November 2, 2023
Paul, June, and Jason break down the insanity that is New York Ninja—an action movie shot in 1984 that wasn’t released until 2021 when the unedited footage was found without audio and completely reconstructed. LIVE from the Count Basie in New Jersey, the crew discuss the villain eating his own rat tail, the $100 special effects budget, the news reporter who constantly gets abducted, ninjas on roller skates, and so much more. Plus, they debate with the audience about the most amazing wig of all time… or was it?
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331 — New York Ninja LIVE!
Paul Scheer [00:00:01] How Did This Get Made is going to be in Chicago and Minneapolis, Minnesota, this week. That’s right. Come check us out. Go to HDTGM.com to find out the four movies. Two nights in each spot. It is going to be great. We’re almost sold out in both places, but there are still seats available and you’re not going to want to miss it. I don’t even know what the outlying cities are, but get there. Bend. Not Bend. I don’t know. South Bend? Anyway. Get there anyway you can. Go to HDTGM.com and you’ll find out the movies and how to get tickets. We’ll see out on the road.
Paul Scheer [00:00:36] It’s 1984, and New York is overrun by plutonium killers, henchmen who chew on their ponytails, shirtless, march fishing in Speedos and lots of slow karate. We saw New York Ninja. So you know what that means!
Music [00:00:54] [Intro Song]
Paul Scheer [00:01:50] Hello, people of Earth, and hello people up in central Jersey! We are live at the Count Basie Theater in Red Bank for a movie that was made for New Jersey. New York Ninja. Let me tell you a little bit about New York Ninja. New York Ninja is a movie that was shot in 1984 but came out in 2021. It is about a man whose wife is killed on the day she finds out she’s pregnant. And then he goes on to find the killers? I think maybe. And stop an international prostitution ring that may or may not be just models in the city. Again, I’m not quite sure of the plot. I know New York is prominent. I know ninjas are prominent. And I know there’s a New York ninja. But the rest is all up in the air. Here to break it down for you even more. Are my two co-hosts. Please welcome to the stage Mr. Jason Mantzoukas.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:03:20] What’s up, jerks!? How we do in central Jersey? Oh, shit. Oh, shit. That’s right. New York Ninja. A movie that makes total sense that I just found out was released in 2021. What are you talking about? That blew my entire mind back there.
Paul Scheer [00:03:48] This movie, like the great Miami Connection, was found.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:03:54] Give it up for the Miami Connection. Come on.
Paul Scheer [00:03:59] It was found many years later without the soundtrack. So a director came in and decided to put it together without knowing what the script was.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:04:11] Wait a minute. For this movie?
Paul Scheer [00:04:12] Yes.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:04:17] Wait a minute. Okay, we got. Before you even get into this. Get June out here. Let’s do this. Here she is.
Paul Scheer [00:04:28] June Diane Raphael!
June Diane Raphael [00:04:32] I had to come out. What? What are you saying, Paul, with your words? You’re saying that someone found this movie without sound. Is that what I heard?
Jason Mantzoukas [00:04:52] Wait, are we doing all standing? Because I’ll stand. I’ll do this show on my feet,
Paul Scheer [00:04:58] The first ever standing show. First of all, June, how are you?
June Diane Raphael [00:05:03] I’m okay? How are you, Paul?
Paul Scheer [00:05:08] I’m fine. Thank you for asking. Yes. This movie was found.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:05:11] Found?
June Diane Raphael [00:05:16] So this is literally when they say when they say it’s found footage, this movie is found footage. I’m not ready to sit yet.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:05:22] I’m not either. I feel unsettled.
June Diane Raphael [00:05:25] Yeah, I just need to be on my toes.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:05:29] I’m picturing coming across this at a yard sale and being like, I don’t know, I’ll throw dialog on this.
June Diane Raphael [00:05:34] That’s what I’m saying.
Paul Scheer [00:05:35] Okay, So I will tell you a little bit more. We’re going to continue standing for those of you who are listening. All right. So abandoned footage from 1984 was
June Diane Raphael [00:05:47] Abandoned?
Paul Scheer [00:05:48] Abandoned.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:05:50] Now I feel bad for the movie.
June Diane Raphael [00:05:53] So someone adopted this movie?
Paul Scheer [00:06:01] Just like the little Orphan in the film. Someone rescued and went fishing with it to make it whole again.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:06:08] I thought for sure this was just because, obviously the whole thing is 80 yard loop to the entire. Yes. I thought for sure it was just recorded without sound for expense reasons.
June Diane Raphael [00:06:17] Well, do you know what I thought actually? So. And I know we have to sit down with no point. I’m just not ready to.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:06:23] We’re on our feet for you, New Jersey. For you, Balcony.
June Diane Raphael [00:06:31] So I actually thought at one point, so our main character, whoever that person is, The New York Ninja. Yes, the New York ninja himself. It appeared to me at one point that he is the sound person.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:06:45] Yes. Yes.
June Diane Raphael [00:06:45] The sound technician for the the New York like Eyewitness News. News. So then I thought, wow, was that actor playing a sound person and also the movie sound person?
Jason Mantzoukas [00:07:00] Wow.
June Diane Raphael [00:07:01] So now there’s no sound.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:07:03] Well, but it sounds like an even more bizarre. Go ahead.
Paul Scheer [00:07:08] Well, I can give you a couple of details. That actor John Lu, who is playing John Lu, an employee of the New York City television station, wrote and directed this film. But.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:07:20] What?
Paul Scheer [00:07:23] Does not do the voice of John Lu that is done by Don “The Dragon” Wilson. The reason why the end credits only have as the voice of is because they can’t find the actual actors with the actors.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:07:46] Who were in the movie?
Paul Scheer [00:07:47] Yes. All the credits.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:07:48] Because they’ve all been disappeared? What happened?
Paul Scheer [00:07:54] This I think 1984 to now, people may have passed on.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:08:00] Everyone from 84? There are children in this movie, you think all of the “I heart New York Ninja” kids are all RIP?
June Diane Raphael [00:08:12] And by the way, if they are if the entire cast of New York Ninja is dead by 2021 or whatever it is, then like, let’s start an investigation.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:08:22] That’s a documentary.
June Diane Raphael [00:08:23] Let’s absolutely appoint a special counsel.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:08:27] The very first How Did This Get Made docu series where we investigate the suspicious deaths of everyone in this movie.
Paul Scheer [00:08:37] Now, I will also say that at all of their gravesites, there were traces of plutonium.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:08:48] Oh, from the plutonium killer?
Paul Scheer [00:08:49] Yes. No. So here’s the thing. The original footage was in film reels. It ran about 6 to 8 hours in length.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:08:58] Thank God. And we’re going to watch it right now. Lights!
Paul Scheer [00:09:04] And it included no actor credits. So they don’t know who a lot of these actors are. So that’s why.
June Diane Raphael [00:09:10] What are you saying? What?
Paul Scheer [00:09:12] And I’ll give you a couple of details. The abandoned footage was eventually acquired by.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:09:17] I love that you keep using the word abandoned as if it was found on the side of the road.
June Diane Raphael [00:09:24] Here’s what I want to know, because what I think might have happened is somebody just never cut it together. That doesn’t mean it was abandoned.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:09:32] No, it was left in a cardboard box at a fire station.
Paul Scheer [00:09:38] If you remember, Miami Connection was found on eBay.
June Diane Raphael [00:09:43] Now, some of us are sitting down. Some of us are going to stand out. No, that’s fine.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:09:47] Rest of the night, we’re going to be up and down. I can tell.
Paul Scheer [00:09:50] All right. So when the abandoned left alone footage, whatever you want to call it, was found. There was no audio storyboards or scripts for the film. It was reconstructed by a new director called Curtis M Spieler. The dub dialog was recorded by new actors, and what he likes to say is he suspects the director suspects that Lu may have been unable to complete the film before production shut down because it doesn’t feel like it was finished.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:10:24] Really? No.
Paul Scheer [00:10:28] They wanted to maybe shoot some new scenes, but he said no. He insisted on only using the original footage, claiming if my job had been to be an editor in 1984, what would I have done? And I was very aware of trying to maintain what I thought the intended spirit or tone of the production was. I knew there’s a fair amount of intentional or unintentional humor to the movie, but I tried to take the project seriously and respectfully to the original source material. And he would watch the actors lips and would ask to dub to it. And only when he couldn’t read the original dialog. Then he would rewrite lines.
June Diane Raphael [00:11:08] Wow. Now I’m like, Is this the best movie we’ve ever watched.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:11:12] That’s what I was going to say. That makes me love this movie even more. And spoiler alert, I loved this movie.
June Diane Raphael [00:11:19] I did, too.
Paul Scheer [00:11:20] It’s a great movie. I’ll give you a couple a couple more details.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:11:25] Keep in mind, just for one brief moment, if you will, keep in mind, yesterday we watched Jonathan Livingston Seagull. Yeah. At which point I tried to drown myself in the Hudson. I took so few notes for that show last night, and I took so many notes.
Paul Scheer [00:11:45] I have this five pages.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:11:47] I basically transcribed the whole movie just because I can’t believe this is happening. I can’t wait. Plutonium killer? And gigantic boobs? What is this movie?
Paul Scheer [00:12:01] Here are the details that we know from some of the surviving crew members.
June Diane Raphael [00:12:07] The crew members are dead, too?
Jason Mantzoukas [00:12:09] Also, I don’t love that you’re using surviving as if everybody who worked on this movie, as if this movie to work on it was as if it’s The Ring.
Audience Member [00:12:19] [Inaudible]
Jason Mantzoukas [00:12:20] Oh, or. Whoa, whoa, whoa. What’s that?
Paul Scheer [00:12:25] He said it because of the plutonium. Maybe they actually had real plutonium on set.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:12:31] I would love that. Wait, do we know? Okay, sorry. Go ahead.
Paul Scheer [00:12:35] Well, I’ll tell you a couple of things. So the film’s special effects artist, Carl Moreno, said we had zero resources. He estimates the special effects budget was $100, most of which he spent. Most of which he spent on the plutonium killer’s melting face. Not all. About 85 bucks.
June Diane Raphael [00:13:00] Again, then this movie is the best movie we’ve all ever seen. Yes, they did a great job. I’m sorry. So are you saying that the director who found the abandoned footage, the orphaned footage that that that director never contacted the star and writer of the movie?
Paul Scheer [00:13:19] I believe that John Lu. And making correct me if I’m wrong, an actor in 20 karate films from Taiwan and Spain is passed. Okay. There you go. I suspected. Because, what?
Audience Member [00:13:33] [Inaudible]
Paul Scheer [00:13:34] He’s lives on a river.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:13:38] Why do you know that he lives on a river? He lives on a river in Vietnam. I was there last month. I had a great time with him.
Paul Scheer [00:13:46] Just in case you didn’t hear it. A balcony monster revealed that John Lu is not dead. He lives on a river. Not down by a river.
June Diane Raphael [00:13:57] Yeah, on the river.
Paul Scheer [00:14:00] Like Chris Farley’s famous character.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:14:01] Let’s be clear. That is deeply suspect information he simply became because it came from a Jersey balcony. Most everybody up there is shirtless with a 40 taped to their hand.
Paul Scheer [00:14:23] So, I mean, that’s what we’re working with.
June Diane Raphael [00:14:27] So he was so so he was alive when the the footage was adopted. Yeah. And so he just didn’t have anything. I guess he was on the river and they couldn’t contact him.
Paul Scheer [00:14:40] I don’t know Vietnam River specifics. I’m sure that people in the the Last Looks episode will kind of tell us all the details that we want to know about John Lu.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:14:53] Wait, Paul, I know you already said this, but will you repeat it just because I’ve forgotten what year was the abandoned movie discovered?
Paul Scheer [00:15:20] Filming began in late 1984, and the film was released by Vinegar Syndrome in 2021. So I imagine at one point this was pulled out of the archives somewhere because there were ads for this film in a trade magazine in 1984. It was shelved after 21st Century Distribution Corporation went bankrupt and sold its assets. So somewhere for a long time, there were 8 hours of footage sitting on a shelf. Someone found it.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:15:53] I wish we had access to all that footage.
Paul Scheer [00:15:55] Well, I will tell you that the one thing they were able to find was the rap song originally recorded for the film, and that actually plays over the end credits. The rest of the music was from the Detroit band Voyager 3. Who lists their inspiration as vintage horror action and sci fi films like John Carpenter, which make them a perfect fit for this. So that’s, you know, so this is a very is a labor of love. And I will say. As much as I loved it, knowing that it had no end and knowing that new dialog was recorded, it doesn’t attempt to make any sense. So much so that I found myself rewinding and going, Did I hear that? Because the opening scene. We meet John Lu, who bumps into his wife on the street.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:16:51] The whole movie. The whole movie is stolen exterior shots. They don’t have any locations. They don’t have any interiors.
Paul Scheer [00:17:01] You’re watching people watch the camera. In every shot when there’s another person.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:17:06] The scene where all the the. One of the scenes where one of the street gangs attacks two women and there is just absolutely a melee of chaotic energy in the middle of the day. In the background of the scene, a woman is putting her laundry into her car.
Paul Scheer [00:17:25] When John Lu’s wife, when she is getting her throat slashed, a woman walks up from the subway like doop doop doop. But I actually found that to make New York way more scary. Yeah, it seemed like it was like 7 a.m. on a Wednesday morning and this woman was like, great, another throat slash.
June Diane Raphael [00:17:51] All of the violent crimes happened in broad daylight, like it’s noon and women are being lined up and ushered out of a warehouse.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:18:03] It is.
June Diane Raphael [00:18:03] In the bright light of day in slips. There’s so many slips in this movie. There’s so many slips.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:18:12] When he goes to talk to the police officer. He doesn’t go to a police station. He doesn’t go to a police cruiser. He just walks along the Williamsburg. Like most of this shot, most of this movie is shot in an abandoned lot in Williamsburg. It’s like truly, it’s just like up against the fence. He’s like, well, I’m a police officer, so I don’t know what’s going on with you.
Paul Scheer [00:18:32] Well as you’re talking about that. I will say the reason why we picked this movie for New Jersey is if you look closely at the police officers, they have Hoboken Police Department on their badges. Hoboken Police Department front and center. And yet it’s New York Ninja.
June Diane Raphael [00:18:55] But we have so much to talk about. But I just because we’re on the police officers and their outfits, their costumes, their uniforms. I was so obsessed with the main cop’s hats.
Paul Scheer [00:19:10] Yeah. Great hat.
June Diane Raphael [00:19:14] And I stared at it for so long. I paused it. I looked at it. If he turned around and I had like a rear shot of it, I paused that to look at it again because it seemed that he had taken a trucker’s hat that’s meant to sort of sit atop the head, and he had folded it in the middle to sort of make a more like military style cap. And I thought, well, did they not have it? Did they not have a hat that fit his head? And so he had to? Or was that a choice? Yeah. And again, that’s what this movie left me with. Just like I don’t understand that thing and I want to know so much more and I love it.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:19:59] For example, if you will indulge me while I read aloud the title card that shows up the first thing.
June Diane Raphael [00:20:06] Please. Please.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:20:09] “1984. Crime is at an all time high. Gangs of drugged out punks roaming the streets preying on the innocent. A rash of kidnapings involving young women has gripped this city with fear. The citizens of New York are fed up. The city needs hope. The city needs a hero.” There is not a single punk in this movie. The street toughs are all wearing bandanas around their thighs like Chachi. And one of them is dressed like a Halloween cowboy at one point. I don’t get this.
Paul Scheer [00:20:45] These are the people that you would put in the deep background in the movie Warriors. It was like, deep back. Deep like. Yeah, yeah, you’re on camera. You know, it’s like we just need bodies. And they all look. And I have a feeling the reason why they’re all wearing masks is because they’re the same actor over time and time again. But I’m even going to go one step further and say this. It doesn’t seem like the city is fed up. No, as a matter of fact, it seems like business as usual.
June Diane Raphael [00:21:17] Yet you’re so right, Paul. Like, people are still so comfortable in this city walking around warehouses and factories with no one around.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:21:27] And they’re just like, bam, bam tat tat tat. Yeah. Until, like, a mid-day group of toughs decends on them. And the only hope is for Jon to slip away from his reporting crew so he can transform into the New York ninja so that they can then be like, Where were you? You missed it.
Paul Scheer [00:21:48] Which is revealed very late. Like the fact that John even works for the news is shocking. Shocking because it’s like it would be like the movie Superman. But we don’t meet Clark Kent or know that he has a job until, like the last section of the movie, like, Oh, he’s a reporter. Oh, okay. Like when he was carrying the sound equipment, because at first I thought he was just along with the news crew, hunting down his wife’s killer.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:22:19] When he when his wife gets killed, before she gets a knife to the belly. She’s pregnant, by the way. Not cool the way they slash her throat and she falls down the stairs like.
Paul Scheer [00:22:36] She falls down the stairs like someone who has arthritis trying to do stunts.
June Diane Raphael [00:22:46] But she then does a full, like, jazz head roll, like a full dance move, which I love.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:22:52] Loved. She might as well have gotten. I will say this. It’s as if everybody in the movie knew they would be dubbed by some people. Someone else 20 plus years in the future. Like, it’s so shocking to me that that’s not the case because it makes so much more sense. Their performances are so enormous that they were like, Well, we’re going to have to make it big because we’re not even recording sound. We’ll have to dub this all later.
Paul Scheer [00:23:22] I just want to play the opening scene because.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:23:27] Play the whole thing.
Paul Scheer [00:23:27] Clip one here. Take a look at clip one.
Movie Audio [00:23:33] Sorry I’m late. Happy birthday.
June Diane Raphael [00:23:38] Oh, what is that?
Paul Scheer [00:23:42] Pause. Can we pause really quick?
June Diane Raphael [00:23:44] What is. What is that?
Paul Scheer [00:23:45] What is that? What is he giving her? Is that an anklet? Is it a bracelet? A black belt. A belt? Akumate belt.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:23:55] I also want to know about the signs on the post behind them. “Let’s dance”, one says.
Paul Scheer [00:24:01] That feels like that was not art department.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:24:04] There’s no art department on this movie.
Paul Scheer [00:24:07] So he comes, gives her a gift, and then she’s like, okay, got to go. So was the idea like, let’s meet up on the street corner for 30 seconds? I can’t be there long. Like, I didn’t even understand because this is. You can read their lips. This is what they are saying.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:24:26] Yes.
Paul Scheer [00:24:28] “Happy birthday. Here’s a gift. Got to go.” Oh, and then I’m pregnant.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:24:33] Yeah. And then there’s, like, one last thing, I’m pregnant. Goodbye.
Paul Scheer [00:24:38] After they plan on having a romantic dinner that night. And the dinner.
June Diane Raphael [00:24:42] Romantic, Paul?
Paul Scheer [00:24:44] Well.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:24:46] Honest to God, if she saw that, what that layout he had, she would happily be killed. She escaped a worse fate.
Paul Scheer [00:25:00] The romantic dinner seems to be a birthday celebration for him. Unless he wanted to give her two Ninja Swords?
Jason Mantzoukas [00:25:13] That’s what I couldn’t figure out.
June Diane Raphael [00:25:14] Wait a second, I thought it was his birthday.
Paul Scheer [00:25:18] No, because. No, he reads the card she wrote to him. On your birthday, you don’t write a card to someone else.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:25:27] Really? Hold on, Hold on.
Paul Scheer [00:25:30] Look.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:25:32] Incredible.
Movie Audio [00:25:33] Oh, it’s not fair. It’s not fair. Why?
Jason Mantzoukas [00:25:53] The balloons and the balloon table. You know what I’m saying.
Paul Scheer [00:26:01] Oh, you know what? Maybe I cut out that part where he does read it. He reads a card from her.
June Diane Raphael [00:26:06] But I thought it was. I thought it was his birthday.
Paul Scheer [00:26:11] And why destroy the framed photo? The memory of this woman who was just murdered?
Jason Mantzoukas [00:26:19] All of these things are worth examining. Sure. But real talk. Is he planning on giving her two swords for her birthday? That’s all I want to know because I couldn’t get that out of my head.
June Diane Raphael [00:26:36] So here’s the thing. I was also fraught with this detail because that that that tablescape that birthday dinner is already set up. So if it’s. I don’t know, cause like, if it’s his birthday, then she just went to the rooftop of their apartment and left everything out there in the morning and he walked into it.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:27:01] I think it’s her birthday, and he’s set that up for her because he says, I’ll see you later, blah, blah, blah.
Paul Scheer [00:27:08] But why did she write him a card?
Jason Mantzoukas [00:27:10] Who on earth knows?
Paul Scheer [00:27:11] Okay, so. So let’s go one step further. Opening scene.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:27:16] The World Trade Center. Opening shot of this movie I was like, Whoa. Okay.
Paul Scheer [00:27:25] The opening scene they meet. Happy birthday. I’m pregnant. See you tonight. She’s murdered. Minutes later, we catch him on the roof. The news is found out, which means he’s been sitting catatonic me all night long?
Jason Mantzoukas [00:27:46] No, I don’t think so. I think this is, I think he sees his wife either during her lunch break or prior to work. Gives her the whatever he gives her. Happy birthday. I’m pregnant. See you later. Great. She then walks away and is stone cold murdered. Right. Then what happens is we cut to the news director and the woman in the wig who comes into the scene right here, and they say, Did you hear about Jon’s wife, R.I.P. We got her to take care of him.
Paul Scheer [00:28:14] Let’s take a helicopter uptown?
Jason Mantzoukas [00:28:17] Let’s take a helicopter to his house. I couldn’t figure that out.
June Diane Raphael [00:28:23] I feel like what happened is John had access to a helicopter somehow, some way.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:28:33] It’s in the beginning and it’s in the end.
June Diane Raphael [00:28:35] Yes. And again, I tip my hat to him. At some, at a certain point in this movie, a man is hanging off of the helicopter that’s flying through the air. It was amazing.
Paul Scheer [00:28:46] That stunt on a budget of I’m going to say $15, because I’m 85 for the mask, is scarier than anything Tom Cruise has ever done in Mission Impossible.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:29:03] I fully agree.
June Diane Raphael [00:29:05] Thousand percent.
Paul Scheer [00:29:09] I mean, that is wild. And also how’d they get a permit for that, because I don’t think they got one.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:29:18] They didn’t permit anything. And you know how I know because you revealed that it was shot in Hoboken, which in 1984 was a lawless place.
June Diane Raphael [00:29:30] I have to say something important, Jason. I don’t think. What’s her name? That character’s name, Randy. I don’t think that was a wig.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:29:43] Zoinks.
June Diane Raphael [00:29:43] Which is even crazier. I think that that’s hair. I think it’s all hair.
Paul Scheer [00:29:49] I think you’re right. I think it is. Wow. There’s no makeup on this movie. And I think she’s like, I’m in a movie. I’m going to get my hair to be the third costar of this thing.
June Diane Raphael [00:30:01] And it was. Her air ran away with this film.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:30:04] I just had a thought. Do you think the samurai swords were a present for the baby? If if the framed picture was for her, but the swords were for the baby eventually. A baby gift.
Paul Scheer [00:30:22] That would be amazing because it would be like New York ninja and baby like a cop and a half kind.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:30:28] Well, that’s kind of where we end up a little bit. Like he does get like a mentee. At a certain point, they go fishing together.
Paul Scheer [00:30:37] In a Speedo.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:30:38] Yup.
June Diane Raphael [00:30:40] It’s so hard to know, though, what else was in those 8 hours, because I would love to have known what his history was as a ninja like where he learned about this and you know why this skill hasn’t shown up till now. There are so many unanswered questions.
Paul Scheer [00:30:56] Where does he go to get his ninja stars monogrammed?
Jason Mantzoukas [00:30:59] Yes.
June Diane Raphael [00:31:00] Great question.
Paul Scheer [00:31:02] Because they are monogrammed as New York ninja. So he definitely was at one point had a plan. It wasn’t like New York Ninja returns.
June Diane Raphael [00:31:12] No, he his branding of himself was like on point from the beginning. He saw that and he actualized it.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:31:20] He saw that there was a hole in the market.
June Diane Raphael [00:31:22] He saw the white space.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:31:25] The city needs a vigilante. I need to identify myself. Can someone at the New York ninja into these throwing stars?
June Diane Raphael [00:31:33] Yeah. I feel like he bought them wholesale. He got a great deal.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:31:37] It’d be like Batman putting, like, Batman on his batterang.
Paul Scheer [00:31:41] There is a moment, though, where the the boss of the of the news channel says “we’re making these” like they’re making? The news? He’s like, You can keep that one. Why are you giving away merch? You are. Are you part of the system?
Jason Mantzoukas [00:32:00] I don’t even know if it’s merch. I think it’s evidence.
June Diane Raphael [00:32:03] So this is what’s so crazy. So one of the cops goes undercover at one point.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:32:10] Incredible work. Is immediately abducted. She’s like, he’s like, What are you wearing? And she’s like, I’m undercover. They’re like, Bag over head. Goodbye.
Paul Scheer [00:32:21] By the way, the news reporter is abducted, like, 15 times. Yeah. She can’t walk two steps without getting abducted. Like, I mean, you. She is. You think she’d be a little bit more aware the third or fourth time.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:32:36] You okay, June? Do you need to stand up again?
June Diane Raphael [00:32:52] Oh, God. What was that? I don’t know. It just.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:32:54] Just how many times that woman got abducted? She’s like, Oh, no. Again?
June Diane Raphael [00:33:02] If you’re her. You’re just staying home. You’re under, like, a self-imposed stay at home order. Just like. Yeah, but she doesn’t. She goes out.
Paul Scheer [00:33:11] She literally she’s lying down in the back of a car like, I got to go home. I gotta go home. I got to get abducted. She’s like, doing Broadway level abductions. She’s like, I got a noon show. I got a 7:00 show. I got to just take a nap before the next one.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:33:28] As if Rosanna Scotto got kidnaped every single day. When she’s out with Jack, her cameraman. Right. That’s her name, right? Rosanna Scott. Okay. Thank God. I was like, I’m pulling this, but I don’t know if I’m right. When she is out. Randy? Randy. Yeah. Yeah. When Randy’s out with Jack, the cameraman, and they’re capturing all this footage, and then the bad guys, the punks start chasing them, and Jack is like, peace, later. He is like, Lady, you’re on your own. She doesn’t get ten feet, and he’s on the roof of a building. He’s. It’s crazy. He is so out of there. And she’s like, Come on, guy. She is a victim of I believe. And this is what I was going to say a moment ago. She is a victim of both sets of independent bad guys. One are roaming gangs of street toughs who just appear to want to beat, steal, kill, rape, pillage, whatever they’re up to.
Paul Scheer [00:34:35] Burn holes through newspapers.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:34:36] And burn hole through newspapers. And then there is the plot that is the, okay.
Paul Scheer [00:34:43] Can we even try to break down this plot? All right.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:34:47] I will try. So we have two top tier villains, which are the the the man who is revealed to be an Interpol agent who’s, like, talks like, they got a great guy to play him.
June Diane Raphael [00:35:03] In the closing credits he’s billed as Pale Man.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:35:06] Pale Man. Great. And then they he speaks to the plutonium killer who wears sunglasses all the time. Has toxic touch? I’m not sure. But they want. They want specific women abducted as per order by giving their headshots.
Paul Scheer [00:35:28] Headshots, which would make me think they were models.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:35:31] But then what are those abductions for?
Paul Scheer [00:35:34] Interpol.
June Diane Raphael [00:35:35] No, Paul, interpol is investigating an international prostitution ring.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:35:43] I think he’s undercover like that cop lady.
Paul Scheer [00:35:46] Yeah. He’s undercover. He’s telling, he’s the one who sips the martini like this. (slurping noises). He’s drinking a martini in his car.
June Diane Raphael [00:35:55] Oh, I see what you’re saying. So he’s. He’s giving those headshots undercover. Oh, yeah.
Paul Scheer [00:35:59] Saying get me these women and more. And then the bad guy gives him head shots.
June Diane Raphael [00:36:05] What’s so crazy about it. I don’t know why. That power, that power dynamic I couldn’t understand.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:36:14] I feel like the guy who made the movie found a stack of headshots and was like I’ll put these in the movie.
June Diane Raphael [00:36:16] They used every prop they have. Like, at one point, they’re, one of the bad guys. One of the street thugs was had two like dolls with him, inexplicably.
Paul Scheer [00:36:28] Like a Welcome Back Kotter doll.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:36:30] Those two bad guys spend a tremendous amount of time in that lot in Williamsburg with the city in the background. Or maybe it’s Hoboken, I’m not sure. And the plutonium killer has. I have bad guys in cars. One guy talks in slo mo, one guy talks in crazy chipper accent. Driver eats ponytail.
Paul Scheer [00:36:54] The driver is my favorite character.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:36:58] Incredible.
June Diane Raphael [00:36:59] Me too.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:37:00] Incredible character.
June Diane Raphael [00:37:02] At one point, I was like, At one point I was like, Is that Elijah Wood?
Jason Mantzoukas [00:37:07] I wish I wish for him that that was Elijah Wood.
June Diane Raphael [00:37:13] He looked like him and he was so incredible. And then his final fight sequence where he played the drunken what was it called was the name of.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:37:24] Drunken sword style. Like the Drunken Master.
June Diane Raphael [00:37:28] It was just so compelling.
Paul Scheer [00:37:30] What I love about that, and if anyone has ever worked in production, one of the hard things about shooting exterior locations is that you lose the light, which means that you start a scene and the light goes down. It doesn’t match and you’re racing to finish it before you lose the light. And in that final fight scene they’re like we lost the light, like there are it’s day, it’s night, it’s dusk.
June Diane Raphael [00:37:55] Doesn’t matter.
Paul Scheer [00:37:56] Things are happening. And I would say the karate and the swordplay doesn’t seem like it needed that much time. You could have probably gotten all that out in one one take.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:38:05] Totally.
June Diane Raphael [00:38:06] Here’s a quick question, though, about the Interpol pale man. So he’s undercover. So in his undercover operation, he is comfortable with with putting like I want to say a dozen women in chains for I don’t know how long.
Paul Scheer [00:38:23] Oh, no, no. That’s not him. That’s that’s the plutonium guy.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:38:26] That’s the other set of bad guys. I don’t think we ever see the plutonium killer fulfill an order to the pale man.
Paul Scheer [00:38:35] See, basically, the plutonium killer is like he wants 20 girls. Well, we can’t give them to him piecemeal. We got to give it over all at once. It’s like he’s like doing a collection of them.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:38:47] He keeps killing them himself. Is that the deal?
June Diane Raphael [00:38:54] So this is what’s so confusing. Okay, so I didn’t realize that. I thought that those girls were going to the pale man and that that was part of his sting.
Paul Scheer [00:39:04] No. Those girls are going to go. No. So the Interpol guy. Yeah. Was talking to the sunglasses guy to get him women because the sunglasses guy can kidnap headshots. Now, I’m realizing headshots probably from all the actors who audition for this movie. So that’s what he’s probably using. So he’s like, I’ll get you.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:39:27] You think there were auditions for this movie?
Paul Scheer [00:39:30] They said that every morning a different, they would lose the crew every day. So every morning they’d meet at the Howard Johnson’s on 42nd Street. And they’re like, All right, So today I’m the sound guy. I’m the I’m I’m stunts and I’m makeup. And they would just go off and shoot. So the. That is actually true. It’s in my notes. But so the plutonium guy. Yeah he’s ex-CIA. He’s been exposed to plutonium. His side hustle is capturing tons of girls and selling them to the British man for prostitution purposes.
June Diane Raphael [00:40:12] Okay, so that’s his side hustle. His regular day to day job is just killing women, like having sex with them.
Paul Scheer [00:40:20] Well, I think the plutonium is an aphrodisiac.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:40:23] Wait, what? So you think you think this is he’s in a trafficking business.
Paul Scheer [00:40:32] Yes.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:40:32] And maybe Jim Caviezel is going to come in and save the day or something?
Paul Scheer [00:40:37] I feel like. So we see him with plutonium twice. Right? Like, first he opens it up and he pretty much. I called it like an orgasm box because he opened it up like (shiver noises)
Jason Mantzoukas [00:40:51] Is that what you look like when you orgasm?
Paul Scheer [00:40:53] I’m doing him. I’m doing him. And then. And then his face sometimes melts. Sometimes it doesn’t.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:41:02] Same with his hands. Yeah.
Paul Scheer [00:41:03] Yeah. And his hands also melt, so it seems like. But then it goes back to normal. That’s odd.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:41:10] He has, like, a stigmata. He has, like, a big hole in one of his palms.
Paul Scheer [00:41:14] And then when he’s having sex in the car. He.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:41:20] With a woman who has the largest breasts we’ve ever seen in any movie. Full stop. I think I read that they had to get a bigger car to shoot it.
Paul Scheer [00:41:32] I heard that was a specialty ad for Cadillac.
June Diane Raphael [00:41:37] I loved that woman because when we first saw her, I didn’t imagine her breasts were going to be that big. So it was really like it kept on. They kept on unfolding.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:41:46] Oh, yeah.
June Diane Raphael [00:41:48] The geography of that sex scene in the car was so confusing. Is she facing him? Then I realized she’s facing away from him.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:41:57] I didn’t realize they were having sex.
Paul Scheer [00:42:01] Neither did I!
Jason Mantzoukas [00:42:01] I thought he must be killing her.
Paul Scheer [00:42:03] I thought that she was like drunk or something. I didn’t understand that. Why does she look like she’s having sex. And I’m like, Oh. And I felt dirty for watching it.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:42:13] And it was crazy. Like the chauffeur was underneath her boobs trapped. Pinned.
Paul Scheer [00:42:20] But then and I don’t know how this works, but I know that some people, like they use poppers, right? Like sometimes in sex you use the popper right? That that a thing?
June Diane Raphael [00:42:31] Poppers?
Jason Mantzoukas [00:42:31] Is it a thing? Are you are you asking New Jersey?
June Diane Raphael [00:42:36] Poppers?
Paul Scheer [00:42:39] So he seems to use plutonium as his popper. And he’s like, Aaagghh. And then he puts his plutonium hands on her.
June Diane Raphael [00:42:49] And she dies. Well that melts her. But that doesn’t kill her.
Paul Scheer [00:42:55] No.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:42:56] He chokes her with the the pendant that he used to hypnotize her very easily at a scene that was clearly shot during Halloween in Washington Square Park.
June Diane Raphael [00:43:10] Absolutely.
Paul Scheer [00:43:12] And he is in that scene. This is what the movie does. It makes you crazy because he’s wearing a mask. He turns away and when he comes back, the mask is gone.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:43:23] Well, this is the same with the roller skates. Yes, the roller skates where He’s roller skating around doing ninja on roller skates action, which I was like, I don’t get this at all because he’s not a very good roller skater.
June Diane Raphael [00:43:41] He does not look comfortable.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:43:43] And then when he has to jump, he jumps over a car or he does a flip or something. He lands on flat feet, runs a couple of steps, and then is on roller skates again.
Paul Scheer [00:43:54] Yeah. Then they add in sound effects of feet. Can we just watch some roller skating clips?
Movie Audio [00:44:04] Look what I got. Who the fuck are you?
Movie Audio [00:44:08] Oh. Oh, my God.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:44:12] Look at this person in the background. Everybody in the back.
Movie Audio [00:44:19] That was amazing.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:44:22] Broadway and Bond.
Movie Audio [00:44:28] There you go.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:44:30] It’s not agile.
Movie Audio [00:44:34] Oh, yeah. Oh.
Movie Audio [00:44:38] Come on. Oh, God. Got it. Go get em. Get him.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:44:48] Nothing. Nothing. None. And. Oh. Oh, shit. Right after this. Skates again? Directly after this. It’s a shot of, Yes!
Paul Scheer [00:45:02] That is amazing in the shot. Can you rewind that back for a second? Because watch that transition.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:45:07] Wait, what is that sign, that comedy sign? By the way, before we started, I want to say New York has never looked better than in this movie. Every building, all the graffiti, the subway, everything has such great visual complexity that I was like, riveted by everything happening in the background, including every person walking by being what the fuck is this?
Paul Scheer [00:45:32] One of my favorite moments is that robbery that when he’s on the roller skates, we reveal that it seems like the mugging happens and then they run about five feet away and they go, Woop, We did it. High five. They don’t go down an alley. They just kind of get about a half a block.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:45:50] And he is able to be there in full ninja gear instantly.
Paul Scheer [00:45:55] Which means, I mean, look, it looks like a lot of crime is happening in the theater district. I was looking at all the great shows, the Kaja Foa,
Jason Mantzoukas [00:46:04] Cats. Oh, I’m sorry, but did everybody see that they walked past a movie theater playing Ninja 3: The Domination.
June Diane Raphael [00:46:12] I did not see that.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:46:13] A movie we’ve done on this podcast.
Paul Scheer [00:46:18] One of my favorite moments in the movie is when he is meeting the cop for the first time. A young cop out on the street is like, We’ll get your dead wife. We got a lot of stuff going on. And then he stands between two signposts, like a pinball and just got bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang. He just. I don’t know.
June Diane Raphael [00:46:42] It’s so crazy, because at first I was like, Wow, this is such a crazy interpretation of grief. And then I was like, Actually, this feels very truthful in many ways and I appreciate what the director did here.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:46:57] I was surprised that in his grief early in the movie, his wife has just died. He’s got, you know, all of these things of hers that he’s trying to process his grief and he’s emotional. And at one point, he’s present while a gang of thugs shake down a child, they are going to murder this child and he lets it happen. John does nothing.
Paul Scheer [00:47:24] He wistfully watches a child get beat up like those were the days. And then he shakes his head and then walks off. Just like that woman who watched his wife get murdered in the subway stairs. People are immune to violence. And that kid is a little kid. And what could he have possibly have done to the man wearing the Van Halen patch? He’s wearing a Van Halen. Like, I didn’t think that guy was into Van Halen. Not not egregious or as egregious as the costume choice to put the mayor in ripped jeans.
June Diane Raphael [00:48:05] At one point, I thought the mayor was wearing slippers.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:48:09] I would believe it if it was because I believe they’re just grabbing people and being like, Stand right there. Don’t worry.
June Diane Raphael [00:48:16] I think part of the reason why that the most of the thugs, the gang of thugs, yes, they’re in masks because we’re doubling up on whatever five actors we have, but also I think. So they could stand out amidst the crowd like they had to look insane. They all truly looked like they had escaped a mental institution.
Paul Scheer [00:48:35] They look like the Joker’s villains. It was like the Joker and his crew are out there. It’s like they all are like clowns. They are dressed like clowns.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:48:46] One of them. Again, I hate to say it is dressed like Woody from Toy Story, and I’m not even kidding, and I wish I marked it so we could show it. But there’s one group of toughs that have all the normal looks, except one of them is wearing tiny Western gear like he’s Woody from Toy Story. And it’s fucked up.
June Diane Raphael [00:49:06] It’s very strange. So, God, I wish we I wish we knew more about the costume designer because.
Paul Scheer [00:49:13] I’ll tell you the costume designer. So tomorrow 8 a.m. at the Howard Johnson’s brings something weird.
June Diane Raphael [00:49:19] Because even the women though and just to go back to slips for a second, because I grew up I grew up in the age of slips like I wore a slip in the eighties.
Paul Scheer [00:49:30] Slip seemed to me like the sexiest thing you could possibly have.
June Diane Raphael [00:49:33] Really?
Paul Scheer [00:49:34] Oh, yeah.
June Diane Raphael [00:49:35] Because I never knew why I was wearing slips and I didn’t know they were being forced upon me. And I think the idea, the actual function of a slip is so that you won’t see through a dress, right? So that you won’t see through. It’s another layer.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:49:52] Yeah. And isn’t it also so a dress will hang straight and not get bunched up?
June Diane Raphael [00:49:57] I don’t know about that.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:50:01] Are there slip experts. Any slip spurts. What?
Audience Member [00:50:06] [Inaudible]
Paul Scheer [00:50:09] They won’t slip to the stockings?
Jason Mantzoukas [00:50:17] You wear a slip so your dress won’t stick to your stockings.
June Diane Raphael [00:50:18] Of course, you wear a slip so your dress doesn’t say to your stockings.
Paul Scheer [00:50:26] So we just created a.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:50:30] A theater warm up. Now, every night before the show. We’re going to be backstage.
June Diane Raphael [00:50:39] You wear a slip so your dress doesn’t stick to your stockings.
Paul Scheer [00:50:43] It’s like a fashion version of My Fair Lady.
June Diane Raphael [00:50:47] But, yeah, so you’re. So the era of slips was also when we were all wearing stockings, too. Again, no one knew why. It was just. It was just what you were doing. But all of those women were in slips, various shapes and sizes. But there was one woman who was with us. I’ll never forget it as long as I live. She was wearing stockings and her underwear over the stockings.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:51:18] In what scene?
June Diane Raphael [00:51:19] In the scene where they’re all leaving the warehouse. She’s wearing black stockings and like, a light blue set of cotton underwear. Thick thick underwear over it.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:51:30] Also, a number of the bad guys are wearing cod pieces as if they’re the droogs from A Clockwork Orange. Yeah, like a jock strap slash cod pieces.
June Diane Raphael [00:51:46] There are choices made in this movie that are astounding.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:51:50] And I think you’re right, Paul, in that it is all. I think there was nobody doing wardrobe. I think these are all the individual actors interpretations of what they were told to dress as.
June Diane Raphael [00:52:04] You think that woman was like, I’m going to wear black stockings, but I want to wear my underwear over it. That’s who I am. That’s my character.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:52:12] Look at these guys. I mean, each and every one of them is absolutely berserk. We’ve got cowboy hat Juggalo over there.
June Diane Raphael [00:52:25] That’s what they all feel like is Juggalos. Yes.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:52:29] This guy’s wearing like a World War One pilot’s helmet. This guy is wearing the protective gear for some sort of swordplay.
Paul Scheer [00:52:40] This feels to me like a lot of villains that you played in the old arcade game, Double Dragon. It’s like it. And it looks like even though that was like 8-bit resolution, this looks like 8-bit resolution. Like the costumes don’t pop, but it’s like, Yeah, yeah, yeah. They wear a face mask. That’s Woody. This guy has a cane with a tiny hand.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:53:03] By the way, I want to be clear. That is not the guy dressed as Woody, even though he’s wearing a cowboy hat. That’s not who I am talking about.
Paul Scheer [00:53:08] I appreciate you calling that out. I want to go back to the woman with the dress, with the slip and the underwear. In my mind, she was brought in and they said, Will you just wear the stockings. And she’s like, No, I’m going to wear some underwear here. I don’t want you to get any weird upskirt shots of me here.
June Diane Raphael [00:53:25] I think you’re right.
Paul Scheer [00:53:26] I think it was protective.
June Diane Raphael [00:53:27] It’s also it’s great to know that you’re so into slips. I had no idea.
Paul Scheer [00:53:33] I thought I was like, hey getting some good slip action in this movie. We don’t get a lot of great flip action.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:53:39] That’s your. That’s your kink?
Paul Scheer [00:53:43] Slips. I haven’t really gotten a chance to, you know, slip.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:53:48] This tour has a lot of, like, fashion insight. We talked about body suits the other night. We’re getting into slips tonight.
Paul Scheer [00:53:55] One of my favorite moments is after the mayor does this interview. They just keep the camera rolling for some small talk is like, glad it didn’t ring today. I know it’s great. Kids are out on the swings. Oh, yeah. Look at the guy. Oh, my God, we’re under attack. But I just love that, like, a little bit. Let’s talk about. Oh, yeah, the kids are out in the playgrounds, and it just it was so banal. Like, why? Why, why do we need to be in this moment? And what I guess the question that they have is they had to kill John’s wife. Why?
Jason Mantzoukas [00:54:33] Did they have her head shot? Well, oh, no, because they’re trying to get to the other woman and his wife tries to intercede.
Paul Scheer [00:54:40] But what would she have said? Oh, yeah, I saw Freddy Cufflinks, which is the character’s name.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:54:47] When John bites the Cufflink, I was like, is he trying to get close to his dead wife? Is he trying to tell if it’s real gold? Like, what’s the what?
June Diane Raphael [00:54:56] I don’t know, because to be honest, when we we saw several tight shots of those cuff links, they’d never looked the same. I was like, Well, that one didn’t look like the one we saw before.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:55:04] And are we to assume the guy was just wearing one of them in the later scene?
June Diane Raphael [00:55:09] I don’t know. It it did seem like he was trying to taste them so that he could recognize them by taste.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:55:16] I felt like he was like, wait a minute. Is this chocolate covered cuff links?
Paul Scheer [00:55:21] Nope, not him. Now, I think it would have been much more fulfilling if one of the main villains killed his wife because he does have multiple fight scenes. But not with Johnny Cufflinks, right?
June Diane Raphael [00:55:34] No Johnny Cufflinks. Unless I have a feeling he’s in a mask and he’s one of these guys.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:55:41] You would think Johnny Cufflinks and his crew were the big bads.
June Diane Raphael [00:55:45] Freddie cufflinks.
Paul Scheer [00:55:47] Oh, Freddie, Sorry.
June Diane Raphael [00:55:48] So sorry.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:55:50] If I’ll be honest, if you know the names of the characters in this movie, fuck you.
Paul Scheer [00:55:57] I’ll give you all the names. The names are as follows. The camera man, Freddy Cufflinks, the Kid, The Pale Man, Rico, Switchblade, Rat Tail.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:56:14] His name is Rat Tail? Incredible.
Paul Scheer [00:56:17] Plutoniam Killer. And then the two detectives actually have names. Detective Janet Flores and Detective Jimmy Williams. I will say talking about rat tail. One moment there. Rat tail when he does Tiny hands. It’s one of my favorite things. Like I think it’s a keychain or potentially like a cane top that has tiny hands. So when he is rubbing his own face with the gold hand, it’s like that that sketch that Kristen Wiig did on Saturday Night Live with the little tiny hands. And that clearly was a joke. Or I mean, it’s crazy. It’s a crazy moment.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:57:03] In a movie of crazy moments when when.
Paul Scheer [00:57:07] They leave a woman in the trash, they find her body in a trash can. Like what? All right. See you later.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:57:15] No, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Paul. They don’t do that. They take the trashcan off of the two wooden pallets It’s on. Set it next to the wooden pallets, then all walk away.
June Diane Raphael [00:57:31] I was so deeply connected to that woman, the actress, and I was like, I was literally just like. And I’ve still been thinking about her like she came. She did she did that scene, you know, she did that scene in that car.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:57:46] Give her an Academy Award.
June Diane Raphael [00:57:48] Honestly, she deserves one.
Paul Scheer [00:57:49] If only we knew who she was.
June Diane Raphael [00:57:56] The crazy thing about the trashcan scene is that it’s the first time the cops show up like the uniformed police officers do not show up in this city, this crime riddled city, until minute 50.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:58:12] But that was that was New York City in the eighties.
June Diane Raphael [00:58:17] I guess so. It’s so interesting because it is like the cops are nowhere to be found. But then when they do show up, they come as like a ten some. They’re all together.
Paul Scheer [00:58:26] And holding their badge in like if it gave me anxiety because they have to hold their gun and get their badge out, like, here, here’s my badge and my gun and I’m in police uniform. Like, they’re like, who? They need to show their badge to the New York Ninja?
June Diane Raphael [00:58:44] The crazy thing about the the woman who the woman who’s a cop who went undercover is that she dresses up in an I love the New York ninja T-shirt as her undercover alias. But then she also keeps her badge on.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:58:58] Can I? Yes. She also keeps her badge on. She’s also the character that when they find the woman in the trash can, she says, I’ll have to do the autopsy to figure that out. So in my mind, she’s the coroner.
June Diane Raphael [00:59:12] Wait that’s her? You’re right. That is her.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:59:15] She’s the coroner. Or it seems as though she is. But then later, the coroner goes undercover?
Paul Scheer [00:59:21] But then after being kidnaped and then released, like she says, Well, I’ll see you guys tomorrow. And then the other guy’s like, I’ll take care of the paperwork. What? Like they just rescued 30 women from an underground dungeon and he’s like, I’ll do that. As long as you’re here by 9 a.m. and you get the coffee. Okay? Then I go sleep this off. I mean, these women are resilient. They come back again and again.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:59:53] Randy. The movie should be about Randy, because she goes through a tremendous amount.
June Diane Raphael [00:59:59] She really does. And Randy’s hair does go back to forever. Second, Randy’s hair, it was like she had ten hairstyles in one hairstyle and never quite seen anything like it. It was like it was every hairstyle on one head.
Jason Mantzoukas [01:00:14] I wish she was here right now.
June Diane Raphael [01:00:16] I know.
Paul Scheer [01:00:16] If only she didn’t pass away mysteriously.
Jason Mantzoukas [01:00:19] I feel like everybody in this movie got on the same airplane, Lost style, and has been like disappeared.
Paul Scheer [01:00:28] I’m going to go out into the crowd right now. I’m going to go check out what’s going on. I’m also going to put on my special hat. I’ll hold the mic, so don’t worry about grabbing it. All right, here we go. What’s your name?
Audience Member [01:00:43] Jenny.
Paul Scheer [01:00:44] Jenny. What is your question about New York Ninja?
Audience Member [01:00:47] More of a statement. Did anyone else notice that every newspaper headline had the same two stories underneath it?
Paul Scheer [01:00:55] No, that’s great. They did that. They did get quick headlines out there. I mean, they are catchy headlines. And was the newspaper responsible? Well, basically, the head of the news organization does say, “You’re a great reporter. You got to figure this out.”
June Diane Raphael [01:01:16] Is that why they wanted to capture the reporter so many times? Because she was because she didn’t seem close to breaking that story.
Jason Mantzoukas [01:01:25] Well, I don’t. I will say the bad guy is like, bring me that reporter at one point. So there is a desire, they say something to the effect of she’s getting too close to this or something, right? Something like that.
Paul Scheer [01:01:39] Was that the bad guy in the cardigan? Because there is a bad guy in a full on cardigan as well.
Jason Mantzoukas [01:01:45] Really?
June Diane Raphael [01:01:46] Are you talking about the helicopter pilot?
Paul Scheer [01:01:49] No, the guys who meet the plutonium killer by the car. And he goes, Hey, assholes like that guy. Remember when.
Jason Mantzoukas [01:02:01] Wait, when he’s in the car with the corpse that he just fucked?
Paul Scheer [01:02:06] No, when he it’s the scene after that he’s in the car as the chauffeur and then New York Ninja jumps backwards or forwards with the net. By the way, he reveals he has a great jumping ability too late in the movie.
Jason Mantzoukas [01:02:22] Yes. Great jumping and carries a full net. But you know what he never carries his ninja swords. Prominently placed at the beginning of the movie. Never uses them in combat.
Paul Scheer [01:02:35] Yes. Yes. Which one? Yeah. Let’s go to you.
Audience Member [01:02:39] Two things. One absolute favorite part is knife catch, and then you use it to stab the other thug. Second is, I don’t know, martial arts. Are powder eggs a thing is that like a?
Paul Scheer [01:02:51] I call them flower grenades.
Jason Mantzoukas [01:02:54] It is his most used weapon is some sort of chalk egg that he show throws in people’s faces. Hold on. What is it? Okay. These two are telling me it’s glass dust with such assurance that Paul, you need to talk to them. Right. Right there.
Paul Scheer [01:03:16] I mean, I’m so sorry. All right. How did you know it was glass?
Audience Member [01:03:23] Hollowed out eggs that are filled with glass dust thrown in someone’s eyes.
Paul Scheer [01:03:27] How do you know this?
Audience Member [01:03:28] It’s like a ninja thing.
June Diane Raphael [01:03:30] Oh, it’s a ninja thing.
Jason Mantzoukas [01:03:34] Yeah, Paul, it’s a ninja thing. You wouldn’t get it, Paul, it’s a ninja thing.
Paul Scheer [01:03:39] I will say, that person, if you are listening to the podcast, is in full ninja gear. All right. So. All right, What have we got over here?
Jason Mantzoukas [01:03:47] We have two ninjas in the audience.
Paul Scheer [01:03:49] What do you got? Name, your question.
Audience Member [01:03:50] My name is Chris. My question is, have you ever seen a movie with this many guns that are not fired?
Paul Scheer [01:03:57] Great question.
Jason Mantzoukas [01:03:58] Lots of guns pointed. Very rarely fired. I’m assuming because once again, they were shooting scenes in public with unsuspecting people. So is that you noticed that like there’s a lot of like when the guns they just do this and they’re out of frame for a second, you know?
Paul Scheer [01:04:17] All right. Your name and your question.
Audience Member [01:04:19] My name is James. And an observation first. The company that remade this movie, they’re actually their primary source of business is remaking old pornos.
Jason Mantzoukas [01:04:30] Is is remaking old porn?
Audience Member [01:04:33] They remake old porno from the seventies and eighties.
Jason Mantzoukas [01:04:36] They remake them? What do you mean, like. Like a reboot?
Paul Scheer [01:04:42] Hold on, guys. I’m seeing something that’s freaking me out.
Jason Mantzoukas [01:04:48] Is there a ninja?
Paul Scheer [01:04:50] It looks like a ninja, sir. Are you hanging from the ceiling? He is. I just saw feet.
Jason Mantzoukas [01:04:58] Where?
Paul Scheer [01:04:59] From the center of the. Right here. Right where the balcony starts. There are two hanging feet. Kick the feet. Show us those feet.
Jason Mantzoukas [01:05:14] Can we turn the projector off? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. What are you up to? Oh, he’s running the projector.
Paul Scheer [01:05:27] Well, you’re amazing.
Jason Mantzoukas [01:05:29] Give it up for this guy.
June Diane Raphael [01:05:32] Okay.
Paul Scheer [01:05:33] That freaked me out.
Jason Mantzoukas [01:05:35] That. That can’t be code. That can’t be safe. Only in Jersey. Just to be talking to that gentleman about seventies pornos and then seeing feet hang down. All right.
Jason Mantzoukas [01:05:47] Freddie, we’re going to need you to hang off the tubes and run the projector for the dumb podcast show. These fucking animals are coming in. They’re going to tear the place apart.
Paul Scheer [01:06:01] So tell me. I see a lot of notes out. What do you got?
Audience Member [01:06:05] Question slash comment. The helicopter pilot that they kidnaped, right? They kidnap them. But then when the New York ninja jumps on the helicopter, the pilot actually attacks him.
Paul Scheer [01:06:18] Well, I guess he was brainwashed, right? Very quickly, because Stockholm syndrome sets in quick, especially when you go to higher altitudes.
June Diane Raphael [01:06:25] I was obsessed with that helicopter pilot because to make the choice, because I do think that that was that actor’s choice. I think unless he didn’t know he was being filmed, that’s also a possibility.
Paul Scheer [01:06:37] That was John Lou going. You want to be in a movie? And he’s like, let me fight. Okay. Well, it doesn’t work for the plot, but sure. And that’s what happened. I think.
Jason Mantzoukas [01:06:46] He’s like, okay, but I want to kick the ninjas ass. Well. That wouldn’t be what’s happening, welp do it anyway.
Paul Scheer [01:06:55] And then the bomb that you have to, it’s like a radio. It’s. It’s movies for the mind. Enough context clues are there. Like, I guess it blew up. I heard a tick, tick, tick, tick, tick. Where was the bomb we never saw?
Jason Mantzoukas [01:07:11] And somebody says, like, is that a bomb?
June Diane Raphael [01:07:16] And again, that’s $100. So you have to think about the face melting and the bomb all done for under $100.
Paul Scheer [01:07:24] We didn’t even talk about the face melting. Can we play that clip for a second?
Movie Audio [01:07:34] Where are the bad guys? Am I the only one who found you?
Movie Audio [01:07:38] Thank God. Jack.
Jason Mantzoukas [01:07:39] Can you pause for a second? You’re telling me that’s not a wig?
June Diane Raphael [01:07:44] I am, actually. And I know it’s confounding, but I do not think it is.
Paul Scheer [01:07:53] Is it a wig by applause.
June Diane Raphael [01:07:57] I have. No.
Paul Scheer [01:07:59] Is it central jersey hair?
June Diane Raphael [01:08:01] Yes. Yes.
Jason Mantzoukas [01:08:04] Now that the lights are up, I am seeing a lot of this hairstyle out there.
June Diane Raphael [01:08:09] There are some people who have I know we have confusing hair where if it absolutely looks like a wig, but it’s not a wig.
Jason Mantzoukas [01:08:20] And I think it’s off the top. The long of the back, it’s a mullet.
June Diane Raphael [01:08:24] But you have. But, Jason, if you were a wig maker, you’d never make this. That’s also why I think it’s not a wig.
Jason Mantzoukas [01:08:32] I believe she made it herself.
Paul Scheer [01:08:35] It is a wig wearing a wig.
June Diane Raphael [01:08:40] Oh, so you’re saying you think she might have a wig underneath that wig?
Jason Mantzoukas [01:08:44] You think it’s a wig on a wig? You think she’s double wigged?
Paul Scheer [01:08:48] I think there’s a baby wig. I think there’s a toupee on a wig that’s on top of extensions. And I think that that actress is John Lu.
Jason Mantzoukas [01:08:58] By the way, the plutonium killer. Can you can we start this again? Because he starts not wearing his sunglasses and then just is. Right? Oh, no, he is.
June Diane Raphael [01:09:10] This this part I didn’t understand at all.
Movie Audio [01:09:16] Where are the bad guys? Am I the only one who found you?
Movie Audio [01:09:20] Thank God, Jack.
Movie Audio [01:09:23] Are you okay? Come with me. Oh, look. It’s the ninja. Yeah. So what? I don’t have time for that. Let’s go, Randy.
Movie Audio [01:09:36] You’re not Jack.
Movie Audio [01:09:46] Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Ha ha ha ha ha. Oh.
Movie Audio [01:10:11] Get away.
Jason Mantzoukas [01:10:16] Finally.
Paul Scheer [01:10:23] Now, here’s the thing.
Jason Mantzoukas [01:10:24] What the fuck is this movie? And you would think that this would be like a ha. Okay, it’s all coming together. But, like, he’s using the mirror. Oh, he’s photosensitive, right?
Paul Scheer [01:10:38] No, no, he’s. He’s light, sensitive. So here’s the thing. It’s. I know it’s photosensitive, but what I’m saying is.
Jason Mantzoukas [01:10:48] He’s not sensitive to photographs.
Paul Scheer [01:10:50] I guess what I’m saying is, in the idea. In the idea of the movie, you have vampires are photosensitive or sensitive to sunlight, whatever it is. You don’t need to put more light in his face like the sunlight would do the trick. Right?
June Diane Raphael [01:11:11] But. But this? I don’t know. Because this scenario he’s in is tricky because he’s wearing a jack mask.
Jason Mantzoukas [01:11:20] Anybody here wearing a jack mask?
Paul Scheer [01:11:24] Three people.
Jason Mantzoukas [01:11:26] I mean, he went to great lengths to perfectly replicate, including body type, Jack the camera man, whose car got trashed.
June Diane Raphael [01:11:38] The lengths they are going to to capture Randy.
Jason Mantzoukas [01:11:44] Yeah. By the way, Jack, that’s your car.
Paul Scheer [01:11:50] At one point, Jack and Randy, who are sent to investigate this wave of crime, go, Oh, my gosh, these people are crazy. It’s like, Yeah, that’s the assignment that you’re covering them. Then you shouldn’t be surprised at it. But, Jack, I believe there’s voodoo going on because the plutonium killer looks at the head shot of Jack. Don’t know why Jack has his own headshot. And when that melts away, is that how he’s making the face?
Audience Member [01:12:18] It’s his actual skin.
Jason Mantzoukas [01:12:22] What do you mean you think it’s his actual skin? Hang on, Hold on. One of the ninjas has an answer.
Paul Scheer [01:12:29] They’re so far away from me.
June Diane Raphael [01:12:34] We’ll repeat it.
Jason Mantzoukas [01:12:41] Oh, you think it’s Jack’s face that he’s wearing as a flesh mask?
June Diane Raphael [01:12:50] Oh, so he kills Jack and cut off his face and put it on himself and wore it like a mask.
Jason Mantzoukas [01:12:55] And it works out so well that Randy thinks it’s Jack. Guys we know face off.
Paul Scheer [01:13:09] I’m with a group of people in I love New York ninja shirts. Yes. Who has the best question out of the three? Okay. You do? All right. Your name?
Audience Member [01:13:17] I am Will. And just like an observation I made or my mom made. Is that the helicopter that he plants the bomb in and the helicopter that the bomb explodes in are two different helicopters.
Paul Scheer [01:13:34] Wow. Where’s your mom? A good, good helicopter. Imam, how do you. How do you get on that helicopter tip?
Audience Member [01:13:43] Just paying attention all the time. Nonstop.
Paul Scheer [01:13:46] She got it. That’s it. That’s it. Can’t get away from that, Mom. All right. Well, obviously, we have an opinion about this movie. There are people out there with a different opinion. It is now time for second opinions.
Audience Member [01:14:01] Start joining news crews and bite your ponytail braid. I wanna give five stars to it. New York Ninja. His murdered wife blues better make you afraid. My second opinion. It’s a hit. New York Ninja. If he can melt your face, he’ll melt it any place. Good luck, Mr. Lu. New York. Ninja.
Paul Scheer [01:14:49] What’s your name?
Audience Member [01:14:50] Rose.
Paul Scheer [01:14:51] Amazing. Great job, New Jersey.
Jason Mantzoukas [01:14:54] You did in New Jersey. And now New Jersey’s own Bruce Springsteen. He’s not here. What if he was, though?
Paul Scheer [01:15:07] He has a podcast.
Jason Mantzoukas [01:15:09] He’s a big fan.
Paul Scheer [01:15:12] “I like how you talk about those crazy ninjas. My dad was a ninja. He didn’t make much money, but he had those stars.”
Jason Mantzoukas [01:15:21] “Remember me and the big man, we used to watch these ninja movies.”
Paul Scheer [01:15:25] “Shining those ninja stars, throwing them into throats. It was different long go before the emblazed them with New York Ninja. I wrote that about my dad.” All right, here’s the deal, people. Sadly, and I hate to do this to you because it is a live show, not many five star reviews. There are only 78 total reviews on Amazon and they aren’t as good as we would expect. But here’s the thing. It’s a new movie, and I think some people get it. Some people don’t get it. But the people who do say things like.
June Diane Raphael [01:16:12] I can’t believe this is a new movie.
Jason Mantzoukas [01:16:17] I can’t. This feels insane.
Paul Scheer [01:16:22] Betty Smores title, Secure and Sturdy. Review: “awesome movie. If you’re looking for a cult classic, five stars.”
Jason Mantzoukas [01:16:39] Secure and sturdy? That sounds like an Amazon review for a footstool. And then accidentally it was logged under this.
Paul Scheer [01:16:50] I know. And then this is the one that I liked the most from James. James writes this “Men will literally become the New York ninja instead of going to therapy. Five stars.”
Jason Mantzoukas [01:17:07] That is true. That is true. So many men, when faced with life’s biggest problems, rather than admit weakness and go to therapy, they will instead just try and become a ninja. You need to deal with the loss that you’re feeling from the death of your parents. No, I must become a ninja.
Paul Scheer [01:17:31] I will say a couple of things that we didn’t touch upon. The way they were keeping these women in the warehouse seem to be. I’m no, I don’t understand layouts in space, but it seemed to be they could have gotten more women in. But there they seemed like they ran out of things like you’ll be on top of this court barrel. You’ll be on a giant frame. You’re going to be like.
June Diane Raphael [01:18:01] It felt like they were they were under like COVID restrictions, like they were all like six feet apart in there.
Jason Mantzoukas [01:18:08] Well, it did come out in 2021.
June Diane Raphael [01:18:10] I’m honestly like, did this director, like, compile this movie for us?
Paul Scheer [01:18:20] I feel like the way that he goes in there and slices through steel, like he was a cobweb tank dunk tank to, you know, everyone gets out immediately.
June Diane Raphael [01:18:33] I’m so obsessed with the dubbing where every woman, once she was, the sword broke through her chains, had to make some sort of a sound. It was like, oh, oh, like everyone had to do.
Jason Mantzoukas [01:18:48] Did you do the dubbing for this movie?
June Diane Raphael [01:18:50] I didn’t know how to say it. So strange.
Paul Scheer [01:18:54] It’s an odd it’s an odd, odd movie. It ends on probably one of the best ending scenes ever. The reporter goes back to the roof where it seems like from the plot of the movie, she’s left him from the beginning. Like John, did you hear they got Freddie cufflinks or whatever is. They need his killers. And he’s like, I wonder how that happened. And he looked right at the camera like, TING. And then we get this amazing still, the L.A. Ninja still, which from the.
Jason Mantzoukas [01:19:31] LA Ninja?
Paul Scheer [01:19:32] Yeah, You didn’t see that?
Jason Mantzoukas [01:19:33] Oh, I didn’t see that.
June Diane Raphael [01:19:34] Jason.
Paul Scheer [01:19:37] The Ninja will return in L.A. Ninja, and that comes out in 2024.
Jason Mantzoukas [01:19:43] Here’s what I’ll say. That is still New York.
Paul Scheer [01:19:51] He’ll get there eventually.
June Diane Raphael [01:19:52] So I guess I just I’m just now realizing that our New York ninja, our hero, that he the pilot, that unsuspecting pilot died in that plane. In that helicopter crash, huh? Yeah. Wow.
Paul Scheer [01:20:09] And that’s pilots when they decide to fly.
June Diane Raphael [01:20:15] He didn’t decide. He was coerced.
Jason Mantzoukas [01:20:21] Hold on. This guy seems to know something. I really regret this. But what did the plutonium killers say?
Paul Scheer [01:20:34] All right. The man says I’ll make you a rich man. The plutonium killer says I’ll make you a rich man if you help me kill the ninja. Which is right. The ninjas now hanging off the helicopter. He says, okay.
June Diane Raphael [01:20:47] I guess he deserved to die.
Jason Mantzoukas [01:20:49] Yeah.
Paul Scheer [01:20:52] Jason June, before we wrap up, would you recommend this?
Jason Mantzoukas [01:20:55] Absolutely yes.
June Diane Raphael [01:20:56] Thousand percent.
Paul Scheer [01:20:58] As would I.
Jason Mantzoukas [01:20:59] I would happily right now go and sit there and watch the movie in full. Except for the part where I said I would go and sit there. I would not go and sit there because these maniacs are there.
Paul Scheer [01:21:15] I thought it was great. And I. And let’s rescue more abandoned films. You know, people don’t talk about it. Bob Barker used to say say spay and neuter your cats. Let’s go find these abandoned films. Let’s get them back.
Jason Mantzoukas [01:21:27] Can we play the Sarah McLachlan song behind this, please?
Paul Scheer [01:21:32] Pictures of ninjas, Sound machines. Tommy Wiseau. Must find these abandoned films. Thank you Central New Jersey!
Jason Mantzoukas [01:21:43] You did it! You did it, Jersy.
June Diane Raphael [01:21:47] Thank you.
Paul Scheer [01:21:48] This is amazing. We love coming to New Jersey our first time. We will be back. Thank you.
Jason Mantzoukas [01:21:54] Thank you.
June Diane Raphael [01:21:56] Thank you.
Paul Scheer [01:21:57] Thank you, Jason. Give it up for June. Give it up for Beth.
Jason Mantzoukas [01:22:02] Give it up for the balcony. Give it up for yourselves. We’re getting a standing ovation.
Paul Scheer [01:22:10] New York didn’t do that! Thank you. Oh, my gosh. This is amazing. Thank you, everybody so much. Have a great night. Bye bye.
Jason Mantzoukas [01:22:20] Eat shit, New Jersey!
Paul Scheer [01:22:25] Thank you so much to the staff of the Count Basie Theater. We love being in Red Bank. Our amazing tour manager, Beth Thomas, for always being there, pulling the best clips in the biz, and everyone in that audience who came in costume. Yes, I’m giving it up to those who came in costume for such a great show. If you want to feel like you are there too, well, you can, because we have a special T-shirt designed by the live audience that night. That’s right. The shirt says “I heart New Jersey ninja” in the style of I heart New York. It is a great shirt, has a little wig hairstyle over the heart. You can snag that shirt as a shirt, sweatshirt, sticker, coffee mug, whatever you want. And more. Just grab that at Teepublic.com/stores/HDTGM. And if you are looking to represent HDTGM this holiday season, a brand new How Did This Get Made ugly sweater is in your future. They are on sale now at podswag.com/bonkers. We have four different sweater designs Geostorm. Team Sanity. Team Fred and a jack frost a snow dads better than no dad. I love these. They’re great. They’re not going to fade. They’re good material. They’re comfy. Get them all at podswag.com/bonkers. As always we are on the road the next couple of weeks in Chicago and Minneapolis. Head on over to HDTGM.com to snag your tickets and we got some bonkers movies for you. Next week on Last Looks you know we’re going to be going over corrections and omissions from New York Ninja so if you have something you want to add to get off your chest, leave me a voicemail at 619-PAUL-ASK or write a comment on our discord at Discord.gg/HDTGM. And of course, as always, Jason will stop by for a chat and we will announce our next movie. We may even share a bonus deleted scene from this very episode that you just listened to. That’s right. Last Looks. Bigger, better every single week. And if you haven’t heard, we are on the hunt for a brand new theme song for this very show. That’s right. How Did This Get Made. And if you’re a musician and you think you have what it takes to record an earworm, send us a theme song submission at HowDidThisGetMade@Earwolf.com Or post them to our Discord in the theme song channel. Remember, you can find us everywhere online @HDTGM. If you love the show, tell your friends. Tell them to listen. A word of mouth helps so much. Oddly, it’s the thing that people tell me the most that that’s how they find out about the show. And by the way, it’s so much better when you don’t have to watch these bad movies alone. And last but not least, I got to say thank you to all the listeners who support this show every week, our entire behind the scenes team who keeps this show running. I’m talking about our producers, Scott Sonne, Molly Reynolds, our movie picking producer, Avril Halley, our engineers Casey Holford and Rich Garcia, and our associate producer Jess Cisneros, who makes those amazing social media videos. That’s all I got, people. We’ll see you next week on Last Looks. Until then. Bye for now.
November 26, 2023
Guest Conan O’Brien
Conan O’Brien (Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend) joins Paul, June, and Jason to discuss the 1993 romantic comedy and the final installment in the series, Look Who’s Talking Now starring John Travolta and Kirstie Alley.