EP. 228 — Lizzie Borden’s Chill Out Room

Clip
[00:29:04] A friend with weed is a friend indeed. But a friend with the gold is the bes
t
I’m told.
Betsy
[00:29:11] And I’ll say I don’t think Jigsaw’s that funny now.
Mano
[00:29:16] No, Jigsaw’s not funny.
Betsy
[00:29:17] Jigsaw is like, you know that middle school kid who’s like, I’m fucked up
and you’re like, Oh
, I don’t give a shit.
Mano
[00:29:25] Yeah.
Betsy
[00:29:25] And I guess a bunch of people.
Mano
[00:29:27] Right? Like, oh, there’s this really dark new anime I’m watching. And
you’re like,.
Betsy
[00:29:32] Yeah.
Mano
[00:29:32] Oh.
Betsy
[0
0:29:33] I gotta get outta of here.
Mano
[00:29:34] I don’t much care for that. I don’t much care for that sort of thing. And
they still tell you about it. They’re like.
Betsy
[00:29:39] Oh, they definitely still tell you about it.
Mano
[00:29:40] Oh, good, you’re interested. Okay, cool, I’ll talk more.
Betsy
[00:29:43] No, I don’t. I’m not interested.
Mano
[00:29:46] Jesus Christ. Yeah. So, Jigsaw, you know, I’ll just give him some pros.
He’s smart, he’s very good. He probably a great handyman
around the house.
Betsy
[00:29:55] Really.
Mano
[00:29:56] He’s so good with gadgets.
Betsy
[00:29:57] I
–
, do think he’s fun in an escape room or awful in an escape room?
Mano
[00:30:02] I think pretty bad
. I think he, like, gives notes on the escape room while
he’s in it. He’s like this isn’t that hard.
Betsy
[00:30:07] I would have done this.
Mano
[00:30:09] Yeah.
Betsy
[00:30:10] I’d have done this. Okay. Okay. Where Leprechaun in an escape room, I
think would be very funny.
Mano
[00:30:15] Funny.
Betsy
[00:30:16] I think Leprechaun would get so mad, but in a great way.
Mano
[00:30:19] Now. And this is just just just to, you know, just to throw it out there.
Leprechaun. Great, funny, fun, weir
d. Leprechaun is such an entertainer. You know, he’s, I
think his eyes are always wondering. What do you do when his eye starts wandering
towards other people he wants to curse, you know?
Betsy
[00:30:36] Oh okay.
Mano
[00:30:37] You know, he’s and let
‘s be honest, he’s not going to be a monogamous
cursor scare.
Betsy
[00:30:41] He’s not. No, no, no, no, no. He follows whatever shiny, bright object is
there.
Mano
[00:30:46] Exactly. Exactly.
Betsy
[00:30:49] That is true. That is. That is true. Ye
ah. What would.
Mano
[00:30:53] You just got to know that going into it. Gotta know it.
Betsy
[00:30:57] Yeah, gotta
be ready for it. And honestly, maybe some people are like,
yeah, fine, go, go curse that couple in the lake. I don’t care. I’m going to hang out.
Mano
[00:31:05] You can curse. Don’t, just don’t ask, don’t curse policy. I don’t want to
know.
Betsy
[00
:31:11] Yeah, don’t ask, don’t curse.
Mano
[00:31:12] I think I know who I would pick.
Betsy
[00:31:14] I know who I would pick.
Mano
[00:31:16] Okay.
Betsy
[00:31:17] Okay.
Mano
[00:31:18] One, two, three. Leprechaun.
Betsy
[00:31:21] Leprechaun! Also, I just enjoy the Leprechaun movies way more than the
Saw movies.
Mano
[00:31:25] Agreed wholeheartedly. I think Jigsaw’s, like thesus is so stupid. I, I hate
that he’s like
–
.
Betsy
[00:31:33] What is Jigsaw’s?
Mano
[00:31:33] Becaus
e he’s like, he’s he’s like a cancer survivor.
Betsy
[00:31:36] Right! I forgot that.
Mano
[00:31:37] Who’s like, I do this so people enjoy life. It’s like.
Betsy
[00:31:41] You make them saw off their foot to enjoy life?
Mano
[00:31:44] Awful. I think it’s the worst rationale for a horror character in the history of
horror. Boom.
Betsy
[00:31:49] Yeah, it’s pretty tough.
Mano
[00:31:51] It’s so stupid. Just be evil. Or like have a kid who got killed. It’s like one or
the other.
Bets
y
[00:31:57] Right? Or yeah. And if you want people to enjoy life, give them tickets to
like Disneyland or something.
Mano
[00:32:02] Give them tickents.
Betsy
[00:32:04] Don’t make them be like, I better cut my leg off. Like that’s fucked up.
Mano
[
00:32:08] Honestly, so much more affordable too, just to buy tickets to Disney.
Betsy
[00:32:12] Way more affordable than those stupid rooms you’re building.
Mano
[00:32:15] Oh, my God. Terrible.
Betsy
[00:32:17] You know what? Fuck you, Jigsaw. How
fucking dare you?
Mano
[00:32:19] Honestly, you’re a fucking, you’re a loser, Jigsaw.
Betsy
[00:32:23] Uh oh, you’re, we’re getting picked up by Jigsaw.
Mano
[00:32:25] Oh, no, we got next.
Betsy
[00:32:28] I’ll let him have it. If he fucking
grabs me, I’ll let him fucking have it.
Mano
[00:32:31] That’s right.
Betsy
[00:32:32] You little fucking loser. You should be out enjoying life now, you dumb
shit. Okay, I’m fired up. I hate Jigsaw. Fuck off.
Mano
[00:32:42] We got up coming up next
, Pinhead verse Dracula.
Betsy
[00:32:47] Dracula from Bram Stoker’s Dracula.
Clip
[00:32:53] I am Drucula.
Mano
[00:32:54] Very good. Okay. Both fancy, they both love, they both have pretty ornate
costumery when you really think about it.
Betsy
[0
0:33:02] They really do.
Mano
[00:33:03] Yeah.
Betsy
[00:33:04] They really do.
Lamar
[00:33:05] Hmm.
Betsy
[00:33:06] That is huge. They really take the time to look, to look scary and look
good, you know? Good scary.
Mano
[00:33:14] They do. Ye
ah. I’m going to say you’re not going to the beach a lot with
these two. You’re not going on hikes.
Betsy
[00:33:21] No. Yeah. Outside stuff is not happening.
Mano
[00:33:24] Yeah. You’re not going to go to the Grove and kind of shop around while
you’re lickin’ your soft serve ice cream cones. You can say goodbye to that.
Betsy
[00:33:33] Yeah, that’s out of here. I mean, honestly probably won’t be living in
California.
Man
o
[00:33:38] No, probably not. It looks like you’re going to Hell or Romania. It’s likely
where you’re going.
Betsy
[00:33:43] Hell or Romania.
Mano
[00:33:43] What’s the difference?
Betsy
[00:33:45] Hey, yo. Okay. Okay.
Mano
[00:33:49] Interesting
. Okay, Pinhead. Hmmm.
Betsy
[00:33:53] Pinhead is like, pretty quiet.
Mano
[00:33:57] Pretty quiet.
Betsy
[00:33:58] Pretty reserved.
Mano
[00:33:59] He’s got friends. Do I want to hang out with Cenobites?
Betsy
[00:34:03] I mean, there’s that one who, like, chatters their teeth.
Mano
[00:34:06] Hmm.
Betsy
[00:34:07] They’re kind of funny. I mean, I feel Pinhead is so attached to hell that
that’s scary.
Clip
[00:34:14] Welcome to hell.
Mano
[00:34:17] I agree.
Betsy
[00:34:18] I mean, I don’t want I go to hell every weekend. I want to just, like, hang
out. Hell is scary.
Mano
[00:34:23] I feel like Dracula, you know, like, drink more wine, more nights in.
Betsy
[00:34:27] True.
Mano
[00:34:27] You know? I
feel like at least the at home life is nice. I think the life of the
castle would probably be pretty comfortable.
Betsy
[00:34:35] Yes. And I feel Dracula would take care of you. But he’s silly.
Mano
[00:34:39] He’s very silly. His nails. What do you d
o with his nails? You can’t.
Betsy
[00:34:43] What are you going to do with those nails?
Mano
[00:34:44] He can’t finger your butthole.
Betsy
[00:34:45] I know, but can Pinhead finger your butthole either?
Mano
[00:34:49] No!
Betsy
[00:34:49] Oka
y. There you go. We don’t know.
Mano
[00:34:52] Unless. No, unless you can, like. Can you, like, mallet down the spikes
just into his head. So then you can, you know.
Betsy
[00:35:01] So that he can, like, go down on you?
Mano
[00:35:02] Yeah.
Betsy
[00:35:04] Maybe.
Mano
[00:35:05] Maybe.
Betsy
[00:35:05] Ow. That sounds like it would be painful, but I think
–
.
Mano
[00:35:09] Sounds terrible.
Betsy
[00:35:09] I think Pinhead might like that pain. You know?
Clip
[00:35:11] Personally, I prefer pain.
Mano
[00:35:13] Dracula. You know, they both have drag wardrobes. That’s clear. They
both have.
Betsy
[00:35:19] Yes. They were both born naked and the rest is drag.
Mano
[00:35:23] The rest is drag
–
ula.
Betsy
[00:35:25] Now I got to go with who scares me more.
Mano
[00:35:29] Uh huh.
Betsy
[00:35:31] Pinhead.
Mano
[00:35:31] Interesting.
Betsy
[00:35:33] But you’re a big Dracula head.
Mano
[00:35:34] I like Draculas.
Betsy
[00:35:35] You love Dracula.
Mano
[00:35:36] I do. I do love Draculas. In general. I just I don’t know. It speaks to me
like the like pseudo religious thing of it all. I think that, like, speaks to me and Bram
Stoker’s is so anti Christ in a way that’s like I like I didn’t know at the time
I but I loved it
because like in the beginning when they stab the cross and it bleeds.
Betsy
[00:35:57] Yes. It bleeds. Yes.
Mano
[00:36:00] I think that spoke to me and I didn’t even know it did. I have an answer
but I don’t know what you, what you’r
e feeling.
Betsy
[00:36:05] Okay, I’m going to go, but I think it might be okay. We’ll go.
Mano
[00:36:08] Okay, let’s go.
Betsy
[00:36:08] Okay.
Mano
[00:36:10] One, two, three. Dracula
Betsy
[00:36:12] Pinhead. Okay, I knew it.
Mano
[00:36:14] What do we do? Do we get Cassi to vote? Maybe we get Cassi to vote.
Betsy
[00:36:18] Cassi vote!
Mano
[00:36:18] What do we do? Cassi, our lovely producer is going to break the tie.
Cassi
[00:36:22] I’m here, but also anita, are you here? I feel lik
e she’s more of the like
professional.
Anita
[00:36:28] I am a professional. And also
eating a salad. I’m out of town and I had to
call in from a restaurant. So. Yeah. And if you hear that soft jazz in the background
anyway. Okay, so in terms of the scarier I have to go Dracula.
Betsy
[00:36:44] What? Whoa, okay.
Anita
[00:36:48] Becau
se Dracula can change into different forms and stuff and scare me
as a bat. Scare me maybe as a wolf, but Pinhead, it just has the pins in its head. So I’m
more scared of the different forms that Dracula could take to scare me, versus always the
same form
as Pinhead.
Betsy
[00:37:05] Okay.
Mano
[00:37:05] Okay, Dracula it is.
Betsy
[00:37:08] Dracula it is. I don’t think so. But okay.
Mano
[00:37:12] Ah ah ah. Dracula!
Betsy
[00:37:13] Dracula wins. Bram Stoker’s Dracula wins.
Mano
[00:37:17] No
less.
Betsy
[00:37:18] That’s funny. Okay, great. Okay. Next, we have the Descent monster
version It Follows monster.
Mano
[00:37:26] Okay. Okay.
Betsy
[00:37:28] Are we doing just one Descent monster or are we celebrating that there’s
a bunch becau
se that’s scary.
Mano
[00:37:35] It Follows monsters also, there’s a ton of them too, frankly.
Betsy
[00:37:38] Right.
Mano
[00:37:38] Because they multiply.
Betsy
[00:37:40] Right?
Mano
[00:37:41] So let’s say whatever. They’re both plural.
Betsy
[00:37:44] Okay. Well, we talked about this a lot. The Descent monsters are
shredded and pretty hot.
Mano
[00:37:48] They are. They are. They are pretty traditionally.
Betsy
[00:37:52] They’re like rock climbers.
Mano
[00:37:53] Yeah. They’re l
ike rock climbers. They’re gym rats, you know? But I don’t
think they’re about that gym life.
Betsy
[00:37:59] No, they’re about just surviving.
Mano
[00:38:01] Yeah. Descent monsters. Blind as hell, blind as hell. Which could be nice,
though, because
you’re like, Oh, I dressed up. Let’s go eat dinner.
Betsy
[00:38:09] And you don’t have to dress up.
Mano
[00:38:11] And you look like you just got tumbled in a dryer. You look crazy.
Betsy
[00:38:15] Very. That’s awesome. Mano loves looking like he got tumbled in a dryer.
Mano
[00:38:18] I look.
Betsy
[00:38:19] Yeah.
Mano
[00:38:19] So often. I look that way. It Follows, slow.
Betsy
[00:38:24] Slow.
Mano
[00:38:25] Smart. Hates pools. Hates pools.
Betsy
[00:38:31] Right. I don’t know. Like It Follows is so freaky, man.
Mano
[00:38:37] They don’t talk very much. It seems like as soon as you become a It
Follows.
Betsy
[00:38:41] You just shoot for whoever’s in th
e way.
Mano
[00:38:45] You just start walking.
Betsy
[00:38:45] Yeah. You just go get the person who you slept with.
Mano
[00:38:48] Mm hmm.
Betsy
[00:38:50] Right. And it just takes over people.
Mano
[00:38:52] Right? Whereas at least a Decent m
onster, you get to take a nap in the
blood pool or something.
Betsy
[00:38:56] Yeah. You get to chill in the blood pool, in the cave and hang out.
Mano
[00:38:59] But you got to live underground.
Betsy
[00:39:02] That sucks.
Mano
[00:39:03] Do you
think you’d be like, let’s move in to a nice house, I’ll get you a
great basement. It’ll have a wonderful basement.
Betsy
[00:39:09] I could see Descent Monster being like, Yeah, okay.
Mano
[00:39:11] Yeah.
Betsy
[00:39:11] Give me a cool basement where I could just, like, do rock climbing
moves, like, give me a little bouldering wall.
Mano
[00:39:19] Yeah, we’ll fill a kiddy pool with the blood of victims.
Betsy
[00:39:22] Yes. Easy. Whereas It Follows. They’re not helpi
ng. You’re not hanging
out with them.
Mano
[00:39:30] Also they never sleep.
Betsy
[00:39:32] They never sleep. That sucks.
Mano
[00:39:34] So you’re just always like, I feel like you’re trying to sleep. And he’s, like,
fussing around in the kitchen and you’re like, Shut up. You know what I mean?
Betsy
[00:39:43] Shut up.
Mano
[00:39:43] You know?
Betsy
[00:39:43] Yes.
Mano
[00:39:45] Hmmm. Okay. I have my answer.
Betsy
[00:39:47] I think, I have mine too.
Mano
[00:39:49] It pretty easy this one.
Betsy
[00:39:50] Yeah.
Mano
[00:39:51] One, two, three. Decent.
Betsy
[00:39:56] Descent monsters. Nice. Nice. Okay. Okay. And now we’re in our final
bracket for the eastern side.
Mano
[00:40:02] Yes.
Betsy
[00:40:02] Holy shit. Can you believe it? Here we go. We got Ghostface versus
Pearl.
Mano
[00:40:09] Ghostface versus Pearl.
Oh, my gosh. Oh, my Lord. Oh, my word. So,
Ghostface, like you said, many people.
Betsy
[00:40:14] Many people and a classic, you know? Like classic, classic killer.
Mano
[00:40:21] They got a motivation. They’re mad at Sidney.
Betsy
[00:40:24] Alwa
ys mad at Sidney.
Mano
[00:40:26] Or hey’re fame obsessed. Sometimes that happens.
Betsy
[00:40:29] Exactly. They’re obsessed with the movies.
Mano
[00:40:31] Uh huh.
Betsy
[00:40:32] Yeah. In which Pearl is kind of into that too.
Mano
[00:40:35] Pearl is obsessed with the movies, too.
Betsy
[00:40:37] And wanting to be loved. She just wants to be loved. That’s kind of
Ghostface in some parts, wanting to be loved. That was the first one.
Mano
[00:40:46] Yeah, no, that’s true. They both want to be loved.
Betsy
[00:40:49] They’re very similar.
Mano
[00:40:52] Similar. Interesting. Pearl, you know, pretty vicious, pretty animalistic.
Whereas I feel like Ghostfaces
are a little bit more, they’re calculated, they’re less gory,
they’re more like, I’m trying to kill you. I’m just trying to kill you.
Betsy
[00:41:06] I just want to kill you. I mean, they’re pretty gory, though.
Mano
[00:41:09] Yeah, you’re right.
Betsy
[00:41:10] They rip people’s insides out and stuff.
Mano
[00:41:13] They do. There’s a lot of hacking. I mean, Scream Four is very gory and
fun. Hmmm.
Betsy
[00:41:21] Pearl feeds people do her big alligator. That’s kind of fun.
Mano
[00:41:26] Yeah, she’s got a little basement, though, where she keeps people.
That’s fun.
Betsy
[00:41:30] Oh, that’s right. That’s right.
Mano
[00:41:33] I don’t know. This is tough.
Betsy
[00:41:34] It’s very tough. It’s very tough. I got to say, there were
times where I was
kind of rooting for Pearl.
Mano
[00:41:41] Uh huh.
Betsy
[00:41:42] You know, where you’re kind of like, oh, these poor, like, let her have it,
you know? Whereas Ghostface you’re always like what dork is behind that mask who’s got
som
e sort of dumb thing?
Mano
[00:41:56] That’s a good point. Oh, God, this is hard.
Betsy
[00:41:59] I feel like. I mean, Ghostface is just so classic and that and I know a lot
about Scream, like, I love the Scream franchise. I love it. I even love numbers three, which
is so silly and awesome. Parker Posey is so good in it.
Mano
[00:42:16] Yeah, I think
I could try to answer too.
Betsy
[00:42:19] Okay.
Mano
[00:42:21] Let’s see. One, two, three. Ghostface.
Betsy
[00:42:24] Ghostface.
Clip
[00:42:26] What’s your favorite scary movie?
Betsy
[00:42:30] Sorry Pearl.
Mano
[00:42:30] Sorry, Pearl.
Oh, no. She’s taking her dress off. Pearl. Keep it on.
Betsy
[00:42:33] Keep it on, Pearl. Keep it on.
Mano
[00:42:35] Keep it on.
Betsy
[00:42:36] But good for you still being very sexual at this age. Buh buh buh. Keep it
up. Keep it on.
Mano
[00:42:44] Wow.
Betsy
[00:42:45] Wow, we did it. The Eastern Conference, the crowd is going nuts.
Mano
[00:42:48] They’re losing it.
Betsy
[00:42:50] Losing their damn minds. We see Mama is floating around going crazy.
Mano
[00:42:54] So ooooh.
Betsy
[00:42:56] Throwing cherries at people.
Mano
[00:42:58] Mama, put your wig down.
Betsy
[00:43:00] Ma.
Mano
[00:43:01] So we’re coming back next week where we’ll go from a top eight to a top
four.
Betsy
[00:43:08] Holy shit.
Mano
[00:43:09] Holy moly. Stay tuned and keep it horny.
Betsy
[00:43:15] Yeah. Oh, wow. Thanks for listening 2 Spooky 2 Handle.
Mano
[00:43:30] Yeah. We are your hosts, Mano Agapion and Betsy Sodaro!
Betsy
[00:43:38] That’s right! 2 Spooky 2 Handle is an Earwolf pro
duction produced by
Anita Flores and Cassi Jerkins. Our audio engineer, Sam Kieffer, and the theme song by
Cassi Jerkins.
Mano
[00:43:49] Woo, and a spooky special thanks to jon Gabrus.
Betsy
[00:43:54] Oscar Montoya.
Mano
[00:43:57] Lamar Woods.
B
etsy
[00:43:59] Lauren Lapkus. They all contributed to our Where Are They Now
segment and we love them all.
Mano
[00:44:08] Remember. Follow and subscribe to Earwolf Presents to hear new shows
by your favorite comedians.