Here are two scenarios that might properly contextualize Harrison Ford in light of his recent plane crash into a Santa Monica golf course:

One. He’s Hollywood’s Mr. Magoo: a hapless, sensory-challenged old man who creates a chain reaction of havoc and destruction with every misplaced step he takes.

Two. He’s Wile E. Coyote. His dream job is actually to be a pilot, so he chases that dream (Road Runner) at every chance he gets, using exceedingly shoddy 1940s era machinery and avionics, only to wind up, yet again, in a full-body cast.

Do we know anything about Harrison Ford or what drives him? No. Does Harrison Ford listen to podcasts? Probably not. Has he torn his ACL twice while acting? You bet he has. And that’s all we need for this week’s episode, wherein Cracked editor-in-chief Jack O’Brien is joined by Soren Bowie and Kristi Harrison to talk about some celebrity pet theories that explain their lunatic behavior.

They discuss Harrison Ford’s aforementioned plane crash and how it relates to Bruce Willis’ strange music career, how Garth Brooks is either the world’s greatest diva or the universe’s least humanoid space alien, and then discuss theories on the deaths of Whitney Houston and Elvis Presley.

This week Devin and Amy submit their first comedy for Canon consideration: the 1998 Farrelly Brothers’ flick There’s Something About Mary. Does Cameron Diaz deserve more credit for being a fantastic actress? Would you categorize the movie as a “romantic” comedy? And almost 20 years later, what’s more unnerving: the semen gag or Mary’s disabled brother Warren? Tune in for the discussion– and head to the forums on Wolfpop to cast the deciding vote!

Melinda was always anxious. When she had kids, she became even more anxious. But she kept it secret from everyone, afraid she’d destroy her image as a “model minority.”

Our next movie is the result of Jaws drinking a Four Loko, also LL Cool J is in it. Paul goes through some Corrections and Omissions for Safe Haven, gives a controversial answer to whether Safe Haven would have been better with Nicolas Cage, shares some great Picks of the Week, and answers all your orange juice questions.

The very hilarious Drew Droege joins Ronna & Beverly to chat about growing up wanting to be a serious actor, how Melissa McCarthy inspired him to join the Groundlings, why the candy industry is ruining candy, the coined term lesbian bed death, and being the drunkest he’s ever been on his Drunk History appearance. Plus, the ladies remind everyone of the Purim story.

Andy Daly had the idea of making a U2 podcast way before the creation of U Talkin’ U2 To Me? and now he finally is glad to present the very first episode of Me 2 I’m Talkin’ U2 To U Too! Joining Andy this week is Amoeba Records employee Allison Gondry to discuss U2’s first album Boy. They’ll talk about how they first were introduced to U2, the origin of the album’s title, and tease the next episode all about October. Later, Traci Reardon arrives to offer advice to her Twitter followers on how to make someone like BBQ sauce and much more in her recurring segment, “Help Me, Rhonda.”

Randy and Jason kick off the episode with the one thing you can do to make yourself hate the one percent, even more! Additionally, the Sklars discuss topics from around the nation that include a little league coach who blows the whistle on illegal recruiting, only to later get drunk and forget which house he lives in, and a Lingerie Football League player who sues who former boss. Then, the Sklars welcome to the show Jerry Minor, who talks about his road to SNL and his upbringing in Michigan. Additionally, the Sklars, as joined by Jerry, give analysis on the NBA, the NCAA, concussions and contract years. Later, in quick hits, the gang discusses bad ballpark food, a very talented MMA fighter, and an NFL wife who doesn’t know how to pick her battles. Lastly, Jesse Thorn, our resident fantasyoligist, gives insider information to help you draft the best team of schoolteachers on the market today.

The gang kicks off this week’s episode of Two Charted with talk about haircuts of the past, ring tones of the future, Howard’s big announcement about the latest Gu Cruise ventures. Then, as aided by Stard, the gang discusses the origin of the American Jacuzzi, as well as the migration behaviors of turtles. Later, Howard reveals the greatest and only way to watch film and TV with a new method known as “hour spackling.” Additionally, Kulap reveals the one documentary that everyone needs to watch tonight. Lastly, the crew wraps up with gifts, but not before Howard picks a fight with technology.

Andrew Ti and special guest Molly Lambert finish the week off by discussing the success of Run the Jewels. As always, leave us a message about anything you think is racist at (323) 389-RACE.

This week, a new guest joins Chunt, Usidore, and I in the Vermilion Minotaur: A common, dirty traveler named Tom. I’m hoping to hear what life outside of Hogface is like from someone who has traveled across Foon.

Singer-songwriter Allison Weiss joins Tim Meadows, Lauren Lapkus, and Eugene Cordero in her secret sad dance party in musical episode of improv4humans with Matt Besser! Allison plays songs that inspire scenes about how the way people eat is the exact way they are in relationships, a day in the life of DJ Mofo, and a husband who finds everything he says funny. Make sure to get the Upright Citizens Brigade television show season 3 now available on DVD, the UCB Comedy Improv Manual, and Allison Weiss’ albums over at www.allisonw.com!

Reporting for duty with Graham Elwood.

Molly Lambert & Andrew talk about why Africa is called The Dark Continent. Don’t forget to keep leaving us messages by calling (323) 389-RACE.

This week Kevin “One Scene Watcher” Avery & W. Kamau “Innovative Podcaster” Bell discuss Denzel’s film debut in 1974‘s Death Wish. They talk about how the movie is basically a low rent version of The Punisher, Jeff Goldblum playing one of the thugs in the trigger warning scene, why Samuel L. Jackson doesn’t have to run if he doesn’t want to, and the 54 second scene that Denzel is in. Plus, they discuss how Denzel Washington Is the Greatest Brand Strategist of All Time, the Centric network’s Ladies Love Denzel weekend, and Denzel’s book “A Hand to Guide Me.” Pick up Denzel’s book here: http://www.amazon.com/Hand-Guide-Me-Denzel-Washington/dp/0696230496

Corrine Fisher and Krystyna Hutchinson, co-creators of “Guys we Fucked: The Anti-Slut Shaming Podcast” hang out for a late night in the studio with Horatio, Chad, Seth Herzog a host of callers and Harrison Ford’s brain. Jerry Minor is stuck in the Singularity still inside Hector’s dispensary and we hear a taste of New York Juan, yet another of Horatio’s parallel lives. The studio continues to fold in on itself as we find out what really caused the car accident from episode five.

Kulap and Howard start off the show by officially announcing the arrival of spring, as well as a special achievement that has been accomplished in the world of Gu Cruise. Then, our hosts are joined by stand up comedian Kate Berlant, who talks about her most recent tour, wear in she traveled the country by bus, as well as her future comedy shows in Germany. Additionally, during the movie chart, Howard explains why God is such a nice guy that he’ll even help people that are stuck in the snow. Lastly, while fielding questions from Chartist’s, Kate talks about how she celebrated International Woman’s Day.

Bob is given the chance to speak to extraterrestrial light beings with the help of channeler & medium Leni (Suzi Barrett) formerly known as Debbie Davis. We’ll learn how Leni gained the ability to contact the Pleiadians, the most disturbing and uplifting message she has received from these light beings, and they’ll attempt to connect with their plane of reality.

The gang is back and they got some blue giant ass to kick. With grenades. Also, Blaine shares a dick story.

Molly Lambert & Andrew talk about the definition of the word “racist.” Be sure to keep leaving us messages at (323) 389-RACE.

Jensen & Matty are taking calls from the Bunheads once again to find out what we should get up OFF. We talk about buying records at Urban Outfitters, hating on Kanye, bucket hats, being polite to millennials, Tosh.0, Matty’s Steam video game picks, giving directions, and much more. We’ll also find out if Jensen’s past love Marissa calls in, whether Jensen should stop putting product in his hair, and will Matty get engaged four months from now.

Tig, Kyle, and David start off the show with a reminder about the importance of flossing and plan a pizza-eating contest between Stephanie and David. Then, Joe Neyer, an author from Oxford, OH called into discuss his cancer story, his attitude towards fear, the power of meditation, and living a life of positivity. Tig opens up about her own similar journey. If you wish to donate to help Joe self-publish, visit unforced.org.

Join Kevin as he sits down with actor Will Sasso (MADtv, The Three Stooges). Laugh as the two gentlemen craft new celebrity impressions and discover what silliness Will created while anticipating work.

Sean and Hayes describe what pilot season is and describe the new show they’ve been working on. Then, KUMAIL NANJIANI stops by to talk to the guys about their company, their favorite super heroes, and their upcoming video game. Finally, the Popcorn Gallery asks about @midnight, Pakingstan, and the best computers.

Molly Lambert & Andrew talk about if it’s racist to re-enact atrocities in films. Make sure to leave us a message about anything you think is racist at (323) 389-RACE.

This week, Randy and Jason welcome to the show longtime friend, author, and baseball guru, Jonah Keri. Together, the gang explains to America why reading is still a worthwhile hobby and which, 60-1 underdog, major league baseball team, will win the world series. Additionally, Dan Van Kirk covers stories that include; parents who dress their child as Christian Grey and then sends him to school, a man who falls asleep with his hand gun in public, and lastly, a person who makes the worst decision of his life, when he decides to go to Applebee’s. Finally, Larry Flynt calls in and has a bone to pick with the Sklars about what is deemed ‘appropriate’.

Writer Molly Lambert returns to join Andrew all this week to answer some racism questions. Today they talk about whether forgetting someone’s name and assuming it’s Pedro is racist or just forgetfulness. Be sure to call us at (323) 389-RACE to ask if anything is racist.

It’s a special co-host edition of Comedy Bing Bong with our favorite German film director Werner Herzog! Werner & Scott welcome guest of honor Michael Ableson, a NYC corporate litigator AND Origin Story documentary donator to tell us all about being the hero of the banks when suddenly Ho Ho the Naughty Elf squeaks into the studio. They are also joined by well known French actor Jean Claude Pepi to read a Nosferatu script, play a new game called Name French Actors, and to settle the score during Would You Rather?

We know it’s old news already, but last week when that blue/black/white/gold dress tore the internet and countless marriages apart, it brought up a theme that we like to talk about a lot at Cracked: how our senses are about as trustworthy as Brian Williams’ war memoirs.

No, it’s true. We’ve even covered on the podcast before that your brain has as many nerves feeding information out to your eyes as your eyes have feeding information back. In other words, a lot of what you rely on as your vision is really just your brain filling in gaps because it’s too lazy to do the rest of the work.

Co-hosts Jack O’Brien and Michael Swaim are joined this week by executive editor Jason Pargin (aka David Wong), and use the frenzy over ‘the dress’ to dive into a conversation about perception, consciousness and the harm of saying, “I’ll believe it when I see it.”

Author, director, and actress Amber Benson (The Witches of Echo Park, Buffy the Vampire Slayer) joins Devin & Amy this week to discuss the 1957 Federico Fellini masterpiece The Nights of Cabiria. Is this the movie that has enough humor and darkness to fill your Fellini hole? Tune in for the discussion on this beautiful story about a hooker who just wants to be loved — and head to the forums on Wolfpop to cast the deciding vote!

Nate is joined by several special guests this week. We’ll hear a live reading of Neil Simon from Kevin Sussman, live at the UCB Theater. Then, from Pop-Hop in Highland Park, Robey Clark stops by to explain the ins & outs of owning an independent book store, and how to properly end a podcast. Finally, the wonderful Jessica Chaffin reads from Kim Gordon’s ‘Girl in a Band’. Check out the WolfPop forums, and if you’re in Los Angeles, come out to Reading Aloud Live this Sunday, March 8th at the UCB Franklin Theater. Get tickets at www.ucbtheatre.com!