do I want to raise my kid? I mean, it’s really hard because you have this whole idea and then you know, yeah, like for me, I, you know, I she goes to an outdoor forest school and I it’s very important to me that she loves nature and, you know, is going to notice and hopefully one day champion nature because I feel like our Earth is the most important thing. And, you know, just kind of trying to instill those qualities in her of reducing her waste and reusing and recycling and, you know, caring for the Earth. That’s that’s kind of like the main thing. And then, of course, you know, being a nice person and. But then here, but then you know, you’ve got all these things you want to do. But then the reality is she wants to watch Barbie’s Dream House Adventure and she’ll be sitting in front of the TV for four hours watching like Barbie dolls, talk about their snorkeling vacation. And, you know, it’s like, that’s not that’s not the kind of thing that I want to fill her head with is like teenage Barbies. But it just sometimes happens. So it’s very hard to be strategic on every level with your kid.
Jameela [00:28:26] Totally. But I’m also like thinking of her as she kind of grows into, you know, a young woman. But you have a an unusual persona publicly in that you really just stand for zero fucks given. And obviously, there are things that you care about and people that you love, but you you like before I saw a lot of people do this. There was an unapologetic truthfulness to you. And like a and I don’t know if this is real or not, but like a it came across as a lack of desire to be approved of. You just said what you were thinking. Is that real? Is that in you or is that part of a funny act?
Natasha [00:29:07] You know, now that you say that, I’m realizing why a lot of the parents don’t want to hang out with me at her school because often I’m like wait did I
Jameela [00:29:15] Is that true?
Natasha [00:29:16] Well, I just think that I’m just not used. I’m used to hanging around comedians, you know what I mean? So then all of a sudden you’re you’re in this zone of like having to talk to other parents and, you know, people don’t always know that you’re kidding. I guess so. I’ve had to kind of try to be on better behavior and not be so sarcastic. And, you know, I feel like also, you know, your your persona can change a little bit like as a comedian, I never want to say anything that my child will hear one day and think that I’m serious and didn’t love her or something. So it’s like, you know, it is. It is a balance. But yeah I guess, I guess
Jameela [00:30:04] But I don’t mean, I don’t I don’t mean like something that would actually hurt anyone’s feelings. Like, I’ve never found your comedy or any of your work to be something that feels like mean spirited or punching down or or like disrespectful to the people. You’re not in any way that isn’t obviously a joke anyway. But I just mostly mean that, like you, you are striking to me and have always been striking to me as someone who doesn’t stick to like the norms of what women are allowed to say or talk about or how they are allowed to talk about that thing, like just even the confidence that you exude on stage is something that very few women feel as though they are allowed to do. And it’s something that I find very, very empowering and cool about you. From the second you walk on that stage, there’s no like apologetic behavior that I think we’re all conditioned into performing.
Natasha [00:31:01] Well, that’s very nice to hear, and I hope that my daughter agrees with you and doesn’t think I’m. Some raging bitch.
Jameela [00:31:10] Just her simp. Yes.
Natasha [00:31:12] Yeah, exactly.
Jameela [00:31:14] Where does that come from, though? Where does that? Is that how you were raised? Like were you raised to be unapologetic and just to kind of be?
Natasha [00:31:23] Well, you know, I was raised in Illinois. I was, you know, I well, I’m sure there’s many factors. I was always very small. So that probably made me loud in general. And, you know, I was a child actor, so not a child star. I always like to make that comment.
Jameela [00:31:45] What is the distinction of that is that you don’t become a little prick?
Natasha [00:31:48] I was part of like a theater, you know, like a regional theater. So I was like, always in theater, my whole childhood. So I was kind of got to miss school and I had got a lot of special treatment. And so, you know, I was born doing that. I, you know, did that and then I moved to New York. This is a very abridged version. And I moved to New York. And then I remember I went to acting conservatory. I tried to get an agent, the agent said. I was too small to ever be an actress. Then I became a comedian. And oh no. Then I got. I got a degree in theater criticism. Then I moved to L.A. and, you know, having all of this like theater background and you know, I would write, I would go to the theater in New York and write these papers like critiquing everything. And I think, you know, when I became a comedian, I sort of was able to apply all these like critical thinking skills that I had honed from watching the theater with my desire to be an actress with also like learning to be an actress at like a conservatory. So I went to Stella Adler conservatory, which I say taught me how to be a working actor in the 1700s. So there was a lot of like to the back of the auditorium Natasha to the back of the auditorium. And I would I would walk into my auditions and be like, Bud Light. It has drinkability and, you know, people were just like, What is wrong with this woman? Why does she talk like this? And then I just sort of started leaning into that more, and maybe I just became this kind of old broad. Even though I was 30 and
Jameela [00:33:25] that’s what it is. It’s old broad energy and the power, the power of old broad energy, which I think I’ve been like trying to infuse more into my my own self and welcome that into my own self. As you know, Gloria Steinem talked about it on this podcast.
Natasha [00:33:41] Old Broad Energy? Is that really a thing? I thought I made it up.
Jameela [00:33:43] I know it’s definitely your terminology. OB like that is yours. And we’re using it and we’re crediting you. But you know, Gloria Steinem talks about the fact that after a certain age, you kind of become somewhat invisible and because people find you. I don’t know. Like because we find youth so intoxicating. And for some reason, we tend to discard women after a certain age. She’s like, There comes this freedom with that to just be just do whatever the fuck you want and say whatever the fuck you want and just misbehave because like, you’re no longer being held to the same standards because people don’t want to have sex with you. And I feel as though when a young person can access that early, that is fucking ultimate liberation, because then you get longer in your life of just not having to give a fuck and not having to conform to a box. And I think that’s something that is incredibly cool that a little girl is going to be able to grow up and learn from you.
Natasha [00:34:37] Oh, thank you. I mean, I always wanted to be an old, broad or like a grand old dame of the theater, you know? So I feel like whatever that I’ve never been someone who’s like obsessed with youth and you know, I always have. I like to do my own style like, I’m not like obsessed with whatever’s in style, then I’m going to wear it. You know, I just like to do my own thing. And, you know, I think it’s kind of sad that we’re so obsessed with youth right now. But I’m sure it’s just because kids, I guess kids buy the most stuff. So that’s why everyone’s obsessed with marketing to them. And then we see that and we think, Oh, we’re all supposed to be trying to be young. But like, you know what happened to elders? I’m more interested in like wisdom and experience and characters and people who like, I mean, that’s just always what I’m more interested in. Actually, I wanted to do a podcast where I interview like people who are over 80. I’m just like always wanting to know like what, what experiences people have been through. And and yeah, I think that hopefully my daughter can see that and feels that and wants to wants to emulate that
Jameela [00:35:53] What from her Barbie dream house?
Natasha [00:35:56] I know that’s why I’m like so embarrassed.
Jameela [00:35:57] Is that where you’re teaching her all this wisdom from? No disrespect. No shade. Barbie’s making big progressive moves.
Natasha [00:36:06] That’s what she wants to watch! She’s not. It’s horrifying, I mean, I’ll listen to what they’re talking about. And then, I mean, what did she say? I turned off the TV the other day and I went into the room. She goes, You’re just an old dumb lady. And I was like, What? And but then that’s the thing you don’t want to act too horrified by that, because then she’ll be like, Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, that really sent mom off. So I would just kind of like backed out of the room and I came back and she’s like, Yeah, you’re just an old dumb lady. And I was like, OK. And I just kind of changed the topic and, you know, try told my husband. And hopefully she doesn’t say that to me again. But yeah, I mean, that’s, that’s what’s really hard.
Jameela [00:36:45] You know who’s never said that to me? My dog.
Natasha [00:36:50] Your dog
Jameela [00:36:50] My dog has never called me an old dumb lady. So that’s why I don’t want him to eat a wasp.
Natasha [00:36:58] No dogs are better in some. In some ways. I guess you’re right. That is a good point.
Jameela [00:37:02] Wait, so you didn’t correct her at all, like, not even like in a kind of calm way. Like
Natasha [00:37:09] I was pretty shocked.
Jameela [00:37:10] Being old isn’t dumb.
Natasha [00:37:12] And well, I mean. Well, then the other day she was like, How old are you, mom? And I was like, I’m 32 and I’m not 32.
Jameela [00:37:19] Oh good, so yeah. Leading with honesty
Natasha [00:37:24] And I was like, Wait, I just lied to her because. Well she’s
Jameela [00:37:26] Wait, did you lie to her on purpose because you didn’t want to be called an old dumb lady?
Natasha [00:37:31] Well, no, because I don’t want her to think that because I know that she’ll think that’s because I tell her if she’s like 20 is that is that old? I’m like, That can be old. It’s old compared to how old you are. You know, so she’s always trying to figure out how old is old. So I didn’t want to scare her because she’s very interested in death. And that’s probably one of the byproducts of the coronavirus and having all these young kids being around the house for the past two years as they have picked up on some of the talk. I’m sure even though I made it very, I was like obsessed with the idea of her not knowing who Trump was. And I’m so happy about it too, because I actually just read an article that they’re saying that kid’s not as my daughter’s four, but kids a little older. They actually it’s it’s done something to them having when they when they were like 10 years old and Trump was in office and they were old enough to pick all up, pick all of it up, like all of the name calling and all of that toxicity actually like bled into them and created kids who, like, might have a little less empathy because they were just that was the norm for four years. The president just called people names and sexist names.
Jameela [00:38:46] Which then civilians then call each other names and then.
Natasha [00:38:50] Exactly.
Jameela [00:38:51] And it was a whole horrible knock on effect.
Natasha [00:38:52] It was. It was actually really bad for children. I mean, I was I told my husband, I said, Let’s not have any news on. Let’s never say the word Trump. And she still doesn’t know who it is. So I’m really happy about that. Oh, and when I was having my C-section, which I scheduled, I highly recommend.
Jameela [00:39:09] Oh same. Same by the way. Fuck this.
Natasha [00:39:11] I did not want to give birth. You can’t say same!
Jameela [00:39:14] Yeah yeah. You can slit yourself open all the way to your asshole. No, I’m not going to do it. I’m just saying that the I think that that is a great thing to do, and I think it’s really shocking that we shame people out of having C-sections as if they’re just not willing to quote unquote do the work. If you want a natural birth, that’s fine. It’s a quicker recovery, but fuck me splitting open all the way to your asshole, you’re a tiny, tiny little woman. I could put you in my pocket.
Natasha [00:39:42] Exactly. So, so as I was as I was preparing for the C-section, the doctors were all talking about Trump because he was, you know, that’s all people talked about for so many years. And I said to him, I said, Please, my baby’s about to come out. Do not mention Trump. And they were like, OK, OK, so sorry, because, you know, they’re just like business as usual. Time to do the C-section. And that was like a real goal of mine. And maybe it was stupid, but I was just so happy that none of that would seep into her.
Jameela [00:40:13] Yeah, I think that’s lovely. I think it’s great. I think you should try and protect her from the news for as long as you can. May she like. Ignorance is fucking bliss, and I know that we would all be happier and better and healthier if we didn’t know every single thing that is horrifying that goes on in the world.
Natasha [00:40:30] But it is so hard because, like I’ve also told her when we’re watching TV and we’re watching Barbie Dream House, whenever a commercial comes on, we yell at commercials and we scream, I don’t want to buy your stuff, so we’ll do that. And then what happened? It totally backfired. I was giving her a bath the other day and I said, OK, honey, I got to go now. She’s ike, Where are you going? And I said, Oh, you know mommy and daddy are doing a eBay commercial we’ll be, you know, we’ll be on set. And she’s like commercials. But mom, why would you do a commercial? We hate those. We we don’t do commercials. And she was just like the look in her eyes. She couldn’t see. She was just very confused. Why, after me telling her to scream at commercials and say that we don’t want to buy your stuff, I would then be going to film a commercial. And you know, you
Jameela [00:41:19] How old is she that she’s already clocked hypocrisy. That’s fucking crazy.
Natasha [00:41:23] She’s four, but she’s really smart.
Jameela [00:41:25] Yeah, of course she is. Look at how fab you are when you say that you really put your chest in the T of smart.
Natasha [00:41:31] Yeah, my husband’s not a real D.J.. You know, he came to it later in life.
Jameela [00:41:46] Last but not least because I know you have to go. You’re so busy, so busy, but. What is the biggest thing, because I’m just still intrigued by it, even though I’ve made the decision after watching Euphoria I’m still intrigued by I want to understand it. And I want to know better so I can support my friends who do want to have kids. What is? What are some of your favorite things that you’ve learned from being a mother like about yourself? Things that surprised the hell out of you. Other than the fact that you were a dumb old lady, obviously,
Natasha [00:42:20] I mean, this is a very sad and it’s not going to inspire anyone to have a kid, but I will tell you my ability because I was a very ambitious person. I am a very ambitious person. I’ve always put my career first. And, you know, it’s been the most important thing in my life. And I think that. I don’t like every time I am watching something now, and I’ll I’ll I’ll, you know, a friend who’s a director was making something and I’m looking at these shots and I’m like every one of these shots. She’s lining up like all of the time it is taking to do this. That’s like time that you have to outsource someone else hanging out with your child. I don’t know. I just feel like every everything now, like an acting job. I’m like, Wait, I don’t. I’m not going to Detroit and working 13 hour days and being away from my child or I don’t want to go to Atlanta and not be with my child. And so I just feel like the jobs that I’m choosing are jobs that I can do and still spend the maximum time with my child. But.
Jameela [00:43:30] How does that feel? Is that something that you? Because I mean, that sounds like that’s just such a choice rather than something you resent because a lot of women, especially in the last two years in the pandemic, ended up doing what the vast majority of the housework and the fucking rearing of the children. Rearing is such an intense archaic word. And and there was so much kind of resentment, understandable resentment because of that imbalance. And so a lot of people feel very differently about it. It sounds like you feel empowered by the choice. Or do you feel sad to relinquish the ambition side of things?
Natasha [00:43:58] I don’t feel sad. I feel like it was. It’s just it’s just inevitable. Or I don’t know, like I. Or at least I’m going to choose things that will make me able to spend the most amount of time with my child. I don’t know.
Jameela [00:44:19] You just mean a lot of money. That’s all you’re saying. You’re saying you want to make a lot of money really fast.
Natasha [00:44:25] I just thought that, you know, like I read all these stories about these actresses like Shirley MacLaine, like had her baby. And then, you know, she had her moved to Tokyo and she visited her like at Christmas time once a year. And I just kind of thought I would be more like that like, Oh, darling, you know, come back from from military academy and, you know, we’ll spend a wonderful break together and then you’ll go back. I don’t know. I just didn’t think I would want to be so involved, I guess.
Jameela [00:44:55] And so it never bothers you?
Natasha [00:44:58] Yes, it bothers me, I want to be, you know, you want to I want to be a big Marvel star, but at the same time, it’s just like, I don’t know, I I see what the price is and also, you know, I just have this idea that I can like become maybe I’ll be the next Betty White, like once my kids in college and she doesn’t want to have anything to do with me. And then I can just be like this elderly, old, broad. And I can kind of corner the market.
Jameela [00:45:30] I mean, I a) like Natasha. You’re so fucking special that you’ll always have a career and I think is really lovely that you want to be there for these. Like for this fast change like this is the period of like some of the most rapid growth that kid ever does at the very, very beginning. It’s such a formative time not step in like I think it’s I think it’s very sweet that you that you feel galvanized, not forced into choosing your kid. I think that’s really beautiful. I also think that your talent is evergreen and that you will. And I also think that your kid is not going to want to have anything to do with you long before college. You know, so I actually think it’s not going to be a long hiatus. If Euphoria is right, you think if Euphoria is right. You’ve only got another like five years off and then you’ll be back on the back in these streets.
Natasha [00:46:15] Wait so what age do they turn like 11? 12?
Jameela [00:46:18] I reckon about 11. Yeah, I reckon about 10. 11.
Natasha [00:46:21] What?
Jameela [00:46:21] I did a documentary about like the harm of porn for kids, and I found out that some of them are doing anal at 11. So, you know, the time flight, the fucking clock is ticking.
Natasha [00:46:30] Jameela! Do not tell me this!
Jameela [00:46:33] Aye alright. Facts are fucking facts your kid won’t cause you because you you because she’s in a happy bunker, but she doesn’t learn about this horrible shit. But I’m just saying there’s going to be no YouPorn in your child’s life, but I’m just saying that and I’m being fairly tongue in cheek. But a) it’s great to see that you’re already kind of finding striking that balance and you’re back performing and being absolutely exceptional, and that’s just your choice. But also, I don’t think it’s going to be that long before she’s grown up to be like getting married and getting a tattoo. And, you know, I don’t know, dealing drugs or what they’re doing and euphoria is terrifying. So I think it’s lovely that you’re making the most of this, this moment. And and I think this is a perfect I think it’s a perfect example of the choice, the choice that we have the right to make. Have you felt judged by anyone other than when I said you betrayed me?
Natasha [00:47:32] I think my husband is slightly annoyed because I think he he he feels like, you know, I should be doing everything at the same rate and touring. He probably wants me out of the house as much as I want him out of the house. So I think he wants me to be touring and, you know, becoming as great as I can be. And, you know, obviously I want those things too, but I’d like to do it when I can, you know, maybe a tour during the summer when I can take her with us or, you know, I just don’t want to be gone every weekend.
Jameela [00:48:06] Is he as involved as you are with the parenting?
Natasha [00:48:09] He is, but he is not as fearful.
Jameela [00:48:12] Right.
Natasha [00:48:12] And I think that maybe that’s just the curse of the mother or, you know, or there is one always one parent who will worry more, sometimes it’s the father. Sometimes there’s two mothers, you know, obviously two fathers, but it just is the person who. Who fills that role of of, you know, there’s always someone who does a little bit more. There’s always someone who worries a little bit more and those are usually the same person and those are also usually the mother.
Jameela [00:48:42] I guess so when you mention like the arguing, it’s kind of a lot about that sort of stuff of you just needing to him feeling like he wishes you would chill out a bit.
Natasha [00:48:50] Yeah. Yeah, I mean, the worry is, you know, imagining the worst case scenario at all times is exhausting. And obviously, with the pandemic, I mean, just the decision of should we eat at an indoor restaurant with an unvaccinated four year old, you know, that can can create as much stress as anything, you know, it’s like you could you could actually potentially be harming your child by letting them get a haircut. I mean, every every, I think that the pandemic just has made every single thing feel so heavy, you know, and and that is, you know, that has been very annoying. But hopefully, we’ll get that back and I’m trying to let go of some of that fear because,
Jameela [00:49:38] Well yeah because you also don’t want her to, you don’t want her to absorb that kind of anxiety.
Natasha [00:49:41] Exactly. That’s what he said he said you can’t be that worried about someone and then have them not pick that up a little bit.
Jameela [00:49:50] Totally. No, totally. I’m sure there’s a balance to be struck. And Jesus Christ, I can’t imagine being a parent during at the best of times, never mind during the most intensive like period of time where you are least able to get help. Because, I mean, even regardless of your financial situation, because it just there were times where it just wasn’t safe for anyone else from outside to be inside the family and to be in such a weird antisocial period where everything’s so concentrated and his deejay and techno indoors. It’s a lot. It’s a lot. It’s a lot. I think you’re a legend. And also as stressed as it sounds like you are at times about having a kid, you seem so happy. And.
Natasha [00:50:30] Oh, that’s nice. Galvanized? You put it way better than I did.
Jameela [00:50:35] But you do, you seem you seem happy and you seem at peace while still with a note of frantic uncertainty about your kid, which is completely fair. It’s it’s it’s a very it’s really lovely to to hear that this is how the journey has gone.
Natasha [00:50:57] Well, thank you, and if you ever get sick of yourself, Jameela, you can always have a kid. No and you’re young, you don’t even need to freeze your eggs. You got like eight years left
Jameela [00:51:07] No I don’t know I’ll just get another dog.
Natasha [00:51:09] Alright. Don’t get a street chihuahua.
Jameela [00:51:12] Because I’d tell you what kind of dumb bitch I would get called by my child. OK, I’m nowhere near as cool as you
Natasha [00:51:20] I like Betty Davis slap you across the face.
Jameela [00:51:23] Natasha before you go, Will you just tell me, what do you weigh?
Natasha [00:51:28] Well I weigh glamor and sophistication mixed with the ability to pee in a grate if I have to or do whatever it is I have to do to get by. Like, I’m kind of like glamorous on the outside, but kind of like.
Jameela [00:51:53] Scumbag.
Natasha [00:51:54] A little scumbag.
Jameela [00:51:55] No I’m exactly the same. I’m exactly the same. I’m I’m I’m a polished turd. A well-polished turd.
Natasha [00:52:06] Scumbag. OK, well, that wasn’t exactly how I’d put it I was thinking more like freewheeling.
Jameela [00:52:08] No no I was talking about me. I prefer your one. Your one is you’re freewheeling. I am a scumbag. I think you’re a goddess. So and I like a goddess who can piss in a grate. I am a scumbag however. Like I stink right now.
Natasha [00:52:23] I don’t buy it.
Jameela [00:52:24] It’s been distracting me throughout this entire episode. I smell. Anyway, on that note, goodbye. No I’m joking. Thank you for coming on. I’m so sad that we haven’t had more time together because of my stupid technical issues. And and I know you’re so busy. Thank you for making the time, and I hope you come back another time.
Natasha [00:52:41] Hey hit me up. I thought you were going to take me out for some cake or something.
Jameela [00:52:43] I am totally going take well, you don’t eat cake do you, so I’ll take you out for some sort of delicious savory food.
Natasha [00:52:47] I will eat cake. I was just trying to intimidate you.
Jameela [00:52:50] A fucking high maintenence nightmare. Well, it worked. And I can’t wait to meet your child,.
Natasha [00:52:59] Oh my god you’ll love her.
Jameela [00:52:59] And I’m sure she’ll have some choice words about me, but I’m really looking forward to hanging out with you in person because I’ve I’ve loved you from a distance for a really long time, and I hope you come back on the podcast soon because there are a million other things I want to discuss with you.
Natasha [00:53:14] All right. Well, sounds fun.
Jameela [00:53:17] Thank you so much for listening to this week’s episode. I Weigh with Jameela Jamil is produced and research by myself, Jameela Jamil, Erin Finnigan and Kimmie Gregory. It is edited by Andrew Carson, and the beautiful music you are hearing now is made by my boyfriend, James Blake. If you haven’t already, please rate review and subscribe to the show. It’s a great way to show your support. We also have a bonus series exclusively on Stitcher Premium called Ask Jameela Anything. Check it out. You can get a free month Stitcher Premium by going Stitcher.com/premium and using the promo code I Weigh. Lastly, over at I Weigh, we would love to hear from you and share what you weigh at the end of this podcast. You can leave us a voicemail at one 1-818-660-5543 or email us what you weigh at IWeighPodcast@gmail.com. And now we would love to pass the mic to one of our fabulous listeners.
Listener [00:54:10] I weigh the occasional can of SpaghettiOs because I’m too lazy to cook. I weigh being the proud member of a union. I weigh talking too loud when I’m excited, I weigh splotchy beet red when I laugh so hard, I can’t breathe. I weigh the love from and for my family. I weigh my small circle of friends that make me feel so much joy who I trust and make me feel safe, who I feel more myself with than any other people in the world.
September 21, 2023
Jameela is joined by campaigner and writer Gina Martin, and in this optimistic conversation about creating change for equal rights around the world, they discuss how anyone can show up and support activism (especially offline in real spaces) and what this activism work can look like.