February 28, 2023
The rain is still terrorizing Nicole while the ants in the new Ant-man movie terrorize Sasheer. One thing they can both agree on is that the film felt like a Star Wars movie. Nicole realizes that she needs to go back in time to get dropped off in front of Steven Spielberg’s home to become the child to star in E.T. Sasheer is loving Girl Scout cookie season and together they unpack Nicole’s disdain for the Girl Scouts and the cookies! Lastly, they help solve a listener’s query about how to talk to a friend who can’t cook and keeps cooking for you.
Email or call Nicole & Sasheer with your friendship questions at:
194 — Sasheer Is Loving Girl Scout Cookie Season
Nicole [00:00:11] Hello, Sasheer.
Sasheer [00:00:13] Hi, Nicole.
Nicole [00:00:14] How are you?
Sasheer [00:00:15] I am good. How are you?
Nicole [00:00:17] Listen, I’m thriving. It’s raining here. It feels great. We need the rain.
Sasheer [00:00:25] Yeah. It seems like too much rain. I’m not there, so I don’t actually know the quantity that’s happening.
Nicole [00:00:32] It’s honestly the worst thing that’s ever happened to me. My whole house is leaking. And in my office, the ground is wet, but the walls aren’t wet, and the ceiling is not wet. So, I truly don’t know what’s happening.
Sasheer [00:00:53] Oh my God. I’m so sorry.
Nicole [00:00:55] It’s really fun. You know, I feel like the universe is just like, “You stupid bitch. Let’s give you fun shit to deal with.”
Sasheer [00:01:05] Yeah. I haven’t heard of any leaks in my house. I have a friend staying there now while I’m in Atlanta shooting, and she did show me a video–the umbrella that was on my roof flew and, like, crashed into a window. And the window is fine, but the screen is broken and the umbrella is, like, torn to shreds. It sounds violent there.
Nicole [00:01:31] I was driving home last night after a warning that was like, “Stay where you are! Unless you’re fleeing, stay where you are!” That’s the word that they chose to use on this alarm emergency thing. “Flee.”
Sasheer [00:01:43] Yeah.
Nicole [00:01:45] I was, like, “Not fleeing, just going back home.” The 5 was closed because it was flooded.
Sasheer [00:01:49] Good Lord.
Nicole [00:01:51] Yeah. This town isn’t made for rain.
Sasheer [00:01:55] No, not at all. But also… Well, I guess there are times where it rains a lot in LA. But not like that.
Nicole [00:02:06] Not like this. This is awful, and it’s going to be all fucking week.
Sasheer [00:02:11] Oh boy.
Nicole [00:02:15] I’m going to call my contractor and be like, “Where’s this? Where is it? Where is this leak coming from?” And he’s going to be like, “Nicole, I don’t know.” It’s going to be great. It’s going to be so good. And then he’s going to be like, “You know how much it’s going to cost to fix what I don’t know is leaking? $10 billion!” So, I’m like, “Okay. Thank you so much. That seems like a great estimate. Happy to pay. I’ll fucking sell the house to fix the leaks.”
Sasheer [00:02:43] “Anything to just stay in this state that’s definitely going to sink into the ocean one day.”
Nicole [00:02:47] Seems as such, but I gotta stay here. It’s where the industry is. But honestly, it’s not. You’re in Atlanta. Like, what are we all doing here?
Sasheer [00:02:56] That’s a really good point. I think I’ve mostly shot outside of LA.
Nicole [00:03:00] I’ve only really shot in LA, but get me out of here. I have a fucking pot in my TV room because it’s leaking in there. I came home and Clyde was shivering in a corner. And I was like, “What’s wrong with you?” And he was like, “Bitch, look at all of the water from the outside that is inside. This does not belong.” And I was like, “Honestly, you’re right. God bless. I’m sorry.”
Sasheer [00:03:24] Someone asked me recently, like, where I would live if I wanted to retire or, like, settle down or whatever. You know, where do I want to live the rest of my days out if not in California. And I don’t know if I’ve seen that place. I don’t know what place that is. Have you thought about that?
Nicole [00:03:48] I’m going to Bahamas. When I retire… Aruba, Jamaica, bring me back to Bahamas.
Sasheer [00:03:57] I will die there.
Nicole [00:03:59] For the rest of my days. And angry. Okay. I don’t think I’ve seen where I want to retire to, but I know it’s an island with very blue water and nobody there.
Sasheer [00:04:16] That sounds nice. That sounds really nice.
Nicole [00:04:19] Just me and my boo–whoever they are, wherever they are–we’re going to go to an island, where we have our friends come see us and then they fucking leave. And then there’s days where we say three words to each other not because we’re mad, but because… Hey, baby, we’re on an island. We don’t have much to say.
Sasheer [00:04:43] “I saw the same bird you saw. We saw the same waves that are always here.”
Nicole [00:04:50] More or less. That’s all I want. But I haven’t seen that island yet.
Sasheer [00:04:55] Yeah. In my mind, I feel like I’d be in a forest. But also, there’s so many animals and bugs there that I don’t know… Like, I can’t foresee myself loving that–that part of it anyway.
Nicole [00:05:11] I mean, in Avatar 1, they weren’t mad about the bugs. You’re Avatar 1. I’m Avatar 2.
Sasheer [00:05:19] You’re The Way of Water.
Nicole [00:05:20] I’m The Way of Water. And you’re just Avatar.
Sasheer [00:05:27] Well, that’s because they, like, talked to the bugs and lived amongst them. And the bugs are part of the community.
Nicole [00:05:32] Maybe that’s what happens to you.
Sasheer [00:05:36] I guess I could just embrace the bugs as opposed to fighting them. They’re part of the community.
Nicole [00:05:41] Wouldn’t that be nice? Being part of a bug community. Get, like, an army of ladybugs to do your bidding.
Sasheer [00:05:50] Both of us, I know, have separately seen the latest Ant-Man. And I watched the first two to prep for it. It always takes me off guard when the actual ants come into the movie. I’m like, “Oh, yeah. They use ants.”
Nicole [00:06:06] Yeah. Real ants.
Sasheer [00:06:07] Unsettling every time. They get big. They build things. I don’t love that part. And I realize it’s about Ant-Man, but every time they come on screen, I’m like, “Uch. Ew.”
Nicole [00:06:23] That’s so funny. And also, I was like, “What came first? Honey, I shrunk the Kids or Ant-Man comic?”
Sasheer [00:06:28] Oh!
Nicole [00:06:30] Because did someone get the big ant idea from Antie from Honey, I Shrunk the Kids and then wrote a whole comic book series about it? Let’s figure this out.
Sasheer [00:06:44] Did you recall that off the dome? I don’t remember Antie.
Nicole [00:06:47] You don’t remember Antie? They’re in the woods. And there was, like, a whoopie pie. And then they, like, swipe it off with a stick. And then a big ant comes, and they’re like, “Whoa!” And then they’re like, “We can ride this ant,” because they’re a friend. And then I think Antie dies. And I think it’s really traumatic for the children, who are then shrunk. Do you know what I mean? Like, they shrunk, got a pet, and then the pet was murdered–if I’m remembering it correctly.
Sasheer [00:07:22] It sounds like you remember it perfectly.
Sasheer [00:07:26] Okay, so Ant-Man started… Let’s see. It first appeared in Tales to Astonish in 1962.
Nicole [00:07:37] Oh, okay. So, Honey, I Shrunk the Kids was inspired by Ant-Man? Okay. This latest one–I cannot remember the name of it. But last night or two nights ago, I called it Ant-Man Ant-Woman: Quantum Leaps, and people laughed at me really hard. And I still don’t know the name of the movie. But I went and saw it, and it felt like a Star Wars movie.
Sasheer [00:08:07] Oh, yeah, that’s what a lot of people are saying. It’s, like, the costumes.
Nicole [00:08:10] Yes.
Sasheer [00:08:12] And kind of the story with, like, the rebellion, and etc. Yeah, there’s a lot of Star Wars stuff in there.
Nicole [00:08:18] And I hate that I knew that, you know? I was sitting there, being like, “What is this? Return of the Ant-Jedi?” I don’t know. I couldn’t figure out how to make a pun, but yeah. And then I didn’t get a lot of stuff. The guy with the stretched-out face and the little legs?
Sasheer [00:08:36] The pink one? Oh, no, no, no. MARTOCK. Or MORDOK. MODOK?
Nicole [00:08:40] I didn’t know who that was. Yeah, MODOK or something. But boy, oh boy, did he make me laugh.
Sasheer [00:08:46] He was very weird looking. Yes.
Nicole [00:08:49] And I couldn’t decide if I was laughing because of how weird he looked or if he was being funny. And that was confusing. I was like, “Am I laughing with him or at him?” And I didn’t know. And I still don’t know.
Sasheer [00:09:03] Yeah. I don’t know either. I mean, he was funny. He had some funny lines. And he also just looked funny.
Nicole [00:09:10] He looked so funny. During my screening–because I went to the world premiere… Thank you very much. I went with Tawny. And we were sitting there, and this kid next to us went to the bathroom. And I guess he was so excited to, like, get back and not miss anything else that he almost fell off the balcony. And my reaction was to lean away from him. And Tawny goes, “Nicole. You were closest to that child. You should have saved him.” And I was like, “But what if he pulled me over?” And then I was like, “Do you think they would have stopped the screening if he had fallen?”
Sasheer [00:09:47] I mean, yes.
Nicole [00:09:48] Marvel people are intense.
Sasheer [00:09:51] Oh, this is, like, with fans.
Nicole [00:09:53] I mean, it’s the world premiere. So it was, like, fan people who had dressed up, and then I guess, like, other actors. But this child, I think, was just a fan of Marvel stuff. I would have predicted that they would have stopped it to be like, “Is he okay?” And as soon as he was like thumbs up, they would turn the movie back on.
Sasheer [00:10:14] That’s also what I would predict. Yeah.
Nicole [00:10:16] Which is wild. A child falls from a balcony–we should all go home.
Sasheer [00:10:24] But he gives a thumbs up. He’s okay.
Nicole [00:10:26] We should all go home in respect to this child who fell off a balcony from the excitement of a movie. We should all stop.
Sasheer [00:10:32] If he’s okay, he’s okay.
Nicole [00:10:34] I guess so. But imagine the people he fell on. “Are you okay?” They’re like, “You have to be okay. He’s okay.”
Sasheer [00:10:42] “We’re okay. Put it back on!”
Nicole [00:10:46] And then–okay–here’s another thought I had about the movie. Everyone said the word Cassie too much–this girl’s name. Do a drinking game, you would die. “Cassie!” “Cassie!” “Cassie!” “Cassie!” “Cassie sent us to the quantum!” “Cassie did this!” Cassie’s not an Ant-Person. Who is she? If there’s Ant-Woman, Ant-Man, and then the doctor and the wife– They’re somebody, right? The O.G. Ant-Man and Ant-Woman?
Sasheer [00:11:12] Yeah. Uh-huh. Yes. Yeah.
Nicole [00:11:14] Then what is Cassie? Ant-Baby?
Sasheer [00:11:18] I don’t think they’ve made her a superhero yet, but she probably will be because she has a suit. So, she’ll probably be the Ant-Kid or something. The Ant-Teen.
Nicole [00:11:28] Here’s my thing… The kids are in Spiderman. Get out of Ant-Man, you kid.
Sasheer [00:11:34] “We got enough kids. Only some kids can be superheroes!”
Nicole [00:11:42] I mean, there’s no kids in Thor. Oh, wait, there’s a bunch of kids in Thor.
Sasheer [00:11:46] There was a whole fight scene with kids! That was a huge part of the movie!
Nicole [00:11:50] The whole point of the movie was Christian Bale stole some kids. Okay. I don’t want kids fighting the whole movie. They get a moment. Thor did it right.
Sasheer [00:12:01] That was an awesome scene. That was very fun.
Nicole [00:12:06] Fun fact. Oh, wait. You know this, too because you did the podcast episode. It was, like, a bunch of actors’ kids, which I think is really cute.
Sasheer [00:12:14] Taika’s kid and Chris Hemsworth’s kid. Maybe Natalie Portman’s kid. Yeah, like, all their kids were in it.
Nicole [00:12:21] How fun? I want to be a nepo baby. How fun would that be? Like, okay, if I could go back in time, here’s what I would do. Oh my God. I would find little Nicole and steal her. And I would drop her off on the doorstep of, like, Steven Spielberg with a little note that’s like, “Put this one in movies and stuff, and keep her. Don’t tell anyone. Nobody wants her.”
Sasheer [00:12:49] And Steven is just like, “Okay”? He’s not going to try to investigate where this baby came from?
Nicole [00:12:53] And guess who gets to be in E.T.?
Sasheer [00:12:58] You would’ve been great in E.T.
Nicole [00:13:00] Thank you. I think so, too. Oh, my God. If I ever get the technology, that’s what I’m doing. Fuck Drew Barrymore. I’m kidding. I’m kidding!
Sasheer [00:13:11] Drew did an interview or something. Drew Barrymore was talking about E.T. and how they didn’t tell her that E.T. was fake.
Nicole [00:13:17] Oh no!
Sasheer [00:13:18] So she really thought that that was an alien–her alien friend–and got attached. So, like, when E.T. went home, I guess, that was, like, her really crying because she thought she lost her friend.
Nicole [00:13:33] Oh no! I mean, that’s how you get a performance from somebody, but damn.
Sasheer [00:13:37] Yeah, it’s, like, cute. But then it’s also, like… Is that ethical? To, like, lie to the child? She at least knows she’s at work. I guess I don’t know how old she was, but she knows she’s shooting.
Nicole [00:13:53] At work, you make friends. So, she thought her friend, the alien, was part of that.
Sasheer [00:13:58] Yeah.
Nicole [00:14:00] And then imagine going to the wrap party and being like, “Where is E.T.? I know he went home. But, like, we all went home.”
Sasheer [00:14:08] “And then I came back.”
Nicole [00:14:10] “So, where is E.T.?” Like, she’s snorting rails of cocaine. “Where is E.T.?”
Sasheer [00:14:15] Yeah, she’s just on a bender because she misses her friend.
Nicole [00:14:19] Oh my God. Do you think Steven Spielberg started that for her?
Sasheer [00:14:23] That was the thing that led to her downfall.
Nicole [00:14:25] Oh my God, Steven. Then don’t drop me off on that doorstep. I guess I’ll go somewhere else. Who was popular in the ’80s?
Sasheer [00:14:36] Maybe you don’t want to go that far back. I feel like people started really taking care of kid actors, like, recently.
Nicole [00:14:43] But the thing is, I have to be a baby.
Sasheer [00:14:46] Because you’re trying to be an adult now. Okay, I see.
Nicole [00:14:51] Because nepo babies are adults, so I have to go back in time to be a real baby to land on the doorstep of somebody to become a nepo baby.
Sasheer [00:15:00] Okay.
Sasheer [00:15:01] But you could also be a baby now and then grow up to be an adult in the future.
Nicole [00:15:05] Be a baby now? How on earth? Get a wizard? Cast a spell? No, you gotta time travel. That’s how you get baby. Or maybe I have a baby and then I drop it off on the doorstep. I am in LA, where everything is leaking.
Sasheer [00:15:24] Why would you drop it off on a doorstep? You’re already the famous person! You’re already the famous mom. You don’t have to give the baby to somebody else. Just raise your kid.
Nicole [00:15:33] I give it to Charlize Theron. And I say, “Here you go. Put her in things.” Yeah. I’m going to do that. I’m going to have a baby and leave it on a doorstep.
Sasheer [00:15:48] But then, like, what satisfaction are you going to get out of this? You’re not raising this kid. You no longer have an attachment to this kid.
Nicole [00:15:56] I’ll watch her rise and then complicate her life at 18.
Sasheer [00:16:03] “You were mine.” And she’s like, “What? But why did you do that?”
Nicole [00:16:07] “I could have been your nepo baby.” “I didn’t want the responsibility.”
Sasheer [00:16:11] “I just wanted you to thrive but without me.” That’s funny.
Nicole [00:16:19] That is funny. So how is Atlanta?
Sasheer [00:16:31] It’s nice. It’s dreary here, but not as dreary as it is in LA.
Nicole [00:16:36] Yeah, this is like the end of times, and I’m really mad about it. I don’t want to be here for the world ending, and it feels like I’m going to be. Do you know what I’m saying? Like, between the pandemic and then, I don’t know, a week of solid torrential downpour where they’re like, “If you’re fleeing, flee,” I don’t want to be here for this. This is upsetting. Bring back the days where… No, I don’t want an earthquake, but bring back the days where nothing happened.
Sasheer [00:17:01] Where nothing happened? I don’t know if there was a time where nothing happened.
Nicole [00:17:04] Yeah, those were the days. Make America great again, where nothing happened.
Sasheer [00:17:09] Oh no.
Nicole [00:17:11] I’ve reclaimed it.
Sasheer [00:17:14] Okay. Yeah. “Great” can mean anything.
Nicole [00:17:20] Yeah! I do purple hats instead to really confused people. They’re like, “What is she trying to make great again? What part? What aspect? We know what the red one wants. What does the purple one want?” I’m a mystery.
Sasheer [00:17:33] “Just what I want. Just for nothing to happen. Fun and silly.”
Nicole [00:17:37] “Silly fun. Nothing happened.” Wait. Sasheer, I told you about this store in Atlanta called the Clothing Warehouse?
Sasheer [00:17:44] Oh, yes, I went.
Nicole [00:17:46] Did you like it?
Sasheer [00:17:47] I did. I got a couple bucket hats. A couple more fuzzy bucket hats.
Nicole [00:17:53] Yes, yes! I bought $500 worth of stuff from there. And then I was like, “How am I gonna pack this?” And they were like, “We can ship it.” And I was like, “What?” So, I’m still waiting on it because the post office in Atlanta was allegedly closed for two weeks. Listen, I don’t know. You could tell me whatever story you like. I don’t know, but it’s fine. I don’t mind. I love everyone who works there. And I called the day after I went, and I was like, “Hello?” And they’re like, “Is this Nicole?” And I was like, “What? Yes.” And they were like, “Hi, Nicole.” I was like, “Hi. Is there that jacket that I was looking at? Is it still there?” And they’re like, “Yes.” And I was like, “Gimme, gimme, gimme. Add it to the pile.” And then they did. And then two or three days ago, I called to make sure that they, like, sent it or it didn’t get lost. I was like, “Hello?” And they’re like, “Nicole?” And I was like, “Hello!” I don’t know how they know me.
Sasheer [00:18:43] Do they have your number stored?
Nicole [00:18:44] Oh, maybe.
Sasheer [00:18:47] They’re like, “Oh, it’s Nicole.”
Nicole [00:18:49] That thought never occurred to me. I was like, “These are my best friends.” But I’m waiting for my stuff. It’s a bunch of dumb stuff. One of the sweatshirts is a bear family. And then next to the bear family, it says, “The best place to be is with family.”
Sasheer [00:19:07] Oh, that’s funny.
Nicole [00:19:10] And then there’s a bunch of birds on another sweatshirt and a little sign underneath them that says, “Flight school.” I spent $500 on the dumbest shit. Oh, God, I can’t wait to see them all.
Sasheer [00:19:26] If it brings you joy, it brings you joy.
Nicole [00:19:29] Dumb things bring me joy. I love dumb stuff.
Sasheer [00:19:35] You must be taking all the good stuff because I saw some cute stuff in there, but nothing that I was, like, you know, losing it over.
Nicole [00:19:42] Oh, yeah, I got two jackets, a bunch of sweatshirts, a t-shirt with a horse and flames that says, “Harley Davidson.” Yeah, maybe I got all the dumb shit. A lot of it was hidden. So, I didn’t really look in the… So, when you first walk in, that, like, big area–I was like, “I don’t think they have anything for me here.” And then I went in the back with, like, the vintage-vintage stuff, and all that was too small. And then the t-shirt room was a little too overwhelming. And then when I came back out, I discovered all the sweatshirts.
Sasheer [00:20:20] I think I’m also, like, not in a mood to shop because my bags were packed to the brim when I got to Atlanta, and I don’t have much room to bring stuff. I know I can ship stuff, but I don’t really want to buy more stuff to ship.
Nicole [00:20:32] Buy another suitcase!
Sasheer [00:20:37] But it was already cumbersome to have two huge suitcases in a backpack and another bag.
Nicole [00:20:46] Yeah, but you only have to get to the airport. And then you tell that man who drove you–or woman… Don’t want to gender them. We don’t know who they are yet. Tell whoever’s driving you in their vehicle, “Please help me.” And then they’ll help you. And then no more cumbersome.
Sasheer [00:21:09] I guess so. But then I have to get it off the plane and then… I don’t know.
Nicole [00:21:14] And then when you get picked up, the person who’s picking you up–request for them to be inside with a cart. And then they’ll put everything on the cart, and then you don’t have to do a thing.
Sasheer [00:21:26] I think I’m just traumatized from the Bahamas because I had all my stuff with me. And they came straight from the Bahamas to Georgia. And I was like, “I don’t want to deal with this anymore. Everyone’s making fun of me for having really big bags. They keep throwing them over seats. I don’t like this.”
Nicole [00:21:42] Yeah, that was bad. But honestly, I can be packed in two minutes. So, like, that’s a good thing I learned from Bahamas. When I was in Atlanta, I unpacked my stuff, but I left it in little, folded piles next to the suitcase because if someone was like, “You have to go,” I could just stack everything, throw it back in the suitcase, zip it up, and be ready to go in a minute.
Sasheer [00:22:05] “We’re ready to flee at any moment.”
Nicole [00:22:08] Yeah. I mean, fleeing the rain in LA? It’s like, “Flee the terrible Airbnb that you’re staying in.” I found this Instagram account that’s, like, evil Airbnbs or something. I don’t know what it’s called, but I watched a bunch of videos of people being like, “Look at this dirty hot tub! Everything is broken.” And then a couple of them had, like, rugs that they had moved. And there was a tunnel down into the basement where there were whole rooms with, like, chairs and stuff. And they’re like, “I don’t know what this is used for.” Isn’t that scary? Airbnbs are scary.
Sasheer [00:22:44] That is scary. Yeah. I mean, it’s kind of astonishing that we all bought into this idea for so long. I mean, I for sure am going back to hotels. I feel like there is a movement that’s now like, “Fuck other people. I’m going back to hotels.” But yeah, that we were all like, “Yes, I’ll go into a stranger’s home and just trust that I’ll be safe.” People are weird!
Nicole [00:23:10] People are very weird. I mean, it’s the same thing with, like, Ubers and ride shares. When they first appeared, I was like, “So I’m just getting in somebody’s car?” Everyone’s like, “Yes.”
Sasheer [00:23:21] “And giving them my address?”
Nicole [00:23:24] Yeah. Telling them exactly where they could come back and murder me. I mean, Postmates is the same thing. It’s a different person just coming to your house, not employed by the restaurant. And then I’ve had several deliveries where they’re like, “Michael’s coming,” and then Brenda comes and it’s a different car. And I’m like, “Who are you? And why are you delivering my food? Why wasn’t I notified that Brenda was coming?”
Sasheer [00:23:50] “I was looking for Michael!”
Nicole [00:23:52] Michael never showed up. Brenda did with my Whopper.
Sasheer [00:23:56] Are you still eating Whoppers?
Nicole [00:24:01] No. Listen, I’m really upset about it, but I think there’s something in Whoppers that make you want more Whoppers.
Sasheer [00:24:09] I wouldn’t be surprised.
Nicole [00:24:11] Because when I went on my Whopper binge, I would have a Whopper a day to keep the doctor in my life. To never stop going to Beverly Hills to see a doctor. And, like, I started really craving them. And then when I’d see Burger Kings, I’d be like, “Ooh, I get a Whopper now.” And it was like, “Why, why, why?” It’s not even that good. But I love them. So, I’m really trying not to eat Whoppers anymore.
Sasheer [00:24:40] Oh, good. Girl Scout Cookie season is happening right now. That’s how I am with Tagalongs. I bought two boxes of Tagalongs and they were gone in, like, maybe two days.
Nicole [00:24:54] Really? And what is a Tagalong?
Sasheer [00:24:56] It’s the peanut butter chocolate one. It’s like the crunchy wafer with the peanut butter and then chocolate all around it. I had some at work at Crafty, and I was like, “This is really dangerous for me. I don’t want to embarrass myself.”
Nicole [00:25:14] That’s nice that your production supports the local Girl Scouts.
Sasheer [00:25:15] My addiction?
Nicole [00:25:17] Oh, yes. You’re addicted to little women to being entrepreneurs. They support your addiction.
Sasheer [00:25:23] Well, it was kind of crazy because the one that’s closest to my trailer had, like, six tagalong boxes–no other Girl Scout Cookies, just that one. And I was like, “No! I want to eat them all!”
Nicole [00:25:35] Maybe you mentioned it to somebody and they’re like, “We know how to make Sasheer happy.”
Sasheer [00:25:40] Or someone just saw me, like, eating four, walking away, and then coming back and sneaking into the box again. And they’re like, “She clearly likes these.”
Nicole [00:25:51] “We should just get her more.” They got me little, mini-Reese’s peanut butter bits because I love them. And they’re very hard to find. So, they would only give them to me because they only sell them in, like, Albertsons. And he was like, “You know how hard these were to find?” I was like, “Sorry.” And he’s like, “Don’t tell anyone that we have these for you. Say you got them, you brought them, and you put them in a cup.” And I was like, “Okay.”
Sasheer [00:26:14] They gave it to you in a cup?
Nicole [00:26:17] Because it was a big box. I had to shake it out into a little cup.
Sasheer [00:26:20] Oh, that’s nice.
Nicole [00:26:21] Can I tell you something that might change your opinion of me? I don’t like Girl Scout Cookies. I think they’re pretty bad. The, like, minty ones? Nasty. Samosas? Nasty. The only one I can deal with is the blue box of the shortbread cookie. And I deal with it.
Sasheer [00:26:46] Wow… But have you had Tagalongs?
Nicole [00:26:50] Yeah, I’ve had a Tagalong. I was a fucking Girl Scout, man. I sold cookies. And by “I”–my mother sold cookies.
Sasheer [00:26:59] This sounds like some self-hate stuff. Okay, I don’t think it has anything to do with the cookies. I think it has everything to do with you and your view of yourself as a Girl Scout.
Nicole [00:27:10] Listen! I didn’t want to be a fucking Girl Scout.
Sasheer [00:27:12] Okay.
Nicole [00:27:13] You start off as a Daisy fucking Scout. I’m not a daisy. I’m a child. And then I get to sit on a mat and talk to these other stupid girls that I had no interest in. They were all my sister’s friends, who are, like, slightly a little older than me. I was like, “I don’t want these people. Why are we sitting on a mat that we had a fucking decorated ourselves with daisies? We aren’t Daisies. I don’t have to decorate this.” And then you become a Brownie. What the fuck is that transition? You’re a flower, and now you’re food? And why are we brownies? And the color of the uniform is disgusting. It’s shit brown. And we had to wear shit brown uniforms to sit in a circle and talk to each other. Why? I can make my own friends. And then my mother was like, “Do you want to become, I don’t know, a Junior Scout?” And I was like, “Get real. The green is nasty.” I’m not here for it. I don’t understand what Girl Scouts do. I’m mad that I was a part of it. So maybe this is self-hate. I was so mad every time we had to go to meetings. My sister was so happy. She’d be like, “I can’t wait to sit on my mat.” I didn’t want to sit on a mat. Why couldn’t we sit in chairs?
Sasheer [00:28:22] I don’t know.
Nicole [00:28:24] What comes after Brownie. Is it Junior Scout?
Sasheer [00:28:27] Um, something like that. I did it in high school.
Nicole [00:28:31] In high school?
Sasheer [00:28:32] Yeah, I didn’t go all the way through.
Nicole [00:28:33] You were old enough to know better.
Sasheer [00:28:36] But my friend treated it like a hustle. She was like, “If we sell a bunch of boxes at school, we’ll get enough, like, money or points–whatever you’re supposed to get–to get a trip sponsored by the Girl Scouts.” So, we did sell the most because no one else cared. And then we, like, got a trip to California, and then we got a trip to Savannah, Georgia. So, it’s like, “We get a free vacation if we just sell a bunch of cookies.” And then we also get cookies. And I love the cookies.
Nicole [00:29:07] Fair. “Daisies. Brownies.” Oh, I was right. “Junior Scout. Cadet.” Okay, “sixth to eighth grade”–you’re not a cadet. “Seniors–nine to ten.”
Sasheer [00:29:20] Ambassadors–eleven to twelve.” Maybe I was a senior. I can’t remember.
Nicole [00:29:29] I earned zero badges. My mother would be like, “Don’t you want to do this to get your badge?” And I was like, “Grow up. No.”
Sasheer [00:29:39] Yeah. I’m really thinking this experience tainted your idea of the cookie. And I understand it. It’s okay. But I don’t think the cookies deserve that. The cookies I view as separate from the organization. They are together; they work in conjunction. But I feel like the quality of the cookie doesn’t have anything to do with how the group is run.
Nicole [00:30:07] Okay. I mean, if that’s how you feel… I mean, I don’t know. I’m just, like, not down with the Girl Scouts. I hear you. They’re not for me. I’m sure they saved a lot of people’s lives. And, like, people are happy and stuff. Whatever. But, like, I have things to do–people to see. I don’t have time to be at these meetings. I also can’t remember what we talked about at these meetings.
Sasheer [00:30:37] I don’t either because it’s not really like Boy Scouts where you’re, like, in the woods, making fire and using rope. Right?
Nicole [00:30:48] I didn’t use any rope.
Sasheer [00:30:50] I feel like Boy Scouts was more, like, survival stuff. And then Girl Scouts is… I don’t know… Is it selling cookies?
Nicole [00:30:57] Maybe. I got to say, I do love the Boy Scout uniform. It is fabulous.
Sasheer [00:31:04] What is it? Green shorts or something?
Nicole [00:31:08] No. It’s blue.
Sasheer [00:31:09] Oh.
Nicole [00:31:10] Blue little shorts. And then they have, like, a little twisty tie.
Sasheer [00:31:13] “The stated mission of the Boy Scouts of America is to prepare young people to make ethical and moral choices over their lifetimes by instilling in them the values of the scout oath and law. They are trained in responsible citizenship, character development, and self-reliance through participation in a wide range of stuff.” Okay, now what do Girl Scouts do?
Nicole [00:31:37] Interesting. “Girls discover the fun of friendship and power of girls together. Girls grow courageous and strong through a wide variety of enriching experiences such as field trips, skill building, sports clinics, community service projects, cultural exchanges, and environmental stewardship.” We did go camping once, but it was just staying in a big house. And I wanted to go home, so I fell in the lake. And my mother was like, “You did that on purpose.” I was like, “I sure didn’t, but please let us go home.” And she was like, “No, we are not going home. We are here to stay, and now you’re wet.” I was like, “Oh my God. I guess I really fucked this up for me.” I forgot how much I’ve repressed how much I hated Girl Scouts.
Sasheer [00:32:30] Yeah, I didn’t know any of this. Oh, Jordan says she slept in a museum. You were a Girl Scout, Jordan?
Jordan [00:32:36] I was a Girl Scout, and I am onboard with Nicole. I hated it.
Nicole [00:32:42] Thank you.
Jordan [00:32:43] I only got to Brownie level, but I truly… I remember we had to do a, like, show and tell performance. And I was like, “This is my moment! I’m a musician. I’m going to play a harmonica.” Why a harmonica? I don’t know. I played a harmonica, and I literally just had girls just, like, staring at me. And that was the moment where I was like, “I don’t trust any of you.” And when we slept in a museum, the museum was, like, closed. And it was just a bunch of Girl Scouts in the area. I think I was living in Denver, Colorado at the time. And I just remember I could not sleep because there was just a bunch of taxidermied animals around me. And I was like, “Okay. I can’t do this.”
Nicole [00:33:29] Yeah. It’s bad.
Sasheer [00:33:33] Okay. I can see that.
Jordan [00:33:34] But the cookies are a different story.
Sasheer [00:33:38] Thank you.
Nicole [00:33:39] You can get a better cookie in a grocery store.
Jordan [00:33:42] That I agree with.
Nicole [00:33:43] I mean, they’re just… They’re whatever.
Sasheer [00:33:47] Jessica said, “I love the girls who post up in front of the weed shops to sell cookies.” They are really smart. They are outside of the grocery store near me. And the girl was like, “So each box is five dollars. And if you get four, it’s $20.” And I was like, “Yes. You can’t fool me. I will get four, but don’t act like you said something different.” She made it sound like it was a deal. Like, “If you get four boxes, it’s only $20.”
Nicole [00:34:18] They’re teaching these girls nothing.
Sasheer [00:34:20] No, they’re teaching them how to hustle.
Nicole [00:34:23] I guess so. Yeah, I guess use that language to make it seem like someone’s getting a deal.
Sasheer [00:34:29] And it worked. I was like, “Yes, I will take four. I understand what’s happening here. I don’t care.”
Nicole [00:34:35] I don’t know. Not for me.
Sasheer [00:34:40] It’s okay. They’re not for everyone.
Nicole [00:34:41] I can’t stop thinking about it. I don’t know if I’ve ever shown you this picture of me, but it’s my sister and some girls, like, in a line, and I’m off to the side. And I look like a demon. That is from a Girl Scout meeting.
Sasheer [00:34:54] Oh, interesting. I see. You hated it.
Nicole [00:34:59] I just… Okay. I am not here for forced friendships. Like, let me do my own fucking thing.
Sasheer [00:35:06] I do understand that.
Nicole [00:35:06] Let me do my own playdates. I don’t need forced friendships where we earn badges, okay? For my sash?
Sasheer [00:35:16] But people do. Some people do.
Nicole [00:35:17] Well, let the friends who can make friends make friends. And the people who can’t–put them in Girl Scouts. I wonder if there’s going to be an adult Girl Scout who’s mad at me because of this. Bring it on, bitch. I’ll fight you. That’s how I’ll get my badge. By fighting you.
Sasheer [00:35:35] Fight all the Girl Scouts?
Nicole [00:35:38] Yes, I’ll get my Fight Club patch.
Sasheer [00:35:43] There’s a Girl Scout Fight Club offshoot.
Nicole [00:35:47] Yeah. They’re like, “Don’t talk about it.”
Sasheer [00:35:49] After Ambassadors, it’s Fight Club.
Nicole [00:35:53] Honestly, if that were real, I would have stayed in Girl Scouts. I would have been like, “Let me fight these bitches. I don’t like this. Let me fight them.”
Sasheer [00:36:12] Should we answer questions?
Nicole [00:36:13] Let’s answer a query or two.
Kimmie [00:36:14] All right. For this week, I have two pieces of chair content for our beloved segment, Sitsheer with Sachair.
Sasheer [00:36:24] Yes!
Kimmie [00:36:26] All right. So, the first one–and maybe you’ve seen this tweet, it went viral–but someone sent it to us, and I figured it was worth looking at. Sasheer, would you describe this image for me?
Sasheer [00:36:36] Oh, yes. Many people tagged me in this. It’s a shelf. And it’s full. It’s one, two, three, four, five, six–six levels of shelves. And here’s miniature chairs all over it. And they’re all different chairs. And they’re all really cute. And also think maybe some of these are ones that Nicole got me because Nicole has started me off on a little miniature chair collection as well.
Nicole [00:37:03] The bottom row is chairs that I’ve gotten you. I think I’m going to search for this white, circular one to give you. I like that one.
Sasheer [00:37:14] Oh, yeah. With the red inside?
Nicole [00:37:17] Yeah. It looks like the Men in Black chair. Do you remember the scene where Will Smith’s character is taking the test, and then he drags the chair over to the little coffee table?
Sasheer [00:37:30] I don’t remember that scene.
Nicole [00:37:34] Are you kidding me? How many times have you seen Men in Black?
Sasheer [00:37:35] Probably once.
Nicole [00:37:37] Once? It is a classic.
Sasheer [00:37:41] How many times have you seen it?
Nicole [00:37:41] At least 42 times.
Sasheer [00:37:45] Your choice of movies to watch over and over again astounds me. And I maybe watched it when it came out.
Nicole [00:37:53] What are you talking about? Free Guy? You talking about Free Guy?
Sasheer [00:37:58] No, it’s definitely not Free Guy. I love Free Guy, and I understand why you watch it all the time.
Nicole [00:38:03] Okay. Thank you. You don’t like Men in Black?
Sasheer [00:38:07] I never said I didn’t like Men in Black. I just said I don’t like it so much that I watched it multiple times since it has come out.
Nicole [00:38:14] The third one? I sobbed in theaters.
Sasheer [00:38:17] I don’t think I saw the third one.
Nicole [00:38:20] There was such a touching moment. I don’t want to ruin it for you.
Sasheer [00:38:23] Okay.
Nicole [00:38:26] Also, you don’t need to watch the second one. You can watch the first one and the third one, and the story is complete.
Sasheer [00:38:32] Is the third one with Chris Hemsworth and Tessa Thompson?
Nicole [00:38:36] That’s the fourth one.
Sasheer [00:38:38] My mistake. I did not know there were four.
Nicole [00:38:40] Get real. To me, it’s not even Canon. They were trying to reboot the franchise in the weirdest way possible and called it Men in Black. And I was like, “This is not Men in Black. This is two people in black.”
Sasheer [00:38:55] I see. I see. Well, the question was: “Is Sasheer’s favorite number four because it looks like a chair? The square kind of four.” And then they drew a four and then turned it upside-down. And it does look like a chair.
Nicole [00:39:11] It does look like a chair. Is that why you like the number four?
Sasheer [00:39:15] Maybe. I don’t think I’ve ever thought of it like that, but I’m gonna say not no. Like, probably subconsciously, my brain is like, “This is pleasing to me for some reason.”
Nicole [00:39:27] Does that mean my favorite number, eight, is because it looks like balls?
Sasheer [00:39:34] Well, when you had told me your favorite number was eight, you said it was because it looked like a snowman.
Nicole [00:39:43] But now I’m really thinking about it because you love chairs and I love dick. So, I was like, “Eight. Balls. Yum.”
Sasheer [00:39:50] “Yum?”
Nicole [00:39:57] Yeah. Teabag me, daddy. Yeah, yum.
Sasheer [00:40:00] Okay. Okay. Sure. You know what? Maybe.
Nicole [00:40:04] “When you told me you like the number eight, you said it was because of snowmen.” I changed my mind.
Sasheer [00:40:18] Way less pure.
Nicole [00:40:20] Yeah, real nasty.
Sasheer [00:40:22] Uh oh.
Nicole [00:40:24] Okay. “Help. My friend can’t cook.” Leave her alone. I’m kidding. “Let’s start with I absolutely love the pod. I think you all give the best friendship advice. I’m here because I’m truly at a loss. So, my best friend and I live together, and I love her dearly. But she cannot cook. But she insists on cooking at least once a week for both of us. And I push through these absolutely disgusting meals, trying my hardest not to pass away between bites. It’s so bad that I have to sneak into the kitchen at night and bleach everything because she handles raw meat so wild. And I think that if I don’t, we would be patient zero and one for a mutated salmonella outbreak. The issue is her mom is an amazing cook. She actually used to be a chef in a restaurant. However, my friend hasn’t attempted to learn anything but mimics what she thinks her mom is like, and everything comes out horrible.”
Sasheer [00:41:29] “She won’t take any suggestions from anyone and gets super defensive if there’s any criticism. Everything is either undercooked–I’m risking listeria with every bite–or it’s overcooked. I need a spear and a hatchet to get through it. I’ve tried the “I’m not too hungry,” and I’ve covered enough meals with seasoned salt that I know that my blood pressure has increased exponentially. I suggested that we follow a recipe and cook together, but she turns it into a freestyle and devious mid-plan, fucking it up. I refuse to do Uber Eats or DoorDash, simply off principle, but now I just don’t know what to do. I don’t want to hurt my friend’s feelings or be mean, so please help me. I’m begging. Signed: fed up, fat boy.”
Nicole [00:42:18] Hmm. That’s tough.
Sasheer [00:42:22] Oh, God, that is tough because she loves cooking, but she is bad at it. And she gets mad at criticism? Those are some other issues.
Nicole [00:42:36] That sounds very frustrating. I mean, midway through, I was like, “Suggest a recipe!” And then they got to “We do a recipe, and she won’t follow it.”
Sasheer [00:42:47] Yeah.
Nicole [00:42:48] Maybe you’re like, “Okay, if we do a recipe, we have to honor the recipe. There’s a reason why it’s published. We cannot deviate.” But then that’s not going to be helpful. Let’s see… Ooh! I wonder if our friend has ever asked her if she likes the food. Does she seem to be enjoying herself, or does she just like the art of cooking? And then you all don’t have to eat it.
Sasheer [00:43:18] Then what do you do with the food? Just throw it away?
Nicole [00:43:21] I guess. I don’t know. This is tough.
Sasheer [00:43:24] Maybe… I don’t want this person to lie, but, like, maybe you could be like, “This is my grandmother’s recipe. And we have to stick to the exact measurements, or else it’ll remind me of her deathbed. And I want to honor the life–the beautiful life she lived–and the loving relationship we had.”
Nicole [00:43:51] And if you do that, you cannot use a printout of a recipe. You’ve got to write it down.
Sasheer [00:43:56] Write it on a note card.
Nicole [00:43:59] And then yellow it somehow. Spill things on it.
Sasheer [00:44:02] Put it in tea bag water.
Nicole [00:44:07] I mean, I also do want our friend to lie, but I want our friend to eat good, you know, more than six days a week. Yeah, maybe do that. Be like, “Here’s my grandmother’s recipe. Do not deviate from it, please. I’ll remember what it tastes like. And if it doesn’t taste right, it will remind me of her demise, which was violent.”
Sasheer [00:44:34] “It was not due to old age. It was violent, violent, horrible circumstances.”
Nicole [00:44:41] “Really bad for me and my family.”
Sasheer [00:44:44] Oh, maybe… What if her friend suggests a cooking class–but, like, for something way different than each of them have been cooking? Like, a cooking class for Spanish dishes or something. ’Cause, like, “It’s fun! Neither of us know how to cook this stuff.” And then they learn it together and maybe can try to, like, replicate those things at home.
Nicole [00:45:03] Yeah. And a teacher can go, “Hey, you gotta wash your hands after you touch chicken.”
Sasheer [00:45:10] “Hey, you just can’t put that raw meat on a plate.”
Nicole [00:45:14] “Do you wash your chickens, Sasheer?”
Sasheer [00:45:16] Yes.
Nicole [00:45:17] Okay. I recently… I’ll say his name. Matteo cooked for me. And I was like, “Matteo, do you wash your chicken?” He was like, “No, Nicole. It cooks off.” And I was like, “Okay. I’m eating it, so I have to wash it.” And he’s like, “I know. That’s the great debate between white people and Black people.” And then he’s like, “Nicole, you’re just splashing, you know, salmonella everywhere.” And I was like, “Sure. But then I bleach the sink after.”
Sasheer [00:45:40] You’re not going to eat out of the sink.
Nicole [00:45:43] Yeah, also that. I was like, “Are we scooping things out of the sink?” Although I did watch a TikTok of a lady who put food in her sink and served it out of her sink.
Sasheer [00:45:54] People do crazy shit on TikTok. Someone cooked pasta in their toilet. Did you send me that video? They put a strainer over the toilet and then, like, put boiling water on it. I don’t remember. It was, like, all on top of the toilet. And I was like, “Why?” And I’m sure it was for views or whatever to, like, be extreme. But I was like, “Why is any of this happening?”
Nicole [00:46:21] It’s very upsetting. I watched a TikTok where they said, “It’s a dump meal!” And then this woman dumped noodles on a table with marinara sauce on the table. And the kids were like, “What? Why? But what about plates?” And I was like, “Good. You raised them right. They think this is weird.” I don’t know. TikTok is wild.
Sasheer [00:46:44] Yeah. It just shows how crazy people are.
Nicole [00:46:47] People are crazy. And now I keep getting served these white women who make these, like, fajita quesadilla dishes–like, casseroles. So, they, like, line the pan with tortillas, and then they put ground beef, taco seasoning, a big block of Velveeta, and then some vegetables. And they stir it up. And then they put the tortillas on top and fold it up, and then put it in the oven for a really long time. And then they take it out, and it doesn’t look good. And then they cut it up and they’re like, “Mmm!” It’s very strange.
Sasheer [00:47:24] I wonder… Maybe the roommate is watching TikTok and is like, “I can go rogue!”
Nicole [00:47:35] Maybe… Interesting. Ask her where she’s getting these recipes from.
Sasheer [00:47:40] Maybe she’s, like, being defiant, too. She’s like, “My mom was a chef. I don’t want to do that. I want to cook in my own way. She was cooking for other people. I’m cooking for myself.”
Nicole [00:47:52] Yeah. She’s the definition of that song. “I want to break free!”
Sasheer [00:47:58] “I don’t want to be shackled to health reviews and inspections.”
Nicole [00:48:05] “Take these shackles off my feet so I can dance!” I loved Mary Mary. I thought they were really, really good. And then they just, like, went away.
Sasheer [00:48:20] I mean, I’m sure there are, like, people making really great pop gospel.
Nicole [00:48:31] Pospel.
Sasheer [00:48:31] Pospel. But there was an era where it was, like, radio hit quality songs that you would just hear wherever. And it doesn’t matter that it was gospel. It was like Kirk Franklin, Mary Mary, Yolanda Adams. The people where you’re like, “This is just a fun song.”
Nicole [00:48:50] Yeah. What happened?
Sasheer [00:48:53] I don’t know. I guess it just stopped being popular.
Nicole [00:48:56] I mean, maybe someone could remake WAP to, like, “Want a Prayer?”
Sasheer [00:49:06] “Want a Prayer.”
Nicole [00:49:06] “I got this WAP! I want a prayer.” I don’t know. I’m just trying to, you know, put it to a fun beat.
Sasheer [00:49:18] Yeah. Or, like, when you get the little communion chips and the wine cranberry juice situation. Like, a “Wet Ass Cracker.” Or, like, a “Wet Ass Pastry.”
Nicole [00:49:39] Oooh. Yes. See, we’re giving ideas to anybody out there who’s a gospel singer.
Sasheer [00:49:43] Someone, make it. Make a gospel bop.
Nicole [00:49:44] We are hungry for God.
Sasheer [00:49:53] Oh, so we’re going to end this episode. But before we go, we want to say that we’re going to do a clip show special coming up soon, reminiscing over favorite moments from the show. We want to hear from you on what your favorite moments have been, and then we’ll talk about it and listen to them because our 200th episode is coming up. Can you believe?
Nicole [00:50:12] No!
Sasheer [00:50:14] We’re old. We’ve been doing this for a while.
Nicole [00:50:15] No, I don’t believe it! 200?
Sasheer [00:50:17] It sounds like a big number, but that’s how long we’ve been talking to each other.
Nicole [00:50:21] Too much talking. So, leave us a voicemail at 424-645-7003. Or email us at email@example.com. And tell us what a favorite moment of yours has been.
Sasheer [00:50:43] And do Kimmie-on-the-keys a favor and just give as much detail as you can on what episode the clip is from so that she can find it for us, and we can talk about it.
Nicole [00:50:54] Timestamps are a thing!
Sasheer [00:50:57] You can also do timestamps. That would make it even more easy for her. And if you have any more queries or questions for us, you can email nicoleandsasheer.com. Nope, firstname.lastname@example.org.
Nicole [00:51:10] No. Go to nicoleandsasheer.com and see what’s there.
Sasheer [00:51:14] See what happens! I dare you.
Nicole [00:51:16] We might not get it. We also have merch at podswag.com/bestfriends.
Sasheer [00:51:25] We have transcripts for our new episodes. You can check them out on our show page at earwolf.com.
Nicole [00:51:30] Lastly, don’t forget to read, review, and subscriiiiiibe! That’s the easiest way to support this shoooow!
Sasheer [00:51:47] Spoooooky!
Nicole [00:51:50] It’s the spooky season in February! Oh. Wait. No, March. We’re back to the spooooky season. Black History Month is over, so it gets spooky again for us. Bye!
Sasheer [00:52:02] Oh no. Bye.
September 12, 2023
Hi friends. Nicole and Sasheer see Beyoncé!
September 5, 2023
It’s Friendship time! This week, Nicole feels rested but a little nervous to get back to pole dancing. Sasheer wants to go to a flea market because she needs more wall art.