Bootcut, flare, acid wash, we’re talking about them all today! GENES! Dr. Alex Platt is back once more and explaining how we as individuals came to be, why we came out the way we did, and what was up with Mendel’s pea plants. Invite your dominant AND recessive genes to listen!

You love Bobcat Goldthwait for his stand-up comedy, his performance of Zed in Police Academy, and as the director of movies like Shakes the Clown and World’s Greatest Dad. You’re about to fall in love with him for his showbiz secrets and his prowess at Fart, Marry/Mary, Kiss! Bobscratch shares tales of his red carpet antics and tells us about his brand new film God Bless America. Mr. Goldfarb isn’t the only director on the show, as Mr. Marshall (please, call him Garry) returns to the show and gives us a sneak peek on his modern adaptation of a not-so-modern television franchise. These happy days truly are yours and mine!

You know how much we love lady energy here on the calming shores! We’ve got one of the best this week with stand-up comedian and Parks and Recreation writer Chelsea Peretti. She talks of maggots and Fleas and tells us how she learned to love the NBA. We’re also getting Gumble-y this week with yet another call from Bryant Gumble (in addition to a creepy voicemail from NPR’s Robert Siegel). Plus, get to know animator John Mathot who designed our beautiful new Sklarbro Country t-shirts. Pick up a shirt and punch a waterfall!

Dear Diary: Today we talked to Lesley Arfin and she was AWESOME! She gives us a lesson in denim, tells us tales from her world travels, and waxes poetic on the art of waxing. I don’t know if she was trying to impress us, but it totally worked. Lesley, you are the wind beneath our wings. Enjoy!

Put on your coochie cutters and take out your contacts because it’s time for TWO CHARTED! Kulap is back once more with her amazingly titled Wie-k in Re-Ku and what a week it was! Howard also had a pretty great week that you’ll learn about with his Hanging with Stand-Ups chart. Get up close and personal with your favorite hosts optometrist-style this week on Two Charted!

Chris Kula, Billy Merritt, and Katie Dippold are three members of the improv team The Smokes and they are showing their true colors this week on improv4humans! At times, this episode is a crime thriller. At other times it’ll teach you about evolution and the public school system. There will be NO lewd magic acts though, so strap in and enjoy!  Be sure to pick up an improv4humans shirt from the Earwolf Store and follow @MattBesser on Twitter to send in your improv suggestions. Music by Bobby Matthews and Dragoon.

We all know Rob Delaney as the Public Enemy of Twitter. Today you’ll meet the man behind the offensive speedo profile picture, from his love of pregnant women to his relationship with Jared Leto. The Music Chart introduces us to his unfortunate photography story, and the Movie Chart offers up some more “Sight Unseen” movie reviews. I know for sure that Rob has found a new fan in Hermes the Chart Goose. Listen in, we promise it isn’t just Rob reading tweets for an hour!

We had some technical difficulties that have delayed the still-forthcoming “Best of Professor Blastoff” episode, so we decided to strap in and settle in for a look at gravity. Actress and physicist Christina Ochoa explains gravitational pull and the always popular discussion of atheism vs. agnosticism. Please keep sending your favorite moments to professorblastoff@earwolf.com so that we can get this clip show done before we fall into a black hole.

We have some spillover from last week’s improv4humans featuring Lennon Parham, Tim Meadows, and Chad Carter. Be sure to blow your nose before you listen.

There is no tiptoeing around it, this movie blows! Not even a French Peter Dinklage in cornrows can save this non-comedy about a full-sized dwarf dealing with his wife’s pregnancy. Not sold yet? Neither is Dave Holmes who joined us in watching this Sundance “Official Selection.” Check out Tiptoes if you haven’t yet, and pick up a brand new How Did This Get Made? shirt!

Actor, whose very memorable big break was as Jim in the American Pie series!

What do you need to throw the perfect anniversary party? You need some tunes, you need some bros, and if you’re Comedy Bang Bang you need some celebrity guests! Put on your party hats and boogie shoes for an hour and a half of Zach Galifianakis, Harris Wittels, Brett Gelman, El Chupacabra, Marissa Wompler, Cake Boss, and a posthumous visit from Christopher Hitchens. We’re making new friends in musicians St. Vincent and Toph Shay, and we’re playing everyone’s favorite party games like Harris’ Foam Corner. Make like Zach and get yourself a cupcake to celebrate the the three-year anniversary of Comedy Bang Bang!

We got the real WTF treatment this week. Ronna and Bev got to visit Marc Maron in the cat ranch and turn the tables on the popular podcast host. The ladies came just in the nick of time to help Marc out with his relationship woes.

People all over the country are familiar with Zach Galifianakis from The Hangover and his other wildly successful projects. But I bet those people don’t know what kind of fruit Zach grows on his farm or the fact that he won’t race his donkeys! Or what he and his comic friends used to do for fun in New York! Or how much he adores bad comedy! Zach is vacationing on the calming shores of Sklarbro Country this week, and we’re glad to have him! Also joining us for the first time is Robert Siegel who treats us to his NPR grace, class, and dignity. If you got here by googling “stolen penguin,” you are in the right place!

If you were googling and thought you’d found a podcast with golfer John Daly, you’re in for a surprise. A great one, because you’re getting Cracked Out’s own Jon Daly, the comedian and rapper whose characters you love! Jon gets honest with us about anti-depressants and plastic surgery, as well as his death defying college indiscretions. He will make you see Garden State and Lance Armstrong in a whole new light. Enjoy!

From the war on women to the Toni Basil vs. Kreayshawn, you’re in for a real battle here on Two Charted! In one corner, Howard with his Fan Interactions of the Week. His challenger? Kulap Vilaysack with her pun-tastic Week in Wie-Ku. Rocky makes a new friend, Howard gets high and does stand-up, Sloppy Timmy makes his triumphant return, and most importantly, you get more charts in your life! Yippie!

Why go to a boring dunk contest or drive through a lame game reserve when you can listen to improv? This week’s guests on improv4humans are the hilarious and talented Chad Carter, Lennon Parham, and Tim Meadows. It is more fun than summer camp, more fulfilling than a high-five, and more sexually rewarding than 1,003 kisses. Be sure to pick up an improv4humans shirt from the Earwolf Store and follow @MattBesser on Twitter to send in your improv suggestions. Music by Bobby Matthews and Dragoon.

It’s been quite a while since we’ve checked in with our friend Natasha Leggero. We were thrilled to have her back on the show this week to learn about J-Pop sensation Nicki Minaj in the Music Chart, get a sight-unseen review of Chimpanzee in the Movie Chart, and play a round of N.L.-themed Chart Piñata. Natasha dishes dirt on David Bowie and we get a peek into the Kremer family history and possibly the greatest candy innovation known to man. Until next time, keep thumbping!

Did you think that we were done discussing perception? You must have perceived wrong! Myq Kaplan is sticking around for more discussion on religious extremism, the power of mushrooms, and seeing the world through a child’s eyes. Plus, we have Kyle’s mother on the phone! Or DO we? Is it just an illusion? I suppose we’ll never know.

The guys from Sentimental Lady were so phenomenal on the podcast, we didn’t have time to include all the great stuff they did. So here we are once again with an improv4humans bonus cut featuring Mel Cowan, Alex Fernie, and Johnny Meeks. What exactly is a construction consultant? Who knows?!

He’s “Chuck” on Chuck! You may also know him from Less Than Perfect!

Are you ready for the final episode of the third year of Comedy Bang Bang? What do you want more than anything from this episode of Comedy Bang Bang? To finally get that one-on-one exclusive interview with Patton Oswalt we keep trying to give you? You got it! Want to find out about the inner workings of Comedy Bang Bang and Earwolf from our very own Mark Van Driel? You got that too! Do you want to learn a brand new game that will send Jing It or Ding It running? Just wait ’til you hear Fart, Mary, Kiss! Join us next week as we enter year four of existence!

Hey you nerds and coolos! Are you ready for a new Sklarbro Country with the super funny Jordan Peele? Jordan has been making us laugh on Key & Peele and he is here in Sklarbro Country to tell us the key to his spot-on Obama impersonation and how to make Europeans laugh. Also joining us is Tim Gunn to talk about, of course, his Coachella plans. Now, if you want to listen to this episode you must follow a strict code of conduct: Never poop in a shoe, don’t eat at 2 AM (not even Wahlburgers), and go to Stamps.com and use the code Sklar or Henderson for extra postage!

If you watch Heroes or Dexter you are no doubt familiar with today’s guest. The bubbly, smart and funny Brea Grant joins Elizabeth and Andy for a brief respite from her Kickstarter hustling and a frank conversation about manifesting, amnesia and butt doubles. This episode has some of the finest segues in podcasting history! Enjoy!

To put it simply: Howard and Kulap had a lot of fun this year at the Bridgetown Comedy Festival. Enough fun to devote both of their charts to the strip-clubbing, Gelman-yelling, knee-high-sock-receiving festival and its accompanying parties. If you weren’t lucky enough to attend the festival, today’s Two Charted is a perfect appetizer until the live Bridgetown show is available!

If you live in Los Angeles, you have no excuse not to see the excellent improv troupe Sentimental Lady. If you aren’t so lucky, you can get a taste of the magic as three of the members of this phenomenal group join Matt Besser this week on improv4humans. Alex Fernie, Mel Cowan, and Johnny Meeks have brushed and flossed their teeth and are ready to discuss hard hitting topics like tea vs. coffee and proper concert decorum. We can’t give you any psychoanalysis, but we can give you hilarious improv! As always, pick up an improv4humans shirt from the Earwolf Store and follow @MattBesser on Twitter to send in your improv suggestions. Music by Bobby Matthews and Dragoon.

Are you a Laimewad yet? If you know what’s good for you, you’ve been listening to the Totally Laime podcast featuring Elizabeth Laime and “Psychic” Andy Rosen. This week they get their chart on with Ku-ku and Wie-wie while astrology, finger sex, and Leonardo DiCaprio reign supreme. Andy brings his music producer knowledge to the Dance Chart, Howard treats us all to sight unseen movie reviews, and a round of Chart Roulette brings on quite the giggle fit. Does Howard have a new best friend in Andy? You’ll just have to see!

Do NOT listen to this episode while operating a forklift! Today’s episode of Professor Blastoff will challenge your perception of time and space, but mostly just try to convince you to do mushrooms. Myq Kaplan brings his collegiate understanding of perception to the hatch to expose the secret dangers of seasonings and will leave you wondering if this has all just been a crazy dream. Thank you for all your nice comments…or WERE they nice? Are we just perceiving it that way? Wooooooah!

In an effort to keep the podcast tight, some scenes are left on the cutting room floor. Rather than banish them to obscurity, we’re releasing them as improv4humans bonus cuts! Today’s scene features Amanda Sitko, Joe Wengert, Andy Daly, and Matt Besser as we look back at Matt’s childhood indiscretions at summer camp. Come back on Thursday for another full episode of improv4humans!

Just because Paul is hard at work down in New Orleans doesn’t mean we can’t make time to watch a shitty movie. And trust us, this week’s movie is one of the shittiest. We’re finally tackling one of our most highly requested movies, so prepare yourself and we’ll see you next week!