December 8, 2022
Paul, June, and Jason watch the classic 2019 holiday movie—or is it a horror movie?—the 12 Pups of Christmas LIVE from San Francisco. They creepily whisper about the lunchbox-sized GPS collars, the titular pups being irrelevant to the plot, and how everyone in the film is probably in a cult. Plus, Paul frightens Jason and June with the ChatGPT AI bot’s interpretation of a HDTGM episode.
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307 — 12 Pups of Christmas LIVE!
Paul Scheer [00:00:00] On the 12th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me. A tech company with lost doggies and a pet shrink. We saw the 12 pups of Christmas. So you know what that means?
Intro Song [00:00:16] [Intro Song]
Paul Scheer [00:01:20] Hello people of Earth and all the people of San Francisco! We are live at The Masonic and we are so happy to be here tonight to talk about the 2019 film The 12 Pups of Christmas. We are going to go through this classic San Francisco film, a film that feels like Sleepless in Seattle meets Marley and Me and a whole bunch of other shit. Oh, a pet psychiatrist from New York finds out her boyfriend fiancee–it’s a little unclear because he doesn’t even think to know that they’re getting married–is cheating on her. So she moves across the country to work for a tech company here in San Francisco where they’re putting GPS locators on dogs so no dog will ever go lost again. And guess what? True love. That’s what happens. All right. So to help us break down this movie, please welcome my co-host, Mr. Jason Mantzoukas.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:02:33] What’s up, jerks?! How we doing San Francisco? That’s what I’m talking about.
Paul Scheer [00:02:43] Jason, 12 pups of Christmas. It’s a comfortable chair. It’s a real relaxed vibe.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:02:51] Oh, I’m going to chill so hard. I drove here. Wow.
Paul Scheer [00:02:58] Ladies and gentlemen, let me introduce somebody who is part of the reason why we’re doing this movie tonight. A person is going to have a lot to say. My other co-host, June Diane Raphael.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:03:19] Positively bounding, bounding onto the stage.
June Diane Raphael [00:03:24] Wow.
Paul Scheer [00:03:26] Welcome, June.
June Diane Raphael [00:03:27] How are you, Paul?
Paul Scheer [00:03:28] I’m doing well. June, I just want to take a moment here, because very rarely do you and I find a film. Normally, April Hally finds all of our films. But last Thanksgiving, you and I were watching TV. There is no cable to be found. And we stumbled upon this and we looked at each other and said, this is the movie.
June Diane Raphael [00:03:48] This is it.
Paul Scheer [00:03:48] This is it.
June Diane Raphael [00:03:49] And this is us.
Paul Scheer [00:03:53] And I have to say, I’m so happy with this pick because it really–this movie is a dream.
June Diane Raphael [00:04:01] This is the best movie we’ve ever seen. This is a Christmas classic.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:04:10] Oh, I agree. It’s a Christmas classic. Here’s–I did that thing where I wrote so many notes on the movie that I started to be like, “Oh, no, I’ll never get to talk about all of this. I’ve written too much and there’s too much gold in the middle of these notes” I got–and then I was like, I’m going to have to curate these notes–and I was like, What am I talking about? These are the 12 Pups of Christmas.
June Diane Raphael [00:04:37] Jason, did you hear what we just said? We’ve seen this movie twice.
Paul Scheer [00:04:42] One, when it was not assigned.
June Diane Raphael [00:04:44] No. One was elective.
Paul Scheer [00:04:47] And I got to tell you, rewatching this movie, it was love from first credit, because the credits are like that calypso font, that font that you never use in Microsoft Word because it’s too confusing. It’s like, Oh, let’s make it fun. It’s like, it’s a little too much.
June Diane Raphael [00:05:04] Yeah, it’s almost like it’s a font for dogs.
Paul Scheer [00:05:09] By the way. No one steal that. That’s my next movie. Font for Dogs about a typographer who only is friends with a dog and then he falls in.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:05:17] I would believe it if you told me this movie was intended for a dog audience. That would make sense to me.
Paul Scheer [00:05:24] This movie is intended for an adult, sexy audience. This movie plays like a sexual thriller from the 80s. Like when we first meet Erin. Oh, my God. Erin pops on screen.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:05:36] Fatal attraction. Jagged Edge. 12 Pups of Christmas.
Paul Scheer [00:05:42] I mean, don’t you think that first therapy scene with Erin–I’m like, you’re playing this a little too sexy for me? It’s too steamy as everybody–
June Diane Raphael [00:05:53] Here’s what I don’t understand. Okay.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:05:54] The movie? Cause that’s that’s what I don’t understand.
June Diane Raphael [00:05:58] I want to start off with her profession, canine therapist, because when I think of anyone who’s like dealing with animals and dealing with behavior issues and dealing with their owners, you know, they’re in jeans, they’ve got a fanny pack on with treats in them. They’re on the ground, to be quite honest.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:06:16] That’s what I want to ask. They they are putting the canine therapist in the position of–or in the in the environment of human therapy.
June Diane Raphael [00:06:29] Yes.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:06:29] And my understanding is the canine therapist will be working with the owner and the dog in the world.
June Diane Raphael [00:06:34] Or in their home.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:06:34] Am I wrong? Is there a canine therapist–because San Francisco’s absolutely rotten with them. Is there a canine therapist in the house? Or pet therapist in the house?
Paul Scheer [00:06:48] A reputable one.
June Diane Raphael [00:06:48] A reputable one. Licensed.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:06:49] Yeah. Licensed. Anybody?
Paul Scheer [00:06:51] I believe that canine therapists are called trainers, like their dog trainers. Like the way that these people are coming, it’s like, “Oh, my dog hates Christmas music.” First of all, these dogs have more issues with Christmas than anyone. And it seems like Erin also is like, “Oh, I hate Christmas.” But yet later on, she’s fully decked out.
June Diane Raphael [00:07:11] No, listen, I actually do know, and I wish I thought to have her on or to have her call in, but I do know–I do know a dog life coach. I do. Her name’s Katya Friedman. She has a podcast.
Paul Scheer [00:07:25] She’s amazing.
June Diane Raphael [00:07:26] And she is amazing. She has worked with us.
June Diane Raphael [00:07:28] We are patients? Clients?
Jason Mantzoukas [00:07:31] I would understand therapists. I would understand so many things. But a dog life coach to help the dog realize its dreams?
June Diane Raphael [00:07:38] And its owners.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:07:39] And it goals?
June Diane Raphael [00:07:40] To really like to really kind of curator our joint vision.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:07:45] Okay.
June Diane Raphael [00:07:46] You know.
June Diane Raphael [00:07:48] She is amazing though.
Paul Scheer [00:07:49] What does a dog want? What do we want?
June Diane Raphael [00:07:51] Yes, she does work. I guess this is what’s different than a dog trainer. You know, dog trainers are usually working on behavior with the dogs and a dog life coach. Again, the only one I know is Katya Friedman, and she’s absolutely incredible, hosts a podcast called The Animal That Changed You. Anyway, put that over there for now. But she is amazing and she does work with both human and dog.
Paul Scheer [00:08:13] Does she work like this? Like in this scene right here?
June Diane Raphael [00:08:16] Is this character the one that’s Carly’s friend? Yes.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:08:20] Is it?
Paul Scheer [00:08:20] Yes.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:08:20] This is like a Maria Bamford character. This to me is the Maria Bamford character. Watch it. Watch it through that lens.
Movie Audio [00:08:32] You can’t leave us, Erin. It’s only because of you that my boys don’t eat all the (unrecognizable).
Jason Mantzoukas [00:08:37] Can you pause it when it gets to the font?
Movie Audio [00:08:39] If I don’t see you once a week, I may not have a couch.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:08:41] I mean, I also feel like that’s the font from Friends or from Suddenly Susan.
Paul Scheer [00:08:52] It feels like a font that might be in a dog food commercial like tasty biscuits. You know, it’s like there’s–but so she is very upset that the therapist is leaving.
Movie Audio [00:09:03] Jaden, I’m so sorry. I got a job offer that I can’t turn down. And Travis and I made this decision that a move would be really good for our relationship. I am getting married on Monday at City Hall.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:09:19] Why would you tell a patient this? Here’s my first headline about this movie, Erin is that terrible therapist. Erin is only interested in herself, and I think every other person in this movie is a psycho.
June Diane Raphael [00:09:38] Yeah.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:09:39] Every character in this movie is a straight up psycho.
Paul Scheer [00:09:44] What I really thought was and this is my big theory on it and this is what I was trying to get to the bottom of as like, is she an improviser? Because it felt like she went off book a lot.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:09:54] I agree.
June Diane Raphael [00:09:55] So here’s what I’m going to say about that. And I guess we’ll get to the love interest in a bit.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:10:02] The boyfriend or the love interest?
June Diane Raphael [00:10:04] The love interest. I don’t remember his name.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:10:07] Martin.
June Diane Raphael [00:10:10] Marton, what a crazy name for a love interest. I found the chemistry between Erin and Carly to be off the charts.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:10:20] Electric. Electric. I agree. By the way, Carly, just the absolute MVP of this movie.
Paul Scheer [00:10:32] But when they’re together, they’ve got. I feel like they are dancing around the script.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:10:37] When they get together. Erin comes alive. She’s alive with Carly. They’re dancing. They’re laughing. They’re having emotions.
June Diane Raphael [00:10:45] Carly’s ziggin’. She’s zaggin’.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:10:45] When she’s with Martin. She’s basically like (makes movement) It’s this: “You’re a piece of shit, you’re a piece of shit. You’re a piece of shit, kiss…you’re a piece of shit. You’re a piece of shit. Fuck. You’re a piece of shit. End of movie.
Paul Scheer [00:10:59] She’s so miserable and a button and like, she’s so over it. But I also feel like the movie makes no sense. And then I’m also like, does your fiancee know that you are getting married? Like, because she’s like, we’re getting married on Monday. And it seems like it all seems like, oh, right, right. It’s like a dinner plan, like, oh, we’re going to Susan’s on Saturday. Oh, right.
June Diane Raphael [00:11:25] Yes. And she has to say to him at one point “And people get married because they love each other, they love their families.”
Jason Mantzoukas [00:11:33] I want to just reiterate, she’s a mental health professional and is picking up on no signs. Taylor is there early. Why? Why is Taylor there so early?
Paul Scheer [00:11:48] Okay, I want to pull that back a little bit.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:11:51] Erin get on the ball.
Paul Scheer [00:11:52] All I want to do.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:11:54] Erin appears to be seeing clients on Thanksgiving?
Paul Scheer [00:11:57] Well, that was my issue. She saw three clients on Thanksgiving morning and then her instructions to her fiance were re-heat up the turkey, heat up the turkey, not cook the turkey, like heated up.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:12:11] And then she’s butthurt. She’s so butthurt. When Travis and Erin have done it, she’s like, she’s so passive aggressive. She’s like, the cooking is the best part. And like, they did it, in my opinion. I’m like, Oh, they did a nice thing. You were working on Thanksgiving? So they did the stuff.
Paul Scheer [00:12:30] When were you going to eat? And also it seemed like the instructions she gave was heat up the turkey, warm it up. They did warm up the fucking turkey. They did it.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:12:40] I’m team Travis and Taylor?
Paul Scheer [00:12:44] And then to add confusion, this is all just the first two scenes. And we won’t leave New York. We’ll come back to talk about the San Francisco parts. We’re just going to focus on New York tonight.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:12:53] That’s all we care about, San Francisco, your goddamn town.
Paul Scheer [00:12:58] But then she gets in the cab and, you know, and she’s like, “ugh, can you change this station? It’s Christmas music?” And the guy shouts back, The cab driver, New York cabbie, “They’re preprogramed.” What?
Paul Scheer [00:13:16] They’re not on a fucking Disney ride?
June Diane Raphael [00:13:19] The drivers in this movie, you never see, you never see there’s driver erasure happening and they just pipe in some VO when they’re being–when Martin and her are going around to try to unload some of the pups. There’s that driver is driving the SUV like never get to see him. It’s just like.
Paul Scheer [00:13:41] You get to see more of the car pulling into a driveway than you ever see of a driver driving that car.
June Diane Raphael [00:13:46] Yes.
Paul Scheer [00:13:47] There’s a lot of–
June Diane Raphael [00:13:50] I have to say too I’m going to say something that’s maybe controversial. I don’t think Erin likes dogs.
Paul Scheer [00:14:00] June.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:14:01] June. Yes, I agree. Here’s–I’m going to piggyback off of that. I don’t think Erin likes people.
Paul Scheer [00:14:11] Yes.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:14:13] I think Erin is bad at her job and is a bad person?
June Diane Raphael [00:14:21] Well, what’s really interesting is if her job is to kind of intuit what the dogs feel and want, like she’s certainly missing the cues that Galileo’s giving her.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:14:32] Mr. G? Her dog is telling her shit is–
Paul Scheer [00:14:37] Oh. Oh. What?
June Diane Raphael [00:14:40] Goliath. Not Galileo. Sorry.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:14:42] Goliath. June, how dare you. San Francisco has turned against you. “Goliath! Goliath!”
Paul Scheer [00:14:54] I feel like there is one moment in this movie where I really feel like we understand who Erin is. And I’ll talk about this in a second.
Movie Audio [00:15:03] We’re gonna have to get revenge on him. I think we should uh…
Jason Mantzoukas [00:15:10] Can you pause again? Can you pause again?
June Diane Raphael [00:15:11] Dog doesn’t want to go to her.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:15:11] We’re going to rewind and we’re going to rewind and start it again. But I want you to watch how much you can’t really tell what Erin is saying, because the words aren’t actually coming into the air.
June Diane Raphael [00:15:24] No. They go down her mouth and into her body.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:15:28] They evaporate. This is the movie that needs closed captioning maybe the most. And then there’s Taylor who’s like, “I’m talking.”
June Diane Raphael [00:15:38] I was just thrilled, though, to be able to hear her.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:15:41] Thank God for Taylor and Travis.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:15:43] And I do want to talk about Taylor for a while.
Paul Scheer [00:15:44] The sound man on this movie or sound woman on this movie who had to be like modulating between both of them. He must have been going nuts. But quickly, I just want to just for one moment just show you what I think is really going on inside Erin’s head. So here we go once again.
Movie Audio [00:16:04] It was bad. We’re going to have to get revenge on him. I think we should kidnap him and tie him up and tattoo his forehead and have it say, I’m a serial cheater. Punch me in the face. Yeah, I want to do that. Well. No. No.
Paul Scheer [00:16:27] Oh. I think that she did want to do that.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:16:31] Yes. I wrote that down. That’s a moment. That’s the real. That’s her. That’s her.
June Diane Raphael [00:16:37] That’s her.
Paul Scheer [00:16:38] She wants to get revenge, tie him up and tattoo him on the forehead. So he lives a life of torture.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:16:45] It is fucking nuts. Everyone is fucking psycho. Except for Carly, who is an angel.
Paul Scheer [00:16:55] Carly also is a psycho.
June Diane Raphael [00:16:57] Carly is a psycho, Jason.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:16:58] Okay. Okay fine.
June Diane Raphael [00:17:00] Carly’s a psycho. I love Carly.
Paul Scheer [00:17:02] Carly’s in a cult. This whole movie takes place in a cult. And if it is one thing I know about this–
Jason Mantzoukas [00:17:10] This town’s built on cults.
Paul Scheer [00:17:12] If there’s one thing I know, at least seven people in this room have been in a cult.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:17:16] Raise your hand if you were raised in a cult in this town. Cowards. Cowards. I bet they’re in the balcony. We can’t see.
June Diane Raphael [00:17:25] The scenes where she’s–where Erin’s being introduced to Doggon and the corporate culture there are terrifying. They are. They play like a horror film where they tell her over and over that she’s a part of their family.
Paul Scheer [00:17:41] You’re family now.
June Diane Raphael [00:17:42] You’re family now.
Paul Scheer [00:17:43] Day one. You’re family.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:17:44] You know–okay, this scene that we just watched here. Right? Paul, will you just play a little bit of again? Just like, don’t you feel in this thing where she’s saying plotting her revenge and you know what we should do and blah, blah, blah. Don’t you feel like. Yeah, don’t you feel like inside of this scene–
Movie Audio [00:17:59] There were even pictures. Oh yeah. It was bad.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:18:02] She’s going to turn around, remove her hair and it’s going to be Gabriel from Malignant is going to be on the back of her head. That’s where I feel. I feel like this movie is in the Malignant-verse.
Paul Scheer [00:18:18] And I mean, look, this is–I don’t know if these people are unhappy, if they haven’t found a home or whatever, because it seems like everyone’s kind of broken and nothing is working for anyone. Right? Like, I mean, even in San Francisco, they’re not. No one’s really, truly happy. Not even Wayne. Is his name Wayne? Wally. Not even Wylie is happy.
June Diane Raphael [00:18:38] I mean, listen, they’re all working for a startup that’s bound to fail with a founder who is an actual idiot. He’s the dumbest person I’ve ever seen on screen.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:18:52] A massive tech startup.
June Diane Raphael [00:18:55] What an indictment of tech bros in San Francisco.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:18:58] The privilege of this white bro who’s–this white tech bro whose greatest challenge is overcoming the loss of a dog he had as a child.
Paul Scheer [00:19:10] Who he assumes was dog napped.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:19:13] He says, dog napped. He also is immediately gifted a new dog. The fucking gall of this guy.
June Diane Raphael [00:19:25] But here’s my question about his company and honestly the mission because I guess I have to wonder like, are they trying to build this GPS collar before chips?
Paul Scheer [00:19:39] Well, no, no June, this is 2019. Airtags are readily available and so are those tiles. Remember tiles? We have an airtag on our dog as we speak and it’s this big the size of a quarter maybe to put together. This is 2019. This is not like 2005. This isn’t a revolutionary idea. Tile has been doing this for years. It also feels like they should be smarter than this because Carly has been at nine dotcoms. She is an engineer, a tech guru, a programmer, a social expert and a graphic designer. It seems like she either got fired–
Jason Mantzoukas [00:20:25] And she’s working for her brother who’s a fucking idiot. This is the patriarchy at work. This is the patriarchy at work. Carly should own this company and it should already be IPO’d. Give me a fucking break. This guy’s a dunce.
Paul Scheer [00:20:49] But also, they bring in the dog therapist and she figures out you should rename it. That doesn’t seem like what a therapist should be doing. And she all she really adds to it has nothing to do with her background about dogs or therapy.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:21:08] Not only that. But she is told upon arrival that the success of the entire company by both Carly and Martin, she is told the success of the entire company and all of its employees and apparently all of its puppies are in her hands.
June Diane Raphael [00:21:27] And right before the holidays too.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:21:29] And within a week, she saves it. She does the whole thing at this volume. She saves the entire company at this volume.
Paul Scheer [00:21:42] The things that she notices, though, anyone would notice like if I brought my six year old there he’d be like “That’s too big.” And that’s what she says and it and it doesn’t seem like he runs a fear based company, although I do love when he’s typing on a computer and you can clearly see the screen in the frame and it’s black. Black screen black screen.
June Diane Raphael [00:22:02] This is what’s so weird is that you would think that she’d be saving the company because of her connection to animals, because she’s able to really, you know, draw the lines between humans and animals. But that’s not why. It’s just basic, like, brand narrative and like just a marketing lens.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:22:25] And and she’s also there to give therapy–the reveal at the end of the movie which is fucking coocoo carou is that Carly hired her because she thought she’ll be perfect for my brother and give him therapy to make him better and you guys will fall in love. Carly is setting up a series of events that are an HR disaster. From day one, Erin is like day one. Erin is like day one. Erin is like, the boss is fucking hot. Holy shit. The boss is hot to his sister. And then it’s like, “Uh oh, that’s his sister?”
Paul Scheer [00:23:08] Wait. But when she said that, she’s like, “Oh, that was your sister?” it’s like, it wasn’t like your wife. It’s like, would your sister be like, I don’t know why it would be that embarrassing to tell your sister that your brother’s hot. There’s a whole MTV show about it called Dude Your Sister’s Hot.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:23:22] What she says is “He is way better looking in person.” Erin is at work, just horny.
Paul Scheer [00:23:31] She also says “He seems brilliant.” He seems brilliant? How do you seem brilliant from just “Get in my office in 10 minutes.”
June Diane Raphael [00:23:43] I also think, Carly, I don’t I don’t know what Carly wants out of this. I have to imagine. Here’s what I had to come up with, because the movie didn’t provide me with much. I had to imagine that Carly had asked her own father to fund her brilliant startup idea, and he said, no, the dad will come back later on, giving the oddest performance I’ve ever seen.
Paul Scheer [00:24:07] The dad feels like when they cast Mark Cuban in things. It’s like, “Hey, Mark Cuban’s here.” He’s like, “Hey, guys, I’m here because I really like what you’re doing. Keep it up.” You know, it.
June Diane Raphael [00:24:18] It felt like he was some sort of a local celebrity who was brought in to be in the film.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:24:23] Or I was going to say they were like, “Fuck, we didn’t cast this part. Gary from Craft Services. He’ll do it. He’ll he’ll do it. We’ll put him in a suit.”
June Diane Raphael [00:24:32] It was just so strange. I just had to imagine that she asked him for funding at some point and he said no.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:24:39] Is it okay? I need to know this. Doggone, the name of the company. The company, the tech company that has hired a pet therapist for reasons unknown because it is simply a caller base, GPS based.
June Diane Raphael [00:24:55] And I’m so sorry. Jason, Jason, Jason. I know we’re in San Francisco, but I don’t think we can call this a tech company.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:25:02] Well, that is my question.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:25:06] The technology already exists.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:25:07] When she gets there, it appears to be a dog hotel.
Paul Scheer [00:25:11] No, no, no. She says, “Welcome to the doggone hotel.” I’m just joking, she clarifies. “I’m just joking.”.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:25:20] I thought they also had a dog hotel.
June Diane Raphael [00:25:22] Oh, no.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:25:23] To be clear, there are a lot of dogs that are staying there.
Paul Scheer [00:25:27] Well, but, by the way.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:25:28] When those 12 pups, the titular pups are pointless, are pointless, they’re not in–they’re not important to the plot of the movie. You know how I know? You know how I know? Because midway through the movie, the movie says, “Hey, Erin.” First, the movie’s like, Erin, you got to find homes for these 12 dogs, or this company is going to fail and I’m going to put them to sleep. Right? Martin’s like, I’m going to murder these dogs unless you find them a home by Christmas. And then two days later, he’s like, “Come with me to New York to save the company.” It doesn’t matter. The dogs don’t matter. They don’t care about the dogs. Taylor’s back. She’ll take care of the dogs. What? What is this movie?
Paul Scheer [00:26:06] The crazy thing is…the crazy moment about that is. First of all, the reason why there are 12 pups there, which you all know is because of a lazy photographer left them after a photo shoot?
Jason Mantzoukas [00:26:18] An ad agency.
Paul Scheer [00:26:21] No one just on the–Hey can we call up we call up the ad agency and just get them to take their fucking dogs?
June Diane Raphael [00:26:26] It’s like the Balenciaga campaign when people are blaming, like the art department. And I’m like, I don’t know.
Paul Scheer [00:26:32] It was so odd. So then they have these 12 pups. It’s like, “All right, dog therapist, if you’re such a good dog therapist, get rid of these dogs.” Okay? And and then he seemingly is going to go bankrupt, but yet he’s forced to deliver every one of these dogs. He should be working on that computer that has no screen.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:26:53] They’re truly trying to play a “he’s a Scrooge. He doesn’t like dogs.” And then his heart opens because she forces him to deliver puppies.
June Diane Raphael [00:27:04] The other question I have for her is. Should these people–if you’re a canine therapist. Isn’t the first rule of thumb that, like every owner should meet the dogs first before they make a lifelong commitment to them?
Jason Mantzoukas [00:27:18] The movie is irresponsibly.
June Diane Raphael [00:27:21] Irresponsible.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:27:21] The movie is bad.
June Diane Raphael [00:27:23] Honestly, animals were harmed.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:27:28] We’ve spoken about Erin’s measured tone and do you have clips of the moments when she…?
Paul Scheer [00:27:36] Yes.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:27:36] When she exhibits.
June Diane Raphael [00:27:37] Comes alive.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:27:38] When she exhibits the only other emotional pole that she seems to have?
June Diane Raphael [00:27:45] Yeah.
Paul Scheer [00:27:45] I mean, we should watch the breakup just for a second, because this is this is pretty good, because here’s the part.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:27:49] Honest to God, I would rewatch this whole movie with you people here right now.
Paul Scheer [00:27:53] It really is.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:27:54] You guys. You guys get it,.
Paul Scheer [00:27:58] You get it, you get it. That’s why I say.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:28:01] This guy, next level.
Movie Audio [00:28:03] But I don’t get from you what I get from Taylor.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:28:08] Taylor’s there!
Paul Scheer [00:28:11] Okay. So this is my issue. Was the plan, “I’m going to break up with you. And then when I break up with her, Taylor, why don’t you come in and you can explain your side of it?” And then Taylor said, “Well do you want to do on the way to the courthouse? Or should we do it like on Thanksgiving Day?
June Diane Raphael [00:28:25] Yeah. And should we let her get dressed in that wedding dress?
Paul Scheer [00:28:29] I think it would be more interesting to do it right there.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:28:33] Travis is a coward. Travis is a coward, who should have done this, I mean, ages ago. Taylor should have said something. I feel like, though, Travis, I feel like Taylor is there for the wedding. I feel like she’s supposed to be there.
Paul Scheer [00:28:48] No. Really?
Jason Mantzoukas [00:28:48] Like as their witness.
June Diane Raphael [00:28:51] She’s not dressed for it someone said and I think that’s true.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:28:54] She’s not dressed for it. Someone in the audience said. Amazing. Okay, then.
June Diane Raphael [00:29:00] She knew there wasn’t going to be a wedding that day.
Paul Scheer [00:29:02] And so she storms off. And let me just say one thing. If you’ve not seen the movie, you have to know that our main character here, Erin, played by Charlotte Sullivan, is carrying a dog in her like–her arm is always in like an L-shape. The dog is permanently in her, like, even she’s walking around her–.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:29:19] Can I add to what you’re saying?
Paul Scheer [00:29:22] Yeah, please.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:29:22] This is a movie that is full of multiple scenes where people are having emotional conversations, both of whom are holding two puppies. It is so funny and awkward to watch people hold wild animals while trying to act.
Paul Scheer [00:29:39] All right. So here is here is the first explosion of her. This the first time we get to see Erin pop off.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:29:47] This is a person coming undone.
Movie Audio [00:29:52] Okay. Okay.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:29:56] Could you pause for a second? That’s a point of view. Shot from the dog. Just so you understand, this movie has P.O.V. shots from the dog’s point of view, which would have been so cool if they had done something with it.
Paul Scheer [00:30:13] But once or twice. So it’s odd. It’s like there’s no pattern to it.
June Diane Raphael [00:30:16] And I thought for sure. Oh, this dog, Galileo.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:30:20] Is going to talk.
June Diane Raphael [00:30:21] What’s his name again? Goliath.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:30:26] You know what? Actually, I’m with you. Galileo.
June Diane Raphael [00:30:29] Galileo,.
Paul Scheer [00:30:30] Galileo,.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:30:31] Eat shit, San Francisco. You don’t correct us. We correct you.
June Diane Raphael [00:30:37] For sure Galileo is going to jump and chomp on his balls, and I want to see it. I’m ready for it. None of it happens.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:30:44] And there’s also here a clear relationship between Travis and Galileo. That is fascinating.
Paul Scheer [00:30:52] Well, but Travis says on the way to get married after dating for three years, “Why does he hate me?” Like today is the day we’re asking that question?
Jason Mantzoukas [00:31:03] And the answer, Travis, is he smells other pussy on you.
June Diane Raphael [00:31:09] Right. And even if it’s–
Jason Mantzoukas [00:31:11] Galileo gets it.
June Diane Raphael [00:31:13] But here’s what’s so weird about her… I don’t know her approach to her work. Her answer to that is, “Oh, he’s really protective of me.” And I don’t know everything about dogs, but I’m like, I know a little. And that’s your fault, Erin, like, you should be working day and night to make sure that that dog isn’t overly protective of you.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:31:37] Physician, heal thy self.
Paul Scheer [00:31:42] And I will say that like, look, here’s the thing. This guy has got a secret server full of women he’s got–he doesn’t even have an alternate email address. He’s got a server. What? Like, how many women do you need to be fucking to have a private server.
June Diane Raphael [00:32:04] I mean, and I don’t even know what that means really.
Paul Scheer [00:32:07] It seems to me like when I hear a server, it’s like. That’s like a corporation.
June Diane Raphael [00:32:12] So you and I wouldn’t even be on the same wifi? Is that what it means?
Paul Scheer [00:32:15] It would mean a whole different computers set.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:32:20] It would mean that Taylor is a hacker. Taylor found Hillary’s emails. Like, to have a secret. For Taylor to find this. Is everybody like a tech genius?
Paul Scheer [00:32:36] San Fran, is it normal for a person to have a private server?
Jason Mantzoukas [00:32:39] Also, do you guys like being called San Fran?
Paul Scheer [00:32:44] I know. I know you don’t.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:32:46] I know because you guys like being called Frisco.
Paul Scheer [00:32:51] I literally every post for this show I made sure–every post for this show I made sure I never said San Fran. Francisco, gotta type it all out. But all right. So this is the first outburst.
June Diane Raphael [00:33:05] Okay, sorry, this is her outburst.
Movie Audio [00:33:07] You’ve been cheating on me with my best friend. Okay. I’m so sorry, Erin. How long has this been going on? Oh, ow ow? HOW LONG HAS THIS BEEN GOING ON?!
Jason Mantzoukas [00:33:19] Erin is a psycho. By the way, also this movie, Erin learns nothing. Erin’s journey is not an arc. It is a flat line.
June Diane Raphael [00:33:36] And she’s like a creepy person. You know, there’s something very–she has a line where she says, and I think she’s joking, but who knows with her cadence. She says “It’s nice to be with people who are alive.”.
Paul Scheer [00:33:52] Yes. But you know what that was? But you know what that was? This is this is why I think she improvised a lot, because I think there’s a lot of work in there because she said we’re family. And she said, “oh, most of my family are dead. So it’s good to be with family who are alive.”
June Diane Raphael [00:34:05] Well, she does say to Taylor at one point, and, you know, Taylor has it coming. And I want I do want to talk about Taylor’s arc and the penance she pays, which is to, I guess Taylor learns from the 12 pups of Christmas.
Paul Scheer [00:34:20] Well, we don’t see that movie.
June Diane Raphael [00:34:21] We don’t see it. But I think that’s–
Paul Scheer [00:34:22] We need a Rosencrantz and Guildenstern for Taylor.
June Diane Raphael [00:34:25] We really do.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:34:26] Justice for Taylor.
June Diane Raphael [00:34:27] I do think that Taylor, if I had done that to a friend, I do think Taylor’s making the right moves, like just showing up and being like, I fucked up.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:34:37] I need to make amends.
June Diane Raphael [00:34:38] I need to make amends. And Erin, you know, gives her an opportunity to do that. Now it is taken care of–at that point, I think only ten pups, if you don’t count Galileo, nine.
Paul Scheer [00:34:49] They kind of they kind of mess up the math because she goes, you need to take care of 13 pups while I go out. Then she gives away two pups and she comes back and she goes, I’ve just been taking care of 12 pups. So one went away, but she gave away two.
June Diane Raphael [00:35:03] And I don’t know if parvo hit or what, but the number of pups is coming and going.
Paul Scheer [00:35:08] And why is Taylor carrying all of them? You don’t need to carry them around like children.
June Diane Raphael [00:35:15] But she does say to Taylor, she says to her, when they’re in the house, she says, “You are…” I wrote it down. “Taylor, you’ve always been very weak?”
Jason Mantzoukas [00:35:25] Taylor. She says it twice.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:35:29] Erin’s positioning and framing of this isn’t like, you’re such a bitch. How could you do this? She’s like, “You’re weak,.
Paul Scheer [00:35:36] You’re weak.
June Diane Raphael [00:35:36] And it’s chilling.
June Diane Raphael [00:35:38] You’ve always been weak. That’s saying, I’ve thought this forever.
June Diane Raphael [00:35:44] Ever. It’s so chilling.
June Diane Raphael [00:35:47] Erin is a terrible friend. Erin is ungenerous, unkind. Sorry.
Paul Scheer [00:35:53] No, but Erin is awful because, like, even when she’s on the flight with her, you know, would be Beau and he’s afraid of flying. She’s like, “You’re afraid of flying? Wings on fire.” And he’s like “What? what?” And she’s like, “I’m just joking, you asshole. Fuck you.” And he’s like, “Oh!” And she’s like, “You see, I got you over your fear of flying.” Like ew, get out of here you grosso. It’s too aggresive.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:36:16] No, she gets him over his fear of flying also by calling him a piece of shit.
Paul Scheer [00:36:20] Yeah, that’s what I’m saying.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:36:22] She’s like. “Hey, you’re a piece of shit. You stole my ideas. You pass them off as your own. You’re a piece of shit.” And he’s like, “Well, wait a minute. No, I didn’t.” And then she’s like, “Haha I’m just kidding. I got you over your fear of flying.” And it’s like, she’s playing games that are fucking nuts level, psycho bullshit. But I was like what?
Paul Scheer [00:36:39] And then he basically says like, “Oh, were you kidding?” She’s like, “Not really.” Like, it’s like, yikes! She is–that’s like, it feels like a movie about a serial killer.
June Diane Raphael [00:36:52] Yeah. She does come off–and I thought for sure. Well, once we realized she was an orphan, you know, which I thought was coming, she had–
Paul Scheer [00:37:00] Wait who?
June Diane Raphael [00:37:00] Erin.
Paul Scheer [00:37:02] She’s an orphan?
June Diane Raphael [00:37:03] Well, I think both of her parents are dead.
Paul Scheer [00:37:06] Jason, do you want to weigh in on this one?
Jason Mantzoukas [00:37:08] She does tell a backstory story about how like–
June Diane Raphael [00:37:14] I think she’s an adult orphan like me.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:37:16] Yeah. Is that what it is?
Paul Scheer [00:37:18] Oh, an adult orphan. Okay.
June Diane Raphael [00:37:19] I think she was an adult orphan.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:37:22] She wasn’t like Oliver Twist.
June Diane Raphael [00:37:25] She wasn’t an orhpan child. I mean, maybe she was.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:37:28] She was not like, “Can I have some more?”
Paul Scheer [00:37:30] Sorry. Yeah, that’s what I thought she might have been like.
June Diane Raphael [00:37:32] I think she’s an adult orphan and I guess orphan’s not the right word, but she does have–
Jason Mantzoukas [00:37:36] No, no, no. I think you’re right. Yeah.
June Diane Raphael [00:37:38] I do think that there’s a trope in these movies where, you know, adult orphans are portrayed as really, really sad.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:37:47] That’s only eight pups.
June Diane Raphael [00:37:50] But unfortunately, what I think is supposed to come off as sort of sad and more connected to animals than people ends up coming off as psychotic.
Paul Scheer [00:38:01] It’s the way that she stares like and this is.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:38:04] It’s like the unblinking, unemotional. It is–
Jason Mantzoukas [00:38:09] Except when she’s with Carly.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:38:11] Yeah. Well at the Christmas party. At the Christmas party, at the company house that they all live at. Why do they all live in the same house? Is that what you guys do here? No? I feel like this person over here was, like, kind of.
June Diane Raphael [00:38:30] I also really want to have a conversation with the costume designer because the number of women under 60 who are wearing Christmas pins is utterly insane. Everyone has a sweater and a pin.
Paul Scheer [00:38:46] I mean, let’s watch a little bit of this Christmas party because it’s really good.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:38:50] Does this include the Jingle Bells Sing Along?
Paul Scheer [00:38:53] It might.
Movie Audio [00:38:55] You part of our family now. Everybody, Erin’s here. Hi. Hello. Hi. How are you? Good to see you. This is your new family. Welcome to the family.
June Diane Raphael [00:39:07] What?
Jason Mantzoukas [00:39:08] Pause for a second. Everything. Everything so far is from a horror movie. Everybody. Erin’s here. Hey. Hi. This is your new family.
Paul Scheer [00:39:26] This is Midsommar. Midsommar and this are similar in so many ways. This just has more dogs, more pups.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:39:36] This is terrifying.
Paul Scheer [00:39:37] I will tell you this much, too. I’ve seen the house. There’s no way–
Jason Mantzoukas [00:39:41] The movie? The house?
Paul Scheer [00:39:42] The house? No. Yes. You were great. You were great.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:39:46] Rent it please.
Paul Scheer [00:39:47] But I’ve seen, like the house isn’t big enough to house the amount of people at this party. That means that people are sleeping cult like in bunk beds, three bunk beds to a room, six to a room.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:40:01] And instead of everybody singing Jingle Bells. They should all be like, “What do we do? What is this company?”
June Diane Raphael [00:40:08] Yeah. And is my check going to clear next week?
Paul Scheer [00:40:11] They seem to be being paid in stock options are happy with it, but everyone comes to her with a problem now. Watch this. Here we go.
Movie Audio [00:40:18] Emily’s passed on. So nice to be with people that are alive.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:40:24] Can you pause for a second? She’s still whispering all her lines. They’re at a party.
June Diane Raphael [00:40:30] It’s nice to be with people who are alive.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:40:32] It’s nice. It’s so good. I’m so happy to be here. So happy to be here. I’m so happy and so great. So great. I love it. I like being here.
Paul Scheer [00:40:38] At one point when she’s out cleaning up the dishes, Carly says–.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:40:43] Thank you. I’m so happy to be so great. It’s okay. It’s like so much you guys. I’m so glad. She’s so grateful to be here.
June Diane Raphael [00:40:50] Greet the family.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:40:53] So happy to be here. I can’t believe it. It’s everything so great.
June Diane Raphael [00:40:56] I love it here.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:40:56] I think it’s so great. Everything is so good. It’s amazing. This is the greatest thing I’ve ever seen in my life.
Paul Scheer [00:41:09] And again we talk about this movie. There’s no continuity because at one point when she’s cleaning up glasses, Carly goes, “Now, that’s the sign of a good guest.” Well, no. You live there. That’s your house. You’re not a guest anymore. You live here. But here we go. This is the end of the party.
Movie Audio [00:41:24] [Singing Jingle Bells] I love this family.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:41:34] That’s like one of the only peaks. The sound department was like, oh!
Paul Scheer [00:41:43] I will tell you the other thing that I get with just to go to Erin again in her psychosis. Because I’m thinking about it now.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:41:51] What if at the end of the movie it was like a Blumhouse reveal?
Paul Scheer [00:41:56] All they need is a little re-editing and June I want to ask your opinion on this as well. Like so when her boyfriend comes back, right? When her boyfriend comes back into the picture at the end. He basically puts his arm on her. He’s like, I want you back. And then the guy comes in and punches her ex. And then when the cop comes in, she’s like, “He had his hands on me.” And I felt like she was trying to get him arrested. And I don’t feel like he was attacking her or even really aggressively touching her.
June Diane Raphael [00:42:25] I thought he had both hands on either side.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:42:29] It was grabby for sure. But then Travis says, “She assaulted me.” That’s where I was like, whoa whoa whoa! Travis, what are you up to?
Paul Scheer [00:42:45] But I just felt like she really was, like, trying to–I felt like she was trying to get him jailed for this.
Movie Audio [00:42:51] I know we can make this work. Get your hands off of me.
June Diane Raphael [00:42:58] I love this woman. I want to know everything about her.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:43:02] Another Maria Bamford character.
Paul Scheer [00:43:06] By the way, listen to the music under the fight scene. It’s like Curb Your Enthusiasm, kind of the horns.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:43:13] The movie is all public domain music or silence.
Movie Audio [00:43:21] Who is this guy? He’s the loser who dumped me on my wedding day. Who are you? I’m her boyfriend. What? Officer, I just saved her from this man. He was helping me. Unfortunately, you’ll have to tell it to the judge.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:43:35] Okay. Tell it to the judge?
Paul Scheer [00:43:39] But she’s not brought in as a witness. So it’s just the two guys who fought, but not the third party.
June Diane Raphael [00:43:45] You want her to go to jail?
Paul Scheer [00:43:46] No for her testifying.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:43:48] You’re saying lock her up? Paul is saying lock her up. Lock her up. Wait. What? Paul?
Jason Mantzoukas [00:43:58] I was just saying that I felt like she should. She should be able to be there to at least tell her side of the story.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:44:04] In jail?
Paul Scheer [00:44:05] To the cop. No one took a statement.
June Diane Raphael [00:44:08] No one took a statement. But I don’t know where his partner was.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:44:11] Also the cop is going to arrest both of these guys. Tell it to the judge. Who’s pressing charges?
Paul Scheer [00:44:18] That’s what I’m saying.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:44:20] Who’s who’s the aggrieved party?
Paul Scheer [00:44:22] And why is she so surprised that he’s her boyfriend when he left a note like this?
June Diane Raphael [00:44:28] Okay. Is this note framed?
Jason Mantzoukas [00:44:29] It is.
June Diane Raphael [00:44:37] At first thought he took the menu.
Paul Scheer [00:44:39] That’s what I think he did do.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:44:40] That’s what he’s done.
June Diane Raphael [00:44:42] Okay. But what a weird choice the movie makes here.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:44:46] They’re just in New York staying at the San Carlos.
June Diane Raphael [00:44:50] Right. Just let him write a note. Like, why put it in the frame or take out the frame. Like, maybe that was the Wi-Fi and password.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:44:58] Also. “See you downstairs” See you downstairs?
Paul Scheer [00:45:06] You’re an amazing woman. I cannot wait for our future. See you at breakfast.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:45:12] This is the note where you’re like, “Oh, I was drunk. Oh, I hooked up with an idiot. Why did I do that?”
June Diane Raphael [00:45:22] Is it true–and I did really enjoy his performance because it’s like, oh, he’s..he is an actual idiot, you know? it was refreshing.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:45:32] June. June. That’s Erin’s type.
June Diane Raphael [00:45:35] That’s true.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:45:37] Erin dates morons.
June Diane Raphael [00:45:38] Because I do think, like, Erin’s kind of an idiot, too, but she’s one of those idiots that’s like, I want to be in a relationship where I can feel like I’m the smart one.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:45:46] Yeah.
June Diane Raphael [00:45:47] But, like, everybody else is like, you’re both idiots.
Paul Scheer [00:45:51] Wait. I’m also remembering when they’re falling in love and telling their back stories. She’s like, “I grew up on Staten Island, every day took the ferry to school.” Wait, took the ferry to school? Staten Island is bigger than– It’s not like you grew up on Roosevelt Island.
June Diane Raphael [00:46:06] So it’s like there’s not a single person in Staten Island that talks like this.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:46:12] I’m from Staten Island.
June Diane Raphael [00:46:14] No, you’re not from Staten Island.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:46:17] My commute to school was 3.5 hours.
June Diane Raphael [00:46:20] Like if you grew up in Staten Island, you scream.
Paul Scheer [00:46:22] She dated Pete Davidson, left Staten Island.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:46:27] Boy, would I love that. Boy, would I love that. And by the way, if you’re from Staten Island, throw out a Wu-Tang Clan reference. Come on, protect your neck. Give me something. Tell it to the judge. I wrote. The cop kept saying, “Tell it to the judge.” It made me laugh. So tell it to the judge. To the judge. What? Come on.
Paul Scheer [00:46:50] It doesn’t even seem to get tried. It doesn’t even seem like that’s part of it.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:46:54] The only chemistry in this movie, like straight up, is Erin and Carly, period. The only couple, though, that I’m interested in, Taylor and Carly, give me that forever. Let Taylor and Carly be a couple. Let them raise all the pups. I want it. I’m shipping Taylor and Carly.
June Diane Raphael [00:47:17] Did they even have a scene together?
Jason Mantzoukas [00:47:18] No, but they are the only normal people in the movie, according to me.
Paul Scheer [00:47:22] No, Taylor’s not normal. Taylor.
June Diane Raphael [00:47:24] Taylor’s psychotic as well.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:47:26] No, this is a movie where everybody is psychotic.
June Diane Raphael [00:47:30] Of course.
Paul Scheer [00:47:30] Carly is not psychotic.
June Diane Raphael [00:47:31] Yes, of course she is, babe. Of course she is.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:47:33] She hired Erin, just to fix her brother, who’s her boss, even though Carly is clearly a genius. And Martin is like a Dutch wooden shoe.
Paul Scheer [00:47:51] Szabo is Szabo.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:47:53] He’s a sentient clog. This dude is a fucking dunce. Times a million.
Paul Scheer [00:48:01] I mean, again. She could have brought so many things to the table. Like he didn’t figure out that Doggone–He goes like “Let’s rename it” Dog and Found. “We don’t like that.” And he’s like “Animal Tracker.” And then someone goes, “Oh, it rhymes with animal crackers. I like it.”
Jason Mantzoukas [00:48:27] Yeah. Agree.
June Diane Raphael [00:48:29] Everybody’s an idiot. Everybody.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:48:32] This is a movie. I think this movie is for people at home to feel like, oh, I’m smarter than them. At least I’m smarter than them and they’re millionaires. When she arrives at Doggone and they’re, like, hooking up collars to dogs that appear to have, I don’t know, lunchboxes attached to them.
Paul Scheer [00:48:58] Scientists are in lab coats, but in the middle of the office. So it doesn’t seem like that’s a sterile environment. And it also seems that they don’t need to have the dog in a sterile environment to put the collar on. Anyway, I, I just wanted to put this one scene up because we can see the relationship between these two people.
Movie Audio [00:49:16] My fiancee, he uh…kind of like dumped me on my wedding day.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:49:22] Can you pause for a second, Paul? Can you hear her?
June Diane Raphael [00:49:27] [Mockingly] My fiancee.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:49:28] [Mockingly] Fiancee. He left me on my wedding day.
Paul Scheer [00:49:35] They sound like the Quiet Place monsters like me. She would be the one that would actually survive in the quiet place.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:49:41] It’s like when you’re when you’re on the Amtrak quiet car and you see a couple get into a fight. (Whipsering) I just. I just. I just. You know, you should have stood up for me when your mom said that. I don’t understand. Your mom was clearly belittling me to not.
Paul Scheer [00:49:58] (Whispering) Babe, babe, babe, babe, babe, babe, babe, babe. Babe. Come on, babe.
Movie Audio [00:50:08] I know.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:50:10] Carly’s got all the earrings.
Movie Audio [00:50:11] You knew? Oh. No, no, no. I don’t know.
June Diane Raphael [00:50:17] Please, note. Pause it for a second. Look. Four dogs.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:50:22] Four dogs. And this is the only time. This is the only time I can legitimately say, “Look at those sweater puppies.” And I’m talking about those puppies.
June Diane Raphael [00:50:33] At this point in the movie, I thought for sure, because when I say we watched this movie twice, we really watched, I think half of it the first time.
Paul Scheer [00:50:42] You fell asleep the first time.
June Diane Raphael [00:50:43] So I didn’t see the second half.
Paul Scheer [00:50:45] I saw all the way up to the fight.
June Diane Raphael [00:50:46] Okay. So I–up until during this scene, I was like, I think that Carly’s like an elf.
Paul Scheer [00:50:53] That’s what I thought when I was rewatching is like, he’s going to be Santa.
June Diane Raphael [00:50:58] Well, let’s talk about that. So we find out, although we already know because they don’t do a great job of hiding it, that he’s playing Santa Claus to a bunch of–
Jason Mantzoukas [00:51:15] Orphans? Kids. He goes–.
Paul Scheer [00:51:15] And why would you need to hide that?
Jason Mantzoukas [00:51:18] He repeatedly arrives at work in a Santa costume.
June Diane Raphael [00:51:22] Quite often, and I think year round.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:51:25] And when he’s in and multiple times in the elevator with Erin, he also inexplicably just doesn’t talk as if Santa doesn’t as if that’s like a private moment.
Paul Scheer [00:51:38] That’s why I thought he kept on saying, I need to get it done by Christmas Eve because he was Santa. And this is going to be the gift that said was going to give to all the dog owners of the world. And then his sister was an elf who is like Santa needs love because he’s so obsessed with getting toys for the kids. So that was the story I was following.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:51:54] Well, and also what’s– Well, okay, to your credit, I want to piggyback off of exactly what you said, because I do think the movie is suggesting that because it puts Erin in the Mrs. Claus red suit and she says, I’m Ms… or I’m what does she say?
Paul Scheer [00:52:12] Mrs. Kringle or whatever.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:52:13] Mrs. Kringle or something like that. And there is a way in which the movie is, wow, the movie has all of the ingredients for a movie that could have worked, but it really isn’t interested in doing any of it. Like it’s about Erin and it’s about Mrs. Claus finding a Santa Claus and who’s a Scrooge who needs the 12 pups of Christmas. Every one of them is a stage of the cross for Jesus Christ, obviously, right? The 12 stations of the cross.
June Diane Raphael [00:52:44] Obviously.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:52:44] Christ, he has to walk the stations in order to be crucified. He dies for our sins.
Paul Scheer [00:52:51] Amen. Put Christ back in Christmas people. If we give you one message tonight, that’s the one to leave with.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:52:59] This is what we’re talking about, the 12 pups of Christmas, the 12 stations of the Cross, anyway, the 12 pups of Christmas could have been how we get from Scrooge to Santa to Mrs. Claus. And instead they’re like, We got to go to New York so you can pitch the Asian businessmen where they play weird Asian music in the movie. Yeah, which is next level offensive. There is a gong in the movie. This movie has a gong sound effect.
Paul Scheer [00:53:31] And again, she’s so good with people or whatever, but she doesn’t understand that this man is not. She has she’s pitching for 20 minutes before she realizes that he’s not understanding.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:53:42] And I like to believe that they shot that scene and cut it because they were like, it’s offensive.
Paul Scheer [00:53:48] Before we go out to the audience, I want to do something that we’ve never done here.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:53:53] Give up.
Paul Scheer [00:53:56] So I don’t know if you have if you’ve been hearing about this, but there is this AI bot. Okay. And so what? You got so scared?
June Diane Raphael [00:54:06] Yeah. What did you do, Paul?
Paul Scheer [00:54:08] Okay, so this AI bot, you type in a question and the AI bot will give you an answer. And so our producer Scott typed in a question Can you please write a script scene of How did this get made of the podcast host discussing the movie 12 Pups of Christmas live in front of an audience in San Francisco.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:54:27] Wait, you can wait. This is real?
June Diane Raphael [00:54:29] I really do not understand.
Paul Scheer [00:54:30] So this is Jason’s script, pass it to Jason. This is June’s script. Pass it to June.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:54:38] I’m not going to look at this. Yeah, I’m not going to look into it till I’m on camera.
Paul Scheer [00:54:44] I will read stage directions. Here and we go. Interior, San Francisco theater, night. Paul, Jason and June are standing on stage.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:54:51] Can I pause for a second? The bot wrote this?
Paul Scheer [00:54:54] Yes. I’m totally serious.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:54:56] That’s what I’m wondering. The bot wrote even this?
Paul Scheer [00:54:59] Yes.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:54:59] Okay. Got it. Got it.
Paul Scheer [00:55:01] Interior, san Francisco Theater, night. Paul, Jason and June are standing on stage in front of a large audience. Welcome to How Did This Get Made! Live from San Francisco.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:55:12] Shut up. I have a line. Tonight, we’re going to be discussing the holiday movie 12 Pups of Christmas.
June Diane Raphael [00:55:20] I have to say, I was not expecting this movie to be as bad as it was. The title itself is ridiculous.
Paul Scheer [00:55:25] Yeah. Then when you actually watch it, there are only six puppies in the entire movie.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:55:32] And the plot is just all over the place. It’s like they threw in every holiday movie cliche they could think of.
June Diane Raphael [00:55:41] Right. The poor dog acting was also a major distraction. I’ve never seen such poorly trained puppies onscreen.
Paul Scheer [00:55:47] And let’s not forget about the villainous real estate developer who wants to tear down the mansion and build a mall. It’s just so over-the-top.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:55:56] But the worst part has to be the terrible Christmas songs they played throughout the movie. It’s like listening to your drunk uncle sing Jingle Bells at a family gathering. But with the puppies humping each other instead. How does the AI know I’m the pervert?
June Diane Raphael [00:56:18] Jason. That’s not appropriate.
Paul Scheer [00:56:20] Yeah, let’s try to keep it clean, Jason.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:56:22] Sorry. Sorry. I got carried away.
Paul Scheer [00:56:25] That’s all right. Now, on a more serious note, June and I actually have a funny story about our marriage. And 12 Pups of Christmas.
June Diane Raphael [00:56:32] Right. So we were watching the movie on our first Christmas together as a married couple, and we were both so disappointed by it that we ended up getting into a huge argument.
Paul Scheer [00:56:41] And then in the heat of the moment, we both just started barking at each other like puppies in the movie.
June Diane Raphael [00:56:46] But then out of nowhere, we heard a knock on the door and it was a pizza delivery guy.
Paul Scheer [00:56:50] And he looked at us like we were completely insane, standing there barking at each other like a couple of lunatics.
June Diane Raphael [00:56:54] It was so absurd. But it ended up breaking the tension and we started laughing about it.
Paul Scheer [00:56:57] Yeah. It’s one of those moments that we look back on now that we can’t help but chuckle.
June Diane Raphael [00:57:00] Exactly. And it’s a reminder that even the worst movies can bring us closer together.
Paul Scheer [00:57:05] Thanks for joining us tonight. We’ll see you next time on How Did This Get Made?
June Diane Raphael [00:57:09] I am so confused.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:57:13] For real. For real. I don’t understand this.
Paul Scheer [00:57:17] So we put it in again. We said, let’s see what it comes up with for a second time. And we’ll just and this one, the audience is in here a little bit more. Here we go. Interior, San Francisco theater, night. Paul, June, and Jason are on stage, microphones in hand as they discuss The 12 Pups of Christmas. So what did everyone think of this movie?
June Diane Raphael [00:57:36] I thought it was absolutely ridiculous.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:57:38] Yeah. I mean, I can’t even imagine how this idea came about. Oh, let’s make a Christmas movie about 12 puppies that save the day?
Paul Scheer [00:57:47] Audience laughs. And the thing is, it’s not even a good Christmas movie. I mean, there’s no romance, no heartwarming moments, just puppies doing silly things.
June Diane Raphael [00:57:57] And the acting is terrible. I don’t think any of those puppies were actually trained to do the things they were doing.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:58:03] Speaking of things being trained, did you guys hear the one about the guy who trained his dog to give him oral?
Paul Scheer [00:58:11] The audience laughs.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:58:33] This bot gets me.
Paul Scheer [00:58:36] Okay, Jason, let’s keep it PG, please.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:58:39] Sorry. Sorry. But seriously, this movie is so bad.
Paul Scheer [00:58:43] You know what’s even worse? The fact they made a sequel.
June Diane Raphael [00:58:46] Oh, God, don’t even get me started on that.
Paul Scheer [00:58:48] But speaking of sequels, did you guys know that June and I actually got married on the set of the sequel to this movie?
Jason Mantzoukas [00:58:54] Audience gasps.
June Diane Raphael [00:58:56] Yeah, it was kind of a spur of the moment thing. We were both so fed up with the production that we just decided to elope.
Paul Scheer [00:59:02] And the best part? We exchanged our vows while a bunch of puppies were running around our feet.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:59:07] Audience laughs.
Paul Scheer [00:59:11] Yep. It was a pretty ridiculous day. But hey, at least we have a funny story to tell now.
June Diane Raphael [00:59:14] And a terrible movie to look back on.
Paul Scheer [00:59:16] Definitely. But hey, that’s what makes it so perfect. For How Did This Get Made.
June Diane Raphael [00:59:28] I don’t know about all this.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:59:30] I’m unsettled. I feel like, I feel revealed. I feel vulnerable right now.
June Diane Raphael [00:59:38] I do, too. And I don’t like this.
Jason Mantzoukas [00:59:41] It’s so interesting. The first– each of the scripts is thirds, right? The first third is we’re talking about the movie. The second third is I say something gross. You guys correct me. And the third third is your guys’ marriage. Both scripts are that. That’s fucking crazy. I’m freaked out right now. What is this, Paul? Why did you do this?
Paul Scheer [01:00:06] This is what Scott found. He said everyone’s talking about it. All right. I’m going to go out to the audience right now. All right, sir. Your name? If you have a dog name, you can give me that. The one that would be great for 12 Pups of Christmas. And then your question.
Audience Member [01:00:21] Doumani. And then maybe mistletoe?
Paul Scheer [01:00:24] It’s great.
Jason Mantzoukas [01:00:24] I love that.
Audience Member [01:00:25] So I’m trying to make sure I understand this correctly. Carly. So she accepts the job in San Francisco before she knows that her fiancee is going to break up with her. Is that correct? So Carly. Carly is…Erin. Yes. Yes. No. But Carly has hired her, even though she knows she’s married to come date her brother?
Paul Scheer [01:00:50] Yeah. You see, that was my issue.
June Diane Raphael [01:00:54] Oh, wow. Yeah.
Paul Scheer [01:00:55] She said at the end of the movie, she said, I did my research on you and I and I knew that you were divorced because when she says–
June Diane Raphael [01:01:03] You know what, though, Paul, I think Carly is so brilliant and I think Carly probably has already hacked into that private server.
Paul Scheer [01:01:12] Maybe. Wow. She’s a CEO nine times.
June Diane Raphael [01:01:16] She knows.
Jason Mantzoukas [01:01:16] Carly’s a hackers. We just missed the scene where she, like, hacks Hugh Jackman do like a rap rock and figures out like that that Erin’s been dumped.
Paul Scheer [01:01:26] Here we go. Your name. Question. Dog name. Dog question.
Audience Member [01:01:29] Yeah, my name is Regan. Dog name: Holly Berry. My question is, at the very end of the movie, the angel investor who comes in and saves the company is his dad, who he met in jail. And he didn’t know that his dad was a billionaire. I don’t.
Paul Scheer [01:01:44] Well, I was confused about that, too. I was going to ask did I missed something.
Jason Mantzoukas [01:01:47] Oh, I think his dad came and bailed him out of jail.
June Diane Raphael [01:01:51] Yes. But it was really confusing the way it was set up.
Jason Mantzoukas [01:01:56] I agree that that was a– and listen, are you suggesting the movie is not well-written? Or is confusingly written? Absolutely. But it seemed to me that he was saying his dad came to bail him out from jail.
June Diane Raphael [01:02:08] It’s so interesting that the dad didn’t join the first round of funding, but was like now that the company’s in this position? I’m in.
Jason Mantzoukas [01:02:15] But also but frankly, I’m with the dad, I’m with the dad, that other product was not good. I wouldn’t have invested in it either.
June Diane Raphael [01:02:24] I guess.
Jason Mantzoukas [01:02:25] Martin is dragging Carly down with him.
June Diane Raphael [01:02:28] San Francisco. I hate to do this. I’ve had so much fun. I do have to get on a flight back to L.A. and I know this is a huge disappointment. I know. I know.
Paul Scheer [01:02:35] We have our wonderful nanny has given birth. So we are desperate in childcare situations. So that’s why June is going to go back and I’m going to figure out how to get back there in a couple of days.
June Diane Raphael [01:02:45] So sorry to leave you. And if Paul doesn’t come back, enjoy him, San Francisco, enjoy Paul Scheer.
Paul Scheer [01:02:54] Obviously we had an opinion about this movie, but there are people out there with a different opinion. It’s now time for second opinions.
Audience Member [01:03:06] (Singing) Our review page of Amazon, here’s my second opinion. This movie is great. How could you hate a therapist for dogs? And in this weird tech startup. There’s no one in H.R.. I’m better with dogs than people. So I give it 5 stars.
Paul Scheer [01:03:45] Amazing. Amazing Christmas spirit.
Jason Mantzoukas [01:03:51] Great work. Great work. Very festive.
Paul Scheer [01:03:54] All right. So there are 93 total reviews. 59% are five star. 10% are one star. We’ll read some of those one stars as well. But this one is written by Anonymous. May 22nd, 2020. I love this movie.
Jason Mantzoukas [01:04:09] The hacker group?
Paul Scheer [01:04:12] I think so when they’re not–
Jason Mantzoukas [01:04:13] I would love it if that’s Anonymous was–if that’s part of what they were up to. Is just leaving Amazon reviews for holiday movies.
Paul Scheer [01:04:23] You know, you work hard. You play hard. Anonymous writes, love Charlotte Sullivan in this movie. So good. Love her.
Jason Mantzoukas [01:04:31] You’re being real pervy with this voice.
Paul Scheer [01:04:33] Wait, hold on. I love this movie. Charlotte Sullivan is so good in this movie. I love her, see her, be her, self shy, and see her different role than rookie blue. Love her as Gail Peck on she is one of my favorites of the show besides Ali O’Brien, the one who played Tracy and Khloe Dove and Oliver and Captain Noel. Happy face. APPLAUSE. APPLAUSE. Thumbs up. Star, star, star, star, star. I could watch it over and over again. Like, buy it on DVD, own it now will go to DVD. DVD emoji. DVD emoji. Now, that’s a weird review, but as our producer Scott pointed out, three people click that review as being helpful.
Jason Mantzoukas [01:05:20] Wow. Here, you keep reading. I’m sorry. I’m going to go pee.
Paul Scheer [01:05:25] Oh, great. All right. Okay. Got it. And then this one right here is from Heather Mackenzie, not afraid to use her full name. It’s a one star review. And the title is “Not a feel good Christmas movie.” The lead character is a bitter, spiteful, juvenile person who’s a canine therapist. She insists that dogs are intuitive to human feelings, and yet she’s not a happy person. I would not take my lab to her because they would come back like Oscar the Grouch. The puppies are cute, though. One star. And what I’ll mention here is another one of our producers, Molly. She points out that she has a friend who is a background artist in this film. And all the San Francisco scenes were shot in L.A. It was all shot during the summer, and the actors were very uncomfortable in their winter clothes. They did shoot some scenes in New York City, but also it was summer because people in the background are wearing T-shirts and shorts. At one point, behind the lead actors, you see two jet ski riders go by. And finally, this director, Michael Felter, seems to have taken a sharp pivot with this film as his earlier films were Bundy: A Legacy of Evil. Boston Strangler: The Untold Story. Ed Gein: The Butcher of Plainfield. Chicago Massacre: Richard Speck. And BTK. But once he did make this movie, we did get to see a different side. And we are now going to get to show you some of that different side, because he also directed The Dog Who Saved Christmas. The Dog Who Saved Christmas Vacation. The Dog Who Saved the Holidays. A Christmas Wedding Tale. A Dog’s Christmas Miracle and A Golden Christmas 3. So when you talk about the greats: Kubrick, Spielberg. Put Michael Phifer in there. He goes from serial killers to just dogs having fun at Christmas. The movie came out in 2019. The tagline is “This Christmas brings a little puppy love” and there’s no TOMATOMETER rating here. But Jason, I think that you, June and I can all agree this is a must watch.
Jason Mantzoukas [01:08:01] Absolutely. I mean, again, we didn’t get to so many of the notes that I made, which is always, for me, the case in a movie that I truly, thoroughly enjoyed for what we’re doing. It’s that I’m looking at this thing and I’m like, oh, we didn’t talk about this. We didn’t talk about that.
Paul Scheer [01:08:21] I feel the same.
Jason Mantzoukas [01:08:22] I love that this movie is absolute dog shit, literally. And the scene we briefly mentioned, they’re falling in love in New York in the winter scene is like shot clearly in summer. I wrote down there is no chemistry between any of these people. I wrote down tell it to the judge so many times.
Paul Scheer [01:08:45] I wrote down one line that I really wanted to talk about where she arrives at the Christmas party and goes “I forgot it was Christmas.” What?
Jason Mantzoukas [01:08:54] This company deserves to fail.
Paul Scheer [01:08:58] Before we get out of here, I want to tell you two quick things. One thing is this. Drop Dead, Fred. One of our biggest episodes of one of the most divisive episodes of all time.
Jason Mantzoukas [01:09:06] Come on. Team Fred, where we at?
Paul Scheer [01:09:11] Team Sanity, where we at? San Fran is sanity town.
Jason Mantzoukas [01:09:16] Team Sanity getting a lot of cheers in San Francisco.
Paul Scheer [01:09:20] We are making a limited edition vinyl album you can preorder before Christmas. It won’t probably come until May because we’re making one pressing and then when it’s done, it’s done. That’s it. You have to order by December 21st go to HDTGM.Bandcamp.com.
Jason Mantzoukas [01:09:33] Mitch Garretts, who did our poster that some of you might have gotten here, is going to do original art for the album labels themselves. This is fucking cool everybody. This is for nerds but this is great stuff, especially if you are on board for what is, I believe, inarguably one of the best episodes of this dumb show.
Paul Scheer [01:09:54] One of the most insane ones. I mean, there it was, one of the most argumentative ones of all time.
Jason Mantzoukas [01:09:59] The beauty of the analog recording is that you can hear Casey Wilson’s vocal chords pop during the show because she injured her vocal cords screaming so much.
Paul Scheer [01:10:11] It was amazing. And one of the few times that we regret not having people take pictures during the show because we need more documentation and we have so little of it. But it was masterfully engineered by Devin Bryant, our producer, who is with us here tonight as well, recording the show. An amazing addition to this team, an amazing producer, editor, engineer.
Jason Mantzoukas [01:10:33] One of the greats. Give it up for Devin.
Paul Scheer [01:10:39] And I would be remiss if I didn’t mention this, but this is not announced yet. But I figured we’re all cool. We could talk about it here on December 16th and 17th. Rob Huebel and I are hosting a show that we created called Celebrity Garage Sale where we are giving away a Hyundai on Twitch. The first time it’s ever been done. And we are having insane guests on there, like Randall Park and Janelle James, Poopies from Jackass. Oh my gosh. I’m blanking on so many people. Carl Tart. Nicole Byer. Oh, my gosh.
Jason Mantzoukas [01:11:12] What’s the Hyundai.
Paul Scheer [01:11:13] The Hyundai, that one.
Jason Mantzoukas [01:11:15] Oh, oh, I’m sorry. I should have look back. Wow.
Paul Scheer [01:11:19] Yeah. We’re giving away a big car, and the whole idea of the show is that celebrities come on, and maybe even Jason will come on. They’ll bring an item, anything from their house, and then you have a chance to bid on it. You don’t have to use real money. And then we will give it to you. Will send it to you so you can get weird celebrities shit. Like, you know, Randall Park is like, this is the t-shirt I wore to propose to my wife. If you guess the price of it, you get it.
Jason Mantzoukas [01:11:42] Is that what he’s bringing?
Paul Scheer [01:11:44] We were hypothesizing. These are things that you could bring.
Jason Mantzoukas [01:11:47] That would be amazing. I would love to own something that someone proposed to someone in.
Paul Scheer [01:11:52] Kaitlin Olson will be there. It’s going to be just jam packed full of people, bringing on items, guessing. And we’re going to co-host with Eva Anderson, who is our appraiser. She will dictate the price and the final end will be giving away this car.
Jason Mantzoukas [01:12:05] So it’s like one part Antiques Roadshow. One part like celebrity auction.
Paul Scheer [01:12:10] Yes.
Jason Mantzoukas [01:12:10] Got it.
Paul Scheer [01:12:11] And the only thing we can’t give away are–they said–don’t give away any weapons or anything living. So we couldn’t give away 12 Pups of Christmas here.
Jason Mantzoukas [01:12:20] That’s too bad, because I was going to bring a sentient AK 47.
Paul Scheer [01:12:25] See, this is what I’m saying. Alright well thank you, San Francisco!
Jason Mantzoukas [01:12:29] Photoshop puppies in our hands!
Paul Scheer [01:12:32] Thank you so much! We’ll be back, bye!
Jason Mantzoukas [01:12:36] Eat shit!
September 28, 2023
EP. 328.5 — Last Looks: Jonathan Livingston Seagull
Paul and Jason chat about reality TV, music they’re loving, and their favorite L.A. activities. Plus, Paul digs into corrections and omissions from Jonathan Livingston Seagull, shares bonus content from the live show, and reveals next week’s movie.