Live from the 18th annual Del Close Marathon in New York comes this week’s episode of improv4humans! Ian Roberts, Matt Walsh, John Gemberling, and Ben Schwartz join Matt Besser for a historic live recording where we’ll hear scenes about peeing on your teacher’s car, trying to find a shammy for your nipples, and getting someone to clean up after a Purge. Then, we’ll find out what it takes to deal with trainees at a Greyhound station and why it’s crucial to pronounce a name correctly.

Brett Gelman (Brett Gelman’s Dinner in America) and Andrew talk about the Washington Redskins mascot. Make sure to leave us a message about anything you think is racist at (323) 389-RACE.

Twanna Hines and Dr. Hilda Hutcherson answer YOUR questions about improving your sex lives as parents, and people. To join the conversation about this episode, go to longestshortesttime.com!

This episode is sponsored by Home Chef, Ibotta, Icon Undies, Fracture, and Alarm.com.

Are you a desperate 22-year-old girl with no money, no job prospects, and no idea where to go in life? Our hosts James and Stephen obviously don’t fit into that demographic, but they’re fielding a question asked by such a person. On today’s episode, the guys talk about business concepts and ideas an entrepreneurial young person could develop in lieu of having a 9-5 job, or ones that could be developed while working at one.

Mark and Pete are live from the Kennedy Center in Washington, DC! Pete tells us why all libraries are abominations. Mark explains why camels are Jewish horses. Jimmy Williams (MSNBC, DecodeDC) reminisces about being a staff ass for Dick Durbin. Nancy Pelosi (Jessica McKenna) shares her Georgia O’Keefe sex dreams. And Paul Ryan (Ben Kissel) has not slept in weeks. It’s all happening in our nation’s capital!

This episode is sponsored by Blue Apron.

The one and only Kevin Pollak is a wonderful character actor who has recently experienced what it’s like behind the camera as a director. Kevin joins Leonard to talk about all the lessons he learned directing his first indie comedy The Late Bloomer. He also tells us why his roles in Deterrence, The Usual Suspects, and Avalon are important to him. Plus, Christopher Walken makes an appearance.

This week, comedian Brent Weinbach takes a break from bending body parts on “Mind Jack” to join Howard and Kulap for a discussion on headphone condoms and berry pizza, all while listening to Shazam’s Top 5 Songs. Later, they get philosophical about virtual reality while listing CraveOnline’s Top 5 Video Games of the Summer, and Howard recalls his time in the womb during Two Charted!

Join Kevin as he welcomes actress and now author Illeana Douglas to talk about her new book, “I Blame Dennis Hopper”, and the effects that film has had on her life and career.

Brett Gelman (Brett Gelman’s Dinner in America) joins Andrew to talk about Western and Eastern medicine. Make sure to leave us a message about anything you think is racist at (323) 389-RACE.

She’s just 25, but her mother has early onset Alzheimers. This is a call about remembering those who can no longer remember themselves.

This episode is sponsored by Ibotta and Audible.

Rapper and writer Nocando joins Jensen and Matty to talk about battling at the annual Hip-Hop musical festival Scribble Jam, Project Blowed, transitioning from battle rapping to writing songs, LA based duo THEY., Toadies, Khalid, Kamaiyah, Exurb1a, how we were late on Holly Miranda, Downton Abbey, Xbox, and many more things you should know about.

This episode is sponsored by Jack Erwin, Audible, and Blue Apron.

It’s a two-hitter special as the hilarious comedian Geoff Tate brings along Doug Benson (Doug Loves Movies) to talk about pitching movies in a new comedy game show for Screen Junkies and to dig into some crazy County stories. Daniel Van Kirk brings County Stories which includes a man being accused of defecating on a scanner at a Kroger in Cincinnati. Plus, Nicolas Cage leaves us a voicemail regarding the 2016 Rio Olympics.

This episode is sponsored by Blue Apron, Zappos, and Legal Zoom.

Stand-up comedian Cody Metzger (My Brother’s House, Dirty 30) has goals to be a cool mom. She joins Deanna & Emily to dream about blowjob bibs, talk about why rice cakes should get more love, and the meme war between herself and comedian Jak Knight. 

This episode is sponsored by Blue Apron.

Fruit may be a significant food group on the USDA’s recommended nutrition chart, but is it actually healthy? Many popular diets currently say that the amount of fructose and glucose contained in fruit make it akin to eating white bread, though others claim that it’s the only thing one should eat before noon. Today, our hosts sift through the data they’ve learned from researchers studying the topic, and look to see if there’s a single conclusion to be found.

Hayes and Tom invite SHARON HORGAN to stop by the Handbook East studio to do community service by workshopping some jokes from past episodes while Sean calls in.

Actor and comedian Brett Gelman (Brett Gelman’s Dinner in America) joins Andrew all this week to answer some racism questions. Today they discuss if it’s racist to call Hillary Clinton a racist. Be sure to call us at (323) 389-RACE to ask if anything is racist.

In a way, science-fiction has not only predicted the future but created it as well. The works of Jules Verne inspired the first submarines and Star Trek’s communicators and tablets clearly inspired the smart phones and computers and voice-activated assistants we use today. But there’s still so much we don’t have yet.

Space colonies, faster-than-light travel, teleportation, genetic manipulation — there’s so much cool stuff we see in movies and TV that still seem decades if not centuries away. Sex bots! There are sex bots in everything, but look around– there are no sex bots to be found. A real tragedy.

So this week we’re going to play pretend and talk about the tropes and imagery from sci-fi that we wish were a reality. Jack O’Brien and co-host Adam Tod Brown are joined by Cracked’s Tom Reimann and Josh Sargent as well as comedians David Huntsberger, Caitlin Gill and Lizzy Cooperman to talk robots, generation ships, babies with grasshopper legs and more in this exploration of the sci-fi stuff we really want but probably can’t have. 

This episode is sponsored by Wiener-Dog from IFC Films, Spotify, Harry’s, and The Bouqs.

Footnotes:

– ‘This Perfect Day’ by Ira Levin: https://goo.gl/r6UaVB

– i09: How the L5 Society Tried to Use a Quirk of Physics to Colonize Space: http://goo.gl/0jgQSW

– Cracked: 6 Disasters With Details So Awful, History Left Them Out: http://goo.gl/Kdw3WS

– Tor: 5 Books About Generation Ships: http://goo.gl/sTLLnX

– Mystery Science Theater 3000 – Space Mutiny: https://goo.gl/hC5BVB

– Mystery Science Theater 3000 – Blood Waters of Dr. Z: https://goo.gl/CluthX

– National Geographic: ‘Evacuate Earth’: https://goo.gl/EA3IJz

– Star Wars Holiday Special: https://goo.gl/2Lk51E

Orphan Black’s Kristian Bruun returns to tell us about what happened on the previous season of the show (without any spoilers), why Canadian money looks so fake, and to play a game of “How Dumb Are You As A Canadian?”. While Kristian and Scott continue their conversation, a little 8-year-old girl by the name of Beth charms her way onto the show on her power wheels. Later, community activist B.Q. stops by to speak on the very serious issue of getting rid of sunscreen.

This episode is sponsored by Squarespace, Wiener-Dog from IFC Films, and Stela.

Filmmaker Nicolas Winding Refn (Drive, The Pusher trilogy) joins Josh to talk about his new horror film The Neon Demon starring Elle Fanning, what lead him to start creating films that he wished to see, who would make the perfect Wonder Woman, and his love of the James Bond films.

This episode is sponsored by Blue Apron and Casper Mattresses.

Princess Trachea Aurealia Belaroth is back to talk about her path to the throne and who might help her make it happen

Credits

Arnie: Arnie Niekamp

Chunt: Adal Rifai

Usidore: Matt Young

Princess Trachea-Aurelia Belaroth: Megan O’Neill

Benedict Whisperbrew: Brendan Dowling

Blemish: Martin Wilson

Mysterious Man: Tim Sniffen

Craig: Ryan DiGiorgi

Producers: Arnie Niekamp, Evan Jacover, Ryan DiGiorgi

Editor: Evan Jacover

Theme Music: Andy Poland

Magic Tavern Logo: Allard Laban

Audio Assistance: Jason Knox

Production Assistant: Garrett Schultz

This episode is sponsored by Cards Against Humanity and Blue Apron.

Paul F. Tompkins welcomes those near and far to this week’s episode of Spontaneanation! This week, Paul’s special returning guest is Busy Philipps of HBO’s Vice Principals! They chat about whether or not her child self would like her adult self, what it truly means to be a latchkey kid, and the impact of milk commercial monologues on her childhood. Paul is then joined by Jordan Black, Mandell Maughan, and Jean Villepique to improvise a story set at Hamilton on Broadway. And as always, Eban (only the best) Schletter scores it all on piano! 

The next live edition of Spontaneanation happens Saturday, August 6 at Largo at The Coronet! Join Paul & Eban as they welcome improvisors Dan Ahdoot, Tim Baltz and Tawny Newsome, and special interview guest Desmin Borges from You’re The Worst! Tickets are on sale now!

This episode is sponsored by Blue Apron and Leesa.com.

Special guest Film Crit Hulk joins Devin and Amy for this week’s episode of The Canon where they discuss the 1989 animated classic “Kiki’s Delivery Service.” They ponder the visual language of anime, director Hayao Mizayaki’s focus on childhood imagination, and how Pixar’s films compare to Miyazaki’s in terms of emotional weight. Head to the Earwolf forums to cast your vote on whether or not “Kiki’s Delivery Service” should be inducted into the Canon!

Jensen Karp is a writer, fellow Earwolf podcast host (Get Up On This), art dealer, and a former rapper under the name Hot Karl. Jensen joins Nate this week to talk about his new book “Kanye West Owes Me $300: And Other True Stories from a White Rapper Who Almost Made It Big”. Make sure to pick up a copy of next month’s book for our book club, “The Girls: A Novel” by Emma Cline Once you’re done reading, call us at (702) 751-READ and let us know what you thought!

HDTGM All-star Jensen Karp (Get Up On This, Kanye West Owes Me $300) joins Paul, June, and Jason in-studio to talk about the Sarah Michelle Gellar 1999 romantic comedy Simply Irresistible. Why is there so much unwarranted sexuality in the movie? Is the crab giving SMG magical powers to cook? Do guys really touch their belts when thinking about sex? Tune in to hear the HDTGM crew get to the bottom of all this insanity!

This episode is sponsored by Loot Crate, Audible, Casper Mattresses, Blue Apron, and Dinner Party Download.

WATCH Filthy Preppy Teen$ on the FullScreen App today! Get yourself a BB-8 “What Is Its Mission?” T-shirt or Tote Bag over at http://howdidthisgetmade.bigcartel.com/ Set your DVRs for Party Over Here, a new FOX sketch comedy show from The Lonely Island and Paul starring Nicole Byer, Jessica McKenna, and Alison Rich. It airs Saturdays at 11 pm. People of the internet: Watch Paul in Fresh off the Boat on ABC. Awhile ago, Paul and Rob Huebel did a comedy special on a 60 foot glass bus that traveled around LA. Now you’ll be able to see it. Go to https://itun.es/us/3M4J9 now to buy it! You can also see Jason and June in Lady Dynamite on Netflix! Also, check out June in Grace and Frankie available on Netflix, and in all the episodes of NTSF:SD:SUV:: on HULU for free, and Jason in The Dictator (he’s still in it!).

The Daily Show’s co-creator Lizz Winstead is a great stand-up comedian and writer that goes way back with Randy & Jason. Lizz joins the Sklar Brothers to discuss the early development of The Daily Show, how her political awakening occurred during a blind date, the current Presidential race, and why you should follow your goals. Later, Lizz tells us about Lady Parts Justice League before getting into Quick Hits. Finally, Kris Kristofferson offers the Sklars some wise old man advice from Joshua Tree.

This episode is sponsored by Jack Erwin and Bonobos.

Stuart Stevens is an explorer in search of experience. A seventh-generation Mississippian, he’s traveled the world and written books about it, he’s helped run presidential campaigns, and he’s recently finished a darkly comic novel about an authoritarian politician. He and David explore the state of the 2016 race, how a place can help shape one’s identity, and why running for president may be the hardest job around.

This episode is sponsored by Stamps.com, Trunkclub, and Ibotta.

Chap and Joyanna Baines (Don Fanelli and Laura Willcox) are the stars of HBTV’s Fixher Upper. Chap and Joyanna love to fix up homes, renovate new homes, and give the women who live there advice on how to fix the upper part of their bodies. They welcome their old intern Victoria Burlap to the podcast to discuss her unlikely rise to fame and riches with best selling books which are hard to read and feature blurry naked photos of herself. Later, Traci Reardon arrives to answer Twitter questions about Chap and Joyanna’s failing marriage in another edition of “Help Me, Rhonda.”

This episode is sponsored by Blue Apron.

Join Danielle and Casey as they chase the high of Snapchat, discuss the welcome return of Orange County, the grand finale of Southern Charm and the multiple bleeding vageen’s on New York.

This episode is sponsored by Third Love, Ibotta, Texture, and Audible.

This week Bryan watched the NBA finals in the Sun City, while Erin gave up expensive office shopping in Portland in favor of cafes. Well, the clown from IT (Donald Trump) is back once again proving to the world that he’s trash with more sexist and racist comments from his past and two faced liar Attorney General Pam Bondi gets ripped to shreds by Anderson Cooper due to her lack of LGBT support. Plus, producer/actor/writer all around magician Dan Bucatinsky is here and making a strong case for Cats.