Pete Holmes is a perfect fit for Totally Laime! He joined us this week to talk about masturbatory fantasies, creative exhaustion, supernatural messages, and all of our other favorite topics! Get intimately acquainted with his sexuality, specifically in regards to Ryan Gosling and Pamela Anderson. Enjoy!

This week’s improv4humans is fit for all cliques: Nerds, jocks, meatheads, spitballs, fluff-eaters, time-traveling cyborg uncles, and Tahitian hotel workers. Our guests are Sean Conroy, Matt Walsh, and Jon Gabrus who take your suggestions from Twitter and transport you from Irish pubs to haunted suburban households. Be sure to pick up an improv4humans shirt from the Earwolf Store and follow @MattBesser on Twitter to send in your improv suggestions. Music by Bobby Matthews and Dragoon.

Methinks it’s time to have Paul F. Tompkins back on Who Charted?! That’s just what we did this week as the artist previously known as Suit McGoo jams with Kulap and Howard over Billboard Digital Downloads, Movies, and Chart Piñata.  Where are Kelly Clarkson’s fans coming from? Who is the evilest Denzel Washington character? How do you play a chart game with a four-time guest? The answers to these questions and more await you on Who Charted?!

This week’s Affirmation Nation is for anyone suffering from diabetes and worried they’ll never be able to enjoy their favorite treats again. Here are just a few mouth-watering, insulin-moderating dishes for you to consider. Thanks Whitney!

Even if you’re still stuck in the credits of Cool as Ice, you probably know you’re in for something crazy! We watched it and invited Brian Huskey to join us in reveling in this relic of the early 90s. Weird biker gangs, inexplicable love stories, and the Witness Protection Program flesh out what is essentially a feature-length hip hop music video starring Vanilla Ice. What does Vanilla think of the movie? Learn as Rob Van Winkle joins the crew for the final few minutes to give insight into the stunts, the sets, and the jargon that has stood the test of time.

This week’s Professor Blastoff is the perfect accompaniment for your workout. Our guest is Alex Shadie who is an expert on disease and who shares with us the scary reality of viral pandemics, the progress being made in curing once-fatal diseases, and tips for avoiding disease. Be sure to wash your hands before you listen, and check with a doctor if you’ve been to any Billy Joel concerts lately.

Don’t stop listening to this podcast or you know what will happen! Paul Rust, Harris Wittels, and Michael Cassady from our favorite comedy-pop crossover act Don’t Stop or We’ll Die are in the studio to jam out some tunes before their matrimonial debut. And since we have these talented comedians here, why not have them play some What Am I Thinking? and Would You Rather? Don’t be surprised if some Hollywood legends and insiders show up while the band takes their bathroom breaks. After all, these are theRocky Vs. Rambo screenwriters we’re talking about!

Saint Valentine has been torturing the world’s lonely people for over 1500 years, but that ends now! Bob has some hopeful wishes and inspirational lyrics that are far more valuable than any chocolate sampler or wilted carnation. Happy Valentine’s Day.

This past weekend, arguably the largest event in sports was held. That’s right, we’re talking about the Super Bowl and we’ve invited Anthony Jeselnik, one of the most brutal roast comics there is, on the show as we discuss the legitimacy of the Puppy Bowl, ridiculousness of Madonna’s halftime show, and everything else that goes along with this event. Anthony shares some secrets of the Comedy Central Roast and joins us for a killer round of quick hits. Also joining us is unlikely sports commentator Pat Buchanan who brings his own opinions on this year’s record breaking Super Bowl. Head over to Jockular.com to check out The Sklars in “Point/Point”. HENDERSON!

Are you ready for a double shot of Ku-ku and Wie-wie? In this first ever episode of Two Charted, Howard and Kulap share their personal charts where you’ll learn about their favorite topics of the week especially made for Two Charted! Thank Ku for listening and keep coming back!

We are so so SO excited to have Sue Galloway on the show this week! She’s one of our favorite ladies of New York and she takes some time out from her busy schedule to tell us how a mailbox smashing hellcat became a hilarious storyteller, genius actress, and total cat lover. Enjoy!

The easy access Universal Crutch Pouch gets more than a brisk review in today’s Affirmation Nation.

Look, I don’t want to be confrontational but you should probably listen to improv4humans this week. Our guests are Jill Donnelly, Charlie Sanders, and Ben Schwartz and they’ll teach you a thing or two about antisemitism and car repair. It’s more pleasant than being stuck in an elevator without any arms.Be sure to pick up an improv4humans shirt from the Earwolf Store and follow @MattBesser on Twitter to send in your improv suggestions. Music by Bobby Matthews and Dragoon.

If you thought the Super Bowl was thrilling, than you’ll lose your mind this week as Jake Fogelnest takes Comedy Credits to the next level. Everyone’s favorite alternative DJ and summer camp masturbator leaves his cat and legions of tweens back in New York and joins Howard and Kulap for a look at the largest leaping singles, the top performing movies, and a glimpse into his own life with Chart Roulette. We play a game that puts his fake animal rights activism to the test and he tells us about his less-than-ideal star sighting of Liam Gallagher. Come back on Friday when Howard and Kulap debut their first ever guest-less bonus show!

Just because you don’t have health insurance doesn’t mean you must be resigned to illness! This cold and flu season let Dr. Ducca let you in on some secrets to staying clear and breathing without labor.

Slight-of-hand, illusions, the occult, what does it all mean? It’s magic, and our guest this week is a master of it. Derek Hughes joins us on Professor Blastoff to share SOME of the secrets of the trade (no, he won’t explain his tricks) from apprenticeships to dealing with skeptics. Perhaps he’ll make a believer out of you!

We have a big one in store for you guys! It’s a musical. It’s a remake. The Witness Protection Program is involved. And most importantly, it’s about a motorcycle-riding rapper. The movie is Cool as Ice starring Rob Van Winkle who will be joining Paul, June, Jason, and comedian Brian Huskey to tell us everything we’ve ever wanted to know about this major flop. It’s not too late to buy your tickets to How Did This Get Made? LIVE at Largo with special guest “Weird Al” Yankovic! Hope to see you guys tonight!

Can I ask you a question? Are you ready for a star studded tribute to the most important Awards Show of the season? This year Comedy Bang Bang is paying tribute to The Grammys with guests like musical comedy legend “Weird Al” Yankovic, brilliant comedian Todd Glass, and Hollywood starlet Liza Minnelli. Get Grammy predictions from these industry insiders and listen to a thrilling game of Would You Rather? with a conclusion you’ll never see coming. Enjoy!

Talking to teens isn’t always easy, no matter how “real” or “not-pretend” they are. Here is an exercise to help you chat with the kiddo in your life with ease!

Everyone, give a big round of applause to Ronna and Beverly who are joining us here on Earwolf! This week on the show, our favorite Jewish divorcees invite Heather Donahue from The Blair Witch Project to discuss the reinvigorating potential of a silent yoga retreat and marijuana farming.

Did you catch the premiere of Key and Peele? You’ll never want to miss a moment once you hear Keegan-Michael Key, one of the show’s co-stars, on today’s Sklarbro Country. Keegan is somehow able to talk about sports, comedy, Downton Abbey, race relations, and everything else we throw at him from WWE to Tebowing in Vegas. Also joining us this week is Bryant Gumbel who tells us about the best Super Bowl prank imaginable. The cherry on top of this power-packed episode: Charlie Sheen wrote and recorded a snippet of the possibly forthcoming Sklar Brothers autobiography and we’re sharing a chapter. Punch a waterfall, take the Henderson Ink Challenge, and enjoy!

Not often do we get to hear from our listeners “across the pond” but this week we get a letter straight from the icy woodlands of Norway. Apparently the scenic countryside isn’t enough to suppress feelings of romantic inadequacy.

If you are on Twitter, there is a good chance that you are in love with Megan Amram. We don’t blame you! We love her and we loved talking to her about migraines, food expiration dates, infidelity and prostitution, diet pills, goulash, and so so SO much more. Now go follow @MeganAmram immediately and be sure to weigh in on the Earwolf Blog regarding your favorite Totally Laime moments for a chance to win an autographed copy of Hangin’ with Leo! Enjoy!

Don’t be such a baby! Listen to improv4humans featuring Brett Gelman, Will McLaughlin, and Eugene Cordero. It’s more refreshing than a crisp, cool bottle of water and more thrilling than getting candy from Michael Jordan. Be sure to pick up an improv4humans shirt from the Earwolf Store and follow @MattBesser on Twitter to send in your improv suggestions. Music by Bobby Matthews and Dragoon.

Most Earwolf listeners know that Jason Mantzoukas loves bad movies. Did you know that he also loves Math Rock, studied ethnomusicology abroad, and can be killed by an omelette?  America’s favorite minority actor joins us this week on Who Charted? for a look at the iTunes Hip Hop Singles Chart, the Movie Chart, and a rousing round of Chart Darts. Not often do we discuss both dog rescue and nuclear holocaust preparedness in one podcast, but we cover both with plenty of time for Jason to pitch a perfect historical fiction film for Howard. Keep tuning in as Who Charted? becomes bi-weekly and listen in for exclusive details on Who Charted? LIVE in Vancouver!

Today’s episode of Affirmation Nation is all about Flipswitchers, or Friendly Little Incentives Presented So We Instantly Think, uh…man, Bob is so much better at this than I am!

2011 was a great year for Nic Cage. He made Season of the Witch, Drive Angry, and this week’s selection, Trespass. It broke the record for shortest time between theatrical premiere and DVD release, and if you watched it I think you know why. We invited Rachael Harris to join us for a discussion of this widely despised Schumacher thriller. If this episode left you wanting more, be sure to come to How Did This Get Made? LIVE at Largo on February 7th for a discussion of Birdemic: Shock and Terror!

If I could turn back time, I would spend the time listening to Professor Blastoff! This week we discuss time travel with comedian Shane Mauss (listeners at home, we hope you are applauding after reading his name), who joins us for a conversation about chaos theory, the butterfly effect, and other confusing ways to think about time. A non-linear timeline? That’s nuts!

Have you seen Tim & Eric’s Billion Dollar Movie yet? We’ll you’ll be clamoring to see it after this in-depth interview with the titular Tim Heidecker and Eric Wareheim. They reveal all the deets about making a movie for “The Big S” and share with us the “Four Quarters of Success” that have brought them so much fame. Plus we have first time guest Dr. Bronner who teaches us an important lesson about generosity and togetherness as well as personal hygiene. And yes, all you Tim and Eric diehards, you WILL get to hear their beloved “Mike & The Dope” characters, so pop some corn and enjoy the podcast!